Tomorrow - Episode 7: Baratunde Thurston vs. Infowars

Episode Date: May 23, 2015

Baratunde Thurston is a comedian, writer, entrepreneur, and orator. His background famously includes earning a degree in philosophy from Harvard, working for The Onion and writing the New York Times bestseller How to be Black. Less publicized is that time he was a driver for Nickelback and his on-again off-again relationship with conspiracy theorist Alex Jones. It also turns out that he has a hell of a talent coming up with business ideas. Needless to say, Josh and Baratunde have A LOT OF FUN on this episode of Tomorrow. www.itunes.com/tomorrowpodcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey and welcome to Tomorrow. I'm your host Joshua Topolski. Today on the show we're going to discuss sex furbies, nickel-backed, and pringles. But first, a word from our sponsor. This episode of Tomorrow with Joshua Topolski is brought to you by Nadex, binary options trading. Say you think the value of the dollar is going up. You can go to nadex.com and make a trade on that. You're not buying stock, you're trading on where you think the price will be by a certain time. Trade the most popular financial markets with thousands of short-term contracts listed daily.

Go to nadex.com and get started trading binary options. That's nadex.com. Futures options and swaps trading involves risk and may not be appropriate for all of us. So, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, sourston. Hey, hey, hey. He's a great man. He's an author.

Thank you. Which, just write yourself as a comedian? I would. Yeah. You are a personality. Ooh, right. I mean, you just, like, you may just may appear, it's like, get him on here.

He's interesting. You've got some podcast. I do have a podcast. What's it called? Our national conversation. I have it listed as a bout race. Yeah, those are the last two words. Our national conversation.

About conversations. About race. Oh, I see. Yeah, I see why it was shortened. Because the actual title is terrible. It is. Nobody wants to say it. Right.

Okay. You read a book, How to Be Black. You have a degree in philosophy from Harvard. That is true. This is all data that has been compiled by my producer. Magnus. Magnus, who's from Sweden. Yes.

Hello, Swedish man. You've advised the Obama White House. That is a true fact. We're going to talk all about this. Great. Three other self-published books. You don't want to talk about it. No, you don't really want it.

I mean, we could, but. Are they romance novels? They are collections of words. Yep. You were a director of digital at the onion. I novels. They are collections of words. Yep. You were a director of digital at the onion. I was. That's a 2012. Yeah.

Yeah. So, let's talk about, and then there's cultivated wit. Oh, right. Cultivated wit. Co-founder of Cultivated wit, the website. The website and the producers of Comedy Hack Day. Describe, hold on, we're going to get to it. I know you want to talk about Comedy Hack Day.

It's not that I want to. You can't say that. I just want to talk about Comedy hacked death. It's not that I want to. You came in here. I can't say that. I just wanna talk about comedy hacked death. It's the one thing I know. I have an agenda. Should I say that I'm a man with an agenda? I wanna preface this by saying

that we're both having drinks. Yeah. And you have like a huge glass. Like a ginormous volume of whiskey. Yeah, just kidding. I have a vodka, a regular vodka soda, but we're both basically drinking on an empty stomach. That's right, I haven't eaten since yesterday.

And I biked 12. No, really? No, that's not true. I went to that new Whole Foods in Goannis. Oh, that's an amazing Whole Foods. Good Lord. The roof is like they're growing lettuce on the roof. And, but the beauty is you see this beautiful lettuce,

and then you turn left, and it's just a gigantic pile of junkyard. And the green slime river that is the goon. The goon is just the steam rising off of the garbage and it's drifting over to the lettuce. And it's like polymerizing it with funk. Yeah, right? It's like it's like funk infused.

It's the funk to give it. The rooftop Brooklyn lettuce. It's the funk that gives it the flavor. And they can charge a premium for that Brooklyn funk. It's very archerge premium. I think it's a great business. Yeah, flavor and they can charge a premium for that Brooklyn funk. It's great Our charger premium. I think it's a great business. Yeah, but it's farm to table. It's said you know, it's very nah. It's all natural. Oh, go on us to tables. Everybody's always wanted to table is the new trend sweeping New York City. They're like this. If this didn't come over from go on us. I'm not interested. Nope.

Anyhow, you went to the Whole Foods when yesterday? Today, that's when you were talking about foods. So you ate today. I ate earlier today. What did you get at the Whole Foods? I mixed and matched from their salad bar. Okay. Oh, you went for like, you just loaded up on like the,

I'm gonna eat it now stuff. Yeah, I weren't shopping. No, I got a meal from them. Eating at the Whole Foods is basically. Eating at the rooftop lettuce. No, you can't go and get it. They have it there. Yeah, but you're prevented, like there's a barrier.

You can't go to the roof, but they have, like, they sell that lettuce in the store. I'm not just gonna buy lettuce. Well, I'd be sure to make it a salad, I'm saying you might. No, they make salads. I paid them for the service. I'm just saying that they have a section of the store where they sell lettuce.

I mean, I guess I could buy like a whole head of lettuce. We're gonna do it there. Let me give you a scenario. Okay. I'm gonna run you through a scenario where you're in a you take me through your crazy mind. All right, you're like I'm gonna make dinner for someone tonight. Stop right there. Maybe you've got it. Stop right there. Maybe you're on a date. Yeah, okay. I mean a date come over. Right. You're gonna be busy if you're going on a date. I brought lettuce. I brought lettuce to the rest. I just like to make dinner for you right now. I know. I know. It's like a the restaurant. I just like to make dinner for you right now. I know, we're not. Like a Japanese restaurant.

I'm gonna start chopping. If you went to like a Benihana and you pushed in like, I got through it. You pulled a, you pulled a rooftop lettuce out of your bag. I just need your assessment, you see it oil. You know, like, the dinner's just gonna be lettuce. But it's gonna be the amazing lettuce

because it's fucking gone. It's a table, it's a table. Anyhow. What's your rule on prof. Wanted to table. Anyhow. Sure. What's your rule on profanity on your show? No rule. Okay. Anything you want, great.

Any way you want it, that's the way you need it. It's my policy. And we're gonna end in karaoke. He's gonna be great. I would like that. What's your go-to karaoke song? At last by Edda James. Oh my god, that's like a serious song.

I know, you can leave. That's like a slow romantic song. I'm a slow romantic man. Oh, there you go. Oh, lady asks you something. You know, you can get on Tinder, it's a lot easier. You don't have to get on my podcast to meet someone. Touche.

But, you're either gonna get to know a lot more about you on this podcast. That's true, Tinder will be the second. So wait a second. One data point, your face. You're beautiful for this. So wait, hold on a second. Your go to karaoke song is edit James.

It's one of them. I don't have ass. I don't karaoke often. I should preface all this. Who'd like to. Many people. The nation of Japan, for example. That's true.

Yeah, they'd love karaoke. Like it powers them. My go to is Nickelback, how you remind me. Wow. Here's why. First off, it started as a joke like many things in my life. Like watching all of the Big Bang Theory. It started as a joke.

I've never seen a single episode. So I've only seen, I had only seen some episodes if I was accidentally flipping through. Okay. And I always marveled at how bad I thought it was. And then I started a joke that was like, I'm gonna watch, I started saying it to people. I'm really into the Big Bang Theory.

I'm gonna watch every episode of the big bang there. And then I started doing that. And you know, once you pop, you can't stop. Everybody knows that. They're like Pringles. They are like Pringles, but Doritos, the less you'll get. What are the chips that say you can't have just one?

I think it's Pringles. Oh, probably all the chips. Magnus, do you know? You're from Sweden. I asked the sweet. That's a, that's a got new segment of your show. I asked the sweet. I asked the sweet. We gotta ask the sweet on this one.. You're sure sweet. We got to ask you to do a Pringles are have your had actually they probably invented them. They're like

perfectly cut well designed. He just said what's the big deal by the way it's in a two. So what are we talking about? We were just going down the list of things. No, no, no, we left it off on. No, we take a karaoke. You said what's my no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no I think they're like 500 episodes of this show. There's like eight seasons. You can't watch a show like in syndication like that. That's crazy, man. I actually paid for some seasons on iTunes. That's how serious I took my watch. I actually paid for a lot of TV on iTunes. Well, if it's available and I can't get it anywhere else,

I'm just gonna pay for it. I'm impatient. I'm not gonna, like, listen, I would honestly, if the week the Avengers came out, and I don't even like, I don't even wanna see the Avengers. I just saw it. Well, how is it? It was fun.

