Tomorrow - Episode 75: Believing in Lauren Duca

Episode Date: October 25, 2016

Here's what THEY don't want you to know: Josh had a secret meeting with Lauren Duca, a freelance culture writer you've probably seen in Complex, Vice, The New Yorker, New York Magazine, Teen Vogue, and the Huffington Post. This is your exclusive source for their discussion – one the lame stream media doesn't think you should see. Have you ever wondered about 9/11? Lizard people? Our flat earth? Hitler? Well here's all the answers you could need and more, brought to you by celebrities you know and love. Study this. Learn it. Pass it on. The truth is waiting for you. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey and welcome to tomorrow, I'm your host Josh Wittipolsky. Today in the podcast we discuss the flatter theory, hem trails, and Hitler. But first, a special word. Here at the outline we've been consumed by the questions and vagaries in HBO's new show Westworld. So now we're in a room to guess wildly at what the answers are. And that brings us to Out West, a pop-up podcast from the outline about the wildest Westworld fan theories. Each week we'll find one new fan theory and kick the tires to see if it holds up. And it probably won't. To do all this, we need your theories. Record yours in a voice memo or any

kind of audio file and email it to us at OutWest at theoutline.com. The grander, more elaborate, the theory, the better. Speaking of grander, more elaborate. When he calls his ex-wife or whatever, he's like, it's hard to get a line out here. It's like, where? You make fucking robots with the internet down? Like, what's going on? They're on the moon.

That's where I think they are. I think they're on the moon. That's my theory. Search for Out West on iTunes or wherever you get your podcasts. And remember, hell is empty and all the devils are here. My guest today is a freelance culture writer who is written for the New Yorker, New York magazine, Vice, Teen Vogue, and The Huffington Post, which is a fucking bullshit, I believe, is the term that she used to describe it. I'm of course talking about Lauren Ducca. Lauren, thank you for being here. Thanks. Thank you for bringing me here.

She's reading this off of a script. She looked out at her. She was like, thanks. And it looked out as like, thank you for bringing me here. No, I'm kidding. I've been asked to thank you. Yes, that's really nice. Achieve that. me here. No kidding. I've been asked to thank you. So we achieved that. So Lauren and I just met moments ago. We do not know each other. We've never had a conversation before. We talked about a dog hurting itself. There was a dog injury at the outline office today, but we think she's going to be okay.

We hope we're praying for her. Press for Pearl. Press for Pearl. I'm pressed for Pearl. Hashtag prayers for Pearl. Please get out there, put your messages of love and Prayer for Pearl. For the hashtag. I'm praying for Pearl. The hashtag prayers for Pearl, please put your, please get out there, put your messages of love and support to Pearl.

We think she's gonna be fine, but she took a tumble off of a chair. I think as we all do from time to time. And really Pearl's injury is a metaphor when you think about it for life. When you fall off a chair, you gotta get up. And you gotta, you gotta, you gotta, you gotta bark. And then you got it you got it you got it You got a bark and then you got to poop on something That's my policy by the fall fall off of a chair

And yes, so Lauren we're gonna talk about culture a little bit tell me a little bit about yourself Tell me introduce yourself to the to the many many listener of Of tomorrow what's um well, I mean, I guess I wish I knew how many listeners there were, depending on the formal. Hundreds, hundreds, at least hundreds. Hundreds of thousands, if you delete like the hundreds part of that. And not as much as WTF, but way more than my podcast. Lauren, you also, and we'll talk about this,

but you have a new podcast. Which we're gonna talk about in a second. We'll talk. So give me, tell me a little bit of your background. I'm a, I we'll talk about this, but you have a new podcast. I do. Which we're gonna talk about in a second. We'll talk. But, yeah, so give me, tell me a little bit of your background. I'm a, I'm a writer and reporter, and it's all a guys to get people to follow me on Twitter. So it's been going really well. If you've been-

You've a fairly popular Twitter account. I've been just, I've just been pretending to be a journalist sort of as a means of tricking people into looking at my tweets. It sounds like all of us really in the way. And then my Twitter itself is just about people favoriting myself. So it's just been a long con to feel good about myself. I think that's what the internet is.

It's like a social media rude, rude Goldberg machine. So that in the end, you got a bunch of hearts and you can just watch them come in. That's a dream. That's the dream of all of us. I mean, I wrote a piece the other day. It was like 3,500 words. It took me six. No, it took me, it took me not six weeks, like three months to write.

It was really in depth. What was it about? Rocky Horror fandom. Oh, I love the Rocky Horror picture. It was, I went to two midnight shows. When was this fucking Fox live Fox and not? It already happened. Yeah.

The steaming pile of remake hats. Oh, was it bad? It was unbelievable. What the hell was it on? That was last Thursday. Oh, yeah. I literally saw it promo for it. I was like, I gotta watch this,

and I was like, when is this happening? It was shocking. Oh, it was a shock treatment. Was it bad? It was a shock treatment. Was it bad treatment? It was, well, you know what? Who played Frank and Furter? Lever and Cox. Okay.

Doing an impression of Tim Curry. Well, that's not good. That's not cool. It will revitalize the Rocky fan base. I think every time there's like a little pop culture shout out to Rocky Hart, they have a new influx of Shadow cast members. Yeah, so what's the Curry got in there, right?

Real show. Yeah, Tim Curry got in. He's like had a stroke or something, right? So he's not doing too well. He looked like he was having a good time and I'm happy anytime Tim Curry is happy and that's all I'll say about him Curry did. We as a society should be working harder

to make Tim Curry happy. I mean, he's really given us so much. But- Clue. The Rocky Horror Picture Show. Charlie's Angels. Yeah. All right.

Yeah. It. Yeah, I tell everyone. Tim Gurry and it is just transcendent. Where are you from? I am from, I lived in New Jersey for a little bit. I'm ashamed about it still. No, it's cool.

