Timesuck with Dan Cummins - 47 - Rasputin: Russia's Mad Monk

Episode Date: August 7, 2017

Rasputin is one of the strangest historical figures out there. He was a Siberian peasant who ended up becoming part of the Tsar's inner circle due to his alleged healing abilities. He also helped getting Russia's royal family murdered when the Russian people came to believe he was possessed by the Devil, partly because he was sleeping with about half of St. Petersburg, holding odd religious orgies, and doing stuff like getting drunk and waving his penis around at restaurants. Not cool for a guy the country assumes his sleeping with the Tsarina. Learn all about this mad monk and Russia's transition from imperialism to communism in a truly fascinating suck!  This episode of Timesuck is brought to you by the Fantasy Footballers podcast. https://www.thefantasyfootballers.com/ The best fantasy football advice you can find and the most fun you'll have listening to it. Check 'em out and subscribe!  Head to the Hollywood Improv, October 5th, 7:30PM for the first ever live recording of Timesuck! Part of the LA Podcast Festival. Tickets only $15. Click here for tix/more details. Want to hear Boney M's Rasputin? Here's the video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5yTVWXYctoY

Grigory, a feme of itch, Rasputin, the mad monk, the dark one, the wandering mystic, the con man, the faith healer, the antichrist, Russia's protector, Russia's destroyer. Rasputin was a lot of different things to a lot of different people. Did this late 19th and early 20th century Siberian peasant really have supernatural healing powers? Did he really hold strange, spiritual orgies in both his Siberian basement and in St. Petersburg with the imperialist elites? How much do you really have to do with the end of imperialist Russia and his transition

to communism? And how did this legendarily hard to kill dude really die? There are a lot of different legends out there about Rasputin, but this we know for sure. The dude's getting sucked right now on TimeSuck. Happy Monday everybody, I'm Dan Comin, thanks for listening to another edition of The Suck. Thanks for choosing to put more strange shit into your mind. Will you be able to use any of it to advance your career? Highly doubt it. Will make you more interesting person to talk to for fucking sure it will.

Today's Mad Russian Times Suckery is brought to you by the Fantasy Footballers podcast. Host, gentlemen, football scholars, Andy Holloway, Jason Moore and Mike Wright have a really special thing going on. I don't know if you're an ESPN sports center fan, but I'll watch that even when I don't care about what happened in sports that day sometimes,

just because I like the vibe of the show, I like the humor, I like the chemistry of the hosts. Fantasy Footballers is that type of program. And it's the best fantasy football podcast out there hands down. Their number one on iTunes and the fantasy football category day in day out, they won the 2016 People's Choice Award for Best Podcasts from the Academy of Podcasts Awards. And they love Time Suck, they're Time Suckers, so you know they're wonderful people. This week and next week, Time Suck is sponsoring

Fantasy Footballers and they're sponsoring us because we all felt like our listeners would enjoy each other's shows. And you'll especially love Fantasy Footballers if you play Fantasy Football. It's a year-round fantasy cast. They kicks it up from two shows a week, to five shows a week, Monday through Friday,

August through December. So you get full coverage all season long. I'm listening this year for sure because I want to dominate my family league because my sister won last year, even though she just auto drafted and even though she didn't watch a single game and that's bullshit and that can't happen again.

And my son Kyler, if I can't win, I want him to win, right? He really, really is into fantasy football and he's gonna get some fantasy footballers knowledge this season, little dude loves fantasy. Hopefully, you know, he can listen enough where he realizes he shouldn't, you know, draft AJ Green in the first round. He's a wide receiver, let's not do that.

So listen, download and subscribe via iTunes, or wherever you listen to your podcasts. Link to the fantasy footballers podcast will be in today's episode description. Check that out and give them a shot. Okay. Now let's get to some polling. The results of the Times like Instagram bonus episode, poll are in.

The poll to determine whether the next bonus episode is going to be Project MK Ultra, Secret CIA experiments involving shell like mine control, the Heavens Gate Cult, or the Iceman, Richard Kuklingsky, former Mafia hitman. And the winner is MK Ultra by landslide over double the request for MK Ultra, then there were for either the ice man or heavens gate. Ice man and heavens gate both did get enough love to move up the list though. So those two topics are now going to come up sooner than they then they would have been otherwise. And MK Ultra will be here very, very soon. It's going to be the next bonus, the 800 review edition.

And I believe we got about 775 or so reviews right now. So that's coming up pretty soon, pretty soon on a Friday near now. So thanks, time suckers for all the recent I-Tune review, subscriptions, recommendations, brothers to listen, spread the suck, weekend, week out. I think the suck is best when it's shared. Get some good old group suck and going on.

Circle suck, and information orgy, a curiosity cuddle. That last one was really a stretch. Appreciate the t-shirt, book, and album purchases. Other fun stuff coming on the pipe in the time suck store soon. You can just click shop at time suckpodcast.com to check out what we have right now. And I like it.

Like those ladybojangles teas been selling lately. Seeing some of those shows, they look good. I know turquoise is a risk, but I'm telling you, it's a solid shirt. And of course, soft. Of course, pure qual anus on that one as well. Thanks to old friend and time sucker Gale Thurston, time suckers Tim Rappold, Eric Brooks,

time suck app designer. That's right, the app is just starting getting built. And time sucker Chris Pakell, he's busy dude, and he requested this Cree Lucas Brent Savard, Joseph Drago, Adam Kaufman, Les McNair, Nick Perry, Matt Appets, Jason Cobra, and a bunch of others, so much desire to suck rest puttin, which is fitting because this dude got sucked a lot in his own lifetime. More on that later. Big thanks also to my sister Donna Hale for kicking off the Rasputin research. Another member of the Bojangles research team and she gave me a great narrative to balance the rest of my research against

and compare against a very helpful. She knows a lot about Russian history and it was awesome having her on board and getting to do an episode with her. I hope to do another Russian one down the road with my sister. Now time to catch up on some past shows with some time sucker updates. Updates, get your time sucker updates. All right, kicking this one off

with an extremely interesting update from time sucker Kathleen Phil regarding the third bonus episode, Rise of the Third Reich, which I talked about what conditions led to the rise of Hitler bonus episode, Rise of the Third Reich, which I talked about, I talked about what conditions led to the rise of Hitler and the near destruction of the Jewish people in that one. So easy to demonize one group of people

and give st.hood to others in a troupe's situations like that. Right, it's easy to say that the Germans did what they did because they were soulless, horrific, racist, inherently bad people, and the Jewish Germans were the best people who ever lived, noble through and through, and every respect, never bother anyone, never did anything wrong. But you know, black and white thinking like that

is always just incorrect, it's childish. I think somebody's got to, you got a man up and really look at it. People in situations are nuanced, you know? And Kat brings up an angle to the situation. You almost never hear disgust. Very bold, and I appreciate it. She writes, oh, hallowed Suckmaster.

I recently found this podcast, so I'm binge listening to past episodes. I realize this might be late for an update. Oh, it's not, you're gonna know that now. But there's something you need to know. I'm not defending what I'm about to explain, but people don't have a firsthand understanding of the German daily life of Germans between World War I

and World War II. My grandmother was a girl between one and two, living there and has told me many stories. She explained to me why it was so easy for people to get behind the government and accusing the Jewish people for all their problems initially. She explained to me that after World War I, wealthy Jewish people had moved into German communities

to set up businesses. If you were Jewish, there was one price. For Aryan Germans, it was a higher price. And because they came to Germany in between the wars, they had ridiculous wealth compared to the German people Because if you don't know world war one basically like it was all pinned on Germany and they just were fucking destroyed By kind of economically by the rest of Europe So it was very very rough in post world war one

Germany for the German people very bad economy Back then she gives example a dollar, $1 American was like one trillion dollars marks basically. The German people were either eating chileather and wallpaper, you know, or starving. And then the Jewish people, a lot of them were who just moved, so you know, their finances aren't destroyed. They're having like tea and cakes, and here's the first hand example. She says, my great-grandmother was acquainted with the Jewish lady in her neighborhood. One day she and my grandmother went to visit another lady to her home, not long after they arrived, some friends of the Jewish lady dropped by.

The woman asked my great-grandmother to wait in the kitchen, thinking nothing of it. They did. In the meantime, the woman's maid prepared tea for her and her friends, and my great-grandmother were offered nothing. They were treated like low-class citizens. Not only did this lady have a maid, but they had enough food to have treats and feed their friends and family They're enough for everybody

These weren't isolated incidents when the new radical government started to blame the Jewish people for other problems Many Germans have been treated like this by Jewish people for many years when you flaunt wealth or depressed When you flaunt wealth to people who are already suffering It's easier to convince them that one group of people is to blame. The common people didn't have the same overall hatred, the way that the elite slash governmental Germans did, but before things went sideways and everything got nuts with the Nazis, it was easy to hate people who could afford a lower bread when you couldn't. Right, just basic jealousy. There's a lot more to it if you want a boots on the ground idea of what life was like,

day to day in Germany in this period. If you want to hear more, let me know. It's hard to understand history when you don't know all the sides. My family never became anti-Semitic, even after being treated this way. In fact, my great-grandfather died in a concentration camp, specifically for helping Jewish people escape from Germany. As I said, I don't agree with what happened during the war. Unfortunately, I can see where radical German officials took a frustrated, poor and hungry group of people, and turned them against another group of people who were

discriminating against them. By the time the common person understood the depths of the retaliation against the Jewish people, it was way too late. At that point, your personal opinions would not could get you killed. Hope you learned something new. Always your humble sucker, cat. Thank you, I did learn something new. That was great. You know, let me first reiterate that cat is not saying in any way, just to be very clear,

that the Jewish people deserve any of what happened to them during the Holocaust. I'm not saying that in any shape of form either. They didn't, they did not objectively, but this story gives some interesting, rarely spoke about kind of context to the tragedy, and I think a good lesson to learn from. And basically, to me, it is, you never know when the haves can become the have-nots. So I think it's just best to play nice as often as you can with everybody. Right, I think about that with the anti-immigration die- I think it's just best to play nice as often as you can with everybody. Right, I think about that with the anti-immigration

die-hards in our country right now. You know, taking it a step further, you know, I think about the people who are just flat-out racist, just basically, just totally racist against Mexican people specifically, Mexican Americans. And eventually, you know, current trends continue. The majority ethnic group in a lot of states

and perhaps the nation as a whole is going to be Mexican. That's just, we can't stop it. It's gonna happen happen. So it's, uh, it's in the best interest of every other group, uh, to be fucking nice to Mexicans. I mean, you shouldn't, you know, be racist on ethical grounds just because it's inherently wrong. But there's also a practical self-serving reason or a variety of reasons to not discriminate, you know, because your group might be living high in the hog now, but that shouldn't never last forever. And again, none of this is even slightly condoning any amount of anti-Semitism anywhere. But it's just interesting to think about how many Jewish people could have been just

as racist as many Aryan Germans were. I think about that a lot. It's like no group is immune from racism. No ethnic group is incapable of being racist. I feel like sometimes media kind of slansangs that way. Like it's almost like an Aryan disease to be racist. That's just not true. Every human can be racist and we all need to kind of check ourselves from time to time.

And I just thought when I said check, I just also thought you need to check yourself before you, before you wreck yourself, which I believe is from a group called DosaFx. They were around in popular very long time ago and I just thought of that because I'm old. Anyway, second update is JFK, another bonus episode, the sixth bonus episode. It's about the assassination came in from Jonathan Mueller and he writes, hello King Cummins magnificent. I started listening to your podcast about a month ago after my carpool buddy would instantly veto any song

to play that on my phone. Since then your podcast has played every other day. God damn right, I like it Jonathan. Way to sneak that in there. One of the first episodes we listened to was about the JFK assassination, holy shit. Great research, research, presentation, and the overall vibe of it was spectacular. Thank you. That was one of my favorites. I wasn't sure if you'd heard about new developments, I have not, but we may get some new info about JFK. Oh, I can't verify,

knew that or not. Basically, thousands of documents are going to be declassified in October, but the 1992 Kennedy assassination Records Collection Act gives one person the ability to keep the documents sealed slash classified. That person is Old Donnie Trump. Donald Trump has the opportunity to reveal to the world if the CIA, Lee Harvey Oswald, or some other dude was responsible for killing a charismatic, effective and ambitious president. If that happens at part three on the JFK Assass Nation will be fantastic. Keep on sucking. Jonathan Mueller. God, that's great update. That would be cool, do you know, a part three. How awesome would that be to get some new info on JFK?

