Timesuck with Dan Cummins - EP 46 - Blood Countess Elizabeth Bathory: Most Prolific Female Serial Killer Ever?

Episode Date: July 31, 2017

16th century Hungary was a place and time of unimaginable violence. Europe had been at war with itself and the Ottoman Turks for centuries. Hungary was located between the Holy Roman Empire and the Ottomans, and when those two empires weren't battling each other on Hungarian soil, Hungary was battling itself. And after Hungarian nobles had squashed a recent peasant uprising, the Hungarian peasant class had become virtual slaves with zero rights, people the noble class could exploit however they wanted to. And since peasants were being constantly murdered anyway, what difference did 650 more disappearances, the number of victims Bathory is rumored to have killed, make? How did one woman stand out for excessive butchery in an age when butchery was the norm? Find out in another full-evil, medieval edition of Timesuck!  This episode of Timesuck is brought to you by the fantastic Dollar Shave Club! Go to www.dollarshaveclub.com/timesuck today and get their badass Executive razor handle, four stainless steel, six blade cartridges and a tube of Dr. Carver's Shave Butter sent to your door for only 5 bucks! Best razor you'll ever use Timesuckers!  Head to the Hollywood Improv, October 5th, 7:30PM for the first ever live recording of Timesuck! Part of the LA Podcast Festival. Tickets only $15. Click here for tix/more details.

Hungry's blood countis, Elizabeth Bathrey, listed in the Guinness Book of World Records as the most prolific serial killer of all time. But did she really do it? And what's her behavior really that out of the ordinary for the insanely bloody time in which she lived? We dig into the blood, the gore, treachery, turmoil, the oppression, the constant warfare that defined 16th century hungry. We examine the myths and possible facts of a woman

who may have been one of the most sadistic monsters of all time. Get ready to get dirty, get ready to get down with another medieval addition of Time Suck. Mary Monday, everybody, hail Nimrod, the sucka-thath returneth. I'm Dan Cummins, and this is that mix of trivia and fun, that cult of the curious, known as time suck. Another bunch of great iTunes reviews this past week, you guys. Thanks for taking the time to do that, so other people can read them and be convinced to start sucking themselves. A lot of people have asked like why, why iTunes, only because that's where most people

listen. I have no Apple loyalty. That's just where the suck can spreadeth the mosteth. iTunes reviewer Smoothie Sucker left a review titled Tasey Dong that said, I just listened to your episode of North Korea and couldn't stop laughing every time you said taste some dong. Was that intentional? Anyway, keeping what you do, master mother sucker. No smoothie sucker, it was not intentional. I was given my best attempt at doing a North Korean name, some justice, and I clearly failed. I meant to say Tasey dong, not taste some dong, which would be a very unfortunate proper pronunciation of one's name.

If your name truly was pronounced as Taseym-dong, taste it, put it in your mouth. Glad I can provide both intentional and some unintentional comedy on the suck. I appreciate all the new subscriptions very much and the purchasing of some time suck t-shirts this past week. It makes you feel so good, just to know you guys care enough to wear some suck. I wear it as well. I feel too weird wearing the original logo first generation t-shirt. Only because it has a character of my face and my name on it, and that just seems strange to me

to wear a t-shirt with your own picture on it. I do wear it around the house. You know, those Bella Tribalins really are so goddamn comfortable. My own shirts turn me into a t-shirt snob. I don't wear the black second generation flat t either in public. I've worn it a few times but I don't do it often because it gets me feel weird because it has my name on it. I feel weird wearing a t-shirt with my own name on it. But I do wear my bow jangles Yamotimesok T out and about and the other day was so cool some teenager. I kept

looking at my shirts and he asked me where I got it and that felt awesome, man. He thought I had my own teacher design company. I've always loved a cool t-shirt, really have. And I just got an order in for some time suck hats and I'm fucking pumped. I spent a lot of time, I didn't realize how long it would take, but I put a lot of time into finalizing the design and holy shit. Can't wait to wear one. Actually, my wife helped me, which sounds bad at first when you say that, like, go on my wife, help me.

Well, she actually has a degree in fashion design. So it's ridiculous that I didn't consult her on earlier things, because I'm very stubborn and I want to do things my way. But she actually has a degree in fashion design and actually has worked in fashion design. And yeah, and I brought her in, I was hesitant first, but then she showed me some shit where I couldn't deny how fucking cool it was.

So I'm very excited about that. Got a couple of options that'll be here this fall for some sweet ass baseball hats. And I appreciate all the topics you've just sent into bow jangles at timestockpodcast.com. The list is packed. So many good sucks. We are no danger of running dry.

So thanks for continuing to send in just killer new topics. A lot of stuff I I never heard of before. And then when I look into them, like, oh, yeah, this is great. Love how many of you are starting to fall to suck on social media at Time Suck podcast on Instagram, Twitter, slash time suck podcast on Facebook. And today is the last day to vote to determine the next time suck bonus episode. What it's going to be should it be project MK Ultra secret CIA experiments. Should be the heavens gate cult or should it be the iceman Richard Kuklingsky form a mafia hitman Well, you get to decide you know whichever one gets more votes on time sucks Instagram Twitter and Facebook before midnight tonight Midnight Pacific daylight time It's gonna be the topic for the 800 itun review bonus suck coming up quick and a quick little shout out to a baby sucker

Little two-year-old Joaquin, Joaquin Precious, who listens each week to his dad, time sucker at Mundo Precious, a few of you have asked for toddler teas and some day we'll get him in. Why not? Why not? Sounds fun.

And a huge thank you to Dana, Van Outribe, for kicking off the research on this episode. newest member, the Bojangles Research team, so nice to get a jump on the diggin. So appreciate it. She did a great job. And Dana also just had surgery on her jaw. Liquid diet for the next few months.

I had surgery this past Friday, so some, send some positive time suck thoughts her way. And thanks to Nick Perry, Donovan Vokes, Lexi, at Javario, and any other time suckers I may have missed when you requested today's topic, Hungary's blood countis for today's suck. And I'm gonna suckle Liz so hard, so hard you guys, gonna suckle right off,

right after I suck a few time suckered updates. Timesucker Lydia Turner Little wrote in with a little North Korea update, commenting, greetings, Sheriff Master President of the Suck. I really enjoyed the latest Timesucker episode and wanted to congratulate you on your lucrative baseball career. That's in reference to me hitting three home runs with my first swing of baseball bat. At one point, you mentioned that only certain people

were allowed to leave the country and that got me thinking about North Korean athletes. I've wanted about the specifics, but your podcast finally inspired me to go do a little research of my own. Yeah, well, getting some sucking on your own time. So here's a little info that you and the other time suckers may enjoy.

Even though North Korea is extremely secluded, they have competed in every summer Olympics since 1972, other than two, they just get about on two of them. And they've won medals every time they have competed North Koreans do get to watch the Olympics, but usually only clips of North Koreans competing I can insane over there. They won't even let them watch other countries and it's not shown live Of course not they got a fucking filter out all the commercials So people don't know about you know I can Dorito tacos and shit going on in other countries

Athletes who win medals are rewarded with better housing and living conditions, which may be why no North Korean athlete has ever defected that we know of while being out of the country. Probably because they'd also fucking kill their families if they did, like not joking. I have not researched that specifically,

but I am sure that if it's not said to them outright, like if you defect, we will fucking kill your family. It's, you know, strongly hinted at or they'll be sent to a, you know, a labor camp, you know, where they'll die. Anyway, all the, to get back to her email, although this may be because state officials come with athletes to keep an eye on them. Athletes are still kept on a tight leash when they visit the outside world.

And at the Rio Olympics, they weren't allowed to have the phones Samsung offered to all other athletes as part of their sponsorship. Of course they wouldn't, right? They could fucking hop on the internet and realize their countries are fucking shittles. Athletes who lose are reduced in rank and I even saw articles about athletes and trainers who are reportedly sentenced to hard labor. In the 2010 World Cup, North Korea lost 7, 0 to Portugal. And the coaches were reportedly sent to work in coal mines. That's not funny. But Jesus, you fucking win. You win. Win the championship. Or you go or you go to a coal mine. Supposedly, the state officials who travel with athletes come up with reasons why their athletes lost such as going to a nightclub, the night before an event, and then

the athletes are punished for that when they return home. So everybody gets punished. Hope you enjoyed this little mini-suck and keep on sucking, Lydia T. Thank you, Lydia. I did enjoy that. I forgot, or maybe I just never even realized that North Korea sent athletes to the Olympics. But they clearly don't have as much fun as other athletes. That just is terrible. Like, best case, if you're in a North Korean Olympic athlete and you get to go, you don't get to party, you don't get to talk to other athletes, you don't get any Olympic swag, you don't get any endorsements,

you don't get to make any money off of the massive exposure you get. And that's if you win. That's if you win. And then you get to go home and have a slightly less shitty apartment to live in. And that's if you win. That's if you, like if you win. And then you get to go home and have like a slightly less shitty apartment to live in. And Pyongyang, right? And if you lose, you go to the fucking coal mines. You know, with your coach,

or you go to a fucking labor camp. God, fuck Kim Jong-un. Kim Jong-un real asshole. Kim Jong-un fucking believable brick proud to be an American We're at least I'm not in North Korea Oh god Next update final is as an interesting uh Now this is not the final one the second one next update is an interesting Vlad Dracula update from a time sucker named Mark

Regarding the wooden stake vampiric mythology that originated in Romania and around Romania. He writes, I'm Serb, I was told by my Serb grandfather that the wooden stake myth comes from the Serb practice of staking someone suspected of becoming a vampire through the heart or midsection to pin them down to earth or eternity so they don't leave their coffin. It's a real practice and it comes from a scientific oddity that there is a genetic disorder prevalent in that region where some people do not get rigamortis

and are also prone to cadaveric spasms. Wow, that's odd. And now we know, and that makes a little sense to me, actually, you know, you've been hearing about this trigoy, demonic undead vampires your whole life, you know, grown up there, old Romanian and gypsy kind of campfire tails, scary folklore and now you're moving a dead body and then it starts fucking moving around. Yeah, you can freak out. Why not grab a sharp stick, pin it to

its coffin. I can see how that can start that way, you know, getting worked up on folklore, having a cadaver start twitching for any reason. That's a scary combination. So thank you for sharing that interesting bit of random trivia mark. And finally, time-sucker Blake Price rode in with Dear King of Master Suckers. I have messaged you before about my idea of topic Unit 731.

