Timesuck with Dan Cummins - Short Suck #3 - Is Bigger Better? The Scary World of Penis Enlargement

Episode Date: February 9, 2024

 Today's Short Suck is all about the weird, wild world of penis enlargement! What options are out there? Are they safe? And why are so many unsatisfied with the length and girth of their one-eyed willies? Hope you enjoy! And have a great weekend!Watch the Suck on YouTube: https://youtu.be/ZG6NQjqMEPwFor Merch and everything else Bad Magic related, head to: https://www.badmagicproductions.com

Welcome to this edition of Time Sucks, Short Sucks. I'm Dan Cummins and today I'll be sharing the story of is bigger better, the scary world of penis enlargement? If you're a woman listening and you like penis, do you really desire a triple XL porn star sized fallus? If you do, do you think that most of the other penis loving women that you know agree or are you maybe the exception to the rule?

And if you're a man listening and you wish you had a bigger wizard's sleep, why? Have any partners ever complained specifically about your size or lack thereof? Or is your perceived shortcoming all in your head, your real head? If you really do want to beef up your beef stick and are considering surgery, please listen to this episode. I'd like to at least try and get you to reconsider. If you don't want to pump up your boxer boa, listen anyway. The world of cosmetic penis enlargement is fascinating. Final thing, hot doc! I want

to throw so much more dick slang your way today. I hope that's good news. I mean, who doesn't love getting silly from time to time with some swamp lizard synonyms. Words and ideas can change the world. I hated her, but I wanted to love my mother. I have a dream. I'll plead not guilty right now. Your only chance is to leave with eyes. Would you ever surgically change anything about yourself? For most of us, you know we have at least one, but probably more like several physical

features that we don't love about ourselves. Maybe they're small, the color of your hair, acne or acne scarring, a little extra weight in your belly, an off-white tint to your teeth, you know, you name it. And many of these are fixable, or should we say changeable, through relatively simple cosmetic procedures. You know, you can dye your hair, you can wear makeup to cover scarring, you can work out, you can dye it, you can buy slimming clothes, you feel better about your weight, you can get your teeth just, you know, whitening strips over the counter at CVS, etc. Maybe you like to change something that requires an injection or medicine, Botox

to cover up some wrinkles, pills that promote hair growth, or maybe you're over the, you know, more than one million people, maybe you're one of the more than one billion people who get a more serious surgical cosmetic procedure every year. Liposuction or breast augmentation, for instance, or penis enlargement. Most cosmetic procedures, thanks to modern medicine, are pretty safe, low risk, reversible to some extent, but is penis enlargement safe? Is it low risk and reversible? According to the esteemed Mayo Clinic, doesn't sound real safe.

They wrote not that long ago in the summer of 2022, At best surgery may give a slight increase in girth to the penis, or surgery may add a slight appearance of increased length to the non-erect penis. But it does not change the actual length of the penis. At worst, surgery can result in complications such as infection, scarring, and loss of sensation or function. Is the risk of the loss of sensation in your penis or even worse, the loss of its function? Function that might not come back.

Worth, you know, having a dick that's maybe a little thicker. For an increasing number of guys, it is worth the risk. Why? Why are so many of us dudes so obsessed with the size of our dicks? According to studies, the average erect penis is about 5 inches long and 4.5 inches in circumference. Yet a lot of research suggests that many men desire a penis, a bigger penis, regardless of whether they think their penis size is average or not. They don't want to be five inches long or six, they want to be fucking huge. Porn star huge.

Why? There's literally zero solid scientific evidence supporting a correlation between penis size and female sexual satisfaction. The famous sexuality researchers, Masters and Johnson, said that penis size had no physical effect on the clitoral orgasm frequency of the woman. And since around 80% of women cannot orgasm through penetration alone, this is pretty significant. For penetrative orgasms, the research is similar.

The average vaginas, most sensitive nerves, the so-called G-spot, no more than three inches from the vulva. So if you're a wrecked penis, is at least three inches long. You got enough D for that P, baby. Congrats! You can satisfy most women. I was talking to my wife, Lindsay, about this topic, and she talked about how many of her friends, due to vaginas being of different shapes and sizes, just like weaners, right? They don't want a monster horse cock. They find sex painful with penises that are too big due to a shallow cervix, right? Some women's cervixes, only a few inches deep.

Some women have a tilted or tipped uterus. Other women have a uterus that is six inches or more deep, usually not much more than six inches, but they still, even if they have a deeper cervix, most of the nerve endings are in the first three inches of depth. Basically, unless a dude has some extreme and rare medical condition, like an exceptionally small micro penis, there's going to be a hole that fits his peg. Believe it or not, and I've had conversations with women about this and not just

women I've dated, a lot of gals do not want a giant porn star tongue. The body part men Google about the most though is their penis, according to Google stats. And many researchers theorize this is due to the consumption of pornography, making men of even above average penis size still feel insecure because they are continually, daily looking at images of literally the biggest tube stakes on earth. Maybe, maybe you don't need penis and laundry. Maybe you need to watch Les porn and do some more therapy. Seriously, before you get a risky surgery like this, you might want to truly ask yourself

exactly why you want that giant dick. Is it to please your partner? Or is it for locker room and urinal row bragging rights? Are you really going to risk mutilating your purple headed pants pirate? Just so other guys in the gym can see you taking a shower and think, oh, shit. Look at the he-man hog that guy's working with. Like, why do you really care what those dudes think? Are there some leftover caveman primal like shit? You know, the shit shouldn't matter anymore.

