Toni and Ryan - 2023 Lineup Announcement

Episode Date: December 4, 2022

THE DAY IS FINALLY HERE! The lineup announcement for Toni and Ryan in 2023 you've allllll been waiting for. I promise, you'll love it. Plus I rap about James Bond, but it seems really inconsequential after the first half of the pod haha love ya!! Toni xoxox Check out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Plus you can find the links to pre-order Toni's book here! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toni.lodge and @ryanjondunn Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the Tony and Ryan podcast, author Tony Lodge, vice captain of the ship Ryan John here, and we're calling Danica, who's in Melbourne. Hello? Danica! Hi Ryan! I'm here with Tony, have I said your name right? Danica, you were close enough. Danica, as soon as I said Danica I went, that's not a real name, Danica sounds more right. Hey, will you approve the podcast? I would fucking love to approve the podcast, guys.

Like, holy shit. Even after that? Yeah. Danica, you're allowed to say no. No, 100%. It wouldn't even matter. You could IM whatever you want me to be. Oh, well, thanks, Sarah.

Don't tell Tony that after a few beers. You fucked my joke because you made another joke. No, you go and I'll pretend to hear it. Okay, well, I said, all good, thanks, Sarah. Tony, look, what a comedian. You should write a book. Hey, guys, it's Danika from Melbourne, Australia, and you're listening to the Tony and Ryan podcast.

Oh, fuck, that's the next one, isn't it? That'll do. Start the show. Sorry. See you next one, isn't it? That'll do. Start the show. Done it. Tony Lodge has never watched a James Bond movie. And as you can hear, now that she's watched her first one, it actually annoys me because I love James Bond and I really wanted you to like this.

And it feels like maybe you didn't love it. All I'll say now is that I wore my badge of having never watched a Bond film with pride and I really wish it wasn't gone now because I didn't love it. Sorry. Sorry to everybody listening. And spoiler alert, we're talking about a Bond film in 20 minutes just in case anybody hasn't seen it.

It's from 2006. He's a spy. Yeah. Oh! Oh! You've got to give people a chance. Sorry, sorry. That's coming up soon.

But as we've let you know, 2023 is going to look a little bit different for this podcast. Tony and Ryan and... I am actually angling for Tony and Ryan. It doesn't make sense. It just sounds like you've had a long break. Because I could just say, Oh, thanks for listening to Tony and Ryan. It doesn't make sense. It just sounds like you've had a long break. Because I could just say, oh, thanks for listening to Tony and Ryan. It'll make sense when we put a name in the gap.

No, but until now, it doesn't make sense. The new person isn't a pause. But that's what you're saying now. This new person was hard to get. They can decide. I put it on Instagram last week. Who do you think the new addition is going to be? And there's been a bit of anxiety, I feel, in the Facebook group and on Instagram because people go, when you've got a good show,

which we do, thank you very much, don't fuck with it. There has been a bit of that. There has been a little bit of that. If an A broke, don't fix it. Exactly right. Because we've all heard of, you know, a ding and a dong and a bling being added or whoever. I don't have a good example.

That was a terrible example. Have you never heard of ding, tong and bling? Well, of course you haven't because ding and dong were great and they added bling and it was a total disaster. That was a, yep, yeah. Okay, we need a third person. If only there was another person to get us out of an awful, uncomfortable moment like this.

All we can say is trust us. People are freaking out. They're going, what's going on? What's going wrong? Something's going to change. You have to trust us. Do you, though? No.

Not legally. They've trusted some of your recommendations. Oh, fuck you. They've trusted more of your recommendations. That was shit. Like fucking James Bond. You made us all sit down on the weekend and watch James Bond. We'll get to that soon.

We'll get to that soon. Some of the guesses people had on Instagram, my favourite guesses, a few people said, is it Pippa? Oh, imagine if Pippi was at work every day. However. Mummy Pippi and Ryan, the podcast. Sorry. Oh, so you put the name in the middle.

Good, you're coming around. Oh, fuck. Yes. However, if you've met Pippa, who I love immensely, you in the middle. Good. You're coming around. Oh, fuck! Yes. However, if you've met Pippa, who I love immensely, you'll know that she's... You've met Pippa. You'll know that she's more of a snorter than a talker. So what would she sound like? Oh, like, did you watch the James Bond film?

She goes... So cute, though. She sounds like a pig. I don't know if that is a put-down. That's just actually what it sounds like. She like oinks. And she chats a lot. Like you can tell the difference between her grumbly oink and like a happy oink. It's very sweet.

Anyway, it's not Pippa. Someone said, is it the original Carla Conti? Just a couple of Contis hanging out. Someone asks, is it the air hog from the airport? I would never get anything done. Imagine if Wheezy was here every single day. And Robert Pattinson, a few people floated. My ex-boyfriend.

That would be too awkward. From MySpace. The sexual tension. It wasn't on MySpace. If I fucking have to tell you one more time, it was on Facebook. Sorry, it's raw. It's a raw wound. The new team member will laugh. I've recently written a book. There is a raw wound. The new team member of All Wow.

I've recently written a book. There is a whole chapter about Robert Pattinson in there and, you know, our love over the years. Anyway. Here's the top five guesses, though, because there are a lot of people guessing. Number five, Samantha Andrew, who we love. She is awesome.

She's hilarious. It is not her. She would be great, actually. She would be great. Annoyingly great. We should have thought of her first. Number four was Tanya Hennessy. Another great guest.

