Toni and Ryan - A One Woman Show of Chaos

Episode Date: November 11, 2024

DEVASTATION IN THE MAZDA 2!!!  If you've got a SPICY confession you need to get off your chest, we wanna hear about it HERE! LOVE U XOXOXCheck out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toniandryanpodcast Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Seriously, no secret discounts, no annual bargaining and no hidden fees. That is amazing. And they have a risk free trial period with a 60 day guarantee. So you can literally try them out for 60 days and they'll give your money back if you don't like them. Huge news. That is amazing. Visit Oxio.ca for internet from a provider that won't ever raise your prices like ever and use the promo code at checkout tarp. That's oxio.co.ca and use code TARP at checkout to get your first month free. Today's episode is brought to you by Searchlight Pictures.

From Searchlight Pictures comes one of the most moving and funny films of the year. Written and directed by Oscar nominated Jesse Eisenberg and starring Eisenberg and Emmy Award winner Kieran Culkin, A Real Pain is a comedy about mismatched cousins David and Benji. They reunite for a tour through Poland to honour their beloved grandma, but the adventure takes a bit of a turn when the pair's old tensions resurface against the backdrop of their family history. That's what happens when you travel with family, isn't it? Bit too close to the surface. Yeah, exactly right. Remember that time we did that? No?

No, I don't remember that. I thought we were talking about that. We weren't talking about it. That was 20 years ago. A Real Pain was one of the... Well, you would say that because Grandma preferred you to me. A Real Pain was one of the buzziest titles at Sundance Film Festival this year, garnering rave reviews and acclaim from both critics and audiences alike.

See A Real Pain only in theatres on November 15. Welcome to the Tony and audiences alike. See a real pain only in theaters on November 15th. Welcome to the Tony and Ryan podcast. My name is Ryan. This is Dr. Arthur Tony Lodge. Hello. We are calling Andrea who lives on 10 acres out in South Australia. A beautiful big farm, but she's got some interesting pets.

Oh, does she have a pet, Tony and Ryan? No. Not that interesting. Hello, Andrea speaking. Hi, Andrea speaking. It's Tony and Ryan speaking. How may I help you? Andrea, can you please tell Tony about your pets? Yes.

So we've got some dogs, we've got a big pet pig. He was meant to be a miniature pig and he was the opposite of like the runs of the litter and he's just kept growing. So he's about a 500 plus kilo farm pig that still thinks he's a puppy dog. I'll be honest with you, Andrea, when you start a sentence with, he was supposed to be a miniature pig. I actually know what the end of the sentence is going to be. You know, you never go, he was meant to be a miniature pig. And then you go, Annie is, he's so small.

But I just, cause I can actually picture a miniature pig at Tony's house. Yeah. Cause Pippa's got that energy. Pippa's got that, but just like the size of the backyard, the house, like your house and the Tony, like I could just see you having a miniature pig, but then the thought of a full-size pig just trotting around your backyard not on your lawn terrorizing the green oh god terrorizing the green oh you're so gonna get one Tony people would love it okay could be friends well no I've just heard a horror story about one that ended up not being Minichard.

How many Miniches have you got in the past, Andrea? I've had three Miniches in the past. So two, two from three. Two out of three chance it'll stay small. So that's good. I'll just get three. Yeah. And then eat the third one. Sorry, Andrea.

That's actually horrible. Horrible says the lady who was crying over, what were you talking about the other day? The pork rind and the- Bacon on its side. Yeah. Oh, yum. Yeah. See, we all get it. It's all good. Yeah.

Andrea, will you approve today's podcast? Yes, I do. Thank you. Thank you. Yes, I do. Thank you. Hi, it's Andrea from South Australia and I approve this podcast. Guys, I'm feeling kooky today. Kooky. Kooky with a K or a C? No, that would be cookie.

Oh, I'm feeling a cookie if anyone's got one. Do you want a cookie? That would be good. I'll get you a cookie. I just need to be upfront because if stuff gets weird, it's because I didn't sleep much last night. Okay. Because the three amigos had a party.

Yeah. So I tried to put Mabel down a couple of times in the night. She wasn Because the three amigos had a party. Yeah. So I tried to put Mabel down a couple of times in the night. She wasn't having a bar of it. Mom tried a few times on having a bar of it. The only place she wanted to sleep was with dad. Yeah. Fair. So I said, if given the choice, I'd sleep with you too. Thank you. And I appreciate that. So I picked up Mabel and I go, we'll go and sleep in the spare room. You, she and me and then BJ, the dog goes, well, if you, my best friend, A party's going on around there. Yeah.