Thoughts just rolling around in your head. Journalist David Friedman recounted in a mind of its own, a cultural history of the male sex organ, something like a fascinating book, that some primatologists who have seen male apes brandish their genitals during a fight have posited that its purpose, if any, is to impress and or intimidate rivals. It's pretty funny. But we're not literally fighting other monkeys for the right to fuck anymore. So maybe, you know, maybe we should let it go.

If you really do feel you need to change something to feel better about yourself, I'm not trying to make you feel stupid for doing so. I just worry about most cosmetic surgery in general. Right? Will it really make you happier? If so, great. Okay, good for you. I've just seen, for example, too many women in particular, especially down in Los Angeles, who I thought looked much more beautiful with

the wrinkles and imperfections and normal natural breasts than they did after they started to Botox and augment themselves into eventually looking like some kind of plastic fuck doll. And I noticed that women who went further and further down the rabbit hole of cosmetic surgery seemed to often become more miserable as they did so. It's almost like maybe they should have looked more inward than outward when trying to figure out how to learn to just be happy with themselves. And I don't say this from a place of, you know, loving everything, single thing about myself and having the world's highest level of self-worth and self-esteem. I don't, but I've made for the most part pieces myself. Like, would I like to

have a flatter stomach? Yeah, that'd be cool Am I working on it now for health more than cosmetic reasons? Yeah, I'd rather not have a heart attack if I can avoid it You know looks wise though. Yeah, I'm still gonna hit the pool gut or not You know if I have a gut I'll just take some more jokes from my kids I'm still gonna take my shirt off what I'm out on a boat on a hot day, you know You know bigger gut, smaller gut, fuck it. Lindsay's fine with how I look and she's the only person I've ever had to try and have

sex with. So why care what anyone else thinks? I hope you're doing the best to feel comfortable in your skin. And I hope you're not obsessed with feeling like you need a bigger dick because trying to give yourself a third leg comes with a lot of risk. Let's get into this now. Penile implant usage dates all the way back to the 16th century. The French doctor, Ambrose Perret, is credited with making the first artificial penis. He

didn't use much to make it. He made it out of a wooden pipe. It was to help patients pee. It wasn't for sex. He specialized in treating soldiers who had lost their love batons in battle, or at least part of them. Holy shit. Not sure how well those things worked. The earliest documentation of a penile implant to treat erectile dysfunction, credited to a Russian doctor, Nikolaj Bogaraz. In 1936, Bogaraz used rib cartilage to provide rigidity to the penis. However, rib cartilage, ah, it didn't work out too well.

Infections were frequent, and the cartilage tended to curve in on itself within 18 months and become totally absorbed within several years. This unfortunately sometimes built in a permanently curved, non-functional slobbering cyclops. 1952. U.S. doctors Willard Goodwin and William Scott used acrylic implants on five patients. Acrylic offered the advantages of being readily available, not absorbed by the body and moldable to various shapes. It's like they made a build-a-bear workshop for pleasure polls. But not really nice since infections and severe complications followed. In the late 1960s, early 1970s, improvements in surgical

techniques and the development of silicone rubber led to significant advances in penile implant surgery. Dr. Bahiri, a plastic surgeon in Cairo, Egypt, is credited with a first penile prosthesis utilizing polythylene rods. By 1966, Bahiri reported performing 700 of these procedures, but due to this material being fairly rigid, he left hundreds of dudes with essentially permanent boners. That doesn't sound fun at all. However, a new form of less rigid silicone rubber developed by the US space program actually would lead to more advancements in wiggle stick stretching. Surgeons would go on to invent a device that used inflatable silicone cylinders to recreate

the two stages of a penis, both flaccid and erect. But there were still clear problems with these types of implants. One brand of implant had the unintended effect where it would spring back and recoil, meaning that the implant would not stay in a bent position to mimic the flaccid state and would essentially still be in a permanently erect state. More perma boners. Which may have been okay for patient sex lives, but not as good for their working out at the fucking gym and spandex or sweatpants lives.

Or for their, I don't know, playing some pick up basketball games and staying close to their man on defense lives. Or letting their grandkids or any fucking kids ever sit on their laps, lives. Moreover, these surgeries continued to lead to frequent infections, rejection of the implant, and additional complications, which left the main candidates for these implants,

not healthy men looking for a bit more size, but instead men who had been born with birth defects, had lost part or all of their penises in accidents, or were suffering from crippling erectile dysfunction. So new techniques were developed for dudes who wanted to be size kings. Check out some of these controversial treatments to gain precious extra inches.

Joking is a manual penis stretching exercise that claims to increase your penile length using your hand or special julking device to pull or massage the tissue of your penis into a longer size. Jelking creates micro-tears in the tissues of your penis that may, no decent scientific studies have been done for what I can tell, result in a slightly longer penis after the micro-tears heal. It sounds like a lot of pain for very little or no gain.

