Timesuck with Dan Cummins - Bonus 25 - Werewolves: Howl at the Moon!

Episode Date: August 3, 2018

Werewolves! Awhoooooooo! Shape-shifting creatures of the night with unusual speed, otherworldly strength, lightning fast reflexes, and incredibly heightened senses. Monsters who can be a gentle, thoughtful human being one moment and a feral, wild bloodthirsty beast the next. Sometimes a dark creature associated with vampires and witches, and sometimes and innocent victim of a terrible curse doomed to heed the call of the moon and feast on human flesh, the werewolf has taken many forms throughout the years. Where do these tales come from? We dig into werewolf folklore and share some intense tales of werewolf trials and more today, on a monstrous Timesuck! Timesuck is also brought to you by Leesa! We love Leesa! Get $160 off when you go to Leesa.com/timesuck Merch - https://badmagicmerch.com/ Want to try out Discord!?! https://discord.gg/tqzH89v Want to join the Cult of the Curious private Facebook Group? Go directly to Facebook and search for "Cult of the Curious" in order to locate whatever current page hasn't been put in FB Jail :) For all merch related questions: https://badmagicmerch.com/pages/contact Please rate and subscribe on iTunes and elsewhere and follow the suck on social media!! @timesuckpodcast on IG, @timesuckpodcast on Twitter, and www.facebook.com/timesuckpodcast Wanna be a Space Lizard? We're over 2600 strong! Click here: https://www.patreon.com/timesuckpodcast Sign up through Patreon and for $5 a month you get to listen to the Secret Suck, which will drop Thursdays at Noon, PST. You'll also get 20% off of all regular Timesuck merch PLUS access to exclusive Space Lizard merch. You get to vote on two Monday topics each month via the app. And you get the download link for my new comedy album, Feel the Heat. Check the Patreon posts to find out how to download the new album and take advantage of other benefits. And, thank you for supporting the show by doing your Amazon shopping after clicking on my Amazon link at www.timesuckpodcast.com

Where wolves shapeshifting creatures the night with unusual speed otherworldly strength lightning fast reflexes incredibly heightened senses Monsters who can be a gentle thoughtful human, you know one moment a fair while bloodthirsty beast the next Sometimes a dark creature associated with vampires and witches Sometimes the innocent victim of a terrible curse doomed to heed the call of the moon The innocent victim of a terrible curse doomed to heed the call of the moon. Feast on human flesh, the werewolf has taken many forms throughout the years, and the best way to kill a werewolf? Shoot it with a silver bullet. I think we're all probably least vaguely aware of werewolf folklore, aren't we?

But do you know where the tale of the werewolf originates? It's a monster whose history is a bit trickier than modern Dracula. You're about to find out why, turned out the tale of the Wolfman comes from all over the damn place. But most of Europe. A lot of different European cultures have put their spin on tales of men who sometimes walked on two legs, sometimes ran on four. And the cornucopia of Werewolf Mythology gives us a plethora of interesting stories to choose from today.

And whip up a mighty fine suck. So get ready to shed your human form, bear those fangs and how to moon today on Time Suck. Yeah, happy Friday time suckers. Happy end of the week, meat sacks. Oh, it's been a great week. Hope you're having a fantastic weekend. Dan Comet's fourth leg of Bojangles, play thing of Lucifina, and you are listening to Time Suck. Welcome to the cult of the curious.

Starting off with a little note about the bonus episodes. This is the last one I'm gonna be doing until Friday, September 14th, and then that will be the last Friday episode until further notice, and possibly the last be the last Friday episode until further notice. And possibly the last ever Friday bonus episode. Here's why. Here's why this is happening.

Nothing bad. You guys are giving me too much love. Got into the suck. Now it's grown, created an extra workload, far greater than when I started those bonus episodes, which I'm not complaining about. Overjoyed to have it. It means this is working and I wanted to keep working. I feel obligated to make the suck better

and really keep it moving forward. And I just realized I can't do that if every third week, in addition to the Monday episode, and that week's secret suck episode, I have to prep and record another Friday episode. And yes, I do have a lot of, you know, research help now, but no matter how much help I get, I still have to spend many, many hours

adding my own research, adding humor, announcements, et cetera. There's just no shortcut really to show creation. It just takes time. So much time I found myself unable on top of touring and other life responsibilities to kind of ever get ahead and take care of other responsibilities. Work responsibilities be available to my kids,

wife, be a decent dad and husband, starting to feel a little guilty, and just physically starting to feel a little run down. And outside of family life, I just need to take more time to work on other things in the suck world, time to, you know, more time to beta test so I can get these app updates out there faster.

I'm usually the reason for the delay. I need to be able to show up on Discord, show up on Facebook from time to time, be more active and plan in the future of the suck. You know, be active in that message board. We actually get that out there, you know, curate it, make it better, help plan merch, be faster to respond with just kind of everything, you know, problems that come up, help make the mythology of the show more robust and fun. Because this isn't just a side project now. It's the main project, you know, my wife left her career for this. Joe motherfucking paisley, the Reverend doctor, he walked away from radio for this. He's got kids, you know my wife left her career for this Joe motherfucking paisley the Reverend doctor he walked away from radio for this he's got kids you know as well got to do this right and and I care about this community truly care about

this podcast and I don't want to burn out and just kind of ruin the whole thing by just collapsing in on myself. It may sound crazy but when I do a bonus suck every third week it basically makes it impossible to get anything done other than episode prep for two out of three weeks. It's double workload week of the bonus suck, you know, double the workload that week, then exhaustion and catching up on life things I blew off while preparing the next week. Then one week I feel like I'm kind of saying I can pay attention to the rest of what we're doing here, then right back into insanity with the prep. At a stubbornness, I kept doing the Friday shows long after I probably should have stopped.

I think I only got like three hours sleep last night prepping this week. Long after Lindsay, Harmony, many others told me just like ease up, the bit of extra guys, like how, I mean, they're always saying like, how the fuck are you doing this? How do you keep putting all this stuff on? Stop running myself for ragged.

I just kinda got used to eating like shit, never working out, balance and everything else around, you know, research. And that's not a good way to live. For the first time ever in my career, I actually felt exhausted and run down on stage and dating last week. I was like, just like literally felt sleepy.

Even the adrenaline of stage is like, nah, not man, you gotta rest. And I actually almost fell asleep in the green room, laid down in between shows and almost crashed. Yeah, and then I slept for three hours, got an early flight and got back to typing. And to quote Danny Glover and lead the weapon I'm too old for that shit So let's go the extra episode will allow me to be more fresh with Monday episodes translate into better episodes

I'll be more rested and focused because I only get one chance to do each of these tales justice And I do feel a responsibility now to do my best on each one really as a storyteller and I do feel a little guilty, you know, because I made a deal when the show started to release a bonus episode every Friday for every 100 reviews. But to be fair, when I started that deal, episodes were about a half hour, 45 minutes, not nearly as researched. They took probably 20% of the time to prep.

At no merge, no secret suck, no social media. Like we didn't have any of the platforms, no app, no websites, I guess we had a website. We did have one thing we had, no employees, no live shows, things of, you know, they've just changed. In the best way, and I'd be a fool not to change a bit with them. So I hope you really enjoyed today's bonus suck, such a fun topic.

There will be another one, another bonus suck comment, and I hope you understand why I'm making this decision. Focus has to be on making Mondays the best. Make them continue to be a blast. Really hope you continue to rate and review the suck. Whenever you can to spread the suck, not because it's going to keep giving you more bonus episodes, but because you fucking love it, because you want others to find it and love it as well.

So that's all announcements I have for today. Love you time suckers. Now let's bring the fucking moon out. Let's go full werewolf, praise about jangles, and hail Luciferina. [♪ INTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ Oh, jangles is pumped for today's episode. Praise about jangles. The one I three-legged, you know, sometimes robotic, leg-haven, sometimes genetically modified, always calming his hating beast of time suck,

has wolf blood in his veins. And maybe some werewolf blood as well he won't he won't tell me uh... when I asked him if he's a werewolf he gave me a little laugh you know kind of like a knowing laugh you know kind of indicated I I felt like it indicated he knows some stuff uh... that I don't about werewolves got those what else and then when I pressed him to tell me uh... you know he's slapping pretty fucking hard uh... across the suck dungeon through me new, told me I could either get into the suck and do a good job or he could take his foot and get into my ass. So now I sit here and I'm watching this little tail wag as hard as I've ever seen it.

If my other bow jangles is Penny and Ginger could speak English, I think they would tell me this is their favorite episode. All right? Hear me talk about kick ass dogs that terrify humans. I'm pretty sure they dream about that every time I force them to be held like babies, which is very often. Every time I put clothes on them, which is also fairly often. So let's kick start with the suck with the brief overview of the development of Werewolf lore with today's time suck timeline. Shrap on those boots soldier. We're marching down a time suck timeline.

Oh, oh, all right, 1550 BCE. What happened with whom? King like Kian of the Kate Arcadia serves human flesh to the God Zeus. You know, as you do when you're hosting a party and is transformed into a wolf's punishment. That seems fair, I guess, in a way. The term, Lycanthrope is derived from this story.

A 440 BCE in histories of Herodotus, the Roman traveler, Herodotus writes of the Neurie people who transform into wolves once a year. Herodotus is, man, we just can't escape that Roman historian slash anthropologist slash well-traveled son of a bitch. A little contemporary of Socrates keeps coming up, just come up in three straight sucks now. Maybe we need to suck him someday. So much sucks all the time. Man, the world is not short on stories, is it? So much sucks all the time. Man, the world is not short on stories, is it? 400 BZ, a victorious Olympic boxer by the name of Demarsha's and Arcadian of Parisia, is said to have

transformed into a wolf at the festival of Laikaea, and then nine years later became a man again. Now, the festival Laikaea involves human sacrifice to Zeus, a young boy was killed, and then consumed by one of the participants, okay? In this case, by Dem marchist, and as a result, Zeus would transform the cannibal into a wolf. So since I kind of a weird fucked up celebration, right? We're gonna honor Zeus, Pike. Hey, uh, Peter, get it, Pety, get over here, buddy. We're gonna, we're gonna kill and eat you. And then Zeus, he'll be like, no, that's not what I fucking wanted. I wanted him killed,

but not eaten. Now he gets to be a wolf. Uh, who was riding this shit? According to the second century Greek traveler, uh, Penicius, the werewolf could once again live as a man provided he abstained from human flesh for nine years. If however, the wolf tasted the flesh of a man, uh, again, he would remain a beast forever. I, uh, I like the random specific specific of a specific specific specific specific whatever the fucking word is.

I like the random specificity. I don't even know how to say that word. Anyway, nine years, you know, just around these years. What's up with beast went eight long years without again tasting human flesh. Could it then take a man's shape? No! Foolish Leonard and Knightys Accusicus. After a mere eight years, a creature would remain a wolf alive. But, word strong enough to wait an additional year, it would indeed become man once more. Isn't that correct, theolanicus Aranicus sighted ance. Yes, Pasanias indeed. It is Zeus's will. Weird shit. 37 BCE, the Roman poet, Virgil.

