Timesuck with Dan Cummins - 97 - Spartacus: When Gladiators Attacked Rome Itself

Episode Date: July 23, 2018

Spartacus was a Thracian gladiator who escaped his gladiatorial school in Capua with about 70 other gladiators and slaves and then led a slave rebellion against the armies of Rome in the 1st century BCE , commanding a fighting force that grew to an army of 90,000–120,000 strong. We explore his fight and the interesting history of Roman gladiatorial combat in today's Suck. Men (and women!) facing off against each other in arenas, forums, and coliseums in fights that often lasted until severe injury or the death. Insane emperors, trident-wielding warriors, spear-wielding elephants, and so much more in today's tale of Roman debauchery and the man who almost took down a Republic. My new free Behind the Bit Pandora station with Chad Daniels talking about our favorite bits! https://www.pandora.com/station/play/3978690913982414208?ag=17920720304261509 Timesuck is brought to you today by The Great Courses Plus! Do yourself a HUGE favor and get SO MUCH amazing, interesting, and informative content for FREE: https://www.thegreatcoursesplus.com/timesuck Timesuck is also brought to you by HIMS! Get a trial month of everything you need to keep your hair - for just $5 today, right now while supplies last, by going to https://www.forhims.com/timesuck Merch - https://badmagicmerch.com/ Want to try out Discord!?! https://discord.gg/tqzH89v Want to join the Cult of the Curious private Facebook Group? Go directly to Facebook and search for "Cult of the Curious" in order to locate whatever current page hasn't been put in FB Jail :) For all merch related questions: https://badmagicmerch.com/pages/contact Please rate and subscribe on iTunes and elsewhere and follow the suck on social media!! @timesuckpodcast on IG, @timesuckpodcast on Twitter, and www.facebook.com/timesuckpodcast Wanna be a Space Lizard? We're over 2600 strong! Click here: https://www.patreon.com/timesuckpodcast Sign up through Patreon and for $5 a month you get to listen to the Secret Suck, which will drop Thursdays at Noon, PST. You'll also get 20% off of all regular Timesuck merch PLUS access to exclusive Space Lizard merch. You get to vote on two Monday topics each month via the app. And you get the download link for my new comedy album, Feel the Heat. Check the Patreon posts to find out how to download the new album and take advantage of other benefits. And, thank you for supporting the show by doing your Amazon shopping after clicking on my Amazon link at www.timesuckpodcast.com

Spartacus was a Thracian gladiator, a slave who brought war to the ruling powers of Rome. He escaped from a gladiatorial training school at Capua, a little north of Naples, along with some 70 other gladiators in 73 BCE, and initially they were just armed with whatever tools they could grab from the gladiator schools, kitchen as they ran out, knives, cleavers, anything else they felt they could kill with. Other runaway slaves who'd join them, and they quickly got a hold of proper gladiatorial weapons. Taking refuge on Mount Vesuvius, that volcano that would later bury the town of Pompeii,

the gladiators trained the other slaves who'd join them in rudimentary combat skills. Spartacus is believed to have been the primary leader of his new army and beneath him two goals, Crixus and Anamos. Initially Rome didn't consider Spartacus and his rogue slave army to be much of a threat, and they didn't send in the 18 to deal with them. They sent in some scrubs, the B team, some were like team, the development league army, and Spartacus' army outmaneuvered and defeated the first four forces they confronted. And then, his new slave army grew tremendously in size.

More slaves continued to swell his ranks with each victory, and at its peak, his armies believed to have been 90 to 120,000 strong. At one point, Spartacus and his army could have braved the Alps to the north of Italy, headed back to freedom in their homelands, but they didn't. They attacked the Roman Empire itself instead. And how did that work out? Well, you're going to have to listen to find out. Time to learn not only about the life and bloody times of Spartacus, but also about the

history of Roman gladiatorial combat. Today, on an equal parts testosterone and history on my signal unleash hell edition of Time Suck. Happy Monday, Time Suckers. To talk something Happy Monday time suckers happy beginning of what's gonna be a kick-ass week for you suck heads or Maybe it'll be a terrible week. I don't know what am I to say? Who am I the the Oracle of Delphi? One of those many ridiculous palm readers slash Charlotteson's on Hollywood Boulevard down their NL. No. Now I'm dead come is Lord of the Suck patron cleric paladin of the four great gods Luciferin and Nimrod triple M and Bojangles and you dear curious beautiful well endowed meat sack or listing

the time suck and I hope hope you're gonna have a kick ass week and that your town gives you the key to city and free case of whatever you enjoy free cases of. I'm recording this one a bit in the past again. So I'll be optimistic again and assume that I had a great time at the La Jolla comedy store with Queen of the Suck Lindsey. I for sure had a blast in Orlando. My God, the podcast was sold out man. How fun was that?

All five stand-up shows were blast. New materials coming together getting a feeling for how to do this live podcast thing. I feel like I learn so much each time. I got a good plan for the rest of podcasts coming up for the rest of the year. I'm going to pick a topic that's own your only going to be able to hear live for six months or so. And then I'll switch to a new one and I'll do that one for those six months where the shows that will help me polish it up a little bit. Have it be that much of a better show, a pick a topic that I feel really confident is going to be a great live topic. And then if you want to hear it, you know, for, you know, six months plus, the only way

you're going to be able to hear it is if you come to a live show. I think that's going to be better than just kind of rolling with that week's topic. But still had a blast, had a blast in Orlando. The flat earth tour rolls into Dayton, Ohio, the funny bone this weekend, just two nights, Friday, Saturday, July 27, and 28, get those tickets, solid room without a bad seat in the house. From there, I'm going to roll into side splitters in Tampa, August 2nd to the fifth. First time in that club, been to Tampa many times, not into that club. I've heard it's the solid historic old school stand-up venue, Palm

Beach improv, Zanes and Chicago in August. I'm touring hard for a while here. Denver County works 23rd to the 25th. Gonna be to another live time sucks Sunday the 26th. Uh, gonna, gonna build on what I learned in Orlando. In Orlando was a blast. So I know Denver's gonna be a blast. They're, uh, the live podcast, man. They're just big old time suck parties. Hill, minimum. And by the way, uh, I always feel to say this any of the shows stand up or live podcast. I hang around You don't have like a little merch table, but I'll just take pictures and talk to people who show up You know, thank you for coming out. So basically like a free meet and greet after every single show More tour dates some more live podcasts coming up, you know stand up and live podcast in Portland, it's a coma

The more tour dates, some more live podcasts coming up, you know, stand up and live podcasts in Portland, in Tacoma, so Caldates and Hollywood and Huntington Beach, St. Louis Spokane, Buffalo, New York now, so much more at Dancomas.tv. You can follow me at Add Dancomas.com, but on Instagram, Facebook, kept up on tour dates, and Harmony Velocamp, she's fucking meme machine on at times like podcasts on Instagram, Facebook and Twitter, random sales tax note haven't been paying it. Whoops, some kind of tax law changed a few months ago and I didn't pay attention.

So my accountant is asked to click sales tax on online sales going forward. Through the time stock store for applicable states, because if we don't, she has to track down every sale after the fact and manually calculate and pay for each individual sale, which is a fucking nightmare. So God damn it, Luciferina. Luciferina told me not to worry about it.

Luciferina is always saying like, don't worry about it. Damn, just relax, have another drink. Take your pants off. Just chill, you know, get naked and just relax and don't pay things. So be gone, Luciferina, but I love you. And that's it. That's it. So now let's get rugged.

Let's get Roman. Let's get Roman Let's get rock hard for shit. So manly it is beyond my 21st century male comprehension and suck on some Spartacus Who was a Spartacist character this character as a Zac Alifanakis would say Honestly, we know we're virtually nothing about his pre glad eater life other than he was a theration so what is the theration well thracians were the roman empires first professional athletes they played an early form of a discus based game pretty similar to modern frisbee

golf called thraces and the best rations could hit a small steel target bronze disc from about two three hundred yards away spartik is played for the Naples Superbuses, and they'd won the Ile of Capri Tri-Nation Championship three years running. Spartacus just picked up an endorsement from Troy's Talcum powder, the most popular hand slash body slash ball

powder of Rome. Troy's Talcum, don't toss a yoga over your balls or leave Rome without it. I'll show myself out. And that's nonsense, and you know that. Now let's talk about who the Thracians really were. Thraces is a historical area that stretched from the Balkan mountains to the north, the G and C to the south, the Black Sea to the east, the area of present day Bulgaria, parts of Macedonia, Serbia, Romania. And let's take a look at the progression of of the Thracian culture with a brief time suck timeline.

Shrap on those boots, soldier. We're marching down a time suck timeline. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. All right, this timeline starts 35,000 to 40,000 BCE.

The earliest traces of man and threase go back to the Paleolithic time. And 40,000 years ago, humans were still probably speaking mostly in grunts and clubbing whatever they wanted to have. You want to pet dog? Well, you club it a bit. Tell it respects you. As a master and starts listening to your grunts, you want to ham sandwich? Find a hog club it till stops grunting. You want a woman? Well, threaten to club her. Tell her she grunts her agreement to some sort of marriage. I honestly have no idea what Thracians dropped to 40,000 years ago,

and neither does anyone else, but based on archeological digs and discoveries, that's when they realized they showed up in the area for the first time. Around 6,000 BCE, the historians know that Thraces was settled by an agricultural population. 2,000 years after that, they discovered minerals, turned to mining and

to metalwork in central Bulgaria. Archaeologists have excavated numerous copper tools, weapons, and ornaments all dating from that period. Man, working in a theration mine must have been really terrible. Like mining is hard work. I watched miners work outside of a wall, aside of how that shit's no joke now. Thousands of feet underground, heavy tools, hot conditions, backbreak and sweaty, not messed around kind of work. But at least modern miners can use explosives, heavy equipment, they get breaks every once in a while. Do you imagine mining in the days when you couldn't even buy shovel? You had to make your own shovel back when you had to build a shitty rock shovel to and use that to dig for more rocks

And then figure out how to smelt some kind of some copper out of some some kind of ore To build a little better shovel to keep digging for more rocks. No bottled water. No protein bars No backpack full of snacks or a Coleman cooler full of sandwiches full of tasty sandwiches and Cool gator agent shit. No, you have some shitty creek water and a fucking bucket or something Something you can't even wash with soap some old nasty salted meat so hard and sharp you probably use your meat for a shovel Eat whatever fruit or vegetable is in season, but not too much because you get the runs Which has to be extra bad if you're in a mine now you're shit and where you're digging other miners are annoyed the Mind shast smells worse than ever. Worse than the dried meat. And you're wearing some nasty

ass nuts off, not form fitting underwear. You got blisters and calluses all over your hands. Probably on your junk from your underwear. You know, you got to use that stupid rock copper shovel. You hate so much. Shots are if you were you were a slave. You know, if you're a mine in so you probably don't get to have a bath when the work day is over, terrible. And you thought working that swing shift at target was terrible. Well, at least you get AC and popcorn, right? Maybe even some benefits. By 3000 BCE, Thraces, Metal Smiths were working in gold, probably pan from rivers, were craft and rings, bracelets, plaques,

other dormants that were among the earliest gold objects to come out of any place in Europe. The actual first mention of the authorations is in Homer's Iliad. The authorations are listed as allies of Troy. Then around 700 BCE, Greek, they started colonizing the Greeks, started colonizing portions of Thraces. And by 600 BCE, a line of Greek cities had been established in Thraces, which led to active trade between the Greeks and the barbarians As Greek called everyone that was not part of their culture At this point Thracians still lived in tribal organizations usually its farmers hunters or fishermen Then around 450 BCE the ancient Greek historian Herodotus contemporary of Socrates visited Thraces and wrote about him

He said that they they smelled weird and they had too many nipples and he fucking, he was out. No. He didn't say that. He wrote that the Thracian believed in immortality, had curious sexual and marital customs. He said Thracian men had several wives and checked this out. He said that if the husband died or, you know, like when the husband died, the wives would then compete over who had been his favorite wife. And the winner, the winner of the competition gained the privilege of being immediately killed and placed by his side, like place, you know, in his tomb by his corpse.