And again, remember the Mayo Clinic was like, no, you don't get extra length. You get the illusion, not real extra length. Now then there's the infamous penis pump because pumps draw blood into the penis, making it swell. They're sometimes used to treat erectile dysfunction or just to make a penis look bigger. And a vacuum pump, it can make a penis look larger, but temporarily, right, using one too often or too long

can damage elastic tissue and tickle pickles, leading to less firm erections, permanently less firm. So what are you doing? Maybe take it easy on the pump, maybe ignore those pesky porn site pop-up ads. Don't let those damn dick deceivers lead you into permanently mangling your man meat. New surgical techniques have also sprung up, pun intended, recent years. The most widely used surgical procedure to lengthen the penis involves cutting the suspensory ligament that attaches the penis to the pubic bone. Also skin is moved from the abdomen to the penis shaft. This sounds like a fucking nightmare.

When this ligament is cut, the penis will appear longer because more of it is now hanging down. But it doesn't change the actual length of the penis or the length of the erection. It is just for locker room confidence, not for sexual performance. Also cutting the suspensory ligament can cause an erect penis to become unstable. Nope! I'm out. Who wants a fickle throb knob?

A lack of structural support while having an erection can result in injury to the penis during sexual activity. You don't want to break your boner. Also, the ligament can grow back together over time, causing a shortened appearance of the penis. Now you end up having a smaller looking clean wean than when all of this began. Another procedure to make the penis thicker involves taking fat from a fleshy part of the body and injecting that fat into the penis shaft. Results vary and are quite often disappointing.

Some of the injected fat can spread unevenly or be reabsorbed by the body. This can lead to a penis that is curved, unevenly shaped and irregular looking. Great, right? Now you have less money in your bank account and a lumpy one-eyed wonder weasel. You can also end up with scarring and problems with sensation and firmness of erections. Parts of Latin America, there are doctors who will inject a Brazilian product called Metacryl into your thundersdick. It's a filling material used in cosmetic surgery to correct wrinkles and grooves.

It is not approved for use in the US and many other nations. One doctor here in the States has called it liquid plexiglass. Do you really want to load up your pork sword with liquid plexiglass glass? Call me crazy, but I am very into having a cock free from any and all glass. There's also at least one surgeon in Cairo who's developed a procedure to rotate a flap of groin fat into your tower of power to make it larger. And hearing about that procedure led me to looking at an alarming amount of botched dick pics. They had fat injected to them on the internet.

And maybe those custard cannons were bigger than they were before, but holy shit, were they horrifically misshapen. Just a bunch of sad, lumpy, blob-like, job-of-the-hut-weans squatting where properly cylinder-shaped disco sticks used to live. And the most recent development in cockCTEC is the PENUMA. And before I explain exactly what this coxtrosity is, time for today's mid-show sponsor break. If you don't want to hear these ads, you can sign up on our Patreon,

become a Spacelesser for five bucks a month, and get the entire catalog ad-free and more. And I'm back! Time to hear about the COtech-Pecorecure Pneuma created by Dr. James Ellis, Ellis, who works, of course, in Beverly Hills, is a urologist, a doctor who deals with the function and disorders of the urinary system. Urology also deals with the male reproductive organs. Ellis has long been interested in the penis, which, you know, what makes it work, what makes it

not work. Dr. Cockup Sessions' career began in 1976 when he came to the U.S. as a medical student from Tehran, Iran. Rades and Iran, he completed a residency in Washington, D.C. just before the 1979 Islamic Revolution. Instead of going home, he remained in the States, went into private practice in Beverly Hills, and started to specialize in impotence. In the 80s, he would be the lead author on the first scientific paper that linked cigarette smoking to impotence, also in the 80s, to aid his patients with erectile dysfunction. He began a process of inserting an inflatable prosthesis, same

as many Dick doctors before him had done, but then with the blockbuster launch of Viagra in 1998, Ellis seemed to have feared the demand for surgical cures for erectile dysfunction, which was his main business at this point, paying those big Beverly Hills bills, would fall away and he decided it was time to diversify. Over the years, many of his patients had asked if he could make them bigger while he was down there working on their problems related to getting hard enough. Walking around the 90210 zip code where the median breast size seemed to balloon by the day, Ellis realized that his next money-making move was

staring him in the face, about to quote, come all over it. That's actually not how he would describe it. That's not a real quote, but you get it. Uh, so how would he craft his new hot rod humongous fire? He knew that silicon, uh, was the obvious material to use because it had been proven safe and was FDA approved for breast implants and because it doesn't affix to adjacent tissue, thus allowing removal if necessary with minimal complications. Design in theory. Design-wise, he knew that he couldn't make something that would encircle the

penis completely because it obviously needs to be able to expand, become erect. He envisioned an implant that would envelop about 80% of the organ, leaving a gap along the length of the underside for engorgement and growth. This dude is sounding more and more like the Dr. Frankenstein of dicks. Soon he would develop his invention and he would name it the meat puppet magnifier. No, that's not it.

Now he called it the skin flute expander that's not it. Now he called it the Skin Flute Expander. Still not it. He called it the Bald Headed Giggle Stick Stretcher. The Servix Scratcher Protraction Contraction. The Crimson Mushroom Multiplier. The Heat Seeking Moisture Missile Expander. I'll stop for now. He called it Pneuma.

