Timesuck with Dan Cummins - Short Suck #53: Icaria!: France’s Failed Communist Utopia in America

Episode Date: March 13, 2026

In the mid-1800s, long before the Soviet Union or Maoist China, a French political dreamer named Étienne Cabet tried to build a communist utopia... in the heart of America. What followed was a bizarre, ambitious, and often comically disastrous experiment involving disease, deception, authoritarian hypocrisy, failed frontier settlements, buying an abandoned Mormon town, and one of the strangest forgotten social movements in U.S. history. For Merch and everything else Bad Magic related, head to: https://www.badmagicproductions.com Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Have you ever fantasized about living in some sort of utopia? Some ideal, almost magical place, free from the bullshit politics of the day, one where you didn't have to follow someone else's rules, but got to live by your own. Think a cult compound, but make it bigger. And remove any notions of religion. Imagine a place where everyone is equal. There is no keeping up with the Joneses because the Joneses have the same stuff that you do, same amount of money, they live in the same size,

eyes of house, wear the same type of clothes, eat the same food. They don't have any more than you do, and neither does anyone else. Frenchman Etienne Cabé did more than just dream of such a place. He wrote his fantasy down. He said it in a fictional novel, and he made it sound so damn good that people wished it was real so they could actually live there. And that led him to write more about it. And then to ask people, would you really live there if you had the chance? And people said yes, they really, really would. And that led him to looking for investors and colonists and a country where he could conduct a grand experiment and find out if the fictional community of Icaria could exist not just on the written page, but in the real world. And then he found those investors,

and he found those colonists, and he found his country, the United States of America, and soon some of the first communists ever had set sail in the mid-19th century, to help settle the American frontier. Words and ideas can change the world. I hated her, but I wanted to love my mother. I have a dream. I'll plead not guilty right now. Your only chance is to leave with us.

Welcome to another edition of Time Suck Short Sucks. I'm Dan Cummins, and today I will be sharing the very interesting story of Icaria, a communist colony, actually several of them, set in the heart of capitalist America in mid-1800s. Akaria was supposed to be the perfect city. On broad, treeline boulevards organized with geometric precision, its merrily content citizens would live and work in a state of perfect harmony and equality. The community would have no prisons because there would be no crime, no private carriages, because no one would live far from where they worked and no one would want to be seen as being financially separated from or above their fellow residents. In that same

spirit, there would be no aristocratic mansions, just houses or apartments that were all roughly the same comfortable size, schools and hospitals for all to access, and all would be as grand in their own way as the royal palaces of old. Some version of this was the utopian vision of Etienne Cabé, a French socialist thinker whose fictional 1840 travelogue travels in Ikaria, spawned one of the world's first, if not the very first, communist movements long before the Bolsheviks took over Russia. Cabet was born in Dijon, France on January 1st, 1788, the son of Claude and Frassoz, Cabé. He was born into a very, very strange and chaotic time for France.

As you might remember from our French Revolution episode, or probably more likely just from being a history nut in general, a year after Cabet's birth in 1789, after decades of the so-called third estate, the merchants and wealthy middle-class citizens, watching in resentment as the French king Louis XVIth frittered away money on expensive luxuries and nonsensical shit like an ornamental creamery, a.k.a. weirdly bougie dairy for the queen at their summer castle, chateau du Rambouillet, designed to look like a Greek temple with mahogany furniture, plus a small private zoo. You can have a zoo. A wave of revolutionary hysteria. is swept through Paris leading to fears of a military coup.

For some reason, starving peasants did not love their king using their tax money to build an opulent ornamental creamery for the queen to enjoy when she spent a few weeks living in a preposterous luxury in her summer castle. Not sure how you live in your summer castle, but I keep my summer castle respectfully bare bones, very modest. I have a very humble summer castle. Not the wrong with a humble summer castle, is there? as a sort of preemptive strike, rebels stormed the prison fortress of the Bastille, a symbol of royal authority. Paris was then from the kings, free from the king's control,

marking a day still celebrated as a national holiday in France, Bastille Day. France knew they no longer wanted a monarchy, at least not an absolute monarchy. But what was the alternative? How would a new government work? After a long period of debate, about how the new constitution would look, the French Revolution would take a radical turn

when revolutionaries arrested King Louis XVIth, putting to rest any ideas that a constitutional monarchy might follow. The following month, on September 22nd, 1792, the National Convention was established. This proclaimed the abolition of the monarchy and established the French Republic. The king would be tried, and on January 21st, 1793,

executed for being a traitor. Off with his head, literally. They guillotined him. Guillotined his wife, Marie Antoinette, as well. She of the let them eat cake infamy, even though in all likelihood she never said that. Can we bring back the guillotine for treacherous political leaders? I think watching some heads roll could be very healing.

Anyway, the next period of French history would be known as the reign of terror, and it was super fucking fun and no one died. Not a single soul. Uh-uh. No, everybody lived lavishly. They had a grand old time, ate mostly ornamental cream during the reign of terror. Katie, of course. No, there was a whole bunch of brutal massacres

and tens of thousands of people were violently butchered. After stabbing and beating a bunch of aristocrats to death, for example, their heads were crudely cut off and put on pikes and then carried around by their bloodstained butchers. One poor bastard had to be hanged three times before he was finally dead, and then they cut his head off, and then they paraded it around on a pike. They got really into heads on sticks during the reign of terror,

which feels on brand. One general described obliterating a village, specifically bragging about trampling women and children to death with his horse. Another witness described a bunch of kids being loaded up into boats, ferried out into the middle of a river, and then a portion of the bottom of the boat would open up, kind of like a trap door in the hole, and kids would be pushed through the opening if they hadn't already fallen through

and then hit with clubs to help them drown. Some real dystopian, apocalyptic evil shit went on during the reign of terror, as the name would imply. In fighting within the National National War II, Convention would eventually lead to the radical Montanillards taking power, marking the beginning of a year-long battle or a period in which suspected enemies of the revolution were killed in the

thousands. Things were not stabilized until two years later in 1795 when a new regime, the directory took power. Pretty cool name for a regime. Sounds like the name of a new Wes Anderson movie. The internal political situation remained somewhat unstable, but was silenced by the army now led by a young general known as Napoleon Bonaparte, probably heard of him, who managed to focus France's lust for power not on itself but on territorial conquest. In the following years, Belgium would be annexed and the Dutch Republic would surrender.