Tells the change of Morris to the form of a wolf by the use of herbs. Eight the wrong herbs, man. That's weird. Man, don't wanna accidentally spring some of that wolf herb on your salad. That's gonna mess up your, let think you give you a heartburn. I think you give some indigestion, you know, so you make a little lemon and wolf herb chicken,

the wolf and crust and sea bass. What does this herb do, Virgil? Oh, that's a mint-like flavor. Nice for teas, surprisingly good on poultry. And this, that is a hot pepper. A great way to clear one's sinus when added to a soup as stew. Wonderful for a dreary day. And that's an over here, what is it?

Oh careful with that. While it pairs wonderfully with red meat, it will also turn you into a wolf. So, you know, really brings out the natural flavor of a good steak, but also make you walk on a fours. Not be human, crave killing, eating various creatures, including your still human family, and praise for genus. 60, CE, satiricon, satire written by Roman writer Petronius, contains a detailed kind of

soldier who's a werewolf, the important Roman novel, kind of like a novel of sorts, written in prose and verse, sent us around the life of an copious, a retired famous gladiator who travels with Gitton, his 16 year old handsome, this is what they say, his 16 year old handsome sex slave and also his former lover, a solitus, a solitus, an ex gladiator and friend of an copious

who wants Gitton to be his sex slave. Seriously, I didn't make up the plot. Gittens isn't technically, he isn't technically labeled a sex slave quote unquote, but he is referred to as a slave of and copious and copious does have sex with him. So kind of sex slave. By the way, Roman's big fans were of anal. Truly. They were really into a teen boy anal sex. It's referenced in a lot of various writings. What I wonder is, I was thinking, what kind of loop were these, right? And this is before, there haven't a lot of anal before,

there were surgeries to fix a tear and like, anal tissue before they knew about anal cagal exercises. You can do to strengthen your sphincter. If it gets too loose and you start, you know, kind of go to the bathroom a little prematurely from too much anal sex. If you're wondering how, if it gets too loose, and you start, you know, kind of going to the bathroom a little prematurely from too much anal sex. If you're wondering how, how I know all this, it's because I had to pause my Roman werewolf research

because the thought just popped in my head late last night, I'm like, how are they doing all this anal back then? You know, they didn't have all this silicon-based lube and stuff, it's available now. I had to Google what kind of injuries can cause anal sex. According to WebMD, outside of an increased risk

of STD transmission, not as many injuries as I thought actually, but anyway, today, again, there is a lot of loop. And then I started thinking, what did they use back then? Olive oil, saliva, fuck, I nailed it. After making those two gases, I looked up what Romans used for loom.

Yeah, olive oil, saliva, kind of hilarious to me. Right, throwing a little olive oil on a, kind of hilarious to me, right? Throwing a little olive oil on a salad and then throwing the rest of your lover's butthole. And I guess tossing their salad. We got a way of track. We have track from werewolves. Begonlustr Fina, back in his timeline.

German head to seven, 970 CE. A Bulgarian prince, who I don't know anything about his sex life, named by honest. I probably butchered that fucking Bulgaria names ridiculous. But is believed to be able to turn himself into a wolf through the arts of necromancy. I love that word. Necroman. He's a necromancer. It's he's master the dark ought of necromancy.

He will conjure the did. He was able allegedly to transform himself into a bird. Okay. As well as a wolf, cool trick, say some kind of ancient copper field. Around the same time in the Viking Age, Ulf Hednar, these guys were the Ulf Hednar would come in. Sometimes said they have taken on the frosty of wolves,

sometimes turning into wolves, according to Norse legends. The Ulf Hednar are described as Odin's special warrior sometimes. One historical account says, Odin's men went without their male coats and were mad as hounds of wolves. Bit their shields, they slew men, but neither fire nor iron had effect upon them. This is called going berserk. Berserkermote. Remember that from doom?

Berserkerm a man. If you look, we'll deep dive that in a proper Viking sucks someday. 1020 CE, first use of the word werewolf. I think. I found that reference on numerous sites, numerous articles, but none of those sites ever site the source they're referring to that said like when this was like who wrote that. So it might just, they might all just be referencing each other. We're just one big circle jerk of nonsensical references. But a lot of websites do believe that 1020

CE is when the term where we'll first use 1101 CE. Now this, these names, good God. 1101 CE, Veselov, it's, it's Vs ES, L A V, Veselov of, of, of a pot, palutsk, palutsk, passed away and who is he? Well, he ruled the principality of palutsk. The kingdom seems to have been centered around the Belorussian town of palutsk and included parts of northern and central Beloruse in Latvia. Palutsk is a city that is now in part of Beloruse. Yeah, this guy, this guy, Veselov commissioned the building of the Cathedral of Holy Wisdom, one of the most treasured monuments in Belarus, and possibly the oldest church in Belarus. And some 12th century old Slavic epic poem says that the tale of Igor's campaign describes

Veselov as some kind of body hop and freak that could turn into a wolf, saying, Prince Veselov sat in judgment over his people, a portion cities to the princes, but himself raised a wolf in the night, and by cockroach, reached from Kiev, to whatever the fuck this word is, to maturakhan, and as a wolf crossed the past of the great course, when they rang the bell in the church of Saint Sophia, for matins, early in the morning of Potlisk,

they were ringing in Kiev, though his cunning soul could pass into another body, yet he often suffered woe. All right? 1182, the Welsh historian, Geraldis Conbrances, wrote of Irish tales of werewolves, such as one encounter with a traveling priest and a priest young companion, one night, well, Camdena Wood, a wolf approached the priest by his campfire into the consternation of the priest spoke to following words.

Do not be afraid, do not fear, do not worry, there is nothing to fear. I, I added the howl, I'm guessing because he is a wolf, he's not talking wolf right now. The wolf then went on to explain that he was a native of Austria and as a result of an ancient curse by Saint Natalus, every seven years a man and a woman were exiled, not only from Austria, but also from their human form, by transforming them into wolves or being transformed, I guess. The wolf continued that is talking about how his companion was nearby and gravely ill and in need of a priest to give her her last rights.

The priest followed the wolf to a hollow tree where they lay a second wolf, crying and groaning with the human voice. The priest proceeded to give the last rights right up to the last communion. The she wolf begged him to continue, but the priest said he didn't have the the viaticum with him at this point. The the first wolf reappeared carrying a small bag with the priest's consecrated hosts. I've seen that at this point, as the priest was reluctant to continue the wolf to remove all doubt, pulled the skin off the she wolf with his paw and then revealed the shape of a woman within. Okay. The priest through more terror than reason, continue with the sacrament and the wolf skin

reformed over the woman's body. The wolf then shed their campfire that night and the next day showed the priest the sheriff's way to the woods before thanking him and promising to reward him when he regained his human form. Another version of the legend says the curse was put on the people of Austria by the holy patricius, St. Patrick, green beard drinking St. Patrick. I love, like, who, again, I always think of these old stories, like, who fuck wrote this? I guess it just made, maybe it didn't, it doesn't translate right to modern English. Some of these stories are so ridiculous. And then, and then he then he found a wolf woman. I found a wolf in the trunk of a tree.

And he pulled off the skin and said, hey, check this out. And there's a lady in the wolf skin. And she's, but she somehow able to move its wolf but also have the skin on her. There's a human, look, listen, forget it. And then a second wolf guy, like, fuck it. Just focus on the, there's a human that he looked at, listen, forget it. And that, and then a second wolf guy like fucking just focus on the, there's two wolves. That's the important part. Two wolves cursed people inside of them, I think, for never mind. Just, it just feels like

it's like still like just kind of cobbled together these weird. Anyway, 12th century CE, the French romantic poem, Guillaume des paayeron, is composed, Guiom eh? Maybe it's how you say? A fondling, supposed to be of low degree, is brought up at the court of the Emperor of Rome and loves the Emperor's daughter, Melior, who is destined for a Greek prince. The lovers flee into the woods disguised in bare skins, Alfonso, who is Guiom his cousin and a Spanish prince has been changed into a wolf by a stepmother's

enchantment, fucking witch stepmother. I get it. He provides food and protection for the fugitives. Giammi eventually triumphs over Alfonso's father, wins back from his kingdom. The benevolent wolf is disenchanted and marries Giammi's sister. Again, one of these stories is like, what? Okay, all right, guess so. Also in the 12th century, Marie de France composes

Biscolverette, story of a werewolf who's trapped in a loophole in the treacherous wife. 1521, three men are put on trial. Okay, here we're getting, now we're getting cooking. Now we're getting to the kind of the witch trial portion of the timeline. 1521, three men are put on trial for bean werewolves in Pauligne France,

Pierre-Burgau, Michel Verdong, and Philippe Mentau. They end up getting burned at the stake for being werewolves. In 1541, in Pavia, Italy, a farmer in the form of a wolf is said to have torn many men in the open country to pieces, he's captured. He assures his captors that the only difference between himself and a natural wolf was that in a true wolf, the hair grew outward, while in him it struck inward. Okay? In order to put this assertion to proof, the magistrate cut off his arms and legs and he dies from the wounds.

Oh man, that is crazy. That's a tough test to give somebody. He thinks that he's exactly like a wolf, but his hair grows inside. Well, we'll see. We'll see cut off his legs and arms. How does that? Are you sure that's the best way? Could we not make a small cut in one of his? I said cut both his legs and arms off.

Then we'll see if he has hair in there. In 1555 CE, Olaf Magnuson records the strange behavior of Baltic werewolves. That's a, he's a bishop. Bishop Olaf Magnuson, who signed his treaty, history of the God, Swede and Vandals, with his Latinized name, Olaf Magnus, stated that the people living in

Prussia, Lithuania and Livonia often lost their livestock to bands of hungry wolves, but their losses caused by natural wolves were nothing compared to what the werewolves cost. According to the bishop, large numbers of werewolves, proudy areas, attacking not only livestock, but humans as well, the beasts infiltrated isolated farms, broken to people's homes, ripped apart into vowed, every living thing they came into contact with. He also declared that the Levonian were initiated by draining a cup of specially prepared beer and then repeating a special incantation.

Now that sounds like some awesome beer. I wanna get, I wanna get werewolf drunk, right? Maybe, maybe I will be soon. You know, for the 100th episode, we're doing the drunkest fucksuck on the New Orleans Axeman. Maybe I'll get werewolf drunk. Right? Maybe I will be soon. You know, for the 100th episode, we're doing the drunkest fucksuck on the New Orleans Axeman. Maybe I'll get werewolf drunk. It was said that the werewolf's favorite meeting area was an old ruined castle near Corland, a place that no one ever went near for fear of death. Even though this was the hangout area for

the werewolves, it wasn't always safe even for them. According to reports and rumors, the stronger werewolves would instantly kill those weaker than themselves. Damn it, that'd be a bummer, man. You turn into a werewolf. You're stronger than you've ever been. You're out there just kicking ass, left and right. Life is pretty good. And then you're partying it up back at the dark castle with other werewolves.

And you know, one of them goes all alpha and kills your ass. I guess it's maybe some kind of quality insurance for assurance you know i gotta keep the werewolf brand strong old bishoff uh bishop olov might not be the most reliable history source uh no one else from this time in place recalls uh any of this shit happening at least from the records that we have today i mean you would think that others would notice many werewolves terrorizing the countryside. Olaf also thought that Scandinavian devils came nightly to clean people's

tables and feed animals. He thought the devils worked in the mines. He thought that the residents ignored the devils amongst them for fear of, quote, having their heads twisted backwards. All right. It's a very specific fear. He thought that most sea captains were calling on devils for help navigating their ships, because the devils had power to control elements, you know, the elements and create safe, salient weather. So many devils, man. Probably, he probably thought some villagers

were praying to baking devils, you know, help them get their bread rise, conjuring devils, to help them, you know, weed out weather gardens, wipe their asses, old, old ass wipe devils. Getting devils to help them, you know, weed out weed their gardens, wipe their asses, old ass wipe devils. Getting devils to help clip their nasty medieval toenails, asking devils to help them build fences, not burn their breakfast eggs, maybe talk to a fruit devil, to help stay off a little bit scurvy. So many devils.