I hope it's something mind blowing. I really, really do. Just it'd be exciting. How great would it be if it was like ridiculous? Like I know this won't happen, but what if we found out in October that it was like John Wayne? For sure. The Duke shot JFK.

Case closed. Or Joe DiMaggio. Joe DiMaggio. Joe DiMaggio in between some homestand, got down to Dallas, but a bullet in JFK. Be fucking mine. Seriously though, I hope they like something interesting. I hope they just, I mean, best case,

they flat out just say the CIA did it, just unequivocally. Yep, CIA did it, total conspiracy. That would be the best because then conspiracy theorists that have been like made fun of for believing that for decades would lose their goddamn mind. People they'd be literally just weeping with joy, running through the streets. I had told you, I told you I wasn't crazy. I told you what I fuck you.

I said, I'm not crazy. Oh, and some other guy, hey, Tom, Tom, I know you're excited right now, buddy, in congrats, but I think people would believe you a little more if you took off your aluminum fall hat. And that the aliens ruined the greatest day of my life now, man. Space lizards are not gonna be shit in my parade. They're not gonna be controlling my thoughts from the goddamn moon base. I knew it. I knew it. I knew it. I did it. I don't know. Be awesome. Third and final update. Today coming in from Time Sucker Alex, Alex Murie about another old episode, episode 33, The Designer Babies episode. My worst titled episode.

A lot of people skip that one, I feel like, because designer babies doesn't necessarily sound like something exciting. It's not like babies wearing like fucking expensive clothes or something, it's not about that. I talked a lot about genetically modified organisms in that episode. Definitely took a pro GMO stance, partially based on research.

I came across it said we eventually won't be able to grow enough crops to sustain an exponentially growing world population with non-GMO crops. Alex believes differently, wrote in saying, hi, Dan, love the podcast. Disappointed listening to the episode on GMOs where you advise we shouldn't be concerned about GMOs, the problem is that they are being modified to withstand glysofate, meaning that they can use more of it. It has become an ingredient that is in most of our food supply.

Not only are crops doused with it, but the plants take it in from the contaminated soil. It is believed by some high-brow researchers to be a trigger for celiac disease, other digestive disorders. It is also believed to be a blocker, to neurotransmitters, and a cause of autism, and other brain fog disorders. I was diagnosed with celiac two years ago, so I spent many hours researching the topic. Google, Stephanie Senef, a top MIT researcher, and you'll find quite a bit on glycophate on the debate. How are we going to feed the world? A better question is how are we

going to keep the world population from spiraling out of control? That should be a time suck episode. The more population increases exponentially, the sooner the Earth's expiration date will come as we work closer to destroy our planet's beauty. Moe people, moe problems, everyone is so worried about saving every life and fetus with no population control.

And I think you are of the same mindset I am and that many more of us, that the more of us there are, the less people give a shit about each other. Yeah. Anyways, some of GMO's bad, Mon Santo, the big, too big and bad, Glisofate, very, very bad,

and doing an episode about the tragedy of human overpopulation of the earth. How many of us is too many Things and keep on sucking Alex. Well, thanks. Thanks out first off I do I do want to do a episode about world overpopulation That would be a good one. I don't know how many of us is too many when it comes to that But I do know there is an exact number. I'm sure there is the earth has a finite amount of resources You know eventually we're just gonna need to do something

If war, famine, and disease don't do the work for us. Now here's the thing, I don't have time unfortunately to do a second full time suck this week to figure out exactly why Monsanto is what they're doing, how bad it is, how maybe not bad it is, what, you know, has been done. But I will do a time suck on that enormous company someday. All I can say after digging into glycophate and its relation to autism and other health concerns, and I just kind of dug in for a little bit, is that the research results seem to be pretty mixed. For every article praising the research of like Stephanie Senniff, there's another researcher deeply criticizing her findings. Now, the scientific community definitely not an agreement concerning GMOs

or glycophate. Could some scientists be in the pockets of big companies like Monsanto? Sure, absolutely. I'm sure there are some, but I highly doubt all scientists who are okay with GMOs are being bribed. The big debate is, do ingredients like glycophate actually have the ability to alter our DNA? I talked about that in the designer baby episode, and every time sucker who wrote in at the time claimed to have a scientific-slash academic background in the area of agriculture or genetic modification, they said it's safe. You know, experimental evidence has shown that glycophate does not bioaccumulate in any animal tissue. No significant toxicity has occurred in acute, sub chronic, and chronic studies. That'll be said, you might be right though, ox.

That'll be, you know, there's still a lot of research being done, and they may be very, very bad and deep. But until studies begin to consistently show they're obviously bad, I'm just not going to be in done and they may be very, very bad and deep. But until studies begin to consistently show they're obviously bad, I'm just not going to be convinced. Correlation doesn't prove causation. A lot of crops have been treated with herbicides, with glycophate and people who eat them do have a variety of health problems, like you stated. But a lot more people are born with no health problems who have eaten the same crops.

And there are just so many environmental factors out there. It's just hard to say that GMOs or chemicals and fertilizer are the causes definitively of like autism, gluten sensitivity, celiac, anything else. I don't know. Maybe I'm rationalized at all because I don't want to overpay for shit in the organic section of the store, but I will look and do it later. I like it. I like your heads out. I don't want to buy any shit from whole foods because it's too expensive. So that's where I'm at with that one. But I am still willing to change my mind. I will do an episode on Monsanto, on Santo, specifically someday.

So thanks for reminding me of how it's an interesting topic there, Alex. If you don't mind, maybe send me some specific studies if you get a chance. Either way, whether you send me the studies or not, you keep on sucking Goddammit. And now, let's all suck on today's episode. Next time, suckers, I need a net. We all did.

Okay, so before we get into Rasputin, we need to understand a bit about the world he lived in. His story is so fucking crazy. It's going to seem crazy, even in his context, but without context, it just seems unbelievable. Like there's no way this happened, kind of a story. And speaking of this, no way this happened before we set the context for his life. I want to hear a song written about him. I didn't know about my sister pointed this out to me.

She turned me on to this. It's titled simply, it's like Rau Rau Rasputine, or I think it's just actually called Rasputin. It's a little bit of ear magic. It is ridiculous that this thing just even exists. And it is written and performed by Boni M, a 70s disco group formed in West Germany, by German record producer Frank Ferrien composed of members from Jamaica and Aruba. And this song released in 1978 hit number one on the German Austrian and Australian charts and it hit number

two in the UK and Switzerland. And it's since been covered by Finnish metal band Tursas and a Minnesota folk rock band bold and lead. That's a good band name, Boyle and Lead. And I know it feels like I'm making all this up, but here is Rasputin' and I feel like this track sets the perfect tone for today's show. Here we go. Here we go. In Russia long ago He was big and strong in his eyes A flaming glow Looks like I look at him

With the blood and the fear But to my sco Shigs, he was such a lovely deer So I got to pause real quick I wish you could just see the presentation It's so theatrical They're wearing these like all white Over the tops

Is the women have these like sequined Headdress things The dude has like a big white cape And this giant afro and this crazy like just big beard and they're just like you know intentionally being like wild-eyed and they're present. It's insane. Wow! Oh, Dean, Russia's greatest love machine. It was a shame how we carry on. Wow, wow, that is the 70s man. Fucking wild times. So over the top, I guess especially in Germany.

I guess these guys were like wildly popular too. They had like all these kind of number one hits out there and they're, man, they're present. You gotta check out the video if you, I'll put a link. I gotta put a link in the episode description. It's just, it's incredible. Truly, truly something else. So you're welcome, you're welcome for that.

Okay, so the end of the 19th century, period of great change in Russia, for the people of Russia, not for the better. Things were getting grim from most of the people of Russia. That's not fair. Since most of the people of Russia were peasants and peasants and peasants notoriously get fucked over,

especially in feudal societies like Russia had, things were getting grim, er. The Romanovs, Russia's second royal dynasty had ruled since 1613 CE. The Rurik dynasty had ruled Russia before that in various forms prior to the Romanovs since 862 CE. So by the late 1800s, Russia had been part of an imperialistic monarchy, you know,

for a thousand years, over a thousand years, which means, you know, life was great for the most part, for the nobility of Russia, for over millennia, and shit for everyone else for the most part. But not really shit here, then it was for any other world's poor people, you know, just kind of how it was. The nation had grown steadily over the centuries, become enormous, now stretching from Europe in the West, and to the Pacific, and the very north-western edge of Asia and the East. Siberia alone makes up roughly 10% of the Earth's land surface, with 51 million square miles of soil, and tundra, and caustics. Caustics were a race of Russian lizard people that now live underground, locked in perpetual battle with space lizards of Illuminati fame. So much lizard fighting underground,

I don't know if you realize that. That's why I never dig. That's why I don't plan a garden. I don't wanna risk slipping into a goddamn lizard fight, trying to grow some corn, you know what I mean? Well, I'll think that right, guys, right? I'm gonna take off my Illuminum foil hat. That's ridiculous.

The classics were a group of people who inhabited Southern Russia and Ukraine, noted for the horsemanship military skill, who rushed in royalty, basically converted into like a night class to help defend Russia's western and southern borders. Other than in the northern Urals in Siberia, which had only been more recently populated by Russians, largely by citizens exiled from Eastern Russia, beginning in the mid-17th century, most of the peasantry of Russia had been largely converted into Serfdom in the

17th century, which was unusual as far as timelines go, because Serfdom had already been abolished by that time and what in the rest of Europe. Like England had formally abolished Serfdom in 1574, France had gotten rid of it by the 15th century, the rest of Western Europe had abolished by the 16th century, and then Russia was like, you know what, we were thinking instead of getting like rid of Serf's, how about we get started with it?

Basically, Russia to the rest of Europe was like my hometown compared to the rest of America, my little Idaho hometown. When America was like, you know what, we're done with hammer pants and acid wash jeans. My town was like, you know what, we're getting started with hammer pants

and acid wash jeans. We're getting into them. Well, by the late 19th century serfs were getting tired of being Serfs in Russia. They were like, what the fuck are we? The only people in Europe still working for the Lord of the land, like some medieval dipshits. That's a loose translation of what they're thinking.

In order to quell a bunch of Serf uprisings, according to official records kept by the Ministry of the Interior, there have been some 712 peasant uprisings in Russia between 1826 and 1854 alone. Serfdom was finally abolished in 1861 in Russia by Tsar Alexander II, kind of. Really, the Serfs have been tricked by the Tsar and virtual slavery of the rural peasant class continued. Fucking Tsar is, man, always tricky. Always tricky. That's where that old saying comes from. Never trust a Tsar farther than you can throw a used car. That's what that one comes from in my head. Unlike prior to 1861, Cerce were now allowed to own property, Mary according to their

own choice, trade freely, suit, court, vote, and local elections, but now freedom, kind of. On the peasants were now able to buy land from the land owning boyard nobility, they could only buy the land the nobles were cool with selling, which of course was the shitiest land. They're still being just, just, you know, dicked over on the wreck. Just, you know, hey, how much would you sell that green pasture with the babbling brook flowing serenely through the middle of it, the one with all the well-fed cattle grazing around it and the nice soil? How much would you sell that for?

Oh, no, you don't want that piece of land there, little surf? No, no, you want the area behind the pasture, that hilly, rocky, craggy, unformable sandy area with the, with the dry creek bed and the old manger goat, licking some dirt from moisture. That's, that's what you'd like. Ha, I guess it's better than nothing, sir. How much do you want for it? Oh, I'll just, I'll sell it to you for whatever, whatever, whatever will be triple you are hoping to pay for the nice pasture with the, with with the with the brook Yep, the nobles picked the land and they set the price which was far above value more over since the newly freed peasants had no money They often had to borrow a hundred percent of the new mortgages and since their shitty land didn't yield very many crops

They weren't making money so they couldn't really pay the loan back and alone that in many instances the boyars themselves had given them So you know, so they basically just were now paying the boyars to farm the same land that they just had to farm for them previously. Like it was actually a worse deal for many of them, where you know previously they got to keep some of their crops. Now they have to like sell all their crops to cover their mortgage, which is never going to be paid off. It's fucking terrible. So basically, it's Alexander II, you know. He raised the expectations of the Russian peasants only to dash them, only to make them realize they've been tricked. And this didn't make Alexander terribly popular

with the Russian peasantry. Socialist movements begin to pop up during his rule, the early seeds of communism in Russia, a movement grown in response to the oppression of the poor by imperialistic monarchy and ability. Sorry Alexander, the Second would be assassinated in 1881 by a revolutionary socialist group known as the People's Will, a bomb killed Alexander after several previous unsuccessful

assassination attempts, attempts like stuff like derail his train, shoot him, blow up his home, he was not well liked. Ironically, on the day he was killed, he had just signed a proclamation, the so-called Loris Melikov Constitution, that would have created two legislative commissions made up of indirectly, of elected representatives, a concession to the peasants and working class, that would have limited the power of the monarchy, and given more power to the people of Russia.

