Toni and Ryan - A Supportive Safe Space

Episode Date: November 2, 2022

Normal or Nah is a very safe space for everyone.... Until today. This has SENT me. LOVE YA! Check out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toni.lodge and @ryanjondunn Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

As women, our life stages come with unique risk factors, like when our estrogen levels drop during menopause, causing the risk of heart disease to go up. Know your risks. Visit heartandstroke.ca. Hi, welcome to the podcast. Hello, Julie speaking. Julie, it's Tony and Ryan. Oh, my God.

Hello. How are you doing? We are good. Do you approve the podcast? Oh, absolutely. I'd love nothing more. Thank you, Julie. Oh, Julie, you've made our day.

So we were trying to call you and it said that your number was disconnected and Ryan was like, I'll have to message you and reschedule. And I was like, do you want to just double check you typed in the number, right? And he hadn't. So that's why we're talking to you. Why? Oh, fuck.

I did message you on Patreon. I thought that someone must have been running late. It does sound that right, doesn't it, Julie? It does sound on brand. We got you, Julie. Thank God. So Tony goes, do you just want to double check you typed in the number right? And I was like, fine.

I'll try again. Thank you. And then it fucking worked. It's my face right now. Thank you for taking my word for it. Hi it's Jules from North Queensland and I approve this podcast. Welcome to the podcast. Hello.

Coming up today. I've got something that's going to make you throw away all of your subscriptions, your Netflix, your Stan, everything. Really? I've got the best new thing that you can watch for free. And we won't require anything else. No, this will be it. This is all you need. You get the podcast for free and it saves you money.

Yep. That's exactly right. Tony's. That's a new tagline. Tony's. Tight Tony. People do call me that. Do they?

It's on the other podcast I do. I haven't heard that. I'll set it. Shit. Are we on today? Are we started? Okay. So the thing with car phones.

Tight, Tony. Coming up soon. But first, normal or nah? And Stacey Cook has sent this through. Hi, Stacey Cook. Normal or nah? Eating the bum piece of a loaf of bread. It's a hard nah from me, says Stacey.

That filth from the end of the loaf can go straight into the garbage. Normal. I love it. Really? Yep. I'm the heel eater at our house. The heel? Yeah. We don't call it the bum of the loaf can go straight into the garbage. Normal. I love it. Really? Yep. I'm the heel eater at our house. The heel? Yeah.

We don't call it the bum of the bread. I call it the end. Torbs calls it the heel. And you call it the bum? No, I was just reading what Stacey said. I reckon I probably go the end. I just say the end. Yeah.

Yeah. I always, yeah, I'm willing to take one for the team, to be honest. Anything for the extra piece of bread that I know Torbs won't eat. But there's actually nothing because it toasts up really well. Yeah, I'm willing to take one for the team. To be honest, anything for the extra piece of bread that I know Torbs won't eat. Yeah. But there's actually nothing because it toasts up really well. I also find that if you're having like a sausage and bread, it curls up real well. Because it's a little bit thinner.

But I will say, oh, fuck, this has made me so hungry. I should have eaten breakfast before we recorded. How good, though, is like when you're having a sausage sizzle or sausage and bread and you've got real thick like toast bread like and i'm not talking about the end anymore but like i know it doesn't curl as well but like that cloud around a fucking big sausage yeah oh do you know what else i really like and this is fucking people don't like this but black pudding i didn't i thought it was the grossest thing ever until I tried it. It's so good. It's fucking delicious. So Torb's whole family is Irish.

Really? Yeah. Like his mum and dad both are born in Ireland and everything. So he can get an Irish passport, which is a big fucking – Why is he not doing that immediately? How good? Isn't that actually like the best thing ever? That's fucking cool.

Yeah. Anyway. Black pudding. What was I talking about? Oh, yeah. And we went out for breakfast once with his family and his mum got a full English and I was just like, oh, I've never had it before.

And she was like, oh, Tony, you'll love it. And I had it and honestly, like, fucking touched me. It's so good. Yeah, it is fucking good. I agree. If you've never tried it, you should. But heels on the bread, yes. Yes.

Normal. Zach. Zach asks, normal or nah? Trying to act cool when leaving a store when you haven't bought anything so it looks like you haven't stolen anything. Normal. Really? So what's your trying to look cool?

Oh, maybe not today. Or I get my phone out so that people don't think. And then you definitely make it look more like you're stealing because you're trying so hard to look normal. Nothing makes you look less normal by trying way too hard to look normal. It's like if you followed someone around going, don't panic, don't panic, don't panic. Yeah, yeah, 100%.

Cool, cool, cool. But, like, aren't you the same? Like you're walking out and you're like, oh, maybe next time. Like. Well, there's also a part of, like, it's not that I can't afford it. Yeah. I just want you to know that I could buy it. Oh, yeah, you're doing all right.

You got your takeaway coffee and your butcher meat. Yeah, okay, mate. Your water, that's not from the Yarra. But I get what you to know that I could buy it. Oh, yeah, you're doing all right. You got your takeaway coffee and your butcher meat. Yeah, okay, mate. Your water, that's not from the Yarra. But I get what you mean. It's the same as when or actually the opposite, which happens to me more often when you're in a shop. And you go, oh, that's lovely. And they go, oh, yeah, that one's just $65,000.

