Toni and Ryan - 1800 DELI BITCH

Episode Date: February 29, 2024

A Deli drama and debate ending up with.... something starting with D. Love you!! [USED TO BE VIDEO EPISODE BUT NOT ANYMORE LOL TECHNICAL CHAT]Check out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toniandryanpodcast Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the Tony and Ryan podcast. I'm Ryan. This is Dr. Author, best-selling Dr. Author, Tony Lodge. It is. And we are calling Tamara, who's in Cincinnati. Oh, wow. Across the pond, darling. The big pond. Yeah, the biggest pond there is. Boop, boop. It is a big flight.

The Richmond to Cincinnati direct. Yeah, they've just introduced it. Hello? It is a big flight. The Richmond to Cincinnati Direct. Yeah. They've just introduced it. Hello? Tamara! Tamara! It's Tony and Ryan. Hello!

Now, your occupation is so impressive I can't even fucking say it. Oh! Tony, have you heard three more impressive words back to back? Paediatric occupational therapist. Oh, my God. Are you really smart to back? Pediatric occupational therapist. Oh, my God. Are you really smart, Tamara? That's so impressive.

Yeah. I don't know if I'm really smart, but it's a really cool job, and I'll give you bonus points if you can tell me anything about what it is. Well, pediatrics, that's children. And occupational therapy, that's like. In the workplace. So if there's a three- occupational therapy, that's like. In the workplace. So if there's a three-year-old who's also a builder. Yeah.

You can help him get back on the work side and start earning and contributing to his fucking family. Yeah. Have we nailed it? Yeah, basically, yeah. I help toddlers become business people. Tamara's actually in the movie Boss Baby. Yeah, oh, I was going to say. Yeah, great, great, great.

Great to meet another person in showbiz. Yeah. Tamara, will you approve today's podcast? I would love to. Great. Hi, this is Tamara from Ohio, and I approve this podcast. Welcome to this new day. Welcome.

It is not a new year. If you've listened yesterday, there's nothing to follow up on. Yep. Happy March. Pinch and a punch for the first day of the month. And it's a video show. And it's not a new year. Not a new year.

No. Thanks, Beth. Sorry, I'm feeling like a bit of tension. Nothing can. Okay. I don't know what you're talking about. All right. Cool.

Then take the tension away, please. Okay. Okay. Do many couples do the grocery shopping together? Ooh. Or is it kind of like an annoying chore? Not worth both of us heading down there. If it's going to be crap, we might as well just knock it out and take it in turns.

Because I know historically in your house, you would tell Torbs what to buy. He would then historically say, I don't need to write it down, I'll remember. He will then get there, forget, call you, you get fucked off. Is that still how it works in your house? Have you got a new thing or? So that's what it used to be when like if we didn't do a full shop

and then, you know, like through the week and you go, we don't have dinner for tonight, we've just got to go get the stuff for like one night. Yeah, yeah. Now we're actually doing, what's it called? Hello Fresh at the moment. Really? Because we were just finding like getting so pissed off trying

to come up with meals. Yeah. Like every Sunday we'd sit down like, what do we want for dinner this week? And I'd go, oh, it's the same every week. So we've actually like outsourced that now. So we just have to do food shopping for stuff for smoothies and lunches. So you've streamlined the process. Yeah.

So we now just do online shop. But you know what I do like, though? A food shop together if we do a market run because that feels really nice and fun and like an experience. Bridget and I don't ever do the supermarket together, but we'll go farmer's market together and we'll get coffee and croissants and we'll have maple. We always run into people and stuff.

It's like a family day out. Yeah. So strangely, Bridget and I did turn up at a supermarket at the same time. Yeah. Because we were never at the supermarket together, but we were there together. Do you mean like you bumped into each other or like you went together?

Maybe we were on the way home and it was one of those, oh, what's for dinner? I don't know. We'll just. Yeah. Oh, we need some chicken. Yeah, grab a couple of things. Yeah.

And it was just like we'd never done this specific part together and she said something to me and I was just like thrown. So you never do your food shopping together if it's like Coles? Are you an online guy? We do it. Yeah, sometimes we do it online. It's good, isn't it? When you need like washing detergent and like just the boring staples and stuff.