No, I'm, I'm down. I'm down. So Beige jumps in. Yep. And so the three amigos are just like hanging out and having a good time. And then I thought, wouldn't it be funny if we got like a three way spoon going on? So like you're hugging. Well, you tell me what you think the best order was.

Cause we tried to, and it was hilarious. Okay. So I think the funniest option is obviously like you being the little spoon to Mabel on the other side. Okay. Yeah. Or in height order. So like Mabel, BJ dad, Mabel, BJ is like tucked in.

Yeah. BJ has got his arm around and then you've got your arm around BJ. Okay. So the first one we went is I was the big, big spoon and I was hugging Mable. Yep. And then Mable was hugging the dog. BJ. Yep.

Okay. Big little big, I think that's good. Yeah. But then I could have my arm over like the both of them and scoop them right in. Yeah. But then every time Mable like would move, BJ would would move and then Mabel would start cackling laughing. And then when she started cackling, I started losing it. And I thought that that was really funny.

And then the last one I tried was I switched those two. So it was me still big. And then I was hugging Bron and then Bron was hugging the baby. Like what I said, yes chef. So it was me still big. And then I was hugging Bron and then Bron was hugging the baby. And then BJ was just like loving that sick. Cause he was all like in the middle feeling all good. But then maybe it was trying to like turn around. She was like, yeah. Yeah.

And then once she starts cackling, I start pissing and BJ's just like loving that he's all three of us are in the spare bed and then Bridget, my wife walks in and she's like, what are you guys? Can you guys shut up? Yeah. And we were having the best time. So that happened at about 2.30. And I think we were up to about five because Mabel was a bit, a bit

wriggly and a bit whatever. So if stuff gets a bit kooky and a bit weird, it's cause I'm in a weird mood. Not in a bad mood. I'm just having a, slept a lot. Just a bit kooky. Yeah bit weird. It's cause I'm in a weird mood, not in a bad mood. I'm just having a slept a lot. Just a bit kooky. Yeah. And you need a cookie. A cookie would probably fucking get some stuff done.

Yeah. All right. We can organize you a cookie. Call me cookie. Get them down here. Call the cookie guys. Um, it is Tuesday though. So let's do some confessions.

It's happening. What? Confession. Oh. Like we're doing it. Oh, okay. What? I thought you meant like it's happening, like he's losing it.

Oh, I think I gave him long ago. Okay. You just have to let it wash over you, you know? That's what I said to you last night. I wasn't there. Oh, I love being part of the three amigos though. Yeah, it is good. I can see the joy.

I think that if I didn't sleep well, I'd be like, Oh, something happened. And I'd be, but you're like, Oh, I didn't sleep well, but I had a great time. Yeah. Well, as soon as Mabel was in the bed, I was like, Bron's going to get jealous. And then I hear his little footstep. I was like, Oh, he knows what to do. Okay. Everyone, I'm going to give you two options.

What would you do in placed in this situation and faced with these two options? Okay. Everyone, I'm going to give you two options. What would you do in placed in this situation and faced with these two options? Okay. If you were faced between shitting yourself in public or fainting in public without anyone you really know near you, which would you choose? I'd rather shit myself because I'm like kind of in control. Probably not of my shit. Not of your bouts, but the rest of your person. But I'm in control so I can just kind of scurry off or like

pop in the car and take myself home or get in the Uber or something. If you faint, how dramatic, everyone's going to run over. It's like a big thing. This is a tarpa that has sent this through. What would you rather? You're the same as me. You wouldn't want the attention. You'd rather shit yourself, I reckon, surely.

Is this a horrible situation to find yourself in? Yeah. And I've probably found myself in that situation probably twice a month in my whole life. So like, you know, I don't know, I'm just trying to recall the last one. Yeah. I think you, I think you'd rather poo. Yeah, probably.

Because if you think about how many people are going to run over, that's so embarrassing. Yeah. If you ever see me laying face down in the straight, just leave me be. I'm all good. I'm just having a nap. No one knows more than you that you fainted. Yeah, I'm all, you'll come to eventually. Yeah.

Oh, they always wake up except for the times that they don't obviously. My mum didn't. May she rest in peace. Well, she should have chose the shit. Yeah. Sorry about that. Hey, Liz, would you like to shit yourself in public or get a brain tumor? You let us know.