However, today I come bearing news I believe to be most crucial. I'm trying to catch up and I'm currently listening episode 40, Nostradomesis prophecies, and I noticed that you said the newest time-sectease made was 213% imported quala anus. I would like to bring to your attention that night up to 90% of qualas are infected with chlamydia.

So you may want to let the general public know that you have treated the aynis with antibiotics, or was it the dribbles saliva that cleans the aynis? You're run of the mill succulent Blake. Well, first off, Blake, unit 731 definitely on the time of the list. Holy shit, that's a dark topic. And that's going to be a dark, dark episode. And yes, yes, well aware of the Koala aynis chlamydia epidemic. It's why I no longer import koala aina's from anywhere south of Sydney. I don't I just won't do it anymore. For some reason, koala aina's chlamydia is fucking rampant south of Sydney, in Australia, like like nine out of 10 koala aina's are in fact

with chlamydia, doing a lot of butt play down there and they're spreading a lot of shit around. So that's why all of my quality anuses going forward are gonna be imported from the North of Sydney on the eastern seaboard. And cause the, the gerbil anus, by the way, it does clean the anuses, the gerbil saliva, it does clean the quality anuses,

but it doesn't disinfect them. But I do spray each and every one of my quality anuses with lice all before weaving them into super soft shirts and side note weaving Qual anus into fucking making it into a shirt. That is no easy sewing feet It certainly is not I hope that clears everything up Blake And if you're a new listener and you are probably confused as shit right now and you don't know what all this quality And is talk is about you know what don't even worry about it. Don't even worry about it enough nonsense Time to get serious, kind of.

Time to head to Hungary, definitely. And head on out, these time sucker updates. as did or did not do. Let's dig into what her world was like. Gotta give some context for the countess. And by the way, I'm gonna try and keep the same intensity and passion, but slow down a little bit. I do listen to your feedback. I don't get an email. Sorry, I forget the time sucker who sent it in about that I just kind of rushed through the information

a lot of times, like it is speed that makes it impossible to comprehend. And I think I just get so amped up. I've always talked fast when I get excited. So I'm going to work on not just fucking micro machine. That's an old reference. Just speeding through it. So, okay, here we go.

But if you listen to the Vlad and Paylor episode, you've already got some context for this episode. Very similar part of the world. Elizabeth lived a little more than a century after Vlad and Paylor. And she lived in a very similar period of Eastern European history, and virtually the same place. Vlakia, and where she kind of started off in Hungary, you know, right now, it's Transylvania, it's all in the same little region. Elizabeth was born in 1860 in Hungary, a nation that was perpetually at war, especially with the Turks. Hungary, at this point, is still at war with the same Ottoman Empire

that Vlad fought in Valkia in the 15th century. And if you recall from that episode of Valkia, where Vlad ruled as prince three separate times during his lifetime was, along with Transylvania, the only buffer between the Hungarians and the Turks during Vlad's lifetime. And if you recall, the Turks at this time, they wanted to push east into Europe, north and east and absorb all of Europe

into their empire, an empire under Islamic rule. The Ottoman Empire would rule over much of the Middle East and Eastern Europe all the way up until the early 20th century, actually. Europe and Bathree's time, especially Eastern Europe was fractured into various countries, empires, principalities, vassal states, who largely belong to one of two groups,

either the Washington generals led by no one cares, or the Harlem Globetrotters led by Curly Neal and Metal-Lark Lemon. Wait a minute, that makes no fucking sense whatsoever. Did I say generals and Globetrotters? I meant Catholics and everyone else. There was the Vatican and it's Holy Roman Empire, and other, you

know, Christian Catholic nations. And then there was the formerly or, you know, previously powerful, Eastern Orthodox Church, which had recently lost considerable prestige after the sack of its former headquarters in Constantinople when the Byzantine Empire, Empire, a fell to the Turks in 1453. And again, that was in the Vlad episode. And now, after Martin Luther's Reformation in 1517,. And now, after Martin Luther's Reformation in 1517, now there's Lutherans, there's a whole Protestant Reformation going on in Europe. There's Lutherans, Calvinists, Anabaptists, they're all in Bathrees Europe. There's a few prophets in Nimrod here and there, you know, Stomp and Puppies, you know, quote in the book of Nimrod,

just and it's Nimrod of Seyoth, that is, that is, that was Hathith, not is Thouestath, that is not a suffering, it's a second to, suck of tasheth, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera, it's very hard to understand them. It's why he never caught on. And while the Turks wanted to take over Europe, the Christian by and large wanted just to be left to fuck alone by the Turks. At the time, the Christian nations

weren't seriously interested in pushing back into Ottoman territory anymore. There were the Crusades, the big ones before, but those had ended as far as major crusades go in the 13th century. In the 14th and 15th century, there would be like occasional kind of mini- Crusades, but these various nations, there were just, you know, there was too many different versions of Christianity now, there was too many conflicting kingdoms for them to truly like come together and make a concentrated push back against the Turks.

And at the end of the 15th century, Hungary was ruled by King Matthias. Matthias Corvines, and you may remember him from the Vlad episode. He's the man who both captured Vlad the Impaler at one point and then also helped repel the Turks and install him as Prince of Valkia for his third and final time in 1476, after keeping him as a prisoner in his court for 12 years before that. And again, if you'll recall from that episode, the Hungarians would occasionally lend military support

to the Valkians and Transylvanians when it served their interests regarding keeping the Ottomans at bay. Because remember, again, there's this buffer between Hungary and the Ottoman Empire, which was Valkia and Transylvania. And under King, and if you other little like, you know, minor principalities and stuff that were mixed in there.

And under King Matthias, the Hungarians didn't, they did it, and under King Matthias, the Hungarians did have a strong military. And while they failed to answer the Vatican's occasional call from more Crusades, they did fight the Turks quite a bit. And they also, you know, skirmishes, you know, in Valkyrie and Transylvania, and also in their own country. And they also fought the Holy Roman Empire as well. So they're fighting the Turks alongside Vlad the Emperor in the 1470s. And then later after Vlad's

death, they're fighting the Holy Roman Emperor, Emperor Frederick III, who was the last Holy Roman Emperor to be crowned in Rome to the West in Austria. And Hungary was a sandwich between the Holy Roman Empire and the Ottoman Empire, the two biggest military powers in Europe in the 15th and 16th centuries, which means there was a whole lot of fucking fighting going on in Hungary. When King Matthias dies in 1490, he's replaced by Vladislavs, the second, also known as Vladislavs, the Wini, by at least myself, because he was a total Wini, more on that in a bit. Vladislavs was very royie by at least myself, because he was total Weenie, more on that in a bit.

Vladislavs was very royally connected before taking the Hungarian throne. He was already King of Bohemia. And this is interesting. I feel like about this period in Europe back then, through various marriages and kind of political concessions, power was always shifting around in kind of strange ways. And dudes would hold multiple titles all the time.

They would have, you know, blood claims to various thrones simultaneously. It would get one and then another king would die in like a neighboring kingdom that they also had a blood claim to. And sometimes they would also then incorporate that kingdom into their own and they would be king of both places or merge the two into one. It was always like shifting, very look consistency in Europe at this time. And Vladislavs, he was the son of Kazmir, the fourth who was the king of Poland. He was named King of Bohemia and wanted to unify Bohemia with Poland in a fight against Hungary when it was ruled by King Matthias. After the death of Matthias, Vladislavs also made a claim to the Hungarian

throne because his mom was the sister of Vladislla, the king of Hungary before Matthias. La Dysla is actually just like the in the Vlad the impaler episode. It fucking very games of Thronzey, very game of Thrones type scenarios going on in Europe at this time. Well, old Vladislav, he was also weeny, like I said, because by all accounts, he was very easily bullied into relinquishing a lot of his power and a lot of the power of the Hungarian throne to the Hungarian nobility around him. He was kind of happy just to be checked out and be like, yeah, man, no, that's great. Ah, sounds good. No, that's okay. Yeah, we can do that. Sure. No,

you want that castle. Fine, I'm not, I'm not using it. Like, he was legendarily agreeable to basically anything they asked for. And early in his rule, he agreed to kind of give away a lot of his estates and a lot of the estates of, you know, King Matthias to the nobility of Hungary. And he handed over control of the military as well, which is not a good move, didn't work out well for anybody here coming up soon.

