Timothy Keller Sermons Podcast by Gospel in Life - Befriending Grace

Episode Date: October 7, 2026

Every religion in the world gives you a list of virtuous behaviors. But the New Testament gives you something different. It does give you a list, but it’s of aspects of how a supernaturally, grace-changed heart shows itself.   The apostle Paul says it’s possible to do all the morally virtuous behavior without any love at the core, for virtuous behavior to flow out of an inner emptiness rather than an inner fullness. Jesus actually talks about this constantly. And so we’re looking at what we’re calling practical graces, at the aspects of a heart that isn’t just restrained but that is supernaturally changed. We’re looking now at kindness. Let’s look at 1) what kindness is not, 2) what kindness is, and 3) how you can get it. This sermon was preached by Dr. Timothy Keller at Redeemer Presbyterian Church on January 27, 2002. Series: Practical Grace; How the Gospel Transforms Character. Scripture: Ephesians 4:29-5:2; John 15:12-15. Today's podcast is brought to you by Gospel in Life, the site for all sermons, books, study guides and resources from Timothy Keller and Redeemer Presbyterian Church. If you've enjoyed listening to this podcast and would like to support the ongoing efforts of this ministry, you can do so by visiting https://gospelinlife.com/give and making a one-time or recurring donation.

Welcome to Gospel and Life Radio. We often assume that being kind, generous, and forgiving is all that matters. But in his writings to the early church, the Apostle Paul offers a challenging truth. Even the greatest acts of love and sacrifice are empty if they're ultimately done out of self-interest. Today, Tim Keller explores how the gospel transforms us completely, even our motivations, making us people who love and serve others in response to God's grace for us. Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.

And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as Christ God forgave you. imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. My command is this. Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command. I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master's business.

Instead, I have called you friends. For everything that I learned from my father, I have made known to you. It's the word of the Lord. We're doing a series of studies in which we are looking at the marks of a supernaturally changed heart as distinguished from simply a morally restrained heart. So in the very beginning, when we looked at 1 Corinthians, 13, which is really the guidance for all of our, for this whole series. There was a radical, kind of subversive, I think it's fair to say, principle that Paul

laid down when he said, if I give away all my goods to the poor, if I die for my faith, but have not love. See, when he said that, this is that radical principle. He was saying, it's possible to do all of the morally verse. virtuous behavior on all of the virtue lists of the world, like Aristotle, courage, generosity, justice, integrity, prudent, self-control. Paul says it's possible to do all that kind of morally virtuous behavior without any love at the core. It's possible to be incredibly virtuous in your behavior and that flow out of an inner emptiness rather than an inner fullness of joy and of love

of peace. In other words, it's possible to do all that virtuous behavior, to have it all done by a heart that's restrained through force, not changed at the root. And Jesus actually talks about this too, a lot, constantly. This is not St. Paul's issue only. There's a place in the sermon on the Mount where Jesus says, if your goodness, he says to his disciples, if your goodness is not utterly different then and utterly beyond the goodness and righteousness of the scribes and Pharisees and the moral religious leaders you have nothing of me so jesus talks about it too and therefore the lists see every every religion of the world when it wants to let you know what you should be like gives you a list and the list is always a list of virtuous behaviors but the new testament gives you

something different it does give you lists And on the surface, it might look like the same kind of list, like Aristotle's list, a list of virtuous behaviors. But what it's actually giving us is a list of Galatians 5, the fruit of the spirit. 1 Corinthians 13, which we're following to a great degree, love is patient, kind, and so on. It's aspects of a supernaturally changed heart. In other words, what we're looking at are the marks of how the supernatural grace changed heart shows itself in practice. Practical graces, in other words, we're calling it. And each week we look at another one out of some of these different lists. And the one we're going to look at

this evening today is in all the lists. It's in the list of a supernaturally changed heart. It's in Galatians 5, where the fruit of the spirit are mentioned. It's in 1st Corinthians 13. and actually I think I printed it out at the very very bottom of the scripture passage. Kindness. Love is kind. The fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness. Now, let's just ask, well, let's look at this particular mark

of a supernaturally changed heart under three headings. What kindness is not, what this spiritual mark trait is not, what it is, and how we can get it. What it's not, what it is, that's one way to be clear, is to say what it's not, and then say what it is,

and then say how you can get it. First of all, what it's not. Right in the middle of this passage in Ephesians that Paul writes to the church, he says, be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving. Now, last week we looked at the idea of forgiveness.

