Toni and Ryan - A Statement About Orange Juice

Episode Date: June 23, 2024

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Welcome to the Tony and Ryan podcast. My name is Ryan. This is Dr. Author Tony Lodge. Hello. We are calling Jackie, who is a hot California girl. Jack, Jack, Jackie. Oh, Jackie. Say, say, say, you'll feel the same. Can't get over my mom. Is that the song? I don't know.

Jackie. Oh my God. Can you confirm, Jackie, that you are, in fact, not only a hot California girl but a hot California mom? I do live in California. I am a mom. So, yes. And humble.

Hot California mom. Yep. Hey, Tate, hot and humble. Also, my name is Jacey. Oh, it's Jarchie. Jarchie, yes. It's Jarch Oh, it's Jarchie. Jarchie, yes. It's Jarchie. My friend Jarchie.

Oh, Ryan said your name was Jackie. What a fuckhead. What a fuckhead. And we sung a Jackie song and it's Jarchie. I expect that from Ryan. So over the last little while, Jarchie's been a champion for a very long time. It's all coming back to me now.

And on a few live streams, she has commented because it's spelled a champion for a very long time. Yeah, it's all coming back to me now. And on a few live streams she has commented because it's spelt J-A-C-I. I'm aware of how it's spelt because I just read Jackie. And how funny that you went for Jackie, but in every single fucking live stream, I've gone for Jachi. And what's it actually? Jacey.

But I think in between Tony and I is the answer. We got almost there Jacey, don't you reckon? Yeah. I'm going to change my certificate to JC Jackie Jotji. Triple J. Yeah. That's huge in Australia.

Yeah, you'll be cool with the kids. So, Johannes, can you approve today's podcast? You bet your sweet Australian asses I can. Fuck yes. Oh, what a hot mommy thing to say. Yeah. Good on you, Jack G. Hi, it's JC from California, and I approve this podcast.

I'm being bullied in my own workplace. Bullied, bullied, bullied. Get over it. That's how people have responded to me in the past when I said I was bullied at work, so I assume that that's the appropriate response. We've said that at former workplaces and the CEO goes, and why do I fucking care? Yeah, they go, what time is that happening?

So now that we have a business, I assume the response is go fuck yourself. Yeah, or it's just ignore it. Yeah, but what I would like to say on the record is that someone emailed us, said if you need a producer, I'm free. We don't need a producer. But since then, Sophie's been extremely defensive. Yeah. And that's all I'll say about that. The don't need a producer. But since then, Sophie's been extremely defensive. Yeah. Yeah.

And that's all I'll say about that. The tensions are high in here. And I've seen the fool sucking up to me, telling me to go fuck myself, making me wait for something and then saying, well, wait, to me. But you do that. That's good. It's only funny when I do it. I was about to say, yeah, so you've got a fucking taste of your own medicine and you don't like the taste of it yeah i don't like taste that medicine love giving the medicine don't like tasting the medicine that's how you know the medicine's good

when you get it and you go oh that is good that is good that is good medicine have you seen fuck i wish i remember these guys on tiktok oh sounds so good um it's like when you're two seconds late to any workplace in Australia and they're all standing there like, good afternoon. Yes. You just go, oh, it's so satisfying when you say it, but when you're the one who cops it, it just. And you go, I'm a minute late.

Yeah. Like it's all good. Good afternoon. Oh, my God. What time you call is? Yeah. Yeah. Taking an audio.

And it's just like it's on point and you can just feel the pain in the guy that's writing. He's like. Yeah. And you have to cop it because you know that the next day. Because I just did out the sunblock yesterday. Yeah. The next day you know that you'll do it and it'll feel so good. Today is going to be an extremely full on episode for the senses.

I do believe there will be some salivating in the next 11 minutes because and you can take that to the bank tarpers have messaged through their hacks about leftover food did you almost throw up what just happened then yeah oh you're on the chewy milk again no this is a milk-free tea oh i've got a coffee actually and it's fucking yummo. Yeah. It's not chewy. It's smooth. It's smooth.

That's how you like them. It is too. Yeah. But I'm just warning you that if you haven't had breakfast and you're hungry, this is just going to make you just crave something. Oh, okay. Sarah, who listens to the podcast. Hi, Sarah.

I hope you're having a great Monday, girlfriend. She is because just listen to the life she's living. Leftover bolognese, but instead of the pasta. So you just get the sauce. So just the spaghetti sauce. Put it in a toasted sandwich with lots of cheese and press it. That is a great hack. Yeah.

And I've done it. Yeah. But even if it's got the pasta in it. Throw it in, dog. Fucking is a great hack. Yeah. And I've done it. Yeah. But even if it's got the pasta in it. Throw it in, dog. Fucking chuck it all in. There's nothing better. Goes like nice and crispy. Yeah.

