Timesuck with Dan Cummins - BONUS 2 - Alien Extravaganza! Roswell, Area 51, UFOs and more!

Episode Date: February 10, 2017

When did humans first claim to be contacted by extraterrestrials? What really happened at Roswell? What is going on at Area 51? Why do aliens want to stick things in our butts? Is it all made up!?! Take a listen to a thoroughly researched (and very sarcastic) investigation into whether or not we've made contact with outer space.

UFOs, aliens, are they real? I think so. Have we made contact with them? I don't know. I'm going to go with an optimistic maybe. Maybe even a highly likely on that one. Aliens fascinate me in an entirely different way than anything else in the paranormal or cryptozoological spectrum.

I have a much easier time believing in aliens than in Sasquatch for example, because we've been to virtually every place on Earth now many times over. Google Earth has photographed and is re-photographing every inch of the terrain of our planet from satellites. Unless, of course, you're a flat Earth believer and you think that Google just, you know, spend a lot of time photoshopping pictures to cover up all that nasty conspiracy stuff. But seriously, if Sasquatch is real, you know, we haven't found him yet, it's the very least. And you think we would have.

You think we'd have more than some old fuzzy film by now. But space, we really truly do not know what's out there. No one does. And if it's infinite in size, like some people much more intelligent than myself, speculator, or at least bigger than we can currently wrap our minds around, I think the odds are good that there is some kind of life out there in the universe other than our own. I mean, apparently there are at least a septillion planets,

which I didn't even know as a number until doing this episode, a septillion that's 10 to the 24th power, a one followed by 24 zeros. In layman's terms, it's a preposterous shit ton of planets millions of shit tons to be more precise Another article article I read said that astronomers estimate that there are a hundred billion earth-like habitable planets in the Milky Way galaxy alone and fifty six trillion habitable planets in the universe Obviously these numbers are rough estimates because we can't fly around and properly count them all. But the point is, a lot of possibilities for life.

I think it's pretty arrogant to assume hours is the only planet inhabited by sentient beings. I also think it's arrogant to assume that we would be the most technologically advanced out of all the species in the universe. Just because we can't bounce around other planets yet, Elon Musk is working on that shit. That doesn't mean that other planets don't have creatures that can do that already,

or have been able to do that for a long time. However, just because I think odds are, there is a lot of other life out there in the universe. I also don't necessarily believe they've contacted us. You know, maybe they do know about us. Maybe they don't give a shit. Maybe they've spied on us from afar and just like, nah, they seem a little paranoid, a little hostile.

Let's let them evolve a little bit more. Then we'll come visit, try and be friends. Or maybe, you know, they don't know about us. Maybe they just don't know yet. We don't know. All I know for sure is that they haven't contacted me personally. I don't think. Shit, I mean, maybe they haven't, they raised my memory.

I don't know. I don't know. I barely begun this episode maybe they haven't they raised my memory. I don't know. I don't know. I barely begun this episode. My head's already in a weird spot. Perfect for this episode. It's time to go interstellar. Time to go extra terrestrial, little Area 51, Roswell. Strap in for a giant episode today.

A brief history of UFO sightings, tales of abduction, even a little anal probing explanation on this all alien big time bonus edition of TimeSuck. Hello TimeSuckers, hello to all of you BDMs who have joined the show. You know who you are. And I thank you for coming along with us. Getting to some bonus suck. It's this week, little extra suck to take you over into the weekend. Mm-hmm. Yep, getting some serious suck on right now. For those of you who don't know, this episode is a thank you. All those for the show reaching 200 reviews on iTunes. Actually got about 225 right now, I think,

which is blown away by those of you who have been doing this, doing a lot of them. Got about 30 in the past week, I think, somewhere around 30, 40. So apparently I need to start working on the next Friday bonus episode now. Those reviews help, you know, they do. So do you help, you know, you tell others about the show,

that helps push the show into the top 200 most downloaded comedy podcast on iTunes. We just crack the top 50. I'm so thankful that just brings more awareness to the show and the more people listen, the closer I get to exploring, you know, some type of sponsorship. I'll find the right, you know,

right one, it's not gonna be fucking Walmart. I'll tell you that. But then I can buy some equipment, you know, some new stuff, retool the website, maybe you can you that. But then I can buy some equipment, some new stuff, retool the website, maybe you can get to a place where I can hire some help, crank out more better episodes, and you make all of that possible, and I thank you. Right now it's just fun to dream about where this could lead.

I have big dreams, man, to create a fun, safe little world for the curious, for us to all kind of log in and gather and share ideas, and I think we're going to get there. But this week isn't about my dreams. It's about the dream of contact with another world. Aliens. Thanks to Brandon Hotman and Josh DeCruz, hit me up on Twitter at D underscore comens.

Thanks to Carol and the Timesuckpodcast.com message board. And Thomas Royl emailing me at admin at Timesuckpodcast.com. My cousin Matt and Wyoming sent me some alien info. I'm sure several others I am forgetting at the moment. I hope this episode shapes up into something that you were hoping for. So let's start back to the beginning. When did humans start talking about aliens?

Well, research on this is tricky because when you start Googling, shit about aliens, you end up in a lot of nonsensical websites so many like educating humanity.com That one sounded like legit at first to me and then I started researching their claims such as 45 Thousand-year-old rock carvings about UFOs in China and that info When I try to double check it which I usually do on this kind of stuff If not triple check it it only shows up on other lunatics websites. Websites like crystal links.com, undoubtedly ran by somebody who owns a lot of tie-dye t-shirts and rakes it patchouly. Honestly, if the world word crystal

is in your website, you've clearly pushed the eject button and jumped off the intellectual mothership long time ago. You are firmly entrenched in the strained and dangerous world of pseudoscience. The most legitimate source I could find for the history of UFOs and extraterrestrial science was Time Magazine. All right, I've heard of them familiar, seem fairly legit. I don't think you're going to do much better than time

when it comes to this particular subject. And according to time, the earliest UFO sightings and recorded history come from a fourth century China. When some Chinese texts claimed that a moon boat hovered over China every 12 years. Sounds totally legit. The old 12-year moon boat situation. Other enthusiasts cite the biblical book of Ezekiel, in which a curious vessel dropped from the sky landed in Taudia, chapter one of the book of Ezekiel, in which a curious vessel dropped from the sky, landed in Chaudaire, chapter one of the book of Ezekiel recounts a vision in which Ezekiel sees, quote, an immense cloud, and quote, that contains fire in a mits lightning and brilliant light. It continues, quote, the center of the fire looked like glowing metal, and in the fire was

what looked like four living creatures. And quote, these creatures are described as winged and humanoid, They spread back and forth and like like flashes of lightning, you know, fire moved back and forth around the creatures. This is all like modern day Kuwait. Huh, winged in humanoid. Sounds remarkably like an angel. It also sounds like whoever made that sighting, maybe stumbled onto some opium poppy field or some serious hashish or something.

So like a good high. A wave of sightings occurred near Rome in the winter of 218 BC during the Second Punic War, quote, a spectacle of ships gleamed in the sky. And again, in Germany in 1561, when there was a mass sighted of bright unexplained light seen in the skies above Nuremberg. And that's about as good as it gets.

There's no story of a ship landing, no story of creatures walking out, trying to communicate with us, no tale of Caesar, sharing some wine, with some creature from another world, nothing like that. However, some believe that if you go back far enough, we did make contact and have even worked with aliens. And I'm not even talking about the lizard illuminati right now. That's another group of people who also believe that there was an early contact with space lizards. Fucking love saying space lizard. Now, I'm talking about the ancient astronaut theory, which you probably most you have heard of. There's a show called Ancient Aliens on the History Channel.

One of those places I get sucked into, just because it's so ridiculous. And there's this dude on there, this is a George O. A. Suklos. He's the fucking guy with a crazy hair. You know him, he's like, on most, he's the most popular alien meme. You know, he has his eyes get real big. And he just, he looks, yeah, he looks exactly like the kind of person he would think is way into UFOs.

Like, I like, on the old X-Files, you know, there was the lone gunman, if you ever watched that show, there was those three dudes who molder would kind of talk to it And even for molder, you know, who was into UFOs, even those guys were a little like farther off the path And he was he he would be like the guy the lone gunman talked to when they needed some extra alien stuff like where even they would be like Yeah, he's a little fucking out there, but you know, we'll see what George was to say And his hair his hair just keeps keeps getting bigger and crazier.

He gets a little more hairspray. I feel like based on hair alone, he could be a member of Trump's cabinet. Yeah, the king of alien memes. Anyway, George O'Hasey and the other astronaut theory proponents, they believe that intelligent extraterrestrial beings visited Earth and made contact with us humans back in antiquity and actually influenced the development of human civilization and even religion.

Basically, these ancient aliens are kind of like the mother culture that all various human cultures have developed from. You know, the Q document, the source code. And early miracles and instances of God and divine beings were actually not divine according to the theory. They were aliens who early humans viewed as gods. And to prove this theory, ancient astronauts believers point to ancient civilizations achieving things that they don't think were possible

without outside help, like the pyramids. How did ancient people stack, you know, 2,300,000 limestone and granite blocks weighed about two and a half tons each into the great pyramid of Giza way back in 2580 BC, over 4500 years ago. I mean, that does boggle the mind. Well, you do a little digging. Might come across the blog of an Egyptologist, Margaret Matland. She's a senior curator of Egypt

and the ancient Mediterranean at the National Museum of Scotland in Edinburgh. And at eloquentpeasant.com, her website, she says that, quote, they had a certain expertise, and she's referring to the Egyptians here. They had a certain expertise in and she's referring to the Egyptians here. They had a certain expertise in stone working that we lack today. By the time of the pyramids, a core of craftsmen had been developing their quarrying and building skills since the early,

dynastic period. We have evidence to support the Egyptians' responsibility for all the construction stages of the pyramids. And then she points to old, smaller, less sophisticated pyramids, pyramids before Giza, before the Great Pyramid, some of which were abandoned halfway through construction, because they just kind of fucked them up.

They weren't going the right way. I mean, basically, she believes they were learning from trial and error, like any craftsman have to do when they're forming a new craft. So she points to local limestone quarries for material and a massive slave labor force to dig all this shit up and quarry it with the ancient tools that they totally could have done. And you know, she methodically breaks down how it was very possible for the pyramids to be built with ancient Egyptian technology.