Did we not? If you were here. and for our purposes we ought to contrast this in most people's minds. Most people find forgiveness very hard, or at least pretty hard. Last week, I think, the passage we looked at was one of the places where Jesus says, when someone says, how often should we forgive it? He says 70 times, or sometimes he says 70 times seven. And since seven is the perfect number, that was an ancient Semitic way of saying,

Jesus was saying, you must forgive endlessly. you must constantly forgive. You must forgive no matter how often it happens to you. And the average person, when they hear about that, when they hear that Christianity or Christ calls them to endless forgiveness, the average person says, that's hard. I can't do that without help. That's really hard.

But when you get to this trait, kindness doesn't seem that hard. Or put it another way, studies show, research shows that most people admit they have trouble with forgiveness, that it's really hard to forgive. Most people admit they have some trouble with forgiveness, but virtually nobody thinks they have trouble with kindness. In other words, it's almost impossible out there to find an American who says, yeah, yeah, I'm unkind. I'm a pretty unkind person. No. There's plenty of people who say, I have trouble with forgiveness. I don't know that I'm a forgiving person. Lots of people say that. But the kindness and compassion, they say, sure, I'm kind of kind.

Yeah, I'm sort of kind. I mean, I'm kinder than a lot of people. I'm not unkind. See? So kindness and compassion looks easy. Forgiveness seems very hard. So the question right away comes up, why would it be on the list?

Why is it on the Galatians 5 list? Why is it in 1st Corinthians 13? What's so hard about it? It seems like it's not that hard. There's a lot of kind people around. Not everybody is, but a lot of people are very nice and very kind and very good. And every family is a couple of people.

They're all over the place. It's not so hard. Oh, really. Two articles recently in periodicals around here that kind of get at something that is relevant to our discussion. Dave Denby in this week's New Yorker. He does a kind of movie review of some actors

who recently, he mentions Kevin Spacey, Robin Williams, and Jim Carrey. And he says, it seems like there's a lot of actors that get to a certain stage in their career where they want to play characters of pure kindness and goodness and filled with pure concern for other people. And Dave Demby points out that almost all of these movies are terrible. He says they're modeling, they're sentimental.

And you know, you may agree or may disagree with some of the, you know, which movies you think are terrible. But he says one thing in the article, which is kind of hard to disagree with, and it's very, very thought-provoking, especially in light of our discussion. He says at one point, actors forget how hard it is to make extreme goodness dramatically interesting.

He says, a really good person to play a really good person, it's almost impossible to make interesting. Why would that be? And then, right along the same lines, there was an interview between Ian McKellen, a very good actor, and Amy Barrett, who was the interviewer, and it was in the New York Times Magazine

about a month or two ago. And the same subject came up, and so this is a he said, she said, I'll have to read you the interview like this. And so basically, he says, McCallin says, good characters are very, very difficult to play. And she says, really? More difficult than evil ones?

He says, oh, yes. Oh, absolutely. I mean, for example, do you know any really good people? And Amy Barrett says, well, I think I know a couple. And McKellon went on. And so don't you just wonder at them? don't you look at those really good people and you wonder and you say to yourself, gracious me, what is their motive for being like that?

Don't you just wonder at them? It's so difficult. How does an actor figure out someone like that? And then Amy Barrett comes back and says, well, sometimes, I must admit, I find goodness a little boring in people, actually. And then McKellon snaps right back and says, well, you see, there it is. it's really good people who are the inhuman ones

not the really wicked people now he's getting at exactly what St. Paul gets at in 1st Corinthians 13 exactly what we're getting at in this series he says not on all the motivations

behind everything he says but he is talking about and Dave Denby's talking about they said there's a type of goodness niceness kindness kindness which seems artificial, false, forced, and unreal. Why would that be? And the answer is, according to 1st Corinthians 13,

because it's possible for kindness, which is not the result of a changed heart, but of a restrained heart, right? In other words, what is kindness? I mean, common sense, kindness is the opposite of selfishness. If you're selfish, you're not kind. That's why you go by the person who's, wants to talk to you.