Well, and she made a choice. She chose wrong. And I was going to say she had to live with it, but she didn't. She got to the opposite. She actually died with it. These are tough confessions. Welcome to the comedy podcast. That is Tony Ryan.

It is a weird day. I did. Don't say. Cookies. Well, do you know the cookie? We'll get two cookies. Yeah. I mean, it'd be inefficient to go.

Each. Sophie's in on that. We'll get six. Six cookies. Can we get 35 cookies? Thank you. An anonymous Taffa says, I hadn't done a hit class at the gym in years. Oh no. You know that first one back? And all of a sudden a wave of nausea hits me.

Nausea? Can I just say congratulations on like going? Yeah. I'm proud of you. Cause going after a while is really tough. Now this next sentence for someone with bows like I do is actually probably scarier than any movie you could watch. The gym only had one toilet and the cubicle was in the center of the room. That is a hate crime.

Yeah. That's real fucked up. So you're there in there doing a hit class, you're moving around the circuits and there's just like one toilet cubicle in the middle of the room. I can't even. Yeah. What gym is that? Let's get them shut down.

Yeah. So the confessor goes, I knew I couldn't possibly, these are her words. I'm just reading it. Yep. I couldn't possibly open the gates of hell in that small space in the middle of the room. Yep. So I bolted for the front door.

Okay. Yep. One of bolted for the front door. Okay. Yep. One of the staff members was so nice. You just want people to not be nice in that situation. Just ignore me. I don't want any attention. She said I looked white as a ghost. So she goes, don't go to your, just have a seat. Let me get you some cold water.

Let's just take a breath for a minute. Like just sit down. You look like you're going to faint. Frustratingly nice. Frustratingly nice. Frustratingly not. Which is the correct thing to do, but she didn't know. I only had moments to spare before my body betrayed me. Oh, that's poetic.

Poetic. No poetic. I had a choice. Sit there, not faint, but probably shit myself in front of people at the gym. Or option B, make a run for it. Probably faint, but probably shit myself in front of people at the gym or option B make a run for it. Probably faint, but hopefully not shit myself. What if you've the devil's trifecta?

You're running, you faint and you shit yourself at the same time. Oh, someone's seen the foreshadowing trend on TikTok. Oh, there was no way I was going to shit next to this nice lady. So I chose option B, huge mistake. I lied to this girl's face, told her I was fine and started making my way to the car. This lady's quite poetic. There's also just nothing funny than being like, I actually feel fine when you're red and blue at the same time.

With limited vision and outstretched hands, like a zombie, I shuffled my way towards the car. You can't really see it. I'm fine. Thanks, sweetheart. I feel great. I knew I was in no state to drive. So once the doors unlocked, I dove headfirst into the backseat, fainted and shat.

Just like launches out in the air. And then she's airborne, loses consciousness and just laying face. And so she lands back of her master too. Yeah. Oh, so she wakes up face down with her ankles still out the open door. The whole hit class around the car, listing the car doing pushups. They're at the point of the circuit where they're running up and down the street. You know how they do that?

Oh, that's Samantha. She covered in they do that? Oh, is that Samantha? She covered in shit. Yeah. Oh, shit, a shit class. That is fucking devastating. Do we have any more information? Is that it? That's pretty much it.

I think she, uh, like came to just got herself home and was like, I just didn't want to shit in front of that lady. Cause she was so nice. But don't you think that as you faint and shit, right. And that woman's still sitting at the front door or whatever. Isn't she just like, Like this, like, I've assumed it's must be around the corner. I'm imagining it's at the front door, like on the sidewalk, you know, like she's

fine. Yeah. Yeah. And then she goes, probably not. She just walked back inside. Or gets a drink bottle and just like pours it on her and just like holds her down a bit. Or like stuffs her feet into the thing and like shuts the door. Oh, and then in the sun, just so she wakes up and it's 50 degrees, she's sweaty, the

poo's got warm. It's crusty. Yeah. And the Mazda 2 doesn't like. No, no, no. No. Do you want to have a wholesome confession just to bring us back? A wholesome confession?

I don't think that exists. I didn't either until I read this. And I was like waiting for the bit where, I don't know, he shat on someone. Someone's shat themselves. But it doesn't happen. Or they walked into the wrong orgy or... This is a beautiful, the most beautiful heartwarming confession we've ever had because we don't normally have them. I'm in shock.