I heard it wasn't like that. I needed an escape. It looks boring to me, but if it was How is it? It was fun. I heard it wasn't that good. I needed an escape. It looks boring to me. But if it was the day it came out, if I could pay $100 and watch it, I would do that. $100 USD. No, why not? I mean, I can think of several reasons.

I see. It does. You could buy a lot of letters. You could buy 50 USD. You know how much go on as infused letters. So much letters. So much letters. I mean, how Nick go back, how you how you remind me it started as a joke.

But I realized it's kind of a good karaoke song because everybody knows it. It's easy to sing because the guy that Chad Kroger I think is the lead singer of Nickelback, he's not a very good singer. So it's easy to kind of pull off his moves. And you know, it's just a powerful entrance when you start your karaoke performance. It's just people know you're not messing around. I met them. You met Nickelback?

You just reminded me. You kidding me? Not only did I meet Nickelback, I drove them. What? Yeah. Okay, you got it. This is all I want to talk about. I've never shared this story into a microphone before. Oh my God.

I think I perched it. And you reactivated it. I'm dormant memory. So I lived in Boston for 12 years of my life came to New York in 2007 and Zipcar as a huge fan of Zipcar the right the car sharing service it launched in 2000 I think I was that old it's very old Boston was his first market and I was one of its first users Like I had a four digit member number which is like you think about your Facebook profile number the people you used to compare

You still have the membership? Yeah, I'm still a little bit active. I've sent my active zip card member. Okay. I used a couple of times a year, probably. So I started volunteering with the company. They were a sponsor of Earth Day in Boston, which is a huge event. And I would man their marketing tent and just talk up zip-car, because I just so believed in it.

You were just, you became a zip car spokesperson. Like an evangelist. Just because you liked the product. When I love a product, I just love it. And I don't need a conversation. Wow, shut brands day away. Yeah. No brands for you.

No, you're not. This is not sponsored by zip car right now. Not at all. This is, this sounds like an ad-resistant. It's sponsored by memory and a love. Wow. So, hashtag memory. So they had a service.

zip car was a sponsor Memory and Love. Wow. So, hashtag memory. So they had a service. Zipcar was a sponsor for Earth Day, and Earth Day has a big concert at the Hat Shell on the Charles River in Boston. And they ran a shuttle service powered by Zipcar to bring the artists, bands and whatnot, from their hotels to the performance venues. It's crazy. I was driving that day, and I got to drive Nickelback from the hotel Marlowe

I've been on a some fact check that these are real places. It's near the Cambridge side gallery I'm gonna put real places in the story to prove that it really happened or I'm just a very specific type of liar Yeah, that's like me going like oh, you know, I've mutin powers. I can shoot lasers out of my eyes I actually did it you I did it near the Empire State building you can verify That's a real thing. So you know Check in this you check Google. Yeah, these places are here. So you know true anyhow. So yes I got to shuttle nickel back. Yeah, um, wow from it was like a 12 minute car ride. It was a pretty decent ride Yeah, you could have talked about all sorts of things good. So you met Chad Croger. Yeah, I didn't know I'll remember that name

No, but he's the lead singer. Okay. Did you was there guy who seemed like lead singer in the car with you? I presumed one of them was, but I don't think you came to car with this. I would guess 2003. Yeah.

Yeah. The height of Nickelback's power. Actually, I don't know when Nickelback had their first hit. I think it was how you remind me. But they were not this universally hated thing that came later. I feel like that was more, oh, seven, oh, eight, where it became popular to talk shit about.

Yeah, but I mean, like, think about Nickelback. I don't know why I'm sorry. I'm sorry, but Nickelback. That's all right. But at least I brought, I actually, I'm glad because it triggered a memory. You keep within you. I mean, I'm like, this is like, you hypnotized me as a,

I mean, it's just like therapy in a way. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You were in the memories. I had to storm it through the memories. I'm just gonna round out the nickel back. Let's close the nickel back after. Nickelback was never, there was no situation where it nickelback was a cool band or a good band. But I think it became, you know, with the years passing

it became clear and clear that they were like, they were like a match box 20 cover band, you know? They were like, what's a cop? Like what's a cop? Like it's like if Pearl Jam, let's say Pearl Jam, let's say, I don't know what a band cop? Like, what's a cop? Like, it's like, if Pearl Jam, but this time you say Pearl Jam, let's say, I don't know what a band would be, but let's just say, oh, Bush.

Let's say if Bush was like a, Bush was like a, was like a second generation Nirvana wanna be, then like, they're like an eighth generation copy of a copy of a copy. You know what I mean? It's just like not, that's not crash, man. It's not credible. And it's like, they're Canadian, no offense. No their Canadians no fan smells like teen spirits my other one by the way

Your other karaoke song I pick weird songs. It's really opposite ends of this back to Edda James and Nirvana Obviously, that's actually that's interesting because my other go to which is incredibly hard to sing yeah is the thong song Which is I do the whole like R&B rap combo as a karaoke song That but have you ever have you ever tried to karaoke the thongsong? No, of course not. I enjoy my life. One of the toughest parts about it is that it starts with a spoken word. Yeah, when it's talking in a song, half rap.

You don't know when it comes in. It's sort of like, because there's an ambient beginning. That is not a good choice. The thongsong is so good. You should remove that from your go. That's like, I'm going to make my, now my top go to home again. Anyhow, so explain to me. Explain.

You know, transition. I'll become a professor. Topically. Yes. Well, you do have a degree in philosophy from Harvard. That's true. I can profess many things. Was that like outrageous to your, to your family,

to your parents when you're like, I'm getting a degree in philosophy from Harvard? You're like, you're at Harvard, great school. So I've heard of the reputation. But philosophy classically is the kind of thing that one gets a degree in that is really, it's really cool. You're like, oh, the guy with the philosophy degree.

Guess you'll be, you know, I don't know what philosophy majors do. It's funny. I remember you're doing now, which seems like it's going pretty well, actually. So, fuck that. What do they know about? majors do. No, it's funny. I remember you're doing now, which seems like it's going pretty well. Yeah, just fine out. So what do they know about? What do they know about anything?

No, my mother was really supportive. And she didn't have a specific idea, like you have to become this. So that was nice and like liberating. And philosophy worked. Like the school that I went to, Harvard, you called it. Yeah, it, you called it Harvard University, right? Just gonna underline this, Harvard University,

University, you, you there. At any rate, my mother did not ridicule me. There were, she always, Your mom's not going to. No, but I mean, you said parents. Well, yeah, I mean, I'm just saying like, not really, I would expect really cool from other. And I'm just saying, like, not really, I would expect really cool from other people.

I would just say disappointment from a parent. Yeah, no, she had a broad concept of what it meant to like go to a school like that and what it meant to live and be happy. And it wasn't to live out her dreams through me and it wasn't some specific like major and a thing that gets you a job that makes X amount of money Like it wasn't a functional concept of a liberal arts education

It was like open your mind It's like play with ideas. Yeah figure yourself out your mom sounds awesome. Go out into the world and do shit That's it. That's a great attitude. Every parent should have that it was very It wasn't like so hippie that there was no guidance But it wasn't so strict that I had no freedom. You got in Harvard, so obviously there was some, she did something right. But then it was like, I don't know how to be a philosophy major, and it was like, alright, explore it. That's an awesome attitude.