But the fucking ancient astronauts, they don't want to hear that. They ain't hearing that shit. Nope, they like to point to the hieroglyphics speaking aliens, that look like other ancient petroglyphs in Australia and in the Americas, Samarion tablets, art, that seems to depict non-human, humanoid figures. They think that these people are all seeing the same aliens,

as opposed to just being shitty drawers with rudimentary art skills. They like to point to the impressive ancient stonework of Stonehenge, the Moai, those big stone heads of Eastern Ireland, the ancient Nazca lines of Peru. You probably see those are, that's like the hundreds of these huge ground drawings

etched into the high desert of southern Peru. I mean, they are impressive. This figure's up to 1,200 feet long of animals and humanoids. They can only properly be seen from the sky. Like, how do they figure out how to do that back in 500 BC? When you'd have to hike over the nearby foothills, you know, to even see a rough glimpse of kind of what you'd drawn? Well, here's the deal. I don't know. Here's what I feel about the ancient astronaut theory. Hear me out on this. If people from another planet or solar system or even galaxy

flew to Earth a couple thousand years ago and helped us build stuff. Why was it just stone fucking monuments and stuff and stuff of that ilk? Seriously, think about that. Let me get this straight. Some incredibly advanced civilization with spaceships that allow them to travel between worlds, gets here and they're like, all right everybody, let's go do some cool shit with those rocks. That's what we're in do. If you haven't heard, now you heard. Aliens love rocks. I mean, I fuck a love rocks. What?

No. Why couldn't they have helped ancient people out with some electricity or running water? You know, maybe some laser guns or at least a toaster oven. No one is flying across the galaxy to help people draw giant goddamn cat on some plateau and Peru. That is idiotic. How is that helping? What is the point of that?

You want to help? How about giving some fucking antibiotics, or at least point in the direction of making some antibacterial soap, so they stop dying as much? You're not flying to Earth in a spaceship, made up of precisely cut-lined stone blocks. You're not flying in a spaceship of a stone pyramid or of a cat drawing. No, you have an engine.

You have extremely advanced technology. Share some of that. But no, no, no, no, no, they just came for a little rock work, you know, got a big old space boner to go carve. Some of those stone heads on Eastern Island. Let us wait a few thousand years to even invent a biplane as you zip off in your fucking spacecraft. That's bullshit. Get out of here, Georgia. Spanless time on buying

hairspray and more time working on a theory that's a little more plausible. Well, not being said I do love ancient aliens and I find it very entertaining and if you know you're a producer of that show or a history channel exec and you happen to be listening, please find my agent. I would love to come on your show and talk about your stuff. Like that'll ever happen now. Okay, so now let's get into the modern UFO sightings. Let's get into the flying saucer, find out where that term even come from.

Okay, so there's this old Asian alien, blah, blah, blah, all this fucking nonsensical things. But let's get to 20th century, 1947. This is the first modern American UFO sighting that led to like Roswell and Area 51 and all that kind of stuff. The first of the flying saucer spaceship situation. So 1947 amateur pilot Kenneth Arnold claimed he saw nine crescent shaped objects in the sky while flying your Mount Rainier in Washington in the first widely publicized American UFO society.

Now this Arnold evoked images of saucers skipping on water to describe how they flew through the air. And that was his quote, quote, saucers, saucers, skipping on water. End quote, but a local newspaper misquoted him. And the term flying saucer was born. How lame is that, man? It came from a misquote. I was hoping for a much cooler explanation. And how funny is it that after this misquote, people started seeing actual saucers. The power of suggestion, man. I should do a time suck on that psychological phenomenon.

Well, Kenneth claimed to see a group of nine high-speed objects traveling at a speed of several thousand miles per hour. The US Air Force investigated officially listed what he described as a mirage. But Arnold stuck to the story and he ended up becoming a minor celebrity in paranormal circles until his death in 1984 at age 68. Well, after Arnold's sighting sits the papers, numerous other similar sightings began being reported all over the country in 1947. Again, funny how that works, right? So mass hysteria.

Suddenly UFOs are being spotted by Kansas City Carpenter, he saw nine discs, a pilot in Oklahoma City, he sees nine discs, UFOs man, they love flying in packs of nine almost as much as they love playing with rocks. Those are two things I know about UFOs now. They like number nine and they're like rocks. Well, that same year, 1947, a rancher stumbled upon a 200 yard long swath

of rubber strips, tinfoil wood sticks, and scotch tape in Roswell, New Mexico, and decides to haul the wreckage to a nearby army airfield where an excited officer issues of press release claiming to fly in disk had been recovered. Roswell, baby, the legend is born. We're gonna go deep on that side, just a little bit. For now let's move on to some others. Archie Eden of when Nachy Washington,

he reports seen a disc not only flying across the washed and night sky in 1947 but exploding. Once it reached about 200 feet off the ground in a blinding light. I like how Archie up the ante on that story, man. Maybe he figured seeing another disc wasn't enough to get him in the paper, so he had a little explosion to that story. And you know, Archi talked about that for the rest of his life. And when Archi, just anyone who would listen to him, probably, he's probably a fixture at some local

when Archi water and hole, some of the hole in the wall bar, you know, new guy comes in, and the local's like, hey, what you, what you go over and ask Archi about his explode in UFO? Then I'll look across the bar, some wild-eyed old man drinking alone, hunchie. About his explode in UFO. They don't look across the bar, some wild-iled man drinking alone,

hunched over his cheap pilsner. You know, I saw what I saw. God damn it. Great white blinding light. Oh, Archie, you and your stories. And there were numerous other reports flowing into local papers around the country. UFOs and flying saucers, they're now a thing.

If they would have had social media back then, UFOs would have been trending like a motherfucker. Well, the government steps in because of all this. All these sightings, all this public clamor and uproar gets attention in the US government and they form project sign in December of 1948, which was the first US government study of UFOs carried out by the US Air Force.

It was the first study overall, but I want to clarify how I said that. It was the first study and it was carried out by the Air Force. At Air Force. It was the first study overall, but I want to clarify how I said that. It was the first study and it was carried out by the Air Force. At least officially, it was officially the first time. I was gonna add that, a little caveat for you conspiracy theorists out there. I was gonna add the term officially that we know of.

Apparently this project was also monitored by the CIA, CIA. I think I said CIA, that'd be hilarious. Apparently creative artists, the agency, was monitoring this, they wanted to know if they could, you know, get some fucking endorsements for some clients that were paranormal enthusiasts. No, the CIA monitors this. And at first, the Air Force, CIA, and even White House,

they're doing this because they're actually afraid. You know, they were scared, the Russians had come up and the Cold War is about to get moving after World War II. They were worried about Stalin, what the fuck is he up to over there? You know, they're thinking that the Russians had come up with some new scary weapon and pretty soon would all be communist, eatin' borscht and stale bread, workin' in dirty, communist factories, well, after Little Diggin,

the Air Force soon concluded that the UFOs were real, but easily explained, not extraordinary. The Air Force report found that the UFOs were real but easily explained, not extraordinary. The Air Force report found that almost all of the sightings stem from one or more of three causes. I think these could apply today. One, mass hysteria and hallucination, two, hoax, three, misinterpretation of known objects. I like it. Nevertheless, the report recommended continued military intelligence control over the investigation

of all sightings did not rule out the possibility of extraterrestrial phenomena. Well, Projects Science is terminated by the end of January 1949, but then Project Grudge is immediately launched in February 1949. For this reason, some of science personnel, including director Robert Snyder, favored the extraterrestrial hypothesis as the best explanation for UFO reports. I kind of left that window open. Of course he did. Man, a new life form, that's way sexier than just some dude being full of shit. Then fucking, what's his name?

And when Archie, that's way better, you know? But you know, a lot of people in the government were not big on that. And so he was taken off of that operation and it was terminated. So then Project Grudge started and ran by Air Force Captain Edward J. Ruppelt, who favored a less exciting, you know, more scientific approach

to evaluating these phenomena. He tried to alleviate public anxiety over UFOs, via this public relations campaign designed to persuade the public that UFOs constituted nothing unusual or extraordinary. UFO sightings were explained as balloons, conventional aircraft, planets, meteors, optical illusions, solar reflections, large hailstones, etc., etc. Grudge officials found no evidence in UFO sightings of advanced foreign weapons design or development and concluded that UFOs did not threaten you a security. They recommended that the project be reduced in scope because the very existence of Air Force official interest encouraged people to believe in UFOs.

Totally agree with that. And it contributed to this war hysteria atmosphere. And so on you know, on December 27th, 1949, that project is also shut down. And then, there was no official, at least that we know of UFO investigation for a couple years, but then a new project it launched in 1952. The Cold War, Cold War is now in full effect. Sightings are still being reported nationwide.

And globally, President Truman is nervous that those fucking Ruskies might be behind these sidings. You know, Stalin and his evil communist trickery, making some kind of high-speed flying death machines that run on potato vodka and cold-hearted hatred of freedom. Oh, Stalin, what kind of deal have you made with those Martians? And so the big UFO, we are not fucking around anymore,

Project, Project Blue Book, has launched. I was really hoping for a cooler name, by the way, for that, after Project Sign, and then Project Grudge, like Signs kind of like, yeah, but then Project Grudge, that, you know, that upcyante. And then I was hoping for this one to be like, you know, Project Victory, or Project Death, maybe Project Do Not Fuck With America, you caught me into some or project death. Maybe a project, do not fuck with America.

You come into some other fuckers. That would have been good. That would have been a strong project name, but probably too aggressive. Project Blue Book is supposedly just named after the color of questionnaire booklets given to those who claim they saw UFO. All right, it's practical.