I might shit and faint. Actually same though. So I've had a big night. I haven't had a lot of sleep. Haven't you? No. What happened? The three megos.

My partner and I have been together for over two years and we've started living together and we want to spend the rest of our lives together. That's beautiful. We often play board games and puzzles and I like making my own puzzles for her. That's cute. So cute. Like getting them printed out at Officeworks or something. Is that what you mean?

I think he's more of a crafter. Oh, okay. Interesting. That's cool. Every few months I get her a new puzzle that I've made and they have some really random clues that don't seem to mean anything. Oh, so not like a jigsaw puzzle necessarily. Like, uh, got you.

Some are riddles, some are board games, some little different pieces. But when I was thinking like a jigsaw, like cutting out a jigsaw puzzle is what I was thinking, I was like, that's it. Like involved. What she doesn't know and hasn't worked out yet is that once she puts all the clues together from all the different puzzles, it actually ends up being a love letter asking her to marry me. She's taken a while to complete them and she often apologizes. I'm sorry, it's taking me so, you know, I've been busy work, haven't got a chance this one, but I love it. The whole process makes me so happy and I love her so much. My confession

is that I'm proposing to my wife and she doesn't know it yet. That is so sweet. Right? Isn't that the most beautiful thing you've heard? That is so beautiful. He's sort of like, I obviously want her to figure it out and ask to have like a moment and be engaged. He's like just loving this kind of, you know, like he's like the longer it goes, he's like, he's just loving it. And it's so exciting. I guess.

Um, also when it finally kind of all clicks, literally in the puzzle, she's going to be like, so this has been sitting on my desk in my craft room all this time. I started proposing to you a year ago. Oh, huge. my fucking desk in my craft room all this time. I started proposing to you a year ago. Oh, huge. That is so, so what a thoughtful thing to do. Yep. I love that. That is really beautiful.

No neighbors were murdered in this confession. No one has shat. No one slept with a brother. Or a fake twin. Fake twin. Oh, that's right. I actually forgot that confessions could be a fake twin. Fake twin? Oh, that's right. Isn't that nice? I actually forgot that confessions could be a nice thing. I would like to ask for some nice confessions to be sent to tonyandryan.com.au. That's actually beautiful.

Because Lord knows that myself and Sophie do not need to peer into the lives and assholes of any other tarpers. Just for the week and then we'll get back to regular programs. Yeah. No, but also if we get like a bunch of nice ones, we can sprinkle them through. Yeah. Well, I think that offsets the girl that shot herself in the back of a Mazda too. Is this like every week, should we do a fucked one and then bring it back with a nice one?

We might not get enough nice ones for every week. Yeah. We'll find out. Find out next Tuesday. Hi, it's Andrew from South Australia and you're listening to Tony and Ryan. Breaking news happens anywhere, anytime. Police have warned the protesters repeatedly get back. CBC News brings the story to you as it happens. Hundreds of wildfires are burning.

Be the first to know what's going on and what that means for you and for Canadians. This situation has changed very quickly. Helping make sense of the world when it matters most. Stay in the know. CBC News. Based on Charles Yu's award-winning book, Interior Chinatown follows the story of Willis Wu, a background character trapped in a police procedural who dreams about a world beyond

Chinatown. When he inadvertently becomes a witness to a crime, Willis begins to unravel a criminal web, his family's buried history, and what it feels like to be in the spotlight. Interior Chinatown is streaming Jess Brown, good on you Jess. Thanks Brownie. Lisa Ludby. Ludby. Elise Cooper. Cooper.

Jess Curtis-Rich. Yep. Brittany Ross, good on you Brittany. Natalie Reeves and Hope Bentley. Absolutely love to see you guys. Thank you very much for being part of our Patreon. We can't do it without you, so thanks for being here. Yeah, I really appreciate it.

Really appreciate it. We've got, once again, we've got tradie chat. My asshole clenches every time that I think about someone coming to my house and doing something. When I lived in a rental, you know, when they're coming around for the inspection. So in Australia, I don't think it's the same everywhere, but like in Australia, it's like every four months they come in. It feels like all the time they're coming around for a rental inspection, but they come around and check everything. You clean the oven and do all this shit. It's like you work for them, even though you're the paying customer.

