Tomorrow - Episode 79: Paul Ford And The Worst Of 2016

Episode Date: December 22, 2016

Josh once again sits down with the inimitable Paul Ford to discuss the dumpster fire that was 2016. Honestly, if you go back and look at the description of last year's end-of-the-year special with Paul, you'll see that we called 2015 "one of the worst years on record" which, in light of the horrors of 2016, is hilarious. Although Donald Trump features heavily in both episodes. Anyway, they talk neo-Nazis, ice attacks, Twitter, voice-over acting, and of course: the Dipperz empire. We'll be back in full force for 2017 and then straight through to the inevitable apocalypse. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey and welcome to tomorrow on your host, Joshua Tpulski. Today on the podcast we discuss exploding toilets, sex bots, and chocolate. I don't want to waste one minute, so let's get right into it. Hey and welcome to tomorrow on your host, Joshua Tpulski. Today we've got a very special guest on the podcast. I don't want to overhype this person But I do want to get right into the excitement that we have in store for you It's our annual Year-end annual year-end, that's what we make a lot of sense, but it's our annual year-end episode featuring the illustrious

the unimaginable the incredible the stupendous, the strange and mysterious Paul William Ford. Let's do this. What's your mental name? Edmund. Edmund.

Okay. Well, pretty close. Anyhow, Paul, thank you for being here. Oh, Josh, 2016. That's like, what a year. I wouldn't want to end this with anybody else. We get to end it now. We have to end it all.

I know, we're a few days away as we're recording this from the first. And it's a rough one when you think about that old man and that baby meeting up. Oh boy. That's a rough one. Both of them are going to be like, let's not do this. I think the baby's just going to punch the old man

in the face. The baby is in tears. I love this. The old man is in tears. Christmas trees on fire. The people don't use, I got to say, it took me a minute to know what you were talking about. But first off, why does he sound so great

and I sound like garbage? I actually am losing my voice. Yeah. You sound like the movie trailer guy and I sound like, tomorrow. One of the guys from the Brady Bunch of hits, Puberty. Oh, what's the movie that I should be selling then?

What's the what's the tomorrow movie tomorrow in a world? The day after tomorrow in a world. The day after tomorrow would be a great. The year after tomorrow, the year after tomorrow in a land where advertisers pay for content. You missed your fucking call. Oh, did I? Are you wasting your time with this, whatever develop developing things, being a guy who runs a very hard. It's very hard to be a voiceover guy, actually. One of my best friends is a pretty serious voiceover guy.

And wait a second. Didn't you tell me a story about the voiceover guy? He got tickets to something. You got tickets to like some show or some thing from the voiceover guy. Did I just dream this? You made this up. Okay, keep going. So the movie called Shazam, I'm saying, it's in bad. That's just dream this? You made this up. Okay, keep going. So the little movie called Shazam,

saying, sin bad. That's right. Sin bad is your friend. That's right. No, it's a very difficult thing to get into. There's only a few, there's a handful of people. Yeah, but you made that lake bell movie in a world about that, right?

That's right, that's right. I think I actually watched that movie. No, I'm not, it's too late. Like you need to be a good actor. They come to you and they say, okay, no cell and emphasize the orange and make the chocolate pop. It sounds. You got to be on that. You know all the lingo. Yeah, but I can't when you do chocolate, you don't mean the word. No, I mean, the word. Like, that's what they're saying. So you got to be like, you were going, have a delightful chocolate bar. And then

you're like, have a delightful chocolate bar. That's right. That's what you just made the chocolate pop. Now, I mean, well, I do make the chocolate pop. Okay, Paul Ford makes the chocolate pop. That's a great stuff. I feel like we're really into already a successful episode. And now as you know, we've been on hiatus.

Hiatus, it's been, when you've been up to something, you got something done. That's right. That's right. I got you 2016 Gold Crossed off. Yes. That's right. Zelda's entering NK2. I'm very excited about it. Oh, really? Yeah. It's at a mountain. She climbs NK2 is yeah, right? No, it's a new class that she's going into. It's cool. My kids went to kindergarten this year. It was crazy. Yeah, that's exciting. I bet the listeners really want to hear about kids.

They want to hear about kids. They want to hear about kids going to kindergarten. Yeah, 2016 has been a wild year, man. Hey, you know what, my kids got to do this year? What's that? Shelter in place drills. Shelter in place. Like, let's say somebody comes in and is going to kill all

the children with a gun. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's a thing that we do now like weather. And so they're just like, hey kids, everybody get like under your desk. Take out your hand. Here's a deal with active shooter in the building. So you get your five years. This is making it right now. I just want to leave here this moment and go home. Hold your child with your body. Well, you know, let the bullet penetrate your flesh. Well, first I'd suit up like in that scene in Commando. Yeah, where our short sayer gets all the stuff in the shop except for you.

And then I get three plastic bags. You just put them on your body. It's a heavy vest that I have actually. Not a bulletproof just a kind of downfield. I just, you know, as long as the bullet penetrate my body first, I'm a good father. That's the, you know, I was thinking about this the other day. I don't know why I've laughed at about it,

but I was like, yeah, I definitely would get shot to death if I had to. Oh, absolutely. You know, I was thinking like, because you know, I think before you have a kid, you're not like, I definitely would get shot to death for somebody. It's not a thing that runs through your head very often.

No, when you have a kid, you're like, I need the bullet to go through my body. The thing you need, you're like, definitely blow my brains out. What you need to see, like you get shot, you go over, and you see like the kids are okay, the killer's running away, you see a police officer. And you can finally die.

And then you can die. You can't die unless you know the kid's gonna, like a benevolent police officer's gonna reach out and kill the kid. You wanna just see the lights. Yes, he fade out of existence. And then the kids go live with the cops, and his dog.

You know what I've been doing recently? I like to go to, there's a website that shows you the radius of nuclear blasts in New York City and you can put it anywhere in the map. I think we're feeling apocalyptic because Donald Trump has ascended to the office of president in the United States. I think it's also the whole world going

a little bit banana cakes. But is it, I mean, here's what I got it. Here's what you got to ask. Is it that the whole world is going banana cakes which is not a term that I would ever use, except in your present? Sure. Or is it just that now we have to hear about

all the other fucked up stuff going on around. Whereas before it was like you got your New York Times or your Washington Post or you got whatever, you know, Pittsburgh Post Gazette in my case. And it was like the stories that they could fit inside the paper that day. One hometown paper was actually called the Daily Local News. They're like, let me explain. It was Daily Local News. And it's news.

It was the most hometown newspaper possibly. But I'm saying like we have a saturation of information now and it is a non-stop. Okay, think about this. You know because you have Sweden saying, hey, Russia might attack everybody get ready. Okay, but that's a big deal. Yeah, I get that. Yeah. I understand that. But here's the thing. What does Sweden have, the Russia wants? Besides delicious chocolate. Now that's Switzerland.

Besides, what does Sweden even have? Great furniture. A lot of money and oil. Money, Sweden has, yeah. The oil is the oil mostly in Norway. Furniture. I think you have to, I mean, you need to have access to it.

