Timesuck with Dan Cummins - Bonus 26: The Way of the Samurai, a Brief History of Japan, and the Warrior Life of Miyamoto Musashi

Episode Date: September 14, 2018

For centuries, Japan was ruled by a military dictatorship, the Shogunate, and the samurais were the enforcers of this rule. The samurai was soldier, police officer, judge, jury, and executioner. He was the warrior that would rather die than bring dishonor to himself, his family, or his daimyo. His days and ways were highly ritualized. Molded by Buddhist, Confucian, and Shintoist philosophy, his sword was his soul and he carried it with him throughout his days and slept with it by his side throughout his nights. The samurai have a fascinating history and we explore it today, as well as the rise of the Japanese Shogunate, and the life of one of Japan's greatest warriors in this land of the rising sun edition, of Timesuck. Timesuck is brought to you today by Eero! For free overnight shipping in the US or Canada, visit eero.com, select overnight as the shipping option, then enter TIMESUCK at checkout! Merch - https://badmagicmerch.com/ Want to try out Discord!?! https://discord.gg/tqzH89v Want to join the Cult of the Curious private Facebook Group? Go directly to Facebook and search for "Cult of the Curious" in order to locate whatever current page hasn't been put in FB Jail :) For all merch related questions: https://badmagicmerch.com/pages/contact Please rate and subscribe on iTunes and elsewhere and follow the suck on social media!! @timesuckpodcast on IG, @timesuckpodcast on Twitter, and www.facebook.com/timesuckpodcast Wanna be a Space Lizard? We're over 3000 strong! Click here: https://www.patreon.com/timesuckpodcast Sign up through Patreon and for $5 a month you get to listen to the Secret Suck, which will drop Thursdays at Noon, PST. You'll also get 20% off of all regular Timesuck merch PLUS access to exclusive Space Lizard merch. You get to vote on two Monday topics each month via the app. And you get the download link for my new comedy album, Feel the Heat. Check the Patreon posts to find out how to download the new album and take advantage of other benefits. And, thank you for supporting the show by doing your Amazon shopping after clicking on my Amazon link at www.timesuckpodcast.com

Japan and the way of the samurai, honor and tradition, so very, very important in Japanese culture. Death before this honor was the code of the samurai. For centuries, Japan was ruled by a military dictatorship, the shogunate, and the samurai's were the enforcers of this rule. You could and would die for even insulting a samurai. The samurai were judge, jury, and executioner. The warrior fought for his lord, fought for his country judge, jury, and executioner. The warrior fought for his lord, fought for his country, his days, and ways were highly ritualized, molded by Buddhist

confusion and chintoist philosophy. The sword was his soul, and he carried it with him throughout his days, and slept with it by his side throughout his nights. The samurai traced their origins all the way back to the end of the 8th century, back to the Heyun period military campaigns to subdue the indigenous Amishi people of the Toyoku region of Japan. Mercenary warriors were increasingly being hired by wealthy landowners who had grown independent of the central government and built armies for their own protection. These armies grew into more and more powerful lands of fighters and soon these lands would become giant samurai clans

who would dominate Japan. A fascinating history, and we explored today in this land of the rising sun edition of Time Suck. You're listening to Time Suck. You're listening to Time Suck. You're listening to Time Suck. Hail Nimrod. Dan Cummins, AKA the Reverend Dr. Master's Sucker S. Quire IV, aka IV Leg of Bojangles, aka

Sir Sucks a Lot, aka Heahuath Sucketh the Mosteth, and you are listening to Time Suck. And I hope you are a member of the cult of the Curious. Join our Weird Cult, join it! Recording Los Angeles today in the rare Los Angeles basements not a city known for basements because of all the The earthquake shenanigans, but in a basement today Hope the Reverend Dr. Paisley back in the Idaho, Sucked Dungeons able to sweeten the sound enough to turn today's suck into some sweet ear candy Thanks to the time suckers who came out to the Hollywood improv on a Wednesday night, last night, as I record this. Two nights ago is the first of you here this.

Thanks to advanced anyone who shows up in Oxnard, the Liberty Live this weekend, traveling with Queen of the Suck Lindsay this week, which is fantastic. Thank you to Matt, by the way, in Hollywood, who gave me another military challenge going. I'm getting quite the collection and very appreciative of that and thank you all again for your service. So glad that the suck seems to be really spreading within the military and within law enforcement. Big fans of both, big fans of both

to keep it safe, very important roles. It's shit on a lot for whatever reason in the media. I shouldn't say for whatever reason, for valid reasons, but a few bad apples, a few bad apples, spoiling a bunch that is, in my experience, mostly of people of great integrity. Anyway, yet, Travelling with Screen of the Suck, Lindsey this week is fantastic.

A most recent album, Maybe Omniproblem, drops on vinyl tomorrow, September 15th, new in Pacific time, 3 p.m 3pm Eastern time via Romana's record, scoop that up. And I do love the vinyl. I guess I'm a little hipster after all. I'm gonna talk about it like I just realized that. I've been hipster the whole time to a certain degree.

I'm a bigger hipster. But yeah, man, love that there is truly something about listening to stuff on vinyl and it's so cheap I think I've said that before Like especially if you get into the use vinyl That's what's really cool about it. I think I mean you're like, oh, you know But I guess you can like you know stream things for free But then there's commercials and different stuff and they have to compress the sound quality

You know so much to make it streamable that it does really lose a lot of the nuances, but you can get a pretty cheap record player and you can go to your local record shop or really go to your local thrift shop and a lot of them have a used record section and you can find gems for like 50 cents a buck, maybe they look a little scratched, just get some of that record juice from your vinyl shop just get some of that record juice. From your vinyl shop, get some of that vinyl cleaner, and you can just kind of brush it around. You can brush all those impurities out,

and it's just, mm, sweet, sweet sound. Anyway, link to those, to the custom limited edition pressings of my album in the episode description. Very excited not only for Oxnard this week, but to head back to Portland, Oregon this September 27 27 to the 29th, back of helium, flatters, tourist and upshows and a live metamorphosis, narcosatowns, cult podcast on September 30th. Excited to do that topic again. That's the, uh, that's the live only topic for the rest of this year.

Back to California, October 5th and 6, uh, where today's cult story, all right, not today's. Last week's cult story began again in Huntington Beach and beat the rec room. Dition out counter culture, stand up rhetoric, some flatter stuff and more. Then I'll be back to the Northwest, hit the Tacoma Comedy Club, into Tacoma Washington, October 11th to 13th, with another live Metamorphos Narco Satanist called on the 14th. And those will be my only saddle area shows this year. The rest of the year's tour dates on dancoma.tv and now let's get into today's suck. I want to say take it easy, take it easy on me with this week's pronunciations. I looked up so many words, so many words but I also didn't quite have time to become fluent in

Japanese so easy tiger, easy. Now let's leave wherever the hell you are and head over to Japan, unless you're in Japan. Then you stay put. To understand the samurai, you really have to understand ancient Japanese culture. And I gotta say, I'm glad I got a little bit of a jump on this suck. Because it wasn't easy for me to start working on.

I really had to get over some stuff. I've hated Japan and hated Japanese people ever since I read about how for hundreds of years, they routinely ate Christian babies in order to gain magical martial arts abilities. And what, wait, what? That was nonsense. I only said that hoping that maybe like one new listener would stop listening after hearing

that and just wonder if it was true for a while. Just Becky, Becky, did you know why Japanese people are good at karate? They eat Christian babies, Becky. No, it's, no, it's true. Someone said it. Someone said it once so it has to be true. No, I'm glad I get to ask you out on this one because Japan's culture is so very different from my own American culture, radically different.

It took me a bit to wrap my head around it. I feel like I still have so much to learn. I feel like I can do decent job with today's narrative, but man, it's very, very different. I learned a little bit about Japanese culture in the Okikihara suicide for a suck. I learned so much more for this suck. The culture of Japan just incredibly unique. It developed until the end of the 16th century completely outside of any Judeo-Christian or Muslim influence whatsoever, which is incredibly rare in the history of the world.

Even more rare when Europeans did arrive just a few Portuguese showed up. They didn't show up as con-conkers. They were kicking ass all over the planet, but they quickly realized that Japan was not theirs for the taking. The samurai warriors ruling in Guardian Japan were a formidable force, and they weren't about to allow foreign invaders

to infiltrate their island. In fact, shortly after the arrival of Europeans, the Japanese minimized contact, until there was virtually no contact with outsiders, until the mid 19th century. That is not the way the shit went down basically anywhere else on earth. Anywhere else on the for sure definitely not flat earth. I found a map online that listed which countries are either European or have fallen under either total or partial control of a European

nation between the 16th century and the 1960s. It's nuts. All of North and South America, right? Of course, under European control at some point. Guyana, aka French Guyana, is still under European control. It remains part of the nation of France to this day. I did not know that. I had no idea that people living in South America were members of the European Union right

now. All of Africa has fallen under European control except the small West African nation of Liberia. And Liberia only escaped European control because it was backed by the United States. It began as a settlement of the American colonization society in the 19th century who thought that freed African Americans would fare better in Africa than America. So while not technically ruled by Europe, it was founded by Americans who virtually ran it and were culturally obviously very much Judeo-Christian.

Also I should point out that Ethiopia was only ruled by Italy very, very briefly. However, for the point I'm making about Japan, Ethiopia's culture also shaped mightily by Christians Jews and especially Muslims. If you want to learn more about Europe's influence on Africa, we did a whole suck on it. Sucks 72, the colonial devastation of Africa. Australia and the South Pacific Islands, all under the thumb of European colonialism. At some point, it's cultures, you know, either derivative of or heavily influenced by Europe. You know outside of obviously a few small jungle tribes

that remain kind of independent of this day. The Middle East, all under either outright European control or strong European influence and or partial control at some point. Most of Asia, such as India and Pakistan, ruled by Europeans for long stretches, or strong European influence and or partial control at some point. Most of Asia, such as India and Pakistan, ruled by Europeans for long stretches, heavily influenced cultured by Europeans, Afghanistan, Bhutan, Nepal, remained technically independent, but were essentially ruled by British proxies at various points.

Afghanistan also essentially controlled by Russia at other points. Mongolia, strongly influenced, slash controlled by Russia at various moments in its history Even the great and powerful nation of China will never conquered outright by the west You know made several historical concessions to the west cities and trade ports given to colonial powers like Hong Kong Which actually belonged to the British until 1997 Missionaries and other Western travelers bouncing around that nation for centuries. And then there's Korea and Thailand. Now Thailand remained independent of Europe only because the British and French Empire

has decided to let it remain independent. They both chose to kind of use it as a buffer between British controlled Burma and French controlled, you know, French into China. But Thailand's mainland location opened it up to tons of traffic fromma and French controlled, you know, French into China. But Thailand's mainland location opened it up to tons of traffic from Europeans and their culture, their religions. The same can be said, kind of for Korea, although Korea, you know, made a much greater effort to suppress Western influence in Thailand did.

And Korea like Thailand shares borders with other Asian nations. So the cultures of those nations came into frequent contact with the cultures of Thailand and Korea and clearly North Korea has been extremely Isolationists since the 1950s, but we're talking about history long before the 20th century and then finally there is Japan. It's all this left after all those other countries and you know continents described Japan's culture developed quite literally as I'm guessing you know, on an island, but it also developed figuratively on an island. While Japan did engage in limited trade with a few other nations,

primarily China and Korea, for centuries, it also shut off its borders to outside influence. For like a century and a half, more tightly than any other kingdom did in the history of the world. For a large nation, it truly developed in a bubble unlike any other modern nation has. Like from 1639 CE to 1853 CE, Japan actually instituted a formal policy of isolationism. This is that century and a half I was just referring to called Sakoku.

It legally mandated minimal outside cultural contact. Japan traded during this period with the outside world, primarily through only one harbor. Primarily the Nagasaki Harbor. And Nagasaki trade with China was permitted, a little bit, you know, with Korea, a little bit of trade with the innu people, some of whom were indigenous to Japan,

some indigenous to Russia. Yeah, and I said like Korea, Korea is a JOSUN dynasty. And then the tiniest of tiny windows opened a trade with the West. This is hilarious to me. There was a 2.2 acre artificial island formed by Dickening Canal through part of a small peninsula in the Bay of Nagasaki that Dutch merchants were allowed to use as a trading post. Think about how tiny that is. 2.2 acres.

