Toni and Ryan - Apologies To The Ikea Guy

Episode Date: April 10, 2024

I've been caught red handed.. Or red mouthed.. Love ya!Check out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toniandryanpodcast Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the Tony and Ryan podcast. My name is Ryan. This is Dr. Author best-selling award-winning Dr. Author Tony Lodge. And we're... After that huge pump-up. Yeah, that was a good pump-up. Hello, Ryan. We are calling Gail, who is in Minnesota. Where's Gail Weathers from? Who's that? She's in Scream.

Oh, her! The character. Courtney Cox. Hello? Gail! um she's in screen oh hey the character courtney cox hello hi oh bloody gale force wins this morning sorry sorry sorry gail do you get that all the time especially in minnesota where i assume it is actually quite windy. I used to. I don't, as a 36-year-old woman, get made fun of anymore. Yeah, because you've grown up and you're a fucking adult and so are your friends, unlike someone I know.

I'm so sorry, Gail. Well, at least they don't tell me to my face. Behind my back, I don't know what they're saying. I'm fine with that. Yeah, say whatever you want. You should wait to hear what we say after we've hung up. No, just kidding. We don't do that.

Ignorance is bliss, though, really. As long as I don't hear about the shit, I'd say whatever. Yeah. Just don't ruin my day. Yeah, just don't involve me in it. Gail, would you approve today's episode? Yes, I absolutely will. Thank you.

I'll be honest, Gail. I did think that would be a bit dicey after the Galeforce wins gag, but we got it. We're here. We're here. Hey, it's Gail from Minnesota, and I approve this podcast. Guys, welcome to the show. I passed my fucking exam.

Just found out in real time here. Yeah, we did. We took about 20 minutes to log in. That's okay. Remembering passwords. That's actually how they determine your past. They go, fuck, you managed to log in. Yep, we'll give it to you.

I would rather have remembered some of the stuff that I had to answer in the exam than my password for Melbourne University. Yep. Well, you can forget it now because you passed your exam. Yep. 71. Nice job. Cop that.

It was a long wait, though. Like it's a long couple of weeks between sitting the exam and doing it, isn't it? Yeah, no, it's about right, though. Oof, I'm glad that's out of my life. And I don't remember any of it because it was the second I left that exam. Yeah.

So, yeah. Nice. Let's do normal or nah though. Thanks for submitting these, TonyandRyan.com.au or in the Tony and Ryan podcast Facebook group. Welcome, Sarah Daly. Hi, Sarah. She's giving a clap because I'm in a good mood because I passed my exam.

Okay. Sarah asks, is it normal or nah to cut pizza with scissors? I've seen a few people do this and I thought they were crazy, but the pizza always looks so perfectly cut afterwards. So call me Natalie Imbruglia because I am torn. That's a great question, Sarah. Thank you so much for bringing that to everyone's attention. Yeah.

Normal. Really? Yeah, because do you know what I hate more than anything? Using one of those pizza rollers and all the cheese ends up like. Yeah. Normal. Really? Yeah. Because do you know what I hate more than anything? Using one of those pizza rollers and all the cheese ends up like pulled to the back. Yeah. Because you're like pushing the cheese around. Yeah. And it doesn't cut through.

Or gets, yeah, 98% of the way down but not the final. And you're sitting there like soaring through it. Yeah, no. So I think scissors does work if you've got like a pizza that needs just a little bit of help. Do you know what we bought though? You know how we got those pizza stones for the barbecue? We got like a big blade that you like go down and like rock it backwards

and forwards. Does it work good? Yeah, it's really because you don't have to slide it through. I might get one of those because, yeah, I'm the same. I got it from Bunnings. I think it was like $15. Like literally you're making money. You couldn't get a large Domino's for that.

You actually can't, not delivery. Oh, I need a little milkshake and stuff. What's the opposite of a recommendation? Don't do it. Don't do this. Novelty pizza roller cutters. Okay. So as soon as we started talking about this, I remembered that one.

Your little bike. Yeah. The pizza bike. And the wheels of the bike are little blades. And they're just like. Oh, blades is actually a stretch. Blades is actually a stretch. The softest, bluntest.

That's a fucking April Fool's joke if ever I've seen one. And I know it's the 11th, but I'm not copying that. You end up just rolling a weird bike over your pizza and not cutting anything and then there's just like pepperoni and cheese flopping around and then you have to go get a knife anyway. It's literally like the wheels of the bike are just licorice and they don't fucking do anything. They're cheese and they melt into the cheese.

Like it's bits of rope that don't cut a pizza. Yeah. So don't recommend. Do you know what's fucking good? A calzone. Yeah. It's just a pizza rolled over, isn't it? It's like a pizza sandwich.

It's a lot easier to maintain. It is. Yeah. And also like doesn't have to look fancy because it's just full of fucking cheese. Yeah. Fuck. That's good.

What's the difference between a calzone and in bunbury joe's the pizza dogs pizza dog beside the dog obviously pizza dog is my dream food they are so good so it's like a big um like chili like it's like chili con carne kind of thing like they're spicy yeah it's got like chili mints on the inside a big like frankfurt through the middle and like heaps of cheese and you buy them like you buy a one two three all the way to ten and ten is the spiciest yeah and ten you can't walk what's the highest you've ever done uh i did a seven the day before grooving the moo and it ruined grooving the poo more like ruined the music festival for me i think we've talked about that before yeah but um but then so they roll the dog up in pizza dough

and then chuck the whole thing in the oven. Yeah, so it's like one long sausage roll. But it's dough. It's fucking mean. Yeah. What number do you go? I've done a seven before, but I normally sit around a five or a six. Yeah.

