Timothy Keller Sermons Podcast by Gospel in Life - Kindness

Episode Date: November 14, 2025

How do you talk about kindness? Depending on the context, the Greek word can be translated as fitting, pleasing, honest, or compassionate. How do you talk about a word with that kind of lexical range? The answer is you can’t do it abstractly. You have to look at a kind of relationship that combines all those traits. The kind of relationship that combines them is friendship. And nothing is more humanizing and life-changing than friendship.  John 15 is a unique passage about friendship. It tells us 1) the character or nature of friendship, 2) how you forge friendship, and 3) where you get the power for friendship. This sermon was preached by Dr. Timothy Keller at Redeemer Presbyterian Church on May 9, 2010. Series: The Real Signs of the Spirit. Scripture: John 15:6-15. Today's podcast is brought to you by Gospel in Life, the site for all sermons, books, study guides and resources from Timothy Keller and Redeemer Presbyterian Church. If you've enjoyed listening to this podcast and would like to support the ongoing efforts of this ministry, you can do so by visiting https://gospelinlife.com/give and making a one-time or recurring donation.

Welcome to Gospel in Life. The Bible says there's a world of difference between a willpower-driven heart and a supernaturally changed one. Today, Tim Keller is unpacking one of the fruit of the spirit, helping us see what it means to move from trying to be good to truly changing from the inside out. Tonight's scripture. comes from John 15 verses 6 through 15

If anyone does not remain in me he is like a branch that is thrown away and withers such branches are picked up thrown into the fire and burned if you remain in me and my words remain in you ask whatever you wish and it will be given you

this is to my father's glory that you bear much fruit showing yourselves to be my disciples As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now, remain in my love. If you obey my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have obeyed my Father's commands and remain in his love. I have told you this so that my joy may be in you

and that your joy may be complete. My command is this. Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command. I no longer call you servants because a servant does not know his master's business. Instead, I have called you friends.

For everything that I learned from my father, I have made known to you. This is the word of the Lord. The marks of a supernaturally changed heart, a heart changed by the grace of God and the power of the Holy Spirit. are listed in the classic text, Galatians 5, verse 22 and 23, which lists what's called they're the fruit of the spirit. And those traits are love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, and so on. And each week, we're taking one of those traits and looking at it in order that perhaps

we could experience more of that supernatural change in our own lives. now tonight we get to the trait the spiritual fruit of kindness and whenever preachers are working through the fruit of the spirit this is a big challenge this particular one because the the word kindness the Greek word translated kindness in the New Testament has a real breadth of meaning unfortunately sometimes it can be depending on the context translated fitting sometimes pleasing, sometimes honest, and sometimes compassionate. And therefore, how do you talk about kindness, if it's a word that has that kind of what they call a lexical range? And the answer is you can't do it abstractly.

You have to look at a relationship, a kind of relationship that combines all those traits, and the kind of relationship that combines them all is friendship. And so what we're going to do tonight is look at friendship. Not that you can't have friends without a supernaturally changed heart, but I think we're going to see there's a kind of friendship and there are resources for friendship given to you in the gospel that are second to none. Now, one of the most iconic cinematic presentations of the power of friendship, and it's so iconic that it's often mocked, but it's still iconic,

is the second of the old Frankenstein movies with Boris Karloff, the bride of Frankenstein. There's one scene in which the monster lurches into a cottage in the middle of the forest. And there's only one person living in the cottage, an old, poor, blind man. And when the blind man comes to the door to meet the monster, of course, he can't see him, so he's not afraid. But he does sense that he can't speak. And so he says, are we both afflicted? I cannot see and you cannot speak. Maybe, he says, we could be friends.

So he brings the monster in and treats them kindly, constantly calling him a friend, calling him a friend. And at one point, the blind man kneels by the monster and begins to pray. And he prays, our father, I thank thee that in thy great mercy, thou hast taken pity on my great loneliness. and now out of the silence of the night has brought two of thy lonely children together and has sent me a friend to be a light to mine eyes and a comfort in my time of trouble.

Amen. And the writer commenting on this part of the film says, In this incredible scene, the monster sees the hermit break down and cry at the end of the prayer. The monster sheds a tear and compassionately reaches out to comfort the crying man with a consoling pat on the back. They both share a need for human friendship.