Another great guest. Because you guys have worked together before. Yep. I didn't realise how many tarpers from Canberra or lived in Canberra when the Ryan and Tanya. Souton. Souton. When Ryan and Tanya were on Hit 104.7. Oh.

Showed up. Canberra's number one hit music station. Mitch Coombs was number three, third most requested. Mitch Coombs is a very good friend of mine. That would make sense. I really like him. I find him perfect. I really like him.

Christian Hull. Christian's been on the show. Yep. And number one has also been on the show, Maddie McRae. People, a lot of guesses for Maddie. She was on last week. Everyone loved hearing her, but it's not her either. That's a great guess, though.

Maddie would be good. So none of those guesses were correct. No. Did anybody guess correctly? Yep. Did they? A lot of correct guesses. All right.

Well, lay it on us. What started out as Tony and Ryan? And I guess with the uno you know, the unofficial team of Torbs and Bridget and BJ and Pip. Our hanger-ons. Our hanger-ons. So there's six of us basically in the business, non-business. Yep.

Well, it's a business now. It is a business. Next year in 2023, Bridget and I are welcoming a baby girl to the family. The team is growing. So you don't have to stress there's no more co-hosts. It's just a baby. Well, not just a baby.

Are you joking? It's our baby. Just a baby. I feel like I'm also carrying the baby. I'm so excited for you guys. Tell that to my wife, Bridget, who is incredibly sick at the moment. She hasn't been very well. We've had nights in the hospital.

But I'm glad you also feel like you're carrying the child. But we would love to flag, though, while she has had time unwell, everything is healthy, perfect. Like, great journey, just has been a bit of a rough trot. I don't know if it's a wife. Like, there's so many wives' tales and myths and theories and stuff that you find out on the internet. But we were told, like, oh, if you're really sick, it's probably a girl.

Oh, my God, they were right. And they were right. And then if you're really sick, it's a good thing because it means it's like it's working. Sure. You know, it's doing its thing. Like if you couldn't feel anything, you're like, are you sure I'm pregnant? Yeah.

And, yeah, I guess it kind of reiterates like, oh, there's something going on in there in a good way because I'm feeling it and it's happening. Yeah. Yeah. So so next year a baby girl i'm daughter will be joining us i'm daughter daughter we're gonna have a daughter that's the coolest thing ever i am oh i'm so thrilled for you guys so where you've known for a while because there was a time when every second day I was like, oh, I can't make it to work. I'm going for a walk. Yeah, and I'm like. I know you.

You don't walk, mate. Yeah. And so there was a few too many scans and checkups and I was just like, hey, mate. It was fairly early on as well. Yeah. And I was so honoured. I was overwhelmed when you told me and so honoured that I was, like,

included in your, like, tiny circle very early on. I know that you were honoured because I could actually tell that you were, like, fishing for how many people know because you needed to know where you were on the hierarchy. You know how you do that. Oh, who else knows? Yeah. Oh, yeah, we're planning on telling you.

But did you tell them before me? Yeah. Or did you tell me before them? Okay, okay. Yeah, okay. Did your mum know? And you're like, obviously. And're planning on telling you. But did you tell them before me? Yeah. Or did you tell me before them? Okay, okay. Yeah, okay. Did your mum know? And you're like, obviously. Obviously.

And you're like, oh. Oh, okay. Decided to tell Mandy. All right. Not even blood related. Interesting. Interesting. What about them?

And I was like, the story is about being pregnant here, Tony. Yeah, yeah. I'm like, oh, my God. Back to why we're here. You know when someone tells you something and you comment on and they finally post on Instagram and you go, oh, my God, so glad we can tell people just so that other people know that you knew before they did?

That's the biggest dick move. It is. And first of all, don't say anything in the episode three. Yes. Yeah, we don't want to spoil it for anybody. We'll wait. Say great news. Congrats.

Don't name names. Don't say anything. Don't ruin the surprise. But you know what I already fucking hate? Is, you know, we'll probably put a picture on Instagram or something. Bridget's page, my page. And you, Tony, Felicia Lodge are going to roll in and say. So glad we can tell people.

It's been such a hard secret to keep. It has though. We talk to to keep. It has, though. We talk to each other for a living. There's been so many things where Ryan goes, oh, like I can't really talk about X, Y, Z because the funny thing at the parking garage happened because we were going for a scan or, you know, so it has actually been really difficult not to just like blurt it out.

Yeah, and so we've been trying for five years. Wow. And is that like now? Are you kind of at the point where you're like? We've got through the scans that are like we're comfortable saying it out loud. They're really early, yeah. Yeah, because like because you've been waiting that long,

you just there wasn't that big glorious Hollywoodllywood moment i know you've never been there but this big glorious hollywood moment because you the first scan you're like oh it looks like we're pretty and then you go but the next one then we'll know for sure that everything's okay and then you get to the next one they go cool yeah but at the next scan we test for like these stuff and so the whole you never really until this child finishes high school i won't be convinced that it's real because like i said we've been trying for so long like let's not get ahead of ourselves let's not like you know like let's just really make sure and because you're so excited and you want it so bad that kind of you don't want to get ahead of yourself but also you want to be like i want to be excited

so the one of the reasons we got this house is because we were living in a beyonce's airbnb we were living in a one- Beyonce's Airbnb. Beyonce's Airbnb. We were living in a one-bedroom house. And we found out before the auction that Bridget was pregnant. Big week. Big week. Fucking big week. A house and a baby.