So the aim of Project Blue Book now is to one, determine a few of those, our threats to national security and two, scientifically analyze UFO related data. Alright, so now the CIA, which had monitored both Project Sign and Project Grudge before Project Blue Book is again brought in, this time in a somewhat more formal capacity and they formed the Robertson Panel in 1953. Now the Robertson Panel headed by mathematician and physicist Howard Robertson, who was a mathematical

physics professor at the California Institute of Technology and Princeton and frequent White House military advisor regarding advanced weapons systems, basically a dude who understood advanced technology really, really good and shit than me do. Well, Robertson and the rest of his team of literal geniuses oversaw the findings of Project Blue Book just to make sure the Air Force didn't miss something. And according to the panel, the Air Force didn't miss anything. On December 17th, 1969, the project has shut down, concluding no UFO reported, investigated, and evaluated by the Air Force

was ever an indication of threat to our national security. There was no evidence submitted to, or discovered by the Air Force, that sightings categorized as quote, unidentified, represented technological developments or principles beyond the range of modern scientific knowledge. There was no evidence indicating that Scydeans categorized as unidentified were extraterrestrial vehicles.

That's it. Case closed, right? Eh? Well, not so fast. Check this shit out. I dug deep to find this. Christmas morning 1969 the attacks and disappearances begin. 235 people go missing overnight from Easter Island the entire fishing village of Rui Rui. 70 people are found dead in Micronesia. You fucking believe it? All the blood

drained from their bodies in the exact same way. 5,000 cattle are found dead in my greenie. You fucking believe it? All the blood drained from their bodies in the exact same way. 5,000 cattle are found mutilated in eastern Texas in the exact same way. 15,000 go missing from Owanda the next year. 5,000 go missing from British Columbia. 30,000. 30,000 people go missing from rural, western Australia. Now, take a moment and be honest with yourself.

How long after I mentioned attacks and disappearances, did it take you to realize I was completely full of shit about all that? Hm? Was it after the Texas cattle? Was that the part that didn't feel right? Or were you still kind of in when I finally got to 30,000 people going missing from Australia?

If even Australia didn't throw you off, if after a show you were like, holy shit, I knew it. Well, you need to calm the fuck down about aliens, all right? I need to listen to this podcast a little more and you need to watch X-Files, Reruns, and Ancient Aliens a little bit less. No, since 1969, the government has not funded any UFO research.

Nothing's happened, but at the very least not officially. Now, if you want to believe that shit's still going on at Area 51, that's fine. It makes life more fun, all right? More on Area 51 later, by the way, a lot more. You're going to really get into that. Okay. So before shutting down, apparently from 1947 to 1969, a total of 12,618 sightings were reported to Project Sign, Grudge, and Blue Book. Of these, 701 remain unidentified to this day. Bet you alien fans love that, don't you? 700 and one opportunities, in just the years between 47 and 69, still believe to quote agent Malder from the ex files, that the truth is out there. I just liked it during the administrations of Truman, Eisenhower, JFK,

and Lyndon B. Johnson. The leader of the free world was occasionally briefed on UFOs. You know, just what? Well, let's have it. How's Blue Book progressing? Anything we can explain? Yes, Mr. President, there were a few flashing lights this week. We're having a hard time wrapping our heads around. Some on the team do think they could be extra terrestrial and origin. Most on the team believe that we were just looking at fireflies through some shitty binoculars after too many mint jules.

Huh? OK. Well, can continue carry on with that to get to the bottom of that. And what about the space fortress spotted over East Germany? Well, Mr. President, it seems that the term space fortress may have been a a tad dramatic, a spy close to the situation on the ground believes what was

seen was actually a shiny kite, that a quote shiny kite. Some kid didn't hold on tight enough and in all fairness to the tens of thousands of dollars spent investigating this situation, it was a very shiny kite. Ah, that figure's God damn comic kids with a soft non-capitalistic hands. Trying to hold onto their poorly manufactured kites. Thank you for this brief and landing. Now leave me be. I'm late for a crypto-zoology meeting. I hear we're finally zeroing in on that elusive chubacobra.

I don't know. They really were nervous about UFOs for a while. Mountain reports of UFOs over Eastern Europe and Afghanistan prompted concern that the Soviets were making rapid progress in that area. CIA officials knew that the British and Canadians were already experimenting with flying saucers as some kind. Clearly not super successful experiments since we still don't have them today. Project Y was a Canadian British U.S. developmental operation to produce a

non-conventional flying saucer-type aircraft. An agency official feared the Soviets were testing similar devices. Adding to the concern, was a flying saucer siding by U.S. Senator Richard Russell from Georgia and his party while traveling on a train in U.S.S.R. in October 1955. After extensive interviews of Russell and his group, however, CIA officials concluded that Russell's siding did not support the theory that the Soviets had developed saucer-like or unconventional aircraft. Herbert Scobel, Jr., the assistant director of OSI, wrote that the objects observed probably

were normal jet aircraft in a steep climb. What a dumb shit if it really was a plane. I gotta just, so Senator, you're positive that you saw UFO. 100%. There's nothing else it could have been. Nothing. Definitely extra-trisky, yes. I bet my career on it.

Could it maybe have been a normal plane taking off? Yeah, okay. Well, you know, hmm, I hadn't considered a plane. Taking off, you say. Well, now that I really think on it, yes, yes, yes, that's entirely possible. Probably even. Yeah, yes, I'll grab my things.

I'll show myself out. Well, official funding may have stopped, but the sidings did not. Over the years, thousands have stepped forward to claim that they've seen or been abducted by UFOs. Among these witnesses are more than a few famous names. I love this shit. Miyuki had the Yama, wife of the current Japanese prime minister, wrote in a 2008 autobiography that one night while she was sleeping, quote,

my soul rode on a triangular shaped UFO and went to Venus. End quote. Well thankfully her soul was later returned, thank Christ. That'd be terrifying, you know, walking around on those pesk aliens had your soul tucked away, you know, maybe in the rings of Saturn stuck on some comic, stuck in Venus or some shit. US representative Dennis Kucinich from Ohio, he provided one of the oddest moments in the tumultuous 2008 presidential election when he affirmed and televised debate that in the 1980s he and actress Shirley McLean witnessed an unidentified flying object over her house. Yet to keep in mind, he told Tim Russell

that Jimmy Carter saw a UFO and also more people in this country have seen UFOs than I think approve of George Bush's presidency. Yo, zing! Now in fact, Jimmy Carter did once report seen to UFO in Georgia and pledged during his presidential campaign to declassify all government files on flying saucers. Once elected, he did not do that.

Probably because, probably because I'm guessing, he knew if he declassified all of them, these alien hundreds would be like, ah, shit, this, this is nothing. And then he just looked like an idiot for claiming he saw something that there's no official record of whatsoever. Or you can spare his nuts, listening. and then he just looked like an idiot for claiming he saw something that there's no official record of whatsoever.

Or you can spare his nuts listening. Maybe he did see some shit and we finally got those secret files He realized there was a whole thing happening. He probably got you probably got to the White House And they just you know they went down to some secret bunker 90 90 feet underneath the White House, where some illuminati alien is probably lizzard, probably space lizard. He probably was taken down into the secret space lizard bunker, where actually, let's go further than that, he probably already is a space lizard. He just said that in a moment of confusion, and then he realized, oh, shit, I can't talk about space because I'm a lizard. And they'll catch onto us. And the people will rise up against our space lizard, slizzard, ruling situation we have going.

Oh my god. OK, so here's one, my favorite. My favorite of the celebrity scientist, Tom DeLong. Blink 182, I've got to talk about him. Carol on the TimeSuck podcast.com message board. She was the one who pointed me to him, asked me to look into Tom DeLong, and so glad I did. He's the founder, former co-frontman,

guitarist for Blink 182, frontman for Angels and Airwaves. The dude is super into aliens. He believes, for instance, and this is taken from a 2016 Rolling Stone interview in the airships of 1897 conspiracy. And that's when Blimp-shaped objects were recorded across the West over three months. And Tom says, quote, they went across the country and landed in certain cities and mayors and senators met with the pilots.

It was national news. And then they completely disappeared. No one knows who they were. All right, well, you know, there was some truth to no one knowing who they were and I'll explain that. Because I examined it. I spent a couple hours on airships of 1897. There really were reports of airships floating over the skies of St. Louis, Nashville, a lot of sightings in Texas, etc. for a few months in 1897. There was also a bunch of sightings actually in the fall of 1896. California went crazy, San Francisco, Sacramento, Bakersfield, Los Angeles, which back in 1897 only had 53,000 people, hard to fathom if you've been there recently. Basically all of California were reporting these flying airship sightings as well. The East

Coast was getting some action. There was Harrisburg, Pennsylvania ever sightings on and on and on The little town of Jefferson, Iowa even reported a spaceship crashed in 1997 and the in the Jefferson B what a cute little name for a paper. Oh Jefferson B Yeah, crash you guys airship went down in a farmers field citizens went out to investigate crawled into the ship's wreckage To find a clean and tidy cockpit amid the rubble. Apparently, the little aliens had snuck out. They found no corpses.

To be also reported that in other parts of Green County, there were other crashes, and check this out. Various alien creatures were captured. This is in the fucking newspaper. I mean, that sounds intense, right? Well, keep in mind that Green County, Iowa, its population was roughly 15,000 at this time. Did some US census for you, digging on that one.

And that's for the whole county. The population of Jefferson itself was about 2,300. So we're not talking about poll surprise winning journalists. We're talking about small town cornfield motherfuckers being approached by a couple farmers who maybe drank a little too much moonshine and came up with some crazy shit, a bullshit alien society. And the society in the the 19th century were obvious bullshit. I'm

going to prove it to you. I want to prove it to you. Check this out. There was a crash story. First revealed on page five of the April 19th, 1897 edition of the Dallas Morning News. It's written by S.E. Hayden, a part-time correspondent, and this is like this story from all my research represents a lot of what these stories, how they look like. He gets into the paper, he's a part-time correspondent, and this is like this story from all my research, represents a lot of what these stories, how they look like. If he gets into the paper, he's a part-time correspondent and a full-time cotton buyer. And the title of his story is, A Windmill demolishes it. The text went on to say that, at, okay, here we go, Aurora, Wise County, Texas, April 17. About six o'clock in the morning, the early risers of Aurora were

astonished at the sudden appearance of the airship which have been sailing through the country. It was traveling to North and much nearer the Earth than ever before. Evidently some of the machinery was out of order. For it was making a speed of only 10 or 12 miles an hour and gradually settling toward the Earth. It sailed directly over the public square and when it reached North part of town collided with the tower of Judge Proctor's Windmill and went to pieces with a terrific explosion, scattering debris over several acres of ground, wrecking the Windmill and water tank and destroying the judge's flower garden.