If you're kind, you're not selfish, if you're selfish, you're not kind. But there is a type of kindness, there's a type of kindness in which the native selfishness of the heart is not dealt with, it's not change, it's not really dealt with, but rather it's hidden and expressed through external actions that appear kind and generous, but are really ways of getting power over people and esteem for yourself. there's a kind of kindness which is really all about you now you shouldn't be surprised

to know that Friedrich Nietzsche was into this and was all I mean it was onto this when you first read Alsos-Sach Zarathustra the one thing that really strikes you about Nietzsche is so offensive at how much he despises the trait of kindness and neighbor love

and he just despises Christianity for having produced kindness and neighbor love and he says ah it's this is a this is the he calls it a morality for the weak. And when you first read that, you're so offended you say, what happened to him? You know, what's the matter with him? But he's actually, if you are willing to,

if you're willing to sit with him and listen to him, he is saying very similar things about morality out there in our society that Jesus was saying about the scribes and the Pharisees and that Paul was saying. There's one place, for example, where Nietzsche says this, subjection to morality can be, slavish, vain, and self-interested, and therefore not moral at all. Now, what is he talking about?

Well, if Nietzsche and St. Paul and Tim Keller are agreeing on something, you ought to at least give it some weight. But let me illustrate this by going to a really great book, great novel, Pride and Prejudice, which I've referred to recently. In Pride and Prejudice, now, if you've never read the book, never watched the films, you can still figure this out because you'll recognize the types of people. You've got three of the five sisters that will illustrate what we're talking about.

You have Jane, Mary, and Lizzie Bennett. Jane, Mary, and Lizzie Bennett. Now, Jane is temperamentally nice. She's the oldest child, and she is just, you know the kind of person. She's temperamentally so nice, so good, so kind. Never a harsh word. Never a word of criticism. always eager to please, always so complying.

And you know exactly the kind of person. And because you know that kind of person, because they're always so dear and they're so endearing that I'm going to have to step in here because what I'm about to say about the kind of person that Jane represents is going to sound sort of harsh to you. So I'm going to step in and be honest about my own life and heart and take some of the abuse I'm about to give out.

I'm an oldest child too. And whereas I certainly don't have the personality, I'm too sardonic. I'm not like Jane in some ways. But I'll tell you this. I also, I partake of the oldest child syndrome thing. I am a knee-jerk nice maker. Now you've heard of your refrigerator has an ice maker. Okay, I'm talking about a nice maker, not an ice maker. And what do I mean by that? My instincts, absolute instincts are agree, give in. make nice, make peace, smile. This can be a win-win situation.

There's no need for a confrontation. There's no need for a division. Everything can be just fine. Absolutely my instincts. Everybody can be happy. I know it can happen. It doesn't matter. I'll do anything.

But years ago, God showed me, a little word of personal testimony, that there was almost no concern for other people in my temperamental kindness. It's almost completely about me. Now you say, how would that be? You mean you just want to be liked? It's really not quite that simple.

It's not that simple. All I know is, and some of you, listen, everybody knows people like this, and a lot of you are like this, so it's not like this is not relevant to everybody. I'm the kind of person that unless everybody inside my sphere of influence is happy, I don't feel like a worthwhile person. So, for example, one of the things is I've had a parent. Now, I don't have any of my kids here tonight so I can use this. I've had to parent three sons alongside of a spouse, a mother, who really has no problem having people unhappy inside her sphere of influence. No problem at all.

And so, for example, many times we would have to say to one of our sons something that we knew he did not want to hear and was going to make him incredibly unhappy for minutes, hours, or days. And what was so intriguing was I could not live. I mean, it was just like agony to have somebody inside my sphere of influence who was unhappy. I could hardly take it. Whereas my wife did have no problem with it at all, not a bit. Kathy would just say, he's always going to be unhappy.