She got to, she got to sleep next to him underground. These burial mounds, by the way, have been found all over Thrace, you know, like present, a lot of them in modern day Bulgaria, containing chambers that were carefully built, decorated with precious objects to serve the deceased in the afterlife. In some cases, two wives were found buried with their husband, so maybe their competition ended in the tie. I wonder how many women threw that competition in order to stay alive. It's's oh man Oh man, you totally won the race. I can't I what are the odds that I would get a charlie horse like it the last second Right before the finish line and then you not think and you were gonna win then you stumble for and you so lucky that you got to win You were always his favorite man. What I would give for another chance at winning my own immediate execution so that I could stab be stabbed to death but you know you're the lucky winner so you get the spirit of the heart

uh... man yet and that is kind of how they died you know one agent foration burial chamber archaeologists found the bodies of young couple to one with a night through her breast and in an outer a second woman transfixed by a spear so uh, you know, you think you could maybe score a less violent death if you were the favorite wife, if you were the winner. Maybe some kind of ancient sleeping pill overdose, you know, instead of a sort of a spear. No, that sounds unnecessarily brutal. According to Herodotus, Theratians wore foxkin caps, tunics, long cloaks, over the tunics, animal skin boots.

Skin Caps, Tunics, Long Cloaks, Over the Tunics, Animal Skin Boots. That's fucking odd look. They carry Javallons, Light Shields, Short Dagger's. I wish you could have drawn a picture of that Fox Skin Cap situation. I keep picturing in my mind some sort of gladiator, Davy Crockett mashup, which makes it hard to take them seriously. I can't take a man on a Coonskin Cap seriously today. I feel like there was a brief window in history when you could take a man in a coon skinned cap seriously. Maybe like a 10, 20 year kind of window, you know.

I think even like by the late 1800s, you'd be like, come on dude, okay I get it, you're proud of building your fucking cabin, but take off goddamn cap. Definitely not today, definitely not today. Like can you imagine if someone recommended a financial planner to you and you show up to their office

and they're wearing a Koon skin cap? The degree doesn't matter at that point. I don't care if they have a financial degree from both Harvard and Yale, not trusting my financial future to some, you know, men or woman wearing a Koon skin cap, especially if they seem bummed out. I don't know why my mind went there,

but if you are gonna wear a Koon skin cap, I feel like you gotta be really upbeat. You gotta be happy. Then maybe you can kind of pull it off or if you're like the eccentric happy person, you're still fucking weirdo that people don't totally trust. But, but better than a sad sack of shit in a coon skin hat,

that's unbearable. Somebody with tears in their eyes and a coon skin cap on their head, that's not gonna be a fun conversation. Anyway, I'm getting real distracted. The shield was a crescent shaped shield. The Thracians had made of like a wicker, covered with a hide called a pelta.

The men who carried it were peltists, make sense. These troops were extremely mobile, excellent for guerrilla type combat, the exact opposite of how the Greeks fought. The Greeks used slow moving hoplites. Hoplites were a Greek spear and shield carrying soldiers who fought primarily in a phalanx formation, like a rectangular group of rows of hoplites.

Each row locked in shield side by side, the first few rows sticking their spears out over the first row of shields, picture the Spartans in the 300, you know, tonight we're dying in hell, right? Those guys, the failings moved as a unit, shield and spear wall advancing towards enemy to walking pace, but this formation was only really effective

when you were fighting on like a flat space, or if the opposing army was also fighting in a similar formation. It didn't work against the chaotic coming from all directions, hit and run attacks at the Thracian Peltice kind of specialized in a battle. Yeah, so they like the whole system out and they're like advance and they're like marching and all this and Like, oh shit, these fucking guys are just kind of swarming us. They're running around us. That's not working well for our straight line formation. They're just god, they're getting us from the side. They're, they're, their kidney shotness, their kidney stabbing us. So the Greeks started hiring them as mercenaries

to join their ranks, you know, fight fire with fire, fight thrations with thrations, hail memorize. And they were able to do that. Thration culture kind of changed all the time to become mercenaries, moved away from its agricultural roots and do a warrior culture, you know, young Thration men dreaming of putting a sword in their hand instead of a plow.

And if you're wondering why they would fight each other, well, they did, they shared a culture, but not a kingdom. They weren't unified under one ruler at all. Many different rulers, you know, different little warlords and chieftains. Herodotus also mentioned that Threshans had some interesting cultural characteristics, like a habit of selling their children into slavery. That's how it's written in numerous sources. The Thracians had a habit of selling their children into slavery.

As far as habits go, that's a terrible one. You know, just, hey, clavicle, so you're still smoking. Yeah, yeah, it's a hard habit to break. How about you, Manalocletus? You still selling your kids in slavery? Yeah, you know, I thought I was done. I thought I was done. I hadn't sold a kid in the slavery

in probably two years, but then my new wife, Big Bresticus, had twins last month, and wouldn't you know it? I got drunk. I had too much wine and a sold one. She's still pretty upset. She wishes I would at least haggle a bit more over the price of the twin.

The most accurate translation I could find from Herodotus is that the Thracians sell their children and let their maidens Commerce with whatever men they please nice That whole that whole whatever whatever men they please saying comes from the Thracian religion Not caring about virginity. They were a lot more relaxed actually than other cultures and later cultures. You know, I guess the Romans would be pretty relaxed as well than later. It was acceptable for young unmarried Thracian women to kind of bang whoever they pleased as long as those people weren't married, you know, as long as they weren't married.

So, hey, I lose to Fina. I lose to Fina, I love the Thracians. I'm pretty sure she was one of their gods. Thracian ladies slanging and banging. Just enjoying that slanging, banging life. Herodotus also alluded to the Thracians being the most powerful people of the known Greek world, or that they would have been, if they just, you know, unified. In time, their nobles did grow quite wealthy

and became quite fond of gold. Some, some 50 years ago, the owner of a farm in northern Bulgaria stumbled upon a hoard that belonged to one of these Thracian chieftains, a collection of solid gold bowls, cups, lids, some three-part vessel had an aggregate weight of more than 27 pounds of pure gold. One bowl alone weighs nearly nine pounds, and a bowl made somebody eat some old fucking oatmeal, some ancient soup out of a nine pound

gold bowl. I hope some museum paid him some solid money for those items. I mean, how cool would that be to find pounds and pounds of ancient gold kitchenware in your yard on your land? Gold is worth a little over $1200 in ounce today. That farmer found well over half a million dollars US ounce today. That farmer found well over half a million dollars at US value today. And that's if you melted it down in soda, that's not counting any historical value. Best harvest ever for that farm. That's when you sell the farm. That's when you find

a pile of theration gold. That's what old saying comes from. If you find a pile of theration gold, you sell your farm. I can't imagine how excited I would be if I found treasure. That's just one of my greatest dreams. I think I would speak primarily in shrieks for probably a few weeks. I'm about to go! I'm about to go! I'm about to smash the target goal!

I'm about to crack anymore! How about my crack? How about my crack? Sorry about that. I've seen pictures of Thracian gold. It's incredibly well done and decorative, amazing stuff. The Thracians had developed some interesting rituals by the time the Greeks began to write about that. I've seen pictures of Thracian, it's incredibly well done and decorative, amazing stuff. The Thracians had developed some interesting rituals by the time the Greeks began to ride about them.

It's a part of their whole kind of macho warrior culture vibe that began adopting. The Thracians played some crazy kind of like, look at how tough I am type games as part of celebrations and festivals. So Spartacus came from very tough culture. Like this shit is insane. There was this there was this weird thration equivalent of Russian roulette that warriors would engage in the little celebrations to prove their might. A man clutching a thration short sword would stand on a stone and put his head in a hangman's noose. Someone would then kick the stone away from like behind him and the and the trick was to slash the cord before it was too late and you hang yourself and died. Apparently those not fast enough drew a

big laugh from the crowd for their unfortunate lack of skill. Jesus. And I thought we enjoyed some dark comedy here in time. The Thracians really took it to a new level. Just look at him. What a fool. Too slow with the rope. Now he's dead. That's rich to slow. A kiss. We have a future in County. If he wasn't, you know, it wasn't dead now hanging from the rope and such. Um, and then over the next few centuries, Thraces would be absorbed by Greece and Rome, Greek Macedonian king Alexander the Great rolled through parts of Thraces and the fourth century BCE conquering southern Thracian territories along the coast of Mediterranean, Black seas, pushing them farther north. Then in the second century BCE, Rome showed up, which would lead to the capture of Spartacus.

For a long while, the Romans were content to do as the Greeks had done, can find their attention to the coastal strip, let the rest of the country go its own way. And again, I say country, but you know, loose formation to chieftains. All they required from the various Thracian chiedans was to the right to recruit cavalrymen. The thiracians had also become proficient on horseback by this point. Peltists, they wanted to re-eal to recruit Peltists to serve with the Roman armies, and the opportunity to acquire slaves, which just kind of went on, you know, all over the ancient world. And then over the next few centuries, much of thiracian would be conquered outright by the Romans. And rugged young thiracian males

became highly sought after, after the first century BCE, by not only the military, but by ancient fight promoters when the Romans discovered they made first-rate gladiators. During the peak of the Roman Empire, no program of gladiatorial combat was complete without a Thracian duel. And the one gladiator most no-by-name today, Spartacus was one of those Thracians. And Spartacus became a gladiator after he was sold into slavery sometime in the early first century BCE. Estimated that Spartacus was born in 11 BCE. We don't know much about the life of Spartacus

before his life as a gladiator. Dude lived a long time ago, dude lived pre-Jesus. Not a lot of solid records being taken by everyone back then. He didn't keep a diary. Greek historian would write approximately a hundred years after Spartacus death that he was a theration by birth who had once served as a soldier with the Romans, but had since been a prisoner and sold for a gladiator.

A Roman historian writing in the first century C.E. decades after Spartacus death or Spartacus's death, described Spartacus as one who, from a theration mercenary, had become a Roman soldier that had deserted and became enslaved and afterward from consideration of his strength a gladiator. He was thought to be from the Thracian tribe of the mighty, which occupied the area on the southwestern fringes of Thraces along its border with the Roman province of Macedonia, present day kind of southwest Western Bulgaria, Roman historian and bager for Plutarch, alive in the first and second century CE writes that Spartacus's

wife was a prophetess of the mighty tribe and that she was enslaved with him. And Spartacus and his wife were likely sold into slavery and then he was forced to become a gladiator sometime around 75 BCE. And they did live in the same, like when he escaped, he took her with him. So they were at least we're able to, I guess, be slaves under the same ownership. Plutarch wrote that, yeah, she was a prophet, it's possessed by aesthetic frenzies

that were part of the worship of the God Dionysius, or Dionysus, Dionysus, so she sounds, she sounds like she was kind of nutty, which means it's a pretty good chance. She was also probably fantastic in bed. Legend has it that one day after Spartacus woke up with a snake cold around his head Or that yeah, she declared that this was a sign of a tremendous and fearsome power That would bring him to an unfortunate end So that not the ideal prediction you want your lady to make

She was the the rare psychic, I guess, who was willing to tell people bad news. That's a weird, I mean, that's a weird, I've never understood like negative predictions. Most psychics, I feel like, I don't keep it positive, which I get, probably bad for business if you're telling negative stuff. Well, yeah, why don't you tell somebody, it's like,

hey, good news, you're gonna lead something important. Bad news, you'll die in the end're gonna lead something important, bad news. You'll die in the end. I don't know, who knows what that happened on? In 73 B.C., Spartacus was among a group of gladiators, plotting an escape from his gladiatorial school and Capua, roughly 25, you know, some sources I saw on what I did, Mapquist, at 25 miles.

