Timesuck with Dan Cummins - 77 - Norse Gods

Starting point is 00:00:00 What in the shit are we talking about this week? Norse gods Turns out they're still being worshiped today. Who knew well our own time suck editor Jesse Dobner who is a practicing Asa Truar You know apparently a lot of people in Iceland also knew quite a few in Sweden Norway Denmark Even if you time suckers. I did not I thought Thor was a comic book character whose Marvel mythology kicked off three really successful movies and made Chris Hemsworth a star and Stanley even more money like he needs that. I had no idea that those movies and comics came from a, you know, real mythology. Turns out

Starting point is 00:00:36 the Scandinavians have an origin story is fantastical and interesting and magical as the Ancient Greeks. And just like some people still worship the Ancient Greek and Roman gods from Mount Olympus, seriously. Somebody is hoping he's on Zeus' good side right now. Others worship the Norse gods of Asgard, as in Thor, right now, present day, did not know that. I learned so much this week, my mind was expanded in surprising ways, and now you two are gonna learn so much and have a great time

Starting point is 00:01:04 in this Norse gods edition of Time Suck. You're listening to Time Suck. What's up Time Suckers and Space Lizards? Some Dan Cummins, and this is Time Suck. Recording from scenic cordolain Idaho, and today's time suck is brought to you by a brand new podcast. Big questions with Cal Fussman. The podcast. Have you ever wondered how Kobe Bryant became an Oscar nominee?

Starting point is 00:01:34 Did you even know he's an Oscar nominee? These are the kind of questions that Cal Fussman gets answers to in his podcast, Big Questions with Cal Fussman. Best-selling author and Esquire columnist, CalFussman talks to people who have lived extraordinary lives from Kobe Bryant, Dr. Oz to Tim Ferriss. And he has really deep thoughtful conversations with these guests and you'll end up with burning questions answered. And a few new ones to think about. Are you intrigued by Mr. Fussman? Me too.

Starting point is 00:02:02 So subscribe to big questions with CalFussman now in your favorite podcast app like Stitcher or Apple Podcasts and enjoy getting that curiosity itch scratched. Timescook is also brought to you today by the new Stitcher podcast, Dear Franklin Jones. And Franklin Jones is a cult leader and the narrator of this podcast was born into his strange, strange cult many years ago. Growing up reporter Jonathan Hersches, excuse me, family was a little different. Jonathan's parents, worship Franklin as a god, joined Jonathan now on a journey to find out what really happened

Starting point is 00:02:36 and whether this group really did become a cult. It's an awesome new podcast that is fucking fascinating, incredibly well produced. I'm really enjoying it. And I hope you enjoy it, time suckers. I know how much you love cults. I mean, we just did Kuresh. Now you get a new cult fix with this dear Franklin Jones. So subscribe to Dear Franklin Jones and Stitcher Apple Podcasts or in your favorite podcast,

Starting point is 00:02:58 app. Okay. Big first of the time, time suck, fellow members of the cult are the curious. First episode chosen by the Space Lizards in the app and on the website, first number one vote getter for the first half of February. And you didn't take it easy on me. I did not expect this one, but I am glad I got it. Man, it really challenged me.

Starting point is 00:03:19 Recording from the CDA suck layer, Reverend Dr. Josh Crel monitoring the sound waves from his new tech temple Here in the dungeon. He if there was a Norris god of tech That's what his desk is a little temple to right now fancy new eye Mac looking so pretty Little cushions under the speakers. Ah, so so nice so fancy Watch in the sound waves on the big old monitor trying to make sure Luciferina doesn't sneak in and corrupt the suck, big ol' Luciferina, and hail Nimrod. Big thanks to all the time suckers

Starting point is 00:03:49 who came to Minneapolis. I'm recording this before gettin' there, but I know already that at least three of the four standup shows are sold out. So that's fantastic, and the podcast is sold out. So you know what, fucking love you guys. Haven't even done the shows, fucking love you guys. Gonna be at the Brea Improv,

Starting point is 00:04:02 so-cow this weekend, March 8th through the 11th. Supposed to be on some great podcasts down in the lake. Got some fun stuff on the schedule. Gonna be recording an episode of the church, what's happening now with Joey Coco Diaz. Very funny dude. Gonna be a guest on the Adam Corolla show, one of the biggest podcasts out there.

Starting point is 00:04:20 Gonna be back on the tin foil hat with Sam Tripoli. Lot of fun podcasts and coming my way. You know, a lot of fun podcasts and coming to, uh, coming to time sucks. So hill and then right. And then back in, uh, my wife's hometown, back at hilarities in Cleveland, March 22 to the 24. So get there, Cleveland. You fucking get there. Take it to been selling well and I love it. Salt Lake City, April 20th to the 21st. Charlotte, Atlanta, Birmingham, Huntsville, Dallas, Houston, now San Antonio, all part of the 2018 Flat Earth tour, more tour dates at Dancomans.tv, big Southern tour in April. And big time sucker update regarding a very cool foundation, a time sucker. I've got to meet personally is a part of the hashtag be like Tyler a lot of info for that at the end

Starting point is 00:05:06 Very very inspiring and cool now time for some Norse gods All right, you guys ready to get crazy today shit is gonna get weird so many legends so many gods First things first maybe a fair amount of pronunciation errors this week. I didn't exactly have time in one week to learn old Norse, okay? So fucking calm down. You know, I didn't have time to translate all the obscure weird ass too many consonant have an Icelandic and Norwegian and old Norse bullshitty words into proper English. We're taking 40 hours at least just to learn all the word pronunciations. But I think I present an acceptable amount of pronunciations done correctly for today's gods. And they're surrounded. Jesse has helped me a

Starting point is 00:05:50 lot with words I couldn't find out there on the interwebs. A lot of stuff to get to. Yes. So second, a lot of stuff about the subject is out there. It's very complex. You can get a four-year degree from the University College London in Viking and Old Norse studies. Then you can get a master's from the University of Iceland in Reykjavik. You hear what I'm saying? You can study this shit for at least six years. Minimum.

Starting point is 00:06:11 There's so much. I had no idea when I started researching how complicated this is so this. So we're gonna hit overviews, which still may be more complex, than you might be expecting. It's intense. So just claim it's out of the way.

Starting point is 00:06:22 I'm grabbing my thunder hammer and getting to hammer and downs through some Norse mythology. So, just claim it's out of the way. I'm grabbing my thunder hammer and getting to hammer and down through St. Norse mythology. So, what even is it? What is Norse mythology? In simple terms, it's the Northern European equivalent of Greek and Roman mythology. Very similar, actually, in certain ways. The best definition I could find online comes from, not surprisingly, a website called Norse-Mathology.org. That's right, there's an entire organization dedicated to Norse mythology. There's actually several. And they all have tons of info to offer. The tagline for Norse-methalogy.org is, you know, grab Thor's hammer by the balls or go

Starting point is 00:06:58 fuck yourself. No, that's not the tagline. I just made that up. It's Norse mythology for smart people. And here's how these self-proclaimed smarty pants answer this question. Before the Norse, aka the Vikings were converted to Christianity during the Middle Ages, they had their own vibrant native pagan religion. That was as harshly beautiful as the Nordic landscape to which it was intimately connected.

Starting point is 00:07:19 The centerpiece of that religion was what we call Norse mythology today. The set of religious stories that gave meaning to the Vikings' lives. I feel like I'm doing a fun narrative voice right now. These myths revolved around deities with fascinating and highly complex characters, such as Odin, Thor, Freya, Loki, and Nimrod, true King of the North, and the one God to rule them all. Thor's hammer is actually just a tool that Nimrod lost when he was tinkering with one of the planets, a small one that he didn't even care about,

Starting point is 00:07:50 trying to nail some rings to it to make it look pretty. And it's super powerful and it was Nimrod's tiniest weakest hammer. He didn't even bother look for because he has so many other better hammers. So, okay, so maybe there's no record of Nimrod in Norse mythology. Maybe they haven't just found one yet.

Starting point is 00:08:05 The other stuff is legit. The Norse religion never had a true name, those who practice it just called it tradition. However, people who continue to follow the old ways after the arrival of Christianity were sometimes called heathens, which simply meant, you know, people who live on the heaths or elsewhere in the countryside, rural folk,

Starting point is 00:08:22 common folk in the name is stuck heathens, man. Almost as bad as riffraff in the peanut gallery,ural folk. Comments folk in the name is Stuck. He's this man. Almost as bad as Rifraff in the peanut gallery. Old world pines, right? Well, look at here now. I got some pig. Tissues peed. I ever did lick. Adam and woman's beard. Well, look at here now.

Starting point is 00:08:36 What's the full belly? I made a butt baby with the woman home mind. I grew a Viking beard. And stuck thorns hammer him a butt. And poked old olden in his eye. And made moonshine in Valhalla. Yeeha! Hey man, I can piney's man back in the Nordic days as well.

Starting point is 00:08:49 I'm done for the moment. Back to the Norse exposition from the good folks at North, uh, dot, or dash mythology dot org who add, even though some aspects of it may strike the modern reader as bizarre, if we approach it with the open mind it deserves, we can recognize within it the common human quest to live life in the presence of the transcendent transcendent majesty and joy of the sacred. Bazaar, as you will soon see, understatement of the year, some of the gods of the North are very interesting.

Starting point is 00:09:20 And even though it's been a thousand years since the last Vikings laid down their swords, people today continue to be inspired by the vitality and wonder of the Norse myths and the gods who inhabit them. For the Vikings, the world they found was enchanted. That is, they didn't feel the need to seek salvation from the world, but instead delighted in it and marvel at the way things are, including what we today would call both nature and culture. Yeah, the religion of misted and sugarcoat, the sort of mistrife and unfairness of earthly life, but instead acknowledged it, praise the attempt to master it through the accomplishment of great deeds for the benefit of oneself and once people. A life full of such deeds was what the good life was for the Vikings.

Starting point is 00:09:58 Okay, so that's what the folks at Norse mythology.org think. As a religion, though, I wondered what are the sacred texts of Norse mythology like, you know, is there some sort of Norse Bible? No, but there is a Norse nudy magazine and it's called Helga's Pussyhorn and wow, those old woodcarvings are intense. Thor, very kinky. No, that kinky. No, that's ridiculous. There's no ancient Norse nudy magazine.

Starting point is 00:10:28 But there is a book that is the primary source for a written account of most of the legends. It's called the Eda, or the prose Eda, or Snorries Eda. A book assumed to be written at least compiled, probably the better term, by a 13th century Icelandic scholar, Snorries Stirlsson,, Stirlsen, excuse me, around the year 1220 CE. And Snory, what a fucking name.

Starting point is 00:10:50 Sorry if that's a super common name. And I know I do have Icelandic listeners, probably just lost five Snories after the time suck. I like my name. I think it's a good name. And Snory was Christian, which is worth mentioning, Christianity became the official religion of Iceland around 1000 CE.

Starting point is 00:11:08 So what's interesting about the main written record of Norse gods is that it was written by a Christian a few centuries after his land was Christianized. So you know, that's like imagine if the Bible was written by a Hindu in a land that had been dominated for a few centuries by Hinduism. You know, probably gonna be a little different book than you know, if it were written by, you know, Jews or Christians as it was.

Starting point is 00:11:28 So the core canon, if you will, of Norse mythology, has been Christianized to exactly what degree we'll never know, but just kind of something to keep in mind as we march kind of through this, where, you know, who knows how much kind of Christian flavor was added to the Norse legends of old? And that's what we're kind of viewing today when we study Norse mythology. Is this revised version?