That is smaller than a fair amount of people's yards back where they've been Idaho, not even joking. Like crescent shaped, 390 feet wide, 250 feet deep. It was built originally to house Portuguese traders at the end of the 16th century. So they'd keep their religion and, you know, and cultural ideas away from the local population. While the Portuguese left after a few decades, the Dutch arrived, kind of took over and remained. Only about 20 Dutch would be stationed there at any given time. An aloct gate prevented them

from leaving their small barracks and exploring Japan. Even the 20 dudes who got to stay in this tiny little barracks weren't allowed to go like explore the mainland. Nope, you fucking stay in your 2.2 acres. Every ship that came into the Nagasaki harbour thoroughly inspected religious books confiscated as were other books, or objects deemed culturally threatening. Even the 20 again, Dutch on the island forbidden from holding any kind of religious ceremony for themselves even within their little barracks. They were closely watched even there by Japanese

supervisors. They monitored the island daily, beginning in the 18th century, only two ships per year were even allowed to dock there. So as you can see, Japan did not fuck around when it came to closely guarding their culture. So let's look into how that culture began and how it led to the age of the samurai and all that entails in today's first of two. Actually, we're a little different structure. First of two, time suck, timelines. Shrap on those boots soldier. We're marching down a time suck timeline. Roughly 35,000 years ago, in 33,000 BCE,

it's believed that the first humans, paleolithic people, made it from mainland China to the island of Japan and it's thought that they traveled by Jetski. They brought with them early iPads that were pretty cool but didn't have like HD FaceTime cameras or you know really good games at first and of course that is not true but I do like to pretend that the Japanese are so much more technologically advanced in the rest of the world that they actually did have iPads and Jetski 35,000 years ago. Now, they floated over on, I'm assuming, super shitty boats. The kind that probably sunk off in, where you know, you're always one bad storm away from

a terrible, terrible death. But they made it. At the end of the last Ice Age, roughly around 10,000 BCE, a culture called the Juman developed. And during the Juman period, the inhabitants of Japan lived by fishing, hunting, and gathering as did much of the world. This period is named after the court markings, Juman on the pottery they produced. Then in the Yoyoi period, beginning around 300 BCE and lasting several centuries, rice cultivation was introduced from the Korean Peninsula. An account of Japan in a Chinese historical document

of the third century describes a queen named Himoki. He, no, he, he, I'm eco, I'm eco, there we go. I'm eco ruling over a country called Yamutai in the first era of recorded Japanese history. And then we jumped to 250 CE, the the cofoon era lasted from 250 CE to 538 CE and was characterized by large barrel mounts or tumuli. The cofoon were headed by a class of aristocratic war

lords who had adopted many Chinese customs and innovations. The Japanese religion of shintoism likely began to really take shape during this period, hard to say with certainty since it began as an oral tradition and may have existed in some form going back to prehistoric times. Shinto means the way of the gods. More on shintoism and how it shaped the code of the samurai and Japanese culture a little bit later. 538 CE, the Asuka period began.

It looks like this word looks like a suka, but you know, found a lot of various sources that said Asuka. The Asuka translates in English to never enough dick, and this period was marked by Japanese women marrying on average five dudes each. It was a period of unparalleled sexual expression and decadence for women who were allowed to divorce their husbands for poor sexual performance, or for having penises that were either weird looking, or not hard or long enough. And since Japanese penises are statistically the world's smallest by quite a bit, this had a devastating effect on Japanese culture.

Roughly 70% of men were abandoned by their dick hungry sex greedy wives during this period. Kidding, of course, kidding on numerous levels, actually. Women were not actually controlling during this era. And science going against stereotype. Japanese men listening to the podcast, get ready for some positive information. Japanese men do not have tiny wins.

According to a 2012 study of 500,000 grown men from around the round globe, Japanese men ranked 10th with an average erection length of 5.33 inches, just a bit longer than US wings, which clocked in at 11th with an average length of 5.08 inches. So who's number one, the Republic of the Congo, with an average erection length of 14 inches,

an average circumference of 9.4 inches. Getting again, getting about the length of the Congo. That's way too much dick for anybody who's not a massacuse. No 7.05 inches was number one. That was the Republic of Congo. FYI, FYI, my penis measure somewhere around 20 inches long. When, listen, when I measure from the small of my back down around in between my legs,

and then up to the tip from the grondle. And now I'll stop before everyone quits listing and unsubscribe. And I meant, but that 20, I meant like from the, yeah, small of the back, around through the grondle up to the tip. Okay, 538 CE, the Asuka period really did begin. This period draws this name from the de facto imperial capital at that time.

Asuka Buddhism came to Japan during the Asuka period and influenced the formalization of the native Shinto religion. It's still shaping and molding. The Chinese writing system also made its way onto the island given birth to Japan's own written language, which would be initially derivative of Chinese, Japanese society divided into powerful and rival clans during this era. The Buddha Saga clan then took control of most of Japan in 587 CE ruled for nearly 60 years. One leader of this clan, Prince Shultoku, ruled from 594 to 62, authored the 17 article Constitution, a Confucian-inspired code of conduct for

officials and citizens. He inspired the name of the country, Japan, which comes from the phrase land of the rising sun when he wrote an insulting letter to a Chinese ruler. The start of stating, the sovereign of the land where the sun rises is sending this mail to the sovereign of the land where the sun sets. In front of those in insults, because it indicated that the sun rises is sending this mail to the sovereign of the land where the sun sets. And in front of those in insults, because it indicated that the sun's full strength originated in Japan. And that China received, you know, like a half-sun, like a waning limp sun. Japan's sun fucking rough, just rock hard, fully erect.

China's sun just like, so Japan Japan starting off with some smack talk. 645 CE, the so good clan is overthrown by the Fuji water clan, whose first leader, Emperor Kotoku, wrote the Taiko reforms immediately after taking over. Now these are foreign folks on land reform based on confusion, philosophies also enhance the power of the Imperial court by taking away power from regional leaders power of the imperial court by taking away power from regional leaders and making the imperial court a place you had to go to settle

legal disputes and appeal to the government. The land reform of this era adopted from China is now known as the Equal Field System, and this is kind of how feudalism really gets now moving in Japan. This system worked on the basis that all land was owned by the government, which would then assign it to individual families. Every individual was entitled to a certain amount of land, the amount depended on their ability to supply labor. For example, Abel-Bodyed men received approximately 2.7 acres while women received a little bit less. More land was granted per ox owned by the family. After death, the land would then revert back to the state

to be reassigned to the next generation although provisions were allowed for some inheritance of land that required like long-term development of certain crops. Despite these reforms, most of the islands of Japan still operated under, you know, operated regionally, excuse me, and it would take centuries to really consolidate power in a way similar to the empire of China. Seven Tensi, the government constructed a grandiose new capital at Hayokyo, modernara, modeled after the capital of the Chinese Tang Dynasty. During this period, the first two books produced in Japan appeared, the Kojiki and Nihon Shoki,

which contained chronicles of legendary counts of really Japan and its creation myth, which describes the imperial line as descendants of the gods. This is kind of important in the development of the ethos, the loyalty kind of to Japan in the samurai code. A mythology that would really help kind of fuel intense Japanese nationalism. It's time went on, you know, just kind of worshipping themselves in a sense. The aristocratic class practice Buddhism, also Chinese calligraphy, agricultural villagers

followed the tenets of shintoism, which was starting to grow in cultural importance, and again, more on shintoism later, I promise. Further land reform occurred during this era that would lead directly to the rise of the samurai. Decrees in 723 CE held that newly developed lands could be inherited for three generations While a later decree and 743 CE allowed for these developed lands to be held in perpetuity, right? So now you can have private ownership in perpetuity This is very important to kind of how the

The samurai would would develop by 800 CE the whole Confucian land redistribution scheme had just been practically totally abandoned. During this period, Japan also suffered a series of natural disasters, including wildfires, droughts, famines, outbreaks of disease, such as a smallpox epidemic that killed over a quarter of the population. Emperor Shomo, who ruled from 724 to 749 CE, feared his lack of piousness had caused the trouble, and so increased the government's promotion of Buddhism during this period, including the construction of the temple Tothaiji, additional provincial Buddhist temples known as Kokobunji were built all over Japan. Every province was to build a monastery and a nunnery, like the Buddhist nunneries, each with a seven-story pagoda, each housing a statue of Shakyamuni Buddha. Shakyamuni Buddha, and each monastery was to have 20 monks, each nunnery, 10 nuns, whose constant task would be to recite the scriptures,

offer up prayers for the welfare of the nation. Just that whole kind of ancient thing of like, please don't let a bit, another disease wipe us out. Just as the temporal world has it had its governors in each province to attend to its administrative and judicial matters, so the spiritual world would have officially appointed monks and nuns distributed evenly among the provinces to attend to the spiritual needs of the Japanese people at this time. 794 CE, the Hiyun era began with the ascension of the Emperor Kamu, who shifted the capital to Hiyun present Kyoto. Kamu was less enthralled with Buddhism than his predecessors and began to dismantle the

culture's Buddhist infrastructure. Those provincial Buddhist temples had gradually amassed vast wealth over the past several decades and the monks acquired high political positions, began to interfere in secular affairs. And then there was a movement to counter such abuses among the aristocracy, and Buddhist influence now begins to wane. Japan's unique culture develops rapidly during the Heiyun era, which would last all the way until 1185 CE, which would be the beginning of the show in it. The Imperial Court pumped out enduring art poetry

and prose during this period, the samurai warrior class developed as well. Samurai men. Yeah, buddy, we're almost there. Almost there. Almost truly going to dive into today's topic. The new government consisted of the emperor, his high ministers, a council of state and eight ministries, which with the help of an extensive bureaucracy, ruled over some seven

million people spread over 68 provinces at that time, each ruled by a regional governor and then further divided into eight or nine districts. Now Japan is truly becoming a futile nation. While noble landowners are spending more and more time in the new capital, in and around the imperial court, you know, working on their fucking art, working on their drawings, working on their poetry, enjoying being rich and petulant.

The vast majority of Japan's population is working the land, either for themselves or for the estates that are popping up now. And they're burdened by banditry, by excessive taxation, rebellions begin to occur with greater and greater frequency. After this policy, redistributing public lands, the whole equal field system, after that went away, the proportion of land held in private hands would naturally start to increase, and some people will get more than others by the 12th century

50% of land would be held in private estates and many of these given special dispensation through favors or due to religious reasons and would become exempt from paying taxes So the situation causes a serious dent in the state's finances wealthy landowners They're claiming more and more new land, they're developing it, they're increasing their wealth, they're less dependent on the government, they're starting to feel more powerful than the government and the emperor, you know, this, this, this widening gap between the haves and have nots as growing. Also, many of these now largest

state owners, they're spending more and more time away from the land they own. Largest number of them actually residing at the court in Hayunqil. This meant that the estates were managed by subordinates who were now seeking to increase their own power and as time goes on and the ability and the emperor become more and more separated from everyday life. Most commoners contact with central authority becomes limited just to paying the local tax collector.

And as all these nobles spend less than last time on their own land and beginning the ninth century, private armies are now being formed in order to protect the interests of the show and the nobles who spent most of their time away at the imperial court. And this is the beginning of the samurai, a name which literally translates as attendant with the verb samurai meaning to serve. There were other classes of warriors, you know, like soldiers, common soldiers, but samurai were the, were the only one with the connotation of serving the imperial court.

Samurai were employed by feudal lords, the Damiyao, to defend the territories against rivals, to fight enemies, identified by the imperial court and battle with hostile tribes and bandits. During the Heyun era, the power of the empire slowly being chipped away as these different, you know, regional, you know, land-owning clans are getting more and more powerful. There's one family in particular

that really started to chip away at the emperor, the Fujiwara clan. During this area, members of this clan started taking over more and more Japan's political offices. They started, you know, they were marrying off a fair amount of their daughters to Japan's emperors. Many of these emperors are taking the throne as children and while children, these kids regent, the Cecil, would become the de facto emperor and members of the Fujiwara clan

usually filled this advisory role, which really was kind of the real power. When the emperor reached adulthood, he'd be devised by a new political position created during this era, the Kampaku, also usually a member of the Fujiwara clan. And so the rising dominance of this clan does not go unnoticed, doesn't go unchallenged. Emperor Shira Kawah, who ruled from 1073 to 1087, begins to assert his independence from Fujiwara

by abdicating the throne in 1087 CE and allowing his son, Horikawa, to reign under his supervision. And then this strategy of retired emperors still in effect, covering became known as cloistered government. As the emperor usually remained behind closed doors in a monastery, it added another wheel to the already complex machine of Japanese government. Meanwhile back in the provinces, new power players are getting stronger and stronger, left with their own devices fueled by blood from minor nobility produced by this process

of dynastic shedding, which in that was when an emperor or aristocrat just had too many kids and a lot of them were moved from lines of inheritance. Two important groups evolved, the Minamoto and the Tara Clans. And with their own private armies of Samurai, they become important rivals to the power of the Fujuara clan. And then in 1156, a dispute over succession to the throne erupts and the two rival clans, or two rival, excuse me, claimants to the throne emperor, uh, go, uh, Shirakawa and emperor, uh, Sutoku higher the Tara and Minamoto clans in the hopes of securing the throne by military force. This is going to lead to the shogunant. Uh, during this war, the

samurai of the Tara clan led by Tara, Tara no Kioro, uh, Mori, uh, defeat the samurai of the Minamoto clan Akira Mori installs his grandson Antuko As emperor while the Minamoto clan has been defeated. They weren't destroyed though And then and they fight against this new emperor leading to the haji rebellion in 1160 the clans would battle back and forth for over two decades Ending in 1185 when the head of the The winning clan the Minamoto clan, Minamoto no Yoritoro and his family become the new de facto rulers of Japan. And by 1192, Minamoto would radically change the government of Japan creating a new system that would last all the way until 1868, the Shogunate.

