Timesuck with Dan Cummins - Bonus 23 - Knights Templar pt 2 of 2: Fall and Conspiracies

Episode Date: June 22, 2018

The Knights Templar fought their last stand in the Holy Land (their last proper stand) in Acre in 1291 and shit was epic. They went down, but, they didn't go down easy. And then, less than two decades later, a corrupt French King forced a weak Pope into ending the long reign of the Knights Templar. And by 1312, according to historians, the Order of the Knights of the Temple had been completely dissolved. Or were they!?! Conspiracy theorists say no. They say the Knights have done all kinds of shit since then, like take the Holy Grail to Scotland, or maybe Oak Island. And they joined forces with the Freemasons to help take down humanity through the New World Order. And so much more. And we explore it all, today, on Timesuck! Timesuck is also brought to you by the Wild Card Podcast! Check it on iTunes or anywhere you listen to podcasts https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/wild-card/id1392652002?mt=2 Timesuck is also brought to you The Great Courses Plus!Do yourself a HUGE favor and get a month of SO MUCH amazing, interesting, and informative content for FREE:https://www.thegreatcoursesplus.com/timesuck Merch - https://badmagicmerch.com/ Want to try out Discord!?! https://discord.gg/tqzH89v Want to join the Cult of the Curious private Facebook Group? Go directly to Facebook and search for "Cult of the Curious" in order to locate whatever current page hasn't been put in FB Jail :) For all merch related questions: https://badmagicmerch.com/pages/contact Please rate and subscribe on iTunes and elsewhere and follow the suck on social media!! @timesuckpodcast on IG, @timesuckpodcast on Twitter, and www.facebook.com/timesuckpodcast Wanna be a Space Lizard? We're over 2500 strong! Click here: https://www.patreon.com/timesuckpodcast Sign up through Patreon and for $5 a month you get to listen to the Secret Suck, which will drop Thursdays at Noon, PST. You'll also get 20% off of all regular Timesuck merch PLUS access to exclusive Space Lizard merch. You get to vote on two Monday topics each month via the app. And you get the download link for my new comedy album, Feel the Heat. Check the Patreon posts to find out how to download the new album and take advantage of other benefits. And, thank you for supporting the show by doing your Amazon shopping after clicking on my Amazon link at www.timesuckpodcast.com

Did you know that the Knights Templar are part of the new world order or that they made it to America before Columbus or that they buried treasure on Oak Island? These are just a few of the conspiracies surrounding the Templars that will explore today. We're also going to look at the fall of the Knights Templar and their bad ass last stand at their acr headquarters. The Templars became incredibly wealthy and powerful and ironically their wealth would be the impetus for the sudden demise of the Templars when a corrupt French king didn't feel like paying a debt back. We'll talk about Templars fighting Mongols, Templars battling Greek fire in Egypt, and so much more on this bonus part to addition,

the fall of the Templars and the conspiracies that surround them today on TimeSuck. Happy Friday Time Suckers, it is bonus suck time. Rappin' up your work week with some new, exciting knowledge. Knowledge isn't just power, it's fun. When it's presented in a fun way, I'm Dan Cummins the grand general headmaster of the space force of the space lizards and you're listening to time suck Hail Nimrod. Hail Luciferina Why not praiseable jangles praise them all

Thanks as always for the reviews and ratings taking 60 seconds or less to to click some stars And whatever app you're listening to on the on the suck suck or listen to suck on, it goes a long way. It is very, very much appreciated. Thank you, thank you. And I know a lot of you time suckers knew me first as a stand up. A lot of you came over from Pandora and I just did a new stand up project with Pandora. I was one of my favorite comics, one of my favorite comedy people, Chad Daniels, and it's out now. It's called Behind the Bit. Chad and I sat down, talked to each other about where our most popular bits on Pandora came from. What's the story behind the smoothie guys,

salts, the dead squirrel puppets, here come the spoons, motherfucker. How do I think of that stuff? What was I thinking about when I wrote that stuff? What was going on in my life? How do I think of the squirrel the door or the Department of caffeinated beverages? How did Chad think up so many of his awesome fantastical bits? It's a fun conversation, fun looking to, you know, the tracks. You get to listen to a lot of tracks and not just ours but tracks from a bunch of other comics that we we enjoy on a new curated Pandora playlist behind the bit. So I'll have a link for that in the episode description, totally free, check it out.

I hope you enjoy the additional content. And I enjoyed the gifts you guys have been sent. I mean, thank you so much. I send stuff every week. I'm very, very lucky. You've been sent stuff to the Suck dungeon, PO Box 3891, Cordelaine Idaho, 83816. I will put that in today's episode description as well. 3891, Cordelain Idaho, 83816.

I will put that in today's episode description as well. So you can send stuff easily. And Whiskey Amerson, author and time sucker, send a copy of our awesome book, West of Hell. I'm excited to give it a read's beautifully, beautifully bound book, very, very cool. About, you know, some gangs in New York City 150 years ago. I love it. Like history in a fictional account merged, factual history in a, you know, a fictional

account within this factual world. So, very cool. And then also Joyce Rath said, be a bar of clean, wean soap. Mama Ridgeway's clean, wean soap, not even joking. She really sent it to me. It's fantastic. It has a weenhole and everything. I got some Gary or Mama Ridgeway clean Wayne artwork

said in this morning too, about to put up on Instagram. So much fun stuff, man. Instagram is just a time stock podcast or Dan Cummins comedy for mine. My standup Instagram. There's a lot of fun stuff on bulls accounts. Flat earth tour, man rolling into Orlando next July 12th to 14th.

Excited to head back to the improv and head there for many years. Excited to bring a lot of new content and a live podcast on the 15th with Tom and Dan from Mediocre Time. Limited, very limited tickets available. I think I'm waiting on the counts. Somebody told me it was sold out. I think there are a few left though. And then I roll into the comedy store in La Jolla. La Jolla, California down by San Diego, July

20 through 22nd date, no, high, oh funny bone July 27 to 28th and a lot more towards it's coming up Portland, Oregon, Denver, Colorado, to come and watch in Tampa and Palm Beach, Florida, Hollywood and Huntington Beach, California and so many more dates, Grand Rapids, Michigan, lots, lots of different spots coming up. I just said Denver, yeah, Dancomans.tv. Okay, sockets, let's finish up our big two-parter on the Knights Templar. [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪

All right, suckers, let's recap part one. In the 12th century, the Knights Templar are born out of the aftermath of the incredibly successful end of the 11th century first crusade. When some European Christian nobles and their armies took much of the Holy Land away from Muslim rulers. And I do realize somebody who written in saying there might have been like a previous, you know, technically a crusade before this one, but this is known as the first crusade.

At the end of the 11th century, Hugh of Pion and his small band of religiously motivated nights found a new order in Jerusalem, recognized by local religious and civil leaders. And then a few years later, they're officially recognized by the Pope while on a big PR mission in Europe. They are tasked with defending Jerusalem,

guarding pilgrims, pilgrims journeys to the Holy Land. They're given the authority to kill without sin by the Pope, and then later given papal permission to force elderly medieval peasants to jerk them off while absolutely not making a sound or making eye contact with them, and then quickly walking away when they're done and never speaking of it again. Well, wait, no, wait, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, the last one came from a questionable source. Not on what that was.

Now they didn't do that, they didn't do the last part, but they could kill whoever they needed to kill. They didn't have to tithe anyone who hassled them, got a one way ticket to hell, crown or not. They were able to kill, not have to explain their killing, they weren't beholden to any ruler of Europe who didn't have the name Pope, and even local bishops couldn't fuck with them

Right and from various admirers. They're given lots of money in land one dude gave them a third of a kingdom You know kingdom of Eragon wish I wish I knew and was greatly admired by due to had kingdom Given lots of castles to defend Templar castles and fortifications sprinkled from Scotland to France, the Iberian Peninsula, along the coast of the Mediterranean, all the way to the Holy Land around Jerusalem. And then because they have the, you know, only consistently guarded series of fortifications connecting Western Europe to Western Europe's Holy Land, they become Europe's premier bankers. You want to travel to the Holy Land, participate in the Crusades, start a new life in Jerusalem, maybe just visit some Holy sites?

Well, you know, you can deposit your money with the Templars in France, access that money in Antioch, Ocker, number of other Middle Eastern cities. Better than traveling with it on your person, risking robbers taking it from you. This additional financial aspect allows the Templars to acquire great wealth. They use their massive financial holdings to help King fund a crusade They're also, you know, making money owning lots of land which they lease out for farming cattle raising vineyards etc They're an integral part of the mid 12th century second crusade. Just not go well They lost a lot of men Europe lost almost all of their foothold in the Holy Land

They fight they fight again in the late 12th century 3rd Crusade when England's King Richard the First or King Richard the Lionheart and King Philip of France headed to the Holy Land with massive armies to take back to Jerusalem. The elderly emperor, German emperor, Frederick Barbarossa also attempted to participate in this crusade, but he drowned in the river. Asia Minor, his men turned around and headed home. Crusades really just didn't work out as well for the Germans. Asia Minor, his men turned around and headed home, and say it's really just, it didn't work out as well for the Germans. They kept trying to get down there,

and they kept running into the problems as they were trying to get down there. And that's where we left off last week. You know, at the very end of the 12th century. The Templars lost their original headquarters to Saladin, the first Sultan of Egypt in Syria. They established a new headquarters in the port city of Acre and in 1191 they

hoped along with King Richard the Lionheart, King Philip to take back Jerusalem from Saladin. So let's pick up on Monday's timeline with today's time suck timeline, pick up where we left off on Monday and headed Jerusalem with their Crusaders in 1191 CE. On July 12th 1191, King Richard the Lionheart and his men, along with some Templars, King Philip II of France, and Johnny Two Shot Frisco from Tampa took back the city of Acre from Saladin's forces. Actually, it was Leopold V, Duke of Austria, who helped Richard and Philip take back the city of Acre from Saladin's forces. I wish it was Johnny Two Shot Frisco. That was such a fun name to add to this story, man, especially if he did take Jerusalem and then became St. Frisco.

And that's where the city of San Francisco, California, got his name, Johnny, two shot Frisco. First shot for the ladies, second shot for the boys. What does that mean? Only Johnny Frisco knows. And Johnny Frisco doesn't answer questions. He asks them. Anyway, Richard and Philip and Leopold

do successfully take Acker back and then promptly get into an argument of how the spoils of their victory should be divided. Frustrations about who should control what, who should get what, who should be put in charge, there was some, you know, rivalries going for the monarchy. That led Philip and Leopold to be like, well, fucking fuck you guys, I'm taking my ball, go home. They headed back to Europe, they gave up on the crusade.

Richard having brought the largest army, he was the guy who ended up getting his way and his particular disagreement remained. And King Phil's credit, he left 7,000 French troops to kind of help out. Richard the Lionheart, he really was a strong willed son of a bitch. Not only did he force his will and the other kings, he also had his way with the Templars. After the death of master Templar, Gerard Ridefort, Templar Grandmaster, who had just been be headed by Saladin, talked about that last week on Monday, after getting captured in the siege of Acher. Richard basically appointed the next Grandmaster of the Templars, a man he knew well and trusted,

a man who was one of his fellow Crusaders who came with him, Robert IV De Sable. Richard started negotiating with Saladin to try and figure out then how they could coexist in the Holy Land together. And since they both basically wanted the same thing, which was all of the Holy Land negotiations did not go well between Richard the Lion Heart and then the Sultan. They really did a turn for the worse on August 20th, 1191, when Richard frustrated with how long Saladin was taking to get back to him on some point

or another. He's got a bunch of tropes sitting around. He can't wait forever. He's got to keep this guy's fed, got to keep him drinking, got to keep him active and moving. So disease doesn't, you know, run into his camp. Well, he takes roughly 3000 Muslims he'd captured. These are men, women and children. Takes him to a hill, marches him out to a hill outside the city gates.

And then in front of a Saladin's army, he has them to decapitate it. Like, 3,000 of these people. Jesus. Ah! And Saladin, you know, his army tries to rescue him. Richard's forces defend their position against Saladin's attacks and then retreat back within the city walls.