I kind of think all my names are better, but whatever. Dr. Kockenstein was immediately lauded for his genius and brilliance, asterisk. If the penis is the antenna to a man's soul, then James Ellis must be the Marconi of medicine, hustler announced in a 1993 profile. So, you know, not totally lauded, kind of lauded, not exactly lauded by the most prestigious, prestigious sources. Soon, Ellis began presenting himself not only as a doctor who solved erectile dysfunction and size issues, but as an enhancer of men's quality of lives, their self-consciousness, their relationships with their partners.

And soon his device was legal, probably too soon. Because the FDA requires the pharmaceutical industry to conduct clinical studies of new drugs. It's often assumed same is required of medical device manufacturers. Not true. A loophole known as the 510K process allows companies to implant untested products in human patients as long as they can demonstrate that the device is substantially equivalent to another device that's already been approved and on the market.

In September 2004, not long after Ellis convinced the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office of the novelty of his invention, he informed the FDA that his silicon block was comparable to calf and butt implants. Month later, when the agency cleared the device for the, quote, cosmetic correction of soft tissue deformities, the word penis did not appear in its indications for you. So little trickery, perhaps. However, despite the FDA guarantee of safety, persuading men to get the implant

proved initially to be a challenge. Even after one of his patients, Brian, began to model it for prospective customers, as Ellis quote, smoked penis. Now, panuma.com has a before and after penis gallery. I checked it out. There was no fucking way I was doing this research at a coffee shop. This was all home for this one.

I've got a lot of interesting pictures on my computer for this one. I was a little surprised how few of their models did not seem to prioritize, you know, tidying shit up downstairs a bit before the photo shoot. Some stuff in the pubes. I don't know what the fuck was going on. By 2014, Dr. Ellis was averaging barely 100 implant surgeries a year. Was it until a 2016 GQ article that the PNUMA, a rough abbreviation by the way, standing for Penis New Man, okay, propelled from the margins to the mainstream. This article fucking blew up his business. By the

end of the year, Ellis was doing roughly 60 Pneuma procedures a month. Soon he started recruiting surgeons who could be trained in the Pneuma implant process to set up their own clinics across the country. In April of 2019, Lawrence Levin, a past president of the Sexual Medicine Society of North America and a professor at Chicago's Rush University Medical Center, Levine, actually, I don't know why I said Levine. Lawrence Levine successfully performed

the first PANUMA procedure outside Beverly Hills, kicking off the implants national expansion. Dr. Levine now has a clinic that focuses only on these surgeries and it is called Dr. Levine's 5B Surgery Center. What did the bees stand for? Building bigger and better blue vein bratwurst. I may have made that up. How

does this procedure work? But he does have a clinic. First, there's a consultation. A prospective client, if they arrive at Ellis office in Beverly Hills, will find a frame copy of a glowing GQ profile. Cover line. We have huge news about your manhood hung on the wall of the exam room. Dr. Ellis, they're an associate will come in direct the client to drop his pants, and do a little little cock'n'balls check, a little preliminary inspection of the client's Captain Winky. Then the doctor will open a briefcase containing three translucent sheets, large, extra large, and extra, extra large. Oh, fuck yeah! The long, dong, silver package.

The doctor will reassure the client that though they feel stiff to the touch now, these sheets will soften to the consistency of a gummy bear. And everybody knows that all of us dudes would love to stroke sweet, sweet gummy bear dicks. The consultation will allegedly only last about five minutes after which the client signs a stack of consent forms and releases, including one that says his consultation lasted more than an hour, in another promising quote not to disclose under any circumstance his relationship with Dr. James J. Ellis. Shady. Some cases the operation has taken place the same morning in an outpatient clinic up the street. During the procedure a doctor washes the patient's umbrella handle and sanitizes it to minimize the risk of infection. Then a nurse

rips open a sterile pouch and plops the Pneuma, imagine a translucent, hollodot hotdog bun, into a dish of hydrogen peroxide. The nadoctor draws a line across the Viking horn's base, makes a single incision about two inches long. Elastin reaches in and pulls the body of the circumcised penis circumcision is a prerequisite out of its skin. Cue dry heaving. You know the way a condom turns inside out

when you peel it off after sex? The skin of your dick, which is attached only at the glands, can be rolled off quite a bit like that, too much like that. Do your knees feel a little weak? Stomach a little unsteady, thinking about that? Yeah, me too, I found a video on YouTube of a penile enlargement surgery very much like this in South Korea

and seriously almost threw up. It looks less like surgery, more like sexual torture. A surgeon just fucking mangling that meat scepter as he pulls it out from inside his outer skin turtle. I mean, shall it just, he's seemed very brutal, seemed unnecessarily brutal. No delicacy. Once Ellis has the inner hot dog meat exposed, he wraps the implant around it, adds a layer of surgical mesh, uses a fish hook shaped needle, ouch to attach it, right under the head of the penis. He rolls the dick skin back on, making sure the implant is positioned correctly, rinses everything up with antibiotic fluid, closes up the incision. Whole procedure only takes about 45 minutes, but leaves your member

bruised and feeling real fucking tender for quite some time. You whole procedure only takes about 45 minutes, but leaves your member bruised and feeling real fucking tender for quite some time. You can have sex for about four months, but you can start standing in the mirror naked, staring at your dick, and yelling shit like, oh fuck yeah bro, that's what I'm talking about, woo! After just a few days. The resizing results are pretty much immediate. Possibly a bit longer, yes. But most patients report, you know, it's the girth thereafter.

