Timesuck with Dan Cummins - 89 - Joan of Arc

Episode Date: May 28, 2018

Joan of Arc was BURNED ALIVE on May 30th, 1431 CE, something no one ever aspires to have written on their obituary. She fought to end the Hundred Years' War between England and France on behalf of Charles VII, the King of France she would help crown. How did a rural farmer's daughter with no military training end up in charge of thousands of French soldiers? Why did Charles even allow a seventeen year old girl into the army in an age when women didn't go to war? Prophecies fulfilled, battles fought and won, a heroine captured and then burned alive, and so much more on this Game of Thrones-esque 15th century Timesuck! Today's Timesuck is brought to you by AmeriGas! Go to MyTimeSuckGrill.com between now and July 4th and enter your name and email to register to win a free Weber Spirt II – E 210 grill ($400 value). The winner will be announced July 6th! Timesuck is also brought to you by the Tom and Dan 2019 Cruise! To reserver your cabin (not many left!) go to the Tom and Dan cruise reservation website, www.tomanddancruise.com Lynze and I will see you there! Merch - https://badmagicmerch.com/ Want to try out Discord!?! https://discord.gg/tqzH89v Want to join the Cult of the Curious private Facebook Group? Go directly to Facebook and search for "Cult of the Curious" in order to locate whatever current page hasn't been put in FB Jail :) For all merch related questions: https://badmagicmerch.com/pages/contact Please rate and subscribe on iTunes and elsewhere and follow the suck on social media!! @timesuckpodcast on IG, @timesuckpodcast on Twitter, and www.facebook.com/timesuckpodcast Wanna be a Space Lizard? We're over 2500 strong! Click here: https://www.patreon.com/timesuckpodcast Sign up through Patreon and for $5 a month you get to listen to the Secret Suck, which will drop Thursdays at Noon, PST. You'll also get 20% off of all regular Timesuck merch PLUS access to exclusive Space Lizard merch. You get to vote on two Monday topics each month via the app. And you get the download link for my new comedy album, Feel the Heat. Check the Patreon posts to find out how to download the new album and take advantage of other benefits. And, thank you for supporting the show by doing your Amazon shopping after clicking on my Amazon link at www.timesuckpodcast.com

Joan of Arc was burned alive on May 30th, 1431 CE. Something no one ever aspires to have written on their obituary. Think about the intensity of that. She was tied to a stake, most likely with rope. Heritics were either tied to a pillar or stake or chain, bundles of sticks were placed beneath her around the base, and then the wood was set on fire. Sometimes an executioner would help the heritetic along by essentially hanging them all the fire got going beneath them, hitting them across the chest with the club to speed up their demise. It doesn't seem to be the case with

Joan. She wasn't that lucky. There's a chance that she died or at least she passed out from smoke inhalation before the fire got her or she didn't. And the last thing she felt on this earth was the lick of those flames, burning, searing, cooking, her flesh. One legend of her burning says she was actually burned three times. She died during the first time, but it took two additional burnings to destroy her organs. Whether it took once, twice, three times, she was only 19 years old, which she was tried for.

Heresy, found guilty, and then burned. She even captured fighting for her beloved France during the hundred years war between the French and English crowns, a war she helped win for France. And then the monarch she fought for, the one that she put on the throne, essentially abandoned her. Joan was a deeply religious young woman who believed God himself commanded her to fight.

And she was so adamant about being one of God's chosen warriors and so convincing that her mission was bestowed upon her from above that this rural peasant girl persuaded Charles the Seventh to let her lead troops against the English and their allies to claim the throne of France for him. And today, over 600 years after her birth, nearly 600 years since her death, we did deep into the life and times of the young warrior that became one of Francis' most enduring and beloved figures today on TimeSuck.

Happy Monday, TimeSuckers, Happy Memorial Day! Finally, I remember a holiday, always tricky, while I'm not recording on the day that the episode comes out. Please take a moment today to recognize those who have sacrificed their lives, made the ultimate sacrifice, defending freedom here in the United States. Those who have died fighting for their own nations, you know, worldwide, throughout history,

people such as Joan of Arc. Thank you also for clicking play. Thanks for subscribing. Thanks for rating and reviewing. Thanks for letting the suck. Slap your noggin, week to second week. I'm Dan Cummins, aka the suck master. You are listening to Time Suck.

Welcome to the cult of the curious, hail Nimrod. Time Suck has brought you today by Amerigas. Amerigas specializes in bottled American Farts. And they're given away free fart bottles to the first time suckers to call into 1-800-American fart bottle. Did you know you could heat your entire home on the consequences of the poor dietary decisions

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In the Suck Dungeon today, surrounded by the artwork, the Timeswack community is sent in here to the Suck Dungeon. People send this stuff into PO Box 3891, CDA Idaho, 83816. So nice. I'm so thankful. Recording in a cocoon of support and it feels good. And I'm here with the Reverend Dr. Josh Krel. He's always making the sound so sweet. And throw myself under the bus today during today's time sucker updates. So stay tuned for that that turned out I may have been last week's idiot of the internet and my Japanese pronunciation abilities Maybe sorely lacking not entirely surprised and so don't speak Japanese and have never studied anything thoroughly going on in that country Thanks to Aaron Adam and the gang at the Galina mine and Wallace Idaho for taking Lindsey and I a mile underground week ago

That was so awesome to see where zinc lead copper, copper, silver and more has been mine for 130 years. Got to work on a little got to hold a mining tool, but a mile underground. Very cool. All because of time suckers and looking forward to the time suckers coming to the suck dungeon tomorrow afternoon, May 29th, three to seven PM, Little Open House at 2215 East Sherman Ave, Sweet 109, Cordillay N Idaho, A314, probably can do some rastlin. What's this big deal?

So we're rastlin. This time sucks, show love. We're rastlin, we stroke, we love, we support. It's gonna be great. Thanks you, suckers. Taking advantage of the Memorial Day sale. Man, everything's about wiped out. Getting that 25% off with the

heroes discounted checkouts. You got until midnight tonight if you haven't done it. And yeah, I got some really fucking kick ass merch coming this way into the store soon. I'm really stoked for the new stuff. And Lindsey and I will be in Phoenix just a few days, May 31st, who June 3rd, Flat Earth Tour, rolling into the Tempe improv, Garth Reynolds from the Dollet podcast, doing some kick ass stand-up as well. And then next week, DC heads to DC. DC plus DC equals Flatters jokes getting told in our nation's capital. June 8th and 9th, gonna be the draft house in Washington, DC.

15th and 16th of June, gonna be in a Des Moines, the funny bone, two nights only. Tickets on sale there as well. And if you're a new listener,, I'm not a flat-erther. I'll be mocking it. July 12th and 14th, head into Orlando, back to the improv, joining Tom and Dan there on the 15th for a live time suck. Comedy store in La Jolla, July 20, 22nd, date in Ohio, July 27, 28, so much more at Dancomas.tv and now time for some medieval warfare nonsense. Let's suck on some Joan of Arc. Joan was born at the beginning of the 15th century in a little village in Northeastern France during a period of confusion and turmoil.

Her father worked with rabbits designing corn mazes, her mother taught puppets to speak Portuguese. And that is nonsense. We're going to get into the specifics of her birth and life in a timeline here in a bit. Joan was born during the Hundred Years War between France and England, and intermittent struggles in the series of battles lasted well over a hundred years actually took place during the 14 to 15 centuries and revolved around a variety of disputes a big one being the question of the legitimate succession to the French crown. Love it when we go Game of Thrones here in the suck. House Lannister versus House Stark versus House Targaryen versus House Donald McRoddelt.

God, I wish that last one was a real game of thrones house. Struggle over what land belonged to which kingdom involved several generations of English and French claimants to the crown. The official start date to this particular war is 1337 CE. But there had been periodic fighting over the question of England, English, Fiefs, and France going back to 12th century. When King Henry I of England had laid claim to some land in modern day france uh... he had taken from his brother

robberett courthouse uh... who courthouse uh... who was duke of normandy felt he had a blood right to little patch of you know france here in a little patch of france there henry and robberett were the sons of william the conquer aka will berth the vanquisher aka bill berth trouncer aka i'll show myself out Robert were the sons of William the Conqueror, aka Wilbur the vanquisher, aka Billbur the trouncer, aka I'll show myself out.

William was the Norman King, who was born in modern day France and conquered England in 1066 CE after his cousin, his first cousin, Edward the Confessor died. Edward had named a powerful English Earl, Harold Godwinson, to be his successor. Harold was not his son. Edward was childish, so William fought for the open throne and he took it, ending long reign of Anglosaxan kings in England, starting a new Norman succession, claims to the throne, man, so many various claims

to the throne, the cause of so many wars, so many people have died throughout history because of convoluted European bloodlines, fighting for the local castle owner, Prince, Earl, Baron, etc. You know, either felt they had a rightful claim to some throne or county or province, sometimes men who didn't have a claim, but just felt like they could take it fought for it.

And their soldiers followed them into battle, hoping that victory would improve their shitty medieval status. You know, get a little land for themselves, no longer just be a shitty and bottom dwelling peasant. Now they can maybe sleep in an unair condition, house of stone instead of an unair con house of wood. Have the doctor used good leeches on them when they came around for some bloodlens. Life was terrible. Thanks to numerous political marriages used to solidify allegiances between kingdoms through bloodlines or to expand kingdoms through bloodlines medieval europe had a whole lot of uh...

you know this guy is the king of this kingdom but also is the prince of that kingdom and he's technically the duke of this province and as the net view to this other king who didn't produce a son uh... is now third in line to that crown so you know naturally a lot of fighting because of this suddenly you know your country could technically belong to arrival countries monarchy when you're like you know king dies

through some legitimate or or quasi legitimate blood claim to the throne and you might not care for that you know it that that that that didn't always set well with locals when some foreign king suddenly became the air to their throne and a war would break out and they'd fight you know off the foreign throne claimer rather than just hand over their kingdom to a leader They weren't familiar with or maybe they didn't like or maybe they didn't feel had a legitimate claim You know, maybe this maybe this Duke felt he could make more money Under this king than that king and so you know he'd pick as allegiance that way. There's a lot of that

You know when there was a fight for the throne It's like all right out of the people fighting for it. Who's gonna do the most for me? You know and there was always you know like well, you know, when there was a fight for the throne, it's like, all right, out of the people fighting for it, who's going to do the most for me, you know, and there was always you know, like, well, you know, will this king let my daughter marry his son so that then my, you know, you know, lineage can hopefully get into the crown as well. Everyone's just looking for, you know, something to gain or someone to protect what they've already been given. It's all very political. And this sort of shit is happening in France big time in the early 14th century. King Charles IV had died in 1328 and like a total fucking asshole, he had the nerve to

die not having produced an air. Even though he lived until the ancient medieval age of 33 years old, what a dick, what a selfish dick. And his death set off a series of battles between those who thought the throne rightfully belonged to them. Initially, Charles was succeeded in Nevada, now part of Spain, even though they'd be their own separate bass nation by his niece Joan II and he was succeeded in France proper by his cousin Philip of Loy who become who become King Philip the sixth.

That's right. He had two kingdoms under one throne. He dies and now they go back to being two separate kingdoms. That's shit went on all the time. That kind of stuff. Meanwhile, a man in England named King Edward III took full control of the English throne in 1330 following a brief hiccup in Lineal Rule over there and initially he was cool with King Philip to six being the new King of France. He was content to let Phil do his thing. He can let Phil be Phil, and then he's going to be Ed doing Ed's yet across the channel. But then Philip pissed Ed off.

Philip took back some land within France that had belonged to Edward's predecessor, his father King Edward II, and Eddie III, he didn't care for that. You know, it was so like Philip to start taking people shit. Classic Phil, that's Phil being Phil. That's a quintessential Phil power move. So because Edward didn't like what Phil to Phil, Phil to Phil, there we go, stop, do it. He suddenly remembered that he actually had a claim

to the French stone himself. He totally forgot about that. You know, he was like, you know, what's what he needs to find is another claim to the throne. Someone who will work with us, someone like me. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, he was like, you know, what's we need to find is another claim to the throne. Someone who will work with us, someone like me. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, no, not someone like me. Someone exactly like me. Someone who IS me.

What we need is me. I will be the claim to the throne. I've got to be related to that bastard somehow. Well, well, we're all related, aren't we? My eyes did not end up this close together due to my parents not fucking their cousins. Hurry! Someone who isn't the product of multi-generational incense, please! Please, decipher my family tree!

Supply me with favourable fortune! So, in 1337, Edward elected to assert his claim to the French Crown as the only living male descendant of his deceased maternal grandfather Philip IV, then invoking Salic Law which banned succession among female lines, the French flatly rejected Edwards claims the throne and shit was on. Let's get it on! In this corner we have King Edward, the hopeful. In this other corner, King Charles the scared. Let's get it on. Uh, yeah, there's a wrestling match.