No, it was good. I had an early experience there. I paid for school heavily through tech jobs, like software testing and user support, like networking support on campus, and also through cleaning bathrooms. And no, yeah, really. Yeah, they had a student job core called dorm crew, where you clean the dorms, you clean student bathrooms, and as a reward for cleaning these bathrooms

throughout the year, they track your hours and how well you do what your reviews are, when the reunions come around, reunions at schools like Harvard are, big deal, most college reunions are big deal, because it's a fundraising opportunity. All these alumni come back, but these schools, when they do it, you live in your old dorm. It's a super nostalgia package.

And then they... You don't have to clean the bathrooms. Well, what happens is you get rewarded for reunion job opportunities. Oh my God. And the job that I did was serve liquor to alumni. That's a job I could get into. It's an amazing job.

You get alumni drunk and you get to talk to them. Yeah, see, I feel like, I like any kind of sort of group or party situation. I like to have a job. Like, when we have people over whatever, I get very anxious if I'm not doing something. So you don't wanna go to a party, you wanna work at a party. I kind of do like I actually have a lot of memories of like I remember I went to a cabin with some friends

Like that my friend of mine had his friend parents at a cabin cabin and woods cabin in the woods There were a bunch of people there and they were hanging out and at some point they were like oh we have these lanterns But nobody can get them lit like they need to oil or something. I was like let me help you and I spend like several hours like fixing the the what do you call the thing that you light in a, the flint? Is that, no, it's not a flint. Fiddle them. I don't know.

What is it? Magnus, you would know you're sweet. Sweet, that's the sweet. What is the thing called that you light in a like, the wick, the wick. Yeah. Yeah, I was like, we don't even use for that. I don't know what a wick is.

That's right. Well, you have a philosophy, you have a degree in philosophy from Harvard, so of course you know what a week is. The most obnoxious. No, that's great. It's good stuff. So, so the short answer is, I'm happy with the degree I got. My mom was happy with the degree I got.

And anybody who ridiculed had a narrow idea of what I was gonna become. Well, I think, listen, I think the idea that school has to be like a, it's like this operational moment where you're like, I'm now going to choose a career that's what college has become. I think it's actually a kind of damaging idea about college. I mean, I think that what you just described to me

is the ideal, where it's like learn things and explore ideas and kind of, you know, I mean, and I think traditionally speaking, it wasn't just like pick a vocation. No, I mean, that's a more European way, no offense, weed, of looking at higher education. That's a part of Europe. Like you track very early in what you're going to become, right? And you kind of go to university. It's like Magnus knew he was gonna be a podcast professor.

Yeah, no, he clearly fell from elementary school. He tested it, he took a test. And it spit out. He like, third grade, like podcast producer. And he was like, what's a podcast? Cause it didn't exist. So don't worry, it'll happen. We're Swedish, we know.

We've designed this all. Sure, yeah. Anyhow, but it's very sad in other countries. But in America, you can go to Harvard. Anybody can go to Harvard. Well, that's the beauty of America. It's like in a lot of people. Have the life that I've had.

And then after that, just find success as a personality, as a podcaster, as whatever, as a comedian, writer, as an inventor, a writer, and a brand evangelist. A brand evangelist for Zipcar. Yeah. Zipcar.

Check it out today. I've never used a Zip Car. Yeah. Zip Car. Check it out today. I've never used a Zip Car. I was in a Zip Car one time in San Francisco. Okay. It was a Honda Fit. I, let me actually tell you what happened. Please tell me what happened.

Then I'll tell you about the Honda Fit. I was, I was actually, he's shopping. I was thinking that I wanted to buy a Honda Fit. And I was with somebody. And I was, and they were like, we get to get a Zip Car. And I was like, oh, let's get, see, is there a Honda Fit and I was with somebody and I was and they were like we get to get a zip card I was like oh, let's get see is there a Honda fit nearby and there was and we got one so you like test driving it Yeah, you zip car with a test Exactly right and actually that's a pretty good use for you. It's a great use It's like what's a VW golf light guess what they have a ton of them and you can load it down with

Like a cool hipster cool hipster view. Yeah, you don't like a be a zip card driving around in like a Malibu or something. A Chevy Malibu. I only think they have the Malibu. No offense, a Chevy Malibu, but you know, that's for a rental car company. It's a rental car, actually. I just had a friend at my house yesterday who had a Chevy Malibu.

That's what happens. Or a rental. I've rented so many cars in my heavy travel life. What's your favorite rental? My mind flashed to a very special moment many, many years ago. Do tell.

Yeah, so I rented, there's a specialty car rental option out of Portland, Oregon. Oh yeah, and I used to be married. So I'll prefer this one. Oh really? I used to be married. I'm a divorced man. No, it's not stricken from the record.

You were married. I was married. Huh, I would never have guessed that well You should guess you don't seem you don't seem how to what does it seem like damage good At a glance you seem like a normal person with all their faculty normal person. This is great I love the judgment going on. How are you married? Very briefly how brief about a year. That is very brief. Yeah, well that didn't go well, huh? Well, I'm not married yet.

Yeah, you're not. Yeah, but check you out, you're doing okay. I'm doing great. And you see like your handling things. I don't regret the relationship. It was a long relationship. Oh, was it? How long was the relationship?

Nine years. Oh, nine years and then a one year marriage. I mean, you really got that backwards. I'm supposed to go the other way around. Can we talk about rental cars? I want to go down this path. I want to get, I just wanted to go the other way around. Can we talk about rental cars? I want to go down this path. I want to get purchased. Just the one at the talk about the car.

So you were in Portland and you were married. No, I wasn't married. Okay, but it seemed important to mention that during this story. Because I rented this car to get married. Like it was a, that came out very straight. No, I get it. It was part of the process. Yeah. No, I get it. And this is good. And I found this specialty car rental place. So I rented a Dodge Shelby, which is a class, it's like a Mustang, but bigger.

It's a muscle car way stronger. Yeah. And it had like a, it was a black car with a yellow stripe. Oh, so it was like, um, bumblebee from the Transformers. I mean, no, it's a muscle car. And way stronger. And it had like a, it was a black car with a yellow stripe. Oh, so it was like a bumblebee from the Transformers. I mean, no. That's like a yellow car with a black stripe. So wait a second. But that was my favorite, your, your, your, your, um, fiance. Yeah. Request this car.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, for me. You just had to be cool. Exactly. You're going to get married. I'm going to be a little bit more private than a Shelby. Okay. So then you rent this car. Yeah.

Especially rental cars. Not a zip car. No, no, the zip car does not have Dodge Shelby's in there. And we're in Target. Oh, great. Like, you have a share. Yes. Oh, that's just for the proposal.

Yeah. So it wasn't the actual marriage. No, the marriage came later. Did you have a Shelby involved in that? No. Maybe that was what was missing. No wonder it ended. She's like, where's the car? No wonder it ended. She was like, you were posing as Shelby.

I don't understand. I thought you just had an agrarian so wear it. I thought you were well off with a Shelby and what not. Now I know you're just a bum. False Avertime. And then she's out of there. There you go. Sir, I hate to mind your, I'm sure, very painful.

Not I brought it up. And it's not so painful that I can't talk about. So it's fine. That's good. But the point is, at the philosophy degree coming through right there, just dealing with things, and moving on, working through it, throwing out some jokes to cope.

But definitely, definitely. Yeah, that's throwing out some jokes to cope. That's like, you could, I could feel like I could get away with like I have a partial philosophy degree because I was raised in a Jewish family. Well, there's, there's like a lot of, a lot of everything is a potential for a joke no matter how tragic.

There's no such thing as too soon. No such thing as too soon. And in no such thing is inappropriate, particularly when it comes to my dad. I'm not sure he is aware of inappropriate. Now where did you grow up? I grew up in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. Oh my good, are you aware of?

Yeah, my sister went to college there. Get out. And she lived in a vantigriff for many years and then alligating outings. Oh yeah, yeah. I spent the summer there. That's crazy. I've eaten at the O the O of course.

Yeah, where'd she go? CMU? She started at Carnegie Mellon. Okay, She finished at Pitt. Yeah. And my wife went to CMU. Yeah. So I probably know each other familiarish with school. Wait, now this is your sister. How old is she? She's 9 years older than I am. 9 years older. Yeah. Oh my god. It's a huge gap. I mean, it is. That's crazy. I mean, if you want, if you say it, like that, it sounds huge gap. 90. You know what my brother, let me try this. Let me try this. Nine years, that's not so much.