And you go, hmm. Yeah, pop that one in the maybe, but I'm really liking that one. Do you hold items? Yeah. Because I might just. I might duck out and really liking that one. Do you hold items? Yeah. Because I might just. I might duck out and go to the bathroom and then they go, we've got a bathroom here. And you go, oh, I've got one I really like down the street.

Yeah, I've got my gold-plated one down at the garden. But, you know, like when they say that and you try and make it look like you're choosing not to buy it, not that you can't. So, again, moving house, we went to look at fridges. Oh, my God, yeah. So you can spend $800 on a fridge. You can spend literally $45,000 on, like, a built-in fucking whatever. That is insane.

It is. And to the untrained eye, i.e. my eye, the difference between $1,000 and $20,000. The way it looks. The way it looks. Yeah. Sometimes isn't a lot. And so I opened this one. I was like, oh, that looks cool.

Yeah, how much is that one? $1,100. And then I saw this one. It starts with an Al Lerman something. LJ? Nah. Lex? They're all built-in ones and they're fucking unbelievable.

Anyway, so I looked at that and go, oh, how much is that one? And he goes, that's $18,000. And then I had to do the, like, as if I was, like, considering it. Yeah, as if it hadn't caught you off guard. Yeah, or but even, like, it was immediately no. Yeah, you're like, okay, well, obviously we're not getting that. But you're like, oh, okay. Does it come in the black or just the silver?

Is that one black as well? Yeah, okay, $18,000. Carry the four, that's three. Oh, yeah. Cool. I black as well? Just the silver. Yeah. Okay. $18,000. Carry the four. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Cool. Cool. I'm just going to check the- I do have that cash on me, but maybe I'll just double check.

Do you do a payment plan, like a dollar a week for the next million years? And then you do the old, like, oh, the wife loves the other one. Yeah, she prefers the silver, so I guess it's a no from us. And then they go, well, this one comes in silver, and you go, no, not this time. Sorry, no. I meant silver encrusted diamonds. Get then they go, well, this one comes in silver. And you go, no, not this time. Sorry, no. I meant silver and cross the diamonds. Get out of here, you arsehole. As someone who bought the $800 fridge, like the cheapest one that they had,

don't do it. Yeah. Don't fucking buy. It's honestly, it's shocking. All of our food goes off because, like, the fridge isn't good. So it ends up costing, like, and I hate to sound like, they don't build them like they used to. But honestly.

They don't build them like they used to. But they do not build them like they used to. But they just don't. Fucking hell. So, Zach, normal, mate. Normal. We're with you. We're all doing it.

We've all done the awkward walk out of a shop trying to definitely make it look like we haven't bought anything. Can I? Haven't stolen anything, sorry. I have a personal moment with you and the tapas. Yeah. So in the pants, I am a, I'm probably pushing a size 40. Right? What does that mean?

Because girls' clothes. They're all just numbers. I'll tell you what it means. A lot of places top size will be a 38 or a 40. What does that mean? Because girls' clothes. They're all just numbers. I'll tell you what it means. A lot of places top size will be a 38 or a 40. Oh, yep. So COVID has treated me well. Yeah.

I've eaten like a king. Oh, girlfriend, I'm the same. I make heels on breads, fancy sausages. My shares in Uber Eats, I will make you rich. Mate, it's because of the cheap fridge. I have to eat everything so quickly because the food goes off. I may as well eat it before it goes off. I'd be thin if I'd bought a more expensive fridge. Yeah.

So heaviest I've ever been, I'm at about a size 40 in the pants. Some places are 38s the highest they'll go. Yeah. And so. And isn't that just a kick in the dick when you go, oh, do you have a bigger size? And they go, no. in the dick when you go, oh, do you have a bigger size? And they go, no.

Well, so sometimes like when you, it only needs to happen once before you're like so aware of how embarrassing that is. I totally get it. So the other day, you know, it's coming up to summer. And last summer, I don't know why, I didn't fucking feel like I went outside once. Yeah. I just don't have shorts. Like I just literally don't own shorts.

I was like, oh, I might just get a couple pairs of shorts. Summer's coming. And so I looked around and I'm like, is there a 40? No, fuck, they've only got the 38. And so I'm like, well, I'll try the 38, different brands. You know, I'm on the cusp of the 38. They might be a bigger whatever. So I slipped the 38 on and I was just like, no.

Not going to happen. And as well as my like dad bod and a bit of a gut, like, I've got. Thick thighs. I've got thick thighs. You do. You've got a thick little booty. Yeah, thank you. Yeah.

When you say it like that, it makes me feel better. You've got a juicy little butt. Thank you. You've got your Kim K body on. We're going to get you one of those dresses. Well, I almost, by trying on the shorts, created the dress. I can't do to look behind you. But then, so it didn't fit.

And so then I had to do the walk out of. And fuck, that just feels fucking. What a way to ruin your day. Yeah. What a way to ruin your day. God. So then I had to do. Salt and pepper squid would never do that to you.

No. Do you know what I mean? It would make your afternoon and not spoil your dinner. Yeah. So I then had to pretend like I was deciding that I didn't want the shorts, not the shorts have decided that they couldn't cater for me. They don't want to come home with you. Yeah, so she goes, oh, so what did you think?