Now, initially, England had a strong advantage in its battles against the English. And this advance was known as the English Longbow. I love like a medieval warfare, kind of history. It allowed the English to pick apart the French from afar. So these longbows, these bad boys were about six and a half feet tall, and it was rumored that they could rain down arrows from over 300 yards out. And their big heavy arrows dropping from the sky would cut right through chainmail, cut right through armor, and the British were very proficient with these longbows in the 14th

century, and the French were not. So advantage, heavy advantage, England. In the Battle of Cressy, in 1346, the Longbow led to the English under King Edward losing less than 300 men while the French forces fighting under King Philip lost 13 to 14,000 men. Damn, man, the French had roughly 50 times as many casualties in that battle. I would say lost, of course, England under King Eddie, probably would have went on to just claim all of France

for Britain, just Foubar, the rest of their military with that longbow had an up in for the Black Death. There's so many twists and turns in these stories, right? Black Death needs to be a future suck. So the English, they're kicking the shit out of the French early on, you know, with their longbows, and then the plague hits Britain in the mid-14th century. Hit some hard.

Hit some hard enough to stop their war effort. In 1348, the bubonic plague struck England and killed nearly a third of the nation's entire population. That's a lot. Just fucking everybody is either sick or dying, sick and dying or tending to the sick and dying. It was just hell on earth. All military operations are halted for nearly a decade. Is they shift focus to, I'm guessing mostly burial.

A lot of funerals, a lot of black fabric being made. Confendmakers making some serious coin, getting rich on that coffin money. Great days for the coffin trade. Strong times for funeral homes, but all military progress for the English has lost. Meanwhile, over in France, King Philip dies, Philip back in, you know, Phil just being Phil, you know, he starts him shit and then he dies. That's so Phil, he dies in 1350. And his son, John the second takes the throne, but then is captured by the British in 1356. John's son Charles gives England a bunch of territories and a lot of money to free his father in 1360.

Signs the treaty of Brittanyi with King Edward, renouncing his claim to the French throne in exchange for full sovereignty over his captured lands in France. Advantage England once again. But then King John, the second of France dies in 1364 and his son Charles now Charles the fifth decides, you know on second thought, I didn't want to sign that treaty. He thinks, you know what? I fucking, now that I think about it, I fucking hate that treaty.

Instead of honoring it, how about the English? How about you guys go fuck yourselves. And he goes back on the treaty and he wages war in England once again. And basically it just keeps going on like this. Constant fighting, back and forth for over a hundred years between Britain and France. The war would last until 1453 when King Charles, the seventh of France, the man Joan, helped greatly in the battle against the English, finally kicked the English out of France for good.

You know, and then the English would quickly redirect their ass kicking energy towards the new world across the Atlantic. Quick note technically for you, for your history of files, we really know this stuff, technically not all of the English left France, like 99.9%. They would retain the small port city of Kale, closest city to England in mainland France there, until relinquishing even that city in 1558.

So, you know, I guess France just felt it wasn't worth the trouble to sack back in 1453. So now we've set up the backstory for Joan of Arc's fight for the French independence from England. Don't, you're not going to be graded on this again. You know, I know it's a lot of names bouncing around, but I just wanted to establish, you know, that for many years prior to Joan's birth, there was just a lot of fighting between France and England and then the fighting revolved around claims to the throne

And they're you know they're making treaties they're doing this they're doing that They're like okay, you can have this land if you leave us alone here then the next guy comes on nope Get the fuck out of there now we now we don't want to believe that and that guy dies and another guy You know there's like actually I should be the king now, and you know just keep going he keeps going Okay, so we basically already had a little time suck timeline, but now let's officially jump into one. Let's jump into the timeline of the life of Joan of Arc. Shrap on those boots, soldier. We're marching down a time suck timeline. January 6th, 1412, Joan Alexander, Robert, Bobbert, Von Twinkletoes, Ark is born in Donor Aimee, about 150 miles east of Pety.

And of course I made up those middle names, her name was Joan, Joan Deock. Her little village had less than 200 people in it and I'm guessing zero cool clubs probably not a public pool no movie theaters no arcades so you know the fucking sucked no thanks France have been involved in that damn hundred year war we were talking about for about 75 years already the time for birth her parents you know because again it's that miss no more it actually lasted for longer than a hundred years. Her parents were Jacques de Arc and Isabelle Romée. And for small town peasant folk, they did well for themselves.

Jones' father owned 40 acres over which he rotated his crops, pastured his sheep and another 10 acres in the Bois Chienou. It is documented that Jacques and Isabelle were good Christians, good farmers, nice people. It lived in the only house in the village that was built a stone, not wood and fatch. I think it's pretty cool. And the family home, very cool, is still standing today. It's listed as a historic monument as of 1840. Joan of Arc's birthplace has been preserved, restored on the front. It's a carved little, it's like a Tim, how do you say it?

Tim Penum, Tim Penum, I think a Tim Penum, it's not a very rarely used word. It's like a little recessed cutout in a wall. We can put like a little statue. And there's a little thing of bearing it. It's like a 15th century coat of arms, little statue of Joan in there, Neelan in her suit of armor.

Inside visitors see four rooms, the bedroom which was born, her bedroom, the seller Inside visitors see four rooms, the bedroom which she was born, her bedroom, the cellar, her brother's bedroom. The town had been renamed Don Remy, La Pisselle, after Jones' nickname La Pisselle de Orleans, the Virgin of Orleans, Orleans, Orleans, Jones had four siblings, Jacques Romain, John, Catherine, Pierre, John, Pierre would later follow their little sister in the battle, while Jaco Man stayed to help his parents with the farm. So, so typical Jaco Man. Of course, Jaco Man would stay behind, you know? But John, I have to help my mom pull this of them. They'll be fine, Jaco Man. No, they won't, John. They need me. They said you actually slowed them down, Jokumin. But who will pick the carers, John? Who?

You know I picked the best carers. I always have. Yes, Father will handle the radishes, in the turn-ups, in the green onions, and Mother will harvest the cabbage, in the spinach. But who will pick the carers, John? Who picks the carers if that's Jokumin?

Jesus Christ, finds. Stay home and pick the carers, who picks the carous if that's your homin Jesus Christ finds stay home and pick the carous y'all mean so you could have said you afraid to fight you didn't need to guess what we're about the carous no picks the carous like y'all homin john I think that was somewhere between Spanish and French I tried to get into it by selling with my arms you can't see it but I was fucking going pump my arms really getting into those

voices don't have a pretty typical childhood. She spent it under her mother's tutelage. She learned the domestic skills expected of a woman and apprenticeship. I began as soon as the girl was able to fetch and carry. When later asked if she had learned any craft in her youth, Joan said that she had indeed boasting that in sewing and spinning I fear no woman. As to the importance of those, and all other womanly duties, she would also later add, there were enough other women to do it. So she wasn't interested in doing the womanly thing. She could, she was good, but she didn't care about it.

Summer 1495, when Joan was 13, she received what she described as a voice from God to help and guide me. The voice came at midday, when Joan was in her father's garden, adjacent to the parish cemetery. The voice came at midday when Joan was in her father's garden adjacent to the Paris cemetery. The voice came from over her right shoulder, was accompanied by a green light. Say, in Joan of Arc, you have the ability to overcome great fear. Welcome to the green lantern core.

But you didn't know Joan of Arc was once the green lantern. Green lantern did you? Probably because it's not true. It would have been nice, would have helped her not get burnt if she could have used her, you know, green lantern power ring to form like a big green fire extinguisher, you know, it's not true. Would have been nice would have helped her not get burnt if she could use her, you know, green lantern power ring to form like a big green fire extinguisher, you know, put her fire out, maybe a big green fucking hammer to smash her persecutors.

You know, and if this was gonna happen to a 13 year old kid, it was gonna happen to one like Joan. She was a deeply religious child who would go down on her knees every time she heard the church bell told, just one quote, often slipped away to speak with God before this happened. And then the the count of Dinoa who would become one of Jones closest comrades and arms remarked that even at the frantic height of her military career,

it was her habit every day at Vespas time or dusk to retire into a church and have the bells rung for almost half an hour watching her prayed. Dinoa saw a woman Seized with a marvelous rapture, so she was very very very religious She was she was one of those one of the many words, you know, it gives me a lot of trouble. She was a pious Not not pious as I believe I've said in the past occasionally John would later say that the voice she heard that day was saint Michael who while sometimes referred to as a saint is not a saint but rather an angel, an archangel, the leader of all angels,

and the leader of the army of God, according to Christian tradition, Saint Michael has four main responsibilities. The first is to combat Satan. The second is to escort the faithful to heaven at their hour of death. The third is to be champion of all Christians and the church itself. And the fourth is to call men from life on earth to their heavenly judgment. So she, uh, she went big. You know, she spoke to St. Michael, top angel. She didn't, uh, she didn't waste her time. Speaking to some bullshit bottom shelf angel, like, uh, you know, like, uh, like a St. Willard. You know, I don't know if you about know about St. Willard. St. Willard is a lower level angel

who also has four responsibilities that are not as important. Number one, first is to combat minor, easily defeatable demons, and even then only when no other better at fighting angels are nearby and available. The second is to monitor non-believers from a distance, during, in consequential points in their existences. The third is to be a really big fan of Christians when surrounded by other more powerful angels.

At other times, totally okay for St. Willard to denounce religion, to denounce Christianity when social circumstances dictate that to do otherwise may create an awkward moment. And the fourth responsibility is St. Willard is to call men from life on earth to ask them how they're doing, and then to quickly hang up if the conversation gets too heated or emotional. No, but for real she thought she was speaking directly to the arc angel Michael. And she didn't tell anyone about her visions at the time. The voice is asked simple questions about church about being a good girl. A lot of virgin questions are not making that up. A lot of questions, you know, was she still a virgin? Was she planted on Stain a virgin?

Are you sure you didn't dampen Dominic's dangle behind the apothecary last Saturday night? Seriously, a lot of virgin talk. What is the voice was not an angel, but actually her brother, just Jacques Womain, you know? Like for real. I convinced my sister Donna that I was God when I was a kid. Like I think it was like junior high, maybe six grade.

Seriously, I would sneak up onto the roof when she played outside with her toys. I would watch her, I would look down on her and just hide out of sight. And, uh, and I would change my voice and speak as if I was God. I'd be like, Donna, be righteous and all your ways, Donna. Cherish your family, Donna, especially your brother, Daniel. He is destined for greatness. I don't actually remember exactly what I said, but I do know family lore is that I had her convinced for a while.

I think God is talking to her. That would be pretty funny if Joan joined the French War effort, like turning the tides in favor of France, from which the English would never recover, all because Jacques-Wamaine, her perfect brother was fucking with her, asking her about her virginity and stuff. Highly doubtful, but fun to imagine. And this voice spoke to Joan for years, so it's very likely that, in my opinion, that blatant mental illness in Joan in the battle

and turned the tides of war, which is also pretty damn amazing. What a fortunate thing. What a fortunate mental illness for her to suffer for France in general, like it really helped France out a lot. By 1427, the voices and Jones head were no longer speaking to her about originality. Now they kind of shifted focus. They're talking about battle. She becomes convinced that she was chosen. She was the chosen one to say France. As she said in her words, there is no one else on earth, be he king or Duke or the king

of Scotland's daughter or anyone else who can restore the kingdom of France So she was very convinced in her mission And why would anyone entertain this peasant girl into thinking she could save France? Why would anyone even listen to her? Well, because of some prior prophecies, right? This is the age when prophecies were taken a lot more seriously than they are now You know there were a number of prophecies circulating around the lot more seriously than they are now. You know, there were a number of prophecies circulating around the country at that time that claim that a woman or a virginal woman would be the savior of France.

One long before the start of the Hundred Years War was pre-Christian, it was attributed to the mythical Arthurian wizard, Merlin, who prophesied that a marvelous maid would come from the Bois Chasune, the ancient wood to save France, uh, fuck yeah man, finally a wizard shows up one of these tales. A cleric known as, uh, Jaffery of Monmouth, wrote about a legendary King Arthur in the early 12th century and included in King Arthur's court was a wizard, Merlin, and Merlin wrote a book of prophecies that a geography supposedly found or Jeffrey might have been Jeffrey of Monmouth GEOFFRIY.

So how many f**kins this time suck I must have looked up a hundred pronunciations. F**k it crazy. King Arthur, legendary British leader who according to medieval histories and romances, led the defense of Britain against Saxon invaders in the late fifth and sixth century CE Many if not most historians doubt a real king Arthur ever actually existed a legend in folklore You know just a majestic king noble knights wizards witches That's pretty cool, you know and a time long before the web long before even a printing press when the written word was scarce When people wrote with quills and ink bottles when no one had yet sailed sailed across the Pacific, or at least done so and spread the word,

the world was truly magical. There was no Google Earth to map the dark forests. Right, think about how many people live in crypto-zoology now, in the age of high-power digital cameras, and video recorders, and every person pocket. Imagine what life was like before most of the world was even mapped at all. Dragons and sea serpents, the prophecies of long dead wizards, must have seemed so real, especially to an imaginative and passionate young girl who was deeply pious. Another common prophecy of the day of Jones Day was a more modern one. It was a response to a supposedly scandalous behavior that the wife of the king, Charles the Sixth, Isaboe of Bavaria, Bavaria. scandalous behavior that the wife of the king Charles the six is a boulevardia

Bavaria mother of the man Joan would fight to make the king Charles the seventh the eldest son of the king of France when Joan was a child had supposedly Engaged in the prophecies was that a virgin would save France after a fallen woman had shamed it because is a boule was caught Supposedly having an affair and and then many questions the paternity of her son charles and then you know course questioning his legitimacy to the throne is a book is one of many complemented complicated characters during that hundred years war uh... her husband charles the six suffered from some sort of mental illness that resulted in him

taking long absences and running from the government running the government she was allowed to rule in his place. His illness created a power vacuum that would eventually lead to the Pergundians shifting their allegiance to England. It would also lead to Isaboo attending the 1420 signing of the Treaty of Troyes, which decided that the English king, Henry V should inherit the French crown after the death of her husband, Charles VI.