Maybe he's just jealous of their freedom of civil society i'm not feeling well i'm going to go out of the word about russia killing dissidents and journalists i'm going to leave me a saying not worried about it really you think we're going to we what do you think two thousand seven i think trump i think trump i think trump's got you know he's got his hand

steady hand here let me take on any challenges he's a cool head cool headed hand. Here, let me take on any challenges. He's a cool headed guy who won't make any rash. Let me give you a preview of 2017's your review. You ready? You ready? Oh! Oh!

Oh! That's good. Okay, that's my preview. Now, who is allowed to scream? Because I feel like we're not gonna even let us be screaming. No, that's, you can hear it through the Yeah, that's a lot of yeah, that's a yeah, once they once they've Silly melt together with super glue. Oh, yeah, that's the sound. I say yeah, that sounds good

So you're not looking forward to 2070 is what you would say. Oh, I am having a great business in good life Wonderful children. It's gonna be fun, but I think questions how bad can it get oh? Can get real bad real bad history is a good lesson there. I like is it though real bad? I don't know. It seems like I really I know you're right. I feel like we were worried about history. We should have not voted for Donald Trump. We we is a funny word here.

We listen, I think it's time to let's talk to the red state viewers listeners of tomorrow. There are none. There are. There's two. There's some there's some libertarian guys who like to twist it up a little bit. You know, they're just like, I think we probably have a few,

I think we probably have a few listeners who are Republicans who are like, you know, maybe closeted liberals. Maybe I'm gonna bet there's more of a Venn diagram overlap with R-slash the Donald and tomorrow listeners and you're comfortable with the folks. I don't think so. I think so. I think they're like, they are, first of all, they're used to everyone in the media being

cosmopolitan liberal is the one I'm looking for. I don't think I'm cosmopolitan. And I think you're very cosmopolitan. No, that's what the Soviets used to call Jews. Oh, yeah. I mean, in that case, I'm very cosmopolitan. Yeah, you're a very funny guy. That's cool.

You're good in New York, maybe you're good. I'm gonna entertain the shit out of all the guys in the gulag. Oh, you're gonna be, no, they won't put you in the gulag. You'll just have a special world. Like, you'll be, I don't know, what is prison in the future?

Prison is probably, you have to be a moderator on Reddit. So here's the thing. I like that. So Russia is, we just did a story, we just did like a quick thing about 48 people to died from drinking bath lotion in Russia. Right. Where they're normally, they normally just get drunk off of it.

What rubric is that under in the online? That's a, I think that's a culture. Were you able to put some fun stats between like, it's 20, it's a nice number. How many 48? 48, I think it was a data card. I think we call those data cards. I think we did a, I don't know. You said it over and then there's like

an actual car brand. We have a card, we have a card called an outline card, which is like kind of a few points about a story and then we have data card and sometimes they're used interchangeably. That's great. That's good native advertising too. If you could get the 48 and then you could actually

have an ad for lotion. Yeah. That's the way I told you to do it. That's where it just too if you could get the 48 and then you could actually have an ad for lotion Yeah, then you would have the future. We just pipe in an ad words lotion ad right after a lotion story That's what's great about the internet. It's a future connected. It's all linked together in a worldwide system So I'll show it's called tomorrow. That's right. Uh, anyhow What was they talking about? Oh the people who died from drinking bath lotion, whatever. Right. I don't want you to know what bath, it's a bath lotion is that, can we get a fact check on that?

Is it bath lotion? Is that sounds wrong, but I think that's what it is. I think you just, yeah. Okay. So here's the thing, you know, Russia's not in a good place. No, it's actually, like a fucked up country with me. We're all here like, physically it's in a bad place. Like we're're all here like physically it's in a bad place. Like we're like physically to a bad place,

but like financially economically. I don't think they have no way. You're gonna say you never get a Russian earthquake. No, I think there are. I'm sure there are two enormous. Huge land mass. They must have earthquakes. 11 time zones.

And it's the least of their problems. That's why you don't hear anything. Like there's a earthquake. Yeah, they are literally in a mean, there, I think, so usually my Russia. I think your average Russian earthquake response is thank God an enormous chasm opened up in the ground. We have to put the quieting down.

We have to put quieting down. Yeah, it's probably the most common response. Like why? But here's the thing about Russia. I think it's like not a great situation, right? Their economy has been tanking for a long time. The oil has been fucking tanking for several years now that the end has killed their economy.

So going to get oil and sweetness, not actually the answer. My opinion is like, you know, there's 1900s illustrations of badly bloated plutocrats. Like it's like that, but oil. Like it's just a man with sausages for arms. Wow. Driving an SUV. It's incredible. That sounds incredible for arms, driving an SUV. That's incredible.

That sounds incredible. In off-branded D-Taswad pants. Here's the thing. I think we are all sitting here going like, oh, sophisticated Russia, our greatest enemy. Now, they have a big fucking army, but they have a lot of gear. I think the reality is we should look at Russia as they are in dire straits. Oh, sure. In what way in what way Will they successfully lash out? I mean one they by

Creating an incredibly successful propaganda campaign around our alike well they've crushed it on the Trump I mean, they got there's no you know like you know funny is like the Bertha movement had no basis in any actual reality Like there's just not a shred of anything meaning. I'm so tired of the media industry talking about things like post-fact and all that though. I just, everything's off already now because they cling to that now. Now it's like, oh, it's post-fact, it's propaganda,

oh, it's fake news. The greatest thing in the world, the greatest thing in the world that Russia has done is introduced the concept of fake news into our ecosystem. Because now you can be like, we have all the evidence. the world that Russia has done is introduced the concept of fake news into our ecosystem. Don't you just see this now? Because now you can be like, we have all the evidence. Russia did this or we have all the evidence. This is the serial killer and people are like, yeah, fake news.

Who can tell these days? It's just like white dudes with those Wall Street Journal head cut avatars like they like to make their Twitter avatar their Wall Street Journal picture. Yes. And you just see the forehead sweat coming out as they type the words fake news. Oh, yeah. And just, and it's just, you know, okay, okay, we got it. Fake news.

Propaganda. What can you, you can't believe anything you read. I think you just know, no chance you told us that. The only thing you can trust is your gut at this point. Yeah, and just take it, just take it. You can't trust that. It's entirely filled by. Malcolm Gladwell had it figured out.

Why didn't we listen? Why don't we fucking listen? What do you think? What do you think? The power of thinking without thinking. He the tipping point. Don't worry about facts. worry about what your guts tell me. He's really good at tipping things.

Anyhow, so we're in a kind of post-fact Malcolm Gladwell hellscape where we ever be used to use their gut. It's actually George Bush's fantasy, right? It's like, it is literally shooting from the hip now. We are actually in cowboy territory. I love that the worst people from the Bush administration and like you know David from a coin access of evil is good He's good. He's all over here. He's a hero now. Yeah Upstanding left go any further in the back and everyone's what's that Kevin McMullen? I like him

Yeah, he's like the worst piece of shit. I do too I mean, but you know if you go and you look at his actual policy, it's not a good thing. No, no, no, no, he's like, he's like, this is the strength of Trump. The power of Trump is he makes horrendous pieces of shit. Look awesome. Like a parisid.

