Toni and Ryan - A Witch Cursed Toni's Wedding

Episode Date: August 9, 2026

Butcher? - Psychics - it's our birthday!!! - love ya!!!!!Video for this EP is available on YOUTUBECheck out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toniandryanpodcast Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This psychic slash witch comes up to Tony and said, I've just got a feeling that your trip's going to go horribly disastrously wrong and your wedding. It's something disastrous is going to happen. All the best, though. Hi, I'm Frankie and I'm Maisie from BC, Canada. Hi, I'm Sophie from Sydney, Australia. Hi, I'm Hilary from Los Angeles, California and I approve this podcast. So, we're starting the week. I just told Tony that my mom spent the weekend in Brisbane because she watched the Hawks.

And Slay. Yeah. You know. And thrown her. Yeah. It has. It was surprising. Did you see that sick jumper at you the other day?

I did. Thank you. That did cheer me up when I was high on cough syrup. Yeah. So the knitted hawthorn jumpers that we have from homey, they've done a few versions of it. And the newest one, Charles, have you seen the newest ones that they're doing? It's full nano version.

It's very, oh, it's fucking sick. It's like a V-neck striped knit. It's really cool, like. Sorry, were you just playing Callie Clarkson there, Charles? Yeah, just from before the show. Yeah, we'll use that to pop ourselves up. These fucking, it's the heritage knit, but I, I reckon I'm going to get one. I think it's so sick.

No, they're sick. Sometimes I think, like, what's the best color? Not my team, but I'm just like. I know. Like, who do you wish you went for because of the color scheme? Oh, but if I wore it, would people go, oh, is that a Freo jacket or is it just a sick purple one? Yeah.

Yeah, but often because Frio is like purple, red and green. So it's like, well, those colours wouldn't be together if not on a footy jersey. So true. But yeah, they're really sick. Anyway, sorry, that's just throwing me. Welcome to the Tony and Ryan podcast. Welcome. I'd like to send a shout out to Suckcliffe Meats.

Oh, I love a butcher. Now, Tony, for people that can't see this, I'm going to ask you to describe the butcher. We're going to see a video and it's like an Instagram competition. Oh, my God. I fucking, you fucking, I know what it's about to pop up. Go on play the video, Charles. Okay, guys, Luke here from Suckleaf Meets. This week's challenge, you can guess the way to the lamb and myself.

You'll get to take home the lamb. Can you describe how he's holding the lamb? So this man is holding the whole thing. He's holding it over his shoulder, like the way that you would hold a big dog. But he's got his fingers up the asshole of the. lamb. It is so fucking funny. Like, they know what they're doing there,

surely. Like, if I had to carry a mate drunk out of a house party, that's how you'd hold it. Yeah, but you wouldn't carry a drunk mate with your finger in his assholes. Well, if it was Charles, I mean, maybe if it was you depends on who it was. Some of my favourite comments, let's go. Um, you don't have to finger the fucking thing. And

apparently, not true. Not true. Gidey Luke, do you mind not finger bashing me dinner? Thanks, mate. did you at least take it for dinner for a glass of wine oh fuck what an Australian comment section do something you love and you'll never work a day in your life that one really did me in that comment Steve I just want to be held like that

and it's so fair yeah New Zealand are here you're doing it wrong well they would know and I don't think I included my own but I've put a comment in that's popping off actually. Did you? Yeah. I almost commented,

but then I saw someone had commented what I was going to do. So I was like, what were you going to say? I was going to, because you win the entire, like the competition is that you win. And I said, I was going to comment,

do you win the whole thing, but H. Oh, Ellie? Very funny. Yeah, but someone else commented that. I was like,

I'm not going to scam you. I wrote, everything reminds me of her. That is really funny. Oh, and you've gone back for seconds because you've done a different other comment. If I win, can I get a fresh one?

If I win the meat, I don't want the one that he's fucked in, right? Yep. Yeah, but I wish you'd committed to just one. It's also an hour later. Yeah, so you thought about it for that whole hour. And you were like, oh, I want to do a little bit better. It was five minutes later, but that hour's ticked over. No, no, that's not how it works.

