Toni and Ryan - A True Dishwashing Tablet Crime

Episode Date: March 9, 2025

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With the Fizz loyalty program, you get rewarded just for having a mobile plan. You know, for texting and stuff. And if you're not getting rewards like extra data and dollars off with your mobile plan, you're not with Fizz. Switch today. Conditions apply. Details at fizz.ca. Hello, welcome to the Tony and Ryan podcast. I'm Tony. This is Ryan. And we've got Amy from Leeds in the UK. Amy, what are you doing in 2025 that Tony is gonna love?

So in honor of our Lord and Savior, Dr. Arthur Tony Lodge, me and my best friend Luke, we're doing a year of craft anew. So every month we're gonna do a new craft. Inspired by our Lord, Tom. That's amazing. Oh, you're gonna have so much fun can I come absolutely Amy we all proved today's podcast absolutely I'm Amy from leads in the UK and I proved this podcast Let's make a podcast!

Last week, Tony said that if she ever uses the term hubby, that I get to break her glasses off and shove them in her asshole. Yeah. Ida said before we started, I hope it happens. And Tony said, you don't need a reason if you just want to touch my ass. You don't. And what a beautiful sentiment

and positive friendly environment. And just it feels right to start the week on that note. I just love you. I love you too. Yeah. Oh. Yeah. Not as much as your're soon to be.

I don't even want to say it cause I actually agree with you. It doesn't feel right coming out of the mouth. Now. It's a dis. Now, Nikki Hastings is a tarpa. Hi Nikki. And they've been having a bit of a,

they all have lunch at work together and you know, shooting the breeze, catching up. I love that. When I worked in Bumri was my first full time job in radio, or first full time job anywhere. And we used to do lunch club. Yeah. And it was like the same crew would often eat lunch together and like we would all go

at the same time. It was awesome. Like calling it lunch club I think makes it so cute too. One person came in after the weekend and said, Oh, have you guys ever stolen anything from a house party? And so this person I work with who I'm now questioning says Nikki Hastings and she doesn't want to out anyone that one person was at a house party, like looking for food. You know, it's like, I got the fucking chips in the cupboard or something. Yeah, or some like two minute noodles or something.

Yeah. So this guy opens up the cupboard and it's the wrong cupboard and it's got like the dishwasher tablets in it. And then the guy goes, oh, fuck, my girlfriend told me to get dishwasher tablets and I totally forgot. And just fucking takes a few. They're really expensive.

Yeah, puts them in his pocket and goes out. So then the next day he's got a bit of a buffer so he can go buy them. But it like jotted his memories like, oh fuck, like I was totally supposed to get those. So then Tarpa Nikki Hastings says, dear Tarpas, have you had any drunken petty crimes? Sorry, can I just say something about the fucking dishwasher tablets? Yeah. You know, if you touch them with wet hands that like the gel comes out because it's like soluble? They are a fucking menace in the drawer. They are because if any moisture gets in they all fucking pop open.

So we have them under the- Because one goes, they all go because the liquid dissolves through all the other ones. So our bag of them is under the- It's a ticking fucking time bomb. Yeah and it's under the sink. Ours is too. So when it gets a little drip and pop off dishwasher tablet sinks.

Literally. Yes. It's like they're, it's terrifying. Now, I think we've discussed this before, but at Coles or Woolies, they often have 50% off dishwasher tablets. You've got to go on a good week. No, so every time Bridget sees them,

which is every second week, she goes, oh, 50% off, fuck better get some. It's like we've been to Costco. We've got a lifetime supply of fucking dishwasher tablets. Let's have a house party and everyone take them. Everyone come and take some. Do you know what I do that with? Fucking cans of tuna.

Yeah. Whenever it's on special, I go, oh, I better get fucking six or so cans. And all of a sudden there's just tuna coming out my fucking ears. And I don't even really eat that much tuna. Should we talk about how much tuna's on your desk right now? There's three tins of tuna on my desk right now.

I've got a big lunch coming up today, bud. Well, cause I just go, oh, I better get, oh, it's handy for work. It's a Monday, start of the week, right? Yeah. It's, you know, like, oh, easy to have at work. How good. I just bought, oh, I better get, oh, it's handy for work. It's a Monday, start of the week, right? Yeah. It's, you know, like, oh, easy to have at work. How good. I just bought a bottle of Kewpie to leave in the cupboard here.