The pilot of the ship is supposed to have been the only one bored, and while his remains are badly disfigured, enough of the original has been picked up to show that he was not an inhabitant of this world. Mr. TJ Weems, the United States Signal Service Officer at this place and an authority on astronomy, gives us his opinion that he was a native of the planet Mars. Papers found on his person, evidently the record of his travels, are written in some unknown hieroglyphics and cannot be deciphered. The ship was too badly wrecked to form any conclusion as to its construction or mode of

power. It was built of an unknown metal, resembling somewhat a mixture of aluminum and silver, and it must have weighed several tons. The town is full of people today who are viewing the wreck and gathering specimens of the strange metal from the debris. The pilot's funeral will take place at noon to All right, get the fuck out of here. What? This explosive encounter was largely forgotten until 1966. And then Dr. Alfredi Kraus, the director of the Kilgore Research Institute of West Texas,

University made a couple of visits to the crash site and used a metal detector. He found some 1932 car license plates. He found some old stove lids, a few horse bridal rings, and nothing else. There was nothing to indicate that several tons of unusual metal was lurking anywhere in the vicinity. Of course, it cares about the metal. There was never a crash. These lunatics and attention hordes made all this shit up. I know they did. You know what? Because you know what else

they had besides liars in the 1890s? Fucking good cameras. They had good cameras, all right? You mean to tell me these hillbillies found an actual alien? An alien? They think it's from Mars. Wearing a little suit? Got his fucking alien, hyperglyphic journal, all right? And of course they think he's from Mars because no one knew yet the Mars was a dusty,

unbearably cold, unenhabited pile of red shit dust yet. But you know, listen to Elon Musk time suck to learn about how fucking horrible Mars is. They find a real Martian, they take the time to hold a funeral for. They're gonna have a funeral for this guy, but they don't bother to take one goddamn photo. I don't care if you don't have a camera guy in Aurora, alright, a town of roughly 3,000 people at that time. 3,000 people who apparently didn't have a working brain amongst them, if they can't't figure out might be important to head to Dallas, find them one of those fancy camera gentlemen, and have him, I don't know, document life from another planet. But of course they don't do that because none of them saw anything.

Liars. But you know, but it's bullshit to the persist to this day. It's still the town's claim to fame 120 years later. The most important part of the Wikipedia page, you type Aurora Texas into Google and it auto fills with alien grave. But you dig a little bit and you find that you know Time Magazine interviewed Edda Bequetz, who claimed that Hayden, the reports author, the old cotton fucking salesman, had fabricated the entire story stating that she said that Hayden, quote, wrote it as a joke to bring interest to Aurora. The railroad bypassed us and the town was dying. Well there you go. All right, case closed on that one. But what about all those other airship stories Tom was talking about. Are you doing a

little quick research? You find that the blamps aka airships were in 1852. They were invented in 1852. Excuse me. By Frenchman Henry Giffard, he built the first powered airships were in 1852, they were invented in 1852. Excuse me. By Frenchman Henry Giffard, he built the first powered airship, which consisted of 143 foot long cigar-shaped gas-filled bag with propeller powered by a three-horsepower steam engine. flew from Paris to Elencourt, France, 27 kilometers. I don't know how I did that on a fucking lawnmower engine, but it did.

And this is 45 years before the 1897 sightings. I mean, it's early 1783, the Mont-Golfia brothers caused a huge sensation throughout the civilized world when before a crowd that included King Louis, the 16th, and Marie Antoinette. They heated the air inside of an envelope of aluminum varnish to fetta and launched a sheep, a duck, and a rooster onto an 8-minute two-mile flight across the Royal Palace of Versailles. It was the first ever flight to

carry a living creature. Balloons were used by the French to transport letters and passengers out of besieged Paris during the Franco-Pression War between September 1870 and January 1871, 66 flights of which 58 lands safely carry 110 passengers and up to 3 million letters out of Paris. By 1895, Count Ferdinand won Zeppelin, the old Zeppelin guy, patents-a-rigored airship that patents balloon gas cells with rigid framework. That's four years before the sightings. Also, think about this, the Federal Aviation Administration, the FAA, the agency that regulates

civilian aviation wasn't established until 1958. So before the FAA, there was the Commerce Act, past 1926, fostering air commerce, issuing and enforcing air traffic rules, licensing pilots, blah, blah, blah, blah, and all their rules were enforced by the Department of Commerce, who I doubt were taken seriously.

No one's ever said, like, quick, guys, hide our unredited plane, some Department of Commerce agents are speeding this way. So prior to 1926 though and say I don't know 1897 airships were a hundred percent technologically possible. They were definitely around had been so for 45 years and no one was regulating the sky. You didn't have to get a building permit to make one, no pilot's license, nothing. So if you and some well-to-do adventurous friends

could afford to build an airship of what you needed to notify no one that you were doing, you could fly it wherever and whenever you fuck you wanted to. And you also had to notify absolutely no one you were doing any of that. And all of this is going on in an era when anyone could also be a local journalist, as we've learned and and we've already established You know some of these some of these journalists were more sensationalist than a lot of today's shitty journalists and

There's no photographic evidence of any of this stuff Even though it happened in an era when cameras were readily available I mean, it's not like you know it is whether it's fucking cell phones or even just handhelds, but there was, you know, look, go look, you can find old fucking civil war fucking pictures. Well, they couldn't take a picture of this stuff. This completely explains the mysterious 1897 airship sightings to me.

And in 2009, American author, J. Allen Danilek wrote a book called The Great Airship of 1897. And which he made the case that the mystery airship, I guess he thought it was one, was the work of an unknown individual possibly funded by a wealthy investor from San Francisco. I got all of this with the California one. To build an airship prototype as a test vehicle

for a later series of larger passenger carrying airships. Exactly. They were testing things out. And people didn't have the nightly news. They didn't know why it was happening. No one was notifying the papers. They just speculate. So back to Tom DeLong.

He reads bits and pieces about this shit from fucking crystal type websites. You know, all that dipshit stuff. Where apparently people started to add it in meetings with senators to the story. And he sees this as proof for both UFO existence and a big UFO cover up because no one's talking about it now Yeah way to be objective there. DeLong also wrote a book. I will never read

Called secret machines book one chasing shadows a 700 page novel he wrote with UNC Charlotte Shakespeare professor AJ Hartley Not a fucking physics professor a Shakespeare professor. Okay, though fictional. It's written with information DeLong says he gleaned, quote, from sources within the aerospace industry and at the Department of Defense and NASA. Then he adds, quote, that sense specifically was approved for me to say.

Oh no, it wasn't. Chasing shadows theorizes that alien technology not only exists, but the government has not about it for decades and has even replicated some of it. Dude, man, the drugs must have been so good in the blink 182 fucking, you know, the pinnacle of their fame.

I mean, this guy is so full of shit. Why would NASA share anything with some pop punk musician? Seriously, I mean, really think about that. I don't care how much of a celebrity you are, the Department of Defense isn't gonna help you to write a fucking book. Denzel Washington's agent could call the Department of Defense and be like, hey, Denzel wants

to talk to your top officials and learn about all the secret alien technology you have. Oh, okay, yep, no problem. I'll just go ahead and put General Goal fuck yourself on the line. Click. One final note about Tom DeLong, in 2005, DeLong formed Angels and Airwaves, an ambitious group, mixes punk with you two like anthems. And DeLong predicted it would be, quote, the greatest rock and roll revolution

for this generation, and compared it to the second coming of Christ. Uh-huh. Compared his band to the second coming, and it was serious, not joking. So that's the kind of, you know, headspace this guy is in, this alien believer. Uh-huh. Well, Tom, Tom is not alone in his alien sightings So that's the kind of headspace this guy is in, this alien believer.

Well, Tom is not alone in his alien sightings as far as kind of musicians and celebrities. Even though he's not as famous as some of the others, again, I had to dig in with him because of Carol hit me up and I'm thankful because the balloon stuff kind of helped me get my head around some Roswell stuff coming up a little bit later. So I'm glad I went to the balloons of H97, which I wouldn't have had a not known about Tom Delong's insane theories.

So I'm not gonna go in depth on the rest of these celebrities as much as I do with Tom, because I wanna get to Roswell in Area 51. But here's some fun info about a few other people you may have heard of. It's time for some weird facts. Buh-buh-buh- frontman, the guy who's saying, I can't drive 55. That was one of the very first cassettes I ever bought. And it's first song I actually remember sharing with a little buddy of mine. I was like seven or eight years old. I remember

taking this kid to my room where I had my turbo-based auto-reverse boom box, beach jealous, and I was like, listen to this. And then I just remember as I pushed play and hit the turbo-based button, I remember I just watched his face as I played, I can't drive 55, because I thought that was the dope is shit I'd ever heard, and I wanted to witness his mind-beam-blown in front of me. Anyway, in his autobiography, Red, My Uncensored Life in Rock,

Sammy describes an alien encounter. He says, quote, I was lying in bed one night, dreaming. I saw a ship and two creatures inside of the ship. I couldn't see their faces. They were connected to me, tapped into my mind, through some kind of mysterious wireless connection." End quote. The singer explained that although this happened in a dream, he knew you guys, he knew, he

knew, he knows the experience as part of something real with actual knowledge being transferred. Sure it was real Sammy, you know I bet those aliens they wanted to tap your mind so they could access your recipe for that sweet cobble wobble tequila you've been distilling up. Actually I don't know if that stuff's any good. It's called Cabo Wabo, so it's pricey. Okay, pop star Robbie Williams. Here's another one. Former member of Take That, sang the 1995 hit Back for Good.