Starting point is 00:11:50 Revised how much? We don't know. Well, this cute document of sorts, this edda begins with a prologue, establishing the origins of Norse mythology, how the Norse gods descended from some god like Thracians. Now who were the Thracians? The Thracians were a race of half dogs, half humans descended of both jangles of Atlantis. The most powerful warriors of antiquity. And they kicked some ancient Greek and Persian asses, both jangles, the immortal, led them into battle with his thunder hammer, a weapon retreat from Zeus himself, a weapon fashioned out of that glorious pitfalls missing fourth fourth leg beating the Greeks with his own leg

Starting point is 00:12:26 I'm done again The Thracians were an ancient Indo-European people inhabiting Southeast from Europe the first historical record of the Thracians is found in the Iliad Where they are described as allies of the Trojans and the Trojan war against the Greeks Thracians lived in present-able garya Greece and Turkey and their roots likely go back to the beginnings of civilization in southern Europe. Unlike the Greeks, they never urbanized, and they didn't leave behind strong archaeological evidence of how they began and what life, you know, for the average theration was like. But we know, we do know they live in small clans or villages, huts on hilltops, you know,

Starting point is 00:13:00 that kind of stuff. Pines. They didn't form any type of a kingdom until the fifth century BCE when 40 Thracian tribes aligned into the O'Drisian, there we go, O'Drisian kingdom that lasted until the first century CE. They were referred to by Greeks and later by Romans as barbarians. Thracians would impale Roman heads on their spears, the famed Greek historian Herodotus writes that they sell their children and let their maidens commenced with whatever men they please. Yeah, so there, you know, there were rough bunched, it's maidens.

Starting point is 00:13:32 But to an extent, you know, contextually so was everybody back then. It was a rough time, it was a rough time in history. So the original Norse gods were Thracians, ancient battle-tested warriors, and the Thracians may or may not have been dirtbecks. And why pick the thrations? Well, as a scholar, I would have to imagine that Snory was familiar with the works of Homer. So, you know, why not give the origin story of the Norse gods? Little more pep. You know, have them come from the very same battles that the ancient Greek gods fought in. That's pretty cool. Give them the same blending of human and God, you know, give them the same mythology of human-like gods

Starting point is 00:14:06 being very active in the lives of their worshipers, or maybe that was part of the oral legend. Perhaps the earlier Germanic settlers of the North Country brought this legend with them, and perhaps they brought it from Thrace. There is a possibility that some of the legends originated much like Roman mythology from actual ancient people, which is known as humorism.

Starting point is 00:14:25 So, the genealogy presented by Snord begins with Priem, the king of Troy in Greek mythology during the Trojan War, a man written about by Homer, and Priem's daughter married King M union. Another son was Thor, who was fostered in Thraces. Kind of cool, right? Man Thor coming from the same time and same underlying mythology as Achilles. How cool would that be to have Thor make some cameos during the Tro of cool, right? Man, Thor coming from the same time and same underlying mythology as a killeys. How cool would that be to have Thor make some cameos during the Trojan War, right? Maybe do battle alongside Hector? That was badass. Fighting alongside, you know, Aries, the Greek God of War and the Norse God of Thunder, best WWE tag team wrestlers ever.

Starting point is 00:15:00 Right? How would I show that would be facing off against the Legion of Doom? We have the gods of war! Eri's and Thor! 12-year-old me, Sight is shit to watch that match. I'm gonna psych right now actually, and I know I just made it all up. Snorkels, the tells of the god whom we call Odin, who came to Germany, Sachsland, and established the royal lines there. Odin had second sight in his wife also, and from there for knowledge he found that his name

Starting point is 00:15:28 should be exalted in the northern part of the world and glorified above the fame of all other kings. Therefore, he made ready to journey out of Turkland. They made no end to their journeying until they came north into the land that is now called Saxland. I think they made it up to Germany, and there's a ton of other shit. And that's just the intro. You know, then they move on until the land that is now called Saxon. I think they made it up to Germany. There's a ton of other shit.

Starting point is 00:15:45 And that's just the intro. You know, then they move on into, the rest of Scandinavia, or the rest, excuse me, they move on in two Scandinavia. And then there are three books that I gave up trying to find a perfect pronunciation of that wasn't made by someone with an Icelandic accent. So thick, it didn't help me because Metung

Starting point is 00:16:03 do not move that way The first is the gild for ginging How was you gonna see these were GYL F-A-G-I-N-N-I-N-G? And you basically like you you Google Gild from ginging a pronunciation and then it just takes you to page saying why don't you go fuck yourself What are you why are you looking at it? Now, but the gilving deals with the creation and destruction of the world of the North Gods and some other intense stuff like the formation of Sweden. Let's hear a little taste of this one.

Starting point is 00:16:34 This is a little excerpt. Here begins the Beguilin of Gilfee. King Gilfee ruled the land that men now call Sweden. It is told of him that he gave to a wandering woman in return for her Mary-making, a plough land in his realm. Oh, they got it on. That's the kind of Mary-making he's talking about. As much as four oxen might turn up in a day and a night.

Starting point is 00:16:57 But this woman was of the kin of the Asir. She was named, she was named, Jeff, oh, Jesus Christ, Gayun. She took from the north out of Yatun him, Hym, Yatun Hym, for oxen, which were the soils of a certain giant and herself, and set them before the plow, and the plow cut so wide and so deep that it loosened up the land, and the oxen drew the land out into the sea and to the westward and stopped in a certain sound. And then the Jeff, there we go, Jeff, you set the land and gave it a name called salooned.

Starting point is 00:17:33 And from that time on, a lot of other fucking weird names are tossed around and such and such and whatnot and some yippity happens and fucking, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, for about 20,000 words. And again, interesting how originally some of these Norse gods were just dudes, some just women, kings and queens and mighty warriors, but just people.

Starting point is 00:17:51 Our editor Jesse told me this is one of the aspects to kind of drew him into the modern faiths based on the Norse gods, Esatru. He likes to odon the all father was once a man, you know, who became the all father by gathering wisdom, dude, you know, kind of gave up his own eye for knowledge as you'll soon hear about as opposed to always being omnipotent and powerful. It just made him more relatable to him. And then there's the kickass 50,000 word second book, the Skalzskakh Parmo. Oh man, this word is just a fucking nightmare. It's S-S-K-A with the accent over the A, L-D, S-K-A again, no accent, P-A-R-P-A-R-M-A with an accent, L.

Starting point is 00:18:35 It just looks like a, like, get out of here. It's effectively a dialogue between the, a gear, a gear. Got a gear. The North Scott of the Sea and Braggie, the God of poetry. The world's scowled, in a scowled as Kamalpahal means poet or poetry, by the way, and starts off a little something like this. A certain man was named a gear. He dwelt on the island, which is now called Herles Isle, and was deeply versed in black

Starting point is 00:19:01 magic. He took his way to Asgard, but the Asseer had foreknowledge of his journey. He was received with good cheer, and yet many things were done by deceit, with eye illusions. And at evening, when it was time for drinking, I feel like I'm reading David Ike right now, by the way. And at evening, when it was time for drinking, Odin had swords brought into the hall,

Starting point is 00:19:20 so bright that light radiated from them, and other illumination was not used while they sat drinking. The end and the acer came, oh, then sorry, then the acer came into their banquet. And in the high seat sat them down those 12 acer who were appointed to be judges. These were their names, Thor, and literally 11 other names I would need a doctorate in this kind of stuff to rattle off. And you know, at about 50,000 words in'm going to have to do that. I'm going to have to do that. I'm going to have to do that. I'm going to have to do that. I'm going to have to do that. I'm going to have to do that.

Starting point is 00:19:48 I'm going to have to do that. I'm going to have to do that. I'm going to have to do that. I'm going to have to do that. I'm going to have to do that. I'm going to have to do that. I'm going to have to do that. I'm going to have to do that.

Starting point is 00:19:56 I'm going to have to do that. I'm going to have to do that. I'm going to have to do that. I'm going to have to do that. I'm going to have to do that. I'm going to have to do that. I'm going to have to do that. I'm going to have to do that.

Starting point is 00:20:04 I'm going to have to do that. I'm going to have to do that. I'm going to have to do that. I'm going to have to do that. I'm going to, you know, do my podcast in a warrior hall with some sword light. God, why can't I just give it a go? All I want is a fucking warrior hall with sword light. Is that so much to ask with a sword that light up that don't have batteries or any power source? Why is that so hard? And then there's the Hutt-A-Tall, 20,000 more words of old poetry, combines three separate songs of praise, one about King Hakan, a second about Skully Bardson,

Starting point is 00:20:27 King's father-in-law, and most powerful Vassal, and a third celebrating the both of them. And there's life lessons woven in these as well from which practitioners of the faith can draw life lessons from. And why is this book important? Here's why the edit is so important, according to one historical report I came across.

Starting point is 00:20:43 Before Snory's time, there existed only separate, disjointed, biographical monographs on Norwegian kings, written on the model of the family's sagas of Iceland. Snorries was a more ambitious task, discerning that the course of life is determined by cause and effect, and that in the lives of kings widely ramified interests, national and dynastic come into play. He conceived a new idea of saga writing, the seed of cause, sown in the proceeding, in the proceeding must yield its cropped, its crop, excuse me, of effect in the seced, secedying reign. This writer of the lives of kings, or this is something the writer of the lives of kings must bear in mind.

Starting point is 00:21:18 And so Snory addresses himself to writing the first pragmatic history of Scandinavia ever penned. And again, I find history with the edit that the real historical figures make appearances. It's kind of like, you know, some parts of the Bible that way. It's real people mixed in with people who may or may not be real. You know, for example, literally, I think Adam and Eve were two real people. Others think they were, you know,

Starting point is 00:21:38 and by others, I mean, other Christians think they were, you know, symbolic characters used to illustrate, you know, larger points. And used to, you to, in that example, illustrate creation mythology. Adding to the complexity of Snorries book is that only, I think, seven manuscripts that Edda have survived to the present day. Six compositions from the Middle Ages

Starting point is 00:21:57 and another dating to the 1600s. No one manuscript is complete and each has variations of the story. So in the transcribing process, alterations were made which reflects the true nature of Norse mythology. It was told in one valley differently than it was told in this town. It was done that way for a hundred or so years. It just matters in telephone game.

Starting point is 00:22:16 These characters just evolved, each person adding their little flavor to them. Before the Vikings started rampaging around Europe, their ancestors, the earlier Germanic tribes, held sway on much of the continent. and they had their own collection of mythical figures, many of whom turned into Norse deities when the time came. That's why the names of German and Norse gods seem so similar and why a lot of the characteristics of the gods and stories get repeated. Many characters are essentially the same with slightly different names. For example, Odin was Woden in German.

Starting point is 00:22:43 His wife Frigg was called Fricka. Thor was called Tinky Winky, which is, you know, why German Thor, it wasn't nearly as popular as, you know, Norwegian Thor, or Icelandic Thor. You know, also why, while the Norse Thor is the God of Thunder, Tinky Winky is the God of a light breeze, a light summer breeze.