Yeah. But I'd actually describe it as a cultural difference that might have ended our relationship. A cultural difference? And I'm going to need someone with experience who worked in the deli section of a coal supermarket to settle a debate for us. Well, look no further. Deli bitch at your service. At the deli?

Yeah. Now, don't answer. I just need you to meet me to, like, lay. Okay. Yeah, yeah. Shut my mouth. Because you're either Team Bridget or Team Ryan, and it's like whoever side you're going,

it will have significant consequences for our relationship going forward. Yeah. So I just need you to. And my friendship with Bridget, I imagine. Respect the gravitas of what's happening here. Okay. Yep. My mouth is shut and my ears are open.

At the Dally. Oh, did you say it again? That was beautiful, wasn't it? My mouth is shut shut and my ears are open. At the deli. Oh, did you say that again? That was beautiful, wasn't it? My mouth is shut but my ears are open. I'm not talking right now. That's the least Tony thing I've ever heard in my life. What? Take the tension away, please.

I'm nervous because of what's going to happen. At the deli, my wife Bridget goes, how much ham should we get? And I go, oh, two and a bit handfuls. And she gives me the biggest eye roll of all time and goes, I can't just ask for a couple of handfuls, like 500 grams, 600 grams. Five grams of ham, 500 grams. I couldn't fucking tell you. I actually literally order in handfuls.

I don't think anyone uses grams or mils or any specific things when talking about food. And let me give you some examples. Say if you and I are having a pizza, like we've made some homemade pizza and I'm like serving you up and I go, oh, how much do you want? You don't go, oh, 300 grams of pizza. You go two slices. Sure.

Right. How much milk do you want in your tea? A splash. Yeah. Just a splash is fine. How much dressing on the salad? Oh, just a few drizzles. Yeah.

Oh, 26 mils. Like no one would ever fucking say that. Yeah. How many grams of sausage do you want? You know? Yeah. You're like, see those two empty bits of bread? Fucking throw a sausage and eat to those and a squirt of barbecue sauce

and send them over. How many meals of barbecue sauce? Yeah, you know, it's ridiculous. Yeah. And so I go, Bridge, just ask for a couple of handfuls. And she feels like this is the murkiest, most disgusting, basic bogan who's grabbing a mitt full of ham. And I was like, that's how-

A mitt full of ham. Oh, wow. That's fucking graphic, isn't it? And I was like, I'm pretty sure this is how people order food. And she's like, what? That's the most like, yeah, caveman gross thing I've ever heard. Give me a number of grams to order. Yep.

And then I go, Matt, I actually don't think people order like that. And she looked at me and goes, I don't think anyone orders like you do. Thus. So I've got the answers. Someone who's worked at a Coles Dally. How many people do you reckon you've served? Oh, my God. Like thousands and thousands.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I've heard it all. Let me tell you. Yeah, right. But am I a wild caveman? People do both, right? But Bridget's way, people saying can I have 250 grams, is way more popular.

Fuck, really? Yeah. How do people know how much it is? Well, I think because when you buy it once, you like have an idea of how much you need for the week or whatever. Yeah, because her parents are visiting, so I'm like, well, we'll need two handfuls. Yeah, but people did.

I'm not trying to like be a fence sitter. People do absolutely say handfuls. And does that annoy you? Handfuls is easier because you kind of go a handful. About that and they go, great. And you show them and you go, is that all good? And they go, yeah, yeah, that's fine. Whereas people that ask for grams genuinely, generally, sorry,

get way more defensive about how much it is. So they'll go, can I get 250 and I'll weigh it up and I put it on the thing and I go, that's 250 and they go, oh, a bit more than that. I'm like, yeah, because you don't know how much it is. What about when they say $250 and you put it on the scale and it goes, it's $263. Is that all good? And they go, well, I asked for $250 and I will not pay a cent over. Yeah, well, so people did used to get like real funny about that and you'd be like, well-

And you're like tearing a sheet of ham in half to try and lay them. It would be that sometimes though. You'd have like half a piece of bologna or something and they'd go, well, I don't want half a piece. I'd go, well, which one is it? Yeah. So it's actually like saying a handful. So what you're saying is, is Ryan's better than Bridget?

