Toni and Ryan - A YouTube Apology

Episode Date: March 6, 2025

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Hello, welcome to the Tony and Ryan podcast. I'm Tony and this is Ryan. Now we've got Stephanie, who's from North Carolina. Stephanie, can you please tell us your chickens names? Oh, so my chickens are Ginger, Juniper, Sage and Nutmeg. Oh, beautiful. And they're the Spice Girls. If you want to be my chicken, you got to go lay some eggs.

Steph, will you approve today's episode? Absolutely. Hey, it's Stephanie from North Carolina and I approve this podcast. I know what you're thinking, Ryan. How are you looking so fashionable? That's what I'm always thinking. I've got my hawks jacket on. Love it. I got my hawk shirt on tonight.

That's a great jacket. Thank you. It arrived two days after Hawthorn were knocked out of the finals last year. It was a rough time. Yeah, I bought it at the start of the playoffs, the finals. Someone's like, yep, I'll wear this during the finals games. We got knocked out and then the jacket arrived.

So that was great. At least it fits. Because I went to put my merch on and this is actually all I could find. Might've shrunk in the wash, I think. Yeah. Yeah, might be one of Mabel's. Yeah, Tony's wearing Mabel's hawk scarf,

but our hawk's first game of the season tonight against the Sydney Swans. Sorry, footy chat. We're feeling good, we're feeling good. I... Go on. I're feeling good. I... Go on. I reckon... Don't jinx us or do anything fucking dumb, but go on.

Don't you reckon? What? Don't you reckon, Bart? What? You reckon, Bart? What? Feeling pretty good. It's feeling pretty good to me.

To be a Hawks fan in 2025. And because, you know, we said that because I joined the Hawks as a fan, as a diehard fan four weeks into the season last year. And then they went on a hot streak. And then they went on a hot streak. So don't you think that if so facto by maths, if I'm here from the beginning of the season, it just might. We are playing Sydney in Sydney,

who were in the grand final last year and have Brody grinding my favourite player. But how about them Hawks? I'm just trying to be cool. I'm just trying to be humble and just like not get ahead of myself. I think it's our year. I think it's our year.

Yep. Yep. Don't you reckon? I'm just, I don't want to, I don't want to jinx this or pump a sap. But look at this scarf. I could not be more festive if I tried. Look at this jacket. Look at that jacket. Also, I don't want to give spoiler alerts for next Friday, but it is reversible and I will be wearing this jacket in many ways, shapes and forms this year.

Because? Because we're staying calm and we're not getting ahead of ourselves. Okay. I reckon it's out here. Is that, you're not allowed to say that? I just don't want to jinx it. But like.

Cause last year was so fun cause the expectations were so low. Yeah and then they fucking popped off. And everything was just a bonus. Now we're gonna pop the fuck off. The lids are off. Is that footy chat? Sort of, yeah.

The lid is off. We haven't played a game yet, but the lid is off. We did lose the pre-season game. Oh, he gives a fuck about that. It's just pre-season. I said that to Chobbs the other day. He goes, oh, typical footy fan. He goes, I saw you lost last night.

And I was like, yeah, it's just pre-season. He goes, oh, typical. I know in And I was like, yeah, it's just pre-season. He goes, ha, typical. I know in our house we have a rivalry. I love it. And what's his side of the rivalry? Well, Torb's goes for free-o, cause his family- Get a fucking laugh. Yeah, his family's a free-o family.

I tell you something for free, it's not me. Yeah, no. Yeah, it's not. Can I take this off? Yeah, it's gonna be cheesy, isn't it? This jacket's quite warm for this time of the year in Australia, to be fair. Hey, you've made the impression. It's a thick winter coat and it is not winter yet.

Sounds like what I've got on my legs. More winter coat. It's February. It's March. Okay. Now I've decided what day it is and who we go for. Should we start the podcast? Yeah.