Starting point is 00:23:02 And, you know, Thor has a hammer. Tinky Winky has a old nail file uh... the mythology was constantly evolving and all differently in various pockets the Scandinavia but before we get into uh... some of some of these guys who they were who was the snory fucker talk about him snory strolls stirlison has been called the homer of the north

Starting point is 00:23:20 and the most important ice land or ever he's also been called the boner of the south uh... the king of kings of the west and the jack of Icelander ever. He's also been called the boner of the South, the King of Kings of the West, and the Jack of clubs of the East. Actually, I don't know that first title is true. He is the Homer of the North. And do any of you still think I was actually

Starting point is 00:23:34 to tell him the truth about Tinky Winky? Please tell me at least one person did. It'd make me so happy. Just like Homer has provided some of the oldest and most complete accounts of the ancient Greek gods to survive from antiquity from sometime around the 13th century BCE, Snory has given us the most complete accounts of the ancient Greek gods to survive from antiquity from sometime around the 13th century BCE. Snory has given us the most complete and some of the earliest accounts of the Norse gods. And just like, you know, with ancient Greece and their gods, the tales of the Norse gods

Starting point is 00:23:56 existed in an oral tradition for many, many years before Snory. Snory was born in 1179. He was an Icelandic historian, poet, lawyer, and politician. He became the Icelandic equivalent of a British knight. Stony was the most powerful chiefed in an Icelander in the years, 1224 through 1230, which is extremely impressive when you consider that in 1223, he was run on the hot dog stand. And he had the least successful hot dog stand in Iceland at that time. He was known as the the flag of fluton

Starting point is 00:24:25 Which translates to the man whose winners no one wants an old Norse Of course, that's not true. He was a powerful chief to know in addition to the pros edda. He was also the author of the Helms klingla I just tried to like say it in a crazy accent when I did it to make it sound more authentic when the word makes no sense to me A history of the Norwegian kings that begins with legendary material in the Inglinga, saga and move through to the early medieval Scandinavian history. He's been a good deal of time in Norway. He wrote other works as well, easily the most important historian regarding Norse mythology. He wrote of early Icelandic seafarers reaching the coast of North America, known to those of the

Starting point is 00:25:04 day as Vinland. And by the way, there is now a lot of evidence that Vikings for sure touch base in North America long before Columbus. They just, they just didn't set up a permanent residence for whatever reason. Snory was born into Iceland, or born in Iceland into wealth, received an excellent education, married several times, had a lot of kids. You can still visit some of his old hangouts today in Iceland, a bunch of historically preserved places like Snorries Bath and in Rekult, warm outdoor bathing pool of Snorries Storrelison. One of the first archaeological remains to

Starting point is 00:25:35 be listed in Iceland in 1817. The bath of Snorries is now among the best known heritage sites in the country, pretty cool, you know, you can dip your balls in the same water and hold it, snorey dipped his balls in. You can dip, or you can dip your vagina in the same water. Snorey sat in where he probably spent a lot of time thinking about vaginas. So that's a pretty cool historical connection. Then Snorey was assassinated in his house in Rakeholt,

Starting point is 00:25:57 Rakeholt in the autumn of 1241. After getting himself in the middle of some political feuding with local Icelandic clansmen and Norwegian royalty, he had convinced King Hawken of Norway that he could become King of Iceland. And he became Hawken's vassal. Snory returned to Iceland in 1220, but in the ensuing years his relations with Hawken deteriorated and in 1241 by Hawken's order, Snory was assassinated at the age of 62. His last words are somewhat famous in Iceland that they are do not strike do not strike

Starting point is 00:26:29 Those are those are not the last words anyone wants to have by the way. You're not experiencing a peaceful exit from this realm When your last words are do not strike nothing good about that nothing fun there You know see you on the other side or you, my love for you does not die with this body. Those are some dope ass last words. I want to have a shot at those last words as opposed to do not strike or no, no, please, I'll tell you anything. Just don't pull the trigger. Or what's that giant knife for? Put the drill down. So that's that's snorey. The North Christian man who documented the North non-Christian mythology of the Vikings. The man who compiled all these various old poems and stories into one convenient place and all likelihood put his spin on him.

Starting point is 00:27:09 So who were the Vikings? Before they were a, you know, respectable, but not elite NFL franchise. You know I'm right. Calm down, Minnesota Lister. You know I'm right. I've enjoyed many a Viking football team, but not one Super bowl, not one.

Starting point is 00:27:25 Randy Moss, Adrian Peterson, Chris Carter, Farf, four appearances, not one win. Someday we really, we really, we really will get into the historical Vikings on time, suck, but today is not that day. Today is a brief overview of actual Vikings to help kind of understand Norse mythology, but a tale of Viking culture and conquest requires at least its own episode, if not several. Continue with the definitions provided by Norse mythology.org. The Vikings were seafaring raiders, conquerors, explorers, settlers, traders from modern-day Norway,

Starting point is 00:27:55 Sweden, Denmark, and Iceland, who ventured throughout much of the world during the Viking age, roughly 793 through 1066 CE. They traveled as far east as Baghdad as far west as North America They spoke the old Norse language wrote in ruins and practiced their ancestral religion What are runes? They are super weird annoying letters that all the Norse gods names written in so fuck ruins There any of the characters of several alphabets used by the Germanic peoples from about the third to the 13th century's CE and the Vikings being Germanic had their ruins, Norsemen, or Germanic people who inhabited Scandinavia and spoke what is now called the Orse Old Norse language

Starting point is 00:28:35 between 800 and 1300 CE. The name Viking comes from a language called, you know, comes from Old Norse and it means a pirate raid. People who went off in raiding ships were said to be going Viking. Vikings left Scandinavia and traveled to other countries such as Britain and Ireland, someone to fight and steal treasure, other settled in new lands as farmers, craftsmen or traders. And then years later the Vikings moved around the northern world, drawn to sail and explore like so many other ancient cultures looking for wealth, prestige, power, and of course, secret, monochotomic, lizard gold

Starting point is 00:29:07 to appease their shape, shifting in a new ne'kelo overlords. Who are the Norse gods? Space lizards, but of course, northern a new ne'ke, snow lizards. What's serious you though? We have the Vikings, the thing, for our present understanding, not only of their own pre-Christian religion and mythology,

Starting point is 00:29:24 but of the other Germanic peoples as well. Thanks to Old Norse poems, treaties, and sagas that were written during a relatively soon after the Viking Age, old writings, Old Snory Astorlison, was able to compile and refer to when he gathered up all those writings he could find. We have a much, much fuller picture of what the Vikings' religion was. You know, then we do for the religions of other pre-Christian Germanic peoples. And there is so much more to talk about concerning Vikings, but Vikings wasn't the topic that was voted in today.

Starting point is 00:29:53 Norse gods was. Let's talk about them. Who were slash R the Norse gods? Well, first off, there are a lot of Norse gods. And one of them is today's last sponsor, Odin's House of Eyepatches. Whether you're missing an eye, hiding a black eye, or just want to add a little mystery and intrigue to your overall appearance, Odin's House of Eyepatches in Duluth, Minnesota has you covered.

Starting point is 00:30:16 And it literally has your eye covered. They have black velvet eyepatches, stained glass Pope patches, vertical pupil space lizard patches, metal eyepatches that double his backup hard drives through mobile device, and triple is working mini drones. They have bow jangles eye patches that cover one of your eyes and allow your other eye to see into the future. All eye patches are no less than $37,000, but put in the code times I could check out and then check yourself into a psychiatric facility because you've somehow accessed an e-store that does not exist.

Starting point is 00:30:46 That is not today's final sponsor. No, here it is. Time's like I brought you by Lisa Matresses with a patented universal adaptive feel. Lisa is designed for all types of sleepers and features three premium foam layers, including a two-inch of Vina foam top layer for cooling and breathability,

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Starting point is 00:32:04 There are 12 main gods in Norse mythology, and that's just the main ones. I counted 66 different gods and goddesses on another North's website. That was the most I found on a legitimate looking website. There may be more. Odin, Thor, Balder, Vitter, Veil, Brage, Hendel, Tai, Njord, Fre, nured, frayer, ur, forset, nured and frayer are not

Starting point is 00:32:29 a seers, but veneers living in asgard. Sometimes a gear and lowkey are also considered a seers. Being the principal race of the gods. And that's not even counting both jangles or Lucifina. Winter Temtris, lover of Thor, seductress of Odin. Temptress of the suck, God of sex, drugs, and rock and roll, and chocolate cake and fun. Hey, Lucifina, haired her so much. Also odd thing about the Norse deities, they weren't actually immortal. In the end, according to legend, they and the world in

Starting point is 00:33:00 the universe will be destroyed because of the actions of the evil or mischievous God Loki, who for now endures Promethean chains. Why not just fucking kill him? He's gonna ruin everything. The Norse gods could and did die, unlike the Greek immortals who lived upon Mount Olympus there. Their interests weren't the same as those of humans. They helped and hurt people as they chose.

Starting point is 00:33:21 The Deities existed to battle monsters and the outer darkness and part of their interest in people was gathering enough warriors to help them fight the last battle. Gotta recruit more tough peeps for the for the hall of Valhalla to prepare for the final battle for the Ragnarok. God's fighting to the death man so much fighting in this faith. The Norse Deities came in two flavors, the Veneer and the Asir. The Veneer were the older fertility gods. They included frayer, fraya, njard. The Yaseer were more modern warlike gods, including Odin and Thor. The Norse told a story of a war between the veneer and the Yaseer after the creation mythology of

Starting point is 00:33:56 the Norse religions. And the deities formed a truce in exchange members with the result that they fused together and were thereafter collectively known as the Yaseer. Now, some scholars think this story describes a time when two cults struggled against one another and then ultimately the two merged into one. Now let's talk about some of these individual gods. All right, this is my favorite part of this episode. We got King Odin. Odin was the king of the gods. He was a father most of them. And in some accounts created everything. Heaven and Earth and human and humans, these accounts, excuse me, this accounts for his nickname, the Allfather. He had a special high seat from where he can see everything in all the worlds. There's nine worlds in the

Starting point is 00:34:34 North mythology, only he and his wife, Frig were supposed to sit up there, but occasionally other deities, you know, snuck up with no one was looking. Man, God's getting tricked, man, how's that happening? Come on, bro, you're God. Step it up. If God's getting tricked, how can the rest of us hope to make it through life without getting constate tricked. Oden was immensely wise, but his wisdom didn't come cheaply. He bought a drink from a spring of wisdom at a high price, he had to give one of his eyes. Maybe that's what happened to Bojangles. Maybe if I can Bojangles didn't lose his eye in a battle with, I believe it was Zeus.

Starting point is 00:35:03 It's been a little while since the episode of Atlantis. Maybe he just traded it in for some wisdom. Well, this is what Odin did, and then he spent nine days hanging from some special tree pierced by a spear to get even wiser. During this experience, he symbolically died and was reborn. I see that, that to me feels like that story, doing some Christian revisions with the collecting these stories.

Starting point is 00:35:21 According to the old stories, some ancient people who worshiped Odin practiced human sacrifice, which they accomplished by hanging their victims from a tree in piercing them with spears, just like Odin was, to gain wisdom, Odin died in the same manner as his sacrificial victims and was reborn.

Starting point is 00:35:35 The story of Odin's hanging on Igdrubzil has several elements in common with Christ, crucifixion, maybe news of Christ, seeped into the old tales. Odin was the God of war and battle, a role that he inherited from the two older Germanic war gods, Odin and Tuas. He had a magical spear. He sometimes rode around on an eight-legged horse called Slapeneer. You know, I don't know a lot about horses, but eight seems like way too many fucking legs for a horse. We're gonna fuck up spider horse was your right none? You know, some horses have five legs and they lead mighty fine lives, be in stud ponies. No?

Starting point is 00:36:10 Six legs? You already get at least one too many legs. Eight. How long is this horse's torso? You know, how long does it have to be doing comedy? Damn many legs. Is it some kind of weenerdog horse spider hybrid thing? More isn't always better.

