Toni and Ryan - 12 month buns

Episode Date: March 27, 2023

Some juicy confessions - and Ryan's best biz idea to date! Love ya xo If you've got a SPICY confession you need to get off your chest, we wanna hear about it HERE! Check out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Plus you can find the links to order Toni's book here! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toni.lodge and @ryanjondunn Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the podcast. Tony and Ryan here. My name's Ryan. I'm here with author Tony Lodge. We are just having a casual fight between mates. Never. Never. We'd never fight. Should we just say what we're talking about? No. We'll save it for the pod. Save it. Because it's actually fucking hilarious, if I do say so myself. Oh God, yeah, fucking waiting for that rhyme or something. And me telling you the story will be just as exciting as me telling you how exciting it is. Maybe. This is Tucker. Let's move on. He's from Nebraska. Nebraska.

Is this going to be a cool accent that's coming? Nebraska. Best female volleyballs in the world. Oh. Are we talking to Tucker? Yes, this is Tucker. Hi, Tucker. Hi. Oh, my God. Oh, we're so excited to talk to you. You sound excited. yes yes Tucker hi Tucker hi oh my god oh we're so excited

to talk to you you sound excited where are you where have we caught you oh my god so actually I was like waiting waiting waiting

waiting and I was like well shit I gotta go I'm getting ready to go over to my sister's for dinner oh well

your sister can wait I agree good well we don't want to hold you up too long because family's waiting the lasagna's hot for dinner. Oh, well, you're sitting and waiting. I agree. Good. We don't want to hold you up too long because family's waiting. The lasagna's hot. We've got to go. Tucker, do you approve the podcast?

I absolutely fucking approve the podcast. Yes. And, Tucker, very important as well, what are you having for dinner? Oh, my God. What are we having? We are having chicken broccoli Alfredo. I approve that. Fucking get over there, big dog. There is not an Alfredo that Tony has not approved of.

Yeah, I am not Alfredo of an Alfredo. I am not Alfredo of an Ida. Hey, I'm Tucker from Nebraska, and I approve this podcast. Yeah. I'm from Nebraska and I approve this podcast. All right, coming up today, filthy liar lodge. No, no, no. Specifically, a little white lie that I need people to think about at a time that maybe they've been caught out in a little white lie that I need people to think about at a time that maybe they've been caught out in a little white lie.

Caught out being the operative word? Caught out being the operative word, yeah. Okay. Yeah. Great. That's coming up soon. Yeah, maybe you look like a right knob after because I did. A right knob.

A right knob. All right, well, that's coming up. But first, Tuesday means confession. These are tough confessions. You know how we said, because it's completely anonymous, you go to our website, we don't ask for your email address. There's no way for us to find out. Don't tell us anything.

But we said give yourself like a fun name. Yeah. I feel like the fun name is sort of not working because it's like the punchline. Oh, yeah, because was it last week that it was like? Brother banger. Yeah. And then the week that it was like... Brother banger. Yeah. And then the last end it was like, and then I banged,

you wouldn't believe it, I banged the brother. Well, I would believe it. Yeah. So is the name Scream of the film a spoiler? Oh, well, they do scream in it. I wish that they didn't say anything. I wish they had said nothing. Finding Nemo.

Oh, so he goes missing. He goes missing. They've got to find him. And guess what? Turns out they did. They found him. Oh, fuck. Oh, spoilers.

Even if it was called Nemo Goes Missing, because then you still don't know if he's found or not. Yeah. Finding Nemo, question mark. Now we're talking. You know, then it's a bit of a mystery. I'll read you the name after the story. Okay.

This is a confession from a tarpa. I was walking home drunk from a nightclub. Forgive me, tarpa, for I have sinned. Forgive me, tarpa, for I have sinned. Nice. I was walking home drunk from a nightclub and I really, really had to pee. So I did so in the bushes on the side of the road. Fair enough, I think. Mid-piss, a so in the bushes on the side of the road fair enough mid piss a

police woman taps me on the shoulder are we assuming that this person is standing to pee or like having to squat down to pee uh it is uh a penis having pia okay standing peeing in the bushes because the logistics of both are very different like me peeing on the side of the road in a bush is like higher admin than like someone with a penis just like flopping their cock out and just doing it. You know what I mean? The amount of times I've heard people whinge that it's just so easy

for us cocks people to piss anywhere we like. Yeah. But I mean. It's just so easy for you. You just fucking flop it out and piss. Well, I mean the thing is that because you can stand and do it, it is a lot easier. Can you not do it standing?

No. So what do you do when you're drunk and you're walking home and there's the bushes? Well, you just have to wait and get until you get home. No. Well, that's the thing. That's not good for your health. Because you either have to.

