Timothy Keller Sermons Podcast by Gospel in Life - Sexuality and Christian Hope

Episode Date: April 12, 2023

We underestimate the degree to which our present behavior and our present living are determined by what we believe our ultimate future to be. Christian hope affects everything, every area of our lives. That means Christian hope, our understanding of the future, revolutionizes our whole attitude toward sex, romance, singleness, and marriage. This passage in 1 Corinthians 6 is outrageous in all sorts of ways. It shows us 1) Christianity gave the world a revolutionary view of sex, 2) Christianity gave the world a revolutionary view of singleness and marriage, and 3) how Christian hope radically reshapes our view, our actions, and our attitudes in this area. This sermon was preached by Dr. Timothy Keller at Redeemer Presbyterian Church on April 18, 2004. Series: Living in Hope. Scripture: 1 Corinthians 6:13-20; 7:27-31. Today's podcast is brought to you by Gospel in Life, the site for all sermons, books, study guides and resources from Timothy Keller and Redeemer Presbyterian Church. If you've enjoyed listening to this podcast and would like to support the ongoing efforts of this ministry, you can do so by visiting https://gospelinlife.com/give and making a one-time or recurring donation.

Welcome to Gospel in Life. When it comes to marriage, we often use words like soulmate or the one. These words can reveal an underlying belief that, to have a good marriage, you just have to find the perfect person. But the biblical vision for marriage is starkly different. It's a way for two imperfect people to help each other become who God intended them to be. Listen as Tim Keller explores the meaning of marriage. The scripture reading this morning is found in 1 Corinthians 6 chapter 13 through the 21st and 7th chapter 27 through 31. 27 through 31. Food for the stomach and the stomach for food, but God will destroy them both. The body is not meant for sexual immorality,

but for the Lord and the Lord for the body. By His power, God raised the Lord from the dead, and He will raise us also. Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ himself? Shall I then take the members of Christ and unite them with a prostitute? Never.

Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, the two will become one flesh, but he who unites himself with the Lord is one with him in spirit. Flea from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually, sins against his own body. Do you not know that your body is a temple

of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own. You were bought at a price, therefore, honor God with your body. Are you married? Do not seek a divorce. Are you unmarried? Do not look for a wife.

But if you do marry, you have not sinned. And if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. But those who will marry will face many troubles in his life, and I want to spare you this. What I mean brothers, is that the time is short. From now on, those who have wives should live as if they have none. Those who mourn as if they did not, those who are happy as if they were not, those who buy something as if it were not theirs to keep. And those who use the things of the world as if they were not engrossed in them. For this world in its present form is passing away. This is the word of the Lord.

We're doing a series on hope. We've said that we underestimate the degree to which our present behavior and our present living is determined by what we believe our ultimate future to be. We said that the Christian concept isn't very well served by our English word hope because the English word hope can notes uncertainty. But the biblical understanding of hope is life-shaping joyous certainty that your future is the eternal love and glory of God and a new heavens and new earth. Now in the last few weeks we've looked at what this concept is and in some ways there's obvious ways in which Christian hope affects the way in which we face death and troubles.

But I'd like to show you over the next three weeks that Christian hope affects everything, every area of our lives. A joyous certainty that your future is the love and glory of God I renewed having a new earth, shapes every area of life, and I want to do three just to show this to you. Sex, money, and power. Now this passage, this week, we're looking at how Christian hope, our understanding of the future, is determined, shapes radically revolutionizes our whole attitude towards

sex, romance, singleness, and marriage. The passage we just read is outrageous in all sorts of ways. It shows us that Christianity gave the world a revolutionary view of sex. It secondly gave Christianity a revolutionary view of singleness and marriage. And then it shows how it is Christian hope. It's an understanding of our future that radically reshapes and revolutionizes our view of sex

and marriage and romance and singleness. So we have a revolutionary view of sex, a revolutionary view of singleness and marriage, and how Christian hope is what reshapes our approach, our actions, and our attitudes in this area. So first, let's take a look at this section from chapter 6 of 1 Corinthians where we see how Christianity did give the world an unprecedented, unique, revolutionary view of sex. Paul's writing to his young church in Corinth, and he's writing about sex.