A house and a baby. Literally within 48 hours. And for those 48 hours, because our house, it was tiny. It was literally one bedroom. It was really small. And I started being like- Where's this fucking baby going to go? Where's this baby going to go?

Where are we going to put the stuff? Oh, my God, this is great. And then trying to keep the secret because there's just like, there's an obvious room at our house, which will be the baby's room. Yeah. And people come around and you go, and this room is the, just a spare room. This room is for craft.

Ryan, you've never, craft. Tony's coming around to do craft. So, yeah, it is – we are now feeling comfortable and confident. Still really nervous and anxious, but we've been trying for five years. We're both 35. Wow. And, I mean, I don't look a day over 29. But when I was 30 – actually, this might have been just before I was 30.

Bridget and I – well, I made a podcast with Bridget called Am I Ready to Be a Father? Because for the first 30 years of my life, I never thought I would be a dad. It wasn't something on my radar. I didn't think I'd be like very good at it. It just didn't seem like I just didn't know what to do. And what do you do when you're scared of something?

You just like avoid it. Yeah, and you go, well, how about I just don't try that thing out. And what do you do when you're scared of something? You just like avoid it. Yeah, and you go, well, how about I just don't try that thing out? Yeah, there's a lot going on there. I don't know what to do. Maybe I'll just not. And it was really important for Bridget. So the crazy thing now is that five years later I've got this audio of Bridget and I having conversations about should we start a family or not?

Oh. And should I play a little bit? What a nice little memory. Yeah, I can't wait to play this for the daughter when they're old enough to comprehend. Yeah. Like this is me trying not to have you. Yeah.

But this is audio from five years ago. Fuck. And spoiler alert, we decided to try to have a family. Yeah, so if you listen to the podcast. Yeah, you know how it finishes. But this is Bridget and I. This is like the trailer for the show, but just to give you a vibe of where we were at five years ago.

I want kids. I want a family. I want to be a mum. That's all I've ever wanted. My name is Ryan and that's my beautiful girlfriend, Bridget. Now, when talking about having children, a lot of us guys will nervously say, oh yeah, maybe one day. But with Bridget. Now when talking about having children a lot of us guys will nervously say oh yeah maybe one day but with Bridget and I both turning 30 this year we're

both very aware that the biological clock is well and truly ticking. I reckon when I was younger I thought I was going to be a mum at like 25, 26 maybe. So does it make you feel sad that at 30 you don't have kids um i'd say making me sad is like the wrong thing to say i want them more now than i ever have do you think i'll be a good dad i think it'd be a great day it'll be awesome mom you reckon yeah you'll be real good i'll be baby i already look after you. I was trying to say I love you, you're supposed to say I love you back. I love you too.

This podcast is called Am I Ready To Be A Father? And in this series, you'll hear me try to figure out work-dad balance. You'll hear me try to get over the fear of being a bad dad. And I'll learn just how serious the consequences of my decision really are. So we've known each other for about three years and been together for about two years. When did you start sizing me up not just as a potential suitor but as a potential father

for your kids? I think really early on I think I said to you I want to be a mum, I want to have kids like if that's something you don't want, walk away. You said, you need to tell me now so I can find someone who does. Yeah, because that's a big thing for me. So that was five years ago. And the crazy thing is, is that we, you know, we go and have these conversations and I speak with a lot of other dads. Yeah.

I don't know if, like, I've always been pretty like what's the word independent you know oh I might just go and do this the Savo cruise around and then suddenly go hang on am I allowed to do this am I gonna sleep again like and so like I was saying before I was so scared of being a bad dad or not knowing what to do I was just sort of avoiding it and then Bridget's like well I mean if you're not doing this let me know because it's in my plans and And if it's not with you, then I'll. And that's fine. But I'm not going to. Yeah.

But what is really strange is you go, okay, we've decided we're going to start a family. So I assumed that nine months and three days later, you know. Here's the baby. Here's the baby. See you later, sleep. And as probably a lot of people know, trying to get pregnant is fucked. It's also the process. But as soon as I said that, I got it.

That's funny. Things you can say while trying to have a baby are not something that you remember. Words have to say. But, yeah, it's actually kind of fucked. And it's weird because in high school. And your early 20s. I just remember in health class, they're like,

if you look at a girl at a party, your life's over because she's pregnant the moment you look at it. You touched her leg, triplets. Twins, it's over. And, you know, it's like this, it's so easy to get pregnant. Don't do this, don't do that, you've got to be careful about this. And then you think, fuck, like sometimes when you're like, I don't know if this is going to happen,

you're like, I'd give anything to have accidentally had a kid back then. I was trying so hard to not have a kid. But you also just think it's so easy when in reality it's actually not. Yeah, and so because Bridges 35, it actually says the word, I can't believe they still use this word. On the forms it says geriatric. Which is like such a punch in the face. Right.

You're like trying to get your body to communicate with itself. It's like the nurse wheels you in. There's an old girl here. Is she the mum or the grandma? But you know what I mean? You're just sitting there going, I'm in a really vulnerable position.

I'm just trying to make my dreams come true. Absolutely. Now, Bridge, very successful winemaker. And it's sort of weird now because of like hustle culture and whatever. But you know her quite well, not as just my partner, but you guys used to work together. Yeah.