So like literally on the day he's like, okay, all right, all right, I'll cut you a deal, the people he's trying to cut the deal with are like, fucking kill him, they don't even know about the deal. And then his son Alexander III takes a throne and squashes that deal immediately. Like the day he takes the throne, that policy, that's gone. And he makes it clear that the crown is still fucking crown.

And the Russian people are gonna bow before it. The new emperor believed that the, he believed in remaining true to the Russian orthodoxy, autocrassy, autocrassy, autocracy, God dang it. Russian orthodoxy, autocracy, autocracy, autocracy. God dang it, Russian orthodoxy, autocracy and nationality, which was an ideally ideology, Jesus Christ. Can we fit more giant words? Can we fit more fucking level 10 Scrabble words

into one mother fucking sentence? This new emperor believed that remaining true to Russian orthodoxy, autocracy and nationality, no wonder fucking announcers, talks so goddamn slow, right? When they try and get excited, like I do, and I can bury through this stuff, you know, keep up a hot pace. It's like a constant tongue twister.

Anyway, this ideology was introduced by his grandfather, Emperor Nicholas I, he thought I would save Russia from revolutionary agitation, and in this ideology, orthodoxy is defined as devotion to belief in and protection of the Russian Orthodox Church. A Christian church that had morphed out of the Eastern Orthodox Church in the 17th century, the Eastern Orthodox Church having then, having had split from the Catholics in Rome in 1054, you know, BCE, autocracy in this ideology is defined as unconditional loyalty to the House of Romanov. That's nice. And return for a paternalistic protection of the Russian Empire.

Nationality is defined, it was defined as recognition of the state founding role of Russia, nationality, and equal citizen rights for all other peoples inhabiting Russia. And I'm now making this part up with exclusion of Jews because of their quote, imminent hate towards Russian people and anti-human nature, motherfucker. Seriously, that's what it said. That's a direct quote. Man, the Jewish people just perpetually unliked in Europe, just getting fucked over century after century. My god, oh, oh, they. So basically, Alexander III is promoting an ideology of belief in God, the Christian God, and I got alone, country and crown.

And Alexander III would reign for 13 years, surviving assassination attempts from the same crew that killed his dad. In 1887, various assassination conspirators were arrested and hanged, including the older brother of Vladimir Lenin, who was one of the Bolsheviks, who would help overthrow the monarchy and lead Russia into decades of communism, roughly 30 years later. Alexander would die in 1894 at the age of 49 of a terminal kidney disease, the throne passing to his 25 year old dipshit son,

Nicholas II, the last czar of Russia. And Nicholas was not ready to take power of a giant unstable empire. He was kind of like a trust fund kid. He was a kid who just wanted to eat fucking traveled, he hung out, he ate some nice pastries, he lived a life of leisure, and he had no training of any kind.

He didn't think he'd have to like take charge for a long, long time, and he just, he wasn't ready, and he got thrown into it. Russia kicked ass militarily for a few centuries before the mid and latter 19th century, defeated the Ottoman Turks, and the Russo-Turkish War of 1806, 1812, acquiring the Eastern half of Moldavia.

Moldavia, defeating the Turks again in 1828, taking over the rest of Moldavia and Valkia, defeating Persia and acquiring parts of Armenia and the Russo-Persian War in 1826, 1828. Crushing Poland in 1831, with the Romanian rebellion there, taking away what little autonomy it had, placing it fully under Russian control, and then starting with the Crimean War of 1853, 1856, Russia's era of military dominance begins to wane their defeated by an alliance of Ottoman, French, British, and Sardinian forces. Then in 1905, a decade after young Nicholas takes over, Japan kicks Russia's ass, annihilating

the bulk of the Russian navy in the Battle of Tsushima. Now it's got its ass kicked and backed-to-back wars, which is very demoralizing to the proud Russian people, who would for centuries take comfort in the strength of their military even when times are tough. You know, not only following behind regarding this military, Russia is also following behind industrially with the rest of your other countries had gone through the agricultural revolution by the late 1800s increasing yields, you know, and they get rid of like the Serfdom thing, freeing up people and money to fuel a now well-developed industrial revolution, Russia's will be behind that. It's still largely undeveloped, basically most of its sustenance, are based mostly on substance agriculture, making it difficult to produce grain for export to finance large-scale industrial development. Russia's still primarily a agrarian society as of 1881, wheat is the largest export. There are only small pockets of industrial development in parts of Ukraine and around

Moscow and St. Petersburg, the industrial working class, made up only 4% of the working population in the 1897 census after five years of rapid industrialization. Over 80% of the population is peasants and half of these are serfs tied to the land in that substance agriculture. So the world is changing and Russia is not keeping up. That would be a difficult situation for any leader to manage. You know, in a difficult country to manage, you know, it's over 6,000 miles wide. The only way to travel from St. Petersburg to Siberia is by railroad. You got one track, a journey that would take over a week each way. It's got no Wi-Fi, no movies, lots of dirty peasants who smell bad.

The Greyhound bus looks like a fucking luxury charter. And Nicholas is not a great leader. He's not even an average leader. Nicholas has viewed as weak, even as a child. His father referred to him as a momma's boy, and despite the fact that he was heir to the throne, yeah, like I said, he just never received any caution on how to be a leader. And that suited him just fine. He had no desire to be the, you know, the czar, but Alexander's death left him no other option.

And it was just thought at the time that Zarr's were chosen by God and to advocate the throne was to forsake one's holy duty. And it was like, you know, the quickest way to earn a seat and help do that. So that's he's like, all right, all right, I'll do it. And Nicholas Mary's Alexandra, German national, which was not popular. The country wasn't hot on Germany at the time. Shortly after his father's funeral in 1894, they were about to get less hot in Germany, World War I, choosing love over national interest in their choice to marry.

She's not a popular choice, she's also like shy and her shy nervousness comes off as cold. She doesn't care for Russian culture, whether it was the food or the manner of dancing. Her mother-in-law, love Russian culture, was very popular and vivacious. And now by contrast, she's just seen as like, ugh, I don't get stuck with her now.

She's not charismatic. Well, Nicholas's crowned May 18th, 1896. There are celebratory events, coronation day. Marco will be a common theme of the rule, tragedy, this sucks. 1,300 people die in this coronation ceremony, waiting for mugs and sweet meats, coronation gifts. Due to poor planning and stampeding attendees, 1,300 people, like it essentially a fucking wedding reception.

Get trampled waiting for sweets. Yeah, and you thought the wedding you went to sucked. And because government authorities failed to relay this to the news R, what had happened until the next day. He doesn't immediately address the incident. So, you know, pisses off to Russian people anymore. So he doesn't even fucking care. It's like, yeah, whatever.

13 people got trampled. You know, that's, that's, you can look at that as a bad thing, but on the right side, they're peasants. And we got millions of them, so fucking who cares? Right guys, oh shit, you guys are peasants. Hey, I'm terribly sad about this. This event will be indicative of the rule of Nicholas II. Yeah, he just spoiled members of the nobility,

wilding love with his wife and their growing family, and blind to poverty, and distracted from the reality of his crumbling country. He had no military experience, no leadership practice, no exposure to basic reality before being handed the reins to the Russian Empire. St. Petersburg, the capital of imperialistic Russia, until it's later fall to the communists and all of Russia, is at a tipping point. The proletariat had had enough.

They're tired, they're hungry. Communists' rumblings are beginning to grow real strength. Violence is erupting and now every turn the country is concerned about the competence of its new leader and adding to the Tsar's problems and opening the door for Rasputin into the royal court is the birth of Nicholas and Alexander's only son Alexei born in 1904. Previous to the birth of Alexei, the couple had four girls in a row further hurting their popularity with the common people of Russia. To continue the Romanov dynasty, a male heir had to be born.

And Alexander seemed incapable of giving birth to one. And then when he finally was born, he was born hemophilia, a mostly inherited genetic disorder that impairs the body's ability to make blood clots, a process needed to stop bleeding. The results are people bleeding longer, the normal after an injury, easier bruising and increased risk of bleeding inside joints of the brain, Alexander herself had a minor form of it,

and it could be traced back in her family to at least her maternal grandmother. The already disliked royal couple didn't want to increase their unpopularity by giving the Russian people more reason to worry about their future. Like what would happen to the government if Nicholas should die,

and then there's this air made out of fucking broken glass, taking the throne. Alexate's condition was so severe that they just kept it a state secret. And it was a severe form of human feeling, like a bruise, nosebleed, or cut, you know, were potentially life-threatening for this kid. And so Nicholas and Alexander, they're also desperate to cure him. And medical doctors aren't, you know, having any answers. So, they start to turn to the occult, which is something else about this era. If you listen to that episode on Houdini, you'll recall that spiritualism was invoked during the late 19th and early 20th centuries in America and Britain, and Russia was no different.

Mediums were sought out by royals for advice, sayances were being held, weegee boards were used, all that kind of stuff. Things are getting, you know, rougher by the decade, the military hasn't been dominating, the national morale is low, faith in the Russian Orthodox Church is waning, and now mystical religious sects are sprouting up all around the land. And Alexander is a very superstitious woman. And she's been meeting with various supposed mystics for years, the meetings intensified after the birth of her six son.

She wants to cure. She a Nicholas, you know, been holding regular court sances with these two Montenegroen princesses before they ever met Rasputin, known as the Crows. That's when you know your desperate. When you start taking guidance meetings with a pair of twins who refer to themselves as the Crows. I feel like, I feel like one, if not both, of them had to have like a wide eye.

Right, like in all those horror movies. Don't creepy mystics who call them shit like the Crows. Usually have at least one wide eye that you don't see until they lift their veil. Like you think they have a normal face and then they lift that veil and it's go, shit! Before meeting the mystic, Rasputin of French mystic Dr. Felipe, I told Alexander that for he died, a new spiritual guide would take his place. And then he dies on August 2nd, 1905.

And then Rasputin meets the Zaren Zarina on November 1st, 1905. Oh, right time, right place. And then shit started to get real weird. And St. Petersburg and things would end terribly for everyone involved. So now, now you know what's led up to Rasputin's introduction to the royal family. Russia has a large proud nation on the decline.

Slow to adjust to the industrial revolution. Military might has been waning for a long time. The peasants have been revolting. The bullshit of it communists are waiting in the wings. Right? The lizards fighting in pits underground. Maybe. Spiritualism is rising in popularity, especially among the nobles who want spiritual assurance that everything is gonna be fine, everything's gonna work out.

They got a young, untrained, unpopular ruler and a less popular bride on the throne. And to make things even worse, the nation only has one fragile heir who could die at any moment, doctors unable to cure him. So now that we've set the stage, let's check out how Rasputin plays into all this by heading into a time-sub timeline. 1869. Grigory, Yavima Vitch, Russ Puthin, is born to a peasant family. Most likely peasants who at some point in their recent ancestry relocated to Siberia in

an effort to escape Eastern Russian feudalism. And they settled in a small Siberian village of Prokostkye, Prokostkye, there we go, Prokostkye. A lot of these Russians were never, they never wanted to do like a four letter word. So I was a long word with a lot of constants. They learned that from the Hungarians. Yeah, and he was born on January 10th 1869 to Yufim and Anna. Like many peasants, his life begins with unremarkable surroundings and limited chances for greatness. Siberia's incredibly desolate comes from a hardworking family, relatively prosperous peasant farmers who successfully worked her land and also raised horses. It comes from a seemingly normal family, but rest putin gets her reputation early on for being abnormal. On the summer of 1877, eight-year-old Gregory Rasputin and his 12-year-old brother Dmitri, whose 12-goes

swimming in a local river, and Dmitri gets pulled into the current, and it takes a long time for him to get out of the cold, Siberian water. He's eventually pulled out, but he soon dies thereafter of pneumonia, and Gregory is devastated. He goes into a period of deep depression for about two years, and then around 1879, he begins to get a reputation for the possession of strange powers. Other villagers begin to believe he can read their minds, he can supposedly cure sick farm animals just by touching them. Although at this point in his life, he's no more religious than anyone else. But even though he's no more religious than anyone else, people start to attribute his powers to God. He just kind of has this label of a holy man

kind of thrust upon him. I think people started kind of thinking this stuff partly because he's a fucking weird looking dude. Just see some pictures. Look him up or just go to Timeslakepodcast.com. He does have the weirdest eyes I've ever seen. They are like strangely mesmerizing. You know, when you pray at, you know,

he had the basic features as a kid. Like he looks like the dude who would be able to heal shit or hypnotize you or read your mind. And again, although his powers are attributed to God, definitely not an actual holy man. He was also supposed to be very sexually active from an early age, quite promiscuous, in fact, and strangely sexually charismatic.