All in all, the directories four years in power would be a failure, with them ceding much power to the military to maintain some semblance of order. On November 9, 1799, as frustration with their leadership reached a fever pitch, Bonaparte staged to coup, abolishing the directory and appointing himself France's first consul, aka an emperor. That marked the end of the French Revolution, at least that revolution, and the start of the Napoleonic era. So growing up, Cabet had lived through three different distinct periods of French history, the fall of the monarchy, the reign of terror, the rise of Napoleon. And you thought this timeline that we are living in now was fucking wild.

Leaders during each period had, of course, claimed to be the best for France, the best for the people, the most egalitarian, the most respectful of basic human rights. Napoleon would even enshrine these rights into the Napoleonic Code. Before the Napoleonic Code, France did not have a single set of laws. Laws consisted mainly of local customs, which had sometimes been officially compiled in customals. There were also exemptions, privileges, and special charters granted by the kings or other feudal lords. The Napoleonic Code would change all of that, replacing the fragmented laws of pre-revolutionary France, recognizing the principles of civil liberty, equality before the law, although not for women in the same sense as for men,

unfortunately, and the secular character of the state. All in all, the two decades between 1790 and 1810 were both incredibly chaotic and, in a sense, also very optimistic. It seemed like a time of limitless possibility when the entire structure, the order of the world around you, its economy, its laws, the relationship between empires, even the norms governing the relationships between individual people could be ripe for overturning and or completely redesigning. It was precisely in this atmosphere that Kabe would grow up. He'd receive his law degree in May of 1812, and then just two years after that, Napoleon would fall out of power on May 3, 1814.

More change. His fall began when he decided to invade Russia, which, as we know, pretty much never goes well for anyone who tries. would fucking love to somehow see Ukraine, pull it off, and somehow end up with Putin's evil fucking head in a pike. That would be glorious, but I don't see it happening. It especially didn't go well for Napoleon, who lost most of his army, leaving him vulnerable to attacks from the rest of Europe.

This led to Napoleon's exile on the Tuscan island of Elba in 1814. His first island exile. Quick side note, he fucking ruled that little island for 10 months as a king, greatly improved his infrastructure, then bounced and returned to power after having a grand old time. Then with only a thousand men, roughly, he marched on Paris, again took control of the country. Just, I'm back, bitches.

Thanks for let me enjoy island life. Also not let me get too rusty when it comes to ruling. Rested, recharged, raring to go now, motherfuckers. But then after a year, he'd be defeated in the Battle of Waterloo and then exiled to another island, the far more remote St. Helena, where he will die about five years later. not sure why they couldn't have just cut his fucking head off. Anyway, the coalition of European powers that defeated Napoleon, but were stupid enough not to kill him the first time,

thought the monarchy had to be restored now. This whole mess, all these fucking revolutions, this is this nonsense. We've got to put it to bed. So they restored the brothers of the executed king, Louis XVI, to the throne under a new constitutional monarchy, a movement known as the Bourbon Restoration after their family name. And many of those who had grown up in this time

of limitless possibility really hated the new bourbons. Not only was it a throwback to the monarchy, though a constitutional one, but the bourbons were also forced by the European coalition who had put them in power to give up nearly all of the territorial gains

made by revolutionary and Napoleonic France since 1789. Those who believed, or had believed in, the promises of the French Revolution and Napoleon were left feeling humiliated. Cabet would work for one of those people, Felix Nicol, a wealthy, an influential lawyer with links to the opposition to the restoration of the bourbon monarchy.

And soon, Cabet would play a role in a new revolution, the July Revolution. 19th century France loved revolutions. In 1839 years after Napoleon died in St. Helena, King Charles X decided he was pretty much done with this whole constitutional monarchy thing. It was going to be an absolute monarchy or bust. He attempted to rule as an absolute monarch in the style of the old regime and reassert the power of the Catholic Church that it had once held in France. His coronation in 1824 had also coincided with the height of the power of the ultra-royalist party, who also wanted a return of the aristocracy and absolutist politics. A few years into his rule, unrest among the people of France began to develop,

caused by an economic downturn resistance to the return to conservative politics and the rise of a liberal press, of which Cabé was a member. and soon the uprising would begin. Kaabe played a big role in it, too. He headed up an insurrectionary committee that forced Charles to flee. As a result, Louis Philippe Dorlins, a member of the Orleans branch of the family and son of Philippe Agalit, who had voted for the death of his cousin, Louis XVIth, ascended the throne beginning the more liberal July monarchy, and Kaabe would get rewarded with an appointment as Attorney General in Corsica. but Ka'Bé soon became disillusioned with the July monarchy of Louis Philippe. He was basically pre-programmed for political dissatisfaction at this point.

I don't know, maybe if you've seen that scene and Annie Hall when Woody Allen and Diane Keaton are splitting their possessions. Not a big Woody Allen fan, but I did see this many years ago. They're splitting their possessions and his character, Alvey has a bunch of buttons. Impeach Eisenhower, impeach Johnson, impeach Nixon, impeach Reagan. That's basically Ka'Bey at this point. but this time his disillusionment will get him into trouble. Kabe lost his position as Attorney General for his attack upon the conservatism of the government in his book, History of the Revolution, 1830.

