Toni and Ryan - Airport Security Queen

Episode Date: December 17, 2023

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Welcome to the Tony and Ryan podcast. My name is Ryan. This is Dr. Author, bestselling Dr. Author, Tony Lodge. And we are calling Webb, who is in Chapel Hill, North Carolina. North Carolina. Don't get caught in his web. Hello? Webb! How you doing? Oh my God. I'm good. How are you guys?

We're good. What are you up to, Webb? What are you doing? I'm my God. I'm good. How are you guys? We're good. What are you up to, Webb? What are you doing? I'm just sitting in my dorm right now. In your dorm? Are you a student? What are you studying? Drama. Drama.

Oh. A fancy boy like me. Yes. Yeah. Just showbiz, fabulous performers. Yes. Fancy girls. Yes.

Fancy, fancy girls. Will you approve today's podcast? Yes. Yes. Fancy girls. Yes. Fancy, fancy girls. Will you approve today's podcast? Absolutely. Oh, Webb, can you do it a bit more dramatic than that? Yeah, can you give us a bit? Could you do, like, a fun one? If you're studying drama, can you give us, like, a fun approval? Absolutely.

Absolutely. Hello, this is Webb from North Carolina, and I approve this podcast. All right, coming up today, we talked about beach etiquette recently. Beach? Beach. We need to talk about airport etiquette because Tony Lodge has kind of burned down the airport.

What? With scandal three different times in one travel. I was just like, I wouldn't have done that. Ooh, I wouldn't have done that. And for someone who's normally a stickler for the rules, I was just like, I wouldn't have done that. Ooh, I wouldn't have done that. And for someone who's normally a stickler for the rules, I was genuinely surprised. You know that meme, that internet meme, and it's like, I want the people in the security team to be, like,

impressed with how well I go through, and I want the flight attendants to know how intently I'm listening to their safety brief? Not to this day. That's me. No, that's me. Usually it is, and that's why this was so out of character. Oh. And I'm prepared for you to say, it just wasn't my day. It's not to this day. That's me. No, that's me. Usually it is, and that's why this was so out of character. Oh.

And I'm prepared for you to say it just wasn't my day. It's not who I am. I actually don't know what you're talking about. Three things on the same day. There's not three things. There is. Don't fuck me off on a Monday. It's our last week.

It is our last week. We've had a big year together, and we're getting close to the end of the year, but not our tether. Are you getting close? I'm always halfway close. But do you feel like you're getting close to the end? No, we're literally close to the end of the year because it's our last week. Okay.

I'm going to get aggressive, so you might need to move those drinks. Oh, okay. But first, last year on Christmas Day, it was your first christmas with pippa it was and you love like a christmas tradition and reading your book i loved hearing about the like every year we do this and every like you're a traditions person is that fair yeah that's totally fair and you thought why don't we start a new tradition and we'll take pippa to the beach on christmas morning and we'll have like some little croissants and whatever. And tell me if I'm wrong, but is it true that Pippa hated the fucking beach,

she left after seven minutes, and then because she drank salt water, she shat in your Audi on the way home? Shat in the Audi on the way home, yes. Is anything here incorrect? Nope, that's all true, yeah. Might have been six minutes would be the only editorial I would make. This year? Are you?

Torbs and I just talked about this the other day. Because the headline is beautiful. Yep. On Christmas Day, we just go down to the beach and have a little brekkie together. Like, it sounds beautiful. And we woke up really early, so we were like, we'll get up, we'll do it while the beach is really quiet. Yep. And because the beach, we went to, like, Port Melbourne Beach, so it's really flat. And because the beach, we went to like Port Melbourne Beach, so it's really flat and it would be where a lot of families would kind

of like camp up for the day if you were going to do like put up like a little gazebo or whatever. We did talk about it the other day and I said, well, obviously, like we're probably not going to try that again. And Torbs goes, what do you mean? And I went, oh, I thought after like how badly last year went, maybe we wouldn't do that again. We'll change it up a little bit.

And Torbs goes, oh, no, no, I thought we would definitely try it again. You know, like Pippa's like even better trained now because when we last year, we had only had her for. She was fresh. Yeah, we'd only had her for four months or something. We got her in September. Yeah, right. And she was, like, nine months old.