During the prolonged fade-out from the scene, a glowing Christian crucifix is the last object to vanish from view. But of course, as any of you may know, and you can always go see this on YouTube, it's up there. What happens eventually is the villagers come to the cottage, they see the monster, they attack the cottage, and they begin to set it on fire. And the last thing you see in this part of this scene,

is the Frankenstein monster lurching his way out of the flames and out of the smoke, saying, friend, friend, pleadingly, but there's no answer. And the point is, nothing is more humanizing and nothing is more life-changing than friendship. Why? How? Take a look at this passage, which is the classic passage in all the Bible. In fact, it's, I think in all of religious literature, a unique passage about friendship. There's nothing like it anywhere else, and here's why. First of all, it tells us the nature or character of friendship. Secondly, how you make it, how you forge friendship, and thirdly, where you get the power

for it. First, the character or nature of friendship. What's intriguing about this passage, and I gave you, in a sense, a sample of it, is at the beginning of chapter 15, Jesus speaks about his relationship to the disciples under the metaphor of vine and branches. He says, I'm the vine, you're the branches. And that's a metaphor that talks about relationship, right? But it's a metaphor of deep unity because the vine and the branches share a common life. They share a common bond. But then around verse nine or so, Jesus shifts into another metaphor. And instead of calling them the branches, you are my branches, he starts calling them

my friends. But they're very tied together, as we're going to see. There's actually a verb, the word remain, that he uses both when he's talking about them as branches and when he's talking about them as friends. But there's more overlap between this image of vine and branches and friends than you might think. Because in the Bible, friends are often spoken of like this. Deuteronomy 13.6, almost a throwaway statement. Deuteronomy 136 says, if you have a brother the son of your mother, or a friend who is as your own soul. If you have a friend who is as your own soul. And then, of course, 1 Samuel 18, it says,

The soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved David as his own soul. This idea of souls knit together is the biblical imagery. a biblical image of friendship. And I want you to think, what does that mean? Souls knit together? It's more than just mental agreement. You might have a colleague you work with

and you both agree mentally. This is more than that. And frankly, it's even more than sexual attraction. It's more than just the connection of bodies. It's more than just the connection of opinions. Souls knit together means you have common loves, common passions, common beliefs, common interests

there's a couple of classic things you could read on this I would go online and you'll find Ralph Walter Emerson wrote a fascinating essay on friendship and of course the chapter on friendship in C.S. Lewis's book The Four Loves and Ralph Walter Emerson says friends do not ask do you love me so much as

do you see the same truth or do you care about the same truth as I do the typical expression of an opening friendship would be something like this what you two i thought i was the only one that's how friendships start and c slois puts it like this though we can have erotic love and friendship with the same person yet in some ways there's nothing less like a friendship than a love affair lovers are always talking to one another about their love friends do not usually talk their friendship. Lovers are normally face-to-face absorbed in one another, but friends stand side by side absorbed in some common interest. That is why those pathetic people who simply want friends

can never make any. The very condition for having friends is that you want something else besides friends. If someone asks you, do you see the same truth as I? And your honest answer is, I don't really care about the truth. I just want you to be my friend. No real real friendship can start. There would be nothing for the friendship to be about. Those who have nothing can share nothing. Those who are going nowhere can have no fellow travelers. And what is this? It means basically that friends are people that you meet that have a common interest, a common passion, common beliefs, and you immediately fill a oneness. And that's the, that means that to begin with, friends are discovered. There's a place in Proverbs 27 that says the counsel of a friend is pleasant,

but the actual Hebrew word means sweet. And one of the problems with understanding of actually anything in the Bible is you have to understand the original context. And in those days, you couldn't sweeten things. Cooks couldn't do that. They didn't have sugar in the places where the Bible was being written in at that time. You could discover sweetness. There are some foods that were naturally sweet, but cooks couldn't create sweetness. So, When it talks about friendships being sweet, it's talking about not something you can create, but something you discover. And so the way friendships begin is, what, you two?