Cause now soon fortresses are falling into disrepair. Soldiers are no longer properly being equipped or trained and shit is getting sloppy. The nobles, you know, they would rather spend their money, partying, living lavish noble lifestyles than in, you know, using it to keep a strong standing army fed and battle tested. And this creates an interesting situation in Hungary shortly before Elizabeth Bathory's birth that will affect the context of her life greatly. In 1514, you know, by 1514, the Hungarian kingdom has fallen into general disarray under the leadership of fucking Captain Weenie. And then this guy, George Doza, Hungarian noblemen from Transylvania. Transylvania currently existing as part of the Kingdom of

Hungary, ends up leading Hungarian peasants in a revolt against their totally checked out kind of nobility class. Doza, he had been tasked by various members of the aristocracy, by various members of the nobility, with organizing a group of peasants into an army, kind of like a rag tag army, to fight the Turks, to fight the Ottomans, who had been overrunning Valkyrie for years and now they're pushing up into the south of Hungary. And he does, he does a good job. He organiz a good job. He organizes an army. He gets about 40,000 peasants and he starts training them to fight and having them train

to fight. And then halfway through their military training, they start to get fucking pissed off about the whole situation, just the peasants in general. And they do something that is not historically worked out well for the poor and exploited people of the world throughout history. They think about sticking to the man. And basically, these people are already being taxed by the nobility. They're already farming to provide food for the kingdom, to keep themselves alive, they're

growing crops, to sell, to raise money, to pay the taxes and pose upon them by the noble class. And generally, at this time in feudal European history, you had this kind of agreement, you know, whether it was formal or not, whereas basically understood that you as a peasant, you work the fields, you know, and, and, and you, you know, you pay the nobles taxes on crops and exchange for protection. That's what you're getting out of the deal. You know, you're given, you're working your ass off, you're toiling away on they own, you know, and then you, but you get to live basically is the deal. You get to live, you know, you get to have enough of your crops to eat and you get protection. That's

the big thing. It's like, I'll pay your taxes by bus to my ass, farming, you know, your land prints whoever the fuck. But then when Sultan sacks a shit out of villages or Duke, you know, Johnny and Pales kids for fun come charging over that hill. I get to head on inside your fortress where your army better protect my ass and my family's asses. And not only did the aristocracy and the king not have an army to protect anyone at this time, if they did, they wouldn't need to round up 40,000 peasants. They also didn't even bother giving this new peasant

my militia proper weapons, didn't give him armor, didn't bother feeding them properly. It was basically like if some mafia goons demanded protection money from you for your little business. And then all of a sudden, you need protection. Then like some rival goons are fucking breaking up, busting up your place. They're breaking your stuff. And you call the big Sicilian dudes you've been paying for protection to come handle it.

And they just come over and they just hand you a slingshot and some marbles and you're like, Hey man, you fucking knock yourself out. You deal with it. It's like, that's what I was fucking paying you for all this time. So they're pissed. And instead of dying, fighting a superior Turkish force for a bunch of assholes who had done nothing for them, the 40,000 peasants decided to attack the nobility themselves. You know, they started raiding town, started looting churches, they go on a big killing spree, killing priests, killing nobles, hundreds of manor houses and castles are burnt to the ground, thousands of the gentry of the noble class are killed by impalement, crucifixion, other methods,

methods that have been done to these peasants for generations. She always had a control. They were partying like it was 1514. Well, King Vladislavs, he gets an idea, finally, and he thinks, hey, wait a minute, wait a minute. I don't, I don't like this. I don't, I do not like this.

Look, I know I'm laid back and generally non-confrontational, but you guys need to cut this shit out. Seriously, please stop. Please stop it with the impaling and the burning of things. Not cool, you guys. And he issues a proclamation, commanding the peasantry to return to their homes under the threat of death.

And the peasantry responds by basically giving him the collective middle finger. It's like, go fuck yourself. And now the uprising starts turning into a revolution. And you know, drastic times call for drastic measures. So the king and the nobility, they take what, you know, money they have, and they start hiring mercenaries and soldiers of fortune from other nearby kingdoms, kingdoms like the Republic of Venice, Bohemia, Holy Roman Empire, and then the peasants counter by

creating Frankenstein and Iron Man and Wolverine and other cool fictional characters who names, whose names are fun to say and don't fit this narrative in any way, shape or form. No, the peasants continue their revolt. They are drunk with power. Doors out in Sipez and Militia members capture the city in fortress of a synad and signal victory by impaling the bishop. God, dude, dude, love to impale people back then.

It was such a thing, apparently, I'm being able to hear it. Why was it always impalement? You know, dude's love to impale people back then. It was such a thing apparently I'm a people year. Why was it always impalement? You know, let's cut his head off. Yeah, yeah, let's cut his fucking head off. Let's do that. Wait, no, wait, no, no, wait. Let's not do that. Let us not, no, we're not doing that. That's not enough. That is not enough. Hey, someone fetched me a long sharp steak. Go give me a steak. I have a better idea. Let's impale him. Let's impale him. Hear me out. You caught a man's head off and other people think, well, you know, that doesn't seem so bad. You know, one second you have a head and the next second you're dead. You know, quick, relatively painless. You know, you hang a man and people think, well, you know, that seems fair.

You know, one second you're standing around. In the next second, you're hanging dead in midair. That's clever. But you put a man on a stick and let him slowly bleed out. That's when people think, whoa, whoa, let's not do anything that these guys don't want us to do anymore. They're not fucking around. That, that looks horrible.

No, no, thanks. Uh-uh, I'm gonna do these guys want me to do a period. Well, uh, doza and various bands of peasant raiders go on, capture a few more towns, a few more fortresses over the summer, but then the nobles finally get their shit together. They got this new paid, you know, army and the organizer, a proper cavalry, and they crushed the rebellion against numerous peasants, uh, who still lack proper weapons or legitimate military expertise. I'm sure when they see a proper army for the first time, they have some thoughts of like, oh, so that's why we were supposed to get more training and an armor to fight the turks with. I now I get it. Now I get I'm gonna die in a second, but I get it now. Well, the nobles punish the peasants severely for this uprising.

It's fucking spanking time now. And as punishment for the uprising, a decree is imposed on the common people of Hungary in 1514, the states that the peasantry would forever be chained to the land as lifelong slaves. All of their descendants would be enslaved as well. They would be forced to pay tides, forbidden to ever own firearms, required to work 50 days of unpaid labor per year. They couldn't travel without permission anymore. They could be judged and even sentenced to death by their lords.

And this decree would remain in place in Hungary for 350 years. It didn't get abolished until 1848. Check that shit out. Man, what a deal. I'm guessing the alternative to signing such a horrific deal was a slow and painful death. If you're like, hey, come on, you got, this deal is bullshit.

I mean, yeah, we fucked up. I, yeah, but I cannot in good conscience sign something away that's gonna keep my descendants enslaved for, hey, Jimmy, Jimmy, why'd you go sharpen the stakes, buddy? We're gonna have to go with Plan B, it looks like. You know, hold on, hold on, hold on, no, no, Jimmy, it's cool. No, wait, on second thought, you know,

on second thought, the whole agree to be slaves forever and have no rights thing, doesn't sound that bad. Well, no, we're cool. Where was the quill? I'll sign. Well, this deal is important to the story of Elizabeth Bathory. It's important to understand her story, to understand that she was born into a period of hungry when peasants had zero, zero rights.

They were worker bees, play things, and cannon fodder for the nobles in the 16th century and hungry. And then, well, King Vladislavs, the Weenie King, who did end up, you know, Squashnister Belling, he dies in 1516 and not one peasant cries genuine tears. There's no weeping like there was with Kim Jong Il. His son, King Louis II, takes over and tells his people, who will be do? I want to look like you, walk like you, talk like you, who will be do, but no, wait, that's a totally different King Louis. That's that's the jungle book. King Louis II ruled Hungary until 1526, when the Turks killed him in the Battle of Mohax.

The Battle of Mohax was one of the biggest battles in central European history. The short version is that the Turks fucked up shit for the Hungarians, like big time. The not quite a short version is that not keeping a proper army in Hungary after the end of the rule of King with ICE really came back to bite the Hungarians in the ass. You know numerous times such as when King France is the first leader of France betrayed the Holy Roman Empire and encouraged the Ottomans to

ransack Hungary as a way to get closer to the Holy Roman Empire who they really wanted to stop and who King France is the first one to stop and why did he want to stop his former allies? Why did he want to side with the Turks and go against another Christian nation? Well, because he was defeated by the troops of King Charles V in a battle against the Holy Roman Emperor at Patvia, Italy, and 1525, and taken prisoner. And while in prison he signed a Treaty of Madrid

where he agreed to end aggression towards Italy, relinquish the Duchy of Burgundy, and a charlée, conceding those large French territories to King Charles. He agreed to halt and offensive. He was making into Italy and to pay for a good chunk of the war. And then he was released, which is probably pretty dumb of King Charles the fifth. He let him go.

And he was pissed about it. He was not happy about this, but all the concessions he had to make and the punishments that were put upon him. And so he did the unthinkable and medieval Christian Europe and he formed an alliance with the evil Turks. He formed an alliance with the Turks against the Holy Roman Empire. And so the Turks decided to attack the Holy Roman Empire, which rested between France and Hungary, and in order to get to the Holy Roman Empire, to attack them, they need to first take down Hungary. And so on August 29th, 1526, the Turks sent roughly 100,000 well-armed troops armed with muskets, cannons against 25 to 30,000 Hungarians who did not have muskets and cannons, not many.