She lived in English occupied Paris, Paris, Paris until her death in 1435. And then the English, you know, we're again, making military progress in early part of the 15th century. So much back and forth, man, fucking crazy. Think about those days too, when, you know, like your leader could be blatantly mentally ill, but you don't get to have a new leader. You still got to wait till they die. Me, and I know I'm, I'm sure some of you are making some Trump jokes to yourself right now, because I don't want to, I try not to get political here.

I'm not gonna say where my feelings lie, but I know a fair amount of the country is not terribly confident in his mental faculties, but he's not, he's not in my opinion, well, blatantly mentally ill, like, what if somebody truly was? Like what if a leader was like, obviouslyantly, mentally ill, like, what if somebody truly was? Like, what if a lear was like, obviously like schizophrenic,

like going into a press conference and just fucking flying off the handle in like a two hour rant, like a David I style rant about lizards. And everybody's like, what the fuck, but you can't get rid of them. You're gonna have, you're stuck with that person for decades, if that's how long it takes

you to die or for somebody to kill him. What a weird time to live in. Yeah, to live in northern France around Jones time must have been terrible. It seemed like every few years someone else has in charge of you. It reminds me of our exploration of Vlad the Impaillars of Veloccia. You know, also in the 15th century, constantly going back and forth between Christian and Muslim forces. Remember that from that suck

uh... main takeaway is this don't don't ever live in fifteen century europe don't do it if you get a chance to go back there don't don't do is fucking terrible uh... on May 13th 1428 jones father jok is summoned to uh... of ukula some twelve miles or twenty miles north of the dawn the rey me uh... to meet with the towns captain robert the uh... uh... bother courts uh records about the escalating tensions

between the war and factions now this area is roughly 300 kilometers 186 miles east of Paris so uh while the war with England was never all that far away the area that Jones specifically lived in uh had been you know under French control consistently. Joan was informed by her angels that she must accompany her father. And of course, not banging any bros along the way. Very concerned with her virginity was this angel. Very concerned with her virginity was Joan, as we'll find out.

One misplaced dick could have ruined the whole prophecy, destroyed the entire revolution. And speaking of dick, let's check in with another one in today's sponsors, today's time suck, also brought to you by Mama Ridgeway's CleanWin. CleanWin is a special soap bar with a hole in the middle. So you can put an anti-bacterial pine-cented polish on that pristine penis-yorth. Mama Ridgeway's CleanWin soap bars really wet your whistle as you work to get that

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Enter the discount code TimeSuck and then pray that Luciferina gives you back your sanity because you're in a real dark place right now. You're in a real dark place if you're actually trying to order some CleanWing. Poor new listener, you must be so confused right now. Time suck is a weird world that just keeps getting weirder. Stay along for the ride long enough and these strange moments will make at least a little bit of sense a promise. Okay, May 1428, we're back.

Jones' father heads a bit north to talk about the war with the Captain Robert De Badracourt. Now war that is possibly coming to his part of the countryside and his daughter, Joan, accompanied him. Sixteen-year-old Joan felt that she needed to see the dolphin of France, the male heir to the throne. She needed to see Charles, because she strongly felt that she would be the key to winning the war for France. Before she left, she visited a hilltop shrine two miles north of Don Roy-Mille.

That was consecrated to the Virgin Mary, and then Joan said that the Virgin appeared in front of me carrying a sword and a flag, but dressed in every other way like a shepherdess. And when Joan protested to the Virgin Mary that she has no abilities as a warrior, the Holy Mother tells her that a Virgin, without stain, can accomplish all the good deeds in the world, if she withstands the love that's of the world. Only look at me, I was like you, a chaste maid, yet I gave birth to the Lord, the Lord divine, I myself and divine. Again, so much virgin stuff. Who knew that an intact hymn is what you need to win a war? Here I thought

you had to be better at fighting, like a fool, I believe that. What have we been doing in this country sending our young sex having men into battle? It's fucking idiot. That's stupid. We need to be sending in our twins, right? Send our twins into battle. At least the girls send some virginal girls over to Afghanistan, North Korea, more hymns, less bullets. Why isn't that an extremely confusing bumper sticker? Yes, bullets. Why isn't that an extremely confusing bumper sticker? Inspired by the mother marriage words, Joan accompanies her father and forming him to the voices. I have told her that she needs to talk to Sir Robert.

I'm sure he was fucking thrilled to hear that and to bring his crazy ass daughter to local town's captain. Sir Robert as Joan knew had access to the dolphin. According to her voices, he would give me minute arms to accompany her west from a little pocket of resistance represented. Yeah, by the way, Joan explains her commands. I don't know what you meant by that. That's just the quote. She would give me minute arms to accompany her west from the little pocket of resistance represented. Joan explains

her commands to Sir Robert and it doesn't go as well as she had hoped. Instead of something along the lines of voices, I've been telling you a young girl with zero military training that I should let you lead actual soldiers into battle against England. Ha, sounds good. How many do you need? Would you like to have my horse as well? Maybe borrow my sword? Anything you need? No. He didn't do that. He had a good laugh at her expense and he tells her dad that she needs a good slapping because he was, you know, probably more sane than she was. And then in December of 1428, Jones aunt gets pregnant, so no fighting for her non-heim and have an ass.

And then Jones heads to Vacolet with the excuse that she needs to help her aunt. Yolanda of Eragon, the dolphins mother-in-law, hears that there is a 17 year old girl in Vacolet claiming to be sent by God to guide Charles to the throne. And instead of laughing it off, she likes it. She was a superstitious woman, and she had been hearing about those prophecies. And she knew that France needed a morale boost to help win this 100 years war.

So she dispatched us from messenger from the court, to that of her son in Renee, the future Duke of Barr and Lorraine and Buddecker's immediate overlord. Sir Robert, the town's captain, who had been laughing off Jones' visions of grandeur, Yolanda wrote to Renee, was on no account to squash or banish this peasant girl. Not when his country needed the energy and confidence inspired by a prophecy fulfilled. So smart lady, I feel like she recognizes that, you know, maybe Joan is bachelors crazy, but still going to be a good morale boost for the French side. So Sir Robert is instructed to have the girl evaluated and her words to be taken seriously.

Joan shows up in a valkyrie wearing a rough, home spun dress that she knew wasn't right for fighting. And then she was given her first set of men's clothes. And she would never go back to willingly wearing women's clothing again. She would not go back to wearing a woman's outfit. And according to historical sources, not only did she wear men's clothes and all of a sudden she got really into men's fashion. She became known as a fop or a dandy, someone very into men's fashion. This one excerpt from a historical excerpt says, the tailor made clothes, the citizens of

Valkyrie gave her a woka taste for the luxurious fabrics and flamboyant styles normally held out of a peasant's reach velvet surcoats embroidered with gold thread furlined mantles colorful tunic sparing coats of arms tightfitting to mask double its with jeweled buttons and slash sleeves that revealed contrasting silk linings brightly colored hose volumous voluminous gowns with sleeves that revealed contrasting silk linings, brightly colored hos, voluminous gowns with sleeves that hung to the ground, pigasses with their extravagantly long and pointed toes, belts hung with bells and trinkets, and infinity of hats, all kinds of shit. So why did she get an addressing like a man?

Well, she would claim later that God told her to. Now is that the truth? We have no reason to believe that she didn't believe that. However, a lot of historians, authors, scholars, others have speculated that she may have been lesbian, perhaps a transvestite, perhaps transgender, et cetera. Most believe that she dressed as she did because she thought God told her to dress that way.

Now she's here in these voices, telling her to do stuff. These various agents of God, tell her to fight for friends, be a virgin, put on some fucking pants, take off your dress, that kind of stuff. Around this time, Joan also cuts off her long hair, she cuts her hair short, she took this idea

from St. Margaret, a 13th century Italian woman, recently made a saint, saint, who had cut her hair off to make herself less sexually desirable and less prone to sin. Again, going back to chastity, that's a big thing. Get a big thing, big thing. Apparently keeping your legs closed as one of the most important things you do.

The haircut also showed a status change telling potential suitors, she was no longer a girl available for marriage. Long hair uncovered hair was assigned that girl was available to be wed. So maybe she dressed up like a man also partly to guard her virginity that she held so precious. She's doing everything she can to send that message of, do not fuck me. In February of 1429, Joan meets with the

Duke of Lorraine, who will help with her journey to meet the Doffin. She's finally going to meet Charles. He gives her a horse for Frank's and another ally training into how to become a soldier to master a knight's necessary skills ordinarily acquired over years, Joan is trained for four weeks at Vakula, and then will be granted in additional three at Puthyess, when not being interrogated by the clerics assembled there to assess her claim of divine vocation. She learned to write a war horse, I guess she learned to write it faster

than anyone believed was possible. So she did have some skills, you know, she wasn't just a Craig Gray, she had some real skills. February 22nd, you know, she wasn't just a cray cray. She had some real skills. February 22nd, 1429, she had last set out for she she none. Uh, with six men, the traveling party of seven included the two nights to finance her trip. Jean-Demits, Bertrand de Poulinier, Bertrand Bertrand's servant Julien, Yolanda's messenger,

Collet de Vien, Richard the Archer. There's a fucking name I can say. Richard the Archer. Fucking nailed it. Dick the Bo slinger. Dick the Arral slinger. And the servant he shared with Vien Jean de Honacourt. They were all knights and servants of Sir Robert de Badracourt, Joan testified to Robert

the man who first lasted Joan's visions now sworn to protect her on a journey. On February 21st, the seven travelers paused at the village of St. Catherine, Dave Foua, a days ride from Shinnon. They had made it that far without incidents. I guess that was a miracle on its own. And Joan kept herself busy dictating letters to the king to be, saying, I sent letters to my king telling him I had traveled a good 150 leagues to come to his aid. I told him also that I knew many things to his advantage.

This court was divided on whether or not to receive Joan. She did get a response back in two days. Oh, she did not get a response back until it took her two days to get one. There we go. And by the way, I said she dictated letters because she was a literate, but she was a very well spoken as you can tell by that, what she had said in the letters. So she's not educated, but very intelligence. March 4th, 1429, Joan reaches Shinnon in the middle of the day,

and then says that, but when Joan, they myths and Bertrand, they pull in Ye, were admitted to the Doffins Chambers upstairs, they discovered that Charles wasn't expecting the arrival of the major from Lorraine. Lots from Wau, had intercepted the letters and destroyed them.

So somebody in his court got the letters she'd been sending, fucking. Tost him out. March 6th, the scene in which Joan at last meets the Doffin, claims a prominent role in every telling of Joan's story, identifying her immediate discovery of the Doffin, who had hidden himself among a crowd of courtiers, as her first significant miracle, the one that ignited the fuse of her

messionic trajectory. After all, she'd never seen him before, never seen his likeness. What other than the voices in her head could have tipped her off, she walks right over to Charles, drops on her knees and says, most noble Lord, Daphne, I have come and am sent by God to bring help to you and your kingdom. Charles is impressed, takes you on into a private chat, and tells him a secret that basically this part of the legend too. Tell us him something that nobody could have known, something only he knew, something you know, like closely guarded secret of his,

this rural peasant girl knew exactly what it was. And it was not as close until the end of Charles' life, what Joan had said to him, to convince him that she was real, and I guess Charles had made a humble, siloed request in prayer to our Lord, and when she begged him to vali that if it were true, that he was, you know, the heir to the throne of France might it please God to protect and defend him? Otherwise, he asked God to allow him to escape to the court of one of his allies in other Spain or Scotland. And Joan knew he had made that prayer. New it in detail, enough detail to convince the dolphin of her legitimacy.

So, you know, how could she have known that? Pretty impressive. Again, I throw out there like, you know, I say mental illness, but, you know, if you're of the religious bent, a lot of, you know, the faithful believed that she was touched by God. That's the only way she could have known about that stuff, or known that kind of stuff. Still, he was slowing his actions to allow her to fight, which frustrated Joan, but he did allow her to follow

her voices, listen to him, although she had convinced Charles of her legitimacy. She was still examined by two women of the court, still make sure she's a virgin. Prophecy doesn't work. If, you know, she had been scratching that deep, vaginal itch, nope, nope, she hadn't. High men still intact, which I guess is pretty unusual due to the fact that she been riding a horse through rough

conditions for several weeks, which is a good way to get rid of your Heimann. That's actually how I lost my Heimann. Rough horseback riding specifically is how I lost my penis Heimann. I used to have the rare penis Heimann reserved for only the most magnificent of men. It's a little tiny Heimann that covers the end of your wing. So that others who see it can tell that it's still clean and you're still a virgin. But alas, you know, one ref ride and off it went, which wasn't all that bad because of the age of 16, I could finally now start peeing out the front and I didn't have to pee out of my butt again. Because when you do have a penis hymen, it covers your peal hole.

