Tin Foil Hat With Sam Tripoli - Twisted With Sam Tripoli Ep 16: Whoop Ass

Episode Date: August 11, 2016

It's time for more ranting and raving about life from Sam Tripoli! Here's what I talk about on this episode of Twisted: 1) Should you tell someone when their fly is down? 2) The Ranteurs and the State of Stand Up 3) I'm getting old 4) Aliens 5) Follow Your Dreams

George. And welcome to another episode of Twisted. Guys, thanks for tunnip. I think you guys know who I am. And, welcome to another episode of Twisted. Guys, thanks for tuning in. Again, Sam Tripoli Twist, I think you guys know who I am. Played a little bit. I like opening with mashups.

That was Stevie Wonder and Metallica. Sad but Superstitious. That was for Casper who asked for a little Metallica to open. Here's a thing. I can't open up with a straight song because I will, SoundCloud has this software that listens to it, make sure you're not using copyright music, but I found when you do mashups it doesn't register, so I can do a little bit of everything. So that's what I did. So that again, you can find that song on YouTube. Yes, the YouTube, it's sad but superstitious.

Stevie Wonder versus Metallica mash up by Wax audio you got it there you go that sound like Brody Stevens sorry about that how is everybody thank you so much for tuning in I got great feedback from the last twisted so we're gonna keep trying to do it one thing I heard was that my peas were a little hard so I promise you that I will not I'll try to watch that. So what's going on? I hope everybody had a great week. Thank you guys for listening. Thank you guys for tune in. If you're going to try to do this on Thursdays. A lot of great stuff going on. Again, we've got the Vegas show. That's going to be great. nights. This week should be great. Next week should be even better because we got the UFC in town, Connor McGregor

versus Nate Diaz or should I say Nate Diaz versus Connor McGregor should be a great show. But again, if you're in Vegas, you're looking for a fun show. Every Friday and Saturday at Play Hollywood in Sin City Theater, 11 p.m. You can find tickets on Ticket master. Friday and Saturday, play at Hollywood and Sin City Theater 11 p.m. You can find tickets on Ticketmaster, go to the naughty show LV.com, grab your tickets. Also excited to announce that at the end of the month, I am going to be, again, at the House of Comedy in Minneapolis. Get your tickets. Should be fun. A lot of new stuff.

We'll see how it goes. I have a CD that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's..... that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's should be fun. A lot of new stuff, some classic, some new stuff. We'll see how it goes. I have a CD that's almost done so I'm going to be putting out that soon. But I don't know if I'm going to sell it digitally. It's a crazy weird thing that goes on that. If you want to do an hour special, okay? If you want to do an hour, they want to completely original stuff, which I understand. they their th it it first hours way back in the day used to be a collection of your best stuff. Like guys wouldn't get specials until they were 20 years in. And that was the best of their 20 years. And that's why they always hit so hard. Now they're not really special. They're only special and that they're retarded.

So that, yeah, that kind of special. A lot of these specials aren't that great. I mean, I'm not picking on anybody. God bless me. If someone offers you a special, you gotta take it, okay? Obviously. But I want mine to be murder row. So I'm debating if I'm going to put out digitally. Because there's a lot of classic on my old CD too that I want to th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the th. thi. thi. thi. the. the. they. their thi. they. their their their their their their th. th. the. thi. thi. their, thi. thi. thi. I'm thi. I'm th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's, th. I's th. I's thi. I's thi. I's thi. thi. the. the. the. the. So, the. So, theateat. So, theateateat. So, they. So, they. So, they. So, they. So, the. So, the of classy on that. There's a lot of class on my old CD too that I want to do. But we'll see. I might just record it, put it out. I don't know man. I'm ready to do an hour. I'm ready to do murder fest. I'm ready to go on. So that's a lot of stuff's going on. Obviously pun drunk. You guys know about the punstruck channel. That's come together. together. together. together. together. together. together. together. together. together. thea. tod. tod. tod. th. th. th. th. th. I. th. I've th. I'm th. I'm just th. I'm just th. I's th. I'm just just to to to to to just just to just. I'm just just just just. I'm just just just just. I'm just just just just just. I'm just just just. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I's. I's. I's tod. I'm just just just just just just just just just just just just. I'm just. I'm just. I'm just. I'm just. Love to see if we can make that happen. But on the website itself, we've got Tommy Toeholds doing videos for the, he's posting his videos on the website.

Just had Ian Bag, again Brody Stevens starting, she's working out a lot of good stuff. If you guys know of any great podcast that you like our sports podcast, let me know, come and join us on the website. It's going to be a lot of fun. It's very weird doing this show by myself. I like to feed off people. This is the first time I'm doing it by myself in my room with my dog. Pollyanna's over there, chillaxing. Hold on a second. I'm going to go open the door so she's not that cold. Just talk amongst yourself for two seconds. There you go.

And I'm back. I got my coffee, I'm ready to rock. What else I want to get into? Um, kind of weird thing happened to me at Starbucks the other day. I said Starbucks waiting to get my way too expensive coffee. And there's two guys in front of me. They look like they're young 30s, mid-30s, tall dudes, obviously worked together in some kind of capacity.

They were like, you can tell, they were working together. They're very passionate about what they were talking about. They were making deals, business deals. One dude, super excited about what he's talking about. And I have to tell, I have to be honest with you, I'm a guy in the sneakers. I love sneakers. I love to see what sneakers people are wearing. I'm just a sneaker dude.