I think it is. Strangely, though, I don't think anyone entered the competition. Oh, no one's actually guessing the weight. They're just having a fun time. But does that mean that we could just lob an answer in and we'll probably get close to winning? How much do you reckon it actually weighs? What's a, what's a full lamb worth? But it's as him as well.

Oh, him as well. Oh, well, you never guess a ladies' weight, so I wouldn't do that. Do you remember when we had shits and gigs on the show and we talked about how they had that someone wrote a story about half of their, their dog's birthday, everybody gets their way? And I was like, that sounds terrible. Yeah. I know. That's a good. comes from my birthday funny.

Let's see how she did this year. It's a long winter. I've pulled down since last time. Oh, fuck. That's harrowing. I've got something even worse. I've got something to say. Yeah, Slay.

And you say that girlfriend with your whole chest. This is important. So I'm going to try and get through it without coughing. Yeah. And you're fine. Psychic should require a license. Because there's a. some fucked ones out there.

They're out of control. There needs to be some governing bodies and some oversight. Oversight does not mean what you think that it means in that situation. What does it mean? If something is an oversight, it means it was overlooked and you have to. No, need some oversight. No, but oversight means like if there's been an oversight, it means that like, oh, you've missed a detail.

Oh, but when they're like needs to be oversight, doesn't that mean like, does that mean the same thing? They're like, it's like someone to oversee them. them. They need to be overseen. Which, and I think the way you say that is, I don't know. Charles, can you type in need some oversight?

I thought oversight was like a dis. Same. I'm not disagreeing with that part, but I think my part also works. Yeah. When something needs oversight, it means it requires supervision management or watchful care. Slay.

What does it mean if there's been an oversight? An unintentional mistake. Oh. I don't know. You could. use it in a different way. Excellent. Excellente. Every day's a learning day. Every day's a learning day. Every day is a learning day. I love working here. God, if you didn't know me, you'd think I was being such a bitch.

Like if you didn't know that genuinely I was enthusiastic, you'd be like, she's a but I do know you. And you still think I'm a c-oh. Finger me like that lamb and let me go. Let me leave. Call me a lamb at Suckcliffe meats and finger me. asshole before we went over to the UK and Ireland which feels like several million lifetimes ago but cast your mind that

slyck and it was a sly kick came from fucking nowhere I won't do that today but know that I'm kicking in spirit oh no you've got um leggings I've got my whole horse out you're wearing underwear under the leggings yeah yeah but it's not leggings it's tights

leggings you can but tights because it's sheer you can't. Ryan's got a cough. You know what? There might not be an episode tomorrow. I'm just going to flag it right now that this actually might be it. I just love you so much and I just want you to know that we're all thinking it. Do you know how hard it is to not be funny because I don't want to make you cough to your laugh,

laugh to you cough and die? You cough out your asshole like that little lamb at Suck Cliff Meath. I went to a beautiful butcher the other day. to pour the pause on the psychic. No, you keep talking while I'll take a drink. You have a drink. I went to the butcher the other day. Okay, well, which one are you doing?

Do you want me to talk? Do you want to fucking cough? Because I did like a short ribs, slow cook short ribs for Torbs' birthday. Oh my God. I went to this butcher. And you know what they did? That just made me horny as hell. They way it.

They fingered your ass all like a laugh. They fingered your ass all like a leg. They showed me how to fuck a lamp. No. They got Kenny from Suckcliff meats to stick a couple of ditches in you. No, you know how they

weigh the stuff and then they write the price of all your shit on a piece of paper and they add it up in front of you. I'm wetter than a lamb at Sutcliffe Meats.

And then you get the, you get the, they wrap it in the paper that they've done the adding up on. That's your receipt. It just turns me on. I took a photo of it because I was like,

that makes me hornier than a fucking little all right. So things that turn Antonio. Adding up. Mental maths. Long edition.

Yeah. Reverse parallel parking. Shit clothes in a rich car. I do like that. Shit tats. Oh, yeah. A man in overalls. Yes.