He'd managed to get back into government, however, get elected to the Chamber of Deputies in France as the representative of Kordor, his birthplace, but then he just couldn't keep his fucking mouth shut. In 1833, Kabe launched an anti-government newspaper called La Populère, and his opinions published in said paper would get him accused of treason, convicted, and finally sentenced to five years exile. The French loved to exile a motherfucker. He fled to England. It was also apparently super easy, most times to escape from exile, and he sought political asylum, got it, and started writing again. And his next book will be his most influential. Cabet wrote, Travel and Adventures of Lord William Caristol in Icaria in 1840. The fictional book depicted a young man,

Lord Caristall, visiting a remote and isolated country known as Icaria. Again, feels like a West Anderson movie, something akin to the Phoenician scheme. There actually is a real-life place, called Icaria, by the way. It's a Greek island in the Anatolian Sporides, surrounded by the legendarily turbulent Egenc, which the ancient Greek conquered around 1,500 BCE. Apparently life is pretty damn good there, because people routinely live a long-ass time in Icaria. residents often live to 100 or more with about one in three

at least making it into their 90s sounds pretty utopian looks utopian too if you check it out online but Kabe's Ikaria had nothing to do with that one the first part of Kabe's book contained a glowing account of the blessings of the cooperative system

of industry of the Akarians their varied occupations and accomplishments comfortable mode of life admirable system of education high morality political freedom equality of sexes, and general happiness. It described a utopia in which a democratically elected governing body controlled all economic activity

and closely supervised social life, the only unsupervised independent unit from the old world, from the way things were before, was the nuclear family unit. The fake country was guided by a single principle to each following his needs, from each following his strengths. As Cabe put it, Karl Marx would later reshape and popularize this as from each according to his ability to each according to his needs. Yes, Kabe's book would be highly influential when it came to the development of the ideology of communism that would take form later on in top of the Russian monarchy.

Another mantra from the book was, the rule invariably and constantly followed in all matters is, first the necessary, then the useful, and last the pleasing. The second part of the book contained a history of Icaria. According to Lord Caristol, the social order of the country had been similar to that prevailing in the rest of the world until 1782, when the great national hero, Icar, after a successful revolution, established his system of communism. The last part of the book was pretty much just Cobby, talking shit about the French government, and then a summary of the historical idea of communism from Plato to the famous utopians of the 19th century. And also I should note that the book would go on to be considered by many, to be boring. Very painfully boring.

According to one modern critic, it was merely a, quote, plotting melodrama in which the reader was inundated with tedious details of incidental aspects of Akarian life. But that's the modern look at it, the current look at it. At the time, contemporary accounts said it was a smash hit. In 1839, Kaabe returned to France to advocate a communitarian social. social movement the book was going so well, for which he may have invented the term communism. And he elaborated on his utopia, saying that Jesus' mission on earth had been to establish social equality. So did that mean that Jesus Christ was a communist? Was the kingdom of God nothing other than a communist society? I, that's actually, I do not have the biblical knowledge

of many people, but that's how it's always read to me, which has made it pretty funny when people take the opposite take with Jesus. To me, biblical Jesus is very much a communist. Ka'Bé's idea caught on like wildfire in many places, especially in France, because most people there could still remember the powerful, rich, and exploitive Catholic church guiding the hand of the crown, and then remember when it got banned, leaving no middle ground for those who were religious but didn't want the church to have way too much power. In 1841, Ka'Abe revived La Popuilère, which was widely read by French working class people. And from 1843, 1847, he printed in Akarian Almanac, one copy of which even featured an Akarian national anthem.

Arise, workers stooped in the dust, the hour of awakening has sounded to American shores. The banner is going to wave the banner of the holy community. No more vices, no more suffering, no more crimes, no more pay. the August equality advances itself proletariat dry your tears let us found our Ikaria soldiers of fraternity Let us go to found in Akaria the happiness of humanity I have fucking no idea with the melody of the Akari national anthem once I was making that up as I was going along I don't know I don't know if any music was written to okay All of this gained Kaabe converts a lot of them or at least so he said he claimed he had about 50,000 adherents of the Akarian school all of whom wanted to make Akaria a reality.

But there was just one problem. France did not exactly want a communist nation taking root right there on French soil, for some crazy reason, after just fucking barely getting yet another new form of government, barely but not really working. So, with the censorious French regime, aka the July monarchy, growing increasingly hostile to socialist movements, Cabet saw his opportunity in the vast open lands of the United States. States. In May of 1847, just a year before France would undergo the French Revolution of 1848,

abolish the monarchy, and become a republic under a provisional government. So much constant fucking change going on in France this time, Cabé's newspaper La Populare carried a link the article entitled, Let Us Go to Icaria, detailing a proposal to establish an American colony, an American communist colony. Cabet believed that at least 10,000 or 20,000 working men would immediately enlist in the American colonization scheme, with the number very soon swelling to a million skilled workers and artisans. A million, easily.

I mean, how could it not work? Remember these projections as we go forward. They're not going to quite hit these marks. Still, Ka'abe, the idealist, believe that towns and huge cities bursting with industry would shortly follow with accompanying schools and cultural facilities assuring the good life for a happy and fulfilled

communist community that really is sound less like a community, more like a nation, growing in the middle of another nation, as if the new democracy of America, itself slowly tilting towards a coming civil war, was going to want that shit. While not as good as Kaaba had hoped for, the initial response was still actually pretty good. His announcement of the plan was met with quite a bit of enthusiasm, and offers of participation along with gifts of money, seeds for crops, farm equipment, clothing, books, other valuable and useful items began to flow in.

What a wild thing. To be like, hey, who wants to come with me and start a new society inside of an existing society and just create our own laws? And I guess just hope that the other country doesn't notice, I guess. And then have a bunch of people react to that with, yeah, let's fucking go! So now, with money and recruits, Kabay secured some land for a settlement in the brand new frontier state of Texas. And in early 1848, less than three years after Texas had achieved statehood. And 13 years before the advent of the Civil War, an advanced group of six. 69 colonists set out from La Avra, France, to begin their work of founding the perfect society.

And before I shared details of how their journey worked out once they arrived in America, time for this week's first to two mid-show sponsor breaks. If you don't want to hear these ads, please send out to be a space letter on Patreon, get the catalog ad-free, get these episodes early and more. Thanks for listening to those ads. And now let's return to early 1848. Find out how the Ikarians fared when the rubber met the road. Lacking knowledge of what a way to them in America, the Akarians quickly found themselves

way the fuck out of their depth. The real world hit them directly in the mouth, as it so often does to so many of us. And theory gave way to cold, hard truths. None of these colonists, despite the tumultuousness of France in recent decades, were hardened frontiers people, ready for tumble weeds and wagon wheel ruts

and rattlesnakes and wide open expanses of prairie without a town or even a house in sight. most of them had grown up in France's urban centers. These were city slickers. They were mason, shoemakers, bakers, and merchants used to cobblestone streets. They might as well have decided to colonize the fucking moon. I really love picturing 19th century French city folk moving to Texas back when it was far wilder than it is now for some reason. Very much cracks me up.