See? Oh, it doesn't work. See, it's the way you say a big gap. It's like, well, I'm just, it's a big gap. I should say, from my perspective, okay, yeah. Cause I have a brother,

we have a two year gap, which is very close. That's like nothing. What happened? What happened to your parents? My parents couldn't stop having sex, obviously. Wow, good for the horny. They were so horny. They were so horny.

Between the philosophizing. I didn't think they'd have time. No, between all the jokes, telling jokes to deal with horrible tragedy. So is he younger or older than you? He's older. And is he your only sibling? He's my only sibling. Okay.

So you got each other. Well, I wouldn't phrase it that way. I mean, but I would. Cause I mean, I did. You have an older sister. Yes. And any other sibling? Nope, just us.

Just you two. Nine year gap. Nine year gap. What's huge about that is that like, she was a fully developed person when you showed up. She's my memory card. Yeah, right? I bet she says all kinds of horrible stories about you, right?

No, man, I was a great kid. I'm a great kid. I'm a great kid. Again, I'm Jewish. You gotta start your assumptions from a different position. My decision is all start negatively. I'm like, you're like, people must have ridiculed you.

And I'm like, when people call me, I'm like, who's dead? Like, that's my first, that's how I get to this point. That's how everybody who gets a phone call at this point. I'm like, who's dead? How much do I owe? Or who died? What happened? There's no other reason for a synchronous voice connection. It's like, who's dad? How much do I owe or who died? What happened? There's no other reason for a synchronous voice connection.

It's like, who's dad and how much is the funeral going to come? Basically, it's what I've asked. You know, this is a good place. I'm going to take a break. Let's do that. We're going to do it. You're a word from our sponsor. I love sponsors.

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I don't know how to be black. I know that. I know that. All right, we're gonna take a break. We'll be right back with more of whatever is going on here. This episode of Tomorrow with Joshua Topolsky is brought to you by Nadex, binary options trading. The world's markets are changing.

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And so what you do is you plug this device into your car's diagnostic port and every every car since 96 has one of these ports and it pairs with your phone so you can have your car basically connect to the internet. Which is the dream I think the dream of all of all drivers. So here's one thing that is very annoying. I don't own a car anymore but sometimes I'm in cars and the check engine light comes on. Yeah. Like what the hell does that mean? Well, this explains in plain English what's going on. You can even clear the light if it's a small problem right from your phone.

And that's something you know your car knows. You just can't talk to you. Yeah, but now I can't. It can't. It can't. That's actually, I like that through automatic because it's got a mobile app. You install it. And the next thing you know, you and your car are having a conversation.

So this app will log your trips and your parking location, which is by the way amazing. You never have you and your car have any conversation. So this app will log your trips and your parking location, which is by the way amazing. You never have to lose your car. And how many times have you been in a parking lot? Well, you don't have a car. But no, but that's what the alarm in your car is for. You've been with somebody like,

trick the alarm. It's like, echo location. You don't have to create panic in the mall parking lot anymore. Because automatic is there to help you. And it gives you feedback on your driving. So it's your mom. Yeah, right. It's also, it's like, here's the car. And then when you get in it, it's like, please stop driving to a garage. Right. And you can save money on gas because it gives you tips on how to be better about it, which is, which is,

and who doesn't want to save money? People with too much, very rich people. I actually think very rich people are kind of cheap. That's how they got. They got to be like, I'm just going to keep saving it. We solve class warfare. Very rich people. I actually think very rich people are kind of cheap. That's how they got really. I just gonna keep saving it. We solve class warfare, okay? It has crash detection. Yep. It will detect a crash and it'll actually call for help.

That's pretty cool. And somebody will talk to you and help you basically stay, like chill out while you're waiting for that show. I actually recently crashed my car during a snow storm. And did you have someone talk you through it? Yeah, a person who stopped, because I got out of the car, because there were airbags and stuff. And a person stopped.

No, it was a real crash. Damn. The car's been like getting repaired for three months. Okay. But I wish I had had somebody who could just have been like on the line. Yeah. And knew immediately you were involved in the crash. If only I had been using automatic.

So, so here's some highlights. This thing, it provides nest integration, which is, and I know you had some questions about this. It's futuristic. I like this idea, because basically, your car is kind of like an extension of your home. Yeah. You leave all your crap wherever you want.

It's like a small house you drive around. Yeah, it's a mini house, it's like a shuttle house. Yeah. And so when you arrive home, your house is like ready for you because you're a real house. You're a stationary house. When you go from your mobile house to your stationery. Yeah, exactly.

You can warm your house up for you. Yeah, that's what you're saying. And you can connect up a bunch of other services, like Google Docs, Twitter, Evernote, and also things like Phillips Hue lights. So if you're in that sexy mood, right? Maybe your car knows you're in that sexy mood. I feel like the perfect situation is like it knows like, oh, there's two people in the car.

Right. The male and female. Based on the hour of the day. The romantic music. And then you get home and it's all red lights. Bounce check a foul warm. Oh, that'd be great. And there's a fire raging.

Cue the weekend on your sonos. Yes. And then next thing you know, you're doing bondage. So how does somebody get this product? What does it cause? What are the fees? You order it now for $99.95. Okay.

There's no subscription fees, which is wonderful. Yeah, and sometimes that's like a hidden cost. And if you go to automatic.com slash Josh, you get 20% off. So you're saving people money, Josh? We are saving them actual dollar bills. And the name of the show is tomorrow. It is. You can get this product a day after tomorrow with two day practice free name of the show is tomorrow. It is.

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I have to back car, I guess. I think you should get a car just to get on the matter. I think you should get a car just to get on the matter. I think you should get a car just to get on the matter. I think you should get a car just to get on the matter. I think you should get a car just to get on the matter. I think you should get a car just to get on the matter. I think you should get a car just to get on the matter.

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You can, you can, you can, uh, sweetheart. Yeah, that's right. When you can ruin someone's, ruin someone's credentials. Um, so yeah, no, no, I, I, I have a, a soft spot in my heart area. Yeah, for conspiracy theory.

I thought this was gonna be like a medical problem. You're like, I was diagnosed an early age in a soft spot in my heart for conspiracy theory. I thought this was gonna be like a medical problem. You're like, I was diagnosed at an early age in a sauce pot in my heart for conspiracy theories. Well, no, who doesn't? Have you read the biggest secret by David Ike? No. Oh, that's about reptilian shape shifters

running the planet. Oh my lord. I think that Alex Jones, no, it's just enough. I think Alex Jones might be riffing on some of that stuff, actually. Yeah, well, I mean, he's like, you hear, I listen to him for a couple of years, and I'm good for the rest of my life.

When I first got on the internet in 1993, heavily, I was on bulletin boards and stuff before that. No, in 1993, you would have been held. I was in high school, I was two year shorter graduations, so let's say 16, 15 years old. So, okay, I was on the internet. Like 12? Yeah. So I know the territory, that was on the internet. Like, 12? Yeah.

So I know the territory, that space in the 90s, it was very strange. That was weird stuff. Not a lot of stuff there. Not a text. Not a text, well, that's the imagination. No, when I first got on, there was like a dictionary. Yeah. Science papers.

Yeah, yeah. I remember science papers. It was not a cool place. And I remember, but from the Bullets in board era, yeah, BBSs. Yeah, I remember science papers. I remember science papers. It was not a cool place. And I remember from the Bulletson board era. Yeah, BBSs. Yeah, I remember massive multiplayer games, which are totally different now. Oh, like, what was that game, Rogue?

I played Dominion. Do you remember Rogue? I don't remember Rogue's old school. It's like ASCII arc game. So it's the Dominion was a galactic conquest game. But it was ASCII, it was a very green text. And I would print out maps of the galaxy. I had maps of a universe. It was a very classic conquest game. But it was like, it was ASCII, it was a very green text. And I would print out maps of the galaxy.