Whatever I said, whatever I did, I didn't mean it. I just want you back for good. I want you back. I want you back. I want you back for good. I apologize for that want you back, I want you back for good." I apologize for that, I couldn't help myself. I remember turning that song up when I was taking a girl for a date back in 1997 when I was a Gonzaga student and my little beat up Nissan pick up and talking about how much I liked

it. And then shortly after that, I dropped her off and we didn't have a second date. So smart girl. Anyway, back in 2006, a best-selling English singer, singer Robbie Williams took a hiatus from his musical career to explore the world of UFOs and extraterrestrial life. He and journalist John Ronson headed into the Nevada desert to meet UFO abductees and gather their own evidence. Keep in mind that his career was on fire when he did this. Take that, you might not have heard of them because they weren't as big here in the States as they were in the UK. They were a super group in the UK. I mean,

he just released a number one solo album in the UK in 2005. He released another one in the fall of 2006 when he gave up on devoting his life to finding those pesky aliens hanging out the desert, back in sneakie aliens. They're probably hiding in some lizard aluminum and odd tunnels under the Nevada mountains or something, you know, or maybe he did see those aliens, but those goddamn space lizards manipulated his mind, controlled his thoughts from their moon-based weapon thing. Damn you space lizards. If you don't know where all these space lizards are,

sorry, by the way, just check out the lizard at the Luminati episode of Time Suck. Well, Robbie still believes though. He still believes even though he didn't find when he wanted it in the desert. Because he claimed to see UFOs three times. times with his own eyes. Once when he was a kid in England, again, he was in Beverly Hills and once more after writing a song about alien contact. Uh-huh. Sure, sure, sure you were. Sure you saw him. Must be

nice to be wealthy, talented, and insane. That's a recipe for a fun and exciting life. Of course you saw him after you write that kind of a song. You're just thinking about a little time. Okay. William Shatner, another one, Captain Kirk, baby. Now I'm including the Shatner. Even though he retracted a statement saying he actually saw aliens firsthand. Years ago he said he saw UFOs after crash in his motorcycle in the desert because aliens love the desert almost as much as they love rocks. You know, deserts are where mirages happened. Is that a coincidence? I don't think so. Anyway, he later admitted he lied about this in an autobiography.

He did say though, something really cool that resonates with me in a 2010 interview with the Montreal Gazette. He says, quote, there is no doubt there's life out there. The mathematics of it lead you to that absolute conclusion. In my mind, there is no doubt that the universe teams, teams with life and all forms. I fucking love hearing that from Captain Kirk.

You know Star Trek reminds me of my, it's just like a great childhood memories watching with my dad. He loved that show, loves it still growing up. I loved it when I wasn't with him because of divorce or you know kind of life circumstances. I can watch a little Star Trek and feel a little closer to pop, which I've never called him pop. I don't always say pop.

Come, dad. But anyway, enough sentimental emotion. Dan Acroid. Dan Acroid, one of the ghostbusters, man. One of the coneheads, the blues, brother. All right, well, during Dan Acroid's appearance on the Huff post show, he revealed that he has seen four UFOs and believes in extraterrestrial life.

He says, two specifically were definitely aerial constructs of some kind. One of them, with a light and one of them, Dull Gray, and there were structures. One of them going very slow, one of them hovering over me. All right, then he described a story of one of his drivers. One of his drivers said that he used to be a cook in the Air Force. There's strategic air command center, and at one day they were all watching a radar screen with an object flying 70,000 miles per hour and whip turning All right Really the fucking the cook was invited into the strategic air command headquarters

To watch the fucking UFO that would never happen Why doesn't Dan Acroix question that I don't know You know, it's just if he wouldn't have added the cook thing I would have maybe been a little more open to Dan Acroix story But when he presents that is like we'll check with his other thing out my cook If he wouldn't have added the cook thing, I would have maybe been a little more open to Dan Acroid's story. But when he presents that, it's like, well, check with his other thing out. My cook, my cook was it, you know,

he was a vuggin, he was making mashed potatoes, and then they're like, hey, you, make a mashed potatoes, it way in the back. Get up to floor nine, get up into the control center. We wanna show you some aliens. When the fuck is that ever gonna happen in life? If you wanna know more about Dan Acroid and his thoughts on aliens He has an entire documentary devoted to him thinking about aliens. It's it's it's Dan Acroid unplugged on UFOs

It's a 2012 shitty Documentary where he talks about aliens the whole things on YouTube and watch it if you're terribly bored Fran Drescher Fran from the nanny, not only the star of that super popular 90s sitcom, but also the co-creator of that show, if you didn't know that, the beautiful woman with the laugh of a coaked up murderous hyena. Well Fran believed that both she and her ex-husband Peter Jacobson, the producer she co-created the nanny with, were both abducted by aliens long before they met each other.

In a 2012 interview with Huffington Post, man, I guess they like to bring aliens to that people. She says, you know, it's funny because Peter, that's her ex-husband, Peter and I both saw aliens before we knew each other. Doing the same thing, driving on the road with our dads. We were both in junior high, a few years later we met and we realized that we had the same experience.

I think that somehow we were programmed to meet. We both have this scar. It's the exact same scar on the exact same spot. Well, there's your proof isn't it? But ex-husband Peter Mark Jacobson wasn't so convinced of the couple's extraterrestrial past. He says Frank got the small scar on her hand from a drill bit or burning herself holding a couple waters a kid. Friends like no way, no way. She goes, quote, I said to him, that's what the aliens programmed us to think. That's what Fran explains. She says, but really, that's what the chip is. What an, no, what are they at divorce? What an infuriating personality.

Like, no logic you present to somebody like that, ever fucking sinks in. Yeah, well, that's what they want us to think like once once you go to that place in your head Well, that's what they want us to think You've lost all hope of listening to reason like there's no there's no arguing with a person who's like What that mmm you disagreeing is it fits into their plan? It's what they want us to think it's part of the conspiracy I should rise me crazy. You want to believe that aliens knocked you out

and put a chip in your hand, fuck, all right, fine. Did it, your husband's hand? Fine. Have it examined. You know, God, if only technology existed to find out if the chip is in there. If only there was some kind of, I don't know, magnetic resonance imaging machine

that could find out for sure. If only there was some kind of magical X-ray machine Whose exact purpose was to detect foreign presences in your body go to the fucking doctor friend If I thought if I truly believe that aliens had some kind of tracking chip put inside my body I'm gonna check out. I'm not enough that quick to rush off to the doctor. I'll wait out a flu all ignore an infection But alien thought control chip, programming my decisions. Yeah, I'm gonna go to urgent care. I'm gonna get that shit x-ray, ace out.

Finally, all Scientologists, all of them. All Scientologists believe in UFOs. We'll smith, and travel to a fuck, all of them. Way into it, because it's integral to their religion, slash cult, slash nonsense. Scientologists believe that Zenu, the dictator of the galactic confederacy, brought billions of his people to earth,

then known as Tik-yak, a fucking nonsense where the El Ruan Hubbard made up. In DC eight like spacecraft, 75 million years ago, he stacked them around volcanoes and killed them with hydrogen bombs. Because that's what you do when you wanna kill people, you wanna fucking fly them in a large spacecraft over a great distance to then kill them on a volcano.

That makes a lot of sense. Official Scientology scripture holds that the Thetans, the immortal spirits of these aliens, adhere to humans, causing spiritual harm. And they believe that because what Elrond Hubbard wrote when he made up Scientology, and, and yes, uh, there will be a point when I do a Scientology episode in time, because it is way too big of a topic to get in right now. It's fucking insane. I think all religion is insane to some degree, uh, is esceptic, but Scientology, oh, sorry for whistling to you right there.

I just came out of me. Your mind has to go to a real, real special place to be able to swallow that particular belief pill. All right, let's get the hell out of here. Buh-buh-buh, weird facts. Okay, so now we have an understanding of the history of UFO sightings. You know, little sampling of people's first hand accounts

and I give it an overview of how the US government has handled UFOs. So now, all right, let's suck into the mother of all UFO sightings, the holy grail of the UFO true believer, Roswell. All right, let's start with the crash description. I googled Roswell, UFO crash, and I had to wade through a lot of horse shit before arriving at the FBI's website where I could read their official report of the incident. Now, if you're a conspiracy theorist,

you might be thinking, that's the last place you should look. They're covering it up. I can hear that being said by Agent Mulder. Come on, scully, wake up. You think they're gonna tell you the truth? Well, believe it's the truth or not. Here's the report. FBI, Dallas, 7, 8, 47.

Director Cincinnati, urgent. Flying disc information concerning. Headquarters, Urgent, Flying Disk Information Concerning. Headquarters, 8th Air Force. Telephonically advised this office that an object purporting to be a flying disk was recovered near Roswell, New Mexico, this date. The disk is hexagonal in shape and was suspended by a balloon by cable, which balloon was approximately 20 feet in diameter. Further advise that the object found resembles a high altitude weather balloon with a radar reflector. But that telephonic conversation between their office and right field had not borne out this belief. Disc and balloon being transported to right field

by a special plane for examination. Information provided to this office because of national interest in case. And the fact that the National Broadcast Company, NBC, Associated Press, and others attempting to break story of location of disk today. Advised would request right field to advise Cincinnati office results of examination. No further investigation being conducted end. Okay, quick note here.

Right field that they're talking about is most likely a reference to the right Patterson Air Force Base just decided to date in Ohio where projects sign, grudge, and blue book, blue book, excuse me, were all headquartered. Remember project sign was officially established in December of 1947, so it's like five months after Roswell. So they probably already had some, you know, people in place, they were interested in these unexplained flying phenomena of recent months. Fucking balloons, huh?

The entire UFO hysteria from 1897 and Roswell, bunch of goddamn balloons. All the interest in little green men, Martian's flying saucers, et cetera, all go being traced back to people not understanding how fucking balloons looked in the sky. Part of me really hopes that's true because it's just so ridiculous. And if you're wondering why the NBC or NBC and the AP were involved, if it was just a balloon, remember that on June 24, Kenneth Arnold claimed to see nine flying obiques around Mount Rainier and Washington, all those other reports, people seeing it,

you know, got big news. The term flying saucer was coined, and now there's tons of copycat sightings springing up around the country. You know, UFO sightings are essentially, like I said, trending, have huge social currency, and everyone wants to believe it's on the collective mind of the whole nation and then in the midst of this hysteria, 14 days after Arnold Roswell happens. You think that's a coincidence? Bullshit.

