Toni and Ryan - An instagram divorce

Episode Date: June 19, 2022

A controversial dumping story - and the almost apology I DESERVE for Ryan fucking my fact. Love you!!!! Toni x Check out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toni.lodge and @ryanjondunn Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello? Hi, is that Michaela? Yes. Hi, it's Tony and Ryan. How are you? I'm good. How are you? Yeah, we're well.

Ryan's here as well. Is it your birthday today? It was a couple of days ago. Happy birthday for a couple of days ago. Yeah. Would you approve this episode? Yes, I do approve this episode. Oh, what they say is true.

A year older, a year wiser. Oh, I know. I'm definitely fucking feeling it, that's for sure. Wiser or older? Hey, it's Michaela from New Poon, Queensland, and I approve this podcast. Welcome to the Tony and Ryan podcast. Good morning.

Coming up today, you're going to find out why this show is never going to Utah and why I recommend you never go to Utah either. Why? That's coming up today. You'll have to listen to find out. Is that related to maybe a fact that I shared? Oh, that's interesting. But first up. Seeing as my facts are useless and got cancelled last week.

Well, we'll have more to say on this soon. Okay, interesting. Stay tuned. Stay tuned. Hey, first up, I want to talk about dumpings and reasons why people have dumped and been dumped, and we've talked about this before, but Tony and I have just had an issue where we've written

on our little piece of paper, oh, let's talk about dumpings, but we're both mistaken. Every time I look at it I think it says dumplings. I'm obviously hungry or something. I keep going, are we talking about dumplings? Have you got a dumpling story? Well, I keep looking at it and saying, did I say that I would talk about dumplings?

Because I don't remember. It's like, has Tony got a dumpling story? I don't remember bringing a dumpling story to the table. It's a dumping story. Dumping. And not like pooing. No, like you're dumped from this relationship. From a relationship.

There are no Asian cuisines attached to any of these stories. Unfortunately. Which, to be fair, is a fucking letdown. It's a shame. Yeah. It's a real shame. I actually don't care about the dumplings anymore. Especially after I picked this up and went, dumplings, nice.

Nice. In the news this week, a disgruntled husband has revealed why he ended his marriage to his wife. Obviously, who else would you end your marriage to? marriage to his wife, obviously who else would you end your marriage to, because she was obsessed with taking picture-perfect snaps for Instagram and it completely consumed her life. She has chosen Instagram and her being a mummy blogger over her husband and her child. Is that the ultimate, like like boyfriends of Instagram burn?

Yeah. Like you're just like I'm not fucking taking your pics anymore. I'm fucking out. So he says our house that we bought to live in is for living in. The main purpose of their house is not to be a ready on demand photo shoot scene. Oh, like a set at all times. Yeah, and so when they buy stuff, and even their daughter,

he's like, oh, she really likes this toy. No, it doesn't match the colour palette that my Instagram feed is because it needs to be the pink and the beiges and the whatever. And she, like, went to the store and her grandma went with her and she's, like, pointing to this green toy and the grandma brought a toy home. And they're like, no, not in our house. It doesn't match the aesthetic.

And then you want to know what the final straw was for this bloke? Oh, what? The baby is like, you know when they can kind of stand and you kind of hold their hands and they stand? So they're not quite walking but they're like on the precipice. Oh, my God, yeah, Steph Clare Smith's baby walked last week for the first time and I bawled my eyes out. You did too.

Yeah. I saw that. I saw that. Shout out to Steph Clare Smith's cute as shit baby. Yep. Fuck that baby's going to be good looking. The most beautiful parents. Yeah. The dimples, the blue eyes. And Tony is crying at every life milestone. I love babies. So the dad loves babies as well. And he's like any day now, this baby is probably going to take its first step because, you know, they're really close. They're really close.