Lotta, lotta needle-dicker cervix pokers, pencil-peckers, seeking out this medical miracle. An uptick in confidence is immediate for many too, many who have reported instantly feeling better at home, who've had this procedure, worked just, you know, all around. According to an anonymous 23-year-old doorman in Tampa who had this procedure, let's call him Stuart Spamjavelin, he was obsessed with enhancement from a young age.

As a high schooler, he and his best friend got into pre-workout supplement drinks and steroids for maximum muscle growth. Then one day at the gym, a guy told him to start using Cialis because it makes you so good in bed. Before that, this guy goes by Sergio in the article, said he'd only been able to last a couple minutes in bed before that this guy goes by Sergio in the article said he'd only been able to last a couple minutes in bed with Cialis always lasting so much just fucking punishing those pusses now Sergio wanted to make his spam javelin bigger he was insecure in the locker room after football practice porn didn't

help seeing all those guys with massive horse cocks you know how they sure seem to really satisfy women women who are acting for the camera. In case you forgot. At the time of his interview, Sergio was positive that all women talked about their boyfriend's dick size to their friends. Soon he found Dr. Ellis on the internet. He was searching for surgical options, thought about it, put it off at first. Then when two women he slept with said that he was, quote, said that he, quote, wasn't good enough in bed to want to keep dating him or otherwise ghosted him. He felt it was go time and Sergio decided to get the surgery.

Cost him $16,000. It wasn't a problem because he'd save $30,000 selling Seattleist to high schoolers. Not kidding about that detail. This guy sounds like a real fucking champion. So he headed out to Beverly Hills where he didn't have any doubts about getting the surgery until he was in the operating room, fading out from the anesthesia. By that time, it was too late to object. Next thing he remembered was waking up in a wheelchair on the sidewalk with his

pecker wrapped up, wrapped up in some gauze. He recalled later, looking like a mummy. Sounds like the opening scene of some weird porno. The meat mummy awakens. The curse of King touch fuck nuts. I don't know something. Later, when he unwrapped his limb biscuit he was stoked to see the changes he claims the surgery at a two inches of girth one inch of length he believed he was in the quote top five percent of guys in terms of

girth saying it's quote a little slimmer than a coke can so maybe a bit too big feels like they might be excessive there's really a lot of demand for Coke can cocks According to Sergio the procedure changed everything for the better. He said his girlfriend quote got a lot free gear and The women who had rejected him earlier now flew out to see him and broke up with their boyfriend. Is this guy bullshit? Paid by Pinoa clinics to say stuff like this. My bullshit detector fucking people like crazy Really girls just breaking up there with their boyfriends. I gotta get that dick now and flying across country get the fuck out of here He would say the surgery changed everything about me Maybe just the way I carry myself, but girls are more interested in me now. They're always trying to figure me out

It's almost like they know I'm carrying something down there Attent yeah fucking weird Franken dick attention attracts more attention girls see me with a smoking hot chick and think, who is he? I used to go around chasing girls. Now it just naturally happens. I had this guy in his therapy. Others too claim to have been more than satisfied by their Pneuma procedure. Kailin Strauss, 35 year old life coach. Watch one of his videos. Not a fan. Uh, was thrilled by the restaurant size pepper mill.

That's what we call it. restaurant size pepper mill between his legs. Said he had to start wearing kilts to accommodate his new manhood. Does the world really need a life coach? Who thinks it's a good idea to get a dick so fucking big you can't wear pants? Richard Hague Jr., This is even crazier. I looked up numerous sources, I'm like, this cannot be real. It appears real. Richard Hague Jr., 70-year-old pastor at a Baptist church in Niagara Falls, said his implant made him feel like a wild stashin, wild stallion, excuse me.

What are you doing, Pastor Dick? Why? This is some guy who apparently used some of the money paid to him by his congregation to add girth to his 70 year old bacon noodle. The fuck is happening? What Bible verse backs up this decision? Is there some Book of Richard I forgot about? Book of Richard chapter 6 verse 12, In lodge thy beef bayonet, until the theater in thy wife's eyes can be seen across thy darkened bedroom. Enhance thy purple-headed poor whistle, until thou wife's squeeze boxes meet curtains quiver in tear in his presence."

All silly jokes and vulgar slang aside. Sounds like everyone's pretty happy. Satisfy with their results, right? No. Some out there say that Ellis is not the miracle worker he claims to be. One patient who went by the name Mick in an article felt like he'd always been obsessed with the size of his penis. He had never felt like any procedure or alteration offered substantial gains until he ran across

an article about the Pneuma in 2019 when he was 36. He put down his deposit $15,000 for the procedure plus a $7,000 set of augmented testicles. I flew out to Beverly Hills where he had his brief consultation in September of 2019. And yeah, you can have your balls augmented. And yes, I did look up more pictures and videos regarding this procedure. And it did make me want to throw up, but also I laughed a lot. This one dude, this one dude, he got himself a massive set of balls, like real big lumpy balls. I might add, not symmetrical in the slightest.