Jersey's cool. You're given an awesome governor. Yeah. Well, the cool, Jersey's cool. You're even an awesome governor. Yeah. Well, the great bridge is it so. You see a pretty good bridge. Just a not buried Tim Krain, Itho. I think about that all the time. Well, like once a week I think about how he sort of has

a Brooklyn accent, like an aggressive Brooklyn accent in like Maine. And that's the creepiest part of it. He was the closest he could get. He was like, I can't do whatever the fuck's going on in Maine. In like Maine That's the creepiest part of it Who's the closest he could get? He's like, I can't do whatever the fuck's going on in Maine Stop Come here, you kid

It's just Hey, you get over here Pennywise wants to talk to you The option for like English people is they either have to pick an American accent to exaggerate Or there's just a lot of art What? Yeah, what if he was like Come on, can you get over here, man.

And then why is it one of the chat with you? Yo bro, there's some kind of clowns that you ain't should. I feel like we've gone into like morning madness, like some kind of like morning talk show. We need like a, something like horns and shit, like some fucking, I don't know what it is. I don't know what they do on morning shows. Sorry. The whole point of it was that I wrote shows. Sorry, you're not going to tell this. The whole point of it was that I wrote that to,

and I told get people to follow me on Twitter. And I was like, wow, that was a lot of effort, but you know what? 300, 100 words just to get a follow. Yeah, I mean, I probably got anywhere from three to seven followers out of it. Have you considered buying followers? Have you thought about it?

It's not, I'm ethically opposed to that. Don't want to change your ethics. Yeah, that's... Then you could have all the followers you want. Think about how many likes you get. That's a curve ball. You really can't just drop that into a conversation. I mean, are the bots?

I just change your ethics. Are the bots liking? The bots aren't liking. I got... So, when I had a nice good Twitter following a few years ago, and a French pranked me by sending me like hundreds of thousands of fake followers when I woke up in the morning. Now you've been like blacklisted on Twitter.

And I had to use a bot to delete most of them, but they're still, I deleted some real people, but there's still a few hundred bots that I can't get a can't shake. I've tried to scroll through and get rid of them. They don't do anything, they just slowly get deleted. You like blocked them, right? Yeah, you blocked them.

You woke up and had like a celebrity amount of followers. I have like a million followers. Are you a million followers? Did you screen stuff that? Did you screen stuff? Oh yeah, I have a ton of like... How much do you think that cost? Honestly, you can go on Fiverr and get like thousands.

Dude, you need to step it up. I have. You just go on Fiverr. But then getting rid of them is the hardest thing. Why would you want to get rid of them? Think about your social media. You look, you have no engagement. You look, and you look like an asshole.

You look, you look. So I believe that I personally earned all of my fault when I was, I worked my ass off, like tweeting during live events. Five stars. To get those, oh, you gave me five stars. I gave you a black mirror, five stars. Okay, you know what?

Don't talk to me about black mirror, because I know you hate that shit. I love it. Are oh, you get me five stars. I get me black mirror five stars. Okay, you know what? Don't talk to me about black mirror. I know you get that shit. I love it. I mean, you do? Lauren had a look of utter disgusted whole on her face. Double damage. I don't know.

Oh, that's phenomenal. I don't know what that means because I don't watch black mirror. Well, you're on double damage for not liking black mirror. Yeah, you're gonna tell you something. Black Mirror's whole premise is like, actually I retweeted some British guy

It was like their whole premise is like what if it's like wow Facebook is really fucked up Facebook's mental Even if you hate the show circle back watch one episode for me called San Junipero It's the best episode. It's like a movie. It's really good. I think I heard something talk You know, I'm sorry. I just can't get into it. I've read a lot of science fiction. I feel like black mirror is always like. If you've watched the Twilight Zone and read any science fiction, you will know exactly what is going to happen in all black mirror episodes.

Yeah. Also, the pig fucking one is just like, I'm sorry, it just doesn't. It's stupid. There are their hit their hit or miss. It's stupid until it happened in real life. They've been only missed. They've stupid until it happened in real life. They've been only missed. They've been only missed for me. I watched the holiday special too. Miss.

You didn't like that. That's fucking swinging. Watch the one episode, Sanjana Parrot. It's nothing like the rest of the show. And I think you would like it. By the way, speaking of people on Twitter and having earned those follows, people were not happy when I said I did not like black mirror. They got visibly angry with that and Beyonce are trigger points at the moment. I have no problem with Beyonce. I love Beyonce. Thank you. She is my favorite artist.

The Chauvin artist. She is my favorite artist and everybody should buy her a record. I think and pay for it. Since you're complying the man behind you with the knife can back off now. Please, please, sir. You dropped the lim behind you with the knife can back off now. Please, sir. You dropped the lemon, sir. It's a drop full of it. Yeah. Squeezing lemon into your wounds. I love lemons, actually, and I would love to make lemonade

at any day, on any day at any time. I'm happy to enjoy lemonade and also manufacture it. That's it. That's it. That's good. By lemonade on it, and so you wrote it, I just want to get back on topic. Yeah. You wrote a's it. Violin, eight on it. So you wrote it, I just want to get back on topic. Yeah.

You wrote a long article about the Rock and War picture show, Fans. Yes. And what's the, like, what's the premise, like give me the gist of that, like, what does the, it's just like they exist? That, yeah, that, it could have been two words and it just went on so long. It exists. Like, what was the through line on that? The through line is the development of, of the show is sort of like, what was the through line on that? The through line is the development of the show.

It's sort of like, now it's fandom is kind of in the knackeredness because it was such an escape. When it first came out, it was such an escape. It was not just for the LGBT community, it was for anybody who felt like they didn't fit in. For all weirdos. You know, it was no matter what or who you are as the line from the song goes kind of thing.

And it had a really cool, like, organic blossoming up from that. And there was actually like a ton more straight men involved in it than I would have expected because there's women in their underwear. So it's just sort of, it was a catch all, it was not. But it was like, definitely, like, you know, like pre, it was like a lady Gaga prototype. Lady Gaga vibe. It was also sort of, it's interesting that it's a fandom that predated the internet

and requires a very active element to it. And I think that that's why it survived for so long because we don't necessarily, now that we're so much more accepting, now that being different is much easier than it was. Rockier was coming up when people were getting shot in the village. People were in the original Rocky, her cast, their friends were dying of AIDS while they were performing.