You get an infection. You either have to get, like, basically all the way undressed and then if you're wearing heels or something yeah you know that's like that's a risk because you've got to squat all the way down yeah that's risky territory do you have to squat all the way down couldn't you just spread your legs and stand there no because then it would just like trickle down your leg oh so you've got to really get open it up and tony's done a little hand gesture. I did do the hands. Yeah.

But so, you know, I'm just wondering for the logistics of the story. Yeah, very fair question. Yeah, okay. Especially for what's to happen next. Oh, okay. So they're standing and peeing. Good to know. Yeah.

Midpiercer policewoman taps me on the shoulder. The only thing I can think to do is try and chat her up a bit because she was patrolling alone and I really could not afford to get fined. Oh, my God. Would that be your instant reaction? No, absolutely not. So you're peeing and they tap you on the shoulder and you go,

G'day, sweetheart. No, absolutely not. I would start apologising and probably crying. I'd be like, especially if I'd had a couple of boozies. You'd just keep apologising. Yeah, I'd be like, I'm so sorry. They'd be like, I'm not going had a couple of boozies. You'd just keep apologising. Yeah, I'd be like, I'm so sorry. I'd be like, I'm not going to arrest you because you're so annoying. Yeah, I'd probably be like, I'm so sorry.

I've never done this before. I'm so sorry. Honestly, this is not me. Like, I would never normally do this, like, which is true. But I feel like, yeah, instantly you're kind of probably not chatting them up but trying to, like, sweet talk them to be like oh like unexpectedly it worked and we hooked up in the back of the police car that did not happen you call them bullshit my confession is that that is false once we finish she told me to never tell

anyone and until now i haven't i just hope she doesn't know about the Tony and Ryan podcast because I've been dying to get this story off my chest ever since. Nah, bullshit. Are you calling your... This is a Perth story, by the way. Even more of a lie than... Waypole. I mean...

But police don't patrol alone. I mean, that's the first, like, dead giveaway. Don't they? No. For safety reasons. They wouldn't ever be alone, would they? I've been pulled over by a cop by themselves, yeah. I don't know.

Is your only association with the police watching Super Troopers? I've never seen that. I don't know what that is. Sorry. Sorry. But, like, would police – sorry, Producer Cam, what are you – I have some information that may support your argument, Tony, if you'd like it.

Okay, I'd like it. I would obviously like it. Yeah. This is from the Australian Institute of Criminology. To put this in context, Western Australia is currently the only Australian policing jurisdiction to have banned single-person patrols. Yeah, they probably banned it after this episode.

But, like, I just, yeah. I'm sick of these girls on patrol getting railed. But, like, I mean, it wouldn't just be women. Everybody, I think, because, you know, people go, oh, like a person in uniform, you know. And I think also in the confession, please reread the line that says, she was alone so I thought I'd chat her up. That is just fucking such horrible language to use as well.

It is horrible language. I really couldn't afford the fine so I thought I'd try and chat her up a bit. Yeah. But there's a specific part in it where it was like she was alone. She was patrolling alone and I couldn't afford the fine. Yeah, it's a bit yuck. But I just don't think that there's any way that that could have happened. Surely you guys have to back me up here.

There's no way that that happened. That is like the beginning of a porno that someone saw and they went, that sounds fun. That'll do. I'll put that through the website. All right. Now we can't contact this person. No.

And we don't want them to out themselves in the comments. No. But resubmit your form and debate Tony. Give us some proof. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I would love to talk to someone about this. Isn't there cameras in the police car?

That's a really good point. Or like a body cam. Could you imagine the body cam of that night? Well, I've seen it because I'm pretty sure I've watched this porn on the phone. The body cam stuff. I'm pretty sure I've already seen it. A POV. Forgive me, Tapa, for I have sinned.

These are my goals. For I have sinned. Things are not going to work. After too many drinks at the work Christmas party, I agreed to meet a colleague back at his place. You go, hey, let's not cause a big scene here at the work party, but let's just go back to your place. Have you ever?

I'll meet you back there. Have you ever done the work Christmas party or work, like Christmas in July, whatever, work party hook up. Yep. It's a fucking bit of a drama, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Because it's like work people and everyone.

And then, you know, on the Monday morning, you know, Suzanne who works on reception, she's nursing a coffee. She's got her sunglasses on. She goes, did you know that I heard that Ryan and Stephanie went on? You know, there's always a bit. Stop outing me with Stephanie. But like there's always like a bit. It's like a hot topic.

Yeah. So it is risky territory hooking outing me with Stephanie. But, like, there's always like a bit. It's like a hot topic. Yeah. So it is risky territory hooking up at a work party. Well, we. And there's only three of us. So if we, you know. Okay, okay. If we had a Christmas party and someone hooked up, there's a chance that there was all three of us.