And it just about killed me. Is that a virtue? Why did it kill me? Because I'm just so sensitive and she's not? Because I'm a better person, she's not? No, absolutely not. I do not feel like a worthwhile person. If somebody inside my sphere of influence isn't happy,

and therefore I need for you to be happy. It's not about you. I've got to have you happy. It's not about you. It's all about me. And see, Nietzsche's right. My kindness, temperamental niceness so often is actually a result of inner weakness,

of inner lack of confidence, of inner emptiness. It is. All about you. That's temperamental niceness. That's the Jane kind of person. But then you have another. kind of person. It's a kind of person who's very nice and very kind, but you need them to be happy,

and it's all about you. There's another kind of niceness and goodness, which is I call not temperamental niceness, but moralistic niceness. And that's represented by a second, another one of the Bennett girls, Mary. And Mary, I think I may have referred to her a couple of weeks ago, in the book, you won't get this in the film, the book, the narrator, Jane Austen says that Mary's problem was that she was the plainest of the five girls. And because she was plain, she desperately needed to feel like she was better than other people in something.

And because she needed to feel she was better in other people, she got into morality, altruism, and charity. And therefore she was very altruistic, and she was very charitable, and she was always doing nice things for people. But it was all about her. Because unlike the temperamentally nice person

who desperately needs, other people to be happy. The moralistically nice person desperately needs other people to be grateful. And so, for example, nobody put it better than Lewis in the weight of glory, where C.S. Lewis says, no, it's in the four loves. And he says, if you do someone a kindness

to show him or others or yourself what a fine chap you are or to put them in your debt, and then you sit down and you wait for gratitude, you're going to be in for a lot of disappointment in life. All natural affection, do you hear this? Wow. All natural affection is idolatrous and needs to be purified. What he means by that is all natural kindness is self-serving.

So you see, some people are very kind, but it's all about you. Not about them. You're looking for gratitude, indebtedness, that now you will treat me with the respect that I want and deserve. Or it's all about neediness. It's all about, I need to have you happy. Otherwise, I don't feel like I'm really a worthwhile person. And now thirdly, you get to Lizzie.

And what's interesting about Lizzie is Lizzie is not an artificially kind person like Jane and Mary. She's an unkind person. I mean, that's really what the book's about, is she's the smart one. She's the woody one. She understands what's really going on. And people, she knows how to skewer them. She knows how to deconstruct them. She knows how to see what they're really about.

But as a result of that, she's harsh, and she tells people off. And, I mean, that's what the, I think, what the book's name is about. It's about pride and prejudice, and a lot of it is hers. But I believe that she gives us more of a picture of what God means, what the Bible means by kindness, because she's humbled into kindness. Mary and Jane don't have enough inner strength, whereas Lizzie does not have enough humility. See, Lizzie has the confidence, but not enough humility to be kind. She's unkind.

She's brusk. She's harsh. She's indifferent. She writes people off. But Jane and Mary don't, see, they have enough humility. They don't have enough inner confidence. They don't have enough inner assurance. So because don't you begin to see nobody's really kind naturally.

There's people who are very, very humble, but they don't have enough inner assurance. So they're artificially kind. And it's all about them. And there's other people who've got plenty of confidence. but as a result, they tend to be brusque and busy and indifferent and condescending, and they're unkind. Only if there was some incredible juxtaposition of deepest humility and incredible assurance and inner strength, could you really be truly kind, a kindness that's not selective, you know, like kind of certain people, a kindness that's not conditional, you know, on the basis of gratitude or happiness or people getting better,

quickly, since I'm helping you. Real spiritual kindness is something that is not natural. It really has to be a mark of a supernatural-changed heart. Do you see? It's got to come to us. It's got to be born in us. And therefore,

the fact of the matter is artificially kind people do seem, as was said, less human than even broken people or even bad people. Because you see, at least broken people and bad people, they know what's going on in their heart, and they are usually very often

sensitive in some cases to other people who are also messed up. But as you see, artificially good people are really less human. They really are less human. It is forced. It is odd. They don't know about, they're not in touch with their own heart. They're not in touch with what's really going on in themselves. And very often they're very, very,

they don't understand why other people can't pull themselves together like they have. But it's possible to have a kindness that doesn't make you less human, but more. Many of us spend more time thinking about ourselves than we'd like to admit. Whether we're comparing ourselves to others or just trying to live up to our own expectations,