No, like Ted Cruz is like an up, well, fuck Ted Cruz, but you have to admit every other like a dream. No, no, no, Mitt Romney, this is the greatest. Mitt Romney in 2012, we're like, fuck Mitt Romney with his binders of women and whatever other bullshit. And now we're like, please Jesus, somehow get Mitt Romney into a position of power

anywhere in this country, because he's like an incredible politician by comparison. Every single, like just watch all the brave soldiers of the right just start going over. Just watch it. They'll all, you know, it's just a couple months in now. And these, these fucking bootlickers. I mean, these fucking brown Democrats, the Democrats roll so fast.

It's painful. We always roll, but this is the Democrats are all, and I'm saying we, because I don't even know. Like, yeah, I mean, you're like me. We're independent. You have definitely, I'm a great. I'm a god. I'm not attacked me or my family

from my political beliefs, which are hard middle, hard center. I think there'll be lots of camps. I don't think you go to just one camp. Like you probably go, you may even rotate between camps. Don't move you around depending on the work, what kind of work they have you doing.

Well, I didn't find it funny when I said, she's half Jewish, she probably have to go before me. Yeah. I'd go to fat camp, she would go to Jewish camp and then our kids are making it. You're not Jewish at all. No, she's half Jewish. Yeah, you're like, me. I'd go to Fat Camp, she would go to Jewish Camp, and then our kids are making it. You're not Jewish at all. No, she's half Jewish.

My kids are mischling. They're okay. I don't think they care about the Jews that much. Probably not yet. Richard Spencer, whatever his name is, Dick Spencer cares, but only because he's like, only because he's living in a gamer gate like masturbatory fantasy.

Anti-Semitism is first of really incredibly terrible, global thing that keeps happening, but also, boy does it function as a canary for a huge wave of hatred. Like, I just think, I mean, we have a bigger target now, though, don't the white people have a bigger target than Jews? Always.

I mean, like, always. All Muslims now are like the new Jews, right? Same idea, like Yeah, right same idea like they're all because it's harder to tell who's a Jew at this point But you can tell who's Mexican. We got Kushner and you got Kushner and Ivanka is is you know she converted happy Hanukkah everyone Thank you. I'm giving away a lot of money this year. That's one of the ways I'm soothing myself. Here's all I want here I want is for To have a time machine be built Here's all I want, here's all I want is for to have a time machine be built, to get in it, to go back in time and to prevent the election from having happened the way it happened,

in any way possible. I don't know, I see this as a big clear readout of where we are headed. Like this is, I don't know, is it, or is it a blip? I mean, I feel like, here's like, it's both, right? It's always both. I mean, I do feel like the, you know, our structure of progress looks like peaks and valleys. Like, if you look at any, if you look at any,

and then let me tell you, I've been spending a lot of time looking at charts and graphs lately. Sure. If you look at any chart and graph of any, like progress, it's always filled with peaks and valleys, right? The overarching movement is clear when you scale it out. Here's the thing. Inside of it, it looks like peaks and valleys.

So I feel like we went from like, we have a peak, and now we get a fucking valley. Let me see if I can articulate this because it's been driving me crazy. Sure. And this is something I'm trying to work out for myself. Yeah. I think that, so, one of the quotes that gets brought out a lot

is from Martin Luther King about how the overall, and I don't know if it's originally from him, but it's about the oval arc of the universe is towards justice. Something like that. You know, there's a sense of progress. And if you look back at American history, what you will see is that people had that sense, also had a sense of everything going off a cliff, and we're like, hey, no, we don't want them to do that to us in the coal mine. We better get this together, sing some folk songs and do some stuff. And that's how you got your arc. And I think that we have this very rhetorical, neoliberal arc where literally people are

saying things like, hey, guys, there's not going to be any work in the future. No one's going to get to do anything. So it will give you like $10,000 a year and you can use our apps. Like universal basic income and all these ideas are cropping up that have no agency in them. And we're also getting really into these big rhetorical constructs of everything moving forward

in a good positive way that actually completely do not connect to human agency and people acting to get that moral arc of the universe nice and add a little more curvature to it. Well, isn't it? It's not people, though. I mean, it's not. This is not a, the Donald Trump is not a, like, a single person.

I mean, he's driven by a whole universe of, of cronies. That's right. And businesses and, and, I mean, I think we've been deferring our opposition to the lovely rhetoric of our current president and to a sense of overall progress and at a certain level it's got to come home. But isn't isn't calmness better than panic? I don't know. Well I think I think the I mean I don't think Obama but uh... i will take somebody who is more patiently assessing a situation then then making like you know uh... than being immediately panicked by it i mean to you and i would but we don't we

like effective administrators who keep our pretty good lives all together for us yeah why wouldn't i like that but i don't think anybody i don't think anybody uh... look uh... i'm not defending anybody here, but I'm fairly certain that most, most people who voted for Trump who thought about it, and I don't think there were that many people. I think a lot of people just voted because they're a Republican and they voted for the guy

who was the Republican candidate because they fucking hate Hillary and they fucking hate Democrats. Sure. Because like you're either Coke or Pepsi in this country because that's the kind of fucking country we live in. You know, but I think that the people who thought about it were like, fuck these lying dickheads in Washington. I'm tired of their bullshit.

I want somebody new in fresh in there. Obama said he was gonna give me something new in fresh but it's the same old same old. Because a lot of people who voted for Obama, I mean, it's not a lot, but some people who voted for Obama ended up voting for Trump this time around. And so I do think there is this kind of naive quality

to the process where it's like, yeah, you just want something different. You're not really looking for the depth of the argument. You're just like, I just want something to change because it feels like nothing does change. Now look, I'm sure there's also a lot of dipshit who are like, I'm voting for Trump, because who knows, it'll be fun,

or I'm voting for Trump because I fucking hate black people. All of these arguments are very invalid, but the point is, I don't know that people spend a lot of time going like, thinking that it had any great impact on anything, right? And so, I don't know that, I don't think, I don't know why I'm making this point. It does sound like I'm defending people voted for Trump.

I think what I'm saying is like, nobody walked into this like wishing for apocalypse. I do think that Trump will bring us as close to apocalypse as we've ever gotten in modern American history. I mean, I could be wrong. I hope I am. All I know is this could take this conversation.

Look, there's no way to be that happy about 2016. It's been a bad year. Everybody's been for us. You've had a great year, I've had a good year. I would have, you've launched a global media brand. Yeah, I would have, I would have rather had Trump not become the president, but you know, well, you didn't have a choice.