Of course, people thought it was some Martian. Everyone is looking into this guys begging to see something they can tell other people is an alien spaceship. Also in the summer 1947, a large number of weather balloons with metallic radar testing attachments were released into the New Mexico skies from the Alamo Gordo Army Airfield in New Mexico. This was classified project because remember again, World War II was just ended, cold wars

getting ready to start. And coming up with new military technology is a huge national priority. And finally, there was no initial reports of bodies at the balloon crash site. I didn't know that. Those didn't surface until years later, because that's how long it took those attention seekers

and fucking lunatics to make them up. So, and you might be thinking, if you're a skeptic of the government, you might be thinking, well, couldn't ask for a better time to sneak real aliens in, could ya? That's what the conspiracy theorists in my head saying, right? Right, right when you could easily explain it away.

That's when they sneak in. That's perfect. All right, easy, intermolder, easy. Okay, so that's the official Roswell story. So now let's hear the conspiracy version. I'm gonna refer to a 2017 article interviewing Jan Harzan, the chief executive of the Mutual UFO Network, Mufon, who believes that the military covered up would really happen at

Roswell. When he was speaking to Forbes.com, Mr. Harzon was asked if he thought Roswell was real or a hoax and he said, real. Get a copy of the video presentation of recollections of Roswell filmed by Mufon member and well-known UFO researchers Stanton Friedman and he continues, it is interviews with some 30 survivors of Roswell including firsthand witnesses, their spouses and their children. What they tell you will send chills up your spine. If you don't believe something extraordinary happened after watching this video, then nothing will convince you. I can tell you this. It was no weather balloon. He was then asked why the government appeared determined to cover up alleged incidents of alien

visitations such as Roswell. He says, quote, one possible reason is because they believe rightly or wrongly that Earth's population is not ready for such a revelation. Other thoughts are that the knowledge would create widespread panic, cripple the stock market, and religion as we know it. Another possible reason is that the technology, these beans have is so far advanced, whether it be faster than light travel, time travel, or other far advanced technology

that it poses a national security threat to America, especially if these capabilities were fallen to enemy hands. Uh-huh, okay. FYI, move on, it is the world's largest organization dedicated to research of UFO and alleged alien sightings, keeps a global database of incidents going back years. It's also featured in the History Channel series, Hangar 1, about UFOs, because if you've

watched the History Channel, anytime recently, you would know that the History Channel no longer fucking cares at all about any historical accuracy and just about anything they do. They're a fucking joke of a network. Oh my god, entertaining. But Jesus, people watching that being like, oh, let's watch some facts. Ah, no, no, no. So here's the side note on Jan Harzan.

Jan's interest in UFOs began the age of eight when he read an article on Donald Keoh and N.I. Necap, sorry, in Argus C. Magazine, based on this, another research. He and his brother did over the next two years. They made a decision to build a flying saucer, believing that the electromagnetic propulsion was the key to how these craft were able

to travel such great distances. While in the process of doing this, they were also visited by a real UFO, no more than 30 feet from them, with no visible means of propulsion, other than making a humming noise, before shooting off over the horizon. Did that happen?

Did that happen, Jan? When I was eight, I thought, I remember one day, I thought a lost tribe of Native Americans, somebody that the government just never found, were still living out in the woods in Idaho, and that they were watching me. I truly thought I was watching

or being watched by a lost tribe of Native Americans. It's called having an active imagination and being eight, you dipshit. Okay, so off of Mr. Harsons recommendation. Da, da, da, sorry. I did watch recollections of Roswell, excuse me. The entire documentary is readily available on YouTube if you do want to see it. The first interview is some old cow poke looking fellow named Bill Brasel, who says his ranch superintendent dad was the first one to find debris in the morning after the UFO crash 75 miles northwest of Roswell.

Bill says his dad told him there was a bad thunderstorm the night before. And that he found the debris, started picking it all up, put it in his truck, brought it all to Roswell, and visited the Sheriff's Department. And then they called the Air Force. The Air Force then swore his dad to secrecy and came and picked up the debris. It almost sounds like maybe the storm knocked down the military's new radar testing, whether balloon, and then told people not to talk about it because it was a secret weapon project. This is fucking the proof. The Mr. Herzan spoke of this.

This is go-to unequivocal proof of space life. Well, this spine chilling documentary goes on to interview more people who talk about being told by the Air Force to be quiet. It also has moments when people like Barbara Dugor say she heard one of the people who saw the records, say the military police told them if they told anyone about what they say, not only would they be killed, but their whole family would be killed. Because they're in a movie now.

Get the fuck out of here. I don't believe Barb for a second. Lots of people have talked about Roswell. All kinds of people have talked. And who's been killed? Who? No one. Whose family was killed? No one. It's nonsense. And then there are other interviews with military people talking about how strange the metal they found was, how it wouldn't break, wouldn't scratch.

All right, so the military had some new plastic, you know, these cowbokes and lower level military people hadn't seen in their rural 1950s New Mexico life. It's fucking so what? It doesn't mean it came from space. That's a big leap in logic. These guys are the best at leaping in logic, too. They'll say that the government is hiding something and then they'll jump to like teleportation and time travel. So what does that come from? Why would aliens have that?

Why do you think that's possible for them to have that? So the recolations document ends with a big 30-minute interview with wreckage eyewitness Gerald Anderson. All right, this guy is the star of the documentary that Jan has touted as proof of UFOs. Like, like, he's basing move-ons. I would say their credibility largely on Gerald Anderson. Because he was the eyewitness man. And Gerald says that five-year-old him, his dad, his uncle Ted, good old uncle Ted, his favorite uncle, I don't know why I'm out in that shit, cousin Victor and his 20-year-old brother

were looking for some some Agots, some rocks, just some amateur rockhounds out doing some some Agot hunting. And he says that there were four aliens. Two were obviously dead, one injured, one totally fine, just walking around, being an alien. And the one that was fine had placed the other three on some kind of like aluminum foil blankets underneath the spaceship, forming some kind of first aid on the others as they laid under the edge of their saucer, which he says was about 35 feet in circumference when they approached this ship. All right, the creatures were about 4.5 feet tall, the healthy one spotted Gerald and his family was scared at first,

but then calmed down. You know when his dead and uncle? Resured it that they weren't there to hurt it. These creatures had big heads, very large, shiny black eyes. You talked a lot about their eyes. Being shiny and black and big, they had blueish tinted milky white skin,

no visible ears, but a hole where an ear should be. Very small nose, just two little holes, a little bit of a bump, no hair, tiny, slid of a mouth, basically like the picture. When you see of people doing alien stuff, it's that picture is what he's describing. Because that picture comes from this description. Four fingers, instead of five, they were wearing

matchy one piece shiny metallic outfits, some kind of extraterrestrial onesies, sounds cozy. And then Gerald talks about seeing, he says flashing lights coming from inside of the disc and the spaceship, he remembers touching the spaceship, that it was ice cold, like it had just come out of the freezer, it was super smooth, there was a weird smell emanating from the wreckage, he remembers his uncle trying

to talk to the men, the space men in Spanish, that's what you do, yeah, he remembers his dad trying to talk to the space men in sign language, like stop it, really, you see something that clearly isn't human, you just think, oh, I wonder if it speaks Spanish. Are these, are these, hey, man, are these just some kind of Space Mexicans? I don't even know about.

Maybe, maybe I'll try saying English. Maybe this is how deaf people talk. Maybe that's how they look. Maybe this is how deaf people look, like aliens. What are you talking about? Gerald remembers touching one of the dead aliens. That's bullshit. Get them, what your dad and you see aliens

and a crash spaceship. And within minutes, you're dad and you see aliens and a crash spaceship and within minutes you're letting your fiverrall just go poke around their dead bodies, get the fuck out of here. Gerald also says some archaeologists and a bunch of archaeology students showed up at the crash site as well, thinking it was a meteorite because you know, archaeologists and several of their students just hang around looking for meteorites.

Since when do archaeologists look for meteorites? You dumb shit, Gerald, it's geologists is what you're thinking of. Numbnuts geologist is the word you want it. Gerald says eventually they go back to their car where armed military personnel are waiting for them. Of course they are. And these armed military personnel took their family to some makeshift base that have been erected. All kinds of military. All armed to the teeth, the road was barricaded off. And then they were told to drive away and never talk about anything they saw again. The end, holy shit. Where to begin?

Talking about how ludicrous this testimony is. First off, let's start with the military. Let's just start right there. Okay. So let me get this straight. There was this huge military presence. They're all set up, but they're not set up at the crash site. They're letting just archaeologists and random families walk over and talk to aliens while they have a base set up nearby. That is such nonsense.

And, okay, he's five. Why is the dude who was five when this happened, the one telling the story? This is testimony given in 1992, shortly after his dad, uncle, and brother were all dead. How convenient, Gerald. Why not share that tail when they're alive? So maybe someone could corroborate it because they wouldn't because they would refute it. You liar. The archaeology students would have been around 65 in 1992. Why didn't they talk? Why didn't any of them come forward? Also, why did the military just let them go if it was so top secret? Why weren't their lives threatened? Why did his dad and uncle let him sniff around the wreckage? Pokedead alien. You know, and you do a little more digging about Gerald, it's not good, you know. You find this guy's story changed over the years. He was first interviewed by the Springfield, Missouri, news leader about Roswell 1990,

and originally said the alien's eyes were milky blue, not their skin. Later he said their eyes were jet black and shiny. He made a big deal that in the documentary. That's a huge detail change, okay? For something you supposedly remember so vividly. Also, he said that the archaeologist was Dr. Buscirk. He said it was a guy named Dr. Buscirk.

Turns out he had a teacher in high school named Dr. Buscirk, who taught in anthropology class he took. You dip shit. That alone invalidates your story. You saw an archaeologist when you were five who had the exact same name of the teacher you'd later have in high school. A teacher by the way who's physical description, matched the description he gave for the archaeologist when you were five who had the exact same name of the teacher you'd later have in high school a teacher By the way, who's physical description match the description he gave for the archaeologist one of his interviews

Finally later in life same Gerald Anderson made up a story about Nate being a Navy seal and some real seals found out and listed him on their wall of shame Dude is a known liar. He loves attention. He loves a tall tail one people think he's cool You got caught out he got caught and that one putting up flyers at a Springfield college after he was offering a survival course taught by a Navy SEAL. Oh my God. So he's full of shit. So that story garbage garbage But you might be thinking world-bathos alien photos the famous Roswell alien photos Are they not proof of extraterrestrial life? Well, a closer analysis of the Roswell images has revealed that the alien body is likely to be the mummified remains of a small child.