Starting point is 00:36:24 The fastest animals on land always have four legs. You show me an eight-legged cheetah that can hit 200 plus mile per hour on open safari and I'll cut my own legs off. I'll come the hell off. King Odin loved a stir of war. He was way more into war than he seemed to be in the anti-Hopkins portrayal in the Marvel movies. By the way, did you know that Paul Rubens, the guy who played Peeby Herman, was originally offered that role? No, it's probably because he wasn't, if you didn't know that. That's ridiculous.

Starting point is 00:36:52 Slain warriors got to go party in Odin's hall, Valhalla. They were brought up there by the Valkyries, warrior women, Bucksome warrior women who chose only the most heroic warriors for the sauna. Odin was also the guy to poetry. perhaps one reason why he appears in so many poems He was responsible for bringing the magical mead of poetry to Asgard a mighty fortress high above where humans lived A giant had stolen this mead and sent his daughter to guard it Odin burrowed into her cave in the form of a snake and then turned back into his hands himself I fucking I told you he was an unike

Starting point is 00:37:25 fucking reptilian shape shifter, space lizard. But really according to legend, he's snuck in as a snake, then change back, wish I could do that, wish I could turn into a snake, that sounds awesome. Then he spent three days at nights with her after which he sucked down all the meat he could hold into his mouth and then he turned into an eagle, even cooler than the snake. And then he flew back to Asgard, spit the meat out into a pot where all the deities could

Starting point is 00:37:50 use it. Super weird way to spread poetry by turning it into beer. However, if you could do that, I bet way more people would be into poetry, right? It'd be nice if you could get some, get fucked up with some stanzas, get, get hammered on some quad trains. Uh, then we have the beloved Thor, aka Thor, an old Norse, aka Tinky Winky, an old made up German. Thor, Thor was the son of Odin and Earth, which is, you know, pretty dope. It's like, what, who, who do you just say your mom was?

Starting point is 00:38:20 Earth. I'm come again. Earth. My mother is Earth. Sorry, not to get too personal, but where is Earth's vagina? The Grand Canyon, you fool. I wanted to guess that, but I didn't want to be rude. So where's your butthole?

Starting point is 00:38:37 Roswell. Roswell, New Mexico, is Earth's butthole. That's why people get weird about the aliens and such. Why so many strange folk? How could you not be at least a little left of center when you're living in Earth's butthole? Okay, enough butthole, blabber for a bit. While Odin stood for violence and war, Thor represented order. He was the God people called on if they needed some stability. He was immensely strong and manly. I carried around a huge hammer called the meal near, which he used to keep the giants in line. No matter how far he flung it, it always returned to his hand, which

Starting point is 00:39:08 is awesome. Like a boomerang. He could make it small enough to hide inside his shirt. And when he pounds a giant with his hammer, we hear it as a thunder clap. So, you know, sometimes that it rains, giants pour out of the fucking woodwork. There's one thing giants like, it's a good downpour. Very few Giants in Los Angeles and Las Vegas. So many Giants in Portland, Seattle. Maybe that's where, I mean, that's what Sasquatch really is. Maybe it's some rogue, Norse giant hiding from Thor's hammer.

Starting point is 00:39:36 Or since there's so many thunders, maybe it's some rogue, Norse giant, just constantly getting whooped with Thor's hammer. Thor had a bushy red beard. Gross, he was a ginger. Ugh, gah! Just kidding. I don't know why I had a redhead of friend growing up and I think I teased him so much that just stuck him in me now. Every time I hear red I just want to say thousand shitty for just a fucking ral people up. No, be it a bushy red beard, a huge appetite, quick temper. Although he didn't stay angry for long, he was a patron of peasants.

Starting point is 00:40:05 God of thunder and lightning, the wheels of his chariot made thunder. Also, he's making thunder left and right. Lightning, this is so weird, lightning came from a wet stone lodged into his skull. Yep. And you thought the thunder hammer was weird. Turns out, this is the lightning forehead rock as a little weirder. Let me tell you a story about lightning. This is from the old Norris one of the old Norse sagas. It's about, and they have all kinds of stories like this. You know, tons of stories about lots of action, lots of giant fighting. They really were obsessed with fighting giants. A lot of sex, a lot of

Starting point is 00:40:37 violence, a lot of stuff happening. So this is a story about hungry or the brawler who's the mightiest of all giants. I'm probably saying his name wrong. He is HR UN GNIR so you know what you have fun with out at home I'm gonna say Rung get Rung near Rung near He was the widest of all giants, you know and The animating spirits of darkness winter night in the grave who are the enemies of the gods and one day grave who are the enemies of the gods, and one day, Herungir was paid a visit in Yatunheim, the homeland of the giants by Odin. Herungir didn't recognize the god at first, and instead wondered aloud who the stranger might be whose horse could ride to the air in the water, as he had seen the spider horse

Starting point is 00:41:18 do with God's approach. Odin bet his head that his horse, none other than the eight-legged, creepy, spider-horse sleep-near, could outrun any regular horse in Yatunheim, the realm of giants. While Herong-near was insulted by this provocation and straightaway accepted the bet and mounted his own horse, Gullifaxi, the Golden-Main, and the two race through mud and streams over steep rocky hills and between the trees and thick woodlands. Before the giant realized it, he had passed through the gates of Asgard, home of the gods, and of course he still had been caught up with Odin and Slepnir, the gods, seemingly in good cheer and invited

Starting point is 00:41:52 him to drink with them, because that's what you do when a random giant just shows up in your valley. Hey, once you get in here and have some meat, after he'd become drunk, he became belligerent. That's typical giant, classic giant move. Boasted that he could kill all the gods, and that he would kill all the gods except for Freya and Siff, the wife of Thor. These two lovely goddesses he would carry back to Yasenheim. Freya alone was stout of heart enough to continue filling his horn of meat. Next, he bellowed that he would drink every last drop of the god's ale. The god soon grew tired of his anger and sent for Thor who have been elsewhere fighting other giants. Let's know you're a badass. When the gods call upon you to

Starting point is 00:42:30 beat a giant's ass and you're in the middle of beating other giants' asses. And you've got to come back and beat a giant so scary that the other gods are afraid to fight it. That's when you're a true warrior. Well, when Thor arrived and discovered the situation, lifted his hammer and he prepared to slay Rung near right there on the spot. And then the Bella Coss, a giant accused Thor of cowardice for intending to kill someone who was himself on arm and said, your name would be held in far higher honor, if you will accept my challenge to a duel. Never one to lose an opportunity to gain renown and prove his ability, Thor accepted. When the arranged time had arrived, Rung near, walked to the field near Yachtinheim where the

Starting point is 00:43:07 duel was to be held, he wore stone armor, branded to stone shield and menacingly waived a wet stone, his chosen weapon in the air above him. Wet stone by the way is the large flat stone you use to sharpen knives with. Weird choice for a weapon, choosing a weapon accessory. It's like you just don't understand what weapon is. And what weapon would you prefer, the shotgun or the sword? I'll take the gun more snake and some cleaning oil. Perhaps the, perhaps the sword's scabbard. Do you even know what weapons are? Fine. I'll take the garden hose. Just, just take the sword. No, I prefer the rubber band there. No, no, no, not that one the smaller one the smaller dried out one that would break easily

Starting point is 00:43:49 suddenly He said this giant you see lightning and heard the thunder clap above him and then Thor raced under the battlefield Thor hurled his hammer at the giant the giant slung his wetstone at the god the stone burst against Thor's forehead and shattered into pieces, and this is the origin of all Flint on Earth. So I guess now I get the reason for the Wetsstone. I had to explain Flint somehow. Thor's hammer struck a horngier's head, but this time it was a giant's head that was shattered. But a piece of horngier's Wetsstone was lodged into Thor's forehead, so Thor sought

Starting point is 00:44:22 out the sorceress, Groa, the thriving, who sang spells over the stone to remove it from the God's forehead. So Thor sought out the sorceress, Groa, the thriving, who sang spells over the stone to remove it from the God's brow. When Thor felt the stone moving, he told the sorceress many joyous things to encourage her, chiefly that he encountered her lost husband, who would soon be home. But Groa was so overcome with emotion upon hearing this that she forgot her chance in the rock remained lodged in Thor's face until his death at Ragnarok. Now, this stuff is always so weird with me, it's old stories.

Starting point is 00:44:47 Like, you can, let me get this straight. You can just destroy a giant into a million pieces with your hammer, and you have all these magical abilities, but you can't get a piece of stone out of your head. Like, you can't find a decent doctor. Like, maybe spells aren't the best way to cure head wounds. You know, an issue of Pudiy and Juju issue number 1017, Pudy versus Juju hammer time was loosely based on the story I just told you.

Starting point is 00:45:15 Years later, rap prodigy MC Hammer would base his name and the name of his diamond selling album, please hammer don't hurt him also on this issue of Pudy and Juju. In the famous issue, Putin, Juju, in the living room, and then Juju asked Putin to hand him the hammer, so he could hang a picture of beloved aunt Ting Tang on the wall above the fireplace. And Putin, instead of handing Juju the hammer,

Starting point is 00:45:35 hammered Juju in the face, and when Juju regained consciousness, and his face stopped bleeding, so much bleeding. About 20 minutes later, he was furious. This was at least the 50th time Poodie had hammered him in the face just that week alone. And he was sick of it. Juju could take a joke as well as next cartoon character,

Starting point is 00:45:52 but this was ridiculous. No one should have to have their face hammered for someone else's amusement. And Juju screamed, no more face hammering Poodie. And then Poodie said, I already said, I was sorry when you were taking your hammer nap. And then Juju screamed, too little too dead Poodie. And then they foughty said, I already said I was sorry when you're taking your hammer nap. And then Juju screamed, two little two dead Pudy. And then they fought each struggling for control of the hammer until Thor showed up and Thor scream,

Starting point is 00:46:11 stop fighting and drink oval teen, the vitamin fortified beverage for healthy families. And the only beverage served in the halls of Valhalla. And he said that because oval teen had sponsored that issue. And then Pudy and Juju each slept down some tasty oval teen and then new thore hammers appeared in both their hands because they had so many vitamins in their system their bodies just made it and then they had a vitamin field hammer fight for 23 pages and then Thor who didn't understand what was happening said

Starting point is 00:46:37 I am I am needed somewhere else even though he wasn't and he awkwardly walked out and then putty stared blankly into the middle distance and juju thought aboutingtang and wept. And that's all that happened. And then it just ended. And that's, you know what? I said it was loosely based. Okay. That issue was loosely based on the Thor fight. And it was back to the real Thor. There, the Thor would kill lots of giants with his hammer. Once the king of the Frost Giants stole Thor's hammer. And then the king refused to give it back unless he could have Freya for his wife And the gods agreed but they tricked the giant they tricked him by having Thor dressing up as a bride And and then Loki as his brides made and the two of them went to the giant's hall

Starting point is 00:47:15 The giants invited them to sit down at the table and then Thor proceeded to devour all the food and drink all the meat in a most Unbridled manner and Loki claimed that Freay a quote unquote haven't eaten and days and she was just so excited about her wedding and captivated the giant king called for thores hammer so that they could swear their marriage vows on it Thor instantly grabbed it ripped off his veil killed all the giants of the feast man those giants were fucking done

Starting point is 00:47:41 uh... how do you think that the door was a woman Thor is the least woman looking, uh, you know, person, you know, he does not look like a woman, unless you've seen a woman that I haven't who looks like Lou Ferigno during his bodybuilding prime. Uh, so while his dad has an eight-legged spider horse, thinking he rides around, Odin, Thor hasn't even more interesting method of transportation. He has a goat drawn chariot. And I know you might be thinking, how could goats be more interesting than an eight-legged spider horse? Well, they're pretty cool goats.