Should that be in the fridge? I keep mine in the cupboard. Okay. Cause I've seen the Kewpie mayo. It's, I can actually see it now on the sink. That's the new one that I just brought in. So it's like sealed, but I keep it in the cupboard. Should that be in the fridge?

I feel like mayo. I just don't really like cold condiments. We currently have Kewpie mayo in the fridge here. I haven't used that. In fact, I didn't know it was there, which is why I bought my own. I was about to judge you, but then I realized that I bring in like a yogurt

every Monday and I go, this is the week I'm gonna eat yogurts. And now there's like a lot of old yogurt in the fridge. And sometimes I go, ready for me to throw out that yogurt? And he goes, not yet. And that's okay. That's okay, no judgment. Yep.

We need to fucking take the bin out this week. I know. The bin is fucked. Yeah. I wish you didn't say that in front of Sophie. Cause Sophie used to do it. But then I said- When she loved us and worked here all the time.

No, but then I said, I'll take that job off, Soph. And now I've just been outed as not doing a good job. You know what job I took off Sophie? What are you doing? What's that? Sophie goes freelance- And let me tell you- And this whole building just starts crumbling to the ground.

Falls apart. Yeah. Okay, well I know what I'm doing after recording today. But it's okay. and this whole building just starts crumbling to the ground. Yeah. Okay. Well, I know what I'm doing after today. That's okay. No, no, it's not adding. It's adding us. It's oh, yeah.

No, it's not about you at all. But we need to take the fucking bin out. Yeah. Like actually. Yeah. What happened to that Tony and Ryan podcast you listened to? Oh, Sophie left and the whole building burned down. No, they got suffocated by rubbish.

Old yogurts. Yeah. Ryan drowned in off dairy.. Old yogurts. Yeah. Ryan drowned in off dairy. In old yogurts. Oh, that's gross. Natasha. Hi Natasha. Now this, if you fucking hate someone.

I'll take notes. This is the move for you. I was at a house party and the girl whose house it was was being so annoying. She was being a bitch. Oh, I noticed that was really stressed when you're the host. That's tough. I noticed she was doing a huge puzzle, so I took one piece when I left. If someone did that to me, I would quite literally never talk to them again.

It sounds like Natasha would take that option. Like good. That is irreparable damage on a friendship. 100%. That's so fucked up. That's actually, that's fucked. That's fucked. That is so nasty. That's evil shit. That's fucked. That's fucked. That is so nasty.

That's evil shit. That's cruel. Well, I said if you don't like him and I don't know what this person was doing. Who leaves a puzzle out at a party? I've never had a party. No, but you left it out knowing we were all coming back to your house. Yeah, but it was finished. But I would never have someone in my home that I would think could do that to me.

Like I would never invite someone in and you would never do it to me. I know that you wouldn't. I wouldn't, that is fucked. That is fucked. Like I know you wouldn't do that to me. That is fucked. But like I would never, Charles?

I would do it to my sister. Oh, fair. Yeah. You could do stuff like that to your sister, but not a stranger. And I definitely did do it to my sister. Oh, fair. Yeah. You can do stuff like that to your sister, but not a stranger. And I definitely did do it to my sister. Does your sister know about it yet? Oh, statue of limitation.

Yeah, that's fair. That's fair. You don't ask about family matters in a public setting. The Jen Souter. Hi, Jen. I'm a kleptomaniac for branded wineglasses. You go to a winery and it's like Zanzel Estate and it's like print on the glass. Yeah. Jen's like, anytime I say that, see ya. The ones that do get me the Moon Dog, like the fun cups at Moon Dog,

like the plastic ones. Yeah, I've fucking thought of that. Even though I have a bunch of nice, regular, clear wineglasses at home, I now have dozens of branded, regular, clear wine glasses at home, I now have dozens of branded wine glasses as well. Do they sell them at wineries? They should if they don't. Because I know breweries, like it's because people probably stole them or classic old pubs will have like the name printed on the mug and you can buy it at the gift shop on

the way out sort of thing. Surely. Do you think they're selling them at the gift shop for funsies or it's purely like, if you're going to fucking steal one, at least give us 10 bucks. You know what I mean? Because then people probably go, I just really want it. Yeah. Or you can buy one then.