Okay. The New York Times are writing about how things are done in Australia and I have a question for the people writing this. Because who better to know than the people at the New York Times? Are the people at the New York Times writing about Australia? Have they ever been anywhere near Australia? Or an Australian? Or are they just lobbing shit into chat GPT and seeing what the fuck it spits back out? Yeah. If you go to a birthday party in Australia, you probably won't get birthday cake, but you will find fairy bread. False. You get both.

You won't not get a cake. No, fairy bread's not a cake replacement. It's not a cake alternative. No, it's just like another little treat. Would you like to explain your definition of fairy bread or do we want to see some American butcher at first? I think I'd like to see an American butcher at first. Okay, check your text messages.

This is from Tim. Hi, Tim. Welcome to hometowns, where I make food from your hometown and tell you if it sucks. Today we're making fairy bread from southern Australia. What this is is a piece of bread cut into triangles for some reason. After that, you cover it in butter and absolutely load it up with sprinkles.

I was surprised to learn that this thing comes from Down Under, but only because it seems like something we would come up with in the United States. Carbs, fats, sugars and dyes. In other words, the standard American diet. Now this dish dates back to the 1920s where they would serve it at kids' parties in Australia. And if I'm being honest, it kind of feels like someone just forgot to buy a birthday cake. Here's how I see it playing out. A woman turns to her husband and says, hey, did you ever pick up that cake that I asked you to? And he says no. What cake? After a brief argument about how he never listens when she talks, and a discussion about

the invisible workload of a mom, she throws together something that resembles a dessert. And boom, that's how fairy bread was invented. At least in my head. The flavor of this is honestly fine. I'll say it surpassed expectations, but they were very low. I'm glad I had the experience and it doesn't suck, but I won't be making it again. So much that needs to be unpacked. Is there something you'd like to say? About the video.

I mean, truly diabolical. The fact it's on toast absolutely needs to be studied in a... Toasting the bread. Absolutely not. One of the best parts about it is that it's on like a thick, fresh, white, like sugar bread, like a tip-toppy kind of... It's like the bread is almost fairy bread before it gets made into fairy bread. And you know, like it has to be really fresh, like it can't be even a little bit stale. Now, The Guardian have done a deep dive into this video. Oh. The Guardian said,

after cutting his bread slices, which looked like wholemeal, content creator Tim cut them into tiny, uneven triangles, unforgivable. It needs to be like an X cross. Yeah. Now, what do we have here, Tony? So to take matters into our own hands. Yep. I bought some supplies.

We love a prop. Yep. Bread board. You got a chopping board? Yeah, to make it on. Now, I have bought the necessary bread. Yep. A beautiful fresh tip top. Yep. Now, you got up me the other day for bringing wholemeal to a sausage sizzle. Yep. No, so this is a thick white toast. Yep. And I also, for my best mate Ryan, I did get some thick, soft white gluten free. Now, this might be controversial. However, I just didn't want you to feel like you only had one option. Tony. Yes.

I appreciate you bringing me the option of gluten freefree bread. It's gone, don't worry about it. But culturally, and the fact we're getting stuck into this guy about keeping it traditional. Can you see that in the background of Tony's shot? It's actually gone. That's what I said, some beautiful butter, not marge, and some sprinkies. Some beautiful butter. Yep. Not Marge. And some sprinkies. Now tell me, are those sprinkles, rectangular shaped sprinkles or? It's around 100,000.

Thank you. Of course. Now, allow me. There's like a Tony 15 minute meal here. It is. All right. This feels quite fun. It is fun.

I feel like I'm on New York Times cooking, except they fucked it up. Why are you doing this? Just let me add that BuzzFeed did a video where Americans tried it. Oh, yeah. But it was called Stoned Americans Try Fairy Bread. What's going on at BuzzFeed? I also don't think that this is a high food. Like, oh, no, see, I think I want like a hot cheesy thing. I've read.

