Timesuck with Dan Cummins - 72 - The Colonial Devastation of Africa

Episode Date: January 29, 2018

Before this week I knew very little about Africa’s history. It’s a continent of many nations, nations whose boundaries and governments are near constantly in some state of transition. It’s a beautiful continent rich in wildlife, natural resources, and culture but suffering under perpetual war, famine, and chaos. There are currently 15 African countries experiencing either war or post war tension. Why? Well, turns out the trouble has a lot to do with good ol’ fashioned European imperialism. We know something about that here in America. It’s how our own nation was formed. So let’s learn more about the continent you, in all likelihood, know less about than other continents - Africa. Africa’s history is fascinating - and we explore much of it today, on Timesuck. You can now signup to become a Space Lizard!!! https://www.patreon.com/timesuckpodcast . Sign up through Patreon and for $5 a month to listen to the Secret Suck, which will drop Thursdays at Noon, PST, starting Feb. 8th. Starting Feb. 1st, you will get 20% off of all regular Timesuck merch PLUS access to exclusive Space Lizard merch. You will also get to vote on two Monday topics each month via the app. Voting for the following month's 1st Monday topic will end midnight PST on the previous month, and voting for the following month's third Monday topic will end on Midnight PST on the last day of the month. And you get a new comedy album delivered on Feb. 1st, Feel the Heat! Speaking of new comedy albums... Merch - https://badmagicmerch.com/ Want to try out Discord!?! https://discord.gg/tqzH89v Want to join the Cult of the Curious private Facebook Group? Go directly to Facebook and search for "Cult of the Curious" in order to locate whatever current page hasn't been put in FB Jail :) For all merch related questions: https://badmagicmerch.com/pages/contact Please rate and subscribe on iTunes and elsewhere and follow the suck on social media!! @timesuckpodcast on IG, @timesuckpodcast on Twitter, and www.facebook.com/timesuckpodcast CHICAGO! Zanies Comedy Club in Rosemont January 31st - Feb.3rd. CLICK HERE FOR TIX! NYC - One night only at Gotham. Feb. 11th. 7:30PM. CLICK HERE FOR TIX! For Atlanta, Nashville, Birmingham, Houston, Dallas, San Francisco, and all other standup tour dates - go to the new www.dancummins.tv

Before this week, I knew very little about Africa's history. It's a continent of many nations, nations whose boundaries and governments are near constantly in some state of transition. It's a beautiful continent, rich in wildlife, natural resources, and culture, but suffering under perpetual war, famine, and chaos. Currently, the United Nations recognizes 54 nations in Africa, so does the African Union, however, they don't recognize the same 54 nations in Africa. So does the African Union. However, they don't recognize the same 54 nations. For example, Morocco is part of the United Nations, but not a member of the African Union.

The recently created region of Western Sahara is recognized by the African Union, but not by the United Nations. And a lot of these 54 nations are real new. Namibia just left South Africa in 1990 Eritrea left Ethiopia in 1993 South Sudan left Sudan not even a decade ago in 2011 and there could soon be several other countries voicing their independence very very soon Due to numerous civil wars currently raging in Africa. There are currently 15 African countries Experiencing either war or post-war tension. Why is there so much turmoil?

Well, the turmoil isn't new. It's been going on for a while in Africa, and a lot of it has to do with some good old fashion European imperialism. We know something about that here in America. It's how our nation was formed. So how was Africa carved up into the nations we know of today? Well, it all started in the late 1800s. When Europe decided to stop taking African slaves

and instead just take the whole fucking continent. And Africans today are still dealing with the repercussions of that decision. So let's learn more about the continent, you and all likelihood know less about than other continents. Africa. Africa's history is fascinating and we explore much of it today on TimeSuck. Happy Monday TimeSuckers and soon to be Space Lizards? Hail Nimrod, Praise Bojangles, Keep an eye on Lucifina, stay away from Ticotilo and enjoy

the smooth, soft rock sounds at Triple M in James England. I'm Dan Cummins, aka the Master of Suckage, aka Suckedmas Prime, aka the Great Honorable Lord Master of Suck, Dr. Reverend Professor King Cummins Magnificent, Magnificent Esquire the First. I love the stuff you suckers cook up each week when you send in your messages, and this is Time Suck. Recording from the Suck layer with producer and patriot Reverend Dr. Josh Crowe. Huge thanks to those of you who are signing up

for the Secret Suck and becoming space lizards. You breathe life into the Suck. You make all this possible. The first episode of the Secret Suck drops on Thursday, February 8th, why next week? And not this week. Well, to give you guys time to send in voice messages into the app to be incorporated

into the show. The secret suck will then drop Thursdays at noon Pacific time. To have a chance to have a message heard, be sure to get in your messages by the Monday at noon of that week. With my tour schedule, I'll probably be recording the secret suck on Tuesdays for that Thursday release. Give us time to edit it all together and get it ready. Hope you enjoy your new stand-up album that comes with membership by the way. Feel the heat.

Hope you're already enjoying the other new stand-up album. Maybe I'm the problem now on Pandora. Link in the episode description for both the Patreon sites, become a space lizard, get that album, feel the heat, and the new podcast, and also the free Pandora album. More details after today's tale. A couple quick tour announcements and then we're off and then we're off and running. Thanks to you, Philly suckers. Appreciate the awesome support. Congrats on those birds as well. Thanks to you, Baltimore suckers as well.

Making the goobies pop. Chicago, don't fuck up this weekend. Don't ruin it for everybody. January 31st through February 3rd, come to Zane's. It's an amazing comedy club. It's gonna be a good time. New York City got some comedy club one night only February 11th Detroit. February 16th at the Magic Bag in Ferndale with the, March, Second, and Third podcasts, sold out, tick-selling fast for the standup shows. More tour dates at dandcomans.tv,

more announcements at the end of the show, including time-soccer updates, and a snake preview of my second new 2018 standup album, Feel the Heat, that you can get for five bucks when you try out becoming a space lizard, and that's the only way you get it. And time now for the colonial devastation of Africa. [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪

All right, let's get into a little brief history of pre-colonial Africa. Africa by all accounts is probably where we all come from. So let's talk about the origins of culture on this continent before we dive into what happened to Africa starting in the 1800s. Let's get a feel for the continent's pre-colonial history first. The oldest evidence for human life on planet Earth has consistently come from Africa.

Maybe someday someone will have found a 5 million year old tomb or something in Arkansas or Saskatchewan or Costa Rica or the lost city of Atlantis. It will somehow be really in solological evidence to the contrary, but until new contrary info comes in, if in fact it ever does, we're all African. So suck on that white supremacist, you're African, deal with it. In this sense, I'm African American,

as are all Americans, if you trace your ancestors back far enough, finally, I get to be black in some small, small way that has likely involved zero historical exploitation. The eighth, greater in me, that has desperately wanted to be either Michael Jordan or Carl Malone could not be happier. I still kind of want to be Carl Malone sometimes, you know, or at least look like him. Have his physical strength. Dude was so strong, he's still so strong, he's pictures of him now, dude, dude's a beast. Alright, god, he was fucking great power forward. Through the most vicious elbow in NBA history,

no one pick and roll'd like the fucking mailman. Greatest NBA player never to win a championship all respect to Charles Barkley on that as well. I know he's also fantastic, but he's not the mailman to me. Okay, anyway, sorry. I know a lot of you could give two shits about sports. The earliest evidence of the existence of homeosapiens, homeosapiens, that's us by the way, comes

from some bones discovered last year in a cave 62 miles west of Marrakesh, Morocco near the very northwest tip of Africa. The bones, bones of a small clan of cave dwellers are estimated to be about 280 to 350,000 years old. In Eastern Africa, even older bones have been found that are alleged to belong to previous versions of the homogenous. A job bone fossil with five teeth still intact was unearthed in the Ethiopian desert in 2015, estimated to be 2.8 million years old. No other bones were found, so the rest of the skeleton

either completely decomposed or much weirder and very improbable, three million years ago, human beings didn't have bodies. We didn't even have the tops of our heads yet. That all came later, I guess. Three million years ago, we were just, you know, part of a jaw and a few teeth, which had to have been a hard way to live.

Tough to get around, even tougher to breed if you think about those logistics. Guesting the rest of the skeleton just dissolved as opposed to the jaw possibility. Hard to accomplish much in life and keep the species going when you're just part of a jaw. What this jawbone was found in 2013 in Northeastern Ethiopia is a far region

about 40 miles from where the remains of Lucy. One of the most famous fossils of a human ancestor were discovered in 1974. Lucy species, fucking crazy ass word, Australopithecus. Australopithecus. Aphorensis. Aphorensis, Aphorensis, Jesus Christ.

Immediately proceeded the whole way Jesus. Those are words you just, you know, you don't throw out a lot in just casual conversation. Hey, what do you guys wanna talk about? You wanna talk about the Super Bowl? Or do you want to talk about Australia Pithicus, Afro-Efforensis? Pryphable.

So, you know, things go way back in Africa. OG humans. In Africa, before I got all mishmashed by Europeans, had a lot of impressive ancient advanced cultures, like the Egyptians, who founded amongst other things, the Illuminati. They were the ones who made enough sacrifices to the devil to be else above to get that big floating eye to appear over the pyramids.

The eye of Sauron and the Dark Lord ruled them and gave rise to the Orcs who would try to kill the Hobbits. Wait, I got lost there. Okay, now the eye part was bullshit. Somehow I drifted for a bit into Lord of the Rings territory. Let's talk about ancient Egyptians. For some reason, when you search for ancient African civilizations, the Egyptians often don't come up, which I think is messed up.

Egypt is in Africa, for sure. I have checked several maps. I've double checked them. So logic would dictate that ancient Egyptians were Africans, because they were. Because they spread a tiny bit into Middle East, into the Middle East, interacted a great deal with Middle Eastern civilizations, they get lumped in with the Middle Eastern history sometimes. But now I'm a motherfucker African.

And no discussion of Africa's pre-colonial civilization would be complete without mentioning them. And the Egyptian culture goes way back. They had a standing army 2,000 years before the birth of Christ. They had a monarchy already. All right, it was the reign of King Amen. Amen God died these words

Amen. M. Hatt amen. Mett amen. Mett amen. Hatt whatever the first AMEM EMHA hat Fucking a hat. Oh King a hat Ancient Egypt I write these pronunciation things, but you know, when you fucking never use a word, I can put the pronunciation there as much as I want, but they won't, my, my, my eyes hit the word. It's like, what the king of what? Huh? Sorry, I'm not an Egyptian scholar. So I don't have those words just fucking dialed. Ancient Egypt unified as a culture sometime around 3100 BCE over 5,000

years ago. It was a preeminent civilization in the Mediterranean before the Romans rose to the higher their power before 3100 BCE, two cultures lived in the Nile River Delta, one in the North, one in the South. Legend holds that the southern king, the first scorpion king, the rock, dwayne, the rock, Johnston attempted to conquer the North in 3200 BCE. And he fucking WWE their asses. No, that was movie. But there was a guy named Scorpion King.

This is going on thousands of years before the Aztecs and the Incans are Incas civilization. It's going on almost 3,000 years before the beginning of Rome, essentially before the ancient Greeks. The only civilization we know of this older is in the cradle of civilization nearby present day Syria, Turkey, and Iran, the ancient Mesopotamians. And the Egyptians contributed so much to the evolution of humankind, right, there in Africa. Writing, right, the Egyptians, along with the Mesopotamians, were one of the first two cultures to develop a written language.