And if you really want it, you would probably buy it. Sarah. Sarah. You're having it? Sorry. I just got a dry bit in my throat. Like, you know, when it just goes. Yeah. I won't say we'll wait because we're amazing

up on those gags Someone who's not no Up we'll wait whenever you ready someone who's not easing up on the gags is a recently engaged Tony That's funny Sarah I was made of honor at a wedding where the bride and groom got wasted. So I had to help them back up to their room. Like after the wedding, the whole day's over and she's like, I need to take you up to your like,

yeah, honeymoon suite. Yes, yeah. So she's like, these guys are hammered. So anyway, they get back up to the room and the groom's like, the swipe key, I don't think it's working. I'll have to go to the reception to get the thing. And she goes, all right, you go to reception.

I'll stay with the wife and like fucking hold her hair back and like all good. And do you know how many bobby pins she probably had in her hair? Like, do you know what I mean? Like she'd probably like, I will start undressing your bride because it's gonna take about 45 minutes. So we had to go and get the swipe key from reception and he comes back with a swipe key and a whole arm

full of apples. I thought you were about to say you stole a baby. The way you were holding your hands I was like, oh my god. No, he was holding a big thing of apples. He was holding it like as many apples as he could possibly hold. Yeah. The lady at reception made me feel like a drunk idiot for losing my key. So I took all of the fancy desk apples and said, how do you like them apples, lady?

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. They probably weren't even real apples. They were probably like star-o-fuckers. He's like, I'll show her. Oh, you think I'm funny for losing my cake? Give me those fucking apples, bitch. All funny until the next day you get the bill, $3,000 for the apples from the mini-bar. That's how they get you, isn't it? Yeah.

Remember in Sydney I had to go down to the 7-Eleven to buy the cans of drink and chocolate bars I'd eaten from the mini bar because that was so expensive. Yeah. Or in Sydney when you locked yourself, we had adjoining rooms and you locked yourself out of your room into my room, we couldn't get back out so we had to call the people to let us down because we was stuck in limbo between our rooms. We laugh now but it was... It was pretty embarrassing.

Yeah. I'm Amy from Leeds in the UK and you're listening to Tony and Ryan. We laugh now, but it was. It was pretty embarrassing. Yeah. I'm Amy from Leeds in the UK and you're listening to Tony and Ryan. This episode is brought to you by Majuri and Majuri has the nicest fine jewellery. It's perfect for stacking and wearing every day. And you can like play around with different styles, mix different colors and metals and stack different combos. So there's really something for everyone. And can I tell you a cute little personal note? Please.

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With the Fizz loyalty program you get rewarded just for having a mobile plan You know for texting and stuff and if you're not getting rewards like extra data and dollars off with your mobile plan You're not with Fizz switch today conditions apply details at f phys.ca. I'm as you shout out. I'm as you shout out to a few of our champion topics over at our Patreon. Verona Fury, good on your verona Daisy love to see it daisy. Thank you hannah matthewson brandy westwood emma rimbeck Uh and taylor cook

Are we all taking it back by the rimbeck Take yeah Yeah If you're listening on apple podcast or spot, if you hit the follow or subscribe button, it really helps us out on the back end. So we'd really appreciate that. Thank you. And that's the end of my niceties because I already hate the rest of this episode.

Don't say that. Don't say that. There you go. You're lashing out. I am. Well, I don't know why you're so upset because my beautiful friend, Ryan. Don't suck up now. Is the most beautiful friend on earth.

Thank you. Truly such a beautiful person. And that's how I would like to start the podcast. You have so many strengths. Thank you. Is being jacked one of them? And some weaknesses, but mostly strengths. Are you saying strengths a lot because I went to the gym the other day and I came in jacked?

So swole. You're yoked. Yeah. Um, so about four weeks ago, maybe five weeks ago, we got a- Three. Four is fair. Two tops. I'll give you four.