And I go, oh, that's the material for me. No, I don't really. No, I don't think I'm a linen guy. I think I'm more of a cotton. Any other material. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, we do have that.

No. Oh, that's fine. It's not for me. Oh, sorry. It's not for me. Also, I'm not stealing. See you later. Have a great day.

And I can afford them. I can afford them and I want them, but I know I don't want them, but they do fit in a twine and I'm making this decision and check my pockets. Bye. I'm trying to be more minimalist. Normal or nah, Matt Jones. Matty Jones.

MG. Sitting on the toilet after you've done a number two and you stay sitting so you can feel the water on your arse cheeks when you flush. No, nah, fuck off. What? That's a soft no from Tony. It wakes me up in the morning after a nice morning poop

because it's nice and cold, says Matt Jones. Splash some fucking water on your face from the sink. Jump in the shower. When you said splash it on your face, I pictured you turning around like facing it. Sorry, I know we've had messages about don't dry reach on the podcast, but that is fucked. That's cooked.

So all your shitty water is bouncing up Don't do it. That's cooked. So I tell you. So all your shitty water is bouncing up on your fucking asshole. No, but you know how some places have like a bidet? But a bidet is different. He's saying he just sits on there so that the flush gets in the backside. Yeah, because a bidet is like angled and like for purpose. Yeah. I tell you the weirdest.

But it's also like a concentrated stream. It's not just spray. It's like. Yeah, it's built for purpose. Yes. Yeah. I tell you the weirdest. But it's also like a concentrated stream. It's not just spray. It's like. Yeah, it's built for purpose. Yes. Yeah. So I agree it's a nah. But why I thought it was a nah, as well as the obvious reasons.

Think of the logistics of, so in Australia, we don't have the little tap turn on. It's like a button on the top of the toilet. You sitting there on the seat, Toni. Yeah. Imagine you not wanting to get off the seat. Yeah. like a button on the top of the toilet. You sitting there on the seat, Tony. Yeah. Imagine you not wanting to get off the seat but trying to push the flash button. Oh, yeah. That's really hard.

Oh, yeah, that's really hard. And I'm quite flexible. Ask my boyfriend. Yeah. Oh, no, that's really annoying. So I wasn't as freaked out. I was just like, well, logistically, this is ridiculous. Okay, no, that is not where your mind should have gone first. I promise out. I was just like, well, logistically, this is ridiculous. Okay, no, that is not where your mind should have gone first.

I promise you. And then I went, oh, but even if I could, it's still probably not. Okay, okay, I've got another logistics issue. Sure. Tony logistics issue. You're all wet. That's what you wipe for. But all your thighs?

How intense is your flush at your face? No, but, like, it's going to spray up onto everything that's, like, on top of the toilet seat. Does your toilet spray up? No, but, like, so this was the whole thing when I said, why do you shut the toilet? Like, drop pots come out. But then, like, what are you doing?

You can't just put your pants back on. So then you've got to have a shower. So why not just not stay on the toilet and just have a shower anyway? So you're saying, Matt, if it wakes you up and it feels nice and cold in the morning, why don't you just have a fucking shower? Just jump in the shower. Because then you've got, like, toilet water all on the back of your legs or on your bum or whatever.

I just, that sounds fucking awful. Is he doing this in public as well? What a mess. Oh, Matty, oh, my God. Get his phone. That's awful. Get his phone number. That's awful. We're texting him. We're going to figure that out. So, it would have been a few months ago

where someone messaged in and said love being part of the TARP community. Love listening to TARP. Tony and Ryan podcast. My favourite thing is normal or nah. Not just because it's funny, but I did some stuff that was like a bit cooked,

but it's nice to know that other people do it too and that I am normal and I feel like I can share anything without being slandered or judged. I see what you're saying. The thing is, is that that's fucked. And the standard you walk past is the standard you accept. And you will not walk past that. I can't walk past that. I'd run fucking past it and go,

Matty, fuck off with your shitty toilet-ass water and don't touch me. Final normal on ours is Brad Farrell. Normal or nah, kissing with eyes open. Normal or nah. Brad said he always closes his eyes, but his husband keeps his eyes open. Once, said Brad, I had a sneak peek and it creeped me the fuck out seeing him cross-eyed staring back into my soul from about four mils away. See, you're too close.

Close. Just appreciate the moment. See, that's the thing. You're not like your eyes aren't – you know when you're watching TV or kind of almost falling asleep or whatever and your eyes are like really soft and you're not like, if you're, you know, like you're like this. If you're staring at someone that's four mils away. Yeah.

That's horrifying. Brad said his cross eyes stared into my soul and I didn't like it. Nah, it's a nah from me. I once saw a couple making out like at the bus stop. It was when I was younger. I would have been like 14 or 15 or something. We're filming a rom-com. This sounds so romantic.

Yeah, it was so beautiful. Hey, babe, want to meet me at the bus stop or fucking tongue ya? When you were in high school, if two people hooked up, would they be like, oh, did you tongue her? Did they say that? Or when you kissed a boy, they go, Tony, did you tongue him? I guess they'd be like, did you guys kiss? And like, oh, tongue?