Okay, so this first period of the Shogun it last from 1185 when they won the war, 21333. This is the Kamakura period. Now during this period, the samurai fought off Mongol invasion attempts, launched by Kubla Khan in both 1274 and 1281. And yeah, and this is the beginning of, like when the samurai's, they are in charge now. You know, not like, you know, lowly samurai's, but we'll talk about the social structure here in just a little bit. But this is when now Japan is a feudal military decadorship under this choconant. Impressive that they were able to fight off Kubla Khan, by the way, considering the Mongols were just kicking everyone's ass back then. Nature did help a little bit with

their defense. They got that island, so that creates a little bit of a barrier to conquering them. And then the Mongols large fleet after being fought off by the samurai actually destroyed by typhoons just off Japan's coast on August 15th from that deadly August afternoon in 1281 down to present time, the divine wind that destroyed the Mongol invasions of Japan has been known by its more popular name Kamikaze. And 1133 or excuse me, in 1333, Emperor Godago attempts to restore power back to a civilian government, doesn't work, is attempted failed by 1336, and the Ashikaga Shogunet takes power and would rule until 1575.

Now this period saw a lot of samurai versus samurai fighting. In 1338, the one Shogun captures the capital of Kyoto, it stalls New Emperor, the current emperor has to flee to the southern city of Yoshino. Following his escape, there was a prolonged period of fighting between the north and south and the Daimiao, and their samurai armies who aligned with each, this would last all the way until 1392 and 1467 another civil war would break out over who would succeed the rolling the ruling shogun Kyoto burned to the ground as Damiyao's you know took sides and samurai's battle samurai by the time the succession was settled in 1477 the shogun had lost all power over the Damiyao who now ruled hundreds

of independent states throughout Japan there was a period where there's called the warring states where the Damiyaos fought amongst themselves for control of the country. So it's basically like a whole bunch of little governors, each with their own army of samurai, always just battling each other for control over portions of the nation. Amid this ongoing virtual anarchy in warfare, Portuguese traders landed in 1543. The other ones bring that musket to Japan, bring, you know, firearms by 1556, there be 300,000 muskets in use by Japanese armies. We'll talk about how that affects the December very much later.

By 1568, Japan had re-unified under two powerful warlords, Oda, Nobuonaga, and Troyo told me, Hideyoshi, war would eventually break out between those loyal to one clan or the other, and after the Battle of Sekigahara in 1600, it took a goblet show in it. Candid power and would rule from the new capital now of Edo, they moved the capital to Edo, which is now Tokyo, until the end of the samurai period when power was transferred back to the Emperor in 1868, and then the emperor would remain in Kyoto during the Edo period, and during this period Edo became the most populous city in the world also.

The Tokugawa Shogun went to great lengths to suppress social unrest, harsh penalties, including crucifixion, beheading, death by boiling, they didn't fuck around, were to create for even minor offenses, criminals of high social class. We're often given the option of Sopuku, which was that self disembowelment we talked about in the Ayuki-Kahara suicide forest suck, the samurai suicide. Christianity, which was seen as a potential threat,

was gradually clamped down until finally after the Christian led, Shimbabata rebellion of 1638, the religion was completely outlawed in the country. So it really did develop really outside of GD, a Christian where they just like squashed that shit out entirely to bring it further forward ideas from sewing to scent, you know, that thing we talked about earlier,

the Sakuku, Sakoku, isolationist policy is implemented that we spoke of, you know, Japanese people not allowed to travel abroad, either during this period, not allowed to travel abroad, either during this period, not allowed to return from overseas, if they did leave, not allowed to build ocean-going vessels. Only, and again, only Europeans allowed on Japanese soil where the Dutch, who only had that one tiny

2.2 acre trading post. And again, China and Korea allowed to do a little bit of trading. And now that we have a basic understanding of the broad strokes of Japanese history, let's leave this first timeline. I know you probably have some questions, some things I mentioned that may not make a lot of sense. Hopefully I'll clear that up in this little next section,

describing how the show gunnet worked as we get out of this first time suck timeline. Good job, soldier. You've made it back, soldier. You made it back. Barely. A lot of stuff, right? A lot of stuff. Let's talk about the show gun. Show gun is an extremely popular name for Japanese steakhouse. It's hard to find an American city in my travel experience.

It doesn't have at least one Japanese steakhouse with the word Shogun in the title. And a lot of them have Kobe beef on the menu, which if you didn't know already, is I think the tastiest food in the whole entire world. But we're not talking about meat and restaurants. We're talking about the ancient and long-lasting system of government in Japan. The Shogun was the new official rank of hereditary military dictator. Shogun is a short form of Sae-yi, Tashogun, meaning commander in chief of the expeditionary force against the barbarians. So little, little long, shortened to Shogun. And while Japan, we continue to have emperors during the Shogunites. Their role would be symbolic, similar to the royal of the, or excuse me, the role

of the British Royal family now. So let's take a moment to understand how the Shogun Emperor, Samurai, Damiyaos, everyone else kind of fit into Japan's social hierarchy. And it's a big chunk of history we're talking about. At the top of the social hierarchy would be the Emperor. During the Shogun period, the Emperor was still at the top of the Japanese social order. Despite the change in rule, the same family actually would continue to be the emperor this entire time and actually it last up until this day. Japan has the longest uninterrupted monarchial bloodline

in the history of the world. The early Yamoto leaders of Japan, claimed a cent from the Sangatis, Amatirasu. Amatirasu, and legend is that it began 2600 years ago with Emperor Jimu, over 2600 years ago, who allegedly took power on February 11, 660 BCE. That continues all the way to the present. Currently 84-year-old Emperor Akehito holds the largely symbolic position. He was born in the Tokyo Imperial Palace. He's the son of Emperor Hirohito, of World War II and for me. And during the samurai period of the show, the Emperor had a pretty sweet gig, actually. He didn't have to worry about running anything.

He didn't have to worry about defending anything. Emperor spent most of his days with ceremonial duties, gentlemanly pastimes, which I can only imagine involved a lot of good food, a lot of sex with various court mistresses and or young dudes of the court. And he was a great man. He was a great man. You know, gentlemenly past times, which I can only imagine involved a lot of good food, a lot of sex with various court mistresses and or young dudes of the court.

The Emperor's movements were restricted as contacts controlled. He was only permitted to socialize with 140 courtly families that also lived within the Imperial precinct. The Emperor's life was so secluded that many foreign visitors in Japan were actually unaware of an emperor's existence. Well, others who were aware of his existence believed in to be some type of religious leader or Pope. So unless you were someone who really, really wanted to travel, life is pretty cushioned, pretty sweet if you're emperor or a member of one of those court families. So beneath them, and the real ruler, I mean technically beneath them social status wise,

but the real ruler is the shogun. The head samurai basically, like the shogun was in charge of the country, he and his appointed administrators ran his feudal military dictatorship directly below the shogun in his inner circle of bureaucrats were the Damiyao who ruled the 250 Han clans that made up the country of Japan, all these regional little leaders. This number would eventually increase to 300 Damiyaos. During the Tokugawa period of the Shogunans, which lasted from 1603 to 1868, the government owned all of the territory within a day's march of Ido. The Shogun controlled more than a quarter of all cultivated land.

It also controlled major communication routes, seaports, precious metal supplies. Before an individual could achieve Damiimeal status, a feudal warlord, he would have to own or control enough land to produce 10,000 koku's of rice. So koku was considered enough rice to feed an individual for a year. So we talked about those 250 and then 300 Dimeals, each of them owned enough land to feed 10,000 people. Over 50 of the estates produced more than 100,000 cocoos. So, and the very largest produce in this dollar chain, 1 million cocoos.

So, some of the mias, you know, much more powerful than others, you know, they would rule, you know, over a million people, essentially. More than 5,000 lords also held the title Hatamoto because they produced under 10,000 cocoos. So, there was like, you know, like one notch down beneath the demias, like a minor, I don't know, like the County Commissioner of Somchit, like in the head of a little, you know, region within this little province, the

DemiAl were controlled by a system of spies. For the most part, they're left alone, but major decisions like the Billion of Roads, Fords, and Bridges were decided by the Shogun, and the spies were made sure that they were loyal to the Shogun. In addition, all marriages had to be approved by the Shogun. The government kept tight control over the Danielle by requiring that the Danielle live in a capital city, which during the Tokugawa Shogunet was Edo, later to rename Tokyo, part of the year. So, they were expected to maintain a prestigious home in the capital city and have a home back in their, you know, whatever little region of Japan they lived in.

The cost of maintaining two homes and staff reach home very expensive. Shogun also required, you know, to take specific routes from the required, the Daimel to take specific routes from the states to the city at specific times. This was to prevent the smuggling of guns and hostages. They were routinely searched for weapons. So that's that. So you got the emperor, the royal court, you got the shogun, and the shogun keeps tight control

over all these various regional governors of Daimiao, and then there was a little notch below them, which was their own like if they had a big, big area of land, they would then divide that further into lesser nobles that would run each little other areas of farmland. And the next on the social pecking order was the samurai. The samurai were unconditionally devoted to their shogun, and they were unconditionally devoted also to their daimiao.

That's who they reported directly to. Unsurprisingly, the word samurai means one who serves. Samurai warriors were literate, educated, often patrons of the arts, they typically carried a long sword as well as one short sword, whose sole purpose was to serve as an instrument of suicide if required, that ritual, so Puku sura suicide. Among samurai, an honorable death was valued above everything.

And samurai lived each day prepared to make the ultimate sacrifice. They were far higher on the social scales and commoners. And the slightest insult to a samurai could be a cause for death. I'm crazy man. Samurai lived in castles, towns, made up about 5% only of the population, but very important culturally.

Next on the social scale were the, the peasant farmers whose rice taxes allowed a samurai and courtly families to live extravagantly. Fucking peasants man, it's always been a shit job to be a peasant. The peasants rarely ate the rice they grew, sustained themselves instead on other staples, such as barley and other little foods. Tokugawa, era farmers were the most advanced farmers in all of Asia growing cotton tea, tobacco, sweet potatoes. However, poverty and famine

would lead them to revolt. At least 2,000 times during the Tokugawa show gunnets, so they were pretty exploited if they were revolting that often. And they were also doomed to remain peasants their whole lives without any chance of advancing in society. Unless you were like a young peasant girl, then you could possibly marry Sam Ryan. We'll talk about that in a bit. And then you could further the social class, the advancement of social class of your future generations that way. Next down the pecking order were the artisans who were not terribly well respected part

of society, but at least they're above some of the lower classes we'll talk about a bit later. But they were beneath the peasants. That's not good. Unless they were swordsmiths for high ranking samurai or their pottery happened to please at Daemiao, the artisans were deemed pretty useless. Unless they were swordsmiths for high ranking samurai or their pottery happened to please that Damiao The artisans were deemed you know pretty useless. They didn't produce food and they paid no rice tax And so they were not really that valued in society man my my skills would absolutely render me completely useless in the Japanese

Shogun it I would be fucking but I would be beneath the peasant pet being a peasant sucked and I'm beneath that unfortunate Considered even lower than the artisans were merchants. On the eyes of the courts, they didn't produce shit. Therefore, they were nothing. On reality, however, the merchants drove economic progress. They were the entrepreneurs. They provided wood to build new homes and palaces,

tatami mats, produce, household items, textiles, trinkets. They built simple looking homes. They had adorned themselves with lavish decorations and inner gardens. Merchants rose and and wealth but not status. They did kind of create their own society within a society that had its own customs, cultures, and inner hierarchy. But even merchants below them, below even the merchants were jugglers and banjo players.

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Link in today's episode description and button link in the new improved speedy time suck app Okay, now back to the lower tiers of the show canette Shogunate social rankings the next run rung down is kind of jugglers and banjo players. It's the gaysha actors and prostitutes Gaysha literally translates to entertainer and the Gaysha deserve their own suck. They were Japanese women who entertained men through performing the ancient traditions of art, dance, and singing, I don't think juggling,

and I don't think Air Banjo playing. BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! Are distinctly characterized by, that was a very meek one. See, I didn't want to, I knew you guys are probably mad about it. Distinctly characterized by, that was a very meek once. I knew you guys are probably mad about it. Distinctly characterized by their traditional costumes and makeup, the whole kind of like very white face makeup with a very red lips look. And of course, actors of other types and prostitutes, they were all deemed entertainers for

the nobility and the samurai and therefore not ranked socially very high at all. They lived outside of the hierarchy. Actually, they actually didn't really, didn't really have an official rank. But then there was, but they kind of did because there was even one group of people below them below everyone else in Japanese society were the Burrow Kumen. Now these these outcasts this this this this this term means a bunch so funny messed up. This term means abundance of filth. There was them, and also the hyening, the non-humans, my god. These were like the butchers, tanners, grave diggers, and people who dealt with disease and death, and then deformed.