I had maps of a universe, on my wall, for my dad matrix printer. Our kids won't know, man. And they shouldn't. They're not gonna, well, they'll have mine, they'll be like, remember Minecraft? I've never played Minecraft. Oh my God, you gotta play.

But I heard it's so changing the world. It's changing everything you know about humanity. Really? Yes. You don't know that? No, I don't know that. So kids now, so like, when we were kids, I mean, even we were clearly probably pretty nerdy kids. But we still had things like toys.

Yeah, like outside. We had outside. Outside and toys. We had bikes. Okay, so kids now, like when they're five or six or seven or whatever, they're in Minecraft and they're like building worlds. They're like that's their whole thing and they're five or six or seven or whatever, they're in Minecraft and they're like building worlds. They're like that's their whole thing and they're forming guilds

and they're creating machines in Minecraft. So you know, Minecraft is all about building. It's like all about construction. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, it's like Legos on steroids. On cocaine. Yeah. And then after doing the cocaine, you got some steroids.

So what if we don't need to fear artificial intelligence? What if we just need to fear our children? We do. They're bad. That's the first. Watch out for them. Do you have any kids? No. No kids.

Do you have kids? I have one child. How old is she? 15 months. She's already playing Minecraft. She's in there. Wait, what? She just built a whole city.

She's built a whole city in Minecraft. No, I'm kidding. I don't have any kids. She has an interest in phones though. She's very a whole city. She's built a whole city in Minecraft. Yeah, I'm kidding. I don't have any kids. She has an interest in phones though. She's very interested in phones. Yes, you can swipe a brain Siri on a phone. That she know what she's doing. Not at all.

No, not at all. Thank God. Or does she? Exactly. Artificial intelligence. Great point. Anyhow, so Alex Jones. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So my point is early internet, one of the first things I found was conspiracy theory mailing list. And there was a guy at Chicago, citizens committee to protect the courts. Can't remember his name, but the archives are still out there. I recently searched for it. And using that groups, you know, conspiracy using that groups,

I was really into that. And I found Alex Jones's name. Years and years later, I was like back in the, this is like in the 1990s, yeah. That's in the 1990s. This is like Alex Jones is just like not even a thing. No, no, I found him later through radio. Did you not wait, have you read like cosmic trigger

or any of those books? No, I haven't, I haven't not read any conspiracy books. Okay. My exposure to conspiracy theories or anything. It's just Alex Jones. But does Alex Jones reference that stuff a lot? Yeah, okay he does. I've watched a couple of his or anything. It's just Alex Jones. But does Alex Jones reference that stuff a lot? Yeah, he does. I've watched a couple of his little documentaries.

Yeah. It's about condescending. Yeah, I did. His little documentary. His little films. I've shripled with his garbage, his gullonest, steamy specs. Yeah, anyhow. So I got really up into his world, PrisonPlanet.org.

But I've visited his web presence too much. It was mostly the show. But out for a good two years, I said, I listen to a show every week. I listen to 2600, which is a very old hacker forum that is a radio show. It's filmed also as a magazine. Yep.

But they dabble in conspiracy. 2600 might still be a magazine, actually. Whoa, that would make sense. From the very beginning. Actually, it is weirdly ironic It's like I have the hacker so the hacker is the hacker quarterly, right? Yeah, yeah, anyhow So so Alex Jones the guy who I used to really like did it what is his thing? It's info wars info wars in prison planning And everything it's the build the bird group, and you know, he is as well

It's like the it's the it's the builder bur group. And you know, he is as well. It's like, it's the essentially free masons. Yeah, Bohemian Grove. There's all these like naked, bakanol. It's always, there's always like, in David Ike who did the biggest secret which we're just talking about. There's a whole section on like black sex magic, like they're doing black magic.

Black sex magic. Sounds very true detective. Yeah, no, no, no, no, it's very much like that. But it's this whole thing about how like politicians, like Clinton and Bush and all these, they're all, they're, and they're like having these like sex rich or wolves, the kids, and they're like using the kids to store information.

Like what kind of like crazy, like a USB drive? Exactly. The kids are like a USB drive, like a USB stick. Essentially like a USB stick that you fill up with secrets. Okay. All right, so that makes sense. I get it now. I'm gonna have to tune back in.

So me and Alex Jones parted ways and I stopped listening to his program. Yeah. And I kind of forgot him. He still doing this thing and you know, Rand or Ron, they're all the polls would show up occasionally to like, oh really? Yeah. Oh, they're like alcohols. Yeah, alcohols. Not completely, but they,

I think it burnishes their street cred. I think the puzzle, I think that's like, that's like, that's like, I think that's like, that's like, that's like,

that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like,

that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that avid listener, I mean, I have formerly avid well, maybe we don't know I could we ever really know like any true conspiracy theorists. I will posit I will posit that we don't know that you don't currently listen. I mean, there's a lot you don't know That's true about what I don't do That's true boom

You just cut let me close this down for like real philosophy. I don't want to give him more I go We're giving him more love than Zip Card. Well, this will be edited by Magnet. Who again is from Sweden. I think we can't discount that. So last November, Eric Garner was choked to death and sat in Ireland by New York City police. Yeah, that's how I choose to characterize it.

That's correct. No, you're 100% crazy. There you go. Just factually, that's how I choose to categorize it. No, it was a murder. And the day that that happened was also the Christmas tree lighting ceremony at Rockefeller Center in the past.

Perfect symmetry. The featured artist was Darian, who'd he in the blue? Who'd he? From who'd he? Darius Rocker. Darius Rocker, who you think you'd have? Yeah.

I got him my favorite artist. He's actually a great artist, a beautiful singer and he's super talented. I've seen him live. I'm not a big fan. On a I got one of my favorite artists. He's actually a great artist, a beautiful singer, and he's super talented. I've seen him live. I'm not a big fan. I want a cruise ship. I'm a huge fan. Yeah, he killed.

You drove him in a zip car. I don't feel like a zip boat. It's what a lie. Oh, I love the new boats. That's a good idea, actually. Zip boats, an amazing idea. Who was doing the helicopter thing? Are they zip car,

no, no boats. Yeah, zip boats. I'm on a boat. You know what? I'm on a zip boat. I think I just want to say TM right here, no, no, no, boats. Yes, zip boats. I'm on a boat. You know what? I'm on a zip boat. I think I just want to say TM right here, us, product dev. This is our idea. This is what we do.

It's Uber for Boats. I mean, I'm sorry. That's a really good idea. You boats. You boats. Copy, right. Get a Uber boat, baby. Josh and Baratunde right now.

Right this afternoon day, and I'm driving. Yeah a U-boat, baby. Josh and Baratunde right now. Right in the session. There's a tune day in the present. Yeah, exactly. So incorporated. So Hoody is singing the song at the Christmas tree lighting while people are flooding the streets and protests of this air garden murder of an unarmed person who was just like, I can't breathe. And the song that he's singing, naturally,

and totally appropriate for the season. Oh, God. I'm dreaming of a white Christmas. Yeah. And so I tweeted out something along the lines of, who do you swing singing? I'm dreaming of a white Christmas, Eric Garner is dead, America is trolling black people right now.

Yeah. And it blow, it's a super viral tweet moment for me. Yeah. And it's all like, oh my God, that's funny, oh, that's ridiculous, oh, for shame, but it's like, it's a joke, that was a poignant, basically. And it was very positive. My own Twitter community isn't full of hate-filled,

like, rape trolls, like other people who I'm friends with. Are you feel deaf? Yeah, do you want to name names? No, no, I'm just saying, like, there are a lot of women I know who have a ton of, like, heinous people. That's all women on Twitter. All women on Twitter. All the women on Twitter, basically. And all the internet also. I was trying to like heinous people. That's all women on Twitter. All women on Twitter. All the women on Twitter, basically.

And all the internet also. I was trying to like make it shorter. But yeah, all of them. So, but what happened this tweet, sometimes a piece of internet content will accelerate and will achieve escape velocity. Oh, I love that term. Escape velocity, I've just been using this whole week.