So like Bridge and I are friends separate to you and I. She's just always wanted to be a mum. And she goes, it's kind of strange because it's like not cool to say that anymore. Yeah. Like, everyone has to be, like, a she-boss. Hang on, what's the word? What's the word?

Girl-boss. She-boss. That makes it sound like a villain in a superhero movie. It's sort of, like, not acceptable to go, oh, I actually just really want to be a mum and I love family and stuff. So this is all, like, she's ever wanted. And we always wanted, wanted like a beautiful, like safe space, home, full of love with our family.

Bridge grew up going to like boarding schools and stuff. I just lived with my mum and moved around a little bit. So for us just this like big family house that we can just, you know. Grow old in. Grow old in. Play in the backyard. It's all we've ever wanted. And so the fact that it's sort of coming together is incredible and i think i've told you this before but um

the one thing that i've always wanted and tony's probably gonna roll her eyes because i've said this like a thousand times no it's lovely i just want to like sit on the couch and have the baby in my arms and the dog like on my lap and bridge on the couch and i should be all on the couch sit in front of the fire and it's like there's nothing else I actually really want in this world. Like that's the vision you have. That's the vision. Everyone when they have their like dreaming of the future vision,

whatever that might be for you, whether it is, like I said, the flashy cars or the clothes or living in a different country or whatever the dream job might be, I've just always just pictured and does that mean I'm like I just picture being on the couch? I'm never doing anything in the gym. I'm never like making the kid breakfast or like walking the dog. It's just like we're on the couch sitting. Well, I mean, it is a pretty good dream.

It is a pretty good dream, yeah. And I don't know if this is a really weird thing to say. I'm going to actually get fucking judged for this because Bridget hates it because I mentioned it to her yesterday. I think I've thought about the moment the baby arrives or the actual birth four or five times. Sure. Is that?

That's probably a bit low. Okay. The thing I've thought about 10,000 times is bringing the baby into the house and introducing the baby to the dog. Is that something I should admit? There's a lot of those videos on Facebook. They're so fucking cute. And the dog's like, oh, my God, I'm your protector.

I love you. They are cute. I'm like, BJ, meet our daughter. This is your little sister, Bron. Oh, little sister, this is your older brother, Bron. He'll take care of you. I think it is very cute that you thought about that 10,000 times. I would think about the birth a little bit more because I'm sure that Bridget's actually

thought about the birth about 65 million times because, you know, it's her body on the line. She's the one doing the work. As I say it out loud and as I hear you explain it. Yeah. But I get it because I guess like I've known you for what, two years now, and it's been like a big part of your personal life the whole time I've known you. And as we've gotten closer, being able to understand the fucking fire and passion and want that you guys have for like wanting this family is really special and it couldn't happen to someone better.

And it's like such a blessing. And I don't want children of my own, but it's not because I don't love them. Like I'm going to love the fuck out of this baby. Oh, my God. I'm going to love it so much. You're going to be that rich auntie in an Audi. I'm the rich aunt at Christmas that gets drunk.

And the good presents? Yeah, good presents. Look at me and listen to what I'm about to tell you. Oh, my God. I am going to be so much cooler than you. Listen, no. No. I'm a cool auntie to my nieces and nephews already.

I know you are. They fucking love you. Yeah. You will not buy my beautiful daughter's love and make her love you more than me. Yes, I will. With your sweet presence. Do you know, because I'll be the good mother. Oh, my God.

I forgot about that. Can you please be this child's God? I'll be the godmother. Oh, my God, I forgot about that. Can you please be this child's god? I'll be the baby's godmother. I mean, we're obviously not having a godmother, Father, because I don't really know what that means. I don't know what it means either, but can I be the godmother? Okay. Purely so I can hear that voice, yes, Tony will be the godmother.

So let's just pretend that you're coming over for the first time to meet your goddaughter. Hang on, okay. Yeah, all right. Okay, Tony's got her phone to her face. Is that supposed to be a- It's a cigar. Oh, right.

Okay. Don't you worry, toots. I'll protect you. I'm your good mother. Okay, so I've got a few issues, which I'll point out on a video. You've held up the phone as a cigar, but then your other hand, you're like smoking a cigarette. Oh, no, this is the Italian hand. Oh, sorry. I'm your good mother. Looks good, doesn't it? I'm your good mother. cigar but then your other hand you're like smoking a cigarette no this is the italian hand oh sorry

i'm your good mood looks good doesn't it i'm your good mood and i'll come and i'll be dripping in gold jewelry you fucking will be yeah um don't buy them alcohol until they're 18 damn it okay um no honestly please come over whenever you like i'm really really excited for you guys like these things they take a village. And Torbs and I are just really proud to like be part of your family, be part of your village and help you guys out and just see this happen. Because honestly, like I know it sounds so cliche, but it really is a blessing.

And I'm just so, so excited for you. Like what an amazing part of your life. And thank you for not only sharing it with me, your best friend. Okay, yep, godmother of your child. Thank you for not only sharing it with me but with everybody. Like this is a vulnerable and exciting and lovely and soft time in your life. To be able to share it with thousands of people all around the world is exciting but also thank you.

Well, you're welcome. All good. All good. Sorry, I just got lost because when you said it takes a village, I for some reason thought you were going to say it takes a village and I'm the village bicycle. I don't know why that's what went wrong. Everyone's hopped on.