I think it was five, but I'll give you four. We got this form we had to fill out, Ryan and I, and we had to like, it was two separate forms. We had to do our own. We had to fill it in and we had to get it notarized. Like, is that what it's called? Notarized or witnessed or whatever. So we couldn't sign it here and then mail it back. We had to like, take it to a justice of the peace on those people. So you got to go to like the chemist or an, who is it like a financial professional. Yeah, qualified accountant, pharmacist. Yes, all of those kinds of things.

School principal. I think a school teacher or- Mum used to have to do it all the time, yeah. I feel like it's probably one of those things that's like, would be so handy to be able to do it for people, but you would hate when people ask you all the time. Four weeks ago, we get these notes. We both have to sign them independently and we have to get them notarized independently as well. I printed mine off and took it right away. My brother-in-law was able to witness mine. Oh, this isn't fun. Yep, yep.

So I printed it off, took it to his house. He was working from home. I signed it. He's witnessed it and whatever. And I took it straight to the post, he was working from home. I signed it, he's witnessed it and whatever. And I took it straight to the post office and I posted it off. A week after we'd been sent these forms, we get an email notification being like, hey guys, just touching base, like have you seen these forms?

And I was like, oh, Ryan, have you done that? And he goes, fuck, I need to do that. I'll do that today. And that's the end of the story. Thanks for listening, everyone. Have a great day. Bye. So for anybody who's doing the maths, that takes us to about three weeks ago. Then late last week-ish, we get an email being like, hi, you guys, just confirming we've received Tony's form in the post. Just wondering if they were sent on the same day,

because like maybe it's the post office's fault. Pretty sure it was. And Ryan goes, oh, fuck, I haven't done that. I need to do it today. A bit of time passed. We're just in office. We'd recorded an episode. Bit of time passes.

And Charles and I were talking about dropping something off at the post office for a tarpa. And we're like, we're sitting there talking about it and you were like doing something else. She like, went part of the conversation. And Charles goes, oh, I can take that for you on my way home, cause I'm gonna go past the post office. And I was like, oh yeah, actually that would be really handy.

And Ryan, your ears prick up and you go, oh, I'm actually going to go to the post office to post that thing because I've got to go, because someone from the post office can probably witness it. He goes, I've got to go, so I'll take it. And Charles and I looked at each other and I went, that's okay.

I need it to go today. Yeah. And I was going that day. Ryan goes, no, I'm literally, he's like waving the letter in my face. Waving the letter and my car keys and getting into my own car to drive straight to the post office. He's like, literally I'm going to the post office now. Like I have to do this so I can take it.

And Charles and I look at each other again and we go, nah. And so then I'm literally driving there straight now, give me the thing for the tarpa. And when I'm handing in this form, I'll give them the box as well. And Tony goes, no. And Charles goes, I'll just take it. And I was like, and Charles goes, I'll just take it. And I was like, I think that's best. And so Charles took it. The disrespect.

The fact that Charles, who I've taken off the street to bring into this company. Yeah, and moved him from New South Wales. Yeah, from the street of the eastern suburbs of Sydney and Love Island production. From his 80 million dollar house in Sydney. Yup. And within this long of working here, he just looks at me and goes, So I guess my question-

Then I saw Charles at the post office like two minutes later. He's like, what are you doing here? I said, I said I was coming and he goes, yeah, but you say lots of things. Yeah. Well, I just, is it, was it fair? No, it wasn't. Did you notice? No one wants to go to the post office.

Yeah. Including me for a very long time. Some people are saying over two weeks, others disagree. It was longer than that. And that's okay. I put stuff up all the time. Did you receive an email that said, we have now received both things? Yes, I did actually. Which...

Sorry? Sorry? I must say that the, from me when I saw the email being like, confirming we've received Tony's form, just wondering if Ryan is on the web. We've received one out of two. And Tony goes, oh, wonder which one that was. And I go, oh, did you send yours? Because I know I've sent mine. He goes, fuck, I know I'm going to do that thing.

Hey, they got all the forms. What's the point of the internet? So true. If we're still posting shit. When some people- I actually, no I fully hear you. In the accounting world when they're like, oh your tax return's coming up you need to sign this form so we can check. Just fucking email me and let me click something. What I don't understand is what's the difference genuinely, I'm actually not being a cockhead, what is the difference between wet signing something and e-signing it? Or just me saying, all good, dog.