I'm paying to live here. Yeah. And like, if I don't have a meth lab in the house, surely that's just fine. And even if I do have a meth lab, I'm paying my rent. Yeah, I'm doing the right thing. You know, how do you think I'm paying rent? Yeah. It's expensive at the moment. Fuck. But then when they come, you kind of just like sit in a strange room and like, then they come in to inspect that room and then you move into a different room. And it's just like, don't you just go for a walk?

I just get the fuck out of it. Well, I used to stay, especially once we had PIPA because I'd be like, Oh, well, the dog's here and I'd be normal. Like back in the day, it was like working from home. Oh, of course. So you're like on the clock. So you can't just like fuck off. Anyway, I just always find it really strange.

And like we actually have been building, like we got a fence built at our house. So we didn't have anything across the front of our house. And we were like, gonna get someone in. And I like that the hours of fence chat we've had in the office here is making it to the show. Yeah. It's been a big thing and it is exciting. Um, but I'm all of a sudden kind of like, hang on.

So there's tradies coming to my house, but like they go, you don't need to be home cause we're just doing the front fence. And I go, Oh, okay. Right. That's it. That seems so strange that you're just going to do it. Like, imagine if they started, they go, yep, like we're going to do the fence. Like we'll come around and just rip it out. And I go, imagine if you went to the wrong address.

Surely they check. But like, imagine, cause they go, you don't need to be home. We'll just get started. Do you remember when I got surgery on my hip and they, in text, I had a big arrow and was like this one. Yeah. Cause you go, well, you don't want them to get the wrong one. Did they come and like paint an arrow out the front of your place, like this fence?

No, they just rocked up that first day to rip it out. Didn't you freak out that time when you were waiting for a trade deal? I'm like, oh, that'll just come all good. You don't have to be there. And you're like, oh, I couldn't like. Well, so that was because they were doing something inside. And you were waiting for a tradie. I'm like, oh, that'll just come all good. You don't have to be there. And you're like, oh, I couldn't like, well, so that was because they were doing something in the house. Yeah. That's what I mean.

Is this feeling carried out or are you trying to reconcile this? Like they're not in the house, but they're still here. Do I need to keep an eye on them? Um, well, no, it was, yeah, a little bit of that. Okay. So this is my thing. So we have talked about like tradie. What would you say?

Like etiquette etiquette. Great. So you kind of go like trading, what would you say, like? Etiquette. Etiquette, great. So you kind of go like, oh, do you offer them, do you do the cup of tea, do you do the whatever? And I'm like, well, if you're at the front and you're working on the fence all day, like if I'm not home, you can't just like go into the bathroom or whatever.

So I didn't really know. And the other day I get home and you've had tradies at your place as well. So I can't talk to you about this. I was like, I don't really know what to do. I get home and it is like so sweltering outside. Yep. It's so fucking hot.

They're out in the sun and I get home and I'm like, Hey guys, like, thank you so much for doing this. Like I'd parked around the corner so that I wasn't in the way. And then we're chatting about the fence. They're fucking sweating their balls off. And I go, can I get you guys some cold water or something? They go, we'd love some. Like they were waiting for me to offer.

And I was like, oh my God, yep, let me get inside. And I'm holding my handbag. I've got a package I've picked up from the post office. I've got stuff that I was bringing home from the office. I'm packed to the fucking gills. I'm like holding all this stuff. And then I'm like, well, I've offered them a drink. So I need to like really get my skates on. Yeah. So I get to the front door. I'm like trying to open the front door.

I'm holding on this stuff. It's fucked. Pippa is like trying to run out because she's like, there's people out there that I want to hang out with. I get inside, I drop a bunch of stuff. I break something. It's a whole thing. And then I'm like, I need to be fast because I've just offered them a drink. Yeah. And what if they start thinking I've done something to it because I'm taking too long?

Because I'm like the time for me offering- What do you mean done something to it? I don't know. But the time for me offering them a drink to me handing the drink off, like, can't be too long. How long was it? Well, let me tell you what happened. So I walk in, um, I knocked the monitor off the bench, which has like our security

cameras on it, right? Yeah. I knocked that off the thing. I'm like, fuck. And then I put the thing down and then Pippa's like, so excited to see me. This just the way on the floor. Great. Uh, so I could clean up a wee and I'm like, oh my God, I've just,, so excited to see me, this just doesn't weigh on the floor. Great.