Question mark. But like so tongue wasn't used as an adjective in your hood? No, not that I know of. Neither, not in my town either. Maybe that was a boy thing. No, we never said that. I've never heard it before. Maybe like did he slip you the tongue or something? For some reason it feels worse to me.

Yeah, okay. Anyway, I was at the bus stop. It was like we were waiting for the school bus and this couple who, like also school age, they're all there together, they were making out and she had her eyes closed but he had his eyes open and he was like looking around. At what? So he's like. Well, he's got to know if the bus is about to arrive.

I need to get my fucking ticket out. Got my my here ready. So he's like. This is fucking terrifying. Like looking around. And so he like made eye contact with people as they. Oh, did he look at you? Yeah, I was.

Because I looked over because I was like, oh, do you guys have to do that? And he kind of like. While still making out. Yes. Yes. Yes. It was really horrifying. That is horrifying. And so because I was so young, like, yeah, 13 or 14 or something like that,

high school, that has like turned me off ever wanting to do that because I'm like, you look like you are possessed. And that's turned you off and everyone else listening to this pod. Yeah, I've never kissed anyone ever again. Neither. No, I only make out while standing a metre away. From the person you're making out with? Yeah, that's my – I can't – no, the stare is too much for me.

No. No, you heard what I said. No, you heard what I said. We could make out now. No. Can we stop? Yes. Hi, this is Jules from Queensland,

and you're listening to Tony and Ryan. A massive shout-out to a few of our champion tapas over at our Patreon. You fucking love to see it. We do heaps of stuff. For the champion tapas especially, there is a live stream every month. So last month we did Halloween Craft, which was very, very fun. I actually loved it. That was great.

Shout out to the little Woot who cut a little clip of you going, this is just so relaxing. It's just so nice. And then the next clip is you going, I fucking hate this. Fucking what colour paint. Fucking don't talk to me. You fuck me off. Yeah.

It is definitely the most Tony Lodge thing I've ever seen in my life and I loved it so much. I shared it on my Instagram, but I might see if I can make it a reel so that it can live in infamy on the grid. Please, please. And speaking of 0 to 100 Tony, we also did a live stream of you trying to buy Blink 182 tickets. Yep. And there were a lot of us here in the office trying to help you.

Don't fuck. You weren't trying to help me. You didn't even have the fucking tab open. I needed help. Thank God for Charles, someone who was watching who managed to get the tickets for me because I was still in the queue. Anyway, let's not talk about that. He did a great job of that.

Charles did a great job of that. I will call him King Charles from now on. King Charles, that's beautiful. And so there's the blogs from the desk of Dr Tony Lodge. Yes, you'll love that. You get to choose the movies, approve the podcast, get around it. Yeah, all that stuff. And a few of the people in our champion tupper, I was about to say stable,

like as in a horse stable, but then I almost said holding cell, which is like jail. Which would you prefer? Stable? I don't know if she sounds. Anyway, all of our champion tuppers, come on. Let's just move along. cell, which is like jail. Which would you prefer? Stable? I don't know if she sounds... Anyway, all of our champion tubbers, come on. Let's just move along.

Krista Hansen, thank you so much. Lily Quirin, Zachary Murphy, Amanda Bacon. She's Bacon. No, she's kidding. Brandon Landry, Brandon Durr, Tiffany Kunkel, Natasha Nilsson, Paul Houghton, Brian Wood and Whitney Spears. Don't know if that is a real name. Fuck right off. There's no way.

Pretty funny. There's no way. If your last name was Spears, you'd... You'd go by Whitney. Surely. Hey, tomorrow on the show. For the video show. For the video show.

Last week we heard a harrowing tale about a dead dog. Oh. That died on someone else's watch. They were just dog sitting. Oh, that's giving me fucking chills. The dog died, but they were taken care of. Don't say it gives you chills. Don't say it gives you chills.

Because the owner said, hey, can you just put the dog in the deep freezer and we'll take care of it when we get back to the country. Because we want to have a bit of a burial or. Yeah. The owners forgot about the dog. The guy that owned the freezer forgot the dog. And no one realised until the guy sold the freezer. And the guy said, oh, mate, thanks for the freezer.

It's working really well. Quick question. Did you realise there's a fucking dead dog in here? I and everyone else sat here and went, well, fuck me up. We're never going to hear a more fucked dead dog story than that. Don't you fucking dare. Tomorrow, a Sydney tarpa said, mate. Hold my beer.

Hold my beer. Fuck off. There's nothing worse than that. Tomorrow on the show. For the video show, you can watch it. I might be off. We can watch your reaction to it. Great.

Okay. Fuck. All right. We'll stick around for that. Earlier I mentioned that I've got something that will make you save money. Tight Tony. Tight Tony. Throw away your Netflix subscription.

Cancel your credit card. See you. All the entertainment is coming from something we know and love. Less time. That you can get for free. Streaming on Binge. More time with Tony's. Minge.