Oh, that guy at the airport that time. Also, Torb's wearing a wedding ring. I can't get it. I, if you need to the show, I just got married. watching looking at my husband wearing a wedding ring is just like I can't believe he hasn't lost that thing yet up me pussol because like you know that saying like paint me like one of your French girls finger me with that wedding ring finger like oh I want to be like a popsicle put all the way out I cannot get enough honestly it is so horny to me I now understand actually

that you've probably never actually lost a wedding ring in a place you don't know where it is it's It's because it's so horny. You've got to take, like, the power it wields, you've got to take it off. It does feel of power. It is. Oh. And he's got like a shiny god. Oh, it's fucking.

Question. Question. If it was just one finger, is the wedding ring finger like a random one finger? And he's not left handed. So it's not the one I mean. You know what I mean? Yeah. It's like, oh, I'm going to get a finger in.

Cool. Pass me your left hand and chuck me the. Yeah. Give me a fucking glove with no hand in it. You know what I mean? Give me a sock from the floor. Like, Yeah.

Oh, It's the reverse barracuda. You know what I mean? What's that? What's a barracuda? You know what the barracuda is? Oh, the car. Baracuda.

Where were you in year 10 when silly boys were talking shit in class? Oh, I wasn't that hot. I was probably at bank camp. No shade to me, but I was. No, if you're at bankham, that's where you would have learned. the barracuda.

Kemp was horny as hell. Like, you know, on American Pite, that's real. And Charles knows, he did musicals. I'm going to, mum, skip forward 30 seconds. Oh, she's busy. She's in breezy having time of her life. I can't believe I'm going to say this. And we're going to keep a straight face.

And we're going to move on. I'm just going to say that you're 39 and you're a dad. I think that that's important to preface. The best way. And I imagine people, if you're driving and work at the moment or in the gym, you know what a barracuda is. and you're like, fuck,

he's going to say it and my whole body is just going to curl. What is it? Oh, I'm going to say it, everyone. Don't say you weren't warned.

The best way to describe it, oh, I can't believe if I'm going to describe it like that as well. Should I look away? What is it? So if I said, if him fingering you with a ring finger

is like the opposite of a barracuda. So the barracuda is that and the best way to describe it is two in the pink and one in the stink. Two in the Pam and one. One in the left. Tony's doing it. Who's the other one?

I'm right-handed. Sorry. Oh, no, I don't like that. That's a barracuda. Slay. I don't know why it's called a barracuda. You know, like, two birds, one stone? No.

No, like, yes, I know. But that's, yeah. I just think, like, you don't, like, don't want to do two jobs at one time. Don't you? Do you? Slade. I don't know.

I didn't even. even though it was to right now. You're telling the story. I'm asking you a scientific follow-up question. But. Yeah. And the pussy. That's,

you just said, but. Okay, there's no episode tomorrow. Okay. Back to the psychic, though, or are we done?

The psychic. They wield power like a wedding ring. This psychic slash witch comes up to Tony before we went overseas and said, I've just got a feeling. that your trip's going to go horribly disastrously wrong and your wedding, it's something disastrous is going to happen.

All the best, though. Imagine saying that to someone the day before we're about to fly to Dublin. It's very important to me though because... No, fuck them. And then you have to live with that. Everywhere we go, we go, oh, maybe this is what the witch predicted. So it was... It's like they cursed you.

And they actually found me at an event. Like they came, we were speaking. You can't put that on someone Even if you're thinking it Tell it to someone else Tony didn't ask you for it We didn't come and book in for a visit You came and found her

To like give her this bad luck And now she has to have this bad juju vibes And travel the next day And then go to a wedding Knowing that some fucking witch Has put this curse on you It was really yeah And that's why they need a license

Irresponsible I think is the right word Irresponsible And we've given it a wide berth To talk about it Because I was like Well I don't I'm not going to pay this big out in case it comes true. Well, yeah.

And then I just also, I do, like, I've been to a medium before. I've had my, I've done tarot card. Like, I really do believe in witches and stuff. Like, this is not against the psychic and witch. This is why Tony's torn because it's her people. I am. Yeah, it's like, the woo-woo side of me is like, and that's why I was like, oh, because I do believe in it.

That really could have a really bad effect. And then she goes, yeah, we're not supposed to tell people bad news, but yours is just so terrible. I couldn't let you leave. without saying it. Well, thanks a lot, bitch. I just come off the stage doing this big talk to like a big room of people. Yep.