Starting point is 00:48:11 As goats go, pretty cool. They're edible, rebuildable goats. Thor's two magical goats are known as the tooth nashar and the tooth grinder. They can be killed, eaten, and reconstituted the next morning. How great would that be to have a perpetual snack all you around? Like I love grass-fed beef. I love grass-fed beef steak.

Starting point is 00:48:32 How cool would it be to have two bad ass bulls? Just pull me around and then I get hungry. I just kill them, eat some filet mignon. They have maybe a tasty burger, right? Get some ribs on the grill and And then the next morning, they just, they're fucking back. And then they just pull my cherry in. They're not even, they're not even irritated. There's not, there's not even any weird like energy about like those fucked up. You ate me last night. They're just, they're just cool. And everything's cool

Starting point is 00:48:55 again. And then there's a handle to divine watchman, keep an eye for the approach of his enemies, he who gods the rainbow bridge that leads to ask God He will blow his mighty horn at the onset of Ragnarok the final battle that ends the universe His hearing is mysteriously sunken memeers well just like Odin's lost eye But somehow he can still hear so clear that he can quote Here wool grow on a sheep's back That sounds terrible. That sounds like the worst kind of hearing you could have Right like if you can hear wool grow on a sheath's back, I'm gonna assume that the world is always too loud for you.

Starting point is 00:49:30 Like way too loud all of the time. Man, if I was one of the other gods, I would just constantly sneak up on him and just yell in, you know, hemdolars ear. Just smash my hammer on a rock near his head below out his ear drums. Hemdolars responsible for establishing social hierarchy among humans.

Starting point is 00:49:45 There's an old poem in which he goes around and spends three nights in the mortal world. One night in an Obamacan's hut, uh, one night in a peasant's hut, one night in a farmer's hut. Each night he sleeps between the couple in bed and each night he gets the wife pregnant. Uh, he sounds like a creep. Why did he have to sleep with the wives right there next to the husbands? It sounded like this guy had some serious psychological issues. Uh, he's also somehow the son of nine different mothers

Starting point is 00:50:07 who are also all sisters. That's interesting. How do you pull that off? How do you come out of nine separate vaginas simultaneously? That's even creepier that you're coming out of nine separate sister vaginas. You know, maybe I guess that's one of the ways you know you're a God when you can come out

Starting point is 00:50:21 of multiple vaginas at the same time. I don't know, maybe these sisters were cymees, non-toplets, nine heads, one vagina, and then he came out of that. Whew, man, by the way, that's a horrible head to vagina ratio. I try to be accepting, not judge you about physical abnormalities,

Starting point is 00:50:35 but if you have nine vaginas in one head, you need to either get more heads or you need to get less vaginas. Well, I think I had that backwards. It'd be if you have nine heads in one vagina, you got to lose several heads at least. You got to get down to at least two heads. You got to weed some of that out. Then there's Loki, Odin's blood brother, some source stories, and his adopted son and others.

Starting point is 00:50:58 See, that's again, that's interesting about the North stories, wherein some of the old sagas, he's a blood brother, sometimes he's a adopted son. He had something to do with killing Balder and he gets tied up in Ragnarok or until Ragnarok. When Ragnarok happens, he gets untied, then he decides with a giant and fights against the gods with Dick. He's always getting the gods in trouble. He's exceptionally cunning. He's a son of a goddess and a giant. So many giants in this mythology. Sometimes it's a man, sometimes he's a woman. He wants to get pregnant from eating a half cooked female heart. That's even weirder than the fucking spider horse. By the way, that's what he gives birth to.

Starting point is 00:51:32 He's the mother of the eight-legged spider horse, slave near. They don't really get into that in the Marvel movies. That would be an odd scene when Thor's adopted brother suddenly pops out an eight-legged horse out of his man vagina and then his adoptive father rides around. I I get I totally get why they left that out. That's that's hard to set up in in that movie. You know, what if what if one producer really wanted it

Starting point is 00:51:53 though, like one, you know, purist, just wouldn't let it go. What what about the spider horse? Joe, it does it work for the movie. Come on. Let him have a spider horse baby. Joe, the movie's already over two hours long. Trying to explain a fucking spider horse baby's gonna take 30 minutes easy. Just give Thor Pogo stick then instead of a hammer if you don't fucking give shit about accuracy. Come on, Joe, that's not the same and you know it. I want spider horse.

Starting point is 00:52:19 I hope that argument happened. Then you have Frig Odin's wife, the most important goddess. She was the queen of a seer of the Aseer. The goddess of the sky. She was also known as the goddess of fertility. Household motherhood or the household motherhood, love, marriage, domestic arts. Some of these domains were also overseen by another Norse goddess named Fragia. Norse mythology. Frig's primary roles were familial roles mostly surrounded her husband and children. Frig represents family. She's known as the source of nurturing, patient and devoted love. Even in situations where fate is roles were familial roles mostly surrounded her husband and children. Frig represents family. She's known as the source of nurturing, patient and devoted love.

Starting point is 00:52:48 Even in situations where fate is already set, such as her son's untimely death, Frig still did everything that she could do to alter fate. Frig's main symbols include the full moon, the sky, the spinning wheel and spindle, mistletoe, silver, many of which are shown in artistic representations of this goddess. And she got around in a chariot drawn by 10 legless ferrets. These little legless ferrets would slither around like little squirrel snakes, and it would take for a way longer to get places than most of their gods. It was a terrible way to fucking call a chariot around.

Starting point is 00:53:20 Usually, she would just give up and end up walking. She's like, you know what? My fucking snakefair, so get here when they get here bros Hold on easy calm down bros. I had a yeah, I'm late. Of course. I'm late again I've been fucking I have traveled around snakefairts. So chill out And that frustration of you know, how can you do that? Let her to become the goddess of Uber I have no idea. She got around I made all that. I don't think she had any special transportation method There's a nude nude or one of the veneer,

Starting point is 00:53:47 got to the C, NJODR. Man, it's like they had to, it's like they had to pay somebody if they had to use a vowel over there. Take out that word, one, four constants, one vowel. Yeah, he watches over fishermen, he can quiet wins. One of the attributes listed for Nijor is, I have no idea, that's how you say his name.

Starting point is 00:54:05 What do I some of these I just couldn't find pronunciation videos and some of you guys I know you're real stick this for that one you take some time because it sometimes takes fucking hours for one word. Your son's a bitches. That's why I try to focus on the story. Some of these stories to get to an hour and a half

Starting point is 00:54:19 podcast was like 120 goddamn crazy names. So one of the one of the attributes listed for this son of a bitch is that he has exceptionally clean feet. That's one of the books, a quote, it says, it says attributes colon exceptionally clean feet. They've been washed clean by the sea. Uh, he's also described as not being fond of mountains. Man, what are, what are sad attributes?

Starting point is 00:54:43 Holy shit. And what do you do I am the god of thunder I wield a great hammer and giants quake at my sight and what is your power I help people fish a little bit and make winds not as noisy and that's look that's not all don't roll your eyes look at my feet, these are what very clean feet look like. Not one pedicure, not one manny petty, and yet my feet are so very clean, they're so much cleaner than your feet. And also, I do not care for mountains much.

Starting point is 00:55:17 I'm not fond of them. Ah, that's weird descriptions. There's fray, one of the veneer handsome mentioned as a war leader, but in Sweden, chiefly in charge of the crops, weather and harvests. What is that, so it gave a sword away at some point and he's got a fight with some deer antlers at ragged harock in the final battle. It's like that's preordained. Also had a huge and insanely huge dick. All all idols of him have just massive penises. Then they're seeing combos like, okay, here's the good news, buddy. Here's the good news. You're going to get a big win. You're going to get the biggest win. However, you don't

Starting point is 00:55:53 get to have a sword for the final battle. You get antlers or you can use your wingsword. That's that's your choice. I mean, if you're if you're comfortable swinging your wing around like some kind of sword, then you can fight that way. But yeah, man, it's such to have the dear hairlars. I am God. However, I must fight in a land of so many swords, I must for some reason fight with dear hairlars, which I'm going to be honest. It's going to be really irritating, probably going to die quick in the battle, probably immediately. Good chance, I'll be the first to die with my hairlars. There's Freya, one of the veneer, a goddess close to associated with sexuality.

Starting point is 00:56:28 She fucks almost every other god in various old tales. Love's getting it on. Good for her, man. Maybe that's Old Norse for Lucephina. Freya's good to invoke and affairs of the heart, fond of love songs, chooses half of the slain in battles to put together for the final war. She chooses them along with Odin,

Starting point is 00:56:44 to bring to the halls of the Halla. She weeps tears a gold, arguably the best kind of tears, which I could make some money, you know, when I get sad. She gets around via a chariot drawn by cats. That one I'm not making up. The cat's is how she gets around. What's with the weird animals and chariots? Did they just have a hard time finding horses?

Starting point is 00:57:02 Rebuildable goats are pretty sweet, but cats. I just, I just, I just can't see cats do a good Rebuildable goats are pretty sweet, but cats. I just can't see cats do a good job of hauling a cherry around. I feel like they would just lay down, just look irritated, and just be cats and just stare at you, just annoyed instead of pulling the cherry.

Starting point is 00:57:15 I would much rather have edible, rebuildable goats than cats. There's also Balder, the son of Odin and Frigga, especially favorite and loved by nearly every bean in the world. He was also the first guy to die, though killed by Loki's treachery. There's Teer, who presided over public assemblies, legal matters and battles. His hand was bitten off by Fenrir the Wolf, a monster's enemy of the gods, and even the gods can lose hands.

Starting point is 00:57:35 That's unfortunate. I would think one of the best parts of being a god is being able to keep your hands. Hell was the goddess of the netherworld. Half her face had human features, the other half was blank and blew as a corpse. She ruled the dead. And then there's a lot of other gods, and then there's different versions of each god. Old Snory may have collected a lot of different old poems into one book, but it wasn't the only book on Norse gods. And when you have a very complicated and elaborate mythology, and then different versions of the same mythology, you are bound to have a lot of disagreements. And I have a feeling those disagreements are going to produce some fantastic arguments on this week's idiots of the internet.

Starting point is 00:58:17 Under a video titled Norse Legends, some modern Norse believers get real shitty real quick in the comments. User co-hand killets goes right for the jugular posting your God was nailed to across my God will to him or any questions. Wow, coming in hot dude. Why you got a shit on Jesus? I'm not religious, but come on Christianity way more established as an organized religion as fragmented as it may be than Norse mythology. So you know, hop down off your high a leg into spider horse. more established as an organized religion, as fragmented as it may be, then Norse mythology.