Okay. But what I will finish on is that as you heard in that audio before, what? Sorry, this is a really beautiful moment talking about your daughter. No, that's not how you have daughters, by finishing on. You have it by finishing in. Can I tell you a joke that me and Bridget have told 50 times? So in our old house, we had to park on the street. There's no garage, whatever.

And because I'm a gentleman, I always, like, drive and I'll, like, get the car out because it's sort of hard to get in the passenger side. Yeah, because it was, like, trees and stuff. And then so all the time I'm like, oh, hang on, Bridget, I'll pull out for you. And then we both looked at each other and went, well, not if you want a baby.

Five years. Five years. Five years. And now, I don't know. What are you going to do? Retire from comedy, I guess. Not me, though. The good mother. As you heard in that audio before,

all Bridget's really wanted to do is be a mum. Great career as a winemaker and she's in beer at the moment and she'll probably get back to that at some stage. But all she's really wanted to do is this. And not only is she really wanted to do it, but I just know how great she will be because she has got this old nonna soul, you know what I mean? She does, yeah.

She loves getting the family around the table. She loves cooking. She loves taking care of people. Like her love language, I guess, is service. She shows her love by doing things and helping and being there and giving you a hug loves taking care of people. Like her love language, I guess, is service. She shows her love by doing things and helping and being there and giving you a hug and taking care of everything. And the fear that like the thing she would be best at she wouldn't have got a chance to do was like sort of terrifying.

And felt like unfair. Oh, yeah. It's like imagine, it's like a sports analogy for everything, but like Michael Jordan was never allowed to play basketball. You know, blah, blah, blah. Like let people. Big shoes to fill. Literally, he has massive feet.

Thanks for explaining my joke. So you already gave up the comedy. I'm going to be a dad. Wait for the humour to really. Wind down. Curl tail. But, you know, when you get over 35, every month, every cycle is you're a slightly less chance than the one before. And then that pressure and that pressure. And I'm like,

she's going to be so great. And she might not get to do it. Like, I know that was, I wouldn't say a burden, but like, it was, you know, something that definitely weighed on my mind that I definitely wanted to be a part of that. And five years ago committed to, you know, I was like, we're going to do this thing. Like, let's do it. And then, oh, I mean, I know I didn't like choose not to do it for five years. But you kind of go, oh, well, we flick the switch. Where's the baby?

Yeah, 100%. So the relief and excitement that I get to see Bridget be a mum and I get to have a little daughter, it's going to be great. And I can't wait to be sitting on that couch. Yep. My daughter in the arms, BJ just curled up on the lap and Bridge Royal just snuggled in on the couch in front of the fire. And I'm on the ground with a good mother. I'm there too.

Yep. And what I always believe is that what comes after a beautiful moment is someone rapping about Casino Royale. I've always said that. That's been my number two rule of life and I'll see it through now. Hey guys, it's Sneaker from Melbourne, Australia, and you're listening to the Tony and Ryan podcast. All right. Thank you so much.

We've all just dabbed our tears away from your beautiful, vulnerable baby reveal. A little daughter is coming. Our daughter. She's everyone's daughter. I cannot wait to smooch that little baby on the face. Pippi and your daughter. I cannot wait to smooch that little baby on the face. Pippi and your daughter. Can we? You said pump the brakes talking about the BJ and now you're inviting your daughter.

Can we give? So when my mum was pregnant with me, she called me Ernie. Right. So that people wouldn't go, how's the baby? Or like, how's Barb? Or whatever. They would go, how's Ernie? Can we give your daughter a name so that I don't have to keep saying

your daughter or your baby's on the way? Daughter McDaughterface is what she'll be referred to for the next few months. What, did you get a fucking primary school to vote on? Well, that's going to be, well, hang on, we're about to talk about the poll about James Bond. Yep. We will do a poll, I haven't ran this past Bridget,

on the baby's name in Patreon. No, we're not doing that. Let the Tarpers choose. It actually will then be called Daughter McDaughter Fest. Let the Tarpers choose. A big thank you to all of you about Jammy and Tarpers. We fucking love to see it. And Alicia Vaughan, thank you so much for being part of the Patreon.

Beck Elliott, Zach Grease, and Brett Steves. Something else that they get to do every week is vote on the movies we watch. Unfortunately for me, I mentioned last week that I'd never seen a James Bond movie and my life was infinitely better. I guess I'm not surprised because I love James Bond. I think even when I was a kid I just loved spy movies. It was like a thing that I really liked.

So I really got into the James Bond and even when I was little I liked the old ones and stuff. I just really wanted you to like it because I like it. The thing is, is that I'm not going to hang shit on it because I can see why people like it. Yeah. But for me, I'm like, get to the fucking point. They stretch me out a bit, eh?

Like, two and a half fucking hours of not a whole fucking lot. They haven't spoken to Tony 80 Minute Lodge. Thank you. That is my name. Tony 80 Minute Lodge. But we wound back the clock and you, I think, did a really good job of picking lots of different Bond movies. Well, I picked different actors because that goes through eras.

Which I think that's the key. Yeah. So we were choosing between Moonraker with Roger Moore from 1979, which got 1% of votes. Did not do well. Goldfinger, Sean Connery, sorry, 1964, 19%. Give us your Sean Connery accent. They're coming for the boats.