And the Hungarians were defeated just a few hours. They lost about half their men. Lost about 15,000 men in just a couple hours. And Hungary would never be the same again. For over 450 years after this particular battle, Hungary would be continually occupied by somebody. The Turks would occupy them until 1686, and then the Holy Roman Empire would occupy them until 1804, then the Austrian Empire until 1918, and then the Nazis until 1945, and then Bojangles for a couple of confusing days. But the Ottomans didn't conquer all of Hungary. The Battle of Mohax drove Hungary into political chaos,

and what it is, it split the country into three parts. Made official after years of constant fighting in 1538 with the Treaty of Nadiavaraad, Hungary was divided into the northwestern part, termed as royal Hungary, that was ruled by the Hasbergs, which were a very, very powerful European family, and at that point, we're also ruling the Holy Roman Empire. Then there was the Eastern Hungarian Kingdom part, which would eventually become the semi-autonomous principality kind of vassal state of Transylvania,

and the remaining central area, known as the Pashelik of Bud Buddha, which would be under Ottoman control outright. And Transylvania would be basically under Ottoman control as well. A lot of these little vassal states, they would just make deals where it's like, okay, you know, you can basically just don't fucking crush us and we'll give you money and we'll give you troops and stuff when you need them. Well, while the treaty officially defeated the former Kingdom of Hungary into three basic countries or split it up into three basic countries, the boundaries of these lands were constantly changing. You know, it's really hard to like when you're looking at maps, which I was doing for this one, look at maps of like older, I mean, like the maps just changed by like the month almost.

The boundaries of these just constantly in flux and constantly dispute it. It's like if one king dripped the map, it would look very different than if any other king dripped the map. A village that technically lay with an Ottoman territory might in all actuality be Hungarian and culture. That's what happened as well. It might actually be governed by Hungarian royalty while the Ottomans are wayfighting new battles.

It was very chaotic. And again, back then before, there was phones and internet and everything and cars and planes took a long time to get places. So this area might be technically under your control, but you might go away for five years. And during those five years, when you're away, somebody else might be ruling it and you have no idea. And there's also constant battles going on between, holding the Holy Roman Empire and the Turks and that too will factor into Elizabeth's story. So this is the world that Elizabeth is born into.

I just wanted to establish that it's a world of constant warfare and a world where the life of peasants is very, very, very cheap. And now that we have a little understanding about this world, let's dive into Elizabeth's story with the TimeSuck Timeline. And this week, a little, little special Time Suck timeline, the timeline intro and outro has been changed up. This week's Time Suck timeline was the music was written and performed by Time Sucker

Russ Worstle. You can find him, you can say hi, telling a great job at at Russ Worst on Twitter. Let's get into it. Today's time suck timeline is brought to you by Dollar Shave Club. Best razors in the game, truly another, you know, notch above other racers when you use it with some Dr. Carver's shave butter as well, which has changed the way I shave. I've always shaved in the shower and I used to just kind of like lather up with some soap, but now that I'm used to lathering up with Dr. Carver's shave butter, soap is bullshit. Ah, can't do this soap anymore. Myzul will lather up with some butt cracks wet. You know, my eyes will leather up with some cat pee or dog vomit.

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I really liked it man, I thought I'd crush that. It's a good job Russell. 1560, Elizabeth Bathory born on August 7th, 1560. According to legend, she wasn't born in some, you know, from some earthly mother. She was quite literally shit out by the devil himself. Clean, clean. They didn't have to wipe, not once when he was done.

Now to be fair, that's a legend. Only I have heard of since I made it up. She was born into royalty in a near-bottor, a town in the craziest county name of probably any county in the world. It's fucking unbelievable. It's three insanely intimidating Hungarian words all on their own. Each word would be intimidating by themselves. And they decided to combine like a law firm where everybody's name has to make the business,

you know, it's like they decide whoever these three assholes were, they're like, no, all of our names become part of the county name. And that's just hyphen between each one. It's, I think it's pronounced, sub-or, sepmar, berig. I was on this some fucking crazy, Hungarian pronunciation guide for way too long. But it spelled like, schwollach, schwollach, schwollach, schwachs, schmachs, schmachs, schmachs, that's how it's spelled, basically. And it's in the northern great plain region of eastern Hungary, and the town had essentially

belonged to the Bathory family since the 13th century. And the town now, after the Battle of Mohack, some 34 years earlier, is under Transylvania control kind of, remember like I said earlier, Transylvania this time is a semi-autonomous bassel state of the Ottoman Empire. Again, a Basel state being a nation subordinate to another nation. And this was talked about a lot in the Vlad episode. You know, where the Turks just didn't have time to manage all their newly acquired territories.

Sometimes just didn't have the interest and it was just easier rather than just completely have to dominate some countries just to be like, all right man, we're gonna go do some other shit. We're cool with you. As long as you let us come through your country anytime we want, give us some soldiers every year and give us a tribute of some money too. And then we're just good. And then you go be you. And I said this area was kind of under Transylvania control because in 1549, 11 years before Bathurst birth, the town was also claimed by King Ferdinand I, belonging to the Haspergs, the family who ruled the Holy Roman Empire, as I said earlier, to add to the confusion in Hungary after it's fall to the Ottomans in 1527,

the Hungarian nobility actually chose two separate kings. At the same time, in the chaos, there was John Zapoya, allied to the Ottomans, and then there was also Ferdinand the first of the rival Hasperg Dynasty. So in addition to the, you got the Holy Roman Empire on one side, they're fighting the fucking Turks in your land. You know, the Turks have just come over and kicked your ass.

Now in the, in the, in the confusion after that, some little farther counties that weren't directly dominated initially by the Turks and villages that didn't get part of the initial attack, they're like, all right, we gotta get a new king because our king just died in that battle. And in the, since they don't have fucking phones to coordinate shit, they accidentally create two kinks, and then neither one of those guys wants to step down, so now they're fighting. So everybody's fighting, just fighting all around.

Yeah, and then the Hasburgs, again, as I said earlier, they ruled almost every, they were such a powerful family. The Hasburgs in medieval Europe ended up at different points, ruling basically every country in mainland Europe, every principality is insane. The Hasburgs made the Rockefellers look like, you know, just peasant dogs. And near Bator at the time of Bathory's birth

was caught in a tug of war between King Ferdinand and Zappoya's son, John Sigismand Zappoya. So the son of the previous second king, very confusing. And if you're confused, so were the Hungarians. It was an extremely confusing time. I seriously doubt most of the peasants even knew who the fucking boss was at any given time. Like, wait, who's our king today?

Now, I thought that was, it was Ferdinand. Now, it was Ferdinand last week. This week it's Sepoya. Now, I thought the Turks ruled us kind of, but mostly the Transylvanians. What? How are they in charge? Well, they're kind of in charge,

but then there's this other guy, Bob, Bob down the street. He, he won a bet last night, and he's technically in charge? Well, they're kind of in charge, but then there's this other guy, Bob, Bob down the street. He won a bet last night, and he's technically in charge of your half at the farm today. Tomorrow it's Uncle Twinkie. Uncle Twinkie rules tomorrow. What?

Yeah, very fucking insane. Okay, but Elizabeth is born into this insanity. She's, and she is born into at least a royalty for having to live in this insane period. She's born into at least royalty for having to live in this insane period. She's born into one of the wealthiest families in all of Hungary and in much of Europe. Her mother's father had been the Prince of Transylvania, as had her father's brother. In fact, her parents came from two branches of the same family. Both of her parents were a bathroom, come from the bathroom branch, or a bathroom family. Her mother's brother, brother Steven, would go on to marry the electric queen of Poland,

becoming one of the most famous Polish kings. So you know, it's, she grows up in a very powerful family. And she was especially well educated, even for an ability. She was very well educated, especially for a noble woman, suggesting she was highly intelligent. She trained in mathematics, writing logic, she could read and write in Hungarian, Greek, Latin, German, Slovak. I am very impressed with that since I can barely speak, let alone write in one language. And there's a good chance she saw a great deal of violence as a child. This is an age, you know, as we've already established

when people are publicly impaled, they're tortured, just all the time. There is one story that's even exceptional in its cruelty about Bathory's childhood. Its story floating around about how when she was six, she may have watched the brutal torture of a gypsy in her father's court. And which doesn't seem far-fetched to me because, you know, again, remember that peasants had no rights under current Hungarian law. And Chipses were in low social standing at this time, even amongst peasants. They were like the lowest of the peasants and the peasants were at rock bottom.

So who knows what this guy supposedly did, or if the story is even true, but this guy is supposedly tortured, this poor Gypsy guy, this poor Roma guy. And then a horse is cut open, and he's sewn into the horse, like sewn into its abdomen with only his head left to stick out. I saw this illustration of it, of this supposed deed. It's fucking, ugh, just preposterous.

And then he would just left there to rot. So like they didn't kill him, they just beat him up real bad, stuffed him in a horse, sewed him, so only is like, kind of like a picture of your head is peeking out of the sand on a beach like one of those photos, but then replaced the sand with a horse. To holy shit, and I know it sounds ridiculous. I know it sounds so over the top,

but after researching Vlad the Impaillars torture methods, and learning about how people were tortured on the regular in this area at this time in very creative ways not impossible for me to imagine this actually happening. And if it did happen, what does witnessing something like that do to your mind as a child? What does it do to your development? Ha, I don't know. Okay, so 1571, let's skip up there. She was also like, you know, like most royals of her day, given to her husband at a very early age in an arranged marriage. And in 1571, she is arranged to marry Frank Nadesty, son of a wealthy Hungarian baron. She's 11 at this time.

There's also persistent rumors that she was a bit of a wild child, supposedly getting pregnant after the arrangement at the age of 13. Because when I say that they're like arranged to be married, they would do this all the time. They'd be a little kid, you know, like you're 10, 11, you're like, all right, you're gonna be marrying so-and-so, but you might not even see them for several years.

