Toni and Ryan - 5 Ways To Be Cool

Episode Date: July 22, 2025

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The five things that scientifically make you cool. Now, yesterday, when I said, let's do this segment about coolness. Yeah. Did you say this quote? Can you let me know if one of them is sunglasses? Because if it is, I will go and get sunglasses so I can win the cool quiz. But it's like step one was going to be sunglasses. And Tony, for the first time in 900 episodes, is just sitting there in dark glasses.

Going, oh, for the first time in 900 episodes, is just sitting there in dark glasses going, oh! I'm like, one of the aunts! I am Ashley from Phoenix, Arizona. I'm Hannah from South London. It's Mel from Esperance Western Australia and I approve this podcast. To quote the great Tony Lodge, popcorn turns me into a fucking demon. I stand by that. And you've just had some, so everyone look the fuck out. Oh, that was a bit scaly.

That was scaly. Terrifying. Sorry, everyone. It's just me. You might think that was just me. Now, Pizzetti, Warren, and Chen have written an article together in the Journal of Experimental Psychology. It's the five things that scientifically make you cool.

And it's been written about in the New York Times recently. OK. So you're about to find out if you're cool. Tony's about to find out if she's cool. Tony's about to find out if she's cool. Tony's about to find out she's not cool. Have you read them? Have you? No, but I just know that I'm not. So there's no way that anything on that list is something that exists for me. Give yourself a chance. Not too much, but start somewhere.

How did reading these make you feel? I laughed hard a lot. Oh really? Yeah. And also because for each one, I've also got a Tony Lodge quote that I'll read out before we answer. Amazing. Did you, do you agree? So I haven't, obviously don't know what the five things are.

Do you agree with them? Oh, well, I didn't even think about that. Cause when it's like these academics have put it in the job Well, if that's what science says then yeah, I get what you mean. But also there's like it makes sense. Let's go through. Okay number one Cool people don't try too hard to be cool Now yesterday when I said let's do this segment about coolness, did you say this quote? Can you let me know if one of them is sunglasses?

Because if it is, I will go and get sunglasses so I can win the cool quiz. True or false? Did you say that yesterday? Also, the fact that it was sunglasses is how specific. Cool people don't try too hard to be cool. I just love it. Also winning the cool quiz. But as if like step one was going to be sunglasses

and Tony for the first time in 900 episodes is just sitting there in dark glasses going, Oh, it's not going well. Did you say that yesterday? Yeah. And I can confirm sunglasses is not specifically mentioned in the article. I found that hard to believe because sunglasses are cool. I actually agree with that. Sunglasses are cool. Yep. When people have part of their look is like sunglasses inside I'm like... Cool, get it Doug. Heard. Like I get it. Every time I see a picture of G-Flip I'm like fuck

they've got it going on. Yeah. Yeah. They're always wearing sunglasses inside. They're cool. Do you reckon that they're tripping over along? Hmm. Because I thought I was... Because sometimes it's actually too dark when you're inside. Was it you saying the other day you were wearing sunglasses in a nightclub because you found some Oakleys on the floor that night? Yes. And did you find it hard to... See. See. I was pretty drunk. Yeah. So you could barely see anyway. There were other variables

that played. Tony without her glasses, vision is 60%. Yeah. Tony, uh, add not sunglasses to that in a nightclub. Yeah. Uh, bring it down to 10%. Add in seven vodka red balls. I was about to say, yeah, probably vodka, lemon soda. It's probably all we could approve of all we could afford. So they will like the cheapest thing you could get. So what you're saying is it's hard to appropriate the sunglasses to the other stuff as to why you couldn't see. And another full step back. I don't think it's fair to compare G flip with me wearing a pair of Oakleys I found at a bar with one arm off and wearing them when I was 18. Yeah.

I think it is fair to compare. Hey, I really appreciate that. Number two. Cool people are rebellious and break the rules. I wore sunglasses inside. I've written here in quotation marks, I take airport security seriously. You know what? It's cool to be kind.

And I think that there is a certain kindness in having respect for the rules. That's surprisingly not in here, so. I'm actually rebelling against that, which is cool. Like I rebel that you have to rebel to be cool. Loophole. Yeah. My list is gonna be released in the New Yorker soon. Number three, cool people have a calmness and confidence that make life look easy and effortless.