I did not have a choice. You have no power. You know, power. I have some power. I did not have a choice. You have no power. You have no power. I have some power. I have a little more power today than I did before December 5th. That's right. Right? Because we actually, I mean, this is to me as like, and this is the thing, I just, you

know, this, this election is fucking insane. And the night of the actual, you know, vote the election, we, everybody here at the outline was sitting in Slack together in disbelief. You know, me included. And you know, after I stopped my hands from shaking and had a couple of drinks, you know, I did feel like, look, the reality is we've a art. This didn't happen by accident. It took a lot of people to make it happen.

And like our industry, the media industry, has incredible responsibility in this. And I do think there has to be some kind of change, like really meaningful change about what we think about what we read and see and talk about and hear and look at every day. And if we can even be a tiny little percentage part of something good, in that, that has huge value. Also, you know, it's gonna be my personal mission to write really annoying things that would really annoy Trump. I think he can do that.

If it all possible. I think he needs to. I'm not interested in trying to crack every case. I just hope I can find one topic that will annoy, that will somehow bubble up to Trump and annoy him. I noticed that. So wait, what else happened this year? We have to talk about this.

David Bowie died. Oh, great. Alan Thick died. Oh, um, they, uh, a lot of people died.

They did. And I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't,

I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, which was a good one. Wait, Nancy Reagan died. I mean, that's how crazy of a year. What did Nancy Reagan do? She died in March and made up a whole Hillary controversy. Are you sure she died?

Nancy Reagan? Are we sure about that? Yeah, that was a big deal for me. Yeah, I can't remember. I just can't, honestly, it's all a blur. Who else died? That was the highlight of me. A lot of people died, but also we got the damn Daniel video.

We got the great, we got some other great memes. I saw today a lot of lists that were like, the memes of 2016 is like, you know what, you know, you can get the fuck out of my face with your list of memes. It's like, this is it, this was the year. This is the problem actually, is I don't want you to see a fucking list of memes.

2007, 2007. I saw the memes all fucking year. Well, you saw the memes, but not everybody spends all day, going for a champ, look at that meme. Do you hear that epic Slurvin sound that is the thirst of all people who make who make content desperately trying to hang on to like the last eyeball. It's like a little bit of viral. I mean, honestly, it is it is I get it's intoxicating. I mean, it is an intoxicating feeling like, you know,

we're a small little thing and we've had a couple things that have broken out as like stories of people sharing and you see You know when you're little you see all of the waves like they're Matt you know I'm not sure if you're not wearing a shirt. We're not using chartbeat, but um, no, don't use that But the interesting thing is you know, I'm fine. What's wrong with chart people? It's fine So it's not a bad probably I just don't we don't I don't need to see like real time like every second What's happening? I don't need to see that I don't need to hit that I don't need to see like real time like every second What's up? I need to see that I don't need that I don't need to hit that I need to hit that by oh my god But um we have we use parsley and some other stuff. Oh, that's like yeah, and kind of it passes a little different

The little more yeah, it's a little more semantic. Yeah, yeah Yeah, yeah, that's right. Are you gonna let that you can let the crowd tell you what you It's all about what the crowd says You have a burst into the room and be like, whatever they like, we just do it more of it. The audience love that piece about Ed Cartons. Or like, I'm like, more Westworld. That's right.

Jeffree. Do more Westworld. Jeffrey's finnicking, what's gonna be on HBO? It's funny, but that's what I'm saying. Like, you see how easy the, you know, being new, it's so wonderful to see how easy it would be to make all these horrible fucking decisions. Oh, yeah. It's like really hard every day to make the right decision.

It is true. I mean, you could justify your investment in a minute by just becoming an HBO reporting space. I mean, the thing that's funny about traffic on the internet is that it's actually really easy to get. True. It's actually really easy to get. True. It's actually not hard to get. You and I probably get, it's easier for us

to get traffic than some people. No, I get it. Yeah, I mean, it's like, it would be very easy to turn the outline into like an awesome traffic. You know where the traffic is. Yeah, but I don't want to go get it because. Well, I would like to think fluency as you go, we're after.

No, but anyhow, but I don't want to talk about the outline too much, but I will say that it's interesting watching the, as with fresh eyes and with fresh data, the way stories move, you see these really incremental, these tiny little positions, and it's like, it's just a real eye appearance.

Of course, our industries all fucked up, because we're like, people are looking at these dumb fucking graphs all day. You know, they have things going like, that thing spiked. How do we get more of those spikes? That was good. It's so big. It's so big. It is a fucking drug hit.

There used to be one audience, and now there are just a million different people doing a million different things. I think what's important is that everybody's getting the story they want with all of the facts that they need. A personal newspaper every day delivered to your doorstep. It's just like Nicholas Negroponti predicted, except what he didn't predict was instead of having a dial that would let you see more conservative news or more liberal news, it's actually like a dial that lets you see like a story that is a lie that is exactly what you wanted to hear. Yeah, you don't even know that you're asking

for a liberal or conservative. You're just clicking and it's easy to do. Well, you know, there's no dial, right? There's no dial and also the stories are made up. Just, you know what's tired? What? Adam, you know what's wired? B? Adam's, you know what's wired? Bits. Wow, is that from the first issue of wired?

Probably. Seems like it's in one of the tires. Tyres of wires. That was a big Negrponte story. I'm not. Rarely were the stories about his brother invading Central America. Oh yeah.

Most of them were nice. Yeah. Negrponte burned. Yeah. No, it was that he went through costumes and they looked at his laptop and they asked how much is this worth. And he said millions of dollars. And they were like, what?

But it was a point that he made about how the bits on it were worth so much more than the atoms. Yeah. Yeah. Nice. I think that was how I could totally have that. Because the atoms. Yeah. Yeah. Nice. I think that was how much I could totally have that run. Because the data, yeah. Because the info. I really just think about that for just a minute.

Well, you know, information is currency. I don't know if you heard it. If anybody tell those kids who got one laptop that they were sitting on a million dollars. Yeah. One laptop for child was a $200 device that was millions. Yeah.

Or millions, really panned out. That really changed the, hey, maybe we have a, maybe OLPC is to blame for all of the troubles in the world. Maybe that's where we should really be focusing our attention. You shouldn't have put Linux on it. They're like, no, what are they revolting against America? We said them Linux computers. I said that the cyberpunk haircut has come back as the fascist haircut.

Oh my God. Yeah. The fascists are actually, I think what no one wants to say is like the pretty stylish. Like they're in a beautiful, I love the saying that actually, there's a lot of headlines saying this is a problem. Dick Spencer is like, you know,

he's pretty good looking guy. That's his little, I mean, this is the thing. You see this dapper, this dapper, you know, Nonsense. But it's also like they dress in that kind of bad, like gentlemen of Reddit look. Yeah, you know, it's nice. They're almost like they're like it's like one their ones team punk They're the door away. They're like being a poo. They're all their poo-as they are poo-as They are all in the cusp of vest hood. It's like bracelets

Fucking caps. Yeah, but he's got no. He's got he wears vests. Yeah, can we make a spin make a promise to each other? He's been your I'm gonna wear a sweater vest. I'm sorry vests you and me. Oh, no, let's got he wears vests. Yeah, can we make a promise to each other? He's spending your, I'm gonna wear a sweater vest. I'm sorry. Vests, you and me. Oh, no. Let's not call it. Let's not use the term alt-right ever. Let's call them neo-nautics.

neo-nautics. Racists. Yeah, I get to say I'm sorry. I'm gonna say I haven't been able to talk on the tomorrow podcast, but I keep thinking about how much I want to punch, really want a punch, these people in the face. Cause here's the thing, the Nazis are a real thing.