And now, it's definitely, there are other avenues, there are other outlets, it's less of a niche. You can be an outsider in so many different ways now, but the reason I think it's survived is because it requires you to show up to perform in fishnets and lingerie and that's a fandom that you can't fake. That's really authentic. You can be a rocky fan on Tumblr or on whatever internet form, but that doesn't quite count in the same way as these casts that are all around the country that are still preserving the spirit of this transition that has now gone on for over 40 years. So it's kind of incredible the endurance of it

and sort of the future of it, the bright future of it, despite how things kind of reach critical mass and fade out of favor, Rocky I think will kind of live on. And so people are still doing like, they're going to the midnight show and doing like, what is like water guns and. And performing and like, impressively accurate costumes and makeup.

But the thing that's interesting about the Rocky or Picture show is that it's like, at least the movie showings are there's like a performance, but there's also like the audience is like, they're very integrated in the performance. It's like you go with an expectation that you're going to participate in somewhere. Well, there's that counterpoint dialogue

where you are kind of like calling and answering with actual dialogue in the film. And I mean, I went to one show where, and I mean, there was a man who was just like, you would not have expected this to be the person. Like, he is like your uncle from Staten Island. Like, he was just like, this is not the person you expect. He had to have seen the movie 30 times

to be able to be, he was in constant dialogue with the movie. And it was just like, so whatever the lot, it was a lot of sexist and homophobic content, which is like surprising. In the movie. Given the content of the movie. No, no, no, his feedback. So it would sort of be like, if the line that Frank and Furter says is so many, he would anticipate that

and be like, how many dicks do you want to suck? And then that would be the line. And it was just sort of normal participation, though. No, it is. I mean, there are sort of like, I'm not it's advanced. I haven't only been to see it in Pittsburgh, which is. Well, there each theater sort of has their own canon,

kind of counterpoint dialogue. It's very, it's incredibly. I highly recommend the one in Chelsea. Go around Halloween, bring the props, Google up the props, bring the props. It is the best thing you can do. I'm a Halloween like, it's like Savant, and I can tell you

that that is the best thing to do in here. You're a Halloween expert? Yeah, really. I'm a freak about it. What are you being Halloween? Yeah, what are you going to? So this year me and John are going as Willy Wonka and Charlie, bucket.

That's a cool. Yeah, I'm gonna be a wine mom. What's a wine. Yeah. I'm going to be a wine mom. That's a wine mom. I'm so excited. I'm going to wear an apron that says like a cook with wine. Like sometimes they put it in the food. I like care. And have some wine.

I mean, the glass is going to say it takes the bitch right out of me. It's like, is the wine mom. So let me get this straight because I feel like the wine mom thing is like, are you making fun of the people who act like wine moms are a thing, or are you making fun of wine moms because they are a thing. I would never make fun of wine moms. Is that a thing though? Yeah.

Yeah, it's like those moms. Of course. This mom's just like a wine and bunco as a replacement for a personality, because they're just too busy. They're like, take two of these and call me in the morning or whatever, it's like a bunch of fucking white wine. Like I get it, but isn't that a bullshit cliche?

I would say, I'm like the women I know of that age bracket. Well, certainly not. And actually have even more in-depth thoughts about wine. Mom's not, I don't know if you've read prime. It's a park avenue. No, I think it's's fake right? Well, it's all made up. That's my theory. Are you saying things are made up? I was quizzing you. I believe it's a completely distraction from someone. I don't know. No, I'm saying that I feel it. I mean, this podcast is fake. Everyone at home is not a real, I'm not a natural person.

I haven't been a real person since the words personal brand became a thing. So I don't, who, what is real? It's the hence the New York Rises, the Twitter, the Twitter webpage. What I will say about that fictional book is, there's like, I think it's real, I don't really know. Even in, you know know kind of like upper ash

lawns there's like people who are just are sort of informally alcoholics with the amount of wine they're drinking and it's sort of like an unwritten thing and it's on me too like I'm gonna zero wine dad is that a thing I'm about to fucking bring that to the for for micro pro yeah that's a new thing. Well, take your use to call me in the morning. That's my thing. As you say. You give it, you give to each other

those glasses with a whole bottle fits in the glass. Yeah. Oh my god. Yeah, like that. This one of these chalice numbers. Yeah, I'm into that. Yeah. Anyhow.

All right, Lauren, enough of this small talk. OK. Should we take a break? Yeah, we can take a break. I don't know how long has been going on for. What's the opposite of the Black Mirror episode? Where, you have seen the Christmas one. Oh yeah, don't care.

Don't you remember, because it sucks so bad. He makes her endure. He makes the AI sort of endure like millions of years of solitude and it's actually four seconds. This feels like it was 20 minutes and it was actually like a thousand years. It's what I feel like. It's a little less than I am.

And it's all differently. All fake. Wow, wow, wow, wow, that's the sound effect that happens when my mind is blown. You don't have production to do that. You have to do it. Ryan doesn't have to make that sound effect. I'm very happy. I've been learning.

That's very good. Yeah, okay, we're going to take a quick break. Okay. And we're going to be back with more Lauren Ducca, the Duke of Laura, as I think of her. Let's show it. We'll see that shake how we did it. We'll be right back. The marketers, the age of the customer has arrived. Massie emails or general ad campaigns won't work anymore.

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Okay. Anyhow, so you and Ryan have prepared some quiz. Can we just talk about what this, Ryan, can you kind of preface what this is? Because, let me, sorry, let me preface your preface by saying, Lauren is an expert on all things pop culture. Sure. And at least that's what Ryan told me. Yeah.

And I have to believe him. And I read, you know, I read your Rocky Horror pieces. Pretty good. You know, it seems pretty like literate in terms of pop culture, literacy. Yeah. Sure. I can read it definitely. Yeah, you definitely are able to read words based on that thing that I read of yours.