Other descriptions I found said 16 miles. So maybe 16 miles from the suburbs twenty five miles from downtown anyway little bit north of naples italy and now we're going to really dig into what it meant to be a gladiator in Rome and that and what was happening in Rome at this time as we hop out of this time set timeline good job soldier made it back

barely job, soldier, you made it back barely. So what was going on with the Roman Republic in the age of Spartacus, which is 111 B.C. to 71 B.C. Well, Spartacus just, he lived just before the age of the famed Roman military general, Julius Caesar. Julius certainly had heard of Spartacus. He was a boy of 10 when Spartacus died. The first century BCE in Rome corresponds with the last decades of the era of the Roman Republic. That period of classical Roman civilization that began with overthrow of the Roman monarchy, traditionally dated to 509 BCE, ending in 27 BCE. When the Republic gave way to the Roman Empire.

When Rome would be ruled once again by one man now called an emperor instead of a king. The government of the Republic was constantly evolving, but it pretty consistently revolved around the governing body known as the Senate. Too much to get into in any depth here, but basically the Senate evolved out of an advisory council. We talked about this in the clicky of the stock. That had been when it was the, you know, the ruled by kings, which is the Roman, yeah, the Roman moniker period. It was an advisory council and then it involved into a bunch of tug of wear and do to essentially

controlled Rome for centuries, even though technically two consoles were elected each year by the people and that they were the official leaders However, the consoles only served short one year terms and then they fell out of power and then fell beneath the power of the Senate So it was always the best interest of consoles to play nice with the powerful senate members won't office So they'd be better taken care of The Senate was you know really where the power lied in the republic Now they decided how much money was gonna be spent on things things. They picked leaders of various Roman provinces, et cetera. In order to be in the Senate, you had to be powerful and wealthy, had to be a landowner.

There was various other criterion duties as well. And basically a few hundred wealthy, powerful dudes who served lifetime terms decided how shit was going to go in Rome. And then Julius Caesar came along in the first entry BCE, powerful general who expanded the Roman Republic through his series of battles across Europe while doing a whole bunch of other shit and declaring himself dictator for life will suck Caesar directly someday. And everything he accomplished, he accomplished after the death of Spartacus. All the Roman Emperor stuff happened after Spartacus, Augustus, Nero, Caligula.

Uh, in fact, the Roman Colosseum, the most famous gladiator arena in the world was built a hundred years after the death of Spartacus in 70 CE. And all the gladiator stuff, well, that would get going before Spartacus was born. Gladiator culture was already, even though the Colosseum had been built, firmly entrenched in Roman culture by the time Spartacus showed up. Start at least a few centuries before Spartacus in the 4th century BCE. And gladiator games would continue until a very specific date, till January 1st, 404 CE in Roman culture.

An early Christian monk named Telamakis came to Rome at the dawn of the fifth century CE, was horrified at the cruelty of the gladiator games, even though Christianity had been made the official religion of Rome by Emperor Theodosius the first Theodosius the first excuse me in 380 CE the games he continued according to the writings of the 5th century bishop Theorette of Cyrus Telomakis ran into the middle of the gladiator games tried to physically stop the gladiators from fighting and then the And then the spectators were so upset about him breaking up the fight that they stoned him to death. Wait, so it didn't work out well for him. Oh man, it's bummer for him.

Man, he runs out. There's too much violence. My, please stop with the violence. And the crowd's like, nah, dude, no, uh, huh, huh. We, uh, we got money on this game. I'm on the fucker. Get out of there. Go on.

Get out of there before I get the stones. I will not leave. Ow, please, that hurts. Oh, that's a bigger stone. Oh, my, my ear. And then he's dead. The Emperor Anarias was so disturbed by the murder of this holy monk. He banned gladiator games from that day forward.

And then they never resumed. Now is that. Well, how do they get going? How do they get going before Spartacus? Let's suck into that. But before we suck into the beginnings of gladiator games that let's let's let's hear word from today's sponsor timesuck is brought to you today by chickatillos rasslin academy

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These early matches were part of funeral rituals where gladiators were forced to fight to the death, to celebrate and honor the death of some important military leader landowner or statesman and that sounds super fucked up you know what well uh... yeah yeah uh... was but prior to gladiator fights to the death to honor the recently deceased slaves just were straight up sacrificed to honor the roman god so at least now you know they literally had a fight in chance

uh... it was not until 264 BC roughly 200 years before the arrival of Spartacus that the first documented gladiator contest took place in Rome itself at the funeral games Held in honor of the death of popular aristocrat Brutus Perra and the forum Borium 174 BC 74 gladiators fought each other during a three-day fight fest 174 BC, 74 gladiators fought each other during a three day fight fest. Uh, special, you know, part of a special funeral ceremony held for some wealthy Roman. Uh, the first officially sponsored gladiatorial games were held nearly 70 years later. They were an instant success with the public as the Roman appetite for blood sports grew. Thousands of prisoners captured at Rome's numerous wars of conquest were trundlebough to

specially constructed training centers or schools to prepare them for the games. So in the hundred years or so before the life of Spartacus, gladiatorial games were morphine out of just being a part of funeral rights and becoming a true sport. And it became super popular all over the Roman Republic. Rome would prove to be the largest stage for combat, but soon there were five tap and all over the place, you know, to compare it to the NBA. It's like playing a room will be like playing in Madison Square Garden when people cared about the nicks, you know, when they were good, or playing in the forum in L.A. when they were good in the 80s or 90s, you know, fighting in Naples

or some other minor city, that would be like playing, you know, wherever the Orlando Magic play or wherever the New Orleans Pelicans play, if those are actually still teams. Uh, and as gladier matches, I know I'm like it's me most and as gladier matches morphed out of slaves, uh, forced to fight a funeral in a Rome's most popular blood sports, uh, blood sport, became big business, uh, it took all different kind of forms. There would be small matches put on various little towns within the Roman Empire again, like the bigger matches and bigger cities, you know, the biggest matches at the Colosseum in Rome. And did people pay to watch these matches? Sometimes, to assume that sometimes, probably like some of the smaller matches, I'm sure there was like, you know, little fights that you could, you know,

might have to pay to get in. The big ones actually tended to be free. And there's going to be a lot of some times and maybe answers about gliders because we just, we don't know all of the details. And it happened over a long period of time and things change substantially and we just don't have the answers of how and when things kind of changed exactly. Like think about how much combat sports have changed in America in just the last 50 years

with the arrival of MMA. 30 years ago, a lot of the early MMA matches didn't have weight classes. You could eye gouge, you could quite literally punch another dude in his dick and then drag him around the ring by his ponytail. I watched, I watched an old MMA match. It was like, I don't even know if it was called UFC at that point. I just watched this dude in a wrestling single.

Just get his cock and balls jacked. Like, because it was so tight, you could see the impression of his cock and balls jacked like you could he could he was so tight you could see the impression of his other junk and you could see the fist smash it over and over again. I was blown away by how many punches he took before he finally tapped out. We do know anyway, the most of the biggest games, the ones put on by the biggest Roman political leaders, especially the emperors were either totally free or primarily free to the public. You know, the public had bet on the matches, but they didn't have to pay to watch them, at least now from certain seats. Having the people pay to watch, we kind of defeated the point

of a lot of these games for a lot of leaders. They put on the gladiatorial games. They hosted them as a display of their wealth and power in order to earn the loyalty of the people they governed. You know, sometimes in order to to to quail, you know, revolt from breaking out to appease people, they had to keep the poor people happy. You know, I feel like to quell, you know, revolts from breaking out to appease people, they had to keep the poor people happy. You know, I feel like, I feel like today leaders make sure poor people have enough money for the internet, iPhones, PS4s, and Netflix. Right, can they still watch TV?

Can they still play video games? Can they still get Starbucks and Taco Bell? All right, cool. As long as I can post an Instagram and play free games online, they're probably not gonna revolt. Back in Rome, gladiator matches, right? They're pissed about not getting enough grain

to feel properly nursed. They're sick of losing so many sons in various Roman battles to acquire new territory. They're irritated about rampant disease burning through the city. They're talking about revolting. All right, all right, all right. Well, let's get him to come to the Coliseum,

watch people fight to the death and get attacked by fucking snakes and lions and shit for a hundred days. And that'll distract them long enough for us to figure something out. And people love gladiators. Gladys became super popular in Roman culture. Star gladiators were treated like gods

by the Roman people, especially the poor people of Rome. Kids would play with gladiator figurines made out of clay, gladiator portraits, grays, the walls, of many public places. Kids, you know, they played again with those action figures.

Most successful fighters, even endorsed products just like top athletes today. They were renowned for their ability to make Roman women's swoon. Graffiti from Pompeii describes one fighter who catches the girls at night in his net and another who is the delight of all the girls. Women would wear hair pins and other jewelry dipped in gladiator blood. Fuck, God, that sounds messed up. Some even make gladiators sweat into what they considered an afrodigiac into like facial creams, other cosmetics. And what a strange mixture, man.

Gladiar's both star and slave in various kind of periods of Roman history. Hard to wrap my head around that, you know. I guess most stars became popular enough to win their freedom, but some did remain slaves, even though they were immensely popular. Most gladiators adopted stage names like 20th century professional wrestlers. That's pretty dope. You know, ladies and gentlemen, tonight we witness the slayer of goal, taking two simitars

against the Greek giant in his spiked iron club. The crock master takes on Neptune's hurricane. The undefeated Hades eater of souls goes head to head against rookie Johnny Dingle whistle. Yeah, probably some of the names weren't, you know, good or intimidated. Uh, and for the final two fight and tournament, we have triple M, the voice of Nimrod versus the butcher of Rathstaff. What is big deal? I don't need swords. I tie rock to end the south shimcock, swing it around like a tube sock with money bag

of quarter. It's effective weapon I combine with most raths and power move. Shielders for capitalist Roman dogs, I know you. Chickatill need normal. I will lose fitting coming in your sweatpants made with dirty cotton. So rough, no weapon can pierce. Yamo curts you. Oh, oh, oh, oh, Yamo stab you.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, taking it to the street, taking it to the slush and up all your meat slush and up. Oh, you mean the winner shall fight the one eyeyed three-legged pitbull of Atlantis, Bowd Langles! Undefeated in 234 straight matches, two of which he laid on his back to fight, and one of which he slept through. Praiseable, Langles! Thanks for putting up with that. Now that was fun for me.

That was fun for me, and again, one take for what it's worth. For what it's worth, and it's worth and I'm sure Could you know I'm sure I'm this is confusing his hell or new listeners, but you know it's a lot inside jokes But for real Rome really did have star gladiators One particular star gladiator Hermes was memorialized in a poem by Roman poet Marshall Who revealed he was both a gladiator and a trainer skilled at not just one with three different fighting styles He dominated other fighters with the long spear the Trident that's especially bad as to me and with his own helmet God damn it. Bash in fools with his own helmet

Or maybe he had some kind of Hermes headbutt power move or something some kind of finishing move So that a moral combat finish him So great was Hermes that he made a fortune for ticket scalpers. According to historian, Nigel, or Nigel Nigel, Nigel, Nigel, Cothers, Bukesport and ancient times, the Roman Colosseum could see 50,000 spectators. Some speculate they actually could see a lot more than that. And while there were blocks of seats that were free, when a big name gladier like Hermes was scheduled to appear, fans would pay scalpers in order to get the good seats

See their favorite fighter To be a known gladier is such a different level of tough that I can even comprehend like it makes today's UFC fighters look like little crybabies You know Herme clearly wasn't just a dude Who dreaded getting the arena if he specialized in three different fighting styles? At least part of him relished, you know fighting to the death death. Any trained on top of fighting, you know, man, man love the arena. Marshall also described Hermes as having the strength of three men in sanity, sadly, whatever happened to old Hermes has lost his history. Gladier's made some money.

Gladier's received money for victories. And you know, as someone owned them, which, you know, which was fairly often, they didn't get to keep it. It went to their gladiatorial school, the house that housed the gladiators. But there were all different kinds of financial arrangements. Some promoters did let the, their fighters keep some of it, even if they were slaves, some promoters rewarded them

in other ways with various perks, such as showering them with prostitutes or letting them share a bed with their wives, or wives, or buying up other members of their family to be around them, such as their kids, you know, we don't know how exactly how much money the gladiators did make. No Roman writer told us the amount of money. I can't find it, but we do know it must have been substantial in some cases, because gladiators became so expensive by the second century CE.