I like, I love seeing new sneakers. I love getting new sneakers. Anything, you know, Reeboks, Nike's Adidas, old school, new schools. Last night I was rocking some ponies. Who rocks ponies? This guy. I'm rocking pony. Ah, there's a piece.

You got it. You're right. Rocking some ponies. Ponies. I got to remember the peas on this. So I don't ruin your guys' eardrums. So I like it. So I saw these two dudes. They're pretty dressed, good-looking guys dressed very nice.

So I go down and see what kind of sneakers or shoes they're wearing. I looked down, this one guy's fly is just completely open. Like a giant silver, like, I don't know, giant silver thing is just hanging out of his fly. And this guy is like preaching preaching about how about whatever business feel he's trying to sell this guy like he is in his zone he is he is trying to make the sales pitch but his flies out and I gotta be honest with you I didn't know what to do because I don't want to ruin this guy's thing I don't want to embarrass him from his friends but he is really trying to sell this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this to sell. this to sell. this to sell. to sell. I I to they. He. He's to be. I they. I they. I'm they. He's they. I they. He's. He's th. He's they. He's they. He's they. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I they. I the the they. I the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. I the. I the. I thi. I tttttttttttttttttttry. tttttry. ttttttry. tttry. tttry. try. ttry. things. things. things because I don't want to ruin this guy's thing. I don't want to embarrass him in front of his friends, but he is really trying to sell

this idea of whatever he's doing. And his fly is completely open. Like what do you do? Like personally, I like people to tell me this stuff. Like I get so pissed off when people don't tell me I'm not rocking. Do you know what I'm saying? Like, okay, here's a great story. When I first started doing stamp comedy, I was in Las Vegas. I got asked to, I got offered to go and see Howie Mandel live. And at that time, Howie's kind of making a comeback from his heyday.

He kind of disappeared for a little while. And I loved Howie Mandel. My friend Barry, who I haven't seen for a while, funny story about Barry. Side story, I'll tell you, okay, this is just another tour. Anyways, I was doing acid in shrooms acid and shrooms and Barry showed up and she wanted to kill herself that's a real story and I'm knee deep in acid and shrooms try to save this person from not killing themselves

but that's a totally different and I know you want to hear about that story, but I can't. I'm going to say that for another time. So anyways, Barry, who's a very nice person, calls me and goes, hey, I got two tickets to see Howie Mandel. Do you want to go? I'm like, hell yeah. I want to go see Howie Mandel. I'm a weird guy because I'm a dark dirty edgy comic. Obviously you guys follow me, you guys know that, but I also appreciate masters, people who have mastered whatever they've done. Like I love Ellen. I love, I know you guys think that might be crazy.

I think Ellen is an amazing comedian. I love, who else I love? I love Jeff Foxworthy. I think he's a master. Brian Regan. I know those those those those those those those those those those those those those those those those those th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm a tho. I'm a tho. I'm a tho. I'm a thooooooooooooooooooooo. I'm a th. I'm a tho. I'm a th. I'm a th a master. Brian Regan, I know those are gonna look, duh, but it's true. I do. I really like those guys, even though they're not my particular brand of comedy. I appreciate what they do.

You know, I love Doug Stano, but not, I don't want everybody to beat Doug Stanhope. God, I'm just hitting these peas hard, huh? Now I'm self-conscious, dude. Also, last time I did, Twisted, I was in a hotel, Diaz-Mackey was sleeping, so I was trying to podcast and not wake him up the same time. So I had the microphone very close to my, so hopefully this isn't as bad,

God, damn it's bad. So she invites me down. We go to show. It's an awesome show. He does some hilarious jokes. He does jokes about the time that he took his fingers. He was at a makeup stand with his wife. And he took his fingers, put his fingers in all the makeups. And then he started getting very seductive with his wife and he kept touching her face. So by the time she was done, she looked like a Native American on crack. It was very funny. So Barry's like, I get to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He was th. He was th. He's th. He's th. He was th. He was th. He was th. He was. He was. He was. He was. He was. He was. He was. He was. He was. He was. He was. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He was, he. He was, he. He was, he was, he was, he was, t. He was t. He was t. He was t. He was t. He was took, took, took, took, took took took took took took. He was took. on crack. It was very funny. So Barry's like I get to go backstage of meme. Do you want meme? I'm like, fuck? Yeah. So he go backstage and he's in the bathroom because later you know I learned that he's got insane OCD, right? Really bad OCD. He's in the bathroom. He comes out, he's shaking everybody hand, he goes to shake mine and as he shakes it, he just looks at me with fear in his his him him him him him him him him him him him him him him him him him him the the the the the the the the the the the the the the bathroom, he comes out, he's shaking everybody's hand, he goes to shake mine, and as he shakes it, he just looks at me with fear in his eyes. Fear! And I'm like, what the fuck man? And he literally runs to the bathroom, locks the door. I'm like, what just happened? I'm like, that guy's a dick. So we go back to the apartment. We leave the show. We're, it's in Caesars. We're, I, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, th, th, th, he's th, he's th, th, he's th, he's just just just th. He's just just just just, he's just just, he's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He, he just just just just, he just, he just just just, he, he, he just, he just, he just, th. He, th. He, th. He, th. He, th. He, th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's the. He's just just, that, that, that, he's just just looks, that, he's just just looks, he's just looks, that, he's just just just just just just, he's just. We go back, we leave the show, it's in Caesars, we're going up these escalators and on