He also seemed to be like a little date rapy for everything a rent. Like dude, it was never charged with rape, but he was, you know, he was into like, I would say super aggressively hitting on women, like just grabbing their breasts out in, like public, just grabbing assets when he just fell like just sneaking up behind women and trying to undo their bodices, like that kind of shit. And apparently he received a decent share of bites, hits, kicks from village women.

He's also known to drink it up, uh, get pretty drunk around town. The drunk part I totally get and the sleeping around part minus the sexual assaulting I also get. He's living in a town of nothing. Just a town of nothing in the middle of nowhere. It's so desolate out in western Siberia. Even today, it doesn't even have a proper Wikipedia page. Like everything has a Wikipedia page. Every town, not this town.

It does, but like, it's like two senses. There's no information on it, cause there's just nothing there. You know, to get a feel for, I had to look at a Google satellite photos of the town. I had to zoom in from the satellite photos. It's fucking nothing, just a bunch of small farms next to one another.

No more than 150 buildings in total. It was like a hand, like two or three stores. It looks like it's just, this is where I grew up. And that's now, it's like that now. But back then, I'm sure it was like, you know, church, bar, slash supply store, and then farms. In 1866, when we asked Putin's 19, he heads over to Abelak, Siberia,

another shit hole, Cossack town, in the middle of nowhere, populated only by farmers and horses, in the occasional farmer who prefixed horse. Come on, you know someone did it. You know, to do some more drunken grab assing, and there he meets a peasant girl named Proskoyah, Dubarvina, one of the few women in the area, he can't get to sleep with him immediately,

so he marries her a bit later in 1887, and he brings her back to his village. What a lucky lady. What? You're gonna take me out of my very tiny shit hole town to another tiny shit hole town, where I don't even have friends or family. Hooray! What a lucky girl I am. Well, according to historian and author of Rasputin, Faith,

Power, and the Twilight of the Romanovs, Douglas Smith, Rasputin, Preskobia would have seven kids over the next few years. Sounds like a lot, but it's not like there was an OBGYN describing the pill back then or a condoms at some local 7-11. You couldn't even pull out back then. Yeah, the pull-out method wasn't invented until 1917. When MacArthur Evans thought someone was trying to break into his home, when he was seconds away from organizing with his wife, he spun around, he ejaculates onto the floor,

and then he realized it was just a dog. Then realized, hey, I was kind of fun, I want to try that again. And then years later, he realized that this new habit of his was why he and his wife couldn't get pregnant. So there's that little tidbit that I just made up. Of course, that's not true. They eventually have seven kids,

but only three made it to adulthood because 19th century Siberia is not a great place to have a baby. It's fucking cold and desolate. And then for reasons unknown in history, we had to put it and started to drink more than usual. And he started to get into some legal trouble around town. It's disputed whether or not he was charged with horse thievery, blasphemy, petty theft,

and other crimes. What's not disputed is that he did start to cause problems around town. Villagers don't like it when you're getting drunk and possibly committing crimes and definitely fucking their wives and daughters. And Rasputin, he was getting busy with anything, just basically they had breasts and a pulse.

1897, the Russian wild man, whose wife was somehow cool with his infidelities, or at least appeared to be saying he was quote, man enough for more woman, has either run out of town or chooses to leave town depending on what your story and account you read. And he sets on a religious pilgrimage. And Siberia was full of religious mystics at this time.

I kind of mentioned that earlier just briefly. You know, it's like a dumping ground, not only for peasants looking to escape feudalism or post-futalism poverty, but also for like recently released prisoners for faith healers and for members of strange religious sex. You know, they were not well liked by the Russian Orthodox Church.

He makes it north to the St. Nicholas monastery in a vyrk-yotoriya, you fucking whatever, not all these places have pronunciation videos and I don't speak Russian. He makes to the St. Nicholas monastery in Big Ass V word in the Ural Mountains and he meets a mystic named McAree who changes him, kind of like a big influence in his life. You know, guy who has kind of wandered around Siberia and been part of this kind of mysticism movement

and he's just a different type of religious person and rest putin' his kind of mesmerized by him. I guess he comes home a momentarily change man a few months later. He's not drinking anymore, not causing problems around town. He's trying to be a good all around citizen now, but it doesn't last long and it doesn't stay long. It begins to take more pilgrimage, pilgrimage is.

Sometimes I guess lasting up to like a year or more, sometimes only gone from home and his family for a few weeks, very tolerant wife. I don't know, I guess it was just different back then what people would put up with. Sometimes he would stay in other towns, make a name for himself, and sometimes somebody's about in the woods,

sometimes bathing, sometimes not bathing. Sometimes not even touching his body with his hands for weeks of time. He's trying to find God, not sure if he does find God, but he definitely finds some weirdos. During one of his pilgrimages, he crosses past with members of one of the weirdest religious sects I've ever read about, known as the Cleasty, and check this shit out. The Cleasty were Russian Christians who had renounced the priest and scriptural interpretation of the Russian Orthodox Church, and rather than doing your best not to sin, like most

of them, Christian denominations believe by basically all of the other ones, other than weird cults, the Cleasty believed it was very important to sin, you're supposed to sin, especially carnally sin. That's like the best kind of sin you're supposed to do. And they had this crazy ritual where they would meet in some secret place, like a cryptor of basements, some fucking weird place, and they would just gather and pray and sing and dance and just whip themselves up into an emotional fervor. And then they would just, after the dancing, and they were just like getting more and more

worked up and dancing louder. And then they would like, we're all about and saying and keep whirling and get dizzy and just work themselves in some kind of spiritualistic ecstasy. They'd be speaking in tongues, be taken by the spirit, a lot of dramatic stuff. And then they would just keep going and go until they physically collapsed. And then this is when things really get

really gets weird. After the collapse part, as they start to get their energy back, they'd have a huge orgy, not kidding. Seriously, once they've done their whole spinning, singing ritual, fucking orgy time. So you see, pray, saying dance, spin, collapse, orgy. Because the cleastie believed that by committing carnal sins, they could repent more fervently and therefore get closer to God than they would have been able to, if they didn't have anything to repent for. They actually called it sinning to drive out sin. And, sounds kind of great.

It does sound at least way better than your typical Christian kids together. Right, I think, I just think, look, from an outsider's perspective, I think more people go to church if they started doing that kind of stuff. It's like, what am I gonna have to do in your church? Well, we're gonna pray for a long time.

Ah, that doesn't sound very fun. Yo, okay, that's okay. After that, we're gonna sing for a long time. Ah, that doesn't sound very fun. Yo, okay, that's okay. After that, we're gonna sing for a long time. Ah, sounds a little better, but I'm not really that interested in that. Oh, but then we're gonna dance for a long time. Oh, that sounds kind of fun. And then we're gonna spin around for a long time

until we collapse on the floor. That sounds terrible. Now I'm nine out, I'm sorry. Thank you for coming by when I'm out. No, no, but then we get up when then we fuck and then we have like a Roman style orgy. Come on, yeah, come on in. Come on in. I'm all ears. I'm all ears. Old horn dog rest putin has found his religion. He's into the whole sitting to drive out sitting thing. He's really into that. He loves big fan. So he brings it back home.

Set up a little mini church in the basement of his dad's house. We're still living. And that, and that's kind of different than now. It's not like he was like the one dude in town living in his dad's mini basement. It was like families lived together. Was weird to set up a mini-cleasty kind of church thing in the basement and hold meetings, and I bet he did. No one knows for sure what went on in those basement meetings, it's not like they hired a secretary to take notes, but probably a lot of fucking, probably a whole bunch of that. So now he's back on the outs with the hometown crowd You know, so he starts taking more more of his pilgrimages and he repeats his weird pattern for the rest of his life He'll be friend like the local religious people in some area local monks or priests or mystics

They'll become convinced that he's some sort of real kind of healer that he actually is touched by God that he truly has special powers He's some kind of living saint or prophet, you know, this prestigious holy man. But then there will also be rumors that he's fucking like half of the town. It's the strangest combo. He's like Don Juan, you know, and the holiest of all men at the same time. Religious and holy yet preposterously sinful. People don't do this guy. It's like you want to tell him to get the fucking of town, but then if you really, you know,

does have some kind of special powers sent to him from God, you don't want to incur God's wrath by getting rid of one of God's chosen people. And if you're wondering, like, how did he pull this off? Like these, these healings? Well part of it, I think really like I said before, was his eyes. He does have like one of the strangest gazes I've ever seen. Just like, yeah, just Google a picture this guy, go to the website. He was rumored to be able to dilate his pupils at will.

He'd stare like unblinking also directly into your eyes, which was unnerving. And he does have these large sunken, light, cold blue eyes that really just kind of stand out from his otherwise intensely dark, rugged, Russian face. I get it, you know. I get it kind of, because I have a slightly similar thing. I've been told that I have either beautiful or crazy eyes

over the course of my lifetime a lot. And I think it's because, you know, especially with my beard and stuff now, it's like I got dark features, dark hair, and then like, you know, really blue eyes. And it's just unusual. You just don't see it a lot. And you just look very intense.

And Rasputin, he does have an intense kind of look. He has long, thick, unkempt hair, this huge, untrimmed beard, wild mustache. He's very feral looking. Again, these big, sunken eyes, the very disconcerting stare. I can only imagine how uncomfortable he would make you feel. How odd, his hygiene was also apparently terrible.

He smelled like an old goat. That's one person's actual quote, he smelled like an old goat. That's one person's actual quote, she smelled an old goat. He wouldn't bathe for weeks or months at a time. He routinely had remnants of old meals in his beard. Like that was something people noted. Like you always had fucking shit in his beard, old food. And yet as repulsive as all that sounds,

it's conventionally unattractive. As he looked, he was legendarily charismatic. Priests would fall into this holy man's spell. Women were routinely seduced by him He wasn't just all just, you know aggressive grab as grab as women did like we're into him Despite rumors that res putting was having sex with some of his female followers He wins over the father a superior of the seven lakes monastery outside Kuzan as well as local church officials Andre and Bishop Krasanos and they end up giving him a letter of recommendation to Bishop Surjay

officials, Andrei and Bishop Krasanos, and they end up giving him a letter of recommendation to Bishop Sergei, the rector of the St. Petersburg Theological Seminary at the Alexander Nefsky monastery, and that's how he gets to St. Petersburg. That's how he gets close to the Zars. And he gets to every 1903 and 1905. 1905, whereas Putin is making a name for himself in St. Petersburg. I remember this is the age of spiritualism, especially for the noble class in St. Petersburg as royals, as Russia's royal Royal City full of wealthy nobility, who aren't worried about Star of Inn or fighting us

on more, these people have time to fucking dick around with sands as the mediums. A bunch of fucking trust funders hanging out playing the Ouija board shit. And again, this is the stuff Houdini was fighting against America at the same time when he was busy exposing mediums as frauds when he wasn't performing sensational escape attempts.

This is roughly the same period in history when the head of the Theosophical Society in New York City is telling people about the history of the lost city of Atlantis. From that episode, we're apparently wizard fights, we're fucking going down, and dragons and chimeras were involved, and chimeras were being having sex with them. All kinds of weird shifts being thought about at this time. There were people who are maintaining a lot of crazy ideas. People have always entertained a lot of crazy ideas, but it's usually people in the fringes

of society. In Russia, it was like the heads of state were like, no, yeah, that sounds legit. It would be like if Congress and the Senate were just fucking weegee boarded it up, like if they were holding seances to determine the fate of our country, it's so insane. And there's arena, the queen essentially, the Empress, Alexandra, you know, was, as I said earlier, especially superstitious even for these times. You know, meeting mystics all the time. And so, by the time Rasputin makes the town, you know, she's in. She's into this stuff. And this is how Rasputin gains access to the Zars, and which does make sense, you know, like imagine if you believed

in wizards. You know, not only believed in them, but wanted more than anything in the world to meet a real wizard. And then finally, you meet a man who genuinely appears to be a fucking wizard. Long beard, Merlin hat, reputation for wizardry. You'd be enamored as you'd never been before. You know, and that's kind of what happens with Rasputin. She'd met the other kind of, you know, you know, mystics and stuff, but none of them seem to have Rasputin's powers. The Siberian healer shows up to meet the Zars. He'd been sent for because Alexander is desperate to cure her hemophiliax sun.