Marcus Arrelius began to institute salary caps on gladiators. And at some point during the development of gladiator fights, the fights were no longer always between slaves. Free men began either selling themselves to gladiatorial schools to pay debts or provide for their families. Other men made deals with promoters just to get in the arena and fight now, men who are totally free. Even a few emperors stepped in the arena here and there to fight.

One emperor who'd fight in the in the coliseum was the one walking Phoenix portrayed in really scats glad eater. Emperor emperor commoness. A commoness was step into the coliseum during gladiatorial games in the late second century CE, which was wildly scandalous to the Roman people. He was viewed during his life and afterwards as just a terrible emperor in pretty much every sense. He was delusional maniac who thought he was like truly thought he was the reincarnation of hercules i dressed up like he uh... hercules supposedly dressed up like ordered statues of

himself to be dressed up like hercules uh... even ordered that the people call him hercules son of Zeus while fighting in the arena upon us would submit to comodus and their lives would be spared you know uh... that was gonna be good for you if you tried to actually hurt commoners, you're gonna die. Which I'm surprised someone didn't like killing him anyway, though. Like if you're already probably gonna die, why not, why not at least kill him? Anyway, in private practice, kind of training type fights,

commoners would kill people in the arena. He was a serious piece of shit. Check out what was written about him. He was written that he would order wounded soldiers and amputees into the arena for him to slay them, like for real. Non-military citizens who had lost their feet due to injury or illness would be tied together. The commoners would club them to death. That's just how it was written. Ah, in addition to the crippled commoners would slay exotic animals such as lions, ostriches, hippos, elephants, and giraffes, just giraffes, just for the hell of it.

And then he was assassinated for being an asshole, basically. For non-emperor gladiators, they could win prizes other than money. Our Laurel Crown was given to gladiators for the most outstanding performance of at tournaments. Guess now it's kind of the equivalent of a medal or trophy today, point of pride, bragging rights. The greatest prize was freedom, a permanent release from the obligation to fight. As a symbol of this award, gladiars could be given a wooden sword.

Also criminals could earn their freedom if they survived a certain amount of matches or lived a certain length of time as a gladiator, generally three or more years of combat, which required for criminals to win their freedom. Even though many glanners were adored by the public and became famous, their legal and social standing was still very low, barely above that of a slave. They were considered to be legally and morally part of the lowest social rung, classified alongside actors, pimps, and prostitutes as in infamilla. It'll repute.

That's where the word infamous comes from. Well, trivia, to be well known for something considered immoral, the Roman infamilla couldn't provide testimony to court law. They were liable to court punishment, which was usually reserved for slaves. You know, by the, but by the first century, see, despite this dip in legal status, you know, scores of free men began voluntarily signing contracts with gladiators schools

in the hopes of winning glory and prize money. You know, these freelance warriors were often desperate men or ex-soldiers, you know, skilled in fighting, but some were upper class petitions nights, even senators eager to demonstrate their warrior pedigree. Glad to know combat also had religious significance in Rome. The glad to know the games would often open with a silent procession to honor the gods, which often included human sacrifice was not just the Aztecs. They've been sacrificing people back in Europe as well.

The gladiators represented the Roman theology of the divine and death and the relationship between mortal and immortal. Their matches were Roman sermons written in blood, one historian. Mostly gladiator matches were about money for promoters and gladiators schools and prestige for rulers hosting the games. It's pretty cool. Advertisement, as I said earlier, for gladiatorial displays, has survived in Pompeii, painted

by professional signwriters on housefronts, on the walls of tombs, cluster outside the city gates. It reminds me of billboards and posters plastered on fences and the sides of buildings and Los Angeles. It's funny for me to think that promoters are doing the same thing over in Europe, you know, over 2000 years earlier. The number of gladiators to be displayed was a key part of the prestige of the event.

You know, like the more gladiators fighting, the more generous the host was perceived to be, the more glamorous, the spectacle. And of course, the more famous the gladiator, the more, you know, love from the people the promoter would receive. You know, you're a top notch ruler if you bring in the great hermys

you know you're about to be overthrown if you're glad you're matches just to do to one of them is uh... johnny dingle whistle if you want to impress the crowd you brought in critters that's if you really wanted to kick it up you know the bigger more exotic more ferocious the animal the more power in wealth you displayed as the host of the games lions and cheetahs were big draws in rome uh... and rome once the coliseum was built had a lot of these animals make and wealth, you displayed as the host of the games. Lions and cheetahs were big draws in Rome. And Rome, once the Coliseum was built,

had a lot of these animals make appearances because the Coliseum was one of the few arenas capable of hosting these animals and having them unchained within its walls. You know, because the fighting pit was low enough compared to the stands that these creatures couldn't jump into the crowd and just started causing mayhem.

Because apparently that happened at a match or two in some other places and they were like, you know what, maybe we shouldn't release the jump into the crowd and just started causing mehem. Because apparently that happened at a match or two in some other places and they were like, you know what, maybe we shouldn't release the animals into the pit if they can jump into the crowd. Start slicing up the fans, we're trying to impress. How crazy would that be if you're all pumped up to score front row seats for a match?

You know, you're sitting there with some snacks, you know, you got a goblet of wine in one hand, you got an old wooden version of like a foam number one fan finger on the other hand. You have time in your life, jotting down sketches of all the shit your seeing since it. Didn't have cameras, that probably never happened, that's why picture to someone furiously making little

fucking stick figure dudes and stick figure lines so they could show their friends later. Just look at this one, this one, the line bit his head off. Look at that, this picture. Then the line suddenly 10 feet from you and you're like, oh man, he is really big up close. He no wonder he's been kicking ass today. I feel like I could touch him.

Then he stares at you, crouches down, prepares the pounce, and your last words are some Latin equivalent. I'm like, oh shit. Bears, bulls, boars, we're also popular, gladiatorial animals. Animals, we're not always fought by gladiators. Sometimes they were part of big elaborate theatrical hunts. Sometimes they fought each other.

Scores of unfortunate creatures might be slaughtered in a single exhibition to open up some games. 9,000 animals were slain during a hundred-day ceremony to mark the opening of the Colosseum. Another 11,000 were later killed as part of 123 day festival held by Emperor Trayon in the second century, Trajan. Second century CE, that's a lot of animals, man. 90 a day for over three months to open the Colosseum. Wild animals also served as the popular form of execution, certain convicted criminals, sometimes even guilty, or even people just guilty of worshiping the wrong God.

Some Christians could just be thrown into the arena unarmed and then like, you know, ravenous dogs or lions or whatever be sending after them. Lions bears cheetahs, man, whatever. Basically, if it was an animal they could find somewhat place in the Roman Empire, they could kill a man. It was gonna make an arena appearance at some point. Smaller or less threatening animals were,

you know, we're probably used by fight promoters who were low on funds. Like, you knew you would come to a jenky ass glad eater match if they brought out the squirrels. Geronicus sending the squirrels. Release the possums, Geronicus. That's when you demand to have your money back, even if you came for free. That'll be awesome if that actually happens.

Sending the squirrels, Geronicus, and then just an army of little squirrels, each wearing like little kind of like armor, maybe like little kind of knives taped to their backs or something, you know, just come and view it first, you're like, nah, what are the squirrels? Then you realize you've been like rubbed up with some kind of squirrel attractants, just like a poke to death, that'd never happen. I was surprised to find out this week that not all gladiator matches were death matches, contrary to popular belief.

They didn't always end in the death when one of the gladiators historians think actually that on the average, probably no more than one of five matches ended in death. Most matches actually had referees and various rules of engagement, many of which unfortunately have been lost to history. Most of the time it's believed matches would end

with one of the gladiators being wounded or just submitting to their opponents also sometimes matches could end in a tie called about for you know by the crowd who are appreciative for a good long entertaining fight uh... this was good for us because that's what expensive for for a gladiator who died in combat the train of the little lonesa might charge a sponsor of the fatal spectacle up to a hundred times the cost of a gladiator who survived however if the a hundred times the cost of a gladier who survived however the crowd called for the death of a gladier defeated in battle uh... you

know whoever was put on the show didn't want to look cheap and just pay the cost and let them die if a gladier was seriously wounded or three on its weapon and defeat his his fate was left in the hands of the spectators and contest held the call of cmd emperor had the final say and whether the felled warrior lived or died but rulers and fight organizers often let people make the decision, people watching, paintings and films often show throngs, given like the thumbs down gesture, you know, when

they wanted a disgraced gladiator to be finished off, but that may not be accurate. Some historians think the sign for death may have actually been the thumbs up while the closed fist with two fingers extended, thumbs down or even like a waved handkerchief might have staked a mercy. Whatever gesture was used, it was typically accompanied by, you know, by cries of let him go, you know, or slay him. If the crowd wielded the victorious gladiator would deliver a grisly, you know, final kind of death move, stabbing his opponent between the shoulder blades or through the neck and into the heart. Yep. A freeing gladiator was just as expensive as killing him. In certain certain matches the crowds could call for the freedom of an enslaved

gladiator, and then the politician or organizer of the game could free them, you know, given that wooden sword, and they would have to pay the owner for their freedom, a cost known as a manumission, and then have to pay the same price, you know, as a gladiator who died, because they no longer be able to make their school or owner whatever any money. All right, now let's talk about different kinds of gladiators. Too many variations to go through all of them now, but here are some popular types. Spartacus was a Mermillo, which is a heavily armored gladiator, you know, with the helmet, armguard, loincloth, and belt, gator on his right leg, thick wrappings covering the

tops of his feet, very short grieve with an indentation for padding the top of the feet. They're carried either a gladiast sword or a straight, or sorry, excuse me, they carry either a gladiast, which was a straight short sword or a curved, thration, cemetery type blade, and then a tall, oblong shield in the, in the legionary style. Gladiators took their name, by the way, from the Latin word Gladius, which is a, was a short sword favored by many of the gladiators. No more trivia. There were the equities, the Latin word for a horseman or cavalry men.

Early forms, these gladiars were lightly armed with a sword or a spear. They had some kind of scale armor, medium-sized cavalry shield, brimmed helmet, later forms had grieves to protect their legs, piece of plate armor, you know, for the leg between the knee and the ankle, usually composed of front and back pieces, a manica on the right arm, sleeveless belted tunics. Generally, they fought only other equities. There was the Cestus, a fist fighter or boxer who wore the Cestus, which was a heavy duty type of kind of brass knuckle situation. But otherwise had no armor. So, you know, uh, suck to be that dude if you had to fight the equities. So it's, oh, come on, man, he gets a horse and armor and a sword. And I get brass knuckles in a fucking diaper. Come on. Please give me a slink

shot. Just give me some rocks or some shit. Uh, in the late Republican early imperial era, there was the provocator, uh, challenger, uh. Their armor mirrored, legionary armor. They would wear a loincloth, belt, long grieve on the left leg, mannac on the lower right arm, visored helmet without brim or crest. They were the only gladiators protected by a breastplate, fought with the tall rectangular shield, the Gladius. Basically, there were some variation of Russell Crowe's character in Gladiator, you know, just, oh, you knocked into tamed.

Where the guys, who I think were the, with the most badass looking dudes, the materials armed with a net long trident, like that Neptune looking weapon, you know, a dagger, the fishing net was strung to the wrist by a throng or by thong and designed to ensnare an opponent and draw him into a kind of harpooning range. Man, suck to be that guy if you flung out your net and missed your opponent. Then there was the un luckiest of all the glatters in my opinion, the beasty Ari, they had to fight wild animals. That's a tough assignment unless you get the, uh, unless you get the squirrels with the possums. Send out the possums. No one defeats posses

horatakis, destroyer of possums, annihilator of squirrels and rodents. Also, even though I've been referring to dudes, not all gladiators were men. Did not know that before this week's research. Until the year 200 CE women were permitted to fight as gladiators and did so. Never see that in many Hollywood depictions. man. Hail Luciferina. Early, early Ronda Rousey's out there duking it out, slashing it up. These lady warriors were not though, taken seriously all the time in patriarchal Roman culture. The emperor, Demission, enjoyed pitting women against dwarves.