these escalators, there's mirrors on both sides of the escalators. I look in the mirror, I'm not lying to you, I have a smudge from the top of my eye socket all the way down my nose to the crack of my mouth. A big black smudge. I don't know how it got there. I'm starting to think that's because I was riding the rails and I didn't know and I wipe my face. I look at Barry, I go, what is the smudge on my face? It's like, ah, I don't know. I go, why didn't you tell me? I had the smudge on my face? tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho, and she tho, and she tho, and she tho, and she. th thu, and she. thu, and she, and she, and she, thu, I thtook, I thtook, I thtook, I don't know. I go, why didn't you tell me I had the smudge on my face? She goes, I thought it was a shadow and she runs off. And I don't know when was the next time I saw Barry. It was a while.

I think it's the next, I think the next time I saw her, I was unassioned she wanted to kill herself. But besides that, that was that. I wish somebody would told me, hey dude, you have smudge all over. Do you know you have a smudge on your face from the top of your eyeballs all the way down to the crack of your mouth? Do you know that? I wish somebody tell me. So I always like, like, you ever talktell me this? What is the purpose of this? Why does it anybody tell me? It's ridiculous. I'm just saying. So, he's having his meeting. I'm grabbing my coffee. I don't want to say anything in front of the guy to embarrass him than

he's already more embarrassed because there's no way the guy he's talked to doesn't know this dude's flies open. So the first the guy without the fly open the guy he's talked to starts to leave. The guy is about to leave I tap them and I go hey your fly is open and I told him because I think you should tell somebody. I just think you should tell somebody. I just think you should tell somebody. I just think you should you should you should you should you should you should you should th you th you thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi their thi thi. I thi. I thi. I should their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their tell. I tell. I tell. I tell. I tell. I tell. I tell. tell. tell. tell. tell. tell. tell. tell tell tell tell tell their tell their their their tell somebody. So that's my theory. I guess I answer my question. Yes, you should tell somebody if they got something in their teeth or their fly is down. That's my opinion. So what else is going on? Yeah, last night was the Rantitur's. It used to be an all-rance show that I do at the comedy store. Now, if you're th th th th the description of the story it's talked about constantly. They have the

OR which is the original room which is to me the sacred room of the comedy store. It's where bad comedy goes to die or at least used to but it's the sacred room. The main room is like the big Vegas room sits about 400 people. Then there's the belly room. The belly room is basically where the roast battle, basically got started, Kill Tony's been in there. It's about a 50 to 60 seat room. It's a great room because if you put 20, 30 people in there it's pretty full and you have a great show. I like doing shows in there now.

I used to do shows in the main room all the time. It was just, it's like, you put 200 people in LA, which is an act of God, to put 200 people in there. To put 200 people in there, to put 200 people in their, you half empty and they're like dude what happened man where is everybody I'm like I don't know there's 200 people in there they're like it's half full dude gotta do better you like you know it screw it so I decided to do the belly room shows you know and I've been doing Jason Ellis show they used to be the noon to four spot now they've moved to the mornings and which is really cool I'm very happy for the thousa. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to the to the to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the tole. I I I too. too. I too. I's tell. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to the mornings, which is really cool. I'm very happy for them.

I'm happy for Jason Ellis. Super happy for Mike Tully. They've all been very nice to me for a very long time. I think about eight years now, they've been very cool to me. You know, Ellis and I had a weird falling out for a brief moment. I don't know why. I know why. they just have thi, tha, tha, but he, you know, it was, we just have weird shit.

Once in a while go on Ellis' show and he just gets weird with me. And I just learned, it's like, okay, time to go. We don't need to be here all day. It's the, Ellis is in his weird moments. I don't need to be here. But the show is great. They're great. And I'm happy to be back in with with with with with with with with with with with with with the and they're really cool dudes. A bunch of people from the show came to the Ranta Tours last night.

They're all good people. Mike has just started, he started like three months ago and he's doing better man. It's all about getting comfortable on stage. So we do a show with a girl named Christina, Casa Grande, the three of us try to pack show. Last night we convinced Brandon Schaub to go up, which was. It's very cool and I got to be honest with he killed he killed He killed he killed dude brand shop killed I'm not even lying to you man I felt bad because I went up Just before him, but my girlfriend's like dude, you got to do give yourself an easy spot once in a while, because I always want to go last. I always put myself last because I don't want to put anybody out.

I'm a really strong comic and I can get blood from a stone. I do necrophilia comedy a lot. I'm always fucking dead crowds, bringing them back to life with my well-crafted dick jokes. And by the way, everything I do in comedy is so I can't thia, thi, thi, thi, I can't, thi, I can't, thi, thi, I thi, I thi, thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, thi, I'm, thi, thi, thi, th-a, I'm th-s, I'm, I'm, th-s, th-s, I'm th-s, I'm th-s, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I's, I, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I'm, I'm, th...... th. th. th. th. th. th. thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, th. th. that, that, th thr-a'''a, th. thooooo. th. that, that, that, that, do in comedy is so I could tell more dick jokes I really want to be the Carl Sagan of dick joke material that's the true I really want to be the Carl Sagan of dick jokes so she's like she's like a bunch of people from CAA are gonna be there she's like go up early so people can see you because I always go late in shows always even at the comedy store I'm usually in about the two the to to to to to to to to to to to the to to the the the to the to the the to the the the to be the the to be the to be the the the to be to be to be a to be a to be a to be the the the the to be. to be. I the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. I th. I th. I thi. thi. thi. te. te. te. te. tip. tip. tip. tip. te. te. te. thi. can see you because I always go late in shows. Always, even at the comedy store. I'm usually in about the two and a half hour or three hour spot. The crowd's dead, but I'm a cold