Tiny Plackard hidden in one of the images apparently reads the mummified body of a two-year-old boy, according to this Metro, the word San Francisco Museum appear on the Plackard. What, what? So here's the conclusion about Roswell for me. I think any alien association with the crash that happened in 1947 is pure bullshit. And I promise you, I went in wanting to believe.

I really do, but I just get so frustrated with these idiots. After the crash, there's an FBI conclusion I referenced earlier. The military holds a press conference explaining it was a weather balloon, not actually 100% true. The Freedom of Information Act later on sealed government records. And the truth was that a Roswell balloon was part of the project Mogul, a project focused on detecting from high altitude and a long distance away, low frequency sound emissions generated by explosions and missiles, basically to make sure our enemies are not testing nuclear weapons in the age before satellite surveillance. So after this press conference during which debris, foil, rubber, wood, various material from the crash side

is shown. The story dies. It goes away. No one gave a shit about Roswell again until 1978, when UFO researchers like Stanton Friedman, the guy who interviewed the fucking dip shit Gerald in the recollections of Roswell, started digging up all these old stories from the 40s.

It was Stanton. People like him who put together this story, obtained by interviewed a bunch of these nuts, that a UFO had indeed crashed at Roswell, alien bodies had been recovered, and those bodies were hidden in a giant government cover-up. And where were those alien bodies in the spacecraft taken? Where are you 51, of course? Many a conspiracy theorist jerk off at the fantasy of sneaking into that place, don't they? You know hundreds, if not thousands of people, if not millions, you know that they believe the Area 51 is the real life version of like the men and black headquarters from the movie where aliens just fucking hanging

around, shaking hands with government employees, just sworn to secrecy. Come on, man, it's the digital age. Eventually someone would fuck up and put an alien on Snapchat or Instagram. But anyway, let's learn a bit about Area 51. In August 2013, Jeffrey T. Richardson, a researcher at the Washington D.C. based National Security Archive, a non-profit think tank obtained declassified documents about the development and use of the U2 and OXCART surveillance aircraft in the 1950s and 60s. The documents made repeated references to Area 51 in detail. How it was selected as a testing area by the CIA, CIA again, they're involved, they're getting their agents involved. Now, the CIA, the US Air Force and a defense contractor

to lock heed, you know, now like Lockheed Martin, because of its remote location. They often included a map that confirmed the exact location, previous to this information, Area 51, that basically been the worst kept secret in US secret military base history. But in conspiracy late night AM radio, art bell, George Norrie coast to coast land, Area 51 is where we reverse engineered alien spacecrafts where we've cloned aliens, maybe fake the moon landing. All right. So why has Area 51 served up all these conspiracy theories?

I mean, I do understand it on some level. It really was a top secret base. That's not up for dispute. Satellite imagery of the area approximately 80 miles north west of Las Vegas in the middle of the barren of Edadessert was routinely removed from government databases like it wasn't there. But in 2000, photographs taken by a Soviet orbital probe were obtained and published.

The collection of photos on the FAS Federation of American Sciences website shows the facility's growth from the late 1960s on through the years including the construction of new buildings, new runway. The base itself occupies only a fraction of the more 90,000 acres. It sits on consists of a hangar, guard shack, few radar antenna, some housing facilities, mess hall, offices, runways, shelters. The shelters are a little scootin' hide buildings designed so aircraft can quickly move undercover when satellites pass overhead to make it more secret.

Some alleged that what you see on the surface is only a tiny part of the actual facility. They believe that surface buildings rest on top of a labyrinth of underground tunnels. Others claim the underground facility has up to 40 levels that has attached via underground railways to other sites in Los Alamos, White Sands, LA, skeptics, quick to point out though that such a massive construction project would require an enormous labor force. Tons of earth being removed. You know, they don't, likely what you see is what you get, but I get the fantasy, very, very sexy to think about a giant underground base.

Exciting to think that's possible. Even today, Area 51 is surrounded by thousands of acres of empty desert landscape. The Air Force has withdrawn lands from public use to help keep the base hidden from snooping eyes. For many years observers would hike to elevated vantage points like white sides peak or freedom ridge. Those areas have been seized now as well.

Today, if you want to see it at all, you have to make the strenuous hike to Tikaboo Peak, 26 miles away From there you can get like a tiny little glimpse of maybe some flashing lights You know most commuters area 51 travel an unmarked Boeing 737s or Boeing 727s The airspace above area 51 is restricted to all except for those those flights and military flights You know that come from the base itself the military classifies Area 51 as a military operating area. The borders aren't fence, but they are marked with these orange poles and warning signs and strange, like secretive security forces.

Signs tell you that photography is not allowed. Trespass on the property will result in a fine. Signs also warn the security's authorized to use deadly force on people who insist on trespassing. And so that just stokes the fires of the conspiracy theorists. All the secrecy, you know. But despite the government's efforts, it has been difficult to keep Area 51's activities totally secret.

Like, here's some of the projects we now know have gone on there. There was the U2 spy plane. It was Lockheed, working with the CIA to develop this plane. They could fly at a high altitude, spy in other nations. You know, could fly up to 70,000 feet. This is a long time, and the early 1960s, the H-12 Oxcart is a surveillance aircraft prototype featured like a wide-disk-like fuselage made of shiny titanium. People probably thought that was a alien spacecraft.

Actually, the LA Times article speculated that the aircraft's appearance and speeds, which could go up to Mach 3 lead commercial pilots who encountered to assume they were seeing a UFO. The SR-71 Blackbird, something that evolved from the A12, became the successor to the U2, you go Mach 3, 90,000 feet up in the air, and I'll put some photos of some of these planes, you know, there's a bunch of other cool planes as well. So, you know, it's the secret military base, that's it. Why is that so hard to accept?

If you've ever driven through the Nevada Desert by the way, which I have several times from top to bottom actually, you get why they put it there. It's it's in some of the most barren and unenhabited land in the US. And I believe the military does have a secret base and then it's okay for them to do so. I think it's stupid and irresponsible to let other nations, especially nations we don't get along with, catch up to what we're doing military technology-wise. I also think people who try and sneak out of the base deserve to get shot. You don't have fucking clearance, get out of there. It's like thinking you have the right to walk into your neighbor's house, check out what they're doing. You fucking entitled moron, but just thinking the military is making

weapons slightly better than the ones we already have. That isn't that sexy, man. It's not exciting enough for some people, so they make shit up. And here's the best of what I could find of what they've made up about Area 51. These are my favorite Area 51 conspiracies. Number one is the Roswell alien bodies are kept there and may still be live. Number two, aliens are running the base. Oh, that's a fun one. Number three, it's an interrogation center for captured aliens.

It's like Guantanamo Bay for aliens. Just fucking aliens being water-borted for their alien info. Number four is the headquarters. This is actually my favorite one by very, very favorite one. It's the headquarters of the secret one-world government, aka the Majestic 12, a secret government committee that has been laboring in the shadows for more than six decades. The very old now, I guess, to work out an arrangement for a one-world government in which the planet would jointly be ruled by human and extraterrestrial elites. Oh, man, the majestic 12 sounds like a good time suck. I have to look at them further.

MJ-12, as conspiracy junkies refer to them, supposedly started as a blue-riven panel of scientists and military leaders created by President Harry Truman in 1947, shortly after the crash of alien spacecraft in Rosswell, which we know now is bullshit. As the story goes, MJ12 somehow eventually made contact with the aliens and broker to power mating between them and President Dwight Eisenhower. That in turn resulted in a deal. In what's the US government got extraterrestrial technology in exchange for looking the other way when UFO crews mutilated cattle and abducted humans and stuck stuff up their butts. Sounds like a good fodder for some exfiles episodes for the overall arc of that series.

The moon landing, this is number five was staged there. Again, that's a time suck in and of itself, that conspiracy, which I already kind of addressed in the flat earth episode. Number six, Area 51 is the manufacturing side of the government's infamous black helicopters, which supposedly are used to conduct sinister missions such as spraying clouds of toxic chemicals over suburban neighborhoods, keep us subdued and poisoned.

There have even been people who claim they've been abducted by government black helicopters and turned over to fly and saucer crews for examination, which suggests a link between the extraterrestrials and the human elite, forging their their one world government, intermingling the two species. Guys, you should hear so much about that kind of shit about the black helicopters growing up. I can do a whole time so I can just do one world government conspiracy. Number seven, they're breeding alien human hybrids, much like the space lizards.

Number eight, nothing is happening there. Area 51 is just a big ol' shiny carrot. Just a shiny little carrot to distract you from the real secret nefarious base. We don't even fucking know about wake up you guys. So to wrap up Roswell and Area 51, essentially it seems that it's a little horse shit. The government has a secret military base set up

in the Nevada desert for developing and testing experimental aircraft. And they're doing nuclear testing in nearby New Mexico in the 40s and people not aware of experimental aircraft started seeing things that they couldn't explain, started talking about Martians. And then the notion of UFOs took over the Zeitgeist and everyone started convincing themselves

the skies were full of aliens. And why don't we have pictures? Why aren't more people sharing their UFO tales? Right, because the government's covering it up. Why are they covering it up? Because they made a deal with aliens. They sold out to human race. And then Chris Carter draws upon all this historical hysteria and creates the X-Files.

And speaking of X-Files, what was key to that series? Finding Molder's sister, and where did she go, taken by aliens. So let's get into the abduction finale of this alien cornucopia of an episode. According again to John Chan, Harsan of Mufon. One of the best documented cases of an extraterrestrial encounter

is Travis Walton, November 5, 1975, near Snowflake, Arizona. Travis and six co-workers had just finished clearing the brush in the mountains, and were heading back to town when they encountered a glowing, silvery, disc-shaped craft in the forest. Travis exited the cab of the truck. They were in approached the aircraft, and doing so, he was struck by a beam of light, knocking him to the ground unconscious. His

buddies filled with fear, high-tailed it out, but returned a while later to both find Travis and the saucer gone. Five days passed when Travis suddenly reappeared to tell the story of where he had been. He reported being aboard a craft and seeing creatures that did not look human. All seven of the crew in Travis took and Past lie detector tests regarding their ordeal sounds legit right It's also the basis for the movies fire in the sky movie that freaked a lot of people out Well, not so legit UFO researcher Philip K. Philip J. Glass considered it hoax Prepetuated for financial gain and discovered many discrepancies in the story It's a Walton and his co-workers and from investigating case, class reported that the lie detector tests were ported administrator,

the Walt and used polygraph countermeasures, such as holding his breath, and uncovered an earlier failed polygraph test, administrative by an examiner who concluded the case involved gross deception. Oh, they use the old castan's method. It's not alive, you believe it. Also, the day of Travis Society, and it's also the day Air Force, the Air Force, was running training maneuvers directly above where Travis was working in the White Mountains.