So she was still very puppy. He was like, she's a lot older now. She's, like, got much better, like, recall and whatever. She knows not to drink salt water because she's not a fuckhead anymore. She's also really good in the car now. Like, she used to always weigh in the car, but now she never does. She, like, she's really good. He's like, no, I reckon like we have to persevere.

And I went, great, sweetie. I already can't wait for the first episode next year. Great. So we are taking Pippa to the beach again for Christmas. We'll see how we go. Good luck. And, yeah, I also haven't lived near family for Christmas for many, many years.

So we're going to go do that and then do the family thing on the day, which I'm really excited about. It's our first Christmas with Mabel. Very exciting. And Bridget's family. Have you done a Santa photo? No. You going to?

I don't think so. Oh. I thought about it, but then I didn't. Poor Mabes. I'll take her. Yeah? Yeah. She'll like a trip in your car.

Yeah, she will. Her and Pippa in the back? Yeah. Couple of little bad bitches? That's fun. That is fun. So in Bridget's family, Christmas morning is like ham and eggs on the barbecue. Oh.

And like a little mimosa. Oh, very nice. Not to like get stuck in for a big day, but just a a little mimosa. Oh, very nice. Not to like get stuck in for a big day, but just a cute little mimosa. Just a little celebration. Yeah. Which is what? A bit special. Is it like half orange juice, half sparkling?

It's champagne and orange juice, yeah. Yeah, that's the kind of vibe. Do you know what I like? A bellini. What's a bellini? Like peach, peaches. Yeah. Blitz it up.

So, you poach peaches. Yep. Blitz it up in like the Nutribullet or whatever. And then that with sparkling, it's very good. Okay. Maybe that's in the mix. Yeah. And we're like, oh, it's our first Christmas.

We've done like the big family months. I'm like, oh, you know, it's just us at home. Just enjoy the day. Yeah. And maybe, yeah, we'll have the little mimosa and the legs and stuff. And because we've got a lot of new mums in our friendship group. Oh, yeah, of course. We've got a lot of.

So there's a lot of first Christmases for you guys. And there's a lot of like pregnant ladies in our friendship group. And there's a lot of like trying to get pregnant because we're just at that age where everyone's sort of starting to have family. Yeah. So we've always got at our house like non-alcoholic gin or non-alcoholic wine and stuff like that. Yeah. So everyone can feel included and not sociable,

but then people who aren't drinking, it's like not a big deal. There's nothing worse than if you're not drinking and then you get somewhere and they go, oh, water? Do you want a water? Yeah. Like they don't even have like a soft drink or cordial, you know, something. Do you want a cordial?

Yeah, so we've always got like some fun little soda water, some non-alcoholic, so everyone feels included. That's nice, yeah. And so Bridget says like as a joke like, oh, wouldn't it be funny if we made Mabel a mimosa but with like soda water? Cute. And I said, well, we've got this non-alcoholic sparkling. Can we make that for Mabel?

And she goes, well, no, because a kid can't have alcohol. I'm like, yeah, but it's non-alcoholic sparkling can we make that for Mabel and she goes well no because the kid can't have alcohol I'm like yeah but it's non-alcoholic I'm just letting you know that you've just said that out loud to a lot of people so you're on Bridget's side oh I think that people are going to come for you for saying that to be honest it's non-alcoholic no no but it's also the sugar oh like there'd be sugar in there even the sugar in the orange juice i can imagine people would bloody get up yeah about so and the pith you know the pulp the pulp in the orange juice or whatever as well yeah so you're a no to the sparkling and orange juice for uh what will be an eight-month old? I don't think so.

Okay. I don't think you can. I think that the sugar alone, like, would she die? Well, the orange juice and soda you think is fine in a little champagne glass? No, I don't think so. Well, they can have juice and water and stuff. Like, they eat. Like, she eats mangoes and she eats oranges.

Yeah. She eats unjuiced oranges. Yeah. I mean, could she just have a little oj she probably wouldn't know what the bubbles were you know when you see those videos of people giving their dogs soda water and the dog's like oh no that's mean though but it is nasty that is like tony because tony doesn't like soda water yeah because it tastes like tv static but you like i reckon that mabel with the bubbles would be like, what the heck is that? Really?