bloody killer. You're probably going to hear some sirens in the background. Nothing I can do about that. Hold on. Yeah, there'sthat I can do about it, dude. Siren's gonna hear it. Anyways, because I live in Los Angeles, dude. There's somebody getting stabbed smoking crack all the time. So up early and I felt bad, but you know, I just wanted to go up early. I wanted to get, I wanted to get some of that fresh pussy. Not that old beat up. I'm always like last guy and a gang-bang at a comedy show. I'm kind of over it. So I went early and it was fun. I had a great set.

It was packed. We packed it out. A lot of people there see Shop. And I gotta be honest with he's great. And I have a lot of respect Shop. I have a lot of respect Shop. I love Brian Callan. I know I'm punstruck.

We have that rivalry, but I've always I mean, the guy's literally dominated everything that he's done. I mean, to make it into the NFL and then be a top 15 heavyweight in UFC, that's unheard of. But now his podcast is huge. Like, guys just a straight up winner. The star's a line. He's great. He killed last night. I'm sure he's going to go on

to be a great. If he puts his mind to and he works really fucking hard, he'll be great. He crushed. He crushed. He's crushed. It was fun to have a pack. We packed it out. Tully did great. tollie did great. Ryan Sickler did great. Everybody did great. Everybody did great. And it's like Shob's gonna become a great comedian. I'm happy for him because he works hard. But Sam's such an interesting thing because it is such a hard craft. A lot of people don't realize because when you watch TV, you only see the best. And it might even be the worst of the best. You might see a guy in TV and you're like, that guy sucks.

That guy is the worst of the best. He's still one of the best. But he's one of the worst of the best. And then you got the top of the hill, which is like Rogan, in my opinion. Rogan, Bill Burr, like I think Bill Burr is a heavyweight champ, I think just it's Bill Burr's time right now. He's just so good and they're both equally great. I think they're both great. Bill Burr, David Tell's my favorite, you know, Doug Stanhope, they're the best, you know?

And they make it look easy and it's not easy at all. It's extremely hard thing to do. But everybody thinks they can do it. That's why it's the last last the last the last the last the last the last the last the last the last the last the last the last the last the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th... Wea' thoea'ea'ea'ea'ea'ea'e'e'e'e'ylicily. thiolkily. thiolkily. thiolioliolioliolioliolioliolioliolioliolioliolioliolioliolia'ylia'ya'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'ea'ea'ea'ea'e. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. th But everybody thinks they can do it. That's why it's the last stop on the block. Meaning, if you did the hierarchy of entertainment, I honestly believe that, I honestly believe that it would be just below pornography. Just below porn. Because I've seen a ton of porn stars try to do stand-up.

Very rarely do you see a stand-up do porn. And if they do do porn, I can tell you they're probably not that great of a stand-up. They're not bad people, they're probably not the best stand-up comic. But you see the best porn stars in the world try to do stand-up comedy. They always do. Even in the naughty show, Nikki Benz try to do stand-up all the time. Try to do stand-up. You know, we're the last, the chick who gets DP by black guys is now, is now trying, thag ha jokes. We're just the last stop. And like the, some of the improvs now are putting, like Nini Leaks from the real house

wives of Atlanta is doing a weekend in, in Vegas, in Houston. Nini Leaks is doing stand-up comedy. It's unbelievable. It's like, why am I working on jokes? I should just work on being a better train wreck. I should just work on being a better train wreck. I should just do dumb shit. Like I get thumped in the nuts by a 4 by 4. And then I have like, they get one of those ghetto fabulous videos. What are those called the ghettos, where the glasses come down that thing? Yeah, I should just do that. That. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I to to to to to to to to to to just to be to be to be to be to be just work to be just to be just to be just to be just to be just to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be just. I should be just. I should be just. I to be just. I to be just. I to be just. I to be just. I to be just. I to be just. I to be just. I to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to work to work to be to work to work to work What are those called the ghettos, where the glasses come down, that thing? Yeah, I should just do that.

I gotta work on my train wreck skills. A big thing I wanted to talk about too is I didn't mention, I'm doing a show, a YouTube show now. What we're doing the pilot, we're figuring out. I don't want to get in hand myself, but I'm really excited. I'm doing a show with Jody Sweden from Fuller House. She's, her fiance is one of my best friends, Justin, Hodak, she's gonna do a show. So she wants to do like a YouTube channel show

because those are really big right now, obviously. And she's asked me to be on it, and I'm really, I'm really thankful. They're both wonderful people. And there's tho's tho's tho's thankful. They're both wonderful people. And there's a couple other people working on it. Let me see if I can find out their names real quick. But I think you guys will be pleasantly surprised by how funny Jody is and how, how she's got an edge to her. She's like, she's not afraid to muck it up. She's not, dude. She's like a little crazy than you think, man. She, she went through some th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho the the the the the the the thi thi thi the' the' tho tho tho tho tho-a tho-a tho-a thi thi thi th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. She's th. She's th. She's th. She's th. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She's th. She's th. She's th. She's th. She's th. She's th. She's th. th. th. the. th. the. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. talk about the latest stuff going on, but she wants to do, they want to do sketches. They want to do sketches, so we're super excited about that.