And Ryan was in front me and you'd walked off because we were like going backstage or whatever. And she grabbed me and kind of told me all this like terrible news. And I was just like, and I went outside and I burst into tears. Yeah. And Ryan was like, I'm so, so sorry for leaving. And I was like, no, well, I didn't. No one knew that that was. Who knew that was coming?

Well, she knew. Yeah. Who could have predicted that? If only there was some occupation. And yeah, and she was just like, you really need to pay attention. Like your, yeah. And then she was like, and your wedding that's upcoming is going to be an absolute disaster. Like you really need to rethink this.

And I was just like, and not the marriage, the wedding, like the day. So it was just like, it was a lot. And so we didn't take it on because I was like, she's probably going to break her fucking leg again. Yeah. Something's going to happen. Well, I actively rejected the energy. You did.

I did. We walked outside and I calmed down and I was like, you know what? No, I reject this. Did we burn something? I threw something away that she gave me. That's right. And I was like, no, like I'm not taking that on. And I don't know if that's like allowed, but that in my, everything in my body was telling me that that wasn't the right thing to take on.

And you have no idea what I'm capable of taking on. Yeah. Tony's taken on some amazing shit that's never had any into fruition. You know, like, and I was just like, you know what? No, everything in my body is telling me that that's not what I need. And so I did reject it. And I very much believe that my mom, like, looks after me. And I was like, no, like, I'm not taking that on.

My mom's here for me. And thankfully, yeah, we had like an amazing trip. My wedding was the opposite of a disaster. But is it fair to say that we all just like held our breath? Yeah, held our breath. Didn't talk about it because we were like. And then someone like, because I like obviously we were there and I'd said to the team

and I think at some point someone made a joke and I was like, oh no, we're actually like, let's not fuck with it. Like I'm not ready yet. Even on the wedding night with dessert was coming out. I'm like, I was like, don't. And Ryan like looks to me and I was like, don't fucking say it. Like, no, we're not ready yet. Because I was like almost, for months I was waiting for that wedding to end so I could like exhale.

So we. could be like, oh, good rejecting. Yeah. And even like, they brought out desserts and I was like, oh, we're all, and you're like, shut the fuck up. No, we're not ready yet. We're not fucking ready yet. Wait till I get home. Yeah. So you have got married. I've gotten married. You've returned from the, I've returned from the UK trip. Yep. And it was, it was really excellent. Yeah. Ancles. Unrolled, unbroken. Unbroken. How's your wedding? Beautiful. We've heard how the marriage is going. A hole in one. And this is why. And this is why.

I just think it's so mean that Tony had to, we all have to live with that. Yeah. I just think that there is like a certain responsibility of like, is there like as someone who's not? Because it really did. I was like I didn't ask and I don't know. Is there a responsibility?

Like I would love if anybody's what, Katie Richards, she's a medium, but are there like responsibilities of psychics or people that do have those abilities, whether you believe in that or not? Do you have a responsibility? Do you think to like,

Absolutely. Not just corner someone and be like, your life's fucked. Yeah, because I think surely there's. If you go to a psychic and you book in and you say what's what's happening, yeah. You're literally asking for them to tell you. Well, to have a look and kind of share what they see. And most psychics, I think that if they don't see something great, like,

they might give you a small like warning, but it's not like, oh, something bad's happening. Because like, you can't live that way. Yeah. You can't will bad things. into you because someone told you they're coming. So I was really proud of myself. I was like, no, I reject this. This isn't for me.

And I talk to Tim because he's also very woo-woo. And he was like, bitch, you've done the right thing. Do we need some sage? And I was like, no, I'm getting on a planet in an hour. I need to burn some shit. I actually don't have time to do anything else. Because I'm not like hardcore in that world. But, and tell me if I'm wrong, I feel like I can lean in within the time's right.

And you respect it. And I respect it. And when I have said to you like, oh, I think I'm going to go see him. medium you were like, I love that for you. Like, I can't wait to hear all about it and stuff like that. So I think if you want us to respect you, then you need to respect us. Yeah. And respecting us is like not bringing that shit on when we didn't ask for it.

But also, just the way I was bailed up as well was, it was very into. And I just felt like it was a lot. But I mean, I'm trying to be really diplomatic. And I want to be like, thanks for looking out for me. But actually, no. Like, if I haven't asked, I think you can't do that to me. Yeah. I think that's not fair.