Like he's getting sick all the time. He's recently died a few times. And right now he's real sick. He's coming out with a horrible fever. His doctors don't know if he's gonna live through it. Rasputin comes over, asks to see the boy, wakes him up, talks to him, puts his hands on him, prays for him, boy falls back asleep, fever breaks,

wakes up feeling virtually good as new. And just like that, pow! Rasputin, royal peasant, is in with his arms. And this is after, you know, the rumors of him healing other people, rumors of him healing, you know, sick livestock as a kid. How do you do this shit? No one knows. He did it long enough, where it'd be hard to chalk it up as just a total lucky run.

That's what his story and Dr. Joseph T. Ferman thinks. He's a Rasputin scholar, and he actually believes that the historian believes that Rasputin did have some kind of inexplicable healing powers. You know, basically, how else could you explain what he was just constantly rumored to be able to do? So there's something, I don't know, he's like the best con man ever, like one of the best,

or he had something going on with him. You know, because he's not doing like the mediums I kind of talked about in the Houdini episode was a big stage show. You know, he's just going up and people are getting fucking better after being touched by it. So I don't know. In the case of Alex, Alex, specifically some other historians such as Pierre Gillard have speculated that the bleeding likely stopped as a result of arrest, Putin's insistence on disallowing the administration of aspirin, now known to be a blood thinning agent, and not because of any mystical powers he had.

So it might've been just like a lucky break. It's not like he knew about that. He's like, yeah, he doesn't need these pills. I got him. And then it turns out he's just not taking the pills made a huge improvement on his health. Other speculated that with the information he got from a confidant, he had the Royal Court.

He did know this lady, this best friend of the Zarina, this Anna of Verobia, Russ Puthin timed his interventions when Alexei was like kind of on the mend. So he just showed up at the right time to claim all the credit. I don't know.

However, he did it. The Zarina was amazed. And immediately enlisted the services of Russ Puthin as a close advisor. But, and he didn't just, you know, seemingly he'll, Alexei wants, he held him over and over again for the next decade.

And he also helps heal the fate of the entire Romano family over that decade. Now protected by his relationship with the royal family, Rasputin brings his old Siberian drinkin and sexcapadein ways, properly to St. Petersburg. Start sleepin' with a good chunk of the St. Petersburg population, prostitutes, or escrats, whoever needs to get closer to God,

through some good old, carnal sin, I guess. The clergy members of the Russ. Petersburg population, prostitutes, or escrats. Whoever needs to get closer to God, do some good old, carnal sin, I guess. The clergy members of the Russian church catch wind of all of Rasputin's sexual wheelins and dealins, and they finally had enough, and they'd take him aside, telling me he's a stop-sitting, and then there's legend that they literally beat him with the crucifix, like a big old Russian crucifix.

They fuck it smack him around with it, trying to knock the devil out of him. Well, Rasputin doesn't like this. A lot of people don't like it and hit with big crucifixes. And he tells Alexandra that the two priests try to kill him, and she banishes them from the city. This is her son's protector. One of the men, Ilyador, fled to Finland,

disguised as a woman, where he allegedly began to plot the death of Rasputin, who he'd began to believe was the anti-Christ himself. Rasputin's ways began to tarnish the royal family's reputation around town, and then rest the country. First off, it just wasn't kosher for a peasant to be hanging out with his R and Zarina. Uh, because of Alexandrus, you know, fast nation with Rasputin and believe in his healing powers, he was given full access to the Royal Court.

Like, he could drop by uninvited, very regular, very, very regular. Uh, that's not how things work back then. Checking, he could check on the Royal kids whenever he wanted full access to their rooms and everything, uh, he referred to the Zaren Zahreen as Mama and Papa, which was weird. And he wasn't just a peasant doing this. He was a fucking filthy peasant, like literally filthy. Like the dude had shit in his manger beard. He stunk. He had long greasy hair. He looked fucking insane. Love to get drunk and brag about his closeness to the Zahers. So when he's not hanging on the Zaren and Zarina, he's out getting hammered.

You know, he's a dirty dude, aggressively hitting on women. If not outright telling everyone, you know, he's super tight with the King and Queen. He's definitely letting them believe that. And people like to gossip. You know, this is juicy shit. People start to wonder, what kind of power this holy madman has over their rulers. And they start to think because there's reputation, the Rasputin is sleeping with the Zarina herself. Most historians don't think that's true. They don't think he because there's reputation, the Rasputin is sleeping with Zarina herself.

Most historians don't think that's true. They don't think he was dumb enough to do that, but they do think he was probably egotistical enough to let other people assume that and to kind of lead them to believe that. Zarina isn't helping this rumor either. She'd become a more and more avid disciple ever as Putin providing him gifts and writing some kind of weird

scandalous letters to him. I mean, people did kind of weird scandalous letters to him. I mean, people did kinda write a little more romantically back than even platonic relationships, but she would say stuff like, quote, only then is my soul at rest when you, my teacher, are sitting beside me and I'm kissing your hands and leaning on your savory shoulders. Savory shoulders doesn't sound friendly. That sounds more than friendly. Why would you describe somebody's shoulders as savory?

Let's see your end to them. Anyway, no one understands why the Zorans are arena, or keep him around, by the way. That's what makes this all the weirder. Because, you know, I remember Alexei's hemophilia is a state secret. So the Russian population, they're not be like, well, yeah, he's a fucking weirdo, but he's helping out with the boy.

You know, no, they just, they have no idea. Like, they're like, why the fuck is this guy around? Why are they keeping him this weirdo around? In Russians, you know, very superstitious this time, and rumors start to spread that he's not a holy man, but that he's possessed by the devil. And he's got the Romanovs under some kind of spell, right? And Russia is not doing well during this time, so that's not helping him out. You know, they just got their ass kicked by the Japanese.

The economy has been slowed industrialized. It's floundering. They start to wonder if Rasputin is trying to bring the nation down. To give like a modern equivalent, it would be like, all right, whatever you think about Trump, let's say you like Trump. Let's say, but then let's say the economy,

let's say you're like, okay, he's a good businessman. You know, President Trump, he's a good business guy, he's gonna get the economy really, really going, but then he doesn't. Let's say the economy starts to tank. And then let's say, you know, with the North Korea situation, let's say he does get into a war with North Korea and they somehow kick our fucking asses. Like, imagine like public morale.

Economies bad. North Korea is just curious. And then on top of all of that, he invites Charlie Sheen to come help run the White House. Right? Like you haven't heard of Charlie Sheen's, you know, Charlie Sheen has just been smoking crack and private for the last couple years. He brings him into the White House, and then Charlie Sheen is like, you know,

back a couple years ago, like Tiger Blood Charlie Sheen. He's just fuckin' blatantly hitting on reporters. He's fuckin' half the people on DC, you know? It's assumed he's fuckin' Melania, which is even weirder now that he's, you know, he came out HIV positive, but imagine the gossip, right? Only anarchists and lunatics would still support the president in that situation.

So, you know, the people, not very supportive of the Roman office, are like, what the fuck, dude? Countries in turmoil, and you got Captain lunatic hanging out with his fucking food beard going on his face. Ah, so after a while, other than Alexander and to a lesser extent, Nicholas, no one in the royal family even wants this guy around, you know, they don't like the bad reputation given him. The pressure from the public from the church and from the government and the royal family itself is to get

rid of Rasputin. Finally, March 1912, Dizarra's had enough, caves into the pressure of the scandal, rumors and constant harm to the reputation, orders Rasputin to return to Siberia and give no other choice, Rasputin does so. Probably time for him to visit the family. He's abandoned anyway, so you know, no big whoop. Well, October 1912, just a few months time, the Roman office finds themselves in need of another miracle. Alexei has had a slight boating accident, something that would have left nothing but a bruise

on most people, but his body is swelling from internal bleeding. After 12 days of ineffective treatment, he receives his last rights, death announcements are prepared for the young boy at this point. Alexandra reaches back out to the only option she feels she has left since a frantic telegram to arrest Putin pleading for his help within hours. Rasputan of course he's ready for the perceived telegram. He's not like he's got a lot going on back in his fucking Siberian shithole. He sends a cable back to her telling her that quote, God has heard your fears do not

grieve the little one will not die. And somehow through some fucking miracle, Alexei doesn't die. He's healed. So yet again, no medical explanation of any sort. And as you can imagine, all raspy, he has back in St. Petersburg, no time after that. Right. He's in again. And then now he's back and forth, you know, for the next a little while, between a for Kroskiy and St. Petersburg, you know, hanging out with the royals going back, I don't know, fucking a whole bunch of people in this town wherever that lunatic was up to. Sometimes home of the fam, most of the time, slaying

in his munch dick around St. Petersburg, doing his mystic shit. Well, on July 12, 1914, when he's back in his hometown in Prokostia, for as Putin is nearly killed, he's stabbed in the gut outside of his home by a 33 yearyear-old noseless former prostitute named Chinyonya Guseva who tried to rip his intestines out of his stomach after stabbing him. I know how crazy this sounds, but it's true. Look at a lot of sources. I've found pictures of this woman. She truly has no nose, like at all. It's very unusual to see someone without a nose, if you haven't before. Of course she was apprehended after stabbing him. How easy was she to catch?

And I'm just like, pinky thumbs, I think I have my stand up. It's like Siberia doesn't have a lot of people in general. There are very few potential suspects for any given crime, just because there's not very many people at all. And there's very few suspects without noses. Like I'm guessing there's one. So when the police were like, who did this to you? And he was like, ah, some lady without a nose. Both police, because there had to be two of them

for this joke to work. The exact same time said, oh, you mean Chihona. And then they were like, oh, jinx, yummy some bread. Or jinx, yummy cold porch. Or jinx, yummy a scrap of horse meat. I don't know, whatever, you know, they said whatever Siberian snacked on back then. Anyway, syphilis is referenced as responsible as a possible reason for her nose to be missing,

although she denied that. However, she was a former prostitute. Syphilis was relatively common and I found this out because of this episode. If left untreated, it can produce lesions called gummies, which are some of the grossest things I've ever read about. And if you're trying to lose your appetite, do a Google image search of syphilis gummies. Holy fuck, it's terrifying.

Is, oh, my gosh, these poor people that have this, it's so, so terrible looking. It's basically a candle-like leprosy. Basically, when your body's immune system gives up on killing the syphilis bacteria, it goes into this last-ditch effort to kind of slow the spread of the bacteria in your body, and it attempts to wall off like the syphilis bacteria and kind of contain it. And then to kill it, it just decides to kill everything in the containment zone.

You know, so like it will form this liquid field kind of circular lesion, and then the tissue in the center of this lesion starts to die. It just kills your body, kills off its own tissue. And you can get these things on your nose. And so your body will rot your own nose off to try to get rid of the syphilis bacteria in your nose. So, you know, enjoy that stew you're eating. Anywho, are you done throwing up yet? Okay, good. I'll wait. Oh wait, okay, last throw up. Okay. So this poor woman formal disciple turns out of Ilyador. Remember the holy man banished by the Zarina for beaten Rasputin with that cross earlier. The man who fled to Finland and allegedly plotted Rasputin's death. And he was he's the man alleged to have sent Chayona to kill him. This guy's whole life was

just so fucking ridiculous. Of course a no-sless woman would be sent by a man who would beat him with a cross to kill him. Everything in this dude's story is so over the top. Well, Rasputin doesn't die, but he does develop a lifelong addiction to paying killers out of this wound, begins to drink more than ever. And while he's recovering in Prokroskiy, Nicholas II, Nicholas decides it's time to join World War I, which is just broken out. Actually, the event that started World War I, which is just broken out, actually the event that started World War I, the assassination of Archduke Franz Ferdinand of the Astral Hungarian Empire and his wife in Sarajevo, happened on the exact same day, where Putin was almost assassinated by the Nozles woman,

June 28th, 1914. Now, if you look into this, some sources say he was stabbed in July 12th, but I'm gonna go with June 28th, because it's more arrest-putin style to be fucking full of weird quincences. Had he not been stabbed, he may have been able to talk this out of joining a war, he felt would be disastrous to Russia.