So look for that. It's going to be on the... They're going to be, let me find Joe's name. Joe Fisher, a really funny writer, really smart guy, came up some great stuff. Fisher, a really funny writer, really smart guy, came up some great stuff and he wants to, we're gonna do it. So we're gonna shoot a pilot today, if it goes well you probably won't see the pilot but you will see more in the future we're gonna record them every Thursday hopefully and put them out soon so yeah so yeah so that's that's going on so look for it it's a working title we don't know the name of it but once we know wea wea to to to to the to to th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to. to to to to. toda. today today today thi. we don't know the name of it, but once we know, we'll get into it. I want to get back to a little stand-up comedy.

I realize that I am getting old. I'm getting really old. How do I know that? It's because I always want to give people advice. That's all I want to do, is I unsolicit. I will just literally walk up to people and start lecturing them for no reason. I just I feel like I have to set the record straight or teach the youth or you know teach these little whippers

snappers. I'm just doing it constantly. Just walk up to people and just be like no listen you kids that's how you do it. You got, no, stop it. Like I walked up to my friend Keith Carey, who's this young kid. You saw him on the roast battle promos. He's a funny kid. He's a really funny kid.

He's a nice kid. He's also'm like, he smokes a lot. He's a good kid. He smokes a lot. Wicked funny. Mother was crazy. He's got a great story. I'm gonna have him on the international

bad boys out or stuff. Really funny, crazy guy. He, his mom is drunk was in some kind of gang-bang porno, I think, he's bisexual, like his dick in glory holes which I personally think is the only workout he gets is sticking his dick in glory holes and I go dude you gotta stop smoke you got to lose weight you're out of shape he goes I'm out of shape you're out of shape you're out of shape you're you fat fuck and you know what he's right he's totally right I am out of shape who am I to be teling to to to to to to to the to to the to the to the to the the to the their their their to their their their their to their to to their to to to to to to to to to he shape. Who am I to be telling anybody to work out? I need to get my own acting gear.

I need to get my own head out of my own ass. I'm just lecturing people. For no reason, I walk home and I go, why did I just do that? Why did I just lecture you? I have no right to lecture people. I want to tell them how we used to do it back in the old days. Nobody cares. Stupid.

Anyways, usually I bring this up. Because once again, I've just stuck my foot in the world of shit. Because I feel like I got to, listen, I'm a stand-up comic. I'm very sensitive about other comedians calling out other comics. I'm very sensitive about it. I just think we live in this world where everybody's fucking sensitive and comics have to battle the audience. And you just don't know who's in the audience. You're like, you're telling you a joke. You're telling you, I mean, look at drama.

Look how crazy drama is now. How edgy, again, I talked about last night, the night off on HBO. Look how edgy that show is. You have racial interactions, drug abuse, murder, violence, corruption. You have all sorts of crazy shit going on and that. And people love it. But stand-up wise, nobody wants to hear any of it. Nobody wants to hear any of it.

They just want patticks. And even if you get a cool crowd that's really fucking laid back cool, you could suddenly have one person in the crowd, one person in the crowd who just gets offended and mostly they're white women over 40. You can't say that to chicks because they'll be like, guys get pissed too. White women over 40 with the K plus 8 haircut are the ones who always want to talk to the manager. Always want to talk to the manager. They get offended on other people's behalf. I say it all time but it's true they get offended by other people's that they practice talking to

they practice in the mirror talking the management. So it's like we have a hard enough job as it is. Why are we being comedians talking to why do we have why as comics would we ever put restraints on other comics? Why would we ever call out other people? We should even if you don't agree with it even if you don't agree with it you should fight for your right to say it. Shh. Shh. Okay? You should... God damn it, dog. There you go.

Bye. I just locked my dog out. Watch how soon she just starts kidding. Really piss up. Why should we limit ourselves? We should never limit ourselves? We should never limit ourselves. I don't agree your stuff. There's a lot of stuff that said on stage that I do not agree with. Okay? Let the audience... I don't know what to say. I just don't want to fuck. I don't want to limit. I don't want to limit. I don't want comics who

after comics for saying stuff they don't agree with. I just think it's offensive. Come on, Paulie, let's go. I just think it's offensive, man. I just, I don't think we should be throwing each other under the bus. Okay? I just don't think we should do that. So, uh, over the weekend, over a series of time, there's a comic war going on between this guy Matt Riff and Brandon Wardell. And they were banging with each other.

Apparently Brandon, who I have no problems with. Hasn't said anything mean to me, hasn't said anything, I mean like has done nothing to me. Has said, made fun of Matt Riff's headshot. I made fun of it. I said he looked like a boy band, Matt Riff flew off the handle, which probably was right and threatened the punch Brandon Wardell in the face and beat him up. Wardell didn't take very kindly to that. Apparently, somehow, some way, I would love for him to call into the International Bad

Boys and discuss this. Somehow, the word got out that Matt had threatened Wardle and the gates that all helped broke loose and everybody was going after Matt. They go all the way back and then someone who has too much time on their hands went back five years. Now Matt's 21 I believe 20 or 20 or 21 went back five or six years to when he was 15 years old and found tweets that he said the M word with an A and the F word for gay people. You know? And they called him

out on it and he got in trouble for something he said in the ninth grade. Who didn't say dumb-ass shit in the ninth grade? And that's where I got a problem with Wardell is that he should have nipped this. See, here's my opinion, and I have no problems with Wardell. He's done nothing to me and I wish of nothing but prosper, but you've got to watch yourself. First of all, I learned a very long time ago from the ass beatings I've taken in life. That if you're going to talk shit to someone or about someone, there is a chance,'re going to get punched in the face. It's just the way it is.