Because I see where you're going. We don't need the pasta because there's carbs in the toast. But the thing about carbs is it goes really well with other carbs. Yeah. Oh, fuck. That's a hack. And I have always said that. That's a hack. And I've lived that and I'm living proof. Living proof of well with other carbs. Yeah. Oh, fuck. That's a hack. And I have always said that. That's a hack.

And I've lived that and I'm living proof. Living proof of carbs going with carbs. Yeah. The other thing is that normally with leftovers, like the spaghetti is all mixed in. So it's not that it's a bad thing if it- Maybe doing family style. Oh, yeah.

They have like the pasta in a big bowl and then the sauce and the thing. Spaghetti separate. I love doing family style. Yeah. I think it's just like such a nice way to eat, especially when you've got friends over. How's the dining table coming along? It's on its way.

Not to my house. But it is. A tree is on its way to the timber yard. Something's happening somewhere, I believe. Great. I regret asking. Have you ever? I'm really sorry if this is on that.

There's a table? Yeah. Do you know anyone? No, no, no, no, no. It's coming along. It's looking good. I've sent you some'm really sorry if this is unmasked. Build a table? Yeah. Do you know anyone? No, no, no, no, no. It's coming along. It's looking good. I've sent you some progress photos. And you'll be fucking coming over and eating pasta at my house as soon as that's done.

You better fucking believe it. We'll just put Mabel in the middle and we'll all just stare at her. Mabel eats what we eat now. Yeah, that's what I mean. We'll put her in the middle. She'll dish everything out. She doesn't even have teeth. She just gums it down like a fucking champion.

Gums it down. Fuck. That sounds like just shocking, doesn't even have teeth. She just gums it down like a fucking champion. Gums it down. Fuck, that sounds like just shocking, doesn't it? Anyway, do you remember when pie makers were a big thing? Yeah. And you'd like put leftovers in a pie, so like a spaghetti into a little pie or like we've had leftover butter chicken or something and you fucking pop that in there, a little butter chicken pie. I think we got like a Harvey Norman little pie press.

Ours was from Kmart. It was shoddy as. And it was in the share house in Mildura. And did that press say some stuff? There's not much in Mildura it didn't press. I'd like to make a statement. Do we need to call the media? Maybe.

Every share house needs a pie maker. It's like essential. Yeah. Every share house that I've lived in, there's been a pie maker and it's the most random appliance that obviously someone's mum buys, never uses, and then it ends up getting like donated to the share house. And then some bloke who lived there eight people ago. Yeah, it was his.

He was in that room before Sharon and Terry took over from Mark. Yeah, fuck, Sharon, Terry and Mark, where are they now? Probably still in Mildura. That was also the same share house that I did the punch in the crisper. In the crisper. Yeah. What do you call that thing? Oh, I don't know.

I cleaned it after. Yeah, no, it's not really about it being clean. I think, well, maybe it is because it's always got the little stray bits of broccoli in it and stuff. It is about it being clean. Yeah. But also just the- But the broccoli makes the broth.

There's a little something in there and you go, yeah, it's punched. It's supposed to have lots of stuff in there. Lots of bits in there. Okay. All right. We could try it. Make punch in the crisper of your fridge. It's already in the fridge. Where should we put it in the fridge? It's got its own spot. It's already in there. And we Alright. Try it out. Make punch in the crisper of your fridge. It's already in the fridge. Where should we put it?

In the fridge. It's already in there. And we didn't have any vegetables anyway. Nothing's been displaced. Carrie. Hi, Carrie. This is controversial. Sorry, Carrie or Harry? Steve. No, it's Carrie. Carrie. I said Carrie and then I was like, oh, no. Carrie says

the best leftovers meal and hangover cure is leftover Chinese food reheated with a melted Twix on top. The thought of it makes me ill now, but someone recommended it to me when I was in my early 20s and if I had that at 9am, I could be back on the beers at 10. I think Carrie's dead now. Are Twix.

Yeah. They are an elite chocolate bar and they're very undervalued. Agree. Like I think that a Twix really needs some more attention, but not in this way. No. Are Twix on a plate of reheated Chinese? Absolutely not. way no are twix on a on a plate of reheated chinese absolutely not chinese food be up there for best food reheated it's fucking mean reheated yeah and you just like with a twix on top even

just then when you said melted on top i thought you were gonna say cheese and i was like that's weird like there's just nothing there There's nothing. Another statement coming. There's nothing you can add to Chinese to make it better because it's already amazing. Put that on a tape. Yeah. Like you don't need to add a thing. Yep.

It's already doing it. Yeah. It's already fit for purpose. I will accept a little bit of sambal. Oh, yeah, a little bit of chilli sauce or something, a little condiment. A little syrup. But it doesn't need anything.