The origins of these terrible prejudices stem from shinto and Buddhist beliefs dictating that we're against the killing of animals. Many people were born into their status, although some were demoted there. They were required to live in certain quarters of town where they didn't have to be seen without a people. They're divided by curfews. Fuckin' get in there. Get in there, butcher. The rest of us don't want to look at you. Fuckin' disgusting, nonhuman ass. Pregnus continues against this class of people to this day. So as you can see in this hierarchy, the samurai class ranking very, very high. Emperor and his family, you know, 140 families of the Imperial Court, Shogun and his political administrators, then the Demiao, then the samurai.

And you know, most of the time, all of the members of the classes ranked above the samurai were off in the Imperial City. So most of the time, the samurai were the highest rank of people in whatever little town or countryside they were walking around and living in. It was a military feudal society, one largely self-contained to the island of Japan, farmers growing rice, raising livestock to feed everyone else in the island to keep bandits from harassing farmers and taking these crops, to quell uprisings against the Dime House, and occasionally to fight for one clan trying to overtake the Shogunet or defend the current Shogun from an attempted

coup to defend the country itself from the threat of foreign invasion. These were some of the responsibilities of the samurai. Now let's get to know these samurai. Let's start with how they dress. Samurai would not wear an armor, would dress mainly in cargo shorts, flip flops, loose fit and tank tops in order to kind of put off a harmless, non-threatening, don't even worry about it. I'm not even gonna try and kill you with my sword vibe. They wear a lot of hemp bracelets,

make a lot of man buns, January regarded as being super chill, kind of surfer types, unless you disrespect them or annoyed them, and then they would fucking cut you in half with their sword, for giving them like a funny or odd look. Of course, that's not true Obviously their look would evolve and undergo various changes, but samurai traditionally came to be known for wearing a kimono

With a short loose jacket long shirt like trousers top of their head would be shaved Instead of samurai look if you've ever seen it the hair on the sides and back pulled into a ponytail Oiled and folded over to form a top knot kind of a precursor to a man bun The top of the head was shaved because that part of the head got very, very hot and uncomfortable underneath the samurai helmet. I love learning that because I was wondered like, I'm like, why are they that fucking weird as haircut?

I should such a specific haircut. I'm like, that's a very interesting choice. Very ornate. Looks like a lot of work, not pleasing to my eye, but it's like it's so, so specific. I'm like, oh, a lot of it just dictated by the kind of the helmets they wore. I found that very, before engaging in combat,

samurai were expected to be well groomed. As part of how ornate their haircuts were too, is like, you know, a lot of rituals in their lives. They'd be like freshly washed and alerted, you know, it splashed themselves with perfume. They had these daily rituals to make sure they were very clean and smell good and look good. When they weren't fighting, sometimes they wore a bowsheet, which was a hat made from a rigid black cloth. They also were light and flexible leather armor, heavier armor for samurai.

That's kind of like, you know, that looked as famous today as only worn from the 17th century onwards. Samurai came to belong to specific military houses or bike. There were no samurai women, although there did exist a small group of female warriors known as the Ona Bugasia, Marshallese-Killed Women. These women were members of the samurai class. You could be a member of the samurai class, so they did it on occasion, fight alongside and fought well with male samurais. Traditionally, they were just like to help guard the home. If someone invades

the home, someone's, you know, then, you know, it's not just the male samurai defending it can also be the his wife. But then sometimes there are examples of them fighting in battle. This class of war actually predates the samurai. Going back to at least a second century, a second century CE when there were no samurai, but Japanese men were trained to wield swords and spears and certain women were trained to wield special swords that rested into the long pole, the Naganata, and also small daggers and knives. Very much of a warrior culture.

Samurai warriors traveled in wage war primarily on horseback, primarily actually fought using bone arrow, even though they're identified by their curved long swords and actual battle, they were great archers and tended to use that more than the sword. They soon began carrying that second shorter sword and then a decree by a ruler Hideyoshi in 1588 stated that only samurai could wear two swords, it became an important status symbol.

Most lived austere lives of brutal training and conditioning, training methods for individual samurai varied as much as the samurai themselves, but it always all usually resolved, they're revolved around a strict code of honor which came to be known as Bushido. A chief concern of the Bushido code was of duty, duty to family, employer, fellow warriors.

Second concern was that of preparation for death. Samurai, when instructed to live as though they expected to die in the next minute. Thus ensuring their present behavior left no room for regret. Samurai were encouraged to meditate frequently on these principles, preparing themselves for the rigors of service and war. An entire suck could be voted to understanding a bushito and the dress of the Samurai, the code, excuse me, and like the dress of the Samurai, the code evolved. But for today, here's a simplified version of the eight main tenets of Bushido. Number one is rectitude, correct judgment or procedure for the resolution of righteousness,

to die when it is right to die, to strike when it is right to strike. Number two is courage, a virtue only in the cause of righteousness. Death for an unworthy cause was termed a dog's death. It is true courage to live when it is right to live, and to die only when it is right to die. 3. Fury When displaying courage in battle or in the rectifying of this honor, fight with fury. Do not merely strike the head, cut it furiously in two, and Do not merely strike the body, furiously empty it of its organs.

Do not strike down only who attacks you, erase their family from the records. Let the blood of babies flow with that of men. And then a quite a left turn here, benevolence. Benevolence is love, affection for others. This is number four, sympathy and nobility of feeling, uh, regarded as the highest attributes of the soul. Same benevolence brings under its sway, whatever hindereds power, just as water subdues fire. Number five is politeness. I like that. I like that. Uh, a poor virtue, if it is actuated, only by a fear of offending good taste, rather, it should stem from a sympathetic

regard for the feeling of others. In his highest form, politeness approaches love. That's very cool, man. I love the way they write that. Don't do it, just because you're not trying to piss somebody else off. Do it because it's the right thing to do. Sixth, ferocity, truthfulness, line was deemed cowardly, and it was regarded as dishonorable. Indeed, the word of a samurai guaranteed the truthfulness of an assertion. No oath is necessary. Propriety carried beyond bounds becomes a lie.

Number seven, honor, a vivid consciousness of personal dignity and worth is implicit in the word honor. Disonner is like a scar on a tree which time instead of a facing only helps to enlarge. That's fucking cool too, man. These guys, you guys knew that I write some cool shit. I think about that dishonor is like a scar on a tree which time instead of a facing only helps to enlarge. I don't know if you've ever seen that, but it's like you've ever seen a tree when somebody like carved their initials into it like many

years ago and it just grows bigger and bigger and bigger. That's, oh, that's beautiful writing. Number eight, loyalty only in the code of chivalrous honor does loyalty assume importance. In the conflict between loyalty and affection, the code never waivers from the choice of loyalty. A samurai was obliged to appeal to the intelligence and conscience of his sovereign by demonstrating this insurity of his words with shedding of his own blood. Oh, when I almost forgot, I made the fury tenet up. The fury is, that's not true. That is not true. The other seven is true, but the fury is not a thing. They're not trying to advocate baby killing that I'm aware of. Okay, also let's talk about shintoism. I talked about, I mentioned earlier, Shintoism

that gave the samurai their strong belief in the importance of tradition and the will to fight for their homeland. While Buddhism would strengthen and wane throughout the samurai era, Shintoism will remain constant. Shintoism is the ancient native religious traditions of Japan practiced in a highly ritualistic setting. It essentially is the worship of one's ancestors in homeland, and being the Japan was mostly closed off from the rest of the world during the samurai period. It was basically just the worship of Japan. closed off from the rest of the world during the samurai period, it was basically just the worship of Japan. The essence of Shinto is the Japanese devotion to invisible spiritual beings and powers called

Kami. To shrines and to various rituals, the shrine takes the place of a traditional church, although some shrines are giant temples complete with Shinto priests. But you can also have a little shrine, just right in your house or in your garden. Shinto is not a way of explaining the world. What matters are rituals and enable human beings to communicate with the Kami The best English translation of Kami is spirits But this is an oversimplification of a complex concept which I feel like this whole suck is it's Japanese culture is just very complex Kami can be elements of the landscape or forces of nature. Kami are close to human beings, respond to human prayers.

They can influence the course of natural forces, human events. Shinto tradition says that there are 8 million Kami in Japan. Kami is in everything and is found everywhere. It's what makes an object itself rather than something else. The word Kami means that, which is hidden. Not all Kami are good. Some are thoroughly evil, some are powerful. Like I'm a Tarasu, the sun goddess, or Hachiman, the god of archery and war, some are

less impressive. Like Ocho-soon, the god of biscuits, and Migilan, the goddess of raisins. And then of course there is Bojangles, god of honor, and of course Pippos. Okay. I made up the biscuit and raisin gods, but maybe, maybe. I mean, they might exist, but you Honor, and of course, Pippos. Okay, now I made up the biscuit and raising God's, but maybe, maybe, I mean, they might exist, and there's eight million of them. Shintoism is still a big religion, by the way,

with a little over 100 million followers, the vast majority of whom live in Japan, we're almost 80% of the population still practices, at least some form of Shinto tradition. Shintoism ranks as the world's fifth largest religion. There is a loose concept of an afterlife with shintoism because there's a belief that the ancestral spirits will protect their descendants. So, you know, you go somewhere. Also important to summarize shintoism of you that some individuals

who live an exemplary life can become deified and go into the shinto version of heaven, you know, in this process of apotheosis, excuse me, many in the imperial family have experiences on her as have successful warriors. So a strong emphasis on tradition, honor and loyalty to one's people in country, those seems to define much of the life of the samurai. Now that I finally kind of gave a brief overview to Shintoism, let's talk about this physical conditioning of the samurai. Samurai conditioned themselves and proved their physical toughness by battling with the elements, practices such as standing nude and deep snow, or sitting

beneath ice cold waterfalls, two common examples of samurai training practices. Many also would practice voluntarily going without food, water, or sleep to harden themselves against deprivation. On the other extreme, heavy drinking was a favorite pastime to build endurance, to increase vigor. I mean, these guys are like, it's like the stereotypical definition of a man's man. Just pounding sake, then going literally balls deep in a snow bank. And that after a long day of store training, maybe some cuttings and fools down. Many samurai trained in unarmed combat skills, as well, most commonly in Bujutsu, the style

that eventually spawned Karate, Judo, Nikito, because warriors always went with that, about, excuse me, warriors always went about armed, it was rarely practiced with the expectation of realistically using these martial arts to fight. Instead, samurai studied unarmed fighting to condition themselves physically, and just to better understand armed combat. They also use the Kata, formal practice exercises as a meditative practice. I mean, these guys are like modern day special forces warriors who just, you know, never had to bother with paperwork

or learn how to use computer. They just had lives completely devoted to the preparation for battle. When it came to weapons training, samurai traditionally trained with a sword, bow and a spear-like weapon called Naginata, during the peak of the feudal period, famed instructors in these arts opened up schools under the protection of a single

lord, Damiao, who would encourage a samurai to train there while training samurai would use wooden weapons for practice against each other, then sharp swords against dummies made of wood or straw. Occasionally, you'll find this on the web. Samurai also would practice their weapon techniques against live people, like slaves or prisoners. They'd just chop them down. That would suck for those people. Like some prisoner had been sentenced to death. It's like them to a yearly stipend of rice which uh, you know It was often more than they needed and they would sell some of it for cash or other goods

All those required of them was they had to be ready to fight and fight when called upon even if that never actually happened in a major way They were also kind of like a police force. So sometimes they would settle like little disputes as well Uh But some samurai would go their whole lives without ever seeing true war-like combat. Some worked other jobs to supplement their income, farmers would give as much as 60% of their rights to the samurai class. Artisans often sold their crates to samurai, some of whom would become artisans themselves for a side job, I guess.

Samurai patronized the arts and engaged in salon style gatherings hosted by Damiao. They supported painters, poets, playwrights, and again often became creators themselves. They arranged flowers, wrote calligraphy, played Go, which is an ancient strategy board game invented in China over 2,500 years ago. Still played today. They acted and know dramas.

The tea ceremony was one of their most cherished cultural pursuits. A description of General Kanemori Yonishi went. He defended the castle of Kishiwata and personally took 208 heads. So he took 208 heads in battle and he was also a noted tea master. I love that those are the two things that people cared about him being good at. Man, this tea is delicious, general Kanemori. I'm impressed. Do you have any other talents I don't know about?

I'm exceptionally talented at cutting people's heads off. Ha, that's terrifying. I was hoping to hear you say barbecue and ribs or maybe some wood carving. Commoners were expected to show respect towards samurai at all times, the penalty for disrespect fairly severe. If a peasant somehow disrespected a samurai, failing to obey in order, for example,

accidentally touched his sword, the defendant's samurai had the right to kill that person on the spot. Now this really happened, but it did happen. Man, how fucking tense would your life be? If you knew that if you just rubbed a local samurai the wrong way, they could kill you. We all have somebody that we irritate or have someone who irritates us just by being who they are. Maybe the way they chew food, sound they make when they breathe, they just fill us with rage.