That's fucked up for both the male dwarf and the female gladiator. She has to try and kill someone who is physically disabled to some degree. He has to try and kill a woman, which was looked down upon in patriarchal Roman culture. So, uh, someone who did fight each other, uh, woman versus, you know, woman made some names for themselves, the marble relief dating to around the second century CE depicts about between two women dubbed Amazon and Achilia, uh, whom the description says

fought to an honorable draw, and women also joined in the arena for the animal hunts. And most of these various types of gladiators learned how to fight in gladiator schools. By the age of Spartacus, there were already a number of gladiator training schools throughout Italy. At such schools, gladiators received training

of variety of weapons, though they usually specialize in one weapon, but diets were carefully observed. A strict exercise regimen was enforced, discipline and punishment were harsh unforgiving. The owners of these schools, they made their money by gladiators winning their matches. Estimated that there were more than 100 gladiators schools or luthus throughout the empire. New gladiators were formed in troops called Familia gladiatorium, which were under the overall control of a manager, a Linista who recruited a range for training

made decisions of where and when the Gladiators fought. When a new recruit entered one of the Gladiators schools, he was assessed by the Linista, a doctor and the trainers. He'd be checked by Medici, a doctor for any medical problems and whether he was physically suitable to train as a Gladiator, equipped to withstand the rigors of training and combat. And also I didn't know this before.

Unattractive men, if it just physically unattractive men would be discounted. I guess the spectators enjoyed good looking gladiators. Maybe that brought more women to the matches or something, you know, or more like, you know, I don't know, homosexual men or something would come out if there was good looking gladiators. What a weird self-esteem blow. Good news, you don't have to fight to the death. Bad news, it's because you're horrifically unattractive. You are too ugly for the arena.

So, you know, homely a cuss, you will have to head home. Go on, go out of here. Go on, go on, limp out of here. Training at Gladiator Schools was no joke. They trained continuously to gain the highest of skill levels and an attempt to win their freedom and fight honorably. They were, I just keep thinking about myself now, I keep thinking about like, you know, like I had too much of a gut or something to, that what a bummer that would be in a way, you

know, I'm ready to fight. I've thought about it, I'm ready to do it. Yeah, well, you got, then you got too big buddy. Sorry, so women don't want to look at that. Terry, and it's not an attractive shape, so get, go on, go on, get out of here. Anyway, try to get in glad to your school is no joke man. They try and continuously to gain the highest skill levels

and attempt to win freedom fight honorably. They're well fed by Roman standards, which is excellent medical treatment, which is kind of ironic in other that they're receiving like the best care but have to potentially fight to the death. Most glattis were expected to fight three to five times a year. And again, sometimes loud to keep some of the rewards

and money, some of these trained glattis did join formal associations called collegia to ensure they were provided with proper burials and that compensation was given to their families when they died. It's like an old gladied or union. And a lot of other details we don't really need to get bogged down with today. I think you get the idea.

Well, gladdies were about. Mostly slaves, some free men, money was given to some, you know, the, they got to keep, you know, money was given to the winners, some got to keep it. Promoters had to pay for games, crowds of love stars. They were still looked down upon in the hierarchy of Rome and social status. Now, before we dive back into Spartacus, let's go over some of the most famous gladiars and gladitorial games in Roman history.

Just real quick here. This is pretty awesome info. Everyone associates the Colosseum with gladiars, but animal on animal clashes were also popular spectacles. Prior to the reign of Emperor Claudius, a few witnesses recalled a particular gory battle staged between an elephant and an enraged rhinoceros, which the former one after picking up a broken spear with its trunk and gouging the eyes out of its horned adversary. Now this is hard for me to believe, but that's what he wrote.

Can you imagine watching an elephant pick up a spear with his trunk and then use that to poke out a rhino's eyes? What the fuck? Who knew? Dumbbell had that much anger in him and intelligence. Abyss Yaris, who's specialty involved fighting wild animals could expect to have a short career, even by glad eaters standards.

I said earlier that most eat gladiars, you know, didn't last long, you know, these guys who had to fight animals, but some did win fame. One of the most famous was Carpophorus. Carpophorus were routinely faced off against vicious wild animals, such as lions, bears, leopards, and rhinos. He even fought at the open of the famed Flavian Ampitheater and defeated a, quote,

Horde of Bear, lion, and leopard in single battle. He also killed a ferocious rhino with a single spear in one face off, and then his personal best involved killing 20 different beasts, lions, bears, and leopards in one battle. Not sure how he eventually died, but, but I'm guessing it was horrific. Another famous gladiator was, uh, flama. Flama's love for the ring was so strong that he rejected freedom offers made by impressed Roman politicians not once, not twice, not three time, four times.

The former Syrian soldier fought in 33 clashes before finally meeting his end on the sands of the Colosseum at age 30, but then his popularity was so extensive that his face was being used on Roman coins. Dang, man, that dude clearly loved to fight. He turned down the opportunity for freedom for separate times. Yes, you got a taste for blood and just nothing else was satisfied. Also sucks that you could have a record of 33 and one and still just be dead. In a marvel of theatrical engineering, the Coliseum was periodically flooded and filled with ships to reenact oceanic conflicts. Historian Dio Cassius had the to say of a particularly notorious battle arranged by the Emperor

Titus and ADCE, said Titus filled the arena with water. He also brought in people on ships who engaged in a sea fight. They're in a naval battle between 3,000 men. Holy shit. It's unclear how much the ensuing faceoff was pre-orchestrated, how much was theatrical, how much was simply bloody mayhem. But whatever the case, the scale and novelty of the spectacle drew thousands

of spectators who crowded, even camped along the streets to catch a glimpse. The chaotic frenzy of that match, a spectator's even ended up being a trampled to death, and their eagerness to see boats clash and blood spilled. Now, I wish I knew exactly how all of the water was able to get in the Coliseum, but I just couldn't find a satisfying explanation. Other than, you know, just kind of like brief mentions of, you know, some kind of aqueduct water being diverted into arena and then, you know, funneled back out again for land

battles that would happen later. If any, die hard Roman experts out there, no, I know I have a lot who listen, uh, right, it's at Bojangles at Timesug Podcasts.com. If you can find like a, an understandable explanation of how the hell they got that water into the arena, because I'm still confused because if the animals were kept in pens underneath to be lifted up, because they had hydraulics, not hydraulics, they had a series of chains and pulleys that could lift an animal into the arena to then fight somebody.

So that means that there's an elaborate kind of complex of holding pens and things underneath. How do you flood it, but not also flood everything underneath? I don't know. Occasionally, there were happy endings in arena in the first century CE, the poet martial recorded the most detailed account of a gladiator battle known to modern historians during a series of games held by Titus a pair of gladiators battled literally for hours before simultaneously then laying down their weapons and surrendering to each other touched by their sportsmanship Titus granted the pair their freedom as the crowd cheered up roarsly. Okay, so now we know a little about gladiators and we know

Spartacus was a gladiator unfortunately we don't know how many matches he fought. We don't know if he ever fought in a, you know, a public fight. We have no idea if he was, you know, how successful he was or any of those details. We do know he led the biggest slave rebellion in Roman history. And we're gonna walk through that rebellion, walk through his war. But first let's check in with today's sponsor, the Great Courses Plus. Yes! with today's sponsor, the Great Courses Plus. Yes, time suckers brought to you by the Great Courses Plus and great is an understatement, it's fan tabulous. If you love the adventure of learning new things, you're gonna love watching and listening to the Great Courses Plus.

I received the most wonderful email just another day from a time sucker who started, you know, heard about it on the show, started using the Great Courses Plus and we're just so happy to start watching their engaging courses. You know you said he he'd always had a thirst for knowledge but you know shit happens in life and it just wasn't able to afford to go to college

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afterlife dependent on ones activities in life, right? Women who died in childbirth, we're considered to have a noble, you know, afterlife, those who died of old age or sickness, we're seeing as despised, they didn't get to as much cool stuff in the afterlife. I wish I would have watched that course before I did my Norse god suck. Lecture number six in the Vikings course, top by professor Kenneth W. Harle from Tulane University, does speak specifically about the Norse gods. I watched this course and learned that the wives of noble Vikings were also buried with them, just like the threase, buried a whole ship for the guy

who died and then put his wife in it before they threw dirt on him. I love when Dr. Harle says, the wives were put on the ship with them a bit reluctantly, they were strangled. Yeah, I bet they were a little bit reluctant to be strangled. Really pains a picture. Again, thank God we live now.

We got our own cultural problems, but at least mom isn't getting choked out. It adds a funeral and thrown into the grave. It's nice here in Dr. Hall, pronounce all those jacked up Norse names like Yiddrazil. The sacred tree that connects the nine worlds of Norse mythology. Love hearing him talk about dragons

attacking this world tree all the time, you know. He really breaks down a very complex mythology into something understandable in about half an hour. Now this is the perfect course for you to get started with if you loved our Norse gods episode. And there's far more courses in this one. Try any of the great courses plus wonderful lectures. And as a time sucker, you get a special limited time offer of a full month of unlimited

access for free. To get this free month, you must sign up at the great courses plus.com slash time suck. That's the great courses plus dot com slash time suck. Get your free month link in the episode description. All right, Spartacus and the year 73 BCE. He's a slave at the gladiatorial school of a Roman owner, Nias Cornelius, lentilus, uh,

Batius in Capua, just 16 miles north of Naples, uh, Naples slave, you know, uh, name Spartacus, you know, he leads us for a billion. Got these fucking names as people had. Spartacus, he leads us for a billion. Got these fucking names these people had. Spartacists helped organize a breakout that led to more than 70 gladiators escaping on with knives, cleavers, other makeshift weapons. And again, you know, he escaped with his wife, the rest of the people he escaped with were

primarily other gladiators. Spartacists in a small band of escapees acquired gladiators weapons from a passing cart, make their way to Mount Vesuvius, more than a century before it erupted, and Spartacus and a small band of escapees acquire gladiator weapons from the passing cart make the way to mount Vesuvius more than a century before it erupted in the Spartacus time the mount was actually covered with vines and fertile farmland nearby instead of being buried in ash You know Spartacus and his co-leaders, you know Crixis and animals Raid locals for supplies recruit more slaves. They travel across the countryside Initially Rome doesn't respond to Spartacus growing, you know, force too seriously. At the time of his breakout, the Republic's military was busy fighting in Spain, Southeast,

Europe, Crete, and a group of escape slaves wasn't seen as a posing a serious challenge to Roman soldiers. Probably figured they'd just, you know, they'd run off backs, whatever lands they'd taken out, you know, taken off from, you know, whatever, have a nice trip. Don't come back. You're not worth the headache. We can get plenty more slaves. But over the coming weeks, they'd ransacked enough Roman citizens' land

and had enough new slaves join their rebellion for them to be taken a little more seriously. And then the Romans dispatch a traitor named Gaius Claudius Glauber, Deforman army to crush this slave. Glauber doesn't sound to me like the name of someone on the A team. The slaves have a master size of a larmy senator. Should we send in one of our best generals? No, those men are busy.