Is there any better joy in life than people watching absolutely not isn't it just that you're sitting in a little how much does it cost you fucking nothing this is where you're gonna save money fucking and you just ask for tap water they don't they don't charge you yeah it's all good um I don't even make a party for the water. I don't even make a party for the water. So I'm a people watcher from way back. My mum and I used to go to the Carousel Shopping Centre every Saturday morning and we would, like, do the food shopping or buy whatever we needed or whatever, and we would always stop for a coffee and we would sit in the middle

of the mall and people watch. Preach. We just used to do it all the time. the middle of the mall and people watch preach we just used to do it all the time so i am not like a museum or historic walking to a person if i go to a new city yeah i'm like yep block the day out i'm just gonna go for a walk and i'll spend the whole day just walking around observing that's cool at the same i'm like oh let's just pull up go have a coffee here and just observe what happens on the streets here in hong k Oh, we're here in this town. And look at the fashion and all that stuff.

Because if you go to the museum, you're like, well, I'm not learning how people in Hong Kong live day to day. I'm just looking at old Hong Kong art, which is great. But if I'm here to like feel a city out, I want to be seeing it and feeling it. That's actually really cool. I really like that. Yeah.

I've never thought to do that and actually sit down and just take it in. Take it in. I want to observe. I want to feel what it's like to live here. And whilst it's very poetic how I put it, what I'm really trying to say is I'm just people watching. Give me the fucking goss. Yeah.

I want to know who's fucking cheating on who and whatever's happening. Well, it's funny that you say that because I went to a new city recently. Yeah. My boyfriend Torbs and I have been doing it for nine years together for eight. Hang on, are we almost ready to upgrade or has that been upgraded? No, we've just upgraded in September. Yeah, I know. You'll be doing it for 10 years next year.

I know. Beautiful. Isn't that sweet? It is. We recently went to a new city for the first time. We went to Queenstown in New Zealand and we were catching up with our best friends, Jag and Lane. And we, because of COVID, closures, whatever,

we hadn't seen them in over 18 months. And it just so happens as well that in that 18 months they got married. Yep. So obviously we chat to them once a week or so on the phone or we FaceTime or whatever, things like that. But it's not the same as when you're kind of like sitting down together. It's really not. And you're like, fuck, we're actually like I can see you.

We're here. We're together. I can smell your pheromones. And the fucking conversation's flowing and it's just amazing. So the first day that we got to Queenstown, they picked us up from the airport. We sprinted to our Airbnb, quickly had a shower and washed the plane off us and went out for dinner. And so we sit down

and we've got a year and a half's worth of gossip to catch up on. And so we kind of sit down, we order a glass of red wine each. We ordered a bottle actually, four glasses. Also, side note, how much more convenient is a dining with four of you because you can order a bottle? Yeah, because you don't feel like, fuck, we're not going to get through that last inch in the bottom. Or if you want to try something, you're like, oh, let's just get this four of us.

We'll all just have a taste. Yeah, exactly, because you all get like a glass and a half each anyway. So you've got a bottle. You're at this restaurant. Your best friends haven't seen for ages. Everything's looking great. And it's actually like the oldest building in Queenstown, right? Beautiful.

And so it's like all stone and it's like a big wood fire. Like it is just gorgeous. We're all kind of huddled into this booth together. It's just perfect. I'm like, oh, this is what I've waited a year and a half for. Yep. We sit down. We've got our glass of wine.

I go to Jag. Oh, so how's work? What's going on? He's just changed careers. He's now working in real estate. And to Jag. Oh, so how's work? What's going on? He's just changed careers. He's now working in real estate. And he goes, oh, so, and then Lane goes, shut up. And I was like, Lane, like, what are you fucking doing? Your husband's trying to tell a story, mate.

She goes, oh, my God. I think they're having an argument. Oh, fuck yes. So she's facing, so, okay, let me paint the picture. So we're on a booth. Yep. And so Torbs and I are on one side together. Jag and Lane are on the other side together.

And they are facing another table of two that's by the door. And Lane can see the female. Yep. And the male's back is to us. Right, okay. But I can't see because my back's to them. So she goes, oh, I think they're having an argument. So you can't see but you're closer.

You might be better to hear. Exactly right. So we've got different advantages from each point that we've got. There's multiple senses between the lot of us. Torbs, what's your smell like? She's like, Larbo. That horrible perfume that woman complained about. Anyway, and we're like, and at first I'm kind of like,

I haven't seen you guys for a year and a half. Like, oh, my God, yeah, like, huh, they're having an argument. And then we kind of like have a sip of wine and I'm like, anyway, so how's work? And Lane goes, oh, she's just said it's not acceptable. And I was like, and like the three of us are kind of engaging in a conversation like Torb's Jag and I. But Lane is fucking, she's in this.

Like she's not concentrating on us at all. It's like, well, you watch reality TV on TV, but imagine having, it's like a theatre show. You're there live in person. I'm seeing the reality fold out in front of me. And so because we've all just sat down, it's kind of like, oh, how funny. And then we kind of get back to talking. And then we're like looking at the menu and then Lane goes, oh, she's just said that there's no way that we can recover from this kind of thing. Like, and she goes, it's so unacceptable. Right. Unacceptable is like a

very blunt thing to say. And, um, and the arms kind of start going, she's kind of going like, not what the hell kind of thing. She's going to be aggressive. And I'm trying to like bend my ear all around the side to try and hear what's going on. Anyway, the waitress comes over and we've looked at the menu and we go, oh, yeah, we'll get the fucking ding dong, the bing bong and the ling long, whatever. And then she goes, oh, that'd be great.