You're just gonna read out the quote about the sunglasses again? No, I thought I would instead replay this. When you are going through the checkout and your mum says, this. You can't keep doing this! The conveyor belt's going too fast! Slow everything down! My mum is getting milled! I'm the warmest throwing the stuff in the bag! Mum! Two of the coolest, calmest, easygoing people you'll meet. To that I say, that was acting. Pretending. Well, do you know much

about acting? I know a lot about what your mum's doing at the moment. What? She's probably Is that what you meant? Well, of course she wouldn't This is about being cool and that was uncool Sorry, my dear, but I just she wouldn't but she wouldn't be though. That's not what I asked. I said, do you know anything about acting? We were acting. So that's not saying that we're not laid back. Are we laid back? I'm just saying that that's a specific example. You weren't actually in the supermarket that day.

My mom's not actually dead. I've been acting. I'm trying to come back around. I'm upset. Yeah. I'm not laid back. Cool people have the calmness and confidence that make life look easy and effortless. But that's just lying.

That's acting. So you reckon those people are just pretending for it to be easy and effortless? Surely someone's got, surely one person in this world is going through life and for them it feels easy and effortless. Or is everyone, nah. But I think for different people, different parts of it are effortless.

Like, so you think about your day and you go, oh, I find that really difficult. Or, you know, oh, I go, oh, I actually find it really hard to find the motivation to go and exercise, whatever. But someone else goes, oh, that's the easiest part of my day because I don't really like my job. And I go, well, I love my job. So for some people, sure. Is it do you reckon it's like a scale of things?

Maybe it's in the the looking easy and effortless. Like even if some person did the same things in their day and enjoyed them or would some people be like kind of scurrying to the next one and other people it's oh you know and there's just a bit of more of a flow. Yeah maybe but then is that like oh I don't know. So looking effortless is different to it being effortless though. And is that not just like trying too hard? Like if you just try and make it look so easy, then is that not super uncool also? Well, that would come back to rule one.

They don't try too hard to be cool. They're just doing their thing. But if you're trying to look effortless. Well, it doesn't say they're trying. It just says to others, it just looks so easy. Hmm. Yes, Sophie. Well, it's just that a lot of cool people like artists, for example, musicians, often

have like crippling anxiety. Yeah. But you think that they must have this hell chill and great life. Yeah. But you know, a lot of those times is what makes people so extraordinary is the struggles they go through. And so like everyone in this room,

I would say maybe not Charles, I don't think he's pretty chill. Beautiful. I don't think Charles is having his child. Yeah. But you know what I mean? Like a picture of mental health makes me sick. Yeah, it makes me sick too.

Sorry, Charles. But I do get what you mean though. Are we just describing Charles? It's not me. Spoiler. Number four, cool people are adventurous. They love not having a plan and just seeing where they end up.

Now the other day, our friends, Henrique and Guy were down from Sydney and we're hanging out here in the office. Charles, do you know what I'm talking about? I do. And it was about 5pm and one of them goes, Oh, we better head into the city and try and find a hotel for the night. And Tony almost gave birth to a pony.

That was actually offensive. Not only was that like upsetting, that actually offensive. Not only was that like upsetting, that was offensive. And I'll raise your stuff. I always got a backpack which is in Melbourne for a few days. Go ahead into the city and see if there's a hotel. The backpack didn't really bother me. Like that's fine.

Like you don't have any other stuff. I don't know what it is. A backpack just makes me think we're on a backpack on. Here we go. Yeah. No, I definitely agree with that. We'll find a hotel, yeah, we're heading to town, there'll be something there. Yeah, nah, that, I just-

And Tony just went, leave. But for me, right, oh, this sounds like I'm just trying really hard to try and like make myself sound cool. But for me, things being effortless and easy is organizing. And I know that that's not actually true. Like for some people organizing something like that is like their worst nightmare. But for me being like, I've planned that

and now I don't have to worry about it. That is actually my version of something being easy. Yeah, it's easy cause I've done the work. Yeah, like I get to now enjoy the thing. But I know that that's actually not true for everybody. But because I know that you can kind of do that. Or like when you were younger, you did that a lot and you're very chill now.

Like you're chill about planning stuff like that. You're like, oh, it'll work out. Whereas that I don't find that relaxing. Yeah. Yeah. And it's about knowing yourself. Yeah. If you know that you're stressed out, then take care of it. Yeah, absolutely. Like that totally is.

Now, this last one, and there's a direct quote from the New York Times in it. It feels very pointed and very personal, but that's what it says. So in advance, is there something we could just like, I feel like you need a like a boxing bag just because. No, you know what? I'm chill. I've got this. Heard. Cool people like cool things before they were cool.