Send in, Glover, send the Glover, put the Glover on the case. Glover and another dude named Publius Valerius, got a scientist. His name sounds even worse than Glover. He sounds like a venereal disease glad that your white as a ghost my man are you okay no senate time not okay and my battles with spoticus men i somehow came down with the nasty case of poobliest hilarious what are you doing you're supposed to fight this man not fuck them

these two dudes they don't take official armies to the fight they don't uh they did not command the regular citizen army of legions, but rather whatever forces they could hastily conscript on the spot, wrote Apeon, a writer who also lived in the second century, CE. So like I said earlier, they brought in, I shouldn't say also, he lived in the second century, CE, like a lot of other kind of historians who'd write about this. It was all kind of written about quite a bit later. And he said they brought in the B team, some elite team, you know, took in some scrubs

against the dream team, not a good policy. Glauber's ad hoc army didn't even try to attack Spartacus and said they blocked off the main route of his escape from Vesuvius pitch camp there, tried to starve him out. Spartacus was too crafty for that. He and his newly liberated slaves, they built rope out of wild grapefights. Used it to move down a different much deeper part of the mountain side. The Romans are neglected to defend. The Romans still in camp never saw this coming. And then the slaves were able to surround them and to shock the Romans with a surprise

attack when the Romans fled the slave seized their camp, wrote to hit Roman historian Plutarch. News of this success was whispered far and wide and resulted in new recruits flocking to the force of Spartacus. Reminds me that poncho via suck, man, word gets out, someone's, someone's bringing some, some power to the fucking people and the bandwagon starts growing. Plutarch wrote, at this point, many of the herdsmen and shepherds from the surrounding regions, hard-bodied and swift-footed men came to join the slaves. I think the way he wrote that. Hard-bodied and swift-footed men came to join the slaves. Like the way he wrote that.

Hard-bodied and swift-footed. Man, I remember nice to be somewhat hard-bodied and not quite as slow-footed. The growth of Spartacus's force was also aided by other factors. Throughout his rebellion, his army spent much of its time in rural areas and small towns, places that were poorly defended but also had an abundance of slaves, solid for recruiting. Additionally, according to ancient sources, Spartacus insisted on equally dividing the spoils, places that were poorly defended but also had an abundance of slaves solid for recruiting additionally according to ancient sources sparticus insisted on equally dividing the spoils something that Roman officers sure is held in due and that made recruitment all that much easier in times sparticus even succeeded in getting non-slaves to join his rebellion they became

that popular they built such a formidable force you know uh you know that many freed men and other free commoners joined their ranks. Let's make some money. Let's, let's get some spoils of war. Spartacus and his men continue to ambush and defeat Roman units while freeing slaves in the countryside and gathering supplies. I mean, this is pretty epic. Now he, I mean, he's really getting Rome's attention now.

Back in Rome, the Senate sends another army his way. This time, a real one. This time, uh, led by consoles, Lucius, Galleus, Puebla, Puebla, Cola, and Nias Cornelius, Lenselus, Claudinius. Each man may have commanded 10,000 troops. Both men definitely had super fucked up way too long Roman names. By the spring of 72 B.C. Spartacus had 40,000 troops and he decided to head north to the Alps towards Therese, time to go home, but some of his army didn't want to do that.

They wanted to stay southern Italy with one of his co-leaders, Crixis. This would be the beginning of his undoing, man. He can't divide up. You're fighting the Roman Republic. You got to stay together. You need every man, you know, says the guy who probably would literally shit himself and hide if he had to fight in any of the battles mentioned in today's suck. The Roman force under Gellius caught up with Crixus killing him

Along with many the rebels Geleus then proceeded to advance on Spartacus from the south while lentilus who apparently was ahead of Spartacus drove in from the north Now Spartacus is trapped between two armies both likely equipped with better arms and arm than he had but Spartacus had built up a sizable cavalry force in the preceding months. Again, Thracians were noted horsemen. They reported to be able to tame even wild horses. Spartacus suddenly rushed at them and engaged them in battle, surprised them again. They didn't think he was going to do that.

He defeated Lentilus' legates, captured all of their supplies, Plutarch Rites. Geleus was then either defeated by Spartacus or force to retreat. We don't know. We don't have the historical record of exactly how that went ended. Spartacus had not only escaped the trap, but he mauled the shocked Roman army, allowing his troops to then march to the Alps. After defeating another Roman force, this one led by a Roman governor named Gaius Cassius

Lunganus. Spartacus's force was now free to climb the Alps and go to Gaul, threes or multiple other areas, you know, not controlled by Rome, started new life. You know, they got another shot to fucking take off, but then again, they don't take it. For reasons of lost to history, it turns this force around, heads back to Italy again. Various theories have been proposed for why you did this. The best explanation was that it was already hinting at in ancient sources It was, I guess it was Nimrod's will. Hail Nimrod or maybe Luciferous or Jupiter's or Neptune's or Dingle Hopper's.

I don't know if somebody's will. Actually many historians think it was the will of a Spartacus army. Spartacus is own men probably vetoed him. Success may have gone to their heads aroused visions of sending Rome, put it down in flames, getting some revenge, just some killing in the name of a little bit of, you know, sending Rome, put it down in flames, you know, getting some revenge, just some killing in the name of a little bit of fuck you. I won't do what you tell me. The raging against the machine of Rome. Also, the sign of the intimidating Alps may have persuaded them also to head back. They may have been worried about pulling a big old Roman Donner party.

They want to, they want to die, eat each other's asses up in those mountains. So they headed back south and then were betrayed by pirates near Sicily made all the way down there. Man pirates who thought they'd show up in this tale? Not me, you know, I'd like you to matty. How might a black beard be of service to your low in class weird arts? Spartacus and his men made it all the way back down to the straight of Mccina. I don't again, it's not known why they didn't why they passed Rome instead of attacking it. Maybe they just didn't feel like they had the force to directly attack it. They made it all the way down the straight of the scene of the Mediterranean sea that separates

Sicily from the rest of Italy only two miles across in some places. Slightly less than two miles actually, but Sparta kids couldn't cross it. They reached that straight in the winner of 72 71 BC BCE. Spartacus needed two things. Good boats and good sailors to be able to land an advanced party of his troops across the straits. He turned to a group of Sicilian pirates, his Plutarch called him to help him out. Some pirates who frequented the area who were equipped with speedy boats and navigational knowledge, saying Spartacus needed to make this crossing. But the pirates had other plans. Although the Sicilians made an agreement with Spartacus and accepted his gifts, they

deceived him and sailed away, wrote Plutarch. You know, whether the pirates had been brides by Romans or just didn't want to be involved or just, you know, just felt like taking the money and running is not known. Fucking pirates, man. Making shit hard for people even in the age of Spartacus. They were just like, ah, gladiator, matey. You can't handle the CA. Well, for one box of gold, we'll take you to men across them. And my name isn't black, Peter.

And Spartacus gave him the gold, and they just let foolish gladiator, Mati. My name isn't black, Peter, it's neptunicus. It's neptunicus trickery, Urus. Seat thief. Spartacus ordered his troops to assemble boats of their own. He tried to cross himself.

They succeeded and build it a number of boats, but they weren't good enough to make a cross his trade. So he's kind of abandoned that plan. His troops are stuck on the Italian mainland two day miles and he didn't have the seafaring knowledge to pull it off. So this leaves Spartacus with no choice, but to go back up north again. Oh, by this time, by the time he'd reached the straits and been trying to get across and had the whole pirate debacle and a new leader named Marcus, uh, Licinius Crasus

has taken command of the Roman forces against him. Now, Crasus was a little more formidable than previous guys who come after him. He was a wealthy individual, very wealthy, able to raise a large army and pay them at least in part out of his own pocket and he was a ruthless motherfucker. In his business dealings, Plutarch said, Krass has had a scheme where he bought up the burning properties and the buildings in a neighborhood of those, a light as the owners would surrender them for a small sum of money out of fear and uncertainty. It's not that he might have also set fires to get kind of that stuff. That's messed up, you know? Set a neighborhood on fire and then come to, hey, that's terrible.

Well, I'll buy your property. I know it's not worth much, but I'll take it off your hand. In his military life, he's even more ruthless. Among his forces were the remnants of legions belonging to Gellius and lentilists that had been previously defeated by Spartacus and as a consequence, quote, Crassus selected every tenth man from the consular legions

by Lot and had him executed And Appian wrote that he also resu- revived a practice called decimation where units that ran away from the enemy Would draw lots and have a random number of soldiers killed by being clubbed or stoned to death That's that's some hardcore shit. So, you know needless to say Discipline tightens up a lot under Crassus Now they're gonna fight hard against Spartacus or they're gonna So, you know, needless to say, discipline tightens up a lot under crashes. You know, they're gonna fight hard against Spartacus or they're gonna be, you know, club to death. Still knowing that many of Rome's best soldiers

were outside Italy fighting other wars, crashes proceeds carefully when moving against Spartacus. Rather than trying to openly battle him in Southern Italy, he builds a system of fortification centered on Malia Ridge in an effort to trap Spartacus and starve his troops, which, you know, the other guy tried earlier. Well, Spartacus responds in a situation where offering crashes, a peace treaty that crashes rejects.

Spartacus has caused too much mayhem by this point to getting kind of truce. And then perhaps seeing his own soldiers beginning to waver, Spartacus stiffens their resolve by crucifying a Roman soldier and then, you know, putting him up on the cross for all to see served as a visual demonstration to his own men of what would happen to them if they did not win. Wrote Appian and he would be right here about what would happen to them if they didn't win as we'll find out here soon. Spartacus eventually managed to break through Crasse's trap by, by filling in one of the trenches,

Crasse's had dug to entrap him with human bodies, you know, the bodies of men who had died in battle and then riding over the top of these bodies is cavalry. Man, that's a, God dang, man, had his horses run over a bridge, made out of dudes, a dude bridge, having flashbacks to Cortez and that Aztecs suck. Man, remember Cortez had to do something similar to escape from the techno tealon, you know, with the Aztec, running from the Aztecs. Now, dude bridges, man, what a, what a terrible way to travel. Well, Walt Sparta, because escapes, crashes, trap, temporarily, this hurts him overall.

Ancient riders say that he loses thousands of soldiers in the breakout attempt. Furthermore, split emerges in the rebel camp and some of his army take off again. So, you know, it's division in his army again. And then also what hurts him is, crashes, gets some Roman reinforcements in the spring of 71 BCE. The men who split away from his camp are crushed by the Romans and then those extra Roman forces land in Brunezium. So this port, crushing the hope that the rebels had for getting out of Italy by using that

port. And then what happens next is hard for historians to explain Spartacus. I guess could have tried possibly where he was at to escape via another port. I don't know, maybe those pirates kind of, poised in the well for him trying to use a sea. Could have tried to escape to another part of Italy. His force wasn't, I guess, completely trapped. And he still had roughly 30,000 troops able to fight,

but for reasons lost to history, he decides to attack Crasseys. Maybe he was just, you know, that aggressive. Maybe he's like, no, maybe it's pride or something. The final battle took place in April 71, B.C. somewhere in the Upper Solarius Valley. Solarius Valley, Spartacus' strategy appears to have been twofold. He's going to use his cavalry to attack Crasseus' archers and missile throwers while Spartacus would then lead his infantry

in an attempt to kill Crasseus directly, hoping that his army would fall apart after his death. Well, Crasseus built trenches to block Spartacus would then lead his infantry in an attempt to kill Crasse's directly, hoping that his army would fall apart after his death. Will Crasse's build trenches to block Spartacus' cavalry, prompting a wild melee when Spartacus' men jumped in and tried to stop their construction, and then eventually Spartacus lined up his men for battle and then Crasse's lined up his men and then checked this shit out. So now the two armies lined up for battle, opposed each other, getting ready to have a big epic fight, and then Plutarch rode that just before this battle, Spartacus gets off his horse, and then kills his horse, and tells his men, if he won the battle, he would have many fine horses that belong to the

enemy. But if he lost, he would have no need of a horse. That is some serious man shit. I have never done anything one percent as mainly as that in my entire life Sometimes I've thought about getting out of my truck in a moment in road rage and punching somebody out in traffic But I've never done it, you know, I'm sure out of some kind of fear You know, I've yelled at people a lot, but but it's never you know, really went farther than that other than some childhood You know pushing light punching kind of stuff Spartac is killed as fucking horse in front of his men

You know told them they're're gonna take the enemy's horses Or they're not gonna need horses because they're gonna be dead. That is some serious, you know tonight We dying in hell. That's not kind of shit. Sparty kids his cavalry Apparently unable to reach Crasseys' missile throwers and archers undeterred Sparty kids at the head of his troops and on foot leads a charge against Crasseys Sparty kids have said to have hacked down two Centurions in this final attempt But it was in vain. There's varying accounts about his death, but they all end with him being surrounded and then killed. And then with his death, his army follows apart and Crassus

and other Roman forces hunt down the remaining rebels. Now, the body of, excuse me, of Spartacus was apparently never identified. And historians think his final struggle might have left only the badly disfigured body of a soldier dressed in ordinary armor. So it just wouldn't be able to be distinguished from other men. So, you know, I think some people want to have this fantasy that he escaped. That's, I don't think so. That's very highly, highly, highly unlikely. He's probably just buried in a mass grave with the rest of his troops.