I don't think if you're going in with the butter, she's going in with butter. I don't think that looks good. And that's a good amount of butter. Thank you. I don't think if you're stoned, you're saying no to fairy bread in any situation. I just don't think it would be what I would pick. Yeah, but you're not saying no to it. Like if someone goes, Oh, Tony, I know you're stoned on the couch and full of cheese, but do you just want some fairy bread that I've prepared?

So true. And you're like, well, obviously. So true. OK, the other thing that our friend Tim did in that video was that he poured the sprinkles directly onto the bread, which is absolutely a no-no. Diabolical. How do you, ah.

Doesn't that sound like Christmas? So I, this is new to me. So Tony has a bowl and she's put the hundreds and thousands in a bowl. And you press down. And now she's putting the bread. And then look at this. No excess.

No spill. Because when you do it directly down, they don't all stick. down and now she's putting the bread and then look at this no excess no spill because when you do it directly down they don't all stick yes yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah I am impressed I should have kids see you've said that a lot but I don't think the metrics you're using for should I have kids are the right metrics so I don't think could I just do this for Mabel? Yeah. Oh my god amazing! Oh being an auntie is the best. Are you available, sorry, like early October? Yes, yes my whole calendar's free. I might book you um... Perfect. Technical chat. Yep. Technical. Um do we each get to try? Okay so what I'm doing now is I'm about to cut it. You'll notice I'm going from

top left to bottom right. Yeah, a perfect diagonal triangle. I don't know what that other guy was chopping at, but I'm so impressed with the bowl and the dunk. I've not seen that. You got to do the dunk. And it just looks so clean and perfect. Now Charles, I like you the knew so it's hazing. Sophie. Sophie. Um. Ryan I like you the most. Is it culturally appropriate for us to cheers the fairy bread? Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Kink. Kink. Kink. And voila. Oh that's fucking good. Oh my God. Oh my God. That is so good.

That tastes like my mom's about to yell at my friends to get out of the pool. That's good. Fuck that's good. Why is that so good? You wouldn't get that same crunch with those weird sprinkles on there. No you don't, cause they're like chalky. You wouldn't get that same crunch with those weird sprinkles on there.

No you don't because they're like chalky. I think the underrated factor of the fairy bread is the softness of the bread. It is. The softness of the butter but the sprinkles give it a crunch. Yes. So with a toast. And most sandwiches don't have crunch. No with toast you lose that.

Then you crunch on crunch. Yeah. And also you kind of need it that the butter to like sink in, but still be a whole. Whereas on toast, like it would melt a little bit, which is not what you need. That was phenomenal. Yeah. You're welcome.

Chef Tony Logic, your service. Hey, it's Steph from North Carolina, and you're listening to Tony and Ryan. This episode is brought to you by Majuri. And Majuri has the nicest fine jewellery. It's perfect for stacking and wearing every day. And you can like play around with different styles, mix different colors and metals and stack different combos. So there's really something for everyone.

And can I tell you a cute little personal note? Please. You know these gold earrings that I wear? They're Majuri. Ah. And they're like the first bit of jewellery I ever bought myself. Yeah. Would you say that was the gateway? That was your first like, oh, I think I'm a jewellery person now. Yes. I'm a majeure person now.

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as well as ethical and sustainable jewelry production. Plus in 2020, the brand launched the Maduree Empowerment Fund in support of higher education for underrepresented women and non-binary individuals. So they're doing good while helping us look good. Epic.

Pretty good. Love it. Play, mix and stack in store in app or on maduree.com. A massive shout out to a few of our champion tapas over at our Patreon. All levels of Patreon are currently scrolling across the bottom of the screen, so if you'd like to see your name there, you can join our Patreon. But a massive shout out to a few of our champion tapas. Laura, good on you Laura.

Rochelle B, good on you Rochelle. Holden Perkins. Holden Gerkins more like. Charlie, good on you Rochelle. Holden Perkins, Holden Gerkins more like. Charlie, good on you Charlie. Sinead Riley, Kelsey Widom and Tara Lee, good on ya. Thanks Tara Lee. What's the ice cream that made me think of? Sarah Lee.