I thought I was the only one. You like that movie? You like that music? You like that kind of book? You too? Common beliefs, common bond. That's the beginning. But it's only the beginning because now, secondly, we need to go on to how you forge a friendship out of that beginning.

Here's why you can't. When I say friends are discovered, don't take that too far. Because there's always an initial sense of oneness with a person who can be a friend. You click, you see it. And yet, you are both human beings, meaning you're both flawed and you're both different from each other. And therefore, you'll never actually get past the difficulty of embracing someone who is other than you, someone who is different than you, someone who is different than you, someone who, in spite of having some similarities is also very different. Embracing the other is incredibly costly. And turning a person who's a potential friend into a lifelong friend, which is one of the great things there is in life. It takes work, two particular kinds of work, two particular kinds of discipline, and here's what they are. They're both here in this classic text.

Jesus, when he says, you are my friends, he shows you what the two things are, these two disciplines by which you turn would-be friends, into real friends. And those two disciplines are vulnerable transparency and sacrificial loyalty. Vulnerable transparency, which you see in verse 15, and sacrificial loyalty, which you see in verse 13. Look, first of all, vulnerable transparency. This amazing verse, you are my friends, if you do what I commit. I no longer call you servants because the servant does not know his master's business. Instead, I've called you friends for everything I learned from my father I have made known to

you. See the difference between a boss and a friend? A boss says, do this. I don't have to explain myself. That's your job. A commander says, obey my order. You don't have to explain yourself. That's your job is you obey the commander. But he says, I'm not treating you just like that. I'm treating you as a friend. Friends tell secrets. Friends open up. Friends let you in. Friends show you what they're really like, what they look like without their makeup on, what they're really dealing with, how they're really feeling. There's an interesting verse in Psalms 25, verse 14. And if you look at different translations, sometimes the translation is

the secret of the Lord is with those who fear him. The secret of the Lord is with his people. But sometimes it's translated, the friendship of the Lord is with his people. And you know why the translators can't decide? Because the same Hebrew word that means secret can also be translated friend. You know why? Class? Because friends tell secrets. Because you're not a friend if you don't. There's a vulnerability and there's a transparency. And you say, well, what does that mean? Well, let me go a little deeper then. Transparency means in friendship the ability to take and

receive criticism well. Now, by the way, everybody gives and takes criticisms, but friends are people who give and take criticism well. And that's the reason why you have verses. like, and Proverbs is the best place on this sort of thing. Proverbs 27, 6. Faithful are the wounds of a friend. That's the King James Version. Faithful are the wounds of a friend. Isn't that great?

Or, Proverbs 295 says, if you flatter someone, you're not their friend. Because that's the worst thing for them. You're letting them live with an inflated understanding of what they can do. It's terrible for them. Faithful are the wounds of a friend. friend. Friends don't flatter one another. And of course, the famous Proverbs 17, where it says, as iron sharpens iron, pardon me, this is Proverbs 2717. As iron sharpens iron, so friend sharpens a friend. In other words, look, very often, there's something you need to hear about yourself that you don't

want to hear. And you're not going to listen to it from a trained counselor, you're not going to listen to it from a family member, you're not going to listen to it from a colleague, but if you have a long-time trusted friend that you can't, in a sense, write off and shrug off as not caring about you or not knowing you. See, friends know about you and friends care about you. They're not people that have to be with you because they're not work colleagues. They're not people that have to be with you because they're family. They're friends. And very often, only long-time friends can tell you most need to hear. And if you don't have a lot of long-time friends, there's all kinds of things you're never going to hear about yourself. You're just not going to grow.

So vulnerable transparency is the first thing. It's very hard. It's a discipline that you add to a potential friend to make them into an actual friend. But then secondly, there's sacrificial loyalty. And I find most intriguing the fact, which you can see in the text, that the word remain is a word that Jesus uses, not only up when he's using the metaphor of the branches see verse six if anyone does not remain in me he's like a branch that's thrown away what's he saying there he says you know you can't pull off branches overnight and put them back on and expect it to work branches have to stay with the vine they if you take them off they're never they never can have that same kind of unity but then later on he says i want you to remain in my love i want you to remain in my