And, you know, even if archeologists find it, they're not going to be able to distinguish this famous commander from any of the other troops because he wasn't wearing anything different than them. While most of his army of slaves were killed in this battle, the remaining army, 6,000 were captured, and then 6,000 were crucified along the Appian way from Rome to Capua, a reminder to other slaves to never do this again. 6,000 crucifixions. That's a lot of work for somebody. You know somebody flipped their shit

when they had that order to pull that off. He wants to crucify how many? 6,000s. Has he lost his goddamn mind? We don't have that many crosses. We can't build that many cross. We don't have the nails. We don't have the time.

He said, what? He says, hey, have it done by Monday or I will be crucified. Okay, all right, all right, all right, we'll figure something out. Somebody, there's gotta be a good wood or nail guy around here somewhere. All right, while Spartacus is upright

and was ultimately crushed, his memory does live on more so than the Romans who fought against him or otherwise deposed him, you know? I mean, who today remembers Crasseys? Everyone remembers Spartacus. And I have a few more thoughts on Spartacus, but before I share them, let's dig into the thoughts of today's idiots of the internet. [♪ Music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing Vortex of Chaos, user fire, Mr. Bern comes in

hot with some misinformation saying, he says he simply came from Thrace today's Bulgaria, LOL. Thrace is Greek, you idiot. And that's not true. As we learned today, part of Thrraces was located in present day Bulgaria. User warrior one knows that and replies pretty aggressively. Saying, Fire Mr. Burn, no, you're the idiot because Thraces is on the border of Bulgaria, Turkey and Greece, the majority area of ancient Thraces is in Bulgaria.

So do your research before coming on here, commenting like a fucking fool. Damn, man, warrior one. Not letting him get away with his bad info for one second. Coming down hard on fire, Mr. Burn. Fire, Mr. Burn, then post warrior one, the trace is Greek end of story to which warrior one comes back with fire, Mr. Burn, you're a moron end of conversation just directly. And then what I love is that you then never see fire, Mr. Burn, you're a moron, end of conversation, just directly. And then what I love is that you then never see Fire Mr. Burn pop up again. So I like to assume that what he did was he did realize he was a moron and then skulked away. Like, you know, he's like, I'm not fucking moron warrior one.

Hey, hey, Siri, where was ancient Thraces located? Thraces was located in the area now covered by present day Bulgaria part of God damn it Shit I'm a moron and then he just you know went on to some other post thread user Tubular juror. I don't know how this is like a nonsense wordy wrote has an energy and take away from watching the this party because of documentary Posting I just love the language here. Romans were defeated because they became lazy perverts.

And same will happen with modern Europe. I say it as European. What? Is there some kind of big lazy pervert epidemic in Europe that I'm unaware of? Like, I know we have a lot of European time-soakers who listen, are you guys just over there being both pervy and lazy? Which is such an odd combo.

You know, just what, to contrast that, I guess, from like a non-lazy perv. I would think that a lazy perv would be better for society overall than a motivated perv. That's what you don't want. That's the last kind of purf you want. Is an ambitious motivated purf.

You know, look at this purf we got over here. This is one of our best purfs. You know, like there's something like purf.com company. He's a motivated, hardworking purf. He's out there molesting and harassing 10, 12 hours a day. Doesn't even take off weekends. Just constant boob, grab, and and dick tug it. Meanwhile, we can barely get this other lazy perv over here

to even look up an occasional skirt. Derek Weinhardt TV makes an even weirder, more random, and creepier comment. He posts, imagine how much rape there was. That's all he posts. Imagine how much rape there was. What? Really?

You're gonna leave one post under a Spartacist video and a video about like men fighting for freedom, fighting against slavery, you know? Men fight to force to fight other men. Oftentimes to the death for public entertainment and somehow your brain immediately goes to rape. Now is that just who you are? Just in general, hey, Derek, what do you think of the

survival of this year? Oh man, I was thinking about how much rape those guys could do. They weren't so focused on football, man, I mean, right? And you were thinking it, man, they could just be like rape machines, couldn't they? Know anything? Just imagine how much rape and probably goes down the off season. What the fuck are you talking about, Derek? And about 90% of the hundreds of comments, just say the same thing that is saying, I am spoticus. And today I am out of today's idiots of the internet. I am out of today's idiots of the internet.

Idiots, I am the internet. I am the internet. How's the short one I know? internet, internet, internet. That was a short one I know. That was a short idiots. But yeah, I did it mostly today through that in there just because of those two comments. It's like, where are some people's minds go? It's just weird what it says about people too.

Like, I know sometimes it's trolling, I get those comments, I know sometimes it's trolling, but I think sometimes just, you know, people just reveal their true selves in the comment threads. Like, you know, like the purve and the rib things, those people, you're fucking purve. That's where your brain goes just immediately with this stuff. Okay, so that's today's tale.

We don't really know much of the, in the way of details of Spartacus's life. He must have been a great military leader and charismatic to get so many men to join him. Must has loved his wife, you know, to take her with him and his escape. And I would imagine, you know, just to get her there with him at the same, you know, school initially was something he fought on behalf of. It must have been a tough son of a bitch to get a bunch of trained gladiators to follow him into battle. He was inventive based on what we do know about some of the things he didn't battle,

brave. He did, you know, a lot of that stuff. Roman historians who give us accounts of Spartacus did write down their accounts decades after his death. So we don't know how much is kind of, you know, become ancient fish tails and how much, you know, where the legend stops and the real man begins. I'm sure he's a mix of man and legend, you know, but gladiars were not just legends. I mean, that shit really did happen as far as fetch as it seems to me, you know, men and women really put into an arena surrounded by cheering sports fans, you know, where they would knock each other bloody and sometimes fight all the way to the death. Sometimes a death

called for by the crowd. What I kept thinking about during this suck this week was how many people would pay to see that shit today? Like, like, if there was going to be a man versus man death match held in your town or or or man versus bear or woman versus woman, you know, would you buy a ticket? Would you watch the fight later on YouTube? Would you, would you make it a point to now watch and to wash your hands of the whole thing? You know, how many of us watch boxing MMA fights? You know, I do. Uh, here and there, you know, every once in a while, one of those dudes does die. And yet we still watch, you know, what if fighters died like once every 100 matches or once every

50, would you watch then? Would you watch if they died once every 10 matches or once every five? When would it become unacceptable morally for you? You know, or what if it was criminals convicted of heinous crimes? What if they were the ones fighting? Would it then be okay? Is the is the angle of it was primarily slaves who were forced to fight? Is that the most morally reprehensible part of it or is just fighting to the death in general? Disgusting. I was trying to think about myself, trying to be honest myself, I would not I'd like to think I would not watch a match live that I wouldn't watch it on pay-per-view, some kind of death-match, but I mean,

to be completely honest, is a very curious person who sometimes, you know, can't help himself looking in prime places. He shouldn't, I think, I think I would watch it online afterwards. And, you know, if I could find it on YouTube, I would be so curious as to how it ended. I mean, I would probably watch a couple clips at the very least, you know if I could find it on YouTube, I would be so curious as to how it ended. I mean, I would probably watch a couple clips at the very least, you know,

and darkly curious about it. I don't know where, you know, where would you draw the line? Where should the line should be drawn? I don't just move with that, man. Sometimes I think we've evolved so much as people since the days of the Coliseum deathmatches, but sometimes I wonder if morally we've really evolved much at all. I don't know. Enough about what I do or do not think.

Let's get to today's top five takeaways. Time shut, top five takeaway. Number one, Spartacus was eventually killed in 71 BCE, but his name lives on. Still inspiring others to fight their oppressors. And despite his military defeat, he did lead the most massive and most successful slave uprising in Roman history. Number two, gladiators started off as slaves forced to fight to the death that funeral became slaves forced to fight in arenas,

eventually became a combination of slaves, convicts, and actual free men who chose to be gladiators, because they were some of the biggest if not the biggest celebrities in Rome. Number three, the most dedicated of Thracian wives got the honor of being stabbed or spared to death and buried with their husbands. And women got to fuck around with whomever they please judgment free before marriage. So uh, so in Thraces, you know, I guess I guess it paid to be a wild and fun love and gal, you know, as opposed to a dedicated wife, Hail, Hail Lucina. Women, number four, excuse me, number four women were also glad

he was for many years fighting and sometimes dying in the arena. When is that movie getting made, you know, a real movie, not an adult film? And number five, new info. If you haven't seen the Spartacus series originally released on the Star's network, you're missing out. I remember when this thing came out back in 2010, it was my favorite show for a while. Ran from 2010 to 2013, there was a brief hiatus

unfortunately after the first season because the dude playing Spartacus, the poor guy died of cancer, terrible. And then they continued on the show and they did do a good job, continuing with the new lead. And the show features so much nudity, so much really hot nudity.

I'm just gonna say that. And not just female nudity. You know, I know some shows can slant that way. Lady suckers, lot of dick, lot of cock and balls out on display in the old star's network programming. Surprise, surprising amount. And amount, Queen to suck, Lindsay does not enjoy that on the screen.

And I keep, I'm like, I don't care. I'm like, I don't care. You're not gonna offend me. Look, some guys dick pops and it really doesn't bother me. If you're like, oh not enjoy that on screen. And I keep, I'm like, I don't care. I'm like, I don't care. You're not gonna offend me. Look, some guys did pop something. It really doesn't bother me. If you're like, okay, all right. Like I don't, I'm not, whatever. I'm not threatened by that stuff.

It doesn't, I don't care. But she get, it's funny for me. I kind of wanted to have it on screen because she doesn't enjoy visual cock on screen. And it, and so the show's too much for her. She's like, God dang, all right, I get it. But also features a lot of gladatorio combat, very compelling television, I think good storyline,

solid characters. Characters based on real historical figures, like Crixis, Spartakis are all in there. You know, great time period Roman programming for those who aren't prudish and don't mind near-constant nudity. And it tells the tale we told here today, in vivid fashion. And I would say it is rated four out of five,

Lucifinas. Time suck, tough, five take away. All right, another file, marked complete check, thrown into the suck cabinet. Thank you, Bojangles. Be glad, so glad you don't have to fight the powers of Rome for your freedom. Be glad you're not thrown into a gladiator pit

Against rhinos tigers like an elephant with a spear People really good at fighting or you know or even a large army of you know armored squirrels Big thanks to the time suck team once again the high priestess of the suck harmony velocamp Jesse Doughbner the paladin of punctuation I don't know if he wants that nickname to stick or not. Please think about it. Reverend Dr. Joe Paisley, thanks to you also to the time suck high priest Alex Dugan, customer care specialist, the Bidelix or team danger brain, Merch Maestro Eric Radiker, Queen of the Suck Lindsey Cummins, OG Bangle, OG Bangle's, OG Bojangles research department intern Sarah and Rebecca Reba Lilly, who kicked off this episode.