Paper, early paper, the Egyptians developed what was essentially the world's first paper, paparice, paparice. I didn't look at the pronunciation of that when I know what, I'm not going to stop. It's P-A-P-A-P-Y-R-U-S. You decide. Is it paparice? Is it papi-ris? Is it fucking nonsense? Is it fuck these words?

They developed the world's first paper, fuck these word sheets. The paparist plant, I hate this word right now, is a reed that grows in March years. This is a trouble when you're doing episodes that deal with multiple civilizations. You know, you get into a Germany episode, you're just like, all right,

I'm gonna lock and load some bullshit, German pronunciation in my head, and be good for today But then these ones were your bounce around you know my old brain my old noggin my old noggin melon It just can't ping pong to do good between these all these cultures, but anyway You know they grew this shit Plantations to make writing material the inside of the train triangular stock was cut or peeled in long strips He strips were then laid out in two layers, one horizontal, one vertical, and then pressed

and dried to form a sheet. How cool is that? They had old-school paper factories while the rest of the world was either banging some pictures into rocks, drawn on caves, maybe on cave walls, you know, or running around naked, hoping to spear some critter or banging on the head with a rock. That would be a rough way to hunt, by the way, just, you know, with a rock. I'm guessing if there was an ancient tribe that chose to hunt by the way, just, you know, with a rock? I'm guessing if there was an ancient tribe that chose to hunt that way, they probably died

out pretty quick. Chief, we want to try hunt new way. Me make knife. Me make sharp rock knife, tie it to stick, throw it critter. No, that is not the way of dodo people. Go grab big rock, chase critter. Bang on heads, bring back to eats. This is how we have survived for weeks could we at least make one sharp rock to cut up meat with

maybe try and start a fire to cook it no that is not dodo away we kill with rock then tear rock off with fingers eat what can get violently ill shit sells for hours anyway I feel like that I feel like that tribe was somewhere near you the Ukraine based on that weird accent. The Egyptians were not dodo's, the invented ink. The Egyptians mixed vegetable gum, suit, beeswax, make black ink. They replaced soot with other materials to make various colors. They revolutionized agriculture with the ox-tron plow.

What a good day for laborers and farmers that was, man. So many back-saved when they realized a giant, super strong, four-legged, walking nearly indestructible bulldozer and they were all in the same way. with the oxygen plow. What a good day for laborers and farmers that was, man, so many backsaved when they realized a giant, super strong forelegged, walking nearly an indestructible bulldozer was much better at tilling some acres than an injury prone biped. And they invented all kinds of stuff. Obelisk based sundials to tell time, the concept of private police forces, surgical instruments, suturing wounds, swabs, bandages, adhesive plaster, surgical stitches, cotterization, et cetera, bandages, adhesive plaster, surgical stitches,

cauterization, et cetera. They even invented an early form of toothpaste. And of course, you know, the whole pyramid thing, got to do some Egyptian sucks down the road to further digging to all this and deal with the pronunciation issues. I'm sure you guys are going to raise in your emails this week. All of that happened in Africa, thousands of years ago. In the Egyptians, we're not the only major African civilization. There was various other kingdoms, such as the Kingdom of Kush.

Right? There was the Kingdom of Kush and they stood as a regional power in Africa for over a thousand years and they invented weed, motherfucker, sweet, euphoric, Kush weed. The first coin, the term, high as fuck and they smoked so much weed, especially on 420. No, they did not. The Kingdom of Kush was an ancient Nubian empire that reached this peak in the second millennium BCE when it ruled over a vast swath of territory. Along the now river and what is now sedan, it was an important economic power that operated a lucrative market and ivory incense, iron, especially gold. The Kingdom was both a trading

partner and a military rival of Egypt, it even ruled Egypt as the 25th dynasty. And it adopted many of its neighbors' customs. The Kushites worshiped some of the Egyptian gods, mummified their dead, built their own types of pyramids. The area surrounding the ancient Kushite capital of Miro is now home to the ruins of over 200 pyramids more than in all of Egypt. It's Carthage, the ancient kingdom of Carthage,

best known as Rome's rival in the Punic Wars. Carthage was a North African commercial hub that flourished for over 500 years. The city state began its life in 8th or 9th century BCE as a Phoenician settlement and what is now Tunisia. Tunisia, but later grew into a sprawling seafaring empire that dominated trade in textiles, gold, silver, and copper, at its peak its capital city, boasts a nearly half-million inhabitants and included a protected harbor, outfitted with docking bays for 220 ships. Carthage's influence eventually extended from North Africa to Spain and parts of the

Mediterranean, but its thirst for expansion led to increased friction with the burgeoning Roman Republic and beginning of 264 BCE. The ancient superpower clashed in the three bloody punic wars. The last of which ended in 146 BCE with the near total destruction of Carthage. Today almost all that remains of the once mighty empire is a series of ruins in the city of Tunis. And then there's the Kingdom of Oxam. There's the Kingdom of Oxam.

During the same period that the Roman Empire rose and fell, the influential Kingdom of Oxam during the same period that the Roman Empire rose and fell, the influential Kingdom of Oxam held sway over parts of what is now Eritrea and Northern Ethiopia. Surprisingly little is known about Oxam's origins, but by the second and third centuries AD, I guess CE, it was a trading juggernaut whose gold and ivory made a divided link between the ancient Europe and Far East. The Kingdom had a written language, one of the first to emerge in Africa, and it developed a distinct architectural style that involved the building of massive stone obelis, some of which stood over a hundred feet tall.

In the fourth century, Oxon became one of the first empires in the world to adopt Christianity, which led to a political and military alliance with the Byzantines. That, by the way way is the correct American pronunciation for that word. It's fucking take it easy, Brits. You cool, your imperial pronunciation jets. I know I've been criticized in the past for that one,

so I did do extra research. Yeah, it can be Byzantine, I think is another way to say it, but I don't fucking, I'll play that game. All right, the empire later went into a decline sometime around the seventh or eighth century, but it's religious legacy. It still exists today in the form of the Ethiopian Orthodox Church. And then we got the Mali Empire, the people who created ecstasy and raves and burning man. Now they didn't. The founding of the Mali Empire dates to 1200s when a ruler named

son, son, son, Dieta, Sondieta Kaita, sometimes called the Lion King, and he let a revolt against a Soso king and united his subject into a new state under Kaita and his successors, the Empire tightened his grip over large portion of West Africa and grew rich on trade. Its important cities were Guinea and Timbuktu, both of which were renowned for their elaborate Adobe mosques and Islamic schools. And one such institution, Timbuktu'sos sankore university included a library with an estimated seven hundred thousand

manuscripts seven hundred thousand manuscripts man way back when that is now third you know I think it was the biggest library of its kind in the world at that point in history three hundred thousand of those were the world's first pornography magazines they had everything man onon-woman woman-on-woman man-on-man Man-on-man-on-woman woman-on-man-on-woman-on-woman-on-woman-on-tiger-tiger-on-woman-on-bojangles Yes Bojangles got into a little fucking porn back in Timbuktu, okay? Don't judge. It was easy money and the the Molly Empire was hungry for some one-eyed, three-legged pit bull action.

A hundred thousand of Tim Bucktooth's manuscripts are rumored to have been naked photos of bojangles and some sort of compromising and hardcore scenario. Sadly, almost none of those are still around today. In 2013, Islamic terrorists destroyed many of the manuscripts, especially the ones involving animal porn, because they're fucking dicks, they're morons. No, the porn stuff was to be clear nonsense.

But the rest of that history, they did have 700,000 manuscripts, that's bananas to me. The Mollie Empire eventually disintegrated in the 16th century, but at its peak, it was one of the jewels, the African continent, and was known all over the world for its wealth and luxury. One legendary tale about the kingdom's riches concerns the ruler Monsamusa who made a stop over in Egypt during the 14th century pilgrimage to Mecca according to contemporary sources Moussa dished out so much gold during the visit he caused the value of gold itself to plummet in Egypt Egyptian markets for several years. Man, that's a some serious cash. Then you

got the song guy empire. When you're talking about sheer size, few states in African history can compare to the song guy empire, formed in the 15th century from some of the former regions of the Mali empire, this West African kingdom was larger than all of Western Europe and compromised parts of a dozen modern day nations. So the empire enjoyed a period of prosperity thanks to vigorous trade policies, sophisticated bureaucratic system. This separated its vast holdings into different provinces,

each ruled by their own governor, reached its zenith in the early 16th century under the rule of devout king Muhammad Askeh, who conquered new lands, forged an alliance with Egypt's Muslim caliph, and established hundreds of Islamic schools in Timbuktu. While the Songai Empire was once among the most powerful states in the world, it later crumbled in the late 1500s after a period of civil war and internal strife left it open

to an invasion by the Sultan of Morocco. And then there's other kingdoms that have been lost a history. One of the most impressive monuments in sub-Saharan Africa is the Great Zimbabwe. An imposing collection of stacked boulders, stone towers, and defensive walls assembled from cut granite blocks. I suggest googling it very, very cool ancient fortress. Kind of fortress you dream about either defending or seizing as a young boy. Man, I used to want a fortress. Who am I kidding? I would still love a fortress.

Protect this fortress, old great Nimrod, for my insolent neighbors, who want to look into my yard, as I throw a squeaky ball for fair penny pooper tin. I do not care for their judgmental stairs. I do not care for their certain judgment upon me for sometimes squeaking, speaking in a baby voice to a sweet fair penny pooper tin.

Yes, the rock citadel has long been the subject of myths and legends. It was once thought to be the residents of the biblical queen, Ashiba, but historians and now know it as the capital city of an indigenous empire that thrived in the region between the 13th and 15th centuries. This kingdom ruled over a large chunk of modern day by Tswana, Zimbabwe, Mozambique, fucking Nailedos III.

It was particularly rich in cattle and precious metals and stood aside to trade route to connect the region's gold fields with ports on the Indian Ocean coast. Though little is known about its history, the remains of artifacts, such as Chinese pottery, ribbing glass, European textiles, indicate that it was once a well-connected mercantile center. The fortress city at the Great Zimbabwe was mysteriously abandoned sometime in the 15th century after the kingdom went to decline, but it's heyday or during its heyday it was home to an estimated

20,000 people. And then there are the punts. I got some punts running around. Careful how you say that one. Few African civilizations are as mysterious as those punts. Historical accounts of the kingdom day to around 2500 BCE. When it appears in Egyptian records as land of the gods, rich in ebony, gold, mer, exotic animals such as apes, lezards, leopards. The Egyptians are known to have sent huge caravans and flotillas on trade missions to punt, most notably during the 15th century BCE reign of Queen Hatsuput,

yes, they never identified where it was located. There's Kingdom of the Congo. It was more recently, Kingdom of Congo. The Kingdom of the Congo flourished along the Congo River and West Central, in the West Central coast of Africa, from about the 14th century and lasted right up until the 20th century, when it was integrated into the Portuguese colony of Angola. The Kingdom covered a large part of what is now the Democratic Republic of Congo, but the king lived in what is now Angola.

And King Nimi, from near present day Obama conquered the Congo Plateau. Hienas followers married into the local elite. He was accepted as a ruler of the region. The wealth of Congo was based on trade and ivory hides and slaves, and it also used a shell currency popular in Western Africa. The Congo King oversaw a vast empire with several kingdoms under its control. Most of its history was verbal until the late 16th century. It didn't get around decently documenting its history until the 17th century.