Mostly they probably prayed for devils to help fight off all the damn werewolves that were apparently everywhere. The smartest villagers prayed for bow jangles. The one dog able to defeat a whole pack of werewolves. And then in 1556, C.E. bow jangles showed the hell up. May 17th, 1556 bow jangles appears in the village square. His missing fourth leg replaced with a silver sword that he plunged into the hearts of those damn demon werewolves.

Bow jangles, sword through the air, twisting, slicing with a silver sword that he plunge into the hearts of those damn demon werewolves. Bojangles sword through the air, twisting, slicing with the silver sword, taking the fight straight to the weird castle hang out that the werewolves would show up at like a bunch of Sullen angsty teenagers. Praise Bojangles, the villagers screamed when he killed the last werewolf, the head wolf, the king liken. Our one-eyed pitbull savior has slayed the terrible beasts. And then that night Bojangles got drunk and celebrated and ended up making love to a beautiful village maiden who is on vacation there from Australia. For some reason don't over think about it. Don't

think about it. And that is how the Australian Labradoral, ancestor of Penny and Ginger, got to find his creature what's created. And I'm back. I know that was weird. But hey, you know what, it's a weird episode. Well, right. Felt right, 1573 CE. Zeal Gagnier, I think I actually nailed that. A French reclusive hermit was found guilty of being a werewolf and was burned at the stake,

back to the stake burdens, back to the executions. He'd become known as the werewolf of Dole and Ziel, while maybe not a werewolf, does sound like he was a monstrous maniac, perhaps. Several children were missing near the town of Dole. He lived outside of one evening, grew up with people from neighboring town, looking for one of these kids, came across, you know,

Ziel, standing over the body of a dead child, and he was arrested. According to his testimony of trial, while Gagne was in the forest hunting one night, trying to find food for himself and his wife, a specter appeared to him. Ooh, a specter, offering to ease his troubles. Gave him an ointment.

That would, that would, the old ghost gave him some ghost ointments. They would allow him to change into the form of a wolf, making it easier to hunt. Because that's something that happens. You know, you're out there in the woods hunting, and you're like, fuck, if only a specter, if only an ointment bringing specter

would finally give me some of that hunt ointment. Garnier confessed to have stocked and murdered at least four children between the ages of nine and 12. October 1572, his first victim was a ten-year-old girl girl who he dragged into a vineyard outside of Dull strangled her removed her clothes, ate the flesh from her thighs and arms. When he'd finished he removed some flesh and took it home to his wife. Weeks later Garnier savagely attacked another girl, biting and clawing her, but was interrupted by passerby and fled. She used to come to her injuries a few days later on November.

Garnier killed a ten year old boy. Again, cannibalizing him by eating from his thighs and belly, tearing off a leg for later. This is all according to this trial. He strangled another boy, but it was interrupted for the second time our group passed her by. Had to abandon his prey before he could eat from it. 1572, he attacked an unknown boy who was passing by,

cut the boy in half, and then was... I mean, that seems extreme. So it says cut the boy in half and then was, I mean, that seems extreme. Says, says, says, cut the boy in half by body and in Tarenna's belly. Ah, I doubt it. 1573, he strangled a girl, ate her flesh and tore away her left leg and took her away. It sounds crazy. Maybe where Wolf?

Definitely crazy, sadistic, disgusting piece of shit. If he did this, I, after all, the, the sucks we've done at Meville, Europe, I question every trial. You all could have also just totally been a witch hunt. Garnier was found guilty of crimes of laconthropy, which I always thought was like, like inthropy, but apparently it's laconthropy, according to many sources on the web and witchcraft and burned at the stake on January 18th, 1573. Several other men also tried for being wearables in France at the end of the 16th century, also burned at the stake on January 18th, 1573. Several other men also tried for being werewolves in France at the end of the 16th century,

also burned at the stake. 1589, a man named Peter Stump, this is, oh man, this poor son of a bitch. Peter Stump executed in Germany for being a werewolf. Apparently they didn't just infest France. Damn, damn dog people, terrorizing Germany as well. Snacken kids all over the place. Well, Peter was a German farmer accused of wear wolfery, witchcraft and cannibalism. I like how they add the witchcraft. Not only to

see a wolf, wear wolf, he's also witch. He's a witch wear wolf. He's a lot of W words. After being stretched on a rack and before further torture commenced, he confessed to having practiced black magic since he was 12 years old Which sounds like the kind of thing one confesses to when you're being stretched on the rack There is a reason testimony is not allowed anymore in court At least in this catch was given under duress and I'm guessing you're under a lot of fucking duress when you are stretched on a rack Never had the pleasure or horror of being stretched on a rack. Hope that doesn't happen to me.

But from what I've seen on the web, that doesn't look fun. Peter claimed that the devil had given him a magical belt. Ha, ha, ha, or a girdle, which enabled him to metamorphosis like into the likeness of a greedy devouring wolf, strong and mighty, with eyes great and large, which in the night, sparkled like fire, a mouth great and wide, with eyes great and large, which in the night sparkled like fire a mouth great and wide with most sharp and cruel teeth a huge body and mighty

paws. Okay. Removing the belt he said made him transform back to his human form. No belt was ever found after his arrest. Of course not. It's almost as if you know whoever was torturing him, you know, he was just telling that person whatever he thought would make the torture stop. And there's a bunch of crazy talk. And how did he take the belt off by the way? You know, whoever was torturing him, you know, he was just telling that person, whatever he thought would make the torture stop.

And there was a bunch of crazy talk. And how did he take the belt off, by the way, once he was a wolf? How does a belt stay on when you're a wolf? Is the belt holding up some kind of wolf capri pants? Are you wearing clothes as a wolf? So many questions. Man, think about these, those medieval court jackasses,

they're documenting all this as if it's really stuff that's happened. Just as I suspected. Just as I suspected. Just as I suspected. Mm-hmm. Yes, he has a magic wolf belt. Mm-hmm. Gunther, that's what I told you.

Remember, yes, I told you, I bet he has a wolf belt. I was just about to ask him where he was hiding his magic wolf belt. Yes, okay. All right. Go on, torture him to death now. That all makes sense. We found the answers. We're looking for, let's go grab some mead. Fucking idiots. For 25 years, Stump had allegedly been an insatiable bloodsoaker who gourds on the flesh of goats, lambs sheep, whilst men, women,

and children being threatened with more torture, he confessed to killing and eating 14 children, two pregnant women whose fetuses he ripped from their wounds and ate their hearts hot and raw Which he'd later described his dainty morsels One of the 14 children was his own son whose brain he reported to have devoured He's just fucking he's talking crazy talk now Maybe he knows they're just gonna kill him anyway, so he he figures afuck it. Let's make it interesting Or maybe he's truly mentally ill and he thinks that he did these things. Or maybe the pain of excruciating torture

has shattered his psyche. That's where I'm putting my money. Not only was Stump accused of being a serial murderer and cannibal, he was also accused of having an incestuous relationship with his daughter. It just kept piling on the charges. And then because of the incest, they sent her to die. Right, and then the accused of sexing up another distant relative and sends her to die as well.

How fucked up is that? Your father molested you, is that true? Yes, it is. Okay. All right then. Well, she had a bit of it. It's put her on the rack as well. Ha ha ha.

Man, I not only victim shaming, victim execution. Peter also confessed to having had intercourse with a succubus sent to him by the devil. Did he just fucking everything? The execution of stump August 31st 1589. Yeah, Halloween execution. Top it off. Probably was a full moon too. And then the execution was daughter and mistress.

One of the most brutal on record. Peter was put to the wheel where flat disc, where quote, quote, flesh was torn from his body in 10 places with red hot pinches, followed by his arms and legs. But God, man, the wheel was typically a large wooden spoke wheel. It's kind of same. Same as just like a wheel used on like a transport cart or a carriage, often had an iron rim around. It's big like a heavy wheel. The execution would drop the execution wheel on the shin bones

of the convicted person. There was a variety of ways they would do this, but usually they would just roll this big, heavy wheel across their bones and just kind of mash up their bones. Just crush them, slowly roll it over other parts of the person, you know, working his way up to the arms. And then, if the mangled victim was still alive, they would be kind of woven into the spokes of the wheel.

You know, because their bones are all broken, they would just bend their broken bones around the spokes and just kind of like, yeah, just weave them into the wheel. Or if that didn't hold them, they would time to the wheel or a combination of the two. And then the wheel would be erected on a master, pole, you know, kind of displayed like a crucifixion. And then, you know, if the executioner wanted, they could also decapitate, they convicted, you know. His daughter and mistress, they were flayed and strangled and then burned as a warning against similar behavior.

Local authorities erected a pole with the torture wheel. So they put the big torture, you know, wheel like a crucifixion, crucifixion display on a big pole, put a figure of a wolf on it. And then the very top they placed his head, his severed head. So maybe in hindsight, he should have worked harder to deny the charges against him. Turns out confessing to all the nonsense he confessed, you may think much worse, much worse for him. And for those around him. And, and that is, ah, it is un-fucking real to me no matter

how many times I read about it, how far they took torture back then. I mean, do this. I guess you know, I get worked up, you know, about like sex offenders and stuff and talk about, you know, want an execute them. But even in my anger, like, that, it just seems so excessive. Right? We're going to stretch them on the rack. And we in my anger, like that, it just seems so excessive, right? We're going to stretch them on the rack. Then we're going to pinch him with a bunch of hot, no, we're going to rip off a piece of flesh. We're going to weave him into a wheel. We're going to put his body up with him when it cut his head off. I'm going to stick the head on top and just leave it out there and just, it's just, it's so, so over the top. My God. Okay.

Throughout the rest of the 16th and 17th centuries, dozens of others are tried and executed throughout Europe for being werewolves. From 1764 to 1767 CE, this is an interesting tale. The beast of, now I can't, listen to this so many times, I'll see if I stuck, the beast of Ziovedon, terrorizes the former provinces, the former province, excuse me, of Ziovedon in South Central France, over 100 victims.

