Toni and Ryan - ACTUALLY anonymous confessions

Episode Date: January 23, 2023

Finally we respect your privacy and share your confessions ANONYMOUSLY. If you have a GREAT confession, we'd love to hear all about it by entering HERE and your spicy story might be read out on the pod! Love ya xxx Check out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Plus you can find the links to pre-order Toni's book here! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toni.lodge and @ryanjondunn Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, welcome to the podcast. We're on our way to... Bris Vegas. Bris Vegas. Turn to Alex. What's the Vegas music? Dunno, dunno, what? That's not Vegas music. Viva Bris Vegas.

Liz Vegas, that's the one. My mistake, my mistake. Alex was, I don't know if he was rude or nice, but he left a message for us. Oh. So I'll have to just double check that now. Oh my God. Hello. Alex. Hi Alex.

Tony and Ryan. Hey friends, How are you? Good. Now, I don't know if you gave me a compliment or were being mean, but I had to reschedule this approval. Classic. Oh, yeah. I just checked the email this morning.

Yeah, Bestie is a neg. She's a neg. Yeah. Read me the message, Ryan. Well, so the time we were supposed to do the approval also didn't suit Alex. Oh. Oh, so who's fussing now? No, well, then Alex goes, I can always rely on you being unorganised, Ryan,

so this has worked out great. I think that's why you're not captain of the ship, though, Daph. She's right, eh? Love you, though. Love you. It doesn't sound like it. It doesn't sound like it. You're only mean to the ones you love the most. Oh, that's true. I love you, though. Love you. It doesn't sound like it. It doesn't sound like it. You're only mean to the ones you love the most.

Oh, that's true. I love you, Tony. I feel like this is a bit of a Ryan and Alex situation. Do you guys want me to go? There's some tension in the room. Tony, please stay. I feel like. Well, if I stay, will you approve the podcast?

Add some meow, please. Hi, it's Alex in Brisbane and I approve this podcast. Start of the year. We're all thinking about who we want to be, what we want to do. I've been rethinking what I'm up to. Yep. Taking a lot of time to reflect on myself and I just like to share something with everybody

because I feel like we're all in that mindset at the moment. Are we? January, everyone's feeling pumped. Okay, it's almost Feb. Yep. Happy New Year. almost Feb. Yep. Happy New Year. Happy New Year. Come back to me in March.

Yeah, I feel like we're all in the same mindset and I think that this is something that will align with everybody listening. Wow. Get ready to take notes. Yep. That's coming up soon. Yep. Speaking of New Year,

new this year on tonyandryan.com.au is a little button called Anonymous Confessions because we love when you send us stories, but I feel like because you have to put your name to it when it's in a comment or a DM, let's take that away. You don't have to put your name in the form. You just send us your confession. Now, Tony, what are your idea for naming this?

Oh, yeah. So because it's confessions, I thought it would be fun if it was called Forgive Me, Tapa, for I Have Sinned. I do like that. So, like, obviously it's a bit like Forgive Me, Father, for I Have Sinned, I think. And Tapa is like Tony and Ryan podcast listeners. Yeah, so I just wanted to, like, explain the jokes so everyone gets it.

A bit like Paddle Club last week, obviously. I just wanted everyone to know. So when I think of confessions, I just think of the Usher song. This is my confession. But then could it be like, these are tough confessions? I like mine better. Do you know what we could do? Do them both at the same time.

No. These are tough confessions. And then every confession starts with, forgive me, Tapa, for I have sinned. And that's like the theme. Yeah. Is it forgive me, Tapas, for I have sinned. And that's like the theme. Yeah. Is it forgive me, Tapas? No, because you wouldn't say fathers, would you? Forgive me, Tapa, for I have sinned.

But are they asking for forgiveness from all of the Tapas? Maybe. Forgive me, Tapas, for I have sinned. It just doesn't really have the same role. No, it doesn't. No, let's stick with your one. Yeah. Okay, sing the song and we'll get started.

These are Tp confessions. This is from Snitchy Tarpa who says, Forgive me, Tarpa, for I have sinned. That sounds good. Yeah. Yeah. We've nailed it. Great.

First time. First go. This is Snitchy Tarpa. Snitchy Tarpa. Have you named them or do they give themselves their own name? You can give yourself an anonymous name, but I think I've named this person. Okay.