That's pretty fucking good. Hunt for the Red October. That's pretty good, isn't it? I thought I was in a Bond movie. I know. Golden Eye with Pierce Brosnan, 1995, 20%. Overwhelmingly, and I say this every week, but overwhelmingly 59% of votes went to Casino Royale

with Daniel Craig from 2006, which was his first Bond. His first one, yeah. Now, yesterday you and I are sitting at the TARP office. Yeah, we work a lot. Working on our laptops. Big dogs. And suddenly I see Tony struggling not to piss herself, literally hand on vagina, holding it all in because you had seen something

and you were like fucking lost it. And I was like, what's happening? And you go, I'll tell you on the pod, but don't look at the comment thread in Patreon about Casino Royale. What could have been that funny? It's not that funny. No, I think it's really funny. Next to all of the titles of which Bond film was an option,

so there's four options, you put the actors in so that obviously would paint the picture of which Bond it was. And through the thing, like through all of the comments, there was like 70 comments or something, and everyone was talking about which one that they thought they should win or whatever, and a lot of people kind of go, oh, it shows the age of a lot of the tapas seeing that Daniel Craig, his Bond is winning because you're all young and you don't remember the good old days.

The classics. Do you reckon it's like that whoever the Bond was when you were a specific age is the Bond in your mind? I think so, yeah, or whichever was like the first one that you watched or something. Yep. And there's a comment here from Joachim, and I hope he doesn't mind me naming his name, Schmachim.

Oh, it could be anyone. And his comment said, come on, people. Casino Royale is not that good. What? Okay, rude. Righto, mate. Look, Craig David is a great actor for sure, but he is not James Bond.

Hang on, Craig. Craig David. Playing on, Craig. Craig Daniels. Playing Bond on Monday. I was shooting gangsters on Tuesday. Chat to Em on Wednesday. Chasing Russians and Koreans on Thursday. Sadly, his movie's not that good. Maybe could have worked as a standalone series.

Did I write Daniel Gray? sadly his movie's not that good. Maybe could have worked as a standalone series. So... Did I write Daniel Craig? No, you wrote Daniel Craig, yeah. But obviously Craig David has just like slipped off the tongue kind of thing. It looks kind of the same. And Schmuckheim has kind of gone into bat for how Craig David is a great actor but just not his Bond. What has he acted in?

That's fine. If that's your choice. What's your flavour? Tell me what's your flavour, Bond. If you're saying his only acting credits are in his own music videos. Then, I mean, that is a standalone series technically. I believed his character when he said, I want to get down by Wednesday. I just fucking lost it.

Because all I'm imagining is Craig David with his, like, felt hat. Do you remember that? Remember the hat he used to wear, like the fluffy hat? And he's in Bond. He's like, hey, y'all. He's got the gun and stuff. But do you know what I'm a bit confused about is because obviously Bond spans over, like, millions of years.

Like, the first movie was in, like, fucking 1910s or something. 60s. Sure. Is it supposed to be the same person? Yeah. Or is Bond like a job? Nah. So James Bond is like the character's name and it's the same person the whole time.

It's the same person. Yeah. He just gets like recast. Yeah. Sure. So each movie, in the Casino Royale, sorry, in the Daniel Craig era, there's kind of flows on a little bit. Sure. It doesn't completely reset.

But the thing that changes over time, and this is just like the nature of doing something for 60 years, is different actors have a slightly different take. Totally. And then directors change. So back in the 70s, they were like kind of like comedies, like a bit silly. Like a bit silly. And, you know, the guns were like, like like kind of like comedies. Like a bit silly. And you know the guns

were like, ba-ching! Or they'd do a stunt and it would just be like, well that's ridiculous. Or he's just shot a guy through his own legs through a whatever. And so it was a bit... So it's really realistic. It was like comedy unrealistic.

And then it got more serious and a bit darker and then it changes and it comes and goes in ebbs and flows. But it's supposed to be the same guy. Because then I was like, is Bond a job title? You know how like the Pope or like- James Bond or the Pope. And then I was like, maybe Bond isn't supposed to be the same person. It's like just-

A job title. Yeah, because, you know, like. Like, for instance, you're an actress who plays the role of Tony Lodge on this podcast. Yeah. But if, heaven forbid, something happened to you, we were to hire another person to play the role of Tony Lodge. Tanya Hennessy, Maddie McRae, they're all interested.

Daughter McDaughterface, also available. Oh, Pippi is also available. Anyway, but, yeah, so I was a bit confused. But I have written a rap, of course, and I'm actually quite proud of this one. Can you just – can I ask a question? Yeah, a question. And I know you've already written the rap, so it's sort of irrelevant. Exactly.

So I can't actually take anything out now. Can I ask a question anyway? It's a very delicate balance, yes. Because I love James Bond, and I don't know why. I just watched him heaps when I was younger, and I've got a bit of a nostalgia thing. I think that's fair enough. To the franchise as a whole. Yeah.

Are you going to like shit can it? No. I actually, no. I don't. Okay. I can accept that you like mightn't have loved it, but I also don't want you to just like fucking hate it. But I know that this is something you like, so I definitely haven't dragged it.

Okay. Well, I've written a rap about Pippa, so. That you'll perform if I. Well, like just so I know the level. Okay. Great. Actually, I couldn't dragged it. Okay. Well, I've written a rap about Pippa. That you'll perform if I... Well, like, just so I know the level. Okay. Great. Actually, I couldn't do that. I love Pippa too much.