It's not fair. Um, and that's why psychics, there should be oversight. Take that hell any of you. Hi, I'm Frankie and I'm Maisie from BC, Canada. Hi, I'm Sophie from Sydney, Australia. Hi, I'm Hillary from Los Angeles, California. And you're listening to Tony and Ryan. Welcome back to the show.

Sorry, we've had but we've had butchers and bakers, but we're back. We're doing that. Did you plan that? Oh, I didn't, but it just came out, and sometimes you're going to take these things as they come. Exactly. Robert Hamilton the second. Hello. Fucking probably related to Charles.

Yeah. Charlie Pettison, the 17th. If you ever son Charles, would you call them Charles Jr? No. Charles Jr. like the burgers? Yeah. That's Carl's Jr. Oh, that's close, though.

Amy Bourgeois. Is his fancy day? Um, Bex Hasten. Is it fan today? I'll remind you that we started the pod with the butcher fingering a lamb. Oh. And Brisbane. Yeah.

So, you know, just balancing it out. Yeah. I mean, yeah, you've got to do both. Bexhaster. Oh, the lamb's back on the screen. Thank you for that, Charles. Um, Kiyara to Bexhaston. Thank you so much.

Lindsay Beeman. Thanks, Lindsay. Sophie, Amy Lamley. Not the lambly. Can you tag Lamley and the lambly? Amy Lamley getting fingered at fucking Swanston Butches. What's it called?

Suck with meat. Suck me off. Suck off me, mates. Oh my God. Sorry. Alex Sweeney, good on you. Alex. Ellie, Tara Williams and Polly Gonclaves.

Thank you very much for being part of the Patreon. We absolutely fucking love to see it. Thanks, Polly. Happy birthday to us. We're turning five. Happy birthday to our. Every year we have a birthday party. Happy birthday

I am How that in me Guess which one of us isn't coughing Should I try that No No Listen to me I've only done it one time

Our fifth birthday party Everyone is welcome Is next Sunday August 23rd When you say everyone's welcome It is August 23rd Next Sunday Everyone's welcome

Everyone, no, no, when you say everyone's welcome. Everyone's, yeah. Everyone's welcome to try and go to ticket. They're free. The ticket just is because. Tickets are free. Spots are limited, but it has to be in your area. Yeah.

So two years ago, it was our third birthday and we had that in London. Uh-huh. And we gave clues and people had to figure out not only what city we were in, but where in the city we were. Last year, we had a boat party in Vancouver, in Canada. Yeah, again, people didn't know the country or the city. Yep. And they had to guess where we were. That was a really fun one.

Yeah. So next Sunday, not this Sunday. Next Sunday. The 23rd of August. You are welcome. It is a Sunday afternoon and we are doing a paint and sip class. Yeah, which is so fun. We're all going to be doing a painting together.

And then Tony and I are going to record a podcast episode at The Thing. So it's going to be great. We're all going to be there. It's a little live air. Yep. So it is free. Yep. But you just need to get a ticket because spot the limited.

And we need to organise the paints. Yeah. Like how many canvases. Yeah. So next Monday will be the first clue. Yep. There will be clues all week. So you have to listen every day and try and figure out whether it's going to be in your country or your town or your island.

So, you know, we were just in Ireland. I'm going to put out. I've been working. We loved it. I've been working. something. What are you been working on? Oh, the crossword.

No, it's actually not a crossword, but that's what I thought it was. It's a word search. We said word search like 50 times and you were like, nah, it's a crossword. Yeah, no, but it's a word search. And you know what? Did you hear Ryan talking about this job? He goes, he goes, or reckon crosswords are back. Welcome New York Times crossword app.

I love the New York Times crossword. I do the mini and the midi every day. Keeps me sharp. When I said crossbirds are back, Tony was so offended because they never fucking left. Yeah, like I love them. But they are, you know, large in pop culture at the moment because of the New York Times are. You do have to pay though, which is a bit of- That was controversial.