No, because. That's what it sounds, are you listening? That's what it sounds like. No, no, no, no. We all know. But definitely like asking for grams, way more common, like more people do it. Really?

But they're normally like wrong, I think. Karen's. No, I just think that you normally don't actually visually know what that looks like. But some people would go, can I get a handful? And I'd put it on and I'd go, does this look okay? And they'd go, how much is that? And then I'd go, oh, $3.50.

And they'd go, oh, cool. And so next time then they could. They know. Yeah, but also because then there'd go, oh, $3.50. And they'd go, oh, cool. And so next time then they could. They know. Yeah. But also because then there'd be people that would be like, can I get a handful? And I'd get a mitt full of ham. And then they would go, oh, that's way too much.

And I'd go, well, a handful is like a, that's a grab. It's a grab. And those watching the video show, give them that girthy grip. It's a grab. You know, it's like you're hooking it in. She could hold a whole pig in that hand. I could. and I have. Not a pig, but a hog definitely.

I'll remind you it is a video show, so those sneaky little winks are not going unnoticed or unseen. Take the tension away. No, I – Okay. So I think, yeah. Because the way I was looked at was like I was some filthy, disgusting animal. Nah, people definitely ask like I was some filthy, disgusting animal.

Nah, people definitely ask like that and it is actually easier. Low maintenance shopper over here, guys. What I will say is, you know how you said, but if you were serving up pizza, you wouldn't go, how many grams of pizza do you want? You wouldn't say it about the final product, but you would say it about ingredients. Really?

Like if you were baking something, you would go, oh, you need a cup of flour, but you would say it about ingredients. Really? Like if you were baking something, you would go, oh, you need a cup of flour, but you wouldn't go, I need a cup of cake. Yeah. So I think like ham can go either way because it's an ingredient, but it's also like the food. Yeah. Yep. Like ham bites, ham can be standalone.

So if you've got it. Do you know what I'm saying? Okay, so we're baking bread, right? Yeah. And I'm guessing what, salt, flour, yeast, fucking whatever. Yeast, a bit of warm water. You can't just willy-nilly shit. It needs to be kind of precise.

It needs to be precise. So you go, oh, I know that I need a full cup of water and whatever. Is it? Because Bridget is a winemaker and works in a lab and has a science degree and is very like, yep, eight mils of this, that, heated to 72.3 degrees, and I'm a piece of shit. Probably. Is that the difference here?

Yeah. Is that the cultural difference here? The cultural difference. The culture of her being smart and you not being. All right, well, thanks for settling that debate. Anytime. I'm available for all deli disputes. It's called 1-800-DELI-BITCH. If we don't own that number, James, thanks for settling that debate. Anytime. I'm available for all deli disputes. Call 1-800-DELI-BITCH.

If we don't own that number, James, get on with that. Hey, this is Tamara from Ohio, and you're listening to Tony and Ryan. A massive shout-out to a few of our champion tapas over at our Patreon. That's tapas, Tony and Ryan podcast. Urgh. You say it so nasty. Urgh. Go again.

Tony and Ryan podcast. Urgh. It's supposed to be like urgh. Oh, I've just texted you something for a love to see. Don't look at it yet. Okay. Zach Pfeiffer. Good on you, Zach.

Thanks, Pfeiffer. Jade Grace. Good on you, Jade. Thanks, Jade. Summer W. Trevor Brunix. Swinkler and Doochly Ash. Oh, Henry Swinkler.

Yeah, Swinkler. Yep. Hang on. And then the last one? Doochly Ash. Always love when Doochly Ash comes around. Me too. Thank you very much for being part of our Patreon.

Not to be confused with Douchely Gash. We're on. That's actually a separate person, so do not get confused. Any levels of Patreon, actually, your name should be scrolling along the bottom. I saw a bit of editorial from some tarps the other day about seeing their name pop up and someone said, I saw mine two years ago and haven't seen it again. A lot of people to get through. A lot of people to get through.