Ryan, can you talk a little bit about what the truth is? Sure. So we've cooked up a list of the political and other, but extending from political beliefs of celebrities. Yeah. Because they are the pinnacles of our society. They're where it all begins and ends. And what we need to know about the world and politics should come from them. So we want to see what you do and don't know about.

And so Lauren is going to mention a celebrity. I'm going to tell you what I know. This is what Ryan told me I have to do. Yeah. I'm going to tell you what I know. This is what Ryan told me I have to do. Yeah. I'm gonna tell you what I know of their political and or weird beliefs. Yeah. And then you're gonna hit me with some facts.

Some hard facts. Some hard cold truth. Yeah. Okay. So we're gonna start. We're gonna really come out the gate within an intense one. Okay.

Kylie Jenner. Kylie Jenner. Oh wow. This is gave us amazing. Already? Kylie Jenner is Oh wow, this is gave us amazing. Kylie Jenner is the model. Correct? And incorrect. Alrighty. You're a red.

Kendall is the model. This is crazy. This wasn't about what they are. No, I'm getting them straight in my mind. Here's the crazy thing. I am Laura and I, my wife, Laura and I have watched a ton of keeping up with the Kardashians. For some reason, I cannot remember.

I can never remember. Even though I know that Kendall is the tall, like alien looking one. I don't believe. Beautiful alien. Can we get his wife on the phone to like fact chat? That they've watched. I'll tell you, I'm like, is that, I'm like,

that's Kylie, I feel like Kendall's the one who said one time, I'm getting really popular in Tumblr. This is just that. Now this is gonna help. She will tell you, I'm like, that's Kylie. I feel like Kendall's the one who said one time, I'm getting really popular in Tumblr. This is just, now that this is gonna help, she will tell you I'm always, it's such an old man thing and it's weird because I've never actually really had this problem before. My memory is kind of like, I don't tend to remember things. But it is like, so weird block where I just cannot,

I just cannot keep them straight. Kylie's one with the lip kit. Yes. Kylie has a lip kit. You would see it did not. Kylie has maybe had some work done. You're, uh, How did you go from not knowing who she is to shading her?

That's quickly, wasn't credible. Work done doesn't, it's so shame, no shaving that game. I don't know what she is, but she's had plastic surgery. I had my nose done. You know, I don't see me walking around hiding it she's had plastic surgery. I have my nose done. You know, I don't see me walking around hiding it. What if I had my nose enlarged? You don't hear about that. They're like, I want a fucking huge nose.

Can you do that doctor? Give me a snows. I want a real, you know the term hook nose? That's what I'm looking for. Okay, I want to direct all anti-semitic attention in my right eye if possible. Okay, so Kylie did the lip kit. Okay, Kylie's beliefs.

Yes. Okay, I know that she believes in spirits from the other side, right? Wrong. Okay, I mean, she believes in the paranormal. She is a Democrat. She is with her. This is my book. I don't know if I'm not sure if this is true. She's not an atheist. I think she's very religious. Okay, well, what you missed the most important thing.

I don't know what I'm talking about. Is that she believes in Camtiles. For our uninitiated listener, can you tell us a little bit about Camtrails? For Ryan, do you want to... Camtrails are the belief that when airplanes fly over you and they leave a trail behind them, that it's full of chemicals to control the population and give us aids and send signals and make us... It's like fluoride. So I'm controlled. I'm not doing anything that's untrue. Well, I think that they make us buy lip kits because why else am I buying $40? Lip gloss, I have no idea why I'm buying that.

Did you invent the concept of the lip kit? She invented lips, no one had lips. I want to know just teeth, just things. It was hard to remember, but. I know, wow. It was hard to remember. It was disgusting. Was lip kit, was that a thing? And then she got onto it or was it like? Well, it's just like, I think it's a nebulous thing.

But it's like, it's like a whole set of things to make your lips look specific in a specific way. It's dry. Sort of. It's not dry. No, we want dry. You know what, Matt? You don't want to kiss dry lips. Kit is a really cute word that you can toss on

to lots of different things. Like if you're drinking iced tea, you can be like, this is my drink kit. Like, and it's fine. And that's like. It makes it sound like you should spend more money on it. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's a, yeah. It's a brink. It would be like a drink kit would be like, they tell you a bottle of water and then a packet of iced tea It's a pretty good value. It's a pretty good value. It's a pretty good value. It's a pretty good value. It's a pretty good value. It's a pretty good value. It's a pretty good value. It's a pretty good value.

It's a pretty good value. It's a pretty good value. It's a pretty good value. It's a pretty good value. It's a pretty good value. It's a pretty good value. It's a pretty good value. It's a pretty good value.

It's a pretty good value. It's a pretty good value. It's a pretty good value. It's a pretty good value. It's a pretty good value. It's a pretty good value. It's a pretty good value. It's a pretty good value. It's a pretty good value. It's a pretty good value. It's a pretty good value. It's a an outline or thing. Yeah. There's like the thing that goes in the middle of the outline.

There's some like finishing, oh, there's like sand. Cause we had one of our editors on, and she was saying, I should put that sand. Oh, no, that's not part of the kit. That's something that's an add-on. Oh, you have to get a Saturday. You have to get a Saturday. Oh, shit.

Yeah. Oh, okay. So she believes in chemtrails. She does. We don't know that they're not real. Well, evidence. Who are we? No they're not real. We'll do evidence. Who are we? Who are we to say?

All right. Let's do another one. I was pretty close on her. Um, you weren't, but let's do. Marion Kudalad. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, she's a vaccine denier. She's an anti-vaxxer. Okay, that, no, but why don't I give you a clue? Oh, she's a, she's a, she's a, Holocaust denier. She's a anti-vaxxer. Okay, that, no. But why don't I give you a clue?

She's in, she's in. She's in. She's in. She's in. She's in. She's in. She's in. She's in.

She's in. She's in. She's in. She's in. She's in. She's in. She's in. She's in.

She's in. She's in. She's in. She's in. She's in. She's in. She. No, she's on all. But if Maryanne Codillard was like a pervistat, and all of her is from, Maryanne Codillard is from, she's an inception. Yes.