If between the three of us, two of us hooked up, which is the more likely outcome? In order. In order. In order. Probably you and Cam because you're both better looking than me and you both go, fuck, lose the grenade. I'm watching Jersey Shore at the moment. Lose the grenade?

I was the grenade in this situation. Cam, can you bring a friend to chat to Tony? Yeah. Keep her away. Yeah. Can you away. Yeah. Can you be my wingman and look after her? What's the second most likely outcome? Producer Cam's pointing to you and I.

And both of us have just gone. And so you're saying the least likely is you and Cam. I'm pretty sure that Cam and I have kissed before. Is that true, Cam? Have we? I mean, I wouldn't put it past us. What order would you have put the three? Well, are you quicker to straight hook up

or are you quicker to come play for the other team? That is a great question, actually. You're down a couple of penis coladas. Penis coladas? Penis coladas. Penis go harder. If you give me a penis go harder, I'm anyone's. Yeah.

I think that probably it's one of those things where because you're obviously in a very happy, committed wife and husband relationship with your wife. It's called a marriage. Yep. You know that wife and husband thing? You know that thing where one's one and one's the other? It's like a wife and a husband. It's like two of them.

Yeah. They wear the rings and everything. Because you're in a happy relationship, I feel like it's not that you would want to cheat on her to, like, have sex with another woman. It's like, oh, a bit of difference. Point of difference. Hang on.

Should we call Bridget and ask her? No. That's not a good... I'll put her on loudspeaker. Hi, Bridget. Let's do a message. Hi, Bridget. Hi, do whatever you want. It's Bridget. Cool.

Yeah, I was going to say, yeah, I think you can go either way. All three of us sounds like a party. Brother. Okay, sure. Good of all the times for your wife not to answer. You go, oh, you didn't say no. So I'm guessing it was fine. Welcome to Singer's consent class. Wow, she didn't say yes. Welcome to Singles' consent class.

Wow, she didn't say yes, but she also didn't say no. And we called her. We did the right thing. I think I've told this story 75 times, but when I started at Pitch Partners, the accounting firm, they sent all the graduates to the Gold Coast to do, like, a training conference. Yeah, and if that isn't STDs and a pregnancy waiting to happen. The graduates from Melbourne, Sydney, Brisbane, Perth, Adelaide.

So it was probably 80, 23-year-olds. 80, 23-year-olds who were getting pissed on the work card. Yeah. Which is the loosest time. At Cocktails and Dreams is the name of the nightclub on the Gold Coast. Right. Caval Avenue. Well, I mean.

Speaks for itself. Yeah. What else is there? Anyway, sorry. So to return back to the Christmas party. These are tough confessions. Probably the result is that all three of us would smooch on the face. After too many drinks at the work Christmas party,

I agreed to meet a colleague back at his place. When we got there, we were so drunk and so horny, we just got straight into it. Nice. The night was wild, like very wild. Very wild. We used toys, but I actually couldn't remember which ones because I was that wasted.

Oh, my God. That's not even just being drunk, but hooking up with someone and using like being like a kinky. On the first night. Yeah, that's like first night hookup is normally just like so vanilla and it's always shit. Like the girl never comes at a one night stand, ever. And you're looking at me like, yeah, they do, they don't.

Really? Never. Never. It's too common. So you've brought home some real studs then, obviously, in your time. But like, it's like when you first start going out with somebody as well. It's never good until you kind of, you know, third or fourth time when you start to really, like, talk about it.

Learn each other's moves. Yeah. Or, like, how it feels. Yeah. Yeah. And you kind of go like, oh, you do that a lot. I don't really like that. So could we, you know?

Can someone please say in the comments section that they've came on a first date? Oh, I mean, it's definitely. On a first hookup? It's not. I don't think it's common. I don't reckonup? It's not. I don't think it's common. I don't reckon. Even if it's not, don't tell me. That's what I mean.

Like, I don't think you want to know. I don't. I think it'll shatter many years of stud Ryan out on the prowl. I don't have much riz as is, so I don't want to hear this. After the hookup, I was horny all the time. Oh. I blamed it on reminiscing about a hot night. It's like days after she was just like couldn't stop thinking about it

and she was just all revved up. Yeah. Is that a thing? Oh, yeah, 100%. Yeah. The next morning at work when you remember that thing. Yeah. You're not going to work after that.

A whole week after this wild drunken sex, I'm taking a shower. My hand goes between my legs and the confessional goes, to wash, you pervy bastards, in brackets. No, thank you for saying that. Thank you for clarifying. Especially because they just said that they were super fucking horned up. So I was like, oh, here we go. My hand goes between my legs and I feel that my labia is hard.

I almost had a heart attack. I started to examine and I, you know, in panic, and I discovered something beginning to pry out. I pulled it and I heard a pop. And a black butt plug pops out of my vagina seven days after I had the hot and steamy night with the colleague. What? Her name of the confession was, I gave birth to a butt plug.