I believe it's every, it takes three or four eps to get through. To get through again, yeah. Probably longer. Probably longer. Probably longer we're hearing. Hypothetically. Yeah. I love a hypothetical.

Count me in. If we were to go daily with video shows. You need to stop getting excited and saying stuff. I know, but I'm excited. I've said other things and they haven't worked out. Yeah, I know. That's why I said hypothetically. No, but it's already now it's out in the thing and everyone's going to go,

oh, and then if we can't do it for whatever reason, it's like, oh, they said this thing. Do you want to be one of those people that announces stuff that never happens? I'm saying hypothetically. And the hypothetical is if we did video shows more regularly than just once a week, that the maths is, is that if we did more video shows, the names would come through more regularly because there's more shows. Well, more, yeah, yeah.

And that's my hypothetical. Maths chat on a Friday. You've gone fucking off. What's going on? I can't. Is it this weird water you've been drinking? Tony, yes, it is. Is that what's going on?

Something happened with the water during that little break before? Yep, you'll see that on Patreon, I'm guessing next week. Someone was a fuckhead and it wasn't Tony Lodge. I really appreciate you saying that. No one ever says that to me. It's always the other way around. Yeah, nah, someone in the room made a real fucking asshole out of themselves and it was not Tony Lodge.

She was actually the nice one. No, it wasn't a nice and mean. It was more of a human with brain one and the other one having just a bit of a moment. And, I mean, even someone saying human with brain is right on the cusp, I'd say. Would you call it a seniors moment? That's rough on seniors.

That is rough on seniors. I don't even fucking know sorry i need to take it we've had it's been a week here wowza um fuck how good's the weekend i'm actually fucking ready to go i'm ready i'm ready for the weekend i think follow me on my instagram stories we're going to the farm this weekend you want to see some real wholesome family time i'm really excited for you. I'd actually love to. I've got a bit of spare time. Nothing on. Yeah, we'll sort it out.

Do you think it is possible everybody listening, you Ryan, to be underdressed or overdressed? You know when you are going somewhere or someone's coming over or whatever and you kind of go, oh, wear whatever or.

Yeah, no. So here's my stance on that question. Beautiful. Love it. I feel like people say, and it's usually like a hot shot business guy, like a Harvey Specter type. Oh, yeah. You can never be too overdressed.

Like when in doubt, dress it up. You can never be too overdressed because the hypothetical is you walk into a room, everyone's in a suit for a guy, and then you're like, oh, fuck, I'm wearing jeans and a T-shirt. Yeah. Whereas if you're wearing a suit and everyone's underdressed, it's like, ooh, impressive. He's wearing a suit.

But I disagree. I also disagree. And I'm glad that you've painted the picture of like you can never be overdressed is someone that like is a hot shot. An overdresser says that, yeah. My mum always used to say, I literally have this written down, my mum used to always say like you can never be overdressed. Like if in doubt, dress it up, which is exactly what you said.

But I completely disagree. I like to meet a dress code. You can't go over a dress code. Yeah. You can't go over a dress code because if you walk into the room with all the jeans and T-shirts and you're in a suit, everyone goes, who the fuck do they think they are? I feel like people are getting a bit too creative with the dress code. It's a bit too much like.

A bit editorial from you. What's that? When the dress code's like, with a splash and you go, what the fuck does that mean? Or glam. That could literally mean anything. So I think it's like am I a detective now? Am I an investigative reporter?

Tell me what to wear and I'll fucking wear it. But don't make it hard for me, dog. Do not make it hard. I agree. You know, when I hosted that at Swinburne University, most people in the room were like professionals and it was in the city at like 6pm. Yeah.

And so I go, what are you wearing? And they go, oh, you know, everyone's just coming straight from work, so whatever. And I was like, yeah, but everyone's coming from work. In the city. Yeah. I work, wear Tony Sharp. We don't mention that.

What am I wearing at work right now? Okay, you're wearing Nike runners, not even like cool ones, just like, yeah, and then like high socks, some Nike. Like swimming shorts? Like swimming shorts, yeah. They're not even like material. They're like, they're board shorts basically. I'm going to have to swim after this.