So you can't pee. That's how clean your wing is. Now, it's not used for sex, not used for peeing. You butt pee for the first, you know, however many years your life can tell you drop that wiener. Anywho, March 11th through 12th, 14th, 29, Joan is sent to Pochier to meet with the religious tribunal. She will be examined by still more theologians

to determine her intentions before she's allowed to proceed. A lane, chartier, a political commentator, as well as a poet, stressed Jones, unusual intellectual capacities. She appeared to have studied at a university rather than cared for sheep in the field, based on her intellect. And yeah, and they're very impressed. On March 27th, 1429, Jones officially presented to the wider court.

And I guess no princess in all of Europe had ever made such a memorable debut, the count of Vendome, one of Yolanda's retinue escorted Jones to the ground saw on the upper floor of fucking some other crazy bunch of French words. I'm still sick of these fucking French words. It's like she had to have gone

to every fucking French village in all of goddamn France. And it's like, fuck these words. Once, once the staring hush crowded parted enough to allow Joan and the count to make their way to the throne. The count presented to her a man, she'd done the throne who is not Charles, trying to trick her again, even after she knew his secret. They're still on the fence, I guess. They want to put her through more tests.

Before Joan's entrance, Charles had explained the rules to all present. It was a means of testing the council of Jones voices. He would he would change clothes with one of his courtiers who would take Charles place on the dius, on the doffin, hit amongst the crowd. Jones was not full for a moment by the imposter. She wasn't she wasn't walking over to fake Charles. She went over to found the real Charles immediately, recognizing perfectly. And I guess you'll undo his pleas with how well the court took to Joan Finding Charles. I gotta say, man,

if all these historical accounts are true, and I have no reason to doubt them, I too would have gotten caught up by her divine inspiration, right? They're trying to trick her at every turn, and they're making her meet with all these theological courts, and she just keeps amazing everyone.

And this next parlor trick is especially impressive. April 6th, 1429, a week after her presentation to the court in Chinoan, Joan arrives in tours, about five miles northwest of Chinoan, equipped for battle, armed as quickly as possible. Her armor did not have much decoration, but was, you know, credible quality.

I guess it was pretty expensive. A little display of angels adorned her battle standard, that little battle flag she would waive to rather the troops behind her. And while in tour's Joan sent word that she needed a sword, this is the little parlor trick I was talking about, said that she needed a sword that was in the church of St. Catherine, day for Boa, behind the altar. She'd known its location, she told the examiner, not because she discovered it herself during the hour she spent in the church, but because she

had learned of it through her voices, months after she left uh... saint castor in day for awhile and immediately was found rusted all over it was in in the ground like buried in the ground rusted over upon it were five crosses and that sort was cleaned up and presented to john about that shit i guess you could have heard you know or overheard someone talking about it but still impressive and people were talking about why would they have just dig that pretty

president she knew that some old sword was buried there. John would end up having five swords but never actually used one in battle. She led the troops and charges guided assaults strategically but never actually ran her sword through the enemy. There's only one record of her using a sword. John Duke of Alanson watched her once chase a girl. This is a quote, chase a girl who was with the soldiers so hard with her sword drawn that she broke her sword over the prostitute's back. A significant blow as a battle sword typical of its time

was a large weapon intended to be used with both hands and Wayne as much as 10 pounds. That's a historical quote, not from Jean. Man, she was really into chastity, right? Didn't even like when other people were having too much sex. She was clearly not being guided or watched over by Lucifina. Lucifina would not be into Jones' rigid sexual attitude. On April 21st, 1429, Jones and her army set out for a blah. I believe a blah is how you say 30 miles to the northeast. When Jones arrived, she has a pascarole, send a letter to the English armies. Joan was never formally taught to read or to write,

but she clearly again dictates the fuck out of a letter. Here's the letter she sent to the English armies before her first battle against them. She was not messing around. She said, King of England, and you, Duke of Bedford, who you call yourself Regent of the Kingdom of France, you William Poll, Count of Suffolk, John Talbot, and you, Thomas, Lord, Scales, who call yourselves the tenants of the said Duke of Bedford, make satisfaction to the king of heaven, surrender to the maid who is sent here by God, the king of heaven, the keys of all the good towns which you have taken and violated in France. She is come here by God's will to reclaim the blood royal. She is very ready

to make peace if you are willing to grant her satisfaction by abandoning France and pain from what you have for what you have held. And you, archers, men at war, gentlemen and others who are before the town of Aliens or Orliens, go away in your own country and God's name. And if you do not do so, expect tidings from the maid who will come to see you shortly to your very great harm. King of England, if you do not do so, I am achieved in a war. And in whatever place I meet your people in France, I shall make them leave and in whether they will it or not. And if they will not obey, I will have them all put to death. I am sent here by God. She wants to remind them that the king of heaven body for body to drive you out of all of

France. If they wish to obey, I will show them mercy. And be not of another opinion for you will not hold the kingdom of France form from God, the king of heaven. Oh, Jesus Christ man, she's fucking worthy. I'm not going to read any more of her letter. It's back and enough. I get it. I get it, Joan. All right, we fucking heard you the first 10 fucking times you talked about being sent here by God. She even, she even ends the letter. God's anointed his Messiah. La Purselle. Ha, okay. So basically she sends them a little gets a fuck out or get killed warning. They're real wordy back then, weren't they? Right? Man, it's just, and then I, I am Joan of Olions sent here by God, holy of holiest, angel of the angels, Lord and heaven, just shut the fuck up, get to the point already, Joan.

Ah, what are you getting paid by the word? It's a fucking letter, just send him a note, to say something like, hey guys, fucking get out of our country, or my country fucking heads off, all right? You don't have to write three goddamn books to get that point across. You're gonna face the wrath of Jones Warheim and... April 29th, 1429. Jones wordy lady arrives in Orleans. I'm gonna say, Ordans from now on,

I was trying to say it in the French way earlier to fuck that. It's an Orleans to me. A city that had been under siege by the English since October of 1428. Joan had approached Orleans under the assumption that she was Orleans. There we go. I'm gonna say Orleans. All right. That's right. I'll settle on that. Leed an army intended to drive off the English, but really she was actually sent by Charles as kind of a cheerleader to boost morale of the French inhabitants and hopes of inspiring them to revolt. She didn't know that Charles wanted to test how the people responded to her You know before he really like put her in charge of actual military action I guess she was pissed off about being misled

She would say you thought you had deceived me She said this to one of the captains who kind of sidelined her and wouldn't allow her to really lead troops initially But it is you who have deceived yourselves for I am bringing you better help than ever you got from any soldier or any city. Man, she didn't lack confidence. Did not lack confidence. This is a teenager. Can you imagine what they must have, so many must have thought of her initially. This is what? She's like 16. At this time, 16 maybe 17. And these are all grown battle hardened men. And she's like, never before has a soldier, such as I,

been here, been sent here to guide France. No one is as powerful as Joan Virgin of my, I'm in a loan to take out 20,000 British soldiers. So anyway, same day of French sortie, distracts the English troops on the west side of Orleans, Orleans, and Joan enters the city, unopposed by its eastern gate. She brings in needed supplies, reinforcements, and she doesn't inspire the French man. They do rally rounder to form a passionate resistance against the English. And on Tuesday, May 3rd,

the people of Orleans, Orleans, hell- held a formal citywide procession in her honor, presented money and gifts to the maid and her companions, asked them to deliver their town from its siege. Now Jones captains, seeing the effect she does have on the town's morale, now they allow her to fight for real, and she does personally lead the charge in several battles, and on May 7th, she's struck by an arrow, which she quickly dresses her wound, returns to the fight, and the French do win the day. And then the following day, on May 8th, the English retreat from Orleans, and the siege is lifted.

And during the siege, 140 Englishmen have been killed. In a few days of fighting, another 40 taken prisoner, only a handful of French lives lost. This is a major victory for the Frenchman. The city had held a strategic and symbolic significance to both sides during this conflict. The consensus among contemporaries was that the English regent, John of Lancaster, would have succeeded in realizing Henry V's dream of conquering all of France if Orleans fell. So it does not. They push him back. Huge turning of the tides here. The Doffin Senate had noticed that dated May 10th, 1429, calling upon all citizens of France

to give thanks to God for the great victory or leans that had been accomplished by captains who through their great prowess and courage and arms and always by means of the grace of our Lord captured the whole of this fortress. The victory does turn the tides of war back towards the French. Victory over the English field feels more possible now. suddenly now men are coming out of the woodwork. They're volunteering to fight for Joan and France on May 13th.

Joan leaves for tours where she meets the doffin to get some money, get some supplies to replenish her forces. Then on June 11th and 12th, Joan and her army take a Georgia through heavy battle. This is Joan's first offensive battle and first victory that way. You know, a town that's not being siege being laid upon it, she's actually taking the attack to the English now. Georgia was a small town in the southern bank of the lower river in central France, about 10 miles east of Orleans.

Orleans conquered by the English a few years earlier as a staging point for a planned invasion of Southern France. City was defended by a wall, several towers, fortified gates, a ditch just outside of the walls further enhances the defenses outside of the walls. There's a little, you know, some suburbs, people living out there, single fortified bridge of strategic significance during the latter part of the war is crossing the lower river to the north bank and the city is crossing the lower river to the north bank. And the city is defended by approximately 700 troops armed with gunpowder weaponry.

The battle begins with the French assault in the suburbs. English defenders leave the city walls and the French fall back. Joan of Arc uses her standard wavener flag to begin a French rally. The English retreat to the city walls now. The French spend the night in the suburbs and then the following morning, she calls upon the defenders to surrender. They refuse. The French follow with heavy artillery bombardment using primitive cannons and siege engines. One of the town's towers falls to the ground. Joan initiates an assault on the town walls that she herself, you know, engaged in. She actually survived some asshole thrown a a stone down on her as she's climbing up on a ladder scale the wall

actually hits her in the head uh... splits in two is the legend against her helmet but she keeps climbing doesn't even knock her off the fucking ladder and the english suffer heavy losses and abandoned the town pretty dope her legend grows with his victory june her force on uh... on june fifteenth victory. Joan and her force on June 15th, her force of about 6, 7,000, then take a bridge from the English at the Mons Salois. And then on the 16th, Joan and her army moved to Bougain-C, a small town of good strategic value on the northern bank of the lower river. In central France, the English control virtually everything north of the lower at this time

and taking this town would begin to push into the north. Sorry if I'm pronouncing the law wrong. Probably I did not get a pronunciation guide for that one. Another thousand troops joined her fight during the first day of fighting the English of ban in the town retreat into the castle. The French bombard the castle with artillery fire in the English surrender. On June 18th, the French fight the English and nearby potato route, the English lose over 2,000 men out of a forest of about 5,000. Many of them being a precious Longbow archers

and the French lose only about 100 men. After the battle, the French pursue a fleeing English army inflicted more damage, huge victory for the French. The virtual destruction of the English field army, the loss of many of their principal veteran commanders has devastated The English, you know, devastating consequences for their position in France and from which they would never recover for the rest of this war. During the following weeks, the French facing negligible Resistance are able to swiftly regain big swaths of territory to the south east and north of Paris and

They marched to the rings with the Doffin was crowned King Charles VII on July 17th, which can be a little confusing because he was kind of really already the King of France. His father had died in 1422 but his father had willed France to the English kind of. Remember he was mentally ill and his wife had done that on his behalf but then Charles didn't want to honor. They felt like this was signed during duress, neither did some of his supporters. So really, all the English under Henry VI took over more and more of Northern France. He had prior to this, Charles had hold up in Burge France and was basically King of

Burge. But now, with Joan fighting for him, He feels, you know, confident enough to declare himself, you know, a king of all of France, and he's given, you know, more of a proper coronation. And during the coronation, Joan spoke out to the court saying, Joan the maid commands and informs you in the name of the king of heaven, her rightful and sovereign lord, in whose services she is each day that you should render true obedience and recognition to the gentle king of France. And if you do not, I promise you and certify upon your lives that we will enter with God's help all the towns that should belong to the

Holy Kingdom and establish a good firm peace there whoever comes against us. I commend you to God. May he watch over you if it pleases him. Man, she must have been insufferable to hang around. Right? I feel like she'd just give all these long-winded speeches. Speech is all the time. Hey, John, John, do you want to go grab a sandwich? If God commands me to have a sandwich, then I will have a sandwich. If it is for the greater glory of friends,

Ah, shut the fuck up! I just want to know if you want to grab some lunch. I is the Virgin. As the Virginal maid of Orleans, if God wills wills it will put to sandwich in one of my holes But not that one for that is for God alone Okay, all right. We just wanted to know if you wanted to eat we get it your virgin God likes you back and calm down So everything's going good right for John kind of She's becoming popular with people of France very popular

She's seen as having won him the crown, you know for Charles, kind of. She's becoming popular with people of France, very popular. She's seen as having one of them to crown, you know, for Charles, which is, you know, true, but not entirely true. A lot of historians feel like, you know, had she not been surrounded by season military commander, she would have gotten her ass kicked. I mean, she did do some really cool things. I'm not trying to say that she didn't, but remember also, she's a teenage peasant girl. She wasn't, you know, just out of, out of nowhere with no one no one's help Just she was a little too aggressive from what I understand looking back where it's like if she would have been allowed to just run things the exact way She wanted she would have basically gotten them all killed However if she had not been there the captains would have been

Much less aggressive and they probably wouldn't have won these battles without her So you know they each needed the other take it they say it was a wouldn't have won these battles without her. So they each needed the other to get these things. It was a group effort to win these battles, but the public doesn't really see it that way. They see her alone as this savior of France. The royal court doesn't care for that. They're nervous regarding how well she's received versus Charles. They don't like a common maid, you know, having more military success than the doffin and the official French army.