He wrote this letter from his hospital trying to persuade him from not participating in the war. He predicted disaster of Russia would join the fight, saying stuff like, here's part of this letter, a terrible storm cloud, things over Russia. Disaster, grief, murky darkness, and no light, all ocean of tears, there is no counting them, and so much blood. I can find no words to describe the horror. We will all drown in blood, the disaster is great, the misery, infinite. So you're not in favor of the war then. Oh right, infinite misery, that is a bad thing,

isn't it? I'm kind of proud of that little impromptu Russian accent. I just put out there. I know it's very, what, Drago and fucking the Rocky franchise. It's probably not even accurate at all, but in my head, I'm like, out of your shitty accent Stan, that one was one of your better ones. Okay, so well, Russia does join the war. And late July, Russia begins to mobilize its military towards its Western borders.

Germany warns Russia to stop its military towards its Western borders. Germany warns Russia to stop mobilizing on July 31 and Russia is like, no, we're going to keep doing it. And so then on August 1, Germany declares war on Russia and she is on. 1914, despite the few previous defeats, Russia does have the largest standing military in the world. They're pretty excited to go to war initially. You know, they got six and a half million infantrymen.

However, they did also have only like four and a half million infantry men. However, they did also have only like four and a half million rifles. So, you know, they're big, not terribly well organized, not terribly prepared. And they're not easily mobilized. It's spread out over all of Russia. A nation that only has that one big railroad track connecting the east to the west. It's like thousands and thousands of miles across. And they have an idiot for their czar. Nicholas II is not a military tactician. For the first few weeks, the war, Nicholas is the most popular he's ever been with the Russian people, he's fucking loving it.

The nation is ready to reassert his military dominance. He's gonna be part of it. He's gonna help reclaim his past glory, glory for the Tsar, and then the fighting begins, and all that goes away. The Russian offensive in East Prussia started well enough with the first Russian army, forced in Germans westward from the border, meanwhile the Russian Second Army invades from the south, hoping to cut the Germans off in an area around

the city of Konigsberg, but they don't do that. Instead, the Germans exploit the distance between the two Russian armies outflanking them, and then completely destroying the Russian Second Army before the First Army could come to their aid. In the first battle of the Missouri lakes, which lasted for September 17th to September 14th. In the end, nearly half a million Russian soldiers are brutally defeated by just over 200,000 German soldiers. 10,000 Germans are either killed, wounded or captured compared to 125,000 Russians. And this early battle sets the tone for how the rest of the war is going to go for Nicholas and Russia.

By the end of the war, Russia would lose nearly 2 million soldiers, another 2.5 million would be taken captive for go missing, and nearly another five million would be wounded. So they didn't do well. Well, we're one like at all. After losing hundreds of thousands of troops, Germany's superior military taxis to kick off the war, saw Nicholas, you know, he makes what might have been his worst mistake of his career.

And he's like, you know what, I'm gonna fucking, I'm gonna leave St. Petersburg. I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go do things myself out there. I'm gonna go to the front lines and be there with my troops and I'm really gonna steer this ship back in the right direction. Cause you know what? I played Sretigo several times when I was a kid. And you know, eventually you're gonna get that flag.

You know, sure you're gonna lose, you're gonna hit a few bombs, but eventually, so anyway, he goes there and he leaves his wife to hold the fort in Russia while he's waging war with Germany. And as the death toll mounts, Russian citizens are looking for a distraction initially from the war and Rasputin does provide some initial fun entertainment. His indulges is continue, as he uses drugs, drinking, he's enjoying prostitutes, he's

womanizing both the peasants and the Russian ability and continuing to brag, you know, all that Rasputin shit. And he really gets especially out of control after Nicholas leaves town. Like one night, for example, he's dining at a restaurant and he decides to whip his dick out. Not kidding. There's a bunch of stories about this. Uh, the same event, he just, um, Zips his pants,

just whips his dick out, and then, uh, he isn't like, whip it out and like, ha! And then snips, snep it back in, he's like, gotcha. No, he whips it out and leaves it out and then waves it around in front of the other diners while handing out cards that say love freely. He had to have been so hammered when he did that. He then declares that he shouldn't be shocked

or offended because he does it all the time with royals and then they don't care. You know, they don't have a problem with it. Zarina loves it when I whip him and dick out and hand out cards. So the Russian people are now really starting to wonder like what the fuck is going on? Further adding to the peasants concerns, Russia's cities are becoming plagued by shortages of food and clothing as the war

continues. Since the assassination attempt early on Russ Putin, Nicholas has been having him followed by Russian secret police. Some articles you come across say the secret police are following him to to build a case against him and convince Zarina who is his only true fan. You know, you get the feeling that Nicholas just tolerates his shit out of respect to his wife when we doors. You know, they're trying to convince her to toss him out of St. Petersburg for good. Other articles say the police are there for his safety so he doesn't get stabbed again.

Either way, these guys are taking notes and his behavior and he has gone full tiger blood Charlie Sheen. These are some of their notes. October 11th, Rasputin came home dead drunk at 1am, and assaulted the concierge's wife. October 12, 10pm, a woman, whose identity was not determined left abruptly, slammed in the apartment door. Rasputin opened it, laughed, slammed it again.

Rasputin came home dead drunk at 7am, smashed the pain of glass in the door. Rasputin sent for a masseuse when she refused to come. He sent for seamstress who came instead. December 1st, from the monastery, Rasputin visited a prostitute and took her to hotel. He visited the offices of two religious newspapers after, and then took another trupassitute home. Then that evening he went to the palace, the dark one,

walked around the streets late at night, accosting women with wild suggestions. At their visit in two prostitutes, he went to see the gold vets, the dark one left around 2 p.m. And again, higher their prostitute, they went to the bathhouse with her. I feel like if you could hear him say that he'd be like, again, more prostitutes, so many. Guys, fucking out of control. the secret police take their documentation to Zarina, uh, but they're quickly dismissed as is every other politician or friend who speaks out against the rest of Putin. She believes that her husband's enemies are spreading lies about resputing her son's protector trying to harm her family.

Meanwhile, while she's protecting him, you know, rumors of resputing strange sexual rituals are just spreading around town more. Weird sexual religious rituals are taking place. He'd flage late women sometimes, apparently, beating the sin out of them. And then he would let them access his holy dick to get closer to God. Just check this shit out. Wanda Cypill, Olga Larkina, became convinced that Rasputin was Christ and that she was the Holy Virgin. Check this sheet out. Skunk who demanded sin. Wow. It was not sex. It was... way to God.

It took everything which was terrible in their souls. They became absolutely clean. They became like children. They... like themselves in that moment. Because they were on the heaven. Wow. Man, dude had some serious game. My God.

No, uh, no, you're not giving me a blowjob. You're, no, you're, you're sucking your way to heaven. Oh, yeah, that's what you're doing. It might take us merely to condo it to God. Sure, I mean, sure, you may, you may start to hear me breath heavily and thrust my hips and finally orgasm, but I take no pleasure in this. I just get caught up in the ecstasy of our Lord. What a fucking scam this guy was running. Okay, well as the war drags on in 1915 and 1916, Rasputin continues to behave like an insane sex at it. In St. Petersburg, the casualties continue to mount up for Nicholas's armies, wartime inflation and shortages quadruple the price of bread Vladimir Lenin is publishing communist propaganda from outside the nation commencing more and more Russians that the war is part of some just an imperialistic agenda and yet another example of why the monarchy

must be overthrown. The royals of Russia with the lone exception of Zarina can begin to see the writing on the wall a revolution is brewing. Rasputin is partly to blame. Many believe he has brought the devil into the Russian royal court and he's to blame for Russia's troubles. The citizenry they're losing more and more faith in the decision making abilities of the Zaren Zaren by the day. By the end of 1916, panic is starting to set in and St. Petersburg.

You know, goods and fuel for for heat are running scarce. The rest putan distraction isn't funny anymore. Germany is slaughtering their sons, fathers and husbands for the third year in a row. As their German bread, Zaren in a nept Zar, you know, continue to stand by Rasputin. And they still don't know why they still don't know about Alexei. You know, Rasputin himself begins to believe at this point that he's going to be a sassanity. He makes some financial arrangements for his wife and kids. He writes a letter to the Zar expressing his fear for his own life and

ends up making an eerily accurate dark prediction that we're going to run in two later for the royal family as well. Now he says, I shall devote this life before January 1st. If one of your relatives causes my death, then none of your children will remain alive for more than two years. And if they do, they will beg for death as they will see the defeat of Russia, see the antichrist coming, plague, poverty, destroyed churches,

and death-secrated sanctuaries where everyone is dead. of Russia, see the Antichrist coming, plague, poverty, destroyed churches, and desecrated sanctuaries where everyone is dead. The Russians are, you will be killed by the Russian people, and the people will be cursed, and will serve as the devil's weapon, killing each other everywhere. And then, in December of 1916, a few Russians decide to take matters in their own hands, and rid Mother Russia of its devil, Rasputin. Rasputin's death is perhaps the most legendary story told about him, out of all the things we've talked about.

So let's hop out of this timeline and really examine it with a closer look. It's also unbelievable, but true. Till next time, suckers. Okay, so let me just open the examination of Rasputin's death by saying the story. I will tell maybe true, partially true, or most alleged. Exactly how he died and who exactly killed Rasputin is definitely still disputed. A 2004 BBC documentary claimed that a British secret agent, Oswald Rainer killed Rasputin, shooting him

in the head at close range. Rainer was a MI6 agent. The agency that inspired James Bond, the motive. Well, apparently the British were not extremely concerned about Rasputin's or not extremely happy about Rasputin's displacement of pro-British ministers. While Nicholas is out in the front lines, the Rasputin is back in St. Petersburg convincing Alexandria and to get rid of various politicians who are kind of pro-British, people he doesn't care for in the Russian government. More concerning for them is that he's insisting on that they should withdraw Russian troops from World War I, which would not help at all the British war efforts.

Raymer, New Prince Felix, the guy who most people think killed Russ Putin, and he may have been present on the night of Russ Putinuthin's murder. So there is that. And there are all of the findings of the autopsy report on Russ Puthin that where no tracers of cyanide were found in his autopsy, the man who supposedly supplied the poison that was used to try and kill Russ Puthin, Dr. Lazovert, confessed on his deathbed that last minute conscience and his hypocritic oath made him switch from arsenic to a harmless substance. The last second autopsy reports also indicate that Rasputin was dead before being tossed in the river, which contradicts this legend. But for our episode, let's go with the story Prince

Felix told. This is the most common story about how Rasputin died. This is the legendary one. The one definitely most associated, most often associated with his death. And the one that Prince Felix would write about later in memoirs. So let's, let's have some phone with it. All right, so December 16th, 1916. There's a 29 year old prince with the apparent ringleader of Rasputin's assassination, Prince Felix, you supau, from member of the Tsar's family,

husband to the Tsar's niece, man set to inherit the largest fortune in all of Russia. And he was known to be an avid drug user. He was a partier, he threw extravagant parties And he was known to be an avid drug user. He was a partier. He throw extravagant parties. And he was married to a stony woman named Irina. But even a spoiled, rich lazy aristocrat has his breaking point. Prince Felix recruits the Grand Duke, Demetri Pavlovich, the Tsar's first cousin, and they begin conspiring

with an up and coming right wing politician named Vladimir Pyrrish Kavish. So Felix and Pavlovich had had an alpha-vrest, Putin damaging their family's reputation, and purish, Kovish seized him as a danger to the overall health of the nation. They talk loudly of their plan, as their plotting, everyone who will listen, no attempted secrecy is being made because they want their name cemented in history

as the saviors of Russia when they killed a son of a bitch. And really, there is no need to be too secret about it, other than the Zarina, other than maybe Alexey, you know, and the strange gullible women using his dick as a conduit to the Lord and the weird sex rituals, almost everybody else wants this fucking guy dent. Well, on the first available night that the Grand Duke is available, Rasputin is invited to a party in the basement of Prince Felix's palace. They played a Rasputin sexual appetite by promising that he's going to get a chance to meet his beautiful wife, Irina. And if you're wondering, why would this dude just offer up his wife? Why would this, you know, super rich prominent Russian citizen

offer his wife up to have sex with Rasputin? And why would Rasputin believe that? Well, it was widely known that Prince Felix was gay. Everybody aristocratic circles knew this, and there's wife was essentially just a business partner, and just to make him look good to the Russian peasants who may not understand and it's not like Rasputin cared about sleeping with people's wives. I mean this is due to his gonna heal fuck almost anything. They know that he has heard rumors of the drugs and the drinking that the prince is known for so they make it known that you know there's gonna be plenty of wine. It's gonna be drug available. Couldn't find one type of drug they have. I'm guessing somewhere in opium since he was addicted to paying killers. It's gonna be drug available. Couldn't find one type of drug they have. I'm guessing someone were opium since he was addicted to painkillers. They capitalize on Rasputin's constant desire to be amongst the elite and it was known

to have a voracious appetite for sweets. So they use this to your advantage. You know, it's gonna be, ah, man, there's gonna be lots of pastries, dude. There's gonna be so many cakes. Yeah, come over. It's gonna be a great party. There's gonna be my wife. There's gonna have sex to you and there's gonna be so many cakes.