They killed a lot of people for real. And if given the opportunity, if I met one, I definitely would punch them in the face. You need to do that. And so I feel like anybody who feels the way they feel, they've got a fist coming. Now you know I'm a wimp. Yeah, I'm not a tough guy.

Not a tough guy. Before I'd nerd, but still. You're pretty tall though. So tall is like halfway to handsome and strong. But it's like a long body and then no muscle whatsoever. All it's all just like a loose like, just like what do you call it? It's just like, like why do I even have muscles?

I don't know. To be punched by you would be a dream. To get punched by you would be like getting a hug. Look, I want a Bloomberg TV. But I watched myself from Bloomberg TV and I like to think it's like it looks like a ghost fuck the sofa. That's what it looks like. You went on you were on Charlie Rose, right?

I was on Charlie Rose. I was on Charlie Rose. Yeah, I was pretty good. You're in that black box and it's just Charlie. You don't know if he leaves or stays. What is code exactly? Yeah, I keep hearing about it. But the thing is, what, what is actually is it?

You go in, he's there, and then they walk you out, and he's still there. And so he's always in that room. There's an assumption that he's always in that black space. They actually, the table is bolted to the floor, and it flips, holding flips, and there's a bed on the other side of it.

He sleeps there. Like a microwave, I see. He's floating. Yeah, he sleeps's a bed on the other side of it. He sleeps there. Like the microwave apartment. He's floating. He's floating. He sleeps at the bed, and then they flip it back over in the morning. They come in with like a toothbrush and a, you know, a bug full of water, whatever the brush is either. They roll down the suit.

They give them a new jacket, boom, right into the next interview. And for eight hours straight, he's just doing interviews in that room. So your 2017 goal is given the opportunity to punch in the audience. No, but look, here's the deal. Here's what I think the neo-nazis who call themselves the all right, but are actually Nazis like racist, anti-Semitic. Nazis need to understand is that like, I don't think there's a tolerance for whatever their politics are in this country.

I don't believe that there's a tolerance for it from a lot of people. It's a real bad story. I mean, I think that I think that this idea that that would be tolerated is very naive. And I think that they're going to find very quickly, that if they bring that shit to people's towns, it's not going to be a pretty exciting. It's tricky, but if you start with muzzle, it's the creation of the enemy class, right?

But it's not just muzzle-miss. Yeah, but it's not. This is thing, they'll find new labels. This is what worries me. You're like, right? Yeah, but they're not, but it's not just Muslims. Yeah, but it's not. This is think, they'll find new labels. This is what worries me. You're like, oh, you know, they're gonna, they'll be like, all right, so we can't call them Jews. I think as long as they have a rally where they're doing like, high-hitler shit.

I know, but that's a thing. Some of them won't. They will re-brain, I mean, some of them, some of them might not. That's fine. And like, what's the new Jew that they can hate? Well, I think, but I think that, I think that i think that right well this is the thing about muslim replacing jiu or whatever right that's the but that's the system this is

the systemic danger to me like that's a trump that's more of a trump danger is like it bubbling up from these people who just need hate to so it's like it's it's muslims now it was used and it'll be something new it'll be people fine people people are like yeah i know they'll be something new. It'll be people. I mean, you can find people with different users like yeah, I know they'll be like, Oh, actually we hit gay people again. Like that's a thing now. That could happen. I mean, I think it's not Yeah, I think it's not either. It could get abstract. And it's all I think it's an it's an or a can could be Nintendo users. I mean that for these guys I think that would be appropriate. I think that's right. No user like these are like the

I think that would be appropriate. I think Nintendo users, like these are like the, I'm saying a master system versus any of us guys. That's exactly right. I mean, they're like, we need to give them another phone war to keep them busy so that they don't get too up any about Muslims. That's right. Really, all you have to do is get like a new version

of Call of Duty out. Yeah, they need to put out like Halo 6. So that would, and then it's like, this should all get shut down. We're just honestly, let's not minimize, let's not minimize minimize their their important political beliefs that women suck I was just about to say and that the Jews the Jews are annoying if you get a Sex robot powered by a ps4 you could probably get it pretty far. I think we're pretty close that they have the psvr headset

Yeah, here's the thing. Yeah, I feel that in the discussion about all this, a lot of times there is a massive underestimation of the incredible mode of force of the gross American boner. Like there's just this like, like I like to see things get blown up. I like to, maybe me personally, maybe not. Don't take me as an abstract me.

I like to see things blown up. I like boobs. I like, you things blown up. I like boobs. I like, you know, and blown up by boobs. Yeah, exactly. I think you're like saying blown up boobs. I'm like, I get it. I think your average big, big breasts. That's a big sense.

Your average 13 year old American boy, I didn't want to go in that mind. But it's like, if there was an explosion in a girl's toilet, that would be very satisfying to a 30. What is the average American boy, you know, who is the average American boy? Well, I think he's. Let's explore that on this next episode tomorrow.

What is? On tomorrow. The average. We're going to explore an American boy. I believe in an American boy exceptionalism. I believe in American boy dolls.. I believe in American boy dolls. What is the exceptional American boy, let's imagine that.

Imagine American boy dolls. I am imagining that. They smell terrible. I don't know. We're obsessed with the odor of all of them. They're constantly calling people cocked. Yeah. That's right.

You squeeze an American boy doll that just says cock. Cock. Cock is dyed out though, I feel. Oh, sure. Cock is over out though I feel. Oh sure. Cock is over. Well, cock is tricky because they're all cocks. Even the people calling. Yeah.

The cock's cocks. All cocks are cocks. I mean, you can't. I think if you, if you can identify a cock, you're being cocked. Yeah, that's the thing. There's a global cock. That's a fact.

There's a global cock. Takes a cock to know a cock. Oh man, ultimately. Something was like, on election night was like, yeah, like take that cock. Next thing, you know, you're gonna be getting fucked in the ass and I was like, I hope. That sounds great. Like, like, why not try it before you knock it?

I just, you know, we've all horrible night marbles. They're constantly on Twitter saying like, fag cock, we're gonna be like, these are the best people I know. The people calling people cocked horrible nightmare. They're constantly on Twitter saying like fag Cuck. Well, the right is like the Cuck us people I know. The people calling people Cuck's are definitely hoping to be or are already being cucked and loving are loving it. Yeah. I like the way that we've created a set of tools that make it impossible for women and minorities to

participate in civic society without being relentlessly harassed. I think we did a good job. Let me just say this. Maybe 2017 would be a good year to figure out some of that shit out. Can I just say, look, here's the problem, okay? First off, well, I'm being righteous, guys. I'm gonna get right down. I'm gonna get right to it. I'm on everybody's side.

