Toni and Ryan - 0408 Royalty

Episode Date: May 9, 2024

Retro problems, and pyjama problems! Love u so much xo [USED TO BE VIDEO EPISODE BUT NOT ANYMORE LOL TECHNICAL CHAT]Check out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toniandryanpodcast Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the Tony and Ryan podcast. My name is Ryan. This is Dr. Author Tony Miles. And we are calling... What the fuck was that? We're calling Olivia. Not to be confused with my friend... Olivia. The same name. Two people with the same name. Olivia. People go, oh, do you, are you just travelling? She goes, Olivia? Hello?

Sorry, Olivia. Tony just told one of the greatest slash shittest Olivia jokes of all time. Everyone else will get to hear it twice, but please, Tony. Olivia, I said, oh, I bet you when people meet you, they go, oh, are you just travelling? And you go, nah, Olivia, I said, oh, I bet you when people meet you, they go, oh, are you just travelling? And you go, nah, Olivia. You don't have to laugh, Olivia. Have you heard that one before, Liv, or is that fresh?

I actually haven't. That's the first time I've heard that one. It's actually pretty good. Joke virginity. You're welcome, Olivia. You're welcome. I was gentle. I thought you were going to do something about, you know,

Olivia the P*** or something like that. Oh, no, no, no. I don't f*** around with shit gear. No, no, no, no. It's 100% gold, yeah. And I guarantee that. Yeah. What if we caught you in the middle of, Olivia?

Obviously, we've made your day better, but what were you doing? Oh, not much. Just woke up, really. I'm on uni holiday, so I've got a free day. What are you doing? Oh, not much. Just woke up, really. I'm on uni holiday, so I've got a free day. What are you studying? Music, classical performance on saxophone. Okay. Nice.

This is my area. When you hear classical performance, you should have seen Tony's eyes light up. That's nice. Just a couple of audio queens doing some classical numbers. Exactly right. All good, all good. Exactly right. And because saxophone is the same fingering as the flute, so I could technically probably give your fingering a go, Olivia.

Similar, yes. Yes, you could, definitely. I'm glad you guys know what you're talking about because everyone else is just imagining some horrible, horrible things. Music is horny. Saying music stuff out of context can be very wild. Yes. It could be.

Lucky I'm sitting behind this table. This is how I feel when you talk about MBA managerial economics. Anyway. Even you saying that has just annoyed me. Yeah. Olivia, will you approve today's podcast? Of course I will. Legend.

Legend. Hey, it's Olivia from Adelaide and I approve this podcast. Yeah. Hey, it's Olivia from Adelaide and I approve this podcast. All right, coming up today. My pyjamas have been part of a neighbourhood drama. Yours pyjamas have surprisingly got a few mentions over the last few weeks. Yeah, and I can't believe that this happened. And we'll get to it very soon.

Today also is a video show. Yeah. So if you're listening in Spotify, you could be watching in Spotify. If you like. You can cast it to your smart TV, all that stuff. Are you in the neighborhood group chat yet? No. Okay.

You should hear what they're saying about the pajamas. Well, this is the thing. I'm like, this is the secret friends group chat that like I'm not part of yet. Actually, I'll save my judgment because maybe you don't want to be in it. Maybe I don't want to hear this. Before we get into Retro Problems though, quick voice check. How are you feeling? I'm feeling good.

I'm going to be heading out to lots of nightclubs this weekend, so I assume I'll be better. So you'll sound great on Monday. No, I think I'll lay low over the weekend and then we'll be back. Like you need an excuse to lay low. Oh, I'm not feeling too well. I guess I'll have to stay in this weekend. When did COVID start? 2020.

I've been laying low since 2020. Yeah. I never saw Ryan pre-COVID. Yeah. Tony doesn't know the leaving the house version of Ryan. I actually don't. Yeah. He was a good time. Yeah. Now you're a serial counsellor. I'm a serial counsellor. Yeah.

I used to sound like this for good reasons. Yeah. And now it's just oh yeah i think that my baby's a bit sick yeah yeah uh let's do retro problems problems that you used to have but you don't have no more yeah fuck let's start with sala hi sala this might be my favorite thing i fuck it well sala is one of my favorite things, but like retro problems is fucking, it's good, isn't it? Sala. When someone rang the home phone during dinner, my stepdad would say, let the answering machine get it.

And we'd all sit there awkwardly eating our spaghetti bolognese in silence, listening to the person record their message in real time. Did you ever play it out loud? We never had an answering machine. Yeah, we never had one. What happened if someone called? Well, that would just... Oh, that's returning energy from you.

No, we never had one. Never had an answering machine. But what if someone called? Call back later when someone's home. How would they know? You leave it on the message. Run the gauntlet, I guess. That's surprising. Yeah, no, we never had one. Of all the gadgety type stuff that the Lodge household had.