Or you do go see them, but it's not necessarily romantic for a while. There was those things too. You might be like, you know, when you're 15 or 16 or whatever, they kind of decide that's when you guys actually get married. But yeah, rumors that she was a wild child, that she got pregnant at the age of 13 with some local peasant boys baby. Other, there's other rumors that the baby was taken away and then the baby's father killed in a variety of ways

according to various rumors, you know, like fucking eaten by dogs, beat to death, that kind of stuff. 1572, a new king is crowned in the former kingdom of Hungary still controlled by Hungarians. The Habsburg choice, Rudolph, the second is crowned king of both Hungary and Croatia. What's not rumored is that on May 8, 1575, she's married, Elizabeth is married, it's a huge affair. 4500 invitations are sent out. Interesting because her social standing is higher than that of her new husband. She does this thing where she doesn't change her last name.

She remains a Bathree, which was not traditional. She moves to Sarvara, in the west of Hungary, an area under the control of the Holy Roman Empire, an area currently not controlled by the Turks at all, as opposed to where she was born, which was a much more disputed piece of land. For her wedding gift, her new husband gives her a castle, Shate castle, you know, no big whoop, just fucking castle for a wedding.

What did you give your wife for your wedding? Oh photo album from Shutterfly, that's cute. I love how you pour people just like to make things, that's cute making things. What did I give my wife? Yeah, castle, I gave her castle. Just you know, just giant hilltop hungarian castle. Yeah, what else? You know, you just do what you do. Also, rumor has it that her wedding was DJed by Michael mother fucking McDonald. How do you like that? You don't know me, but I'm your brother.

I was raised here in this living hell. Just kidding's great come on keep on getting you know I'm talking about come on You don't know my condin your world Fairly soon the time will tell come on everybody don't let this is down a big day get on the outside get on the desk floor Tell me things that you're gonna do for me. Mm-hmm. Uh-oh. I'm blind and I don't like what I think I see. Seriously, move your ass, dance or be tortured and fucking killed.

Come on, we're having a fun day here. Take it to the street, take it to the, take it to the, you know, that kind of deal. You just got McDonald's, it's been a while since you were that savage the McDonald But you know, it's a savage episode savage episode sometimes call for savage McDonald's 1576 life gets a little more complicated for Hungarian nobles Rudolph the second new king is also now named Holy Roman Emperor After this a Hungarian noble families like the Bathrees owe loyalty to both the Hungarian crown

and the Holy Roman Empire, which means double taxes. Yay, yay! And Hungarians were taking other hits their pocketbooks and other European countries that King would provide his nobles with military protection and support, as well as royal institutions for the benefit of the people like hospitals, universities,

libraries, churches, et cetera. But this was not the case in Hungary. They were doing things in a lot of weird ways this time. Noble families had to provide everything on their own with no help from the king. So just like earlier, we talked about the nobles doing that to the peasants. Now the king is doing that to the nobles.

Like, no, no, no. I'm gonna take your taxes and you're gonna do all the shit that I was supposed to do with those taxes. They had to fortify their own towns and the states, they had to raise their own armies, take care of peasants on their land, pay out a pocket for artillery, arm nights, making things even worse, was massive inflation going on this time where the price of grain rose 170%. The price of meat rose 110%.

So public debt is rising. Now even noble families like Elizabeth's family, you know, while rich in assets such as land and castles and towns were poor and hard currency like silver and gold. So, you know, good thing, Frank bought that, you know, bridal castle a few years earlier. Actually, actually his mom bought it for him to give his new bride. You know, whatever, mom can get it. Anyway, a good thing they got her late. And if you heard that little tinglin in the back, that's Penny.

That's Penny poopin' my dog, who has been away for a few episodes. But now she's back. She's back to help out. She likes in the middle of an episode to jump up on me and you know, test my focus. That's what she's doing now. 1578 and 1578, three years after getting hitched, Liz's new husband is named one of the chief commanders of Hungary's troops. And this is after they spent, you know, the first few years of marriage apart when he was going to school in Vienna. And Frank does what Hungarian military commanders do

and he fights the Turks a lot. They don't have a kid for the first 10 years of their marriage because he's almost always away. He is constantly somewhere battling Turks. And Frank is apparently very good at fighting. This is a legendary Hungarian warrior. He was named the Black Bay, kind of loosely translated as the Black Knight by his enemies.

And there are a ton of rumors about his sadism. Rumors of him, this is crazy, but this is what I found. Rumors of him dancing with the dead bodies of soldiers he's killed. Rumors of him playing kickball with the heads of Turks falling in battle, seriously. He was known to torture prisoners of war savagely and paling them, of course, of course he would palen. That's just what they fucking did. And there's also rumors that Frank is the one who taught Elizabeth how to torture, showing The prisoners of war savagely and paling them, of course, of course, he would palem. That's just what they fucking did.

There's also rumors that Frank is the one who taught Elizabeth how to torture, showing her, for example, a punishment method to be used on idle servants, which would involve inserting pieces of paper, soaked in oil between their toes, and then lighting them on fire. And then just watching them kind of kick around

and scream wildly as their toes are being burned. What's the lesson with that punishment? Fucking work harder. Move your feet faster. Supposedly, he once brought his wife back a gift from the battlefront, a claw-like contraption that could be placed over the hand to tear, stab, and cut victims, a gift she would then use on her servants. And again, these are just rumors.

It's not like the guy, you know, it's not like, you know, Ferenk had some dude fallin' him around in battle, just takin' notes. Kind of darkly hilarious if he did just Frank just cut the head off of Habib He is now kicking it. He's now kicking Habib's head Now okay now some of the other soldiers are joining in with the kicking a Make-shift goal has been set up

Okay, if Frank just scored a goal kind of make. Okay, if Frank just scored a goal, gotta make a note of that, Frank just scored a goal. Oh, he also kicked an ear off of the ball. Okay, so now they're dragging in a new prisoner so they can have a backup ball. Most of these stories, you know, were written by medieval historians, usually writing kind of years after the deaths

of their subjects and basing their writing, you know, on rumors. That's kind of the best they could do. There are official court documents written during the life of Elizabeth and for rank, some letters. There's an entire book of letters, Elizabeth herself wrote, a lot of them to her husband, compiled in a book called The Private Letters of Countess Erzabet Bathory. That's the Hungarian pronunciation as best as I can do, written by Kimberly Kraft.

But it's not letters about murders or motives, unfortunately. It's actually just kind of boring letters about day-to-day duties, you know, in the author's own words about this book. Although some readers might be hoping for a salacious diary or tell-all journal entry penned by the Countess, we must remember that this current invoke style of the tell-all sensationalist or sensationalism is a very modern and unique trend. And Countess Bathory's day, it was considered improper, indulgent, and even decadent, especially for members of the upper class to engage in an extensive self-examination of feelings,

or even what we might consider modern psychoanalysis. Also Kimberly notes, in ladies' Bathory's time, mental illness and criminal behavior, could still be considered demon-influ influenced, and church officials routinely presided at criminal trials, searching for heretics, and the demon possessed. If someone suffered from depression, anxiety, or evil thoughts, he or she was likely to confess it to a priest rather than pen it in a diary where it could be used against them in court. An addition, Countess Bathrey had a very reserved and business-like public persona. So here's an example of one of these letters, just to hear her words as she wrote them. This was written to a lesser novelman, Tass was distributing food in her kingdom,

who delivered some food to her a bit late. His excuse being that he'd been busy distributing other food rations to local peasants who were starving, or something minor. We have received your letter together with our food. Our thanks for the buster, which is the game bird. We will maintain it in expectancy of my husband, but you should know, your grace, that these provisions should have been sent to us last week. Therefore, for next Saturday,

send to us all that you are accustomed to send and even the provisions for the week to come, or you will see our anger. For we expect guests and also my husband will return home. and even the provisions for the week to come, or you will see our anger. For we expect guests and also my husband will return home. For tomorrow evening, send fish and crayfish. You explain, slash excuse yourself, that you are distributing food to the poor,

but we placed you in your office to administer our estates so that we might have everything that we need for our kitchen. May God keep you from our Christian, November 5th, 19 or 15th, 19, 1589. Not exactly bone-chilling stuff, but she does kind of still look an asshole, right? I kept out when I was reading that letter for the first time. I kept picturing King Joffrey from Game of Thrones, just a fucking petulant motherfucker who doesn't care about anybody else's needs. To be fair to her, because her husband was off fighting so much at the time, he would

live to the age of 48, dying in battle in 1604, having spent more of his life away fighting the Turks than he did at home by far. So she did have a lot of administrative duties. She had to manage the villages and castles that exist on their land and all that fell on Elizabeth's shoulder. So she was, you know, she's fucking tense. She stressed out. By 1598, busy as they are, Frank and Elizabeth do end up

having five children, three girls and two boys, Anna and 1586, Ossica sometime between 1587 and 1593, Kotlin and 1594, Andrasch and 1596, and Paul and 1598. Up until the early 1600s, Elizabeth was said to be a good wife, a great mother, and a competent estate administrator. Even when confronted by invading troops, bankruptcy rumors of her peasant killings, she was apparently very dedicated to the welfare of her estates and the people on her land,

and meticulously dealt with her daily routines and responsibilities up until the day she was arrested. 1601 is when the murder rumors really began. Peasant servant girls have been disappearing. Locals are claiming they've been tortured to death. Also in 1601, Anna Daroya, a Croatian woman claimed by some to be a witch, hooks up with Elizabeth and lives in the bathroom household

and people think that she's Elizabeth's lover. And they're both accused of running a torture and execution mill under the knowledge and protection of basically Ferenc about her husband's house. The clergy becomes involved and they want to prosecute Darvolia and they're not going to prosecute Bathory because she's too high-ranking, but Ferenc is able to quiet the charges against anyone. Well then in 1604, Ferenc dies of an infecting wound. So without his protection, the rumors and accusations about Elizabeth Torture of Young Girls

intensifies. And by 1605, Elizabeth has surrounded herself with an intimate cohort of servants that would allegedly act as her chief torturers and executioners. These are all the people that end up going to trial or die before trial. Anna Davoria, who died in 69 before the arrest of Elizabeth and the other accomplices, Yona, Yonagi, and elderly widow, and Elizabeth's childhood nurse, and adolescent, possible boy, possibly disfigured slash,

just disabled Yonos Yolari, Erzie, Majorva, some other elderly widow, and Dorotcha, Centesh, a friend of Yonezhal, rumored to be a star from Butch in these names. I feel like, you know, you would need to be a native Hungarian speaker to read these fucking nonsensical, consonant fucking jams. To be a witch, this person rumored to be a witch

and have instructed Elizabeth in the way of witchcraft and black magic. Sounds like a real A-team. Sounds like she really put her best people together. Yeah, duh, we're not gonna get caught. There's no way, how can we get caught? How can we get caught with this fucking A-team? With these all stars.