The Lilly twins, the Roman hammers of knowledge. I love that two young ladies kicked off this testosterone, laden journey we took today. If you have any problem suggestions, et cetera, for now, please email the show at Bojangles at timeswarkpodcast.com. We do have some other emails. We're going to get a fact page going on the app website. So it's easier to kind of like send you to one place that then you can see where to go For like you know merge problems or or app problems for now kind of bow jangles. We can kind of reroute it from there We're doing our best to grow and keep up with you guys spreading the suck Which has been a wild ride and it's the best career ride in my life. Love it

You want to meet some fellow and thank you for the reviews by the way you keep putting everywhere I there was a place called I want to say podcast addict Some podcast app that I don't use I looked there was a whole bunch of reviews on there as well I didn't even know about it. So thanks for doing that And if you want to meet some fellow time suckers man join that private Facebook group while we continue to beta test We're doing that right now You know, it's it's taken long Hello time suckers man, join that private Facebook group while we continue to beta test. We're doing that right now. You know, it's taken long,

I always think things should take like two days that can take months, just in general in life. Lindsay is constantly thinking that I'm terrible habit of being like, oh yeah, no, we can do that. Let's do this, let's do ding ding ding ding ding ding and that, and this other thing tomorrow. And she's like, that's fucking, that's three days worth of stuff you idiot.

Anyway, working on it, working on the message board, lots of other features. That time, so private Facebook, link is in the episode description. Monday, we suck on the assassination of Lincoln, of Lincoln, Tinkin time, a very lesser known historical figure who was assassinated by a slink shot in 1711. He was the president of a chess club. No, that'd be fucking terrible, upset.

Talking to my president Lincoln, who was John Wilkes Booth? Why did he do it? Who helped him? How close did he come to getting away with it? The assassination of President Lincoln, huge moment in American history, and we're gonna suck it Monday.

You know, of course we're gonna give some context, give a little peek into honest Abe's life. The times he lived in, of course. It's one of the most infamous moments Uh, right infamous we learn the origin that word an American political history. It's fascinating We're gonna suck these shit out of it sucking the shit out of it And now we're gonna suck on you in your time sucker updates Time sucker David Vandergriff starts to solve with some positivity. Hail Nimra!

Let's me know that there is a lot of quality care being doled out in regards to the intellectual disabled, what we touched on in the penthurst sucked this past week. Says, uh, hello, suck master. My name is David and for the last 10 years I have worked in some capacity for the DIDD, the Department of Intellectual and Developmental Disabilities. Just finishing, just finished listening to the Penthurst episode. I thought you handled the subject matter well,

overall gave a good look at some of the issues that were instill our problem in regard to people with intellectual and developmental disabilities. However, specifically when talking about the improvements made in modern day care, I feel like you had an overwhelmingly negative opinion of how individuals are cared for today and I'll try To be too long-winded and thank you for sending this in Dave. This is great. It says currently I work for an agency in Tennessee. There are a nonprofit one of the best I've seen. I worked for a few different agencies in the last decade. I see firsthand the love and support and time that is put into caring for these people.

Currently I am a behavioral specialist with a focus on community integration throughout my career in the field. I've always been a hands-on caregiver in some way. I'm happy to say that my current agency, I can say with confidence, puts the health and happiness of the individuals before anything else truly focuses on a person centered life. Sadly though that is not always the case. I have worked for a four-profit agency in the past, and that was where things got swept under the rug, or maybe a course of action was taken that was not entirely right for specific individuals in

the interest of the situation being more profitable. However, I don't think that's the norm. The stories you read about from 2016 will obviously horrific and unacceptable overall, small percentage of the population. I'd like to think that type of thing isn't as common as it seems. I think the negative is much more heavily publicized and the positive. I guess that's the case with everything you see on any kind of media outlet. The individuals cared for in my current agency generally live very happy lives. Those who are able and wish to be employed usually are. Even the ones who don't have interest in working still have plenty of spendable income and are taken out to eat often, to

shop and grocery stores and malls taking to the movies and attend several community events each month as well as larger regional events like the Special Olympics and prom of the stars. If you haven't looked into prom of the stars, you should pretty amazing. It's also been my experience of interaction with people within the community, even those that don't work in this field is overwhelmingly positive, a far cry from even when I was growing up. One major problem though, this line of work is that there are no real prerequisites or training for an entry level position, so you often do get dirt bags who focus less on

client care and think of it as an easy paycheck. If you're doing the job right, I can assure you that it's not. I've always said that you meet the best and worst kinds of people doing this type of work. Usually though, the dirt bags don't stick around long thank goodness. Anyway, sorry for the long email. Just wanted to write and tell you that at least in some places

those folks are being taken care of. They are happy, healthy and loved. I'm certainly not disputing that we can do better as a society. There are still plenty of instances where things that shouldn't be happening are happening. There are definitely some pieces of shit out there, but overall, I think there is a surprising amount of light in the world.

If you're actually still reading this at this point, then thank you for taking the time. Thank you for sending it in. I love the podcast. Keep on sucking, David. Well, thank you, David. Man, that was, that is nice, man. And yeah, sometimes I go down these dark rabbit holes and it definitely skews me a little bit towards seeking out dark information.

I get kind of, you know, I get a little unintentionally focused in that direction. So that was refreshing for you to send that in and that's great to hear. Also update regarding how I tricked Time Sucker Jesse Bogart in last week's Penhars suck. You wrote it insane. Dear Sucker of all things, fast name,

vile, disgusting, and morbidly entertaining my life. You fucking got me. I've been a stand up fan for years. Found you on PanDore had no idea about time suck until you did BurtCast. I'm almost completely caught up. I don't miss a single new release. I pride myself.

I never falling for your insanity. I was listening to the PanHarse episode alone on my truck, hypothesizing about the higher quality of care, uh, uh, had PanHarse charge viewing tickets like to zoo is being compared to. Then you dropped Baldini exposing himself to children on me. I sat on my truck, John the floor. When you came back with the Baldini's weeny bit, I almost had to pull over. I was laughing so hard at my gullibility.

Keep up the good work, sir, suck it to loyal servant of Lucifer and Jesse Bogart. Thank you, Jesse. I know you guys, oh, man, it makes me so happy, which probably says something horrible about me when I trick you guys. It just, it makes me like, do the thing when you're so happy. I don't know if you do this, but you you can step and put your hands together like a little like, you're so happy inside. This next one, this, I really made me, and it is nice to have a good laugh at a very dark subject.

This is sending from Andrew DePuy. I helped create one of the most embarrassing moments in his life last week. This would embarrass me so much too. Thanks to the toy box killer Suck. Andrew wrote in saying, dear Lord, master Sucket, I'm a loyal military space lizard station here at JBR Alaska, and thank you for your service, and thank you for being a space man so much on both

Uh And Andrew says Was listening to the toy box killer episode on the way to the liquor store While my phone was in my pocket and while I was holding two six packs and two bottles of wine The episode decided to start playing me and other patrons suddenly hear from my pocket at full blast Hey there bitch are you comfortable right now? I doubt it. Riss and ankles chained gagged Jesus Christ too far from the counter to do anything we all just listened Probably one of the most embarrassing moments of my adult life to date

Thanks so much for reading hope you share my story with the rest of the community. Oh, I had to. Love you, I keep on sucking. I love you, Andrew. Man, that is fucking hilarious. I would just imagine, because I don't, how do you talk your way out of that? I guess you might have to write in again,

and let us know, man, like what happened after that? Because your hands are full. Just the most, it's not like a song. Doesn't sound like a news catch. Just, hey, they're bitchy, you can't do it. Just the most it's not like a song doesn't sound like a news catch just either bitch you Jesus This is crazy Horrible sadistic domination fantasy starts playing out of your phone and then

Like do you just do you just like and that's it's a podcast? But no, it's not it's not like a that kind. It's like a comedy history Like I bet a part of you want to just drop everything and just run and then just never go back there ever again. Okay, and now another, that was the toy box color. Now we have an old, this is from BTK, an update that Reverend Dr. Joe Paisley. He sent me, he was helping out with some Instagram messages,

doing some checks, and check out what he found. I want to share this, oh my gosh, here we go. I'm pulling it up. It was just too hard to transcribe this morning. So okay. So, Kaden Roberts wrote in, this is a BTK update about how an encounter he had So, Caden Roberts wrote in, this is a BTK update about how an encounter he had saying, hey, just wanted to say I'm a huge fan, just found your podcast, Cutweek Kosans, I've deployed. Thank you again for your service, Caden. We get a lot of downtime and you help suck the time. Just listen to your podcast about BTK and I'm from Wichita.

First off, the loony bin is a total shit hole. That's a reference to me talking about that County Club. But my family actually knew Dennis. He was the animal control officer in the city. We lived in Park City and another total shit hole. So they did about a mile from us. Remember we were talking about that in that episode? I remember multiple times him coming to our house

when it was just myself as a little kid, my sister and my mom at home to bring us cat traps and other things of his trade. I remember going to the church he was president of for some kids camp, he actually had pictures of a woman he tied up on the huge cross in the church after he had killed her, Jesus Christ. I wanna know like what kind of,

how did you bring up those pictures? I mean, I'm sure they weren't pictures of her dead, but like why did he have, why was he showing those pictures? And the last time we ever saw him was the day he killed our dogs, this is so messed up, who was on a leash in the front yard and would go crazy every time he saw him dry by one day den is hopped out of his truck and killed him because he felt threatened by his breed he was a husky wolf mix

when my dad came home and found out he confronted Dennis got the cops called on him swarif he saw him again he'd kill him uh... so i'm pulling up just the the way here. Uh, yeah, and kill him. Now I wish he would have gotten rid of that piece of shit, but all we, but anyways, keep the shows coming. You keep me going through my miserable life. Oh, no, man. God, I don't want to hear it miserable. Um, hopefully it's better today. Get to hear this message. Hail Nimrod. Yes. Thanks, kid. Hudges, fucking terrifying, man. Wow. Um, I bet your dad did want to kill him.

That is nuts that you had those kind of encounters with Dennis Rayman with the BTK. Okay, it's weird. I think those things kind of like we know we read about these people and you just think that you're never gonna encounter them in your own life, but it's like they encounter tons of people through work, through social events, just their lives, touched lots of lives.

And how weird is that? You're having family interaction with this dude who uh when he wasn't you know putting down people's dogs god damn bambu jangles wants to fucking rip his dick off right now uh you know he was uh it was uh torture and people killing people man and uh and finally uh looks like i got a got a lot of you uh time suckers to fall for another one of my penhurst lies the land the land crab light about the little and crabs that were you know all over the area with the bill panhurst and they had little helicopter tentacles and could fly for sure to exist

uh... timesucker mike kivill uh... wrote in saying hey dan thought uh... thought you may like to know that i just finished googling uh... land craps uh... love it love you did that mike and then can And then Kent Royes wrote in saying, got the M. Dan Sir Reverend Dr. Dan Cumban's S. Quarrel the fourth legable jangles, you finally fucking got me landcrab. Why? Why would even for a second knowing you would I think that was the thing? You said it and I thought, hmm,

landcrab, what the hell is landcrab? You went on about him, making nests and being a general pest in the area and I opened up my browser on my phone, ready to Google that shit, then you said the thing about him flying and I realized I'd been ahead. Had 96 episodes and you finally fucking got me. Usually when you do one of those, I can tell you're just fucking around but this time it really took me a minute. Love the suck, praise Lucifer, and keep it up.

Side note, I live right next to that Dan Cummins car dealership in Paris, Kentucky, that has your Twitter handle. I sit on the back of cars and passing by a laugh every time. Because whenever I try and spread the suck, I inevitably get the question, the car dealership? Yes, I know of that car dealership. Can't, God dang it. That car, man, there's a reason I have subject up, you know, Twitter handle called D underscore commons.

So I have to add comedy to the end of my name on my mother handles. I've been through elections in Paris and I've heard you get your sales Paris for a day and coming in deal. Are they still pumping out that shitty jingle? Ah, man, well thanks for sending that in. Thanks for all of the messages.

You beautiful meat sacks. You are the best. Thanks, time suckers. I need a net. We all did. That's all for this week unless you are a space lizard, then I will talk to you on Thursday. Try not to find yourself in a pit this week surrounded by screaming fans, urging you to attack some dude with a net and a trident or a wild boar,

anything. I guess there are land crabs. I got to add that just before I close out the show here in India or someplace. I gotta message that there is a type of crab that actually can't live on land. They just, you know, they don't have helicopter tentacles and keep on sucking.

Oh, my God.