It doesn't even need bread. It's already doing its thing. And here I was imagining the Chinese in a sandwich. Well, because we were like, oh, anything is better than in a sandwich. But it doesn't even need more carbs. It's living its best life already. James, if we do a video on YouTube that's like, does it work in a sandwich?

Will that perform well? We have to find out and see. Okay. I will put my body on the line for that. Oh, you say, I'll put my body in a sandwich. We'll wait and see. Won't be the first time I've eaten Tony. for that. I thought you were going to say, I'll put my body in a sandwich. One, two. Won't be the first time I've eaten Tony. That one's going to be on OnlyFans, is what I was about to say.

Same thought process. Now, Gareth. Oh, g'day Gaz. Gazza. Big Gaz. Big Joe. Go Raw. Joe Sport. Sorry. Now this, I'm for this. I don't know if anyone, if everyone already knows this, so sorry if it's common knowledge.

No, don't you ever fucking apologize ever for anything except to me. When you piss me off, you're going to apologize to me. How many times have I pissed you off in the last 48 hours? Just then that pissed me off when you didn't say nice one when I coughed. Is it too late now? So, just one. No, that's not. Okay.

Say it., it's one Oh, well now None No times Feel free to never apologise again Don't offer me With a What's the saying again?

I don't know The carbs So you put it in a sandwich Yeah You put the sorry in a sandwich I always have a small glass of water with leftover pizza in the microwave. I've heard this. I do it every time.

Do you personally? Yes, a little bit because often you'll put and it just like dries out the pizza. It just goes really chewy and you fucking have to detach your jaw to get into it. So the water just like leaves moisture in the air and so it still so it still like doesn't harden up, but it warms up. That's good. I have no idea how it works. Says Gareth. We've just explained it.

Maybe the hamsters on the wheel that power the microwave like to drink it. That's some comedy from Gareth. That is comedy from Gareth, which I really appreciate. Nothing better than a laugh and a pizza. Fuck, I'm on today. Actually, no. Nothing better than a laugh and a pizza. Fuck, I'm on today. Actually, no. Nothing better than a laugh and a pizza. You're sitting around, you're having a gay old time.

Yeah. All right, question. Question. What is the perfect night? If you had to choose between a laugh and a pizza and a BJ69KFC, what are you choosing? Can we do one on a Friday night and one on a Saturday night back to back

could you combine all five so you have a pizza and a laugh and you go but now what about the BJ the 69 and the KFC but I don't like the laughing you don't want a 69 after you've had the pizza

and the laugh no but I don't want a laugh and the BJ at the same time because I think they're laughing at my dick oh and they might be that's fair you'll get two laughs

but I can take your pants off and they go, what? And they go, no, it's the pizza. No, you're just so funny, Ryan. And I go, yeah, I'm really funny. Is that a man's one? Is that? Oh, that's the whole thing. Oh, okay.

Take it all out. No, oh, don't be shy. Don't be shy. I think that I'd rather the pizza and the laugh. That sounds fun. But sometimes all you want is a KFC. Yeah. Yeah.

You know what I'm saying. Yeah. Natasha White. Hi, Natasha. Now, this is actually the perfect crescendo and it's a mistake. Like I didn't realise the coincidence that's going to like wrap this all up. Oh. So Natasha's crescendo is the bread on our leftover sandwich.

Because you know how we're talking about KFC. Well, aren't we talking about KFC? Because you know how I wasn't sure if it was a leftover food. And I gave a good example. You guys literally missed the best way to eat KFC leftovers, says Natasha White. The KFC toasty. And like I said, I didn't plan for bread chat to finish this perfectly. Two slices of bread, a slice of cheese,

and whatever nugs and tendies you've got left over and a good amount of the potato and gravy, chuck it in the sandwich press, fucking retire a happy man. Fuck, that sounds so good. Can you eat fresh KFC in that way? Could you just order a bunch of KFC and do that or does that defeat the purpose? It does defeat the purpose, but it does sound delicious.

Yeah. Do you reckon Natasha's partner is the happiest person alive? Yeah. Or Natasha. Fuck the partner. Is Natasha so happy? Well, she is. Absolutely she is.

Yeah. And doesn't that just make your day? And I don't know where to go from here. No, there's actually no other way. Let's go to KFC. There's a Chinese place down on the corner where the cafes are. Oh, and they sell Twixes. That's weird.

Hi, it's Jason from California, and you're listening to Tony and Ryan. A massive shout-out to a few of our champion tapas over at our Patreon. Hopefully, they're all putting a bunch of stuff in town, which is at the moment. Nancy McLaren Sheen. Thank you very much, Nancy. Thanks, Nancy. Jess Batty, Tasha Bourne, Tracina Cisneros, and Amy Choymanen. Thank you very much for being part of our Patreon. We absolutely love to see it. Next Monday on the

show, an announcement. Do you have any guesses, Tony? Should I say my guess is out loud? Lest I give it away. Yeah. Imagine if I'm like, so I'm really excited about this. We posted a little in our, was it in our Facebook group?