Which is from now on you name yourself. Because as we know, normally when we try to anonymise someone, it would end up being Shmoney Shmudge or Shmone Shmone. And it's easy to figure out. Now, I'm just reading what I've got because there are some aspects here where they could have outed themselves to the people involved and there could be some legalities around this. But all I'm doing is reading what was submitted to TonyandRyan.com.au

from the snitchy tarpa. Oh, dear. Oh, my God. My fucking hair's on the back of my neck is standing up. I'm so excited. Just you fucking wait, mate. I anonymously reported the company I work for, wrote them up, and the head of that company is my brother-in-law,

who is a massive misogynistic piece of shit. Good. You fuck that guy up. Almost swore then. Yep. Thanks for not. Yeah. But even like anonymously reporting your company.

Like reporting them to the ATO or like, sorry, like the taxman or the police. Snitchy Tarpa says they were overworking people. They were underpaying people. They were bullying and intimidating people. And they, and here's, they were allowing unsafe medical practices to occur. What's this business? Yeah.

Hang on. What? Do we know what Snitchy Harper does for a job or where they work? We just know they work there and the brother-in-law is the head of that company. So bullying. Yep. Overworking and underpaying. Unsafe medical procedures.

And a misogynist. He was an arsehole apparently. The ultimate crime. Oh, my God. No, hang on. What? Yeah. Go.

It's a tough spot though, hey, because you're like. No, not really. Well, because it's like your sister's husband. Yeah. And for all we know, this company is putting food on your sister's kids' tape. Yeah. You know, it's like you don't snitch. You don't keep.

It's in the family. Do you speak to the sister about it? Whose side is she going to take? Yeah. That's why working with family is always risky because you can't just leave and forget about it because next time you see your sister at dinner, he's there. He's there. The company, after being written up.

Oh, so we have a result of it. I thought that the confession was going to be. Wow. Oh, my God. The company faced massive fines, so large they went bankrupt and closed. Thank God, though. Well, thank God my sister's now on the street. No one in my family knows I was the one who snitched on them.

She's brought the company down. Okay, so I see what you mean by this being quite incriminating. She's brought the company down. Okay. So I see what you mean by this being quite incriminating. Yeah. Like if you heard, like there's not many people that that's happened to. Oh, my business went out of business. Yeah. We closed up and someone anonymously reported it.

And I also have my wife's sister working for us. What are the chances? Yeah. And I'm a huge misogynist. Is that me? Well, it the chances? Yeah, and I'm a huge misogynist. Is that me? Well, it can't have been me because I'm not a misogynist. I'm a real nice guy. I just asked the ladies.

They love it. What the fuck? We're also not done yet. Shut up. I've already been employed by their direct competitor, and I've been working there secretly for a month. A month? Passing on all the intel, here's what they were doing,

here's what they were planning, but I haven't told my family yet because if they know I've gone to the competition, they may suspect that I'm the snitch. I don't think that they would suspect you with a snitch, purely because, like, you know, if you were working at Macca's and that Macca's closed down, people wouldn't go, oh, now they're working at KFC. You'd go, oh, they like to work in fast food and it was right next door

or whatever, you know, like they know that industry. You wouldn't, I don't think you would question somebody going to the competitor, but now that you haven't told them, that's what looks skeevy. Like, you know, not that you owe anyone anything, but like as if your mum's not at one point going to be like, oh, snitchy tupper, where do you work now? Oh, I got a new job.

Yeah, oh, you just bought a new car, didn't even know you had a job. You know? These are tough confessions. Is that the whole confession yep holy shit so now okay live brainstorm now what happens do we like try and figure out what's how is this like me oh because i'm quite a detective as we know i'm very good at the game cludo well is there anything to detectify? Well, probably not. But do we discuss? That's insane. It really is.

That is a crazy fucking story. Please keep sending them through. I've got another one here. This one's fun. Would you? Okay, question. Would you tell? I know you don't have siblings, so I had to bring that up.

Maybe you do somewhere, but not with you. What would you do? Like say if, say if. I don't know if I'd snitch, but I would have. You'd light them up. I'd try to. Oh, maybe I would have. I feel like I would.

I think I'd try to leave. I mean, yeah, like it's hard to, it's always easy to be like, oh, just get a new job. But it's like, we don't, you know. You can't just say that. Yeah, it's hard. It's harder when you're in it. The amount, I think that if it was just that he was like a bit of an asshole

or you know all of that i think then you try and leave but the malpractice the medical malpractice i think you've got to report that i know what my stance is now yep most businesses like big companies there's always some people who like oh it's fucking shit and blah blah blah and it's blah. And it's like, well, if that's how you feel, do something about it. And instead of her going, oh, this is fucked and complaining for five years, she goes, well, if it's fucked, I'm going to dub them in. Totally. I'm going to make things right.

I'm going to allow justice to occur. And I don't need the credit for bringing justice. I just need a brawl. See, I actually totally support Snitchy Tapper, to be honest, of reporting them and stuff because if he's an arsehole and whatever, it's a tough spot though because you're thinking about your family. Would you snitch on me if something bad happened? I think I would just talk to you about it.