So I could clean up a wee and I'm like, oh my God, I've got to get this cold fucking water, right? No good deed goes unpunished. Right? I'm like throwing all my stuff on the floor, my laptop falls onto the floor as well. And then I walk into, like, it is so fucking chaotic. I walk around the corner, Pippa has vomited on the floor.

Pippa has vomited on the floor. Pippa. Janine has like tried to clean it up. Oh, Janine. That's going on. Anyway, and then I'm like, I can't deal with that right now. I've got to get these boys some water. I walk into the kitchen, I get two glasses out. Yeah. And I'm like, oh, and I'm won't just do cold water from the fridge.

I'll pop some ice in there. Cause it's like fucking so hot. Great touch. I grabbed two big blocks of ice. I dropped them both into the glass at the same time. And the bottom of both glasses shatters. Oh, how girthy were those eyes? Like I drop it in and they both go, you can't drop the big dogs.

Are you going to place them? Well, I'd yeah. And it's kind of a high glass. My fingers didn't fit either side. And I've got glass. My fingers are bleeding because I'm, because I'm hold, I was holding six anyway. Right. So all of this stuff is- They come rushing into hell. Did they hear a scream? Did you? I get two more cups out. I get two more ice blocks. Try and place it in gently. I pour the water in, right. And then I take the bottle and I go like,

oh, so you can top it up yourself, whatever. I walk out, I've got these two glasses of water with the ice in it and the bottle. No, no, no, this is actually like, that's actually kind of where the chaos ends. And I walk back out and I'm like, here you go. And I'm like, oh, thank you so much. Like, yeah, it's so hot out here. I'm like, oh my God. Yeah, totally. I've got blood on my literal hands. Like my blood, sweat and tears gone into this fucking cold water.

I walk back inside and like the weight of my life. Am I being robbed? There's vomit on the floor. There's glass. There's blood, there's a fucking dog pissing everywhere. There's a monitor splayed across the ground. My laptop's fucking face open, face down. So, you know, like you said, no good deed goes unpunished. And I'm just like, these traders have just got no idea that like a hurricane's just been through our house. And then I'm like, I've got to clean up all this glass.

I've got to like clean up Pippa's fucking vomit. I've got like- How long between you offering the drink and you giving the drink, do you reckon it was? It could have been six years. But could it have been like 180 seconds and this shit just all happened in a wild hurricane of Lodge? Have you ever watched that movie Birdman?

Where it's like, it's a single shot, like the whole film's only like two single shots, but it's like super chaotic and the jazz music's playing and all that. That's kind of what it felt like. Like I was just like this one woman show of fuckedness. Yeah. And I was just, many would say that's just your life. Generally.

That's actually a great descriptor. A one woman show of fuckedness. Well, there's the episode title for today. I just like could not believe that that much shit, and it was because I was trying to rush. And what's your lesson? And it was just, it was so much worse than what it would have been if I'd just fucking. Got a bust to catch mate. I reckon if you were taking a while, they would have gone a few weeks ago, I was listening to this podcast where a girl was wearing nothing but an apron and she walked out the front and they're like, she's probably got in.

She's walking out in an apron in a minute. She's gone to slip into something a little bit more comfortable. Let me tell you that apron was not more comfortable. Well, I actually think when they say more comfortable, they don't mean comfort. They mean comfort. You know what I'm saying? No, I actually think when they say more comfortable, they don't mean comfort. They mean comfort. You know what I'm saying? No, I do. Um, but yeah.

So to like make it not awkward that I'd taken too long, I just like fucked my life up. You know, like I just like left this trail of destruction. Yeah. Yeah. So offering a trade in your drink, yay or nay. What are we thinking? Yay. No, that's not the option.

The optional bit is you being a fuckhead and destroying your own house. Nay to that. I just was trying to be quick because they were really hot and they'd been out there all day and like, yeah. I love that when you're like, can I have a drink? They're like, yeah. But they were just like, obviously it was fucking hot and they were really nice and stuff, but I'm just like, Oh, did you guys want something?

And they're like, yes, please. Like, please get us something. And I was like, yes, please. Like, please get us something. And I was like, Oh, you always have to offer a drink. I'd also offer a coffee when they arrive in the morning. If you're there, but it's not, that's okay. If you're not there, it's not about you being nice. It's about when something happens, you need those boys on your side. 100%.

You just need to get a favor ahead of the game. No, I agree. And it's also just a nice thing to do. And now the question that everyone has been messaging through, bup bup bup bup bup bup bup bup bup bup bup bup. Bring bring. Hello, Sex and the City podcast. We're live.