I'll take your menus. And then she does the rounds of all the tables around us and goes, how's everything going? Oh, fucking right. Did Lane not give her the heads up? No. So, like, she walks over to this couple's table. Hey, guys, how's it going?

And goes, how is everything, guys? And they're like, yeah. So the woman puts her hand on her head and goes, yep, it's great, and kind of, like, waves her away. Yeah. And Lane goes, oh, it's great, and kind of like waves her away. Yeah. And Lane goes, oh, my God, the waitress just went over there and asked how everything was going and the woman just waved her away and we're like, oh.

Anyway, so it's really fucking awkward. Yeah. But instead of catching up on the year and a half's worth of gossip that we needed to, we just ended up fully invested in this thing. Did Lane consider asking the waitress, hey, dear waitress, you're a bit more like mobile than us with your occupation. Can you like, like who's in the wrong here? Well, to be honest.

Can you impart any more intel? Because we are loving this sick. So we kind of seen like every other table around us was doing exactly what we were doing. Like every other table around us was doing exactly what we were doing. Like you could not ignore what was going on. Like it's not as if you said something, oh, did you see that? They went, oh, no.

Like everyone's talking about it and no one at any other table is talking because everyone's talking. Oh, so the room's gone silent. Fuck, that's so awkward. Have you tried to have a fight in public and not get noticed? Yeah, and you kind of got that smile on your face and you're like, well, I just don't think that we should have parked on that street, sweetheart. I think where we parked was actually fine and considering I was the one driving.

Hang on, hang on. Yeah, hi. Tap water's fine. I had a twinkie latte. Does it come with cinnamon? Yeah, thank you. That'd be great. Yeah, that's great.

So because I did the driving. There's no need to act like an arsehole when she comes over here. I'm the one who drove. I should be able to park my car. Well, I always bloody drive. Oh, thank you. It is great. Thank you.

Yeah, thank you. Yeah, two months old. Yeah, tell the chef my sincerest. Thanks. Thanks. Anyway, so. Do they become aware at any stage that everyone's listening to them? They're oblivious.

I think they're just so deep in this fight. They're about to break up. Well, and so, you know, we're all kind of, everyone's trying to kind of tune their frequency to hear what's going on. But we spent our entire dinner like trying to decipher what they were saying, what the arm movements meant. And, you know, because we caught a couple of keywords here and there. So we're like coming up with theories based on the keywords that we've heard.

So when she goes, it's unacceptable, we're going, oh, well, is it because he cheated on her or did he go to a Bucks party and the best mate was getting married, he cheated on his wife, and then she's saying that's unacceptable. Maybe they're not – you know, we're coming up with these like crazy theories. saying that's unacceptable. Maybe they're not. We're coming up with these crazy theories.

But the thing is, we've ordered this bottle of wine, right? And then another bottle of wine shows up. And can I say that you, with zero wines, are not quiet? I'm not a quiet girl, no. Out of few wines, the quietness that wasn't really there to start with is gone. Yep. Like the wine. Like the wine is no longer present.

Another bottle. Are you discussing them loud enough so they can, could they hear you discussing them? Well, I don't think so. But like I said, they're so into what they're kind of talking about. So you think? Well, yeah. But we're getting drunker and drunker and the people around us are probably the same.

A few more bottles of red wine, somehow they're empty, and then all of a sudden we're like, no, no, no, no, no. Then what did she say? But, you know, like we think we're being super inconspicuous but we're actually probably like really not. Like me peering around at the beginning was like this and then afterwards i'm like you know i'm turning my whole body around so can i also add on the you get louder and louder you know when you're 18 you've had too many beers and you

have to like sneak back into the family home and you don't want to wake your parents up because you're blind and it's like you think you're so quiet but you've fucking knocked every piece of it and you're like shh. Yeah, you tell them the dog to be quiet. Shut up, dog. I can't let them know that they can hear me. I'm trying to be really quiet. Don't tell mum and dad.

So the quieter you're trying to be, the more obnoxious you're trying to be. Exactly. Can I ask a question here as well? Question. Because we're all, and when when i say we all i don't just mean you for the restaurant i mean everyone listening we're we're also invested breath yeah i know on tuesday two episodes ago you told us that you were observing someone playing angry birds yeah and it was fucking you off to the point because they weren't that good at it that you wanted to

just go over and just offer some advice yeah was. Was there a point, a few bottles in, where amongst the four of you at the table, you go, someone's got to go over there? Nah, no fucking way. It was really kicking off. Excuse me, guys. I'm really sorry. I couldn't help but notice.

Us four and the whole fucking restaurant is just watching this. What? Happened. What happened? Fuck, that would have been good i have another idea oh my god yep you know dracula's that's like a theater restaurant oh like dinner theater yeah imagine it's like dinner theater but it's also like a a colonel sanders cludo whodunit so you get seated in this restaurant and all you know is that. Colonel Sanders is from KFC. What am I thinking of? Colonel Mustard.

I'm like, you're going to have KFC and then you said Cluedo. I was like, oh. Okay, you pick Colonel Mustard. With the zinger in the kitchen. Is that the right? Have I solved the crime? Tell me. That is hilarious.