And there were many other various complex and advanced African kingdoms. So that is just a brief overview of some of Africa's, you know, larger and more notable ancient empires. So why lay out all of that history today? Well, it's just to show that, you know, pre-European colonization and exploitation, Africa had its own distinct autonomous cultures. I think that's just kind of to dispel that stereotype that it was just, you know, just nothing but people running around with, you know, spears and loincloths, and that's just,

that's not true. That is historically inaccurate. There were tribes. There were tribes of small hunter-gatherers, you know, but there was a lot of other advanced civilizations as well, you know, people doing their own shit. Now was life perfect in Africa before European showed up? Was it some paradise that colonial European is destroyed? No, that's not the case.

They had problems, they had war and hardship, like all of humanity does, but overall, while there are no stats out there to attest to this, they seem to be much better off on their own. Life seemed to be overall similar to life for the American Indians, you know, in that it was better before Europeans showed up and subjugated them. So what was life like for the average African before colonialism?

Well, let's talk about that a bit. First off, let's get into slavery. Slavery did exist before colonialism. So let's discuss the history there. Slavery and slave trading was a thing in Africa long before European showed up. So you know, for people who were slaves in Africa, life did suck before the European showed up. In fact, slavery does go back to ancient times. It almost all cultures. The Romans had slaves and ancient times. It wasn't a black versus white thing. I think that's how a lot of people tend to think about it today. And that is historically inaccurate. Sometimes, oftentimes,

it was a weak kick to shit out of your culture and now you fuckers belong dusting. Slaves weren't just laborers or household servants, either they could be highly educated, they could be tutors, they could be highly skilled warriors, think the gladiators, and they also had no rights. Slavry was super common in the ancient world,

the Mongols had slaves, ancient China had slaves, and who enslaved all those people? The fucking lizard illuminati. That's who wake up to quote highly, mentally unstable visionary David Ike. Human race, get off of your knees. Can't wait to learn a little more about David Ike each week with a secret suck. So much insane and detailed knowledge, quote unquote, and one prolific lunatics head. But anyway, back to real history, the Romans had various sources of slaves and war birth piracy. You know, people as far as like slaves, you know, who are born slaves, slaves taking a war, slaves, you know, taking and fucking pirate like ship captures.

And they had, you know, long distance trade coming in from outside the empire, you know, war was the most important way that, you know, the main reason Romans had slaves, the commanding general would determine the fate of war captives, whom the Romans considered part of the plunder. So they kicked somebody's ass, you know, if they want to just take all the dudes and instead of killing them, they want to just, you know, keep them slaves out, they could do that back then. And slavery was super common in Africa way back in the days of ancient Egypt. During the Egyptian new kingdom era, 1550 to 1175 BCE, slaves, servants, and peasants,

really just other forms of slavery, made up 80% of the population. Slavery was present in various forms, outright ownership of another human being, indentured servitude, forced labor, slaves built the pyramids. And then between the seventh and 15th century, the Trans-Saharan East African slave trades opened up with the new Muslim empires spurred by the gradual expansion of slavery from within Africa. The slave trades contributed to the development of powerful African states on the southern fringes

of the Sahara and in the East African interior. The spread of Islam from Arabia into Africa after the religions founding in the seventh century AD affected the practice of slavery and slave trade in West Central and East Africa. Arabs had practiced slave trading and trading in Arabia for centuries prior to the founding of Islam. slavery was an accepted component of Islamic traditions. Slavery is also, by the way, condoned in the Bible. I feel like some Christians and Muslims get embarrassed about this now

and try to interpret it away, but it happened. It's part of history. The world was a different place back then. And slavery was just very common in pretty much all of the world. There's various American Indians would take slaves when they defeated

another tribe or nation. So, of course, it's gonna show up in the Korean and in the Bible, and biblical slavery was not racist in its origin. It was a one group conquered another group and sold them to a third group, kind of deal, you know, similar to the Romans. The economies of various African states

were dependent on slave trading. People like gold and jewels were limited natural resource with, you know, economic importance, neighboring states competed with one another for trade, which led to wars, which in turn led to the capture of more slaves. Slave raiding in West East and Central Africa became more common and wide-ranging. Also, by the 9th century, seafaring Muslims from Arabia and Persia had made their way down to the Indian Ocean to the coast of East Africa, obtaining African slaves and ports from Mogadishu in present-day Somalia to Safala in present-day Mozambique and conveying them to western Asian cities to work.

The culture of the East African coastal regions was strongly influenced by Arab and Persian traders, many of whom intermarried with Africans thus producing the Swahili people and that particular African culture. So, you know, life of the slave again, you know, sucked in Africa, sucked in the Middle East and Europe, just like it did, you know, for American slaves that are on. Slaves have never had it great. So now let's talk about life for the average non-slave African. What was that like in ancient Africa for that person? Well, you know, it varied. Like it does for all people. It's a huge continent with a lot of different cultures. And in the advanced civilizations,

primarily in almost exclusively found along Africa's coasts, there were universities in urban centers. You know, there were scholar soldiers, royals, religious clerics, priests, walled cities, more. There were classes of people like there were ancient civilizations, you know, royals all the way down to slaves. There was trade with the rest of the civilized world. And then there was the pre-colonial kind of life of Africa's interior, due to the dense jungles of Central Africa and lack of historical trade routes. Life for many Africans in the center of the continent existed in similar form to that of pre-colonial American Indian civilizations.

Life was similar to it is still today for some Amazonian tribes, similar to how it is today for certain tribes and the remote interior jungles of Papua New Guinea. You know, and of course life was similar tribes were geographically isolated from other tribes, which made evolution into a culture with urban centers and agricultural, that agriculture impossible.

And that's how a quote unquote modern culture develops. When not everyone has to hunt, fish or take care of the young. You know, you get some large farms now and a fortress and suddenly farms and farmers can provide food for more people than just themselves. You know, and the other people who don't now have to farm, they get to do specialized farms of labor. You know, they get to, you know, making some advanced pottery and blacksmith and making their weapons and stuff. You know, fortress can defend more than just a few royalty members and soldiers and now merchants get going. You know, they can now start trading with other cultures, you know, that they can learn

from. You know, so more knowledge gets passed around, a written language is developed to keep track of all the learning, to keep track of all the trading. Make sure who's, you know, what the value is at the goods and with money and all that scholars pop up, universities come together and industry expands. And that's how you get to the beginnings of an industrial culture. But that doesn't happen in a thick jungle. We are basically just trying to avoid deaths from fucking pescass lions and cheetahs and

shit, you know, and big ass snakes. And the jungle is too dense to cut out, you know, a proper farm without proper tools. So, you know, there were tribes, there were kingdoms, there were cities, there were farms, there were jungles, you know, there were all, there were kingdoms, there were cities, there were farms, there were jungles, there were all different kinds of people. The empires and civilizations rose and fell, fought with each other, conquered each other, conquered, we're conquered themselves. Life was good for some, terrible for others, as it always is in the world. Some people had it made while others were exploited.

And then the Atlantic slave trade started in the 15th century. And that started to bring around Western Europeans hell bent on colonial expansion. Portuguese traders, the first colonists to buy African slaves, they sailed down to buy slaves from the kingdom of the Congo and take them to new territories in the Americas. And that's when she started to get racial slavery in the United States began when the first African slaves were brought to the North American colony of Jamestown, Virginia, in 1619, to aid in the production of such lucrative crops as tobacco. There was white slavery at this time, but it wasn't the same. It was called indentured servitude. Servants typically worked from four to seven years in exchange for passage room board lodging and freedom dues

While the life of an indentured servant was harsh and restrictive It was not the same as African slavery There were laws to protect the sum of the indentured servants rights European white indentured servants were still considered human beings I'm sure that comes as you know little consolation to someone who has a mastered abusing their white ass And doesn't let them go at the end of the seven years, you know, but if they were able to, you know, run away and escape and, you know, just got away, they could start a new life somewhere else free from prejudice and want and just accepted casual violence, not so for the African slaves.

And now with a bunch of new buyers, Spain, England, Portugal, and others, more slaves are being sold than ever before. You know, it's a huge new market. And with the new racial element, slaves are arguably being treated worse than they ever have before. Again, no stash to back that up, that particular aspect of how horribly they were treated, but the average African slave who stayed in Africa, probably I'm guessing treated better on average than the average African slave who stayed in Africa, probably I'm guessing treated better on average

than the average American plantation slave, just with that new racial element. Also, while no records were kept of how many slaves were sold annually before or after the colonization of America, it just stands to reason that due to a new giant market, a brand new market of two massive continents that would be populated mostly by slaves, way more slaves are being sold than ever before.

So thanks to Europeans, thanks to some new supply and demand economics, there are now way more African slaves than ever before in the history of the world. Based on shipping records, at least four million would make it to Brazil, at least two million to the British West Indies, all in all conservative estimates place at least 11 million West African slaves making it to the new world. No historical evidence suggests anywhere near that number were headed to Europe, the Middle East, or Asia prior to American colonization. And then in the 19th century, Europeans decided not just to trade with Africa and take its people, but just to take the entire continent the fuck over.

Carve it up and make as much off its natural resources as possible. And this decision has led to a level of turmoil, previously unknown in Africa, that has still felt there today. So now that we have a basic understanding of the history of Africa's ancient civilizations, what life was like, roughly, you know, for the average African, a little background with the slave trade, let's dig into proper colonization, the proper colonization of Africa and its repercussions with little time suck timeline of European imperialism. Shrap on those boots, soldier. We're marching down a time suck timeline. time line.

All right, 1441. Quick look way back before we jump into Africa's mass invasion. A young Portuguese ship captain named Jumbo McScooter sales to Africa. Okay, his name was not Jumbo McScooter. His name was Antao, gun, gun, call of it. But how great would it be if just just one old Mariner of note was named Jumbo McScooter. If anyone ever invents a time machine and goes back, could you please please try to convince as many people as possible to change the name of their kids to Jumbo McScooter. Boy or girl, be great.

You know, just to have that show up in a history book. Any who, any who. Antao, not Jumbo McScooter, Gun Col, Guncolves, a sale to West Africa in 1441, hoping to acquire seal skins and oil after obtaining his cargo. I called a meeting of the 21 sailors who accompanied him and unveiled his plan to increase their profits by bringing captives back home to the prince. And if you're thinking that was super fucked up for him, just decide to grab some people as loot, well, you know, you're right. And it was just what people did back then. Again, at this point, motivation is still not racial.

It was more about exploiting the loophole of the laws of the day. As we already know now, slavery was just a way of life, basically, for all cultures to our history until it's just very recently in the grand scheme of things. However, in Europe at this time, there were laws that forbid the enslavement of Christians, Muslims,

and Jews. Africans living in Europe. Africans, however, being pagan, technically still fair game. So they officially became fair game in 1452, and Pope Nicholas V began issuing a series of papal bulls, not only legalizing African slave trade, but encouraging it. I felt like it was good for the spread of his Christian empire. Seriously, how fucked is that? He issued a mandate to the Portuguese king,

Alfonso V, to invade, search out, capture, vanquish, and subdue all serences and pagans whatsoever, and to reduce their persons to perpetual slavery, and to apply and appropriate to himself and his successors, the kingdoms, dukedms, counties, principalities, dominions, possessions, and goods, and to convert them to his and their use and profit. Wow. And God said, let them be exploited.

And a seroton, by the way, was meant to be an African Muslim in this context. So the Pope was even expanded possibilities, you know, for those who could be taking his slave. He was like, yeah, I know when're not supposed to slave Muslims here in Europe, but in Africans, okay. And the Portuguese with the post blessing, they went after it, man, by the early 16th century, an estimated 10% of Lisbon Portugal's population would be of African descent using God's will as a rationalization for slave trading.