Right. Like I feel like because obviously at the moment we're like business partners, which is so random, but like if something was starting to change, I feel like nip that in the bud straight away. No, I mean like something just straight up a blatant illegal something. Oh, I would talk to you about it. I'd be like, I'm not here for that shit. But if the cops turned up and go, Tony, where was Ryan the night of the 24th?

And I said, hey, Tony, if someone asks, can you just say we were together? I'd say that we were legally married and that I can't actually testify against you. Good answer. Thanks. I watch a lot of TV. They do that on Gossip Girl, yeah. Okay, next. Do we do the song each time?

Maybe not the song, but I think you can still do the forgive me, Tapa, for I have sinned. Forgive me, Tapa, for I have sinned. Oh, I like that. Forgive me, Tapa, for I have sinned. Oh, I like that. My partner always transfers me money when I order takeaway food. He insists on giving me at least half of the cost. So if you're not, like, fully combined with your finances,

oh, I'm ordering pizza, it's $40, I'll send him $20 just to make it even. Yeah. That kind of seems like the right thing to do. Yeah, I think that's pretty normal. I'm not a half person. You're just like, I get the next even. Yeah. That kind of seems not the right thing to do. Yeah, I think that's pretty normal. I'm not a half person. You're just like, I get the next one? Yeah. And I mean, it depends on who it is and obviously it depends on their financial situation.

Like if someone's on a pretty tight budget, then I'll always respect what they want. But I feel like, yeah, even between us like. Yeah, I'll get the next one. I'll just get the next. Yeah, it comes back around kind of thing. What my partner doesn't know is is is that he placed an order on my phone about two years ago when he offered to pay and my phone stored his card details so this whole time it's actually been

him paying for all our takeaways and then he pays me an extra half. So he's actually paying 150% of the cost and I'm getting free dinner and making a profit. It's been happening for two years. Should we order food? Yeah, I'll get it on my phone, no problem. Oh, it's too late to say anything now, isn't it? Well, how many times is too, like maybe after the first or second time, you're like, oh, sorry, I've actually paid on your card

from that time you bought that thing last week. Yeah. But after two years, you're like, do you take that shit to the grave? Has it been too long? Yeah, well, almost. Because if you're not that protective of your finances or whatever and it all comes back around, then, like, maybe it's fine. But it sounds like the partner that he is quite protective of, like,

nope, it's half, like, we're fair, we're even. You paid $100, let me send you $50. And she's like, righto. Is the confessor here in this situation being, like, quite unfair? No. Because it sounds like the the boyfriend is putting like a really clear boundary yep and saying no we pay for half each and is she taking the piss i thought that but then i feel like this has a good feel good ending okay the money he transfers

me i put into our joint bank account that we use to buy birthday and Christmas gifts for our friends and family. That's a good idea, by the way. Yeah. On one hand, I feel bad, but I've actually been able to save quite a lot of money for us this whole time from the money he transfers me. So it's sort of good result from awful circumstances. But I know that you're saying like money for us, but it's his money. Yeah.

You know what I mean? We'll buy that together out us, but it's his money. Like. Yeah. Yeah. You know what I mean? Oh, we'll buy that together out of our Christmas account. Wink. Yeah. Like, so Torbs and I, this is hard because everyone deals with this so personally. But Torbs and I, all of our money is our money. Yeah. Like, so we've got like one joint savings account.

We have our own like fund spending money. Yep. So his pay gets split up into our savings and our, like, fortnightly allowance. Yeah. And my, like, paycheck, like, pays all the bills. And it's, like, been like that forever. Yep. So if he said, like, I'll get this one or I'll get this,

like, it doesn't, it kind of all comes from the same place. But, like, she's saying, oh, well, it's our money we're saving for us. But he doesn't know that. Yeah. As if he wouldn't love to hang on to that extra 50 bucks and, like, save up for something. Oh, but, well, yeah, but also he is buying all their friends Christmas presents.

She's not. That's what I'm saying. So she's like, I've saved all this money for us. I'm like, well, like, he's saved it and then you're spending it on other people. I'm stealing from my boyfriend because it's fine because it goes to us. No, it doesn't. How much are you contributing to the Christmas account?

Exactly. I don't know. I don't know about that. Okay. Well, she said she feels bad. I mean, not enough to fucking do something about it. But like you brought up before, Tony, it's been two years. Because if you bring that up and go, oh, it's by the way, blah, blah, blah.

And then he goes, okay, hang on. How long has that been the case for? Yeah. And why did we buy my mate Tony a jet ski for Christmas? Yeah. See, that's the thing. He's like, everyone's getting a bottle of Dom every birthday. Where's this money coming from?