They don't like how much the common people love her. And this I'm just pointing this out because later when she's captured, probably why he was reluctant to help save her. On July 17th, Joan sends another letter this time to the Duke of Burgundy, who is still aligned with the English crown begging him not to fight his countrymen. And also telling him, essentially, that he'd better get a shit together and join the cause,

or you know, off of this fucking head. You're with us, or you're against us, Ron Burgundy. I mean, Duke of Burgundy. This is her letters she had dictated. Great and formidable prints. Great and formidable prints, Duke of Ron Burgundy. I know you're kind of a big deal around here.

Now, but seriously, she says, Joan the Virgin Request of you in the Nancy. Ah, she can't, she can't get a single set in South without referencing either God or her virginity. Joan the Virgin Request of you in the name of the King of Heaven, my rightful and sovereign Lord. The King of France and yourself should make a good firm lasting peace. Oh, man, you know, thinking about like this verdant stuff, I mean, what a terrible way to assign value to a human being. I think that's what like white bothers me. Because like historically, it was just, you know, it wasn't about what good things you did as a woman.

It was about like half you've been fucked or not. Like, your life was reduced to such a simple equation. And you know, and if the math worked out, then you were good. And as the math didn't work out, you were just worthless. It's like, how much it would have sucked to be a one-of-a-back then? Like, if that was how things worked today, just... I found it a humanitarian organization that provides clean water and vaccines to children who would otherwise die avoidable

in agonizing death. Yes, yes, that's fine, and vaccines to children who would otherwise die avoidable and agonizing death. Yes That's fine and that's fine, but have your loins been pissed by the meat of a man I don't I don't know that's any of your business But what I do know is that I donate my time regularly to local animal shelters I I also gave some of my bone marrow to someone who would have died They would have died had I not been a bone marrow uh you know transplant um marrow in yes that's fine how many dicks have you placed upon that time careful with this question maiden any number other than zero places one sold in jeopardy

and one's body in the rack are you for real last year i put my career on hold to care personally for my dying mother i've always been quiet at the movie theater i I don't leave my phone on, I share the sidewalk, I understand how to merge into the freeway, it's my responsibility to adjust my speed through the flow of traffic and yield to cars already on the freeway instead of just ramshoddy my way, what have you allowed in your poop? Penis or pinky or both? Answer me, wench! It's fucking crazy, right?

Can you imagine? That's all that matters to people. Now yeah, yeah, yeah, you've done some battle stuff, but what about your hymen? You know, because that's like, her nickname wasn't like Joan the Brave, wasn't Joan the Fearless, not Joan the Loyal, not Joan the Badass, not Joan the Savior or Patriot. No, Joan the Virgin. That's her best quality because, you know, that's Threatens Men the Least. You know, that she was a land unconquered by foreign dick.

No threat to even the frailest of egos. All right, and she continues with her letter, and I'll read a few senses, but this is too much. She goes out fully pardon each other willingly as faithful Christian should do. And if it should please you to make war then go against the sacrients. Prince of Burgundy, I pray, beg and request. It's humbly

as I can that you wage war no longer in the Holy Kingdom of France and order your people who are in any towns and fortresses of the Holy Kingdom to withdraw promptly and without delay. And that's for the noble king of France. He is ready to make peace with you, saving his honor if you're not opposed. And I tell you in the name of the king of heaven, all right, so you get it, right? He tells them that, he doesn't if he doesn't back down that you know God's gonna be angry Her hymen's gonna be mad and he's gonna die and August 7th he doesn't he doesn't care. He doesn't give a shit about her letter August 7th the Duke of Burgundy and the Duke of Bedford both claimed that Charles is a annoying king and is invalid

They don't care about Jones' letter. Duke of Burgundy actually issues a challenge to Charles to meet him on the field of battle personally. And Charles does not accept, he was, yeah, he wasn't a fucking brave man, really, it doesn't seem like. I feel like, you know, he was very lucky to have Joan fight from. He instead on August 28th,

Charles signs a four month treaty with the Duke of Burgundy to try and push pause on the fighting. Now let's talk about it for a bit Let's hold up He doesn't tell Joan that which is unfortunate Joan is seven miles north of Paris waiting to attack the English controlled city She gets gets bored waiting to hear from him. She doesn't hear about the treaty and and she attacks the city with three to four thousand Never meant and spends about two weeks and little skirmishes around the walls of the fortified city. She doesn't really accomplish much.

And on September 8th, Charles finally gives the go-ahead to fully attack Paris. So, you know, the treaty doesn't really hold. And it doesn't work. And Don takes a cross bolt to her thigh. She's badly wounded. She fails to take the city. And now, people start to doubt her.

Fucking one loss, and people doubt her, doubt her connection to God meant a lot of fair weather fans. Now when the going was good, they were hopping on the bandwagon and now can't get Paris, they're like, NOOOO! Maybe she's crazy, maybe God's not talking to her. She has to go recover from that crossbow bolt wound and then when she does, November 4th to the 8th, the Charles Center toaseige, St. Pierre, Limutier, more of a village in the town, but an expertly fortified village that, you know, it's not going to just buckle

to anybody. And, but it is easier to take than Paris, and really, the story and feel like this might have been done as like confidence builder. Like, get another, get another win under your belt, kind of like a boxer, you know, you get your ass kicked and championship fight. All right, let's find somebody who's just, you know, not above this basic sparring partner. Get in the ring with you. Get it, get another W, get your thinking right, then we'll work to get back to the title.

November 24th to December 24th, a few weeks, you know, after that initial little victory, she has another loss. She fails to take the town of La Charet. However, a day after her banning the siege of that heavily fortified village, she gets right back on the battlehorse, heads to Georgia on Christmas Day, and receives letters from Charles conferring nobility upon her and her family. So she didn't get the win, but she does get a thanks for the multiple and striking benefits of divine grandeur that have been accorded us through the agency of the mate

The letter that says that and in consideration of the praiseworthy graceful and useful services already rendered by the affer said, you know her family gets a You know a raisin status and actually she actually gets her town tax exempt status that lasted for a long time after her death even So she gets you, she gets some awards for what she's done so far. And then a few months later on March 29th, she attacks the town of La Ni, sort of Mañe. She's only leading 500 men at this point. She spends three weeks there, and she does take the city.

So she does get another win. And then according to legend, she performs a miracle in April, Joan, according to witnesses, raises a child from the dead. Here is her talking about it later in her trial. How old was this infant, some examiner, a a child from the dead. Here is her talking about it later to her trial. How old was this infant, some examiner, asked her? Three days old.

They told me three days had passed with no sign of life in the child, which was as black as my coat of mail. And then she was in church dealing with foreign images of the Virgin when the boy's mother and sisters came to her with his little baby's corpse. She praised with them and then she testified that at last life appeared in the child

child yon thrice was baptized and then immediately died and was buried in consecrated ground. But you know when the child yon the three times the color began to return and the guy said uh was it said in the town that the recestation was due to your prayers? She said I did not inquire about it. Uh although she she knew better than I need that the incident had been trumpeted as a miracle. I gotta be honest man When I've read about it. I was hoping to find a better better miracle story than that Miracle story than three yons By baby who then just quickly died You know after being baptized. I mean if you're gonna work a miracle I can make it cool like bring the kid back to life

You know and I don't know keep him alive longer can make it cool, like bring the kid back to life. You know, and I don't know, keep him alive longer than a few seconds or a few minutes, let him grow up to become a cool night or something, you know, or work the field with his family or be the town drunk, something, anything better than just yawn in three times. The month following the miracle of the three yawns

was gonna be a real bummer for John. Her ass-ticking ways come to an end. She'd fight her last battle, May 14, 30. John is in the town of Campagnet. A reception is held in her honor battle. May 14, 30, Jones in the town of Campagne, a receptionist held in her honor because she promised to defend the town from a burgundy in siege. And then that Duke of Burgundy, a dude who didn't care for her letter. He's a massive sizeable army. He's going to siege this town on behalf of the English crown. He demands her to, you know, head over Campagne. She doesn a dozen Joan of Arc plans to surprise that we're going to insult with the assistance of company as governor

Guigume de fliveau on something like that on May 19th tacking an outpost near neighboring Marginay while it was separated from the main force kind of a John of Luxembourg sees John and her men by chance she going out to this little attack attack some people separated from the main herd some other dude Caesar getsments. Those people chase Joan back to the city. And she rides in the very extreme rear of her forces. It's like a position of honor. If anyone's going to be captured, it's going to be her. Man leaders fought very differently back then. They put themselves in perilous situations all the time. And then before the French

defenders could return to a company, the governor closes the city gate. And so it leaves Joan and the rear guard with her trapped outside the city walls. To await either death or capture. Joan and the men outside the wall surrender. And then a Burgundian soldier grabs the edge of her cloth of gold doublet, throws her off her horse,

throws her onto the ground, and that's it. For Joan's military career, she's now captured by the Pergundians. She's taken prisoner by the Duke of Burgundy, who then hands Joan over on January 3rd, 1431 to Pierre Cachon, a bishop of Bouvet, who would try her for heresy. And witchcraft by tribunal, which had been selected by Pierre Cachon himself, and consisted of 10 Pergundians, theologians twenty two cannons of rwan and uh... a bunch of monks some other orders in october fourteen thirty jones side she does want to wait for this for this trial

and she tries to escape she throws herself out of the tower window uh... i guess there was nothing that could have broken her fall not a tree limb not uh... not a little hill grass not a cushion of undergrowth nothing. She just throws herself out of the tower, she lands in the castle's dry moat, and doesn't die. And this escape attempt would actually be used against her later to her trial, because they tried to make it seem like she tried to commit suicide, which, you know, obviously a big sin. They would ask her later, did you expect to kill yourself

when you leaped? She says, no, because I leaped, I commended myself to God and our lady. Okay? Hadn't your voices forbidden you to jump? I begged their pardon afterward. I admitted I was wrong in jumping and my angels forgave me. She is clearly mentally ill. They saw my need, and then I could at no way hold myself back, and they lent aid to my life and prevented me from being killed.

Did you receive any great penance? A large part of my penance was that I hurt myself falling. That's very funny. Did you? Did you receive any punishment? I fucking, yeah, fucking landed in the moat and hurt you dumbass. That's my punishment was not having an angel catch me and just guide me to, it's a safe land, let me run off.

The hurt Joan did herself with significant enough that she didn't know where she was when she regained consciousness her burgundy and captors had to tell her and then I guess she almost died the physician thought she broke her back and then and then the trial really gets going and man what a trial it would be reminds me of the Salem witch trials we sucked on way back arguing about things no one can prove like whether or not angels are real. Did angels forgive? No, from from window. An advance of her trial. November 9th and 11th, she's taken to Ron, you know, in an iron cage.

That's because that's where the trial is going to be. He has, she's transferred there in an iron cage. She's held in a standing position for a couple of days, secured by the neck, hands, and feet. That had to have sucked. And December 23rd, 1430, she arrives in the Ruan. A Ruan, I guess that I say, the capital of Normandy. A seller Ruan is where John was held for the last five months of her life, where she would always wear leg irons, where she laid chain by the legs with two pairs of irons, tightly

secured by another chain, which passed through the legs of her bed. That chain was attached to a right block of wood, five or six feet long. You know, it's all locked up. Night and day, she's left in the care of five guards of quote, the lowest sort common torturers. She had to go to the bathroom, you know, a guard would unlock in a company her to a closet size room with a little hole in the floor. She just fucking take a shit directly into the moat. Typically, the atmosphere that fills such privies was so stature with ammonia gas that these places came to be called cloakrooms, where guests could expect their coats to be hung,

believing the caustic smell strong enough to kill vermin, that's hilarious to me. So like, you know, they're having people over at the castle and they would hang their coats up in the shit house because it stunk so bad that they thought the stink would kill any like little parasites and stuff in their coats. Oh my god. Once again, Jones virginity is checked. Of course it was. To check at this time she stripped nude.

There's a huge thing that went on sometimes at inquisitions. 20 of the priests assigned to her trial would each take a thick blade of field grass. And when her legs are spread wide, held there with a stock-type device, each priest gets a wood shove. The little grass plate into her vagina exactly 10 times and check it after each time. If there's any blood in the grass and she's not a virgin. After all of that, her hymen is checked by a doctor who would put a small ball of cheese cloth wrapped in twine, no bigger than the size of a small apple into her vagina.

It would be left there for two full days. Then Joan would have to jump in place for an hour and then if the cheese cloth fell out, then her vagina's too loose and she's not a virgin. And if it falls out, also, if it doesn't fall out, excuse me, the cloth is taken out and each of the priests would smell it. And if it did smell like dick, not a virgin.

I'm sorry, if it's still, if it was like on the edge, if they're not sure if it smelled like dick or not, they would toss it into a stew pot and they would cook it into a broth and if the broth tasted like dick, not a virgin, but if they were still kind of on the edge of like, I think it tastes like dick, I'm not sure. Then the priest would take turns for a full day,

suck any other dick, to remind themselves what dick tasted and smelled like. And if you still think that this is the virginity test that actually happened, God bless you. I love you so much. I love you so much. If that if during the last 30 seconds you were like, are you fucking kidding me? What? Oh, that is, oh, that's horrible. No, her hymen was checked on though. That didn't happen. All that was made up. But her hymen was checked yet again by midwife. Not a bunch of weird, strange, dick stuck in priests. Gotta make sure that hymen's rock solid

before sent in surgery to be burned alive. Super important. And she passes again. She must have had the most thoroughly inspected hymen in vaginal history. To prevent sexual assault and protect her important hymen, Joan war during her incarceration, two layers of Hosen securely fastened to her doublet.