So that's, that's fun. Why are you taking human beings with families and hopes and dreams and interests and desires and ripping them from their native land and selling them to someone who will use Abuse, objectify, exploit, subjugate and possibly murder them? Why it is put for the glory of the Lord of course No, it was for money. It was for money money. Portugal was a Catholic nation and the Catholic people You know, they tied the money to the church and the more money they made, the more they had to tie. And as Catholics expanded into the new world, the church, you know, botland itself, you know, firsthand sometimes they had their own plantations and some places and other businesses

as they set up their missions. And slavery also just, you know, fueled their fucking tax base, essentially fueled their ability to expand, create a broader base for tithing income. You know, they can make a lot more money if they're, if they're, you know, fellow Catholics are over there, you know, kicking some asses and some plantations. So in 1502, the first African slaves reached the new world. And the millions follow until the slave trade is finally

abolished in the 1860s. Brazil wouldn't emancipate its slaves until 1888. It was the last American country to do so. And now lucrative business for European colonies is over, so they need to make money in different ways, especially as numerous new world colonies are becoming independent nations. The American colonial gravy train is drying up and monarchs and merchants are looking for a new way to make money and they look to Africa. So around 1880 is when Europe really goes crazy for African colonization. Prior to 1880,

some European nations had begun colonizing Africa but with minimal success. Portugal was the first to do so. The nation that had also kicked off the Atlantic slave trade. Fucking Portuguese, man. If there's one thing you take away from this episode, it should be that the Portuguese were and currently are the scourge of the earth. The murder rate in Portugal today, 17 times higher than the next most murderous country. A Google Portugal, and you'll find almost nothing but photos of Portuguese, monsters, raping, and murdering each other in broad daylight, oftentimes in the middle of the street, because they're so ignorant, they don't know how to do anything else. each other in broad daylight oftentimes in the middle of the street because that's they they're so ignorant they don't know how to do anything else.

When a recent survey was taken asking Portuguese citizens what their favorite hobbies were, most of them didn't understand the question because most of them can't even speak their own language. But of the ones who could, the most popular answer was murder, followed by rape, followed by a tie between soccer and marathon running. Seriously, they actually are very good at marathon running. The rest of that fucking shit was of course made up. And I apologize to my porch keys, time suckers.

That was just a fun little tie ready to go on. No, way back in 1482, Marinor, Diego, Cowe had reached the mouth of the Congo River and Portugal began setting up its first African trading posts in 1497,tholamo Diaz rounded the Cape of good hope. You know we're at down the tip of southern Africa in 1498 Vasco de Gama reached India and it's in Africa's eastern coast and along the eastern coast of Africa the Portuguese had conquered Islamic port cities and most ambic and farther north seized the ports at Brava, Kilwa, and Mombasa. And by the late 18th century, the Portuguese had the small colonies of Cape Verde. They had Guinea, Bissar, and Sautomé, and Prince of Pei, and West Africa. And much more extensive, but largely undeveloped colonies of Angola, and Mozambique, and Southern

Africa. However, they hadn't really colonized these areas. They basically just had the coastlines. They had some trading outposts for slave trading on the coasts. The interior belonged to them in theory only. Kind of similar to how America expanded this borders with the Louisiana Purchase, but you know, they still had to settle most of that land with their colonists, with their people. You know, it was still being lived on by American Indian tribes and nations who would have been like, what, you guys own this? No, no, no, bro, you still have to fight us for this shit.

We live here, motherfucker, and do not currently give a single fuck about your laws and your settlers. It wasn't until 1880 that Europe began to really understand much about Africa's interior largely due to the explorations of some adventures such as the Scottish Doctor Livingstone, I presume. Yes, that Doctor Livingstone. Doctor Livingstone, I presume. Yes, that Dr. Livingstone. Dr. Livingstone was a Scottish medical doctor and Christian missionary born in 1813, who

wanted to abolish African slavery. He'd spend most of the last 30 years of his life exploring Africa and an attempt to humanize his people, establish trade routes between Europe and his people so that Africa could economically sustain itself and modernize according to European industrial standards and keep from being exploited. And of course become Christian. He wanted to save the people of Africa from Europe. Unfortunately, all he did really was help

just kind of speed up the opposite. Dr. Livingstone, he started off his African interior exploration in Cape Town, a beautiful city on the South African coast in 1841. He then sailed east to Port Elizabeth and then went inland to Corouman, where he took up his first missionary post as a mission established,

Adam Mission established in 1821 by Robert Moffitt. He then pushed his search for Converge Northward and do untried country, where the population was reputed to be more numerous Making it to Colobang and building a mission there about 600 miles north from port Elizabeth by the summer 1842 He had already gone farther north than any other European into the difficult calahari country and had familiarized himself with a local languages and cultures and now We're gonna take a quick brief break from this overview to talk about him get attacked by a lion has nothing to do with colonization of Africa, but it's just

interesting to shit. In 1844, while attempting to establish a mission in Mabatsa, a remote location not far from Kolobein, homeboy was mauled by a lion, which I'm guessing was as terrible as it sounds. It wasn't the first time Dr. Livingstone was around a lion attack as early as it sounds. It wasn't the first time Dr. Livingstone was around a line attack. As early as 1842, he'd seen, quote, a woman actually devoured in her garden by a line. And had noticed that there was a plague of these animals around Mabatsa. I think that's when I would strongly consider

heading back to England. Just how was Africa? I thought you were one to stay longer. I was, but after several bouts of malaria and after barely escaping attacks from the balls, those down-dutch farmers who were really not cool with my ideas about emancipating African people, I was really starting to miss home. And then one day, when I was looking out the mission window into the garden, I thought

maybe I'll stay. It was a beautiful day, green grass and trees for miles and a big blue sky. This beautiful woman was pulling weeds from around some corn we'd planted, so serene, so peaceful. Is it a lion ran over and jumped on her and peeled her ribs open with its teeth and shook around like a ragdollinator? And then while watching her quite literally being eaten I thought, now bro, fuck this place. I'm out.

Now here's how living stone himself got attacked. So he's already seen that. Then on February 16th 1844, Livingstone was working on a ditch on some natives. I started screaming for him to help them kill a lion that had just dragged off some of their sheep. As Livingstone put it later, I very impudently venture across the valley in order to encourage them to destroy him. Livingstone grabbed a gun but failed to alert anyone else to come with him. He ran up, found the lion, fired both barrels at it, hitting it but only wounding the beast, and then as the lion charged him he tried to reload, which had to have been stressful as shit.

He wasn't able to reload fast enough and the lion jumped on him, bit down on his arm, shook him around, as he would later describe like a terrier dog does a rat. Livingstone's upper arm was splintered at once and the lion's teeth made a series of gashes that would look like gunshot wounds. He had to have been thinking about that lady. He watched getting eaten in the garden as he's now getting tossed around.

I can't imagine the terrier you would feel. Well, Livingstone would have certainly died but helped show up in the form of a dude named Mabalaway and elderly African Christian convert. Livingstone had brought over from Kerman as a teacher and Mabalaway snatched the gun, loaded, fired both barrels uh... the ball away in elderly african christian convert uh... living stone had brought over from curlman as a teacher and the ballway snatched the gun loaded fired both barrels and didn't hit shit

whoops uh... he did manage to really piss off the line and in line now left out of the living stone uh... came after him now mabel always get attacked badly bitten on the thigh and then some other dude tries to help against bitten on the shoulder and then luckily the lion just drops dead Killed it last by the wounds that you know a doctor living stone had inflicted upon it earlier with his gunshot and then doctor living stone being the only doctor for hundreds of miles

Has to supervise the steady of his own badly fractured arm himself and sutured his own bite were wounds Luckily both he and Mabawai would survive although living stone would permanently lose some functionality in his broken arm i would definitely be out after that should happen like for sure well why are you heading back to england dot to living stone lions motherfucker i'm very very sick of lions uh... but dot to live in stone does not head back uh... if he doesn some further expeditions.

By 1849, he'd press onwards. After all that, into the interior of Africa and become the first European to make it to Lake Nagami. By 1854, he reaches Lawanda on the West African coast in 1855. Goes back east all the way to the east coast of Africa. Present day Mozambique. Then goes up to coast in 1862 all the way to Mecan Donnie. Cuts inland again to Lake Niasa and 1866,

heading further inland, all the way up to Lake Victoria in 1871, and then down to Chautombo where he would die in 1873. He actually died in his tent of unknown causes. He battled various illnesses in Africa for years. He was found just dead, kneeling and prayer next to his bed. That's pretty nuts. He also found time dead, kneeling, and prayer next to his bed. That's pretty nuts. He also found time to head back to England and visit his family in between all that, give

speaking tours throughout the British Isles and publishes findings. Really incredible dude who needs his own suck. To get from London to Cape Town by boat, by the way, it would take roughly a hundred days over three months. And that was just to get to the place where you would begin your journey of your exploration into inland Africa. Can you imagine that? That's just unfathomable to me now. Like you can get from any city in the world to any other city in the world. What? Two days max. Usually you can do it under 24 hours. You know, most of the time, almost any place under 36. Can you imagine taking almost a third of a year?

Just to get to the place where you start your journey to another place and both those places in terms of amenities fucking suck No AC lots of bugs lots of disease not fun It's not like you're on a cruise ship. You know getting there either with water slides slides, it's cozy, entertainers, casino, buffets, get some eating some, eating from some of those buffets. No, man, you're on a shitty boat with a bunch of people who probably stink. Mostly dudes, limited sanitation, stormy seas, you know, you get dirty, fucking rats, insects, and disease, you know, those are common. Living's down with the rich, so we probably didn't have like a private cabin.

Probably just, you know, down below deck, rock around with the riff raff, listen to the constant creeks of big wooden boat or steamship, sleeping on some, you know, cot or the thinnest of mattresses. I mean, compared to the day, I bet good mattresses suck back then. They certainly weren't sleeping on Lisa mattresses. Yes, today's time suck is brought to you by Lisa. Driven by the mission to provide a better place to sleep for everybody, Lisa is an innovative direct consumer online mattress brand that is also socially conscious. All Lisa mattresses are malaria-free. Not a single Lisa mattress features creepy bugs that would ruin a good expedition.

And not only do Lisa mattresses have nothing to do with colonial imperialism, Lisa is actually socially conscious. For every 10 mattresses, Lisa sells they donate one to a shelter through their 110 program. They also plant one tree for every mattress sold and donate 1% of each employee's time to volunteer for local causes. And they're comfy as shit.

I wish I could bring my Lisa on the road with me when I tour hotel mattresses don't compare to a patented universal adaptive feel with three premium foam layers, including my favorite layer, a two inch avena, foam top layer for cooling and breathability. Love not getting too hot when I sleep. So try at least a mattress in your own home for a hundred nights risk-free. Available in the US, UK, Canada, and Germany online with free shipping. This 100% American made mattress shipped compressed in a box right to your door and then unfolds with the use of some kind of powerful magic.

Or try it at the Lisa Dream Gallery in Soho, New York City in Virginia Beach and over 80 West Elmstorers nationwide and best part get $100 off when you go to Lisa dot com slash time suck. That's L E E S A dot com slash time suck link in the episode description. All right, back to talking about people who would killed for nice mattress on their long terrible journey, terrible journeys full of terrible food. You know, and then eating off very small limited horrific menu, you know, like boiled salted meats oatmeal stale bread It would have been worse than traveling on a Greyhound bus by day and sleeping in CD budget motels by night for three straight months No, thank you

And then to get inland, you know, he takes steamer ships up rivers a little tiny ones Then just walk around to the junk. He'd walk for weeks on end, just walking, carrying shit. I'm gonna fuck that. Being an explorer sounds terrible when you really think about what it was. When you think about how far you had to go without showers, how many bugs you'd run into. You know, I mean, you know, it'd be fun to be like an old, you know, old-timey explorer. If you could have done that in a nice air condition land rover, pulling a fully loaded air streamream or something packed with some snacks. You know, heavy on the nacho cheese Doritos, light on the malaria. That doesn't sound too bad. There was another notable explorer, European explorer, who began mapping the African interior.