Sorry. Do you know what is fucking unreal? Fairy bread? Yeah, I wanna eat like 9,000 more pieces of fucking fairy bread right now. Sarah Lee does like a range of cakes and stuff. And they did, they used to do this like, they stopped selling it about two years ago.

It's in like a foil container. They did like a chocolate cake and a banana cake and a carrot cake. And it was the most unreal cake. My mum used to buy it if someone was coming over. Like at the Serra layout. Yeah, as like an afternoon tea. What was your favourite of those three?

The banana. Really? And the icing on it was like cream cheese. Like it was so fucking good. Is that the same cream? Like is that what you have on carrot cake? Because the cream on a carrot cake fucking goes off. Yeah, because it's the cream cheese frosting. Same on like a red velvet cake is often like cream cheese. Yeah.

Did you know that red velvet? I don't know if this is actually true. I thought I had beetroot in it, but I think it's just fucking food dye. Isn't that hell upsetting? Yeah. I think a lot of, yeah. But I thought that red velvet was actually a special thing, but it's just red cake Yeah, I think most cakes are yeah, but you know what I mean? Yeah, like chocolate cake isn't brown cake

It's chocolate. So red velvet shouldn't just be like vanilla. It should be actual velvet mixed into the flour But it just feels like so elegant and fancy. I've got a red, the beginnings of a red velvet cake. If you get your cock out. I swear to God. I love it. Show me your cream cheese frosting. Sorry. Nah, sorry. What are you doing? Now if I put this into a cake. My friend Paddington. That's Carmen Sandiego. It's actually Paddington. If I put this hat into a cake, would it in fact be red velvet cake?

Yes. Yeah, actually I think you've nailed it. It doesn't suit the Hawthorn getup. No, I think you look like someone that would be in the MCC. The members area. Just a nice little Easter egg back there. I love it. Just to let everyone know, I have eaten gluten

and Charles has had butter. Yeah, so we're on a tight turnaround. So the second half of this episode is going to be quick. Let's get it cracking. Let's get it cracking. Last week on the show, there was a story, a confession about a boy who liked to eat toenails. Now let's just have a quick listen.

My boyfriend clips his nails and eats them. I am fully supportive. Oh. And now when I clip my fingers or toes, I leave the clipping- No, no, don't, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, you just said, because that is the most f***ing foul f***ing thing I've ever f***ing heard in my f***ing life. And I'm disgusting. I am. I stand by that.

Now there's... Now we shouldn't laugh because this is very serious. We've had some feedback though. We've had a little bit of feedback. People usually love confessions and people did not like that. They did not like that at all. Um, I've just got, I know we've got a bigger comment, but Amy said, I'm going against the internet. I do listen and I do judge.

And so true. Yeah. Yep. A lot of people saying dry reaching in the car on the way to work. Yep. Um, how did this happen? I'm stopping listening to the podcasts. What have you got there?

Well, so we on this podcast famously say that we're not gonna yuck someone's yum. There's room for everybody, but we actually did yuck their yum pretty hard in that episode. We- Did we or do we? Well, you did sing no.

But also we were like, that is so fucked up because that video is only just the tip of the iceberg that we just heard because the rest of it is about eating each other's pimples. Which I think that everyone here forgot. I definitely did. We got this message from Ben Huchin on Patreon. Ben says, I just pulled off the road.

Do you want a drink first? Okay, no, this is serious. No laughing. A road, that's a funny name. Sorry, sorry. This is very serious. Sorry, sorry. I've just stopped driving. Okay. I'm being serious. Downloaded Patreon for the first time ever to use the platform. Yep. Looked you up, bought a premium membership and a messaging you now to tell you I literally

threw up from the yucked someone's yum episode. Ben says, I barely made it through the fingernail bit, but then Ryan got to the pimples and I literally vomited in my car driving down the highway. They're taking it very seriously. Thank God. Also, this is the fact he's subscribed so he can get direct access. Yeah. If there's one way to turn Tony off doing anything, it's to give her money.