Direct quote. Mm-hmm. For example, they don't just suddenly become a Swiftie once the year is to has already started. Does some people fucking look cool before it's cool like get over yourself a little bit? Like a bit gate-keep-y. Well, isn't that the hot, like, also then what's marketing for? Like, like, and this is making me feel so fucking defensive. You were right to think that this would really pop me off.

No, I just thought it was interesting. Look at what the science is saying. I haven't ticked many of these either. Oh, no, no, no, but the Swifty one specifically, I'm like, isn't that literally what a two, so you can't make fun of me for doing what you're, like, I know that I haven't really said anything, but do you know what I mean?

I actually do, I actually do, I actually do. You know that I haven't really said anything, but do you know what I mean? I actually do. I actually do. I actually do. You know what I like? Oh, put on a big tour so that it makes a splash and that people like it. And then I go, oh, great. I want to be part of this.

People go, you fucker loser. Oh, sorry. Like, fuck me, right? Like, what am I supposed to do? Cool people don't try too hard to be cool. Cool people are rebellious and break the rules. Cool people have a calmness and confidence that make life look easy and effortless.

Cool people are adventurous and cool people, I'll tell you what's not cool, me trying to hold up four fingers. Why doesn't that work? I would have gone two, three, four. Yeah, that is just really upsetting. Yeah, it is. Five point one. Don't do that.

And the last one, cool people like cool things before they were cool. You can read about that more in the New York Times and let us know in the episodes read, if you're cool. And can I say that all tarpas are cool? Mum said so. It's not just cool that you like it now that we're cool. Hi, I'm Ashley from Phoenix, Arizona. This is Hannah from South London.

It's Mel from Espen's Western Australia and you're listening to Tony Ryan. Before we get to the champion tarfers, academic Sophie Woods has a stance on the science and academic community. Academic? Academic. Well, we're not cool or smart. No, I just think there's some kind of, I think I use the term oxymoron in doing a scientific study on what is cool. But then I did follow it up with saying,

but I think science is cool. So yeah. The juxtaposition of the two things. Yeah. That's a good word. Juxtaposition. I'm just imagining like a bunch of scientists. Nerdy fucking scientist losers studying the cool kids.

But I'm imagining like a lab coat, a safety goggle, you know, and they're like, well, actually, if you want rebellious, that is cool. You know, that's all I can imagine. Are we lashing out at the scientists because we're not cool? Yeah, because we're not cool. Yeah, because they have scientifically decided we are fucking uncool. They also haven't decided that they themselves are cool.

They've just done the research. But that's not what it's about. Yeah, and they go, the facts are just the facts. Or having a PhD in being a fuckhead. Don't shoot the messenger. You know. We're shooting them. We are shooting.

And you know what? I've shot you a little bit because I lashed out a bit about being uncool. Then you reminded me my mom's dead. It was all just too much. Yes. I'm not allowed to be a stooge. My mom's dead and I'm uncool.

I mean, what a day! Yeah. Turns out you can have good times and bad times for a dead mum joke. And when Tony's getting destroyed by the academic... I'm getting fucking ruined by the lab coats and fucking safety goggles. That's actually probably the time to prop her up instead of kick her even further down. And that's a good lesson for life. I probably would have appreciated a prop.

They now needed the sunglasses. Are there sunglasses somewhere in the office? I'm sure there's plenty. Yeah. I remember I went through that phase where I was just buying them daily trying to find some. Surely. I forgot about that. Remember you said, you know what, I'm not going to buy one $300 pair. I'm going to buy eight $20 pair. It's actually.

It's unfathomable that there's no sunlight. There's definitely many glasses. At the very least there's those Top Gun Wayfarers that for the costume box. Oh, the aviator ones. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Yeah. If only someone had mentioned at the meeting yesterday that would sunglasses be a great prop for this segment. This is all like. I don't think so. I don't think so. Maybe just for one second,

we could just do a quick freeze frame. Someone on YouTube, the editors could just do a quick and just put some emoji sunglasses on me and then done. You're all right, Charles. You got the emoji sunglasses. Well done. Oh, there's some right there. Who's in mine?

Oh. Yep. Yep. Well, we've done the freeze frame though. Are you gonna? I'm gonna read out the champion tarpas. Oh you look hot. Thanks.

I can't see. The bangs look really good. I can't see fucking anything. Neither can I. Is what I see now what you see without them? Is it? Because- No fucking way. This is awful.