Guy by the name of John Hannon speak, officer in the British Indian Army, who made three exploratory expeditions in Africa born on Mayth, 1827, Dynan. September 15th, 1864. This dude had some adventures straight out of some Indiana Jones outtakes. 15th, 1854, this dude makes his first voyage to Africa, first arriving in Aden, where he asked permission from the local political resident of the British outpost

to cross the Gulf of Aden and collect specimens in Somali land for his family's natural history museum. Somali land was considered too dangerous and his request was denied. So speak then asked to join an expedition to leave for Somali land led by the already famous explorer Richard Burton. And Richard Burton brought him along

because he had traveled in remote regions alone before, had experienced collecting and preserving natural histories specimens, and had done some astronomical, there we go, astronomical surveying. go, astronomical survey. And then the trip went really, really bad. This little tale also like Dr. Livingstone's line attack has nothing to do with the colonization of Africa,

but it was an incredible tale and two incredible that I came across to skip over. So while camped outside Berbera, these guys were attacked at night by 200 spear willian Somalis. One member of Burton's crew was killed by a spear. Burton himself was seriously wounded by a javelin and paling both of his cheeks. That's how it was described. The one I read. A javelin and paling both of his cheeks, as in face

cheeks, which is even worse than butt cheeks. Holy shit, javelin through the face, javelin into the mouth. And somehow doesn't just fall down and die Speak was also wounded and he was the only one to be captured after taking a javelin to the fucking face Burton still managed to escape pretty tough dude But he was pretty tough looking after that as well man javelin scars on each side of his face That's a guy you don't mess with the dude who survives a javelin going through his face, he can probably take your best shot. You know, unless you have a gun, you run from that guy.

You can take your best stab. You know, we know he can take your best javelin. You know, he's done it. Well, Speak was tied up and stabbed several times with a spear, which I gotta say sounds worse than getting stabbed a bunch with a knife. I feel like a spear stab is deeper and more psychologically terrifying than a knife stab.

One spear thrust, cutting through his thigh along his femur, exits, man. Just showing tremendous determination. He used his bound fist to give a punch to his attacker and the face and runs off. Seriously, the old tight up hands, just had a spear grow through my leg, double fist face punch.

Standard beginning karate technique. Pretty sure you learn that one, your third or fourth day karate class. That's when they tie up your hand, spear you in the leg, and see what you can do to escape. After fighting off his spear stabbing, captain speak is chased by more similes with spears, and he Indiana Jones is the shit out of himself in dodged spears and escapes and rejoins Burton and another explorer. The trio eventually manages to escape onto a boat passing along the coast and I'm guessing they go on to tell that story every time they sit down and have a drink at a bar for the

rest of their lives. Ah, you survived being shocked twice, it's cute. I took a spear. I took a spear to my fucking face. Yeah, I don't know how you top that one. Speak with later venture back into Africa. Spears be damned several more times. You'd lead the first expedition to Lake Victoria during a search for the source of the Nile River.

And then he died of an actual gun, self-inflicted gunshot wound back in England in 1864. So just whoops. You know, even tough guys can accidentally shoot themselves to death, I guess. Okay, but the excitement of these guys' expeditions, you know, really gets Europe going. And speak like Livingstone is probably, by the way, worthy of his own suck. And I mentioned these guys today just to give a little example of early expeditions that began to A, map Africa's

interiors for later European colonization and be create a lot of curiosity around Africa in Europe. And again, these expeditions like other similar expeditions at that time paved the way for colonialism. The curiosity would lead to more and more expeditions and then it would lead to the mad scrambled to take over Africa and exploit it for its natural resources. So 1870, in 1870, a few years before Livingstone has died in Africa, only roughly 10% of Africa was under European control. And again, the control is really limited to a few coastal cities. By 1914, this number would increase to 90%. 90% of Africa would belong

to European imperialists by the beginning of World War I. Okay, the big push for colonization really accelerated in 1884 with the Berlin conference. The European imperialist push in Africa is motivated by three main factors, economic, political, and social. But most economics, it's always mostly about money. The economic desire for Africa developed the 19th century following the collapse of the profitability of the slave trade, its abolition and suppression as well as the expansion of the European capitalists during the industrial revolution.

The imperatives of capitalist industrialization included the demand for raw materials and the search for profitable investment outlet. Again, the primary motivation for European intrusion was economic. They had rich as shit industrialists and monarchies who realized they could make money off of Africa, lots of it, and so the decision was made to take it. Other factors also played an important role in the colonization process,

like the political impetus derived from the impact of inter-European power struggles, competition for pre-eminence, the old national ego, who can swing the biggest international dick? Who has the most land? Britain, France, Germany, Belgium, Italy, Portugal, Spain. They're all competing for power in Europe, and one way to demonstrate national pre-eminence was through the acquisition of foreign territories around the world. In Africa, had the most remaining land that Europeans felt like, you know, they had a reasonable

chance of taking. And then there was a social element as a result of industrialization, unemployment, poverty, homelessness, social displacement from rural areas and so on, it was becoming problematic in Europe. These social problems developed partly because, you know, not all people could be absorbed by new capitalist industries.

So one way to resolve this problem was just to acquire colonies and export the surplus population. And that led to the establishment of settler colonies in Algeria, Tunisia, South Africa, Nambia, Angola, Mozambique, Central African areas like Zimbabwe, Zambia, and these new settlements and turned lead to the colonization of other parts of Africa. So similar to the colonization of America, right? You got a bunch of unhappy poor people living in poverty. You got merchants looking for new revenue streams, and you have European empires looking to expand their empires.

You know, show that their dick is bigger, increase their tax base, you know, so they can defend themselves, you know, and not be taken over by other European empires. So colonization is a win for everyone. Everyone, of course, except for the people already living in the place, you're going to take over. Things are shit for them. So it was the interplay of these economic, political, and social factors and forces that led to the Mad Scramble for Africa.

And this crumble was so intense that there were fears it could lead to conflicts and war. So to prevent this, the German chancellor Otto von Bismarck, remember him, from way back in bonus Suck III, the rise of Hitler's Third Reich, well Otto convened a diplomatic summit of European powers in the late 19th century. This was the famous Berlin West African conference. More generally known as the Berlin Conference, held from November 1884 to February 1885. And the conference produced a treaty known as the Berlin Act with provisions to guide the conduct of the European competition in Africa. Some of its major articles were as follows. The principle of notification, notifying other powers of a territorial annexation.

So just basically like, hey, Germany, this is Britain. We're going to take a couple hundred million acres south of now. That's cool. Alright, thanks bro. Then there was the principle of effective occupation to validate the annexations. So, you know, if you're gonna, if you're gonna have some land, you gotta send some people there to live on it. Freedom of trade in the Congo Basin,

freedom of navigation on the Niger and Congo rivers, freedom of trade to all nations, suppression of the slave trade by land and sea. I like this, I think I said, a niger and connoisseurs. I like this last one as if it morally justifies the rest. We're going to divvy up the continent amongst ourselves as if there isn't already people there living their lives, but we're going to abolish slavery because, you know, we're good people.

The treaty, drawn up without any African participation provided the basis for the subsequent partition, invasion, and colonization of Africa by various European powers. How fucking nuts is that? These guys just had some meetings to decide how to divvy up a continent that already has a lot of people living on it.

You know, that already has autonomous nations and kingdoms. And this is after these greedy assholes had decided to slave us wrong. That, hello gentlemen, I think we can all agree that slavery was terrible and moral in the mistake and we feel horrible. It was wrong what we did to people of Africa.

Yes, you can argue that slavery already existed, but we took it from on, paschup levels to massive slave factory levels and that was not cool, not cool. So no more of that. I've thought of something much more humane. How about instead of taking slaves out of Africa and shipping them around the world, how about we just take actual continent, just all of it, just take it all. But isn't that in a sense after the ban of slavery really just enslaving the entire continent? You know what asshole? Why don't you get the fuck out of this meeting, Switzerland?

No one gives a shit what you think. Just stay in Europe and keep cleaning our dirty money. You pretentious asshole. Yeah, I'm not sure that was a Swiss accent, but we're gonna go with it for today. Unreal. Unreal. I'm not sure what either one of those accents work But you get what I'm saying. is ridiculous well these african kingdoms already existence weren't terribly happy with all this as you can imagine however it took them a bit to find out exactly what was going on uh... first a bunch of crafty european politicians diplomats tricked them with bullshit treaties similar to the bullshit trees the american government gave to american indians

right during an after the burlin conference various european countries sent out agents to sign so-called treaties of protection with the leaders of African society, states, kingdoms, and decentralized societies and empires. So basically, they sold a story along lines of, hey dude, Britain over there, they wanna fuck you shit up. They are some real a-holes, okay? And my people back in Berlin, they don't think that's cool.

In Germany, we're all about living, let live. Protection, little guys are kind of thing. So if you could sign this little treaty here, it guarantees that we will protect you from Britain and France. They're Dix-2. Oh, in Portugal, those are some rugged motherfuckers. They're the worst. And then, you know, we'll do business.

You run your stuff, we run ours, and everything's cool, and everybody makes money, everybody wins. Meanwhile, in another freshly partitioned up area of Africa, some other dude is like, look, Germany is planning some shady shit. They're about to come old knocking with the big old army and we here in Britain think that is super not cool. So we're gonna cut you in on a little deal. Yeah, African leaders were led to believe that these treaties were just diplomatic friendly deals to encourage trade and partnership, make some alliances, get some protection. Now, these treaties meant that Africans had signed away their sovereignty to European powers

that had just tricked them. After discovering that they had an effect, been tricked, that the European powers now wanted to impose an exercise political authority in their lands, you know, African-rillers organized militarily to resist the seizure of their lands and the imposition of colonial domination. They fought back, and their initial resistance took two main forms, guerrilla warfare and direct military engagement,

and guerrilla warfare worked much better for the African and direct engagement did. The best most effective tactic that the Africans had was using small groups of organized fighters with the firm knowledge of the terrain to mount classic guerrilla hit and run rates against stationary enemy and imperialist forces. This was the approach used by the IGBO of Southeastern Nigeria against the British. Even though the British imperialist swept through IGBO land in three years between 1900

and 1902, and despite the small scale of societies, the IGBO put a protractive resistance. It was difficult to conquer them completely and declare absolute victory long after the British formally colonized IGBO land. They'd still not fully mastered the territory. In general though, over time, the European imperialists eventually beat the rebels, at least in the economic areas of interest that matter to them. Direct military confrontation, less successful. Didn't work out at all for two man reasons.

The 19th century was a period of profound and even revolutionary changes in the political geography of Africa. Characterized by the demise of various old African kingdoms and empires, their reconfiguration into different political entities. Some of the old societies were reconstructed in new African societies, were founded on different ideological and social premises. Consequently, African societies were in a state of flux. It was a time of great change, and many were just organizationally weak and politically unstable. They were, therefore, unable to put up effective resistance against the European invaders. You know, timing is everything, and the timing of the invasion was terrible for the Africans.