it's easy to become preoccupied with what we've done or accomplished. In his short book, The Freedom of Self-Forgatefulness, Tim Keller shows how embracing the truth of the gospel makes it possible for us to let go of the constant need to evaluate ourselves and points us to an identity that's secure because of Christ's work on the cross. This month, as thanks for your gift to help Gospel in Life spread the good news of the gospel with more people, we'll send you two English copies of the freedom of self-forgetfulness and one Spanish copy that you can share with a Spanish speaker in your life. Sharing this Spanish copy is part of our focus this month on Gospel and Life's Translation Initiative,

as we launched the Global Reach Project, where, with God's help and in partnership with the Keller family, we are translating 500 of Dr. Keller's sermons into 30 of the world's most spokesmen. spoken languages. Through the Global Reach Project, millions more people around the world will be able to access the hope of the gospel shared through Dr. Keller's teaching in their native language. To learn more, go to theglobalreachproject.com. And to request your copies of the freedom of self-forgetfulness, visit gospelandlife.com slash give. Again, that's gospelonlife.com slash give. Now here's Dr. Keller with the rest of today's teaching. So secondly, that's what it's not.

kindness is not all about you there's an artificial kindness what is real spiritual kindness three things practical grace befriending grace visionary grace real kindness to other people

real warmth real love boy are you a kind person the people that know you if you said choose two adjectives that

really sum up who I am or how I come across to people, would either of them be kind? A lot of you say, oh no, then listen. Three things. First of all, kindness is practical grace meeting needs. Now this is the most common sense of the three aspects of kindness. You see it in verse 29, perfectly. This is only communication. This is the venue of kindness through words. and through communication, but there it is. In verse 29, do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths,

but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs that it may benefit those who listen. There it is, in a way. Benefit those who listen. In other words, everything I do when I speak

is not what meets my needs, but what meets theirs. What do they need? What do they need? hear. What do they need to hear? That's what I give them. And then you're kind. That's a kind conversation. It's kindness expressed through your words. Do you enter into conversations asking, what do these people really need for me? What do they need to hear? Where do they need the conversation to go? That's kindness. So basically, kindness is very simple. It's meeting the needs of other

people instead of your own. It's meeting the needs, it's noticing needs and meeting the needs of other people instead of your own. But look carefully before we move on, even here, it doesn't say that you should say what pleases them, but what benefits them. And here again, you have a distinction, not between just kindness and unkindness, but between unkindness, artificial kindness, and real kindness. Because unkindness says, it tells people off. It just says

whatever you want to say. But artificial kindness never tells people off, never criticizes, never says anything that's kind of harsh. Why? Artificially kind people, it's all about you. So you're so warm and you're so supportive and you're so kind and you never criticize and you never tell people off why. Because you're not that concerned with what benefits them. You're not truly kind. You're artificially kind. You're using what looks like kind, generous actions to get power over people or to meet your own needs or something like that. it doesn't say tell people off and meet your own needs but it also doesn't say only tell them what pleases you what pleases them and therefore meet your own needs but tell them give them what they need

whatever it is even if it means they're going to be mad at you then you know you're kind then you know your kind so kindness first of all is meeting other needs it's practical grace but secondly it's befriending grace now what do I mean by that Listen, you're not supposed to just give things. Kindness is not just giving things, not just giving advice, not just giving money, not just giving deeds, it's giving yourself. There we start to see how hard it is. Notice in verse 32, it says, be kind and compassionate to one another. If the sentence said, be kind and compassionate to others, Paul would be calling for you to find objects for your kindness. but when he says

be kind and compassionate to one another he is calling you to find subjects for your kindness now what that means is one another is a mutual relationship and therefore what he's saying is I want to see you engaging in mutual interdependent relationships with your kindness so without personal

involvement without a willingness to open up without a willingness to enter in to relationship you're not really a kind person a kind person is marked by befriending grace. Now, why did I say it that way? I thought a lot about it. I was trying to get this across.