Yeah. So he's watching the game on a Sunday. He's having a beer and he sees the baby kind of like, he's like, oh, what's going on here? She's wobbling away a little bit. So he puts the beer on the table and he walks over and he's like, come to dad, you know, come like, you know, encourages her. And then she takes her first step.

I've actually got goosebumps. Yeah. And, of course, mum was filming because that's her life now. Yeah. But also you would. You would. Anyway. 100%.

Yeah. But this was the turning point. Yeah. When he was putting his drink down, the beer was visible in the back of the video. Just a beer sitting on the table in a lounge room. Completely normal behaviour. Where a beer sitting on the table in a lounge room, completely normal behaviour. Where a beer should be, yeah. She got really fucked off with him and called him a selfish prick

because she didn't feel like posting the video with alcohol fit the aesthetic of what a mummy blogger should be about. And because the beer was like a Budweiser or something, you know, just a generic beer. Well, it wasn't a beige glass. It wasn't a beige. Oh, imagine if it was a Southwest Sour. You know those really nice peach cans?

Oh, that would have been perfect. But apparently like the aesthetic of whatever this beer can was didn't suit her narrative. Fuck. And he actually went, you know what? Me and our now walking kid are going to go. We're walking out. Now that she can walk, we're on the way.

Pack your stuff up, sweetheart. Yes, I've been waiting for this. And that was the final thing. She has become completely obsessed with being a mummy blogger. It's just infused her whole life to the point where her child's not going to live with her anymore because she's chosen being a mummy blogger over a mummy. I have a question.

So I get that people would be like up in arms because it's like, oh, she's just a blogger and it's gone too far. Yep. What if the job that she was obsessed with, because it's a career, like people say, oh, a YouTuber, you know, they're the fucking highest paid people in the country. They really are. You know?

Power to them. What if the job was that she was a lawyer? Would people still feel angry with her? Because I feel really sad for the family has broken down. That's awful. But I'm also just like, but would people feel the same way if it was that she wasn't a blogger and it wasn't some like shit job that people think it is? even though it's awesome.

You're just jealous that you don't get to stay home all day and video yourself. I hear what you're saying. Yeah. And here's his response. It's almost as if you wrote this article for the Seven News Daily. I didn't even read it, let alone write it. But I think you're right.

You're like, well, she's allowed to have a job. Yeah, like how would you feel if it was that she was a lawyer or worked at a shopping centre or something? Like what's the... He said, I'm happy for her or anyone in my life to pursue any goals they want. But he goes, but I actually live here. This is my one house.

I get that. And I've always had, and I think this is not a fucking life-changing statement, if you can't be who you are in your own home, where can you be? If you can't have a beer on your own couch on a Sunday, like if that's what you want to do with your Sunday, bro. And I think his thing was this is my house. Go, I mean money aside, go buy another house that can be your photo shoot house

and have it as pretty as you want. But sometimes I'm going to leave the kids' toys on the floor because that's where we were playing with them. Sometimes I'm going to come home with McDonald's and I'm going to eat it on the couch and not put it and take a photo of it and plate it up all pretty and, you know. You're just going to fucking eat it because you're hungry. Yeah.

Yeah. I think all... He's like, this is my house. I do get that. And also, isn't my... Who could be fast being that clean? Well, not me. I've been to your house uninvited.

I just turned up to your place one day. I was like, oh, is this the day-to-day? Is this how you live? No, it wasn't that bad. How fucking deep? Is this the I'm not expecting guests? What I was going to say before you threw me under the bus is that most of that shit's contrived anyway.

Who gives a fuck? No. Save that video for you. Yeah. And then the next time this kid wobbles and stands up, film that one in the fucking white bedroom and go, oh, first steps. Luckily it was in this beautiful room and there wasn't a beer in the background.

You know what? Who would have known? And fucking post that one, sweetheart. No one would have known. It wouldn't have mattered. People would still be just as excited and it's the same thing, it's just the day later. Do you think as a society, fuck, where's this podcast going?