And then you put them on and you go, oh, the world is so crisp. Is it the opposite, Dad? I think it is. That's actually really interesting. I just actually can't handle how cool I look, so. Neither. I'm guessing guessing I can't say. Yeah, I can see you and it's all right.

You're ready to be hot. How about I do the champion type of shots with sunglasses on? For those playing along at home, Tony is holding her computer screen. It's pretty much touching her nose because her sight is so bad. A massive shout out to our champion tapas. Kate, Casey McCoy. Good on you, Casey. Good on you, Casey. Seraphine Hurs. Oh, Seraphine, mine. Rachel Emily. Good on you, Rach. You know why my skin's looking so good? I'm wearing the Seraphine.

Is that what it's called? You know that crinkly material? Seraphine. Cellophane. Michelle Ellen Grace. good on you Michelle. Chloe Simpson, Chloe Simpson, yeah. Good on you. So Charlie Hootah, Hootah, Hootah, you be busy. That's Cody Simpson. Catherine Jeffries, good on you Catherine.

Jordan Wilson, love you Jordan. And Aubrey, good on you. Thank you so much. Thank you Aubrey. Do you need to? I do, yeah. All, thank you so much. Thank you, Aubrey. Do you need to- I do, yeah. All right, we'll swap. So, and I'll give you those, there you go.

I know that we've just talked about at length. Can we just comment on it? They actually look really good on you. I think they're better on you than any of the other glasses you've bought. Like I know you've bought a few, trying to find the right ones. They look cool. I think it looks like I'm running too fast. What? What do you mean? You know. Just drop them down a little bit. But now I'm looking through the top.

Nah, that's not good. But what do you mean they're like... No, I think it's just the shape and like the speed of them. It's just that it's so fast. They're just so fast. I actually don't know what you mean at all. They are so fast. I think they look so good.

I couldn't wear these. I'm looking at it on a screen. Maybe on the screen. Look at Tony. Look at Tony. I couldn't wear these. I think you look really wear these in a school zone because they're too fast. You have to be below 40 in a school zone. Vin Diesel's going to come after you. Too fast, too furious. I am fast and furious in these glasses. And that's what I think. I don't like them. I just think you look really good. Too fast. You're into fast guys.

I am. Can I see Charles with the glasses on please? Because we're doing a bit of research off air about Charles not wearing aviators anymore. I'm pro Charles keeping the aviators because that's Charles's brand. Oh my god. Tony, you're engaged. Look at the ring. Look at the ring. Look at the ring. That's my father you're looking at. They do look good, Charles. Charles! Well, the real loser today is Sophie because she's just lost her sunglasses to Charles. Should we see what Sophie looks like in the glasses?

Yeah, show us Sophie! That's only fair. That's only fair. No pressure. Whoever looks the best get to keep their glasses. You do look good in them. They do look good. They're a great... With the hat as well. Not Charles level good, but pretty great. Shit. That's hard to beat, yeah. In general. If it was a glasses democracy, you would be losing them. If you have enjoyed hanging out with us today and you'd like to do a one click favor...

Do a one click favor... hit follow on Spotify or Apple if you're listening if you're watching hit subscribe on YouTube it makes a huge difference to us four out of five people already have so if that's you thank you very much and if you're part of the 80 percent 20 percent who hasn't yet we really appreciate it so thank you so much if you're one in five don't don't by yourself. Come in with us. One click, fave up. Do a one click, fave a top. We've got a really bad thing to bring up,

seeing as we just talked about how to be cool and trying to be cool and trying to be just, oh, like fucking throw caution to the wind, do not care about stuff. I've got something that I so deeply care about to get angry about right now that like it's just it's blowing the roof right off. To quote one of my favorite hottest people, Tony Lodge. Oh, I appreciate that.

Caring is cool. I think caring is cool. So tell me what you care about. Thank you. You very cool person. I really appreciate that. I feel like just love you so much. Love you so much.