We got a cripple boy. We got a lady who thinks she's a witch, so she's mentally stable. We got some other woman who's soon gonna be die, so she's not very healthy, you know, likelihood. And we got two elderly widows. So I mean, what can go wrong? Who can catch us?

Also in 1605, the Turks are still roaming around. The fucking Turks man, constantly waiting in the wings, just to fuck shit up. There's a minor rebellion against the king and the Holy Roman Empire and invading forces are laying waste to many of Elizabeth's states, kill and robber people. She rallies an army of her own.

Nearly goes bankrupt trying to defend her land this year and repellion invaders. In the midst of the invasions and rumors, she makes multiple trips to the King's courts, demanding that the royal treasury repay an enormous debt that had been owed to her late husband for various spoils of war that were owed to him on behalf of all his military conquests throughout the years, which they had never paid him for, or didn't pay him in full. They make up excuses about why they can't repay her at this time, blah, blah, blah.

Historians note that it seems like they just had no intention of ever repaying her once he died, which is the sexist way that things went down for female nobles at that time, which would add to the conspiracy about her arrest and prosecution that were these charges of murder against her just trumped up so they could arrest her, take her stuff, and now have to pay these debts. We'll talk about that more in a little bit.

So she got a lot of stress in her life, you know. It's not all new castles and Michael McDonald receptions anymore. Over the next five years, Elizabeth seems to suffer some kind of mental breakdown, lashing out with murderous rage when worried about money or opposed upon by obligations, pressure from local pastors increases, a secret inquest into her activities is ordered by the king. 1609, longtime family friend George Thurzo has risen to the rank, and this is her cousin as well, has risen to the rank of Palantine, Prime Minister, and become second command to the king. Also in 1609, Elizabeth

supposedly opens up her home as a genetiumium or which is basically a type of female boarding school for the education of the daughters of local lesser nobles And then those girls start disappearing and this is where she really starts to get into trouble when the noble girls start disappearing You know people can actually talk to to the king and have his ear and a true investigation can be had. It's hard to ignore. No one cares about the peasants, hard to ignore the disappearance of the noble girls. At March 1610, complaints and rumors of the torture and killings of the noble girls has reached Thurzo, has reached the king as well.

At the same time, Thurzo believes Elizabeth's cousin, Gabor Bathori, our battery is stirring up a revolt against the King that would threaten the interest of Hungarian landlords such as himself. And then Elizabeth makes a bad move and she makes it clear that she supports her cousin, this other cousin, as opposed to Thurzo and the King, and the Hasperks. You know, because these are the fuckers who are not repaying her family for debts owed to her late husband from his, you know, war victories. And now Thurzo becomes convinced that the power of the Bathori family needs to be cut down a little bit. It's threatening him.

You know, again, all very game of Thronese. Additionally, to the King's benefit of Elizabeth, it's successfully prosecuted. Like I said, her properties will be forfeited to the King and the royal treasuries debt to her husband would just be canceled. So they wouldn't have to ever worry about paying that money. By December 1610, the King directs Thurzo

to apprehend Elizabeth and accompanied by Emre, Missouri, Elizabeth's previous steward and guardian of her son, an armed escort, and her own to Sun and Laws. Thurzo goes to the castle, Shite, when they entered the manner. This is what Thurzo claimed he saw as documented in a letter written by Thurzo himself, wrote to his wife the day after Bathory's arrest a letter that has survived the test of time. Here's a little excerpt from it.

It says, when my men entered Chaitay Manor, they found a girl dead in the house. Another followed in death as a result of many wounds and agonies. In addition to this, there was also a wounded and tortured woman there. The other victims were kept hidden away where this damned woman prepared these future martyrs. And that, uh, that letter many others can be found in infamous lady, the true story of Countess Erzabet-Bathry, again written by Kimberly Kraft. So supposedly, Thurzon is men as indicated in later court documents encountered numerous bodies of dead and dying girls thrown about showing signs of torture in the form of beatings, flogging, burnings, and stabbing. Elizabeth was placed under her house.

Maybe she didn't want to tell that stuff to his wife. Elizabeth was placed under her house arrest, a castle, chai te, and her accomplices. Her A-team, that fucking crack squad I talked about earlier, were arrested. 1611, three of her four accomplices are tried and executed. Their confessions no doubt elisted through the use of torture. As well as the confessions of witnesses, mostly peasants would go on to make up the tales of horrible torture and blood bathing

that has made Elizabeth infamous over the centuries. While the king pressed for Elizabeth's interrogation by torture and a speedy execution, the Bathory family pleaded with Thurzo to spare her of this public shame. Thurzo is able to convince the king not to put her on public trial. Instead, she sentenced a life imprisonment

and her name is never to be spoken in polite society again. And then on August 21, 1614, after three years of living in captivity in her own castle and prisoned in castle Chate, Elizabeth complains to her guard that she was experiencing poor circulation stating that her hands are normally cold. The guard waves it off, tells her to lie down,

and then she's found dead the next morning. On November 25, 1614, she's buried at the church in Shite supposedly. Her remains are taken back to the Bathory family of state in 1617, but since her remains have seemed to have vanished since then, it seems. In 1938, the crypt at Shite was opened, and her remains were not present.

And then in 1995, the Bathory family crypts at near Batur were also opened, and her remains were not present. And then in 1995, the Bathory Family crypts at near Batur were also opened and her remains were not there either. Her remains are gone, just like Vlad Dracula's. Maybe they're together, maybe they never died. Maybe they're out doing vampire stuff. Mm. All right, let's hop on out of this timeline.

Look at the murders and motivations for accusations of murder a little more closely. Till next time suckers. Okay, so before we dig into grizzly details of the alleged murders, first we have to look at the possibility that she didn't commit all these murders or that she didn't commit more murders than the average member of Hungarian nobility this time. Remember, due to that crazy kind of post-rebellion, coerced contract sign before Elizabeth was even born,

peasants had no rights, and for all intent and purposes, which is owned by their lords and countesses and such. And they're owned at a time of constant brutal warfare. People are dying on Hungarian soil in the 16th century in brutal, horrific fashion every day. Turks are pouring in all the time. There's peas and uprisings, on Hungarian soil in the 16th century in brutal, horrific fashion every day. Turks are pouring in all the time. There's peasant uprisings, there's a Protestant reformation sweeping through Europe.

Elizabeth herself was raised Calvinist, which has Lutheran and Catholic relatives. There are still remnants of the Greek Orthodox church around her. There's Muslims around her. So you know that there are people being burned and crucified for being heretics of one store or another all the time. Rape, Beatings, Torture, Murder, Commonplace. So Elizabeth Bathory being a murder at this time doesn't make her unusual, makes her normal. What wouldn't make her normal for that time or any time is killing hundreds of young

girls. Or the over 600 young girls, the Guinness Book of World Records, claims Elizabeth has killed. But did she really do it? You know, all the claims of her murders come from her trial, a trial orchestrated by men who had significant assets to gain significant debts to erase by finding her guilty. The evidence and accounts of the alleged murders come solely from the testimony of witnesses and accomplices during the trials in 1611. The four arrested accomplices all agree that Anna Darvoya taught them how to torture and kill the girls and the countess would often partake in the torture. So really, is this Anadurvoya,

is she the main murderous? Nothing. However, all these confessions are given during extreme duress. They confess while being tortured. And also maybe where they point the finger at Anadurvoya because they didn't want to get the countess, it is much trouble.