Holy shit. Can you imagine that? 3,000 people de capitate on a hill. I just, it is amazing to me the level of atrocities that happened in Medieval times. I mean, imagine that showing up in like in a new speed today. Holy shit. You know, if it's a, now you're flipping to your phone. Let's see what's going on in the world today. Okay. People are mad about Trump saying something inflammatory. Some dude I've never heard of has been accused of sexual harassment,

Kim Kardashian posted another picture of her in Kanye and I'm not sure how that qualifies this news with the others. And what the fuck? 3,000 men, women and children were beheaded by the British because Prime Minister Theresa May was annoyed by delaying some negotiations. Dear God, man, one kid getting publicly decapitated at the behest of a world leader would be the biggest news story in decades, in decades. And Richard had thousands of heads cut off that day. Truly, it's hard to process that

as having really happened, that kind of stuff. So, Saladin understandably not happy about that. And he responds by killing a whole bunch of prisoners he captured. And basically I would say negotiations are kind of over at that point for the time being. That's, you know, dual beheading kind of situation, mass beheading, you really kind of puts a,

I can monkey wrench negotiations. I'm pretty sure, you know, beheading someone just puts an end to really all negotiations, it's just any kind. Well, I guess unless you're negotiating on what, like, you know, win or how to cut someone's head off, if that's the point of contention, like you both want to cut the head off, but you just can't have to agree on like who should do it at what time with what weapon. just can't have to agree on like who should do it at what time with what weapon. Okay, then in the summer of 1192, Richard leads Crusader South to Jaffa, 42 miles west of Jerusalem on the Mediterranean coast. Jaffa's a mile and a half south of present-day Tel Aviv, and he feels that an assault on

Jerusalem is not possible without first taking Jaffa to base operations out of and also cut off Saladon' path to the Mediterranean. And King Richard does take Java after routing Saladans' army on September 7th in the Battle of Arceph, Richard now controls most of the Holy Land's coast, but King Richard, the French contingent of soldiers left behind by King Philip and locals, again, they just, they can't get along. They can't get along well enough to agree on how to attack Jerusalem. And to the dismay of many Christians and leaders in Western Europe, they just, they don't

end up attacking it. They just can't get their shit together to agree on how to attack. So many battles and wars lost them at evil times, based almost entirely on people who are supposed to be on the same side, just not getting along, right? Because they can't, you know, come do an agreement on how to divide up the spoil. Should they get them? Couple of disagreeing factions squabbling over, you know, who should receive the throne or who should receive this if they win or some other, you know, that's a lot. It's always happening. Then some other group pops in and beats all of their divided

asses, takes everything for themselves. You know, a couple different supposedly line groups can't agree on the siege and disband. And then later, you know, none of the groups can defend themselves against the group that were supposed to join up, you know, together in attack previously. Just constant disagreement and strife, I guess that's just how, well, I guess that's how today is, you know, political leaders constantly disagreed. Richard was able to negotiate, though, again, with Saladin. I guess he, you know, it'd cool, it'd things had cooled off since the mass beheadings.

He and Saladin agreed that Saladin could keep Jerusalem and his other existing Holy Land properties as long as Christian pilgrims could at least visit Jerusalem. And then the Lionheart left the Holy Land in October of 1192. In 1193, the new master Templar, Robert, and then also Saladin both die, Saladin of illness, Robert in some unnamed skirmish,

in 1198, a new Pope takes power or is a new crusade. The fourth crusade this time begins in 1202 and it was a fucking unmitigated disaster. This is the worst crusade, as far as going, for the Christians, the worst crusade. The majority of crusaders this time never even made it to the Holy Land. Instead, they end up attacking other Christians in Asia Minor, like things go real south on this one. The first place they attack Zara is actually located in present-day Croatia, not far from

Venice, really, which was the launching point of the fourth crusade. Too long of a side story to delve into, probably basically, bickering between various Christian nations because there's epic schism between the east and it becomes like the Greek Christians, Greek Orthodox, Eastern Orthodox, which is that church headquarter in Constantinople, and then the Roman Catholics and Rome. There's been a schism that's already previously happened and they're not getting along and there's a butt, the Pope doesn't want them and it's already previously happened and they're not getting along and there's a but the Pope doesn't want them Those guys to be attacked because they they're still You know, they're they're they have like a political relationship with them

They're still someone on the same team, but over you know little squabbles amongst the the crusaders had enough They end up attacking other Christians the Pope is fucking pissed He writes a letter to the crusaders being like hey hey, dude, I'm fucking, I'm pissed. You sack Zara? What the fuck? Sincerely Pope. That's not an exact quote. But he did write a letter to the crusaders to the leaders threatening them with excommunication.

Like, hey guys, stop attacking by Zantium or you're out, you're out of heaven. Get out of Jerusalem. Get out of, come home or go to Jerusalem, but Jerusalem but knock this off you know do what we agreed on what the leaders do not show this letter to their men and then they uh... they sack they plan a huge siege against the capital of the bison team empire constant noble uh... and then they'd end up sacking it uh... killing a whole lot of people ruling it for about four decades then in addition to uh... adding further division between Roman and Eastern churches, they also weaken the Byzantine nation, which was

standing in the way between the Holy Roman Empire and the Ottoman Empire later. You know, so that they would really kind of talk about earlier when they can't get along and they attack each other and then they weaken things that are bad for everybody. One prominent medieval historian, Stephen Rusimen, wrote, there was never a greater crime against humanity than the fourth crusade. So the Knights Templar, thankfully, virtually not involved in that one. So what are they doing around this time? They're getting rich.

They're getting paid, motherfuckers. 1188. Templars in England have been collecting crusade taxes since 1188. When Richard the line hearts predecessor assigned them that task. The English crown and the Templars had become very financially intertwined. They become the English crown's bankers and things were going well in France also on 1202. Templar brother named Hamard a resident of the Paris temple was appointed treasurer to the crown an arrangement that benefited the Templars for more than a century. And then it would, yeah, it would end horrifically. The Templars provided France with the most

modern accounting system in Europe, consolidating all royal income, expenditure through a single set of books, allowing careful scrutiny, management on a scale that had not been seen before in Europe amongst its neighbors. And they were making money elsewhere in Europe. Through all the money given to them, they'd become major feudal lords, thousands of men and women lived in various forms of bonded servitude on Templar land, owning by ancient custom the sweat of the labor for a fixed number of days per year, being compelled to present as rent

in kind of a fixed number of cows, chickens, crops, or eggs. So local peasants are giving them part of their money in different places. And Italy, the Templar Presence is spread rapidly throughout the peninsula as far as South is Sicily, South is Sicily where there were major perceptories and Messina and throughout the island and Eragon with the Templars long history stress back to the days of Alfonso the Batler talked about him. The order owned manners of vineyards, olive groves, portfolio of residential and commercial property.

You know, the charter register of the Templar House in Westka and Northern Eragon contains records of transactions by which the Templar Brothers bought orchards, wineries, shops, houses. In many cases, people left the Templars everything and there will, which benefited them greatly. People will do this because they thought it would help get them to heaven.

Suppose you, the more you left the Templars, the more they prayed for your soul. Right, there was Templar churches throughout the land. So, some of these local places had their Templar church, and so that's who they would want to give everything to. 1238, James drove out the moors of Valencia, began colonizing the surrounding area to form a new kingdom with himself as kings, or with his help, myself as kings, excuse me.

And the Templars were handily rewarded with a house in the city, gardens and farmland. Pope Innocent III who reigned from 1198 to 1216, he was a huge fan of the Templars. He was Templar Brothers' tax collectors, granting to order new privileges, issuing papal bowls, reconfirming the the general protections that they enjoyed for decades already. Over the course of his papacy, he reiterated the Tempers immunity from tides charged by other clergy. He reaffirmed their right to build their own churches, collect ties at those churches, forbade any other Christians from harming the brothers or their possessions, exhorted

the order to examine closely the new recruits to avoid a weakening to the Templars' collective moral fiber by the time it is in died in 1216 the Templars were stronger richer better connected than they'd been at any time in their history. So now for the next century a lot of what the Templars did is just a kind of rehash what we already talked about. They expanded their holdings, stored more money, made more friends with more kings and queens, continued not to hit their squires, continued to try and defend pilgrims to the Crusader States in the Holy Land. While there was still states there that were loyal to the Pope by the 1280s, only two Crusader States in the Holy Land did remain the remnants

of the Kingdom of Jerusalem, you know, with the Templar headquarters and Acre and the County of Tripoli by 1291, the entirety of the Holy Land would fall into Muslim hands. The Templars losing their headquarters and fighting in their last significant battle that year. And we'll talk about that battle, the 1291 siege of Awker. Before we do, let's talk about some noteworthy battles leading up to it. Let's, at the beginning of the 13th century, the Templars fought numerous times, fought in a variety of battles in addition to defending numerous castles during the

Spanish Ricanquista, in 1212 they helped King Alfonso, the eighth of Castile, win the battle of the Las Navas, the Toulousea, huge win for Christian Europe. In 1195, Alfonso, the eighth of Castile had been defeated by the the Almahads and the so-called disaster of Alarcos. The the Almahad caliphate was a 12th and 13th century Muslim empire that ruled over a large portion of the northwest African coast and the Iberian peninsula, present-day Spain, Portugal. They were mostly known for their size, man. They were huge people. The average Almohad man was close to seven feet tall and weighed an estimated three to four hundred pounds. And their heads were big even for people of that size. Like

pictures Shaqilo Neal. You know, pictures of the former basketball player Shaqilo Neal. Picture an army of like a thousand giant Cimitar wielding shacks coming for you. Each riding a special breed of horse they had called a Jakarta stallion. A picture of Clydesdale and then add another half a horse in size, then add wings, then add a human feet where the hooves should be, then add big googly eyes where normal horse eye should be, and a peacocks tail, and a lion's penis. If you still haven't caught on that, I'm making up everything about how big these guys were and what kind of animals they used to ride on. God bless you.

I want you to listen to the show again later. When you have less hard drugs in your system. No, the Amahad caliphate was mostly known for wanting to kick Christian ass on the Iberian Peninsula. After the victory in 1195, the Amahads took several important cities to Heo, Pasencia, Calavera, Quenca, Olses, then in 1211, Muhammad Al-Narsir, cross the Strait of Gibraltar, with a powerful army,

invaded Christian territory, captured several more Christian strongholds, and this made the rest of Christian Europe super fucking nervous. I'm sure many conversations was had about the Islamic threat coming at them from both the Iberian Peninsula and from Asia, Asia Minor, like a little pincher technique. They're gonna get squeezed out of Europe. They're gonna pinch your mind out of Europe. I bet there was some historical discussions, you know about that. They're gonna get squeezed out of Europe. You're gonna pinch your mind out of Europe. I bet there was some historical discussions, you know about that. They're gonna get us today, Castile. Tomorrow, France, then the Erdogan, Germany,

all the little countries, and then Rome. Please Pope, do look out of the Erdogan. I wanna get it. I'm scared. Something like that, I imagine. Something, the people were very, very nervous. They really were very scared. Please allow me to give me.

The Pope really did do something. The threat to Hispanic Christian kingdoms was so great that Pope innocent the third, called European Knights, yet another crusade. Crusades, by the way, not limited to the Holy Land. The main crusades were directed to the Holy Land, yeah. But crusades could be directed towards any Christian nation or uh, you know, to help out in Christian nation or group of Christians being threatened by any non-Christian entity. You know, uh, one definition of a crusade is just any war carried out under papal sanction.

Uh, the kings of Castile, uh, Navar, Portugal, Eragon all took to the field this new crusade, uh, along with the Templars, the orders of Santiago and Calatrava and volunteers from France who traveled to southern Spain between Cordova and Granada for the express purpose of fighting the Almajads and the giant winged horses. Now, and the Templars fought with them and this time they got to be part of another great victory. I was a major Christian victory with the Caliphate or excuse me, that the Caliphate would never recover from over the next few decades. The Christians would push the Muslims

completely out of Spain other than the little vassal Muslim state of Grenada, which would have to pay an annual tribute to the crown of Castile before being taken outright by Castile in 1492 after a decade-long war there. So, Holy Land Crusades win lost record not as good for the Templars. Spanish Crusades, Mui Bueno, Victoria. The Spaniards claimed after the battle that the Christians had lost only 25 or 30 men while they had killed 100,000 Muslims. They did claim that, but that's, you know, thought by historians to be a preposterous exaggeration.