Yeah. Because it would make her, she'd probably get so bloated, her little tummy. Oh, little tummy. I think you could do a tot of OJ, but I don't think. Okay, it seems like I'm going to go back to the research lab on this one. No, I don't think you can. Okay.

I understand. What about like a little baby Chino? It's just like the frothed milk with like hundreds and thousands on the top. That's quite cute. Yeah, but you can't have milk at this stage, I'm sure. Milk? No, she's on like a rice formula weird thing. What's still milk that you could froth up?

Yes. You know what I'm saying? An almond baby Chino. I'm glad that you get what I'm saying. Yeah, good, good, good. But, you know, like just the formula. You just like froth it up with one of those little milk frothers or whatever and, like, that's pretty cute.

I mean, this is logical reasoning but not the answer I was hoping for. I know it's not the answer you want, yeah. I've got another scandal. What if you photoshopped Mimosa into her hand? Well, you can't photoshop in real life. No, but, like, take a little step of it and be like, oh, remember when we did that? We've actually discussed photoshopping in real life multiple times now.

Shockingly, yes, we have, yeah. Okay, good, good. Second, I've got some beef with my cousin Georgia and her partner Luca. Oh, no. Love those guys, but they fucking do. Georgia, she owns a Pilates studio. No, that's her sister Kat. Georgia works at Bonds as a designer.

Really? Yeah. That's crazy. What? Yeah. at Bonds as a designer. Really? Yeah. That's crazy. What? Yeah. Do you have the most successful family ever? Not when you hear this. Oh.

So Georgia and Luca have just bought a new house. Congratulations. Yeah. Whereabouts? In Thornbury, near you. Near me? Oh, Thornbury. They had a bit more of a deposit than we did, I think.

Yeah, but your house has already been renovated. If you know what I'm saying. And also they spent all the money on the house, so not only do they want and need to renovate, but they can't. They can't because they spent all their money. But that's the housing market at the moment. Yeah, oh, but could my baby have a mimosa? People are doing it really tough at the moment,

but do you think that my baby could have a lid on my mouth? You know what? She's just a baby. She's just a baby. If the sparkling's not from France, it'll be fine. Yeah, she's just a sparkling baby, not champagne. So what we do in our family is everyone buys a gift. I think it's like 30 limit and then

you pick a number out of a hat and then if you're number one you pick first oh we talked about how you can like exchange and so the number two opens theirs and goes no i like number one better and then they'll like steal it and they'll swap so is the idea that you want to get the highest number so you can go last everything yeah absolutely good so georgia and luca they've just got the new place and they need bits and pieces from around the house, obviously. House stuff, yeah. So they just bought stuff that they want, knowing that they could then trade for it and get it back.

That's just smart. Really? Cam was outraged and I was a bit like, okay. Where's your Christmas spirit? Well, I think that already the way that you do Secret Santa is like a bit of a silly way. Excuse me? Like not silly as in like not right,

but like it's already kind of like a playful way of doing Secret Santa. So our gifting is silly, but my daughter drinking champagne at eight months old is somehow forbidden. I just think like it's already like a wacky version of Secret Santa. There are no rules. There are rules. It's $30 limit. You pick the number out of the hat.

Everyone contributes if you want a gift. But you can steal from each other, which is like, you know, in that episode of The Office where there's the iPod and they're all trying to exchange for all of them. These little hand towels are the same colour as our splashback. That is a bit cheeky, isn't it, actually? Yeah. But I think, like, already when it's kind of like a cowboy world secret Santa.

So what they got was hand towels that matched the existing barge. What if they didn't end up with it, though? Well, they just rolled the dice. And then someone else has got some fucking hand towels with a very specific colour. And it's got their initials on them. They're monogrammed. The brand of these towels are Georgia and Luca.

Yeah, that's interesting. Yeah. So Cam didn't like it. I don't like it. I think it is a bit cheeky and it's just risky, isn't it? Do you know what would be worse? But when people caught on, they were like, well, fuck you, I'm going to trade for it even if I don't want it.

Oh, yeah. See, then people get nasty, which I like. Yeah. But then what happened is because there was two of them, someone stole the thing and then the other one got the number later and they stole it back and it was getting real rough. It's not really in the spirit of the thing, is it? It's not spirit of giving.