Yeah. That we're kind of moved past this perfection thing. I think people love the realness of it. I like it too. I'll tell you who I love. Who? Hi Josh. Oh, yeah, you talk about Hi Josh a lot.

Yeah, I love that guy. And because he's, I think they're expecting a second, I don't know, but he's got a young baby and it's not contrived and bull. He's just like, oh, had a shit day. We had none of us slept last night and it is what it is. And I feel like, oh, I feel that, bro. Totally. And I mean, I don't have kids, so that's like not what I post about

or what I would ever share. But, yeah, I think it's also like even just doing a selfie, like an Instagram story or something, and you can see people's like washing in the background or whatever, and you're like, oh, they're people too. They're a real human. Yeah. You can't enjoy your life if it has to be tidy all the time.

Hashtag team slobs, team loaf. Literally. Yeah, that's me. I'm on that hashtag. Now, I want to talk about some other reasons that people have broken up. Now, I believe you dated Robert Pattinson when you were in high school. Is that correct? Yeah, isn't it a beautiful story?

Yeah. Can you just bring people up to speed on that real quick? So we've talked about on this podcast before about how I was catfished by someone called Rita in the United States. Thought I was talking to Robert Pattinson for a couple of months. Thought we were in love. I was going to go and be on the set of the new Twilight film with him and stuff.

It didn't work out, unfortunately. And now you blame this on you only being 15 years old. Yeah. I still get DMs now from people who listen and go, hey, Ryan, I'm 14. I'm not a fucking idiot. Yeah, I've never been tricked into thinking it was a catfish or a celebrity.

I got lots of those messages as well. Yeah, I bet you did. And then I responded saying, well, this isn't Tony Love, so catfish right back. That is good. But when I was in high school, so I've talked about my high school boyfriend Josh before. And I became like obsessed with Twilight and he was like,

I can't deal with this. And that was the reason that we broke up was because I was like obsessed with Twilight. No, it wasn't like that was the reason you broke up. Yeah, he was just like, this is actually too much. And then I was like, well, fine, fuck you. You'll never love me like. No.

Say the line. Say it. What did you say? You'll never love me like Edward Loves Bell. I'm such a fat person. So was this before, during or after you dating Robert Pattinson online? This is before. Oh, so hang on.

So you could say that I broke up with my high school boyfriend, Josh, for Robert Pattinson, which pretty good trade-up. Well, imagine if he's like, you're too obsessed with Twilight and Robert Pattinson, that's why we're breaking up. And then a month later you're like, well, joke's on you, bud. He's my boyfriend, Robert Pattinson. Guess who's dating Robert Pattinson now?

Guess who's upgraded? So, yeah, I think pretty good reason to get dumped, bud. He's my boyfriend, Robert Pattinson. Guess who's dating Robert Pattinson now. Guess who's upgraded. So, yeah, I think pretty good reason to get dumped, really, because you're obsessed with teen vampires. See you later, sweetheart. Thanks, though. My name's Michaela. I live in Yippoon, Queensland, and I listen to Tony Rowan. A massive shout-out to a few of our champion tapas over at our Patreon.

Phil Henshaw, thank you so much. Mark Hare, Krista Mills, Hayley Como, Damian Watson-Jacobson, Jacob Winkler, Lindsay Tufts, Mads Hansen, Emily Bagshaw. Should we get a bag? Yeah, sure. Rebecca Fillion and Joy Meyer. And what was her name? Emily Bagshaw.

Is there a question mark? Emily Bag, comma, sure. Emily Bag, sure. Sure. Yeah, thank you so much for being my partner. Patreon. Oh, I love that, Frost. On Mondays we go through a bit of feedback from the previous week

and it's fair to say last week there was a hot issue. Yeah, what was it? It was about Tony's Get Fact segment. Yeah. Starting from next week or the week after. We're going to five days a week. So we're trying to figure out what's going to be on this Friday episode and you pitched a Get Fact Friday segment.