I was going to say, that seems really nasty. I'd never say that about daughter McDaughterface. Well, not to her face. No. Especially not at the moment. Not at the moment, yeah. I just scream into Bridget's vagina. Your dad likes shit movies.

And from Bridget's time, we just hear... Fuck you, Bond's good. Yeah, I love James Bond. Alright, would you like to hear my answer? Here we go. Ladies and gentlemen, MC T-Lodge. Alright, T-Lodge. 2022. James Bond. My first time

watching a James Bond. To be honest, it kind of drags on. He thinks he's a sex symbol. You know, walking out the sea, world famous scene. Fancy boats and expensive suits. Don't want to be around when someone shoots. All those bullets he can dodge, but you can call me

Lodge. Tony Lodge. Yeah! Do-do-do-do-do-do! That was sick! Has that made you feel things? It fucking has. I was obviously nervous. Yep.

Weren't we all? When you said when Daniel Craig came out of the sea, I expected you to say, and we could see his D because of the little shorts. Maybe a missed opportunity. Sorry, you've got to edit notes. Edit notes, okay? Good to know. But the fact I love James Bond so much and the fact I hate that you didn't love it is actually superseded by the end

because that was the best rap yet. Was it the Lodge? Tony Lodge? Because he says Bond. James Bond. I'm aware of that. Yeah, okay. It's quite famous.

Don't know who's famous. Thanks for letting me know, bud. That was actually great. Thank you. James Bond. I'm aware of that. Yeah, okay. It's quite famous. Don't know who's going to know. Thanks for letting me know, bud. That was actually great. Thank you. Thank you. Have you got a You Love To See It? I do. Oh, I fucking hate My You Love To See It.

Oh, do you? Yeah. Do you want to go first? Okay. Then? Sorry, that was pretty rude. I just invited you to do yours and then you started doing mine. No, no, no.

No, you go. You just said you hate it, but okay. I love Spotify Rapped, but I hate my music choices and I you started doing mine. No, no, no. No, you go. You just said you hate it, but okay. I love Spotify wrapped, but I hate my music choices and I'm embarrassed. And as a genuine, you love to see it. Like so many people have shared their stories and showed how much they're listening to our podcast. Yeah.

And it's such a great ego boost to be quite honest. It is such a great ego boost. But to see that people all around the world are enjoying our podcast, it's really nice because we started last year and we weren't really sure what was going to happen and the fact that people are loving it. It's been a huge fucking year. It's been a fucking year.

You've changed our lives, so thank you so much. Oh, I couldn't say it better than myself. Without you, our baby would be hungry. So I love that part of Spotify raps. What I don't like... Is that it ats you. I've been attacked. There's no anxiety like pre-rapped anxiety.

My top five. Yep. Number one, Young Gravy. Of course. You're a huge fan of Young Gravy. You're seeing him when he comes to Australia, aren't you? Surely you would be. I was going to let you buy me that fur.

If you got me in the Kris Kringle Secret Santa. That is actually not what I bought you, but that would have been a good idea. I expected that. I deliberately didn't buy tickets to your show, assuming you would get that. Well, see, then I thought... So, Ra, I'll explain my thinking.

I was going to buy you tickets because you buy me lots of tickets, and then I was like, is that lame if I just buy you tickets? So I honestly, like, purposely didn't, because I was like, maybe it just seems like I'm, like, phoning it in. I'll get you some. I'll order them after this. Are you saying tickets are phoning it in?

No, no, no. Because I hear that. No, me copying what you do. Okay. You know? Because that's your thing. I'll be flattered. Tickets are your thing.

I'll buy them after this. Anyway. Number one, Young Gravy. Number two, The Weeknd. That's fair from you. You listen to The Weeknd a lot. Yeah, and I just like a big back catalogue of his old stuff in my favourites list that gets a bit of a workout.

But three, four and five are pretty fucking interesting. And I told Bridget she pissed herself laughing. And when I say pissed herself laughing, given the circumstances, literally almost pissed herself. Yeah, I was going to say, the weak bladder at the moment. And Bridget said, if you truly believe in comedy, you will let Tony read those. Oh, okay. I'm on Bridget said, if you truly believe in comedy, you will let Tony read those. Oh, okay.

I'm on Bridget's side. Are you telling or am I telling? You tell. Are you fucking 50 going through a divorce? You look like you're having a fucking legit midlife crisis. Number three, John Butler trio. Divorce. You look like you're having a fucking legit midlife crisis. Number three, John Butler trio. Can I say these three things I'd like to say?

Actually, your top five. All the things separately, I don't have a problem with really. Yeah, it's the combination. It's like if you ask me if I wanted a drink and then put like a car in it, I'd go, look, a car is fine, a drink is fine, but in the same cup, I don't know. Do you want a coffee? Yeah. Do you want an extra shot?

Do you want a sugar? Or a surfboard? Yeah. John Butler Trio. I remember that John Butler Trio existed in July and just had like a heavy month. It seems like you had more than that. No, like a very heavy month.

Fuck. Flo Rida. Yeah. Welcome to my house. Play that music so loud. In your defence, that's a great song. That's a fucking, first of all, that's a fucking banger. You know what else is a great Flo Rida song?

It's going down for real. Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do. You know that song? I fucking love that song. I've never heard that song. Go again. What? GDFR?