Oh, I'll stop you right there. I'm gadgety now because Torbz is gadgety. We weren't super gadgety. But yeah, no, we never had a message bank thing. Did everyone else? Do you know the concept of the answering machine? Yeah, yeah, so I get it. Because I know there is a slight age difference between us. No, so I get it because also I've seen it on TV and stuff like that.

Like, hi, just calling to see if Tony's home. Like, don't worry, I'll call back later or whatever. And they're always awkward because you're like that because you're like, we're preparing for it. No, see, when I call people now, I hope for the message back because I'm actually quite good at leaving a message. Are you? Yeah.

Do you want to leave a message for me now? Yep. Oh, my dad called me the other day and he goes, you need to change your voicemail message. You haven't updated it in 11 years. Yeah, and it's like you're obviously like in the back of the car or something. Yeah. Because you can hear the brrrr underneath you and you're like,

hi, it's Ryan. I say I can't answer the phone right now because I'm driving and you shouldn't answer your phone and drive. But you recorded that while you were driving? Yes. Fucking hell. That is very dangerous. Driving from Melbourne to Musselbrook in the start

of my illustrious radio career. My message bank that you hear when you call me is fucking like it's linkedin shit what do you mean no because you've called tony please call back in office hours and leave a message in three dot points yeah you've called tony lodge i can't get to the phone right now like it's very i obviously did it while i was like doing voiceovers yeah Yeah. And it shows. No, you can really tell. Yeah.

Leave a message on my machine. I wouldn't do it for you though. I would just text you. Yeah. Because you live in 2024, not 2000 and 1993. Yeah. But if I was calling like a business and hoping that someone was going to get back to me, I'd be like, hi there. My name's Tony Lodge.

I'm just calling in regards to blah. If you give me a call back on 0408 blah, blah, blah, that would be great. Thank you so much. Can you guys just all take a moment? Tony is so arrogant that she's got an 0408 number. Like we never hear the fucking end of it. And obviously Tony's not going to read out her full number on the show. But I will let you know that I have an original OG Australia Telstra 0408.

And you can hear the guys laughing in the background because they also know that Tony never shuts the fuck up about the fact she has an 0408. And every time someone, like we were at the bank the other day, and the guy goes, oh, Ryan, what's your number? And I read it out and Tony goes, oh, such a shit number. What's an 0424? So embarrassing. No wonder your mum left you.

He's not even an 0-4-0-8. Leave him away. It's two days before Mother's Day. It's Mother's Day in Australia. Don't I fucking know about it? Yeah, you probably do. Good gear though. probably do. Good gear though. Same space. Good gear. You get to decide if it's the same

space. So let me get this straight. I had an 0408 back in the day before I moved overseas and then I lost my number because I got my phone in. So now you think an 0408 is important because you go, oh no, I remember what I had. But I'm so now you think an 0408 is important because you go, oh, no, I remember what I had.

But I'm just. Oh, who wants an 0408 now? I'm just trying to get the timeline right because this is how you think it's playing out. This lady named Julie gives birth to me in 1987. Hi, Jules. And she goes, does anyone get a whiff that this dumb is probably going to get rid of his 0408 in about 21 years time?

This guy looks like the kind of guy that's going to get rid of his 0408 and instead get an 0424. He stinks a loser, this kid. I just don't get a good vibe. She kept your twin brother. He smelled like an 0408. Yeah, and he's still rocking his old number. He knows what's what. But this other guy, no, fuck him right off.

Straight to the curb. Cause of adoption. Poor future mobile number choices. Loser. Because this guy fucking sucks. Can people in Australia let us know that having an O for it? It's royalty. Look at you nodding.

Everyone watch the video show today and look at this smug piece of shit over here. This is almost more. It's just. It is elite. There's not that many people that have them now. Well, obviously there's like 999999. How's not that many people that have them now. Obviously, there's like 999999 How many is that?

999999 Literally one less than 1 million people. Oh, yeah. Actually, that would be a million. So that's not that many. A million people. Tony Lodge. In all of Australia. Yeah. What's the odds of of that i don't actually know how

many people live in australia like five million people there's five million people in melbourne is it yeah oh yeah there's like 26 million in australia oh so that's one in 26 million no one in 26 yeah Pretty good for me. I don't think I've ever seen you be more smug about anything other than being to Japan. I'm not smug about being to Japan. I just like to share that I'm a cool girl. And that's okay. Phillip has a retro problem.

Hi, Phillip. My mum would pick up the phone, which would disconnect the internet, which means I'd have to start my three-hour download again. Yeah, fuck. Yeah. I was trying to download Heather. And if those of you grew up in the 90s, you know who that is. What's Heather?