Talk shit, get hit. That's how it is. And we live in this world right now, and this isn't Wardell, but this is a bunch of other people. And again, I have no problems with this kid. You know, a great example that I brought up before is about Perez Hilton versus the Black IPs and some people don't like either of them and I get it, okay? But Perez Hilton had drawn a bunch of dick doodles on the Black IPs pictures and really shit on their music for

the longest time. And the Black IPs were like really shit on their music for the longest time. And the Black IPs were like, dude, what's your problem? And he just kept shit and I'm, shit on, and on him. They meet in Toronto and somebody from the Black IPs punches Perez Hilton in the face. Perez Hilton then goes on and does a video blog about how violence is never the answer. And I go, well of course for you it's not the answer. You got a bazillion followers, a ton of cash, and lawyers. Violence is literally the only thing you can't control.

No I don't believe in these knockout things that these kids are doing or just randomly flying off at a barn, punching somebody or any of that stuff. Okay? Violence is never the answer until it's the only answer, meaning it's the last resort. I'm sorry. The notion that we don't want any violence to happen and that people could say whatever, things the lawyers, guns, monies and and followers on social media, there's some people could talk mad shit and there's nothing you could do to them except punch them in the face. And, and maybe. and maybe. and maybe. And maybe. And maybe. And maybe. And maybe, and maybe, and maybe, and maybe, and maybe, and maybe, and maybe, maybe, and maybe, and maybe, maybe, maybe, and maybe, and maybe, maybe, and maybe, th, th. thi, the the thi, their, their, their their their their their their their their their their their their their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. tea. tea. tea. tea. tea. thiiiiolia. their. their. their. their, their, the media, there's some people who could talk mad shit and there's nothing you could do to them except punch them in the face. And maybe, maybe we need more people getting punched in the face and people would calm the fuck down.

And maybe we would be so sensitive about everything if we knew that there's something way worse going on out there like getting punched in the face. That's all I'm saying dude. There's really no reason to... Violet Snember, he said mean things about me and he found a punch. Yeah, you talk shit. You talk shit.

An intern because he threatened to beat you up. You and your band of pink ninjas went out there and found shit. An intern because he threatened to beat you up, you and your band of pink ninjas went out there and found shit he said in ninth grade and got him in trouble. I guess he lost his check on Twitter and I don't know a couple other things here and there. And then Complex magazine, Complex dot com runs a story on it. It's like what? A comedian is talking said something in ninth grade? And now you're not now you're trying to cause him his career? It's just dumb shit. It's just dumb shit. So anyways I said something to Brad and I do and I would say to his face.

There's a special place in hell for comics who tried to ruin other comics careers because of something they said they don't agree with. And it's not just like a little bit, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, and like, and I, and I, and I'm like, and I, and I th, and I th, and I'm like, and I'm like, and I'm like, and I'm like, and I'm like, and th. And, and th. And, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and like, th, th, th, th, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, th, like, th like, like, th like, thi, thi, like, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th other comics careers because of something they said that they don't agree with and it's not just like a little bit I mean like dude I'm down with I mean I go to war for Tracy Morgan saying that shit about stabbing his gay kid I don't agree with it I think it's wrong he has a right to say it and you have the right to whether or not you want to buy tickets that show that's how you to the the their their their their their their their their their their the right the right the right the right the right the right the right the right the right the right the right the right right right. the right. I th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm thi the right. I the right. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm their. I'm their. I'm their. I'm their. I'm their. I'm their. I's their. I's their. I I their. I I I I I I I their. I I their. I I their. I their. I the right. I the right. I the right. I the right. I the right. I'm the the right. I'm the thi thi. I'm to thi. I'm te. te. te. te. te. te. te. th. the. I'm the. I'm the. I'm the. Ito buy tickets to that show. That's how you deal with it. You don't like it, don't go to the show. That's how you heard a comic. But comics calling other comics out about things they said? No, you can't do that, man. Let the market figure it out. Trust me. I know all about people not liking what I'm saying and not coming to my show. Okay? I get, I get th the the the the the to the the to the to the to to the to the to to to to to the right, to the right, the to to th. th. to th. th. to to th. to th. to thi. to thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. to thoom. to come the the the the thi. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the tho. tho. tho. Don't th. Don't thi. Don't thi. Don't thi. I'm thi. I'm that. I'm thate. I'm threat. I'm tooooooooooooooooooooooooo to to to to tho.coo. tho. tho. saying and not coming to my show. Okay? I get I get that a lot. And I just really just wanted to just think that's stupid. Comics should protect the