And this story is so strange. It could probably be a second to itself because the killings are actually extensively documented. Historians do not question that something, some beast, killed over 100 people. They just disagree over what beast it was that killed those people. Now the first recording sighting, 1764, when a young woman, Tending cattle near the town of Lungonia, I was approached by the beast of the Zilvodon. Luckily for her, the bulls she was 10 and two were able to drive off the beast twice. She remained unharmed. The victim of the next sighting, not so lucky, shortly later that same year, teenager named Jean Boulet, reported the attack and killed

by the beast. And then, yeah, then like over 100 deaths. Most of the victims, you don't have to throw to chest ripped out. Something with sharp teeth and claws, news of a murderous monster grabs the public's attention. Of course, it does. The press reports extensively on the attacks describing the beast as a wolf-like creature with black fur or russet and black fur wide chest huge mouth sharp teeth at first local fissures officials led by infantry leader john baptize do ham the organizer group of

thirty thousand volunteers to you know comb them the the countryside hunting kill this beast offer a reward equal to a year's salary for most of the population the town to whoever's able to successfully kill it but the tax on don't stop. They don't find it. The problem gets so bad, it attracts the attention of the king. King Louis the 15th sent two professional wolf hunters, John Charles Mark and Antoine Vastuomé, they in the Vale, and his son, Jean François, to Jeuvaise-on to kill the beast. They spent four months hunting where wolves, but the mountain is terrain difficult to navigate and they're unsuccessful. The king removes

them from town instead sends his own bodyguard, Francois Antoine, to hunt the beast Antoine and his team of men are successfully able to shoot and kill a wolf that was 31 inches tall at the shoulder, five feet, seven inches long. They received the reward from King Louis for a short time. The terror seems to have ceased, but then the relief doesn't last. A few months later, the attack start up again. Each description of the beast becomes more and more fantastical. People get hysterical. Some sightings claim the beast of Jovedon had supernatural abilities. Walk on its hind legs. It was actually part wolf, part man. Mass hysteria grows. No more

helps coming from Louis the 15th. The locals band together try and solve the problem once and for all. And according to legend, local farmer named Jean-Shast was serving time in prison and then released to begin or to help hunt the beast. Doesn't say why this guy specifically was released. I wish I wish it did. I just wonder why. He must have had a badass reputation. Just a badass dude, badass hunter, you know, just no one can kill the beast. No, that is one man. That is John Willsley a chase. We cannot. He isn't prison for killing a man with one bunch. We must release him. Josh Aces are only hope. You know, like this fucking guy, there's just legends

about him. Legend has it that John shot and killed a huge wolf. And, uh, and it's credited with finally ending the killings once and for all, uh, by some accounts, the stomach of the beast was in stomach of the beast. Excuse me, it was then opened up and human remains were found inside, you know, proving that he finally killed the real monster. Uh, although the attacks reportedly stopped, no consensus with every region on what the beast actually was. The debate continues even today. Scholars and historians debate into the beast was, uh was indeed some kind of rabid wolf, a pack of wild wolves, combined with mass hysteria and rumors, a young lion, maybe escaped, some nobledon. I can brought a lion or

for whatever had his own private zoo or something, and got loose. Who knows? Or a murderous werewolf to arise the countryside for several years or that happened. Werewolf hysteria was so great in France that in some of the earliest known versions of Little Red Riding Hood, the wolf that eats the little girls is actually referred to as a werewolf. 1824, 30-year-old Frenchman by the name of Antoine Lesier, lost his shit. The former soldier probably meant to leo journeyed into the woods to live off the land and be a hermit Which is what you do when you've lost your mind He actually started sleeping in the cave

By 1824 months of solitude and malnutrition left him just stark raving mat And he snatches a little girl from the woods nearest cave drags her into the cave kills her with his bare hands And drinks your blood and eats some of her flesh. A search party finds the remains of her body, finds him. He's tried for murder. He sends to death for crimes associated with Lycanthropy, which was still an actual crime in France, like it was on the books. You could actually be found guilty of being a werewolf, which really shows what their cultural attitudes towards were.

After his execution, his brain is examined by doctors and the autopsy reveals signs of an unknown brain disorder marked by quote extreme deterioration of neural tissue. So maybe werewolf or maybe very brain damaged. In 1852, traveling vendor, manual, Blanco, Rosamonta confesses to the murders of thirteen people and become spains first documented serial killer he alluded capital punishment by professing that he was a werewolf

although this defense was rejected trial queen is a bellah the second commuter to the sense to allow doctors to investigate his claim uh... and you know you study him as an example of clinical uh... the controversy this dude deserves a his own suck man, worth mentioning here though, because you know, you got out of his death sentence by claiming to be a werewolf,

and then there's a rumor that he died in prison when a guard shot him because the guard was hoping to see him transform into a wolf. So maybe he wasn't a werewolf, you know? If you couldn't survive that or transform whatever. 1865, prolific author, reverence, subing, bearing, gould, publishes the book of werewolves. It is still considered one of the leading books on werewolf history. And it is in this book that the werewolf is first associated with transforming

under a full moon. Yeah, I know, I keep doing it. In 1933, British, a cold rider, clergyman, Montague, summers, publishes the werewolf. He also wrote a bunch of stuff on vampires and witch hunting. Here's some excerpts from this book, which has been reprinted and is even available on Amazon Kindle. Precisely to define the werewolf is perhaps not altogether easy. We may, however, say that a werewolf is a human being, man, woman, or child, more often the first, who either voluntarily or involuntarily changes or is metamorphosed.

Metamorphosed into the apparent shape of a wolf and who is then possessed of all the characteristics of the foul appetites, ferocity cutting the brute strength and swiftness of that animal. And here's some fun stuff about all the other human animal hybrids that are out there. This made me very happy. Remember, like when I was teasing the episode last week, I was like, what about like wear rabbits? What about like wear tigers? Well, it turns out those are things, apparently in a lot of folklore. He says, in Martin, Greece, the transformation into a bore, the wear bore is believed. The Valkyons dread the wear dog. In the Egyptian Sudan, the wizards are credited with the me say, the wizards are credited with

the power of becoming hyenas it will. Throughout the vast continent, man metamorphoses himself into many other animals, the leopard, the jaguar, the lion, the elephant, that's fucking, that's a cool trick. The where elephant, the crocodile, the alligator, and even to fish, such as the shark, throughout India. But more particularly in the northern Himalayan districts, they were wear tiger prowls and Java, Borneo, the Malay states, they were wear leopards to boot. Okay, actually says that for an Antiboot wear leopards. The wear tiger is also known in China and Japan, but here the wear fox is both feared and

honored. The wear badgerger when where dog are also sorcerers. Sometimes they may be friendly sorcerers in animal shape. I love how many animals he's talking about here. Sounds like pretty much anything is up for grabs, you know? And then of course there is the where squirrel and even more fierce, the where mouse. Or the where mouse may appear small in size, and it is, but it is giant in frostousness.

It can roar as loud as a Wehrrakun, the Wehrkun, and is faster than a Wehrroadrunner. No Maustrap can kill it, the only way is to stomp it with a silver boot. Or, hit it with a silver hammer. Or, thump it with a silver spoon. or thump it with a silver spoon, or poke it with a silver symbol, or you get the idea, just something silver, they have to kind of smush it with. 1941, the film The Wolf Man,

starring Lon Cheney Jr. is released. Even if you don't think you heard this film, maybe haven't, I bet you have seen the image of him dressed up as a werewolf. Man, if you do a Google image search for this film, pictures of Lon Cheney and Makeup show up and his werewolf look pretty iconic. This is the film that introduces the concept of the werewolves to modern America, especially you know, the werewolf being associated with the moon as far as its transformation goes. Throughout the film, various villagers keep reciting this poem whenever the subject the werewolf being associated with the moon, as far as its transformation goes, throughout the film, various villagers keep reciting this poem,

whenever the subject of werewolves comes up, and they'll say in it, even a man who is pure and hot and says his prayers by night, may become a wolf when the wolf pain blooms and the autumn moon is bright. And if whatever reason movie watchers assume those lines were taken from a real ancient poem, now, screenwriter Kurt Sjadmak.

He made that shit up. The film was popular enough to warrant four sequels. The first being Frankenstein meets the Wolfman. 1943, and that is the film that introduces the concept of the full moon causing the wolf's transformation to American audiences. The characters specifically talk about it. And in this sequel, the poem changes slightly to

when the moon is full and bright. 1948 Austrian historian Robert Eisler publishes Managed Wolf and anthropological interpretation of sadism, masochism, and laxonthropy. In it he asserts that humanity involved, excuse me, that humanity evolved from two groups of apes, one peaceful, vegetarian, practicing free love, fucking hippie apes, wearin' tie-died shirts, wearin' back in sandals too long, right? Always fucking have dressed up in a lot of patchouli. The other violent carnivorous

given to fighting over sex partners, you know, those bros, bro apes, you know, Fred apes, originally all were of the former group. However, eyes are argues that ice age food shortages caused some to imitate wolves, other beasts of prey, wearing animal skins, taking up hunting. He claims this is a historical basis of the werewolf legends found in many cultures.

And I, I don't know how many people agree with that, but that was his theory that got people thinking about werewolves and why we think about werewolves. In 1981, the film in American Werewolf in London is released includes the first four footed werewolf on screen. The box office hit becomes an instant cult classic. And it's one of three werewolf films released in 1981. The other two be in the Howling and Wolfen.

And our editor, Jesse Doge, and her tells me the Howling is great and that the wolf in his terrible. On December 2nd, 1983, arguably the most iconic music video of all time is released. Michael Jackson's thriller. That's a fellow, the other night,

my nump nump nump nump nump. I haven't heard that song in is a bit of a lie. I can feel it in my heart. Full moon turns Michael Jackson to a werewolf early in the video. Actually more like a wear cat if you're gonna fucking nerd out. You know, a were animal for sure. Werewolf ish, at the very least. Also in 83, horror king, Stephen King, publishes cycle of the werewolf.

1995, the box office hit Teen Wolf, starring Michael J. Fox. As a teenage werewolf hitsteaders, it is quickly universally accepted by critics as the greatest movie of all time. That is about a high schooler who uses newfound well-rolf powers to suddenly become really good at high school basketball. Out of those movies, out of that specific genre, the best. 2003, the first of five extremely popular Underworld movies is released, pitting vampires against the likens, werewolves, and more importantly,

giving Kate Beckinsale an excuse to parade around in a very tight outfit. Maybe some kind of latex, pretty damn awesome. Hailist of Fina. And I can go on and on with pop culture, but I think you kind of latex, pretty damn awesome. Hey, I'm Luciferina. And I can go on and on with pop culture, but I think you kind of get it now. I think we've done enough to establish the prevalence and evolution of where Wolf lore. So let's hop on out of this time stock timeline.

Good job, soldier. You made it back. Barely. So, now that we have the overview of examples of where we'll, you know, kind of folklore, let's dig in deeper to various aspects of it. But first, let's talk about the sense that we know for sure is real. The quality and kick-assery of Lisa mattresses. Yes! Today's bonus where we'll time it's brought to you by Lisa.

A quality night's sleep helps you recover from distractions faster, prevents burnouts, makes better decisions, improve your memory, overall you make fewer mistakes. That's not marketing as science. Oh man, that sounds so good right now. I personally can't wait to start getting a little more sleep on my Lisa mattress.

I just want to stay there for several days in a row. To design a better mattress, Lisa leveraged 30 plus years of experience, hundreds of hours testing to develop the perfect mattress for all body shapes and sleeping styles. Lisa's mission is to provide a better night's sleep for everybody. Through their 110 program, they donate one mattress

for every 10 they sell. That's more than 26,000 mattresses and counting. Lisa strives to leave the world better than they found it. And that doesn't stop with mattress donations. Together with the Arbor Day Foundation, Lisa plans one tree for every mattress they sell and are committed to planning a million trees by 2025. And when you buy Lisa mattress, not only are you supporting all that, you're also supporting time suck. When when when I love late on my Lisa, I love whatever design magic they use

to not get too hot when you sleep. You know, I wanna be cozy under the blankets, but I don't wanna wake up in a stew of my own sweat. And my wife Lindsey, queen of the suck. Also, also does not want to wake up in a stew of my sweat. She does not care for my nighttime sweatiness. Somehow, you know, the Lisa mattress cures that somehow it breathes enough. It's kind of like the air circulate, I guess,

enough underneath you. Like you can still stay warm, but not sweaty. I love it. So get your Lisa mattress, start loving it yourself. Don't miss these summer savings. Get $160 off, Lisa mattress at Lisa.com, L-E-E-S-A.com slash time suck. That's Lisa.com slash E E S A dot com slash time suck. That's Lisa dot com slash time suck $106 off Lisa a better place to sleep.