You can only have so many friends, right? You can't be friends with everybody. You only have so much time. You only got so much of you. But I believe that that doesn't mean that it's not possible in every encounter, even with people you've never met before, and with a person maybe you never will meet again,

it is possible though that person can't be your friend for them to experience through you befriending grace which is the essence of kindness now what do i mean by that it means that the it means that the same two elements of real friendship can show up in every encounter you have with people even people you just happen to meet or bump against in the subway now what are those two elements well let me say it several times over and over to get them through the two elements of real friendship are vulnerable transparency and unconditional constancy. Transparency, transparency, constancy. A friend always lets you in, never lets you down. Now you've got to have the two of them. Some people are very good at being there for you, but they don't let you in.

You know, arms together. They don't let you in, they don't let you see you. They won't let you down, but they won't let you in. And there's other people who'll let you in, you know, all the time, every time you talk with them, it's just their whole life. But they're not there for you.

And you're not friends then. Friendship, friendliness. Friend, to be a friend is an act of grace, of course. And it's also, well, we're not going to talk about friendship. In general, we can't do it. But I am saying that you are supposed to be,

if you're a kind-hearted person, that means that you'd give befriended, and grace in every encounter. Those same two elements can be there. In fact, by the way, you see him in John 15. You notice this? When Jesus Christ, and I put this in after Ephesians 5, though we're not actually studying it,

when Jesus Christ says, I'm your friends, he gives the same two elements. What makes him our friend? One is, you're not a servant, you're a friend because I tell you my business. I tell you what's going on inside. I let you in. And secondly, I give my life for you.

I don't let you down. Same two elements. Have you ever encountered somebody who gave you befriending grace in that encounter? Didn't just brush you off and didn't just sort of do their duty. Well, really kind. What is befriending grace? Well, I've experienced this what it means. First of all, it's the same two things that you've got to have to be a truly spiritually kind person.

There's a humility, and yet there's a confidence. On the one hand, befriending grace happens when this person I'm talking to, that there's a humility, and therefore there's a transparency. There's no spin. There's no sense that, I have no sense that he or she is trying to control what I see of them. There's just an openness.

There's just a, you know, there's a transparency. There's a lack, there's a willingness to simply be very, very honest about him or herself. So on the one hand, there's a transparency, but on the other hand, there's a safety.

Now, here's what I mean by that. See, friends never let you down. Even in an encounter, you sometimes recognize with somebody that they have such an inner strength and inner confidence that they actually don't need you to be anything. They don't need you to get happy if they help you. You don't sense that they need you to do better. You don't sense that they need you to be grateful. You don't sense that they need you to do anything. So often you get it, as soon as you encounter some people, you know immediately, here's a person I could shock, here's a person I could offend.

Here's a person that it wouldn't be that hard for them. Right now they're friendly, but it wouldn't take much for them to say, forget you. They're not safe. They need for you to be a certain kind of person. They need for you to say certain things. They need for you to be in a certain condition where the relationship can't go on. But in befriending grace, you got somebody so humble that there's a transparency and an openness,

but so confident and so sort of internally full that they really don't need you to be in a certain way. it's safe to be honest. It's safe for you to stop spinning and putting spin on everything. Have you experienced that kind of befriending grace? Do you give it to people? Do you give it to everybody you meet? Do they sense that from you? So first of all, kindness is meeting the needs of other people instead of your own and not just selfishly, you know, being it all about you. Secondly, it's befriending grace, but thirdly, it's visionary grace. It's practical grace, it's befriending grace, and it's visionary grace. In other words, kindness is toward an end.

It's got a vision for the people that you're encountering. See, what is the motive for your kindness? That was what Ian McKellen asked way back in the beginning of the sermon when we read that part of the interview. He says, I look at some good people, I look at people who are like Jane. They're so nice, they're so sweet, and there's never a kind. And I say, what's the motive for that? And that's the question we've been asking all along. And we've seen all the bad motives, but now what's the right one?

Why are you kind to people? Just so you can feel that you're a great person, like Lewis said? What is the goal? Interestingly enough, verse 29, talks a little bit about it. It says, don't do anything or say anything, but that which is helpful for building up others. And the word there, Oikidome is a word for building up edify, but it really is a word for building a house.