What do you mean? Like he's paid you and you're like, oh, sorry, bud. Thanks for your cash. No, but so he goes on, right? And he says, thank God for an empty grocery bag on the seat next to me. That yum deserves so much yuck. I want to follow them around like the nuns from game of thrones, ringing a bell and crying out shame, shame, shame, shame, shame.

Ben then goes on to say, okay, thank you. All good now. Absolutely love you and love the show. Been listening for years, but please never do that to me again. Oh, we just did. We played it again. Sorry, Ben. Yeah, why? Just to bring people up to speed. We just wanted to get people up to speed.

Bit of context, yeah. Bit of context, yeah. Because otherwise Ben's message would just be silly. If you hadn't heard that, he wouldn't get it at all. And you want him to resubscribe for another month. Stay subscribed, yeah. get it at all. And you want him to resubscribe. Yes. For another month. Stay subscribed. Yes. So I messaged Ben back and I said, Benny, I'm sorry, mate.

Don't fucking Benny this guy after all he's been through. I was like, I'm so sorry, mate. And I was laughing and I was like, this is bad. Like I actually am really sorry. And I said, do you want me to refund your membership? No. Because your messages come through fucking loud and clear and I was like I feel really bad that you got so upset and he said nah it was a great excuse to to sign up so maybe other people use this as an excuse this is just the biggest ad for patreon we've ever had if you would like to message us directly about the toenails.

Sign up. Tony replies to every DM. I do. I mean, not the most obvious marketing strategy, but the proof is in the pudding. Oh no, I just sort of had like a toenail pudding. So- With all that said and done.

Are you saying net positive for the story? No, no, I'm definitely not. There's literally hundreds of comments on Instagram, YouTube, wherever. So Tony, as the spokesperson, as the bird in charge, as the muscles of this podcast, as the CEO, as the person whose name is first in the podcast title, do you think you're more of an in-studio apologist

or are you a bathroom floor YouTube apologist or are you in the car? Where do you see you doing your best influencer girl hit rock bottom apology to the fans? I quite enjoy like an apology in front of like a media wall. Oh, like a press conference. That sounds a bit too severe, doesn't it? No, but a media wall. But usually people are trying to distance themselves from the

brand. Yeah, trying to look... Well, I've seen an apology video with like, you know, they looked really fancy. So maybe that's what I should try. Put your best clothes on. Yeah. Yeah. Does anybody have any Cartier love bracelets like the bro?

I need some Gucci. Yeah. Yeah. No, but I... So the paws can relate. Yeah. I used to be like that. Um, yeah. How embarrassing. You like that? I do. Yeah. I find that very interesting.

Yeah, thanks. It costs a lot of money to make people think you're rich. Oh my god, so true. I'm going through that right now. Most people spend all their money trying to convince other people they're rich, which is quite ironic. So is that what you'd like to do today? Is to put your best clothes on and be an absolute fuckhead.

Yeah. I normally take my Rolex off when we record, but I thought I would put it on today. Oh, that's enough. So it's a no to the apology video. I did have a good idea that maybe if we were gonna do an apology video, would we not be wearing like our hoodies, you know, and they like, it's like, we've, you know, we can't even get dressed.

You know, that classic apology of like, I'm so, this has taken every part of my soul and being that I can't even get out of bed. Cause I'm so sad that people have found out who I really am. Yeah, that I'm a huge fool. And it's so destroyed. Yeah. Yeah. Right. Bring the

woody's over. Or do you want to do it from the bedroom in the studio, Tony? You just want to get me in the bedroom. Do you actually want to do it though? We can go and film that and part of this episode. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Charles, get your phone out and then Tony, I'll stay here on the mic. But can you selfie style on your own phone? Like you, you can't even get out of bed. Yep Hang you're taking you forgot your phone sweetheart because you need a selfie style the video No, you don't have that because you're a down-to-earth person like you used to be like All right pre Rolex Why do I hear something like that? All the Rolex. Alright, pre-Rolux.