I'm not, I'm not. I don't know, I'm not trying to be on, I'm just trying to live. I'm trying to survive. I'm like fairness, that's kind of it for me. I like things that are fair, but then I also like things that are kind of tough and force people to level up But I also but I think also yeah, okay, that's an interesting topic. I mean we could go down a rabbit hole on

toughening up but like let's before we do that I just want to say I Think the problem ultimately and you've written about this about being nice Sure, we've probably talked about this before. Sure. But I do think fundamentally, I was just talking about this one of our writers here, and, you know, look, we're really fucking rude to each other. And I'm not saying, like, I'm not saying that, like, I'm saying that, like... Oh, we're very dismissive.

The core of a kind of every problem is that we have this incredible communication opportunity. Right. And we still haven't gotten any manners. Well, it's tricky. We still don't use manners when we use the communication tools. Like in person, it's much harder. Well, we started too, and then people start calling it PC culture. Suddenly, like, having manners was...

I'm not even talking about that far up the ladder of manners. I'm saying, to the extent that you won't be like, you're a fucking idiot to somebody without using any like non-PC language. So everything's gross. It's just like you can't be not, like you just have to be like into normal argument with somebody who I disagree with.

It's unlikely, I mean, we'll get to a point where we're like, okay, we're not gonna escalate it to a spastic certain level because it will become like uncomfortable for everyone in that conversation. Yeah, you're like, most people won't escalate. They will be like, okay, we're going to have to agree to disagree, which is a thing that's fine to do. Right. Like, you can do that. You can be like, you think you're thinking, I think my thing, and let's just agree that we're not going to change each other's minds. Oh, there's a real sense too of this conversation probably should end. I don't think we're going

to get any further with this. But in on the internet, one, it's like no repercut, no physical repercussions. Like you're not, you can be the expense or the fuck you want. I was gonna punch you in the nose, right? Like you can just talk and talk and talk. Two. No, that your folks will come out and be like, yeah.

Yeah, right. Two, two, two, you have, like as per the internet. That's the noise they make. Yeah, of course During fights and master sound of a Action Really really cool guy, but that they like to say John Zina. Oh, I guess You know, but then there's like this whole it's like okay, so he's great

Very good kind of amazing comedic actor. I'm gonna say he's great. Oh very kind of amazing comedic actor. I'm gonna say he's great on FNL. So you've never heard the John Cena prank call. I guess I have it now. Oh, I have not. Oh, yes, I've heard. Is that for like, is that an alt-right thing? No, it's a general internet thing

and it's not alt-righted all but it is. Is it anything like, what was the world of Warcraft, the guy who would show up with the- Lee Roy Jenkins. Lee Roy Jenkins. It's at that level. Wow. Remember that meme from 2016, Lee Roy Jenkins? Remember Jamie Lee Curtis, the Super Into World of Warcraft?

Did you keep saying that place? Oh, really? I did not. Really, Jamie Lee Curtis. That's cool. That's cool. That's the fun. Yeah.

She's still hoping this world. She's willing to trade places with an orc. Are you? Is she in the movie? In trading places? in this world. She's willing to trade places with an orc. Are you? Is she in the movie in trading places? No, she's not. But no, but, but okay, anyhow, remember world of work craft? That was a movie. It was called work craft made by David Billy. She was and she cosplayed as an orc at the premiere of World of Workcraft. She was in she's in the fucking movie. Shut the fuck up.

Oh my God. Oh my God. She's a very old man. She's not fucking around. That's real. That's good. So it's like, okay, so yeah, basically. I'm always in World of Warcraft.

You will always ask, Glee, there's no barrier on the internet to say whatever you want to, whoever you want. And I just want to be nice and polite to people and have a little formality in my life. Just to get through the day. This is the thing. Get through the day. This is the thing.

Also, you're subjected to every, every fucking person's opinion. Well, it's not just that. Like, you're not really subjected. You can tune out, but they get off. But you can leave the, you can get off Twitter. Yeah, they get in your head and then you actually don't act in a mature sensible way. One of the things I've been noting and thinking about lately is that when people are on Twitter, a lot of times they're just yelling into the void because they're frustrated.

Yeah. And it's very easy to read that and be like, they hate me. Well, also it's impossible. Texas a terrible fucking medium for communication. It's the worst. Can I just say this? For real time communication, text fucking blows. It's a very bad question.

Especially when you only have 140 characters. Well, it's like, yeah. Yeah. And it's like, and it's like, you don't know who I am. You don't know my background. You don't know what I know. You don't know what I think. you don't know how I feel. And also, I cannot intone in my words any way,

any sense to you that I'm either joking or I'm being thoughtful, or I'm like poking, or whatever, like you have no fucking idea. Look, I'll tell you what this makes clear is that podcasting is the medium of the future. It's all about podcasts. Yes. Nonstop, re-spoot the live audience.

To the world. To the world. To the world. To the world. To the world. To the world. To the world. To the world. To the world. To the world. To the world. To the world. To the world.

To the world. To the world. To the world. To the world. To the world. To the world. To the world. To the world.

To the world. To the world. To the world. To the world. To the world. To the world. To the world. To the world. To the world. To the world. To the world. in like radical terrorism, like thinking. God, all people want to do is hear us talk about fun. Listen, hold on, we're gonna talk about that in a second.

So we have to talk about the year the Dipper's hat, which is it? I'm gonna get to that, I'm gonna get to that. Talk about ISIS, and we'll talk about it. We have a lot of ground to cover high and low, good and bad. Okay. I just want to say, it's a good shirt, by the way.

This? It's just sort of casual and good, it's good shirt. I just bought like eight of these, this is all I wear, I, it's a good shirt by the way. This? It's just sort of casual and good, it's good shirt. I just bought like eight of these. This is all I wear. I don't wear this one shirt. If I had that shirt, this is my whole thing.

If I had that shirt and fit me like that, I'd just buy you. Gap, gap. Right, they make a great Oxford. Yeah, they don't really have, gap big and tall. Well, I don't know. That's how I keep going.

They do have tall. I don't have a big, but. Yeah, they know, I'd look like a sausage casing. Go ahead. Ah, ISIS, ISIS, yeah. So like, you know, the point of cropping. No, just like terrorism generally, right? It's like, it's like, look,

there are real reasons for terrorists to be fucking pissed. Boy, are there. Like for real. Like, let's just like, we just level set and say the like, ISIS is horrible. It's really bad. But they, some of their arguments,

somewhere foundationally, there are arguments that are like, okay, you're right to be pissed off about that. Sure. Some bad shit was done to you and your family and the people that you watched. Oh, no, and the way they want to reintroduce slavery, I mean, I think that that's a very logical position. I don't know about that, but not defending

ISIS for ISIS. There is a sociopolitical context in which the rise of ISIS should not surprise us. Right, but then again, hindsight's 20-twice. But also a lot of terrorism has foundation and like horrendous things done to the person who's become the terrorist. Like they are radicalized by,

not just by like belief systems, but also by like actual actions that other people take. I mean, look, I'm not defending them, but I'm just saying that that's true. Everything is complicated and messed up and connected. I see, we gotta take out ISIS, but here's the thing. Oh, okay. We gotta hit ISIS hard.