And he quotes two in chapter six and seven, he quotes two views that were current in Corinth. They were popular views of sexuality, they're very different. And the Corinthian Christians had a deal with them, they had to address them. The first one is quoted in the top of the passage that's printed for you, verse 13,

food for the stomach, the stomach for food, but God will destroy them both. Now, let me paraphrase this attitude. This attitude is sex is just an appetite. When you need food, you eat, when you need sex, you have sex. Sex is just an appetite. And this little addition, but God will destroy them both, is part of this view that it rises out of the Greek understanding of the material world and the physical. The Greek understanding was that the material and physical world was temporary and not all that important. And therefore, at least in this view, it was a way of saying, look, if you need to have sex, you have sex, it's not what you do with your body, what you do with your soul that really matters spiritually. The other view that Paul

deals with is I didn't have it printed, but it's at the top of chapter 7, it's in the same passage. But at chapter 7 verse 1 though I didn't print it, Paul quotes this view. He says, it is good for a man, quote, it is good for a man not to even touch a woman. Now that's almost the opposite view and yet it also arises out of the Greek understanding of the material and body being bad. And let me paraphrase this view. This view says sex is dirty, sex is defiling.

And though it might be necessary for procreation, in general, a holy person should abstain from it. Now these two views, sex is just an appetite. It's perfectly natural to have sex with people when you need it, you want it, or sex is dirty into filing, you should stay away from it at all costs. These two views, interestingly enough, this is thousands of years ago, a whole different culture, a whole different time, and yet these two views are still pretty widespread. In fact, maybe they are still the two biggest views we've got.

And by the way, if you want to know where they live, in the blue states that went democratic, that's where you have the first view, it dominates. And the red states that went Republican, that's where you have the second view. The first view, of course, is sex is perfectly natural. I'd say it's perfectly natural. I have sex with people that you want to have sex with. The second view is sex is kind of dirty and defile. We don't talk about it.

Now Paul probably didn't belong to either political party, because he says both of these views are absolutely completely wrong. What does he say about sex? First in verse 18, he says, flee sexual immorality. Now, the English term sexual immorality is pretty vague, but the Greek term he uses is not. He says flee, poorneia, by the way.

Obviously, we know that's the word we get or word pornography from, but he's not talking about pornography either. The Greek word poorneia meant to have sex with somebody he weren't married to. He had a perfectly good word he could have used for adultery. That is, to be married and have sex with someone you're not married to, but he didn't use that. He used the word that meant any kind of sex outside of marriage, whether you're married or not. And therefore

he is, and he doesn't look, he doesn't just say, in verse 18, oh, it'd be good for you to refrain from a sex outside of marriage. He says, flee! He says, have nothing to do with it. Have nothing to do with any kind of sexual activity outside of covenant of marriage. So when you look at that, you say, well, I thought you said,

he was different. That's just sounds like the red states. That's why I moved here. That just sounds like the sex is dirty into filing, but no. The key to this whole passage is to understand the term one flesh. In verse 16, he says, and it's a pretty amazing statement. He says, do you not know your body, oh, pardon me, says verse 16, do you not know that he who unites himself of the prostitute, now don't get too distracted by the idea

that he's just after prostitution. In those days, no one, you didn't have adult singles, by the way, everybody was married, and therefore if you were single, you were prostitute. Now this is the way to have sex with somebody, you're not married to. But here's what he's saying, do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute

is one with her in body, for it is said, the two shall become one flesh. Now, what does this term one flesh mean? When we English readers read this, we almost always think, oh yeah, the two will become one flesh just talking about sexual union, physical union, physical insertion. So one flesh means physical union, but that can't be all he's

talking about. It can't be. I didn't understand this until actually just a few years ago myself, because if Paul, when he says the two, he'll become one flesh, was simply meaning that physical union, you know what he's saying? He's saying, don't you know that if you have physical union with someone, you have physical union with them? That wouldn't be worth saying. Don't you know that when you have physical union with somebody, you're physically united to them? Therefore, when he says, don't you realize

when you have sex with someone, you become one flesh? He's not talking about just physical union. The term flesh in the Bible, and even the term soma body, very often, if not more than often than not, means not physical tissue, but embodied personhood. Okay, just stay with me for a second. For example, when Paul's, not, when God says, I will pour out my spirit on all flesh.