Especially young straight boys. Oh, was it a sexy movie? No, she was a sexy person. Oh. Yeah, that was really fucking annoying. Or like if someone else, because I had siblings as well, you'd like pick up the phone to use it and it would be like, because they'd be on the phone and it would just be so upsetting.

We actually had a second line, like a second phone line, because my mum and dad owned a business. So we had a fax machine in our house. You didn't have an answering machine, but you had a fax machine. I know. Isn't that crazy? a fax machine. I know. Isn't that crazy? Priorities. Yeah, I know.

And then so we had like a phone line and then we had like a fax phone line and we would use that for the internet eventually. New things, you know, the segment, what shouldn't be embarrassing, but is when you accidentally call the fax machine and all hell breaks loose. Oh, and it would. Oh yeah, that was cruel. It makes some great noises and it's like you, yeah, that was cruel. And make some great noises. And it's like you'd called the industrial age.

Yes, yeah. And we weren't allowed a cordless phone. Weren't allowed? Like my parents just decided that this was, we weren't allowed a cordless phone. Too new and modern, too crazy. And so my sister Libby, she paid to get a phone line put in her room because this was like pre-mobiles and when it was too expensive

to use your mobile for anything. What about those comically long cords? Oh, and you go around the corner with it. I don't need it. We're not like cordless. Well, I'll beat you at your own game. I'll get this massive spiral phone line. Three-mile long cord.

You're at the Rolling Stone shop on the home phone. Does anyone need anything? I'm down at the shops. shop on the home phone. Does anyone need anything? I'm down at the shops. I've got my phone with me. I'm getting the bachelor's handbag so I get some wraps or some rolls. Yeah. Do we have any coleslaw on the go at the moment?

And she paid to get a line put into her room so that she could, like, call her friends. Yeah. Fuck, that's commitment. Yeah, it was. That's the most old school retro solution. Retro solutions next week. And do you want to hear another retro thing? It meant that like in the phone book, it was like there was two phones,

phone numbers. The fax didn't get its own line. The fax didn't get its own line, but it was like our phone number and then like my sister's phone number for her phone. So it was like Lodge in brackets, whole family, and then Lodge in brackets, the cool sister. Yeah, Tony's cool older sister. Yeah, call her for a good time.

Oh, that's a different page in the book. That's a different page in the book. That's on the back of the toilet, I think. Susie. Hi, Susie. Retro problems. The shopkeeper has things to get off the phone so you can pay by FPOS because he used the same phone line.

I don't remember that. Yeah, because the FPOS was in the phone line. I don't remember that. Yeah, because the FPOS was in the phone line and there's only one plug. So they're like, oh, hang on, sweetheart. Oh, I don't remember. And it wouldn't have been a, it would have been a. Oh, yeah, the fucking. Would have been a. How badass though did you feel when you swiped your card through the thing?

Just felt real cool. Like now you just tap it and it's like a bit boring. Yeah. But back in the day, like swiping your thing through. Were you pre-swiped with the. You used to do that if the power was out or the internet was down. And so when I was a checkout chick, if like, yeah, the power was down or whatever, you had to do like run the credit card

like that. That is old school. Or sometimes if people's cards didn't work, like the magnetic strip had gone a bit funny, you had to put it inside a plastic bag and swipe it inside the plastic bag. Did you guys ever have that? That's a great hack. Yeah.

So we used to do that as well. Fuck. Finally, and I didn't realize at the time that we were doing a phone line edition of Retro Problems, but I'm all for it. So, hey, kids, listen to Uncle Ryan. Don't. You can't say that with that voice. Why not? You sound like you've had 900 cigarettes and you're about to buy kids alcohol.

Yeah, I'll get you guys a can of beer. Don't you worry about it. Hey, pay a little spotter's fee. I'll take care of you. Um, so these days you order your pizza on an app. And Ryan knows because he got Domino's yesterday. With a Holland date as well. However, back in the day, you would have to call the pizza place.

But here's the thing. The pizza place only has one phone line and every motherfucker in the suburb wants pizza on Friday night. On Friday night. So the phone line is. Jammed. Booked right. So you're like, it was actually difficult.

To order. To order pizza on a Friday night. That's why you'd have to go down there, you'd place your order, and then wait for 30 minutes. That'd be 30 minutes. 30 fucking minutes. Same with the fish and chip shop. Ours used to not do phone orders.

So you had to go down there and like wait for your dim sims like in real time. So I used to, when I was like a young hooligan, I'd go to Kelsey MC's house on a Friday night. Yeah, of course. And we'd go to the- Weren't you at Dave Parsons for fish and chips? That would be that. It's also a Friday.