From its natural community, into Freak Zone. Is that weird when that happens? Yes. And you know, it's like gets picked up and into suddenly is and it's like you're like what? It lands in a different bucket. My wife Laura had to, sorry, I don't want to interrupt it, but you have a tweet that Katie Perry retweeted.

And it was like, yeah, it was see that and it was crazy. Right. It was like watching it progress into like the thousands of retweets, was just bizarre and all of these people were like, and she has all these people now that follow her because like, look at the Katy Perry, Katy Perry, it's super weird. Yeah, anyhow, I have a similar thing with,

it's like Katy Perry brought her up on stage at a concert, except that she said, here's her Twitter handle. And here's our phone number, caller. I have a similar thing with, because I go on the tonight show once in a while with Jimmy Fowl. Like, they'll tweet something, they're like,

Josh's on the show, and then like really weird Fowl and fans will follow me. I'm not knocking them, they're actually lovely people. But they really like Jimmy Fowl and they're like, I'm leading to me about Fowl and stuff. They're like, hey, get me tickets. I'm like, I don't, that's not the reason. That's not the reason.

And yeah, so you tweet this, this tweet takes on a life of its own. Yeah, and it lands in a Tea Party-esque, right wing-ish zone of a bunch of very earnest people. I'd like to believe that they're good-natured. They love America. Wanted to explain to me. They love a certain version of America.

They wanted to explain to me that this song has nothing to do with race. Yeah. This is about snow. I think that's true. And, but like hundreds and hundreds of, this is the best. Well-intentioned, a citizen. Like, let me explain something.

Let me, let me white-splain this. Yeah, so there was a ton of white-splaining about white-splaining. White-splaining, white-splaining a thing? Yeah, absolutely. It's man-splaining a white-splaining. It's a very popular pastime. White Christmas is not about race, okay? Yeah. So about the color of snow. So they're like, youflinging a white sleeve. It's a very popular pastime. White Christmas is not about race, okay?

It's about the color of snow. So they're like, you're injecting race into this. Yeah, please don't. You're doing this. Please stop that. You people always do this. Yeah, you're kind or always. Try to make white Christmas, but something is not.

Why can't you just leave Christmas alone? Oh my God. Hundreds and hundreds and hundreds. So that was the first phase. This is the worst. But phase two was Alex Jones. No The I was there was a headline That invoked me and said that I am

Everything that's wrong with the left. Wait a second. Where was this headline on info wars. Oh Jesus I see so it is actually now you entered, you've now entered the orbit of Info Wars. It was a magic moment to have a, not a tweet, but a blog post. That's a major investment of creative energy in this day and age. This is interesting because when your stuff makes it to a place that you never, like Info Wars,

you're obviously not reading it this point. No. But when it, when, and I've had this happen to, I mean, I can understand the moment where it's like, this has been exposed to a group of people. They're so far away from where I am. Mm-hmm. That like, I don't even know how to handle it.

There's the interaction. So here's what I did with the interaction. I cataloged, I made a little store-file collection. Just a document. Yeah. Right? I had to preserve this for a posterity for my unborn children.

Sure. And then I just engaged with some of them. Oh, you did. You engaged with extreme gratitude. Yeah. I'm like, thank you so very much for clarifying this. These are people who are still telling you about what white Christmas is.

Yeah. But I think it's, I like that's what they focused on. Because they, I think in their minds, it's just something magic happened with them. Where they're like, this guy doesn't get it. Yeah. I'm interested in what happens. I'm gonna help him. If you understand it. If you understand what Christmas was about,

then he wouldn't have done that. Say it when he's so angry about an old- I'm going to an error- Corner situation. But there also needs to be, I think this is an engineering challenge for platforms like Twitter to be like, the user understands now. Right? Like, we don't need 500 more people to say what Christmas is about now. Right, like we don't need 500 more people

to say why Christmas is about snow. Right. The first 50, it's clear. You need your mechanism. And an auto mute. It's like a Kora. Maybe they can acquire Kora. Yeah, and as a threshold has been achieved.

They work that in where it's like there was a question. Yeah. Was it answered? You can check the ass. And so anyone who tweets at me after, it's a nice, like they get like a pop-up. Like sometimes when you try to, every once in a while Twitter will bug out.

And you'll try to post a tweet and you're like, that didn't go through and you try to post it again. It's like you can't, you duplicate it. It's like you've already sent this message. Yeah, they should get that. That's right. Like the user has already received this message. You've gotten the message.

Yes. So you can take your energy's elsewhere. So you put them into a storeify. Yeah, but I waited to respond. I didn't respond, and I just cataloged. And then like two months later, I just sent a bunch of thank you notes to all of them. And I was like, thank you so much.

It's a physical thank you. No, I wish I, That would be a big advantage. I might have had to hire someone to do that. And you're like, I'm imagining now a time lapse of you at a tape. I'm actually for some reason, I'm a war like, yes, that's exactly. That's so weird that you said that because I'm imagine that exactly.

That's the Kim Burns candle light. Uh-huh. You know, and you're like, you're like, you're a queen of clouds. You're like, dear, so and so. Yeah. And you're saying off to 100, thank you. It's like, thank you. Prior to your previous correspondence, clarifying the nature of why Christmas referencing snow, I hadn't the foggiest idea and assumed that this song had to do with a dirty, dirty subject of racial relations in America. This thing is like, do you think about how many hours, how much time everybody spent on that?

Yeah. For no reason. It was like, it didn't need to happen. And that's, I never needed to happen. The like, and now hours have been changed. The user has gotten this message feature would actually boost the account. It's a good idea.

It would restore a level of like labor availability to the market. It would restore America's greatness. Yeah. That's how we make America great again. When people talk about like, oh, I miss America's not my country anymore, like, yeah. It could be your country again.

If you stop tweeting so damn much, get a U-book, just get a U- done. You know, you get a you book. Stop tweeting get on a you book Well, that was a quite a trip. So I was Jones never personally got involved. I This is something that people will verify that I can't so I was to say possibly His name was the byline and that doesn't mean he wrote it. I don't know what that means It means that the article said my next part of the info Alex Jones,. I don't know what that means. It means that the article said my next part on InfoWide, Alex Jones. But I can't,

I was out of Jones wrote it. Maybe. And you don't know. I'm not pulling up the internet now. And you can't remember it this moment. At this moment, I cannot remember. Do you believe, I don't wanna claim,

John, do your head. No, I don't believe he wrote it. I believe like his barbed wire was used. Our army. Okay. So you have a list. Josh is referring to his list. We're so far off topic.

There was an agenda. No, there wasn't actually an agenda, just things. Option. There were options. I want to have your birthday for a second. Okay. Thank you. You're a month older than me.

Like, yeah, you have a birthday coming in 30 days. Why is there, baby? Definitely why is there? Yeah. Your birthday is 9-11. September 11. Yeah. Yes.

How's the last decade of birthdays been for you? Amazing. It's been wonderful. Really? Yes. Yeah. Yes. How's the last decade of birthdays been for you? Amazing. It's been wonderful. Really? Yes. Wow. I love going to detail on that. Sure.

So I was there first. Yeah. I just want to put that on the day. On the day. I was 9-11 before 9-11 was 9-11. Yeah. You were the original... I'm the original 9-11.

Terrible. My birth was... I'm sorry. I shouldn't be laughing. It was a very serious event. You know what's still obviously, but you just described the household you grew up in so you created an excuse No, it's true that immediately we are immediately cracking jokes about 9-11 as soon as it happened and I Would really have loved to hear you didn't have I didn't have if I was sad to yeah Yeah, but now we have some distance, but now we've got distance

And also you've been living with it forever. Yeah, so I literally for your entire existence. In the beginning, I was distraught by the event and then confused about what to do. What was going on there later? Did you, did you have birthday plans on, on, on 9-11? No, no, it was a, it was a dramatic day. It was a dramatic day for me already, because my mother was sick and recovering from surgery for removing a tumor. She had been diagnosed with colon cancer that summer of 2001. That's very serious.