Yes. And Leonardo DiCaprio's love interest and inception. And in the pit, Jolly Marriage. She also got impregnated with Brad Pitt's baby. Recently. Recently. Okay. She believes that moon landing was a hoax.

Oh, I think. And she knows that George Bush did 9-11. Or the US guy. Okay, so first off two things. Two things. The moon landing was real. Bush definitely did that. You're gonna love this list then.

No question. Bush was in one of the planes, parachute it out, full of flying parachute, that, no. Okay, who's that? Who's that? Shalien Woodley. I'm gonna just have to- Oh, I know Shalien Woodley.

I, okay, one. I need to tell you something about Shalien Woodley first, which is that she- She's in the fault in our stars. Put's clay on her vagina and like gives it son and like She eats it. She eats it. I don't know. You're telling me all over time. No, this is not the thing. This is not the thing. This is just other stuff.

What do you mean? That's not clay on her vagina. Well, I will never forget this like just aggregated thing I wrote. She was like, you have to give her a little sign and like she eats. Who's gonna give a of. Yeah, her. That's fine. I mean, it's great. It's a good idea.

You should be on the sun. I don't know that, you know what? Some vaginas just never get to see the sun, so like, others. That's like you should get everything in. I feel like a lot of them go really fine with how you can get to see the sun. I think covered in mud.

I think I can't speak too much, but I feel like just generally, I'm not sorry, I'm not talking about vagina specifically. Okay, well. I think you should get a little bit of sun. Yeah, when, you know, when you can. So a little milk might have been there. Um, what? A duck. This is not, not vagina related.

Okay, wait, so I have to guess. Yeah. Her other, yeah, what was something that you think that you thought was like? I think she's really into crystals. Okay, I think, and also, I feel like I remember her talking about something on like the tonight show, and I was like I remember her talking about Something on like the tonight show and I was like that's fucked up. What the fuck is she talking about? It was like

Something to do with Eating like eating something weird like eating like rocks. Yeah. Oh, she gives it to both heads of lips. Oh, I'm so sorry if we just peeked out. Yeah, that's because I got level. John's not gonna be okay. Okay, well, okay, what is it? I don't know. Yeah, she's a Bernie truth there.

She thinks that the DNC conspired to give the election to Hillary. And they did. Well, she thinks that they threw out votes. It's like took votes through the map. Yeah, there was like some kind of like, push them into the ocean. A they did. They did. She thinks that they threw out votes. It's like, took votes through the matter. Yeah, there was like some kind of like, push them into the ocean. A furious activity.

Hey. There's like, yeah. Like a group of like, guys in like, rob or outfits who like, we're carrying boxes like a mercenus guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Debbie just took them all like, meet a little paper mache, like, creation with that.

I'm with her. I'm with the grad. He won't just like, smart political strategy that got Hillary the win. No, no, actually, Debbie. I'm with her. I'm with the grad. He won't be just like smart political strategy that got Hillary the win. No, no, actually Debbie. And her massive popularity. Debbie took the votes and sort of ate them one by one. She put them on a vagina.

She put them on her vagina in this time. Sorry, okay. Okay, didn't know that. Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris, now let's talk about Chuck Norris. It's so weird that he's a real person, but okay. Chuck Norris is all too real. Yeah. Chuck Norris is of course so weird that he's a real person, but okay. Chuck Norris is all too real. Yeah.

Chuck Norris is of course known for his terrific action films. So I am. He was the star of... Chuck Norris was kind of a meme before we had memes. Chuck Norris... Chuck Norris was an early meme. He was an early meme. In 2007.

Well, Conan, I think Conan O'Brien sort of turned him into a meme by, he used to do this thing on when Conan was doing late night. I don't know if I remember this. I don't want to date myself. Yeah. Because I'd be annoying on a date, I think. But, um, sorry, that's some dad humor for you. Oh, John, John, you're shaking your head. Like, that's too bad of a joke for you. Dad jokes are a fiction. Okay. He, Conan O'Brien used to do this thing where he had a. He, Conan the Brian, you see this thing where he had a switch, a kind of lever. Do you remember this? No. He would throw the lever and it would play a random walker Texas Ranger clip. It was incredible. It was incredible.

I mean, it's just like, Conan, you don't realize this, but Conan the Brian was way ahead of the game on, on, on pop culture jokes. And he would just play some shocking like 10 second or 20 second clip from Walker, where it's like what is going on in this scene? I really highly recommend you look at some of those clips. Anyhow, so I think that's where the meme stuff started with him. Okay Chuck Norris, hardcore Republican.

Is he still alive? I guess he is. Yeah. Hardcore Republicans. He I guess he is. Yeah. Hardcore Republican. He's right or die for Trump. But believes that Bush did 9-11. Chemtrails and... I mean, Jenner and Chuck Norris share this belief.

And lockstep together. They're like this. Do lip kits. They want each other? Well, and but he is another one, which is a little more nuanced, that the federal government was going to take over California in August of 2015. Wait, what do you mean take it over? That the federal government, like the military, he said this in like May, he was like just

so everyone California knows they're going to take over the state and write it under martial law. And he believed this is the state and write it under martial law. And he believed this is his prediction and then it didn't happen. Based on what act based on what? He read some document about like a planned attack and they were like, this is like the beginning I see the unfolding of a vast conspiracy that's been at work for a very long time. I get it. You have to have a lot, you have to have a lot of bravery to

make a prediction like that because you know what, you're probably going to be wrong. But it's like those doomsday guys that would say like, it's 2012 September. Oh, I was wrong. It's October. I'm giving yourself 30 days to end the world. I know another chance. I feel like, yeah, I feel like that's such a specific, it's a good one, but like, if you get over California, it would be really, really difficult. Yeah, it's big. Like declaring martial law and running it

would be very complicated. I don't think anyone would really be paying enough attention. And why California? Yeah. I guess they have precious resources like beaches. Like we got to get those gaze under control slides coastline and and gaze You know any all the Jews that control the media

All right, it was all happening there. You're spoiling some other. Oh hey, let's jump to eat those panoras Kanye Well, you know, he believes that Bush doesn't care about George Bush doesn't care about black people. Mm-hmm, which is definitely true Kanye Kanye, I know he's very religious. He loves He loves Jesus. Yeah Which also the that moment is so incredible like that's what George Bush is the most upset about That's what George Bush has the most upset about. That's what George Bush has the most like feelings about, about his presidency. Like he has had, no, he has that quote,

where he said that was the worst moment. And it's like, you had a lot of bad moments. When you said the worst moment, and Connie said, yes. You said you were a black people? Yes. He's like, cause I do. I do that.