They were desperately unprepared for life in the wilds of Texas, arriving in New Orleans. they must have found that city pleasant, right? Definitely the most European-looking, definitely the most French city at that point in America, you know, in America. But then they proceeded by boat to Shreveport. It's kind of French, but a little less cosmopolitan, right? They must have been a bit put off

by the comparative lack of cafes and crepes and fresh baguettes, etc. But still a large French culture there. But then they left, and they will find zero additional tastes of home in America. A wagon was obtained and loaded up with provisions for a difficult overland trek via little-used path called Bonham's Trail to a halfway point, which wasn't quite as far as Bonham, Texas, which is 185 miles from Shreveport. I think that was the name of the trail they took. This trail is mentioned in an old source about the Akarians,

but I can't find info about a trail by that name between Louisiana and Texas and other sources. Clearly not historically significant. Might not have been commonly known by that name. So I'm picturing of very little used, not well-maintained. at all bumpy, lumpy, snake-infested trail, rough riding even for back then. The first group of 25 men, plus some women and children, departed on April 8, 1848, followed by a second wagon with 14 men and some women and children shortly thereafter. Both wagons broke down en route, and the 69 Icarians were forced to proceed forward in small groups on foot,

packing whatever they could find on their backs and leaving the rest behind. It was not until April 21st, 13 days later, that they arrived at their halfway point, still more than 100 difficult miles from their goal. Only 27. Intrepid French settlers were able to make the final leg of the trip from the farm designated as a resting place to their new Texan utopia. The rest just said, fuck it, I want to go back home.

So the perfect society, not exactly off to a utopian start. Then when the 27 people get to where they were going on June 2nd, 1848, they soon learned that Kaabe had exaggerated. He had described a million acres of pristine farmland in Texas as a Red River Valley that was waiting for them.

Actually, it was a little bit less than a million acres. It was 300 acres. Just shy. Just slightly shy of a million. And the acres were unconnected, uncleared plots in Denton County, Texas, about 50 miles north of present-day Fort Worth, where the town of Justin, Texas is now.

Totally unworkable as a site for a self-sufficient commune. That's fucking crazy. Dude said that we had a million acres waiting for them 300. Oh my God. How fucking pissed are you if you have traveled for months based on a very

specific vision for a utopian community only to get there and find out that the ground this place is supposed to be built on isn't even right arrangement or size to make the utopia possible. Set in a checkerboard fashion these plots made an integrated community literally impossible.

It was impossible also to even build enough of cabins to house the supposed floods of people, Cabet said, were coming by this, this deadline of July 1st, 1848 that would come to pass and not even matter. Still, this group of less than 30 people were there. They had traveled all that way, and so they tried to make it work. Immediately after arriving, they began a frenzied effort to construct dwellings in order to stake their land claims, attempting at the same time to plow and farm the rugged prairie, and it didn't go great.

The hot summer sun baked the soil they tilled, poorly fed, poorly, and, and, and, and housed, overworked, depressed, and exhausted. Many of the Akarian colonists quickly fell victim to outbreaks of cholera and malaria, illnesses which killed four of the remaining 27 and sick and pretty much all the rest. So now we're down to 23 people. 23 miserable. Why the fuck did I agree to this people? Making a bad situation worse.

The one and only medical doctor they had brought with them quite literally lost his mind. Their new settlement. He legit had some sort of psychotic break. and no longer in his right mind, just took off out into the desert and just deserted everybody. No clue what became of him. He's probably some skeleton in some Fort Worth suburban backyard now. That made me laugh so fucking hard when I first read about it.

Ah, it's one thing after another. We're cursed. I tell you we're cursed. Now hurry, go grab the doctor. We all have cholera. Yeah, about that. Meanwhile, Cabet was back in France, living in comfort. Trying to drum up another wave of colonists

in his quest for a million strong and beyond. But the Revolution of 1848 that I mentioned earlier, which overthrew King Louis Philippe meant that people didn't think they had to leave France as quickly as they had once thought. Or, you know, ever. There was renewed sense of hope in France that their new democracy might just work out. They had a newly elected president, felt like they might not be the haves and hafnots anymore. A little did they know that that motherfucker, Louis Napoleon Bonaparte, nephew of the Napoleon, will stage a coup. yes, the president as president staged a coup only three years later in 1851

to make himself emperor and will rule again as a monarch until 1870 as Napoleon the third. For fuck's sake, France, in the 19th century was a complete nutter shit show. But anyway, back in 1848, things were looking good at the moment. And because of that,

while originally 1,500 people had signed up for the second wave, now 19 of those, 1,500 would actually make the trip. the quest for a million strong and beyond has just hit like a little bit of a snag gonna need to adjust the timeline projections just like a tiny tiny mount can you imagine okay uh so uh where are we at fellas i recall that about 1,500 people that originally signed up uh how many additional uh thousands have signed up now 10,000 100,000 half knowing where we

at uh well uh mr cabby uh no additional people have signed up at this time actually well that is disappointing still 1500 shall be enough to push things along i think yes sir about that we're not quite we're not quite sitting at exactly 1500 anymore a few people have dropped out how many oh like a handful dozens uh yeah definitely dozens um at last count 19 19 people have dropped out well that's not so bad that's that's still manageable uh no sir 19 people remain 1,481 people have dropped out. When the remaining handful of colonists in Texas heard that there was not going to be hordes of people

coming to help them with their efforts, the grim reality of their situation became clear. All they could do was give up, and the survivors now divided in small groups to make their way back to Shreveport, and then from there, back to New Orleans, four more would die en route. Disaster is not even the word

for how fucking terrible this is going. Finally arrived in New Orleans, late in 1848, the disheartened 15 or so remaining Texas pioneers were met by several hundred colonization enthusiasts from France who Cabet had managed to round up at the last minute doing a lot of extra late-night recruiting I guess following his original 1500 signies getting whittled down to 19 so not a bad effort he's not ready to give up a million strong and beyond here we come and he had joined them now himself the fearless leaders with him cabet had made the journey west he'd signed a contract with the colonists to be the director-in-chief of the new colony for the first 10 years.