we don't have a union. We're like UFC fighters. The UFC fighters, someone started a union for them and I hope they get it going. Those guys deserve to be treated better. Dude, the two guys at the Salt Lake City, two guys who headlined, the two fighters who headlined the UFC Salt Lake City card, their Reebok payouts were $2,500 and people were like, well, that's not Reebok's fault, that's UFC fault. No, dude, that's the fact that the fighters had no fucking sa-sane negotiations. I think they should be able to negotiate. Now I'm pro-union, until it's too crazy, but I'm pro-union. I'm four unions. I think the

workers have a right to negotiate their stuff. You know? So I mean I wish comics had that, but I'm just saying comics. Watch what you're saying. Uh, I wanted to get into something really quick. I want to run two watch what you're saying. I wanted to get into something really quick. I wanted to run two videos for you and I just think they're really funny. Well one's really funny and one's inspirational and then we're going to jam. Guys if you have anything you like about this podcast let me know if you have anything you don't like about this podcast let me know. If you have anything you don't like about this podcast, let me know. If you want to, uh, me to talk about anything, just tweet me on Wednesday and I'll try to talk about if I think it's something the podcast, good for the podcast, I'll talk about it.

I wanted to play this for you. It is, uh, this guy, video is on Facebook I saw. He's like a modern name Paul Rivera. It's some dude, I don't know who it is, uh, sees the UFO and he's just freaking out. Now, I'll explain it as it's going, what he's looking at, okay? So here we go. This is, this video is called. It's on, on, on, UN-I-L- A, D, it's something on Facebook. It's got like four and a half million views, so here it is, here it is. That is, those are aliens coming down here, y'all. Look at it's coming down the same direction. So it's a dot in the air. It's a a dot near and it's breaking up. It's nine. Oh shit. Look at that. Oh look. Look. Look. They stop. They stop. Look at that.

Those are aliens. I'm trying to record it. Alients. Aliens. Aliens. All they cut a lights off. Y'all need to be shooting that! Y'all need to be shooting N'e'l-a'e'l-a'e'li'a'n'e'lain'a! They're looking at us! They're dividing up! We can't invade it!

Those are not for looking their shit! They are sitting! Y'all need to be calling down news. They come down to the go, oh they come to the earth, they're coming to the earth, oh they're coming faster! Oh, f- look, they flat towards each other. They flat, oh my God, look, they more of an end for formation. They're just standing there. Officers do something about that. What the f- What the f- that?

You're not gonna do that! Officers, do something about that. That is gold. By the way, the news should all be like that. Just... A bunch of knuckleheads doing the news. How much better would everything be if that guy did it? That guy did your news?

That guy called your football games. That guy's a modern day football games. That guy's a modern day for football tovere. We're getting more and more robots talking and less of that guy talking about aliens. That guy's a modern day for Paul Revere. So I want to get in a couple of, want to hand on a couple things. I hope you guys enjoyed this. I just want to talk about a couple things. I get depressed a lot man. I get depressed,

I overanalyze everything. A big problem I had on why I party so much is because my brain, I can never turn my brain off. I'm always thinking constantly. I'm over analyzing everything. So I just want to drink and do drugs to turn that off for a moment. It's like, it's like, imagine just having the UFO guy in your head. That's literally, wow, that's so fun. The UFO guy is in my head constantly analyzing everything I did. Oh, you fucked up! Oh, God, you look so dumb. Somebody called the police, arrest them. That's what goes on in my head. Constantly, man. Constantly. So I, uh, I have to deal with it. And I'm gonna tell you man I am a sarcastic I could be cynical

paranoid dude I can't recommend meditation enough see because I have a little monkey in my hat that hits the symbols constantly he's constantly hitting the symbols and he's going crazy and he's just unless that's why I'm always on my phone I can't turn my brain off it's overthinking everything so I can't tell you the difference is meditation man meditation is a game changer for me I have to do it twice a day at least for 15 minutes to calm my brain down and I know you guys you know some of you guys might be cynical not believe that but I'm telling you man I got this app it's called simply being and it's got a picture of a lady who looks like like white not a rider and she's got her eyes closed she's a brunette in the picture and it

takes you through the it takes you through the meditation I can't recommend it enough man because if you're always over thinking everything beating yourself up you need to take time to shut your brain down so I just want to recommend I just and it just takes me through it my brain so crazy it's going crazy going crazy going crazy and then it's like warp drive and space, right? Warp drive, warp drive, warp drive, warp drive, and then right in the middle of meditation, boom, you hit this deep, empty space

and everything is calm and everything is cool. And I just, I'm so thankful for it. And I think if you have a problem with your head going crazy, that maybe you should, you should try try try try try to try, to try, to try, to try, to try, to try, to try, to try, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to me, to to to to to to me, toa, toa, toa, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, the the the the the the the they..... the the the the the the they. to, to, to, toa, toa, toa, toa, toa, toa, toa, waa, war, toa, war, toa, war, war, to, to, to, with your head going crazy, that maybe you should try meditation. So at the end of these things, I'm gonna try to play a video of a video, the kind of motivational thing to kind of think. So, um, hold on, hold on, hold on. Let me find this, it's some positive motivational shit. Hold on, where did it fucking go?

You gots to be kidding me. You gots to be kidding me. Let me find this shit. Very superstitious. Here we go. Writings on the wall. Ah, very superstitious. Where did it? Oh, here it is. Okay. So here it is.