And all they did from my perspective in this photo was make his already pretty small look campaigns look tiny because they were dwarfed by his massive fucking nuts. Why? I shared this with Lindsay and she rolled her eyes and told me she cannot remember a single time any one of her girlfriends has ever talked about how they wished her guy had bigger balls. A popular method for this nut surgery seems to be the wrap around method. Not to be confused with the reach around method, which is a non-surgical procedure. For the wrap around method, they take your little tiny testicles,

they make you sad. And after slicing open your scrotum, they put them inside these soft silicone, big boba tabioka ball looking shells. So you have the big, just girthy fucking heavy man nuts that finally leave you feeling happy with the state of your genitalia. Anyway, Mick had some reservations over signing a form that told him not to disclose under any circumstance his relationship with Dr. James J. Ellis, but he was sure this was what he wanted. When the surgery was over, Mick Stilgrogge from the general anesthesia took an Uber to a Motel 6 near the airport.

He spent the next five days alone on his back, his penis mummy wrapped in gauze. Motel 6? What are you doing with your life? This guy's not making good choices. If you can't afford to stay somewhere nicer than a Motel six for your recovery, maybe you shouldn't shell out five figures to have your cock and balls reshaped and resized. Mick said that once unwrapped, pain followed. Now that makes sense. Morning erections were excruciating. Sharp jolt seized his crotch, whatever he peed, which he could only do by leaning over

his bathtub. His sprinkler nozzle was a little less functional now, couldn't aim his weapon of ass destruction well enough to get out of his piss-all in the toilet. Mick had anticipated some discomfort, but when he changed his gauze, he was startled to see the corners of the implant protruding under the skin, like misplaced bone. Ugh! Back in Seattle where he lived, the panomas' edges continued to jut out of his skin. When he emailed Dr. Kalkenstein's clinic, the staff urged patients, counseling him

that he was continuing to heal as we expect. Bullshit! Then he began to lose sensation. Oh boy, he wrote, Ellis, I know it's been just three weeks and I'm following by the letter, all the instructions, but I'm a bit concerned about the look of it as you have seen in the pictures. He wrote in November, it's been 70 days since surgery and yet it feels... And yet it feels like a shrimp. He wrote in December, I'm so sorry for another email, but I'm freaking out about the fact I have zero sensitivity in my penis. Later that month, another email

in which he asked, being totally numb is normal as mentioned in the past, correct? It will pass, correct? During a call in January of 2020, four months after Mick's panuma surgery, Ellis told him that the sensation in his penis, you know, would return in time. But soon Mick got tired of waiting. Even though paperwork had told him not the sensation in his penis, you know, would return in time. But soon Mick got tired of waiting. Even though paperwork had told him not to seek information elsewhere, as the information provided can be false, misleading and inaccurate. All these fucking shysters. He decided to search the web for others who'd had the surgery.

He wanted to find people who were completely happy with their surgeries after initial complications, but instead he found many, many more who were not. A truck driver whose device dug into his pubic bone, blah, said that he felt like, quote, a prisoner of my own body. An executive at an adhesive company who hid his newly bulging crotch behind the shopping bag when he would go out and walk the dog, he began to have reoccurring nightmares where he would castrate himself. Oh my God.

Sales specialist at an industrial supply store wrote a diary in which he imagined Ellis as its addressee. He wrote, I wish you would have told me I would lose erect length. I wish you would have told me they could shift and pinch my urethra and make it difficult to urinate. Man, the erections, their size not worth it. A health spa vice president said of his Pneuma, it makes you look like you're always semi erect. This is, ah, this is the fear. I don't know how these guys didn't think of this.

You're out. I couldn't let my kids sit on my lap. I couldn't jump with a trampoline with them. I even felt like a pervert hugging my friends. And God forbid you get an actual erection because then you have to run and hide it. This is a nightmare. This is a nightmare.

Some like Mick, you know, lost sensation. Others said they experienced staving pains, especially if their implants got infected or detached. Occasionally implant protrusions again broke through the skin, forming holes that would fester. Nothing like an Indiana bones infection to ruin your life. When they talked to the clinic, they all got the same response. They were, quote, healing as expected. Oh, no, it's supposed to ruin your life. This is expected. It was only after months had passed and the men insisted they weren't healing well at all that

Ellis would sometimes suggest that they upgrade to a bigger size. That would resolve their problems. What a salesman! Salesman first, doctor second. These unhappy guys tried to prove a post about their experiences. They quickly found themselves being censored by Ellis. Ellis reportedly tracked down his own mentions on fallow boards and Thunder's Place, as well as other online forums for mail enhancement.

Ah, Thunder's Place, that's great. Demanding that their moderator stopped harboring defamatory statements. He offered one fellow board's user, after an abscess, had formed $5,000 for deleting his posts about the procedure and releasing the clinic from liability according to a settlement agreement. As Mick poured over hundreds of posts, he was horrified. Like him, most of the others had also read that GQ article about the Pneuma, learning