It's cheeky. If you're taking. It's cheeky. Are you guys doing a secret Santa? Are your family dodgy like this? So we will buy for my nephews anyway, and then my sister and her husband and Torbs and I are going to do like a little secret Santa, the four of us.

So we just picked out of a Tupperware mixing bowl $100 limit. And we said, pop in the group chat something you actually want. just picked out of a Tupperware mixing bowl, $100 limit. Whoa. And we said, pop in the group chat something you actually want. As you know, I'm a very diligent guest and I like to know that I've like done all, like tied up all my loose ends. Yep. So the day that we did it, I was like the day after, I was like, here's three links to things that I want.

We all said we were going to send some things. Great. I am the only one that's done it. And so now the cutoff for, like, Christmas delivery is fucking well gone. It's well gone. It is actually well gone. So there is no way that I can now order something online. I'm going to have to brave the fucking Doncaster shops or something,

which is hell on a normal day. I don't know. And so, like, I get fucked over for doing the nice thing. I would actually rather that Georgia and Luca were in my secret centre and they went, we want those green towels. I'd go, done, baby, awesome. But, yeah, you know, like, the cut-off, it's well gone now. It's the 18th of December.

I can't order something online now. There's just no way it's going to come. I actually ordered your something online now. There's just no way it's going to come. I actually ordered your Secret Santa present. Oh my god! Christmas is ruined! Christmas is ruined! No, undo, undo.

I ordered someone's Secret Santa present that I got at work. Don't know who it was. As well as photoshopping in real life, you've just tried to edit in real life? Yeah, and it's happened and everyone's forgotten it because my gift from everybody is that they've forgotten what i just said um if you got me i don't know um but i ordered actually a gift for a secret sander for someone from work um and i ordered it on the 27th of november i ordered it from hawaii as in like you were in hawaii i was away in order to be shipped

from Hawaii oh no no sorry I have to go back to Kentucky yeah there's no direct flight for postage I ordered it while I was in Hawaii because I was like this needs to come has it arrived yet we only got a few more days no sign and um it's Monday yeah so I'm Friday we're exchanging gifts. Yeah, so. I'd hope it rocks up. It's NLJ, not looking good. Fucking of all the times for you to drop a letters thing, what are they called? Don't know. Acronym?

Sure. Not today. NLJ, yeah, not looking good. I reckon you should give the gift of not using shit acronyms in 2024. Well, it might be all that will come in time. Is that that $69 or under? My effort is not

worth less than $69. But yeah, so not sure. Not really sure. But the money's already been spent. So where do we sit on me spending more to try and... That's a great question. That is a great question. Because if the present is then null and void, if we spend over.

Yeah, then they're all null and void. I could buy the person that I got for my Secret Santa from work another little thing that I was going to get like as a joke on the site and they could open that and then. There's nothing funny about no presents at Christmas. Well, that's why I'm saying like I'll get something funny, maybe a scratchy or something. Can I put it out there?

There's always, in a Secret Santa, someone who gives a card and then obviously you're not supposed to reveal who you have, but then someone will walk across and go, it hasn't been delivered, I'll pass it on. Yeah, this is just the voucher from the Iconic. Yeah, or it's like the printout of the order and they go, I'm so sorry. And you go, well, if you actually liked me,

you would have got it on time. And you know it's going to be a good gift. If you liked me, you would have got it on time. I ordered it at the end of November. I ordered it while I was on holidays. Which year? This year. Oh, don't do that.

I ordered it before I got back from holidays because I was like, this needs to come in time and it's just not fucking coming. I haven't got mine yet. As in it hasn't arrived or you haven't purchased it? I haven't gone to pick it up. But you know what you're getting. And I just hope they've got it. Yeah.

See, it's a gamble. But, I mean, whoever you got might be experiencing some delivery lateness. So there'll be some sympathy and empathy amongst the crew. I think there'd be sympathy as long as there's something I can open on the day. And I've been told that whoever I get, they don't like admin or have to want to do anything. Bang. I wonder who you've got. There'll be no vouchers.