Again, spoiler. Oh, I forgot to say the name of the first one. The first one was called Cop Fucker. Yeah, no, it wasn't. It was called Filthy Lying Piece of Shit. It's called I Love Porn 69. How is that possible? For a week?

To not notice? So the thing is, like, in your vagina, you can, like. Cam, write this down. You're about to learn something, son. Yeah. Turn it upside down. It's like you can feel pressure. So you might not be able to feel something in there but your muscles kind of like

contract yeah like so if you've got like a tampon in or something like really small like that like you can probably feel it but you'd probably be like i know that that's in there but like a butt plug i just feel like you would feel that i mean if it was really like if they were drunk maybe the butt plug went in the vagina and then he fucked her or maybe then they pushed it right, like maybe then, you know, and it was kind of working its way down. That's really, that's like really dangerous though because if it was dirty or you could get 100% get toxic shock from that, I reckon. So at the start of this confession, you were, I guess,

excited and it was a bit steamy. Yeah. How do you feel about it now? Well, I just feel like, what was, is that all? Do we know anything else? That's all we know. I am flapped. Yeah.

That's actually also what I'm not liking about the confessions is I can't reply. Yeah, you can't ask for answers. So then what happened? Or is the guy still, is he alive? Did he survive? And it's just like, I don't know. So then what happened?

Or is the guy still, is he alive? Did he survive? And it's just like, I don't know. I mean, I'm probably mostly concerned about like, yeah, was everything all good? Because if it was, you know, but I mean, sex toys are expensive. So you go, cool, free butt plug. You know, that's cool. Do you reckon she messages him?

He goes, I'm so sorry to do this, but they're actually part of a set. They go up incrementally in millimetres and I really want all four of them back together. They're all my grandma's. They're really sentimental. So he messages her and goes, hey, I'm missing a plug. This is so awkward, but like the third one in the set. Did you take it home with you?

And she's like, no. Or does she wake up like after that shower and message him and go, hey, did you leave something inside? And he's like, yeah, a couple of rounds. He's like, no, like a couple of rounds. Oh, fuck me. That's grim. Yeah.

Sorry, I don't know why I said that. I just feel like wouldn't you notice it kind of. Just wouldn't you notice it? Yeah, but wouldn't you, surely you would just when you notice it yeah but wouldn't you surely you would notice it like kind of coming out like as it worked say if you couldn't notice it deep in the crevasses i am really rattled because i'm like because then i'm actually starting to gaslight myself be like well maybe i don't know but i literally have a vagina so i'm trying to like figure out how that would feel if it if you couldn't feel it in the deep crevasses of like inside you,

as it was working its way out, you'd be able to feel it, I reckon. Yeah, right. But maybe like maybe they ravaged, she got ravaged so good that maybe it was a bit like numb on the inside or something. Tony, on behalf of everyone listening and especially me, can you just say a sexy sentence with the word ravaged in it again? Because that, I felt things when you said that word. And then he took me back to his place and absolutely ravished me.

I said ravaged the first time I think. Ravaged me. What does ravaged mean? I don't know. It just sounds hot though, doesn't it? Yeah, it sounds real hot. It sounds real. Are you all right? You're sitting a bit funny. I think I don't know. It just sounds hot though, doesn't it? Yeah, it sounds real hot. It sounds real. Are you all right?

You're sitting a bit funny. I think I need a cigarette. You've come on the first day, that's for sure. Hey, it's Tucker from Nebraska and you're listening to Tony and Ryan. A massive shout out to a few of our champion tapas over at our Patreon. Sam Volhoffer.

You love to see it, Sam. Thank you. Bailey Homer. Heather F. Beatrice Spinett. James Drury. Not Jamie Drury. No, it's not.

Just Googled it. And Jessica Lee. Thank you very much. We absolutely love to see it. On Thursday night, we will be in Adelaide. So 6pm at the Malls, Balls, Bulls, Balls, Malls, Balls. Yeah, the Rundle Malls. Yeah.

And then this Saturday. Come down and help us out. Be a part of history. Yep. Oh, yeah, not help us out. Help you have a memory. You get a memory. We don't ask for favours. Everyone gets a memory. 9am

at the Sydney Opera House. Yep. Black pants, white shirt and all you need to sing is one line which is I still call Australia home It's a high one. So if you don't think you can make that, you can mime it.

It's okay. Don't not come if you don't have singing ability. So as I was saying the other day, if we get 10 people to come down, it would be great. A hundred would be awesome. Don't not come because you think there's enough. The more, the merrier. It's this big hero shot at the end of this big epic video.

It'll be the best video we make all year and you get to be in it. What happens if no one comes? I mean, you just do a glorious shot. Yeah, okay. I'm not actually like just being like worst case scenario. If there's like five or ten people there. It'll still look amazing. Because suddenly, because it's just you the rest of the video.