And that's interesting because you never build a house without a blueprint. You've got something you're looking at, right? What are you looking at when you encounter people? And if you're not, you're not going to be kind. What's your vision for your encounter? If you don't have this vision, I just don't think you're going to be able to keep up the kind of standard of kindness that we've got here.

What is that vision? Well, right in the middle of all this talk about, build each other up, don't tear people down, be kind, be compassionate, be forgiving. Suddenly, Paul says, and don't grieve the Holy Spirit of God with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. What's that doing in there?

Well, now first of all, you say, well, and this is right, the most obvious part is, here's the part that is easy to understand. Obviously, it's saying that it's unkindness that grieves the Holy Spirit. The presence of God with you is grieved by unkindness. Okay, that's why he's saying that. And that's great to know. But why does he add this little description of the Holy Spirit? Why does he say unkindness particularly grieves the Holy Spirit because, the Holy Spirit's job is to seal people for the day of redemption.

That's why unkindness hurts him. What does that mean? And what's the day of redemption? Well, it's a future thing. It's not the past. It's not looking at the day in which we got redeemed in the sense of that we gave our lives to Christ. It's looking to the future.

It's looking to the day of redemption. The day in which utter redemption happens. Redemption of your souls, of your bodies, redemption of the universe, redemption of everything spiritually and socially and culturally and physically. On the day of redemption, everything broken will be repaired. Everything, every good thing lost will be recovered, and everything sad will become untrue. And yet more glorious for having once been sad and broken and lost. And because the Holy Spirit is always dealing with every person,

always working in every life with that in view, he hates unkindness. Because unkindness means you're out of step with the Holy Spirit. Because the Holy Spirit in all of his dealings with everyone is looking to that day. Do you? What do we mean by that? Well, what are you going to be like on that day? What is, what could he...

Paul talks about it in Romans 8. He says, consider that the suffering of this present time is not worthy to be compared with the glory that will be revealed in us. Glory revealed in us? Yeah. Here's an acorn. Imagine. How does that compare to the redwood tree from which it comes? It's incredible. It's like, that was all in there, but it was. And it was all in there. Incredible potential in that acorn. Giant redwood. How much different is the giant redwood from the acorn. Okay, now look around you.

Well, it's New York, so don't look. No eye contact. Think around you. You know what you've got? Go out in the street and look around you. You know what you've got? Spiritual acorns, as far as the eye can see. What this means is any human being that gets planted,

see, that's what makes an acorn erupt. anything that's planted, any human being that's planted in the love and power of God, in them there is such beauty, there is such potential, there is such power, there is such stuff in there that is so beyond what they are right now in power and beauty and degree that it makes the difference between an acorn and a redwood look like nothing. And the Holy Spirit says, that's what I'm after in all my encounters. I want to get people to their glory selves.

I want to get people to that future time. And can you, can you stay in step with him? Or are you going to grieve him? Can you conduct all of your dealings with people with that in-in-view? Now, nobody ever put it any better than C.S. Lewis, who puts it like this in his famous book, Wade of Glory, a famous essay or his talk actually. He says, there are no ordinary people.

You've never talked to a mere mortal. Nations, cultures, arts, civilization, these are mortal, and their life is to ours as the life of a gnat. It's a serious thing to remember that the dullest and most uninteresting person you talk to may one day be a creature which, if you saw it now, you would be strongly tempted to worship. or else a horror and a corruption such as you now meet, if at all, only in a nightmare. All day long, we are in some degree helping each other to one or the other of these destinations.

It is in the light of these overwhelming possibilities. It is with the awe and circumspection proper to them that we should conduct all our dealings with one another. all friendships, all loves, all play, all politics. Lift up your eyes. You know what you've been doing? You know what we do? We think of ourselves as like we have this, we have our story, our little story.

And when we encounter people, it's like they come into our story and we say, I wonder if we can get them to play the role we want so that our story will go in the direction we want it to go in. Lift up your eyes. Every human being is in a story. and the end of that story is glory or terror. And God's watching it, and the angels are watching it.