Everyone's asking. Everyone. Did they take their rubbish? Yeah, they did. Did they take their rubbish? Yeah, they did. Did they bring the glass back inside? They did. They brought the glass. What lovely boys that have been brought up right.

Yeah, both glasses and the water, like the bottle that I took out there, and all the ice has gone as well. Like, that's how hot it was. It had melted and they drank that too. Maybe they threw that in the garden or something actually. It's not important. This is the stress of Tony's life. No, but it's all good. All good. But yeah, so I just-

I love it. Yeah. Yeah. They did a great job. Fence looks beautiful. Gai looks great. I might get him around. I would, Soph. Yeah. Well, you looks great. I would say, yeah. Well, you, you are actually considering that. So I've seen the market. Yeah. Well, I, so I've seen the market for a fence.

I was in the market to pop around to Tony's tomorrow. Yeah. Do you need a glass of water? Well, no, I don't know if I can put you through that. You know what I mean? I just wasn't feeling stressed. And then it was when I was, but I walked back in and I was like, what have I done? It sounds like you're on the chase and as soon as you offered a drink, you know,

it does that like the clock starts. Okay. Yeah. I'll just get it for you. Yeah. I'll be back soon. And you're like, what the fuck? It was like, as soon as that door closed, I was just like, yeah. Yeah. So high pressure situation of getting a glass of water for someone. Yeah. Turns out not my area. Yeah. Okay.

I'll get that in mind tomorrow when I come around and I'll watch that dog vomit that's been mashed into the floorboard by Janine. No, no, no. She's all good now. Okay. We're all good now. We're all clean. I get a love to see it.

I know Halloween's been and gone, but this is an incredible story. Yeah. Ada is six years old and she is deaf. Hi Ada. And communicating with strangers is pretty tough because she only communicates via BSL, which is British Sign Language. This year, the local community came together. Ada's mum, her name's Tilly.

She collaborated with Cadbury Fingers and the National Deaf Children's Society to encourage neighbours to learn BSL phrases for Halloween so that she could go trick or treating. That is so sweet. So the BSL, they send out these little starter packs and it's basically like, here's how to say trick or treat. Here's how to say you look spooky. Here's how to say would you like,

just like real little couple of words, little phrases. That's so sweet. 60% of the people in her street learnt some form of sign language. So Ada got to go to, and they put a little sign up out the front, like a little ghost. It's like, oh, we do BSL here. And so they knew which houses to go to. And for the first time ever, a little Ada got to participate in Halloween and go trick or treating.

Oh, well, I mean, not even participate because she would have been able to do it, but she probably didn't feel very included. Yeah. Because she couldn't communicate with people and stuff. How beautiful of her neighbors to do that. That's so sweet. Incredible. She said the scariest costume she saw was a lady with bloodied hands and glass everywhere

trying to give water to tradies. Yeah. And that's, I was doing my best. Yeah. I just just doing my best. Well, you see some scary shit at Halloween and. And that was it. Yeah.

I've come dressed as a. Stressed woman. Stressed trophy, stressed trophy wife. Stressed, how dare you? I thought it was a compliment. The stress was because I was coming home from work. I meant just cause you were a hot piece of ass. I thought it was a compliment. The stress was because I was coming home from work. I meant just cause you were a hot piece of ass. I was supposed to be a compliment.

What do you love to say, Tony? That's so sweet. I've got, do you love to say it here from Erica McMullen and Erica, you don't know this name, but you will because Erica is actually our resident witch. Oh. So we now have, so we've, we have a witch. So we've been through like a Tony and Ryan lawyer.

Well, I was gonna say we're still looking for it. So we've got a witch before we got a lawyer. No, we've got a few people that have offered to be our Tony and Ryan lawyer. Okay. But yeah, we have, we have a witch. We have a resident witch. So Erica actually messaged us a while ago in Patreon and said, if we have any witchy needs

to hit her up. And I didn't even think about it, but she's messaged again and said, What kind of services are there? Well, you know, the other day when I got cursed by the woman walking past. Yeah, sorry. It just so much happens in your life. It's hard to keep up. I know. Yeah.