In fact, actually, there were substantial losses on the Christian side, especially within the military orders. The Templars lost their Portuguese master, but it was a morale boost to the In victory, and it seemed to suggest that God was smiling once again on the Christians. Yes, I like how you're killing down there, guys. Good job on the butchering. I appreciate it. The Caliph, Muhammad Al-Naseer himself died

mayor cash shortly after the battle where he'd fled out the defeat and that crushing defeat uh... significantly hasten again their decline in the iberian peninsula okay so twelve eighteen timbers participated in yet another holy land crusade the fifth crusade fighting bravely taking huge casualties but fighting in another crusade that sadly didn't really accomplish much other than just get a lot of people killed. Templar forces accompanying crusading troops from all over the Holy Roman Empire from the Kingdom of Hungary, the Kingdom of France, the Papal States, the Crusader States, even other orders like the Tutonic Order, the Knights,

Hospitaler. Everyone's getting in on the Holy Fund this time. This time the Templars took a different route. They went to Egypt. They were attempting to attack the Muslims there, not attempting. They did attack the Muslims there, and then they were going to head up into the Holy Land from below this time. They participated in a siege of the Egyptian coastal city of Damietta, just east of Alexandria, at the mouth of the Damietta branch of the N Nile River and this siege sounds like hell on earth. The Templars faced Greek fire when they attacked the Damiya from the sea and Greek fire sounds a lot like regular fire

But stickier and even more burnier. It's the burniest kind of fire Inside the city defenders were equipped with every conceivable device for bludgeoning This is the the Islamic defenders. Every conceivable device for bludgeoning, burning and paling anyone full-hearted up to face them down. One of their most potent weapons was that seriously nasty shit called Greek fire. We had touched on this way back in another suck. I can't recall exactly which one it was. We just kind of barely mentioned it. Greek fires a sticky, it's a naphtha based in flammatory resin, which could be sprayed from pipes or hurled grenade style

and pots that would shatter on impact. It was essentially medieval napalm. And the sticky Greek fire, probably like some kind of petroleum base, impossible to extinguish, nasty, highly potent weapon, you know, the turn on soldiers attacking from the water, and it was even the water would not put it out, and no one knows exactly how they made it to this day. Probably again, some kind of petroleum oil base, which is why it would burn on the water, likely drives some type of crude oil, they found

that it's seeped up you know to the surface but again it's a mystery of ancient times to a certain extent down yet it was also hot shit in a non-burning mysterious flame way and it wasn't a fun place to wear big robes and armor because the temperature would exceed a hundred and ten degrees Fahrenheit in the shade on a regular basis

that's gonna make us a siege, significantly even less fun than normal. Even when you're not getting stabbed or burned, you're very sweaty. You, I can only imagine just the funky balls those guys had, right? This, the bacteria, the athletes' foot type situations,

the chafing. This has got to be, oh, got to be a lot of rank balls on this siege. Crusader ships entered in the river, tried to pelt the tower guarding the city with an onboard catapult, but a counter blast of Greek fire, let their ships on fire,

and they went back to base camp, you know, pierced with arrows, they were fucking burnt. Templars even tried to build an armored ship, you know, protected by bullwarks to attack the tower. They got all burnt up and shot up as well. The Templars on the fifth crusade faced additional natural miseries, as well as the rest of, as winter approach,

excuse me, conditions deteriorated quickly. Poor provisioning led to a mass outbreak of scurvy. That never sounds fun. Men limping around the siege camp with their scurvy legs now and lower legs and agony. Their gums swollen up, their gums rotting. Some crusaders left having been away from home for a year and they reckoned that to be an adequate

filming of their vows. Let me bummer. It listed how the crusade go. Not good, lost most of my teeth to scurvy. Watch my nabies get burned alive. And late October, the Templars camp was rated early one morning, resulting in a small cavalry battle, more than 500 men are killed.

Following month, the camp is last by a three-day storm, sweltered river, washed away a lot of their tents, smashed several ships at anchor into splinters. And early December raids continued from the captured river tower all over the pad board recorded one encounter in awe that having been sucked to close to dominates defense of barricades by the river strong current one of the template ships

was uh... shower with stones and greek fire then surrounded by light enemy craft then meslem soldiers fastened themselves to the vessel with grappling hooks scaled the high wooden sides engage in hand-to-hand battle uh...hand battle on deck. When they'd fought for a long time, the ship at last was pierced, you know, so the hole was breached, sought the depths, drowning in Egyptians with Christians, so that the top of the mast scarcely appeared above the water. He went on to liken the temple to a died in the Nile to the Old Testament, hero Samson. So, also those martyrs dragged into the abyss of the waters along with themselves more

than they could have killed with their swords. So yeah, man, the temple is meant, they didn't mess around. These bad men, when they really went for it, they went for it. They didn't let a little scurvy turn them back. They didn't let heavy losses turn them back. They didn't let constantly get burned alive, turn them back, ship sink. They still keep fighting. The city of Damiya, it is eventually taken, held by Crusader forces for about two years after the completion of the

siege. The mosque of Damiada converted into cathedral, but ultimately the fifth crusade failed and taking back Jerusalem and the Templars and other crusaders were fairly quickly beaten back out of Egypt. They only got in there for a couple years. Okay, so now let's skip ahead to 1241 when the Templars face the Mongols, the Mongols had a reputation throughout the Western world of time for being kind of sweetie pies. They were just really known as sweetie pies. Mongolia is actually translated in English means sweetie pie.

I don't know if you know that, it's not true. It's probably if you don't know that's why. But they like to dance, they like to tell jokes, like bubble baths, they like to send candles, that kind of stuff. No, they were fucking demons. They were demons on the battlefield. 1241, the Templars fought the Mongols in the battle of like Nisia, or like, yeah, like Lannika, like Nika. On April 9th, 1241 massive mongol army encountered Henry the pia a pious to almost uh... i want almost got me the duke rater Poland

uh... a man who looked uh... like a lot of the postman look like a mix between gorilla and pile of rotten meat uh... so he's considered handsome for for a postman no i have no idea how you look at this you know i love tees and polish people but anyway the mongols attacking eastern europe in several places in the mid-13th century as they look to expand their massive empire west for sure have to do some Mongols sucks this point. I know we touched on that on one early on with the Battle of Nisupur.

To keep Europe's forces divided the Mongols who possessed vast numbers of troops, split their military might on the western front into three armies, sending two into Hungary and a third into Poland. One of these armies encountered Henry's men in your present day and it's a Legonisha. There we go. There we go. And it's a Legonisha in southwest Poland. Possessing a mixed force of anywhere from two to 25,000, 29,000, 25,000 nights in inventory,

accounts very wildly because these guys are always inflating their numbers. So it's hard to trust her numbers. Henry formed anywhere, you know, he went to battle again, it's anywhere from eight to eight thousand to twenty five thousand, Mongol cavalry. Most historians seem to think there was probably roughly ten thousand total men on each side, but again, sometimes with these battles, it's like, yeah, just there's all the accounts very so too much to have any real idea of how many,

a lot of dudes roughly, a lot of dudes, roughly, a lot of dudes, a lot of dicks on that battlefield. Has Henry's men prepared for battle? They were disconcerted by the fact that the Mongol troops were in this position in near silence, it's creepy. Using flags, signals to direct their movements, that is creepy, man. People just being quiet out there coming towards you

was just like, you war cry or something's weird. The battle opened with an attack by Bala Slav of Moravia on the Mongol lines advancing in front of the rest of Henry's army. Bala Slav's men were repulsed after the Mongols nearly surrounded their formation, peppered them with arrows. This Bala Slav fell back, Henry sent forward two divisions toward the Mongols storming towards the enemy. Their attack appeared successful as the Mongols began retreating, but it was a fake retreat. As they pursued the enemy, a single rider appeared from Mongolia and they're like, run, run, and Polish, believing this to be a warning. Meshko began falling back, seeing this Henry advanced with his own division to support Sulislav, another leader. The battle renewed, the Mongols again fell back with the Polish knights in pursuit, and then having separated the knights from the

infantry, the Mongols turned and attacked. And then they surrounded the Knights. You smoke. Man, people have to use smoke back then. And battle. You smoked to prevent the European infantry and seeing what was happening. As the Knights are cut down, the Mongols rode in on the infantry's flanks, routing and killing almost all of them. And the fighting Duke Henry was killed as he and his bodyguard tried to flee the carnage. His head was cut off, placed on his spear, and then that was paraded around Legonisha. That's a morale killer, man. That's the worst way to show up in a parade. It's just a head.

A head on a stick, no less. That's a bummer. That's a bummer way to make it into a parade. Now, it has to suck if you live there, you were a fan of him, and then you know, ah, life is not gonna be as good when you see his head coming to town on a stick. Essentially, Henry's army destroyed in the Templar Grandmaster, Ponce de Abon reports

to King Louis, King Louis, the ninth of France that the military order lost 500 people, both in Leganesha and subsequent raids on three Templar villages and two towers, Mongol casualties unknown after the battle as was their custom, the Mongols cut the right ear off of each fallen European in order to count dead. Remember, do you remember talking about the ear sacks? Way back in suck number six during the mass beheading of Nisha Puerh, way way back in the suck headlock.

Supposedly, they filled nine sack fulls of ears. Though, again, this has as much validity as the accounts of the number of, you know, battle participants. Wow, man. So who knows? Maybe they only had five sacks of ears, which to me still sounds like a lot of ears. I googled how big were Mongol ear sacks and nothing helpful came up.

It was a bummer. I'm picturing a burlap potato sack for some reason. Maybe it because I'm from Idaho and I've been conditioned to think a lot about potatoes and so many people from other states seem to think that's all we do here. It's grow potatoes. If it is potato sack sized, holy shit, that is a lot of ears. I bet I could get a good 10 to 15 years in a ziploc sandwich sack. I was thinking, I was thinking probably too much about it. And that's 2018 American grown man ears. I bet I bet I could get 20 little 13th century European ears

into one sandwich back. So potato sack, ballpark, thousand ears. I think easy. I think easy a thousand ears, maybe 1500. If anyone has ever filled a potato sack full of human ears, please write it into the show. Please include a detailed explanation of how you got those ears and never fucking come here.

You are never welcome in the suck dungeon. All right, let's jump up to the last important battle involving the Templars. This is the nail and their coffin. This is one led their demise, their swift demise after this. This is the siege of Ocker in 1291. And before we talk about that siege,

let's talk about another one of today's kick ass sponsors. Let's talk about today's first kick ass sponsor. I had Mama Ridgeway's Clean Wayne suck in my head. That wasn't, we didn't do a commercial with that one. We just referenced the soap, we got sent in. Anyway, time suck brought to you today by the Wild Card podcast recently selected as one of the 10 best new shows by podcast hunter.

Wild Card is an interesting hilarious, occasionally uncomfortable look. I like it at the world around us. Host John and Connor asked the questions you need answered. Was it like to get shot at in combat? is your weight or spitting in your food. What are the strangest objects paramedics are finding people's butts and the interview, you know, guests like United States Marine Corps captain filled downs comedy central work of college creator Dominic Russo high profile defense attorney Brad Bradford Cohen recently

on the most recent episode I looked at the talk shit on shitty culture, destroying YouTubers, I like it. I like the variety, we time suckers like variety. So give it a listen, learn everything you ever wanted to know and some things you didn't. Refill your Valtrex prescription, download the latest episode of Wild Card. Download Wild Card today on Apple Podcasts Stitcher or wherever else you like to listen to

podcast episode link in today's or excuse me link in today's episode description. Okay, let's talk about that final stand 1291. The final stand in the in the in the Holy Land proper. Ocarus Seaged again exactly 100 years after Ocar had been seized by Richard Alignhart and other Crusaders and taken from Saladin's forces. And now it's the Muslim forces, siege in the city to take back the headquarters of the Templars. Right. Templars lost their original Jerusalem headquarters, the

Muslims over century before. The Mamluk Sultanate based out of Cairo had territory that surrounded the Red Sea and they were quickly taking over the Holy Land during the mid and late 13th century. They just taken the county of Tripoli in 1289. The principality of Antioch had fallen in 1268, the county of Odessa. That was lost over a century earlier. All this left is the Kingdom of Jerusalem, which possessed little outside of Ocar and Ocar is the last stand for the Crusaders, the last proper stand in the Holy Land Land Ocar was well defended by two lines of thick walls had 12 towers these walls and towers held the Muslims out for 43 days

But then on the night of Friday May 18th 1291 Ocar after being in the hands of the Franks for a hundred years Right of those Western Europeans those Pope love in Europeans now is in the hands of all Ashraf Khalil and his Mamluks Sultanate army. All of the Holy Land is theirs with the exception and how poetic is this of the Templar fortress. Their Holy Land headquarters about 200 Templar nights still inside and some other villagers last place to fall, not without a fight. The Templar's huge headquarters still on the west side of the city seashore based on pictures I found online and pictures of it today. Looks to have been restored. Looks epic. Huge. Bad ass. Well, after seeing the rest of the city, the Sultan negotiated with

Peter Decivere, the last living Templar master, sorry, he was not a master, last living Templar commander for an entire week. And it would agree upon the Templars and everyone else inside the fortress would have free passage to Cyprus, but the Sultans men who were sent to the fortress to supervise the evacuation, about a hundred dudes started to rough up. The villagers started to round up the women and boys

and started sending them to slave markets. You know, we're prepping them to be sent to slave markets. It was not part of the deal. And the Templars were like, fuck that. And all of the Sultans men who'd been sent into the fortress, those roughly 100 men slaughtered by the Templars. Right, they knew that was gonna be bad for negotiations, but man, they had their moral code and they didn't budge.