There'll be no, oh, I got you this thing you get to go and do. Oh, that might be fine. No, you were very vehemently against it. That was a test. You haven't used from two years ago the floats. Yeah, they've definitely expired. And you haven't used from one year ago. Pippa hasn't used the photo shoot.

That's Pippa's fault. I mean, what's up with Pippa? Is there an update on the photo shoot? We've sent an email. Haven't heard back yet. I wonder if they're still alive. It might have gone BUST. I hope not in this economy. Anyway. Back it. What if they're still alive? It might have gone B-U-S-T.

I hope not in this economy. Anyway. Sorry, I just tried to figure out what B-U-S-T stands for. Bust. Yeah, but I was like. Sometimes I spell it, sometimes it means something, and that's the fun of Christmas. This is Webb from North Carolina, and you're listening to Tony and Ryan.

A massive shout-out to a few of our champion tapas. Hopefully all of these people have already ordered their Christmas presents because we don't want to go into it, but it's getting a bit late and bloody long in the tooth. Marcio Santos, good on you, mate. Abby Hill. Ethan Pinkott. Hannah Green and Sammy. Sammy.

Bloody love you, guys. Thank you so much. Hope you're having a great Christmas season. Getting there. Hope you've ordered your presents on time. Hope you fucking ordered your presents on time. Airport etiquette. I'm the queen of going through the airport I'm glad you put that on the record

Because true or false Tony Lodge Oh it might be Philadels Shame I might be Philadels We were on a short flight the other day. Yep, just to Sydney. Is it true or false you tried to sneak a concealed weapon onto an aeroplane?

Oh, fuck off. True or false? False. False. Did I try and sneak a weapon? No. Then, okay, true or false, did you take through very sharp scissors in your bag through security

and try to get them onto a plane? That is true. Security. What did you call yourself 30 seconds ago? The queen of going through the airport. Wow. Didn't take my laptop out, just like they asked, but the weapon. You didn't take the weapon out either.

Do I have an opportunity to defend myself? You may approach the bench. Okay. Well, withdrawn. I don't know what to say. Should I put one of those wigs on? You know, the curly hair things? Well, you're not the judge.

You are the defendant. Oh, okay, great. It's not like bring a wig day every day at court. You have to train and be a barrister. They wear one of those funny pink spiky ones. Yeah, you're like, oh, it's not like bring a wig day every day at court. Like you have to train and be a barrister. They wear one of those funny like pink spiky ones. Yeah, you're like, oh, it's a fun one on a Friday. Like casual dress. We have just come back from a lot of flights

where we took checked baggage. We were flying around the US and we checked our bags every time and i actually hadn't unpacked my makeup bag from when we were checking our bags and when we were going to sydney i just grabbed the same makeup bag what was in there a huge fucking pair of scissors scissors for cutting my hair on a plane on a plane in your carry-on luggage a pair of scissors. Scissors? For cutting my hair. On a plane? On a plane. In your carry-on luggage, a pair of scissors. They were like really big as well. Fucking massive as well.

She's holding the scissors. She's got gloves on. And she's like poking them into her hand to like- Test the sharpness. To test like how big they were and whatever. She's like- Were they aggressive? Or they stern?

Because they definitely weren't laissez-faire. No, they weren't. Laissez- they definitely weren't laissez-faire. No, they weren't. Laissez-faire. And then she's like, what were you thinking? You can't bring scissors on the plane. And I was like, you know what? I'm not going to over-explain, not going to defend myself. I'm just going to cop it.

Go, yep, I fucked up. Just throw them out. She goes, we've got to put your bag through again. Do you understand? And I was like, yep, nope, that's completely fine. And I'm standing there and I've got my shoes in my fucking hand, my hat's off. She said, can we look through your bag?