Does he mean I'm going to pour out my spirit into a number of different physical receptacles? No. He says, I'm going to give my spirit to all kinds of persons. The term flesh, to say the tool become flesh, is another way to say personal transformation is going on. Now, what he's saying here, therefore, is astounding. He's saying sex in any circumstances is designed to do this. And here's what the commentators say.

This is unique. This was radical. And the historians and the linguists and the scholars understand. Here's two commentaries on this verse. Anthony Thyslton says, far from devaluing sex, Paul here is doing the very opposite. Paul was far ahead of first century cultural assumptions

in perceiving the sexual act as one of self-commitment, which deeply involves the entire person, not merely body parts. Paul is saying that sex is meant by God to be the full giving of one's entire self to the one to whom you belong. An FF Bruce, another commentator, says about verse 16, Paul displays a psychological insight into sexuality, which is altogether exceptional by first century standards.

He insists that it is an act which by his very nature engages the entire person in a unique mode of self-disclosure and self-commitment. Okay, what is all this? Here's what it means. Paul is saying God did not invent sex simply to be a defiling but necessary mode of procreation. And he's going beyond that in saying God did not even just make sex as a way of self-gratification or even self expression. Paul says, sex was designed as a way to do radical self donation. Sex was God's invented way for you to give yourself to someone else so deeply that it results in personal

transformation and completion. Since I have your attention, let me continue to say this over and over again. I notice that when I talk on the subject, it gets quiet, everybody's, so I got your attention, I might as well use it. Put it another way. Paul is saying, you must never have physical oneness without whole life oneness. God meant physical oneness to be a bear and a vehicle and a confirmation of whole life oneness. Put a bear and a vehicle and a confirmation of whole life oneness.

I put it another way. God is saying you must never get physically naked and vulnerable with someone without becoming vulnerable in your whole life. You must not become physically vulnerable without and hold on to your independence. You must become legally, economically, socially, emotionally, in every way committed. You must give up your independence. And if you do that, if whole body giving is done in a context of whole life commitment, it will result in deep soul nurture,

in deep personal transformation and completion. Just, here's an example I've often used in other situations, but it works here perfectly. I have been involved in this one flesh thing for a number of years with Kathy, my wife. And as a result, my wife's mind and heart is so present with me that when I get into a situation and something occurs, an event occurs, even in a split second.

Now, after many years of this, in a split second, I not only have my own instinctive way to act and think and speak in a situation, but I immediately know, instantaneously know what my wife would think and do and say. And for that one second, I actually have the option of going either way. I have the option of saying which of these two modes of being is the wisest in this situation. Now it's not that I've lost them who I am, I'm still who I am, I didn't go through some

vulcan mind meld or something like that, you know? But I have been radically supplemented, radically supplemented. In a way I'm pretty, from what I can tell from what this scripture is trying to say, I've been radically supplemented in a deep way because the self-domination, the physical donation, happened the context of self-domination. See, we live in a society in which it's considered normal to give your body without giving yourself, to give your body to have sex and hold on to your independence, hold on to your life,

keep control, your individual control. What is Paul saying? When he says, don't you realize that this is the only sin that sins against your body? If the word body and flesh here simply means the tissue, then he's wrong, suicide is against the body, addiction is against the body. So what is he saying?