And she goes, oh, actually, sweetheart, you've been fucking bankrolling us looking like absolute fucking hero at the Secret Santa. The limit was $25 and we bought them a car. Don't you hate those people that show off at a Secret Santa? Don't you? Out. Okay. So are we, I feel like she thinks she's done the right thing, but we think you're still just stealing from your partner.

Yeah. No. I feel like she thinks she's done the right thing, but we think you're still just stealing from your partner. Yeah. No, I'm not. I'm like fully not on board with that. I feel like the partner has really put in a clear boundary and been like this is what I'm comfortable with and she's taking the piss. And it's for her. Oh, I don't want you to pay for it all, so let me.

Do half. And instead he's paying 150%, like you said before. That's fucking dog. I don't like that. You don't like that? Is she paying for anything? It doesn't seem like she's paying for anything. So he's paying for food and Christmas presents and she's being a secret Santa hero. And also rent.

You know? And finally, forgive me, well this isn't really a sin at all. It just goes, Here's a confession I'm bisexual And would rail both of you So thanks for listening to the podcast Whoever you are

I actually really appreciate that Yeah same Ryan always gets all the hot attention Does he? There's always fucking comments being Like I posted a picture of us at the beach the other day Yeah And everyone was like

Oh I'd love to see Ryan in a speedo No one said Oh I'd love to see Tony in a speedo Well a bride didn't say that. You can get some context for that on last Friday's episode. But you know what I mean? Yep. So I appreciate that.

That's for both of us. Thank you. Wonder who that's from. I actually. No, I'm saying I wonder who that's from. I wonder who that's from. Like, I wonder who that's from. I know it's anonymous.

I know that that's the whole point. But, like, I'd love to know who that's from. Yeah. Well, Tony's DMs are open. Yeah. And she will, like, don't feel like know who that's from. Yeah, well, Tony's DMs are open. Yeah. And she will – don't feel like you're – what's the – I feel like sending crude messages can be not good a lot of the time in a workplace.

Yeah. But just let it be known that in our workplace, you feel free to send that to Tony. No, actually, no, actually. Don't? Let's not say that. No? No.

No? This is lovely, but that's the limit. Okay. Right. Okay. Cool. The limit but that's the limit. Okay. Okay, right. Okay, cool, cool, cool. The limit does exist. The limit does exist. Hi, it's Alex from Brisbane, and you're listening to Tony and Ryan.

A massive shout out to a few of our champion tapas over at our Patreon. You can check that out at any time you like. Grayson, thank you so much. Thanks, Grayson. Zach O'Neill, bloody love to see it. Thanks, Zach. Lauren Bowie, Taylor Reid and Hunter Freilich, thank you very much. Thank you very much.

You fucking love to see it. Love to see it. Most people, well, I think you have to be technically listening on Spotify. Everyone, yeah. Yeah. Please go and hit the follow button on the Tony and Ryan page. It helps you find us easier because it pops up on the front and it actually really helps out us.

We've just found out. Yeah. So go and hit follow and then thank you very much. Yeah, we appreciate that. Appreciate it. I said at the beginning of the podcast that I feel like it is a time for reflection early in the year. Yes.

I feel like January and July are those like reset times where you go, all right, we're halfway through the year or it's the beginning of the year again. Over the past couple of weeks, we've been talking about how I bought a stand-up paddleboard. Yep. I bought it on a whim. You knew me.

I'd never been before. I just thought that looks like fun. After I went to the beach and saw no one doing it, just came up with the idea. This is who I am this year. Yeah, decided I want a few more active hobbies. And the amount of times that like I've tried to go, been rained out and like the conditions, you know, aren't great.

It's been like really heartbreaking that you kind of get pumped up to go and then it falls over. What's the anticipation? You get so excited. The night before, the first time you were going to go, were you a bit like, tomorrow's the day, like the day before Christmas, right? Yeah, and, like, I set my alarm. You know, it sounds so silly, but, like,

I just really didn't consider the, like, outside factors of it. You know, if you were like, oh, I'm going to go to the gym tomorrow, of course you are because you've planned and you can go. Oh, but if it's raining, you probably shouldn't go to the gym. Yeah, probably not. Or if the cricket's on, probably go to the gym later. In fact, if you need an excuse not to go to the gym, send me a DM. I'll give you one straight back.

We'll come up with something for you. But, yeah, oh, the wind conditions aren't great. I don't think I can go to the gym today. Look at the surf. But, yeah, so the amount of times we've kind of been rained out and also the other girls that I go with live kind of far away. So it's a bit of a mish. Like I think I said the other day, it takes about an hour to get

to where we normally – That's a fair hike. Yeah. For something you want to – Well, and then if you go out there and you spend however much time – Yeah, six minutes. Yeah, approximately at least. You know, that's a, like, big spend however much time. Yeah. Six minutes. Yeah. Approximately.