Yeah. And it all came down to one fact. Mm-hmm. And I said, if I'm blown away, then put the segment in. It's a winner. Yep. If it's a dud, let's just move on. We'll think of something else.

Mm-hmm. And it got cancelled. It ended up getting cancelled. What was the fact again? The fact was that the average person walks past. See, you can't even remember it was that. Get fact. Actually, no, it was the average person walks past 36 murderers

in their life. And you flipped out and you were like, oh, well, what if you lived in Antarctica and you only walked past one person a year, then how would it happen? It's an average. I put an article from Harvard into the thread about why averages aren't always the best measure. And there's been, I mean, it's a contentious issue. And I'm standing by the fact that like, there's a lot of variables that are just overlooked. I'm standing by the fact that like there's a lot of variables that are just overlooked. No, but that's how an average is determined because it takes

into the far heights and the far lows of what it could be and that's how. And I'm actually not going to argue with you about averages because. Read the article from Harvard Business School. But the thing. Let me read some comments because it turns out I was not on the right side. No, you weren't it turns out I was not on the right side. No, you weren't.

I mean, I'm on the right side of thinking the fact was shit. It was just the response to the thing. The fact isn't shit, though. The big woot. I will fight to the death to get Get Fact Friday segment. Followed up by little woot. I'll fight to the death to block a Get Fact Friday segment. There's a woot off.

Let me just read some comments from Team Tony. And who would have guessed that she was the more popular of this podcast? I mean, who's all that? Shocker. Kiana Ship. I'm Team Tony Lodge for these facts. Personally, Ryan can get fucked.

Get fucked, actually. Trademark. Ashley, I told all my friends about the Pacific Ocean and they were mind blown. Keep the facts coming. Chris Glover, I'm definitely defending Tony here. The original name is Fucked Fact and that's exactly what this was. It was fucked.

Fucking fantastic, Tony. Keep up the good work. She nailed it. Thank you. Caitlin. Hi, Caitlin. For real, though, if we Thank you. Caitlin. Hi, Caitlin. For real, though, if we aren't getting Get Fact Friday,

I'm throwing my TARP Frank Green water bottle into the specific ocean. Thank you for that support. We don't have any more that we can't send you a backup, so don't throw it into the specific ocean. Don't throw it into the specific ocean. Also, how do you feel about people littering the oceans to prove a point for the podcast? Badly.

Don't do that. I feel it shows commitment. Now, here's where shit got real in the comments. Okay. Apparently, I said when we were debating averages, oh, well, obviously. What about in the middle of Utah? No one's ever been murdered in Utah.

Well, fuck me right up. It turns out I just wanted to pick any spot that was just like not heaps of people that you think of just mountains and land and stuff. So I happened to just go, oh, well, New York City might be a bit different to like, I don't know, Utah. Why were you wrong? Boy, did I pick the wrong state to just randomly throw on out there. This is Frances Early.

She's never late. Really? The Green River Killer was from Utah. He was America's most deadly convicted serial killer. Oh, my God. The fact that he was walking around Utah for so long. The fact is what you just said, yep. That he was walking around Utah for so long,

there's probably a really good chance lots of people walked past him and didn't know and were probably a part of Tony's fact. Kevin Muirbrook. Ryan, what the actual fuck? Tony's facts are awesome. And in terms of being safe in Utah, do you know where Ted Bundy's from? Mm-hmm. Oh, shit.

Any state, any place in the world. Do you know what's funny about you saying any state, any place in the world? It's like it's been averaged out. It's like the law of averages is against you. What are the odds of me picking this chap? Oh, what are the odds. What are the odds of me picking this chap? Oh, what are the odds? What are the odds?

Oh, it's about 26 people per lifetime. Yeah. Chelsea, the only... Let's hear it. Thanks, Chelsea. What was it? The only thing more fucked than Ryan's attitude towards the facts is how fucked Utah is with murderers.