Yeah. And I'd rotate. Very, very home on a Friday night. Yeah. So he lived in Grand Boulevard in Montmorency South. And there was a pizza place up there. So we'd go up there and get a Capriccioso and, you know, split on a Friday and watch footy or whatever.

Nice. However, they were selling like LA ice cola because they couldn't have, heaven forbid, you would get the full Coca-Cola. But they would say like $1.80 at the pizza place. But at the milk bar literally next door, it was like $1.70. So you'd go and go, yeah, mate, we'll get a large capricciosa. And they go, would you like a drink? And you go, no, thank you.

And then you'd like, and they go, that'll be 30 minute wait. You go, no problems. You walk next door, you save the 10 cents, and then you walk back in to the pizza store and wait for the pizza, drinking an LAS cola you bought from next door and being like fucking. That's a hack of the life. Suck on that. What are you doing with my $1.80?

Nothing because it's in the milk bath. And 10 cents back then, that could buy you a house. That's two sun fruits. You know what I mean? Like 10 cents was a big deal back then. It probably was a house deposit in Montmorency South. Finally. Oh, this is fucked.

Finally. More like because we're doing phone chat. Um, finally, Ashley Boyce. I'm assuming she's a hot ash. Of course. Accidentally. Okay. So when mobile phones came out and then they, they started to have the internet, it was wild.

Um, accidentally hitting the internet icon on your phone and then panicking about the fees. And you'd be trying to get out of it like this, like smashing the button. So my sister, Alicia, got a phone and shit. And I was like, and so I was like 13 and my stepsister, he's 18. And I was like, oh my God, this is crazy. That's a big deal. And then, so on her mobile, there was like the Vodafone button.

Yeah. And I'd see that and go, oh, yeah, my mobile connects to the internet. And I go, fuck, mate, you are living in the year 3000, which is a funny thing to say in the year 1993. Yeah, that's the year I was born. Fuck. Yeah. So then you hit the button and it starts doing stuff

and you just snap the phone shut. Yes, you did. You had to fucking very quickly. Yes. Do you remember sending a text by accident and then popping the battery out and it wouldn't send? No. Can you do that? Not anymore.

The batteries don't come out. I'll try taking the battery out of that thing. You've just got to throw this into the Yarra. That still doesn't work. I'll send it. Thanks for sending through your retro phone problems. They're amazing. Hey, it's Olivia from Adelaide and you're listening to Tony and Ryan.

Yeah. Hey, it's Olivia from Adelaide and you're listening to Tony and Ryan. A massive shout out to a few of our champion tapas over at our Patreon. Christina Rowe. Good on you, Christina. Morgan, bloody love ya. Thanks, Morgz. Jess Sharples, Kristen Schreiner, and Katie McAdam. Thank you, Katie McAdam. Thank you so much for being part of our Patreon.

There's some champion tapas, but every tier of Patreon subscriber is rolling across the bottom of the screen at the moment. So if you've seen your name, make sure you take a little screenshot and pop it on today's episode thread, which is? Which is in the Facebook group. Some people have rejoined Facebook. Just to be in the group. Tony and Ryan podcast, Facebook group.

Jump on in there. All the episode threads are in there. So when we say episode threads, they're in the Facebook group, and you can go and comment on all the stuff that we talked about on today's episode. And thank you in advance for people shouting out the Monty South Grand Boulevard shops. Oh, so that's where you got the pizza with Kelsey MC?

The Capricosa, yeah. Oof. Nice one. Thank you. I wonder how much they're charging for an LA ice cola down at the milk bar at Montmorency South Boulevard straight shops now. You'll be surprised. I fucking can't believe I remembered that mouthful.

Surely that's worth talking about. This is one of the more random evolutions you'll hear. I'm pretty sure the pizza place. There's also a video store there. Oh, of course. It's the golden triangle. Pizza place, fish and chips, milk bar, pizza. I'm pretty sure.

You said pizza twice, I think. Pizza, fish and chips. Video shop. Video shop, milk bar. That'm pretty sure you said pizza twice I think pizza fish and chips video shop video shop milk bar that's a golden square not triangle sorry

I'm pretty sure that whole strip is now a karate class place oh how much did you not see that coming

yeah you don't see that coming at all nah is that pizza place still there is it still fucking Antonio and they go no but there's some who dick you in the mouth. Yeah, right.

Good. That's good. Sorry, I'm not a well boy. Yeah, no. Okay. We'll get through this and we'll get you home. We'll get you another capricciosa. And a karate class.