Yeah. Is the New York Times? Sorry about me. Fort Wordle. Are they now for people younger than us associated with being newspaper or associated with being a games app? Oh. I reckon they're associated with games.

think the games. Yeah. It's crazy, huh? I reckon if you saw a New York Times article, you'd go, oh, they're doing articles now. But you know how like your washing detergent's probably got a blog? You know, like everyone's doing articles? Yeah. I actually do.

And you go, oh, that games thing's pumping out articles. Of course they are. Everyone's a media. Online. Yeah. Yeah. Substack. Online. Don't talk about substack.

They, I shamed me. That's okay. So next Sunday. Not this Sunday, next Sunday. And Tony claims it's on an... No, I'm just saying whether it's your country, whether it's your city, whether it's your island. Do you know that I watched this great video the other day about Tasmania? Also on island.

Just saying. We're doing a show in Tasmania later in the year, by the way. Are we? Yeah. Slay? On Sunday the 15th of November. Oh, fuck yeah. I love Hobart.

Yep. Is Ian Hobart? yeah tea nice yeah I'm gonna go the day before so we can go to that Japanese restaurant you've read my fucking

fullopian tubes yes I've seen them and been in them and touched them I know thank you for saying that so not this Sunday next time Charles are you coming to the birthday party free!

Yep I'm so I keep going to say stuff and then I'm like I don't want to give it away because we obviously what Tony Lodge because we'll have to leave quite a shut the fuck up

shut the fuck up like before the shit shut the fuck up no because it's on a Sunday yeah so we'll do the Thursday app and then we'll go straight away so we'll shut the fuck up

sorry no okay fuck me right all right um oh I've got a clue that we can or cannot use no I we can't we're playing with fire beep this out I don't reckon I don't reckon that that's accurate I reckon don't

I reckon beep it they go a lot of places we're going on especially now well yeah beep that tusk I don't know what's been beeped and what hasn't but we're pushing on

okay so I know that Monday ball bag is your segment but I've got something to bring to the table which I so rarely do so please allow me and indulge me recently I told a story about how when I was in the car a man in a large ranger Ford Raptor in a business suit so I assume that he was a real estate agent

was chewing on his fingernails and he tossed it out the window and it landed on my front passenger seat and how upsetting that was the episode was called another man's DNA in Tony's car or something like that I have a heinous story from Megan Drew who shared this on Patreon on.

Megan says, we went and ate Mexican for my dinner, for my birthday dinner, and did not hold back. We sat there all night. We all, like, the cheese sauce, the guacamole. We're, like, we're drinking. She's like, my husband's going to be the designated driver. I'm having spicy margaritas, cheese sauce, guacamole. She goes, she goes, my tummy was torn up by the time we left. Yeah.

I was standing at the passenger. door waiting for my husband to unlock the car and thought, I'll let out a little fart now so that I don't hotbox my family in our car. Respectful, but also dangerous. Nah, that's dangerous. Megan says, I didn't realize a man was sitting in the car next to us with his window down. And I basically, and I basically farted directly into his mouth.

In his mouth. Cop that spicy margarita. Cheese fart, right in the face. That is harrowing. Isn't that so funny? But you know my 17th rule of life? We're going to need to start writing these down, Charles. What are the first 16th?

Never sit in the car park of a Mexican restaurant with your window down. You have always said that. I've always said that. That's kind of on him. You know what I bet if it's something that he does a lot, That probably happened and he went, it's happening again. That's on me.

Yep. One of the changes. Pretty high. Super high. But I read that and pissed. Fuck. I just thought that was so fucking funny. Yeah.

No, that's, that's on them. Yeah. That is. I mean, so too. Um,

now last week we had, um, a message from Veridian. Oh, yeah, Viridian. Uh, and now Veridian,

A, no. She messaged through and said, I love that Tony called out my name. But I got the fucking last time wrong. She goes, it wasn't me. It was another Viridian. That is crazy.

She goes, coincidence chat. Who knew there were two Viridians? Because the other Veridian messaged me and said that wasn't me. Two Viridians. Who knew there were two Veridians in the Tarp community in the Tony and Ryan Facebook group? And that I remembered the wrong one. What old did that? Like a fart in a Mexican car park.