Actually, he really hurt me. But you lied to get us into Iraq. The thing that bothers you is that Kanye West has a negative opinion. So I hate brown people, but black people hold him a star. I don't know what that voice is. It be devolved or evolved. But it's not that because that's true.

Okay, so a second. I don't know. Kanye is like a straight shooter. He doesn't have any weird things. You'd be surprised. That is no. He, well, he believes that the US government invented and distributed hates to minority

and community. That's a great comment. That's very common, believe. Yeah. We don't know they didn't. Sure. I mean, I think that we know that they did. I think.

Did the US government have done some fucked up shit? I, I just, whenever anybody's like, there's a big secret, like the moon landing. I'm like, and Edward Snowden, all he had to leak was like, I don't know, I feel like listening to your test. It feels right to me. That seems like a possible. So you and Kanye buy into the same thing.

All right, well, now Josh is on the list. I'm saying like, I'm saying, you know, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been,

I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, been, I've been, I've been, I've been, been, I've been, I've been You know what? I think that they know you know what you can tell from their their lack of a reaction to AIDS when it first started Happening when they didn't believe it. I think if they were guilty they would have been like what's this? This is weird Actually, why would be the first person group people you take out be like gay guys we weren't doing any Can't get can let him can let. Can't let them get too much power.

You know, next thing you know, they're gonna try to turn everybody gay, you know how it goes, you know how straight white regular guys think. But like don't try to turn me gay, which is what all gay men are after. They knew they would never look good in leather. They have to put them to it. It's definitely like, I also like the idea

that you guys think that like, you don't you push the button because I know I could be gay. You're like, what's that? I always bring bringles into that house. I love the idea. I love the idea. It's like, um. Just shove them all my mouth.

It's like, don't try to do me. It's like, oh yeah, you know what? Like every gay guy wants is to like, put an advances on someone who definitely will lunch them in the face. Look at your ugly dick. All right, and then it's like, and then- Well, it's like the assumption that Donald Trump have,

who has, which is like, well, don't all guys talk about rape like this? No, if you don't want to have sex with me, I'm not gonna trick you. He's locker room is like, in some way there's like sharia law. Like, he's a locker room is that. Anyhow, that's it, that's it from me.

Um, yeah. Any, okay. I'm not saying that the government created AIDS, but. Sorry, but you're not saying they didn't. I said it didn't. Prince. What? Prince?

Well, he was a Jehovah's Witness. That's the first thing I know about him. Did not celebrate birthdays. Did not celebrate Christmas. But Prince definitely celebrated. I'll tell you that. Like, he didn't need a holiday, because he was like 24-7 celebration.

I don't know. I don't, uh, that he, he, he believed the George Bush did 9-11. You know, this is, well, you could guess that one for most of them, actually. Chemtrails. Really? Prince? New World Order. How did Chemtrails get so fucking popular? You know what? Yeah, Instagram. Right, is that? It's Instagram. It's like one good meme. People put up the picture that they took. They're like, look at the Chemtrails. Through the Instagram by like 50 years, 30 years. But I think it came across recently as like a thing.

No, but that's like the Illuminati. It's like people learn the word and they're like, oh yeah, that's a thing. It's gotta be Jay. It has a term. It has a good term. What? Illuminati, like it has a fun, you know what?

I think it was fun. It's a memeable name. It's a really nice, let's catch it. It's like Illuminati, I mean, do you, I mean, when I, Illuminati, the Illuminati is such an old, like a modern, like I remember when I used to go to raves in the 90s. So people are like, the Illuminati, I'm like,

I'm interested, they're like, read, behold, a pale horse, that'll tell you everything you need to know, you know that book? It's like some conspiracy book. There's a bunch of Robert Anton Wilson books about it, which cosmic trigger and anyhow, everybody on drugs was talking about the Illuminati So you know it makes me feel like is everybody's on drugs. Yeah, well who's to say your perception on drugs is not an accurate reflection of a different pocket of reality

It's really tough to say Aren't real. How do we know our eyes? You know what's interesting? I would love to know how to know what I look like given that mirrors our distortion You're really saying. That's a very good point. Prince also believes. I want to just, what is Prince believe? A certain crown? No, it's our really funny on some of these,

but also he just wrote also something about the mineral magnies. Yeah, very unclear. He gave us a rant that was like, I think minorities are being fed sleeping pills so that they won't work as hard. And you know, the mineral magnies. And they kept talking and it was like wait

I don't know what you said that prince What he his his conspiracy theories involve the mineral Manganese, but he hasn't he'd ever specified how yeah, I just thought that was a fun. No Well, he just like he didn't do his full research He just like loot he wanted to casually have that theory. It's like, this is long. He had to get back to his purple sex orgy. He's all new information.

Did he even do sex? I don't think he was into that. I think he just talked about sex a lot. I think Prince is actually like, I'm really not, I'm no thanks, I'm pretty tired. Who's like, you know what I'm actually pretty tired of? I'm reading a good book right now. He's like, yeah, he's like, I'm rereading Bonfire of the Vanities.

Good night. Ha ha ha. Franchashar. Well, first off, I know some interesting about Franchashar, which is quite shocking, which she was involved in a horrific burglary slash, I think, rape. Do you know about this?

No, she was like, when she was in her 20s, somebody broke into her apartment and like tied up her and her friend and like rape them and rob. There was like some crazy situation. And like her husband was there and he was tied up too. It's like, really crazy. You don't know that about friend-drasher?