Because yeah, we're on the same page. We are. And I think you will be on the same page with me about this as well. Okay. I, over the weekend, very cool, went to a restaurant. What? Whoa. Yeah. Who is she? Adventurous. Fucking calm down,

bitch. Easy and effortless. Um, so they are quite a busy rest. Like it's quite hard to get in. Oh. Um, and they like, they don't do walk-ins like you have to book. Do you have to name drop? It was Chin Chin. Oh shit. Yeah. And I went to Chin Chin with Torbz, my fiance, and my best friend Tim and his partner Cam. And we were like, oh, let's just get a bit dressed up, go do something fun. Like, you know, I looked- Flinders Lane is just- It's so fun. But doesn't like if anywhere was, if so like take me somewhere in Melbourne that is the

most Melbourne place in Melbourne. I feel like Flinders Lane kind of is, right? It's very Melbourne. And just because around the corner is like ACDC Lane and like all that stuff. Like there's lots around there. It is very Melbourne. And it's like, because you're at, what do they call it? The Paris end of- Yeah. That's a good end of Flinders Lane. Of Collins Street. So it's like, there's all the bougie shops and people are just like, they're there and they're primed and they're like ready to spend money and have fun. Like that feels like that kind of area, right?

Like you don't go there if you're not like- Ready to have a good time. Time fucking one on. Time one off? Time one on. Is Chin Chin a Thai restaurant? It's like- Fusion.

It's Asian, but it's lots of different, like, so there's Thai stuff and there's Chinese stuff. Cause Thai one on is a pretty funny name for a restaurant. Obviously not for that end of town. But like T-H-A-I one on. Yeah. It sounds more like a takeaway place in Preston than a place in Flinders Lane, but Thai one on.

Let's open a restaurant. Oh, we've still got that car wash to open. Oh, yep. Put it in the queue though. I like it. I'm just like, we're pretty busy that car wash to open. Oh, yep. Put it in the queue though. I like it. I'm just like, we're pretty busy. With the car wash. With the car wash.

Could this be your cafe in LA that you're opening up as well? Yes. A Thai cafe. That would be delicious. It actually would. Yeah. Could they still do Vietnamese coffee? We will.

They share a border. I'm sure there's been no geopolitical hostilities. Yeah. Could they still do Vietnamese coffee? We will. We'll allow it. They share a border. I'm sure there's been no geopolitical hostilities. We'll allow it. I could do a Vietnamese, oh no, but then it can't be called Taiwan on. No, I see the problem now. No, no, I totally get it. You get it.

Because it- No, yeah. But I was like- It's as if I said something and then you were, no, I think it's fine. And then said the exact same thing, which is traditionally my area. Yeah, I know. But I was like, no, how could, cause you could do Vietnamese iced coffee and barn me.

That both Vietnamese. I was like, that would be, no, I know. That's why I was like, let's make it Vietnamese instead. And then the name debacle. Viet one on. Yeah, you can come up with other names. I'm on my Vietnam-nese. and then the name debacle. Viet one on. Yeah, you can come up with other names. I'm on my Vietnames. We should do pick up lines for countries.

That's an amazing idea. And just do puns based on the country name. Get rich or diet time. I wanna fuck you in the back of my me and car. It's very Asian at this point. We're going continent by continent. I want to Mel dive down your pants. Sri Lanka.

I want you to spank her. Anyway, so we went to Chin Chin. And I was like, oh, we'll probably just go for dinner. No bookings. Like I think from 3 p.m. until 9 p.m. complete block out. But you could book like for nine or three. And I was like, hmm. Yeah, isn't that what you do? Do you want dinner at 3 p.m. or nine?

You're like, fuck dude. You're like for nine or three. And I was like, mm. Yeah, isn't that what, do you want dinner at 3pm or nine? You're like, fuck this. You're like, Jesus, okay. So we ended up, ended up booking for like one o'clock. And there was heaps of tables available for like around that time. And cause I've been to Chin Chin before at nighttime and it is really busy.

Yeah. So I was like, oh, if we go at lunch, it's probably gonna be a bit more chill. It wasn't. Yeah, it bit more chill. It wasn't. It wasn't. It was so fucking busy. But like, I have two gripes. The first gripe is that it's so busy,

which is like a good vibe and atmosphere. People are laughing and talking and, you know, drinks are flowing, the food's fucking unreal. Like, but the tables, they just squeeze so many people in there. The tables are so close together that when you get seated, you're like, oh, sorry, like, oh, and also like, I'm not the skinniest person on earth.

I got a big bum and we're all fine with it. But wow, going through a tiny fucking little laneway to get into my chair, I'm like, oh, sorry. And you just feel like such a bull in a china shop. Yeah. What I hate is like, it's obviously not a place you go every day. No.

And you're kind of like, I want to get a drink and like, enjoy the moment. Feel comfy. Yeah, feel comfy. I'm like, if this is my like treat for the month, I don't wanna be fucking squat. Like I wanna feel like it's a treat. And 1 million percent, and even the waiters and stuff, they're like trying to slink around. And I'm like, so it's not very comfy for you.