Starting point is 00:58:45 So you know, hop down off your high eight-legged spider horse. Another angry Viking, user Domen Metal posts more anti-Christian fury, going all caps, lost to question marks, livin! God! He is dead! In the lower case, anyway, so many dots. Your God is nailed to the cross, and my God have a hammer, any coincidence. Dot, dot, dot, dot, and my God's will rise again

Starting point is 00:59:10 and to slaughter Christian dogs. Whoa, whoa, easy buddy. Yeah, your God is a hammer. He also has a weird hunk of rock in his head and he gets around via a goat chariot. So again, let's get down off your high, edible, rebuildable goat, fucking chariot and call him the fuck down. So again, let's get down off your high, edible, rebuildable goat, fucking chariot, and calm

Starting point is 00:59:25 the fuck down. User Dutch 10469 simply posts Hail Odin. Lots of posts like this under these comments. Hail Odin, and then Harrison MacArthur posts Hail Thor. Alexanderus Megas posts Hail Loki, Thuel Dragon 666 post Hail Wotan, the old Germanic Odin, and then I posted Hail Nimrod, because I just think that's kind of funny. I just thought it was fun to throw that in there, because I know there's going to be a couple of those Norse nerds who are just racking their brains,

Starting point is 00:59:52 trying to figure out which Norse God Nimrod is. You know, the more research is topic, I gotta say, the more Norse gods started sounding like Dungeons and Dragons to me. And then I realized why? Of course, it sounds like Dungeons and Dragons. Jay, are Tolkien. He of the Lord of the Rings fame was obsessed with studying mythology. And he really loved Norse mythology, and he knew it well.

Starting point is 01:00:15 And the world of Dungeons and Dragons comes from his world of elves and dwarves and giants and the variety of magical creatures. And Tolkien took a lot of his world from Norse mythology. And we're gonna talk soon about Norse mythology, about how it lives as a modern religion, our own editor, Jesse Dobner, practices a version of it. And at first, I had a real hard time

Starting point is 01:00:35 taking any of this stuff seriously, but then I read the post of user, Club Brookie, who posts still sounds more believable than the Bible. And while I disagree with that statement, in that post, I don't think this stuff sounds more believable than the Bible. And while I disagree with that statement in that post, I don't think this stuff sounds more believable than the Bible. I do have to accept, I realize that all religion inherently sounds crazy to those not raised in it or raised in the culture of it.

Starting point is 01:00:57 Right? Like, is a giant killing dude with a war hammer getting pulled around by, you know, goats pretty over the top. Yeah, sure is. But so is a talking burning bush. So is a guy that feels yes to sacrifice his fish multiplying sun so that we can live forever. When it's not your religion, it all sounds silly. That being said, even by fantastical religious standards, some of this shit is just pretty intense, pretty out there.

Starting point is 01:01:23 And on top of that, it doesn't seem to have, you know, certain amount of structure organization. The old sources conflict in their reports regarding which God did what. Like for example, there's no formal agreed upon concept of an afterlife in Norse mythology. There's a lahala, where warriors reside, you know, until the final doomed battle, you know, starts off in the universe ends. And then a new universe may be reborn,

Starting point is 01:01:45 but that's only in one old poem, the story may have tweaked, and then nothing to say of what happens in this new universe if there is gonna be one. There's hell with one hell, an underworld beneath the ground, presided over by goddess of the same name, but no one's getting tortured,

Starting point is 01:02:01 no gnashing of teeth going on, and what did the dead do in hell? Or other local variations thereof? Well, they typically just eat, drink, corral, spiked, sleep, practice, magic, and generally do all the things that living a Viking-aged man and women do. So it really doesn't sound that bad. I guess if hell is real, please let it be Viking hell.

Starting point is 01:02:19 The lines between these various abodes of the dead are quite blurry. There's no consistent picture of who decides where a particular person goes after death, how the decision is even made. After a peded line is that those who die in battle are thought to go to Valhalla, whereas those who die of other more peaceful causes go to hell, leaving aside the fact that this excludes all of the other places to which the dead are thought to potentially go. This artificially tidy distinction was first made by Snory Storlison, you know, so, you know, he kind of maybe just added that to the Norse mythology. I mean, he is, he was known for attempting to impose a kind of a systemization on his source material

Starting point is 01:02:55 that wasn't present in the sources. So again, you know, there's just a lot of confusing text, which will surely be argued over, you know, like, like in the hell comment section, look how confusing it gets in this section just over the concept of hell itself. Drew Weinea posts, can someone answer me this? Why did, why did Baldur go to hell? They say it's for evil men and yet even Baldur goes there. And then user, I'm not Josh May replies, hell is for anyone who dies without honor, more

Starting point is 01:03:22 like purgatory. Since Baldur did not die in battles he died without honor. And then Valerie of Assyllew posts, my understanding of hell is simply that it's a place for those who do not die in battle. That doesn't mean without honor. You can be an honorable person and just not die in battle. And then cheeky monkey posts, I think it is just not Asgard. One for warriors, one for everyone else.

Starting point is 01:03:42 Are the women warriors there too? Then I'm not Josh May replies. Yeah, that's a good description. Many people believe that Norse women fought alongside men, but historical evidence is spotty at best. And then the final replies from Ethan Quirk, who says, hell just means deep underground. And it's not torture machines and snake poison.

Starting point is 01:03:59 That's just one area of it. It's kind of like limbo that anyone who isn't chosen by the Valkyries to fight in Ragnarok goes since the Valkyries only choose people who die in battle. So it's like, so just, you know, there's just all these like, well, I think it's, I think it's this, no, I think it's kind of this, but I don't know. It doesn't really say this, but you know what I love about it, the thread and so many others I saw under these Norse videos, kindness, seriously. Well, I let off this idiot of the internet segment with it with the with the few assholes, you know, buy and large, the majority of the comments under the North's videos, super respectful, pretty cool. And the more I would

Starting point is 01:04:32 read these comments, the more I came to respect the believers and Thor and Odin and the others, and it just kind of reminded me a weird way of us of the cult of the curious. You know, maybe sometimes religion doesn't need to answer all of life's deeper mysteries. Maybe it doesn't need to make a whole hell of a sense. Maybe it can just be a collection of cool stories to make you feel better about your life and more connected to others, you know, like yourself when you hear them. Maybe that's comfort enough. Maybe just like the, you know, being part of a tradition.

Starting point is 01:04:55 Maybe listening to tales that remind you to strive to be a better person can be religion enough, you know. Well, I just, well, I see a bunch of odd tales of giant killing and strange, you know, transportation methods. Others interpret life lessons regarding how to live with honor, how to live a warrior's life, fight for what you want in life. Please, Odin, Thor, and the gods bring honor to yourself. You know, that makes you a better man or a better woman who might have fucking judged. You know, the Norse stuff never goes into Scientology or into other cult realms of alienation and

Starting point is 01:05:22 control, which I do despise. No, it's just it's fun the characters are pretty cool worshiping Thor is kind of like having Batman for a god You know in a way, so maybe this North mythology isn't so silly after all I mean it doesn't make a lot of sense to me and I don't understand why you'd worship gods They're just gonna die in a final battle anyway But if you get something wonderful out of it. Hey, you know, whatever floats your Viking longship So you know a little bit of kindness for a change on this week's Idiots of the Internet. I'm being confused by any of this. Well, you're not alone.

Starting point is 01:05:51 It's inherently confusing. Before moving on to talk a bit about people who practice the Norse religion today, let's summarize a North mythology again. Thank God for Cliff's notes. I found the Cliff's notes in the North mythology online. They provided the best summary of Norse mythology that I could find. So here we go. At first, there was only a great void, but to the north of this void, they formed a region of mist and ice, while to the south grew a region of fire. Nilfheim was the name of the North, and Muspelschheim of the south. And the heat from the latter melted some of the ice of the former,

Starting point is 01:06:29 which shaped Ymir, the frost giant, with a human form. From Ymir's sweat came the race of giants, and as the glacial ice melted further, a huge cow was created to feed the giants. The cow in turn was fed by salt contained in the ice. One day it licked the ice and hair emerged on the next day ahead and on the third day burr emerged fully formed Is it getting a little more confusing? I just there's nothing I can do this. Just what it this is the source material I'm dealing with burr had a son

Starting point is 01:06:58 Burry who had three sons Odin, Billy, Vey These three were a new race not giants giants but gods. They banded together and murdered Jameer. Most of the other giants drowned in Jameer's blood, which created a great sea. From Jameer's body, the three gods made solid land, the earth, and from Jameer's skull. They made the vault of the heavens. Odin and his brothers then created the race of dwarves from the maggots and Jameer's body. That's kind of fucked up, man. If you're dwarf, you're like, you were originally formed from maggots. Sorry, that's what's in our words. Other gods joined these three and they together erected as God in all its halls to be their home. Having established

Starting point is 01:07:36 their supremacy, the gods made the first mortal, shaping a man from an ash tree and a woman from a vine. These gods bestowed breath, energy, a soul, reason, warmth, penises, vaginas, freshness on the first couple I added the penises of a genus. And from their male descendants Odin chose only the bravest to live in as God after they died, for these warriors would aid him in the final showdown with the forces of evil, Ragnarok. The cosmos was supported by a tremendous ash tree, Yagdhruzil, one of its roots extended to Nilfheim, which was the Netherworld, another to Houtenheim, Hustleheim, the dwelling place of giants, another to mid-god, the home of man, and one to ask God, the home of the gods. How bad is this making some of you want to watch Lord of the

Starting point is 01:08:22 Rings trilogy again? Right? So do you indeed. Who wants to watch the Hobbit right now? Odin knew the power of the gods was not a tunnel for he and his comrades would die when the giants and demons rose against them. The last fight for Agnirok would take place at Figrid, a field of 100 miles in length and breath. Odin would be swallowed by Frenvier, or Fenrir, the wolf, but his son would avenge him.

Starting point is 01:08:44 Thor and the midgard serpent would destroy each other, so would Loki and Hamdel, and Tyr would slay garm the fierce dog of Nelfan, and be clawed to death and turned. The stars and all heavenly bodies would plummet from the sky as the earth sank beneath the sea, the twilight of the guards would become night, and the universe would exist no more. Yet, there still existed a power, the nameless one, that would give birth to a new world beyond the edge of time. Uh, yeah. So that's the summary. Tone of stories, but that's the gist.

Starting point is 01:09:16 So if you're still confused, ah, fucking, I don't tell you, it's confusing shit. So now let's talk about the modern practice of this religion, right? Odinism and Asatru. Now those are the two main terms to describe the modern practice of worship of Norse gods. I've leaned heavily on a vice article, Jessi sent my way for explanation. So together Odinism and Asatru constitute

Starting point is 01:09:36 the largest non-Christian religion in Iceland, where some of the believers see the old stories as metaphors. Others worshiped the various old Norse gods, you know, just directly. Officially recognized by Norway, Sweden, and Denmark, this religion is gaining steam in America as well, where Thor's hammer is now allowed to be carved onto military gravestones. Prisoners are granted special accommodations to carry out rituals. I literally saw Thor's hammer decal on truck today when I got coffee. A special note on Odinism. There is a dark side to it.

Starting point is 01:10:08 When I see the word Odinist, the red flags go off, says Joshua Rude, an expert at Old Norse religion at the University of Iceland. A lot of people who don't know any better, usually very few people, will consider themselves Odinist because they like Odin. They think he's cool, but they have no idea they're referring to themselves by a term that's connected to a movement that's racist. And he says, to understand Odinism and the ways become religion entangled with racism,

Starting point is 01:10:32 exclusion and American prison culture, you gotta go back to the old Scandinavian pagans in the mid 1800s. There was this nationalistic climate in Scandinavia that led these countries to rediscover their own historical religions. They found something to call their own, Norse gods, and rebirth the religion into Germanic neo-paganism.