Who knows, Who knows? Yet, while the defendant's confessions were no doubt the product, coercion and torture, many of the crimes described were consistent throughout various independent confessions, which is why I think you have to at least entertain the possibility that she really was a sadistic mass murderer. Even if the people, you know, charge with these crimes do have motivation, you know, their own, you know, things to gain by having her be guilty, that also doesn't make her innocent. You know, both things could be true, you know, they could want her found guilty so they don't have to repay the debts and she could really be guilty. So let's examine these supposed murders

and a little more detail with some super scary stuff. Okay, so here's what Elizabeth Bathory supposedly did. Why her name still gets tossed around today, why she, along with Vladimailer, influenced the creation of Bram Stoker's Dracula over two centuries after her death. In the absence of Frank, during his war campaigns and after his death, Elizabeth is said to have traveled between their numerous estates and search a young woman to torture for pleasure. With the help of her accomplices, peasant girls are either abducted or lured to the castle with promises of well-paying jobs. And again, since peasant families lack virtually any rights or freedoms whatsoever, they had no real avenue for retribution against

her when their daughters would disappear. Sometimes they would go to local clergymen, but the reputation of her husband, this war hero, Frank, and the combined power of their families, just kept these accusations quiet for a long, long time. Most accounts put the number of murdered girls somewhere between 60 and 100, but one witness did claim to have seen a journal, or, you know, diary kept by the countess, that totaled the number at closer to 650. But there is no evidence of this existence of this diary. Hasn't been found in this journal. The described crimes and methods of torture involved the following. At the trial, it was talk of starving, whipping,

beating, mutilating, burning, freezing the girls to death, sticking pins under the girls' fingernails, cutting the fingers off when the girls tried to remove those pins. The countess was ill and bedridden. You know if she wasn't up for her usual torture rounds the girls would be brought to her so she could just bite chunks off of their flesh from bed. The countess punished girls suspected of stealing by pressing red hot coins into their flesh. She would leave girls naked and

smeared with honey and put them in the wilderness so they'd be eaten by insects or wild animals. She sewed shut the mouth of one-made servant who would not keep quiet. Convined girls to small cages, hoisting them in the air, having spikes dut in the cages, then the cages swung back and forth to tear the women apart. One testifier claimed that quote, they tied the hands and arms very tightly with Viennese cord. They were beaten to death until the whole body was black as charcoil and their skin was rent and torn. One girl suffered more than 200 blows before dying. Dorco, some other accomplice and procurer, cut their fingers

one by one with shears and then slipped the veins with scissors. Monster stuff. While Thurzo himself planned it on the night, they arrested Elizabeth and her accomplices. They only found one body in the castle, kind of like a alluded to in that letter. That of a girl with burn hands and her breast bitten, he might have been downplaying it, because you know, you can choose to believe that he was framing her to further his own political ambition

instead of, you know, but you can also, you know, choose to believe that he might have actually downplayed it because she was related to him and he didn't want to damage her family, which would kind of be his family's name. A memoir written by one of Thurzo's lieutenants who was also there when they arrested Elizabeth told a more graphic story than Thurzo. He said that they came upon the dead bodies

of young girls all over the place when they went in. Many with no arms and no eyes, one blackened body was in a fireplace and dogs were running around with body parts in their mouths. So, that's another story. Then there's the blood bathing. All right, there's all these blood bathing accusations. It's how she became the blood countess,

that she was bathing in Virgin's blood. Well, the blood bathing claim was first mentioned in the Jesuit scholar, Lazlo Torotse's Tregica Historia, the first written account of the Bathree case. Written about 70 some years after her death, and he wrote that she bathed in blood in order to retain youth and beauty. And then this became a cornerstone of the legend of the countess and the basis for her vampiric

mythology. The stories retold by other medieval authors and historians. He wrote that this practice began when she was splattered with blood while beating one of the girls and after wiping the blood from her face, she noticed that the skin at a touch had become smoother and more youthful. However, blood bath bathing is never actually mentioned in the trial testimony. Modern historians Radu Floresco and Raymond T. McNally, you may remember those guys, those Boston University professors and historians from the Vlad episode, they suggested this part of the legend is rooted in prejudices about gender roles that were contemporary at the time of Trizokis writing. Basically, people had difficulty associating women

with the masculine vices of sadism and bloodlust so they attributed the crimes to vanity, you know, like she's doing it to fucking smooth her skin out instead of just she wanted to fucking tear people apart. Additionally, these myths coincided with the early vampire tales the early 18th century, and everyone just kind of played it up to sell some books. Also, according to various other articles I found on the web, she did a bunch of other heinous shit, a history.com article claims she forced one girl

to cook and eat her own flesh. According to some strange British documentary, where I watched on Bathory, she liked to mutilate the genitals of her victims, doing shit like set in their pubic hair on fire. Once allegedly, I had a young woman's mouth zone shot, which I mentioned, and then the covering victims in honey and at least the woods that was talked about again. Finally, according to an article on rejectedprincesses.com, which I know is not the most legit sounding

website, but this is all speculation. So let's fuck it. Let's go a little further. Elizabeth allegedly chained up her servants, so tightly their hands would turn blue and they would spurt blood. Beak them to the point, there was so much blood on the walls and beds that they had to use ashes and senders to soak it all up,

burned or servants with metal sticks, irons on the soles of their feet, burning rods to burning iron, burning iron rods and put them up into their vaginas, my God. Kept them from eating for like a week at a time and if they got thirsty, would make them drink their own urine. And force them, again, like we mentioned before,

to cook their own flesh, but in this article, serve it to other guests, or other people, excuse me, as sausages with the fuck. And lastly, lastly, she is rumored to have cut the penises off of a few male servants, turn the skin into a slingshot like the shaft skin, and then force them to shoot their cutoff testicles, like with force the guy who just had his dick cut off, he would also then get his

testicles cut off, and he would have two shots to sling shot his own balls into another servant's open mouth. And if he missed both shots, everyone got burned alive. That one was especially disgusting because I made that one up. That last one I made up. But it was, you know what? It was getting so far fetched and ridiculous. It just felt, it felt right. It felt right to join in on the gore over the top core party. And even if she only did 10% of all that nonsense, she still committed a ton of super scary stuff. ["Suppressor"] ["Suppressor"]

All right, so why did she do it? You know, if she really was a sadistic murder, you know, why? Why was she a sadistic murder? Well, according to Kimberly Kraft, author of the private letters of Countess Erzabet Bathory, she says, quote, it is often said that mental illness ran in her family, likely from inbreeding, but some of the alleged insanity, such as extreme temper tantrums and swordplay in the house, were typical aristocratic eccentricities. Elizabeth suffered seizures and fits of rage as a the child and allegedly her father did as well.

In letters, she describes both I and head pain likely from migraines and from epilepsy. Inbreeding, man, those damn royals, constantly marrying each other. Elizabeth, if I didn't mention it, was a distant cousin of her own husband. She was rumored to be promiscuous while her husband was away having flings with both men and women

and a sausage. She may have also gotten syphilis and she may have suffered from the late stages of syphilis which can affect, you know, the brain and can affect, you know, your thoughts and there was another angle talked about in a horrible movie I watched called Bathory Count as a Blood a 2008 historical drama There was a co-production between the Slovakian Czech Republic, Hungarian and UK film industries It plays out the strange angle that someone was placing hallucinogenic mushrooms in her drinks. That's what was making her mad. That movie's fucking so weird, by the way.

It was the best movie on the countess that I could find. There's no good movies that I've made about her yet, not where she's like to lead. This movie is two hours and twenty minutes long, and it's terrible. But I could not stop watching because it's beautifully shot and it's cool costumes. It's on Amazon Prime. It doesn't seem to be very historically accurate at all. At one point, there's two monks taken off on ancient three-wheeled roller skates.

So now I'm in a time-suck looking up when roller skates are made. And apparently they were not made at this point in history. So that was nonsense. The movie does, however, showcase a lot of Eastern European topless women in period piece costumes. So, you know, has that going for it?

And it also stars British actress Anna Freel, home of a big fan of. She's the star of the BBC show. It's also on Netflix. I really like Cold Marcella. And she gets naked a lot in the movie, which is great. Side note, on top of side note, I'm pretty sure Anna's embarrassed by this movie. She had a great European. She's had a great acting career, especially European acting career.

She has a hefty Wikipedia page, and this movie is not mentioned once. A movie that had the biggest budget ever for a Hungarian production at the time it was made, which may not be so much. I'm not a big Hungarian cinema junkie. But I am surprised Hollywood hasn't done a proper bathroom movie though. All the elements are there for a blockbuster, sexy lead female character, politically powerful political intrigue, lots of murder, she's bisexual, she's promiscuous, there's elements of witchcraft, possible satanic stuff, lots of room for, you know, medieval warfare, torture, vampiric accusations, you can do so much with that. Come on.

There is a lot of interest in general about Bathory out there, and a lot of different opinions about who she was and why she did what she did or why she didn't do what she supposedly did. And let's check in with some of the worst of those opinions on this week's Idiots of the Internet. [♪ Music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background that if you want a better chance to have your YouTube comments be taken seriously and not just be You know attacked by by trolls of the inner web You may not want and again do what you want to do But you may not want to use a profile picture that just showcases a ton of cleavage and here's why This is an example of why one of many examples you can find

user isso fluffy User issoflufee. User issoflufee1.comments, three years ago, about this movie I was just talking about. This is under the YouTube trailer, she says, quote, she defiantly committed these horrible crimes, but a lot of this has been sensationalized. The king was also in debt with the Bathory family and with a conviction on Elizabeth, he wouldn't have to pay back any of the money.

He owed. These are facts, but we will never know the whole story because all the evidence was burned after the trial to cover up what she was convicted of to protect her family name. You know, very intelligent comment. You know, she's done a lot of research. Sadly, it only gets one reply, and it's not a good one. User Frank Revis, three-week scale comments. It's so fluffy one. I wish I could motor both those big ass titties. A lot of

exclamation points. I get guys commenting like that just to be trolls, just to be dicks. But do any of the guys actually, you know, doing that? Actually, think a comment like that may open up some kind of romantic dialogue that will lead to them getting lucky. Like, is there at least a small part of user Frank Revis who's checking this thread from time to time, you know, hoping to see something like, oh, Frank Revis, I would love nothing more for then for you to motorboat these big ass titties.

I've had them for years and sadly no one's ever wanted to motorboat them. I post pic after pic after pic of me showcasing my giant Milky Way titties on the web, hoping that someday someone will just be man enough to ask to finally motorboat them. I can only imagine the kind of orgasm that I would have from you wedging your dirty face in between my big titties and violently whipping your head side to side. Oh, what pleasure that would give me.

Please, private message me for some good old American titty motorboat and you romantic son of a bitch. You guys are idiots. Further down the thread after much digging, I strike a mother load of idiot gold. You know, just keep on heading down the thread there, young fella. There's gold down there. Idiot gold. Great big nuggets of it. down there, you hear? Idiot gold, great big nuggets of it. More idiot gold and you can care about to your podcast. Yep, based on profile picks, actual adults got into a heated argument, like a very heated argument about whether Elizabeth Bathory was in fact a vampire when she was alive or a werewolf as if both of those things are possible, as if both of them are real.