What he's saying is, is that when you have sex outside marriage, you are abusing and you are dishonoring and you're actually destroying this incredible person-shaping commitment mechanism of deep soul nurture and personal transformation. When you give your body to someone without giving your whole self to them, you're destroying your commitment apparatus. This is built to do deep radical self donation and personal transformation and completion. Paul, therefore,

has a view of sex, as the commentators say, as the scholars say, so lofty, highly beyond anything that had ever been written up to that time is astounding. This is not the sexist's appetite approach. It's not the sexist's dirty approach at all. Now where did this come from? The questions arise, right? First of all, where in the world did this come from?

And second question comes up almost immediately, especially in New York. Are you saying that unless I'm married, you know, I've had it. You know, my life will never come to fruition. Let's keep going. The second point we said is not only does the Christianity not only Christianity gave the world a revolutionary view of sex that it had never been seen before, but secondly Christianity gives the world a revolutionary view of singleness and marriage that the world had never seen before. Let me paraphrase verse 27 and 28. Verse 27 and 28 is remarkable. Let me paraphrase it for you. Paul says, are you married? Great.

Don't try to become single. But he says, are you single? That's great. Don't be too eager to get married. Married is a lot of headache. If you're married, that's fine. That's a great way to be as a Christian. If you're single, that's fine. It's a great way to be as a Christian. Don't be too eager to change statuses. Let me tell you, it's easy for you to sit here and say, well, that's kind of interesting. You have no idea how staggering this is. This was the most shocking thing I ever said

after this time about singleness and marriage. It was not only shocking then, but it's actually shocking for today. It's shocking in that time and it's shocking in this time. What do I mean? Let me first of all, it's shocking in that day. It's hard for us to realize as individualistic people who live in an individualistic society.

How in traditional societies, especially ancient societies, there was no such thing as individual honor successor achievement. You had no individual honor successor achievement. You only had family honor successor achievement. You as an individual could not be given prominence per se. There was no individual achievement per se. There was no individual achievement per se. Your family had to become prominent. Your family had to be successful. And therefore, you had to be married, you had to have children, or you were no one, you had no

future, you had no security, you had no significance at all. There were no single adults, unless you were prostitutes. And yet Christianity comes along. And when Paul said what he said, Christianity is the first religion, it's the first philosophy. It's the first thought system that ever lifted up long-term singleness for an adult and said, this is a perfectly good way to be.

That was absolutely stunning. Stanley Haerwass, a scholar at Duke University, says, one of the clearest differences between Christianity and all other religions was Christianity's idea of singleness as a paradigm way of life for its followers. Paul and Jesus both say that some people will choose not to be married, and that's a good thing. This was revolutionary in ancient societies. The implications have seldom been appreciated. It breaks since Jesus and Paul, it broke the absolute necessity of the family.

Now creating a family is not something we had to do. Christianity was absolutely amazingly unique in saying, sure, it's OK to be single. And Rodney Stark, who's a, I mentioned him last week, did I not? And he's a scholar that studied early Christianity. Rodney Stark puts this, listen to this. He says, if Christian women became widowed, they enjoyed substantial advantages over those around them.

Pagan widows faced great social pressure to remarry. Caesar Augustus had widows find if they failed to marry within two years. If you lost your husband and you didn't get married within two years, you got fined. Because single adulthood was absolutely illegitimate. Because there was no significance apart from family. There was no future apart from family. There was no security apart from family. But among Christians, says Rodney Stark, widowhood was highly respected,

and the church stood ready to sustain poor widows, allowing them a choice as to whether they wanted to marry again or not. Marriage is one of the most significant human relationships there is, but is also one of the most difficult and misunderstood. In the meaning of marriage, Tim and Kathy Keller offer Biblical wisdom and insight

that will help you understand God's vision for marriage, whether you're single, considering marriage, or someone who's been married a long time. The meaning of marriage will help you face the complexities of commitment with the wisdom of God. The meaning of marriage is our thank you for your gift to help Gospel in life share the love of Christ with people all over the world.