I went from not knowing the word Veridian was a real. name to learning there's two of them among us. Now, speaking of names, Tony Lodge made a bold claim last week. Because if you join Patreon as well as being in the group chat and the live streams, you also, uh, Tony replies to every DM. And Tony goes, I don't know for sure, but I think every second person that's joined this week is named Jessica. I've got no doubt that Jessica is the most common name in Patreon.

I did back and in pretty hard. And then I did go, wait, maybe not. Let's not do that. It's time for the board. Top five Patreon names. Top five names in Patreon. That's amazing. Now, what I will say is, if Jess isn't on this list,

then Danielle has spent a lot of time for no fucking reason. No, but I mean, I've still learned that I was wrong and that's valuable. Oh, we know that every day. I start the day going, well, I'm going to be wrong. Let's just say about what today. Let's see what I can be wrong about today. Top five names in Patreon. The most common names.

Starting at number five. Number five. It is. Hannah. Hannah. Yeah. Oh, my, you love to see it's from Hannah Stillyards, actually. Well, she's wanting to.

Number four, most common name in Patreon. Laura. Hardling Noah. Thanks for coming, Laura. Thanks for coming on my face, Laura. Number three is Emily Okay

I mean They all have the vibe of Jess Don't they Of just any white girl Or every girl I went to high school Yeah yeah Number two Sarah

Again Yeah Yep Now I've only got one chance You've only got one chance left Top five names in Patreon Nah I've cooked it here

I've fucked it here I've fucked it it's not. And can I just say, and Charles knows what I'm talking about here, there was some controversy about who, what name was number one? Oh, because it could be a nickname. So this was the point of contention.

Well, I think that that stands in court. As a doctor, I think that I would approve that. The number one name in our Patreon. Jessica. Tony Lodge was right. I was fucking kidding. It's Jessica. And here is...

You are fucking, are you fucking me? Is this real? Yeah, it's real data. Real data. 62 Jessica's in Patreon. And here's where it was controversial. I'm so...

I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. I'm so proud of you. Thank you. And I fought for you because in the data team here at Tony and Ryan. The data like... Um, Jessica was actually sixth. Yeah.

And Jess was eighth as separate. But with our powers combined. Well, the data team said, Oh, you can get, who's on the data team? Uh, is that Charles? Charles, Danielle and I. Oh, Charles, eat my fucking pussy bitch. No, and we decide there's a team.

Oh, slate, that they should be. What team were you on though first? I was actually on the team of saying, let's put them together. I was the first one in the chat to say. Thank you, Charles. I appreciate that. To be fair, someone said for comedy, wouldn't it be funny if Jess wasn't on the list?

Yeah, I mean, and that's what I was expected. Yeah, but everyone who's filled in the form, Jess, is probably a Jessica. Yeah, I think we can appreciate that. That is amazing. Yeah. Can we please put on the episode today a screenshot of my message that says, I don't know if this is real data or not,

but I reckon that every person who's called Jess. Well, we've asked the data team, they said for click through rate, probably not. In the thumbnail, just on the screen. Oh, yeah, sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just for evidence. Because then, I mean, later I was like, redact that idea.

I don't think it's very, I don't think it's right. Yeah, I've seen you do some U-turns in your time, but that was one of the fastest, like, oh, no, like, we hadn't even had a chance to reply and you're like, don't worry about it. I like that we changed out our mind from going for 10. There's a piece of tape under this that says top 10 and then on five. We'll just do five. I was like, Danielle, we're not doing 10. Nice.

Yeah. I can barely speak. Can this be my life to see it? I've got a great one from Hannah, though. You know, read out in Hannas. Oh, yeah, hang on. This is not real data, but vibes only. Lots of people called Jess have recently joined Patreon

because I feel like every second person I message is called Jess. Unbelievable observation from me. Huge. I am dumb as a fucking post. And that is just... Hey, don't say yourself short. I've got something to offer here. what is it

this will make you your heart swell it's really beautiful this from Hannah just wanted to let you guys know I've been asked to message you by my six year old daughter

Thora Thora she asked if I had your number because she wanted to FaceTime you guys she goes I want to talk to my friends can we FaceTime them just press number one

then you'll go straight to Tony and Hannah said like I've had to put an episode I've put an episode on to curb her emotions because she thought of, Thora was really upset when she couldn't FaceTime with us. Should we give her a call? Well, I'm going to, I've talked to Hannah and I think that will give her a buzz. Okay.