Whatever you had like basically carte blanche to kill people like that, I feel like my dime out would have to bring me in for a lot of talks, you know? Just yes, my lord, have I done something wrong? Well, nothing technically wrong. It's just you've just been, look, you've been killing a lot of peasants lately and several musicians and a few actors and Frank's a too many shopkeepers to count. They disrespected me my lord Define disrespect samurai comins. Well, they they looked at me funny or they refuse to look at me Or you know what or sometimes they choose their mouth open or oh man this one

fucking gets they slept or soup or burp and then excuse themselves or farted or might have farted you know in a way that you know it had to be someone in the area and probably them or played music way too loud when I was trying to talk to someone else or oh god this one or had a laugh that sounded like a cat being beaten. It just really raged in inducing laugh. Then I think you have disrespect confused with irritation. Oh shit, you're right. All right, okay, cool. I'm working on that. Now, terrible would it be to lose a family member that way?

Can you imagine you grow up without a father because he was clumsy? Maybe he accidentally bumped into a fucking samurai at the market and touched his sword? Oh my God. Well, the samurai, I'm various periods, really did get a raise from crazy shit, man. During that tumultuous age of warring states that lasted from 1467 to 1568, when all the various time yams were essentially just regional leaders of autonomous states and battle between them was nearly constant. This was the most high concentration of battle kind of period of being a samurai.

This informal practice developed among samurai known as Tsugiri, which roughly translates to crossroads killing. What it was was some samurai who just purchased a new weapon, they just mastered some new technique. They would just kind of walk around at night and they would want to practice their new technique or try out their new sword on just whoever the fuck happened to walk around and you know, by them. And now these wanton acts of, you know, just night stabbing were technically illegal, but very, very few samurai were arrested for doing it because it was really hard to arrest

someone for a crime that involves killing the only witness and then just leaving. And you know, being part of a class where you were allowed to go to people, I got mad. So that whole like live an honorable life, that whole Bouchido code, yeah, did take a back seat to other interests in moments. Marriage in the age of samurai was an unusual thing because what exactly it entailed

depending on the class of the woman who were marrying the samurai. When women from the lower classes wanted to get themselves from that sweet samurai D, they had to pay them. For the privilege of becoming what amounted to basically being a servant. That was the cost of jumping up in class. That was what it took to get your offspring

up a little higher in the rankings. One of the most valued traits in samurai wives was obedience, and they were basically expected to do everything for their husband, including making themselves available for sex 24 hours a day, seven days a week, which would not be as insulting for these women if their husbands weren't also allowed to have mistresses and as many as they wanted whenever they wanted. Wives were also expected to kill themselves if their husband messed up, which would have to be such an unfortunate way to die. Like now if your partner really fucks up and throws out your retirement money into some guy, Pyramid's game or gets arrested for having an affair with some underage babysitter, you get a divorce, you're ashamed, back then you fucking killed yourself.

So that's a positive way to think about modern divorce, I guess. Sopuku, that Japanese ritual suicide we described in detail in the Forestsuck was practiced by Samurai when they really messed up. Usually it was done as a way to rob an enemy of the satisfaction of killing them. So to commit so Puku, a samurai would slice open his own stomach with a small blade, that the smaller of the two swords he carried before his head was ceremonially cut off by trusted associates in order to minimize their suffering and they you know they chose the stomach because that's what they thought kind of like the soul resided they wanted to show how clean their soul was. When a samurai screwed up so badly though he felt that he needed to commit subduk who to die was at least a shred of

honor and takya his wife also expected to kill herself. What a bummer. No one took the concept of death before honor, or dishonor, quite as seriously as the medieval samurai. One more interesting note about samurai before we jump into the next timeline, which involves the life of a specific samurai, samurai training young boys in the ways of combat were allowed to take these apprentices as their lover

until they became an adult, part of what was called a brotherhood contract, which was a lot less about brotherhood and mostly about boy fucking. Sex between the couple was expected to end when the boy came of age. The relationship would ideally develop into a lifelong bond of friendship at that point. That's fucking so weird to me. What a weird transition that would be, just this whole plutonic friendship after kids

sex, right? Very strange to have drinks years later. Everyone's married to women now, you know, you just, man, we had some good times, right? Man, yeah have drinks years later. Everyone's married to women now, and you know, he just, man, we had some good times, right? Man, yeah. Thanks for teaching me to code, man. Thanks for teaching me really how to use a sword.

God, thanks for teaching me to master my emotions. And you know what? I just wanna say, I'll take this moment. Most of all, thanks for the loop, truly. Thanks for always really looting up, and looting up hard, you know, when you push me down and gave me that deep, you know, grown up dick. I just, I appreciate it.

I know you didn't have to do that. And I just wanna know, I just want you to know it didn't go unnoticed. It's fucking crazy, man. I'm constantly amazed by what has been determined to be culturally normal human behavior at various points in history. You know, last week's Children of God,

Colt Founder David Burke would love this aspect of samurai lifestyle. Why are the kid fucking in history? I don't, while this went on, sexual activity with women was not barred for either party. And then once a boy came of age, both were free to seek more underage lovers and just continue the cycle.

It is noted that samurai can only do this with a boy's express permission, but anyone with the basic understanding of how consent works knows that it doesn't work when one of the partners is a kid who doesn't understand their rights yet. Oh, actually, and I do have, I said that was the last thing, but there's two more. The Ronin and the Kabukimono can't give a samurai overview without bringing up the Ronin. The idea of Ronin, the masterless samurai who became wandering swords for hire, become

highly romanticized in modern culture. How did one become a Ronin? Well if a samurai lost his master, otherwise, this honored himself, decided that he didn't want to commit to Puku and Carvella's own intestines, he could become a Ronan, which was roughly an ennagalist.

God dang, I can't say that word right now. There's too many words. There's too many fucking hard words. Word difficulty in this suck, fucking code red, which was the same as being a hobo, who's basically really good at fighting. A good fighting hobo was the Ronin.

Despite being considered one of the lowest rungs of society, Ronin still got to act like Samurai. They still refused to work regular jobs, consider it beneath them. Usually works as like bodyguards, mercenaries, straight up criminals. They'd earn their keep usually by killing or robbing people for money. Like Ronin, Kabo Kamono, were a master of samurai who decided that being alive was preferable alternative to letting someone cut their head off with a sword.

Unlike Ronin though, they celebrated their new lease on life by just being fabulous. The Kabukomono would dress in wildly flamboyant outfits. The most garish colors possible when such an outfit couldn't be found. The Kabukomono would settle for women's clothing, accentuated with the most ridiculous looking haircut possible, making them very similar to hipsters,

just marginally less annoying. Kabakomono is samurai with no masters and thus no responsibilities spent most of their time just actively making the world a terrible place, engaging in activities like beating random people, to death in the street, fleeing from restaurants without pain, murdering people for fun, looking for other Kabukomono to fight.

Okay. Alright, this is very strange aspect of Samurai life out of the way. To further explore the life of a samurai warrior, let's examine the life of one samurai in particular, perhaps the most famous samurai, Miyamoto Musashi, and today's second time suck, timeline. Shrap on those boots, soldier. We're marching down a time suck timeline. In 1584, Miyamoto Musashi is born into a samurai family

in the village called Miyamoto Village. In the Harima Province, that's where he got his name. His full name was either Shinmen Musashi or Kamifu Jowada no Genshin. He'd later adopt the name of his birthplace. I want you to know I fucking nailed that second one, by the way. Maybe I should have done that. Maybe Riggins Cummins would be a stronger sound than Dan. Although the consecutive ends is a bit strange.

Maybe Riggs Cummins or maybe Riggum, Rigg from probably not. Musashi's father, Samurai named Shinmin Monsai, an accomplished expert in Kanjutsu, which is swordsmanship, and in Jutsu, the art of using a jit or jute, a small kind of non-bladed weapon, sometimes wouldn't with a hook on the end. The weapon used primarily for non-lethal attacks that has become a symbol, or became a symbol of the Japanese Placial guard since actual blades were forbidden to be brought inside the Shogun's palace And one of the few places on the island where you weren't supposed to bring your sword

When Saetata Kenjutsu, Jutsutsu to Masashiya, a young age, a tradition and samurai families Samurai's began training almost literally as soon as they could walk given rudimentary fighting lessons As young as three years old and the young Musashi showed early talent with a sword. Musashi's mother died shortly after his birth, and initially he's raised primarily by a stepmom named Toshiko, who history knows very little about. In 1591, when his father divorced Toshiko, seven-year-old Musashi taken and raised by Buddhist uncle, among from the Shorian temple, while staying with this monk, he was taught Zen Buddhism and basic skills such as reading and writing. For the next two years, Musashi did see his father who was said to be a harsh, strict and demanding man,

especially towards his son. Which I guess that's a kind of dad-in-ate to become a badass samurai. This relationship with Simultuous, Musashi showed no love for the young Musashi. When Musashi was around nine or 10, his father either died or completely abandoned the boy. It's not that he died.

It's not that he died at the hands of one of Musashi's later adversaries. Hard to say since Musashi didn't really write about his parents. Some historians say that sheen men, Musai was killed during a duel with a swordsman named Ganro. Yoshitaka. In 1596, 13-year-old Musashi has his first duel, right? Like kids would do, I guess, back then. Man, 13.

With Arima, Kihei, a samurai from the Tajimi province, or Tajima province, seconds after they began in the fight, Musashi threw Arima to the ground, and then hit him with his bokuro, this wooden training sword, also known as a Boken, and he hit him hard enough to kill him, Arima would die, vowing blood. And quick word on duels, man, they could be fought for a variety of reasons, under a variety of circumstances in Japan. Reminds me of kind of like Wild West gun fights in America, 18th century, 19th century duels, where you know, two dudes would do the whole

walk 20 or so paces and then turn around and fire thing. You know, some of the former presidents like Andrew Jackson, I think, got some tools. Doc Holliday, that kind of stuff. They were usually fought to settle some type of dispute, right? Some perceive the wrong. They could also just be fought to prove that someone was a better warrior. There would be non-lethal duels. They could be fought with non-lethal weapons, such as the Boken, which obviously, as the last example proof still could produce lethal blows.

And that was just, you know, just to prove kind of one's mastery of the weapon or prove that one's a samurai school was superior to another one. Similar to non-lethal duels, there was these duels where you know it's going to be a fight to the death. They were fought to show mastery of one's weapon, to avenge the loss of a member of your clan or your family to recover some honor For any number of reasons and there were also battlefield duels We're two different samurai armies would face off in battle and then before fighting Each send over a single troop to fight each other to the death as you know Could be a for like a morale booster for the team or if agreed upon before, a duel could actually take the place of actual battle.

And you know, in some circumstances, during these duels, it was not uncommon for each samurai to boast of their skills and past victories before facing off. The first Musashi duel was in theory and non-lethal duel because Musashi thought he was a better swordsman than a Rima. Turn out he was right.

Musashi wanted to be known as Japan's greatest swordsman. And the only way to do that was to fight other noted swordsmen. Can you imagine by the way fighting a grown-up in a sword duel with a wooden sword or otherwise when you're only 13 years old? That's seventh to eighth grade age. I mean, there were a fair amount of fifth and sixth graders that could have what my ass when I was in seventh and eighth grade.

Probably a few spunky fourth graders, maybe maybe even a rarely or a rare highly trained third grader. They could have gotten the job done I just I can't even imagine Doing that I can't think of any high school juniors or seniors. I could have stomped when I was in junior high definitely no grown-ass men Unless they were like paralyzed or blind or or attached to an iron lung or sleep Over the age of 90 you know not looking that kind of thing But I also didn't start training to be a hand-to-hand combatant when I was a toddler. I wasn't groomed my entire childhood to be a premier soldier. It got to remind me of Greeks ancient Spartans, man trained from almost birth to fight.

In 1599, 16-year-old Musashi leaves him on a stary and duels and kills a swordsman named Tashimi Akayama. Very little is known about his samurai, other than he got his asswok to buy misashi. In 1600 there was a possibility that the 16-year-old samurai fought in the battle of Sekigahara on the side of the Asikaga clan against the victorious army of Tokugawa. Despite being on the losing side he fought bravely, according to some historians, and somehow managed to survive both the battle and the ensuing massacre of the Akikaga troops that followed it. The aftermath of the battle of Sekigahara left Miyamoto Musashi in the position of being a masterless samurai. The Ronin. He began to wander Japan on a type of warrior pilgrimage known as a

Musashiogio Or warriors quest During these years he would travel the land and hone his fighting skills and philosophy through a series of tools, many of which were to the death. Supposedly he fought 61 tools and won them all. He was a Floyd Mayweather of samurai, minus the super obnoxious money Mayweather Instagram account. Musashi fought three famous tools in 1604 against the unfortunate Yoshiyoshi Yoshiyaka clan. Oh, these poor guys.