The interlayer being Waste cloth or Waste High, can join Wullen Hosen, attached to the doublet by full 20 cords. Each cord tied into three eyelids a piece for a total of 40 attachment points on the interlayer of H cords. And then once this outfit was thus fashioned together by dozens of cords connecting both layers to the doublet, it would be substantial undertaking for anyone to get it off. Uh, yeah. And she did all of this even though it, you know, it made, you know, going to the bathroom extremely difficult. It was that important for her to make sure that no one, you know, snuck a dick in there

when she was sleeping or something. Very strange obsession with Virginia, but, you know, I guess I admire her conviction. And where the fuck is Charles doing all this? Where's the fucking Chuck? You know, remember she busted her ass to get him crowned king? And you know, he seems to have abandoned her once she's captured. Well, I guess the story is they don't really know why why he did this for sure because he never officially gave a reason uh... probably because he was glad to see her

out of his hair probably probably the courts advice again remember they were worried about her popularity now they were kind of already winning the war you know maybe they thought they didn't need her specifically anymore to finish the route of the English, and it was just a convenient capture. There was a bishop at the time who wrote Charles urging him to do everything in his power to help and ransom Joan of Arc from the enemy, even said that he would be guilty of monstrous in gratitude if he didn't help, and I guess the king just ignored that bishop's letter. I get him not doing anything militarily. It might not have been the right time to lay siege

to the town of Saver, but why didn't he even try and negotiate politically to get her out of there? It just feels like he wanted her gone. So probably not the best dude. January 9th, Jones trial begins, and before we get into the trial's details, let's take a quick break from this lengthy timeline and check in with today's idiot to the internet. It is an idiot to that, it's that.

All right, quick note before I poke at it, a little fun, a couple silly heads this week. As I stated in the beginning of the suck, I may be last week's idiot of the internet. I may have grossly misunderstood a post that actually did make sense instead of being off the charts whack doodleness. Just want you to know that I will be calling myself out again in today's time, sucker

updates. Okay. So let's see if I get it right this week. User Doc Spock posted a video titled Joan of Arc documentary last November that is just that. It's a Joan of Arc documentary, a story of her life and death. And DJ FX lets us know that A, he has watched it, and B, he doesn't like how she was treated at her trial,

posting those who condemned her will pay. Do you know how time works, DJ FX? I'm pretty sure, and by pretty sure, I mean positive, that everyone who was gonna pay either did pay or didn't already pay considering this happened almost 600 years ago. So maybe you should have went with something like, I hope those condemned, you know, I hope those of who those who condemned her did pay dearly. Or I hope those who condemned her are continuing to pay in hell or something, you know, something like that. Maybe at a parenthetical to your post,

something like those who condemned her will pay, please note, I am writing this in 1431 from my time machine. User Sean O'Dwyer got very upset by the documentary, specifically by England's treatment of Joan, and he got upset enough to post, we should all burn England and English to death. To hell with England, destroy that devil nation.

Ah, all right. Tell me how you really feel, Sean. Uh, you do realize that even though the English may have rigged her trial, they also could have easily just killed her for attacking them. I mean, to be fair, to be fair, she did devote her short, I still alive to waging war against them. I mean, you do realize that. She did lead men into countless battles trying to kill

English soldiers and the supporters of English soldiers. Little silly to think that once they capture, they're gonna want to fucking throw a parade, treat her like a queen. Also, maybe just a tad bit silly to burn the English today for what their ancestor did six centuries ago. There's also that thing about a YouTube battle broke out in the comment section. Those are always fun when people, you know, get like real butt hurt by what they're posting

back and forth. It starts off with some dude named Michael shits on Jones religion. He posts, uh, so once again, God picks an illiterate peasant to spread his word. Oh, he never appears to anyone who is educated. First off, let me just point out that while she wasn't educated, her contemporaries again found her far from stupid, found her to be highly intelligent actually.

While religious user Matthew Fitzgerald, he doesn't care for Michael's inflammatory words and he writes some of his own. He says, Michael, I let God decide who he picks for his ministries and if you look back at all the biblical figures, they were all flawed in some way. Abraham almost killed his own son for God. Moses tried to get out of it when God asked him to do it.

David was a murderer and adulterer and sometimes a fool, so we shouldn't try to second guess who God chooses. And then, incredibly, Michael apologizes, posting, you're right. Sorry, religions matter of faith and to try and hold it to logical standards is not really fair. Also, really, what do I care? It happened a long time ago. Doesn't affect my life.

Have a good one. Live and let live, Matthew. Sorry about that. Yeah, right. He doesn't put people number posts, stuff like that, hardly. He reiterates his original thought. He says, Matthew, funny how your God never chooses intelligent people. So he doubles down and Matthew fires right back.

Mike, he says, Michael, that's because he gave all the smarts to you so you can spend your time making YouTube comments because apparently you have no depth or life. But thanks for your words of wisdom. Just what the world needs, another moron. And then Michael lets the world know that he really doesn't like being called a moron, because he ups the ante significantly posting Matthew.

Well, I'm smart enough not to believe in some man-made sky fairy, but it's obvious that you do believe in the sky fairy, which explains your lack of depth and no life. Just what the world needs, Another Jesus freak fuckhead. Piss on your God. Well, he really kicked it out with that one. Mass you, not amused. Not amused. He shoots back over Michael, first of all, man, I don't give a fuck what you believe. You are the YouTube comment king. Now, leave me the fuck alone. I love it. That's when like, you know, this is probably not a guy

based on his earlier comments who throws around a lot of f-bombs but uh that one riled him when he said piss on your god he's like oh you will not say that and then he disappears from the comment board entirely despite many other users trying to bait him back in and you know like he got notifications every time those extra comment replies came in I bet he was riled up for so long I I bet for like weeks, you know, maybe just to know in a particular is like fuck Michael Fuck that godless troll Now in my mind, I'm sure this didn't happen But I like to imagine him just like fucking punch in a hole in the dry wall of his home You know his wife concerned Matthew. Are you thinking about Michael again? No Elizabeth? I'm fine. He's not worth my thoughts

He's not worth it and he punches another hole in the wall He's not worth my thoughts. He's not worth it. And he punches another hole in the wall. And then my favorite for this week you user Richard Wilmont PhD Proves that his doctorate is not in joke writing by posting the following What Joan said to shit hole Charles? I've got this great joke for you from God. What did the cherries say to the cock? Doc Doc Doc Doc Doc Doc Doc Doc. Hi, man. You guys get it? Do you get it? Hi, man. It's in Hyman. You get it? Because she was a virgin. It's a wordplay joke. They really doesn't work as a joke the way it's written. Because it's too convoluted. First off, it's corny's spuck.

And then also, why would Joan say that to Charles? Why would he think about, like it's funny that she's a virgin? Because he's not a virgin, like I don't understand why would virginity matter to him? Would it be impressed by her word play skills with her punyness? And why does God need to be involved in that joke?

Why? Right, I've got a great joke for you from God. Why do you set it up that way? That's very confusing. Because then you expect some religious bent to it and there's not. There's no religious payoff. You set up God and then you don't bring him back later in the joke. And then it just goes to a virginity joke. You know, it's just so weird. Hey, man.

Got this great joke from God for you. Are you ready for your God joke? Okay. Little boy asks his dad, what's in between mom's legs? And he says it's paradise, my boy. Okay, what's in between your legs? And he says it's the key to paradise. And then the boy goes,

well, you better get that lock changed because the prick next door has a spare key. Ha ha, God wanted you to hear that. Do you get it? God thought you would enjoy that. He thinks it's funny that your wife cheated on you. Do you get it? God thought you would enjoy that. He thinks it's funny that your wife cheated on you Do you get it? God doesn't like you, but rather than add further misery directly to your life God thought it would be better if he told me a joke to tell you that would annoy you if in fact your wife is cheating on you

If not well, you know what mysterious ways truly God works in mysterious ways Well, you know what? Mysterious ways. Truly, God works in mysterious ways. Ciliol, Dr. Dick, Dr. Dick Wilmot, joke doctor, humor surgeon, PhD in knee slappery, double PhD in Tom Fuldory. All right, let's get out of here. Let's get back into some Joan, which is a weird thing to say. Since Joan is the name of my mother-in-law, and I've been talking, I mean, you know, a lot about Joan's pussy today.

I mean, not my mother-in-law's, but Joan of Arc's. You know, but I haven't been talking about some I mean, you know, a lot about Jones pussy today. I mean, not my mother-loss, but Jonah Varks. You know, but I have been talking about some Jones pussy, you know, and I hope my wife, Lindsay, hears me say that. Hope she hears me talking about sweet, sweet Jones pussy. God, so nice, so soft. Hope Lindsay hears that, throws up. Maybe I really am in the internet.

Let's get out of here. Let's get back into sucking on some sweet, sweet Joan. It is an adventure that is an adventure that is an adventure. All right, now I'm worried that my mother and while I was gonna listen to this episode, because she does sometimes. So Joan, if you're listening, I don't think about your sweet push.

I'm sure it's fantastic But I don't I try to think about it. And now now I am thinking about it, which is probably now I've said that now I can't now I cannot think about it. That's weird. All right, let's get back to Joan of Arc. John's on trial 60 assessor 60 dudes with nothing better to do than decide if Joan is a witch or not 40 of whom will attend each day of the trials, public sessions, these people are drawn from the University of Paris, mostly Dominicans, a priest, this trial is finance by those loyal to England.

So as you know, it's a fucking sham. That's not good for Joan's chances. Church law states that all people under 25 accused of heresy must have a lawyer, but this teenager is denied a legal advocate forced to defend herself in front of a rigged jury. So, you know, it's a kangaroo court. Many historians cite this trial as the first important widely publicized witch trial

in Burning in Europe. Her trial is verdict in the publication of her example unites as a catalyst for three centuries worth of zealous, often hysterical witch hunts, amounting to theatrically cruel execution of as many, it checks us out, as many as a hundred thousand women in the words of one historian, a vast holocaust, and that historian's words. Damn, it's a lot of killing over nonsense.

Joan has been charged with three primary indictments. The first of these is that she used magic, because she claimed to hear voices from St. Michael, St. Margaret and St. Catherine. With these voices, told her to dress as a boy, fighting for the French in the Hundred Years' War against English,

the charge against her states that the voices were actually demons. Ah, instead of saints. Yeah, you got tricked, Joan. You've been talking to the devil. Devil's talking about your hymen, not God. Second, indictment affirms what was actually true. She was headstrong and speaking out against her faith, the reason this was a crime is because

she acted inappropriately as a woman towards the church at that time. She dresses a boy, fought in a war, took communion as a male, and that horrified the judges and people of her day. The third set of accusations reflected Joan of Arc's pure obedience to God. She just said, she does not submit herself to the judgment of the church or to that of living men, but to God alone. Which she claimed to know through diabolical voices, heresy, witchcraft are the two most important actual charges. February 21st, 1431, the first public trial is held. Joan is taken to the streets to her trial and shackles because her leg shackles are so tight she can't even be marched or really she can't really walk so she just kind of half dragged

to her trial location. She's still refusing to abandon her man's clothing right? She claims God has not given her permission yet to go back to women's wear. It's poor woman brave courageous loyal but also clearly mentally ill. The trial is strenuous. Her accusers ask difficult questions meant to trip up the maid of Orleans. More often than not, she's asked more than one question at a time, and they would not repeat themselves. Oh, she's got to be confusing. Each day the trial goes on for eight to 11 hours

of absolute nonsense. Here are some excerpts from that trial. Will you press your hands on the Holy Gospels and promise to speak the truth and answer to all questions put before you? I do not know what you wish to examine me on. Perhaps you might ask such things that I would not tell. Will you swear to speak the truth upon those things which you are asked to concerning the matter of faith about what you know? About my mother and father and what I have done since I had taken the road to France, I will gladly swear, as for my revelations from God, I will say nothing, not to save my head.

What priest baptized you? Master John and Binai, as far as I know. Is Master Menae still living? I believe so. How old are you? 19, I think. Recite the pastor and master for us. I will gladly, if you hear me in confession. Where do you expect to die? Where have a God pleases for myself? I do not know the time or the place any more than you do. So this kind of shit goes on, but just cut like 11 hours, 11 hours a day, asking herself for two weeks. And then, you know, she answers the questions better than her inquisitors had hoped for. So then they moved their trial from the public area her cell. So people are less inclined to get on her side and revolt when they eventually burn her, which they clearly intended to do in my opinion from the very beginning. There was no way she was getting out of this. From March 10th to March 17th, she's interrogated

in her cell a total of nine times. March 25th, Bishop Cushion tells Joan that she can attend Palm Sunday. If she'll agree to wear women's clothing, she refuses. Mrs. the first Palm Sunday of her life, April 15th, the bishop in an unusual gesture sends a piece of carp for dinner, and then she becomes very ill and thinks that he tried to poison her. Historians probably think it was just, you know, most likely a foodborne illness from the lack of hygiene and treatment of food back then.