Yeah. And then suddenly it's like your friends in the choir are like, yeah, it'll be beautiful. I love that. And if I have to don a white shirt. Are you going to take one just in case? If the numbers are low and we need to fill out the shot. Yeah. But that's what I'm asking. Are you going to take a white shirt. Are you going to take one just in case? If the numbers are low and we need to fill out the shot. Yeah. But that's what I'm asking.

Are you going to take a white shirt just in case? Yeah, that's good. Well, I've got that spare white one that I had to buy to dress up as Draco. Not Draco. Oh. It's Draco? Who did I dress up for? Harry Potter.

Yeah, so I've got that white shirt. Oh, nice. Yeah, so I'm good to go. Oh, because your costumes are really coming in handy. Can I tell everyone something? Yeah. There's now a certain cupboard in my house that's like the dress-up cupboard. Oh, yeah.

And so we've got the sexy police outfits from Kamenar's expedition. Yeah, superintendent. We've got all the Harry Potter stuff, my stuff and your stuff. And then there was a little something I had to dress up for for a friend the other day. And then suddenly I'm like, am I getting a dress-up cupboard? Oh, I love that. That's a dream of mine as a crafty person yeah dress-up cupboard that's a dream okay i'll write that down on the list yeah um anyway when have you been caught out

in a little white lie and it's not nothing where anyone got hurt or anything but just something that you thought this will just cover up this little crack in this story and one time i was walking home taking a piss at a police officer um but you know like where it's just like a little a tiny little cover-up and then afterwards it makes you look really bad because you're just like now i just have to explain why i did that little thing i think i have one please share with the class So it's not uncommon for me to get home and Bridget's like, oh, have you eaten? Oh, yeah, yeah. And I go, oh, no.

And she goes, oh, great. Oh, I've got some dinner here. And I was like, oh, perfect, great. And then the next morning we went to the market and there's just like blatant KFC wrappers. Yeah, I was going to say, yeah, the old cheeseburger wrapper. Yeah, I was like, oh, wow, they've been in there for weeks. Oh, Tony had those, I think, for another day.

What? But then she goes, well, when was it? And you go, oh, yesterday. And she goes, well, I thought you did. Well, she goes, it's fine, but you said that you hadn't. Yeah. And I went, yeah, but I. I just want another dinner.

Is that wrong? You know, sorry, shoot me. So she did. It seems like a food-related one. I reckon would be pretty common because I feel like we've all done the, like, when you've ordered way too much Uber Eats and you ask for, like, more sets of cutlery so that they don't think that it's only two of you eating, like, a family-sized feast.

So they go, how much cutlery? And you go, yeah, can I get four and a half? You go, oh, well, I'll need four. I'll need four sets of knives and forks. Or I've also done the classic, like, when the Uber Eats comes. This is back in the day, like, pre-COVID when they used to actually, like, come to your door, like, in the apartment building or whatever. And I've been like, oh, Mel, John, like, oh, Alex, the food's here.

Yes. I'm not even kidding. A ton of lies. I'm not even – I know. A ton of lies. And I've also done it where like if I've been alone and maybe ordered like something, like two things. Yeah. Like, you know, if you get like, say you get Japanese and you get like a little bit of

sushi and you get like a katsu bowl as well. Who's not doing that? Exactly. I always go like, oh, Alex, like, oh, food's here. And then I'm like, thank you so much. Do you think that they might think, even if you didn't do the names thing, that they might just assume there's more people, you don't need to, like, prove it?

No, but I'm worrying about the proving. Okay. Because I'm like, oh. Because if they go, well, look at all this food, there's obviously more people here. Yeah, but then I don't want them to think it's only one person because then they go, oh, that's for more than one person. You know what I mean?

Do you reckon they know? I reckon they don't give a fuck i know that that's the classic like when i go oh i'm too scared to get laser hair removal and people go they don't care i go no they do care i honestly don't they don't give a fuck to be honest they probably don't even open it or look at it like they wouldn't they pick up the bag and they drop it at the address yeah and they go to you go to the next one. They're delivery professionals. I'll tell you what would make them somewhat suspicious. What? If some dumb bitch goes,

Mel, Alex, all the other people that live here, insert name here. Yeah. My script. I'm like shaking papers in the background, like obviously ready. Thank you, Uber Eats man. This is definitely for more than one person, isn't it? All of my friends are here. All my friends.

I reckon you're giving it away more than you're helping. Probably. Probably. But I appreciate the input and the effort. Is it not just the thing of like the comfort in being like, oh, there's more people here. Whether they believe it or not makes you feel better because you go, you know what I mean?