Link in today's episode description. Okay, so why wolves? Why is that animal? The predominant animal associated with shape shifting in Western culture. Well, the answer may lie in some cave paintings discovered in southern France's Lascot cave in 1977. The drawing suggested not only that early man domesticate wolves into the dogs we know today, but they possibly fornicated with him as well. Yes, some of the drawings are explicit, hard to avoid interpreting in a certain way.

They seem to be clearly depict intercourse. Some radical French anthropologists think that fornication with wolves may have gone on with our ancestors for years as in centuries, which makes sense, I guess, on some level. The wolves, they're about the same size as early man. The anatomy lines up pretty well. They did provide companionship and a harsh, unforgiving world. And, you know, with companionships, sometimes lines can get blurred. So buried deep in our psyche, I guess, maybe a carnal desire for wolves, for dogs. The anthropologist, Jean-Poulet and Catherineoulot. Say, this may partly explain why we love dogs. And then, when you add the cultural taboo

as sex with animals to the feeling of love, you have for dogs, it creates anxiety over what could result from that unnatural union. Like if a procreation happened to monster, some half human, half dog, abomination of a child, pup, whatever you want, a wolf baby thing a, where, you know, wolf baby thing. The existence of the werewolf represents one of our worst psychological fears. That's fucking messed up, man.

But also sounds kind of legit, doesn't it? I mean, I just made all that up, but I hope so many believed it. I put some work into that cave dog sex tale, right? Come on. Sounded kind of legit. I put some work into that cave dog sex tale, right? Come on, sounded kind of legit. I'm especially proud of that one. I imagine a lot of you, you know, for the past minute, just letting your minds wander to some uncomfortable places.

You know, we're like, I guess having sex with a dog doesn't seem that unreasonable. I mean, they are, they're cute. And they are cuddly. And you know, if everyone's having fun, I don't know why I guess what's the real harm Praise about jangles. Oh That was fun. That was good. I felt good But seriously why wolves?

Please tell me something you fell for that why wolves well throughout the Western World's recorded history. There has been a fast nation with wolves maybe because you know, they're an apex predator Maybe because they're Intelligent working groups to capture their prey similar to ancient man Perhaps it is because they were so similar to the beloved dog You know, it may harken back to a time where people live much more remotely Dependent on the raising of livestock for survival a wolf attacking farm animals could mean life for death for farmers You know humans especially Europeans they have a long long history battling with wolves

And the European wolf you know long history battling with wolves. In the European wolf, maybe considered as the sole survivor of a group of ferocious beasts of prey, such as like the cave bear, the cave hyena, other fierce enemies of prehistoric man, they've terrorized humankind for a long time. And they're still a real threat, or they still were a real threat to people

on a semi-regular know, not that long ago like in 1875, 161 people fell victims to wolves in Russia. That's a lot of people the wolves got. 1873, I guess the damage to cattle in Russia was estimated at 7 and a half million rubles. The wolf is ever present in Christian lore, you know, in Christianity, and it's always seen as a monster. Like there's three examples from the book of Matthews in the Bible, behold, I send you a sheep in the midst of wolves. Beware of false prophets who come to you

in the closing of sheep, but inwardly, they are ravening wolves. Behold, I send you out a sheep in the midst of wolves, so be sure to serpents and innocent as doves. You know what, it listed three in this article, but I can just tell, like, why not it actually, I guess it's the same sentence, but that one, I think it was actually a different biblical quote. Every part of Europe has folklore that involve werewolves, not just the ones covered in the timeline, like Estonia. It had some

interesting stuff. It's dozens of people were accused of supernatural crimes and a series of which and werewolf tricks, tricks, tricks, trials. It took place in 17th century Estonia. One 18 year old named Hans convicted of both Lycanthropy and witchcraft. That was double up on those. Though he denied making a pact with the devil, Hans admitted that he had been a werewolf for two years. He said he'd become one after one of the beasts, Bittium. He was bit by man dressed in black, who was, of course, also a werewolf himself. And then the court decided that Hans must have made a deal with Devil, which made him guilty of witchcraft

and he was put to death. Son of a bitch, tough break for Hans. And now he tried to play the, yes, I am a werewolf, but not a devil werewolf. And they were like, but you do admit to being a werewolf. He was like, mm, yeah, yes, I am a werewolf. And then like, well then you must be devil werewolf because that's the only kind being a werewolf. He was like, mm, yeah. Oh, yes, I am a werewolf. And then like, well, then you must be devil werewolf because that's the only kind of fucking werewolf.

Burn him with a steak. Ah, man, they got him. And Dutch folklore, all werewolves are witches. I mean, they are constantly intertwined with witches. In medieval Dutch culture, the word werewolf was a synonym for just a male witch or a shape shifter. Both men and women change themselves into animals, but only men

for some reason showed themselves in wolf or dog form. And that's why men are sometimes still referred to as dogs. Human wolf sometimes gave way their secret identity through appearance of bristly youna brow and hair growth on their palms. Hairy palms. Man, if you really do have hairy palms, you probably are werewolf. You at least have some werewolf DNA. Is that a thing? Harry Palms? I looked it up online and all the pictures of Harry Palms seemed badly photoshopped. Like, if you really do have Harry Palms, I don't know, you know, I don't want to be too judgey, but maybe save up your Christmas money, you know, and each year until you get enough for some laser hair removal.

Maybe prioritize that. In the meantime, definitely prioritize waxing your palms once a week. At least shave them, at least narrow it up a couple of times a week, something. Shaking a hairy palm, no one should have to do that. Transformation and Dutch culture.

Supposedly would take place when a man would trade his soul to the devil for ointment or a piece of clothing usually a belt Which does sound like a terrible deal if you stop there, you know Do you sell your soul for a belt? How fucking dumb are you? How low is yourself? Oh, oh, so where wolf belt? No, yeah, again, this is belt. I didn't like the story we talked about earlier gave you the other man the ability to transform to a wolf alternatively male witches used wolf skin to emerge in animal form. And if

one were to burn their magical garment, their reign as a werewolf would end. So werewolves like us would become very protective of their magical garments. You don't get to borrow the werewolf magic belt. Additional Dutch foreclawer said that wolves could control other animals in their sleep. This doesn't sound like an effective, you know, technique. Like, why do you have to be asleep to do it? Oh, man, I'm going to send a whole bunch of critters here away. They're going to fuck you up. They're going to get you.

As soon as I can get some sleep, that's when it's coming. During a series of witch trials between 1591 and 1595, several people were charged with witchcraft and netilands, resulting in the execution of four people, suicide in prison of a woman in the escape from another man. This is a crazy family tale, this poor family ban. Just a sh- again, the shit that happened to people back in the medieval Europe. Fulcourt Dirks was accused of sorcery,

with his daughter, Henry K, and his sons, Hessell, Elbert, Gilles Bert, and Dirk. The 13 year old Elbert claimed that he, Hastel, Albert, Gilles Bert, and Dirk, the 13-year-old Albert claimed that he, his fathers and siblings, could also sometimes turn into wolves or cats by command of Satan. And that they'd also seen other people who did this and gathered with them to dance with the devil. Quote unquote, dance with the devil and kill other animals. Upon his testimony, his father was tortured to confess that he had been made a werewolf by Satan himself and attacked cattle with his children in this shape. His daughter soon confessed to have attended witches, Sabbaths and the shape

of a wolf. Full of tendrika, two other locals, Anton's Antonis and Maria were named as belonging to their werewolf pack. and then all four of them were executed for witchcraft and then the sons, the younger dorks were spared because their age never just whipped a bunch. Sound familiar? This is some Salem witch trial shit right here. Man, people badgered into giving false confessions and then making false accusations against their neighbor.

That's was terrible. Cause like they tore these people and tell us where the other wearables are. And they'd be like, I'm not a wearable, there's no other wearables. And then they'd stretch them on some horrible device, you know, on their bones or cre- Oh, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go. And then they'd just like throw someone into the bus. It's, it's Henrietta.

Yes, she was the one who got me into it. And then these fuckers just show up at some other poor villagers' cabinet. Like, ah, we got you, Henrietta. Okay, come on, nope, uh-uh. Hendrik and Dutac and Folkett, you know, but some other poor villagers, cabins are like, ah, we got you, Henrietta. Get, come on. Nope, uh, uh, Hendrik and Dutac and Fulcott, you know, they fucking said that you have been wolfing it up.

And so now you get to get on the wheel. The Vikings included werewolves in their mythology, the saga of the Vulsangs. Tills a story of a father and son who discovered wolf peltz that had the power to turn people into wolves for 10 days. That's a sweet ass pelt, man. Father, son, duo, don discovered wolf peltz that had the power to turn people into wolves for 10 days That's a sweet ass pelt man Father son duo don the peltz transformed into wolves went on killing in a rampage in the forest Man, I wish I had one of those peltz. I'd be a sweet. That's a fun. That's an interesting vacation

You know you take 10 days off work fucking throw your wolf pelt on go out into woods go feral An American Indian culture wolves were considered important even to be God-like, but not actual werewolves. There were the skin walkers in some American Indian folklad, but it's not quite the same release of werewolf. True North American legends pertaining to werewolves were brought over by European conquerors. You notice the large population wolves in America. Then there are superstitions mixed in with the folk lore of the locals and then more

American werewolf legends are born. And then their superstitions mixed in with the, you know, the folklore of the locals and then, you know, more American, wherewolf legends are born. Uh, randomly, the number of wherewolf sightings in the US is highest in one state was constant. Wisconsin man, wherewolf country was constant, both well over 200 wherewolf sightings. Maybe, maybe those wolves want that sweet cheese. Man, maybe that's what they want. Maybe they got, you know, they got those powerful sniffers on them. They sniff out that sweet Wisconsin cheese. Siding's they back as far as 1936 when a hairy six-foot

creature with a wolf-like face and an odor of decaying meat was spotted digging in an American Indian burial ground. Of course it was near Jefferson, Wisconsin. Since then, Wisconsin's continuously ranked highest in firsthand were, where will reports and encounters? Wisconsin accounts for some of the country's most famous where will sightings such as the infamous beast of Bray Road, which dates back to 1932. Let's talk about this son of a bitch for a second. A hairy humanoid with canine features, the beast of Bray Road. First sighting was constant dating back to the 30s on a rural road outside of Elcorn,

Wisconsin. More recent sightings in the 1980s and 1990s have taken place, placing this creature in the Racine wallworth, Jefferson counties. Those who have seen the beast describe him as usually eating or hunting scavenging. Also known as a man wolf, bear wolf, the indigenous dog man. He said to be about six feet tall, gray and brown fur, face resembles that of wolf, shiny yellow eyes, pointed ears. Body though, is like a furry muscular man. The creature is said to run and walk on all four of its legs. Sometimes, sometimes it's just hind legs.