The other reason was technological. There was a radical disparity between the technologies of warfare deployed by the Contending European and African forces. African forces in general fought with bows, arrows, spears, swords. Did they have rifles, tended to be old rifles, comparatively, an occasional, you know, calvaries. Calvaries, excuse me. The European forces, beneficiaries of the technical fruits of the industrial revolution fought with more deadly firearms, machine guns, new rifles, artillery guns. You know, it was no contest. You know, it was that classic case of bringing a knife to a gun fight.

You know, rock beat scissors, heavy artillery beat spears and rifles. It was a slaughter or rather a series of slaughters. So by 1900, much of Africa has been colonized by seven European powers, Britain, France, Germany, Belgium, Spain, Portugal, and Italy. After the conquest of African decentralized and centralized states, the European power set about establishing colonial state systems. The colonial state was the machinery of administrative, domination, established to facilitate effective control and exploitation of the colonized societies. Partly as a result of their origins and military conquest and partly because of racist ideology,

they also now brought to Africa, the colonial states were authoritarian bureaucratic systems. They imposed their will upon the local states were authoritarian bureaucratic systems. They imposed their will upon the local people and maintained it by force without the consent of the governed. They were administered by military officers and civil servants who were appointees of colonial power. And then by 1914 only Ethiopia and Liberia are still independent African nations. The rest of the entire continent is now under foreign imperial control. And then in 1914, things get even more complicated when World War I makes its way to Africa. And then all that, let's work together to fuck over Africa and share the spoils, you

know, shit from the 894 Berlin conference goes out the window. While when Germany lost the war, other European powers just took the country, Germany had just taken from the Africans. So there was German, South, West Africa, there was German, West Africa, German East Africa, going into the war. Man, they were not very clever with their names. Were they? Vatschalvi called this nation, Chancellor.

Where is it in Africa? It is South and West Chancellor. Then Vichal K it German Southwest Africa. Next colony. German's African colonies acquired in the 1880s weren't well defended to begin with. And then as part of reparations for causing World War I, German Southwest Africa will become part of the Union of South Africa, a British colony. Today, it is Namibia only recently gaining independence in 1990. A German West Africa would become the current countries of Cameroon, Nigeria, Togo, Ghana, Gabin, the Republic of the Congo, Chad, and the Central Republic.

Some of these countries are actually central Afrikanations that have been taken over by France, but then prior to World War I in 1911, France ceded them over to Germany in exchange for Germany, given France some disputed land in Morocco Again the people actually live in these countries. They don't have shit to say in any this You know they're living their lives and then one day some French motherfucker is telling them what to do And the next day, you know some German dudes telling them what to do It's just had been incredibly confusing Even better in addition to having their foreign rulers shovel them around a World War one post war one

They also had to fight for these assholes. They'd give them machine guns and basically forced to fight. Roughly 2 million Africans died in World War I, fighting for countries they did not want to be ruling them in the first place. World War I also changed Africa in another way. The military brought a need for a new level of industrialization and urbanization. Outside of coastal cities, early 20th century Africa was extremely rural. There was a need for labor to keep the machinery, though, of war moving forward. So roads now need to be built, to get troops to their proper places, supplies have to be brought in, mines are set up for... Now mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine,

mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, bring it in big labor forces, housing has to be built for these labor forces. Cities spring up. The way of life changes dramatically for many Africans who are still living more of a rural, hunter-gatherer type lifestyle. Unfortunately, because of imperial racism, when these cities are put together, they're not put together well for the Native Africans.

Africans are housed in horrible, unsanitary, and humane conditions. This creates an environment for the rapid spread of contagious diseases. When the European powers realize they can't just let disease spread rampantly around their new colonies, they do something to help their people out. They're white people. Instead of improving living conditions for Africans, they just segregate them. Just get them away from white settlers, so if disease spreads, you know, it'll just stay

in their section of town type of deal. It's just preposterously messed up. Cities are built in zones such as in South Africa where African zones are shanty towns and other zones are reserved for white Europeans living in relative luxury with the modern amenities. I actually saw the residual effects of this urban segregation firsthand years ago, doing a comedy festival in the cities of like Johannesburg and Cape Town. It was horrifying. One section of the city, a historical white section, you know, would be nice homes. Much like you'd seen in a nice neighborhood in America or in, you know, Western Europe, Wilmanic, your streets, nice shops and trendy little restaurants, all that shit, all

little coffee shops, all that stuff, all the, you know, popular stores. You know, another section would just be completely unsafe to walk around in. I was driven through some sections in a car with armed drivers. There was dirt streets, sender blocks, shanties with no running water, no indoor plumbing you know, no insulation, even electricity sometimes. Places look so bad. I would rather live in my neighbor's garden shed than in a lot of these places, truly. And it's these places that Africans are living in, working in mines by day, sleeping in

these shitty, thrown together huts at night while the new imperialists are building big proper homes, living in comparable luxury. Well after World War I is over in 1918, things get awesome finally for Africa. Jesus Christ, finally get some good news in this episode. Bretton for example builds the world's first free amusement park in Nairobi. For 40 years, it would have the world's longest-lady river, cold beer, cool water, lots of floaties, no segregation, the best. The most advanced hospital in the world was located in Gabarón, Botswana for over a decade.

Side of the world's first pediatric wing actually, residents of French Sudan would have the highest standard of living in the world with the exception of Paris and London until 1935, the middle class was actually very wealthy. It was an epic time, an interracial marriage, what was common, even encouraged. Everyone loved each other and no one was exploited and the high five was actually invented. So fuck yeah, get out of here, none of that happened.

Now, things got even worse for the Africans. The economy of Europe is in shambles and to rebuild their economies, Europe turns to Africa's mineral and agricultural wealth. Of course they do. Europe's growing interest in Africa's minerals, blood diamonds, for example, led to her expansion into Africa's interior. The great depression that followed, Europe was also affected by the US stock market crash in 1929, worsened the already failing economies of Europe.

The mining of mineral wealth from Africa required its reorganization of colonial rule, which meant that the autonomy, autonomous chiefs and kings in Africa that had maintained rule over the years would be increasingly dissolved to make room for a more progressive form of government. The result of these changes was that land was taken away from African tribes and residents and chiefs and local empires and given to white settlers and colonial companies like the British South African company for farming and mine. This is comparable to what went on with American colonial invasion of inland in America, where at first there's like reservations.

Then when gold would be found or the farmland would be deemed to be very valuable They would just be like nah, I know we said that you could still live here, but get the fuck out now You got to give us that after World War one colonial governments began to introduce agricultural reforms aimed at further improving their revenues by squeezing more money collected from African farmers They're basically feudal medieval monarchies collected from African farmers. They're basically feudal medieval monarchies posing as 20th century nations. Africans' societies were deeply affected by these changes because most of them were still dependent on agriculture for, you know, their daily survival. You know, that little thing, that little nuisance. Africans now forced to sell their crops to colonial markets at lower prices that would in turn sell these crops to an international market at a much higher price, which meant much more money for the overlords and less money

for the actual Africans. And then World War II hits in 1939. And another European war spills into Africa. More than a million Africans would end up fighting in World War II in one form or another and few understood why. Hundreds of thousands of African troops would be sent to Europe during the war those who survived would feature almost no Recognition for their efforts after the war in theory the men volunteered for their colonial overlords But in reality it was forced recruitment

Check out these recent interviews with African World War two veterans Senegalese veteran Yorobah remembers the day when the French came to his village. If we men had stayed at home, we would have been taken to court and probably shot dead. So that was his volunteering experience. What they were to fight for was not explained, said baby Sai, a veteran from Burkina Faso, then Upper Volta. He said, he said, people didn't understand when they heard talk of fascism.

We were just told that the Germans had attacked us and considered us Africans to be apes. As soldiers, we could prove that we were human beings. That was it. That was all the political explanation there was at the time. So I mean, yeah, they're just getting fucked over in so many different ways. Well, at least some good did come out of the soldiers' World War II efforts that would

lead to African nations becoming independent states. Whether it's prisoners of war, or if they were fighting on the front, the African soldiers came into close contact with European soldiers and with the reality of life in Europe. And that changed their awareness and later their political activity back home. Sen Galeeese writer and filmmaker, Sumein Zimbain, himself a former colonial soldier, put it like this. In war, we saw the white men naked

and we have not forgotten that picture. Well, this had far reaching consequences. During the war, you know, the African soldiers saw their so-called rulers from Europe, lying in mud and filth. They saw them suffering and dying, says German journalist, Karl Rossel, who spent 10 years researching the topic in West Africa. As a result, they realized that there was no differences between people.

And this in turn led to many former soldiers joining independence movements in their home countries. Well, then also in 1945, the United Nations has formed, and part of their formation, doctrine, is the right for nations to have self-determination Basically colony should be able to govern themselves and not be forced to be subjugated to foreign rule Well, this new doctrine and international philosophy greatly bolsters Africa's push for independence and then in June of 1953 Egypt gains independence from Britain in 1960 Botswana gained its independence from Britain in 1960 but swanagained its independence from Britain as well

Gavin and Senegal take over independence from France and on and on and on 17 African nations gained independence in 1960 alone by 1977 57 African countries had seceded from their former European colonial rulers But for many of these nations, freedom came into terrible price. Yeah, there's really like every time in this episode, it seems like, oh, this good news. They got something.

I'm not actually made life worse. France specifically was so angry about losing their most profitable source of income for their country that when the people of Guinea decided in 1958 to free themselves and get out of the French colonial empire, the French colonial elite in Paris got so furious that in a historic active fury, the French administration and Guinea destroyed everything in the country,

which represented what they called the benefits from French colonization. So they just fucking destroyed schools, nurseries, public administration buildings, cars, books, medicine, research institutes, instruments, tractors, cows, horses, pigs are killed in farms, food in warehouses, it's poisoned and burned. I mean, Jesus! It was obvious that the reason for this immense act of violence and destruction was committed in order to send a warning to the remaining French colonies. That if they decided to reject France, you know, it was going to be some fucking consequences.

But the other French colonized countries were not intimidated for that long and so in 1960, no, the Republic of Togo decided that it wanted or it did not, excuse me, want to be part of the French Empire anymore. The first president of Togo, Sylvanas Olympio, and light of what France did to Guinea agreed that the Togolies Republic would pay an annual debt to France for the so-called benefits Togo got from French colonization. So that was what he learned from this previous destruction. He's like, okay, we want to leave. Bob, before you burn all the shit, we're going to pay you for all the great benefits you've

given us. Because this was the only way that they could keep the French from destroying their country. The only problem was that the amount estimated by France was so huge that they felt that they were owed that the annual repayment of this so-called colonial debt was close to 40% of the country's total budget in 1961. So as a result, Togo is now economically too unstable to survive as an independent country. So then President Olympia decides that to get, you know, out of the French colonial money

in order to save the economy, that they gotta like basically start printing their own currency. And so they do so. And then on January 13th, 1963, a squad of soldiers backed by France kills President Olympia, the first elected president of newly independent Africa. And that kind of shit still goes on

2014 2014 14 African countries as of at least as recent as January 2014 are obliged by France through a colonial pact to put 85% Of their foreign reserve into France Uh, the France Central Bank under French under the French minister of finance control France, the France Central Bank under the French Minister of Finance control, they are effectively putting in $500 billion every year into the French treasury. African leaders who refuse are killed or victim of coups, those who obey or support it and reward by France with lavish lifestyles while there are people enduring extreme poverty

and depression. So that's shit still going on, man. Alright, so let's hop out of this timeline and think about uh... what's going on in africa today overall good job soldier made it back barely alright so currently africa you know it has it has other problems has islamic terrorist groups like is ISIS and Boko Haram,

it has civil wars in Rwanda and neighboring Burindi, the move from colonial's independent rule that's to violence, radicalized policies under colonial rule, led to rivalries between ethnic groups, major contributor to the 1994 Rwandan genocide. In addition to all the other problems I mentioned with colonization, think about this,

when those European assholes cut up Africa, they didn't cut it up with any thought whatsoever to the boundaries of the existing tribes, kingdoms and nations. In some occasions, existing kingdom could just be split in half. One part of the culture now belongs to one imperial overlord, another part belongs to another nation, and those nations may go to war against each other. In other cases, two or more different ethnic groups who hated each other you know for centuries you've been fighting for decades or more are now forced to be part of the same nation. You know like that's not going to cause problems. For example in South Africa there are the Zulu, Zulu excuse me, and the Hosa, two of many different African cultures and tribes and for the most

part these two fucking hate each other, historically, of fought each other. You know, and now they're part of the same nation. And there are tensions like this and other nations all throughout Africa, and that's why there are these civil wars. Now if Africa had been left alone, would life over there be way better than it is now? I mean, who knows, but probably, probably be better. If European imperialists had decided to work with local African nations and help industrialize them, allowing both the Africans and Europeans to make money together and actually

share the wealth, rather than, you know, just completely fuck them over, I'm guessing life for sure would be better. You know, human greed, man, European greed, has for sure without a doubt been the very worst thing to ever happen to that continent. But that's just what I think. What does the internet think? All right, time to check in those idiots of the internet.