She had gone into the hospital, they removed it, and my sister and I were kind of doing trading duties, taking care of her. Where is this? And so I was living in Boston. My mother was living in a town called Adelboro, which is south of Boston on a commuter reel. My sister was living in Dallas.

Yeah. She flew to Dallas. Oh my god, as far away. Yeah, she's working for the Dallas Morning News. She's a journalist. Oh, she was a journalist. Now she runs a beautiful donation-based yoga studio in Lansing, Michigan.

Now she runs U-boat. No. Just kidding. Just be yoga.com. Plugging runs a U-boat. No. Just kidding. Just be yoga.com. Plugging my sister's bag. Is that, is that everything? Yeah. You do yoga, I have that.

I do. Yeah. I need to get into yoga. It's very fun. Is that why you're so physically fit? It's been a big part of mine. Is it for real kids? Is that actual exercise?

Yeah, I mean, it's not cardio. No. But it is the flexibility in like toning. Yeah, I need ton. I need ton. Everything. It's like, I need ton. You have like toning. Yeah, I need to tone everything. It's like, I need to have a tone. You have a tone. You have dad bod.

I think I don't know. I don't even know what dad bod is. I learned three hours ago. I read an article on Washington Post. It was disgusting. It was the most disgusting article I've ever read about dad bod and how sexy it was. I know.

I don't think it's sexy. I didn't even laugh it back to town. So, my 9-11 was taking a communal reel down to Adelboro from Boston to spend the day with my mother. She was out of the hospital. She was back in her apartment. And we were just gonna hang out. And just like shoot the shit, watch TV,

so you must have walked in the park. Did you go early in the morning? I did, so what happened is at 8.45? It's 5.99.11. You brought it up? No, I just tore it up happened is at 8.45. Can I be able to tell you my 9.11? You brought it up? No, I just don't want your list. It's on by list actually. It's on by list.

I'm like, I want to open with 9.11. Talk about 9.11, the whole show. All right, anyhow. So yes, I get a call from a friend who lives in San Francisco. She's one of my best friends. And I must have been, what was she saying? I see the caller ID.

This is like six in the morning. It's 5.45 AM.m. her time. And I'm like, oh great. My friend is calling me to wish me happy birthday. It's so damn early. She really loves alarm. Like I gotta get on that. Yeah, so I answer the call

and she's like a plane just crashed into the World Trade Center. I'm like, that, why is she telling me this? Like that is not happy birthday. I don't even make any sense. It doesn't sound like happy birthday. No. The her tone is all wrong for celebrating my life.

Yeah. So I'm just confused. And I'm like, why are you telling me facts? Like disassociative facts for my birthday. Right. Like, okay, I'm not gonna wish. Yeah, I'll play a correct, like you just report even news to me.

Or like it just, to me, it just sounds like you at that point, you might just hear it and say, I don't, are you drunk? Yeah, like, why are you telling me this? Right. It's across my mind. And she's like, why are you telling me this? Right. It's across my mind. And she's like, you know, they think it's like a thing maybe and I'm like, all right, well, thanks, I guess. I'm gonna go now.

What a bummer. And you're so young. You're so young. I was innocent. Er, innocent her. You didn't know anything. And then there was a walk from the train station to my mother's apartment.

You didn't even have your degree in philosophy at that point. I did, I graduated in 1999. Okay, so I was philosophized. Well, I was more... You were like, I'm prepared for this. I was a degree in philosophy. I know how to think about this. Yeah.

And so I arrived, and shortly after I arrived, maybe even that moment, that was when the second one hit. Oh, Jesus. So then we start watching the news, because that's what you do. And maybe half hour, you know, I don't know how long we stuck around. It wasn't more than an hour. Like this is unhealthy. There's nothing good that'll come from watching this loop of destruction and doom.

It was crazy. And speculation. Yeah. So we turned the TV off and we went to a park, went to a public park. That's a good, that's a good plan. And I rode my bike around my mom took a walk. I tried to call friends. You love biking.

I've all, I've grew up basically on a bicycle. And from my youngest, youngest years, biking has been like transportation, exercise, and fun all along the way. I love it. It's sort of bike start up. Bike brand. You Uber for bikes.

Uber bike. You bike. You bike, it's good. It's like you've got a bike and you've got a bike. It's like a commandment. And a service option. You bike. You bike. Or it can also be about the bike. It's like you got a bike and you know, it's like a commandment. Yeah. And a service option. You bike. You bike.

Or it can also be about the bike. It's like you come a bike. Right. And maybe the brand of the bike could be the bike. I'm the bike. Be the bike. Be the bike. That's the tagline.

Yep. You bike. Be the bike you want to see in the world. Yes. It's also got kind of like maybe some charity, like every dollar or 50 cents every dollar goes to charity. It's a by one give one Yeah, exactly paid forward. Uh-huh. Yeah

Scaling good. Yeah, it's just I feel really great about this we got you boat and you bike and that's all team We've launched so many businesses. I mean our ability to create startups on this podcast is how you create Unb yeah for for investors Absolutely beyond all right, so anyhow, let's talk about the now the now I mean anyhow so 9 11 But it's gotten gradually better. Yeah, so basically the first year after I consider it honestly shifting my birthday I was like I'm gonna do it on the half birthday like I'll just move it six months. I'll offset it That's an interesting idea. That's a very post 9 11 idea like when people were like irony is dead Mm-hmm people are like that's it. we'll never be able to be ironic again.

Which is a stupid thing to say. Comedy is over. Never believe any categorical statement. No think pieces. I don't believe anything. Ever. Don't listen to this. They're wrong.

The hot takes are often just, they're just bullshit. They're just hot takes. They just clickbait. Yeah, they don't like click on them. So it turns out that 9-11 got better for you. It did, and eventually what was nice about it was, it's a good day to celebrate life. Yeah.

Why it's actually a good day to you. I'm like, I'm psyched that I'm alive. Yeah, and so it's like, why hide from this? Right. And if I move my birthday, the terrors of one, I don't want to give them. They don't move your birthday. I would own that. You have to move your birthday. I would own that. You've to own the birthday.

Embrace that. Embrace that. I'm very quickly because we've definitely torn through beyond the maximum amount of time. Yeah, yeah. It's gonna be fun for the sweet. It's really gonna, you want to talk about, so first off, there's two things you want to talk about.

Body mods and hack day. Combo to hack day. You're going to modify your body. You're gonna have something done to your physical enhancements. And then hack day. So let's talk about this thing really quickly. Great. So the body modding is so good to talk about things quickly.

We can do this as deep into the beverages as we are. I am getting a type of eye surgery that's not called lacic, but it's related. It's called PRK. Oh, jeez. They don't lacic, but it's related. It's called PRK. Oh, jeez. They don't lacic technically cuts a flap in your cornea. This is not that.

This is reshaping the cornea. And it's longer lasting, but it has a longer recovery time. If you get lacic, you can the next day just start doing everything normal. Your vision's awesome. Gives you one eye and then wait and then do the other eye. I'm doing them both.

You're doing both. You'll be like basically blind for a while. Yeah, I'll have some blurriness. What's the recovery period? The first three days of the worst and I just into a long week. I don't know why I did a sharp intake of bread. You did, it wasn't that dramatic.

I'm just like the food. I don't know, you said the worst. I don't know what that means though. But I have a friend who had the very same procedure at the same facility just a few weeks ago. So she is my spirit guide. Yeah, how's she doing? She's great now.

Yeah. She's great now. But she's like the first few weeks were tougher than she expected. You don't like wearing glasses? It's less about the glasses and more about the limitations. I love wearing glasses. I think glasses like adds to my face and the fashion statement.

Same. I love these frames I'm rocking right now. Yeah, what are those? These are made by Garrett Light, who is the son of some of the Oliver Peoples. I've never heard of before walking to the shop. Really? Oliver Peoples is very famous.