I was like, fuck, what's in it? Like I thought I was like. I got rid of the drugs. Yeah, I'm like the heroin's in my assholes. It's not in my bag. And she. How am I supposed to cut the condom later when I've got no scissors? Yeah, that's because it's a car. and she how am I supposed to cut the condom later when I've got no scissors and she goes

she goes do you have any like can you know how they ask you like do you have anything to apologise for like before you do it if I put my hand in your pocket will I find anything yeah

I always think that's aggressive and it all depends on is there anything is there anything sharp or fragile in your bag yeah it all depends how deep in the pocket you go sweet art fuck

and anyway she's like do you know what I'm going to find today like it was like a teacher yeah Is there anything sharp or fragile in your bag? Yeah, well, it depends how deep in the pocket you go, sweetheart. Fuck. And anyway, she's like, do you know what I'm going to find today? Like, it was like a teacher. Yeah. And I was like, I actually don't. You sound like a Millie Ford skit. Yeah. And I was like, no, I actually don't. She goes, the scissors in your bag.

And I was like, oh, fuck. I'm being busted. My plan's ruined. Immediately, I went to go, oh, my God, yep, they just cut my hair and blah, blah, blah. That's what I would normally do. And when she said that, I went, oh, yep, there are scissors in my bag.

And she went, what are you doing? And I went, just take, like, it's fine. And she goes, oh, so you know the risks of bringing scissors into an airport. Like, she was just really, like, it was obviously, like, the end of bringing scissors into an airport. Like, she was just really like, it was obviously like the end of her shift or the beginning and she still had a lot of puff left. There's a villain in this story, mate, and I don't think it's the lady doing her job.

No, it's absolutely me. But instead of over-explaining, I was actually very calm and I was like, you know what? I'll describe you as short. Nah. Well, I'm always pretty short and I didn't have my shoes on. That's actually quite funny if we weren't talking about national security. I've got a long list of etiquette, by the way.

I was actually very calm compared to how I would normally respond. Yeah, that is fair. You weren't flapped. You were just like, yep, I fucked up. Yeah, I was like, yep, I'll cop that. I didn't over-explain. I was like, yep, my bad. Like, take the scissors away.

Next question. If you saw a prominent person in public life in an airport would you a let them be would you be and i think this is what i would do i'd kind of lean across and go hey look it's that guy or would you see get up in their face and tell them what their own name is. It's John Howard! Look, there he is! It's John Howard! I just knocked my chair over. Tony Lodge fingered a

former Prime Minister's face in an airport, pointing at the Honourable former Prime Minister of Australia, John Howard, saying That's John Howard! That's John Howard! And I said, I know that's John Howard. That's John Howard. And I said, I know he's still there. He's there.

I'll have to call Torbs. Is that true, all of that, including the Torbs bit? Your Honour, I have no defence. I would love to say that that's not what happened, but it is. That is exactly what happened. I just couldn't believe it. And he didn't have like a big posse with him. to say that that's not what happened, but it is. That is exactly what happened. So Tony goes. I just couldn't believe it. And he didn't have like a big posse with him.

It was just him and another guy behind him, like a bad guy, Gary. And a girl in his face. Me. Because usually when someone walks past you and maybe they're 10 metres back, then you go, that was John Howard. Yeah. I didn't want you to miss it. The thing is, is that I wanted to tell you before it was too late to see him.

So Tony's telling me it's John Howard as we're standing in front of John Howard and she's like pointing at him from an arm's length away. He was really close. He was walking towards us and he locked eyes with me. He did. I was looking at him in the eye. He looked at you. He was like, that bitch who tried to get scissors through.

That's John Howard. While I'm looking him dead in the face. And he went, yeah. Well, he just went. Well, his face, he didn't say the word yeah, but it was kind of like, yeah, I know who I am. Yeah. I mean.

And did you then say, I'll have to call Torbs? I did say that. I did say I'll have to call Torbs. Because I just couldn't believe I've never seen him in real life before. He's small. Little koala. Yeah. I can imagine Torbs getting the call going and he's like,

Torbs, are you there? And he goes, yeah. Is everything okay? And you go, I just saw John Howard. Yeah. He's here. He's still standing right in front of me. Yeah, that did happen actually.

Fuck, I was loose in the airport. I can't believe I did those two things and nothing else. Okay. Great. I actually don't remember anything else. Yeah, you do. As soon as I say this,

you're going to go, oh, fuck, and you're going to be more embarrassed than the last two combined because it was harrowing to witness the first. Oh, no. I've already given the scissors away. Luckily, I didn't have the scissors when I saw John Howard.