So request your copy today at gospelandlife.com slash give. That's gospelandlife.com slash give. So on the one hand what Paul was saying about singleness was amazing. On the other hand, I also said it was amazing, but it's amazing now. Because you know what Paul is saying? This is pretty astounding. Paul says, he gives us the highest view of sex anyone ever had.

And then he says, it's quite alright to live your whole life without it. He's assuming, of course, that singles do not have sex. And after he says this incredible thing about sexuality, then he turns around and says, you know, you can live a perfectly fulfilled life without it. And that is not something that people today believe at all. We live in a radically different society than ancient times, but what Paul is saying is justice revolutionary. Ernest Becker, who I've quoted before, because he wrote a book called The Denial of Death, won a Pulitzer Prize for it,

which is really important to this whole series. Ernest Becker says that we are the first society, secular Western society, we're the first society who has a widespread belief that there is no ultimate future. We are the first society that's secular, which means there's many, many people's widespread has a widespread belief that there is no ultimate future. We are the first society that's secular, which means there's many, many people, it's widespread amongst many people,

that when you die, you go to extinction, that your personal consciousness is temporary, and that when you die, that's it. And when the sun dies, all the civilization goes away, nobody will even be around to remember it. Ernest Becker says there's never been a society that had such an understanding of the insignificance of human life, never. And as a result, Becker says, there's never been a society that puts so much emphasis

on finding your one true love. There's never been a society put so much emphasis on romance, so much on romance and true love. There's never been a society put so much emphasis on romance, so much so much on romance and true love. And here's why he says it's fascinating and he's absolutely right. Becker says, we secular people still need to know that our life matters in the grand scheme of things. We still want to merge ourselves with some higher meaning and trust and gratitude. But if we no longer have God, how do we do this? One of the first ways that occurred to the modern person was the romantic solution. The self, listen to this, is so right, the self-glorification that human beings need in

our innermost being, we now look to, not to God, we look for it in the love partner. What is it that we want when we elevate the love partner to this position? We want to be rid of our faults. We want to be rid of our feelings of nothingness. We want to be justified. We want to know our existence says not been in vain. We want redemption.

Nothing less. So, Becker says, and rightly so, we live in a society that says, if you don't find true love, you know, without sex and romance and love, you can't possibly be satisfied. Traditional society said, unless you have a spouse and a family, you can't possibly be a legitimate person. Modern society says, unless you have sex and romance and love, you can't possibly be fulfilled.

And Paul says, eh, to both. And this is astounding. This is not the traditional understanding you have to get married for social status. And this is not the romantic moderns. He has a completely off the map, off the radar approach to sexuality. Much higher than any other view of sexuality we know of, and yet at the same time he says Christians have a higher view of sexuality and yet we are more free from the need for it than anyone who's ever lived. How could that be? And the answer is, as we said, the root of this revolutionizing of sex and marriage and singleness and romance

is in the concept of Christian hope. We have a life-shaping certainty, joyous certainty in God's future, and that affects everything, including sexuality. How? Three ways. Your view of sex and marriage is radically reshaped by the future ultimate family, by the future ultimate journey, and by the future ultimate lover.

A Christian believes in the future ultimate family, a future ultimate journey, and a future ultimate lover, and that completely reshapes all of our understanding of sex and romance and marriage and singleness along the lines that Paul is showing us. Let me show you how. And there it's in a text, three ways. First of all, the first thing is, Paul's approach, a Christian approach to sex and marriage is based on our hope in the

ultimate family. You notice how it says in verse 29, what I mean brothers is the time is short. From now on those who have those who have wives should live as though they had none. Now it's a good thing he didn't end the sentence right there. Because it's a what does that mean? But he goes on and explains it.

He says, you shouldn't mourn too much when you mourn. You shouldn't rejoice too much when you rejoice. You shouldn't invest all your emotional eggs and your ultimate hopes and meaning in your possessions, in your marriage, in your joys. Why? He says because the form of this world is passing away. Now many people believe that Paul's just wrong there.