Got it, I'm hard. We gotta, what are we gonna get away with? We gotta, but here's, I'll tell you what we're gonna get him with. Ice. Love. No, here's the thing. The reality is, I want to take out ISIS with ice.

They'd be like, stop. They would be just like throwing ice at them. They would be so surprised. Like, what an attack. What is this? What an amazing tactic. If we just shot ice at ISIS. That's right.

Are they fucking with us? This is a joke. Okay, anyhow. It's a comedy, obviously. But the reality is the same thing with Twitter and all of the stuff that's happened on the internet that seems horrible. The only thing that matters, the only thing you can do, the only thing that we can change is the way

that we fucking behave and the way we think. And there is no limit to us fixing problems in terms of communication if everybody's willing to be like, oh, I'll be better mannered. Or I will not be an asshole to people. Or like, I'm going to accept that like my argument and their argument will not always meet where I want it to meet. No, we've made these enormous and almost perfect communication protocols and then humans

had terrible friction. Right. But it's like, here's the thing, and my point about ISIS and about terrorism is like, we're never going to beat terrorism in a fucking ground war. We're never gonna be terrorism by like dropping bombs on people. Like we just aren't. Because every time you fucking kill one person, there's another person standing next to them

who doesn't die and is like, wait, fuck these people. So like, the reality is like anything, the power to fucking change it is like, it's like the power if you can change someone's mind, right? You can change the way someone acts, the way they think. And so I'm just saying, not that I should be hopeful about anything, but I do think like we essentially have all of like

the raw materials to be way better to each other and to for people to be way better. And I get like, I can be like, oh peace and love, like here's a pamphlet on like democracy and like you're gonna be better. Like that shit's not gonna happen. They're still gonna blow people up. So we have to deal with like, the blowing people up.

Probably, you know what I mean? We can, we're not gonna be like, here's a flower. We hope you don't do anything to us. Like, clearly there are people who are like, gonna have to get blown up by some government. Maybe we should just listen to these ISIS guys and find out what they want. No, no, no, no, no.

We should maybe listen a little bit, but I don't think they want anything at this point. They actually don't have a lot to say about us. Yeah, I think that what they want right now is pretty fucking dare. A lot of what they want to say is communicated by throwing a human head at us. Yeah, no, they suck. And we got to take them out. But.

I'm glad that we're coming down strong on ISIS on this podcast. Here's what I'm strong strongly against. You guys really just stand behind something against ISIS. Okay, good. Good. I'm against neo-naughtsies. Also really strong opinion. I'm. I'm against neo-naughts is also really strong opinion. I'm really hard line against neo-naughts is the alt-right is just another way of saying neo-naughts. It's just got to go. That's just the media. I feel about that. Media sucking explains the alt-right.

And I'm against, I'm against raising any of the tolls on bridges and tunnels getting into New York. I think it's too soon. So look, Josh, those things are bad, but you know, it's been a very depressing recap. So far, you know what's good? Dippers. Delicious dipping sauce. Well, I'll say this. I mean, the new, let's just talk about 2016.

First of all, we need to fill in listeners because they may not know that Josh and I together are the chief stakeholders in an unusual chain casual dining restaurant called Dipper's. With a Z. With a Z. Where you dip things. There's a plethora of dips that are offered to you with every dish, you get a kind of like multi-tiered lazy Susan, which you can use to just slingshot dips back and forth to your dining partners. And there's all sorts of dipping combinations, like mushroom cilantro, barbecue, lime, and of course, my favorite Chipotle ranch.

Yeah, look, it was a complicated year. First of all, the Lafay Taffy fondue promotion failed utterly. That was not a good, it turns out Lafaytaffee has dramatically dipped and put no pun intended, dipped in popularity. Yeah. It's not only that, it's flammable. Yeah. So when when liquefied.

Over $700 million in insurance payouts later, we had to sit down and think about what was next for Dippers. And I think and I want to say that I think ultimately the closing of the Atlantic City Dippers, you know, as part of finding the funds for that settlement. A topless Dipper restaurant was on another mistake that we made. I think the Atlantic City Dippers was not long for this world anyhow, and it was the right thing to do. Well, okay, so yes.

But it was painful ripping that that bandaid off. While doing the month bottomless was really an incredible idea. Yeah. That does inappropriate for dipping for a family dipping. Is that what a bottomless staff in a dipping restaurant? It turns out that's obvious in retrospect. Yeah. But look, we were a little bit worried at that moment. We're just trying to move forward. Yeah, but on the flip side, on the flip side, the reverse grilled cheese did incredible business this year. And if you're not, no, the reverse grilled cheese is it's cheese with bread in the middle, which is for us, it was an incredible innovation, I think.

Oh my God, and when you pass that through the fondue hose, it is just fantastic. Yeah, and I think that the fondue hose, the fondue funnel, which is something we brought in at the last quarter, which I think, it was like once the hose was working, you have to ask yourself, how do you take it, how do you take it to the next level, and then you get the funnel, the funnel, which is of course, you know, a four to six member experience, yeah, unbelievable. I also have to say that the one thing we did that I thought was incredibly good,

I'm looking forward to it coming down from the Toronto franchise, is the dipping butter scotch pudding in nerds candies and getting those two colors. I mean, the Canadian, I have to say, what we've done in Canada this year in terms of dipping innovation is off the charts. And that one to me was- What do you remember the meeting where Chris just came out

and said, guys, fuck pretzels, that was amazing. Yeah, yeah. You know, we had, we had so many plans and then the stuff pretzels, we had a split pretzel. We had like snipers of hand over all of our ass. We were doing night night. No, and we had this whole, I can't just say this, like you guys might have loved it

on the, you know, we were gonna create this long pretzel, the long pretzel. Yeah, that was a great time. It was the infinite depth. You essentially could take it all the way around the table. We had a lot of time. We had everybody with a room on that. We spent $86 million on the long pretzels campaign.

I'm still glad that we didn't do it. It's incredible, but some of those, but some of that stuff was, you know, like grab the pretzel. I thought it was a really good campaign. It was excellent. It was excellent. Like hold on to the pretzel. It was a good one, which I thought was really unexpected.

You know, it was good with the let split campaign, where you had the two people holding the pretzel and then they cracked it and you said, I love split. And when they got tippers to go, To me that was our double meant. I feel like we could have gone well with that, but, but that said, you're right. The fuck the pretzel from Chris was the right thing to say and the right move to make. I also have to say a paper bag completely filled with barbecue sauce

is a bad to go offering. Oh, we didn't, I don't know, I don't know who came up with that. Well, the thing wasn't, when you left here in the five, that Google Doc looked real good, that looked like a way forward. When you were gonna be sending people home

when you knew you're sending them home with any barbecue, anything. Yeah. It kind of was like, oh, that's funky,, do it in a bag. It's almost like a kind of Williamsburg hipster-y, like, farm to table, you know, brown bag in it. It was cool.