I'm sitting on this, like we were actually got like a, two of us on the booth and two in the seats and thing. And so I like scooched into the booth because I was like, at least then I feel a bit less like, feels a bit less intense. Cause not people like pushing past you the whole time. And it was just so tightly packed. And I was like, oh, I get it's actually really busy, right?

But like, if they took four tables out, could change the whole thing. It would change the whole thing. And also, so why it's a bit harder to get into. It change the whole thing. It would change the whole thing. And also, so why it's a bit harder to get into. It's even more exclusive. Isn't that what you want? Isn't that the whole thing? Yeah.

And then because it's so tightly packed and so booked. Well, they're just squeezing money. Yeah. Like how more can we cram in and make an extra fucking hundred bucks? But you hit that hour mark and they're like. Yeah. I was trying to fuck you off.

Yeah, like they're trying to turn the tables over. So even though... Was it fucked expensive or like fucked fucked? Because this experience doesn't sound like... So we... because it was so busy. We only ended up getting two drinks. And a couple of fucking share plates and get the fuck out. Pretty much.

So we all had, we all sat down and we ordered an espresso martini. And then we ordered like another cocktail. The cocktail's like $23 each or something. So already there, that's 200 bucks. And then we ordered, we ordered quite a bit of, cause it was four of us and we all had a little bit of everything.

But it feels like the money's not matching the experience. Exactly. I think it was probably like $400, $450 for the four of us. Okay, so I don't want to be told when I'm leaving. I want to be able to eat at my own fucking pace and I want to be able to get out and breathe if I want to so you can't get up and go to the bathroom because you just like can't navigate It's just a shame because the food is so fucking unreal It's just such a shame because like you want to sit there. Yeah, yeah

Anyway, I'm often so already you feel a little bit tense mmm, and you're just like, they come over and they go, what can we, are you ready to order food? Like, what are you guys thinking? And we were like, yep. And we had written, Tim like in his notes app on his phone wrote down like,

cause we've been talking and we were like, oh, actually if we've got two noodley things, we want to lose that and add something else. You know, we'll kind of like chopping and changing what we wanted. We had written a list in Tim's phone of like, what we were after. And the guy comes over and he's so nice. Like it's not about them at all. He's so nice, but he comes over and he goes, what can I get you guys? And Tim goes, okay, we'll get the corn fritters. And the guy goes, yep. Then Tim goes, we'll also get the spring rolls.

And he goes, yep. And stares off into the distance. Because he's trying so hard to remember what we fucking ordered. What am I holding right now? A fucking book and a pen. If I'm putting 400 bucks through your fucking packed shit place, the least you can do is buy a staff a fucking pen and paper and write the fucking order down and make sure it's right. It's not just the anxiety of the waiter,

it's the anxiety of the four people at the fucking table who do have zero faith in the fact they're gonna remember. And then when they come out I have to pretend that's what I ordered to not make you feel bad. Not writing down my order. Not impressed. Is rude. Yes. It's actually rude. Just fucking write it down. I'm not impressed. I'm not impressed at all.

You know what would impress me? Bringing out what the fuck I told you that I wanted and was willing to pay for. And this is the thing that then, so they lock in, right? Because they're like trying to remember what you've said. And I go, oh, you then feel like you can't ask any questions because they're like busy. They're doing the- Like they can't then engage with you.

And then so we go, oh, oh, well we were thinking about getting the pork belly, but does that come with like a salad or is it, does it come with bao? You know? Because I'm actually not taking questions. I am remembering. Yeah. And he's like, it's just the bao. And I was like, oh, okay. Well, we'll still get that. But yeah, can we add bao? And you just then feel so bad for like asking because I'm like, oh, well, you're busy now. Like I can't interact with you and ask you

this question. I fucking hate that. I fucking hate that. We're not impressed. Just calm down. Or don't they have like their own little app or a- Like a PalmPilot thing or- Yeah. But literally, if you just wrote that down, I just, I would have no- In fact, I would love to hear from any individual that is offended by them writing an order down. I'm offended.

No, of them writing it down. Oh, I'm not offended. I'm offended by them thinking they don't need to. But I would actually love to hear from a person and hear the reasoning of why you don't like it when they write it down. And like we've made a list that the least they could do is, I was like, do you just want to take the phone

back to the computer? Take a screenshot and I'll airdrop it straight to the kitchen, don't you? I'll send it straight to you. But so, but- That's what I like about the- The QR code. No, it's up to you.