If that's what you need to do, Toni Lodge, to make you feel better, then Cam and I support it. Thank you. Also, Cam and I would request that we get in the rotation of the fake names. Oh, you want to be in the names? Yeah. Well, that's believable.

See, that's what I mean. Commit. If someone dropped something off to me and I went, Ryan, they'd go, well, you work with Ryan. I know that. Yeah. You know? Anyway, so this happened to me the other day.

And I went to. I already love it and hate it at the same time. So during lockdown, this is like a very niche local knowledge, but during lockdown this guy started this business called Tarts Anon. Tarts Anon. Tarts Anon? Yeah, so it's like sweet tarts and he used to make them in his kitchen at his house and he'd make like five and he'd put it on his Instagram story.

His girlfriend would put it on their Instagram story and they'd go, we've got five tarts there, this flavour, who wants them? And it would be the first five people that messaged them. First in, best dressed, boom. And it would be like 50 bucks or something. And so that was, yeah, at the very beginning of COVID because I think the guy, Gareth, like lost his job

because like obviously restaurants shut down and stuff like that. I'll just bake from home then. He was like, well, I've got to do something to fucking keep me sane. And, you know, a little bit of pocket money as well probably wouldn't have hurt at the time. And anyway, it's gone from that to then like they kind of hired a kitchen because they got so many, I think like Zoe Foster Blake and like Joel Creasy shared on Instagram this place.

And they just went. The holy grail of Instagram shout outs. Right. And it just went gangbusters. They ended up like hiring a kitchen. But now they actually have like restaurants, like actual cafes. They've gone full circle. Yeah.

So they're now like they've got a few locations, I think, and so they make all their tarts like in store and they make like seven different types of tart a day and you can go in there. And are they up to the hype? They are. So Torbs and I managed to get one when they were only doing the, like, 10 on a Sunday.

Describe the kind of tart we're talking about here. So the one that we bought was it's, like, a sweet, like, really, really delicate buttery crust. And it had, like, a caramel, like, salted caramel base. And then it was, like, chocolate tart on top. So it was, like, chocolate and caramel. It's real rich? It was really rich. And we bought it. Is it something that you shouldn't eat all by yourself because it sounds a bit rich

it sounds like you'd only need the thin slice you only need a little so it doesn't honestly sound rich though no it does and it is so So I was going to – so we bought one of these tarts during lockdown, right? We were really lucky, and it was kind of exciting because you couldn't do much at the time. Torbs and I got in the car, and we went and picked up this tart. It was within five kilometres. It was. It absolutely was.

I'll report. I would fucking report you. I'll report, yeah. I'd tell someone. I'll give you some of the tart if you don't say anything. No, it was – so they were doing it in Richmond. Yeah. So it was like just down the street from us.

Anyway, and we went down and we picked it up and that was all great. And then the other day, by chance, I was at a meeting. I was actually meeting with the girls from Shameless. Oh, how nice. Michelle and Zara and they're great. And I went and had a meeting with them. And then as I was leaving, I noticed that just down, like two doors up from their office was one of these tarts and non-shops.

Oh, what are the chances? And it was like lunchtime. And I saw it and I was like, oh, and Torbs was working from home. And I was like, you know what I'll do? I'll go home. I'll surprise him with some tart. It was like around midday and I was I probably like looked as though I was headed to the office like so when I went in there it was

probably like oh she's on her lunch break she's taking this back like yeah for a meeting kind of thing and I was like yeah okay yep and then they'd sell the tarts like full or half or in the slice. Yeah. And they had all of these slices like lined up and I think that however many slices it took to like make up a full one is how many flavours they had. And I said, oh, I'll get one of those and, oh, yeah, I'll try one of those.

Oh, so like when you get a half-half pizza but you can go like every slice a different flavour. Yeah. That's awesome. Yeah, like a different, yeah. And it makes up, that's awesome. Yeah, so it's really good. And anyway, so I made up like basically a full tart with the thing, and it was the awkward like, she picked up a small box because I went, oh, can I get that one and that one?

And then I was like, oh, actually, I'll get that one as well. Oh, you had to switch boxes? And then she had to get a new box. And then. They do that at the sushi place. The sushi place at Vic Gardens every time and doesn't it make you feel awful? Yeah. And sometimes at the beginning you try and preempt that and go,

I'm going to get four rolls. Hey, sweetheart, get the big box. Grab the big one. Dad's hungry. Dad's hungry. Yeah, 100%. And anyway, by the end of it, basically it's like a pizza box full of tart. Like it's like a big square like cardboard box.

It's practically christmas day and i'm kind of like realizing that my eyes are obviously like just lit up at this tart thing and i was just like oh my god like that one looks oh that one and i just couldn't choose and that's why i ended up with this full time right and then poor you we get it it's so hard to choose i just had to buy them all and then i go it's so hard when you're buying for like lots of different people they didn't give a fuck and they knew the second you walked in that not a second person was going to get anywhere near one of those tarts and she just kind of like looked at me like she kind of looked at me funny. Don't fucking lie to me.