I'm over this shuckty mat. What's that doing to me? Alright, now you're under the covers, are you getting real sad? I'm just taking my shoes off. Ow, that's spiky. Yeah, it's a shuckty mat. Someone who has their name also first on the podcast brought it because she is an impulse I'm not really crying enough. It's acting you just pretend

Hi everyone acting, you just pretend. Hi, everyone. I'm so sorry for jumping on like this because I look like an absolute wreck. I haven't seen my dermatologist in like four days. Look, I just wanted to jump on and just say that like, we are so sorry about the toenails and the pimples. It's honestly taken it out of me to hear how people are feeling. I just, I would not do that because before I had a dermatologist, I used to get pimples all the time. And I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry to remind people of what I used to be like.

I'm so sorry to remind people of what I used to be like. I just, I can't get out of bed and I have had my nails done but that was before all this happened. I'm so sorry to everyone that supported me. And I hope to be back in front of the camera soon. But apart from this. And sing. Well done. That was some incredible works.

I'd say possibly even the some of the best work you've ever done. She's back from set. Talon on set. You'll be glad I did take my ring off. Obviously I wanted to look relatable. I'd be a love to see it. I've just started watching this new TV show on Netflix. It's really good.

So if you're looking for something to watch this weekend, I have a recommendation. A recommendation? This new show on Netflix called Running Point. It's got Kate Hudson in it. And she, like her, her family like owns the LA basketball team. Anyone in particular? It's called the LA Waves.

Oh, so it's like- On the show it's like a fictional, but I'm guessing that Waves is like a play on Lakers. I'm guessing. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. Like I think that that's what it's supposed to be. Do you think it's like for legal purposes,

they couldn't like- Well, I think it's also just like, it's kind of not relevant, but you just like, you know, it's the big one. Yep. You know? But basically like her, her brother goes to rehab and like someone has to step in and Kate Hudson

like steps in and she's just fucking gone. It's the best show. It's so funny. And that's a rare, so I'm just so distracted by you wearing the hoodie. I know. It's really hot. Yeah. Yeah.

That's how I feel wearing this jacket. Yeah. It's really hot. But I was like, if I try and take, back behind the scenes chat, if I try and take this hoodie off, my whole dress is gonna come off and I'm gonna just be here in my knickers. Do you wanna do it on camera?

Why'd you do that? Lick all your teeth like that. I think you're supposed to lick your lips, not your teeth you fucking weirdo. You're still licking your teeth. Now you're licking the skin outside your mouth. Isn't that what lips are called? No. Then what's a lip if not the skin outside your mouth? So would you just give it a little one like a... Oh. I turned myself on. It is hot in here. My love to see it is from Erin and she said that the podcast finished exactly as I pulled into the driveway. Oh my favorite type of you love to see it. I love that. Yeah. Meant to be coincidence chat. Enjoy

Running Point, Fairy Bread and Apology videos this weekend and enjoy them Hawks playing tonight. Woohoo! Big year, but not too big. We're just keeping a lid on it. Although Tony said the lid is off, but I'm keeping a lid on it. I think it is. The lid is on. They're here.

The lid is on. Love you. Bye. Love you. Bye. This episode is brought to you by Audible. You can listen to the new Audible original podcast, The Unusual Suspects with Kenya Barris and Malcolm Gladwell. Now when I hear the words Malcolm Gladwell, I'm just like, sign me up.

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Oh my god, you just forget about all the stuff people do, don't you? Well, you can learn all about it and never forget again. Pop your headphones on. Go to audible.ca slash unusual suspects podcast and listen right now.