It was okay, but it just didn't work out. Nord was the Rudy Giuliani spokesperson. Yeah, that was a bad idea. I think, well, I think if you'd have gotten Secretary of State, it would have been a different story. It would have been, but like, let's dip freedom in, yeah. But also, what was weird about that campaign was why we were doing, so I don't know if you guys remember,

if I'm sure anybody's been to a Dipperist as your prior members of the throwing star campaign. Right, but it was like, it was like, so it was the breaded throwing stars and the actual, really, really, ruby, honey mustard, and why is, and why is, it's like why is Rudy Giuliani,

who's this all American, like promoting throwing stars? It clears my sinuses. And that was a terrible campaign. I did like the throwing star concept It clears my sinuses. That was a terrible thing. I did like the throwing star concept though. I did me too. Yeah, the dip well the dip board. We had this cool.

I don't know if everybody saw it. I've learned every location. It was in Toronto. I think we did one in Yonkers. I think Vegas. And I want to say Miami locations. We were kind of beta testing this. You do the throwing star and then it would knock the dips.

Yeah. It was knock the dips was the campaign. Yeah, 13.5% of American households have dipped in the last year. Yeah, it's incredible. Actually, it's been incredible year. We had a lot of really killer promotions. But I will say that ultimately what was most important it wasn't just about the profit and despite that he's got a

social change. It was about how we changed the way people think and talk about dipping in this country. It was a long year and people were focused on all kinds of things. And we did the sort of who would Hillary dip, who would Trump dip and that was good. That was okay. Yeah, well the red dip and blue dip, the blue dip was disgusting though, it really did not taste good. Oh God. I mean really, I don't know what was the flavor? I mean you could have just done blue cheese It was it was Elk jerky into blueberry sauce. Yeah, that was a complete failure Well, I think we thought that it would be kind of savory a sweet a sweet savory situation Kyle was a poor head chef

Look, we've made changes this year I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure.

I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure.

I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. Okay, one of the things I want to say is if you go to Dipper's, if you go to Dipper's before the year is out, you got to try the boat. Right. The float boat. Yeah, the float boat. You got to try the boat.

I mean, mixing all of it. Don't forget the boo shoe and Halloween. Oh, yeah. Boo shoes. Okay. It was like, there's others, the zombie shoe. There was this stripper shoe. Okay, but wait, the boat, you're right.

Yeah, anyhow, get the boat. I think you will not regret that mixture. It's, it's $495, too. Yeah. Oh, I got it. $49 mixture. It's 4.95, too. Yeah, oh my god. $495. That's right. What? $495, rather.

What's in the boat this year? Well, so it's every ice cube, right? Every flavor ice cube. Which is actually what we're known for. And then 50 of the 100 core dips mixed together. Yeah. Yeah. It's good stuff.

Yeah. And so it looked good here for Dipper's bad here for America. By the way, we can agree. A great year for casual dining and dipping. Oh, one of the things we're saying though that we, and I don't want to talk about it too, I don't want to talk about too much, but I think that we've got a deal to move some of the Dipper's product into the rations for the army. Ooh, MRE in 2017. And I think it's gonna change the battlefield for a lot of those soldiers out there. I think when they crack open the ration

and there's a micro set of dippers, that's a huge fucking deal. It's true. Well, I was gonna say a lot of those dips were developed by military technology. Oh, there's obviously, there's, I mean, I think we should just say this, there are, and one thing we learned this year, there are dips that are appropriate for the battlefield and there are dips that are not.

Well, and this is also just a good way for us to own that a typical on-trade restaurant has 1,395 calories. I'm sorry. That's right. 13,000. No, there's 50 calories. I always get the zero in the wrong place. Is it 10x? Is that how much you got? Yeah, which is why it's actually amazing for the military. Well, if we can have one-dippers, MRE, and that's actually enough for two and a half weeks of food. What I thought was ironic was like removing gluten from most of our products actually shot the calorie count way up. I don't even understand how that worked. Yeah, that was surprising to me. But also the addition of cilantro, I mean, we added cilantro to 95 out of 115 dishes. Yeah, I mean, that's the thing. Taking out the gluten and then putting beef tallow in

was probably a bad idea. Well, tallow's very, it's in terms of like profit margin on that. Oh, it is great, though. God, that Chicago hose that just comes right into the factory. It should not. Yeah, it should not. Oh my God. If you render beef tallow, you can save so much money

in a global casual dining restaurant. Anyhow, we should, we've gone on too long about Dipper's. The point is, get into a Dipper's before the year is out. Get into a Dipper's, if you want, we're having amazing New Year's Eve celebrations. Josh and I do like to occasionally show up to local franchises. I will say this, the New Year's Eve.

I will sign your bare chest. I will say this, like $69 per person New Year's Eve. You will have the night of your life, I guarantee you every need will be satisfied. We have Dipper's brand champagne, which is incredible. It's four different types of grape. And you just with a little bit of cilantro. And you dip the entire bottle into a hamburger. Yeah, incredible.

No one's ever seen that before. It's never been done. I know what else to say about this. I think we've definitely said all the time. I'm really glad we were able to return to our casual dining room. It's important to know that the foundationally America may be fucked, Dipper's is going strong.

And we're gonna be here for you no matter what. Just come on in and smile at the big Dipper. Also to our comrades in Russia smile at the big dipper. Also to our comrades in Russia. Dippers are you coming this year, 2017? It's all going to happen. So that's it for dippers, we love you all. Yes, we indeed.

And have a wonderful holiday. Check out our slam fries. If you want something delicious in your mouth square space and it's always great brought to you by square space and because the end of the show is the end of the show uh... it's a great show poll any for any party words for us here

you know what i think we can take individual action to make a good two thousand seventeen and let's increase human equality for everyone i agree also no that's actually not. That's not irony. You don't want to do it also. It's just hashtag never-trump. Oh, check out my podcast, Track Changes.

Oh, yeah, Paul's got a podcast, Track Changes, where he talks about internet technology. The web. It's brought to you by my corporate company. Yes, his other corporate company, a non-dipper-is- related entity. I love you all. No, it's post-light. Just serves for track changes is my name and you're going to be really happy. It's good stuff. All right. Well, Paul, thank you so much for joining me. I mean, even though we've

had several board meetings this month, people wouldn't know that we have rehearsed this one about 24 times. That's right. They wouldn't realize this was all off the cuffing. Just to get that off the cuffing. It was all immaculately planned. Well that was our show for this week. We will not be back next week because we're going to take a little bit longer of a break and then I'm going to be back from this hiatus with new episodes of tomorrow in the very near future. Until then, you should check out our new show, Sound Show, which is an outline production.

You can also catch up on the Out West. And soon you'll be hearing more of my dulcet tones interviewing all sorts of curious characters, when we reboot tomorrow in the coming weeks. And until then, I wish you and your family the very best. Though I've just been informed by legal that your family has ordered the boat, but they've forgotten the straws.