She goes, love your podcast, by the way. So at the very least, she knows that I work with two people. Yeah. Oh, it's a busy office in that place. What do you do? Run a production? Yeah, there's two of us and we do a podcast. Or she knows that I'm going home to my boyfriend and Pippa

and, like, she knows that only two people in there are going to be able to. Wow, if she listens to today's episode, she'll know you're a filthy liar. Mel and John, yeah, everyone's there. Anyway, and she goes, love your podcast, by the way. And that kind of just, like, I was like, oh, thank you so much. And we were chatting about the pod and whatever and she asked about you and, you know, how we run things and where our office is and whatever.

She was trying to scope out how many people work there. Yeah, she was doing real Raycon work. You must have a big team and you're like, no, just we brought Cam on for a few days and it's just us. Yeah, it's just us and he's away at the moment. So, yeah. And anyway, so she goes, oh, anyway, like so great to meet you. That's blah, money, whatever.

And she goes, did you need, like, napkins and cutlery for this? And I was like, oh, no, that's fine. I'm taking it home. I went. If you're going to fucking spin a tale, mate, at least commit. I undid it myself. So she threw you a curveball. She threw me because she went, by the way like love the podcast

and so instantly if i can tell your line given a bit of maya to a story if i'll just like sneak in a few compliments yeah then i'll i'm anyone yeah then you'll be then you'll just you'll fall out of the lie i do and just go into happy and then i'll be like cool so and then ask the question and it's all over it's like when you rub a dog on the tummy and it goes like, just like fully, I was relaxed and I was not on my guard. Oh, this is for a lot of people. Oh, Tony, your hair looks good. Let me rub your belly.

I'm not eating it all myself. It's mine. Anyway, so it was like really fucking embarrassing because this girl's obviously gone like, well, yeah, I like know who you are. And I was like, oh, anyway. And then so I pay and I just kind of walk out of there. And as I'm walking out of the tart place holding the pizza box full of tart, like obviously on my way home, this girl stops me and she goes,

oh, my God, I love your podcast so much. And she kind of like puts her hand on my arm and whatever and I'm holding this giant fucking tart box. And I was just like, awesome. Another person's seen me me this huge tart. And then I'm standing on the street and waiting for my Uber and this car like stops in front of me and I was like, oh, it must be my car.

And they rolled down the window. They go, oh, my God, I love your podcast so much. How good are those tarts? Aren't they awesome? Oh, I've had a bit. I have had a slice before but that looks like blah, blah, blah. And I was just like. She's got a whole box.

And I was just like, oh, thank you. It's so lovely of you. And then another girl walks past. She goes, I just saw you walking there and I was just like. She's got a whole box. And I was just like, oh, thank you so much. That's so lovely of you. And then another girl walks past. She goes, I just saw you walking there and I didn't want to say anything, but that girl just said something and I love your pod song. Oh, enjoy that time. I'm just walking in to get a slice myself.

Like, oh, my God. And it was just like I was obviously like heading home. Did you consider giving them each a slice? Well, I thought about just ditching it and running, to be honest, and going like, oh. Well, first of all, if you it and running, to be honest, and going like, there. Well, first of all, if you're going to ditch it anyway, ditch it with Kam and I. Well, I'd already said I was going home and I got no cutlery. If you're going to imply that it's for people you work with,

at least give them some of the tart. I did the classic like, oh, my God, yeah, you know, just want to get a good mix for lots of people kind of thing. And she's like, and it's always so hard for people that have dietaries. I was like, yeah. And then I'm like, no, I'm going home. Like, I know. You're a fucking idiot.

You deserve that. Oh, and I just couldn't believe that, yeah, I made, you know, a pretty good lie. Whether she believed it or not, it was enough for me. And then I obviously undid all my hard work instantly. Do you reckon, back to that original theory, is that, like, if you didn't lie, she wouldn't have given a fuck anyway? No, she wouldn't have cared.

Or even if I literally said, I'm taking this home, she would have gone, great. Yeah. Like, she doesn't care. My job is to fill the box and be nice. Yeah. I don't actually, yeah, care where or how or who. And that's fine.

Mel? Yeah, hello? Jo? Oh, yeah, I'm just on my way home, five friends. Oh, oh. Yeah, oh, sorry. And then my phone starts ringing. Like even it's up to my, and I'm like, oh, I've dropped a call.

Sorry about that. Oh, sorry about that. Oh, God. Terrible. Far out. Well, you deserve that. Yeah, I did. What happened to the year of honesty?