Yoshiyoshi, Yoshashi, first challenge Yoshiyoko, Sechuro, master of the Yoshiyaka school and head of this family. This is the guy who teaches the Samurai's school how to fight with swords. And Musashi is like, yeah, it's cute. It's cute, you think you know how to teach warriors how to fight, but I bet I'd fucking destroy you one on one, bro. Sejuro, eagerly accepts a duel, and then both men decide to fight, but I bet I'd fucking destroy you one on one, bro. Sayjuro eagerly accepts the duel, and then both men decide to fight outside of the Rondashi temple

in northern Kyoto, March 8th, 1604. Musashi, famous for getting into the minds of his opponents. He was like a Michael Jordan. Samurai, it's like a master level shit talker, psychological manipulator. He intentionally arrives late on the day of the fight in order to insult his opponent's honor and it works Sejudo loses temper judging Musashi's behavior to be very unacceptable as a previously agreed to dole was to be fought with the wooden training sword again the Bukoto and the winner would be declared

Whoever lands the first you know unblocked blow Well, they face off they take the on guard position and basically instant, Musashi hits Sejudo's shoulder with his wooden sword, knocking him off his feet and breaking his left arm. That's a pretty hard, and he wins a duel. And Sejudo, so tormented by the dishonor of losing, excuse me, that he pretty much immediately retires from the warrior's life and would later become a monk in the Zen order.

That's impressive, when you beat somebody right out of their class, like you beat him out of the samurai class. That's when. When you beat somebody right out of their class, you beat him out of the samurai class. That's when you really know you've whooped somebody. When you beat them into a new career. Like if you went up against some middleweight champ in the octagon and you beat the shit out of him so badly that the next week he's just working

as a produce manager. Like, dude, what's up? Man, why aren't you fighting? Oh, no, no, no, I'm done. I'm done after last week. I just wanna water these grapes. Now, I just wanna, I just wanna, I can done after last week. I just wanna water these grapes now. I just wanna, I just wanna, you know, I can't think about fighting.

I just gotta think about these grapes. You know, it makes me, it makes me start to get like, tight in the chest. You know, I gotta focus on stackin' these Russa potatoes now. I gotta make sure these beats aren't goin' bad, you know what I'm sayin'? I gotta have somebody, I gotta have somebody else check the beats. I can't even handle being around

somethin' called beats right now, you know what I mean? So, Judo brother, a brilliant swordsman named Yoshiyaka, Denshi Chirro, then becomes the head of the Yoshiyaka family and challenges Musashi to, uh, to another duel to regain his family's honor, avenge his brothers to feed. This likes to fucking kung fu movie shit. I love it, man. He beats one brother and another brother is like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I have to fight

you. We can't let this go unchecked. So the second duel is now they they kicked the up the ante This is a fight to the death Straight up duel to the death Even though it was a death match Musashi not armed with the steel sword. He chooses a Bokutu that wooden training sword again He's pretty fucking lethal with that thing. Denshi Chitto has a staff reinforce with steel rings

Now I'm not sure I'm not sure if that wooden sword choice is actually part of some tradition or like dual rules or just Musashi's showing off. Sure, bro, we can fight to the death. No, you get what you want. You want some steel in your weapon? I don't know, yeah, fine. I'm just gonna get a wooden sword. That's all I need to beat your champ ass. Musashi mentally, technically, physically stronger than a skilled opponent. Seconds after the beginning of the duel hits a denti chittle with his wooden sword. Kills him instantly with a single blow to the head. God dang, man, that's gotta be a real fucking rough moment for the Yoshiyaka clan. You know, whether or not it was socially acceptable or allowed under their honor code to show excitement before the match, like I feel like it's pretty quiet, but you know they felt it inside, like you ever watch a boxing or MMA match, man shit is hyped right before the fight begins.

That's when both fighters, you know, fans are trying to pump their warrior up. You know, people cheering, you got this fighters, you know, fans are trying to pump their warrior up. You know, people cheering, you got this man, you got this denture chittle, man, fucking my bro, you got lucky man, he's a punk. We're sharshaned shit, you got this, you ain't shit, you're the champ bro. You know, and then the worst is when it's almost

an immediate loss for someone's fans. Cause it's just such a quick emotional shift. I'm like, you got this bro man you fuck oh oh no oh why killed him me killed him so fast especially with a wooden sword man just pop pop some in the head dead probably more than a pop the Oshyaka clan now they're desperate they've lost two you know this is now they've lost two heads of the family this son of a bitch so now the next head of the clan, uh, is poor 12 year old, uh, Yoshiyaka, uh, Mata Achiro, uh, who like his predecessors also challenges Musashi to a duel, which I feel like he shouldn't

have been allowed to get away with. Like in the movie version, you know, the 12 year old deals, I'll kill you, I'll kill you Musashi, but then he's dragged away by older, more sensible family members. We're like, did we fucking, okay, please just leave now. Please, you've brought shame into our family forever. You've killed our two leaders. Just, God, please, just leave. So you don't have to at least watch us suffer in shame. But in real life, this happens.

And Musashi doesn't back down. You know, he's like, he used to fight when he was 13. So he's like, okay, if I can, you want to go 12-year-old? We're going to go. This time, the Yoshioka clan decides the duel between these two is going to be fought at night between the 12-year-old? We're going to go. This time, the Yoshioka clan decides that the duel between these two is going to be fought at night between the 12-year-old and Musashi. Unusual for nighttime duels to be requested. So Musashi gets suspicious.

He's like something's up this time. And he decides to arrive at the rendezvous point well before the time of the fight, this time instead of way late. And he waits and he hides for his enemy to come. The boy arrives dressed in full armor with a party of well-armed retainers, archers, swordsmen, and this being a few decades after the introduction

of the muskets, even some riflemen, who are all determined to kill Musashi. Like they're not gonna let it be a fair fight, right? They're all hiding nearby. This is a trap. And much of Shishiro is the bait. Well, Musashi watches the action. This seems like a legend.

This is what it's says. He waits patiently, concealed in the bushes. When the moment's ride, he fucking springs out, draws his sword, and cuts that fucking kid's head off. Cuts a 12 year old's head off. Seconds later, the men are gathered around Musashi, trying to stop him from escaping. Outnumbered, now he takes both swords in his hand,

he cuts a suicide sword and the regular sword sword he cuts a path through rice fields surrounding them making his way to escape while being attacked by dozens of men starts fighting with both swords. You know and and and he just annihilates you know a number of other of the of the the clans you know warriors. Now not sure how he escaped being shot if he actually was surrounded by riflemen but that this maybe the stories and a mix of facts and legend I don't know maybe he really was like you know fucking crouching tiger hidden dragon kind of good

Many historians agree that Musashi discovered the superiority of wielding two swords during this battle the use of two swords simultaneously totally foreign to the conventions of Kenjutsu sword training Samurai tradition only fought with the long sword you know held in two hands But his experience forwards the path to what we become known as the Nitu Raew style of Kenjutsu. Pretty dope man created that badass style of sword fighting that many years later would hit the big screen. Shortly after his series of duels with this clan, in 1605 he goes to the Hoysun temple

in the south of Kyoto, where he has a series of non-lethal contests with the monks, he's fighting fucking monks now, show them how to fight, these monks renowned for being masters of the spear, but they couldn't beat him, even today the monks of Hoi San still train in their renowned traditional spear technique. While on his way to Ido, in autumn of 1607, Miyamoto Musashi has a duel with Shoshiro Baikin, a skilled swordsman who is the master of the Kusaragama. This is a sickle with a chain and a weight attached to one end. It's a fucking crazy, intimidating looking weapon.

If you were to see somebody swinging this weird chain, ball, sickle type thing, you would know immediately that they're psychopath. It's not the weapon of choice for someone with any kind of stability whatsoever. This bike and wants to end Moussache's reputation as an invincible duelist. And instead, he gets killed. Moussache strikes him dead. And then his bike falls to the floor, supposedly his pupils begin to attack Moussache, who then fucking fights him off with his two-sort technique. Dude doesn't even seem real to me. He seems like a sword slinging boogie man. You just make up to scare kids.

Eat your vegetables or a massage is going to come over here and get the door down. Cut your head off. Later that year, Musu Gunosuku, famous in arrogant swordsman challenges Musashi to a duel, Gunosuke, I guess Gunosuke, was a master of the martial art of Shinto Musurayo, which uses the short staff. He was claimed that Gonsuke

had never lost a duel and had defeated Japan's finest swordsman. Well historians say that Musashi's father had maybe even previously fought this guy and lost. Well both Musashi and his opponent agreed to fight with wooden swords, Gonsuke quickly disabled a single blow from Musashi's Bokuro, man, no one can touch this guy with a wooden sword. Strongly affected by his defeat, Gonozuke withdraws to a Shinto monastery where he contemplates his defeat

and then trains specifically to fight Musashi again wants to develop new techniques that allow him to beat this guy. Again, this guy doesn't seem real. Musashi and Gusuki, they duel again, sometime later, and even though Gonozuke uses his newly developed sword fighting techniques still gets beat Beat this man beat the student to a monastery where the guy devotes his life fucking David Caridine kung fu style to just you know To getting better and fighting this guy and then he gets beat again I wonder if he goes back to the monastery after the second defeat. Just shoulders really slumped low that time. Hey guys.

Yeah, no, Misashi, what may I can? Do you guys just need anyone to like clean the toilets or anything? I'm done. I'm done training now. Shortly after this fight, Misashi about to encounter his greatest and most skilled opponent. Saseki Kojito, aka Scorpion, who's finishing move, it would either have his head turned into a skull, and then he'd breathe fire on you

and rip out your spine and river fucking out of your body. No, wait, that's from Mortal Kombat. No, Sasaki developed a very effective Kenjutsu style based on the movement of a swallow's tail in flight. For real, that's what it says. Sasaki fought with a no dachi, which was a very long two-hand sword.

Despite the swords lengthened weight, Kojito strikes with the weapon, unusually quick and precise, well these two great swordsmen agreed to fight. The duel takes place on April 13, 1612 on a Ken Ryo Island, located out the coast of the Bison Province. Duel set for the early morning on the day of the fight.

Sasaki Kojito and the official serving in his witness waited for Musashi for hours. He's done it again. He's fuck with him. His absence leads to the rumor that he's run away in fear for his life because he was so terrified of Kojiro's technique. Nope. Nope. Just more psychological warfare. Musashi transported to Kan-Kan-Ryo Island island on boat by local fishermen and as part of the strategy uh... you know arriving late to do once again uh... to disturb his opponents interstate and then legend has it that during the short trip he sculpts a sword for the battle

i mean this is what says i have a hard time believing that they get the fuck out of here i mean this is what the legends that but that's like some chuck noris yet you know must actually doesn't need to bring a sword to a fight. He just whittles his own. But supposedly, he didn't, supposedly he fucking whittles himself a sword on the boat. Arrives and sockin' officials are irritated. They've been waiting forever. You know, Sasaki blinded by rage, draws his katana, throws away his scabbard to which Musashi apparently sees and says, if you have no more use for your sheath, you are already dead. Talkin' some shit, talkin' some samurai shit talk.

The duel begins, like the earlier fights, it's over quickly. Musashi provokes Kogito into making the first attack, then counters with a blow strong enough to break Kogito's left ribs hard enough to puncture his lugs and kill him. Puncture his lungs, excuse me, and kill him, yeah. Before running back to his boat, Musashi bows to his downed opponent, and then apparently realizes with sadness that one of the greatest swordsmen to ever live has just died in his hand.

And it was at this point that Musashi attained a Satori, or a spiritual awakening, from this moment he renounced lethal duels. Yes, Satori roughly translates into individual enlightenment, a flash of sudden awareness. Excuse me. In 1614 and 1615, a war erupts between the Toyotomi and Tokugawa families. So even though he wasn't gonna fight in lethal duels, he still gotta fight in some wars.