But now, Kaabé and his couple hundred-second waivers are hearing about how grim the Texas attempt had been, how shitty the land was, how little land there was, and how it wasn't even arranged right for a colony. Now trying to figure out what to do, a portion of the prospective colonists sought to abandon the project altogether and just go home to France. Probably the right call. However, some others did want to continue the colonization project, just not in Texas. They wanted to find a more suitable location. On January 21st, 1849, the colonists held a general meeting

to decide their fate. Kaabé declared that if a majority sought to return to France, he would support the decision, although with all the costs absorbed in the previous year, such a move would be financially disastrous for everyone.

Right? They'd pool their money. In the end, a small majority of 280 decided to continue with the colonization project if a more suitable location was found. 200 decided to go home. Experiment's not over, but where will this suitable location be? Kabe set out to find one, and by surprise, he did without even having to leave New Orleans. Kabe ran into representatives for the nascent Mormon movement, which had recently been forced

by an angry mob from their community, the community that the followers had just built in Navu, Illinois. But even though the Mormons had been forced to leave Navu, they still had built buildings and homes there. Some had been burned down by angry locals, of course, but a lot of those buildings hadn't even been burned up a little bit. They had nearly set up an entire city that now they couldn't use, but they still owned. So would Kaabe want to maybe buy that whole city? Yes, yes he would. Oh, fuck yeah, bro. This just keeps getting better. Now they're buying a failed Mormon town where any remaining people are going to be probably wary of another group of outsiders, seen as a extremist moving in, because some people were already living in Navu before the Mormons arrived,

back when it was called Venus and then called Commerce. Just random settlers. Imagine being one of those people. You know, first the Mormons come, essentially completely take over your town, taking teen brides, preaching about a big biblical edition, found on some magical golden plates, and you're like, what the actual fuck? Then, after years of them, pressuring you to join them, join what was then, for sure, much more of a cult than a church. Then they get run off. You settle into a new routine of just living in a random American town again. Then a bunch of French communists show up and take your town over.

You would have to be like, are you fucking kidding me? What are the odds? What is it about this place? Is it the water? Did a tribal shaman curse this land? Did I die decades ago? And was reborn in the weirdest parallel universe ever what is happening. For penance on the dollar,

Kabb secured a turnkey city built by the Mormon's hard labor, ready and waiting for a new utopian colony to set up shop. And before I share how Navu worked out for the Akarians, time for today's second and two mid-show sponsor breaks. Thanks for listening to those sponsors. Now let's check back in with the Akarians as they take over a failed Mormon city. 142 men, 74 women, and 64 children proceeded to Navu, though a full 20 kids will die of cholera along the way.

Jesus Christ. They just lost a full third of their children in one journey. Life was so wild back then. Imagine having six kids, and you take the family on one road trip and only four make it. All right, kids, we can't grieve forever. Who's still excited for Disneyland? In Navu, Kabe was unanimously elected leader for a one-year term,

and things would kind of work out for a little while. The Navu-Akarian community would soon expand to about 500 members with a solid agricultural base as well as shops, three schools, flour and sawmills, a whiskey distillery, English and French newspapers, a 39-piece orchestra, random, choir, theater, hospital, and the state's largest library at the time with about 4,000 books. If you're wondering why that small of a place would need more than one newspaper, me too, I think it was because there were still planning for an explosive and almost immediate growth, right? One million strong and beyond. Every family was allocated the same amount of space, two rooms in an apartment building, and they were all allowed the same amount of furniture. Every night, the entire community would dine together in a common hall,

feasting on crops they had collectively grown and harvested. members met on Saturdays to discuss community affairs and problems with universal with universal male suffrage women were allowed to speak but not vote not even the commies were ready for women's rights just another bait and switch Kaabe had written initially that women did have equal rights with men when he was writing about a fictional Ikaria but when it came to real life he was something like ah yeah nah nah no I'd rather just have us men folk make all the decisions sorry about that.

On Sundays, members gathered to talk about ethical and moral issues, but there were no denominational religious services. Sundays were also reserved for visiting the community's children, none of whom lived with their parents any longer. After the age of four, children were sent to live apart from their parents at a community boarding school and visited by their families only on Sundays. Well, families could visit them during some recess breaks. They could see them during the week, but mostly just Sundays.

What the fuck? Just a bunch of parents living down the street. street from their kids and just seeing them once a week. This was done in theory to foster a love for the community, quote, without developing special affection for parents. That's insane from a young age, theoretically instrumental to the smooth working of a communist utopian society. Hmm.

I would think a true utopia would include a lot of parental love, but what do I know? I'm no utopian visionary, I guess. Also, even if you couldn't have or didn't want a traditional family, you still had to get married in Akaria. The Akarians did not believe in celibacy, and you could only get divorced if you promised the community that you'd remarry soon. What kind of utopia is this? Feeling less like a utopia and more just like another weird-ass cult, just one without religion. But then things would soon change. In 1851, Kaabe got served with charges of fraud by a bunch of people who had followed him to Texas during that first wave and returned, understandably, pretty fucking pissed off to France.

They were, you know, quite annoyed still, that what was supposed to be a bunch of. That was supposed to be A million acres was actually 300. Kabe returned to his home country now for a trial. Although he will be found not guilty by a friend's journey, when Kabe returns to America, he'll find his community has changed. Some men are using tobacco now. They're smoking. They're abusing alcohol.

Many of the women are adorning themselves with fancy dresses and jewelry. Families are claiming land as private property. Parents are spending quite a bit of time with their children. What the fuck, guys! We're supposed to be communists. We're supposed to share everything and all live in the same. same state of bland banal misery. I mean, share the same joyous communal spirit.

Kabe responded by issuing 48 rules of conduct. On November 23, 1853, forbidding tobacco, hard liquor. This is a quote. I should have said this a quote. Forbidding tobacco, hard liquor, complaints about the food, and hunting and fishing for pleasure,

as well as demanding absolute silence in workshops and submission to him. Oh, my guy, that kills me. Submit comrades. Enough. Stop talking about the food. Okay? So fucking typical of a communist regime.