friendship and what this what this means is friendship is about remaining sticking with people through thick and thin. The Psalms can profoundly shape the way you approach God. Even Jesus relied on the Psalms to face every situation, including death. In Tim and Kathy Keller's 365-day devotional, The Songs of Jesus, you'll find daily readings through the Psalms with fresh biblical insight. If you don't have a regular devotional practice, this book is a wonderful way to start. And if you already spend time in study and prayer, then reading and reading and

praying through the Psalms can help you bring your deepest emotions and questions before God and discover a new level of intimacy with him. We'll send you Tim and Kathy Keller's devotional as our thanks for your gift to help Gospel in Life share the love of Jesus with more people. Request your copy today at gospelandlife.com slash give. That's gospelonlife.com slash give. Now here's Dr. Keller with the rest of today's teaching. it means on the one hand in the most practical way friends and this is very hard friends make time for each other especially today making time for each other is really tough and therefore to even do that for somebody shows us a commitment does it not but more than that it means that you stick with people

you stick with your friends even when they're difficult or even when they're going through difficulties, even when you're not getting much out of the relationship. That's what a friend does. And that's the reason why I have these other famous proverbs about that. For example, Proverbs 1717 that says a friend loves at all times. Or Proverbs 1824, there's a friend, friends stick closer than a brother. So there it is. You hear it? What is it friend? Friends always let you in, never let you down. always let you in vulnerable transparency, never let you down, sacrificial loyalty. And by the way, 500, you can't have, therefore, 500 friends on Facebook or MySpace.

See, for example, when, I mean, I know they're called friends, but they don't fit this definition. When Nathan the prophet comes to David, whose whole kingdom and his spiritual destiny is tottering, and he comes in, and he says, thou art the man. Do you remember that? It's in 2nd Samuel 12. We actually looked at this in a sermon last year. He comes in and he says, David, this is what you've done. You have sinned. You have betrayed your kingship and so forth. Do you have a Nathan in your life who can do that? That can't be done on Facebook. It's got to be done face-to-face. You'll never listen to it otherwise. Friends, always let you in, never let you down. Are you applying this to potential friends to make them into actual friends.

Now, we're not done, and here's the reason why. We've looked at the nature of friendship, and we've looked at its power, and we've looked at its, you know, it's forging. But where do you get the power for it? And here's what, we have a lot against us. We have a lot against us. First of all, the very idea, let's look at this. Vulnerable transparency, unconditional, constancy, loyalty, frightening.

Well, it's kind of exciting to imagine people giving it to us, but it's not all that exciting imagining you giving it to anybody else because transparency is scary and loyalty and constancy is draining. And we live in a culture that both in its messaging and in its social structure does everything to keep you from developing friends. You know that. When you're in a place like New York, there's two kinds of relationships that are easier to happen and falling off a log.

One is what I'll call the network of colleagues. There's a ton of people that you need to know. You need to schmooze. You need to see. You need to spend time with. You need to get to know and be friendly to. Who are people in your work or people you need to know in order to do your work. It's your colleagues network.

You got to know those people. And you do know those people. You enjoy those people. But the purpose of those relationships is your work, career, money. The second set of networks, the second kind of set of relationships is your socializing network, people you party with, people you socialize with, people you have romantic interest in, or you might have romantic interest in. So here's the people you party with, and the product is fun, and here's the people that you,

you know, you network with, and the product is career and advancement and money. And they happen like that, but there's no investment like this. From you or in you. there's not sacrificial loyalty because the whole idea behind social these are got to be people who are give you have fun with these are going to be people who pay off for you sacrificial loyalty is not part of it transparency is definitely not part of it and so you're going to starve you're going to be impoverished you're not going to get the things that only friendships can give you what are we going to do you need the power to overcome the natural fear

the scariness of transparency and the natural weakness that come when you consider the constancy and the loyalty of friendship, you need a power to help you overcome your fear and your weakness. Where do we get that power to be friends? Where do we get the power to make people the friends that we should? Right here. Do you know that Aristotle very wisely wrote a lot about friendship? But one of the things he said is you can never be friends with a God. however you relate to God or to God the gods you could never be friends with the gods

and the reason he said that was because he believed that all friendships had to be between social equals he did not believe friendship was possible unless you had the same amount of social standing or power or education and so on because why well because because of course friendship is based on that discovered commonality common interests common loves common passions and that happens to people of the same culture, of the same race, of the same class, of the same education level. And therefore, no way could you have a relationship with a God that was called friend. And of course, by the way, I have been on panels with representatives of other religions

many times over the years, actually. And whenever I even try to talk about this that we can know God as a friend, I am told in no uncertain terms, usually respectfully, but also very strongly, that that that is an inappropriate way of talking about God. That in their religions, God has never talked like that. That's bringing God down. God cannot be your buddy. God can't be your pal.