Look, he says the time is short. And some people said, well, Paul was mistaken. He thought Jesus was coming back and he meant it and it didn't happen. So everything he said was premised on that mistake and premised. And the answer is that's wrong. It's not what he's saying. He doesn't say the form of this world will soon pass away. He says it is present tense, progressive passing away.

Paul understood that we live in the overlap of the ages. Paul understood that Jesus came not once but twice. The Messiah has come twice, the first coming and second coming. And in the first coming, Jesus inaugurated the new age of the Spirit, but the old age of sin and death continues. So we live in the overlap of the two ages. But So we live in the overlap of the two ages. But while we're in the overlap of the two ages through the Spirit, we have a four taste of the future and the taste of our future love

and the taste of our future grace. And the taste of that future now radically frees us in this world, from the things of this world, and that's what he's talking about. And this is the reason why Jesus can make this radical statement that it completely explains, I think, all of what Paul is saying.

Jesus says in Mark chapter 10, anyone who loses home or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children for me and the gospel will not fail to receive a hundred times as much in the present age, home's brother, sisters, mothers and children, and in the age to come, eternal life. What is he saying?

This is why you're radically freed. To have a family or not to have a family. To have children or not to have children. To be married or not to be married. It's your choice. You know why? Because it says, even now, we have a foretaste of the future through human... We're part of the God's family, we're part of the church,

we're part of the community of brothers and sisters, we're part of God's children, and the future will get the only family that our hearts really, really need, and that radically frees us. This is the reason why Stanley Howard was put it like this, still explaining this idea of singleness. He says, singleness was illegitimate in early Christianity,

not because sex was questionable, but because the church lives in the overlap of the ages. Christian singles gave up having errors. In ancient times, it could be no more radical act than that. This was a clear expression that once future is not guaranteed by the human family or your children, but by God. Now in the overlap of the ages, both singleness and marriedness witnesses to hope in God's future renewed world. Those who don't have children have hope in God's ultimate family. Those who do have children also have hope in God's control of history. For Christians do not place their hope in their children, but rather their children are a sign of their hope that God is not abandoned this world.

So on the one hand, the fact that we have an ultimate family coming and we have a foretaste of it right now in the church means that we're radically free. The traditional conservative society always makes an aisle out of the family. And our Christian hope undercuts that. But we live in New York, this is not traditional conservative society, we got a different issue.

And like I said, first of all, our view of sex marriage and the family is revolutionized by our hope in the ultimate family. Secondly, it's revolutionized by our hope in the ultimate family. Secondly, it's revolutionized by our hope in the ultimate journey. The ultimate journey. Now, what do I mean by that? Notice how Paul says, when he's talking about fornication and sexual immorality, your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit.

And that reminds us very, very much of this classic passage where Paul also speaks about marriage, where he says, in Ephesians 5, Listen, husbands love their wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her to make her holy, cleansing her by washing with water through the Word, to present her to himself a radiant church without stain or wrinkle or any blemish. Now here's what Paul is saying. He says marriage is first of all not just a social duty, but it's not even primarily a way of just personal gratification and fulfillment.

Marriage is a wonderful but very, very long and hard journey. And here's why. Every one of us is made by God and we're so far from being what God meant us to be. You might say every one of us has an acorn. Our true self is like an acorn in us. And it's smothered by bad habits, it's smothered by fears, by sin, by anger, by things that we grew up with that we were trying to overcome bad habits. And the only way that acorn is ever going to grow, the only way we're ever going to become

all we were meant to be is through a long hard process of failures and then repentance and then grace. And if you go through that journey, not as a single person, but with another person in marriage, that is going to be one conflict after another. That's what Paul's talking about. He is absolutely realistic about the fact

that it's wonderful as it is. Marriage is a long-hard journey. There's just no sentimentality about Paul here. There's a realism, and yet there's a joyous realism. Now, for example, Stanley Howerwast, this guy, I've been quoting from Duke, says something about this that I know will get a response from you. He says, equally destructive as the moral obligation of prayer marriage, that you must do it for social status obligation.