It's fucking amazing. Four years ago, user Danica the Wildcat Krunkwist writes, in regards to the movie, somewhat portraying Bathory is having vampire tendencies, give me a break people. Bathory was a female werewolf, not a vampire, about 20 exclamation points. Well, user Poison 2 doesn't care for this.

Strongly disagrees with Danica's assessment. Danica has just pissed on his battery parade and he's not gonna fucking stand for it. And he comments succinctly and aggressively, she was a vampire you ignorant cunt. Wow, just a tad aggressive. Opening with a sea bomb. Don't a sea bomb in there

because Danica thinks bathroom was a werewolf. You know this poison too dresses all in black, spends an inordinate amount of time playing magic to gathering, you know, for a man in his 30s or 40s. He's never had a romantic relationship that didn't involve financial transactions. Uh, that's my gut read on him. Not the Danica is any less of a whack of doodle than he is. She comes back with, I don't fucking care if you hate me about my comment. So many exclamation points,

then she goes all caps, so people will know she's serious. Bathroom is a werewolf, not a vampire. And she goes back down to, you know, noncaps. I knew that from Hungarian historical video. I watched here on YouTube, so many exclamation points. Yeah, poison too, you fucking douche. She watched a historical video on YouTube

about Bath 3 being a werewolf, not a vampire, so she was definitely a werewolf, because that's how the YouTube works. She watched a historical video made by creators who apparently are also time travelers, who went back and took some werewolf hair samples off of a pillow, had it tested in a government cryptosuology identification lab, and the results came back on the screen just like cap letters

werewolf and then like a big check mark. So fucking deal with it. All right, poison two? Well, poison two, he doesn't deal with it. He just leaves. Does a bother to reply. He probably spilled some apple juice on his new magic booster pack, and then he had to like, you know, go carefully blow dry his cards for the next couple hours. Then he

probably got caught up trying to finish jerking off for his mom got back from work and he forgot about the whole argument. But Danik didn't forget. She leaves another comment. Wow. Cunts like you never insult me. So good night. Moron. Clearly the first seabon rattled her and she didn't feel like she could, you know, go back to practice in her Wicken spells or or polishing her spear crystals or whatever the fuck she was doing until she threw another seabond back. Then she's out of the thread. She's left just in time to not be riled up by user Steven Troy who comments, come on,

she's just a murderer. How can she be a werewolf? That wasn't even mentioned in Hungarian history. Vampire? Sure, maybe. But werewolf? Where the hell did you get that you piece of shit? These are real people. These are real people. These are real grown-ups who have gone to some strange place in their head where they actually believe in real vampires and real werewolves and then lose their fucking minds with another grown-up

who also believes in vampires and werewolves disagrees with them on whether or not his a random historical figure is a vampire or is a werewolf. Who the fuck are these people? Like I, I, I, I had the weirdest fantasies when I come across these things. Like I imagine myself owning a coffee shop. And then these two customers get into a heated argument

about whether or not Elizabeth Bath 3 is a vampire or werewolf and I immediately throw both of them out. Just get the fuck out of here. Go on, both of you vampires and werewolves. Stop watching all buffy the vampires, Slayer, rerun you, dipshit. It wasn't a documentary, fucking idiots. Speaking of werewolves, we need to do time suck on those, right?

That'd be fun, you know? We should do time suck on werewolves. If only just to have a good excuse to come across some more fantastic examples of these idiots at the internet. It is an adventure that is that. So there you go. The blood countis, deranged sadist, brutal but normal for the times, Aristocrat, who is railroaded by the crown to have her land taken from her

and to forego paying debts owed to her late husband, mentally ill, nobility, some combination of the three, or something else entirely. We'll never know unless perhaps the diary she was rumored to have kept, one with the names of the 650-ish victims, turns up. This diary was referenced in her trial again, but many historians doubt it ever existed, or if it did exist, that it'll ever be found. Me? I think she really may have done a lot of the, a land of steed she's been accused of.

Only because shit like that happened a lot in medieval 14th, 15th, 16th century Europe, especially where the Turks and Europeans clashed. It's a brutal, brutal time. Peasants weren't looked at by many of the nobility as even like real people. There were just possessions, possessions that could be torn up and tossed away.

People were real worried about the devil back then, heretics were tortured and are killed all the time, opposing forces with raiding villages and paling people, burning villages to the ground, beheading men, raping and killing women. On top of all that, after doing most of his damage in the 14th century, every few generations, the plague would pop back up and kill a bunch of bunch of people. So you know, death was all around and torture all around, just misery all around. So even if the stories about Elizabeth aren't true, what's scary to me is that they could easily be true.

Some powerful aristocrat in that chaotic political period of time could have tortured and killed hundreds of peasant girls and totally gotten away with it. Man, just like last week's North Korea episode may be happy to be living where I am. This episode has made me happy to be living when I am. Ah, all right, let's take one more look back. The blood countis was some top five takeaways.

Time suck, tough, five takeaways. Number one, living in Hungary during the 16th century may have actually been worse than living in Valkia during the 15th century, which I didn't think was possible after the Vlad episode. People are still constantly being killed and peasants have even less rights than before. Remind me to never visit medieval in Eastern Europe when I finally complete my time machine. Number two, Elizabeth Bathree may have bathed in her victims blood and her husband may have kicked around enemy soldiers' heads like a soccer ball. Just the fact that these things may have happened is terrifying.

Number 3. Elizabeth Bathree got a castle as a wedding gift from her husband. You know you're filthy rich when you're able to give an actual castle to anyone for any reason. Number 4. Elizabeth's husband supposedly also gave her a gift from the battlefield a claw-like contraption that could be placed over the hand to tear, stab, and cut victims, and also allegedly may have showed her how to torture servants. And they remain married for decades until his death, proving that old saying correct, the

couple who tortures the shit out of peasants together stays together. And number five, some new info, you can visit the castle that the blood counters lived in, supposedly, torture peasants in and died in the castle of,atisha, Shatisha lies in present-day Slovakia above the village of Shatisha near Trentine in Western Slovakia. The closest international airport is Bratislavia and there are over 15 other castles you can explore in Slovakia alone and you can go over there and you can figure out how these motherfuckers say any of their words. And it looks like not only can you, sorry about that,

goddamn penny will not fucking leave me alone this time suck, Jesus Christ, she's all over me. My dog's been going crazy this whole time. And it looks like not only can you visit the ruins of Elizabeth's castle, you can really walk around and explore it, you know, do it a midnight, if you're feeling like being spooky.

Time suck, top five takeaway. Well, thanks for listening to another Suck. I don't think it actually bothers you. Sorry if you did bother you about Penny, you know. Hopefully, you know, we keep growing this thing. And eventually, I'll be in a place where I can, you know, have a little more privacy for my dog. But I've been busy working on all the research,

I've been ignoring her, I've been feeling guilty, so I let her hang around this recording. She wasn't too bad. She attacked me a few times with her fucking jingle, jingle toys. It was great seeing some of you suckers this past weekend in Atlanta. Thanks for rocking those t-shirts to the shows. And I hope to see more of you suckers at the Tampa improv this week. Let's do it e-bore. August 3rd through 6th. I'm also going to be at the Syracuse funny bone. August 17th through 20th. The Irvine improv. August 24th through 27th. And the Omaha, Nebraska funny bone August 31 through September 3rd

Please follow the suck on social media At timesuck podcast on Instagram Twitter slash timesuck podcast on Facebook and big announcement big announcement Time suck has been invited. I'm very excited to the LA podcast festival I got a random invite for the podcast festival is this October and I'm going to be recording my first ever live time suck show. I hope you're as excited as I am. And if you want to see me ever do any more live time suck shows, you need to help me make this first show a success. It's going to be the Hollywood improv in the lab, which is their smaller stage.

Thursday, October 5th, the show is going to start at 7.30 pm, doors open at 7 pm, tickets are only 15 bucks. I'm going to be there with time suck merch. I'm going to be there recording an episode live in front of hopefully you guys for the first time and I'm terrified. Please help me made a success so I can do it some more. You know, it's it's only 60 seats. It's an intimate 60 seat venue, not a bad seat in the house. And and if I can't get 60 L.A. Area time-stalkers to show up for a live show, probably going to a long time, if ever, for me to try to do a live time-soaked again. So tell your friends to come out even if you don't live there. Tickets are on sale now. Hoping they sell fast.

The ticket link is in the episode description on your podcast player. You can just look at it right now or you can go to time-soakedpodcast.com and check that out. Next week on the suck is Grigory Rasputan the mad Russian mystic did Rasputin hypnotize the ruling Roman office with his mesmerizing eyes or somehow put them under his spell to take control of their empire. Did he use his rumored crazy sexual powers to seduce his way to the top? Somehow peering to the future to tell his dark prophecies.

You can actually still see his now pickled 13 inch flasopenus on display in St. Petersburg at the Russian Museum of Erotic, not crazy. Or is that penis a hoax? The real one was rumored to have been severed from his body after he was poisoned shot left for dead shot again, tied up, drowned, dude was infamously hard to kill. And was he a Charlotteson or was he an actual mystic? He was definitely a Russian peasant who became a close confidant to the czar of Russia, a nearly impossible feat he actually accomplished.

We dig into the life of one of history's most mysterious men next week on TimeSuck. And until next week, don't bathe in anyone's blood. You know, don't get into any online, ridiculous, werewolf, vampire arguments. And you know what? Keep on sucking.