Well today I found a video called How the Europeans divided Africa posted by Africa Business Pages and I'm not going to focus on the abject racism in the comment section because there's too much of it and it's tired. Instead I'll focus on some other different types of wackadoodles like poster DJ Renee who writes we don't need their education and technology. The more Africans get educated the more they fall behind the white man again. Know the real history, Africa was more advanced a thousand years ago on their own before this so-called education and technology. If any hope, we should start by withdrawing from their systems and beliefs. Hashtag education and hashtag religions. Wow, why do people do this when they get really mad about something?

They reject the entire thing they're mad at. It's that classic, throw the baby out with the bath water. Did the Europeans fuck up Africa? Yeah, for sure. No one in the right mind is going to argue that. But is everything they brought to Africa horrific? No. Were there universities before Europeans in Africa?

Yes, but not as many. Way more because of Europeans. Way more hospitals started showing up after Europeans arrived. Way more chures and vaccinations for horrific life-killing diseases. Africa was not more advanced a thousand years ago. That is full crystal-holed and crazy talk.

Did they have air conditioning a thousand years ago? No, how about indoor plumbing? So that is full crystal holding crazy talk, right? Did they have air conditioning a thousand years ago? No, how about indoor plumbing? Uh-uh. How about cars and trains and planes and roads? Nope. You know, they didn't have any of that shit. Travel was not better in Africa a thousand years ago than it is today.

And now though, but you think you can just abandon all forms of western education. Get the fuck out of here. I get the rage, but you've gone to a very logical place. All right, you're going to know, no one is going to be like, no, let's get rid of all this. Let's just go back to, you know, some medieval type lifestyle at best. User James Morrison goes to an even more logical place, posting slave trade, no mention of Jewish merchants that ran the show.

Why do people do this? I swear, you look to any comment section of any video about something going horribly wrong in history that has more than like a million views at least one motherfucker has to blame the jute. It's the Illuminati. They ran the slave trade, the Zionists. I get so tired of that. Did some European Jews make some money off the slave trade in Africa's exploitation? Of course, I'm sure it still do as do many other types of people, but they were not running the show. You secret society has a complete lunatic.

Man, that stuff is just so, it's just, God, I just feel like it's just out there forever. I feel so sorry for Jewish people when I read about that stuff. We're just like, man, just enough with the fucking Luminati or run the shit. User, Minimet, Menacapera, decides to fight ridiculous racism with more ridiculous racism,

writing, I really hope that the entire of Europe will get nuked, nuked, all of these pecker woods. Okay, now I include this partly because it's idiotic, think that what the Europeans have done justifies literally killing all of them today. As if the people living there today were the people living there in the late 19th century. There are a lot of good white people and a lot of amazing Europeans, just like there are amazing people of all races and from all nations across the world.

Except Poland, except Poland. As I've stated before, they are the worst people ever kidding, of course. I also included this post in the Internet of the internet because of the word, Peckerwood, really makes me laugh. And it doesn't make sense in this context. Miriam Webster defines Peckerwood as an insulting and contemptuous term for a rural white southerner. It's white southern poor redneck, which there are approximately none in Europe.

So let's ease up on the nuke, everyone talk, and use the correct racial or ethnic slur, which in this case will be Euro-trash. You know, you want you what you want to nuke is all Euro-trash, if I read you correctly, not some good old boys in Alabama or some shit. And last one, user Streetway ST goes full idiot posting Europeans. There are more than 50 European countries, and I can see that the majority of them have never had any colony. What the fuck are you talking about, dude?

No one has said that all of the countries in their name form today are the countries that colonize Africa a century or two before. How do you not understand how history works? You know, the major colonial powers of Europe in the first half of the 20th century and the last half of the 19th century did do this. How is that hard for you to understand? This tip should is acting like he just watched a video on American slavery and then it's saying, no, not true. I do not have slaves never have had none have none of my white friends have had or ever had slaves either. Of

course not dummy. Do you not understand the basic concept of time? Are you unable to process the concept of past tense? A lot of the 50 countries in Europe today didn't have colonies because they weren't fucking countries a hundred years ago. You know, they were part of other countries that did have slaves. It did colonize. I hate it when people twist an argument into a place

that the person making the initial argument never suggested You know, okay, so so enough for this one today. Another not for this one to to what we'll close on You know a post by user proud man 998 who Said what it really kind of summed up what I found the rest of this comment section to be while saying the comment section of this video is pure cancer. Okay, so there we have it. Hope you understand Africa a little better now. I know I do.

I know this is a complex, this is a really tricky, tricky episode to put into a narrative. I know just based on comments, I've seen I've tuned reviews and stuff. I know you guys tend to prefer the, oh, like the biographies and stuff a little more sometimes in these episodes and that those can be a little more entertaining. I do get that. And it's because they're just much easier to do. Like a biography of a person is far easier to construct narratively than it is like a concept like this.

But I think these concepts are important and I hope I'm getting better at trying to explain them. I'm making a lot of effort into simplify it as much as possible. I know that I learned a lot. I understand the chaos of present-day Africa much more because of this episode. I understand the struggle much more.

I understand how exploitation continues and has its historical roots, oil drilling, diamond mines and more. The diamond mines of Africa could be just another suck, all in their own. The continued colonial taxes, that blew my mind. The fucking nerve of some of these places to still tax them in that way. Just a level of segregated poverty that exists there, just, you know, unlike anything that we have here. And again, I saw that firsthand when I went to South Africa, you know, my stand-up OO

traveling over the years has led me to some rough neighborhoods in the U.S. You know, Inglewood, Compton, some of the worst neighborhoods in Detroit, and, you know, East Lansing, and Philly, and New York, been through some real rugged little towns of West Virginia, and some real rural poverty, and Missouri, and other York, been through some real rugged little towns of West Virginia and some real rural poverty and Missouri and other places, some real heartbreaking poverty in this country. And I can tell you that it has nothing on with the shit I saw in Africa.

It is an entire other level of poverty. And when I saw it, I didn't have a real understanding of why it still existed and now I know. Okay, and now let's go over what we all just learned, what we all know, and a little new info besides with some top five takeaways. Time to suck, top five takeaway. Number one, the colonization of Africa really got going with the Berlin Conference in 1884 when Otto von Bismarck decided that the leaders of Europe needed to sit down and figure out how to carve up a new continent to dick over.

Number 2. By 1910, over 90% of Africa was under imperial control, only Liberia and Ethiopia remained independent. Italy tried to take Ethiopia over in 1896 and got its mother fucking ass kicked in the battle of the Dwarf. Finally, a victory for Africa. Uh, well, the Italians would later kick Ethiopia's ass in 1936. Shit.

But the Italians would also get kicked back out in 1941, so back to some good news, a little bit of good news. Number three, Africans were forced to fight for their colonial overlords in both World War I and World War II, so while the slave trade was abolished in the late 19th century, slavery in some form continued well into the 20th century. Number four, parts of Africa are still being economically subjugated by other imperial

rulers by former imperial rulers. The French still taxed a shit out of Africa to the tune of roughly $500 billion a year. Number five, new info, chaos still reigns in Africa today. In 2014, Africa experienced more than a half of worldwide conflict incidents despite having Number five new info chaos still rains in Africa today in 2014 Africa experience more than a half of worldwide conflict incidents despite having only about 16% of the world population Right now more than 250,000 children and war torn south Sudan are at risk of imminent death because of severe Malnutrition a united nation's official has recently said the country has been undergoing civil war since 2013 The ongoing conflict has resulted in the death of tens of thousands and the displacement of a quarter a quarter of the country's 12 million person population

It's also affected more than half of its child population according to unicef Some 2.4 million children have been forced to flee their homes since the war broke out. More than 2,300 children have been killed and 19,000 have been recruited into fighting for armed groups. Here are some more depressing stats, more than a quarter of the countries in Sub-Saharan Africa are poorer now than they were in 1960. With no sign that foreign aid, however substantive, will end poverty there. Last year perhaps the most striking illustration of this came from Liberia,

which has received massive amounts of aid, foreign aid for a decade in 2011, according to the OECD, official development aid to Liberia totaled $765 million, made up 73% of its gross national income. That sum was even larger in 2010, but last year every

one of the 25,000 students who took the exam to enter the University of Liberia failed. Jesus. All of the aid is still failing to provide a decent education to Liberians. So what is to be done? How is Africa to be helped? How do you stabilize governments and countries that have seen virtually no stability in the last century and a half at least? How do you end an exploitation model that has existed for so terribly long?

Many of Africa's governments are extremely corrupt. Of course they are. Their leaders grew up in a world of corruption. Well, I wish I had some answers. For right now, I think it's just something we need to keep thinking about. And if people want to read more about the last throws, African exploitation, my editor, Jesse Doldner says, you should read this book called King Leopold Ghost, a story of greed, terror, and heroism in colonial Africa.

I guess it's a great book. According to Jesse, that is equally informative and horrific and just makes you think further about this issue, which I do think is important. Time suck, tough, five takeaway. So that is imperialism in Africa and my jaw is completely numb. It's just sucked an entire continent. Shout out to small town sucker, real quick, Kelby, happy birthday dude. To come, your buddy says, Hey, and some announcements.

And again, I hope you enjoyed that episode. Again, I know it was complicated, but I hope it was fun. It was very interesting for me in a nice break from the pace of kind of recent episodes. Houston Dallas, Brea Cleveland, Charlotte Atlanta, Huntsville, so much more up at Dancomans.tv, the newly designed Dancomans.tv, click the link in today's podcast description

to listen to my new album, maybe on the problem, on Pandora Premium for free. That is out now. That link gives you free 30 minutes trial of Pandora Premium if you're not a premium user already. And then when the time is up, you know, you just come back, click the link, and then you'll have enough time

to finish the rest of the album. And it's just all laid out there as an album, which is awesome. The Patreon account is live. For those of you who want to sign up early to become space lizards and just a couple of days, thanks to all those of you who have done so already. Due to my tour schedule, I actually recorded this episode five days ago, actually recorded it a day after this past Friday's episode. It's kind of odd to do that way. So I have no idea how many people are signed up, but I'm guessing based on early last week, it's between 500 and 1,000 people. 500,000 space lizards, it's fucking happening.