Musashi takes place in the warfare. He just, one last time he participates in both the winter and summer battles in Osaka. Most scholars believe that as in the previous war, Musashi fought on Toyotimi Hideyoshi's side, but the exact details of this role and this war unclear. Later the same year, Misashi enters the service of Osagarawa, Tadano, and Harima Province as a construction supervisor. What? He helps in the construction of Akashi Castle and helps organize the layout

of the town, just, you know, not whatever, no big deal. I'm just going to build a castle and just build the layout of town. You know, just while I reflect on taking a break from my illustrious fighting career. During his stay, he teaches martial arts, adopts a son. After running his dojo successfully for years, Musashi's reputation is Japan's best swordsman grows even more Honda, Tadamasa, Lord of Him Magic Castle orders Miyake Gundai, his most skilled samurai to go to Musashi's dojo, showing what's up, showing that he was actually the greatest swordsman. Musashi accepts the fight, leaves a choice of weapon to his opponent. Miyake's orders were to test his ability, not kill him, so he decides to cut a piece of

bamboo from the garden to use the weapon. Meanwhile, Musashi wields his pakoto, seconds after they face off, Gunbai is defeated. I mean, come on, bro. You can't step up to Moshashi with some bamboo bullshit. Now, he's got his favorite wooden sword, that's Kraisdok. 1622 is adopted son now grown. Moshashi starts to wander across Japan again. This time, ending up in the Edo in 1623 for a bit,

then onto Yamagata City where he dops a second son. In 1626, Moshashi receives a visit from now-grown son who has left him to serve another lord And the son informs him that his lord has died and that he would now commit subduke Following his master in death and then he commits Regul suicide man that shit is hardcore You imagine and I guess I guess that's you know you got a roll with a punch. That's just that's the life they chose But Jesus for a short while in 1627 Miyamoto, Musashi in his second son go to live in Agura Before wandering around Japan for seven years until 1634 when they settled in Kokura to train in paint

Now let's get to some painting Whatever I've been kicking ass for a while, you know training people shit, you know built a castle You know laid out a town now I'm a fucking pain. 1634, Lord Agasawara, who owns the castle, where he lives, organizes a non-lethal duel between Musashi and a spear specialist, named Takara Matabai, as expected Musashi, now 50-year-old Samurai wins. You think about that?

Been kicking ass from 13 to 50. That's not. It's for 37 years. It's been whooping ass. That is some sustained excellence. 1637, Musashi, 53 fights in the Christian Rebellion of Shimbata. One of the very few turbulent events that occurred during the peaceful Edo period under the Tokugawa Shogunets.

In this battle, he gets injured by a fucking rock that falls on his leg. Of course, that's how he gets injured. There's not a man alive that can hurt this dude, even at 53 years old, only major battle injury. Only real injury he suffers his whole life is a rock that falls on his leg and battle. Fucking rocks, man. Now, it's this one weakness, you know?

All his training and he forgot to train how to defend yourself in rocks. Ah, man, in hindsight, if he only would have focused more on rock training. 1641, Musashi writes the Hiyoto Sanju Go, or the 35th, wait, Hiyoho Sanju Go. The 35 instructions on strategy, this was a book dedicated to his fighting philosophy and technique, and it would form the basis of his masterpiece, the Golrin No Shu, which would come into being two years later. In 1642, Musashi suffers a tax of neurologia, a painful disorder that nerves, probably do

that damn rock attack. Filling that his end is near in 1643, Musashi retires to a cave, as legends do, to write his Golrin No Shu or the Book of Five Rings. He finishes it in the second month of 1645, gives it to his closest student. Now the book of five rings, the text on Kenjutsu, martial arts and philosophy that you can still buy today. Many translations of the go-ren no-shoe have been made over the years,

and it enjoys an audience considerably broader than those just interested in martial arts. For instance, some business leaders find its discussion of conflict and how to its discussion of conflict and how to take advantage of conflict to be relevant to their work. The five books refer to the idea that there are different elements of battle, just as there are different physical elements in life, as is believed in Buddhism, Shintoism, and other Eastern religions. So let's go over this. The first book, the groundberg serves as an introduction,

uses the metaphor of building a house to discuss martial arts leadership and training. Quote from the book, it says, it is said the warriors is the twofold way of pen and sword, and he should have a taste for both ways. Even if a man has no natural ability, he can be a warrior, by sticking assiduously to both divisions of the way.

Generally speaking, the way of the warrior is resolute acceptance of death. Then there's the water book which describes Musashi style of two heavens, one style, describes some basic technique fundamental principles. A quote is, if you merely read this book, you will not reach the way of strategy. Absorb the things written in this book. Do not just read, memorize, or imitate, but so that you realize the principle from within your own heart, study hard to absorb these things into your body. I do like that kind of stuff. There are books that I've read a few of them where I'll read them over and over, or sections of them, and really just kind of

let it sink in. More books on how to live as an artist. Some books are just kind of like, yeah, just some business strategy, I guess, but I don't just read those like a novel, like a real little section, I'm like, and then just contemplate it on, you know, on it for a while. There's the fire book refers to the heat of battle, discusses matters such as different types of timing. You cannot profit from small techniques, particularly with full armor. Winful armor is worn.

My way of strategy is the sure method to win when fighting for your life one man against five or ten. There is nothing wrong with the principle one man can be ten, so a thousand men can be ten thousand. Number four is the win book. The win book discusses what Mishashi considers to be the failings of various contemporary schools of sword fighting. Saying, my eG school is different. Other schools make accomplishments their means of livelihood, growing flowers and decoratively coloring articles in order to sell them. This is definitely not the way of strategy. I don't know, I guess he's shit talking about some flower growing, whatever, he has competitive. And then there's the void book. The void book is a short epilogue describing in more esoteric terms than the other books, his thoughts on consciousness and the

correct mindset. He says, what is called the spirit of the void is where there is nothing. It is not included in man's knowledge. Of course, the void is nothingness. By knowing things that exist, you can know that which does not exist. That is the void. I don't know. That's some serious pseudo-confucius might actually be really profound. Might just be a bunch of bullshit.

Can I quote to me, right? You know, like, when man, no, there is nothing. Only then can he truly appreciate something. Like, it sounds cool, but I don't know what fucking means necessarily. A man who eats meat knows what it is to feel full, but a man who raises cattle knows what it means to be full. I just made that one up, you know? I feel like if I told you that me I just made that one up, you know?

I feel like if I told you that me and Muro wrote that, you might think, yeah, that's fucking, that's pretty profound. It feels a little, a little too straightforward, but yeah, it makes sense. Musashi's final teachings, the dokoro, or the way of walking alone, was written just one week before his death. While Musashi was given away his possessions

and preparation for the next phase of his spirits, you know, transcendence, whatever. In summary of Musashi's life, his will and philosophy, the 21 precepts of Dakota are as follows. Number one, except everything just the way it is. Two, do not seek pleasure for its own sake. Three, do not under any circumstances depend on a partial feeling. What? That one to me is kind of like the stuff I just joking about.

Like, is that profound? What does that even mean? Does it mean you got to be confident, fully confident in choices? Four is think lightly of yourself and deeply of the world. That one's solid. I like that one. You know, stay humble. Five is be detached from desire. Your whole life long. That's tough. Six, do not regret what you have done. Ooh, very tough, but I like that one. Seven, never be jealous. I really struggle with that one. I'll always work it on jealousy. Don't be jealous. Number eight, never let yourself be saddened by a separation. So not supposed to miss my kids when I'm on the road. I don't know, but I guess, you know,

like if you just missed them in some like sad sense, like what is really the point of that emotion? I do like a lot of this stuff in the kind of the soft world I feel like we live on now. A lot of this stuff to me is like, man, be fucking tough. You have a tough mind. Don't allow your mind to be soft as much as you can help, but don't fucking waste your time wistfully thinking about thoughts that don't you know improve your life. I like it.

I like it. Number eight, never let yourself be sad. Okay, I already said that was sad. Number nine, resentment and complaint are appropriate neither for oneself or others. Oh, okay. I mean, I do like that one, but about a half my standard material is based on complaints.

So that one I'm gonna have to struggle with. Number 10, do not let yourself be guided by the feeling of lust or love. Come on, that's crazy talk. Wait, you fucking row what? Number 11, in all things, I had no preferences. Ehh, I don't even still learn to be the last one. Like you clearly prefer to win some duels, Well, y'all have preferences, come on. Number 12, be indifferent to where you live.

No, fuck that. Cordal lane way better than Battle Mountain Nevada. I've been to both places, not even close. But again, I do like this the whole thing of like focus on your inner self, not on what surroundings happen to surround you, you know. Number 13, do not pursue the taste of good food, come on. Am I supposed to live on Brussels sprouts? Number 14, do not pursue the taste of good food. Come on. Am I supposed to live on Brussels sprouts?

Number 14, do not hold on to possessions. You no longer need. Do not follow customary beliefs. It's 15 done. 16, do not collect weapons or practice with weapons. Beyond what is useful, get it. 17, not fear death. Working on it, tough one, but working on it.

18, do not seek to possess either goods or fives from your old age or four year old age. Not totally sure what you're talking about here. I guess that's like why you just be a pack rat, why hold on to shit that you don't need when you're gonna die. Number 19, respect Buddha and the gods without counting on their help. Okay.

Number 20, you may abandon your own body, but you must preserve your honor. Not some samurai shit right there, man. Death before dishonor. And number 21, great way to end, never stray from the way. Never stray from the way, bro. Never stray from the way. Solid closing rule.

Well done, Musashi. I got a little too militant in points in the middle for me, but I like the general flow of it. I get it. I get it. Musashi died not longer after finishing that. Possibly on June 13th, 1645 at the age of either 60 or 61. And that, of course, takes us out of this last time-soaked timeline.

Good job, soldier. You've made it back. Barely. Okay, so that is a bit on the history of Japan up until the, uh, through the age of the samurai. Bit on what it means to be a samurai. Look into the life of one samurai. No idiots today. Man, this episode fucking destroyed me. It's destroyed my brain.

Easily twice as much time as the normal episode. Love you guys, but fuck this episode. Uh, took way longer. They're a normal episode to try to figure out just the context of what it even means to have been Japanese and to help understand what it meant to be a samurai. And all the words, the words. And I know I still have a lot to learn. Gotta do some other Japanese sucks down the road.

It is a fascinating culture to try to figure out. I am so glad that this one forced me to learn way more than I ever would have otherwise about Japan and the samurai. I hope it was enjoyable. It was probably not as comedic as some, just because I really had to just focus on what in the hell I was talking about. OK, so now let's go over what we learned one more time

with today's top five takeaways. Time shut, top five takeaways. Number one, the word samurai comes from the Japanese verb samurai, which means to serve someone. To look up to them. 2. From 1185, all the way to 1868, Japan was ruled by the Shogunat, a feudal military-style government, and the samurai warriors were the government's most important enforcer.

3. Miyamoto Musashi, one of Japan's fiercest warriors supposedly won over 60 duels and losses. Zero. He was a Chuck Norris of the samurai. Number four, women had a terrible during the samurai period as they pretty much always do in history. After samurai husband brought shame upon the family, had to kill himself, she also had to

kill herself. And you thought sometimes you got mad at your husband, man, catching him in bed with another woman terrible, not as terrible as coming home and you know, finding out you have to, you have to clear yourself. Number five, new info. The arrival of guns greatly changed the way Samaritan battles, one of the factors that would slowly lead to the downfall as they were no longer just needed. In 1543, Japan was in the grips of a massive power struggle, the Ashikaga shogunets in

trench for over a century. It can no longer control the many five-doms belonging to a powerful ambitious lords or you know, to various powerful ambitious lords. Armies were clashing with army alliances shifting and reshifting to the north were the sugees to the east the Jojos and in the center between Kanton and Kyoto. The rising Odda and Takagawa clans on August 25th of that year on this island of Tanagashima a typhoon blue short, Chinese junk like ship, on board with three Portuguese sailors,

cruft some hundred Chinese and two rifles. And that day, Western civilization arrived appropriately in a storm. The lord of Tanagashima, after watching one of the Portuguese, shoot a duck immediately saw the military significance of the gun. He purchased the two rifles for 1,000, tails and gold each and or and it says tails of tails each and gold ordered his chief swordsmiths to duplicate them within

a year. Ten guns are made and according to Noel Perrin, the historian within a decade gunsmiths all over Japan were making the new weapon in quantity by 1560 the use of firearms and large battles had begun and 15 years after that there were the decisive weapon in quantity by 1560 the use of firearms and large battles had begun and 15 years after that there were the decisive weapon in one of the greatest battles in Japanese history. That was at Nagasino where Oda and the Buganaga who later became the most powerful lord of Japan, overwhelmed the Takatas or the katas of the east by using foot soldiers arm with 3000 guns and shooting an alternating rows of three and his army was able to mo down thousands of enemy samurai on horseback.

I kind of, I'm really kind of sad. Bummer there that way. That's totally changed. Samurai war. These guys devoted to swords, martial arts, they've been trained with that shit their whole lives. And then one day they're writing on their horses towards this army who just fucking shoot them down.

A whole thing of like, don't bring a knife to a gunfight. The process of reversion was a gradual one. Spawning more than two centuries. It started soon after the overwhelming success of this gun in this battle. And then Samurai realized that their status as a skilled swordsman was diminishing. Because now even a lowly peasant arm with,

one of these rifles could kill the noblest most heroic warrior ever without even an introduction. Because in the past, before, you know, sword, hand-to-hand, sword-to-sword fight, Samurai's would sometimes bark out their names. And if they're opponent allowed it would boast of past accomplishments, I can only imagine what Musashi would do there. Like there's this example from this 13th century epic tale of the Ike, over this

one guy says, and a mighty voice he named his name saying, you have long heard of me now, take a good look. I am Tutsi no Jamal, Mishu, known to all of me temple as a warrior worth a am tootsie nojomo michu known to all of me temple as a warrior worth a thousand men and then they began to fight and then the gun came along and it was just practical now to shoot first and introduce yourself later and so went the samurai time suck tough five take away well there you have it the samurai have been sucked I hope you enjoyed it.