No. So whatever you're about to say, better be, you better just skip it. Sorry, I just brought this down, way down. You let it. I mean, can you just kind of tie it in? Can you look, okay, what is it? No, yet.

Oh, I know this, she had people, actually, there's an amazing, this American life about this very thing. And it talks about how they had people in the audience, if you don't tell you about John, this is fucking incredible, actually, to get a little serious here for a moment. It's had to have people in the audience of, what was her show?

The nanny. That like all that she was so scared of being in crowds of people, that they would have the same audience come back for every episode, for every taping, and they all became like good friends and like, ended up being like this. I don't have an idea.

A really familial thing. Anyhow, it's great for the friend Drasher. Are you looking this up right now? No, I was looking up the rape story, which I didn't know when I want to go back in time until like when I didn't know it. Well, I'm sorry. Well, here I am.

Welcome to me. That was exactly it. Oh my God. She was raped at gun points. Yeah. Yeah. Oh my goodness. So you know what?

Don't laugh about fucking friend Drasher. She's a fucking survivor. I love friend Dr I'm a big friend friend. Excuse me. This is not this is not this This is not mocking them. Okay. It's talking about how these brave people believe these true things She believes that she was abducted by UFO and implanted with a microchip in her knee. Well, I'm not done control her destiny.

I'm done. That's pretty. That's impossible. You don't know that that didn't happen. You're like very upset about this fran drive. I'm so upset about that. That's a relief. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. Let's hear. It was in 1985. So a fruit basket should be enough. No, I thought you meant what can we do for Lauren, to get her out of this funk. B-O-B. His name is not Bob.

No, it's just for a history. Wait, this is a reason one. So think because you haven't got any right yet. That's not true. That's a fucking lie. I'm not sure. You dropped some knowledge on Fran. B-O-B.

Yeah, that's right. I got that shit right. You got that a lot. It's like if this was a quiz and you wrote a separate different answer that was not the question. Actually. It's like, but also correct. Like you guys get straight on like. Yeah.

Something even this fan dresser didn't know. Yeah. B-O-B. Think. It's a reason one. You know. I don't know what fucking idea idea i don't follow bob i don't know what the fuck he's doing well that's just a resourceful and this is

a recent one here wonder oh you know it i just did andridas clay noise for the reason oh uh... do i know it now i don't know anything about it he believes uh... that he doesn't he doesn't to he doesn't believe that uh... that in a he still wants to see Barack Obama's birth certificate. Wow. No. That's the he believes. It's convinced.

He believes the earth is flat. And that's all. Yeah. That's right. This is my I do remember this one. I know see this is my favorite of all the conspiracy theories because there's not like a clear reason for it. Like, there are just, like, these people are just like, earth is flat and the government's covering it. Like, what's the end game? His evidence was he stood on Instagram and he stood like on top of a mountain

and he was like, I don't see a curve. Ah! Ah! Not kidding. This is what, like, it's important for celebrities to be kept in check by their PR people. That's a lot of work, too. This is why Twitter has celebrities to be kept in check by their PR people. That's a lot of work. This is why Twitter has been the worst thing that ever happened to PR people.

Well, I just want to say that I don't really stop. I don't really care what shape the earth is. Like, I don't really care. It's for the problem. It's for the earth is a rectangle, the earth is an octagon. Can we talk about this? The thing about all this, the connective tissue here is that these people are feeding into this post-truth world that we live in where it's like, yeah, maybe, it's all the conspiracy.

You can't just write off facts because there are also conspiracies. You can't be like, oh yeah, prism exists, so therefore the earth is flat. The problem is, first off, celebrity shouldn't be allowed anywhere near anything where they can just write freely. That's a mistake number one is do not let a celebrity write to the public. That's always a recipe for disaster. But the problem is also like that people are just like we have this dumb idea that everything's up for grabs and it's not true. Like there are facts. Like there are actual things. Like you can prove and disprove certain things. Yeah. And it can't just be like, well, yeah, I don't think so.

And like people don't act that way anymore. I actually think that speaks to the, a lot of the conversations we're having right now with this election and not just celebrity is where it's just like, this is my thing and you just like freely shouting. Trump is a, he's a complete liar. Like he's lying all the time like literally making things up And he's still got like 42% of the popular voter whatever I think we did really good because how long has this been going on that we only just

Brought up Trump. Sorry. It says we barely talked about Trump. It's impressive. Okay, this is a good interesting test Teola to kill her Come on. Oh, man. I Is the good one? This isn't incredible. I got some good beliefs. She's got some good beliefs Anything lime disease related here. You know what honestly I Probably I'm gonna give it to you straight. I have I

Know to you. I to let the keywood is not terribly stable now unfortunately i don't really know anything about her beliefs we did she have that baby or was that fake i don't know if she give birth i just like a lost episode she

uh... well she actually believes so many things these are just like to give me some idol she idolizes Hitler. Whoa. She's like a... She's a Hitler fan. What do you mean is a Hitler fan? She's into it. She's kicking up what he's putting down.

They kicked Ronswell, already a big brother, because she was like, I adore Hitler. And they were like, oh, we booked a crazy person, please. You adore, like she thinks Hitler's cute. She would, but like also she. She like thinks his policies were sound. Like, where are you?

I adore him. I adore him. She's like a believer, but for Hitler. Yeah, but that's, but okay, but a believer's like, I love her. Okay, let me tell you about things that believers are, the world of a believer, okay? Love Justin Bieber thinks he's so cute. Same with Hitler. Love's his music.

But you know Torfalo's him wants to see him live Hope to see here. So it's the hummus some day steal a kiss from Justin That replace that with juice and murder I'm just gonna rail you really read you a really short quote. Yeah, I'd love to hear a quote. Well, one was just like my boo Hitler, but like another one.