It's been spiked, sitting on his haunches, kneeling like a man. Some people again think it's a werewolf, other things bigfoot. Some think it's some other unidentified species. It's never attacked anybody. Someone has to do claim that it's acted aggressively, running at them, jumping on their vehicles, and giving them the middle finger.

Get the fuck out of them, trying to eat my skunk or whatever makes me stink. No, but of course, you know, not one good pick, which to me is unacceptable. Like if a monster jumps on your car, the first thing you don't do is try to save yourself, all right? Think about the rest of us. Take a picture! Take a picture on your phone, several of them, and then take some video, and then save your life.

Then try to escape, you know? But come on, those pictures are more important than your life. Wake up! You know, it's probably not gonna smash your phone, even if it gets you, we get to have your phone. That's important. On Canada, there's the legend of the Lugaro, the French word Lugaro, Lugaro translates to Werewolf, but in French Canada, it denotes a very specific kind of Werewolf. It is French for where jangles, one eye, three legs, half pitbull, half wolf, the dark, monstrous

version of bojangles, the venom to his spider-man, which I know doesn't really work as an analogy comic book nerds, but you get what I'm driving it. The where jangles is bojangles without a heart, bojangles with bigger fangs, bigger that claws and unquenchable thirst for human blood, bad word jangles, bad word jangles. Now now in French, Canada, the, the Lugaru is the unfortunate soul who failed to complete his religious duties in time for Easter, not once,

but seven years in a row. It's very specific. You're gonna pay, buddy, God's piss. You messed up your religious stuff for seven years. Now you get to be a wolf person. Being turned into a Lugaru, may also be punishment. I love this.

May also be punishment for the crimes of either. Check this out. Making a pact with the devil, that's one way you get in trouble. Or the other way you get in trouble is, quote, for planting potatoes on a Sunday, I shit you not. What? Making a pact with the devil or planting some taters on Sunday. How do those two crimes

have the same punishment? Are you kidding me? There are two and only two crimes that get you sent to the electric chair around here murdering more than five people or planting a tater on the Lord's Day. We don't like it. How dare you plant taters on Sunday? Carrots? That's fine. Yeah. Obviously planting carrots does not bother God. Green beans? Of course. Of course that's acceptable. But taters? You disgusting heathen fuck. Despite the name. Logaru, it doesn't have to be a wolf, can take the form of a pig, cat, calf, ox, or other animal. I don't know, maybe a kitten, where a kitten?

So cute, so terrifying at the same time. It paralyzes victims' minds. The brain cannot process so much horror and adorableness at one moment. Most of the other were rules apply to this monster. He takes on his animal form only at night and goes around trying to eat people. If a logaru attacks you, you're supposed to throw rocks at it. Or stab with a knife. If you can manage to draw blood, the curse will be broken and the monster will revert to its human form. I like specifically rocks. Should we shoot at it? No, no, no, no,

just throw some rocks at it. Help the, you know, pierces flesh. Afterwards, neither side can talk about it, or you both run the risk of turning into Logan Ruth. So many fucking rules. So complicated. Speaking of weird rules, is there any consensus now on what aware wolf is supposed to be in the modern age? You know? Well, mythicalcreaturesGuide.com explains that if you have a friend, the next stranger you're in a full moon, watch out for these signs of being a werewolf. Number one, if you happen to be in the same room as the suspect in the night of the full moon, watch what they're doing. If they start to pace and prowl about the room, as the sun goes down, be careful.

Be especially careful if they start to walk on all fours, which that makes sense. That's a good sign of being a werewolf, you know, if you're walking on all fours when the moon's full. I think you got to be, you know, keep close to it, and buddy, regardless if you believe in werewolves, you're not at the start walking on all fours. That's, you know, you should be concerned. Unless it's part of some kind of kinky four play, be concerned. Number two werewolves know they are dangerous and they try to get family and friends away from them. If they suspect, suspect they may transform soon. So if you know if the moon's coming out and they're getting all like, ah, I gotta go.

Now you guys gotta get out of here. Turn into a weird loner, maybe werewolf. And the hours before they change werewolves gain acute hearing, animal strength, and a heightened sense of smell. Uh huh. Careful if your friend is suddenly animal strong. Maybe a werewolf or maybe taking anabolic steroids or worst case.

Then maybe a werewolf taking anabolic steroids. Number four, look at the fingernails. Werewolves have reddish almond shaped nails. Then may become as hard as the clavicle wolf on their left thumb. That seems confusing. How would the average person know exactly how hard a wolf's claw is compared to a human finger now? Five, where wolves have very broad hands.

Also look at the third finger. If it is unusually long, they say watch out. They say number six being a werewolf is exhausting, so they're pale and tired. Look in the day after a full moon. So you know, if you see after the full moon, your buddies all pale and tired, they're either werewolf or hung over. One of those two things. Werewolves also very see after the full moon, your buddies all pale and tired, they're either werewolf or hung over. One of those two things, werewolves also very thirsty after a full moon. So again, werewolf or hung over.

And werewolves have long swinging strides like that of a prowling wolf. So in that case, you either have a werewolf. If you see somebody doing that or you have a friend who walks like an asshole. Nine, little list of the Russian tip. If you want to know if somebody is a werewolf, you look under their tongue and you see somebody doing that, or you have a friend who walks like an asshole. Nine, this is a Russian tip. If you wanna know if somebody's a werewolf, you look under their tongue and you see if it has bristles. Ha, that feels intrusive. I feel like Dennis would be reporting werewolves

if that was going on. I don't know how he's supposed to grab somebody's tongue and examine it without them getting very angry. Okay, couple more thoughts on werewolves, but first, I so very much wanna know the werewolf thoughts of the idiots of the internet. I did a Google search for werewolves, and when video came up titled, do wearables exist? Uploaded by all time conspiracies, I knew before reading a single comment that I'd struck gold, idiot gold. It's gonna be golden this red.

Great big nuggets, idiot gold. Oh, laughter's gonna be rich. Yep, little prospector came out. Tell me that. User JCI 1990 thinks that there are for sure werewolves posting. Yes, werewolves exist. Usually you are taught the power from a black magic practitioner and to be able to transform usually include you having to kill somebody you love dearly to prove that you really are a monster.

It's kind of like an initiation to see if the devil can trust you with such things. You usually have to kill somebody. You really, really don't want to kill another things dot dot dot Okay, uh pretty creepy a lot a lot of talk about killing a family member too much talk about that Go confess already. Okay, everybody. I love JC. I love usually. I love the way they phrase these things usually You got to kill a close family member not always you know um kill a close failure. Not always, you know, in my experience, most werewolves have done that,

but some have gotten bitten by another werewol. Some have just kind of, you know, wrong place wrong time. You can be too close in the pentagram circle when the werewolf incantation, there was a lady named Amanda. That, I do believe that happened to her. Like, where the fuck is he getting any of his information from his from his asshole pulling it all out.

User Mgtowf or no Mgtowfax goes full creepy. Hopefully just trolling. Hopefully just trolling right here because they post in all caps, guys help. I am a nice guy that made a huge mistake. I beat up my pregnant wife yesterday and I've been hiding in the forest ever since last night. I just snapped. It all started six months ago when I lost my job and me and my wife had nowhere to go.

And we moved in my dad's home. And about three months ago, I came home early one day from my new job and I found my dad of wife having sex in the couch, probably on the couch, what he meant. In the couch, so I can very, that's even a weird visual. And ever since they've been sleeping together, she is pregnant, and I don't know if it's mine or my dad's. Oh geez, yesterday, I beat her badly, I just snapped,

I left her bloody, I don't know what to do, I fucked up my life. Please give me advice, I might kill myself. I don't know what to do. I fucked up my life. Please give me advice. I might kill myself today or let a cop do it. Please help. I really hope this is just some dumb kid trying to get a rise out of people and not actually somebody who just did

with what they just claimed. I wouldn't even bother adding this post here, but check out this reply. This is why this is just ridiculous. J-man 92701 replies, what's something I don't feel like is a joke. You reply saying, just stay out of jail for a while.

All the police have to have to go with is her story. I beat up my girlfriend when I was young. I went MIA for a couple of weeks. You're only guilty if you're at the scene. Fuck your dad and fuck her. If you can get out the city or state and start over, obviously you got problems you need to deal with. Find yourself first, then start from the beginning.

It's good that you are looking for advice. It shows you realize that you've done wrong. We all do mistakes, learn from this. This is such a ridiculous reply to me because like, it's so weird. Where part of it is like, you're trying to give good advice. Like, hey, man, obviously you got problems you need to deal with. You know, and hey, it's good that you're looking for advice.

That's a good start, you know, it shows you realize you've done some wrong. But then he, then he gives the most terrific advice. You know, just, hey, you messed up. Well, make me say, so here's what you do. Get the fuck out of there. Don't, don't be accountable for your crimes. Get out of there. It's, it's her word against yours, All right, you hide until it blows over look I

Get it man. I beat the shit out of my girlfriend and I fucking totally got away with it We all got to take your ability as you know accountability for our mistakes like what? I don't think J. Man's a troll. I think he's somewhat the very odd moral compass, you know You can't keep living like this man. You got to be accountable for your actions now if you excuse me I got to go hide a body. I got really mad this man. You gotta be accountable for your action. Now if you excuse me, I gotta go hide a body. I gotta really mad this morning, I killed a buddy of mine. But I look, look I didn't mean to, not really. And but I made sure to do it and no one was looking.

There's easy ways to get away with this stuff if you pay attention. But you need to look, we all have to take responsibility for what we're up to. We all gotta, you know, really take a hard look at ourselves, which I'm gonna do later after I form a new identity and hide from a horrible crime. Louise Torres shares some thoughts. Now we get back into the weird were will stuff. He posts all argue and ex files perspective as some animals.

And this is his argument in favor of were will existing. He says as some animals drastically undergo instantaneous physical changes when severe stress or shock is at hand, so what if the same is for some humans? They grow much greater amounts of hair or grows in length. Then it's, I don't know, is that somewhere to guess? Thence they become somewhat feral as though their bodies released large strains of rabies. What? You kind of sort of were making a coherent point

until you correlated growing long hair with becoming feral. Then you really jumped a shark when you ended it with releasing large strains of rabies. And what are you referring to in the animal room world that's even close to this kind of transformation. I like it when like this guy probably, like people just, they just hear vague notions of shit. They never look into it. And then they reference those vague notions while making preposterous claims and act as if they're saying something intelligent. And it's gibberish. Hey, you get what I'm driving at, guys? Look, you know, you know, sometimes animals will

get stressed. Remember this from science class you know, sometimes animals will get stressed. Remember this from science class? Remember how sometimes animals will get stressed and release a large amount of rabies and then become a different animal, you know? You remember what I'm talking about? It's like that. It's kind of like, it's like that thing

that I just referenced as if it were a thing which is not a thing. I mean, right guys? Okay, one more. Belchino 15 made me laugh by posting this. Maybe this is funny to me, but it really made me laugh last night saying, guys, just because some people kill and eat others,

doesn't mean they're werewolves, they're psychopaths. Thanks for clearing out up, Belchino. Thanks, the wonderful guys, guys, guys. Just because some people howl have fangs and e-people, it doesn't mean they're werewolves. They're just psychopaths, okay? The relax, everybody. Dr. Bellchino's here.