And every encounter, every encounter you have, you get into their story. Now, are you going to come into their story, fill with your own needs, say, how can I use these people to make me feel better? Or are you going to say, as God and the angels watch, are you going to come into that story and say, what can I do to get these people into God eventually? And all it takes, by the way, is every, you know, you see what Lewis says, every day we're moving people either toward more hope and more openness and more love and more encouragement and,

or away from it in the way we treat each other. Are you willing to enter into all of your relationships into every encounter with the awe and circumspection proper to that realization? visionary grace means when I come upon a person any human being I realize I've got something of infinite preciousness infinite value

I want to come into their life the way God has come into my life not to be served but to serve practical grace befriending grace visionary grace where are we going to get the power for this we're going to get the power for this you know sending you out to be more forgiving people

last week was bad enough. And you thought kindness was easy. And you thought, well, I'm pretty kind. What are we going to do? Where do you get the power for this? How do you get this? Well, I mean, the answer here is so simple. Paul lays it right out.

Notice how, whether therefore is. Chapter 5, verse 1, after he's been saying, I want you to never say anything except that which benefits people. How about that? I want you to conduct all of your dealings, the way the Holy Spirit does, in light of the day of the day of, redemption. I want you no anger, no sprawling, no slander, no bitterness and rage, kind,

compassionate to one another, how? Therefore, if you want to do all that, therefore, look at the God who is kind to us in Christ. Titus chapter three puts it perfectly. At one time, we too were foolish, disobedient, deceived, enslaved by all kinds of passions and pleasures. We lived in malice and envy being hated and hating one another. Oh, but when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, he saved us. Where did the kindness appear? The kindness of God appear? You know what that word means?

It means became visible. You know who he's talking about? Would you like to see the ultimate kindness? Jesus. Practical grace, concrete grace, incarnation. He became visible. He became concrete. befriending grace never lets you down always lets you in look at jesus vulnerability are his arms open to you

they were nailed open for you there's vulnerability and then secondly you want constancy when jesus christ was in the garden of gistemite he suddenly realized that he was going to have to go through hell if we were going to be his friends not hell quote unquote hell capital H, capital E, capital L, capital L. And he did it. And see, let's go back to the beginning. What did we say? Real spiritual kindness, the kindness we're talking about takes a radical humility and

a radical confidence. And we're going to get that. If we're doing well in life, we're confident but not humble. If we're not doing well in life, we're humble but not confident. Where are we going to get that? See, the great thing about Lizzie Bennett in the book is that she is, humbled into kindness. She's moved into kindness.

It's not the natural artificial kindness that comes from need, but she's humbled into it. And here's what will both humble and affirm you into kindness. It's the kindness of Jesus, nailed open, constant. The kindness of Jesus shows

because he died on the cross, it humbles you because it shows you were so bad he had to die for you, but it affirms you because it shows you're so valuable, he wanted to die for you. And when you put those two things together, then and only then will you be able to live a life of love? That's the source of it. You have to take it. You have to make it real to yourself. You have to think about it as you walk out the door. You know, one thing about forgiveness is probably unless somebody,

you know, punched you in the jaw on the way out, you didn't have to practice last week's sermon on the very way out the door, you know, on forgiveness. But this week, the way you treat people just as you get out of here is we affected by your grasp. of this call, be kind, compassionate to one another, as God was kind and compassionate in Jesus Christ to you. Let us pray. Father, we pray that you would give us befriending grace so that we can move out into the world

with a kind of warmth, the kind of concern for other people, so that in every one of our encounters, we're looking for what will benefit them, what will meet their need, not ours. We're looking to give them, befriending grace, we're looking to that great day, we have a sense of excitement for what they can be. Father, how, that would just so transform the way we relate to everybody. And so we ask that you would help us.

Make us a community of people like that. And then, and then, what great neighbors we would be for the city in which we live. Make us like your son, who came not to be served, but to serve and give his life a ransom for many. In his name we pray. Amen. Thanks for joining us here on the Gospel and Life podcast. If you were encouraged by today's teaching, you can help others discover this podcast by rating and reviewing it. And to find more great gospel-centered content by Tim Keller, visit gospelonlife.com.

Today's sermon was recorded in 2002. The sermons and talks you hear on the Gospel and Life podcast were recorded between 1989 and 2017 will Dr. Keller was senior pastor at Redeemer Presbyterian Church.