It's really happening. You won't be charged $5 until February 1st, and that's when some new space lizards features on the app and the website arrive. That's when the first piece of Space Lizard merch comes out. That's when the secret suck podcast will be you have a little intro episode, not really an episode, just an explanation kind of episode. And then you know, February 8th is when the first one

will be there. The age of the Space Lizard is hours away. Link to the Patreon profile is your ticket into the exclusive world of the Space Lizard in the episode description. Patreon just being used to collect that $5 a month and send occasional space lizard messages to explain shit, troubleshoot problems, etc. And again, February 8th will be the first full episode, so we have time to kind of build

it out with all your space lizard voice messages. You will have to listen to the secret suck on the app and on the website, and that's it. That's the only place. Space Lizards are here. Join us. And if you're on the fence about being a space lizard, but you love my stand up and you want to get my second new 2018 album, Feel the Heat, you can only do so by signing up. One month subscription, five bucks and album is yours.

And then if you want to cancel, you still get to keep that $5 album. And I think it's pretty funny. I had a good time making it. Here's a little sample of what's on it. Like even with the best message, just like the Golden Rule was always my favorite. Doing to others is you would have done it to you. That's a great message.

And it's beautiful for most people. But what if you're weirdo? What if you're a social deviant, some degenerate? You might want some creepy shit done unto you. I would rather not have done unto me. Or unto others around me. What if you're some masochistic pervert? That's your thing. You get pleasure from pain. That's fine. That's what you want to do.

That's not what I want to do. What if you're ultimate fantasy? This is what you would like done unto you. You're ultimate fantasies. You'd you would like done down to you. You're ultimate fantasies. You'd like to be waiting to get coffee in the morning. You just woke up. You're in that surreal, pre-caffeinated hazy part of the day. Just, you know, still got crusty stuff in your eyelashes.

Just still getting a grip on things. And then you're about to get your coffee. And right as you're about to get your coffee, you feel hot breath on the back of your neck. Like what? Large aggressive stranger is snuck up behind you. You're like, hey, what are you? And then they just bid you over the counter. Pull on your pants. Pull of your neck. Like what? Large aggressive stranger, a snuck up behind you. You're like, hey, what are you? And then they just bid you over the counter,

pull on your pants, pull off your underwear, and then you shove a popsicle up your ass to the stick. Yes, to the stick. Now you're in a real pickle. Hope you liked that little teaser. The crowd that night and myself had a great time. Thanks to Sidney Shives, Harmony Velik Velocamp Jesse Dobner and the entire time suck team Thanks for all the reviews spread the suck every review helps every time and you guys write the most wonderful things and I read every single one of them

Just fantastic you guys just keep building that out. It really does spread the suck. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you Big thanks to official time suck both jangles researcher Thank you, thank you. And big thanks to official time suck boat jangles researcher, you know, and an official intern, Maddie the heater teeter for structuring the colonization research and sucking Africa as well. Maddie and I double suck the shit out of Africa this week. And I hope it was enjoyable for you.

Thanks to Maddie for coming up with that topic by the way, really grabbed my attention. I knew so little about the history of that continent. Next week on time suck, we go futuristic. Some sci-fi suck. It's been too long. Digital immortality. Is it possible to transfer human consciousness

into the cloud, into a hard drive? If so, what does that mean for a future? I find this stuff endlessly fascinating. This is gonna be a really fun head scratcher of a suck. I'm gonna suck and you're gonna get blown right your mind is gonna be blown As I do some sucking think about that so I can't wait can't wait to suck on the the possible post-humanistic future of mankind Now time for the present time for the the recent past time for some time-soaker updates some time-soaker updates. Updates, get your time-soaker updates.

Today's first update comes in from the Fuzz, from the Popo, 5-0. Came in with a subject line that made me nervous, says message from the police. I was like, oh shit. And I said, dear Dr. Reverend Colonel Esquire, I just want to thank you for your kind words you said towards police officers in your Jersey Devil episode, not a shocker with the good things you say about the troops, but still nice to hear. I'm a police officer in Oklahoma City and work in area where I rarely hear anything but expletives towards me.

Your thank you was a much needed morale boost in the middle of my shift and feel I should return a thank you slash morale boost. Keep suckin' as hard as you do. You're killing a lately with the past few episodes. I listened to Andre Cicatillo in the first episode. Well, those big deal. And I was hooked and they're just getting better. Oh man, thank you. Your episodes really help with getting through some long shifts and hard nights. I actually had a prisoner about to piss herself laughing during the idiots of the internet segment on the Jersey Devil. If you ever find yourself in Oklahoma City, I'd be honored to have you as a ride along for your shift. Oh man, thank you. I'd also love to hear an episode on Timothy McVeigh, the Oklahoma City bombing.

Well thank you, Officer Jason. I'm going to leave your last name out. For privacy reasons, love that you are letting her force and prisoners to listen to the suck that cracks me up. And I love that at least one prisoner enjoyed it. I gotta spread the suck man, the prison population. You know, they're eventually gonna be able to get out and fucking have devices and listen, and I need all the listeners I can get. So thanks for the love, appreciate what you do big time. Today's second update comes in from Time Sucker,

Steven Hart, who writes in saying, hey Dan, I just found your podcast a couple of weeks ago. It's amazing. The first one I listen to is Einstein. And now I know I looked like a damned maniac laughing by myself in the car on the way home. You completely suck and it's awesome. I want to tell you that the damn, that the damn piny song you did in the last episode is writhing through my head like some kind of viral and serious monstrosity and it won't go away. So thanks for that.

I swear if I start singing it out loud. Also, if it hasn't been said before, Lucifina has gotta be the baddest succubus ever. Thanks to the podcast, keep on sucking. Proud to be a part of the cult of the curious. Take care, Stephen. Well, thank you, Stephen. And I'm not quite sure.

What song exactly were you talking about? I was trying to remember, like from the Jersey Devil Lopsid, or were you talking about trying to remember like From the from the Jersey devil up so are you talking about the song and went well look at here now I got some pig cuz his pig ever did lick out of my woman's beard Well look at here now with full belly. I made a book baby with the woman home mine and the governor's wallet we got Yeah, I hope I didn't just further embed that earwisal back in your head. That would be cruel and unnecessary. That would be terrible. That would be like a piny, McDonald's, really just worse. Thanks, Steven.

So glad you enjoyed the show. And then an update on an old couple of episodes from recent convert, Time Sucker Chas Charleston, who has an incredible email handle, Disciple of Nimrod, 18. And Chas writes, GoodMorrow, MotherSucker. I've recently found your podcast, thanks to your appearance, on Heartland Radio and Jesus Fucking Bojangles Balls. It's the first podcast that made me go back from the start and listen to the entire catalog from the beginning.

It's an incredible saucy mix of informative and actual laugh out loud comedy. Oh man, thank you. Which is fucking phenomenal for my solitary night shift job. Unfortunately, since I just found the desolatious wormhole, this is going to go way the fuck back a few episodes, specifically the dark web episode. I was on board until right near the end. That part, the part that really got me was where you equated police confiscating narcotics as theft.

A notion I think is absolutely bananas and caused a lot of confusion because not long before, I listened to the Walmart episode where unless I severely misunderstood, you advocated for taking someone's money because they had a lot of it with the Walten's. I'm trying to wrap my head around why one would be considered theft and shouldn't be done and the others acceptable. I should note my views on drug legality, different slightly from yours. I think anyway, remove marijuana from the equation because it's pretty universally agreed that it's not a concern anymore anymore I'm of the belief that if you decide to stash yourself in your house and do coke heroin meth whatever your drug of choice Is all day and cause no problems for anyone else that is your prerogative? Unfortunately that doesn't happen often to favor the person who abuses drugs is inevitably going to need a whole slew of social services

At some point to deal with the addiction and resulting medical issues. If when they start stealing things from people to fuel their habit, the police, justice system, and involvement is going to require considerable amount of time, energy, and resources to deal with it. While the act of possessing drugs to use maybe a quote-unquote victimless crime, the drug use is inevitably going to be the direct cause of the addict using rather significant amounts of resources from state and local governments.

Therefore, I don't think it's unreasonable for state and local governments to apply rules prohibiting the possession, sale, use of those substances. Federal government involvement is a different beast. I'm a big fan of returning most governmental power to the states, but I digress. To tie this mess back together, I'm curious to learn your rationale behind why it's acceptable

to take significant portions of the Walton's money from them, but confiscating drugs from users is considered theft. If you're reading this without reading the rest, it's safe to assume there isn't going to be a response. So in that case, keep up the good work and thank you for what you do, regard your disciple in the glory of Nimra.

Yeah, so he'll Nimra. Well, all right, Chess. Excuse me, here's my answer. I was wrong. I think I think I'm looking back. You got to be able to admit your mistakes. And I think I was wrong about the Waltz. I remember it has been a while, but my thing came from the feeling of the rich oppressor

poor oppressed and capitalism gone awry. And the upper 1%, just getting too much power and just economically subjugating the bottom 99% and that's why on an emotional level I advocated for taking their shit and this kind of rage against the machine kind of anger you know sort of way and I do think I let my emotions you know get to get the best of me because yes on a non-emotional ethical place, it is not okay to just take what someone else has made because you feel they took too much, or have made too much, I guess, rather.

That's a very slippery slope that's just gonna lead to a bad place. In regarding the seizure of certain drugs, being equated to theft, that one is tricky. Again, I think we're agreed on marijuana that that is kind of silly to take that. It's not really a big problem maker. It's becoming legal in most states, but, you know, hard drugs, you know, like with opiates,

I do think actually you are right when I really think about it in a complex way. And again, I was coming from this place of, I think I was using marijuana as the main example, and then expanding that to kind of narcotics in this kind of libertarian way of like, you know, we should be able to do what we're doing as long as we're not harming someone else. And then why are we, you know, put in prisons? And then the prisons, I remember that the argument from that being some studies I had cited about how much money goes into private prisons,

and that becomes a business, and people are just being exploited in that way. And, you know, if they haven't harmed anybody violently, you know, what's the big deal? But you bring up a good point where, you know, when it comes to like opiates and, you know, if they haven't harmed anybody violently, you know, what's the big deal? But you bring up a good point where, you know, when it comes to like opiates and things like that, which are a real problem where I live in Coraline, opiate addiction and other things, it doesn't tend to be a, I'm not bothering anyone's situation.

It does tend to be a downward spiral and at the very least social services get involved in helping the person get back on their feet, which does took away from the taxpayer base, so it's not victimless. So yeah, if I could go back now, as I've evolved over the last few months, I would make different arguments. So thank you for making me think, Chaz, I love the two-way street of the sock, man. One should never be above rethinking their belief system. When you get into a place where you're like, nope, I'm for sure right, and you're not gonna fucking change my mind.

Well, you know, and you don't even hear that a person out, well, that's a bad spot to be. That's a bad spot to be in, you know, because none of us have all the answers. And I love this community we're building and helping give each other a better understanding. And if I'm gonna challenge you guys, I would be one hell of a fucking hypocrite to not allow myself to be challenged and not allow myself to realize that, yeah, fuck up a little here and there with my arguments. So, so thank you, thank you,

and I appreciate the knowledge, thanks to you and thanks to today. Time suckers and future space lizards. Here are gonna be space lizards real soon. Have a great week. Definitely don't don't go colonizing any foreign nations, you know, subjugating any continents. Definitely do sign up now to become a space lizard. You know, don't miss out. Hail Nimrod, and keep on sucking. you