The thing is I accept that Get Fact Friday is dead. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, you don't deserve Get Fact Friday anymore, Ryan. I don't deserve it. No, but I would love for you to admit that you had decided that you wanted to hate my fact before you'd even heard it. I want you to admit that because you know it's true. It's not true.

It is true. You told a great fact on the next episode on last Thursday. I want you to admit that you'd already, because we all know, and everybody in the comments said so as well. And my wife. And I spoke to your wife on the phone. You guys were bullying me together. Yes.

I need you to admit that that was the case, because then we can drop it. We never have to talk about the facts again. I'm willing to admit if we're taking some personal chat and putting it on the podcast, if that's what we're doing, is that what we're doing here? Yeah, apparently. It's called Fuckin' Tony and Ryan.

Fuck, I wish we had dumplings this episode. Oh, me too. Are you willing to admit that after the popularity and what would you say, the public outcry, the love for the facts that I messaged you and went, whew, maybe we should get fact after all. And you replied, no, fuck you, the facts are dead to me. Yeah.

It's dead and buried. Yeah. Because you said no. But I changed. I've changed my tune. Yeah. Because you said no. But I changed. I've changed my tune. You had your chance for my facts and now you can get fucked. And that's how we

settle things in the new business. It's going really well. Oh, well. My love Well, my love to see it is that last week a segment that hasn't been cancelled yet was my rap. Oh, I love the rap. I love the rap as well. But I just wanted to share that Ali Druckert, your favourite name, from our

Facebook group. You would have seen her in the Facebook group. Well, sometimes not because she's banned by Facebook every second day. She does get banned from Facebook all the time. I hope that she knows it's not us. Because Facebook have an automatic filtering system. We've never banned anyone. No, we don't actually even know how

to do that. Because we mess around.'m just like, why am I banned? I'm like, we're going to have to call Zuckerberg, mate, because I don't fucking know. It's not up to us at all. But she shared a video that she set the rap as her ringtone, which is such a crazy type of commitment. And I thought you'd fucking love to see that. Thanks, Ali.

That was a great segment. I'd say maybe better than the fact. What's the fact? I don't know. It's just an old thing. Yeah. Don't remember. Not important.

The new Joker. You know the Joker? The Joaquin Phoenix? Joaquin Phoenix, yep. They're making another one. I know. How do you feel about this? I feel so good about it.

It's going to be a musical and playing the who's the girl that... Harley Quinn. Is being played by Lady Gaga. Don't you just love to see that? I love Lady Gaga. The only person that I love as much if not maybe even more than Lorde. Really?

Yes. So I know the first Joker wasn't for everyone. It was a bit dark and grimy. It was very dark. Have you seen it? No, because I went to watch it one day and my wife made me watch Downton Abbey instead. Oh. I'm fine with that decision still. Anyway, so.

It's good. I will go. I will watch it because I'll get pumped up for the second one. It's going to be a musical. It's got Lady Gaga and I, in something you love to see, have exclusive audio from Lady Gaga's first day on set of The Joker 2. Remember how there was that audio of her singing that song with Bradley Cooper and they're like doing the table read? Shallow. Yeah. And they're like doing a table read and so I've got a little, do you want to hear it? Yes. So this is Lady Gaga as she's preparing for her role in The Joker.

You may all know me as Lady Gaga, but tonight I am Lady Ha Ha. They're still working on the scripts, but... The funny thing is, is that every time I text someone about Lady Gaga, I always autocorrect to Lady Ha Ha. Maybe that could be our drag name. Lady Ha Ha? Yeah. When I did...

Oh, my God, so I did one round of roller derby. Yeah. And my name was Skirt Cobain. That's good. Thank you. That's real good. So we could be Skirt Cobain and Lady Ha Ha. I like that.

I really like that. All right, tomorrow, because we're all frappé'd up from last week still, things you can say at McDonald's and also in the bedroom. We'll chat to you then. Meow, McDonald's. Love you, bye.