There he is. I'm holding the scissors. You could have trimmed his eyebrows. Do you need some scissors, mate? Got any important documents you need to snip the bottom off of a fucking permission slip or something? For those non-Australians, former Prime Minister John Howard has the biggest eyebrows you've ever seen.

Yeah, he does. Last week we discussed when you're at the beach and someone says hey can you watch my stuff when you go for a swim you know what you did now don't you yep so we're sitting in like the airport food court yep and and we're on like a booth yeah and obviously like everyone's got bags so you kind of like find a seat you pop your bag down and you go great i'll go and grab a coffee so this person sits next to tony on the booth and leaves their little suitcase and their little bag and i'm sitting there have my little sandwich and um he goes off to get a little sandwich and coffee or whatever these two ladies walk over see the bag and because they don't know if it's

tony's bag or someone else's bag sees the bag bag and goes, oh, excuse me, ma'am, is someone sitting here? And Tony goes, no, all yours. And so. And then I look at the bag and I go, that's not my bag. That's not Tony's bag. Brian goes, that's not your bag. And I went, nah. That's not Tony's bag.

Ryan goes, that's not your bag. And I went, nah. And then John Howell walks over. And so I've put two and two together and gone, I don't want to be here when this guy gets back with a plate full of food, a handful of coffee, and he goes to sit down next to his own bag and there's two other ladies sitting on his chair. I was busy. So did you notice I went, did you want any more food, Tony?

I might just go grab a little something sweet. And you go, no, I'm all good. So then I fucked off real quick and looked back. No, I didn't because when I told them that they could sit down, I was like, yeah, I don't fucking, I don't know. It's not my seat. Yeah. And then you go, well, whose bag is that?'t fucking, I don't know. It's not my seat. Yeah. And then you go, well, whose bag is that?

I went, I don't know. And then you left and then the guy comes back and I went, oh. So there's two other girls sitting at a tiny table. There's the two of us sitting at a tiny table and some other guy holding plates of food and looking at his own bag that, I mean, when you think about it, when you put your bag down on a seat. That's saking your claim.

Yeah. Surely, though, that is those women's responsibility to go, there's a bag here. It's their responsibility to go, there's a bag there. Is this seat free? And then you said, yeah, all good. No, she said, is there anyone sitting here? Do you know?

And I said, nah. Like, not right now? Like, no, I don't know. Not, no. Yeah, nah. Like, not right now? Like, no, I don't know. Not, no. Yeah, fuck. And the guy comes back over and, yeah, he's holding all this food and he's, like, looking at his bag and luckily he looked at his bag like, oh, my God, I fucked up here.

I shouldn't have left my bag because, of course, someone sat down. I didn't correct him. I just let him think that it was his fault. You let him think he was the fucker. And he's holding the food, trying to grab his bag, and then, like, toddled off and found somewhere else to sit. Yeah, and he had this food that he kind of needed to cut up, and he's like, you don't have any scissors, do you?

I said, no, but have you seen John Howard? He's in the airport now. Fuck. So that's... Oh, fuck. No more travelling this year, folks. I actually did not know that all those three happened things. Like, that's not...

Mate, I was there, mate. When you line them up, they don't look good, do they? No. And again, you self-proclaimed pro at airport. And like a lot of them were unfortunate and like the coincidence of having them on the same day. You don't need to make it better. I'll back you up. But hey, when I got on the plane, they go, and it on the same day. Oh, mate, you don't need to make it better. I'll back you up.

But, hey, when I got on the plane, they go, and today for the in-flight entertainment. And I go, I'll actually have to stop you right there. I could not be more entertained already. Yeah, I'm actually fine. I'm full of entertainment because I've got to witness. Yeah, I've already seen it. Airport Queen Lodge waltz through the terminal

and make an absolute arse out of herself multiple times. Fuck. Not great. You've got to love to see it. I do. Sonia sent this to us on Patreon. Ivy, you'll love to see it. I'm a travel agent.

Ooh. Pretty fancy. And she goes, I was through the airport and John Howard was there. I book all John Howard's travels. Yeah, and he actually got accosted in the airport the other day. Very unfortunate. Yeah, and he actually got accosted in the airport the other day. Very unfortunate. Yeah, he took some scissors. I'm a travel agent and a client of mine who was travelling for a month decided to cancel one of the day tours that they'd had booked.