We posted like a little things coming up and there's been some good guesses I feel in there of people that. Yep. Speculative, speculative guesses. And there's been some good guesses I feel in there of people that are speculative, speculative guesses. Now, I said strap on, strap up, strap in, whatever, get ready. I think that's throwing people off the scent. Oh, releasing dildos.

Dustin said, yeah, Dustin said, I'm strapped on and strapped in, and now what do I do? Well, you've got to wait until next Monday, Dustin. Oh, you've got to hold it in. Yeah. Victoria says, when is it too early to put my strap on on? I just put it on. Great.

Now what's happening? No, no, be ready. Just be ready. Katie says, are Tony and Ryan going to announce that they're actually a couple? Oh, fuck. Don't say what it is before. Someone said, are we expecting another tarpa baby? Oh.

Well, in relation to the strap in, strap on drama, I commented on the post and said, I'm strapped on. Like, yes, like reporting for duty. And someone replied to post and said, I'm strapped on. Like, yes, like reporting for duty. And someone replied to me and said, imagine like, oh, I accidentally thought that maybe you meant like a strap-on dildo. And I said, we did. What? Yeah.

Oh, don't. I was like, yeah, that's exactly what we meant. Next Monday. Fun. Fun. Fun, fun, fun, fun. Sad for some. Mostly fun.

Oh, don't. Yeah. But fun. Fun. Fun. When was the last time? What were we about to say? That's sad. No, don't. But fun. Mostly fun. When was the last time? What were we about to say? That's it.

No, don't. But fun. Mostly fun. It is, but it's mostly fun. Do you think, Ryan, that a waiter. Full stop. Actually full stop. Sorry.

Do you think that a waiter or someone in like when you're at a restaurant, like the maitre d' or whatever, do you think that it's possible for them to be too attentive? Yes. Because as you know, as the closet introvert that I am, I'm like I don't want to be a fuss. I don't want you to be a fuss sometimes. I don't want you to fuss over me.

Fussing over me. It sounds like the ah, but being fussed over is like nothing just like squeezes the last ounce of energy out of me than that it's i'm in a waiter so and i'm like bro i actually know you're doing a really good job at your job and like i respect the hustle but can you shut the fuck up but can you imagine how many people would go in and go well i, I'm not getting the full treatment. Yeah, I know. That's what I mean, I get it. I wish that you could walk in.

You know when you can go to like a hairdresser now or whatever and say like, yeah, I'll take the silent appointment? I was like saying the silent Uber. Yes. I want a silent waiter. Yeah, if you can. And it's not in like a don't talk to me way. It's like feel free to just go about your business.

I'm all good. I'm actually fine. I'm going to sit here and read my book or i'm talking to my partner or whoever i'm here with sorry when i said silent waiter in my mind i imagined a lazy susan when you said silent waiter i imagined a mime but like it's a you tend, oh, get the silent waiter out. Woo! What's the thing called on the- That's called a lazy Susan. Okay, great. Which is just the funniest name.

I've also heard it called a party Susan, and I thought, well, the name Susan can't go with the word party. No. It's illegal. I've never met a Susan who's fun. Susan's not fun. Susan's not coming to a party. There's just no way.

Lazy Susan, however, that checks out. We're considering getting chickens in the backyard. And I feel like we've been considering that for fucking two years. But anyway, we're looking at hutches and cages and shit. Anyway, I want to call them Karen and Susan. Oh, like the ladies down the back. Yeah. Well, we just got a robo vac at our house.

And that's called Janine. Yeah, perfect. Oh, Janine's out. Janine's doing her rounds at the moment, which is quite fun. And we really like it. And people will go, what's that? And we'll go, it's just Janine. She goes, okay.

She doesn't care at all. How does people? She could not give a fuck. Yeah, right. Yeah. And she just does her thing. How long is Janine out for each morning? So she goes out every day at 10 Yeah, right. Yeah. And they're like, and she just does her thing. So she's set to. How long is Janine out for?

Oh, each morning. So she goes out every day at 10 o'clock. Yep. And it probably takes her less than an hour, I reckon. We don't have a very big house. So she just cruises around, does her thing. She cruises around, does her thing. And like the floors are like mopped and vacuumed every day,

which is unreal. Can she come around to mine at 8, wrap up by 9, get to yours by 10? Yeah. Because I feel like- I'd drop her around. Well, I feel like if she's only doing 10 to 11, it'd be silly to get 2. Yeah, exactly right.