Tell me if everyone thinks this is a great idea. You and Torbz get seated at a restaurant. Yeah. And you get told there's 15 other couples just like you who are participating in the evening. Uh-huh. But there's one couple in here that's going to break up tonight and they might be like actors.

Yeah. And there's another couple that's like in love and he's going to propose. And so the whole time you're having dinner, you're like, everyone's fucking eyeing each other off and you go, fuck, are they the ones who are like. So it's like a bit of a mystery of like, who's the proposal? Who's this? And who are just the other random like, you know, diners tonight.

That's fun. Is that fun? I think so. Okay. I think that's fun. Is that fun? I think so. Okay. I think that's fun because it's like a bit interesting. But it's the exact same concept because you're people watching and you're like, oh, like who is it? And it's like a nice thing to talk about, I think.

Like as horrible as it sounds, like I sound like we were bullying these people. No, we were just watching the show. We were just, you know, there's no way that you can kind of ignore that going on. You were bullying Jafar by being on Team Aladdin when you were at the cinema. Exactly right. Thank you so much.

So did it end with- All right, can you shut up because let me tell you. So we think that we are being really like fucking inconspicuous and so do the waitresses, right? They're in on it. So they're all going back into the fucking behind the bar. It's unacceptable. And we're seeing them have a the fucking behind the bar. It's unacceptable. And we're seeing them have a bit of a gas bag.

Yeah. And I'm like, fuck, they're in on it. Like what's going on? Anyway, we come up with a few more theories. One of the theories that Lane came up with was maybe this is one of those like diner TV shows. Yeah. They're filming one of those shows where like.

100%. Anyway, so the end of dinner, we're kind of getting close to the end and we're about to wrap up and they get up. He goes to the bathroom. Oh, at another point in the night she said like, well, I've just got such a great job but I'd throw it all away. What a great kid. So we're like, oh, my God.

Anyway, so he gets up and goes to the back. Then she gets up a minute later and goes to the back. And we're like, oh, my God, he's obviously paying because she's just given him a fucking earful about making all this money or whatever. Anyway, and then she leaves and then he leaves a minute later. So they didn't, like, leave together. And anyway, so we're like, oh, my God, they haven't left together. Like, what's going on?

Anyway, so we, at the end of our dinner, we get up to pay. We're all being quite professional. We're all like, okay, don't say anything to the waitresses. Because I was like, let's fucking ask them. Yeah. And everyone was like, Tony, no. Like, don't do that. Between a lot of us, we could piece the puzzle together.

Exactly right. We go up to pay. We're all being quite professional. And then I go, so what do you reckon happened to the waitress? And the waitress goes, oh, ma'am, what do you mean? And I was like, we all fucking saw it. What do you fucking reckon happened? Don't fucking what do you reckon me, mate.

What do you reckon happened? What do you reckon happened? Are you his side or her side? And she goes, we think they broke up. Yeah, they fucking knew. Don't play dumb with me sweetheart They paid separately They paid separately?

Fuck they are on the rocks That is cold as ice That They're done I know RIP their relationship Both of them were too stubborn To let the other pay

And get like the high road Yep So they paid separately You know what It is what it is We'll go our separate ways. I'll pay. No.

I'll pay for what I had. Yeah. And they like left with like food on the table and like some wine. I wanted to take it as we left. You're not going to break up and go, okay, yeah, you're right. We shouldn't be together. Do you have a cheese dessert or a tiramisu kind of vibe? Or like.

A tokay just to wash down the evening. Can I get this to go? Do you have a doggy bag? Can I get this to go, please? I'm out of here as soon as she puts this in a box. Yeah, I just need my pizza in this box. So I can fucking leave and eat a pepperoni in the cab on the way home. I'm crying. Yeah. Fuck, that's eat a pepperoni in the cab on the way home. Oh, Christ.

Yeah. Fuck, that's so great. It was the best. And can I just say that you, at the start of this, were judging Lane for being like, hey, stop eavesdropping. We haven't seen each other for 18 months. But listen to you all come round.

And we did. We did all come round. I'm team Lane. I've always said that. Yeah, you have always said that. You can Google that because you've always said that. Thank you. But fuck, and it was like, it was the best because we were just all fucking giggling and whatever. And like, this poor couple, they're fucking, you know, probably sounds really horrible, but nothing better than a people watch.

Mate, reality TV. Nothing beats real life. TV. Yep. I've got to love to see it. Oh, yep. Nobody is a movie that's just come out on Netflix. Yeah.

I think it came out like a year ago. Just came out. It must have been in cinemas and it's just come onto Netflix. Sure, yeah. Or maybe Australian Netflix. Who knows? They're a little bit different. It's like an action thriller.

But you know those ones that are like, it's sort of like the old school James Bond movies where they don't take themselves too seriously. So some of the fight scenes get a little wacky because that's a bit, a little bit. Yeah. So it's not a comedy, but they say like, it doesn't take itself too seriously. Yeah. Yeah. It's a little bit goofy and whatever.