At least. You know, that's a like big fucking chunk of time. Do you want me to drop some James Clear atomic habits on you? Yeah, sure. If you want a good new habit, you need to make it as easy as possible. Exactly. Remove the barriers. And an hour to get there sounds like a barrier.

Yeah. But it is because you go. Have you got to spare four hours? Well, that's the thing. No. It takes you an hour to get there. You spend an hour or two out on the water depending on whatever you're doing. And then. Yeah, that's a full day.

That's a day. Exactly. Like it's not as if you can kind of like jump up before work and fucking have a hoon and then come back. Yeah. Anyway. So I'm feeling a little bit dejected about the supping at the moment. And over the weekend I had a hectic afternoon of Googling and I was like what else could I do instead

or is there a more like foolproof activity that I could take part in? Can I interrupt real quick? Yeah. I feel like you're getting into crafting in the cricket. Yep. And that's very foolproof and that's something you enjoy doing. It is. Are you over that or do you need an additional?

You know what I'm saying? I do totally know what you're saying. I'm after an active hobby. Okay, gotcha. So I want something that I know that I can kind of. Crickets is active as. Yeah, I mean my hands are bloody gone. Hands are moving. You're gotcha. So I want something that I know that I can kind of. Crickets is active as. Yeah, I mean, my hands are bloody gone. Hands are moving.

You're sitting there. My brain's whirring around. That's true. Thanks for supporting that. I'm always supporting. No, so I love my craft and I do really enjoy that. But I really want something that's going to get me out and doing something a bit different.

I love being in the water and in the ocean, which is why I chose supping in the first place because I was like, that's pretty easy and a bit cruisy or whatever. Where is this going? Have you heard of – Oh, fuck. I already don't like it. Have you heard of urban surf?

Cam's here laughing in the background. Yeah, so our new producer, Cam, he knows. Have you heard of Urban Surf, Cam? I have now. Yeah. Explain what Urban, no, not really. Do you know what it is? I know what the words are, but I don't know what it is specifically.

So it's out near the airport. Oh, fuck, I don't. Yeah. The wave pool. The wave pool. So the website literally says, Urban Surf, Melbourne is Australia's first surf park. We deliver perfect waves and incredible surfing experiences

for all ages and abilities in a safe, controlled environment. So what's the thing about a wave pool? You just turn it on. The conditions are always perfect. Fucking got it in one, bro. Conditions are always perfect. What are you going to do on that? So I've taken your advice about doing the lessons,

which you gave to me after I'd bought the stand-up paddleboard, and you said, why don't you do some lessons, girlfriend? And I was like, that would be really good advice, but I've already bought the stand-up paddleboard. I looked at Urban Surf because I thought conditions are always perfect. It takes like half an hour to get to Tullamarine from my house. Yep, just on that tunnel. Fucking easy as fuck.

Yep. Fucking easy as fuck. Easy as fuck. So I'm looking at Urban Surf. I'm like, this is a go up. Is it just surfing or can you swim? So I think there is swimming there as well. So it was like Sunday morning.

I said to Torbs. You've just cried for an hour. Torbs is sitting next to me on the couch. And I go, you know, urban surf? And Torbs goes, nah. And I like talk to him about it. And I go, do you want to go to urban surf? So I love how you went to Torbs.

Do you know urban surf? And he went, nah. And then he said it to me and I'm like, nah. And he said it to Cam and you went to Torbs. Do you know urban surf? And he went, nah. And then you said it to me and I'm like, nah. And you said it to Cam and you're like, nah. But you keep saying it as if like everyone knows what this is. Well, because I thought everyone knew what it was. Chris Hemsworth has been there. So I thought that everyone knew what it was.

Oh, well, if there's one guy who's relatable day to day. It's that guy who built himself a $40 million mansion in Byron Bay. Sorry, forget that. It's the guy who's Thor. Also that. You know, that. It's the guy who's Thor. Also that. You know, that's probably even less relatable. I go, do you want to go to urban surf? Now, I just want to pause here for a second.

Could you maybe describe Torbz's hobbies, interests, athletic ability in maybe like a word or two? Okay. Since we're on the topic, imagine, think about everything you know about Chris Hemsworth. Yep. And then think of the opposite. Yep.

That's Torbs. Yeah. More handsome though. Yeah. I mean, yeah, there is that. But Torbs is a quiet guy. He is not slow, but like he's like a calm guy. He's not slow at all.