What is initially always sold as a spirit of, we're all in this together, comrade. So quickly devolves into, God damn it, guys, shut the fuck up with the whining. Stop having fun. Just everyone listen to me and do what I say. Sounds a lot like a monarchy at this point, right?

The exact type of rule that it pushed many of these people to embrace communism in the first place. Kabe now also convinced the settlers that the Navu settlement was only temporary, that they had yet to build a true Akaria. So in 1853, the community also purchased 3,000 acres of land in Iowa, sending a few pioneers over there to begin development of the area.

And then in Illinois, even though Kaabae managed to restore some form of order, excuse me, things soon got worse again, because, of course, they did. All of the measures he had put in place to ensure equality were actually highly impractical. Workers were regularly cycled between jobs, you know, so everybody got a chance, do everything. you know, so no one was favored. No one got the nice job and somebody else got a hard job. But this meant that almost nobody was able to specialize in any particular skill.

People were constantly being asked to do shit that they had no business doing, right? Because we're not actually all equally talented. That is a fucking ridiculous notion. People's lack of experience as farmers was also abundantly made clear. The cultivation methods are barbaric, observed one visitor. Mnure is thrown into the stream. The same crops are grown on the same ground for an indefinite period of time. for money the colony relied on funds brought up by new members kind of a cult and subsidies from cabé's

newspapers offices in france and they weren't and not a lot was coming in anymore uh whenever anybody criticized cabe for any communal failure uh he would deflect a criticism to a group of people he found easy to blame the women the members who could not vote uh again though his book had promised a society where women could be of physicians and even priestesses and be equal uh in the u.s he not only denied them to write to vote he also demanded that children be boarded in a common school, right, taken away from them and other, you know, things, this all made him very unpopular. And before looking into what he, uh, would do in response, let's take a look at the state of his experiment overall in the summer of 1855 based on some of the colony's historical records,

many of which were written by him. On July 1st, 1855, the Akarians numbered 526, of whom 57 now lives in Iowa, a million strong and beyond. They had grown to over 500 in spite of quite a few affections. Most of the defectors were Germans who could not speak French and did not really share Ikarian principle, so I don't even know why they were there in the first place. Even so, several of those who did leave signified a desire to return later. Kaabe quoted a letter from one, if there are those in the community who wish to leave, I'll tell them that they are mad, that they will never find what they will leave, fraternity, liberty, a life, tranquil, and without worry. For while I have found good and generous hearts in the family of my wife, the community was still better.

Okay, so maybe not everybody hated, or maybe Kaabe just fucking made that shit up. Various workshops were in operation in the summer of 1855, a sewing room for making dresses and men's clothing, a machine shop, a forge, a black mist shop, tin shop, carpenters shop, quarters for butchers, painters, coopers, printers, shoemakers, weavers, bakers, and various other trades. And that list does sound impressive until one comes to Kaubay's own written admission. summer, quote, all these workshops are in their infancy, but the colony will develop and perfect them. So maybe they had these workshops, maybe they were just kind of sort of building them.

They still hadn't figured out how to make shit that anybody outside the community wanted to actually buy. So money in Akaria is getting in real short supply. Still, they did have 14 horses, 25 oxen, between 400 and 500 hogs, 20 cows, which gave them 80 to 140 liters of milk a day. They were low on chickens, with eggs being scarce. They only gave eggs to those people who were sick. So that's fun. A fire didn't help things. A fire sometime in 1854, I believe, destroyed their grain elevator, malt house and laundry, all new buildings. Two valuable horses, three colts, several cows and hogs also died on the positive side. They did spruce up the town's Temple Square quite a bit. They planted its new tree, shrubs and flowers, every Sunday after supper, 20, square.

children, quote, made music in the open air. Don't have eggs for everybody, but do have kids, cranking out some good tunes. Kaabe described living conditions in detail in 1855, as I mentioned earlier, all ate in the common dining room. Kaabe wrote that the food was nourishing and as varied as possible. I don't know if it was all that nourishing. In the morning before going to work, the men were served a dram of whiskey with bread. A dram is a shot.

breakfast to fucking champions A shot of whiskey And a hunk of bread to start your day No mention of what the women got to eat Maybe they got to gather up breadcrumbs The men missed Maybe they got to lick the insides of the shot glasses For lunch

The men got soup, potatoes or beans Or maybe meat left over from the night before The women apparently had to be satisfied With Cafe Olai A.k.a. Kaffaugh with milk And that's kind of it. What? Oh, you ladies are hungry from a hard day's work and not having breakfast?

Well, feast on these small cups of coffee and milk. Sounds like men and women. Got a proper dinner at least. Kabe wrote, several times a week we have thick soup and butcher's meat, sometimes mutton. In the winter, fresh pork with sauerkraut. Ham, another smoked pork, excellent fish once or twice a week, depending on the season. Various pastries, potatoes, sweet potatoes, beans, rice, butter, cheese, fresh vegetables of all kinds, radishes, cabbage, peas, carrots, turnips, onions, leeks, spinach, sometimes poultry.

Often during the season, melons and watermelons. This year we will have an abundance of peaches, enough to eat three times a day for a month, either fresh or stewed. Next year we will have apples and other fruit, for we have planted fruit trees of all kinds, and we will even have all kinds of preserves. We do not yet have grapes, but we will soon, for we are cultivating the vine. All right. So they bawled out when it came to dinner.

I mean, they had to. If dinner was on par with breakfast and lunch, the women would have literally starved for death. Kabe also wrote about the clothes as people made in war. Ikarian dress, Kaabe declared, must be suitable for cold and heat in winter and summer, comfortable, economical,

consequently simple, easy to make and repair, utilitarian, without luxury and adornment. All which tends toward luxury and coquetry is as contrary to our economic necessity, as to our principles of reason and morality. There's no personal expression.

No one gets to have fun. Everyone needs to dress the same way. Fucking boring and depressing. Regarding education. The Navu colony had three schools. One for boys from six to 16. One for girls at the same age. And a third kind of nursery school for kids

between the ages of three and six. All the kids had to eat and sleep at the older kids schools, which occupied a large double house. On Sunday, their parents would take them away between dinner and supper. So between lunch and dinner for some, you know, family time. Girls were taught women's work.