God can't be your friend. And yet the Old Testament gives us hints. Exodus 33 says, God spoke to Moses face to face as a man speaks to his friend. James chapter 2 says, Oh, what a great man. And he was called the friend of God. But wait a minute. How could that be? Isn't Aristotle right? He's a smart guy. I mean, how could God become vulnerable? Friends are vulnerable. And how could God become loyal to you, sacrificeally? That's ridiculous. No, it's not.

And you know it's not. And now you know why no other religion would dare say God could be your friend. But Christianity can. And here's how. Because when God came to earth, in Jesus Christ and went to the cross and died on the cross to pay the penalty for our sins, that was, as Jesus himself says in verse 13, the ultimate act of friendship. The ultimate, greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends, and he's not talking in general. He's talking about the fact, because the next day, that's what he's going to do. The cross is the ultimate.

Listen, the cross is the ultimate act of friendship. You know how friends always let you in? look at the cross how much more open could he be to you his arms aren't just stretched open to you they're nailed open how much more vulnerable and transparent do you want him to be and friends never let you down how much more faithful how much more sacrificial how much more loyal could he possibly be than to go to the cross you know in the garden of gizemone he saw all the people that he was supposed to be securing the pardon for all of his so-called disciples they were betraying him, they were abandoning him, they were falling asleep on him,

they were about to deny him, and he knew that he could either go to hell for them and take everything they deserved or he could lose them and he went to hell. There is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. There is the ultimate friend who loves it all times. And there is the ultimate friend whose wounds are faithful. Remember that proverb, faithful of the wounds of a friend? But in this case, in Jesus Christ, these aren't the wounds that the friend inflicts. These are the wounds that the friend bears for you and me. And see, it's simple love economics. Where do you get the power to reach out to people

and to be transparent to them when you might get hurt? And to be loyal to them when you might be let down? It's simple love economics. Look, verse 12. My command is this. Love each other as I have loved you. I'm laying down my life for you. I'm pouring out my love for you. And this is very simple. If you are an incredibly wealthy person, you're a trillionaire. And there's a couple people around you that you like and they have some idea for an investment and the business plan is okay, but you're not totally sure about it. You're going to invest in them. Why? Because you can afford. You like them? You want to encourage them? And you could afford to lose the money. That's exactly the way it is. If Jesus Christ, friendship is the thing that just fills your heart. You can afford to open up to other people. You can afford to take a risk because all friendship is a risk. You can afford it because you've got the ultimate friend and the ultimate love of a friend. Now look, let me apply this in three ways.

Three ways. Number one, we need to bring the idea of friendship back into the center of our relationships between people of different races and different classes and different nationalities. Aristotle was right that in general friendships only happen between people of the same race. You can see it. People of the same class. People of the same education. You can see it.

Because the thing that the starter fuel, you might say, the raw material for friendship is a common bond, common belief, you know, common passion. But do you realize what this means if you're a Christian? Do you realize what resource this is? If you're a Christian and you find somebody of a radically different race, completely different class, different gender, different nationality, different politics,

but they've had the same experience of Jesus Christ as you. They have the same passion for the gospel. They have the same interest in passion for the scripture. Do you know what that means? You are capable of deep enriching friendships with people who are utterly different from you. In other words, We need to completely show Aristotle he was wrong.

This is the reason why my friend Don Carson puts it like this. The church is not made up of natural friends. It's made up of natural enemies. What binds us together is not common education, common race, common income levels, common politics, nationality, accents, jobs, or anything else of that sort. Christians come together because they've been saved by Jesus Christ. We are a band of natural enemies turned into friends. friends who love one another for Jesus' sake.