He's super smart. I mean slow as in like physical, because when I think surfing, I think quick actions, bang, like. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But he's like a calm, smooth mover. Yeah, right. That's what I meant by slow. I didn't mean like fucking slow.

Yeah, I was just like. No, no, no. So the thought of like a fast twitch activity, it doesn't come to mind. He likes playing video games. He likes soldering stuff. He likes music. He likes tech. He likes building apps and products and stuff that goes into computers.

I don't think Torbs and think Surfer. Would you kind of say indoorsy? Yes. In fact, I don't think I've seen him outdoors. Yes, you have. When? Name a time I've seen him outside of the house. We have gone out for dinner before together.

To an indoor restaurant. But we've gone outside to get into the restaurant. Let me rephrase. The only times I've seen Torb's outside is when he's between insides. And that's fine. Okay? That's his lot in life and he's fine. I'm a different. It's fine. And it's actually, Okay, that's his load in life and his fun. I'm a different.

It's fine. And it's actually, since we got Pippa, it's really been so good for him. It's forced him out of the house. Because every day he, like, goes for a run with Pip, and it's, like, so great. Anyway, so I said to Torbs, do you want to go to Urban Surf? Yeah. With all that that you've just said in mind, Torbs looks at me and goes,

fuck yeah, let's go. Yes. Right. Did he know what it was when he said yes to it? Yeah, so I had already said, like, do you know what it is? He's like, yeah, cool, what is it? Oh, it's this place out. Oh, no.

I thought you meant it was like a movie. Yeah, I'm not interested in that. So it started as an innocent Google and we're talking about it. I'm like, we could go today. Like, we'll see if they've got a session. Like, how fun. We'll just fucking go, have a cuddle, whatever. We've signed up for a five-week intensive beginner surf course

at Urban Surf. Once a week? Twice a week. Once a week. Starts on February 1st, I think, if that's the Wednesday. Oh, you'll be able to turn up there. Next Feb. Happy New Year.

Next week or something. Urban Surf. Yes. First of Feb. So not next week, maybe the week after or something like that. Every day. Every week for a. Every once a week.

Yeah. For five weeks. It's on a Wednesday night at 730. Yeah, right. We're going to go and do surf lessons. Is it just the two of you? Yep. Oh, I think that it's like a, it's a group.

Yeah. Yeah. But it's for beginners. And it's like an adults one, but adults is 13 plus. Why don't you do adults in inverted commas? No, because it's 13 plus. Okay, so there's going to be a bunch of 14-year-old boys. Yep. Yep.

And Auntie Toni and Uncle Torbs. So we picked the latest session to hopefully avoid kids. Oh, because youths go to bed early. Well, yeah, because I'm like, kids have to be dinner and bed at 7.30. 14-year-olds? Yeah. No?

No? Try and get a 14-year-old asleep before midnight. Okay. I thought the – They're not sick. No, but, you know, the other thing, whose parents are going to drop them off at a thing at like get there at 7 and leave at like 9? It goes for like two hours.

Most parents who have kids that play sport do that three times a week. Ew, do they? Yuck. Oh, my God. Soccer practice, football practice, swimming practice. Literally every parent of a teenager does that every week. Oh, okay. In fact, I'd be surprised if anyone's over 16 at your course.

Okay, well, there will be two people. One of them is going to be 29 and one of them is going to be 32. Yep. And, yeah, so it's, yeah, the adults one is 14 plus. I like this. And even if you do the five lessons, like I was saying last time, and you don't want to keep doing it, what a great experience those five lessons will be.

Exactly. There's no loss here. So, yeah, it started off as going like, let's go today, and yeah it started off as going like let's go today and then it was like no let's do it but because tobs and i are both like fucking all-in people yeah we've now decided we're surf guys how many wetsuits do you own okay i haven't i have been looking online they do have them available to rent there again yeah renting is a great. Exactly. So the wetsuit and the surfboard rental is included in the quite steep class cost. This is not sponsored, by the way.

Like I paid for this whole thing. And, yeah, so you get you ready and you get a board. Just like surf chat. Oh, more shuckers have been dropped in the studio. We might need to get some cleaners with a big broom with all the shuckers lying around. Yeah, Oh, more shuckers have been dropped in the studio. We might need to get some cleaners with a big broom or the shuckers lying around in here. Yeah, dropping all these shuckers. Yep, and Torbs and I have decided that we're going to live by the beach

because we're surf people now. Tony and I went to the beach for an hour the other week and now Tony, yeah, I'm going to live beachside. Yep. Surf's up, bro. I just love it. I absolutely love it. I'm so excited about our surf lessons.