In other news, Mabel finds it hilarious when I go, culotte, chop, and then hit her in the belly and she goes, culotte, chop. Good. That's my story for today. I contribute. Thank you. So I mentioned before, my pajamas have been part of a neighborhood drama. Please. I've talked about this before. When I get home from work or from being outside of the house no matter what i'm up to i put my nightie on straight away straight away or whatever iterations of pajamas i'm i'm rocking it but it's basically 99 of the time it's a nightie do you guys use the term settle in a lot at your house um nah not since i met you i say it more because it's something

like you oh yeah we're settling in for the weekend or whatever not doing much night yeah we're just gonna settle in settling in because for me the pinnacle of settling in is like put your pajamas on yeah or your trackies or whatever yeah get a cup of tea and really settle really put the fire on yeah um but like so if we um like are working in the morning and then i'm like oh oh, I'm going to head home and have lunch and then I'll jump on the Savo, I will put my pyjamas on at lunchtime. Perfect. And then if I've got, like, a Zoom call later on, I would just,

well, I'll just pop a jumper on on the top. So I'll be business at the top. Or sometimes not. No, I generally put on a jumper. That is fair. Yeah. And then, but then if I need to get up and walk away, I have to like scurry away because I've normally got my bum out.

Yeah. So you just like go sideways like a crab. Yeah. Yeah. So that no one can see my bum as I wander off. Nothing to see here. And so regardless of what I'm doing, even if I'm going out again later, I normally put my pajamas on and then I'll get redressed again later.

And I'm all for it. Yeah, right. Because I'm a big supporter of it. I just, I like to be comfy and I like to be like in home mode. And if I'm working from home, I like need to be comfortable. Well, I think everyone needs to be comfortable. And you also need to keep in mind you live in a bread house, a baker's house, and there's like that fire and it's just like, yeah,

if you're going to do it, do it right. Just fucking settling. Do the fuck out of it. Exactly. Sett, if you're going to do it, do it right. Just fucking settle in. Do the fuck out of it. Exactly. Settle in and do the fuck out of it. And so last, oh, earlier this week, actually, I'd like worked here in the morning with you guys and then I headed home, popped my nightie on and I'm like working up in my front in

the office. Yep. I'm in my nightie, of course. And I was expecting a package and normally, because like we have the same postie that comes every day. And if my car's in the driveway, he leaves it. Okay. But if my car's not in the driveway, he takes to the post office. Like he doesn't leave stuff on my thing.

That's how it should be, right? Yeah, I think so. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because he's like, oh, she's obviously at home, all good. Yep. be right yeah i think so yeah yeah because he's like oh she's obviously at home all good yep um and my front door is kind of like a bit like it's kind of out of the way down the path yeah it's not like at the front of the house so um if someone's gotten to the doorbell i'm like oh you're obviously like here to like you're here for a reason yeah anyway someone rings the doorbell i assume it's

a delivery driver and i'm like oh he would have seen my car and he'll be gone. So by the time I get back to the front door from like my end of the house, he's kind of wandered off and I'm like safe to quickly like run out to the doorstep in my nightie and then run back inside. And normally he's down the driveway and I go, thanks, mate. And he goes, all good, mate. And then he fucks up. I think we need to take a moment.

So you've probably heard me do similar when the delivery guy, when we met on a Zoom. Yeah. And you kind of feel like the, thanks, bud. Yeah. And because then their car's normally just like idling in the front and you just give them a wave. I think we need to, as a society, take away the shame of when you're

in your own house. You can wear your jammies. Yeah, because I'll sometimes like go and put the bin out and I'll be dressed fucking shithouse. Then I go, but I'm in my own house and like I shouldn't have to give a fuck. And I'm just putting the bin out. It's going to take 30 seconds. Yeah, I'm not in the fucking Milan fashion show right now.

I'm actually just putting the compost in the fucking green bin. And I think you make a very good point, but we aren't really there yet. Yeah. And this is kind of. You're doing the dance. Yeah, and we aren't really there yet. Yeah. And this is kind of. You're doing the dance. Yeah. And you don't really know like whether you're allowed to. Yeah.

Be seen in your jammies or not. Okay. Anyway, so I'm wearing a nightie. It's like just a t-shirt dress. It's probably one of my shorter nighties though. So it's still like, it's still not sexy, but it's a shorter one. It's sexy to me that's really nice of you and coming from that voice right now you're a sick boy and that's really nice

don't make me feel better no it will not um so i'm like oh it'll just be a delivery driver but as i'm like walking towards the front door i quickly check on the ring doorbell just to make sure it's him. Yeah. And it's a woman and a little boy about like eight years old, like a gorgeous little boy. Yeah. And they're holding like a big stack of papers and I'm like, oh. It's not the papers. It's not the papers. What do you mean?