Boys were taught various trades, including farming. And now, after that peek into their lives, let's move further down the timeline. A million strong and beyond. Perhaps sensing his unpopularity. In the summer of 1855, Kaabe tried to revise the colony's constitution to make him president for life.

Kind of like, you know, king or dictator. How communal? This president under Kaabé's new scheme would have the ability to control all aspects of the community's government indefinitely. He wanted total power. This plan unsurprisingly angered the Akarians further. And led by Alexis Armel Marchan and Jean-Baptist Jarrar. Ka'A was expelled from the presidency of his own damn colony.

He must have been pretty unhappy. I literally invented this place. How are you kicking me out of Akaria? I am Akaria. In response, some of his followers did go on a strike and were in turn temporarily barred from the communal dining hall for doing so. The strike would continue, though, throughout the summer and following year in 1856, Cabé published his final book, Ikarian colony in the United States of America, full of all sorts of important solutions in his historical documentation of the Akarian experiment in, clearly mapping out its ideological principles, but unsurprisingly, this fails to solve any internal problems.

Instead, the writing on the wall was clear. Kabe was now out. In response, Kabe sued the Navu Ikarians in a local court, as well as petitioned the Illinois legislature to repeal the act that had incorporated his community. In October of 1856, about 180 supporters and Kabe left Navu in three groups for New Bremen, Missouri. About an hour's drive south of St. Louis today.

Don't look for it because it doesn't exist anymore. Barely ever existed. It was located where the town. of Azora sits now. And then just a few weeks later, on November 8th, 19, or excuse me, 1956, and then just a century later, no, a few weeks later, November 8th, 1856, Kaabe suffered a stroke and died at the age of 68, just two days after he and his followers arrived in St. Louis. A million strong and beyond.

The new leader became a 32-year-old lawyer named Benjamin Mercadier. He and others tried to refound the community For fuck's sake, just end it. Unplug it from life support. Be done with it. February 15th, 1858, a group of 151 Ikarians took possession of a few hundred acres in Sheltonham near St. Louis, Missouri. These cabatists used Kaubay's money,

put down $500 on a $25,000 mortgage for 39 acres and three buildings southwest of the city, adjusting to a new area and new locals prove difficult. but the Akarian still managed to adopt a constitution, a replica of the Navu one, and that was about it. They did not end up working communally. They worked in the city individually,

taking whatever jobs they could get, they needed the money. They enrolled their kids in local public schools. They did all live in the same three buildings for the most part and pooled their money. But once again, the colony, not really much of a colony at this point, quickly fell into various arguments.

During the Civil War, many young men joined the union cause by 1864, only about 20 residents. remained on the property. A million star in beyond! Several epidemics of dysentery and cholera took a bunch of them out,

just a never-ending shit show. Finally, because the Akarians could not meet the mortgage payments in March of 1864, Arsend Solva returned the key to the property to St. Louis banker Thomas Allen from whom the property

had been purchased in 1858, leaving quite a large debt. So the only lasted six years. It was a terrible six years. years at that. Oh boy, they limped along for six years and then ended up with a bunch of debt. That same year, most remaining members left the community and the Shelton Hammukarya, a commun colony, experiment, whatever was finished. Some, however, did go on to Adams County, Iowa, where many of the non-Kabe supporters who had stayed in Navu had wound up after the Navu

settlement also went bankrupt. In August of 1858, all Akarian property there in Illinois have been sold off at auction. They had originally arrived to Navu March 15th, 1849. They didn't even make it a decade. Now Navu will go on to become the largest German-speaking community in Illinois and remains so for 50 years.

German will be spoken widely in town, more than English for a period. German sermons will be delivered in the Catholic, Lutheran, Presbyterian, and Methodist churches. What a strange little town, man. And a small town, small random town, town that will never reach

the same population levels it had when a Mormon town existed. Had almost 2,500 people back in 1840, has less than 1,000 today. If you're looking to buy a town for a new social experiment, you know, Navu, not a bad option. I just looked up their real estate prices. A lot of Riverview lots, about an acre in size each for about $30,000 a piece, some less, several houses for sale for less than $200,000, some for less than $100,000. So go get it. Keep this weird story going. Now let's refocus on the Iowa originally 4,000 acres dotted with mud hovels and crudely built log cabins, the Iowa

Ikaria colony incorporated in 1860 and prospered during the Civil War by selling food at good prices, meaning they were able to pay off their debt by 1870. On the spring of 1874, the Akarian colony near the little town of Corning, Iowa, which had actually popped up after the Akarians, a town that was incorporated in 1877, or excuse me, 1871, after being established in 1869. this place was visited by Charles Nordhoff, who was traveling the U.S. doing investigative research on communities like Akaria in preparation for writing a book.

At that time, Nordoff found a two-story building, 60 feet by 24, which served as the community's collective dining hall, wash house, and school. Not much of a big community. Also found about a dozen cheaply built frame houses that sheltered the colonists, who at that time included about 65 members total

from 11 different families. Not even a dozen families now. A million strong and beyond. Most of those in the community were a French ethnicity, and French was the language spoken by the colonists, although among their number were included one American, one Swiss, one Swede, one Spaniard, and two Germans. Nordoff wrote,

The children look remarkably healthy, and on Sunday were dressed with great taste. The living is still of the plainest. In the common dining hall, they assembled in groups at the tables, which were without a cloth, and they drink out of tin cups and pour their water from tin cans. It is very plain, said one to me, but we are independent, no man's servants, and we are content.

Well, actually, you still do live inside another country, so you're not actually doing your own thing. But then just a few years after Nordhoff's visits, the remaining Icarian colony in Iowa faced a schism. Ah, the so-called old Icarians, the older members, were against allowing women the right to vote. But the young Akarians were in favor of women voting. And by a vote of 31 to 17, the entire community voted against franchising women. Guess they had more old Akarians than young ones. After that, the young Akarians now leave, even if they don't go very far. This is comical.