Are you? In a white T-shirt, yeah. Where are you swimming? Either Collingwood or my house. Oh. It's going to be warm. And I was like, oh, I'm going to have to swim after this. Are you? In a white T-shirt, yeah. Where are you swimming? Either Collingwood or my house. Oh. It's going to be warm. And I was like, oh, I can't be bothered wearing jeans. I'll wear some swimming shorts and have a paddle on the way home.

That's fun. But when they go, just come after work. This is what I wear to work. This is where I wear to work, yeah. Oh, it's the lawyers' convention. Everyone's coming after work. You're like, well, I guess what they're wearing. Yeah.

Probably a nice suit. Probably a nice suit. Yeah, and some nice shoes. On behalf of everyone, what have you done, Tony? Well, because I think that a dress code, I like it when an event or an outing or like a wedding or whatever has a dress code because you know that you're not going to then like stand out. I'm a big fan of blending in.

Tony wants to know what she needs to wear and the time she has to be there. Yeah. When we met and I said something like, wear whatever to wear and the time she has to be there. Yeah. When we met and I said something like, wear whatever you want, I'll pop around in the morning. Yeah. That's chaos for me. I'm in a ball gown at 6am. Ready to go.

You said morning and I'll be ready if you turn up at any time with AM after the number. Yep, and if I can never be overdressed, then I guess I'll wear the fanciest thing that I've got. Oh, did you hear that? Yeah, that someone just jumped off the roof in their ball gown. Yeah, they go, oh, no, I was overdressed. My question is, like, if you're in your house,

you're obviously you can wear whatever you want. You're in your house. Yeah, the rules. You said them. If you, like, walked out the front of your house to the bin or if you live in an apartment or like a unit complex or whatever, if you walk out the front to the bin or to get food or check the letterbox or whatever, is your pyjamas

or like house clothes okay? So I house sat for some months and went and collected Uber Eats looking like the biggest piece of trash ever. And yeah, it was 11am on a Thursday. Yep. Sue me. Yep. And I kind of got this judgy look as if to say like, oh, not much on today, mate.

Like bit fucking whatever. Yeah. And even though. Oh, are you a loser? You're at home on a Thursday and whatever. Yeah. Looking like trash and you're out the front. And I was like, no.

If I am doing household things near, not in, near the household, then household rules apply. And I don't want the Uber Eats driver looking at, I used to have these like tracksuit pant material shorts, but the shorts were kind of like long and baggy. Yeah. And like, I think even my mum said, are they long shorts or short longs and thought she was hilarious. That joke makes me piss because it's like, it works both ways. Yeah.

It's so funny. But when you've got a baggy three quarter weird thing on. Yeah. And it's like a tracksuit material. And you don't know if they've just like shrunk in the dryer or. Or expanded. Yeah. Gotten longer.

I don't know how. Yeah. I'm not a scientist. Yeah. Little Woot, don't cut that out. Meh. And I just felt like I was being judged. And I was like, you know what?

I'm having a day at home eating Uber Eats. Yep. This is the exact moment to not judge me. Like my goal of today is to sit inside and not be judged. I need a break. Yeah. You don't know what I'm up to. Yeah.

Like you don't know where I'm at in my week. I might have literally not stopped working for three weeks and this is my first day off and I go. Yeah, I just want to put my feet up, bro. Yeah. Because. How far have you got? Well, it's not really.

Because your old apartment's in a nice area of town where you used to live. So in theory, you could walk out the front door and be on like a nice part of the city. But also like a main street. Jeez, Tony's doing it rough. It's not really the distance that I have a problem with or a question about. It's the time. So the other day. So 11 a.m. on a Thursday?

Well, yeah. Does that matter? The other day I went out to the bin in my jammies. Totally acceptable behavior. Right. And it wasn't dark yet. What time was it? Well, it was like maybe 6 or 7 p.m.

It's very light, very late in Melbourne at the moment. It is. And I went to pop something in the bin and then put the bin out. It was a bin night, bin chat. And someone walked down the street who was like obviously like coming from work. Right. Well, dressed well to do.