Like the Bible. Well, yeah. I'm like, because we get religious door knockers around our area because it's out in the country, you know. It's quite quiet. It's not out in the country, but there are a few churches around here. Yeah, and so we do often get people kind of coming and doing their spiel. And I get it.

They're doing their thing. I'm not going to yuck anyone's yum. It's not for me, though. It's fucking not for me. I just put all the ingredients of this story together in my mind, and I'm very. They're just, they're doing their thing. I'm not going to yak anyone's yum. It's not for me though. It's fucking not for me. I just put all the ingredients of this story together in my mind and I'm very fearful. I actually think you're very wrong. I don't think that you'll see this coming. I hope I am.

I hope I am. Anyway. For the love of God. I hope I am. So I'm like, oh, I think it's like a religion thing. Yeah. I'm in my pajamas. I'm working. So I'm also like like I don't really want to fucking stand here

for 10 minutes and like deal with the thing. Also, I know that you are working, but when you enter the door in your pyjamas, you're like, sorry, I'm in a board meeting right now. They're like, sure you are, sweetheart. They go. Yeah, on a Wednesday afternoon. Yeah, I bet. It's got curry from last night on it.

Oh, it seems like someone's had a hollandaise swirl yeah yeah yeah i've still got the dominoes box in my hand she's like yeah i bet you're working like what do you do for work i'm like you would not understand if i tried to explain it anyway so i'm in the kitchen i'm like almost at the door and there's like a window in our door so i'm like if i get to the door, like game over, I have to answer it. And similarly, if Pippa gets to the door, it's game over as well. Yep. So I stop dead in my tracks and Pippa's kind of walking ahead of me and I'm like, and I grab her and we stand still in the kitchen

and I'm watching them on the ring doorbell. Yeah. And after about three minutes, four minutes. Standing there. They walk away. So do I. I hear them and they go, oh, obviously no one's home. They've walked past my car in the driveway, but like.

You might catch a train to work. Exactly. Exactly. Anyway, and that's where they walk off. Obviously not turning on public transport, but like in theory. I call the train to the F1, mate. I get it. Anyway, so I'm like, I've fucking, I've won.

Like how good? Top that. Anyway, the next day, obviously I do the exact same fucking thing. I work here in the morning. I go home. I put my pajamas on. I'm working up in the front room. And then I get a little bit tired after working up in the front room for a bit.

So I moved to the couch. I'm like, you know what? I'm going to have a cup of tea. I have a little bit of a lay up in the front room for a bit. So I moved to the couch. I'm like, you know what? I'm going to have a cup of tea. I'll have a little bit of a lay down. About an hour goes by. So you are working hard, yeah. Yeah, well, sometimes you need a little lay down. Anyway, so I'm laying on the couch and, as you know,

you can kind of see into the. From the front door you can kind of see the lounge, the couch. If you put effort in, you could. Lean around and squeeze. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so I'm like on the couch and Pippa's like snuggled into me and the doorbell goes again. Lay down.

And I'm like, oh, I don't have any deliveries coming. So I'm like, fuck. It's the same time as well. Yeah, they're doing their rounds. It's the bloody church people again. Yeah. With the Lord's Papers. The Lord's Papers. The Testament is at my door. Yeah, they're doing their rounds. It's the bloody church people again. Yeah. And I'm like getting- With the Lord's Papers.

The Lord's Papers. The Testament is at my door. Yeah. And anyway, and I'm like, oh, it's fine. I just really don't want to get into it. I'm half asleep. I'm again in a more slutty, naughty that I own. It's not sexy.

It's just shrunk in the wash. Well, they don't use the word slutty willy-nilly because I was getting all revved up for a second there. Yeah, nice. Anyway, but no. Can't you just, like, tell them sternly no? But I can't do that. Like, I'll go, oh, hi.

You can still be polite and still say, I'm at home, like, no thanks. But I just feel really guilty. Come on in, have a cup of tea, meet Pippa. And then, you know, all of a sudden you've signed up to eight churches and you're giving a monthly donation and then who knows what's going on. Can you do subscriptions now. It's fucked. It's reoccurring.

You can't just give them $10 and fuck them off. No, no, no, no. Yeah, it'll come out every month. And they go, oh, no, I don't get a commission until it's been paid for three years. And you go, okay. Well, God, there goes my holiday this year. Anyway, so they ring the doorbell again.

I, like, stay like this. Yeah, be very still. Don't move. I'm like, oh, on very still, don't move. I'm like, oh, on the floor, on the couch. But Pippa, like the doorbell wakes her up and she runs to the door. And I hear, and I'm looking on the ring doorbell on the couch, and I'm like a foot away from them.

Yeah. But I'm looking at my ring doorbell on the couch, and it's the same little boy, sweet little boy, holding all these papers. They always get the cute kids. That's how they suck in. Yeah, it is. And like, so then you answer the door because you go, how lovely and whatever.