That is pretty amazing. You know, they could have let those people be taken, they could have went on to Cyprus, but like, nah, these people were protecting. Nope, we're cutting you down now. So then the Templars let the Sultan know that shit is back on. It's fight to the death time. Uh, and again, how bad ass is that?

These last Templars in the whole land are completely surrounded by Muslims. No help for them is coming. There's no living allies in the entirety of the Holy Land at this point. And they're like, yeah, no, we're ready to fight still. We'll fight you. And then, uh, and then that night Peter sent out the treasure of the temple. Uh, the Baud Gauden, a man who would, uh, soon become the new master of the Templars and a few other men who took a treasure, Templars had stored, uh, to nearby Siden, a city that hadn't fallen to the Muslims quite yet.

Uh, this guy likely escaped him in his other Templars via one of the tunnels the Templars had beneath their fortress. You can visit at least one of these tunnels today. It's at least to the seas, like 350 meters long. It was discovered fairly recently in 1994, now open to the public. It's a really incredible look at pictures of it. And again, man, more bad assery. They kill 100 of the Sultans men and then that night, they, I mean, the Sultans men have infiltrated the entire city

other than their fortress, yet they still managed to sneak out some treasure. You know, it was secret tunnel. The following morning, the Sultan sent a new envoy to the fort, expressed, expressed deep regrets for the actions of the few guilty men who tried to sell those women in slavery. You know, it's said, ah, my bad, my bad. They didn't, I told them not to sell them into slavery and they didn't hear the not part. And that's me. That's that's my bet. I should have reconfirm with them. This every probably feeling that he didn't have a better option, you know, than to try to make some agreement. He selects a few other Templars to accompany him on his trip to the Sultans camp.

They head outside the fortress. As soon as they get outside the fortress walls, they're accosted or dropped their knees and their heads are cut off, which couldn't have come as too big of a shock. They just killed a hundred of the assault and men. He's not going to let that shit slide no matter what he says. Well when the besiege Templars still in the fortress saw what happened to their commander, they continue to fight 10 days after the Sultan taking the rest of the city on May 28th. Assaultness finally able to create a breach underneath the fortress, sends in about 200 of

his best warriors to fight their way inside. Once they get inside, one final Hollywood type touched this story. The Frankish fortress collapses in on itself, killing almost everyone inside. All the remaining Templars die once and they took most of the Sultan's men. He had sent inside with them. Fuck yeah. After this, the Sultan quickly takes the last, you know, less fortified cities along the coast. Easy pickings at that point. And the remaining few Templars retreat to Cyprus into the small island of Ruat just under two miles off the coast of present-day Syria and the present-day city of Tartus, formerly Tortosa, small town of Arwad covers

this island. And the stubborn Crusaders would hold this little teeny island, less than a tenth of a square mile in size for a little over a decade. It's just, you know, it's like just off the coast. They just, they still weren't ready to give up. They'd lost all the mainland land. But they had this, like the tiniest little island. And they're like, no, we're gonna stay here.

You know what? Come on, try and kick us out. It's just over 2,600 feet long, over 1,600 feet wide. Five and a half football fields wide, just under half a mountain lake. This is so teeny. They thought they could use it as a battle staging area to take back to Ortosa, and then if they could take back to Ortosa, they could fight their way back into the Holy Land. Stubborn.

November of 1301, Pope Boniface, the eighth, gives the island to the Knights Templar outright. They strengthen the fight its fortifications, install 129 500 archers, 300 servants on it, also in 1301 Crusaders tried joining forces with the Mongols. You know, this gang up and fight against the Muslims, but the coalition never comes to fruition. And then in 1302, the Muslim send a fleet of 16 ships up from Egypt to attack the little Island. They prevent supply ships from heading in from Cyprus to be able to reinforce the Templars and they start starving them out, just literally starving them out. And then when the Templars attempted

to negotiate and emerge from their base, most of them are executed. A few dozen have taken prisoner and then they're placed in a, you know, sent down to Cairo and some boats placed in a Cairo prison where they were told they'd be freed if they were just able to repent their faith and convert to Islam. And instead, they chose to die of starvation. So, man, tough fuckers, those Templars. Serious convictions after this loss, the Crusaders and the Templars had zero remaining presence in the Levant. Levant, the Levant, Levant, which is those countries between Greece and Egypt. And now with no presence left in the Holy Land and whatsoever, the Knights Templar were an order that had outlived their primary reason for existence.

They were formed to protect the Kingdom of Jerusalem, to protect the Crusader States, to protect Christian pilgrims on their way to the Holy Land. And now there are no Christian pilgrims heading to the Holy Land, and there are no Holy Land kingdoms left to protect. That's got to make it kind of hard to keep morale up and to continue to be admired by the general public, you know. We are the Knights Templar, Defender of the Holy Land. There's no Holy Land to defend. You lost it to the Sultan, didn't you? Well, it's well, okay, it wasn't, but it wasn't just us it it was there was a lot going on a lot of a lot of different moving parts really

It was your only important job. That's not true. That's not true protecting pilgrims in route to Jerusalem. That's that's our most important job. There are no more pilgrims who wants to head east just to get the head locked off. That's quite enough of viewing the back. It's quite enough. Congratulations, you're going to hell now. We still have the support of the Pope. And they did have the Pope's support, but not for long. They did still have hundreds of Templar houses throughout Europe after all this fast wealth. They did still function as a bank, still managed farms, vineyards, and such.

But no longer a symbol of Christian strength. They were the mascot of the crusades and the crusades had failed. The Muslims had won. Still falling under papal protection, the Tempers were still this weird state within a state in the various countries they resided in. They still had a standing army, but no mission. And then the Tempers indicated an interest in forming their own monastic state. The Tetonic Knights had recently done so. The Tetonic Order had been given its own crusader state on the shores of the Baltic Sea. Well, they fought for it as well. Taking land from local pagans.

Well, the nobility of Europe, they didn't have any extra land to give anybody else. They had zero interest in giving any of their land to the Templars. They weren't in favor of them having their own state. And many didn't see the point and keeping them around at all. They began to get a little irritated to these rulers with the fact that these guys weren't paying taxes still, you know, why should these Astros be able to continue to amass great wealth and do as they please and their kingdoms when they weren't currently doing much to expand or protect these kingdoms. Why, why does the pope need an army? If there's no real war to be fought right now, you know, religious war. Uh, however, they do still function as a bank again

and this banking skill as I alluded to earlier is gonna be what gets them killed. Remember that they had that deal with France, they were France's, you know, bankers. Well, that comes back to Hauntum. In 1305, the new Pope, Pope Clement V, who had just become Pope that year, his Pope hat, still very shiny, still quite new, very white. Sent letters

to both the Templar Grandmaster and Hospitalitor Grandmaster to discuss the possibility of merging these two orders. Considering the current state of the crusades, he's like, come on, bros, come on, crusader, you know, they're in a low. We got it downsides. We got to do some layoffs, got a merge. Neither order is happy about this, but Pope Clement persists. And in 1306, he invites both Grandmasters to France to discuss the matter of the Templar Grandmaster. Jacques de Mollet arrives first in 1307, and then the other order delayed for several months. While waiting to, de Mollet and Clement discuss criminal charges, recent criminal charges

that have been made two years earlier by an ousted Templar, and these criminal charges, recent criminal charges that have been made two years earlier by an ousted Templar, and these criminal charges are being taken seriously by King Philip IV of France and his ministers, and the Templars don't like this. A former Templar named Esquim De Florian had been accusing the Knights of various crimes for years, crazy crimes. And remember, when this stuff kind of comes up

in these historical sucks, you know, paranoid schizophrenia, other serious mental disorders did exist back then, but just weren't understood at all or treatable. Well, this ousted template accused the Knights of being heretics, a big accusation back then, who did not believe in the mass or other sacraments, and they practiced Sodomia, and they spit on the cross, and they had weird rituals, uh, where, you know, which included worshiping some demonic idol called, uh, boffamit. Well prior to the flooring, I ever mentioned, uh, this particular demon, there is no mention

of boffamit in history ever by anyone. It's almost like you made it up. Uh, generally agreed that the charges were false, but King Philip was taken them very seriously, why? Because he was an unscrupulous piece of shit. Uh, when he didn't like somebody, accusations started flying. There'd been a big history of this with him already before this. After disagreeing with Pope Clements predecessor, Pope Boniface, the eighth, he had that Pope beaten nearly to death. Had it had like one of his henchmen.

Kidnapping for a couple days and beat the shit out of him. He would die from those injuries a short while later. Pope Boniface and Philip had become enemies when Phil decided to kick the clergy, the religious clergy out of his government and also started taxing them, which was a departure from the previous administration. Boniface didn't like it. He threatened Phil with excommunication,

Phil didn't like that. He asked Boniface to step down. Boniface said no, and then he had some thugs, beat Boniface almost to death. Highly summarized version of events, but that's what happened. And then when Boniface was dead, he held a post-humus trial regarding him being a heretic, to kind of legitimize what everybody kind of knew he did to this guy, and he accused him of all kinds of stuff, you know, heresy, uh, sotomy, all kinds of. According to historians, Philip really liked to throw around the term soty, because this is back in the age of inquisitions,

where you could be burned at the stake for some butt fucking. And it was an easy accusation to make. So when some wacky doodle, ex-templar came around, you know, because you can't like, not prove it, just someone's worried against somebody else's. So some wacky doodle ex-templar comes around, starts making these accusations about sodomy,

about demon worship, all sorts of crazy sex rituals, and all kinds of weird shit against the Templars. Man, it fills all over it. And why was he all over it? Because he owed the Templars a lot of money. And that's probably probably why he wanted to distance the clergy from the government now, because he didn't want to pay back these loans. He most historians believe he began pressuring the new pope to take action as the Templars as a way of freeing himself from his debts. Because for years, he'd been barring huge sums of money from the nights to finance his wars against England. The Templars now wanted some of that money paid back. But the problem was that France was bankrupt and he didn't have a way of repaying his debts.

The Pope was now threatening to confiscate France's property unless he did pay back the debt. Well, the Pope relents to Phil's pressure to have the charges taken seriously and the Pope authorizes the inquisition of the Templars. And I'm sure him authorizing that had a lot to do with him not wanting to be beaten to death. At dawn on Friday, 13th, Friday the 13th,

some people think that our superstitions around Friday the 13th come from this Friday the 13th, but I don't know that's true. At dawn on Friday the 13th, October, 13th, seven, King Philip, the fourth orders, Dame O'Lay and other scores of other French Templars to be simultaneously arrested. The Templars are then tortured and under extreme duress, they do admit that they worship boffamette, that they satamize each other, that they've committed massive financial fraud,

stole, spit on crosses, et cetera. And then after these bullshit, you know, course, confessions, Pope Clement pressured by the King of France issues, the King of France issues, the payable, uh, no issues A payable on November 22nd, 1307, instructing all Christian monarchs in Europe to arrest all Templars and seize all their assets. Uh, Pope Clement then calls for some payable hearings to determine the Templars guilt or innocence, uh, once freed of the inquisitors torture, the temperate's recant, their confessions, it's funny how that works.