It's sort of in a hospitality sense, maybe it doesn't, but you always get what you're fucking asked for. And so I was- And if it fucks up, it's your fault. Totally. I actually was saying to Charles about this and he has lots of allergies. Like can't have dairy, can't have nuts and all of that. Yeah, can't have a night at home by himself.

Lots of allergies. Allergic to not pussy. If anything's not pussy, honestly, he swells right up. In fact, he does that actually either way. Reduct that. Sorry, Charles. Do you reckon your mum and dad are listening today? Well, I'm sitting right here. Sorry.

I'm so worked up. But Charles goes, so every time I go somewhere and I have to be like, Hey, like I'm allergic to nuts or I can't have dairy or whatever. He's like, I know that it's going to come back and it's going to be wrong. I also often get pretty fast and loose on my orders. And then, so, cause I look and I go, Oh, and that and that and that, especially with a big group, you just go, fuck, I want to try it out. She gets fired up, she gets in the zone. And I actually, this might surprise people about me.

I'm very happy to order for the table. You are happy to order for the table. And it doesn't seem like something I would be happy, but I'm actually just very happy to take care of it because I think I do a good job. Think I get a good vibe of stuff. Anyway, but because I normally do that, then when they go, cool, so that was the blood.

And I'll go, well, I wouldn't know anyway. Yeah, I was just firing shots off as I saw it on the piece of paper. So I'll just check with you. I'm like, I don't fucking know. So I hope you fucking wrote it down. I actually thought that, yeah, we were, I don't know where we were.

Because if I don't get those corn fritters, I'm going to burn this place to the ground. Yeah, when they say, let me just check. And they run through it. Does anyone listen to that speech? No, cause I can never remember what I ordered anyways. Cause I'm the same. It doesn't fucking matter.

Like when we go to Indian or Thai, Taiwan on. We'll Taiwan on. But it's like, yeah, a couple of curries, couple of this, couple of that. And they go, is this what you said? And I actually, yeah, I don't know, dog. The second you've said it, it's gone.

And you're just waiting for it to come back out. So if anything, like, because I'm there to just have a good time, I'm not on the clock. I'm not working. I'm not getting any tips. Yeah. Oh, and then they sting you for the tip at the end. All the food was correct, in fairness to this guy. I would have opened with that.

I would have opened with that. Here I am supporting you and burning shinchin to the ground. But the thing is, is that even though the food's right, I still don't care. Yeah. It's actually not really about it being wrong or right. It's about the experience of talking to them and... Well, you worrying the whole time that they got it, right? And then you go well, and then I go well, I wouldn't fucking remember if you forgot something anyway Like I literally like there would be no way of knowing so Can you give you a final one sentence review and a five star out of five? And please say it like you're a snobby writer for the age

in like a food section. Food, delightful, exquisite, amazing flavors. Experience zero out of five. It's the button up. The experience is shit, right? Sorry. Yes, Sophie. Was it also quite loud?

Was, but then because it's loud cumulatively, if you're then loud, because you're so close to the people next to you, they're like, you know? Yeah. You know when people do that and you go, Oh, sorry. But you go, stop. I've already loved to see it here. I think we need something uplifting to- Sorry for complaining. I just want to know whether people feel the same way.

Also where the waiters and waitresses are like, I wish I could write it down. Yeah, you're probably on their side. Like, are they just like, can I just get, give me a pen and paper and then, you know? Who's it benefiting? There's no- Who? What are you, a fucking owl?

Who, who, who? A little iPad. Cause there's a small iPad now, isn't there? That's like a- But you know how sometimes they just have that little Palm pilot thing? Yeah. And they just go, yep. And they just click on the things that you want.

Well, it's surely an app that they can have on a house iPhone. Yeah. Charles, should we go into that business? Well, I think it's very like dominated right now. Like there's a few in there. Yeah. Yeah. Well, that's weird because no one's fucking using it. Well, but when we travel, overseas, it's... I don't... Yeah.

Catch up, Australia. Fucking hell, Charles. You fucking don't hurt yourself, mate. This is my love to see it. Jesus fucking... Sorry, did you just say that? I'm trying to push on because I've seen him have a mental breakdown in real time and I'm trying to push on. I know tensions are high.

Thank you, Sophie, for supporting him. Tony, take a deep breath. Let me tell you this beautiful story, which I think will bring us back and just remind us that humanity, despite whatever the fuck's going on at Chin Chin, is actually not that bad. Heard. I accidentally, this is a Reddit user. Hi Reddit user.