With a grand duke and Prince Felix, they spiked the wine and the desserts with cyanide. And then they turn on, this is my favorite detail of the whole thing. And then they turn on their one record when he wants music. And they have one Yankee Doodle Dandy, as they wait for their guests. Such a weird detail. And by the way, Yankee Doodle Dandy is this silly bullshit. If you don't, if you don't remember this song, Mm-hmm. What a good one, right? Oh boy, what a great tune to listen to it a party.

Ah. Mm-hmm. Uh-huh. Uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, So listen to that shit, unrepeat apparently. That just makes the whole story even weirder. He's listening to Yankee Dittled Andy on repeat. I wonder whose idea it was to have that record available. I hope it was one of the guys idea. Like maybe like one of the guys just never had a good idea. You know, like Prince Felix is like,

okay, I got, I'm gonna all offer up my wife. That's gonna get that sexual degenerate into my basement. And then the grand duke, Demetri, you know, Pavlovich is like, yeah, yes, that's perfect, perfect. And I, I will cater it with decadent treats because we know he loves treats, right? And then Vladimir, purish, Kovitch is like, oh, God, there's a good idea. I got a good idea too. I think I will, I will bring, I will bring over Yankee Doodle Dandy. I'll bring over that just that one record who doesn't love that hot new song Who doesn't want to be a Yankee Doodle Dandy?

Neither dudes like Yeah, that's yeah Good. Yeah, good idea's usual Vladimir Anyway, Raspene arrives. He instantly begins to eat the sweets set out drink the wine He's anxiously waiting to meet Irina. Such a weird thing to hang in at with some dude. I have my wife will be here in a second, have sex to you. Felix is hanging out with him downstairs, making him excuses about why Irina is running late. So awkward, you know, I'm so sorry that you're not fucking my wife yet. I feel terrible. She'll

be here soon. She, oh, and she cannot wait to sleep with you. Of course not. I mean, look at your filthy beard and greasy hair and crazy eye thing. You've got going on. What woman, what woman doesn't want to just be swedily humped by a drugged out, dirty transient? The other two dudes apparently are waiting upstairs for us, put into die from the poison. He eats and drinks like two hours. Nothing happens. So either he immune, or more likely, you know, maybe that what that doctor said was true. Maybe he really didn't give him a real cyanide, which that one is hilarious to me. Because then these two guys are just pacing around upstairs while Felix is downstairs, just, why is he fucking dead?

How was he not dead? Did you put the cyanide in the gingerbread? Yeah, put the cyanide in the gingerbread. Did you put it in a local cake? Yes! Did you put it in the red-caron kissle? The pastilla? Yes.

All the fucking cookies and cakes have a sign on it. That's a kill horse. One glass of wine should kill a horse. And that decadent son of a bitch has had 10 cookies. And five cakes and five candies and seven cups of wine. And he's not even looking pasty. He's not even sweating and sweaty. And peak-ish, he's peeking. He's the devil.

He's the devil. He'll protect him. Felix is panicky. Rasputin is growing impatient. He's about to leave. Right? Felix is feeling sick. Like, who can survive this much cyanide?

Remember, these superstitious people, you know, they're fascinated with the occult with science and spiritualism. You know, they think he's the antichrist. They think the demons are protected him. They're scared out of their minds. Felix can't wait any longer. He doesn't want to risk him to go in.

He doesn't want him to have him leaving. So Felix goes upstairs and he retrieves the gun. He goes back down to the basement. And according to the written record, Prince Felix finds Res Putin downstairs admiring an ornate crucifix. And he's like, ah-ha, now I kill him. Because that crucifix is gonna get the demon

to calm down the poison eaten demon. He's gonna calm down. And God's giving me this win. And he takes a shot and he hits him. He shoots, rest, putin' falls to the floor, Felix runs upstairs, shouting. Like I did it, he's all happy, they've killed,

they even like, you know, they make drinks, they're celebrating upstairs. Finally, this poison eaten son of a bitch is gone. They've saved Mother Russia. Well, few rounds of drinks later, Prince Felix returns the basement. You know, maybe it's a good idea just to confirm he's dead. Let's go check out a little rest, putin'. And he leans over the body, Prince Felix returns the basement. Yeah, maybe it's a good idea just to confirm he's dead. Let's go check out a little Rasputin.

And he leans over the body, that's legend has it. And when he leans over the body, Rasputin opens his eyes and says, bad boy. And then tries to strangle the prince. God, I hope that's true. That's like out of a fucking B-hor movie. This guy who's been shot in the poisons starts trying to strangle him.

Felix is losing his mind. He's squealing, trying to get away. Right. He finally, he breaks free. He's running around upstairs. All the guys are freaking out now. One story says that he ran into his mom's bathroom, vomit, and passes out. And I so hope all of this, I hope all of this. What a fantastic scene that would just pandemonium. The devil's alive down stairs. They can't be boys and they can't be shot, it can't be killed, you got three grown Russian men, undoubtedly all crying, stumbling over themselves. I feel like it's like a fucking three-stugious movie at this point. Just, ah, what do we do? What do we do? What the devil will kill us all? I picture him just like running around, running around corners, and like bonking into each other, then falling down, and then screaming more, you know, and slapping

each other, just like total slapstick may ham out the stairs. Well, Felix claims that he recovers a short time after passing out. These guys get their courage back up, they go back downstairs to finish off our raspy, and then he's missing. It's head up, make it even, like, what the fuck? How was he? How are you going? And then now they're apparently Rasputin tries to escape out of the courtyard. And then Purish Kovitch, he takes the gun to the politician, starts firing wildly Rasputin,

hits him twice. Twice more, Rasput' files to the ground, and then Felix, Felix, Prince Felix, who's apparently holding a rubber truncheon, which is basically like a Russian Billy Club, that's where he took out, you know? You got a purish cabbage, has the gun, and then Felix has the Billy Club,

and he just leaps on, rest putin' and just starts beating the shit out of him with this fucking Billy Club thing. And then the three men, after they feel like he okay, gotta be dead now. They drag his body back into the house, they get some rope, you know, after they feel like he okay, it's gotta be dead now. They drag his body back into the house, they get some rope, you know, and they start tying him up just because they're gonna go dump him in the river to be absolutely certain he's dead.

And apparently they say that like, what's their time him up, he's still alive. Like he wakes up again, he's fucking wheezing, he's staring at him out of his one eye, not swollen, swollen shut from the beating. So they throw a cloth over him, they don't wanna look at him anymore, he's creeping him to fuck out.

They wrap him up in the cloth, they throw him in a car, drive him to the frozen Niva River, and dump him through the ice. Well, days later, Rasputin's body is found and legend has it. One of his hands has managed to wiggle free from the binding and there's still water in his lungs, which means that he was still alive when he tossed him in the river. And that's the story that's lived on. That's the story Prince Felix wrote about and claimed,

and I hope it's true. Still entertaining. The story that's lived on. That's the story Prince Felix wrote about and claimed, and I hope it's true. Still entertaining. The story has become legend. And before we wrap up the whole tale of Resputin, with what happened to Russia after he dies and the royal family that protected him, let's check in before we get out of here

with some idiot to the internet. [♪ Music playing in the background, music playing in the background, music playing in the background, music playing in the background, music playing in the background, music playing in the background, music playing in the background, music playing in the background, music playing in the background, music playing in the background, music playing in the background, music playing in the background, music playing in the background, music playing in the background, music playing in the background, music playing in the background, music playing in the background, music playing in the background, music playing in the background, music playing in the background, music playing in the background, music playing in the background, music playing in the background, music playing in the background, music playing in the background, music playing in the background, music playing in the background, music playing in the background, music playing in the background, music playing in the background, music playing in the background, music playing in the background, music playing in the background, music playing in the background, music playing in the background, music playing in the background, music playing in the background, music playing in the background, music playing in the background, music playing in the background, music playing in the background, music playing in the background, music playing in the background, music playing in the background, music playing in the background, music playing in the background, music playing the background, music playing in the background, music playing the background, music playing in the background, music playing in the background, music playing the background, music playing in the background, music playing in the background, music playing in the background, music playing the background, music playing the background, music playing in It is an adventure that gets from that. If you want to find the most entertaining comments about any given topic, I think you just need to add the word conspiracy to the topic title when you search for videos. I found this next great little thread under a video called Who Really Killed Rest Puten posted by a channel called All-Time Conspiracies after googling rest putin conspiracies.

Halfway down the comment section, user Bail Wolfenstein asked two years ago, who gives a fuck about this shit? This is history. We're ahead of this. Did you guys know that there are islands on our planet that humans haven't stepped foot in? Let's talk about that shit. I love, I love the line, this is history. We're ahead of this. What a unbelievably ignorant line of thought. Just bro, it already happened. Why are we talking about it still? We're, bro, we're ahead of it. Why can't we only talk about things in front of us, bro? Things that might still happen. What, who ever learned anything

from something that happened? Who cares if the best world leaders ever consistently studied history to avoid mistakes of the past and repeat them Fuck that. I want to talk about islands, bro. Talk about something. Let's talk about some islands, bro User snarph and Dorf immediately responds with some some comment gold saying those who not learn from history are doomed to repeat it Did your mother know you're using the computer? Oh Snarph and Dorf well played well played. I love it. Does your mother know you're using the computer? Oh, Snariff and Dorf well played. Well played, I love it. Does your mother know you're using the computer?

Snap, mic drop, beautiful comment. Bail Wolfenstein responds with something that makes me think he really is using his mom's computer and she probably doesn't know. He just writes back, shut up, you fat skank. Wow, when you don't have the wit, form an intelligent response, just call it people stuff like fat and skank.

You silly child. Well, user, LJVids immediately stands up for snorfendorf, writing, aw, did someone's feelings get hurt? Poor little baby. Do you want me to go get your mommy? Poor little thing? Yes, throw a little salt in that mommy wound.

You know he can't stand it. You know the one Bale Wolfenstein read that. He became immediately enraged. Just try to fuck up. I'll live with my mommy. Okay, well, okay, maybe I do, but not forever. Ha ha. I have my own plays by Diamond Forty-Vive, for sure.

Well, before Bale Wolfenstein responds, so many other users pile on saying stuff like, why are you watching this video then? LOL, Internet troll is bad. Go back to your basement and my little pony marathon. And are you stupid? You can't have a conspiracy without history. And this is a conspiracy channel, not a science channel. What do unvisited islands have to do with conspiracies?

Well, Baal Wolfenstein doesn't listen to any of this. He doubles down in his original position, right? He's not gonna fucking hear it. He says, bro, I wanna talk about the universe. I don't know if I'm fighting me right now. He says, bro, I wanna talk about the universe. I don't know if I'm funny in me right now. He says, bro, I wanna talk about the universe and rocket ships, futuristic stuff. Not sure that happened a long time ago.

We are ahead of that. Bro, I love that. Bro, how many times I have to say it? We're ahead of it. Oh, I love you just keep saying that, is if someone's gonna finally come back, like, you know what, bail wolf and Stein? You're right.

I was thinking about it and we are ahead of that. Why are you even talking about sure we're ahead of? Talk about fucking islands and rocket ships and stuff, you know, I get it now. And again, various users gang up, rightfully so against bail wolf and Stein, you know, saying stuff like you can't make a conspiracy without anything to happen, because to have a conspiracy, you are a stupid fucking idiot and referring

to the YouTube channel name, it's called all-time conspiracies for a reason. And you are a terrible troll. Why can't you just go watch Blues Clues and get ready for school tomorrow? I love that one too. Because you know that like after the first, he, that made him so mad. Just I'm not a baby. I never watched Blues Clues. God damn it.