that the implant was reversible and heartened by the FDA's clearance, put down their deposit, not knowing that the PNUMA was cleared, at least in part, you know, through a loophole. Not a poop-a-loop-a-loop-a-loop-a-loop-a-loop-a-loop-a-loop-a-loop-a-loop-a-loop-a-loop-a-loop-a-loop-a-loop-a-loop-a-loop-a-loop-a-loop-a-loop-a-loop-a-loop-a-loop-a-loop-a-loop-a-loop-a-loop-a-loop-a-loop-a-loop-a-loop-a-loop-a-loop-a-loop-a-loop-a-loop-a-loop-a-loop-a-loop-a-loop-a-loop-a-loop-a-loop-a-loop-a-loop-a-loop-a-loop-a-loop-a-loop-a-loop-a-loop-a-loop-a-loop-a-loop-a-loop-a-loop-a-loop-a-loop-a-loop-a-loop-a-loop-a-loop-a-loop-a-loop-a-loop-a-loop-a-loop-a-loop-a-loop-a-loop-a-loop-a-loop-a-loop-a-loop-a-loop-a-loop-a-loop-a-loop-a-loop-a-loop-a-loop-a-loop-a-loop-a-loop-a-loop-a-loop-a-loop-a-loop-a-loop-a-loop-a-loop-a-loop-a-loop-a-loop-a-loop-a-loop One of them was a 26 year old model named Emmanuel Jackson. He won a free PNUMA in a contest in 2013. It's part of a marketing campaign involving the rapper Master P. Mm-hmm. Sounds like a terrible idea. When Master P hands you a gift certificate for a cock extension, you know, I guess you just, you have to use it. You have to.

Jackson would later say that he was then given scripted answers for a promotional video, which later appeared on the clinic's YouTube channel. Then in 2018, a doctor at the Cleveland Clinic told him that his implant had, and this sounds so painful, quote, fractured into pieces. Not long after the fragments were removed, Jackson attempted suicide. So sad. Soon there would be so many men with complications from the Pneuma that another physician, Mark Solomon, would relocate his medical practice from Philadelphia to an office just down the street from Ellis

Clinic in Beverly Hills, and he'd be specialized now in removing these things. Holy shit and good for Mark. I hope he had people hand out flyers directly in front of Ellis Clinic. Excuse me, sir. You're gonna want to take this information. When that penis implant starts to fucking tear out of your skin and shatter You're gonna want to cause However, not even dr. Solomon could help all of Ellis victims

Even though patients were led to believe that the process was totally reversible Removal did not mean that the penis would go back to normal Indeed if the penuma is removed the penis can contract to seal up the vacuum of space contract a phenomenon that patients have called the mini-dick or dicklet phase of healing to counteract this, help prevent a certain amount of permanent shrinkage. Solomon directs his patients to wear a condom with a metal weight at its tip six hours a day. Seriously, patients have compared this to a medieval rack. Can you imagine what a rollercoaster ride.

First, you get this implant that initially leaves you with a little dick mummy. Then when your manhood starts to get infected, when it's still too painful to have sex, months and months later, right? When you're tired of almost always having a boner that makes it impossible for you to wear fucking sweatpants to a playground and not have the police at least drive by,

you have the surgery reversed, are back to feeling bad about how little you think your dick is, and now it's scarred an even smaller than before. And you're left trying to stretch it back out to the original size you were never happy with using some sort of weighted dick vest. What an incredibly and needless sad journey some of these dudes have gone on. Mick would get his implant removed in May of 2020. I forget an MRI that showed the device was impinging on the nerves and arteries at the head of his penis.

Another examination showed that Mick had lost total sensation in his penis. He went ahead with the procedure, not knowing if it would help at all. About 80% of the sensation would return eventually, but he had found that he lost a full inch of length. He was originally six and a half inches erect. He was fucking fine! So, uh, and so did other, uh, post-removal patients. An FBI agent in his early 30s said that he was afraid he would never be able to date again, let alone start a family, because his penis had shrunk down to what he called a stub. A defense and intelligent contractor who traveled the country to consult six reconstructive

surgeons after the PNUMA implant mangled him, said he tucked a Glock in his waistband before one appointment, thinking he might kill himself if the doctor said he couldn't help. My God! Others decided to take their complaints to the legal system. In 2022, a Texas man accused international medical devices of falsely advertising the PNUMA as FDA cleared for cosmetic enhancement when it wasn't till recently cleared only for cosmetic correction of soft tissue deformities. And in March of 2023, a personal injury law firm in Ohio brought the first of what are

now at least eight product liability lawsuits against the company. Horrific similarities emerged from numerous people who've had the surgery. Three men alleged that after they had been asked to sign consent forms after they were injected with demoral, a fast-acting narcotic, when they were not in the right frame of mind. A number of foreign-born patients seeking treatment for rectal dysfunction alleged that they were given forms in English, which they couldn't read, and some of those same patients who said that they

thought they were undergoing a vein cleaning procedure, alleged that they woke up from surgery to find themselves implanted with this fucking extra dick prosthesis. What the fuck? Multiple patients who said that they had turned to ELIST for a functional issue, alleged that they'd been upsold enhancement procedures that resulted in disfigurement. Others said they appeared in videos endorsing the PNUMA without memory of having done so. They were still high on the drugs provided by the clinic when their crotch problems were filmed. Maybe that's why they were fucking dirty looking.

They don't know what's going on. And then when they were at their most vulnerable post op, they said they were instructed to treat their mutilated meat socks with neosporin and asked to remove their own sutures and told not to seek outside medical care. But most of all, what these lawsuits have stressed is that the men were not screened for body dysmorphia or other disorders, not given therapy, and indeed put their health directly in the hands of a surgeon who may have prioritized, they say, may I would say certainly prioritize selling his own product above the health of his patients. And how does Ellis respond to all these allegations?