Starting point is 01:10:51 In 1936, Australian author Alexander Rudd Mills established the first Anglican Church of Odin, which claimed Odinism as the indigenous religion of the Northern European people. In his opening liturgical text, he mentioned the fall from grace of the white race by being untrue to the spirit of their forefathers. Uh oh, uh oh, never good when you hear terms like white race and forefathers thrown together too closely in a document. After Alex's death in 1971, he moved to the United States and published the Odenist newsletter. The return to North Gods was regaining steam in 1972, an Icelandic farmer founded the Asatru fellowship, a spin-off of Odinism, which was granted recognition as an official religion in Iceland, while many components are the same as Odinism, including the celebration of blocked, big pagan feast

Starting point is 01:11:39 and celebration. The worshiping of North Gods, the same moot horn blasts and mead horn gulps, the religion wasn't based on an indigenous claim. The Asatru has a holistic environmental touch, and they feel very closely connected to Mother Earth, as Michael Nielsen, Professor of Viking history at Copenhagen University in an email. All are welcome, no matter your heritage or color. Then a few years later, 1976, American Stephen McNallan also adopted the term Asatru. For the creation of his own organization, the Asatru folk assembly, a non-profit organization based in Nevada City, California.

Starting point is 01:12:12 And he says, I found the North System of Courage, Honor and Dairy, and much more compelling than the submission and submergence of the individual I saw in Christianity. And then there's the Odinists. Now, Odinists claim they're opposed to racism, but they define racism very differently from the average person, says Josh Rude. They say, we're not racist. We just believe in keeping ethnicity separate, which of course is racist. McNallan's point of view, which mirrors that of odonist organizations, both in America

Starting point is 01:12:38 and Europe, is that everyone has their own culture, and then we should stick to it. I do not believe we are born tabularasa or blank slate rights with Nallen. We are the latest edition of our ancestors in the slice of space and time. Our native culture or local or logical permutation of it is the one that suits us best because it arises from our very soul. Despite the fact that Nallen's ancestors have been

Starting point is 01:13:00 in America for 200 years, his bloodline was in Europe for 40,000 years before that, and thus he argues his ancestral line transcends space, time and mortality. For his part, McAllen says he's never claimed that non-Europeans cannot practice Esatru. But I wonder why they would want to follow European native religions rather than entirely valid and worthy native religions of their own ancestors. I wonder what their own ancestors must feel at being slided so. I do not understand that line of thinking at all

Starting point is 01:13:25 Why does some people care so much about their ancestors? They're fucking dead They're not they don't I really don't feel like they care what you do You know like what I'm dead if I'm off in some other place. I'm not gonna be like oh Man, I'm pissed today at my great great great great grandson. I don't care for what he's doing I wanted him to go into comedy and he's working at tech shop. You know, what the fuck, what, who cares? You know, I don't get, and I don't give a shit with my dad or grandpa thinks about how

Starting point is 01:13:53 you're supposed to live your life spiritually. I don't care what my great grandpa, great, great grandpa. I'm my own person with my own mind. You know, it's like, and it believes system being around a long time like having us, you know, Europe for 40,000 years, that's not a good reason to keep believing it. I've never understood that logic either.

Starting point is 01:14:08 Something being around for a long time doesn't mean it's good. Plenty of shitty ideas have stayed around for a long, long time. Wide spread racism and sexism have been around a long time. They've been key components of belief systems for millennia. No intelligent person thinks that we should keep them going forward. This McNallyn guy just sounds like a huge tool. So while the European follows a Sotruth, a worship Thor without the emphasis on racial

Starting point is 01:14:31 or ethnic heritage, the Asatruths in America look more like Odinists who emphasize racial heritage. It all kind of gets confusing. And one person says, the one scholar says, I feel a bit sorry for both movements. The idea, unfortunately, for people who, you know, like our editor Jesse, who are not racist at all,

Starting point is 01:14:49 and just this is what they've chosen to base our spirituality in, it's unfortunate for him. And others that this idea has caught on in American prisons. The Holy Nation of Odin is a nonprofit church that worships the Old Norse gods, is run by Casper Crowe from his prison cell in California's maximum security. North Gods is run by Casper Crowe from his prison cell in California's maximum security. Core Corrin, state prison. Crowell is serving a 54-year-to-life sentence as a California three strikes offender. Final strike coming when he shot a man in Palm Springs in 1995.

Starting point is 01:15:16 Yeah, that'll get you a solid third strike shoot in somebody. So that's not good. It's never good to have a lot of murderers in your faiths, upper executive levels. And Krauss, a former member of the area in brotherhood, he left because it wasn't as pericyd like. Instead, he turned the teachings of David Lane, the white nationalistic founder of the order who was serving a 190-year sentence for the 1984 murder of Liberal Radio host, Alan Burke. Lane also famously coined the term

Starting point is 01:15:40 that particularly resonated with Krauss, the so-called 14 words, we must secure the existence of our people in a future for white children. Ah, these fucking ass clowns. Not shocking then, that the followers of Odinism aren't known as being the best people. Glenn Cross, 73-year-old who killed three people at Jewish institutions in Kansas,

Starting point is 01:15:57 wears a Thor's hammer, Medallion, Ryan Jerro, who killed one in one in five in a shooting spree at an Arizona motel, has Thor stores hammer tattooed on his chin, according to some reports, 15% of American odonis are overtly racist. That last number actually isn't crazy shocking to me because I think probably at least 15% of Americans general are avertly racist. So, you know, so we don't need to get too hard on all of the odonists, you know, I'm sure there's probably plenty of them who are not racist.

Starting point is 01:16:24 So, you know, to wrap this up, worship the North Gods, man, if it gives you some kind of peace, but, you know, just don't think that Thor is a symbol of white power. Don't go that far. I learned a lot this week. I knew people had been finding Jesus and Jail's in prisons for years. I had no idea they were also finding Thor. Me personally, I'm gonna stick with Nimrod. I'm cool with Nimrod. My editor, Jesse, he's cool with Nimrod, but he's gonna stick as a Saturar. A Saturar. I interviewed him a bit via email, and he sent back some great stuff regarding

Starting point is 01:16:51 what it means for him personally to worship the North Gods. So one question I asked Jesse was, how do you practice this religion today? And he said, I barely practice it in a way that is as rigid as Judeo-Christian sets of worship. There are feast days or blotsots or excuse me, blotes. Prounds like bloat becomes from the same root as bless. Okay, it's BLOTS, pronounce as bloat.

Starting point is 01:17:13 Okay, again, another fun word. And since I'm a solitary practitioner, I don't really do those as much. An exception is youll, which is Christmas basically. It lasts for 12 days and each day has a focus. Aside from that, I do weekly devotions. Odin gets a glass of wine, vodka or meat, Thor gets a beer or really anything

Starting point is 01:17:29 that I feel he might like. I've given him energy drinks and even chocolate milk. Have you tried chocolate milk lately, Steph? It's delicious. Actually, I have Jesse. I have some lactose-free chocolate milk. In the fridge, it is fucking incredible.

Starting point is 01:17:43 It's controversial, but I give a drink to Loki as well. He causes problems, but everyone Usually ends up better, you know, than then where they are then where they started because of him Usually gets something sugary energy drinks are red bull another more active form of worship is doing things Those gods that approve of Wednesdays, you know, I study or something Thursdays helps someone move Carrying old woman's groceries help the poor, a little harder to pull off with Loki admittedly. Asked him, do you pray? He says, I do usually just for thanks, thanks for making me a certain way, thanks for helping me achieve something. I assume they have a higher level of influence, so I think instead of ask, would you rather have someone leave you

Starting point is 01:18:19 thank you notes or request you, or request things? That's a good point. Only rarely do I ask for direct help, like when I'm getting on a plane. Then I ask for the whole plane to arrive safely, not just me. Okay, that's cool. Is there a Satchu equivalent to the 10 commandments? You bet, Jesse says, the nine noble virtues. It is a modern convention, but if you look in the eddies

Starting point is 01:18:41 and the Havimall, you see these themes again and again. It's courage, truth, honor, fidelity, discipline, hospitality, self-reliance, industrious news, and perseverance. What code of ethics comes with worshiping the North Gods? Now, he says basically, see above, there are other more specific things in the Havimall that are kind of omnipresent tropes throughout the religions, love your family, be a good person, spend your time wisely, know yourself and prove stuff like that, pretty cool shit. Well, thank you, Jesse. Hail Thor and Hail Nimrod.

Starting point is 01:19:11 And now, this has been fun, but the ride is over. So let's take five more glances to the north before we leave completely with some top five takeaway. Time, suck, top five takeaway. Time, suck, top, five takeaway. Number one, Thor is sometimes driven around by goats. You can eat over and over, and his dad rides on a spider horse. Lot of imagination points going out

Starting point is 01:19:35 to those ancient Scandinavians. Number two, Roswell, New Mexico, officially world butthole. Fact. No, it's not a fact, but it does make me laugh. Number three, all of the Norse gods will die. They will fight to the death at the final battle that ends the universe, Ragnarok.

Starting point is 01:19:52 And until then, they battle daily around Valhalla. So much fighting. Number four, the Norse gods are alive today in the hearts of the faithful. And thankfully, not all of the faithful, not even most of the faithful are white supremacists. Number five, new info. The gods of the Norse do not live only in our world.

Starting point is 01:20:10 They do battle in many realms. Here's a quick overview of the cosmology of the Norse. There are many realms that exist among nine separate worlds. And here are those worlds. There's Midgard, the home of humanity and human civilization, as guard. The world of the Aseer tribe of gods and goddesses

Starting point is 01:20:27 Vanaheim the world of the veneer tribe of gods and goddesses Jottenheim the world of the giants nilfulheim the primordial world of ice moussebleheim the primordial world of fire Alphheim the world of the elves Salvatelheim the world of the elves, Salvatelheim, the world of the dwarfs, so much D&D. Hell, the world of the, you know, God is the same name, and the dead, Poodleheim, the world of Pudy and Juju, Nimrodheim, the world of Nimrod,

Starting point is 01:20:58 Bojangles, Luciferina, Triple M, Jimmy and Grim and more, and of course, Chicatiloheim. Why, why you do this? Why you put a Chicatillo in North God episode? It is stretch. It is big stretch, more stretch than a soft shame clock, which look more like old chuteau, than human penis.

Starting point is 01:21:14 It look like worn out rubber tube from years of tugging and rustling. What is big deal with Chicatillo and why times talk care about monster? Maybe this further punishment for a chickatilo crimes to be shamed over and over after death and now sent even to live and do his shame-cock-tugging in the worlds of the North.

Starting point is 01:21:35 Okay, those last three may have been made up but the other nine worlds are real in North Madality. Time suck, tough, five takeaways. Norse gods is in the suck pile, in the suck heap, stashed in the did it suck folder. Now pay fucking attention and listen to these tour dates, time suckers, 2018, flatter stand up tour happening. Write down which one you're coming to in a notepad.