Can I ask you a question? Torbs literally keeps saying, I wish they were today. Like, he's really excited. Now, I'm not asking to be a dick. Oh, I mean. No, I'm asking because we're friends and I care about you. Yeah. And you don't have to answer with words.

We can just let the questions sit and we can look at each other and just think about what this about you. Yeah. And you don't have to answer with words. We can just let the question sit and we can look at each other and just think about what this might mean. Yeah. And if the answer's no, I won't pester you or be a dick about it. I'll just say okay. Okay. Are you having a midlife crisis? I really hope I'm not going to die at 60.

I hope I'm not in the middle already. It was less about the maths and more about the crisis. Yeah, no, that's a great question. Fair question. Fair question. No, I don't think so. I think I'm just trying to fucking live my best life and have fun. I don't doubt that,

but I reckon that's what every bloke in a red Ferrari says. I'm not into crosses. I just love fast cars. I love fun. I love fun. It's my favourite. I just have a fast lifestyle. Just fucking live and live it.

I like it, you know? But with the SUP, with the stand-up paddleboard, I'd never done it before. I've surfed before. You have surfed before. I used to surf a lot, like, with my dad whenup paddleboard. I'd never done it before. I've surfed before. You have surfed before. I used to surf a lot like with my dad when I was younger. Can you stand-up paddleboard on the waves at urban surf? I don't know. The SUP is huge.

Yeah. Like it's massive. Remember like back in the 70s when the surfboards were like the big. Oh, yeah, yeah, but like long boards are long and like a bit narrow. Like the SUP is like wide and huge. Imagine how sick that would be though. Yeah, I don't know. Show those 14-year-olds who's boss.

It's in the car. You can slap them with a paddle. Go away, kid. Like swat them away. Who dropped you off? My mum. On the way to netball. Must be nice, kid.

Yeah. I had to drive here myself. Mum's dead. Fucking asshole. She couldn't drive me off. Mum's dead. Fucking asshole. She couldn't drive me off. But I'm so pumped. So Urban Surf, five weeks. Torbs and I, fucking locked in.

Very pumped. Both of us are excited. We've watched nothing but fucking surf movies and surf YouTube. Blue Crush? Blue Crush. You can't buy it. You've got to buy it on Apple. Might do that one.

I mean, great movie. We just spent three bucks. I wouldn't have thought so. It's's pretty good movie um we did watch point break the other day but the new one there's like one surfing scene in it the original one is like heaps of surfing in it nah the new one has like one surfing scene in it it's like they filmed it in the studio in los angeles and we're like oh it's a surfing movie we should put one scene from the beach yeah so they go down there and go oh there you go, it's a surfing movie. We should put one scene from the beach in it. Yeah, so they go down there and they go, ooh, surfing. It's honestly like we were an hour through and I was like,

we've seen one bit of surfing. I fast-forwarded the rest of it and there was no more surfing. There was like one big wave and that was it. What's your rate? Now that you're a surfer, what's your ratio? Like how much surfing has to be in a movie for you to watch it? Well, I wanted to watch a surfing movie. So I felt like maybe 60%.

Yeah, fair call. You know, like I wasn't expecting that. You know how you said you wanted a category that's like 80 minutes or less? Yeah. There should be a category 60% or more surfing. Yeah. There's not a lot of surfing movies. We have watched Blue Water High.

Do you remember that show? Yeah. Yeah, that's very good. That's a great Australian show. Anyway, but a little bit of fun. Watch this space. Yep. Watch it.

Fucking enjoy it. I don't know who I'm going to be sitting in here with after those five weeks. You just never know. I'm going to be a beach babe. Can I buy you a Rip Curl Roxy rashy? Okay, so the thing is, right, there's not a lot of uh size inclusive uh surfwear that ends here yeah i think that we should start a surf brand what should it be called pick your battles like as in is that what it's called that's quite like well i like that as a name yeah but as in

like pick your battles and this is the battle i will fight. Oh, thank you. I want inclusive rash vests. Yeah, so I was looking online and I was like, oh, there's actually not that much stuff because I would have bought everything if I could. Marketers, I tell you, Tony is your ideal customer. I'm a fucking consumerist wet dream. Yeah. I fucking fall for marketing all the time.

Everyone's got it. Oh, fuck, I better get it. Yeah, literally also I always cry at McDonald's ads. Like I always cry at the Qantas safety video. Yep. Every time. Like they're like, thank you for flying. And I'm like, oh, my God.

Every fucking time. I still call Australia home. The kids choir? Fucking lock me up, okay? Lock me up? Like if you don't. Why are those kids here? No.

What are you saying? If you don't cry at that, go to hell. It is fucking beautiful. It is beautiful. I've been to cities that never closed down. Because you're a singer, did you aspire to be in the Qantas? Please don't talk about the Australian Children's Choir. No, I did not get in.