First he claims that the disappointed men are few and far between, right? Exceptions to the rule. Pneumosurgeons collecting their own data have said that their complication rate is low and comparable to that of other cosmetic procedures. But you know, a little bit of a conflict of interest here. In the largest study to date published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine, Ellis Clinic surveyed 400 of the 526 patients who'd received a panema between 2009 and 2014. Why didn't they survey those other 126 patients?

They know that they were mangled? I said 81% of the subjects who responded to the questionnaire indicated high or very high levels of satisfaction. And he has claimed that the people who became dissatisfied, you know, they just didn't follow the post op instructions correctly. But since the lawsuits, his tone and all this has changed a bit. Uh, 2023, he told a reporter that all medical breakthroughs, you know, have paved, uh, have been paved with bloody accidents, right?

Breast implants used to rupture. Penis pumps underweight, underwent huge rates of removal in the early days. He says that he's developed the PNUMA over two decades, meaning, yeah, models on the market today, they're more advanced than earlier models. And he stresses nobody hears about the happy implantees because, quote, unfortunately, people are not willing to come out and talk about penile enlargement. And he might not be wrong about all that. In the history of medical advancements, mistakes are always made, and they do often lead to

later patients enjoying better quality care gained through trial and error with previous patients. But also, men not being willing to come out and talk about penile enlargement might be saving Dr. Ellis from a lot of other guys coming out and sharing their fucking horror stories. How many mangled dicks are really out there? And what's in store next for Dr. Kockenstein, Dr. Franken-Dick? Last month, January 5th, 2024. He came out with a new book. I couldn't hate him more. Operating with God. A Surgeon Stories of Faith. This isn't a fucking brain surgeon

writing this. There's a guy, but he can do his dicks bigger. He's bringing God into the dick enlargement surgery business. Fuck me. Here is the description of his book. creator or money. I added that this remarkable memoir explores Dr. Ellis' career filled with unexpected encounters, divine providence and life-altering decisions. Dr. Ellis is keenly aware of how God's hand weaves through his dick experiments, weaves through his everyday experiences, and teaches us to be similarly attentive. From a fateful phone call to miraculous occurrences in the operating room, these stories emphasize the power of words, commitment, and of reliance on a higher power. Are we talking about dexterities?

Each story reveals how God is guiding the course of events, leaving no room for mere coincidence. A compelling testament to the interplay of medicine and toro values. Dr. Ellis' narrative reveals the profound impact of Judaism on his professional life, as well as on others. And how the difficult twists and turns ultimately became powerful lessons to live by. Fortunately for the general public, to live by. Fortunately for the general public Dr. Ellis decided to share his stories and insights with us so we too can operate with God. Oh hundred percent Yahweh baby Yahweh wants his tribe to have long and hard cocks worthy of God's love. God is right there with doctors the whole time. Dr. Ellis probably has days like I don't know why he should do this.

And then God was like, get the thick sphagger. God loves huge cocks. He's like, okay, okay God, okay. As Ellis tries to maintain his image, he's also been trying to expand his business internationally to places like United Arab Emirates, Kuwait, South Korea, which is the world capital for cosmetic surgery.

Last known Dr. Ellis, his company while still using the penuman.com website has rebranded the name of their signature procedure, calling it Dr. Kalkenstein's monster schlong stretcher or Him Plant. That's actually a pretty good name. You can learn more about Him Plant right now, touted on a website filled with pictures of smiling men, arms folded around smiling women So eager to enjoy their new enhancements. Give me your enhancement If you're still thinking about having your penis enlarge just remember All seriousness a lot of these cosmetic surgeons are salesmen sales women first

They're salespeople first doctors second. I think with some of them, a real distant second. These are not necessary procedures. Get a second opinion, get a third opinion. And not from another cosmetic surgeon, from a primary physician, from a therapist, from your lover, from anyone other than someone who makes their living convincing people they need bigger cocks. Finally, if you do get your penis enlarged, I hope your fucking dick falls off and you go crazy and you start living out in the woods alone like the monster you are.

Kitty, I hope you get, uh, you know what you want and that you're happier than ever. Truly, I really do. And I've ever seen you and you give me a hug. I also hope that I don't feel your perma boner sword fighting with my limp, normal sized, all natural pink helmet wearing yogurt slinging cave dweller. And that's it for this edition of time suck short sucks. normal sized, all-natural pink helmet wearing yogurt sling and cave dweller. And that's it for this edition of Time Suck Short Sucks. I hope you found that as weirdly entertaining as I did.

If you enjoy this little slice of infotainment, check out the rest of the Bad Magic catalog, Be Fear. Episodes of Time Suck every Monday at noon, Pacific Time. Harder episodes of the now long running paranormal horror podcast, Scared of Death, every Tuesday at midnight. Harder episodes of the now long-running paranormal horror podcast scared to death Every Tuesday at midnight and now nightmare fuel episodes with extra ejaculate on some Fridays Thank you to Sophie Evans for the initial research. Thank you Logan Keith recording uploading today's episode Please go to bad magic productions comm for all your bad magic needs and have yourself a great Happy with your dick weekend.