Oh, that's with you guys. That's not in real life. I've got a you love to see, which is sort of on a similar track. Oh, okay. From Spencer Shields, who is a tarpa. Yeah, I know the name. After all the hype on the podcast that I've heard for years, I finally tried my first ever hot cross bun.

What? They've never had one before. Oh, my God. How was it? Gotta say, worth the hype. They are good. And then some, says Spencer. Yes, they are very good.

It's like, and this is like, you know when there's like a compliment with like a subtle dig mixed in? Oh, yeah. It's as if fruitcake, but well executed. Oh, yeah. It's as if fruitcake, but well executed. Oh, yeah. Well, because I guess it's because most people prefer the bread of a hot crust bun to like the cake of a fruitcake. I like fruitcake.

I'm one of those freaks. I love fruitcake. Is it like a Christmas put? Is that a fruitcake? Or is it different? I mean, it's the same kind of thing. They're friends. Not the same, but they're cousins.

Yeah. Third cousins. Fruitcake is more dense. Would you say it's... They are thick, eh? Yeah, like it's a... Would I say what? Yeah, nah.

You just said, would you say the air is thick? What are you asking? I confused the word dense and then the word moist. Well, they are moist. If you had a dry fruitcake, I'd throw that in the bin. Oh, absolutely. It'd taste like a brick. Yeah.

I really like fruitcake, though. I know it's not a popular opinion. Producer Cam's nodding his head like a bloody doggy on a dashboard. It's very good. Better than a tart from Tarts Anonymous? No, Tarts Anon. I'm sorry. Yeah.

Abbreviation, please. Well, I wish it was anon when you bought from there. I wish I had some, you know, sign an NDA. Don't tell anyone that I bought a whole one. But Spencer, glad to hear that another Ryan recommendation has paid off. They should sell them year round. And that wasn't a Ryan recommendation. We're both in agreement that they're a 12-month food.

They should be year round. You should be able to get them all the time. What if Tarts are non-style? Yeah. We just created just this little artisan, cute little corner store that was, it was just called, it's called 12 Month Buns and it's just hot cross buns, 12 months a year.

And, you know, nice coffee and you go in and you go, yeah, a hot cross bun, a little bit of butter toasted and a nice coffee. Do you think that would do well? If there was not many of them. Because if it was like, oh, here's the one spot you can get them all year round, that would be like its selling point. And they'd have to be good. They can't just be stocked. They need to be good. Well, see, that's the thing.

Neither of us can, like, who would be doing the cooking? Of the three of us, like, who? You know what I mean? Bridget's baking now. Okay. Well, she's about to have a baby, so she might not want to take on a full-time baking job. But do you have to be up at 1am? She'll be up anyway.

Oh, that's true. She might as well be bunning. Yeah. Another bun in the oven. My Love to See is from JD Christina Louise Shepard. Don't save any letters for anyone else. Yeah, nice. She shared in our Facebook group on our You Love To See It thread

I couldn't be happier to have handed in my resignation last night to a job I've dreaded going to every day. I've had to work there for over a year and I finally had another job offer being, I've accepted another

job offer. Sorry, I'm so excited that I can't even get this out. You've got title in the mind. I have got title. And now hot cross buns and fruitcake as well. I've taken another job that will help me gain experience in my field as I study my bachelor degree. And the job is looking after dogs for a living. Oh my God.

So I'm guessing that like maybe a vet nurse or a vet or like working in a shelter or something like that, like a dog shelter. Isn't that the most amazing thing ever? Start the fucking blog. Quit the fucking job. Look after the fucking dog. And we've always said that. We've always said that.

So, JD, we would like to extend our sincere congratulations as huge advocates for quitting horrible, toxic jobs. We've had lots of people share stories about that with us over the year, which is so lovely. So, thank you, J.D., for sharing that. We absolutely love to see it. Buns? Should we fucking hit a bakery

somewhere? Let's go and bun it up. Hopefully we find what is it? Full calendar buns? What did you say? 20. 12 months of buns. 12 month buns. What did I say? Full calendar buns?

I thought you said the same as well, actually. Let's go to Tarts Anonymous. Tarts Anon. Please don't yell at me. No, but it's Tarts Anon. I'll get there. What was the girl's name that worked there? I have no idea.

You rude bitch. I don't. I was confused. She was like, oh, Ryan, you bet you obviously enjoyed the last one. And you go, I've never been here before in my goddamn life. You're like super aggressive. You're like, I've never been here before. I've never had one of these.

Yep. She says lots of things. Well, she lies all the time. Fear of honesty. It's in Cremon, though. It's not far from here. We're in Cremon. We're in Richmond. For an event soon? Yes, we are. I'll pass by.

I'll let them know. Pop in. I will. Pop in. Anyway, thank you so much for listening. I hope you loved today's episode. We'll chat to you tomorrow. Love you.

Bye.