I normally say hi to the name. Yeah, I was on autopilot, sorry. Autopilot. Do you remember when the palm pilot was like the phone? Like the phone. Even you saying that before I was like, fuck do we sound older or are they still going around? Oh, we've got to find out palm pilots ended 10 years ago.

I've never heard of autopilot. Oh, you fucking pick your day Charles. Let me Google it. Do people still use palm pilots? Oh, Charles, don't. Palm pilots are no longer manufactured and have been replaced by smartphones. Some people often use them for the nostalgic reasons,

but they perform only very limited tasks. They're not mainstream devices anymore, but there's a dedicated community of enthusiasts who enjoy using them for a joke. Led by Tony Lodge! They were discontinued in 2011. God, you try and help the hospitality community 14 years ago! God you try and help the hospitality community and they just spit in your face like this. Would you like to know what my first phone was? They were replaced by web browsing. What was your first phone?

Hang on too much is going on. They were replaced by web browsing. A World Wide Web? What is going on? They were replaced by web browsing. A worldwide web? Yes Charles Patterson. Well my first phone was an iPhone 5. iPhone 5? That wasn't even my first iPhone. What was your first iPhone?

Mine was the 3. I had an iPhone 3 like the old one. Mine was the three. I had an iPhone 3, like the curved one. Yeah, it must have been the same. Curved? Like it was quite bulby at the back, but the first one that I got, that was like a hand-me-down, but the first one I got new was iPhone 4. Maya loves to see it to bring us back.

Yeah, sorry. Hello Reddit user. I accidentally said, I love you on the end of a work call to one of our biggest clients. I could hear him laughing as I hung up and I was mortified. You've got to acknowledge it. But it was like, love you. And I was like, you know,

it had happened before she had a chance to go, oh God. He later replied by email. And I was like, you know, it had happened before she had a chance to go, oh god. He later replied by email. Just wanted to say that I didn't mean to laugh at you when you accidentally signed off our call with I love you. What a girls girl that guy is. I found it funny because I've definitely done that before and I know it happens. I'm glad you have enough love in your life that that response comes naturally. If anything, that's something you should be proud of. Have a great weekend.

I'll follow up with my call about Chris on Wednesday as discussed. That is so beautiful. Genuinely beautiful. What a sweetheart for reaching out and being like, hey, it's awkward, but it's fine. Yeah. I'm glad you have enough love in your life

that that response comes naturally. You ever love you at the end of the phone? Mm, gets me in trouble a little bit. Not in trouble, but like, oh, there'll be a few times where I go, oh, just met that, but yeah. But like we always love you at the end of the phone. Yeah.

Yep. What? Yeah. What did I say? The type of form when I said I was a huge fan, I didn't mean to. No, I just thought that was a beautiful and probably something I noted in for tomorrow,

but I felt like we needed that one today. Oh, love that. When you hear my tomorrow's, you'll have to see it. You'll know why. This is very- They're too revved up for it. This is very cool and very start the blog energy from Sarah who messaged us on Patreon.

Hey guys, I've got your love to see it. I run my first half marathon yesterday. Huge. Unbelievable. Huge, well done. I took ages and had to walk a few times, but finished and was so proud. Strike the butt. Like,

And how? But like I took ages and had to walk, but like. So did I when I did that 5k, you know that. So do I. I have to take a break when I walk down to my car. Like get over it. Yeah, it's fine. I'm registered to a break when I walk down to my car. Like get over it. Yeah, it's fine. I'm registered to do two more before the end of the year. Huge. And I listened to you fools for all my training

and laughing at myself and running makes me look absolutely mental, but helps distract from the pain. So thanks for the support. I actually find as a seasoned not runner that the distraction from running, cause running sucks. It's almost like soccer. It's the mental game.

And so, and so if you've got something to take. Watching soccer, not playing soccer. Yeah, but playing soccer is fun. Yeah, cause you're thinking about the ball. Yeah. So there's nothing to distract you from the. I wish you could have a moment with me in here. Thinking about the ball.

All right, so tomorrow on the show, this is actually great news, Fairfront. If you're someone who spent, can you just block your ears for a second? If you're someone that buys dumb shit all the time and want a way to justify it, tomorrow we're going to go to the school of Tony Lodge Finance because she said something yesterday and we both went, okay, okay. Sweetie. Love you. Bye. Bye.