Please play that for me. Sorry, I've got to play it because it's such a good song. I can't actually remember searching or ever playing Flo Rida, though. And I'm not calling Spotify a liar. I know what you came here to see. If you're a freak, then you're coming on with me. I still don't know this song yet. Oh, it's going to hit? Oh, that song, yeah.

Get the horn out, girl. I looked pretty hot then, I think. Yeah, you did. Did I have sweat patches on my jumper? No. It's pretty warm this year. A lot of lights in here today. That's a great song.

Sorry. Oh, well, see, don't laugh at me for having stuck with you. No, that's what I'm saying. All the things separately are fine. Have you got any apple-bottom jeans? And then finally the getaway plan. I'm not so mad about that because I love the getaway plan. They are fantastic.

Great band. If I've learned They are fantastic. Great band. If I've learned anything from this. Great song. If you're not from Melbourne and didn't have an emo era in the mid-2000s, you probably wouldn't know them. But I did, and so I do. And it's happening now. You're right.

Am I mid-divorce? Yeah, it's like you're trying to impress all three of your kids at once. Well, hang on. What's yours then? I really thought that I was going to sell myself out just like you did, but mine actually has turned out not terribly wrong. So my top artist for the year was Blink-182. Of course. I'm actually in the top 0.5% of Blink-182 listeners for the year.

That does not surprise me. I listened to 1,714 minutes of Blink-182 this year. Holy fuck. I know. That's a lot of small things. My top artists were my top five. Blink-182 at the top. Yep.

Lorde. Of course. Childish Gambino. Yes. The Wombats. Fuck yeah. And Kanye West. I mean, you did all the listening pre-November?

Exactly. Exactly right. That's the cool five. Do you think that's a cool five? That's a fucking cool five. I'm not that... You can be proud of that five. The last like six weeks, I've listened to fucking nothing but Taylor Swift.

And she didn't even get a look in. Well, she had a new album. I don't think it would be embarrassing to have Taylor Swift on there, by the way. Oh, no, but then what's it going to be like? Fucking Lorde and Taylor Swift. I'm like a 12-year-old girl. And people are like, oh, did you also listen to Jojo Siwa?

Like, what the fuck? That would have been so embarrassing. Well, you obviously listened to a lot of the others. I did. I did. I have a very quick hill I have to see if you don't mind me sharing. So last week or the week before, you mentioned about a few businesses who had obviously selected their business

name before realising that smushed together in a username or on a website, how it might look. I've seen this. And this fucking sent me, I could not share it. So this brand that we all know and love. I am a consumer. it. So this brand that we all know and love. I am a consumer. Volkswagen. Volkswagen.

Volkswagen have actually got an Instagram page in every region. Yep, Volkswagen Australia. There's an Australia, there's a USA, there's a Germany. There's also a Volkswagen Italia. Italia. And I just want you to read out how you read this when you look at Volkswagen Italia's Instagram page. So it's no spaces or gaps or dots.

It's Volkswagen Italia. But if I were to read that, Volkswagen Genitalia. Like you look at it and all you can see is Genitalia. Yeah, the G really stands out of the Valsua again. Yeah. And Genitalia. Now, I don't say the words Genitalia stares you right in the face lightly. But.

When you look at that page, what is staring you in the face? The Genitalia. It's looking at you in the eye. Valsua Genitalia. Don't do the eye thing. Sorry. I love that at you in the eye. Bolsoir. Genitalia? Don't do the eye thing. Sorry. I love that from Bridesmaids. Thanks, yeah. This is the boss. I fucking

lost it. Amanda Keller posted it on Instagram last night and I literally almost passed away. I laughed so fucking hard. And the great thing about it is that they probably didn't realise because Who didn't check that? I'm guessing that, like, genitalia is probably, like, not a word in Italy.

It is in English. But, like, so they probably wouldn't have even noticed. But the great thing is is that now it's gone viral. But they're verified. And when you're verified, you can't change your username. Think of the companies that we've worked for, where if they, like, changed the branding or the font, how many people would like, oh, the brand manager needs to check,

oh, but before we sign off, the director has to do this and the agency said blah, blah, blah. It's like some 18-year-old Italian bloke's like, Italy, genitalia, all good, sign. But, like, I think that they probably just didn't think about it and then when it Do you reckon they're judging us? They're like, all those immature fuckheads

in the western world think it's real funny that it's genitalia. But really, us here in Italy are better than that. Our brows are higher. Well, it's also funny because in the page description, obviously it translates to the official Volkswagen page on Instagram. Yep.

And could you read out what page is? Ben Vinti Nella, vagina. Speaking of genitalia. I'll put it in my vagina. My Instagram vagina. What word is that trying to say? I'm guessing it's page, like our new Instagram page. Where do I put that photo?

I'll check out my vagina. Yeah, they were supposed to sign up to OnlyFans. Do you want to subscribe to my vagina? Do you want to have a look at my Instagram vagina? It's unverified, but it's still nice. Got lots of likes. Thank you so much for listening. Tomorrow we are back with things you can say in the theme park

and also in the bedroom. Yep. And just, I mean, chat about Daughter McDaughterface. Tony, Ryan and Daughter McDaughterface. 2023 lineup is locked in. I'm very, very excited for you guys. This is so exciting. I'm excited for you.

I can't wait to meet the... Good mother. That's what this story is really about. You're the hero of this tale. At the end of the podcast, I'll have to go, Good mother, love you, bye. Meow. Meow, I'm your god, meow.