Equally destructive is the self-fulfillment ethic that assumes that marriage and family are primarily ways of personal happiness. The assumption is that there is someone just right for us to marry, and that if we look closely enough, we will find that just right person. This over looks a crucial fact, and that fact is this, that we always marry the wrong person. We never know whom it is we marry. We just think we do. And even if we do marry the right person, just give it a while and he or she will change. For marriage, being the enormous thing it is means we will not be able to stay the same person after we have entered it that we were before. Marriage changes us so we can't be sure before

you marry who the person will be that you're married to in a couple of years. The great challenge, says Howerwas, of marriage, therefore, is learning to know and love the stranger to whom you often find yourself married. And Louis Smith, an older minister, when he wrote this when he was in his 60s, I think, or 70s, is as my wife has lived with at least five different men since we were married. And each of the five was me. But where's the journey going?

See, Paul is saying it's hard. It's terribly difficult. It's gonna be conflicts. But where's the journey going? See, as Lewis says, he can make the feeblest and filthiest of us. difficult. It's going to be conflicts. But where's the journey going?" See as Lewis says, he can make the feeblest and filthiest of us if we let him into a dazzling, radiant immortal creature pulsating all through with such energy, joy, and wisdom and love as we cannot now imagine. A bright, stainless mirror which reflects back to God perfectly, though

on a smaller scale, his own boundless power into light and goodness. The process will be long and in parts very painful, but that is what we are in for, nothing less. If you understand this, this view of marriage, then you realize that you're not looking for finished works of sculpture, but just great blocks of marble. And when you fall in love with somebody, you shouldn't just be falling in love with what they are, you should be excited about their future.

You should be attracted to what God is going to make them that you can discern. In other words, falling in love in a Christian way is to say, I am excited about your future. And I want to be part of getting you there. I'm signing up for the journey with you. Would you sign up for the journey to my true self with me? It's going to be hard, but I want to get there. And when you see that future orientation, that hope that you are going to

get there, you're going to be stainless without wrinkle. Radiant, beautiful. That's what Paul says. Is the goal of marriage, but what a long journey. And yet, it's our understanding of that journey that makes marriage both realistic and yet joyful. If you believe it's just a duty, you don't see the glory of it.

If you believe it's all going to make you very happy, you're going to be looking for low maintenance people who are perfectly going to satisfy you all the time and you're going to be absolutely disappointed. So first of all, your view of sex and marriage is radically shaped by the ultimate family. Secondly, it's radically shaped by your knowledge of the ultimate journey, but thirdly, it's radically shaped by your hope in the ultimate lover. See this verse 16 that we talked about before, do not you know that he who unites with a prostitute is one with her in body for the two should become with her.

Look at the bookends. The verse before says, do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ Himself? Verse 17, but he who unites himself with the Lord is one with him in spirit. The book ends of union, sexual union is union with God. What does this mean? When Jesus was talking to the woman at the well, John chapter four, he says, I have living water, I have water that if you drink it, you'll never thirst again.

And she says, sir, let me have that water. And he says, go get your husband. Well, I don't have a husband. No, you've had five husbands and the guy you're living with right now isn't. Why, when she asked for living water, did he turn to her romantic life? Why, when she said, I want the water of life, did she, he start talking about her sex life and her romances and about how she'd always centered her life around men? You know what he's saying? He's saying, you've been looking for the water of life

in love, you've been looking for the water of life in romance, but unless you make me your one true love, you'll never find what you're looking for. Unless you make me your one true love, your whole attitude toward romance and love and marriage will be utterly distorted, unless you make me your one true love, and find the water of life in me,

unless you make me your one true love, Jesus says, you're either gonna be too desperate for romance, and you're gonna put all the deepest hopes of your heart in finding that one true love, which means you're going to be desperately looking all the time and you're gonna stay with the wrong kind of people too long. And if you do get married, you're practically going to smother the person under your expectations

and know human being can do that, or you're going to be so scared of it. You're going to avoid it. You're going to be cynical about love and marriage. You're going to be hard. He says, don't you understand unless you make me your one true love, you're going to make bad decisions about trying to find it. And when you do get it, you won't be able to enjoy it. Make me your one true love.