Erica said, don't you worry. I've put a protection spell on Pippa. So my love to see it is that we're safe. Cause our witch Erica has taken care of it. So she, like she is our witch. Yeah, she's our witch. She's working on behalf of us. And she said, Erica said when she listened to the story, she was like, that's bad

vibes, you definitely have a curse. And she's taken care of it. I have a HR question. She just said I have to send her 25,000 Australian dollars. Yeah. And this is what I want to talk about. I have proposed. Now, I don't think anyone's heard this on the show, but in the office, I have been

proposing that we hire a really young Gen Z who just hates everything, who thinks Now, I don't think anyone's heard this on the show, but in the office, I have been proposing that we hire a really young Gen Z who just hates everything. Who thinks they're better than everything and doesn't laugh at anything. That's their only job is they sit here and go, and I've been poo pooed and now I hear you've just hired a witch. Well. How come you get to hire your friend? Witch.

And I don't get my person. Okay. We got one high reach, one mystery high reach. You've hire your witch. And I don't get my person. We get one hire each, one mystery hire each. You've chosen a witch. I want a Gen Z that doesn't- We get one wild card each. Yeah, one wild card each. Tony's gone for a witch and I want a Gen Z that hates everything.

No, but see just before- No, no, it is better than everything. No, but when you said that before, I was like, I don't know if I'd like that. And you went, no, cause like, you know, you need someone that's just going to go, huh. And then you made a joke and so I went, huh. And you like, I don't know if I'd like that. And you went, no, cause like, you know, you need someone that's just going to go, huh. And then you made a joke and so I went, huh. And you went, I don't like that.

Yeah. No, see my Gen Z would be like so unimpressed with the witch, you know? Like they would have a little bit of beef going on and the witch would fucking curse her back. No, as if you don't think that a Gen Z would love a witch. Oh. They're all into that.

Astrology, all that chat. Yeah, no, you're on the wrong. Oh, they're all into that astrology all that chat. Yeah. Now you're on the rock. Fuck. You're so old. That's why I need that person. That's bad. See, they would be looking at me going, Oh, actually, that's not too bad.

And I go, okay, I'm young. I'm cool. I'm wearing a denim jacket. I get it. I get it. I get it. Um, but yeah, so Erica, thank you very much for being our resident witch. Absolutely love to see it.

Can people let me know if they, uh they have someone between the ages of 22 and 16 that hates everything that old people do and wants a part-time job that won't pay? I just don't want that. I think that would really throw me and I don't think I could do my job. Yeah, but you've got the witch to balance it out. We can't, Tony and I can't take that on, Ryan. We're not accepting that. I'm not bringing my witch in.

She's doing, she's remote witching. In the job description, it will be like disinterest in most things we do. Do you know how in some job ads, it's like a passion for- As if you put bomb that in your book. Every job ad says like a passion for the whatever it is. And it's like, like a, like a dis it's like a genuine dislike for every... This is our safe...

I'm about to have a fucking panic attack. This is not safe. This is the opposite way of NSFW that normally we do. We normally do dirty not safe work. That person's not safe for me. No, I think it would be a good dynamic. Just keep you on your toes. Keep you humble.

Yeah. Yup. You know? I can't wait. Yeah. And I can't wait to meet our witch, Erica. Erica, yeah. Is that the girl that used to do breakfast on Triple J?

No. Because I heard you got a new job, but I didn't know what it was. I don't know what you're referring to, but no, I don't know if it's the same person. Oh, I just didn't know if she was witching now, so it might be. Well, thank you very much for listening today. If you made it through, I mean. That's a weird day.

A weird day. Tomorrow, now I might be telling you something you already know, but I've got a fucking red hot recommendation. Oh. That will have you, when you experience this recommendation, you're gonna go, oh. Yeah. Like you experience this recommendation. You're going to go up. Yeah, like that. Love it.

Shocked. Practice it. You will be shocked and you will be laughing. Oh, I love to be shocked and laughing. And it's not me showing you the size of my fingers. I wouldn't be shocked because I've already seen it. No, but you would be laughing. I can't laugh with my mouth full. Love you! Bye!

Oh, you know what would have made that moment better? Someone sitting there going, mmm. See? You get it. You get it. Love you. Bye. Love you, bye! Based on Charles Yu's award-winning book, Interior Chinatown follows the story of Willis Wu,

a background character trapped in a police procedural who dreams about a world beyond Chinatown. When he inadvertently becomes a witness to a crime, Willis begins to unravel a criminal web, his family's buried history, and what it feels like to be in the spotlight. Interior Chinatown is streaming November 19th, only on Disney+.