May 2nd, but you know, still just interesting. Maybe he did try to poison her. May second, Joan is publicly admonished for failing to submit to the church, wearing mail clothing and practicing witchcraft. So she's brought back in public to be shamed on these charges again. May ninth, the bishop threatens to torture Joan

to get her full confession. The inquisition favors the rack. They're threatening her with the rack now. They're gonna extract secrets, you know? They have the operator standing by preparing to pull her bones out of joint. I guess she doesn't even flinch. You know, just like, all right, do what you got to do. May 24th, she's publicly accused of witchcraft again, they're ready to burn her. She decided to confess to her sins, agrees to put on

women's clothing to avoid the flames. So she gets a little nervous towards the end. She'll never, you know, wear men's attire again, never pick up arms against the English again. She's emotionally wrecked, she's taken back to prison. She's terrified about what's to happen to her, but then on May 28th, a couple of days later, she's like, Nope, I'm gonna fucking stick to my guns. God hasn't told me I can dress like a woman

so she goes back to dressing like a man. And this is what, you know, they say got her killed. This is the reason they're like, well, she's back and did it again. So now we got a killer. So, you know, the bishop is personally offended two days later, March 30th, you know, she's taken to be burned alive in the old market, you know, for heresy, because, you know, and because she won't stop dressing like a man. So that was like the official reason

she was eventually killed was just specifically for dressing like a dude and not stopping dressing like a dude. She brought out in like a rough tunic, kind of gray blackish, and on the meter, which she had upon her head this little crown thingy, they wrote the words heretic relapse apostate, idolator, and then a little placard set before the bundles of wood that bore the legend Joan who had herself named the maid liar Pranicious person abuser of people Suisseur superstitious woman blasphemer of God presumptuous unbeliever in the faith of Jesus Christ boaster

idolater cruel disillute invoker of devils, apostate, schismatic, heretic, heimen-bragger. I made it the last one, but the rest of them were on there, and then the fire is lit, and legend has it. A lot of weird should happen. Now, this seems very kind of folklorish to me, but this is what people said. They saw a lot of people who watched or died, said that they saw, you know, the word Jesus written in the flames

You know in the fire in which she burned Supposedly in English soldier who had been particularly vocal about his hatred for her As she burned succumbed to a rapture so intense that left him insensible Later when he was revived with the aid of strong drink he spoke of seeing a white dove flying from the direction of France at the moment She was given up her ghost while her body burned She kept repeating the name of Jesus over and over to give her strength. Another legend, the executioner who had been instructed to incinerate her clothes, shoes, plates, spoon, whatever belongings she had, you know, at the very end with every scrap of her flesh and then throw that ash into the

sane river. I think I was saying it's sign earlier probably, but sane river found it impossible to burn her organs supposedly or reduce them to ashes You know, he kept trying to re-burn on that was that legend of the three burnings And he believed you witnessed a miracle supposedly by noon the execution was on his knees before a priest weeping for his lost soul over the horrific crime he'd committed and then the and then the hundred years were continue for 22 years after her death And then in 1435 the treaty of eras was signed between the Duke of Burgundy and King Charles VII. Philip recognized Charles VII as King of France and in return Philip was exempted from

homage to the crown. Charles agreed to punish the murderers of Philip's father, Duke John I Burgundy. England's military weakened under the leadership of the boy King Henry VI, only 14 years old and 1435, really now with a without a Regent and then Charles the seven took back the Dutchy of Normandy and 1450 and after the battle of Castillon and 1453 the English did not officially Sign a peace treaty, but they did just leave France other than that portative delay and the wars over and then When Charles the seventh had the English kicked you know of France, then he has Joe and retried in death. She has found innocent of all charges until July 7th, 1456. So that's nice, but 25

years too late. And then way later, April 18th, 1909, hundreds of years later, she is beatified, which means she's recognized officially by the Catholic Church as a blessed person. It's a declaration made by the Pope that like a deceased, you know, lived a holy life, or a martyr's death, and is now definitely dwelling in heaven. And as a process, the beitification consists of a year's long examination of the life virtue's writings, years long, excuse me, more than one year, and reputation for holiness as a servant of God under consideration, blah, blah. It's like a saint's light, it's like st-saint hood light. And then on May 16th, 1920, Jonas canonized by the church and made officially a saint.

She's canonized by Pope Benedict, the 15th, and concluding the canonization process that the sacred congregation of rights instigated after a petition in 1869 by the French Catholic hierarchy took 51 years to get all the paperwork done. Man, you thought the government would move slow. 51 years, 489 years after she dies, she's made a saint. And that takes us out of this beast of a time suck timeline. Good job soldier, you've made it back. Barely. Wow, what a game of Thrones type suck, right? Like many sucks I found myself intrigued more by the times Joan lived in than by Joan

herself in a lot of ways. Now that you wasn't incredible, sorry to my French time suckers, I know I have some for the words, but motherfucker, I will say that is the hardest thing by far of doing time suck. Sometimes I get jealous of podcasts to do like one, like the dollar, all US history, only US history. Or like my buddies at small town murder,

always a murder story, usually in America. Because then you don't have to fucking worry about the weird ass French words. So but I know the most you don't care about that that much. You like the, you like to learn the, the history, like to learn the, just the story, like I do. And you like to be challenged. And so, you know, these, these are definitely challenging. Man, 13 known engagements as what Joan Faudden, her troops were victorious nine times.

And then also in addition to that, at least 30 different cities, towns and villages, surrendered without a fight when she approached their army. So that's pretty cool. She was a skilled horseman swordsman. Tactically, she did know how to direct armies and place gunpowder artillery, which is impressive, considering her lack of proper military training. She did, you know, according to War Historian, she never pulled off like a major upset against an army with superior artillery. All four of her defeats occurred when the enemy matched her artillery strength, but she was an aggressive and competent

military leader. And again, very impressive considering her age and background. And the time she lived in Manhattan full of so much chaos, so many deals being made, alliances formed. That was the most interesting part to me. Treaty signed and then broken over and over and over again. And then, in the end, she's tried by a bunch of old men, none of whom ever fought in battle, some kangaroo court, everything's questioned, including her virginity once again. And then she's put to death essentially

for just dressing like a man. I mean, I know we have plenty of our, plenty of problems in the world today, but man, our problems aren't shit compared to the problems they had back then. I mean, I know there are innocent people on death row. I know there are innocent people behind bars, but I do feel like for the most part, you know, like there has to be, you know, some evidence against you to, you know, be improperly imprisoned. You know, you had to be at least kind of like wrong place, wrong time.

You had to be very unlucky, but man, back then, you didn't have to do anything. It just be like, yeah, we don't like the pants you're wearing. You got pants on. So, fucking, all right, put them on fire. Burn them, burn them, you got pants on. All right, so let's take another look back at this crazy time, this crazy time in the world's history.

With today's top five takeaways. Time, suck, top five takeaways. Number eight, what if I just had a stroke right now and just went to wrong numbers? Number 17, number six, a number Ocho. Now number one, Joan of Arc's military success against the English and English allies in 1429 when she was just 16, 17 years old, turned the tides of the hundred military success against the English and English allies in 1429 when she was just 16 17 years old

Turn the tides of the hundred years war against the English and paved the way for King Charles the seventh to take the throne of France and kick the English out for good Number two Joan was for sure a virgin. She had that sweet hymen taste a Taste it. Oh God tested over and over again. She didn't have a taste at ever angels checked in on her regarding sweet hymen tasted, oh god, tested over and over again. She didn't have a taste, it ever. Angels checked in on her regarding that hymen. The royal court of France gave it a look over. The Inquisition gave it a look over.

There are rumors that she was raped, but historians chalk these up to a mis-translation during her trials. If you're like, wait a minute, her hymen actually wasn't intact. They don't think that was true. They don't think anyone ever got to her when she was in prison Joan of Arc number three is in fact Saint Joan of Arc She was not made of Saint until nearly 500 years after death small consolation you know

For the man she helped crown king not doing shit to help her during her trial number four Joan would have never been allowed anywhere near the future king of France had it not been for prophecies around pertaining to a virgin, a woman, a France saving them, especially that one attributed to Merlin, a wizard, who supposedly stated that a maid would come from the forest to save France. And number five, new info. Let's talk a little, Joan of Arc pop culture.

Several films have been made about Joan of Arc over the years, and most have been panned. 1999, there was a four hour mini series titled, Joan of Arc, starring Lili Sobieski, Sobieski, with a 10% favorable rating amongst critics. That's not good. And a 58% favorable rating from the audience that brought in tomatoes.

Victoria Alexander of Films and Review.com said, Sobieski doesn't have a clue so that's not good uh... there was also the two and a half hour long nineteen ninety nine millage of which john vark the messenger thirty percent favorable rating from critics fifty eight percent for the film is uh...

from the audience ten of turn from the elay time set of the film nothing less than a miracle safe france the messenger tells us and nothing less than a miracle would be needed to rescue this film from itself Terry Lawson from the Detroit pre-prep a free press says what an unholy mess. And this is my favorite Widget walls of need copy dot com says I know less about Joan of Arc now than I did going into the film So I didn't watch those I went way back way way now than I did going into the film. Starting Watch O's. I went way back, way way back,

and I did watch a film from 1928. It's a Danish directed French silent film called The Passion of Joan of Arc. And I wouldn't have known about this film if I hadn't done this suck. So thanks for suggesting it. 98% favorable rating amongst critics. 93% favorable rating amongst the audience, even though it was a silent film

that apparently also didn't even have an official score. At least not one that's known when it was viewed in 1928, a live orchestra would play whatever the head of the orchestra thought suited the film best. I recommend watching it accompanied by a system of downs, mesmerize, and hypnotize albums. That's a terrible choice Actually, uh, messa de nozzles dame, I think it's how you say it by the 14th century composer and I'm not even gonna try and say this fucking Hornets nest of a name

GUIL al a u m e d e m a c h a ut the franches to franche all french names M-E-D-E-M-A-C-H-A-U-T. The Frenchist of French, all French names. He's a composer. I'm not, I don't know that much about composers, but apparently he was well known. He was an ancient, and you can find versions of it on YouTube, Spotify, et cetera. It's a masterpiece of medieval music

from what I read, originally performed at Masses. Many consider the performance of Renee Jean Falkenetti, who played John in the film. To be one of the single greatest, if not the single greatest, acting performances of all time. The film was controversial this day, director Carl Theodore Dreyer premiered the film, April 21, 1928 in Copenhagen. Then in that fall, it debuted in Paris and edited form. The art spaceship of Paris, the French government worked together to cut the film down from 110 to 82 minutes. It was protested and written for depicting Jones British captors too harshly.

I love when people do that. They give me a fucking break. It's been hundreds of years since it happened. They're like, no, it makes us look bad. No, no, no, no. Make the British soldier smile more. Make them more friendly. That'd be like Germans getting mad

about like a World War 2 depiction of Hitler. They're like making a little less angry towards the Jews, making them a little happier. What? Why? It's fucking what happened. On December 6, 1928, the film's only negative is destroyed when the Berlin studio, that it housed it burned down, Carl Dreyer then recut the film from negatives of alternates, shots originally unused takes and then in 1929 the lab those negatives were stored and burned down how crazy is that man Joan burned down and so did the first two cuts of a film. The original version of the film was lost for decades and in 1951 a copy of the negatives of the second cut was found but Dreer himself did not care for that version. Then in 1981, an employee at the Dykemark Mental Institution in Oslo, Norway

found a canister containing the original cut of the film in a janitor's closet. How cool is that? Apparently, the director of the institution in 1928 was also a published historian and requested a cut of the film. Got it, you got forgot about. And thanks to that, now you can watch this last masterpiece for free on YouTube. Roger Ebert praised the film and said, you cannot know the history of silent film unless you know the face of Renee Falconetti. In 2010, the Toronto International Film Festival released

its essential 100 list of films, which merged one list of the hundred greatest films of all time as determined by an expert panel of Toronto International Film Festival curators with another list determined by Toronto International Film Festival stakeholders. And the passion of Joan of Arc was ranked as the most influential film of all time. The lead of the movie was there's legends around the movie so cruelly directed by the director to evoke the pain of Jones persecution trial that she she stopped working in film after that. There's only her second film and then she was like nope done she returned to

theater after its production. So check it out you know give it a give it a little look see on youtube and that's it for today's top five takeaways. Time Shuck, Top Five Takeaway. Jonovar, Kazbun Suck, Holy Shit, My Brain Hurts. That was a long one, man. You know, next time I do a shorter suck, you know, if you're like, oh man, that wasn't as much suck as I wanted. Do you remember this one? You remember this epic fucking long-ass time suck with so many friends words. I gave them my best. I'm sure some of you will write in some updates, but just now I

fucking I tried my best. I really did. Big thanks to Harmony Velocamp, Jesse Dobner, Reverend Dr. Josh Crel, Alex Dugan, the Biddlexer team, Danger Brain, Merch Maestro, Erich Radik or Lindsey Cummins, and just the entire time suck team for their help huge thanks to Heather Rylander this week for kicking me off on this giant Joan of Arc suck and This Friday we got another bonus episode Edgar Allen Poe. Yes, we are back in America. Oh My much mouth is so happy so happy What was up with that dark creepy fuck of a writer? You ever seen a picture of Eddie Ralland Poe? Looks more like a serial killer than an author.