I'm just like hell random about opening the door. I don't know you. I'm like, I'm very private. It's very understandable. Thank you. Anyway, and then so I like ignore them. Pippa runs to the door. They go, oh, what a cute little dog.

Like how beautiful. They've got a pet. Like, and they're like saying beautiful they've got a pet like and they're like saying all this really lovely stuff about like oh like how lovely to have like an animal in the home and stuff and i was like oh my god like fuck off you're at my front door can you fuck off anyway another four minutes goes past and they go um and they go, I don't think anyone's home. Like, let's go. I'm like, yeah, fuck off. Yeah. Anyway, an hour later, I go to, I've got Pilates.

Yes. And I walk out and there's like something hanging out of the letterbox. I'm like, oh, here we fucking go. Yeah. What are they fucking spruiking? And this is what was in the letterbox. A letter. Oh, my God.

We've got a picture of a cat? And it says, oh Tony. Fuck, you are a mean bitch. I'm going to hell. Literally. Have you seen Button? She is two years old and missing. She's an indoor only cat. And she has escaped. I miss her so very much. Please call name here. If you see her, I just really

want my cat back. She's so beautiful and I love her so much. So this little boy has handmade all these posters to go around to the neighbours and ask maybe if anyone's seen them. Look at the cat. It's a gorgeous cat. I don't even like cats, but that looks like a beautiful cat. But it's someone's pet.

Like if it was Pippa, I would be absolutely beside myself. The cat is giving a puppy dog look. It is. It's like kind of looking up. It's very, yeah. Anyway. And you were too busy to get the fuck off the the couch just to help and or just say no i haven't seen him mate all the best

yeah have you seen him have you seen button no i haven't seen button but she looks like a lovely cat um and you couldn't get off the couch then i I felt so, I felt obviously so bad. So you joined his church? No. I felt really bad. And I was like, you know what I'll do? There's a number on there. Like if you've got any information, if you've seen it. I'll send him a copy of my book.

Well, no. I was like, do you know what I'll do? I'll text him and say, hey, just saw the fire. I haven't seen your cat. And Torbs goes, well, obviously not. No. Because you're going to text him, give them false hope. Oh, my God.

Random numbers, send a text. Oh, hi there, little mate. I got your message about the cat and I haven't seen him. Yeah. No news. Sounds shit. Sounds awful, though. Did you see my little animal?

Yeah, he's awesome. Because they go, oh, how beautiful to have an animal in the home. Yeah, it would be. He used to have that when Button was home, but now Button's missing. Button's gone. Also, Button is cute as a button, and that is a beautiful name for a pet. Button is the cutest cat I think I've ever seen in my life, and I feel so bad. She's usually evil only, but she's escaped. She doesn think I've ever seen in my life. And I feel so bad.

She's usually evil only, but she's escaped. She doesn't know how to survive in the wild. Well, yeah. So I'm really hoping that they've found Button now. They haven't come back to the house, so I'm guessing that she's been found. And that's what I'm going to tell myself, that she's been found and it's all good. Because they haven't come back.

They came two days in a row. But do you think maybe they just wouldn't come back to my house? Well, they've been twice. They've left a note. Should I text them and be like, have you found the cat? You left this note the other day. It's not like a government helpline. Well, I just would like to know and update.

Text for closure. If you want an update, you should answer the fucking door. But I didn't. You said that you understood me not answering i understood you not wanting to answer yeah but i feel so bad anyway and yeah so maybe maybe you did like you could have been the one that found it if you had have known well we actually have a cat that sets off our ring doorbell pretty often. Is it a button? It's not. They look totally different. This other cat is, like, fucking huge and definitely older than two.

Yeah. And anyway, it's very, very sad. So what is the moral of this story? Maybe I shouldn't put my pyjamas on as soon as I get home. I don't think it's the pyjamas' fault. But imagine if I'd answer the door and I was in my jammies. Is that weird? They're cat people, bro.

They're the weirdest people alive. No, no. But I think, like, if you knocked on someone's door. Do you have a gun? Sophie does, yeah. No. Oh, you're a dumb slut. Yeah, no wonder you're a dumb slut.

I think, oh, I don't know. If I knocked on someone's door and they were in my pajamas, I'd be very worried. Merry fucking Christmas to me. But if I knocked on someone's door and they were in their pajamas, I wouldn't be like, oh, weird. I'd be like, I'm so sorry for interrupting. Yeah.

So maybe I should have just answered. But you understand. They're also in distress about the cat. They don't really care. They don for interrupting. Yeah. So maybe I should have just answered. Yeah. But you understand. They're also in distress about the cat. They don't really give a fuck. They don't care. Yeah. Yeah. But I just, I feel so bad now that I didn't answer.