New producer Cam, can you write down for an episode later this week, ask Tony about the Qantas Children's Choir. To be honest, that's about it. I did not get into the Australian children's choir. Well, no, I feel like there's a nerve's been struck here and I feel like that's a follow-up question. I'd love to go through today, but I've already... Yeah.

I don't want to say I've heard enough. Yeah, okay, but you've heard enough. You've been through enough. I have been through enough. Let's go out with the excitement of these surfing lessons. I've got to hear you love to see it. Have you heard of a toad in a hole? The bread with the hole in it and the egg?

And a sausage. No, I think that's the toad in a... Toad in a hole is like the bread with the hole in the middle and then you crack the egg in it. It's like a variation of that. Sausage in a hole. I think that's like a porno I've seen. Yeah.

I don't think that's... Well, it's interesting you mention that because basically... I have to figure out the name because you're right, Toad in a Hole, I thought that. So there's sausages in the bread. Kem's just showing us. Is that the Toad in the Hole? That's a Toad in the Hole.

Oh, what did I say? Frog in a pond. Oh, that's what I'm thinking of. Yeah. Sorry. Yeah, same areas. Oh, fucking, yeah, same areas. Yeah, so as a surfer, I just like melt in the waves, bro.

Yeah, so imagine you've got a big tray. There's a bunch of sausages in it. Then you've got like a bread pastry kind of batter and it gets. I've never had that. That sounds really good. So this one person, instead of doing all the sausages in the tray, they've gone, oh, I'll make like little individualized ones. And this is how it's gone.

Have a look at your phone. At the individualised... Can you describe what you can see there? It looks like a cock and balls. Like 7,000% looks like a dick with ball sacks in the little muffin trays. The little erect penises. That is horrifying. Horrifying.

Is that what you said last week? Yep. That does look like a porno I've watched. What's your love to see at Tony Lodge? Or do you need some cold water? Wow. That's really funny. My love to see it is from Tash Duff in our Facebook group.

Tash Duff. Um, she said, my sister-in-law hasn't had her parents here since 2019. So because of COVID and everything, obviously it's like hard for people to see their families and whatever. Uh, she's had a baby in that time. And this Friday they're arriving in Australia from Canada for the first time in, like, four years. Four years? Yeah, well, 2019, yeah. Do you still look the same as you did in 2019?

I don't. I don't either. I've put on quite a bit. Yeah, I'll fucking push it on. So I reckon someone came round to my house last night. Who? Kate, a friend I haven't seen for ages, and their baby girl, Neve. I haven't seen her for years. And I had that moment.

I'm like, am I 25 kilos heavier since I've seen you last? Yeah. So I'm like, are they going to rock up after four years and go, who are you? Who the fuck? Or you're standing at the airport and you're like, no, I'm waiting for my mum and dad, actually. Stop fucking trying to sell me something.

I'm waiting for my mum and dad. And then they go, no, it's me, Craig, you know? It's me. Shit. Well. Love to see that, Josh. Love to see that. Yeah.

I hope that you have a great time with your sister-in-law's family. Love that. Yeah, and I hope. I hope everyone recognises. Maybe take a sign to the airport. Or an old photo. Maybe it's not a good idea. An old photo.

Did you used to look like this? Sister? No, like I'm the one who used to look like a photo of yourself. Oh, I used to look like this. That's me. Same guy. Or do you send the text beforehand and go, look. By the way.

If you could not say anything. I've had a pretty couple of good years. Yeah, yeah. COVID was kind. Real kind. In the kitchen, yeah. Yep. Yeah.

Guess who made banana bread? Me. Daily. But that's, I love to say that. That's great. Quite sweet, hey. Thank you so much. Tomorrow on the show, actually, I'll give you the choice now.

Would you rather hear about me getting into a fight with Suzuki or me getting into a fight with an eight-year-old girl and only one of them was physical and it wasn't with the Suzuki guy? Are you going to incriminate yourself? No. I think I'm right on both occasions. Yeah, no, I am right on both occasions. That's a big swing.

Okay. Suzuki. Okay. Yeah. Suzuki, go fuck yourselves. Actually, no. Friend of the show. Suzuki's web guy.

Oh, okay. Yeah. Suzuki is great. You got a bit confused. Did you? There's some issues of the show. Suzuki's web guy. Oh, okay. Yeah. Suzuki is great. You got a bit confused. Did you? There's some issues with the website. Okay. Which some people claim they don't have those issues.

See, I feel like before you say crazy things like, fuck you, we need to hear that you didn't just fuck something up. Yeah, and we'll talk about that tomorrow. Love you, bye. See ya.