Starting point is 01:22:01 Don't have pen or paper, use blood. San Francisco punchline tickets on sale April 25th to the 28th scoop them up. One of my fave clubs, Bray of this week, Cleveland in two weeks, Charlotte, Atlanta, Birmingham, Huntsville, Nashville, Houston, Dallas, Salt Lake City, San Francisco, all coming up in April. Everything with San Francisco in Salt Lake City, one big week of touring, San Antonio during that week as well. More info up at Dancomas.tv, check out the tour dates, snatch it from tickets, wear your time sucks shirts, wear the, come get a flat out shirt or just fucking don't even,

Starting point is 01:22:32 don't even wear a shirt, show up shirt, listen, have a great time. Thanks to social media master, Sydney Shives, events coordinator, amazing patron saint of the at secret space lizards, social media accounts, Harmony Velocamp, show notes, editor, extraordinaire, and a Sattroir, a Jessni Dobner, an entire time-soc team, including interns, Maddie Teeter, and Diana Marino. Thanks for all the reviews, thanks for spreading this suck, man, best way you can help the show is to spread the word

Starting point is 01:22:57 post on social media, reference it on Reddit. Every review helps every time you guys write the most wonderful things and read every review. It helps so much. Thank you for the emails. Sorry again, I've not gotten back to so many not enough hours in the day, but going to have some organizational help here pretty soon, which will make it easier to kind of stay on top of everything and get back to you, you know, regarding various business possibilities,

Starting point is 01:23:19 things like that. Don't think that I'm just ignoring it. It's just I'm literally barely getting enough sleep as it is, but we're moving forward in the next few months and get so much more organized. I'll be so much more rested. There will be way more help. It's going to be awesome. I'll announce exactly what that's about here soon. Thanks to the spaceships for voting in today's topic. Next Monday on Time Suck, we suck on a topic my sister Donna Hale, fantastic teacher and human being and Time sucker and researcher suggested and researched the Bielski brothers. The real-life story of a Polish Jewish family that the Daniel Craig movie defiance is based

Starting point is 01:23:51 on, a family that organized a militia and fought back against the Nazis with the mission to save as many Jews as possible, a powerful story of courage and compassion. Get ready to tear up motherfuckers. Get ready to be inspired. Get ready to have your heartstrings plucked. Get ready to remember why you must always fight back, never give up no matter what the odds are as far as how they're stacked against you. We're going to remember to rise up so excited for that episode. This Friday, we get a bonus episode. What is it? Well, check out at Time Suck Podcast on Instagram, find out who wins the vote.

Starting point is 01:24:23 And now time for some time, sucker updates. Today's first email is from Time Sucker Ethan Wad, a a fellow North Westerner who gave me a nice reminder to keep an open mind. I was touched. He writes in saying, oh, his holiness, the Suck Master Cummins, Profit of Nimrod, delta general of the Bucingles Army, successor to the chairman of the ministry of Silky walks. My name is Ethan Wad and I'm a devout sucker by choice and a Christian youth pastor by profession. Love it. Just wanted to write in regards to my deep appreciation of you and your open-minded hilarious and insightful podcast that has brought great joy to my days and has scratched my Eternal itch for knowledge of the strange and the curious. As I said, I'm a youth pastor and I love what I do trying to help young people know that they are loved and valued is my passion.

Starting point is 01:25:15 And I truly believe whether you believe in a higher power or not that it is our deepest desire to feel loved and know we are Appreciate I agree with that man. I do agree with that. I'm understanding that's what the cult of the curious also provides some people. And I means a lot. Yeah, by the way, I deeply appreciate you and hope you know that you are valid. Ah, you're adorable, Ethan. I appreciate that, man. I do feel valid on the note. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, on that note, I've been a huge fan, not only of your podcasts since

Starting point is 01:25:41 it first aired, but also your stand up, which is brought me laughter on countless road trips. I know that we may share different beliefs, but also your standup, which is brought me laughter on countless road trips. I know that we may share different beliefs, but I deeply appreciate that you don't crap on people for what they choose to believe or their beliefs themselves. I know that being sure of what you believe and why you believe those things is important. It is equally as important to be open-minded to what others believe and what they believe in. That's true.

Starting point is 01:26:01 Oh, sorry. And why they believe it. Open-mindedness is the key to a cohesive and caring community, which is what I believe I found here in the cold to the curious, for sure. Thank you for facilitating this incredible movement and keep on stocking. Maybe Bojangles bless you and Nimra be pleased. Ethan Wad.

Starting point is 01:26:15 I love how you said like spit wad. I love how you guys know, almost every, you know I need help with that stuff. PS, if you ever make it out to Bend, Oregon, I love Bend. It's beautiful. It's kind of like Coralaine, actually. Let me know so I can buy you one of our many craft brews. Also, do you think you can do an episode on the Montauk project? I do think that is

Starting point is 01:26:31 on the list and yes, that will be happening someday for sure. Fast and any conspiracy that includes everything from kidnapping and sleeper cells of young men to time travel and mind control. Wow. I think you'd be pleased by sucking this topic to completion. PPS, I got married last week and oh man, congrats. And now my wife, Leah's getting into the suck. Is there any chance she could get a shout out? Hell yes, Leah sounds like you got a great dude. A very intelligent, compassionate man and just sounds awesome.

Starting point is 01:26:57 Good energy for me, then. So you know what? I hope you two have a long, long, happy marriage and enjoy it. And then another heartfelt update. And this is the one I referenced earlier to begin in the show. I hope you two have a long, long, happy marriage and enjoy it. And then another heartfelt update. This is the one I referenced earlier beginning of the show. This comes in from an amazing space lizard Rob Thomas who came to Cordelaine, little over a week ago, came to the Elite Space lizard event, came all the way from Philly to share an

Starting point is 01:27:19 amazing story with me. I guess my passion for time suck inspired him to throw himself into his own wonderful cause, the Tyler Quinter Foundation. It's www.tilertyylrQuinterQINTER Foundation Inc. .org. Also on any social media platform you can search be like Tyler hashtag be like Tyler you can find it. What is this foundation?

Starting point is 01:27:41 Let's hear Josh. Describe, I'm sorry Rob describe it. Then when I came out to meet you, I wanted to give you the foundation shirt as a token of appreciation for all that you have done and say, thank you, which, which you did. Man, thank you. Tyler's loss hit close to home due to his attitude of changing the world through kindness being similar to my uncle and aunt who lost their battles to cancer with his passing. I learned that I had not grieved those two appropriately and a ton of demons came to surface.

Starting point is 01:28:09 The past couple of months have been rough, but with the help of you, your comedy and your podcast, I've been able to battle those demons. Listing the time suck is my therapy. I cannot begin to express how appreciative I am for you to take the time to listen to Tyler's story and how we are for, you know, and how we are working, excuse me, to keep his memory alive. I can say that after we spoke, I called Mark and Laurie, Tyler's parents to tell him that how compassionate you were and how his story affected you. To both you, thank you for taking the time to listen, oh, sorry, he was referring to

Starting point is 01:28:38 harmony as well in his email. Thank you for taking the time to listen and allowing me the opportunity to speak about the foundation. You both have gained a friend for life due to your overwhelming generosity and kindness, your faithful suck, faithful suck servant, Robert Thompson, secretary of the Tyler Quintner foundation. So, so go learn some more time suckers about this wonderful young man. He passed away last year at the age of 13.

Starting point is 01:28:59 He was born with a double congenital heart defect. He required four open heart surgeries to correct the defects. In addition to these surgeries, he endured years of follow-up appointments and tests, which at times required overnight stays in the hospital, had several other surgeries as a result of these heart defects. Throughout all the bad times, Tyler would find the strength to fight and come out on top and have a compassionate about him like there is. You know, like he had not seen another human.

Starting point is 01:29:22 Tyler made everyone else the priority, put in others before himself every day. He was wise beyond his years. And the last year of his life, he made and sold bracelets at school. He then used the money he was raising to buy lunches at school for kids who couldn't afford them, just holy shit. And now his foundation provides scholarships to students

Starting point is 01:29:39 to exemplify all of Tyler's traits that also assists families financially who have medically fragile children. We wanna continue telling Tyler's story and assist those in need as he has helped others for his almost 14 years. Powerful, emotional shit, man. Thank you, Rob.

Starting point is 01:29:54 Thank you, Rob, for bringing that to my attention and thank you for doing what you do, man. And now we're gonna lighten shit up a little bit. I'm feeling too many emotions right now. We're gonna get some mush mouth updates. Gotta go back to some comedy. This first one is from Time Sucker Tom Kohler. Got a lot of emails about this word.

Starting point is 01:30:11 Tom writes, hello Prof. Nimrods and you're always getting people to help you correct your pronunciation. Dam you, papyrus, yes good. I wanted to just chime in on something in the two-pop biggie episode. You mentioned biggie has a coley covision, or at least that's what it sounded like you're trying to say.

Starting point is 01:30:27 I said co-co-vision. I do remember these from my childhood. I had a friend who had one, and yeah, and they're pronounced co-le-covision. And Tom sent me some links, and I have to say the gaming system looked way better than the Atari I had, came with Donkey Kong. The games were way closer to arcade games, or the early 80s, than Atari was. And then I just started to die in the video game crash of 1983 when there were just too many systems flooding the market. By 9.25 I was gone.

Starting point is 01:30:49 Next pronunciation update is from Super Sucker George Riley who says, I've been listening to you since I first heard you on Tom and Dan. Yeah, mediocre time. Love those guys. I love the show. All the content, you know, you put out Oh, suck Lord on the two pack two-pack and biggie suck You kept pronouncing his mother's names wrong name wrong So I know it was not on purpose. Can you please pronounce it correctly out of respect please?

Starting point is 01:31:14 suck keep on sucking 11 your sucks and me being a black male listening to you suck and have so much detail and do research correctly on so many other african Americans Thank you Congrats you suck Lations time Lord of the big suck world. Well, thank you George research correctly on so many other African Americans. Thank you, congrats you, succulations, time lord of the big suck world. Well, thank you, George. Man, you should have told me, which name,

Starting point is 01:31:29 and then how to do it correctly. I still don't know. You gotta maybe send another update. Yeah, man, sometimes super hard to find pronunciations for names. You know, you have to go to like documentary videos, but if it's a minor character in the story,

Starting point is 01:31:41 their name might only come up once in two-hour period. And I would love to say I have time to search to our documentary for one person's name, but I don't, not to keep these coming out a weekly basis. So just know that it's not out of disrespect. It's just names are tricky, and I'm probably going to keep fucking them up here and there. And by probably, I mean, definitely. And today's episode, Norris Gods, about as white of an episode as you can do. And I'm pretty sure I fucked up way more names than I did last week with Tupac and Biggie.

Starting point is 01:32:09 So there's definitely no disrespect, man. And thank you for continuing to listen, and I hope you keep enjoying the show, and I hope you've seen Florida this summer. One last update, about last week's update, comes from last week's episode, coming in from JT Henry. All right, mixed master suck.

Starting point is 01:32:23 Finally, something I can learn about. Learn upon you? I don't know. In the biggie and two-buck episode, you say that Marvel's Black Panther was the first mainstream African-American superhero. Actually, the first mainstream African-American superhero was the Falcon, introduced by Marvel in 1969, three years after Panther. While Black Panther was the first mainstream black superhero,

Starting point is 01:32:45 he actually hails from the African nation of Wakanda, making him the first African superhero. Side note, Wakanda is perhaps most well known in real life as the home of the vibrator. Queen Ramanda in 1855, who served as Queen mother over her son, once her husband and king died, found herself in a pickle, and that she wanted some good good, but the society would have required she remarried, which she did not want to do. So she or a handmaiden history is unclear came up with the idea to take a gourd, likely a local hard squash native to the country, dry it, hollow it out and fill it with bees. While the bees would die after a while while they were alive, they vibrated the gourd

Starting point is 01:33:21 in a most pleasing way. Love the suck. Keep on sucking. P.S. You want to Google Wakanda before you read this on the show. Well, I did Google Wakanda and then I Googled Wakanda vibrator and then I Googled Wakanda B-Gourd vibrator. Cleopatra is the person who invented the old B-Gourd vibrator, not Queen Ramanda, who may not have even been around. I Googled her and she didn't come up. So you got me son of a bitch. You got me was well done. That was that was a good lie hidden there You did it you did it perfectly right you hide it a bunch of truth

Starting point is 01:33:52 So thanks for taking me on that ride and thanks everyone for the updates So that's it suckers have a great week and by by the power of those Thunderhammer I command you, keep on sucking! you

Timesuck with Dan Cummins - 77 - Norse Gods

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