So I'm going to answer the door from now on just in case there's a family issue. Because if it was Pivar, I'd be just so beside myself. Yeah. Or maybe I could have just said something on the ring doorbell and been like, I'm not home. Like. And they're like, I can see you on the couch. Yeah, fuck.

Anyway, they're like, I can hear you talking. If anyone has seen Button, please let us know. Please let us know. We'll pass on the details. I'm going to love to see it here. Great. Do you remember your first burp? No.

I don't think so. So this little girl has seen her friend burp and goes that looks like fun i'm gonna try one okay click the link all right see how she goes She doesn't know how to do it. Yeah, you just make a sound. I love the little tummy tap. Oh, yeah, little drink, little tummy tap, little bit of Sprite. She sounds like she's in Little Mix trying to do a um bahamas accent that is that is so fucking sweet the burp on the other little girl that's a mean burp that's good little girl um that's amazing um i've sent you a video for my love

to say it um it's actually this sounds like it's fucking sponsored by ring doorbell it's really not but rings official instagram shared this video um someone captured the moment that they um were telling their mom some really big news pop the hit play and pop pop your volume on hit play and pop your volume on. Mom, mom, mom, mom. Mom, mom. I got into UC Davis.

I got into UC Davis. No. No. No. No. No. No. Oh, my God. I got into UC Davis.

Oh, my God. That is sick. Isn't that the sweetest thing you've ever seen? I'm, like, in tears right now just thinking about it and, like, hearing the audio. And just, like, the way that she, like, bangs on the car door, like her mum's about to leave for work or something. Yeah.

And she's like, no, like, come back. And, yeah, it got captured on their camera. And they've got that memory forever now. something yeah and she's like no like come back and um yeah it got captured on their camera and they've got that memory forever now like if it wasn't for ring doorbells that moment would never have been captured this is not sponsored and immortalized in time um well uh shout out to the aggies the uc davis aggies um good volleyball team there as well okay well um we don't know that um reese isn't a volleyballer they might be but um yeah i just thought you'd love to see that that's great it was a a really um a really really

sweet video i thought that was really cool that is that is actually you do love to see that yeah it's such a big thing college in america isn't it oh but i remember like when i got into uni oh and in perth as well yeah no but like that's a huge what was the moment when you got into engineering school i why got in when i got into whopper yeah and they don't take very many people oh don't say it's actually very i know that you're being a jerk but like it was fucking huge and so did you get a letter do you get a phone call do you find how do you actually find out i tried three times to get in so this is my third time and i got a call from the um like head of the department and i was working at general pants and so when i went on lunch i had a missed call from a random

number and i listened to the voicemail and it was him being like hi tony like we uh we're thrilled we'd love to offer you a spot like let me know if you accept um and i called my mom i called my mom when i was on my lunch and i was like, oh, my God, like I got into WAPA and she was like freaking out on the phone. Like she was at work as well. Yeah. And then I was just like sitting at this sushi place like in the city in Perth. Yeah.

I was like I got into WAPA, like couldn't fucking believe it. And then this woman was having lunch next to me and she walked over and she was like, I just heard you you telling your mum that you got into uni. I know it's really hard to get in. And she came over and gave me a big hug and stuff. It was really sweet. Some random lady. Yeah, she was like, oh.

Isn't that nice? My daughter's about to graduate year 12 and she doesn't know what she's doing for uni yet and she's like, I love that you called your mum and told her straight away. That's so cool. That is cool yeah um did the lady ask if she captured it on a ring she's like she's like do you have a ring doorbell what's that no so will you never have these memories captured every stupid bitch it was like 15 years ago you don't have a ring doorbell i don't even think that phones had cameras then

um that is a beautiful moment. Thank you for sharing. Thank you. It's fucking Mother's Day this weekend. I'm fucking, I've had enough. We're on the edge. I'm already done. Well, have a great Mother's Day, everyone. What are you doing on Sunday, mate?

Want to come over? Maybe. Settle in. Settle in. I'll come in your mother's pajamas. Judgingly, just people with cats. Let's do what we do in. I'll come in in my pajamas. Judge religious people with cats. That's what we do best. Thank you very much for listening.

And watching, if you're. And watching. We're going to have a fun-filled, joyous weekend, as we do every Mother's Day. Nice one. I'm going to get my voice back. Yeah, we'll see on Monday. I'm going to be a fucking mess this weekend.

Yeah, we'll be in touch. Our people call your people. Yeah, we'll be in touch. Our people call your people. Yeah, take it easy, everyone. Take care of yourselves. We'll chat to you on Monday. Love you. Bye.