Yeah, again, despite you know, spending more time on that one than any other suck, I don't know that I know as much as I should about Japan. Such a mysterious country still. Feels like another planet to me in some ways, you know. I do look forward to doing more sucks based in Japan in the future. Learn more about it. Maybe some China sucks as well. You know, that in Korea is going to be the two most similar cultures. We just love it a fascinating world don't we? Think about all the billions of

lives that exist right now and all the different cultures just on earth right now. Each human, the star of their own unique story, the brightest star in their own sky. Think about how different each of those lives are. Every person we talk about in these stories are, their heart beats are, you know, just like yours, or one's beats, you know, their lives, it was, you know, our, what were important, as important to them as yours is to you right now, you know, whether they were one of the greatest samurai of all time, or just a common merchant or peasant,

really overwhelming to think about these the complexity of our world. Cracks me up when people ask about, I'm worried about like running on topics, what are you fucking talking about? If I clone myself and somehow could do 10 different sucks a day every day, right? I would still leave most stones unturned even if I lived to like a hundred, right? You know, you know, after even after me and my clone army finally died and return our

carbon to that big carbon bank known as Earth, there will never be a shortage of incredible tales. I just got to know how to find them. Big thanks to the time suck team, the high priestess of the Suck Harmony Vellacamp, Jesse Guardian of Grammar, Dobner, Reverend Dr. Joe Paisley, TimeSuck High Priest, Alex Dugan, the Biddelixer team, Danger Brain, Space Lizards and Merch Wizards, Access to Parallel, Queen of the Suck, Boss of Damner, everything, Lindsey Cummins.

Big thanks again to OG Bojangles Research Assistance to Lily Twins, for finding so much great info about this topic, Manit Reba and Sarah, hammers of knowledge. And thanks again for all the kind words this past month about understanding how things have changed and how there just isn't the time to do the bonus sucks, the way we're doing the sucks now, these bonus episodes anymore, this week reaffirmed that for me. No way I could keep cranking out three episode weeks like this every month, including, you know,

with the secret sucks. Excited just to focus on being very passionate about, you know, one subject these week with time suck and coming this week, that's Tesla. This Monday, you know, we're sucking a space lizard voted into a topic, the Serbian American madman, Nicola Tesla. Tesla helped electrify the world with his contributions

to alternating current. He created one of the world with his contributions to alternating current. He created one of the world's first wireless remote control. So thank him whenever you have to don't, you don't have to get up off the couch and change the channel. He unveiled that one at the Madison Square Garden or at Madison Square Garden, excuse me, New York City in 1898. He helped invent radio transmission.

He was the nemesis of fellow inventor, Thomas Edison, inventor of the light bulb. They had a nerd versus nerd battle, the wage of, or I guess it was the war of currents in the 1880s, modern mass communication systems, largely based on Tesla's inventions. Lidl long very eccentric life, invented so much. He was a brilliant mad scientist, who we owe much of our modern technological advances to.

And I'm excited to suck him. This next week, and find out if the space lizards chose wisely. And right now, I'm excited to listen to today's Time Sucker Updates. Updates? Get your time, sucker updates. All right, kicking today's updates off with the hilarious update from the Children of God suck on Monday. Time Sucker Jody Johns writes in with, Hey, Master Sucker, just listen to

the last episode about the children of God Cult. And I knew you were bullshit about the CDC reports of the backside love and going on. But it's kind of true. My my my mother became a full time nurse in 1969 until she retired in 2013. She says at least twice a month since she started nursing, someone has come into the ER no matter where she worked with something stuck up their asses. In the 70s, she said it was a lot of cucumber and carrots.

80s were hard because it was more animals like mice and gerbils getting stuck deep inside and suffocating, and it was very gross to get them out. She says the 90s were just full of dumb shit thanks to the jackass movies. A lot of toy cars and Barbie heads, but mainly now men and women alike coming with very large dildos. Broken wine bottles and eggplants. Just thought you needed to know knowledge and Nimrod. Well thank you space lizard. I can tell from the knowledge and oh my god holy shit.

Broken wine bottles. Is that done willingly to you? I mean, what the fuck? In eggplant, Jesus, I gotta talk to Lindsay about all this. I mean, let's just say that maybe hypothetically, I occasionally try to talk her into some back door lovin' and she gets nervous and scared. You know, it's not like I'm John Holmes, but I'm also not tiny Tim, but I'm no wine bottle.

I'm no large eggplant and cucumbers. cucumbers, carrots I kind of get, but cucumbers I don't get. I don't see how that works. They're brittle. You know, they can break easy when pressure is applied from the side. I guess the carrot could too, but they got all those like ridges, you know, and I thought the anal gerbils,

that was just mostly urban legend. According to various website, it is urban legend, but I have no reason not to believe your mom, Jody. I've never gotten so bored that I've just thought, you know what, I gotta figure out I gotta get a small creature in my ass. But now that you've brought this up, I did just Google, how do I get a gerbil into my ass?

I didn't even use private browsing to do that, by the way. I don't even bother anymore. I never clear my search history because I just, I'm highly amused by the type of autophils I now get, you know, my search history is the most perverse in dark search history ever at this point. According to Wikipedia and Urban Dictionary, stick any gerbil up your ass as known as gerbling. Of course it is. Some variations of reporting about gerbling suggest that the rodent is covered in a psychoactive substance like cocaine prior to being inserted. Yeah, that makes sense

to me. Like, I don't feel like you really strongly consider sticking a gerbil up your ass unless you've been doing a lot of blow. The act of gerbil in according to the internet is very simple. In most instances, involves you stick a tube in your ass. You stick the gerbil in that tube, and then sometimes you put like a lighter,

you put some fire in the other end of the tube, so it just scares the gerbil into burying up into your ass. And then sometimes it's supposedly like you do claw them as a safety precaution, I would think. There's stories in the way about luring the gerbil up into your ass with like a piece of cheese. I don't fucking buy that.

Like do you get a piece of cheese stuck way up in your ass? And then hope the gerbil follows it. What in the fuck? I wonder if you do that alone or with a partner. I feel like you have to have a team to get a gerbil in your butt. It reads very BDSM to me. It reads very much like you have a sex life and you just find it fun to figure out

what you can stick in the sex life's butt. That's a level of party and I've never participated in. But now that I talk about it, I do kind of want to go to a weird party like that as an observer. I want to just out of morbid curiosity. Like I feel like if I was watching some Jürbling, at one point I would run out of the room to throw up,

but then immediately run back into the room to watch more of the Jürbling. What about the Jürbling in the situation? What a horrible death to suffocate and someone's ass. To literally die, suffocate and inside someone's ass. But before that, probably pleasant for the gerbil. I mean, they do like to let you know, burrow the living little tunnels, yeah?

And what if they crawl too far? Could they make it inside your large intestine? Could they make it inside your small intestine? What was the stomach acid, dude? I'm, I'm done, I'm done. I'm done. Thank you, Jody. You got way inside my head with that one.

Let's move on to an interesting R-Bud Dwyer update coming in from Time Sucker, Jason Bame. Jason writes, all hail the suck masters to Prem, just wanted to take a minute to tell you how much I love the show And wanted to give you an update on the Bud Dwyer episode I live in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania and and was five years old the time of the incident When this happened I don't remember seeing it happen on live TV I guess I was lucky to be off plane or doing something else and that's snowy day But my girlfriend who is two years older than me, sought as it aired.

I also wanted to share with you and the quote to the curious that my connection to this incident goes deeper than that. I'm a youth leader at my local church, and as I was talking about the episode with my friend and mentor there, he shared with me that he knew the Dwyer family very well. And then at the time of Bud's death was dating DD. That is nuts.

So he's dating Bud's Dwyer's daughter. I that is nuts. So he's dating Bud's, Dwyer's daughter. I had to ask him if he thought that Bud had taken the money or not, he told me that he asked Bud that very question in the Dwyer home. My friend believes with all his heart that Bud was an innocent man. Ugh. Thanks for letting me share this with you

and all the people listening. Keep on sucking Jason Bay. Wow. Man, dating Bud's, when that went down, that is intense. And what a fantastic update, Jason. Thank you for sending that in. That poor bastard, man, my mind wanders over to Bud Dwyer

often since we did that suck. What a strange example of extreme courage. You know, like, and very kind of fascinated to think about right now with the samurai stuff. We just talked about like, you know, in a way, it felt like, you know, Bud committed to Puku, you know, he felt like he died to restore honor to his family. Wow, man. It seemed very courageous in that way.

Okay, so one last update today. I tried to find an email. I tried to find another one, an email that came in regarding someone having a personal interaction with a children of God called, but dang it, I just couldn't find it. So sorry about that. Whoever sent that in, I thought I had it marked. Could not find it trying very search terms in the email history. But we do have a good one coming in from Time Sucker Clint Dunsworth about chicken Joe.

He says, dear Reverend Dr. Major Sensei, professor general prime minister former roommate of the Suck, praise be to both jangles, all hail Nimrod and his grand profit, Chikotilo, oh man. And may sweet loose a fiend of reward me for this update, which I feel obligated to share with you today. I'd like to start with a bit of fanboying here. And then I have a rather crucial update regarding Mr. blah, blah, blah, blah, chicken Joe.

And then if I may be so bold, a topic suggestion. First I just wanted to say I've been sucking hard and long since the episode about clown, the clown scare of 2016. Oh yeah. I live be so bold, a topic suggestion. First I just wanted to say I've been sucking hard and long since the episode about clown, the clown scare of 2016. Oh yeah. I live in Kansas City, Missouri, and heard you do an interview with local morning radio show Johnny Deere, love Johnny Deere.

He does a lot of charity work by the way. Gay, as you know, I'm sure. Gay time suck a list and it worked that day and have been sucking ever since. And I confess I am not a space lizard yet. But the good news is I'll be making the last payment on my car this month, which means I'll have some extra income from each paycheck from now on, plenty enough to officially peel

my face off and reveal the reptilian head beneath with that out of the way. Here's the chicken Joe update, and thank you for that. By the way, the truth of the matter is that chicken Joe is not some random, piny nickname given to a pamp named Joe. The fact is, there is a reason that chicken Joe comes up relating to the candy man's story. The term chicken, as it relates to prostitution, is a word used for underage prostitutes. Damn it. I did find that out this week.

As such, chicken Joe is a pamph that specializes in dealing with underage prostitutes. Hence his association with Dean Coral, the candy man killer just got done listening to your Children of God episode. And I found I could no longer keep this update to myself regarding the newest member of the time. So I pantheon with this in mind, rather than condemning the children of God, it would be more likely that Chikon Joe was a card-carrying member. Read the only difference between Chikon Joe and the candy man, or Chikotilo, is that at

least Chikon Joe wasn't killing kids, but he was still screwing them, or at the very least selling them to be screwed, not exactly a moral high horse for him to be on. Now I'm not saying that Chikon Joe should stop coming by to drop his words of wisdom on us every now and then considering we get to hear from Chickatilo every now and then just thought you might want some more context on where chicken Joe got his name. Speaking of cults, however, just I've got another one that I think you would love to suck on. The Ome, she got a, oh man, pronoun, Om Shindirikio, Shindirikio. This. This is Japanese called more or less turned into a terrorist sect that launched a seren gas attack on a Tokyo subway with horrendous results. Oh, yep, I'm familiar.

Assassinations, chemical weapons, gruesome punishments with their own members, and reportedly they were extremely close to obtaining a nuclear weapon. This was basically the Japanese version of Scientology, Only their leader decided to go full blown militaristic. Anyways, thank you for all you do. You definitely helped my mindless cubicle work days go just a bit faster. From a future space lizard, keep on sucking. Clint Dunsworth. Thank you for that Clint.

Thank you. And yes, thanks for another great Japanese suck subject for the future. I appreciate it. And I feel like after touching on Japan twice now, it's like I do want to get back in there because I want to go through one sucks Episode about Japan where I'm not struggling over the words and yeah bummer about how the real chicken Joe got his name For the suck world though, you know, Puzzle out chicken Joe. He just he's loves chicken

So going forward. I'm just gonna you know that's that's the real chicken Joe fake chicken Joe. She's a dude. He's not a good dude. He's a pimp But more than Pimpin he just loves chicken. He's not a good dude. He's a pimp. But more than pimpin, he just loves chicken. He loves, he loves eating chicken, he loves his chicken, he loves chicken related fashion accessories. Thanks for all the extra information suckers. Love you fine folks. Thanks for being the planet's very best meat sacks. Thanks, time suckers, I need a net. We all did.

Well, that's all until Monday, Hail Nimrod. Don't commit subhoku if you feel like you've done something dishonorable and don't make your wife do it either. The age of Samurai is over. The age of time suck. Just get started. Keep on sucking because i got japan on my brain fucking banjos