Of course they do. Now that they don't have, you know, hot pieces of metal being shoved on their fingernails or whatever, they're like, nah, nah, I just, I just wanted that to stop. I don't mean, I didn't mean any of that. But then a 1310 King Philip insists the previously forced confessions should be valid. And, uh, and, and the pope goes along with this and they end up getting a total of 56 Templars burned at the stake in Paris by the time everything's said and done. And then King Phillips threatening military action against the pope unless the pope complies

with his wishes. Pope Clement then agrees to disband the order, citing public scandal that had been generated by the confessions as a council of Vienna in a 1312, he issues a series of papal bulls, counsel of Vienna, not Vienna, which officially dissolved the order and turned over most of their assets to other orders like the hospitals. King Philip, of course, which was absolved of all of his debt. So clearly, it's very easy to see all the motives here. You know, Clement doesn't want to get, Aosta doesn't want to get, you know, killed, doesn't want

to lose more people power. King Philip doesn't want to pay back money. And the Templars are the scapegoats for this financial situation. Grandmaster, Dave Malay, this is kind of interesting. Just kind of reminds me of their last stand in Acre, just how tough these guys were. He has to be tied in such a way when he's put on the stake. So he could face Notre Dame Cathedral and hold his hands together in prayer while he's burning alive. And check out this badass legendary shit. This is according to legend.

So, you know, maybe half maybe didn't, but according to legend, they may call out from the flames as he's being burned that Pope Clement and King Philip would soon meet him before God, his actual word, supposedly, these were recorded on parchment, whereas follows, he said, God knows who is wrong and has sinned, soon a calamity will occur to those who have condemned us to death.

So supposedly he cursed them, and then Pope Clement died only a month later, King Philip died in a hunting accident before the end of the year, and how did Pope Clement die? This is fucking, King Philip died in a hunting accident before the end of the year. And how did Pope Clement died? This is fucking crazy. According to one story, while his body was lying down, a thunderstorm, when he's lying in some church, a thunderstorm develops during the night, lightning strikes the church

and ignites the building. And supposedly it struck the church like where he was lying. And the fire was so intense that it was extinguished, the body of Pope Clement the Fifth was almost completely destroyed, just obliterated. Maybe just a legend, but a cool one. And that's it for the night's Templar. And so that is it for this timeline. Good job, soldier. You made it back. Barely. Okay, so the Templars are done, they're done in by the collapse of the crusades and, you know, by a greedy French king after that. And maybe he wouldn't have been able to do that, you know, if he probably wouldn't have been able to do that, if they still had, you know, some land in the, in the Holy Land,

but they didn't. And then before he dies, Pope Clement does absolve the tempers of the charges against them. Obviously too late for the ones burned alive and Paris, but, but, you know, other tempers that weren't burned there than the other places in Europe did get to live out the remaining days in retirement on a pension or they were allowed to join other orders. The modern Catholic churches take on the matter is that the Templars did do nothing wrong and that they were victims of a scared Pope being bullied by an unscrupulous and greedy French king.

So before we move on to conspiracies, let's wrap up what we've learned over all about the Templars. They started off as a small band of religious minded knights in Jerusalem, born in the aftermath of the first crusade, created the Crusader states, that one. And then thanks to the political campaigning of the grandmaster, Hugh of Pion, they were

able to get the pope to give them incredible powers. They could kill infidels without sin, answerable to no one, but the pope didn't have to tie, you know, being just some of the major benefits. And then after being gifted tons of land and castles and money to help fight in the crusades, they became wealthy. They became bankers due to the number of fortified castles and fortresses, you know, stretching from Western Europe to the Holy Land. You know, they fought in tons of battles trying to defend crusader states fought very bravely, trying to lead crusaders into the Holy Land attacking Islamic armies defending against the Mongols, you know, they were the Pope's army. And when he felt the need to either defend or expand Christian Dumb, he called upon the Templars. But then the Holy Land was lost to the Muslim, the Templars lost their headquarters,

they lost their next headquarters, they lost that tiny island, just off the coast of the Holy Land. Now there were no more pilgrims to protect, no more Crusader states to defend than the greedy king took advantage of the fact that they'd recently fallen from their previously prestigious position amongst European Christians to come up with some trumped-up charges against them to absolve his debt. 56 tempers gets burned at the stake, the order is disbanded and no longer exists. Or does it still exist? A lot of conspiracy theorists say these fuckers are still around. They're still do not kind to crazy stuff so much. Let's look into the most popular and craziest of these conspiracy theories, but before we do that, let's check in with a sponsor that helps teach you how to look critically at conspiracy theories,

so you don't become an idiot of the internet. This time suck is brought to you by the Great Courses Plus. Check out the Great Courses Plus for unlimited access to deep dives on any topic that interests you. There are literally thousands of lectures to stream across virtually any topic from some of the world's best professors and experts, history, science, human behavior, photography, the Templars and the Crusades. There's a great 32-minute course on the Crusades given by Leo Amrash, professor, I'm a writer at Harvard, where he works as a research professor. He's written several historical novels as well.

I watched it this morning while I had breakfast and incredible. Incredible, he was able to give me all the best parts of the Crusades. Formation of religious orders, likes the Templars, just a beautiful overview and just over a half an hour. Watch or listen anytime, from anywhere, you can download the various presentations on the app,

on the great courses plus app, so you can, even when you don't have access to Wi-Fi and you can't stream, you can still listen to, again, these thousands and thousands of amazing presentations. And you should definitely listen to the one, Your Deceptive Mind by Dr. Stephen Novella, Learn to Think critically, decipher science from pseudoscience. So applicable to what we're about to get into. Hail Nimrod. Yeah, you'll love the great courses plus and right now, time suckers get a special limited time offer month of unlimited access to their lectures for free.

When you sign up at thegreatcoursesplus.com slash time suck, that's thegreatcoursesplus.com slash time suck to get your free month link to this in the episode description and this is the only way to get that limited time only only for time suckers discount. So click it. Okay, we're going to start with the conspiracies on one one with one that I've heard before that the nights a templer were killed because they held sacred knowledge and proof of Christ bloodline. His secret marriage to Mary Mag sacred knowledge and proof of Christ's bloodline.

His secret marriage to Mary Magdalene and the Catholic Church wanted this game changing information to stay hidden. This notion is mocked pretty savagely in my favorite graphic novel, series of all time, preacher by Garth Ennis. In preacher in order to keep Jesus and Mary's bloodline, truly pure and undiluted. The children of Jesus and Mary keep it in the family, so to speak. And then their kids keep it in the family and so on and so on. So, you know, siblings are impregnating each other for generation after generation in this graphic novel. So that the family tree never gets literally any branches.

And then by the modern age, it's been like 2000 years of strict incest incest and well you just have to check out this book if you want to someday. The latest generation's not not doing great. They don't look so hot. Their mind's not so shy. So sharp excuse me. Man it corrects me. It's very irreverent. I'm a very reverent person as you know and the preacher is even for me. I was like wow okay we're there. Okay. Then this is also kind of a part of Dan Brown's Da Vinci code, you know, the whole Magdalene bloodline, although not quite as cartoonish as a presentation as a Garthensis. The theory involves a priory of sion, a secret society said to have been formed prior to the Knights Templar back in the Kingdom of Jerusalem in 1099. And then the Knights Templar was founded as the military and financial branch of this secret order,

secret order within the Templars, right? And the priorary of Sion tasked with guarding Christ's bloodlines and of course tasked with keeping so many secrets. Well, between 1956 and 1984, a Frenchman named Pierre Plentard contrived this whole thing. He made it all up. He came up with a mythical pedigree for the Priory of Sion, claiming that it was an offshoot of a real Roman Catholic religious order housed

in the abbey of our Lady of Mount Zion, which had been founded in the Kingdom of Jerusalem during the first kid in 1099, later absorbed by the Jesuits in 1617. He pulled this whole thing out of his ass. He pulled the David Ike. He took real information and then he made some wackadoodle tangents and presented it as more real information.

Pierre claimed that he himself was part of the secret bloodline that the priori, a sion, was sworn to protect. Of course he was. The bloodline was tied to the French monarchy and not only should he be crowned a true French king, the true French king, the true French king, he should be crowned, you know, the new emperor of the Holy Roman Empire, for the end times, for their apocalyptic battle

with God is prophesied by Nostradamus. Remember the Nostradamus suck? Like I was no prophet, he's no force, no, he's just another Wacadoodle. He just wrote a lot of vague Doomsday e stuff that could be molded to fit future events when future Wacadoodles forced various conspiratorial narratives. Well, Pierre died quietly, the age of 79, excuse me, in the year 2000, he was not the king of

friends when he died. He was not the Holy Roman Emperor and no end times battle occurred. I'm pretty sure I'd remember that. I'm pretty sure I'm not going to be in a time stucker update next week and be like, oh, a big update. I forgot that the end times happened back in 2000 and we're all living in some weird parallel universe. Now within this theory, it's believed that the Roman Catholic Church murdered the night's Templar to gain access to all known descendants of Jesus Christ and Mary Magdalene

to then kill those people so they could keep their theology essentially consistent and keep their reason for existing intact. Right? Because they couldn't have people thinking Jesus wasn't a pure, chaste man because that kind of fucks up their whole emphasis on chastity. You know, it's obviously very important to the priesthood, the bishops, the whole hierarchy, the Pope, etc.

Doesn't make any sense to have a Pope not getting some lady lovin' if Jesus was getting lady lovin'. You know, like if Jesus wasn't a virgin if he liked a little soft inner lady skin from time to time how could they justify their whole organization of virginal old men who supposedly represent Christ? So the church killed the protectors of the descendants of Christ to help stay in power

because they're so evil and keep some descended from someday rising above the church and dissolving it. A lot of problems with this theory, obviously. A big, big one being that most of the nights Templar weren't actually killed. Just those guys in Paris. There was a lot of other nights Templar who lived. Another major problem is that there's zero historical evidence for any of this.

Zero reputable historical evidence. This goes back to what I say nearly about critical thinking. No legitimate historians like, oh yeah, no, there's a good chance this happened Okay, here's an even crazier one. Well, I don't know if this is crazier as crazy maybe maybe maybe not quite as it's so hard to tell That's the scale of crazy with all this stuff the Knights Templar were in America a hundred years before Columbus Right good job Templars wait a way to figure out how to get a continent, no one even knew existed and do it secretly, well played. Did you, did you not know that the Templars discovered America? Well, fucking wake up.

So much evidence is found in Scotland at Rosland Chapel, formerly known as the collegiate chapel of St. Matthew and it's beautiful, seriously. I really hope I can make it to that place someday, gotta make it to Scotland. And by so much evidence, I mean, no evidence, zero evidence. The chapel is richly decorated with carvings. Among these are carvings that have been identified as maze.

By conspiracy theorists, a plant native to North America. How would they know what that looked like? Other carvings identified as aloe cactus, described as a new world plant. And then this is used as evidence that the Templars made it to the new world. The Da Vinci Code, again, references this chapel being a big part of the American Magdalene kind of conspiracy.

But here's the thing, the Rosen Chapel was built for starters in 1456, 150 years after the fall of the Templars. So the Templars didn't have shit to do with building the chapel, but I know, I know, I know, right? But part of the conspiracy is that some Templars, some Templars snuck away and then they were operating in a secret and they're still going to this day. Part of this particular conspiracy is that, you know, in 1307, Templars snuck away from France with a bunch of treasure, sailed to Scotland, hid some of the treasure there, and then

the Roslyn Chapel is now some secret Templar priory of Sion, Freemason, demon church. And its decorations are proof that the Templars made it to the new world before Columbus, except that the carving of Maze, if you just look at it, is clearly not Maze. It doesn't look like that at all. And the aloe cactus at Rosin could be any kind of plant. And, you know, it's not aloe. There isn't such thing as aloe cactus. It's a succulent.