They moved to a new site on the same property about a mile southeast from where they were living. This move was done by moving eight frame houses from the original colony, about a mile across the property. They can still see their old fellow commies But they would not share their labor And spoils with them no more Now the old Akarian community Is no longer viable Without these young workers

They go bankrupt in 1878 They disband But a few of them Rebrand in 1879 Oh like a phoenix rising From some shitty ashes Still in the same area of Iowa Amalia strong and beyond

The new young community holds on a little bit longer. They established a new constitution 1879. Love that they feel like they need a constitution. They probably have like fucking 20 members' tops spread out over like two or three families. And they're like, you know what, it's time we get a new constitution. They also sent some members out west

to found another Ikarian community in northern California. Icaria Sparanza. It was just south of Cloverdale at the northern edge, what's considered the Bay Area now. the group bought an 18 excuse me the group bought an eight oh my fucking god the group bought the 885 acre bloxham ranch there we go on the russian river which included vineyards orchards and arable land they must have recruited a few wealthy members at its height the settlement had an estimated population of 55 individuals but then almost as quickly as it was founded it was over both ventures failed by 1886 man they went down fast out there in California. Vineyards didn't work out too much. And then the last remnants of the old Akarians

finally disbanded for good. There's just like a handful left now in 1898. And that was pretty much all she wrote. A million strong in beyond. More than 100 years later, the memory of the Akarians has almost become entirely erased. One of the only remnants of the Iowa colony

is its old dining hall, which today houses a small French Akarian village museum run by descendants of the community's original inhabitants, or at least it was, ran by descendants, of the community's original inhabitants. I didn't some poking around, and based on recent reviews,

and the link to the website not working, I think this museum may have folded. At the very least, it's just hanging on by a fucking threat, which definitely feels on brand. A million strong and beyond. Still, it's 46 years of existence, pitiful existence, but existence, did make the Iowa Icarian community

the longest-lived non-religious communal living experiment in American history up to that point. They tried something new. They were bold, adventurous. And in that sense, I do applaud their efforts. Most people would never do something like that, right? Leave their home country to settle in a new land, try out an entirely new way of life. But communism. I still don't like it any more than I like unregulated capitalism.

Both are too extreme. Both lead to people at the bottom being exploited by people at the top or in the center. And then there's always people at the top or in the inner circle. Maybe that's why I especially don't like the notion of true communism. I have no problem with some socialist policies. In fact, I'm a huge fan of some socialist policies, like universal health care, free higher education, the better educated as society is, the healthier,

a society is the happier and more prosperous and equitable that society is, in my opinion. But communism always just reads like a grift to me, just a fantasy, a lie. No leaders, we're all in this together, all for one and one for all. We'll just share and we'll all contribute equally. No, you won't.

Because we're not all created equal. Those are just pretty words. Pretty fucking hollow. Not true. We are all created so differently. Some of us are born with the possibility for elite athleticism. Some of us are born without the possibility

of ever being able to walk. Some of us are born with perfect sight, the ability to mentally focus in a way that would lead to a job as a pilot, you know, being a good pilot. Others are born with terrible eyesight and ADD brains that will never be well suited for probably landing a plane.

Some of us are born with qualities that can make us fantastic leaders. Others are born with more of a propensity to support leaders. Some of us are charismatic extroverts. Others misanthropic introverts. And on and on and on. Yes, we all have the ability to adapt our natures to change, but only up to a point. For example, both my kids are young adults now. And both have qualities and personality traits, dominant personality traits,

that they literally had as babies. It has been fascinating to watch the Nature versus Nurture play out to see how much their hardwired genetic tendencies have manifested in them and remained in them consistently throughout their lives. And they have been consistent.

In some ways, you know, Monroe is the same person at 18 at her core that she was at one or two. Same for Kyler. Same for me. Same for you. As a little kid, I was intensely curious to the great irritation

of many people in my family. I guess I would not stop asking questions. I was relentless, apparently. Also, I preferred to play alone rather than play with friends. I had a very specific vision for how each game needed to go. I'm probably autistic on some level.

Not even joking. You know, the toys, they have to be arranged just so. I've always been like about hyperfixation. My brain hyper fixates. And I get very irritated. If the thing isn't going exactly how I think it should.

And now I make a living off of hyperfixating. on topics and being curious. I still like to play alone. You know, worked as the stand-up comic for most of my life, an intensely solitary profession where you get to control

exactly what you say. Launch a solo podcast. So I could say exactly what I wanted to say without interruption. You know, my other podcast, my wife, you know, still do solo episodes

where I get to arrange my adult toys as I see fit. Even within that one, when we're working together, one person tells a story, other listens, next person tells a story, other person listens,

you know, you still get to do it how you want. Communism, in my opinion, is incompatible with human nature because it does not properly account for the uniqueness of each of us. And I know there's this notion of like, you know, to each, their abilities, all that stuff,

but that just doesn't work. And that is why, in my opinion, it routinely fails. Right? You can't, we can't just put everybody, even if there's different shapes. Some people are triangles. Some people are square. Some people are circles.

That still doesn't account for the variety of humanity. There's, you know, so many differences within us all. And when you start saying, like, nope, you've got to be working at this factory A, nope, you're going to be, you know, living here. You start telling people what to do and these drab conditions and these drab jobs for many people, it just fucking crushes people's spirits.

The only regimes that have lasted any length of time, like North Korea have only lasted because of oppression, exploitation, suppression, and manipulation. Not because people are having fucking fun. But in theory, in theory, it's beautiful. I mean, how fun, you know, if we could all share what we have and have enough for everybody to not only survive, but thrive and be fulfilled. and, you know, be following their passions, but you can't follow your fucking passions

in a communist society. Not going to happen, society-wide. I don't think. But who knows? Maybe someday someone will prove me wrong. Maybe some other Etienne Kabe will come along and make it work. You know, maybe they'll really make it to a million strong and beyond. Or they'll just fucking, I don't know, die along the way.

And that's it for this edition of Time Sucks Short Sucks. I know I kind of rambled there towards the end. But man, what a fascinating little piece of history that I had never heard of before Sophie found this topic. If you enjoyed that story, check out the rest of the bad magic catalog. Beefier episodes at Time Suck, Monday's, noon Pacific Time. New episodes of the now long-running paranormal podcast, scared to death. Tuesdays at midnight.

Two episodes of Nightmare Fuel, fictional horror thrown into the mix each month. Thank you again to Sophie Evans for amazing research. Yeah, fascinating tale. Please go to bad magic productions.com for all your bad magic needs and have yourself a great weekend.