Well, yeah, they had a laptop bag. So I'm like, oh, you're obviously on your way back from uni or work or whatever. A businessman. And I'm standing there in like a t-shirt nightie, putting my bins out. You really do a t-shirt nightie well though. Thank you. Yep. And.

But it's clearly a t-shirt nightie. Clearly a nightie. Yeah. Clearly a nightie. And there's only food on it and I'm pretty sure that at the time I had my hair in a towel, like I'd just washed my hair. You'd lent into the character.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I really looked like a nosy neighbour, like hair in rollers or something. And it wasn't dark outside so it felt too early and because it is late in Melbourne. So it's like you're rolling PJs in the afternoon, like get it together. Yeah. But like when does it become like too late in the day or too early at night that you shouldn't be wearing your pyjamas outside?

I have seen a guy in a suit at 8am on a Sunday and was like, oh, he's up to no good. Yeah. Because a suit during the week, you go, fair. But a suit on a Sunday, you go, fuck, long night. Are you either going to church or coming home from a rager? Yeah, that you left work on Friday and it's now Sunday morning. Yeah, and you're about to go and reintroduce yourself to your family.

And the other thing that happened recently. So, hey, did they look at you? Well, yeah, they were like, oh, what? Come on, mate. Well, yeah. Try a bit harder. And I was like, well, I'm just popping something in the bin, popping the bin out.

It's, you know, like it's the, I've had dinner. I'm putting like the stuff from dinner in the bin. Do you want to be the Karen of your street? No. And put up a big sign at the front gate that says, this is a judgment-free zone. No. And everyone will just see that and go, oh.

Obviously not. Then, like, the other day, a bit like your Thursday, like 11am thing, the other day I was working from home and I was wearing tracksuit pants with my T-shirt nightie tucked in. You're really painting some real good pictures here. Well, I'd been wearing the nightie and I was like, oh, a bit chilly. I'll pop some pants on. I'll dress it up a bit.

And just like tucked my nightie in. Is that how you tuck it in? Because the nightie's so long and baggy. The nighties that I wear aren't long. But when you tuck them in, it's like do they go? Yeah. Okay. It goes over the bum normally.

Yeah. Yeah. But anyway, so it keeps me warm. Yeah. It keeps me bum warm. I don't doubt that, yeah. And anyway, so I'm like wearing that and then like a delivery driver came. They ring the bell and I like, and it was like Australia Post,

not like Uber Eats delivery. I think it turned up. Yeah. They were driving something up. Trying something different where that was an opposite day. And it's like midday and I'm wearing my pyjamas because I'm just like working from home and he goes, oh. And I was like, well, yeah,

obviously I haven't had a shower yet today, but like I'm working, like I'm doing stuff. And we're trying to like justify ourselves. And then like, oh, yeah, working from home. Like, I'm doing stuff. And we try to, like, justify ourselves. And then, like, oh, yeah, working from home. Like, ah. Yeah. And then you start trying to, like, but I want to know, is there a time cut off that you can't be seen by another member

of the public in your jammies? I'll tell you what you need to do. Fucking stop wearing a nightie. No. Go to bed in a suit and, like, not risk it ever again. Well, first of all, yes, that sounds hilarious. Something I've noticed, because there's a cafe that opens at 5.30 down the road from my place, and they make good coffee,

so it's fucking awesome. Is that the gold miners rush? Yeah, in research, yeah. What's it called? Yeah, miners gold, miners rush. Rush of gold. Yeah, one of them. Yeah.

Whatever words we just said, it's an order of those. Yeah. Yeah, one of them. Yeah. Whatever words we just said, it's an order of those. When everyone else knows you're a parent, you can do whatever the fuck you want because other parents go, I get it. Been a big one.

I get it. A rough night. When you're rocking at 5.30 going, hey, mate, double shot. Yeah. Latte. Six lattes, mate. Yeah, and they go, yeah. So I think what you need is a hologram of a baby at the front door. Can I borrow Mabel?

Well, the postie only needs to see her once. Once. Then the Australia Post guy goes, oh, you with the kid. Yeah. Because I've. Working mum, you know. I would have been horrified to turn up at a cafe the way I've looked recently because I haven't slept a wink.