PhD and psychopaths, diagnostics. Dr. Bellchino on the case. What do we have here? Lots of blood, partially eaten body, claw marks, okay. Let me stop you right now. I can see where this investigation is heading. I've been through this crime before. I know where you're going and you are wrong.

This is not the work of a werewolf. What we have here on our hands is a psychopath. Dr. Bellchino, psychopath catcher, coming to Wendy's. Wendy, got dang it, I fucking, coming to Wendy's and I'm gonna be see this fall. Ah, I really wanted to get that Dr. Bochino coming to, and sometimes you mess up, sometimes I guess I'm the idiot of the internet.

It is, I'll be into that, into that, into that, into that. All right, last little interesting, a bit of werewolf, a tidbittery. That's not a word I like it. Let's talk about some people do since they really believe they are werewol wolf, a tibitory. That's not aware about like it. Let's talk about some people do sincerely believe they are wear wolves, like a hundred percent convinced. It's a real thing and it's called clinical, like contrapy.

Clinical, like contrapy, is a mental disorder in which the patient believes that he or she is a wolf or some other non-human animal. Probably simulated by the once widespread superstition that like contrapy is a supernatural condition, which you know, people actually assume the physical form of werewolves or other animals. The delusion has been most likely to occur among people

who believe in reincarnation, the transmigration of souls, usually a person is deemed to take the form of the most dangerous beast of prey in their region, you know, like the wool for bear in Europe in Northern Asia, hyena, or leopard in Africa, the tiger in India, China, Japan, elsewhere in Asia. Other animals are mentioned, you know?

But the superstition and psychiatric disorder are linked with belief in animal, guardian spirits, vampires, witches, werewolves, folklore, fairy tales, legends of many nations, people show evidence of like, like and thropic belief. And I guess this possibly could explain some medieval confessions.

You know, I guess there's a chance that some of the people really did believe they were werewolves. It also helps explain some of the variety of other were creatures around the world as well. It seems to be a very rare disorder though. And, intrigued by Tradyn a patient who thought he was a werewolf, Dr. Jan Durk Blom, a assistant professor of psychiatry, a university of Groningen, the Netherlands, mind the archives of psychiatry to find out how just common the condition is. Found that since 1850, there's only been 56 original case descriptions of people who believed they were metamorphocene into an animal.

Among them, 13 reports met the criteria for clinical lycanthropy. The adjective clinical use to emphasize that the condition doesn't mean clinical lycanthropy. The adjective clinical use to emphasize that the condition doesn't mean actual lycanthropy. The ability to metamorphose into a wolf, the doctor said, I feel like that goes without saying. We'd like to make a distinction. This is clinical lycanthropy. This is when people think there are animals,

not lycanthropy, when people really do this stuff. The remaining cases, variants of the condition, and in the March issue of the journal history of psychiatry, he said, I'd expected to find more cases because in textbooks, the condition is mentioned quite often in passing. Yeah, such a low number of clinical like-on-terbie cases reported in over 150 years suggests it's very, very rare.

Also, random trivia. Hyper-tricosis is known also as werewolf syndrome, and this is a term used for the growth of hair on any part of the body and excess of the amount usually present in persons of the same age, race sex, including androgen-induced hair growth. It's generalized in circumscribed forms. Hyper-tricosis may either be an isolated finding or associated with other abnormalities and this is that thing i believe that uh

like uh they would have these you know side show things back in like the early 20th century and then have like the wolf boy and it was somebody suffering from that condition that just had a bunch of extra hair on their face so final thoughts are like vampires the werewolf has been around in some form for a few thousand years It seems to the the lower around it seems to be a little bit more Kind of widespread maybe then vampires. I guess the Strogoy You know did did show up in a variety of ancient cultures, but but the wolf kind of man does seem to be a little bit more widespread Then the kind of the vampire folklore goes all the way back to ancient Greece.

It's obviously written record of how many people were killed in the days before a humankind had written language, but I have to think it was probably super common to be killed by wolves. Before we came really good at hunting, I bet wolves fucked up humans all the time. At one point, they were higher than us on the food chain. I think it does make sense that we have this deep rooted fear of them in many cultures and any kind of culture that encountered wolves on a regular basis. Now, and ancient man,

haunted and packed similar to how wolves hunt. We domesticated the occasional wolf starting thousands of years ago. I think about that phrase man's best friend, but without the dog sex stuff I mentioned earlier. The history of man and dog has been very intertwined. Since the beginning of human civilization, it would make sense that we have a lot of folklore surrounding them.

Makes sense that we'd involve the wolf-freak wheeling our ancient tales, you know, it was top of mind. We're always worried about him. I was surprised by the werewolf hunts, where supposed wolves were burned at the stake or execute in other ways. Not sure why that was more surprising to me than the witch trials, but I didn't realize there was a lot of wearable trials as well. Now I guess I need to go find a good wear wolf movie to watch. All this talk's got me pumped up about the wolf people.

And now let's go over what we've learned today about wear wolves. Once more in today's top five takeaways. Time suck, top five takeaways. Number one, the story of the wear wolf goes back to at least 1550 BCE when King Likane of Arcadia served human flesh to the God Zeus and was transformed into a wolf's punishment. And we've been talking about wolf people now for well over 3,000 years. Number two, historically the French seem more obsessed with werewolves than most.

They were burning werewolves to the stake left and right in the 16th century. Number three, never confess to having a wolf belt if you're being tortured to confess that you are a werewolf. It did not work out well for Peter Stump. He got the most painful death I can think of for admitting that. Number four, if you don't wanna end up as a werewolf,

don't plant taters on Sunday. You know, if you're a French Canadian, apparently that's one of the very weird ways you can end up as a werewolf. Number five, new info, this is terrifying. On July 23rd, just as last July 23rd, 2018, 18-year-old Australian woman, Jamie Dolegye, murdered a 25-year-old man she went on a date with, because she thought that she was a werewolf. She wolfed out on him. Yeah, police alleged that a dolly guy killed Mullen Rathad at her home in the town of Sunbury, Northwest of Melbourne, after they arranged to have a date through a dating app to meet there on the evening of July 23rd. The 25 year old man was

critically injured, taken to the hospital about 9 p.m. where he died overnight. Police have not released details regarding what injuries he suffered. People who know Jamie apparently were not surprised saying that she has been obviously mentally ill for a while. They wonder why she was unsupervised and that she had thought she had been a werewolf for years now occasionally biting and snarling. So werewolves may not be real. But people who think they are werewolves are real and isn't that just as scary. They can kill you just the same. Time to suck tough five takeaways.

Mm, werewolves sucked. I'm sure the people in the office love that. Today they got to be like, what in the fuck is going on over there? That was a fun detour from a more traditional narrative. I find folklore fascinating. I hope you enjoyed as much as I did. Big thanks to the time suck team. Once again, the high priest is at the Suck Harmony Velocamp, Suck Guardian, Jesse Dobner.

How about that one instead of Paladin of Punctuation? I'll find out how Jesse likes it. And of course, thanks to the Reverend Dr. Joe Paisley. Thanks also to TimeSlow Kai Priest, Alex Dugan, the Biddle-Xer team, who I'll be able to work more closely with now, Danger Brain, Eric Radiker, Queen of the Suck, Lindsey Cummins, special thanks to OG Bojangles Research Department

intern Heather, Knowledge Ninja Rylinder for helping shape this suck. And then we're gonna keep it weird on Monday. We dig into area 51. We haven't had enough UFO related sucks, right? And with this one, man, I love this setting. I don't know if you've ever driven through like rural Nevada, like especially like an off the freeway drive I have,

a couple of times, creepy. Mile after mile after mile of just nothing, just tumbleweeds, hills in the distance just that desert, not a town, not a gas station and sight, it's so barren and in the middle of this barren Nevada desert lies area 51, you know, out there there's a there's a dusty unmarked road that leads you to the front gate. It's protected by little, you know, just a little chain link fence, little boom gate, a couple of trespassing signs, you know, one would think that America's much mythicized top secret military base would be under closer guard, but make no mistake,

if you try and go there, they are watching beyond the gate cameras are looking at every angle on the distance hilltop. There's a white pickup truck with a tent of windshield peering down on everything below. Locals say the base knows every desert tortoise and jackrabbit that hops that fence. Others claim that there are embedded centers in the approaching roads. So what's going on out there? Something secret is going on,

is it a weapons project? Has it been a series of weapons projects over the years? Is it something UFO related? Something else we haven't thought of? We're looking into it. We're looking into hard on Monday. I'll be recording from Tampa this weekend. I'm gonna be holed up in a hotel room,

talking about Area 51, like some kind of Hunter S Thompson style weirdo. I'm into it. The other guests staying around me may not be into it. And I'm also into hearing from you guys. So let's do that. I wanna see what you've shared this past week with me on today's time-sucker updates

Yeah, starting off with a shadow person update one of my favorite episodes still let's get spooked Time-sucker Eric Stoffer says hey Dan, I've been a huge fan of your stand-ups since the beginning and have been a loyal sucker since day one I wanted to share an experience I had with a shadow person a Few weeks ago I had experienced sleep paralysis fell pressure on my chest. I awoke to find a still creepy I awoke to find a pale skin lady in a with a ponytail and Jean skirt Standing by my bed staring at me. Her eyes were orange just red and she had no mouth. She looked me in the eyes, shrugged and walked away seemingly disinterested in me. Has anyone else had this happen? Like that type of person. Anyway,

I love the show. It looked forward to seeing you in Grand Rapids again. Your faithful sucker, Eric. Well, thank you, Eric, for sending that in. I looked forward to seeing you in Grand Rapids again. You're faithful, sucker. Eric. Ugh. Well, thank you, Eric, for sending that in. I am curious to see if anybody else has seen that particular entity. That's the no mouth thing, man. The orange-ish red eyes. Ugh. That would scare the shit out of me to see such a specific kind of character there.

Okay. Now, a little gun terminology update from Cody Pooyer. I think maybe that's how you say it. These last names you can never tell. Pooyer, Pooyer, Pooyer. I love this podcast. I share this stuff as much as I can, and I love that you correct yourself.

There's been a couple minor mistakes when talking about guns and ammo, they carry. And I think selfies were dressed a long time ago, but it's been a while. So I want to refresh people's memories in my own. Cody says a bullet is generally the lead project refresh people's memories in my own. Cody says, a bullet is generally the lead projectile or the lead projectile, a cartridge. I think it's meant. A bullet is the generally, oh yeah, is the generally lead projectile, a cartridge for pistols and rifles.

A primer is what gets hit when the trigger is pulled and ignited, ignites the gunpowder around. There's all those things put together. Point being magazines is not hold bullets. They hold rounds. Thank you for all the great content. Your loyal space lizard. Ah, space lizard. Cody, Pooja.

Hope I got your name right, buddy. Thank you. Now we get a little shout out. You know, this is from Colton Springer wrote in saying, dear master, ween sucker up until a couple of months ago, I thought podcasts were for old boring people who listened to books on tape. We'll work it in their garden. I was saying, dear master, ween sucker. Up until a couple of months ago, I thought podcasts were for old boring people who listened to books on tape while working in their garden. I was wrong. One of my good friends named Lane got me hooked

on your podcast and at first I was skeptical, but after I heard your edgene impersonation, which is undeniably the greatest thing in the world. Forgot what voice I did. Probably did some creepy voice. I've been hooked. We both love what you do and love listening to you instead of working.