And it's native to Africa, not America, and it certainly wouldn't have grown in New England, which has severe winters. Also these carvings, not part of the original structure, so there's a problem there. They were added at some point after 1456, could have easily been added after 1492. This theory also suggests that an old stone tower, Newport, Rhode Island, is a Templar tower, the Newport tower. It's round. It stands on round arches, a round church,

clearly built by Templar colonists who came to America before Columbus, correct? No. Now the Newport tower is built as a windmill for grinding grain in the 17th century. And it's mentioned in 1677 as my stone-build windmill in its owner owners will. And two separate archaeological excavations of the tower, one in 1951, another in 2006,

both concluded that the tower was built between 1650 and 1670. No where near 100 years before Columbus, so there's that. But still there is a theory that the Tempers would have come in about 1308. Still, you know, survives after the suppression of their order in France They escaped with their fleet Made it to Scotland and then taken off for the new world One name that gets tossed around a lot as far as a template taken off for the new world way before Columbus is Henryson Claire Earl of Orkney son of the air

Or son and air excuse me of and Claire, mode of Roslyn. Henry St. Clair is alleged by conspiracy theorists to have been a Templar. No proof of that whatsoever. Again, the order has been defunct. Took charge of voyage by the Venetian brothers, Nikolo and Antonio Zino, who in maps and letters later claimed to have reached Nova Scotia via Greenland in 1389,

explored some of North American coastline more than 100 years before the voyage of Columbus. Numerous problems all of this. Most historians think that the letters claiming all of this are obvious forgeries created by the authors. I hear him key Christopher Knight and Robert Lomas to help sell their book. And again, no proof that it was a Templar because, you know, Templars again, not around it, but so easy.

So easy to accuse people of being in secret societies. These fucking conspiracy theorists drive me crazy, right? Because you can't argue against it. They do these stupid arguments where it's like, well, he was in a secret society. It's like, well, yeah, you have no proof of that. And then they can be like, well, of course, there's no proof.

Demi, it's a secret society. The proof is secret. Wake up and smell the secrets um a fun sub theory to this templer exploration uh templer exploration to the new world of the new world is uh one that happened uh the we touch touch excuse me touched on in a previous suck it's oak island that the templers actually made it to oak island and that's where they hid their magical treasure possibly the holy grail yes the mysterious oak island we sucked on back in December the one actually made it to Oak Island. And that's where they hid their magical treasure, possibly the Holy Grail. Yes, the mysterious Oak Island, we sucked on back in December. The one where we learned that the only interesting thing going on on that island is the island's

ability to lure countless dipshits into looking for treasure that was never buried there. According to legend, on the day King Philip and died of the Knights Temple, the order loaded up their various treasures from their headquarters in Paris, loaded it on the boats, sailed off to Scotland, sailed off to Oak Island, hiding this treasure. And then they supposedly wanted to come over to the new world because they wanted to start that new utopian order,

create a monastic state. And then they make it to Oak Island. you know, and but instead of, you know, starting this new civilization, they don't do that. They just bury treasure and disappear. Does that make sense? Now, they don't survive as an order. They don't survive that way. They just assimilate into the local culture.

They become part of some native tribes in Canada, even though there's no evidence of this whatsoever. You know, they just create something that's modern treasure hunters, treasure hunters with all their, you know, modern equipment still can't access, because they had so much technology, their disposal, but then they didn't have enough technology to keep a civilization going. I don't know. Too bad for those native First Nations Canadians that this didn't really happen. Maybe Sinclair could have helped them build up some tolerance to European communicable diseases like small

pox. Okay. So now let's talk about another one. Let's talk about one where the Knights Templar are part of the New World Order. You know they help run the world, right? Get out, get out your knees. Stop worshipping the New World Order time suckers. Wake up and smell the Templars. A Knights Templar and Freemason obsessed author named, named John J. Robinson, who died in 96 wrote a book, 1996, called Born in Blood, the Lost Secrets of Freemasonry, claimed that the Freemasons and Knights Templar were and are intertwined. Here we go again with Freemasons. God always bring them back in. John said that, uh, after Knights Templar were formed over over the next centuries to come, they would be referred to as the order

of the temple, the Order of the Temple. The night's of the Temple of Solomon in Jerusalem and a number of other variations on this. But no matter what the variation, two things always remained constant. Whatever form of their name, it was always based on the Temple of Solomon. And it always took second place to the popular name they bear still, the night's temple are done, done dun dun. Do you see it? Time Sucker? Do you see the clear and obvious and powerful connection? Are you woke? Is your third eye working? Do you understand what this so obviously means?

Anyone familiar with Freemason? He knows that the Freemasons claim to have been founded upon the building of the temple of Solomon. So clearly, since they both claim to have been based on the temple of Solomon, they are obviously one in the same group. And we already know from the Freemasons double sucked, if Freemasons are a satanic order composed of secret and powerful Jewish leaders who will destroy and or enslave all Christians. Is this just as crazy as saying like, uh, do you ever think about how Muslims and Christians are actually part of the same religion? I mean, sure, they killed each other a lot, like a lot over the years.

But they both claim Jerusalem is their home. Do you see? Do you see? They're part of the same team, same place, equal, same team, all the fighting being done to distract us from the truth. New York Yankees, New York Metz, both New York, same team. Sure they look different. Sure they play games in different cities at the same time. It's all an illusion. Um, there really isn't any better evidence than that for this theory. Like it's that week. Uh, and yet I bet hundreds of thousands of not millions believe it. Uh, Roslyn let's get back to that for a second, said to be where the Knights of

the Templar kept their biggest, most powerful treasure, the Holy Grail. A lot of conspiracies around the Holy Grail with Knights Templar. Some people claim that the Roslyn Chapel still holds the Holy Grail. It's still there, it's in Scotland. How do we know this? Because there are 213 cubes with strange inscriptions within the architecture and these cubes are speculated to be priori of Sion, right? Related and possibly even tell what's going on in the in the floors below the chapel. So many things hidden beneath the floors, including the Holy Grail, the mummified head of Jesus, the crown jewels of Scotland,

tombs filled with large amounts of treasure, Moses' eyeballs, Abraham's right hand, Hitler's mustache, Darth Vader's helmet, Michael motherfucking McDonald's songbook, Yamo B there, oh, oh, oh, oh, yamma be there Yamma be next Whoa to the holy grail sit next to Moses's eyeballs Nevator's hair. Oh, my looking at Hitler's mustache. You just got McDonald's kind of That was a bit of a reinterpretation of the bar of time sex most famous work. That was a remix. Of course those last two items are nonsense, but the mummified head of Jesus isn't. I didn't make that one up.

So weird. What is the holy girl by the way? We've all heard that term a lot. It's the cup Jesus drank from it the last supper, and supposedly it received blood flowing from Jesus's side while he was dying on the cross. That part always seems super weird to me, right? Just something like, hey Jesus, I've come to help you. Grace, please, can you give me down from here?

No, but look what I've brought you. Is that a cup? Yes, it's your cup from the last supper. Please don't talk about food, I'm very hungry. Did you tell me you brought me something to drink in the cup? No, that'd be all that's a good idea, but no, I had a different a good idea. I was thinking I could catch your blood in it as you die. It wouldn't that be neat. What?

How is this helpful? No, legend has it, this relic grants the power to heal wounds, deliver eternal youth, possibly immortality, you can grant everlasting life, King Arthur himself, supposedly look for the Holy Grail, and that brings us to the numerous problems with his legend. It probably doesn't exist. For one thing, a lot of historians don't think that King Arthur himself existed.

A lot of historians doubt he was a real person. He comes from a Jeffrey of Monmouth, not Joffrey. I learned my lesson, 12th century tales. And many historians think that these tales were just that they were just made up stories Also the grail is not mentioned in any Christian text prior to the 12th century That's that's a bit of a historical problem Why didn't anyone mention this this artifact this relic for the first millennium plus, you know, years of this religion? How is it kept a total secret for over a thousand years?

So okay, so that's that one then this one might be crazier you know, years of this religion. How was it kept a total secret for over a thousand years? So, okay, so that's that one. Then this one might be crazier. This one I think is crazier than the ones we've been discussed so far. There's a 9-11 conspiracy with the Templars. You know, remember the 9-11 suck we did back? Well, maybe it was an inside job.

Maybe I overlooked this. It was an inside job orchestrated by the Illuminati Freemason Cyan Templars. Check this out. The Templars were recognized at Claremont. In 1, 1, 1, 8, 11, 18, do you see? Do you see? Will you let your third eye open?

1 plus 1 plus 1 plus 8, 11. It's right there. It's right in front of us this whole time. Wake up. There may have been nine original founding Templars and they first banded together in 11, 11 and taking new, no new members for nine years. Right? So there's that. There's the elevens again and a nine again. And this is somehow the numerical basis for the United States 9,11 tragedy. That's what they were worried about back then.

Were they worried about trying to stay alive? No. Were they really prioritizing forming a new order? No, they weren't. Were they really trying to win the crusades? Which overall they didn't? No, they didn't have time for that. They were focused with the country that didn't exist yet. They were focused on a country that would be built in the land. They didn't know existed yet Real people with jobs who can vote believe in this insanely preposterous bullshit So this is the claim largely of author Robert Howard in his book destruction of the trade centers a cult symbolism

Indicates enemies within our own government Here's all the evidence he points that leads leads back to the Tempers. On 9-11, 19, the United States invades Honduras. I don't know why that's important. On 9-11, 1922, the British mandate for Palestine is created, giving a home to the Jewish people. What about that 9-11? Which actually there's a problem with that because that date's not correct. They correct dates, actually, September 29.

But never mind, it doesn't matter. There's other elevens. What about 9 11 1941 when construction of the US Pentagon began that one is right and 60 years later the towers are destroyed on 9 11 11. Ta-da! What does that all mean? It means the Templars wanted to hurt America, but not destroy it for some reason, hundreds of years ago. Don't you see it? Don't you see? Could these random numbers picked from almost a thousand years of tens of thousands of other random significant dates be coincidence?

Yeah. Okay. Yes. Maybe. Definitely for sure. Oh, and also on the web's chat rooms, you can find even crazier, even friendier theories, such as that the Templars have time travel abilities. It kind of bounced around through time.

UFO connections, and they're behind the assassinations of both Houdini and JFK, because those guys got a hold of a couple of relics they wanted back. Oh, and there's Templar bases on Mars, so there's that as well. Nothing's off limits really, when you're coming up with theories,

when you don't care about logic or evidence or science or rational thought. What a fun, imaginative world to live in. Let's look further into this crazy world with today's big old idiots of the internet. It is the intro that gets to that. All right, this might be my favorite 80s section ever. It's so good. I didn't do one last week, so I wanted to save it for this week.

We're going to be going today. November 3rd, 2016, UFO Mania posted videos. See, no, it's going to be good. They post the best. Called Secretive Nights Templar Make A St sounding bid to save worlds. And this is what the video description reads as it says, uh, and what is surely one of the most amazing reports we've ever read. Russia's foreign military intelligence, uh, directorate is reporting to President Putin today. Somehow they have his info that they have confirmed that the most secretive organization in the world

has contacted Lord James of Black Heath of the United Kingdom and made an astounding offer to save the global economy with their vast gold reserves said to be more than has been mined in all of the world's history. I just wanna repeat that sense. They have gold reserves said to be more than has been mined in all of the world's history. So that's kind of an impossible amount of gold you would think to have more than all of the gold.

That's a that's a basic mathematical problem there. It's hard to have more than the sum total of something. Okay, typical wacky little shit. It's this video and it's been spent over a year and a half since this game game changing news broke nothing's happened uh... the video makes a case for the free mason's being you know night's templer they point to the same kind of bullshit proof that we just covered in debunked about the tempers you know beating columbas to get to america they had more stuff they had to somehow the college of william and marie and

williamsburg for jenia is a is a tempore school of some kind and uh... and again they really hit that hit that point of William and Mary and Williamsburg, Virginia is a temple school of some kind. And again, they really hit that point of the temple, having more gold than all of the gold. This has been mine so far. So I don't know if they're getting it from space or something. Yeah, a lot of weird stuff. So first comment is from user testament. Testament as simply, how does one become a member of the Knights?

I'll answer that. I'll answer that. I'll take that one. You build a time machine. It's the only way. You build a time, you build a working time machine, you go back between 11, 18 and 13, 12. You dumb shit.

You don't get to become one. They're not around. You can't become a member of an order that doesn't exist. That's the advice I would give. But there's a lot of other advice on the web. There's a lot of apparently real life Templar Knights just hanging out on YouTube. They got nothing better to do. These new Templar Knights than to dick around on YouTube.