Fucking move on man. Fucking Jan, Harzan, all this key evidence for proof of alien life looks like total shit if you apply even the slightest logic and skepticism while looking at it. The real tragedy with Travis Walden is he didn't talk about being abducted and alien probed. I mean, I'm alienly probed. Why not man? That's the best part of alienly probed. Why not, man? That's the best part of alien abduction stories.

All that but play. What were they doing in our butts anyway? Why do they want to get in there? Well, in the hundreds of insane UFO websites I've visited the past few days, believers think there may be tagging us with some sort of tracking monitoring device, like we tag creatures,

except we don't put stuff up there, but that's what they like to do. They just put it in your butt. You think it would show up in an autopsy from time to time, or they're grabbing some fecal matter, for some sort of research. Again, you'd think they could find stool sample, instead of just shoving shit up our ass

and grabbing one of those cookies while still in the oven, or they're collecting semen by sneaking up their manipulate in our prostate, or they think it's fun to shove stuff up our asses. The last one was mentioned, nowhere other than in my head. Uh, where's all that butt stuff come from? I fucking found it, you guys. Barney Hill, that's where it comes from.

The first abductee to talk about being angly probed, the story that launched the extraterrestrial exploration of a thousand buttholes is a guy named Barney Hill. What a perfect name for an anal probe origin story. Wait, who is the first guy to get a probe up his ass? Oh, that'll be Barney. That's a Barney Hill. Barney butthole Hill. Oh, Barney Bottom, we call him.

Well, old Barney butthole. Old Barney Bottom stuffer was a post-a-worker living in Port Smith, New Hampshire with a social worker wife Betty. Betty and Barney and some butt play. In September of 1961, the hills visited Canada as well as Northern New York. They were driving home from this trip along Route 3 in New Hampshire when the nights events began to unfold at about 10 pm. Betty saw light in the sky that she first attributed to a falling star.

However when the couple pulled over to walk their dog, they looked at the object through a pair of binoculars and saw it's many blinking lights fly right across the moon. This is why around the time Betty began thinking it was a flying saucer they were dealing with. The old flying saucer, the old miss quote. At about 1030, the craft descended upon the hills. Barney had a gun and got out of the car with it,

but he did not fire upon the flying vehicle, probably because it wasn't there. The hills claimed they saw. After being told to keep looking by one of the creatures that he could see through a window. In the UFO, he went back to his wife in the car. Okay. They both say that this was an estranged beeping and buzzing began. It's beep, beep, beep, beep. When they heard these sounds again, they were 35 miles south location where the craft had first descended. They just lost some time.

When Barney and Betty got home, neither one of their watches would work. Their clothes were inexplicably torn, supposedly covered in an odd dust. Their car had an odd pattern on the trunk. They claimed that when they got a compass nearby, it would react strangely. It is unclear why they would think to take a compass, but anyway, that's part of their story. The United States Air Force attributed this story to a misidentified planet, Jupiter,

that's what they think they saw, and declined further investigation. But they think they both lost time, but neither had any injuries or indications of trauma. And then Betty had five consecutive nights of dreams. She left her wondering what really happened to them? What happened to them that night? She remembered some kind of humanoid creature

taking her aboard the spaceship by some kind of hypnotist method, fucking space hypnotist man, they're the worst space beings. And the hills eventually saw hypnosis themselves. Apparently they were really into it and they revealed another story. Now we're getting into the butt stuff, you guys.

Here it comes. Betty's descriptions from her dreams changed in subtle ways under hypnosis. For Barney, things got a lot more sinister. Oh boy, did they? He recalled being analy probed under hypnosis, and so it begins. So begins the low-hanging fruit for decades of comedians. Barney also thinks he had seeming collected in an entirely separate procedure, those fucking aliens. Super interested in Barney's junk. Couldn't get enough of dicking around with his privates. Well, they're doctor who conducted the hypnotism, concluded that Betty was a victim of her dreams,

and that Barney had been brought into the delusion by proxy. That sounds right to me. In truth, Barney was less sure that he had been abducted by aliens and his wife. But sadly, he passed away less than a decade after the initial incident so we can't you know there's no more interviews with him. And like all alien stuff I come across there is it turns out a very easy explanation for this story. This is from Jason Calavitos website Jason Calavito.com. He's an author and editor based in Albany New York a lot of books like Cult of Alien Gods, HP Lovecraft, Extraterrestrial Pop Culture. He's done stuff for American Hero Channel,

the History Channel, cited in stuff like The Atlantic. He considers himself a historical researcher and a skeptic. And yeah, he looks for scientific explanations and stuff. And he says, as I previously demonstrated, nearly all of the imagery Barney Hill used to describe his alien encounter closely paralleled imagery from the three episodes of the classic Barney Hill used to describe his alien encounter closely paralleled imagery from the three episodes of the classic outer limits television series that aired in the three weeks immediately preceding his hypnotic session.

Although Hill stated hypnosis, started hypnosis in January 1964, his claims about the appearances and activities of the aliens began on February 22, 1964, just after the episodes of February 3, 10, and 17 aired. All of which share elements of Hill statements, the aliens' appearance, wearing black leather jackets, parallels the aliens seen in the twilight episode, black leather jackets on January 31, 1964, in the February 3, episode, the Invisibles Invisible Aliens performed surgical experiments on humans who like Barney Hill.

We're lying face down on a table. In The Invisible's, a crab-like alien monster with a long tube-like tail is placed on a supine humans back and the tail enters the humans back to inject an Invisible parasite. Hills anal probe is a reasonably nightmarish kind of interference from the alien tube of the show's original broadcast. Especially because the framing of the scene, the alien tube of the show's original broadcast.

You know, especially because the framing of the scene, the dude had a clenched teeth, hands gripping the edge of the table, it suggests some kind of sexual violation. So yeah, Old Barney Butthole sees some butt rape on the boob tube, some paranormal butt rape, and it seeps into his fucking week brain and he can cocks this story. Well, sorry guys, I wish I would have found some proof. I really do. I wish I could have ended this episode with an a-ha moment. So that's where aliens visited us. That's when it happened. Instead, I just looked into a lot of people with very active imaginations who have the need for attention as a higher need than sharing the truth. But at least

it makes for great entertainment, right? I think it does. And just because these shitheads haven't seen anything, it doesn't mean that aliens aren't really out there. It's space, man. It's space. Think about those septillion or whatever numbers of, you know, planets that could have life on them. I still believe. I still believe. And I also believe it's finally time on this marathon of an episode for some top five takeaways. Time suck, top five takeaways. Number one, I can never listen to Blink 182 again. Not that I listened to them that much before.

Tom D'Long has let his need for early life to exist blind him to the truth in front of him. There were no UFO sightings in 1897. Just balloons and people who didn't know a lot of shit about balloons. And really, really, really bad newspaper journalists. Number two, nothing happened at Roswell. It was just another balloon and a sad man

who lied about being a Navy SEAL also lying about seeing four Martians when he was five years old, one of which his dad just let him poke around a little bit. Because that happens. Number three. There are no aliens at Area 51. Come on. There are just weapons we're not supposed to know about because the government rightly

assumes that the general public is not to be trusted with sensitive military information. And because we'd prefer not to hand over weapon blueprints to places like North Korea. Number four, the ancient astronaut theory makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. Why didn't ancient aliens give us useful information and technology as opposed to just helping carve old rocks into pyramids and stone heads?

Get out of here. And number five, I love William Schattener. Captain Kirk says that based on mathematics alone, there is life somewhere out there in the solar system, and I agree. It's just life that lunatics like Sammy Hagar, Dan Acroid, and Fran Drescher, haven't seen yet. Tammy Hagar, Dan Acroid and Fran Dresher, haven't seen yet. Time suck, tough five takeaway. Alright, thanks for listening to this big episode, everybody. Don't expect all of them to be this big. This was just a massive subject. And I feel like the bonus 100 review episodes, you know, feel a little worthy of going a little

further to me. You guys helped me so much when you rate and subscribe to TimeSuck to get that episode. And speaking of bonus episodes, once I get to 300 iTunes ratings, I'll do another. And as of this recording, we're already a quarter of the way there. We're somewhere around 225. So I'm going to give you a little carrot for this next bonus episode. It's going to be about Hitler's rise to power, the pre-World War II years of the Third Reich. That just seems timely right now, and that's not because of Trump. Every time a new president takes office, people start making Hitler comparisons.

I've literally heard it in my entire life. I heard it with Obama. He's going to take away our guns, you know, just like Hitler did. Just like Hitler did. Maybe it's because I'm from Northern Idaho, a hotbed of conspiracy theory. Who knows? But I just want to lay out how he rose to power and you can decide for yourself

if it relates to any present situation. Since this is not a partisan attack, I am neither Democrat nor Republican. I feel like both parties stop serving the common citizenry long fucking time ago. My opinion is time to change the whole machine. Let's retool the entire military industrial complex, but I'm not going to get political.

We got enough of that shit in the world right now. If you if you want to know what the next episode of Time Stuff will be before it comes out on Mondays, please follow me on either Twitter at D underscore Cummins on Facebook at Dan Cummins Comedy or on Instagram at Dan Cummins Comedy. I also post tour dates there. And I also post them at the Dancomas.tv website. I'll be Hyena's Comedy Club in Plano, Texas, February 23rd through 25th, the Tacoma Comedy Club into Tacoma, Washington, March two through four, Charlie Goodnights in Raleigh, North Carolina,

March nine through 11, lots more places coming up after that. So keep writing the show, keep subscribing, keep telling your friends, I'm so thankful and have a great weekend time suckers. Got another episode right around the corner.