He was a literary giant, made the short story popular in America, considered to be basically the inventor of American detective fiction. He lived an odd life. He was the first American author to try and make a living off only his fiction. He was a trailblazer, and he had two dicks. And we're going to explore both of them. Both over 10 inches long and seven inches in girth. He had two thermoses in his pants, flaccid, very impressive.

That's not true. But what is true is he's basically the father of American horror. And we love horror here on the sucks. So we're going to suck his strange life this Friday, all of it. And now let's find out what you suckers have been drawn to this past week, and let's throw myself under the bus. Let's, I'm getting called out this week

on some time- eat some crow. Turns out I may have fucked up in numerous ways in regards to last week's Japanese suicide force episode, which is unfortunate because I felt really good about that one. For starters, my favorite idiot of the internet comment in weeks may not have been idiotic. I may have completely misinterpreted it. YouTube user, Eman Ali posted under the trailer for the horror movie, The Forest, a movie that is supposed to be set in a Japanese suicide force. He posted boycotts this movie, they are turning actual mentally ill people who committed suicide with grieving family members into evil spirits and scary ghosts.

This is so offensive. Please don't watch this. Mental illness is a huge issue in Japan. Stop taking away its importance. And I made fun of Eman for thinking that the ghosts of mentally ill people who had committed suicide were used in filming, which is, which may be ridiculous. Uh, for me to do that. It was ridiculous if he thought that.

And many time suckers wrote in including Cassie from Kansas City who said, listening to the suicide force suck, and I'm pretty sure that last idiots of the internet meant that the production company was profiting off real people's tragedy Instead of creating a fictitious setting for the movie like half of the marketing is already done if you're setting a film in the suicide forest It's like setting a fictitious love story that ends and lovers find each other in the world trades in a rubble right before the tower collapses They just thought it was in poor taste, but I'm sure oh suck math, are you already knew that? This was just a test I didn't suck on my wayward son, Cassie from Kansas City. Sorry, Cassie, I have let you down. Or have I or have I?

Maybe I, you know what? Now that you've mentioned that I did, was a test. This is a test. Ha ha. It's dodged. It's testing. Wasn't Luciferina tricking me. Megan Henderson reiterated Cassie's statement writing,

hey, Dan, just listen to Suicide Forest podcast. It's amazing, except your idiots of the internet portion, the last one that you couldn't get over. The guy talking about the mentally ill people being turned into monsters, even just from hearing you read the comment, it doesn't sound like he thinks that's what literally happens to me, LOL.

It sounds more like he is upset that mentally ill people have been portrayed or turned into, you know, the movie itself as in monsters, the fact that anyone, the fact that anyone would interpret that comment into him literally believing the director hired a necromancer is bizarre to me. Just my two cents. Love your show. He'll lose a fena thanks Megan. Okay. All right. All right. Megan and Cassidy and so many others. I think I know what happened here. Sometimes for comedic entertainment value, the comic can be really just want something to be true. It's a good example of cognitive bias.

You know, that I try to fight and sometimes I lose the battle. Basically, you know, the thought that Eman actually believes that spirits of men and the old people who committed suicide are then somehow used in a film, some kind of necromancer, brings them into some filmable existence and gets them to follow a director's instructions. I wanted that, I wanted him to believe that so badly

for my own comedic entertainment that I think I just overlooked the more obvious Probably answer that you know, he didn't want them exploiting the deaths of men only people for profit Which is you know that makes more sense. So thanks for calling me out. I will work harder to not just see what I want to see with YouTube commenters going forward Also a route a few time suckers up with some Japanese mispronunciations, Sherry Cortez, many other time suckers wrote in about a mispronunciate or a pronunciation struggle. Excuse me. I had it with last week's time.

So saying, dear Reverend Dr. Professor Sucker, MD, you and your pronunciations, being a Japanese studies minor in college and riding her thesis on the samurai, I screamed every time you mispronounced, uh, Dimeo. Uh, it isn't, however, it isn't, I can't remember, I think I blacked out whenever you said it's the proper pronunciation of, uh, uh, Dimeo is like, so, Dimeo, like yo yo, what's up homie, everything else was pretty on the money. It was just that one word that had me going into seizures.

Think that's all for now. Good job on the samurai history. It's hard to put together a thousand year history in the space a few minutes. I barely scratched the surface with a hundred plus page paper. Damn, Bravo Master of the Suckage. Well, thanks for that.

Time, sucker Ted, Samuel reiterated this message saying, Dan, you mush mouth motherfucker. I may be wrong, but I'm pretty sure, uh, Dimeo is pronounced yet, Dimeo or Dimeo, not Dimea as it sounded coming from you. But that's the way I've heard, uh, it heard it from other sources. Keep on sucking hope that the book I sent you helped the samurai info you presented. Yes, Ted, uh, thank you for the samurai book. Put in, put in, uh, a samurai suck together on the calendar right now.

Well, you and Sherry, a lot of other time suckers are correct. Yes, yes. The correct pronunciation is Dimeo. I think I'm saying it right now. I wrote it out phonetically for myself. Is die, me, yo, Dimeo. Dimeo. Dimeo. In my defense, uh, I did

look up three different pronunciation videos for that word and all three sounded differently. This is a trouble as man with like four and words. Like, uh, I have found the dictionary.com for those of you who have pronunciation struggles of your own for they do a great, uh, pronunciation, little audio, MP3 for all the words in that dictionary. And they also break it down to a phonetic spelling. But you know, when you're going to like names of cities, towns, geographic regions in other countries, not as easy to find those.

And then also there's that whole thing of like, they can be pronouncing it in the way you would say in that language, which can sound a little silly trying to do it in your language. Or it can be like, instead of the Americanized version, as far as dialect, it can be like the British version, Scottish, Irish, Canadian, South African, Australian, New Zealander. You know, so it's tricky, it's tricky. But I do want to get better at it. And I will say, what I focus on putting together these sucks,

my first priority is to work on the narrative, make that better, then some comedy, my first priority is to, you know, work on like the narrative, make that better, then some comedy, make sure to make sure there's some comedic value in there, make sure it's, you know, informative in a way that's able to be learned. And then I will admit that pronunciation is the smallest priority given for me, but I clearly need to keep working on it. All right, one more Japanese update this week. From Japanese American Time Sucker Linda, Rivera Matsuo, who wrote and sang, Hazi Mimase. I think that's how you say that.

I watched some videos. Hamiya, Hazi Mimase. Suck Master, which means nice to meet you, Japanese. Just listen to your Ayoki Gahara episode. As a first generation American of Japanese descent, I cringed through the entire beginning of the episode with your pronunciations. But all is forgiven. A for effort. Thank you.

Languages are hard. Fucking yeah, they are. Just wanted to give you another tidbit that you might find interesting. I know you said you intended to do a samurai episode. I just wanted to let you know that at the end of the Sapuku ritual, the end is not actually the beheading. Along the lines of the Japanese belief that the soul is in the belly, the reason to cut the belly open is to show your lord that your belly isn't black and that you meant no ill intent, even if you were being sentenced to suicide for something

that was not your fault. Few people are said to have fully completed the ritual, which is to actually reach inside your belly and pull your guts out to show them to your lord Wow, just made it that much more hardcore along the lines of people that follow Boshito You might want to look into the Yakuza They're rolled after World War two and what the balance is with the government now interesting stuff Keep up the good work always look forward to new episodes. Hail Nimrod, send my love to Bojangles. Well, thank you, Linda. That was an intense update, man. And Yakuza are also on the possible topic list.

Yeah, very interested in that international crime syndicate. Hail Nimrod to you, Bojangles is most happy. Last update today. I know this is a long suck today, but I wanted to include this too. It's about virtue signaling, because I've been throwing the term out recently, and Time Sucker JT had some thoughts about it about my use of it. JT wrote in saying, Hey, artists formally currently and likely, futurally, known as Dan, I just wanted to write in a bit about a topic you have talked about recently in the

it to the internet segment, virtue signaling. Even ignoring the political use of the phrase, I have always found the way people talk about virtue signaling to be somewhat, I guess, inconsistent. To start, I actually agree with you for the most part. And then I have always found, it makes me irritable when I read a comment chain, or even worse, multi-paragraph Facebook posts that always boil down to, I sure am sad that this horrible thing happened. That has nothing to do with me.

And I just want you all to know that my thoughts and prayers are about to be a sad thing, even though it doesn't matter if you know about my thoughts. When I read these proclamations, my first thought is always that the person posting this is just doing it for attention or to make something not about them suddenly about them. However, over time I've begun to wonder just how intentional virtue signaling is because just to use you as an example, in many times, you spend some time in the episode talking about how you feel about what something did, or what someone did, excuse me.

Whether it's the serial killer of the week, saying that they were a terrible person, who should be capital punished, which for the record I tend to agree with, or even in the latest talk about the Ayoki Ahara, when you commented about the Paul, or the Logan Paul video. Don't get me wrong, he's a douche, but you taking time to tell us,

but we're, sorry, there's, man, trying to figure out the sentence right, but was you taking time to tell us that you think it was douche of him to do what he did, any different from the YouTube commenter saying that they think it was bad of him to do it. I know, yeah, I give you the same, yep. I'm not saying that you should, by any of him to do it. I know, yeah, I get what you're saying. Yep.

I'm not saying that you should by any means stop given your ethical opinions on things. In fact, just the opposite, I think that is it, that that it is the humanity of the show, but I do have to wonder how it is different from virtue signaling in other ways. I'm not trying to be accusatory or slamming her podcast or anything silly like that.

Honestly, I just think that it's a poorly defined term that's gotten passed around too much. All that said, I've always maintained a general policy that I would rather hear a disingenuined caring thought than I would a genuine harmful thought. So I hope this made sense and that you keep taking us, it is taking those, it is of the internet to task. Keep on sucking JT. Thank you, JT.

Yeah, that was a lot of info, but great info. Sorry, that I stumbled a little bit there in the middle. And yeah, man, you really made me think with that one. I was like, God, I guess I do kind of do that. I do see your point about expressing my opinion sometimes being the same as virtual signaling. To me, I guess I'm trying to differentiate it. It's totally cool, I think, to show support for someone

if they ask for it or if your support adds the the conversation or if you're letting someone just you admire know that you support them from a genuine place or support their cause, etc. To me, it's virtue signaling when the when the gesture seems like very obvious and hollow. Like, I guess an example, I would just like if you're anti-gun and there's a school shooting video and you leave some comment like, how many kids have to die before something is done? Why aren't we taking this issue more seriously as a nation as someone who doesn't own a gun? I wish that everyone else would lay their weapons down to reduce the chances that this stops happening.

No more guns equals no more shootings. Like when someone posts something like that, well, I don't personally agree with their commentary. I respect them seeming to have a real opinion. It feels thought out. That to me is not virtue signaling. To me it would be something like, I don't think kids should be shot at schools anymore.

It's wrong. I don't agree with kids being shot. To me it's just so dumb. It's like, yeah, no shit idiot. We all know it's wrong to do that. But that's just my guess interpretation of it. Because defined by Wikipedia, it's a little different than the example I just used. It's the conspicuous expression of moral values done primarily with the intent of enhancing standing within a social group. And that's hard to figure

out because you're talking about motive. You have to prove motive, I guess, with virtue signaling. Like, is someone saying, let's say someone says, you know, fuck Trump. Are they saying that because they really do hate President Trump? And they don't care who knows it? Or are they virtue signaling, which I think a lot of that often is? Are they saying it because they just want people who they value socially to know that they agree with them? Because they want to increase those people's opinions of them. So it's really not about their feelings about this political person.

It's about them wanting to be approved or appreciated by other people. They think field that way. And that's impossible to know. You know, for me, with so many people opposed to the death penalty, you know, I get nervous, you know, to use your serial killer example about how they should be killed. I actually am not virtue signaling there because I actually get worried that I'm going to just kind of piss people off because I know that a lot of people are very adamantly anti capital or anti capital punishment.

In any case, like they don't think anybody should be given the death penalty. And if I thought you guys all were definitely pro death, then I guess that same thing could be virtue signaling because I'm playing to the home crowd, you know, so to speak. I don't know, maybe I've made this more confusing, but I see what you mean. then I guess that same thing could be virtue signaling because I'm playing to the home crowd, so to speak. I don't know, maybe I've made this more confusing, but I see what you mean. I see what you mean, and I just love that you made me think. That's what I love about the updates.

I love that you constantly make me reassess, reevaluate, man, this podcast has made me grow so much as a person, even like this week, I get so frustrated amongst with trying to figure out how to say foreign words, but I'm a lot better at it than I was two years ago, and I wouldn't be if you guys didn't bust my balls, you know, and maybe I'd be fucking railing about virtue signaling, and maybe I would be hypocritical if you didn't call me out a little bit JT, so I appreciate it, thanks

for challenging me. It's so important to be able to challenge each other and keep each other in check, and I respect you guys all, always do it so respectfully. So, hail Nimrod, and that's all for the updates this week. Thanks, time suckers. I need a net. We all did. Have a great week, everybody. Take a second to honor those who have died fighting for their countries. Uh, make sure you're wean. It's nice and clean if you have one and if you don't, you know, if you got one of those hymns, uh, go to battle because apparently it's a very helpful

more and keep on sucking. you