Kong the Destroyer claims to be one of them. Kong the Destroyer. I'm guessing Kong mostly destroys his dick alone in his room. Possibly, you know, he divides a time between destroying his own dick and destroying his PS4 controller. And he says, some of us are born into it. Others are brought in by existing members. Oh, right.

Okay. Sure. Sure. You, you are a night's template, Kong to destroyer. And I am an award-winning R&B vocalist. Get the fuck out of here. Colombo Joe666 gives testimony, a place to join kind of, not an address or a name or anything, that's what you do if you actually had real information.

But Colombo does post, there is a night's templer in Georgia, but they worship Baffelmett and are underground. And they have much knowledge, but not that rich. Oh, so you know they're underground. You know they worship off of it, but you don't, you know they have a lot of knowledge, but they don't have much money. Thanks for the speech, Joe. I'm gonna pass that along. The other people, I, and I'm gonna pass on joining up with the Georgia Templars.

I do like that they have much knowledge, but I'm looking personally to join a Templar order who is that rich and who don't worship a demon that somebody made up in the 14th century. Silver Birch outdoors has a problem with the Templar gold claim. He posts, how can they have more gold than has been mined in history? Complete stupidity. Exactly. Silver Birch, if that is your real name, but you're in the wrong thread for logic and common sense, me go silver birch gets plenty of wacky do the answers user 1G3 0s or 1 to just the river of Mars dot dot dot.

User Tommy North Wednesdays before history, not time. I really don't think these assholes are trolls. I really don't. I know they could be, but I do think they're serious, you know? It's Mars, bro. Yeah. They got most of their Earth's gold, but they got shit ton of Martian gold as well. What do you hung up on?

Mars still has tempered minds on it, bro. Uncle, you, Uncle who lives with us right now, live with us for the last few years. He told me that the other day. Dude, open your mind. They have gold from the future. Now, they have more gold than all of the gold

that has been mined prior to now, but they don't care about now because they time travel, bro. They've mined gold a thousand years from now and for some reason brought it back to now to reinvest and to get more gold later. Dude, open your mind. Save and One offers maybe a slightly,

that's crazy option, saying, for all the world knows, there might be an entire ancient Mayan secretly hidden city of gold available to the, available to the arch enemy of evil. The point they could intend, despite the semantics, is that they wish to help those deserving souls who have earned blessed relief.

Maybe that's not less crazy than Mars. Hey everybody, do you think that they have an ancient Mayan god city of gold? All right, Ryan, that'll be quite enough. That's why you can't skip a day of your meds. Okay, buddy. Mayan God City of Gold. All right, Ryan, that'll be quite enough. That's why you can't skip a day of your meds. Okay, buddy. Um, I love, why is it Mayan?

I like why the Mayans rewarding the faithful. Uh, JK machine also thinks about the Mayans stating, what if they found all the secrets Mayan temples? I love it when they tie one secret nonsensical conspiracy to another in this way. Uh, why would they find the Mayan gold? Why are the Mayan fixation? I guess they'll learn about that in a future suck. Silver Birch outdoors tries to clarify

his original question after all this saying, the gold was still mined. It didn't grow on trees. All gold has been mined. So even if you have all the gold in the world, you can't have more than has been mined. It's not rocket science. It's damage silverbirds. This is not the place for rocket science. This is a place

for fucking madness. Complete more on Timothy's speech or replies directly to silverbirds outdoors saying silverbirds outdoors dumbass. There's other valuables than gold. It is just one idiot all caps. What? You don't know how an argument works, Timothy. You're really bad at this. He's talking specifically about the point of how could you have more gold than the gold. Again, you know, that's like,

that's like, I have more magic to gathering cards than all of the magic to gathering cards that have ever been made. Oh, so you made extra cards then? No, that's not what I said. I have official magic to gathering cards, so you made extra cards then. No, that's not what I said. I have official magic to gathering cards, the ones that they make,

and I have more than the ones that they make. How is that possible? Do you even have a first grade understanding of math? More than ever have been made. Repeating it doesn't make it make sense. More than ever have been made. Peter Seager joins the Dipship Party posting, this is one of the evilest, sadistic groups on earth.

The Jesuits must be exposed. The Knights, Templars are bloodthirsty. There can only be one master and he doesn't sit in Rome. The people of the Catholic Church are good people, but the flock has been deceived by Satanist that had the Vatican. All secret societies are inherently evil by being secret. Man is corrupted by secrecy, power, and wealth. We must always shine light on the private secret groups and their associates.

No no Peter, secret groups are the best. That's why I wanted to launch the Spaceless Earth and the secret suck originally. I wanted to have a closed group not anyone can just wander into why so we can keep out the fucking riff raff like you Keeping out the riff raff. That's why secret groups form and you are so riffy and so raffy Right free mason's for example, you know, they want to be able to enjoy a drink and a lodge that Doesn't allow someone like you to be a member So you're not sitting there ruining their drinking time blowing them them up with a bunch of horseshit. User Care Bear replies to Peter. She is a fan of Peter. And she replies to even more crates. She says, Peter Stager are founding fathers with a real free

maissance. And then like three commas in a heart emoji. That's interesting. Who wrote our constitution period, followed by comma. They are not evil comma space comma The Pope is the damn devil child predators five commas A bunch of sadistic freaks running wild in the house of the devil space comma Vatican is pure evil skull and crossbones emoji. I hope the Knights kicked their ass, comma, clap emoji, three of them. Go, president, Trump. Flag emoji.

What does Trump have to do with any of that? Why does Trump have to fight the Pope? Is that part of the presidency I'm unaware of? Is he gonna nuke the Vatican? Is there a Trump Pope showdown in the making? I guess I gotta start watching the news again. Wackadoodle Jamie Doyle has a lot of answers. He posts about the video itself, not another commentary.

He says, your information concerning the Knights Templars wrong. You should research the real reason they were disbanded. They had broken up into two factions, one that put wealth and power first. The other remained soldiers of Christ. It was the first one mentioned that moved to America and they started the Illuminati.

They are the soldiers of the devil. The soldiers of Christ stayed hidden in Europe, a large force moved to Scotland to guard the goblet and other sacred items. Nuts like Jamie are some of my favorites. I love, I love, know it all. Trying to be know it all is in the world of make belief. Like, like, I love that with the kind of personality type that would correct someone on something that isn't real

You know, it's like actually that's not true. The Illuminati are not reptilian. There are mortal tempers. You don't know They get their power from God's goblet whoever holds God's goblet has all the power. I read about it in a book. I wrote Hey, whoa, actually that is not, oh my gosh, I don't even know where to begin with you. That's not how you write a unicorn. You can't write a unicorn that way. Listen, and your information concerning snake bats is all wrong. Snake bats have a different ratio of snake to bat than what you are sadly describing.

Oh, Jamie, how about the next time you think about sharing a thought, you read a book instead, one printed by university, or maybe Jamie should talk to Kevin O'Hara. O'Hara considers himself quite the wise sage. You can tell by what he posts. First, he posts all gold and silver belongs to the Lord, so no man can keep it. And then he posts all good things come to he that asks and waits. What are you talking about Kevin? No one's talking about how the gold belongs to them in some immortal sense. Gold does belong to us while we're alive. You gibberish pseudo philosopher. Do you pay your bills in God? Or do you pay them money? Okay. And asked and waits, I just liked it because it's hilarious phrasing. I like the extra

plural there. Why doesn't anything good ever happen to me? I don't know, have you ever tried to ask and weights for the good things? I find that asks and weights works best for me, most of times it's asks and weights works. User Barry Brez makes an random Trump post saying, God place President Trump in his office, don't mess with them

a lot of exclamation points scattered in that one why are you posting that here berry this video doesn't mention trump it's a video about temper money it's talking about England what are you doing get some sleep you seem tired and fragile uh user deglis douglas eddie is sick of the tempers bullshit he posts what poloni they have this wealth because the Catholic Church helped form them. And anything they offer is what they stole through usury, just another new world order plan with bondage to it, no doubt, like the European Union. Okay. Captain Poncho finally solves the gold problem, saying that alchemy made gold, no doubt. Bam! Now we're talking, Captain Poncho, You cracked the code. What is alchemy? Alchemy, according to the dictionary, is a form of chemistry and speculative philosophy, practice in the

Middle Ages, and the Renaissance concerned principally with discovering methods for transmuting baser metals into gold, and with finding a universal solvent and a lixer of life. Make it that gold, baby. Pour in some gravel into one end of a magic machine. Maybe add in some salt, maybe some eye of nude, maybe some rose Mary. Maybe some oregano, and you get 24 carrots coming out the other end. That's how the Illuminati makes the real money. I'll come me.

I almost make she wonder if they can just make as much gold as they want. Why are they fuck with anyone? Why not just be super, super wealthy and just do what super, super wealthy do? People do, you know, which is do whatever they want. User Ron Kenard gives the world a heads up posting, somehow I just do not believe that a Luciferian order of the Knights Templar,

AKA, but he does AKA with slashes, which is interesting. A Masonic order has all caps. Our best interest at heart, no matter how much quote, gold they offer. Remember the kingdom of God, in other words, heaven has its streets paved in the purist gold that you can see through. You can see through it? Whom do you trust? Heads up.

Thanks for the heads up, Ron. Thanks for watching out for the rest of us. Great heads up. If you wouldn't have warned us, we might have just accepted their gold machine gold and ended up sitting next to the devil in that big lake of fire and not being able to be in heaven

where the see through gold apparently exists. Raymond Austin Dorf is also worried posting, they're making a big bid for the new world order. They are satanic and dangerous. I like that they're both. They're not just satanic, you guys. They are satanic and dangerous. I like that they're both. They're not just satanic, you guys. They're also dangerous. Interesting.

I'm intrigued, Raymond. If they're making a bid for the new world order, does that mean they're competing with other groups? Is it tempers versus lizard illuminati? Who else is competing? Elk Lodge people? Moose Lodge people? What about, what about carnies?

Please tell me the carnies are somehow in the running. What about Bill Gates? What about McDonald's? What about Ronald McDonald? What about Donald McDonald? What about Donald Ronald McDonald? One more. User Rick Atkinson has a new temper theory he's been dying to share. He advises that we read Solomon's power brokers. Knight's Templars, Escape Friends, and 1307, founded Switzerland, best geographical military stronghold to continue their International Bank banking business.

They were the force restraining the church and the dark ages and later found the democracies we now enjoy until career politicians took over. Rick, I have to ask you a question. Have you ever, and I mean, even one time, read a history book written by a historian. The shit you're talking about is nonsense. I looked into Solomon's power, Brogars. It is pure whack of do. It's printed in crystal.

The book is made of in courts. It's not, but it's, it's a complete nonsense. It's that typical stuff we've been talking on today, Freemason, New World Order, Night's Tempor stuff. Banky did not kick off in Switzerland until the 18th century. Right, it didn't go from the Templars at the dawn of the 14th century and then zip right on over to Switzerland. There's literally no evidence of that at all.

There is no evidence of any sort of sophisticated banking in any part of Switzerland in the 14th, 15th, 16th, even 17th centuries. Their current banking empire began in the 18th century when Swiss mercenaries fighting in foreign wars started bringing home a lot of money needed some more safe to store it. Specifically, the great council of Geneva and 1313 established regulations required bankers to keep registers of their clients, but prohibited them from sharing that info with anyone except the client. Unless the city council agreed that they needed to divulge the information. That's what led to modern banking and Switzerland. 10 minutes

of research would teach you all of that. Switzerland did instead of a modern government and really become the nation we know today until 1848. During that time, during the time the Templars were disbanded, much of it was part of the Holy Roman Empire and we remain so until the 17th century. So timeline, banking history, we bit off as far as your Templars there he goes. But thank you all for the nonsense. It is, I'll be into that, into that, into that. Alright, that was fun. That was fun for me at least. I hope you had about love, share, and wacky deal conspiracies.

It's so amazing to me that so many people believe this shit. Like, really believe it. And again, if you think they're all trolls, you're wrong, and I know that. Because sadly, I have met in my travels a lot of people, right? Not online, I've met people and had real life conversations with people about shit like this. I've met a few comics who believe some of this nonsense. I have family members who believe this type of nonsense. Mostly in my experience,

these people are not intellectually curious. Not necessarily stupid. They just, you know, they take no effort into thoroughly looking into something. Or, sadly, they don't have the ability to decipher credible information from proposed resources. They can't make critical thinking so important.