That could that could that could mean anything. She called him our true king. Okay, yeah, I mean, that's like. They tried to destroy your legacy, but I will fight you. Tula de Kiela's also like not one, right? Nope, she's like, she's like, hitler would not have been down with two of the killers,

just like a like piece of it. He's like, hitler would have been like, no thanks. Yeah, hitler would have figured out a new patch for her. Yeah, but like, Wow. Wow. Wow.

I think someone who would have helped two of those patches, I think it's like Pokemon badges, Well, like, wow. Wow. Somebody would have had two of those patches. And it's like, put your mind badges. You're trying to get as many as you can. God, you're not. What on the news, right after this? This is dark. Here's another one.

Using Necromancy to bring my boo Hitler back to life, so he can really gas, I mean, say hello to everyone. Exclamation point, smiley face. Oh, but dude, it's her rotation. We don't have the time to get you. Happy birthday, mine furer, the most high. Hashtag 420, Hashtag Soulmates Hashtag Pass Life, Hashtag reunited.

She thinks this is a picture. Oh my God. Oh my goodness. And she thinks that this is her and Hitler. And it's just a pretty Asian woman that woman that I guess can I say something? This is like it's so out there. This is to give you a very controversial David there's more wait just wait Hitler is so crazy and weird it's almost cool

Today's your Hitler is so crazy and weird, it's almost cool. Like it's almost like, I, it's almost like, I sort of feel like she's gone, gone so far. It's like, if you go, you know, you're like so far around. You know, you just like, you just like, This is really jumped the shark at this point with Hitler panting. It's like, she went all the way around and it's like, actually, that's pretty.

Like mom jeans? That's cut. Yeah, it's like when you do something action. It's like, yeah. You can use it ironically and then you Yeah, it's like when you do something action. You can use it ironically. And then you'll, it's like how I, when I started saying I love Tom Cruise and he was my favorite actor, it started as a joke. Yeah.

Just like when I was like, I'm gonna watch the big bang theory. I was like, just kidding. And then I started watching it and then seven seasons later. So maybe we should take a year off the irony table. I just wanna say that watching the big bang theory though is like liking Hitler.

So I just, that is a true equivalent. I think possible Hitler's done last day. That is accurate. That has made middle America feel brilliant and it's a huge issue. I gotta say, I gotta say. I want to tell you though that she is a little inconsistent with her like Hitler. Oh, sometimes she's like actually I don't like Hitler. Well now she was like, it's a piece.

Now she thinks, you know what? This is at least stick with one belief about Hitler. Actually, I was Hitler in a past life. That is why I have two strong ties with him. So I'd, she hung out with him and he was her boo. But also she was him. And she thinks he's coming back in sort of in the way of like a coming of Christ.

Okay, I feel like in levels of celebrity, the lower down you go on the celebrity toe, and pull the higher the craziness. Sure. How much your time cruise? And which is, no, time cruise is totally normal. Unless you are, unless you are like, I mean, I guess it's like you have more time.

I don't really know. Yeah. What else? You have? What else do you have? Is that it? You know what? I think that seems like more than enough. That's a good place to have.

No, don't you have any other beliefs? I I'm sure this picture. Oh, she's also a flatter with me. Oh, Bay. She also believes the world is flat. We're coming back to it. The lizard thing. Oh, well, that's real. What the lizard people like shape, sheftain reptilian. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, no, that's the I just read the biggest secret by David Ike you learn everything. I mean, it's real. It's a copy in the office. She also knows about it. I'm pointing directly to a copy right now an inch deep in the biggest secret. Oh my god. It's like five inches thick. It's really it's a big book. There are a lot of secrets.

I want to say that's a long secret. I can't really whisper that all in one go. I have an average secret. I'm really my secret dick joke, no good. You know what? I go ahead. What I'm going to say is that the conspiracy theories I respect are the really creative ones. Which I think, well, we should add one more Dave Chappelle on this list believes black men are dressed as women in movies to oppress them and make them weaker. I mean, talk to Tyler Perry about that. I don't know.

Samuel Jackson is. What bothers me about that is the idea that women are weaker. Wow. Well, but you can say the context of like modern like of Hollywood, the Hollywood system. Sure. There's a lot of depictions of that power dynamic will truly be postmodern when we write like problematic think pieces about conspiracy Here's my damn shabels bonkers believe I just tried to do that. That's a... Can I say that's great content.

And the outline is we're accepting pitches right now. So if you're interested in writing that piece, I would be interested. I mean, we could go through a hot list of people that believe 9-11 was a guard. Oh, there's plenty. I think there's a lot of those. Mark Ruffalo, I thought.

No, Ruffalo. Yeah, Ruffalo got Ruffalo about 9-11. Oh, wow. Oh, he thinks it's a... What? Inside a job? Yeah. building stone fall like that. So he said he did his own independent research. I love that.

I love that. I love that. Buildings don't fall like that. Like he knows. Like what are you a fucking, like you a, are you a demolition expert? You're a spirit.

I saw the Avengers. In fact, I was in it. Yeah, I know those buildings fell. Men of steel features 50 minutes of building fall. Yeah, he's like trust me man of steel features 50 minutes of building's fall. And he's like, trust me. I've worked with the graphics artist who'd depict buildings falling. And they'll fall like that.

Those are really the best ones. He's like, uh, jet fuel camp melts, they'll be empty. He leaves. Yeah. Here's a story on Mark Ruffalo. Mark Ruffalo tells his daughters, he ate all their Halloween candy. The daily, daily Daily, daily mail.

Daily mail started. Wow. All right, well Lauren, this was an incredible amount of fun. I really enjoyed this quiz. Yeah, thank you. It's like I learned a lot. Me too. I feel like I learned a lot about Tila Tequila.

I'm really upset about Fr. And I'm not going to get over it. Yeah, I'm sorry about that. But I think we all learned today. And I really appreciate you coming. And you have to come back Next your next Rocky Horror Picture Show piece your next Rocky Horror Picture Show thing piece in 20 years. You need to come back. Okay, cool Well, that is our show for this week. We'll be back next week with more. And as always I wish you and your family the very best. But unfortunately your family is being fed sleeping pills by the Illuminati, so they can secretly apply lip kits to them.

you