Christian love is mutual love between social incompatibles. Do you know what it's like to have a deep friendship with a person who is socially utterly different than you? It's so enriching, and it's possible. So let's bring friendship back into our relationships across the races, across the classes. Number two, we better bring friendship back into the relationships between men and women. here's what I mean by and large in this city and by and large even in this church men don't want to be friends with women they either stay away from the women or they want to date them and they only go

after the people they want to date or have sex with now I can kind of understand staying away from women if you're a guy or only going after the ones that you're kind of romantically interested in if you're not a Christian but if you're a Christian you've got no excuse and I'll tell you what's wrong. If you, here's 10 women in the room and two of them look attractive to you, so you head for them, try to get a relationship going with them. Maybe one of them might actually become a friend,

you know, if you're lucky. The best thing to do is to befriend the women, befriend the Christian women around you, and then if you fall in love with one of them, then you can actually trust that the love is strong enough to build a lifetime marriage on. don't you dare do what you're doing

which is to go after the women that you're attracted to and then maybe turn a couple of them into friends no go befriend women and then see whether you fall in love with any of them and that works I know so we need to bring friendship back into a relationship between men and women this is an opportunity you've got within a Christian community that the rest of the world does not have because it is true it is tough to sometimes have friendships between men and women

but Christianity gives you that same ability that enables you to have friendships that break not only through the racial, cultural barriers, but the gender barriers. But number three, you need to bring friendship back into the center of your relationship with God. There are lots and lots of people who are Christians and who believe in God and who obey God in general, but they do not actually do what Jesus is saying, and that is, befriend God. Jesus says, if you're my friend, you will obey my commandments. You see that? If you're my friend, you will remain in me. What does that mean? Let's say, he's been vulnerable to you on the cross. He's been sacrificial to you on the cross. Now, number one,

obey him. Don't just obey him when it's convenient. Obey him. You sacrifice now. You make yourself vulnerable. You go to the mat. You unconditionally. You, say, I'm going to do what you have said. I'm going to do your will no matter whether I understand it or not, no matter whether I like it or not. Now you're starting to become a friend and then talk to him. A quiet time, a devotional in which you read the Bible and pray should not just be getting some ideas and doing some petition. The Bible study should be listening to God, a sense that he's talking to you, speaking through his word. Prayer should be talking back to God. Do you have a sense of his prayer? Do you have a sense of his

presence. Does it happen regularly? Do you make time for it? There's nothing like it. And that's what you need. And let me tell you why you need it so badly. We're all like Frankenstein monsters. Do you know that? Your self-image is a bunch of stitched together contradictions. Your father didn't like you, but this person did like you. And this person broke up with you and said these awful things. And you don't know what to believe about yourself. In some ways, you have an overinflated view of some of your abilities in other cases, you're way too remorseful and ashamed of other parts of you. You're a Frankenstein monster.

What you need is one overmastering love. One person whose love heals you says, this is who you are. One great ultimate friend. And therefore we're all like that Frankenstein monster who's groping through the forest saying, I know I could come into my own if I could find the ultimate friend that my heart is looking for. Well, Jesus, there he is. Let's pray. Thank you, Father, for giving us the friendship that, offering us the friendship that we most need, which is friendship with you, and then giving us the power to create friendships in our lives, which our culture does not really help us with.

but your gospel empowers us to achieve. And we pray that you would help us to build on your friendship love. And with that power, shape many, many new friendships in this community, in this town, in our lives so that we can become more and more like your son, Jesus Christ, who laid down his life for his friends. It's his name. We pray. Amen.

Thanks for listening to Tim Keller on the Gospel On Life podcast. If you'd like to see more people encouraged by the gospel-centered teaching and resources of this ministry, we invite you to consider becoming a Gospel and Life monthly partner. Your partnership allows us to reach people all over the world with the life-giving power of Christ's love. To learn more, just visit gospelonlife.com slash partner. That website again is gospelonlife.com slash partner. Today's sermon was recorded in 2010. The sermons and talks you hear on the Gospel and Life podcast were recorded between

1989 and 2017 while Dr. Keller was senior pastor at Redeemer Presbyterian Church.