Because that sounds very sweet. But isn't that so cute? I love to see that. Thora, Tony will take care of you. Thora is like, well, my uncle and aunt haven't called in a while. What are they doing? But Hannah, are you not watching the pop? I mean, come on.

You're going to hang out every day, Hannah. What are you doing? Hannah? The fifth most popular Ta-a-name in our Patreon. My love to say it is from Colin Quigley. Oh my God. We'll get through it quickly. Sorry.

I didn't mean that. You take your time. You wrapping me up. No, I was just doing a joke. Look what I found in Montreal. Colin Quigley said they're now selling OG Tim Tams in Canada. Slay. They're imported from Australia, so I know they're the same cookies.

And I know... We say biscuit. We'll fucking cop that quickly. Yeah. And on the front of a packet of Tim Tams, it says nine biscuits, not cookie. So it's just like small... I hate to split hairs, but it is a biscuit. It's not a cookie.

So, though, unfortunately... Guess Colin and I'll just go fuck ourselves. Yeah. Unfortunately, an original Tim Tamm is maybe the worst. You've got to get the double coat, the blue packet. They did have, not double coat, but the, like, the... like the caramel's twist or something? Yeah, okay.

Caramel's pretty good. Caramel is because it's a chewy caramel in the Tim Tam, not like a gooey. I didn't like caramel as young, but I've come around. Oh yeah, nice. Like caramel ice cream? What's caramel ice cream?

Like when it's like a caramel swirl in it or... Oh, yeah, fair, fair, fair, fair, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I do think... A salt, a sea salt caramel. Oh, I do like that. I, growing up, my mum's favorite Sunday from Maccas was like the caramel Sunday. So I just always got that because it's what my mum got.

Every Sunday is my favourite Sunday. Oh, that's beautiful. But hot fudge from Maccas is the only way to go, I fear. And I'm Charles, I'm so sorry that you can't eat dairy. We take Charles to Yochi sometimes. Oh, we've got a Yoneltham. What? Yeah.

No, it's not a real one. It's like a yo bar. No, there's two. We went from no yochie bars to two yontsy bars. And wouldn't they be pissed to find out about the other one? They open within weeks of each other. Have you seen that mean? That's like, look, we didn't need to keep all of the frozen yogurt places from 2013,

but they didn't all have to close. Yeah. Because I just felt like there was too many. And now there's just not enough. Yeah, well, come to Alfa, mate. We've got heaps. You got two. Is it a brand name Yochie?

Because otherwise Charles can't use his points. One of them is definitely not. And the other was probably not. About eight months ago, I applied for a job at Yotee and I did not get it. What was happening eight months ago? Yeah, Charles and I. Charles tagged me in a thing so I applied for the job. It was for a copywriter for their socials.

I didn't get it. Oh, I thought it'd be in. You'd be better in store. I would be good in store. Thank you for saying that. Especially in that top. Are you doing a shift later on today? Is this what they wear at Yochie?

Oh, but just looks... Is it because this looks like an apron? A little bit, yeah. It's a, it's not an apron. Everyone that comes to our fifth birthday party, wherever it is in the world gets an apron. Gets an apron. A Tony and Ryan apron.

Are we going to be able to fit them all in our... Buggy? boat on our scooter because it's in reservoir. You can see the water from this city. Alice brings us out, unfortunately. That's what we're going to do. You can see. There are places from this city.

You can see the water. Shut the front door. Okay. There I said it. Well, I think that the MVP of the episode, not that we do this, was me. The other MVP of the episode, though, that you got through this with the fucking worst cough on. honor is you. I will say jury is out on an episode tomorrow. No, I think we're good tomorrow.

Okay. Okay. All right. Love you. Don't write a check. You can't cash, you know what I'm saying? I've never written a check in my life because it's 2026. Yeah, no, actually so fair. Remember checks? My mom used to do checks a lot. Yeah. What died first? Her or the checks? The checks, definitely. You know, when you used to go to the post office, they put it through that little thing. It's a zuzz. Yeah. Have you ever paid with a credit card and they went I have when the power was out at the Roller's on IG. Shout old. Yeah.

Love you. Bye.