And we could just go halves in the cost. Early shift and a late shift, yeah. Yeah. So we could- Do you know what we could do? We could put Janine in one of those Ubers where you put them in the boot and we just drive it to your house. Maybe she could go on the road all the way to research.

What the fuck do you need an Uber for? She's got wheels. She's fucking on the way. That's literally her main strength is moving. She's struggling. How does she go on the hills of research? No, she can do anything. Yeah.

You don't know Janine well enough. I honestly don't. Yeah. How many horsepower is Janine? Oh, mate. Honestly, she goes that fast that you blink and the house is clean. You go, whoa, where's Janine? Crazy.

Anyway. Who's that coming up the road? Do you know what's good about Janine as well? No questions. Yeah. You just go, here we go, Janine. And this is where it comes back to this overly attentive. You just hit the button.

Maybe the robots are really coming for us. Yeah. Anyway, we went out for breakfast yesterday morning and the service was amazing. No one can see that eye roll, Tony. The service was like a little. Real good. Really good. The service was like a little. Real good. Really good.

Our glasses were full of water the whole time and, like, you know, you sit down with them, like you take a sip of water and it's like topped back up and, like, you sit down and you've got a menu and, like, and it's really nice and you know that they're, like, slaying the checkpoints of being a waiter but you're like it's just like a little bit you feel like a bit rushed so one time we had something similar but with wine yeah so you'd have a few sips of wine and they top you back up oh and you don't know

where you're up to i'm like i'm fucking hammered and i've had but i've had a sip of wine like i haven't finished my first drink yet. Yes. And I have to get Janine to come pick me up. Because I can't drive home. So just imagining Janine in the valet. She's in the trunk. My mum's here to get me.

My mum's here to pick me up. It's Janine. My other mum is a robot. And you've always said that. So I do agree with the being rushed. It's like are you trying to like because you're so quick, I feel like I need to be quick. I'm like are you trying to get me out of the place?

And like, you know, when they come over and they're like, oh, do you guys know what you want yet? And you go, I don't really know yet. And they go, oh, good. Like I'll come back in. Or you just let me know when you're ready. But then they're like, oh, well, are you guys know what you want yet? And you go, I don't really know yet. And they go, oh, good, like I'll come back in. Or you just let me know when you're ready. But then they're like, oh, well, are you ready? And they come back again. You're like, oh, my God.

And they come back a second time to ask if you're ready to order. If you're not ready, leave. Just walk out. Just walk out. It's so embarrassing. But it was just like it was really like zip, zap, zoey. And they weren't that busy. So if they were like it was really like zip, zap, zoey and they weren't that busy. So if they were really busy and I was like, fuck,

they're just trying to get everyone through. Was it because they weren't that busy? They didn't have anything to do. Well, that's kind of, so they were probably like half full. They had a lot of tables in this cafe and there was a few other waiters and they didn't do like table service. They did the QR code thing. Right, yep.

But like the waiter still came over and was like you guys all good have you ordered yet that's the equivalent of you vacuuming whilst having janine yes why if i'm going around with the dyson on the back of janine qr code if you're gonna still be up in my grill and so i'm like oh you like really like it was just a lot yeah and i started feeling like a little bit nervous. Like, yeah, we were trying to get pushed out and I was like, oh, we were just trying to come out for like a nice little brekkie, like brunch and anyway. So it was just, it was a lot.

And like our food came out and the food was like, it was a really nice place. It was just, anyway, the food came out and the second that Torbs was finished, he put his fork down and the guy comes over and he's like let me grab that for you and torbs is like holy fuck like it was it was just a lot anyway and we're sitting there and we're kind of chatting and then someone's coming over and they're going oh like do you want to i'll grab that i'll grab that and whatever and i was like holy shit and i when i go out for a brunch and you're the same, I love to be double parked with like a coffee.

Coffee, a bit of a juice going. There's some water over there. I've just got all my options ready to go. Yeah, and so when we sat down, we ordered on the QR code, we both ordered our breakfast and I ordered a coffee each for us and like a little juice to share because I was like, I just like a little bit of zing and I thought thought that'd be really nice anyway i should not have my love to say it the unsung fucking breakfast hero actually nothing ties the day together like a fucking orange juice with pulp

if you are rattled and you feel all over the shop have an orange juice because like tony said it ties everything together you know what i like about orange juice i feel like there's very few drinks that have the range of the whole day name a time you can't have orange juice you know what i mean but you can't have a coffee through the whole day you can't have a beer through the whole day but an orange juice you can rock that at any time my mind is blown what a versatile liquid yeah wow cheers to orange juice cheers to me for like coming up with that also the orange juice i did that though um anyway and so we're kind of like going on a couple of drinks and we've got water and whatever and while i was eating i'd like used my napkin to like wipe my mouth

and like wipe up my hands because I had like a little sandwich thing. And that was sitting next to, so my plate had been taken and I had my coffee in front of me like this, like in my hands, and I had the little napkin right next to it. And it's covered in like grease from like the breakfast I've eaten and stuff and we're sitting there and we're chatting like Alex and I chatting Torbs and I sorry don't know who Alex is my other secret boyfriend and we're kind of talking about what we were gonna eat for dinners through the week like we were like you know you like it's a