It was refundable and when I said I would let him know once the refund was back because you've got to reach out to the company. It's a whole, is the word marigmarole? It's a whole marigmarole. Marigmarole. It's not marigmarole. Yeah, it's a whole one of those. But, like, so you've got to reach out to the company,

then they refund the money to the travel agent, and then the travel agent, like, it's just a whole thing. It's a marigmarole. Marigmarole. It's not a marigmarole. It's just marigmarole. Yeah. Marigmarole.

He said that rather than give the money back to him, that he wanted us to donate it to a charity of our choice. Oh. Yeah. And Sonia's agency that she works at sponsors not-for-profit. Sorry. I just, it said NFP. And I was like, I know what that stands for.

Not-for-profit. National Federal Police. Yes. Thank you. In Bangladesh called Symbiosis International, and they do amazing work with marginalized communities. And Sonia's client's refund of $300 has paid for 100 children to have their eyes tested, 10 pregnant women to receive

antenatal care and education from a midwife, and a savings group set up, which is an amazing step to help break the cycle of poverty and help future kids in that community and change all the lives. Fuck, $700 goes a fair way, doesn't it? $300. What? All that shit for $300? Yeah.

Such a bargain. Fuck, they've done well. But a really generous gift and a really kind gesture that this guy went, oh, you know what? Like, that money in my mind is already gone. I'd love for it to benefit somebody else. Yeah, that's awesome. And Sonia said, like, that's never happened before. So it's pretty lovely that someone would do that.

I would never think to donate a refund just because I wouldn't make the connection. Can I change your tune on that? Sure. You know how you explain the marigmarole? Yeah. And you know how you don't like admin? I hate admin.

Do you think donating stuff in future is better than the hassle of getting the money back? Yes. That's why I donate clothes that don't fit me. Yeah. So when they go, yeah, Tony, with the insurance, we'll just need you to fill out. And you go, actually, you know what?

Send it to the kids. Help the kids. Save the kids. I'm not going to fill out that form. You send it to Bangladesh. Yep. And, yeah, I mean, I'll find out where Sonia works and we'll start using Sonia as our travel agent.

And what do you say to Sonia? On you, Sonia. Yeah. Pretty cute, though. That is cute. Really nice story. Thanks for sharing that, Sonia. She sent that to us in. Really nice story. Thanks for sharing that, Sonia. She sent that to us in our Patreon.

Legend. I've got a cute one as well. Danielle. Hi, Danielle. Daniel Walker, the comedian. No, Danielle Donnelly. Is Danielle Walker the one that got that job that I was up for? Danielle Donnelly.

What a bloody mouthful. Yes, it is. Yes, she did get that job, yeah. Squarespace. They're really funny too. For those playing along, I was in the running to be the face of this thing and get paid a shitload, and they go, you didn't get it. We gave it to this other girl, and she annoyingly fucking did a really good job.

She's Slater, yeah. She's comfortable now. She is doing very well. She is quite comfortable. She's done quite well out of that endorsement. I'm traveling with Tony through economy. Oh, sorry. And John Howard.

Yeah. What was he doing? Yeah. Danielle Donnelly writes in the Tony and Ryan Facebook group, my mum got remarried this year to someone who treats her the way that she deserves to be treated and deserves to be loved. That's beautiful. After she broke up with my dad, I was super protective of her.

She's like, no, no arsehole. No one's good enough for my mum. No. Then she was the one at the wedding who gave her mum away to the stepdad in the last summer and it was just a beautiful moment because the stepdad treats her like the queen that she is. Oh, Danielle. Isn't that beautiful?

That's such a nice story. Congratulations to your mum and your stepdad. Sound like they really have gone through it to get to each other. that. That's such a nice story. Congratulations to your mum and your stepdad. Yeah. Sound like they really, like, have gone through it to get to each other. Yep. That's lovely. Yep, absolutely. So you love to see that, don't you? Oh, you do love to see that.

Yep. Tomorrow on the show, marijuana. Yep. Love you. See you tomorrow. I've got to go have some fucking cold water and calm down, I think. Yeah, I agree. I'm just not summing over.

You have not. All right. Love you. Bye. Bye. Bye.