They just, in this read something, and they don't care about who the author is. You know, if it's their worldview, they just accept it as truth. I'm really trying to retrain my brain to be like, you know, okay, interesting, but where did you get that info? And then if it doesn't seem legit, you know, I try to let go and believe in it. You know, like the

damn Stanford prison experiment, man, we did a whole second that I believed it, you know, because it was all published to credit information, then it turned out to the the accredited professor who published it, totally misled, I almost did misled again. Missled the psychology, psychology community. New expose was published by the way on that, where they released previously unpublished recordings of Phillips and Bartlett, that Stanford psychologist who ran the study. Interviews with his participants, it offers very convincing evidence that the guards, the experiment, or coach to be cruel also shows the experiment's most memorable moment arguably of a prisoner descending into a screaming fit for claiming I'm burning up inside was the

result of acting. I took it as kind of an improv exercise. One of the guards would later tell reporter Ben Bloom. I believed that I was doing what researchers wanted me to do. So dammit, you know, it's Zimbardo Bullshit at us. Time to rethink what, you know, what he was teaching us about whatever we about, you know, obedience. And you know, anything you thought teaching us about whatever we, about, you know, obedience. And you know, anything you thought prior to this episode or prior to that episode, I guess, you know, has to be rethought or after that episode. Excuse me.

If I can jumble my words around now, I'll work it up. If you thought prior to this episode, the night's Templar made it to America before Columbus will maybe now read time to, you know, time to rethink that with some critical thinking. Definitely, definitely time now for top five takeaways. Number one, on the night of Friday, May 18, 1291, occur. The last remaining Christian stronghold is taken in the initial crusades, almost, there was taken by the Christians in the initial crusades, almost 200 years earlier

falls back to the Muslims, but takes over a week longer to destroy the Templars fortress. They were the last to go. And before leaving, they killed a few hundred of the Sultans men snuck out their treasure, badass to the very end. At dawn, sorry, number two, at dawn on Friday, the 13th, October, 1307, King Philip, the fourth ordered, they malay and scores of other French Templars to be simultaneously arrested after getting Pope Clement to agree to authorize an inquisition

against them based on Trump's up charges. And then on November 22nd, 1307, the Pope instructed all Christian monarchs in Europe to arrest all Templars and seas or assets and the Knights Templar are no more. Number three, zero proof that the Knights Templar made it to Oak Island. But the History Channel still wants you to think that's possible because shitty history

channel execs care more about ratings than actual history. Number four, some people believe that the Templars are somehow behind the 9-11 attacks seriously and that the Templars predicted these attacks with their very formation, with the dates of their formation. Oh, and they're protecting the Holy Grail and Christ bloodline. Number five, new info, the Templar diet. Who saw that coming? The exceptional longevity of Templar Nights

generally attributed to the special divine gift of the Holy Grail, Wright's Catholic scholar, Francisco, Franseschi, a recent journal article according to Alice Obscura, but there's a more modern answer. The Nights Templar followed a compuls journal article, according to Alice Obscura, but there's a more modern answer. The Knights Templar followed a compulsory diet, excuse me, that may have contributed to their long lives. The men in the group took formal boughs of poverty, chastity, obedience, and though the order was one

of the richest in the world, they didn't eat like it. The Knights, Aiden, pairs were told to study the other more closely to make sure that neither was eating more than his share, and make sure that they were also eating enough so they ate very well. They only ate meat three times a week and on Mondays, Wednesdays and Saturdays, the nights ate vegetable field, filled meals and bread. The ate a thick soup, made of oats, vegetables, they grew fruits in their gardens.

On Fridays, they ate no eggs milk or animal products They were allowed to drink wine, but not much and it was diluted sensible eating Fresh food lots of fruit and veggies man. I need to get on that Mocha's and Red Bulls probably not part of the Templar diet probably would not be Templar approved probably not adding to my life expectancy During the 13th century average life expectancy for men even wealthy landowners was about 31 years rising to about 48 years For those who made it to their 20s the Knights Templar, however often lived long past 60 and typically they did not die from illness They died at the hands of their enemies when they were being badass motherfuckers

The Knights Templar have been totally sucked now. My jaw hurts. Got a kink in my neck, a bit of a headache. They sucked all those Templars. Big thanks to the time stock team, Harmony Velocamp, Jesse Dobner, Reverend Dr. Crel, Alex Dugan, the Biddle XR team, danger brain,

Eric Radiker, Queen of the Suck, Lindsey Cummins. Thanks again to Kai Beamer, for sending in a list of conspiracies to look into. We discussed a new empire on Monday, the Aztecs. Been a long time since we've mentioned the South America. Last time it was for Pablo France, Pablo Francis, go to the comic, Pablo Escobar and cocaine. Now we dig into an empire that ran on more than white lightning and machine guns. Egypt and Rome seem to get all the glory of ancient history and civilization, but what about the, what about the rest of the world? What was going on in South America?

Was everyone just fumbling through life? Not, uh, not able to put two syllables together? Of course not. The Aztecs built a vast empire, one that outpaced outstage and out populated likes of Paris at the time. They were a powerhouse warrior-based society with a devout religious following and a growing empire. And then Cortez showed up, shit changed quickly, but why?

Why did the massive empire suddenly fall apart? Let's dig in, let's find out what really happened. Did Montezuma's bloody and superstitious Mexican empire crash the hands of a few brave conchistadors? As Cortez and history often tell us, or did a cruel and greedy Cortez capitalize on existing internal strife already hurting the empire when he arrived. Let's find out Monday, my sister Donna Hale,

kicked off research and she always does a fantastic job. She's a great teacher and she's a great researcher. I'm excited to see how much as she kicked on Monday's show. And time now for some time sucker updates Checking off this this week's updates with the leprosy dick update not kidding Not kidding time sucker Dennis Bashar wrote in saying hail sucker master profanon Imrod. I'm sucker. Dennis Basha wrote in saying, Hail Suck Master Profit Nimrod, I'm a medical librarian.

That's cool as hell to me. And wanted to see what I could find about having leprosy on your dick. Oh, thank you, Dennis. You make me so happy right now. Dennis says apparently there are cases of poor bastards having dick leprosy. I know that's not funny.

I couldn't find any reports that bluntly said that their dicks were running off. But I did find one that said the patient suffered from a painful ulcer with necrotic sloth on his glands penis. Oh, the head of the penis. Necrotic, I'm probably saying necrotic sloth correctly. Necrotic, it's a S-L-O-U-G-H, but Necrotic, whatever that word is, defined as a type of Necrotic wound, which is characterized as being yellow, tan, green, or brown in color, and maybe moist, loose, oh my god.

And stringy in appearance, I googled an image for, Google image search for an Acrodic Sloppenis. Don't look at the pictures, they're horrific. I didn't. I didn't. I may, I may later. I mean, no, I'll fight the urge. I won't. It's such a hard time not looking eventually.

Definitely now's the new one, your dick. Keep on sucking. Thank you, Dennis. Well, now we know. Well, now we have more information about dick lappercie that we all wanted. I wanted it. Thank you Dennis. Well now we know. Well now we have more information about dick lappercie that we all want it. I wanted it. Thank you. Email from a time sucker Justin Philip says, dear Reverend Dr. Master suck lizard. I just finishing just finished listening to the Golden State killer episode. Just wanted to say I feel the same way you do about what should happen to him if he's found guilty ends up in prison. I'm a long time sucker. Space-sittered.

I've been a prison guard for most of my adult life. With the exception of two years, I currently work at a federal prison. I'll leave the place out just because I did mention your name. You would be surprised how easy these people have it. We have quite a few monsters locked up. We can look up and see exactly what charges they have and we can't treat the monsters any worse than the people who have petty crimes. System is a joke.

What you see in movies and most TV shows is just that a show that was made by someone who was never in prison will never know what is really like even people like the Golden State Killer will be not treated harshly or will not be treated too harshly in prison. If he makes it into federal prison, which I highly doubt, he will go to a yard that is mostly sex offenders, so he will not be raped or anything bad. If he somehow wound up on a normal yard, I can assure you they would check the paperwork and he would probably die, but they won't allow that to happen. He would go straight into segregation and be shipped if he

found his way here. If you would like to talk about what actually happens if federal prison just emailed me, I have been a big fan of yours for a long time. I found you on Pandora. I haven't turned back since. Oh man, thank you. Continue the great work, Dan. Keep the suck coming. Sorry if there are any typos. I'm on my phone type in this sincerely space. Lizard Justin. And Justin, thank you so much. Yeah, that's insane, man. I'll have to, I'll do my best to remember to email you when I do some kind of like life in prison suck. I mean, never mind. We did that one about, you know, America's, you know, and St. Asylums over the years, mental institution to be interesting to do one on

prisons for sure, actually. But I know, and I know a lot of people don't agree with you and I about what should happen to some of these guys in prison, but I am, I'm glad that that you're with me. Yeah, it just, it does make me sick that they do the most terrific things to people and then just get to kick back and watch fucking TV, you know Okay, time sucker Tanya Gregorson says first of all I'd like to thank you for the suck my husband Introduced me to your podcast about a year ago, and I appreciate it for so many reasons I love the range of topics that you cover and that you were able to bring humor into everything no matter the topic for a very long Time I believe that there was something shameful about my sense of humor and that my job that causes had ruined me. I'm a probation,

parole agent, supervising everyone from parolees that have been convicted for murder, child sex offenders, offenders who suffer from severe and persistent mental health issues to your basic weed possession. I found that bringing humor into my world doesn't make me a bad person. It's actually what I need to be able to do, uh, to do what I do every day. I listen to your podcast while I do endless amounts of paperwork, which makes it not suck so much. I've also learned that I can learn something from almost everyone. Just today, I was learning about the pagan religion from one of the sex defenders on my case load, who's practicing it, and it was super interesting. I explained that I was just listening to your podcast about tonight's Templar,

but we started that discussion. That's cool. However, I did not suggest your I did not suggest your podcast. I don't think he would approve of your views on sex winners. I'll probably not probably not get a lot of time, so I'm present. Keep doing what you're doing. Thanks again, Tanya, or at least not the sex winner. I shouldn't have thrown everybody in prison under that under that under that bus. Yeah, thank you, Tanya. I get it about Sensei humor. When I first, I think I said this before on some sucks. So sorry if I'm being repetitive, but when I did social work stuff very briefly before, I remember walking in, they wanted the job to this chop protective services and just blown away by what they were joking about there.

When the phones was down, they weren't talking to a client, didn't have a meeting. Oh, man, they would say some dark shit. And I was like, my God, then somebody took me aside because he's so, though, I was uncomfortable with it. Michael Grady, actually, just a name just popped my head, man, great social worker. He was, he was close to retirement then. I don't know what he's, what he's around now, hopefully. But he said, um, hey, man, no, if you're going to, if you're going to handle this business, you got to be able to joke around about it. You know, the people who joke to darkest are the best case workers. So I bet you are one of the best at your job, Tanya. I love that you're time-socker. Last one, pronunciation update from OG Time Sucker.

One of the first ones ever to write me, you know, British Time Sucker Rebecca Pridmore, who says, what's up, master suckers to frame little guide on UK pronunciations for you? No big deal. Just so you sound like you know, you're shit next time when an English county has a shire in it, it isn't pronounced like the shire in the hobbit. It's mostly contracted to be a short sure with a falling R. So Cambridge, sure is pronounced. Yeah, it's a chambered shirt with the R Barely Spoken. Also Edinburgh or Edinburgh, no owes their champ. It's Edinburgh. Edinburgh. Edinburgh.

Same goes for other names with Burrow. Okay, keep up with the good work for Becca. Thank you, Rebecca. I did look, I just assumed that it was Shire. I didn't even do a pronunciation check. Probably because of Lord of the Rings. Damn, you Hobbit. Thank you for writing that in.

Thanks for letting us all learn a little bit more. And that's all for today's Time Sucker Updates. Thank you. Thanks, Time Suckers. I need a net. We all did. Thanks again for listening, Time Suckers. Have a great weekend.

If you figure out how to make a gold making machine, please make a little for me. I mean you're already, you're making it. I'll pay for the lead or the gerbils or the sandwiches or the dirt that goes in to make the gold and keep on sucking. You magnificent bastards. Thank you.