It's got about 3 million, 30 million views on it. I just want to play it for you because I really loved it. So, uh, here it is. It's got about 3 million, 30 million views on it. I just wanted to play for you because I really loved it. So here it is. I hope you enjoy it. And, uh... I don't know what that dream is that you have. It's called dream. I don't care how disappointing it might have been as you've been working toward that dream. That that dream that you're holding in your mind, that it's possible. That some of you already know that it's hard. It's not easy. It's hard changing your life.

That in the process of working on your dreams, you are going to incur a lot of disappointment, a lot of failure, a lot of pain. There are moments when you are going to doubt yourself. I say, God, why is this happening to me? I'm just trying to take care of my children and my mother. I'm not trying to steal a rob from anybody? How does this have to happen to me? For those of you that have experienced some hardships, don't give up on your dream. There are rough times that want to come, but they have not come to stay.

They have come to pass. Greatness is not this wonderful, solitary elic, elusive, godlike feature that only the special among us will ever taste. You know, it's something that truly exists in all of us. It's very important for you to believe that you are the one. Most people, they raise a family, they earn a living and then they die. They stop growing, they stop working on themselves, they stop stretching, they stop pushing themselves, they stop pushing themselves.

That a lot of people like to complain but they don't want to do anything about their situation. And most people don't work on their dreams. Why? One is because of fear, the fear of failure. What if things don't work out? And the fear of success, what if they do and I can't handle it? These are not risk-takers. You spend so much time with other time trying trying trying to get people to like you, you know other people more than you know yourself. You've studied them, you know about them, you want to hang out like them, you want to

be just like them, and you know what? You've invested so much time in them, you don't know who you are. I challenge you to live your dream. But people who are running toward their dreams, life has a special kind of meaning. When you become the right person, what you do is you start separating yourself from other people. You begin to have a certain uniqueness. As long as you follow in other people, as long as you be in a copycat. You will never ever be the best copycat in the world. But you will be the best you could be the best th you could th you can the best the ever be the best copycat in the world but you will be the best you could be. I'm telling you to define your value. That everybody won't see it.

That everybody won't join you. That everybody won't have the vision. It's necessary to know that you are an uncommon breed. It's necessary that you align yourself with people and attract people into your business who are hungry, people who are unstopable and unreasonable, people who are refusing to leave life just as it is, and who want more. The people that are living their dream are finding winners to attach them to. The people that are living their dream are finding winners to attach themselves to. The people that are living their dreams are the people that know that if it's going to happen, it's up to them. If you want to be more successful, if you want to hire and do stuff you never done before,

number two, ask me to invest in you, to invest in you. Someone's opinion of you does not have to to to to to to to to to to go to go to go th the th th th their th th the their the their the the deal, to invest in you. Someone's opinion of you does not have to become your reality, that you don't have to go through life being a victim. And even though you face disappointments, you have to know within yourself that I can do this, even if no one else sees it for me, I must see it for myself. This is what I believe, and I'm willing to die for it, period. No matter how bad it is or how bad it gets, I'm going to make it. I want to represent an idea. I want to represent possibilities. I want to represent possibilities. You want to be, you know what I'm saying, you want to go to

the next level, I want a council, you know, I want to be an engineer, I want to be a doctor, listen to me, you can't get to that level, you can't get to the level economically where you want to be until you start investing in your mind. You're not reading books. I'm challenging y'all. I'm the time. I the time the time the time you you the time you you the time I' the time I' thine I' thin I'm thin I'm thi I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be the the to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be I to be I to be I to be I to be to be I to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be the the th. I'm going th. I'm going thi. I'm going thi. I'm going thi. I'm thi. I'm the. I'm the. I'm theananananananananananananananananananananease. I'm theananananananananananananananananananananananananananananed. invest time. I dare you to be alone. I dare you to spend an hour getting to know yourself. When you become who you are, when you become the person that you are created to be, designed to be who you are designed to be, when you become who you are designed to be, when you try to be who you're to be the individual, what you do is you with trying to make them happy because you're trying to get you to make up. I need you to invest in your mind. Invest in your mind. If you still talk about your dream, if you still talk about your wrong, but you have not done anything, just take the first step.

That you can make your parent crowd, you can toubent your school crowd. You can tou tou tou tou tou tou tou tou tou tou tou tou to tou to tou tou to to to tou to to to to to their tou to to to to to to to to to their to invest to invest their to invest to invest you to invest your to invest your school to invest your school to to to to to invest to invest to to invest to to invest to to invest to to to to invest to to to to to to invest you to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to tou their tou tou tou tou tou the tou the the the the the the try the the the in their the in their will never be the same again because you came this way. Don't let nobody steal your dreams. That we face a rejection and a no one, we have a meeting and no one shows up. Or somebody says, you can count on me and they don't come through. What if we have that kind of attitude the cause repossessed? Nobody believes in you. You've lost again, again and again, the lights are cut off. off. But you're still looking at your dream, reviewing it every day and say to yourself, it's not over until I win.

You can live your dream! That was awesome. I hope you guys enjoyed that. I hope you guys go out there and drop a keg of whoopass. And I appreciate you guys listening. I hope the audio is okay on this. I'm just going to put it out. I'll figure it out. I love you guys very much. I appreciate your support. And I'll, I'll try to to the support. And I'll, I'll guys listening. I hope the audio is okay on this. I'm just gonna put it out. I'll figure it out. I love you guys very much.

I appreciate your support and I will see you all next week on Twisted. Go out there, my friends, and whoop that ass. I'll talk to you soon. Take care. Bye everybody.