And my brain now he is. And I guess when you're busy studying philosophy at Harvard, not thinking about I, I love that you say I'm still studying it, like it's 15 years later. I don't know. I just like it's the anchor for all of this. That's fine. You can come back to that much. If you need that, then you use that. That's your like life raft. I do. So I'm getting it because there are some

activities that I haven't been able to fully enjoy. Such as surfing. Yeah, I've never seen the ocean. I've never been in the ocean and seen it. What? Because I can't wear glasses in the sea. Well disgusting. Let me tell you. It's a mess out there and I love See we There's there's octopi don't ruin this for me. No, there's jellyfish God and heaven no go out there at all. So that's one. Yeah, and it's like biking which obviously I love Yeah, there's like you know the the shifting of the glasses up, the glasses falling off, making love making. You see that's all just blurry shapes moving around.

I don't know who will make me slap me around. You know what's going on. It's terrible. Or it's great. You know, but if it is great, I don't know how to make that. Once you get the, what is it called? PR kit. PR kit.

Who knows what you're gonna see. And then I will likely have had some problems with my sinuses, congestion, snoring, ear nose, throat stuff. And I went and saw a specialist today. And she was so funny. She was like, oh, your tonsils are huge. Your tongue is huge. This explains most of everything.

And then she took a camera and shoved it in my nose, video, I got the video, I shot the video, I'm not sharing this publicly, it's just from me. No, no, this is from me. Put it out there. And my unborn children. Sure.

Like look at Daddy's tonsils. Check the, you're unnaturally large. Like the manliest tonsils. Look at how these tonsils, don't wonder you're snoring or whatever. So there's all kinds of stuff going on in there that could be edited, shall we say.

So that's the bottom out. They're by the end of the summer, by the, the Q4. I'm looking at a Q4. Okay. Fall, faster, get into the fall. Stronger, bear it in there. Any other body moms that we should know about? Nothing I can talk about.

Okay. Yeah. And then tell me about HACTA. Comedy HACTA. Tell me about comedy HACTA because I don't understand the content. You said that and I'm like, I don't, just explain it. I don't know what, I mean, I've seen comedians.

Great. Very funny. If you hadn't, your life is very funny out there. Those guys out there, guys and girls, guys and dolls. Trans, whatever, you know what? I'm not gonna, I wanna be gender or normative. Or the full gender normative. Whoever, whatever you are, whoever you are. Yes.

You get out there, you get up on stage, you do some comedy. Great. You understand that. Tell me about how you hack comedy. So the idea is born out of cultivated wit, which is a company I co-star did. Yes, cultivated wit.

You're a co-founder. Yeah, from some colleagues from the onion at the time. And comedy hack day was the brainchild of one of our founders Craig. And the idea was, okay, hackathons, developers get together, build stuff really fast. On an API, on a theme, something like that. Let's add comedy to that process. Not just asking developers to make funny things, but adding comedians to the front end of

that process to pitch ideas for things they want to see in the world, to jointly develop them with those coders and to put on a demonstration of the working prototype on stage in front of a live audience. Give me an example. So here's what one comedy hack day, yesterday, we just did our eighth one in New York. How often do you do them? Three a year, roughly. This year we did SF, New York recently, and LA is coming up August 23rd at comedyhackday.org.

If people want to look up all the projects from his place. Great plug brought to you by U-Boat. And goodbye. And also the zip cards. Yeah. So here's your sponsored. Damn it.

The winning app was called, got this thing. Yeah. The way it works is your friend, the scenario that you're solving for, these are all solving major problems Your friend has asked you hey, what are you doing Thursday like 6 p.m. Hmm? And you're like oh this they want me to help them do something. I don't you like want to You're helping me move. Yeah, and you look at your calendar. It's like you're furniture You look at your calendar. You got you actually have no excuse. You have nothing going on

It's a bit of a challenge, but it feels like a key of furniture. Look at your calendar, you actually have no excuse. You have nothing going on. God of Thing, God of Thing lets you insert very quickly real events on your calendar. Like fill up your schedule. How does that work? So you can free up your schedule. How does that, so if you go to Godthesthing.com,

you know, you can play around with it and there's a demonstration will probably be up by the time. Oh, this is your listeners to the great idea. It's actually works technically. So I go, like, something you're like, hey, I, I, what are you doing Wednesday at five o'clock? Yeah, and so I'm like, oh, let me check my calendar. I'm going to open Got this thing. So I'll show you real what it edits your actual Google calendar. Yeah, and it populates it with real events from your local area So I can turn on now that got this thing calendar and here's if you had asked me Hey, you want to do my podcast on Monday? Yeah, like if I don't want to say no without backup

I'm like Josh. I would love to do that. But I've apparently got that's right. I got a parlay with the crypts I would love to do that, but apparently, yeah, that's right, I got to parlay with the crypts. Okay, that's that one. That's not gonna fly. That's not gonna fly. So it's a mix of joke events, but there's also the tree sense of trouble. You're in trouble when you, what is it?

Got this thing. No, no, no, what's the thing that you just said? Oh, parlay with the crypt. No, after that. Count the trees in the New York City part. Tree sense. The tree senses. So it pulls from a vent bright.

Then you have to own that story. Yeah. You could be like, yeah, I'm actually, what you don't know about me is I'm very interested in the population of trees in New York. I'm passionate about other parts. And actually it's offensive that you would even ask on that, everybody knows that day is this tree census.

Yeah, and you're not a real friend, front of your own. So these guys did a great demonstration of solving this very small problem in a very serious big and fun way. And the tech worked. It authenticated your checkout. It's quite fledgier stuff.

And the thing is I forgot I installed it. So I'm just later today. This to me is why is like maybe half of the reason I had a child, this whole reason is because because when you have a kid, you can always get out of things. My kid. You know what I gotta watch my kids? And I'm sorry.

Yeah. And no one can challenge you. What are they gonna say? You fuck your kid? Yeah, don't be a dad. I'm gonna say that. I'm bandin' her. You wanna end up be like a deadbeat like my father?

No, thanks. I'm not gonna end up on Skid Row. I mean, I'm not gonna have her end up on Skid Row. Yeah, yeah. Like I did. I'll be in there. I drove across the country up on Skid Row. I mean, I'm not gonna have her end up on Skid Row. Like I did. I'll be in there. I drove across the country to join Skid Row. Exactly.

It's a club. Yeah, right. It's a band of that. And I wanted to end up in Skid Row. And I did an audition for Skid Row. And doing 18 in life like I did. Yeah. All right.

So that's the premise is you get these different types you created people together to do projects. There have been others that have won in the past. There was a Furby that people modified. What did they do? They created an API into the Furby. Which is text Furby. It's text Furby.

Not a text Furby. They made it wearable. And they kind of turned it into series. You could ask Furby for directions, for search queries. But the Furby was really foul mouthed and like had a bad attitude. I mean, I'm interested in a sex Furby though. You could build that. Is that a problem?

Not necessarily comedy hack. That's a different type of hackathon. All right, listen, I would show we have to wrap up. You've got it. We have to do this again. Yeah, this is part one of many of of of we'll serialize this. Well, also what will happen with the sex Furby? Well, Alex Jones right about there.

I mean, it's just things that we've come up with on this. Shax Furby. Well, Alex Jones right about Baratunde. Just things that we've come up with on this. Shaxx Furby. You, you both. We'll zip car sponsor this podcast. This is like an incredible, right? Serialist has to be serious. We've lost so many unresolved plot points. I mean, it's incredible. I mean, literally I didn't even talk about most of the things. No, this, but don't prepare for my next appearance. I will never prepare. We'll just really have Baratunde. Thank you for coming. I really appreciate it. I had a blast. Well, it's so tonight.

Good. And I don't want it to end. It's just the problem is next time I might not be able to make it. I got this thing. Oh, so is it the parlay with the crypts? I don't know what it'll be, but it'll be something. Is it tree census? Tree census.

You're always doing the tree census. It might be like a zelio bush census. Oh, that sounds nice. Okay, well, that's the podcast of this week. Yes. We'll be back next week with more. And as always, I wish you and your family the very best. But you know what's gonna happen.

And I know what's gonna happen. So why aren't we beating around the bush? you you