Finally, Beowulf and Signed Jumpson for one last comment. He signs off with, keep up with my comments, and you'll for sure lose your face and humanity. You know that there's no smile on his face. I just typed that, you know? Just probably typed it, mumbling to himself,

just took a history. We're ahead of it, bro. I just wanna talk about islands and wronged gyms. I'm gonna go with another conspiracy theory for the next and final idiot today. This is user Mark Mahannits, who one year ago, under a YouTube post, you have an episode of Discovery Channel series that most evil men in history,

the arrest Putin episode, wrote, you are full of rubbish and contradictory lies. You are covering up for the Brits from murdering him. Here's why this is preposterously idiotic. The murder of Rasputin, as you know, occurred over a hundred years ago, just over. Anyway, even remotely involved in that murder, even if there was a secret British assassination,

are long dead. Not only that, the entire empire that protected Rasputin is gone. The regime that would take over after the death of Rasputin, the Bolsheviks, the Communists, that included Lenin, Stalin, they're gone. Basically, there's no one left to hide the cover up from. If Britain announces definitively tomorrow, hey everybody, we killed Rasputin in 1916. For sure, we did it guilty.

No one outside of a few historians will give a shit. This is where conspiracy theorists fuck up so often. Right, they're hiding the truth from us. Okay, maybe they are, but why? Why are they? Right, always ask yourself why. What does someone have to gain from this particular truth being hidden?

And if no one has anything to gain from suppressing the information, it's not a closely guarded conspiracy, right? At least not any more, just fucking nonsense. But some dipshit like Mark Mann, it's not a close-e-guardous conspiracy, right? At least not any more just fucking nonsense. But some dipshit, like Mark Man, it's actually thinks, if we believe his statement that some documentary filmmakers and some discovery channel execs who made this are in a media room somewhere, just going, guys, guys, something just came up. There's been a lot of chatter online lately about Russ Putin being killed by the British

government by British spy. So we have to make up some new propaganda. I think you see where I'm going with this ASAP. Do you, do you understand what's at stake here? If the Russian people find out that the bridge killed Russ Puten, it's World War three. Okay, Puten's gonna nuke London immediately. Trump is gonna nuke London and Moscow and North Korea,

and everyone else, because he's gonna panic and he's just gonna push all the red buttons Mutant zombies are gonna rule the land We're gonna be dragged from our homes by goddamn nuke zombies and probably raped Oh god Guys I can't I can't get raped by nuke zombie. That's too much Fucking hate nuke zombies and their constant rapin and and the brain eating think about that They're brains. They're breaking my dog's brains. They're pregnant. My dog's brain.

They're pregnant. I'm gonna rape my dog. I need this brain. So you know what? Unless you want your dog raped by a brain eating nuke zombie, you better put out an episode about how Russian nobles were definitely responsible for killing, and resputing, and not the brits.

I'm gonna lie down now. Alright, enough nonsense for today. Let's finish off with Putin's tale. It is an adventure that is an adventure that is an adventure. So, Brit murder or Prince Felix murder, Rasputin is definitely dead at the end of 1916. And the Roman office, not far behind. Remember Rasput's prediction?

If I'm killed by my brothers, you have nothing to fear. If it is your relation to have brought to my death and none of your family will remain alive for more than two years, they will all be killed by the Russian family. Well three months after Raspi's death, a St. Petersburg bread riot breaks out on March 18, 1917, and it triggers a Russian revolution. People are sick of the war, sick of the Zars, sick of food shortages, Nicholas II. He's losing the loyalty of the Russian people. It basically completely lost it.

He lost the loyalty of the military, even St. Petersburg politicians, by refusing to relinquish any of his autocratic power and allowing the Russian Duma or parliament, established 1906 as an advisory and legislative board, to reduce the power of the Zar and allow for a new style of government, closer to that of Britain's, for example,

to help govern the empire. So like everyone is against the Zar and Zar Reena now. And when the people of St. Petersburg and Rage by perceived red shortage, the people revolt and the revolution begins that would put the Bolsheviks in power and usher out the Russian Empire imperialistic days. Now it's going to be the new era of communism. Well, a few weeks later, after this riot, Nicholas advocates the throne, hands it over to his brother, doesn't even want to son and take it, hands it over to his brother, doesn't even want to son take it, hands it over to Grand Duke Michael, who also declines it.

Nicholas appeals to the UK for asylum and is denied. He and his family had to a governor's mansion in the year-olds to ride out with their still hoping might just be a temporary uprising. You know, they won't be there's already more if the things, you know, when things settle down possibly, but at least they'll be alive. By March of 1918, the Roman office are still hiding and now subsisting on government rations, right?

A final taste of the Roman medicine, finally feeling what it feels like to live in the economic climate they've helped create. By the end of April, the Romanos are transferred to their final residence by the Bolsheviks, who are now consolidating power, formerly in Russia, taking to a little two-story house to the town of Yekat-e-Euringburg. Yekat-euringburg, on the night of July 16th, the entire family is shot and bayoneted to death by an execution squad. Fulfilling, Rasputin's prediction that the Romanovs would not last two years,

and the entire family would die if he was killed by Russian nobles. So there it is, the wild tale of Rasputin, the mad monk. What a crazy tail it is, right? A lot of lessons in it. I'm not totally sure what all of them are. Maybe never let it dood. Her perpetually, who perpetually has food in his beard and smells like an old goat.

Maybe never let him fuck your friends and come in and out of your house at will if you're even remotely concerned about public reputation. Right, that might be a lesson. Maybe don't let the guy help run the country. If you happen to be a world leader, it's probably another. Maybe if you are that guy, the lesson is always pack a weapon. If you're going to go to a buddy's house, sleep with his wife, and don't eat or drink anything, he isn't also eating or drinking. Maybe don't whip your

dick out in restaurants is a lesson. Maybe don't do that ever. Maybe that's not a good way to get people to be on your side. I mean, I think it's funny. I think it's very funny, but probably not. I'm probably the minority on that one, you know's not a good way to get people to be on your side. I mean, I think it's funny. I think it's very funny, but probably not. I'm probably the minority on that one, you know, uh, what I really wonder the most with this story is, did he really have some sort of mythical healing powers? Or was he a complete charlatan? Like, was he a hundred percent con man? Maybe only 50% con man, maybe 0%.

I don't know. Maybe he really believed his, uh, dick was worth worshipping. Maybe he was just, you know, out for sex. Maybe he really believed you could send your way into grace. Maybe he could heal, at least believed you could heal. I don't know, maybe somehow that dude did tap into something. I just don't understand. I will say again, I know I said twice already,

when you look at his eyes, it does make you think of some paranormal possibilities. God, he has weird eyes. And they're like, powerfully odd in a photo. Again, I just can't imagine how powerful they would be in real life. I don't know. You know, maybe he derived his power from the great Nimrod, God of Time, Suck, and Possessor

of Resputin. Maybe Nimrod is super horny for Russian women. That says one earthly weakness, Russian women, and alcohol, and painkillers, and sweets and candies and cakes. Okay, so he has a few earthly weaknesses, but Russian women, especially Russian peasant women in their giant babuskas, that's the main one. It's a hail Nimrod. I know not his ways, but Rasputin may have known them all too well.

He gave Rasputin his healing and sexual powers, he gave Michael motherfucking McDonald his golden angel voice, and he gave Bulljangles, immortality, and invincibility. It all makes sense in an incredibly convoluted nonsense away. Alright, enough Nimrod. Enough! Let's take five more quick looks at Rasputin with our top five takeaways. Time suck! Top five takeaways!

Number one, two factors open the door of the Tsar to the peasant Rasputin. A current obsession amongst Russian nobility with spirituality and the cult and the sole heir to the Russian empire being in curable hemophilia. How has James Wan not directed some awesome horror movie about a sick heir to the Russian throne and his possibly demonic protector? Come on, get busy Hollywood.

Let's remix more rest putin. Number two, rest putin convinced numerous women that, you know, having sex with him and having groups sex to tip was a way of getting closer to God. Putting him in the manipulative Pam Paula fame alongside Jim, I'm satanizing you for your sake Jones. Number three, rest putin was one stab and almost killed by a noeseless former prostitute, which sounds crazy, but does make way more sense to be in stab by a noeseless woman prostitute, which sounds crazy, but does make way more sense than being stabbed by a noeseless woman who's currently a prostitute.

I'm not trying to be cruel. I'm not, but I'm just thinking realistically, it's going to be pretty hard to get work as a prostitute if you don't have a nose. Maybe not as important as vagina, but I would say like top 10, you know, things you should have as a prostitute. Number four, not only did Rasputin have sex with the crazy man of women, but he also directly led to the downfall of its imperialistic rulers, which opened the door for communism, which led to millions and millions of Russian deaths and hundreds of millions of oppressed

lives. So really, in the end, Rasputin kind of fucked all of Russia. Number five, new info. Rasputin's dick. Let's talk about it. You've no even wondering about it. If you've heard about this guy, why does the museum of erotica in St. Petersburg claim to have it? How did they get it? First off, the dick has the dick in the museum is over 11 inches long. Limp, limp, supposedly over 13 inches long when erect. I don't know how they know that. No wonder

some of these women thought it was a conduit to God on the side. They'd never seen anything like it. 13 inches over twice as long as the average penis. You know, and roughly half the size of both jangles as penises or so you keep telling me. No wonder the dude was so confident. He had a third leg wrapped up underneath his munchrout. And why does it supposedly still exist? Well, historians doubt that it actually does.

But if it does, here are the legends. One is that before being tossed and was written in the river, in addition to being beaten, supposedly Rasputin was mutilated to the home of Prince Felix, like his dick was torn off, and it made found it the next day, which is weird. You would think one of the three conspirators would have remembered to throw ways dick,

to put in the trash, but to be fair, they had a long night, took a long time trying to kill them. They're tired and they forgot his dick. And the maid supposedly kept it because, you know, hey, it's not every day you find a huge severed penis on the floor, I guess. Another rumor is that a former lover took his dick

from the morgue after they recovered his body from the morgue and I guess whoever got it thought, I'm gonna put this in a jar and preserve it. Another rumor is that by the 1920s, a group of well-to-do Russian women living in Paris had the dick, they got ahold of it and essentially met regularly to worship it. That's a hell of a dick.

One that gets worshiped by groups of women years after your death. A different alleged resputent dick turned out to be a dried out sea cucumber in a separate collection. The 90s, is this one the real member? I don't know. Head to St. Petersburg, if you're curious. You know, finally, the perpetual sixth grader living inside of me thinks it's hilarious that his alleged dick is is kept in a town called St. Petersburg. So, Cube, Beavison, but head left now.

Time suck, tough, five take away. All right, suckers. Time suckers five take away All right suckers time suckers suck heads. We did it another second the suck can thanks to all you suckers who were Who headed out to Tampa this past week? Rocking some suck shirts making in the great couple days. I appreciate it very much. I always love seeing those in the audience makes me feel so good Hope to see some east coast suckers. Maybe some upstate suckers next week in Syracuse I'm also going to be the Syracuse. Yeah yeah, a funny bone. Or I'm going to be, and I'll be weird to say I'm going to be in Syracuse. And also, of course, that's why I'm in Syracuse. Syracuse is to be at the Syracuse funny bone, August 17-20.

I'm going to be at the Irvine improv, August 24-27, Southern California, at the Omaha, Nebraska, funny bone, August 31, September 3. And I got dates in Portland, Spokane, Washington, Madison, Denver, Grand Rapids, Michigan, and more coming up before the end of the year. And Ticket still on sale for the first ever live recording at Time Suck. You know what? I'm going to be at the Hollywood improv in the lab. Thursday, October 5th, show starts at 7.30 pm.

Doors open at 7. Tickets are only 15 bucks. Please support this event if you can. The ticket link is going to be in the episode description on the podcast player and at timesockpodcast.com. And please follow the suck on social media for reminders about events like this. Previews of upcoming episodes, more polls in the future. At timesock podcast on Instagram, Twitter,

slash timesock podcast on Facebook. And next week, next week we go modern. We've been looking back for a while. Next week, let's go paranormal. Let's go slender man. Slender man. How did this modern internet monster convince two 12-year-old girls

to stab another 12-year-old girl almost to death in Wisconsin in 2014? Why did the legend of this creature go so viral? What even is this legend? Who created this eerie slender specter that encourages kids to kill each other? Will the two 12-year-old attackers now 15 each be found guilty of attempted murder at their trial? The scheduled for this fall? Let's figure out the hell the deal is. With the digital

folklore, the spawned a viral web series, online games, independent films, and so much more why slender man? What we're going to find out? It's been requested numerous times. I've heard about it countless times. Again, the about it countless times. Again, the trial is coming up soon and I'm just tired of not knowing what the hell Slenderman is all about. So until next week, stay curious. Keep your weeners in your pants.

Stay away from wild-eyed mystics. Never worship a weener in a jar, especially in groups as the weirdest. And you know, just uh... keep on sucking!