But like when they go print this, sign it, and then scan it, I'm like, well, if I'm giving you an electronic copy anyway, then what's an original? Yeah. Yeah. Genuinely, what's an original if then I'm scanning it to you? The original doesn't exist. And when I say to Nick, you know how I signed that last one? Just do something similar yourself and keep it. Just copy that over.

Or just like, hey, you know what my signature's like, get a pen out. No, well you can't- And instead of sending it to me- No, you can't be doing that, you can't be doing that. But at least imagine if you could just- Do something similar to what I did and keep it. Read through it and click it. I don't understand, I don't think we need to be printing.

Buying stamps, are they claimable on tax? Because that was like a dollar fifty dollar fifty stamps Outrageous inflation has gone mad. I'm not even joking. I remember when I was a little girl 40 cents for a stamp max they were cheaper than a 30 cent cone of McDonald's and haven't they gone up as well? They're 50 now. They're fucking 55 maybe even and a flake They're 50 now. They're fucking lost support. 55 maybe even?

And a flake. Take out a second fucking mortgage, isn't it? So it used to be 30 cents for the ice cream and then if you wanted a 30 cent cone with a flake, it was 50 cents. What are they charging now? No, now I think it's a dollar 10 if you get an ice cream with a flake.

Can someone make me a graph that has the average inflation over 20 years, it also has the average price of a 30 cent cone over 20 years, and the average price of a 30 cent cone over 20 years and the average price of a stamp over 20 years and have the line graph so we can see the differences between them all. Yeah and could the lines... Because shit got out of control! And could the lines on the graph be different colors?

Thank you. Yeah. And preferably in colors of what they are. So the ice cream will be ice cream colored, the stamp will be stamp colored and inflation will be the color of Tony's cars. What if the cars. Yeah. I have one car, which is a human amount. A human amount.

Well, that's like the average amount of car people have. One. Surely. On average, one car. On average, one each. Yeah. Um, maybe the ice cream, cause what's ice cream color? Maybe that could be the McDonald's colors.

Yep. Oh, I was at that. And maybe the stamp could be Australia Post colors, so red. So they'd both be red. Red and white, red and yellow. Yep. Sydney Swans playing Gold Coast Swans.

Swans, swans. And what is the color of? Of money. That sounds like the title of your next book. The color of money? That sounds like the title of your next book. The colour of money. Why are you against me here? Not with you.

Oh, why? That seems nasty and it's really come out of nowhere for me. Remember how this story started? It's really come out of nowhere for me. Remember how this story started? Yeah, I do. Me saying that you're a beautiful friend and that I love you. The next part.

And that you have a lot of strength. The part where you added me for, and wouldn't trust me going to the post office when I was in the car going to the post office. You can see that some things get left in the car. I think I need to sneeze. That's how upset I am. Bless you. Thank you, Sophie.

I've heard you love to say it. And it's that last night I put... Ha! Bless you. Thank you, Charles. You can get the next one. I would rather die. You know they come in threes.

You know they come in. Bless you today. You know they come in threes. You know they come in threes. What's the mood if you already love to say it? I don't think I can muster one. It's funny you say muster because mine is a cowboy related. That's funny. You want me back on that. Yeah.

A few weeks ago, when were pretending that Torbz if he was a cowboy in the boots and the spurs, and he'd say how did he lead the spurs? That was recently, wasn't it? Yeah. Was that when I, the cow milkshake? Maybe, a little milkshake. Anyway, Brianna said, Hi Brianna. I have a you love to see it that relates to cowboy world

after hearing Tony talk about Torbz as a cowboy. Amazing. I've snagged myself a cowboy boot wearing, a cowboy sounding man who calls me Darlin and Sugar. Hey little Darlin. He's 15 inches taller than me. Cause I'm only five foot so he's a, tall cowboy who wears big boots and tight jeans. He has, he's covered in tattoos.

And I feel like I just needed to share this with Tony. It's the best relationship I've ever been in. I'm so proud of jumping in and jumping on and giving it a red hot go. Save a horse rider cowboy. Don't they say that? Old adage. Welcome to Texas, baby. Yeah.