Sunday we're like okay let's reset for the week like what should we eat for dinner this week I'll do a food shop when we get home like whatever you know I'll it's a Sunday. We're like, okay, let's reset for the week. Like what should we eat for dinner this week? I'll do a food shop when we get home, like whatever. You know, I'll just make a note here that when you're in your 20s, it's like where are we going to travel next? How are we going to take over the world? Yeah, build your empire, girl. Have you set Janine up and what should we have for dinner? And then you get to your 30s and you go, let's look into the future. Tuesday, what's for dinner?

Curry, pasta, like what are we feeling? We had curry last week on a Tuesday. Yeah, you're actually allowed to have it again. Yeah, but I feel dumb. Okay, we won't then. Or maybe is that just too rice heavy? Yeah. Let's come up with something else that's not a rice based.

And then we have an important business meeting about what's to eat for dinner. Yeah, and we're sitting at breakfast and, yeah, other people are like, we're going to go to this bar later and we're just like, so the Woolworths online, they've got a boosted point on these eggs. Should we get those on today? What are you doing this weekend?

This. This is the one thing I'm doing. This is the event. Yeah. And because like. Much on today? Why fucking ask me that, dog? Yeah, this is the thing.

No, I don't do anything. Like sometimes when I go and get my eyebrows done or whatever and they're like, so what's on for the weekend? I'm like, babe, you're fucking looking at it. Yeah. The thing that I'm leaving the house for today is me in this chair. This is the thing that I've got on. What I've got planned this weekend is getting my eyebrows done

and then watching Shutter Island in the morning. Tomorrow morning I'm planning on watching a movie while I have my porridge. Is that okay? Yeah. Anyway, so I'm sitting there watching a movie while I have my porridge. Is that okay? Yeah. Anyway, so I'm sitting there and I've got like my half, my coffee's like half full because I've been doing the triple drink. Yeah.

So I'm not all the way through my flat white yet. And Torb's like takes the last sip of his coffee and this guy comes back watching us like a fucking hawk. He'd be a great like correctional officer at a jail. Torbz takes, like, the last sip. And you know how you can tell it's the last sip because you tip it, like, right up. Right up.

And the guy comes over and says, let me grab that for you. Torbz hadn't even put the cup down. Had the cup hit the table. No. Give it a fucking spell, mate. Like, sweetheart. Like, take a load off. Yeah.

It was almost like, hey, chill out. You're actually like, I'm not going to complain that this cup's been on my table for longer than a moment. Yeah. Anyway, and I'm sitting there. Good work. They're made for the table. More coffee sitting there, my tea sitting here.

We're fine. And no one needs to take it off me. Anyway, and so he takes that out of Torbs' hand and he goes, yep, let me grab that for you. And then as he's reaching over, he grabs my dirty napkin, dumps it into my half full coffee. I know, sadness has fallen across all the producers. Don't tell me he.

He dumps the napkin, the dirty napkin that I'd used into my coffee and like takes it out of my cold dead hands. Like I'm sitting there and I'm like, and we're still talking and it's close to me. Like I hadn't like set it off to the side. I was like, I had it with me still. It was attached to my person. Question.

Question. On a cold morning, which they are in Melbourne at the moment, you've got a beautiful hot coffee in your hand. What percentage split, give me the ratio, the enjoyment of the coffee is the taste, the warmth in your mouth, and then the holding of the warm cup. How would you split them up? The warm cup is high.

Even for me right now, I'm getting a bit of warmth out of that. Would you say 25% holding warmth is? Yeah, because that's part of the experience, isn't it? That's what I mean. That you're sitting in the cafe and because, like, we'd been away, so it was like Torbs and I getting to kind of like hang out talk about the weekend and whatever anyway he dumps the fucking dirty napkin into my half-drunk coffee and I go oh and he goes oh no you're fine and like continues to take it what do you mean you're fine because I think that he thought I was going like, oh, you don't have to.

But I was like, no, I'm actually like still going. He should make you another one. Did he leave the orange juice? He did leave the orange juice. If he had have taken the orange juice, I would have fucking flipped the table in here. You know how much that orange juice was? $9.

For a fucking orange juice. For a glass of orange juice. Did he grow the oranges himself that day? Out in the country, must have done. Anyway, and then like I'm sitting there and I went, oh. Like it was just I was really enjoying it and it was just and I'm like, fuck, I don't want to sit here for another 20 minutes. Like I don't want to order another coffee.