Yeah, working, wait. Lane is leaving this Sunday for State Trooper School and it would mean the world to me if you could give some good thoughts his way before he's gone for 31 weeks. Damn. Thank you Reverend Suck Master for sucking 100 plus hours of my time, Colton.

Well, you know what Lane's, yeah, man, shout out to you, buddy. Thanks for going out there and becoming a trooper. And I look forward to you keeping it safe. Appreciate it, man. Appreciate what you do. Got another quick little shout out here, that came from Ricky Bryant saying, here this, Master of Time, Suck of Motherfucker,

I know you love joking about exclamation points and the guys from Smoltax murder. I am now officially goddamn spaces, and I fucking love it. First of all, I need to correct you on an Oklahoma town name you Bill Cosby, Fat Albert, Mushmouth, Son of Bitch. And the mob bark at times like you struggle with the town of, Muscogee, Oklahoma, it's pronounced Musk as a men's cologne,

oh, as in the noise you make, orgasm, and G, Musk OG, as in the sound you make after saying the Irish name, McGee, oh, without the make, oh, gee, okay. So musk, musk OG. Also got damn it, I love you so fucking much, but I gotta, if I gotta email you each week, I will just want to give a shout out to my brother, Billy, and his new fiance, Brooke, fiance,

I don't know what I just said there. Also, time's up, it's on the recent engagement, dammit. I wouldn't be as spaced as without him. Also my daughter Zoe turns to in August and I believe I believe they're not she fucking loves time sucks. She can barely talk but smiles and laughs so much every time I play time suck When we're in the car. Yeah Buck and keep on sucking you amazing profit of Nimrod. Ah well man Congrats to to your brother Billy and to Brooke on the recent engagement and to grassy your little Zoe Happy birthday, Zoe if you're listening

Next a funny request from an Icelandic sucker Who wrote and say hi? Just listen to the Bilsky Brothers episode and I agree with Valour Please come to Iceland. I think this is referring to a time-soaker update in that episode. I work in tourism and can tell you about all, tell you about all the cool stuff. Oh man, love the podcast, love spread and stuff.

Yes, I've been practicing my rasslin moves, but I'm mainly writing in to see if you can pronounce my last name, best regards. Oh, you guys, this name, first and last name. I appreciate you being a fan. Matilda, Matilda. Matilda, I think is your first name, and your last name is a train wreck.

Matilda train wreck. No, your last name is Yartard. Yartard, it's back in ridiculous. How is this a real word? Yartardateer. Yartard, Yardard, it's fucking ridiculous. How is this a real word? Yardardeteer, Yardardeteer, Matilda, Yardardeteer. That's my best shot, okay? It helps me do it in the Sing-Song-Eat. Matilda, Yardardeteer, he got the wheels, the ice sales, free from Iceland.

I don't know where that came from. Now you're probably not gonna listen anymore. But like, you took it too far with the weird elf thing. Why do you have to go there? Finally, a heartwarming hilarious and informative panherst of update. This last one for today from Rexie, Frommie. She wrote in saying, and I love the way it earlier is,

I love that people are listening to Iceland. That makes me so happy. I'm fascinated with that little country. Hey, master sucker, I'm a director with Minnesota's largest social service nonprofit organization. Oh, hell yeah, that's impressive. My role is to oversee the services and supports for adults with disabilities living in four-person group homes. I've worked in this field for just over, no, I'm sorry, just short of 10 years, starting as a direct

support professional, providing care, and support in group homes. After listening to the Panhurst episode, as well as the update from our fellow time sucker at the end of the Spartacus Suck, I was really excited to hear some talk about current services for people with disabilities, particularly the term person-centered care. I'd like to share with you some elaboration on how powerful that term really is.

Person-centered care, as it pertains to supportive adults with disabilities, is defined as a model of support that seeks to understand what is important for a person, as well as what is important to a person and provide services that balance the two. Oh, I'm sorry, it's what to understand what is important for a person, as well as what is important to a person and balance those two. What's important for a person are those things that we have historically focused on, things to keep a person healthy and safe. What is important for a person are those things that we have historically focused on. Things to keep a person healthy and safe.

What is important to a person, however, can only be learned by getting to know the person. It's what humanizes us, gives our lives meaning. Those things, people that make us happy, our routines, our favorite places, the way we like to be treated by others. Those little things in life that while we don't need them to live, we wouldn't be ourselves

if we didn't have or do them. It is this focus on what is important to a person that has driven major innovations in the way we view and support people with disabilities. Even in my short time in the field, I have seen a significant shift in the way we look at both the capability of adults with disabilities to take ownership of their own needs, as well as the way we look at ourselves as caregivers. I've seen the written care plans that are used to train staff on a person's needs shift from language around what is wrong with this person, what can't they do, how do we keep the person and people

around them safe, and what do we do on their behalf? Two, what about this person's disabilities, mental illness poses risk to their health, safety, and quality of life, how well do they understand these risks, what can they do to support themselves, where do they need our help, do they want our help, and if so, are we doing these things on their behalf, teaching them skills they need, or helping them find appropriate adaptations to do it on their own? This allows for support provided where, for example, rather than taking someone to the doctor and having the doctor talk to the caregiver about the person in front of them, the caregiver instead goes to the doctor and supports the doctor in communicating with the person directly about their care.

We insist that the doctor is patient with the person's speech delay, ask the person's permission to chime in to explain concerns. Furthermore, we take a deeper look into the person's right to make choices in their lives on everything from where they live, with whom the associate, associate, we eliminated visitor visits and just let people have their friends over like anyone else to their own goals and dreams. I no longer directly supervise the staff who work in their homes I oversee but I enjoy joining in on their training to coach them on person centered care.

I teach people to resist the knee jerk impulse to protect people with developmentally disabilities from the world by teaching the five tenants of empowerment. This rule says, when faced with the decision on whether or not to support someone and doing something they would like to do, a DSP should ask themselves, is it legal? Is it moral or ethical by that person's standards? Is it affordable?

Is there anything in that person's care plan that says they can't do this? If so, is there a way to make an adaptation? Does it support your mission as a DSP to ensure people live a life with dignity and hope? If the answer to those questions is yes, then we have a duty to allow that person the dignity of risk. This is the same dignity we afford our children when we allow them to ride a bike without training wills.

Yes they can hurt themselves, but that shouldn't stop them from experiencing life. So we put protective gear on them and have a first aid kit handy. Likewise if an adult in your care approaches you cash in hand and says they would like to go to a bar and have a beer we assess that they can get drunk and hurt themselves. Or perhaps the alcohol can conflict with their medications. So we call the pharmacy to see if we can delay or miss that med just this once and go with them as their designated drive. That's awesome. The real example that I use in every training is of a man in my care with a traumatic brain injury. This is such a great story. Thank you for sending this in. This is this story

right here. His short-term memory was damaged to where he does not recall interactions after 10 minutes. For his birthday, I instructed the staff to ask him what he wanted to do, what he wanted to eat, and the flavor and theme he wanted on his cake. They went off to ask him then returned to my office giggling. He told them that he wanted to go horseback riding for his birthday. Okay fine. He wanted pizza for dinner, sweet. He wanted a chocolate cake. Okay. When asked what he wanted his cake. When asked what he wanted this cake to look like, he said, quote, I want to check with huge tits. We all had a good laugh.

Then one of the staff said his mom would never let us do that. His mom was his guardian. She was very reserved for legit woman. They agreed to wait 10 minutes, ask him again. Okay, yeah, because the 10 minute memory and pray he'd give a different answer. He said, hang on a second. Is it legal for a man to have a, is it legal for a man to have a cake with big tits on it for 38th birthday? Is it moral by his standards, not his moms? He asked for it with a straight face, didn't he? We are going to buy or make him a cake anyway.

Can we afford to put tits on it? Is there anything in his care plan or medical chart that says it's not safe for him to eat at chocolate titty? If they're dignity in him getting the cake, he asked for, even if he won't remember asking for it. The only additional question We should have then asked is will our company credit card working at a Rodic bakery or kink shop to get a pan Turns out a card wouldn't work at sex world

So I had to buy the boob cake pan out of pocket and submit a reimbursement request Thanks to this guy short term memory loss. We got to surprise him with that cake, so guy short-term memory loss. We got to surprise him with that cake. So we got to surprise him with that cake several times on his birthday. Every time he walked into the kitchen, you say, what are you guys doing? And then we'd say, we're making a cake for your birthday. And he'd be like, really? Wow. And he'd say, why is a cake shaped like that? And then we'd say, we're going to put boobs on it for your birthday. And then you say, why is the cake shaped like that? And then we'd say, we're gonna put boobs on it for your birthday. And then he'd say, oh my God, that is awesome. Why does the cake have tits?

And they'd say, just for you, really? After dinner with his housemates, we sang Happy Birthday, presenting him with his finished cake. He pulled the cake in close to him, looked it over for a moment, then looked up at us, with tears in his eyes. You made me a boob cake. I like this boob cake.

I asked for this cake, but I don't remember asking for it. You remember, though, you made this for me. Thank you. Thank you. This moment would not have been an option even 10, 15 years ago. This is the beauty of person centered care. I'd love to send you a picture of the cake we made. We're not professionals, but we did it with please send one into bow jangles at times like podcast.com. Please, let me send it in. I have many more examples, but this message has gone long enough. You are welcome to share the story in your podcast. If you do, please also share the tragedy of this new phase

of support for adults with disabilities is a massive staffing crisis across the country. Last year, Minnesota Department or DHS, Department of Health Services, stated that if every company providing services to adults with disabilities hired every person currently looking for a position, we would still be at a 30% staffing shortage across the state. I believe there are plenty of people who have the heart to do this kind of work, which

admittedly is not always easy, but not enough people even know this is a job that you can do. The pay rate for the direct support professionals is not always great for many. It's a second job. However, the skills you learn, the relationships you build, the stories you get, uh, chocolate titty cake, and the impact you make in the lives of others is invaluable. Anyone interested in joining in any career in the field of healthcare or social work or field that requires providing support to others in a personal way should consider a job as a direct support professional DSP. I pray you read this message,

well, prayers are answered, Nimrod heard ya. Keep on sucking brother, hail Nimrod, Rexie from it. Oh, wait, Rexie, Famy, like nah. Oh, thanks for the pronunciation guy at the end there. Rexie, Famy. Thanks, thanks is always, oh man, if you you want to love this that was such a beautiful story Love you meet sex right into the show. You're the best

Thanks time suckers. I need a net. We all did that's all until Monday and then it's area 51 time Until then if you think you're aware wolf. It's time you see a psychiatrist and try to convince him that you are aware of it. And if you can't, time for your medicine. If you are for sure though, aware of it, stay inside August 26th. That's the next full moon. And even if you do, Wolf out, you'd be sure to keep on sucking. you can... HOOOOO HOOOOO HOOOOO HOOOOO HOOOOO HOOOOO HOOOOO HOOOOO

HOOOOO HOOOOO HOOOOO HOOOOO HOOOOO HOOOOO HOOOOO HOOOOO

HOOOOO HOOOOO HOOOOO HOOOOO HOOOOO HOOOOO HOOOOO HOOOOO

HOOOOO HOOOOO HOOOOO