Yeah. Yeah. I heavy recommend. Do you know Bob Odenkirk yep the guy from um better call breaking bad yeah um so he wrote a book called comedy comedy comedy drama he spent the first 40 years of his life being a comedian yeah and then they said oh do you want to play this character soul in breaking bad and he goes oh i've only really done comedy and they go, we reckon you've got the look and, like, it's a smaller part. I reckon you'd be great.

And it's like he's whole, he's like an action thriller hero now. Yep. And he's like, I spent 40 years doing this other thing. And, you know, comedians don't grow up dreaming of being, like, an action hero. No. But he's got real dad, like, daddy vibes, according to the internet. Yeah, right. And his performance is insane.

Oh. It's incredible. And so I was watching with Bridget the other night. It's called Nobody. And it starts like pretty slow and mundane. And I don't want to like give anything away other than to say like as the movie goes on, the energy intensifies. Which is, it's sort of fun to watch because it starts slow and you're like, oh, this is

a bit cute and quirky. What's going on? And then by the, you know, you can kind of like, oh, that's sort of. Oh, something's happening here. Yeah. Like my dinner. Yeah. Exactly the same.

It's pretty. Was it Bob Odenkirk? Yeah, he's breaking up with his wife in Christchurch. But I think it speaks to the actor because, no, like he can play the full rank because the start of the movie and the end of the movie are completely different. Yeah, right. And he's fucking incredible.

I don't know what else to say. Awesome. It's called Nobody. It's on Netflix. Recommend. Don't read too much about it. Just fucking watch it. It's great.

Okay. Oh, good recommendation. Yeah. We'll hear from the masses whether you've hit the mark or not. I just love Bob Oden. Have you watched Breaking Bad or Better Call Saul? He's really good in it. No, but I did watch a lot of his – I loved his comedy stuff.

Yeah. The Mr – oh, I'm going to get fucked up. It's like the Mr Big Show or something random. It was like a sketch show he did for decades, and I loved him doing that. So I still see his face and go, oh, it's the comedy guy. See, no, I've only ever seen him in like Breaking Bad. Yeah. But he does a really great job, doesn't he?

Oh, good recommendation. My love to see it is when things go wrong in Facebook groups. Obviously, I've gotten to a point in my life where Facebook is now suggesting, like it used to be like suggested for you, like sponsored ads for like, I don't know, clothes or restaurants or Maccas or something. And now I got a suggested for you like sponsored ads for like, I don't know, clothes or restaurants or Maccas or something. And now I got a suggested for you and it's this Facebook group called Simple Savers. I thought you were going to say Kmart Moms.

Oh, no, I'm in that. I'm already in that one. And this is called Simple Savers, right? Simple Savers. So it's obviously like a group of, you know, parents that all share like their little savings hacks hacks for food and having kids or whatever. Was one of them go to Christchurch instead of paying for Netflix? Yeah, it was actually.

Yeah, I posted it and it went off. Anyway, this post is, I buy the large tub of hummus from Aldi for $5. And then I decant it into smaller containers and pop it in the freezer till I want to use it. I even reuse the large tub for homemade soups that I give to my family. So I'm just going to show you a picture. So she's accompanied the thing with... So it's literally like the three-litre fucking huge tub of hummus that she puts into these tiny dip containers...

Into the regular ones, yeah. ..so that she can freeze them and it doesn't go off. How did you get the original containers? Well, I mean, that should be a different hack. Obviously, you know, there's prerequisites to this hack working. Yeah, okay, my mistake. I should have gone to Tupperware Mums. So the top comment on this post is,

how dare you fucking put hummus in a soup? That's fucking disgusting. Why would you do that? And she's just gone fucking right off her rocker. And then there's a comment and she's like, no, she uses the tub from the hummus to put soup into. I just fucking, you love to say that. I just love people going in hard and backing in something

that they've got no fucking idea. Like an extra one second of her rereading that instead love people going in hard and backing in something that they've got no fucking idea like it like an extra one second of her rereading that instead of fucking bashing away something on her fucking ipad you know and she's oh my god i love to say it so did she there's nothing better than beef in a facebook group oh absolutely not so hang on she goes all in on what's already the dumbest thing ever and it turns already the dumbest thing ever and it turns out the dumbest thing ever isn't real. Is slightly less dumb than what she thinks.

She said. Yeah. So does she once called out, back it up, like back it in? Or does she... There was no more comments from her. Yeah, she goes, you're not even in that group anymore. Yeah, she does. But you know when sometimes you see it and they go,

sorry, Carol, or whatever. Yeah. Now that I've reread it. Yeah. Oh, I had to put on my glasses. Haha. Or they've obviously edited it. I saw what I saw.

Yeah. I know my truth. Oh, well, that's what I thought you meant. What did you claim you wrote? Yeah. Oh, sorry. Maybe you should rewrite what you write next time. Anyway, you fucking love to say that.

I do love to say that. Very funny. On tomorrow's video show, brace yourself. I don't think I can. It's going to be... Okay. Yep. Yep.

I love every single one of you. If this is the last episode... See you later. Thanks for listening to us on Spotify. Yep. It's been an absolute pleasure having you on our Hot Fun Garbage podcast. Our new podcast will be called Alive Dogs Only. Yes.

Starting tomorrow. No, Monday. Not starting tomorrow. Starting Monday. Okay. Love you. Bye.