Anyway, and Tots was like, do you want me to say something? Yeah, do you want to say something? And I went, no, because it's happened now. It's just going to make him feel bad. I think someone needs to tell him. But if I then go, I was actually halfway through that, he's going to go, but it had already happened at that point. So I was like, fuck, is there any use me?

Do you reckon people would respect if you went, I don't want to fuss, but I would like the coffee. So don't give me your apology spiel. Just fucking foam the fucking milk and just put it back down. And, like, I was halfway through, so you know how much coffee I wanted? Yeah. The other half.

I didn't want another. Just order a Piccolo. I just wanted. But you know what? I didn't want another. I wanted the other half of the coffee that I already had. Excuse me, can I just order the bottom half? Of a flat white? And then anyway, and then Torbs was like, I'm so sorry.

And I was like, that really shouldn't have gutted me. No, no, don't feel. Oh, no. Allow yourself to feel gutted. I'm gutted for you. That's fucking suck. It does. Yeah.

So Torbs was like, should we have said something? I was like, no, it's just going to make him feel bad. What would you have done? Like in that scenario, you're halfway, your food's all done and you're kind of in the last five minutes. Okay. I wouldn't have let it get to that stage. Now I'm going to, let me try.

Oh, so you're saying you would have like earlier in the time been like, can you fuck right off? Let me put my tea here. Yeah. Now you're the waiter. Yep. This is what I would have done. So you go to clear it.

Oh, yep. And I'll just grab that one as well. Oh. Yep. See, do you want me to show you exactly what happened though? Yeah. The napkin was in the cup. Oh, yeah. So fast. When he puts a napkin was in the car oh yeah so fast because

when he puts a napkin in i would have gone oh that's what i did and he said don't worry about it this guy's a fucking idiot because no everything that you're saying is things that naturally go oh and because if there was no napkin in it i would have gone oh that one's not done and he would have gone oh yep all good and probably slid it back across. But because the dirty napkin was already in there, it all happened so fast. I'll tell you the worst. This is the second worst thing that could have happened.

The worst thing that could have happened is he would have gone, oh, sorry, get your. And you know what? This guy actually probably fucking would have done that. Gets your crusty napkin out of the coffee, straight. Rings it out. Rings it out.

And goes, sorry about that. And just takes off with the now semi-dried napkin. And just goes, you can finish off that oily. You know what? If he'd done that, I would have called the fucking cops. Yeah, you should have anyway. What was the name of the place you went to? No, I wouldn't.

I actually can't even fucking, I can't even remember what it was called. It's not a place we normally go to. Oh, and it won't be. No. And that's why. Because you know how we always go to Jackson Dodds, that place in Preston? No, it wasn't there because we go there all the time.

The food's amazing, the people are great. And like we actually go there all the time. It's fucking mean. And people are great. And like we actually go there all the time. It's fucking mean. And I was like, let's try a different place this weekend. And what a mistake. And that's why you never stray from Jackson Dodds. Exactly right. But anyway, yeah.

Nothing ever. That's just fucking. And I was just like, oh, I really wanted that. Next time that happens, just message me and say code A. Code A. Yeah. And what are you going to do? What's your response message me and say code A. Code A. Yeah. And what are you going to do? What's your response going to be to code A?

Which is code affogato. Oh, and you're going to rock up to my house with your connoisseur and your Kahlua. Yeah. Fucking sort me out. Yeah. I could have gone that after that happened actually. Yesterday I'm fucking feeling pretty glum and all I wanted was the other half

of my fucking coffee. No, I'm not like what you would call a drinker per se. But I reckon the last two weekends I've had a drink at 3 o'clock on Saturday and Sunday each day. Just like a fucking, oh, we've gotten most of the way through the day. Have a little nice one. So when I was down on the farm with my uncle, he'd be like, because they've got a big property, he's always out like fixing a fence

or mowing or lawn. And so he'll wrap up and come in at three and go, should we have a whiskey? And I go. They've earned not so. You've earned it. Yeah. Let's both drink to that.

Yeah. And also you're in someone's house, so you've got to honour their traditions. Yeah. And then I think I said the other day we were turning the coffee machine off and I was like, oh, before I shut the damn, we just got a little affogato. Before the cafe closes down over here, what do you reckon? Yeah, at a cafe a la...

And then you dunked a dirty napkin in there because that's what cafes do. But I think I like it now. Or if you want to invite yourself over on a Sunday, I'd love that. Come and have an affogato on a Sunday roast in that order and then Mabes likes to pretend she's froth and milk

so she feels involved because she's got a little step. That's so cute. So that's what, just text me Code A. Code A. And that means I'm on my way to research and I'll fucking turn the coffee machine back on, sister. Yeah. Leave the door open for Genevieve.