Or you'll never know love. You'll never know it. Don't you see this is the highest view of sexuality possible. Paul is saying, the gospel says, that human sexuality is a dim reflection of what it's going to be like to fall into the arms of the Lord on the final day. That's the love we need. That's the closure we need.

And even the foretaste of it, we only have a little bit of that by faith, but even the foretaste of it now, if you have it, you have some sense of his love, just some sense of his love on your heart, that radically frees you and radically puts sex and love in the right proportion in your life. But just think of what that must be like,

that day when we fall into our lover's arms, because if sexuality is just a dim hint of it, and it's such dynamite. What must it be like to finally get the spouse our hearts are looking for? And one last thing, but it's a very, very important last thing, not really an afterthought at all. Do you now see, let me look you right in the eye, do you now see why the idea of sex, the Christian understanding of sex, having to be only in marriage is not just narrow-mindedness, it's not just prudery. You cannot have intimacy with God unless you lose independence. You cannot have intimacy with God unless you lose your independence.

If sexuality is a reflection of our relationship with God, think. You cannot have intimacy with God without losing your independence and get this. Even God couldn't have intimacy with a guy without losing your independence and get this. Even God couldn't have intimacy with us without him losing his independence. You say, what are you talking about? God could not become one spirit with us. He could not enter into intimacy with us unless he lost his independence, unless he gave it up. Where did he do that? On the cross. He became human. He became weak. He became vulnerable. You're not your own.

You're bought with a price. If God could not enter into intimacy with us, if God could become one spirit with us of God couldn't, without losing his independence, don't you dare take the image of our relationship with God with other people, don't take sex. And so I want to have sex with you, but I don't want to lose my independence. I don't want to get married to you. I want to keep my hands on my life. Don't you dare. You're sinning against this amazing gift. You're actually abusing it. You're destroying it. I must be nuts to be preaching a sermon like this in the middle of New York City. But there is no doubt about this.

There is no difference of opinion, orthodox, Catholic, Protestant. There is no doubt about this. There is differences in all kinds of other things, not this. Jesus Christ says, make me your one true love and everything will be all right. Are you single? And you want to be married fine. But don't get married out of social obligation and don't get married just because you want to have personal fulfillment.

Find somebody that you want to go on the journey with. And somebody who, by the way, understands that there is a journey, somebody who's also one spirit with the Lord. If you're happily married, you need to have Jesus your one true lover or you'll make an idol. You'll make an idol become two dependent on the person that you're married to. Are you unhappy married? You need Jesus as your one true lover or you will be two despondent. You'll be too much in despair. Jesus says, make me your one true love. Jesus says, come to me.

What a proposal. Let us pray. Thank you, Father, for giving us this promise of intimacy. It's astounding. It's kind of outrageous. And yet we are grateful that you make this invitation. On the cross, you got down on one knee and proposed to us. You yourself, you lowered yourself, you came down, you lost your independence, you became

vulnerable. Oh Lord, you do not, we do not enter into intimacy with one another unless we make ourselves radically vulnerable to each other and give ourselves, you gave yourself to us. We give ourselves to you, and we pray that you would make, we would be enabled to make that pattern, the pattern for all our relationships, and we pray that we might so taste your love that we'll be radically free to pursue romance and love

or not, to pursue marriage or not. Please, Father, give us this freedom. Give us this grace. We ask God to Jesus name it. Thank you for joining us today. If you were encouraged by today's podcast, please rate and review it so more people can discover this resource. And thanks again for listening. This month's sermons were recorded in 1991.

The sermons and talks you here on the Gospel and Life podcast were preached from 1989 to 2017, while Dr. Keller was senior pastor at Redeemer Presbyterian Church. you