I've got food on my clothes. And you just pop on whatever you've got. Yeah, Bridget's shoes will do. I'm just going to grab a coffee, like whatever. And everyone just goes, hey, you've got a kid. All good. Yeah. But when I didn't have a kid, I would have been, again,

horrified to turn up to a cafe looking the way I've looked recently. So what I'm saying is if you've got a kid that you fucking hate, Tony will adopt it. I will look after it, just like Mandy did with you. Yeah. But hopefully you give them back. Mum was a bit greedy. But I feel like.

She hung on. The neighbour needs to see you. And they're like paraded around a little bit. The neighbours see it. So I've got a fake child. The neighbours see it. The Australia Post to see you. And they're like paraded around a little bit. The neighbours see it. I've got a fake child. The neighbours see it. The Australia Post guy sees it. Or do you think it's just if you're a parent,

you can go further from that. Like it buys you more radius. Oh, I've been 15 kilometres from the house. Do you know what I mean? Like maybe you've just got more. And they go, ooh, what's that on your shirt? And I go, oh, my baby spewed on me. And they go, oh, isn't that cute?

And they're like, oh, parent of the year. But when I do it, they go, oh, do you not have a job? And what's, yeah, no, you homeless bitch. Yeah, like people are looking at me like, oh, so you don't have a baby. No one will marry you. And one of the most unfair things ever, when you're a bloke, you parent your child for one minute a day. And you're dad of the fucking year.

Dad of the fucking year. Whereas mums look like me. Yeah, and they're confident. Do you know how hard it fucking year. Dad of the fucking year. Whereas mums look like me. Yeah, yeah. And they're confident. Do you know how hard it is going to the cafe and leaving without a medal? They're like, oh, a dad and a coffee drinker? Here you go, sir. Oh, do you know how many mums are watching this and listening to this

and really angry? Shout out to all the mums. No, well, yeah, they're angry because it's true. And I'm not sticking up for it because it's fucked because Bridget doesn't sleep a wink and she goes to the cafe and the other mums are in their perfect active wear and whatever. And then they see me and they go, oh, look, he's a dad as well. So what I'm actually doing is equalising it. I don't have a kid and I look like shit as well.

If we just could all look like shit, that would be great. It would really take the pressure off everybody. Sisterhood and got to stick up for themselves. We can all look shit together. Parents and non-parents alike, we can all just all look more shit. I think you should try the baby thing. I'll bring babes around for a few days. I just carry Pippa around like, yeah, long night with her.

Yeah. She's still nursing. How do you reckon it would go? That was a joke. That was a joke. Yeah, I know, I know. But imagine you go into a cafe and there's clearly a bit of muck on your shirt and they go, oh, what's going on? And you go, my dog spewed on me.

Because when I say, oh, my newborns threw up, they went, oh. And then you go, my dog spewed on my shirt. That's like you gross bits going home to have a shower. Change your shirt. Squeeze your dog out in the sink. Yeah, and bring it out. Yeah, okay, good areas. No, I'm with you.

So I'll just bundle Pippa. I'll swaddle Pippa. Do you feel like COVID changed it? Like people do legitimately work from home now, you know? Yeah, I reckon it has. And I think people now are also just like, and maybe it's just because I'm a bit older as well, that I'm like I've just thrown on whatever I could because all I need

is a bottle of milk or I'm just popping something in the bin. But I walked out there and I was like, people are still living their lives. Like people are out and about doing things. And I'm in my pyjamas already because I've already had dinner and I'm like winding down for the day. I'm like, oh, I forgot what happens like outside of our front door. Yep, yep. Hey, we're here to take care of you, mate.

Thank you, mate. No. No. I've got a great you'll love to see it. Please. Alex Jacob posted this in our Facebook group and I'll pop a photo up on there. Well, James. Someone will.

James will. Pop a photo up on here. I finally got my tarp tattoo and I'm absolutely stoked. And what a fucking cracking one it is, isn't it? It's huge. So Alex's tattoo, it's like a little spot filler. He's got heaps of tattoos around it. Hey, hey, no, no.