We're all coming around. Janine. Fuck. Yeah, so close. So I'll just pop my cup on Janine and she can come up. You can fill it and then she'll run it back to me. She'll take about eight days. She comes over, vacuums the house and then I send her back

with the affogato. With an affogato. I'm pretty sure the ice cream wasn't. Oh, that little bitch, she'd probably drink it on the way. Yeah. And then she goes, oh, no, just because the ice cream melted on the way. Don't you mean just because the ice cream melted on the way, my little robot Janine.

Are you finished with your coffee, ma'am? I mopped it up on the way here. I got pulled over for drink driving. Because she had the glue on what she was trying to do. Can you imagine what's that TV show that's like DUI? RBT, her show. DUI. Yeah, RBT. And it's like. Yeah, and then she goes, that's what DUI, RBT, his shout out. DUI, yeah, RBT.

And it's like, and then she goes, that's what I said. She's a robot. Oh, now they take the machine to her and she goes, oh my god, Randy, I haven't seen you since university. You are now a blowing machine.

That's what I was at university. You're a blowing machine. That's what I was at university. You're a blowing machine. That's what I was in college. Yeah, you're a blowing machine. Well, I'm a suck machine. Have a look at this one. Because she's a vacuum.

Oh, you know what? That's really cheered me up. Since the napkin in the coffee, that's exactly what I needed. I've got to love to sit here. What are your other classmates up to? I am a water cooler. I gush.

I am a fridge and someone keeps putting punch in my crisper. I didn't go to university for this. What is my degree for? What do you love to see? I've got you love to see here from caitlin barrosso um and caitlin says that i'm an inspiration for the fourth grade class at the moment it's a cold and flu season i'm like fucking isn't it it's taken like our team down

i've been crook it's fucking again the again, the cranberries, it's absolutely lingering. And after I said that wouldn't it be nice to, like, respond to a cough the way that you do with a sneeze and that if someone coughs, you go, nice one. I started responding, says Caitlin, to students' coughs that way and they fucking love it. So for a while they're all going, so that Miss Barroso would go, nice one. And if I missed a nice one, all the kids would go,

oh, Miss, like you said, you missed my nice one. Little Gary coughed. Little Gary coughed. Oh, God, a kid called Gary. God, isn't that sickening? I love that we can add a little bit of fun to our school day. Thanks to Tony and Ryan. I mean, of all the things we've ever created, it's the most PG one.

It's probably the only one that can be introduced to the classroom. No, it's good to be part of the curriculum. Yeah, I don't. The curriculum. Because I don't think they'd be impressed if fucking Janine rolled in with some Kahlua for the kids. I think they'd be very impressed. If I'd been hanging out with a room full of kids all day, Janine, roll on through. Oh, Janine's dropping off a fucking Kahlua.

Yeah. My love for Sadie is from Sally Hudson. Hey, Sally. Sally says, I am screaming. Oh, I hope you're okay. This guy I've been casually seeing accidentally added all the women he's been chatting to in a group chat. So I think he tried to group them in his phone as in like,

here's my bitches list. Bitches list. But he accidentally grouped them all together. Then he realized what he'd done, panicked, and then like deletes the group chat. But you can't delete a group chat. You can only leave. He left.

And so we all get this thing going, old mates left the chat. And then there's just 13 women who is all being chatting with and whatever else and she'd been like doing and so what she thought was like scandalous and what the fuck 13 new friends what a fun way to make a new group of friends yep we've been catching up at the silver lining we've been chatting we've had catch-ups. And thanks to that hot, dumb idiot for introducing me to these wonderful women. Oh, we've got great taste. Oh! I am a psychic!

She writes, you've got great taste. Today's a great day. Your psychic voice is the same as your robot voice. It is. I was hoping that no one would pick up on that. No, we did. What I was about to say is that I work really well on only half a coffee. Maybe it's in your area.

We've got to implement in the future. Yeah. You are at your peak today. Yeah, I'm peaking. Wait, no, that's a drug thing, I think. No, you're thinking tweaking. Oh, what's that? Like, oh, that guy's had too many.

He's tweaking. Oh, I've never. Oh, I didn't know that. Anyway. Although Peekin's probably similar. Yeah, I think it is. Peekin' duck. I think it's pronounced like Peekin'.

Oh, pecan pie. Yeah, delicious. Yum. Tomorrow on the show, we've got a confession. Two confessions, actually. Let me read the first line of one of them. Tomorrow on the show. Let me read the first line of one of them.

Tomorrow on the show. A boy who treated me badly ended up with a peeling penis. An appealing penis? No, like a space bar. Yep. Peeling penis. Not an appealing penis. Maybe it was appealing penis. You know like a good looking dick that's now

peeling that's now peeling yeah peel me like a banana yeah okay fuck all right one more tomorrow