Everything's bigger in Texas. Including her new boy who says, darlin'. Darlin'. And sugar. That's nice. Should I call you sugar? If you want. Sugar tits?

No. Just sugar? Yeah. Tits? Tits or sugar, but not sugar tits. Because I've got limits and this is a workplace. Um, I've got a, you love to see here actually. I love, obviously we're not a TV show that has like a throwback montage, but I'd love for a

montage when you go, oh, I've got limits and then just cut back to all of the fuck things you've said over the journey. Can you imagine how long it would take to cut that together? Oh, no. It would just take so long. Oh, yeah. Should we start that? You know how like sometimes they prep,

like, death ones? They go, oh, they're getting on a bit. We better prep one up for. Can I drop you with a fact? Yeah. I love facts. This guy worked at 3AW, which is like a news talk back station in Melbourne, and he made a montage of the life of Queen Elizabeth. So when she did pass away, they would have like a beautiful sort of sound.

And it's so that they can be first, right? Yeah, we get in first and they don't have to rush it because it's beautifully told and it would do the Queen justice. So he died 15 years before she did. The guy that made it. God, it's probably, probably need some new photos in that one. Yeah, so I think someone picked up the Pro Tools file

and just like added to it. Yeah, they updated that a little bit. Yeah, good on them. And that's keeping her memory alive. And her final trip was to the Barcelona Olympics. No. And she's just got the new iPhone. Yeah.

OK, Maya, love to see it. Sorry. Please. Last night, I put my water bottle through the dishwasher. And it doesn't taste bad anymore. So this is just a little PSA for everybody. Wash those bot bots. Wash those bot bots.

Here, here. How long since you've washed it? Don't know. And that's probably bad enough. I actually have no idea. Sometimes- You moved into your house in... November of 2023. Yeah. Haven't washed it since I've been engaged.

Have you washed it in your house? No, I don't think so. It's... Was it always shiny? Yeah, I was gonna say it looked shinier. That's why I was looking at it before. I'm like, wow, it looks incredible. Yeah. Is that what it's supposed to look like? I thought you were just rolling around in a matte black drink bottle. Yeah, nah, that was the grime. This is, this is clean now. Oh.

Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha.

Can someone let us know how often you are supposed to wash a water bottle? Do we want to know? So true. Do we want to know? I think as a public service announcement, I feel like as a society, we should know the answer to that question. I think it, I mean, there's probably people that go, I've got a couple of water bottles and I wash it every night and like recycle them.

Oh, that's crazy. Like cycle through, it's not recycle, it's in throw out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now we get, yeah, but now that's crazy. So did you notice it tasted bad? It washes itself, it's water. But yeah, I did notice it tasting bad. But because maybe, because it's like for a while, but like to the point where I was like, do I need a new bottle?

Probably because I've been I've had this Frank this exact Frank Green. Like I bought this just after we started the podcast because my other one smashed. Remember that's right. Yeah, it fell off the bench and because I had a plastic one before this and then I got this metal and it's fucking It's really like it takes a beating it does like it's it's all scratched up There's heaps of big dents in it from like dropping it and like it's yeah, it's scuffed up and so you're going strong But I think this water bottle really suits me What is unwashed and filthy?

Like it was unwashed and filthy. Until last night when you both washed yourselves and you're both looking fresh this morning and you both taste lovely today. Yeah, but I mean, yeah, I actually was like, fuck, I think I need a new water bottle and then just washed it. Saving money. Yes.

Yeah. Yes sir. So yeah, just a little PSA. Throw them through the dishy. What, every couple of months. So earlier we were talking about petty drunken crimes. Yeah. Tomorrow.

That's why I stole all those destruction tablets so I could do my water bottle. Tomorrow we've got a confession, which was actually submitted as a drunken petty crime, but I said, that's not that petty. And I don't know if you want your name on that. I was about to say, you thought, they need some anonymity here.

Yeah. So let me submit it into confessions on your behalf. So you actually do know their names. Yeah. But we won't share it. But let me just say, I won't be the only one getting a letter from the Nillanby Council. See you tomorrow. Love you, bye.

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