It's not a spot filler. It's a centrepiece. Oh, sorry. Yeah, it is. As you can see if you're watching. There's lots of beautiful tattoos around it. It says Tarp. You love to see it.

And we love to see that. I love to see it. And we love to see that. I love to see that. And it's beautiful, Alex. Thank you for sharing that. It's huge. When I saw a tattoo, I was, yeah. It's a big one. It looks really good though. Click on the link that I sent you. Oh, sorry. Yep. Forgot that I had...

Now, I've sent you the link for the Arkansas Tech Sports website. And when you get it up, let me know and I'll go from there. ArkansasTechSports.com. Has it gone through? The softball roster. Yep, okay, cool.

Shout out to Mr. Wilson and his new job with the Arkansas Tech softball team. Mr. Wilson is on the coaching staff. And scroll down to the bottom and check out Mr. Wilson's title. Sorry, there's a lot of people on the team. Yeah. Oh! Oh! Emotional support coach.

And it's like a big doll with floppy ears. And so not only is he there for emotional support for the girls playing softball at Arkansas Tech, but he's on the roster. It's one thing for him to turn up, but they're going, you know what, he needs his spot on the website. Emotional support coach. And it's good to see people being recognised

for what they do for the community. I'm sure Mr Wilson's been doing great work for years and now he's actually on the payroll. How much do you reckon he's getting paid? Not enough, I would have thought. Yeah, I mean. If he's paying for his own food. Because the guy next to him, who's the guy next to him?

He's a volunteer coach. Yep. But it doesn't say volunteer support coach. It says support coach. Yeah, and do you reckon this is his full-time job or is he, you know, a single mum who works two jobs? That is so freaking cute. And he's got a little green bow tie on in the photo.

Did you see that? He's a professional. Yep, sorry. Yeah, it's a work headshot. Mr Wilson's wife, Mrs Wilson, obviously, in the morning goes, oh, honey, in the morning goes, oh, honey, what are you on today? And he goes, oh, I've got to go get my head shot for the photo.

And she goes, that sounds like a big day. He goes, yeah, it's going to be rough. BJ couldn't do that job because they'd throw the ball and he would just be off. Oh, yeah, he wouldn't be a good coach. Yeah, so the restraint of Mr Wilson would obviously be strong as well. Yeah. And a big shout out to Katie Jo, who's a tarpa. She sent that through to me.

That's amazing. So thank you for that. Oh, well, I hope you have a great season. Arkansas Tech. Arkansas Tech softball roster 2024. Yep. That's amazing. No, I've heard good things.

They're in for a big year. Good on you guys. In for a big year. And, I mean, with that emotional support, I mean, no one can stop you. That's amazing. Mr Wilson on board. He's got a good history of making people happy. Do you think that we need an emotional support coach?

Well, I was thinking if we get the website jazzed up, which I think we're going to because we haven't touched it for four years, maybe we could have a little about sectioning and include the pups. Oh, and Pip and BJ could be, yeah. What would their titles be? Actually, can people answer and we, and Pippa and BJ could be, yeah. What would their titles be? Actually, can people answer and we'll go through it later? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I reckon let us know what you reckon that Pippa's title

and BJ's title could be for the website. I used to call BJ, like, accounts receivable because, like, if you don't pay, like, I'll release the hound kind of thing. But, like, he's such a placid, chill dog. Yeah, no. If you want to pay, the person's like, no. And he's like, whatever. He's asleep already?

Yeah. Oh, I'd love to hear what people want to call the dogs. Let us know. Let us know. We'll be back on Monday. Have a great fucking weekend. Have a great weekend, guys. You want to come down to the farm?

Yeah. Yeah, yep. See you there. Will Pippa go down? Yeah. We'll have to mow the grass because I know she doesn't like the long grass. Well, she just gets lost. Yeah. All right. We'll chat to you Monday. Will Pippa go down? Yeah. We'll have to mow the grass because I know she doesn't like the long grass. Well, she just gets lost. Yeah.

All right. We'll chat to you Monday. Love you. Bye.