Yeah. The fact they've got ten options is wild. Isn't it? Do you reckon that's a fucking beat up? Yeah. Do you reckon there's three and one through four are all the same, four through six are all the same, four through six are all the same and six through ten are the same? No, but I reckon on a different day numbers could mean other things.

Yeah, because it's not always Joe doing it. Well, no, but like if you go six, I reckon the guy just gets a chili and goes, okay, about six worth. Yeah. Yeah, that'll be kind of hot. That's a six. Yeah. Oh, you want a seven?

Cool. But like, you know what I mean? Days of the week, who's on? Where's the qa the quality assurance yeah it's nowhere it's coming out my arsehole i grew up in the mood emily asks is it normal or not hi emily emily says when watching titanic from my couch when the ship finally goes under i instinctively take a deep breath and hold it like when it goes under it's like did you know how jack's like take a deep breath and hold it like when it goes under because you know how jack's like take a deep breath yeah it's gonna suck us down so she'll sit there on the couch and

go uh emily says is that normal or not and also sorry to for the spoiler about what happens to the ship i was about to say obviously like sorry if you haven't seen it um oh great now i don't have to waste three hours of my fucking life watching it. Someone's listening to this while they're three quarters of the way through. Fucking hell. I'm going to say nah, because how often are you watching Titanic that you know that you do that every time? Regularly.

If you're not watching Titanic four times a year, what are you doing? Four times a year, that's too much. I'll give you once a year. Okay. I'll give you that every time. Regularly. If you're not watching Titanic four times a year, what are you doing? Four times a year, that's too much. I'll give you once a year. Okay. I'll give you once a year. For the first ten years? Probably twice because it used to be on telly, played on Channel 9 a lot.

You know watching that thing on fucking free-to-air takes like seven hours because of the ads. Yeah, because the ads is fucked. I think one weekend it was on like a cable movie. Oh, on Fuck, Saw or something. I feel like it was just that on repeat for a whole weekend. So I never watched it in one hit. But you watched.

But I reckon from Friday night to Sunday I watched the whole thing three times just in bits. In bits. Every time I came, I'm like, where are we up to? Okay, we're up to that bit. Okay. It is good, but it's sad. It's like an emotion.

Spoiler. Fuck. It's like an emotionally taxing film to watch for me. You need a rest after. Yeah, like afterwards I'm like, fuck, I'm depleted. There's like a calm down after you watch Titanic. Now this really is a spoiler. Yeah.

So spoiler one. Oh, my blocky ears. When she throws the thing in the thing, does that just fuck you right off? Yeah, sell it. Yeah, right? Think about that cash or keep it. Give it to your granddaughter and tell her this beautiful story and then she can keep it as a family heirloom.

I just, yeah, and also there's people that like want to study it. So there's people that not only. They've spent billions on the ship looking for it and you just go, I'm not going to give it to you. I'm just going to throw it in the trash. And then. Fuck you. This ship's expensive.

Like I reckon if people, if it was just billionaires that wanted it to like add it to their collection, I'd feel a bit differently about it. Maybe then take the billionaire's money, like you said. But like, no, I reckon if you were giving it to scientists, I'd feel differently about it. Maybe she just wanted to be the only person that had ever owned it, which I, I get. She's a selfish bitch, as always. Yeah, I mean, and she was about to, spoilers, die. Yeah, sorry.

It took me like about ten viewings to realise that she died. She's dead, yeah. I just thought she was just like had a big day telling her story. And then has a little sleep. Yeah. Also, who travels with photo frames? Yeah. You can get completely fucked.

Throw those over the edge. Keep the necklace. I mean, keep the beep and throw the beep over the beep. Yeah. Not the beep. You know what I'm saying? No spoilers here, mate. Yeah.

She died. It took me a long time to realise she's dead. She's dead. Because it's like the end of her story. Yeah. But, you know, when it does show all the photos and it's like her next one, aeroplane, it's all the things that Jack said she would do. She's gone, guys.

She's fucking lost it. She's crying. But, like, she just, like, lives an amazing life and stuff. Like, it's really nice, isn't it? Well, I can't believe that she didn't, like, tell her grandkids and stuff about it. If I was on the fucking RMS Titanic, I'd fucking talk about it every day. We'd never hear the end of it.

People are like, oh, do you want a coffee? I'd be like, no, it reminds me of the coffee I had on the Titanic. Yeah, Titanic is what now is Japan. Oh, fuck off. But do you reckon the people that survived, they would never have shut the fuck up about it? Literally never. Do you know that there's a fucking Titanic exhibition

that just goes around the world and it's just like old shit from the Titanic? How do they get it from one place to the other? Not by boat, surely not. Bad omen. You would fucking hope not. Bad omen. Have you ever been to a Titanic exhibit?

I have with my sister. She bought me tickets for my birthday like years and years and years ago in Perth. And you touch this big iceberg. They have a big iceberg in there. You know your freezer has those little ones. There's a machine. You press the button.

And it's like, oh, must be nice. I don't have an ice button on my fucking fridge. What do you have? La-dee-da. Yeah, no, I do have a pretty nice fridge. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, so you cheat yourself, mate. Yeah, righto.

And you touch the iceberg and it's like, oh, that's how cold the water was that they were in and stuff. It's like quite cool. What a great exhibition. There's other shit in there. I know what cold water feels like.. It's like quite cool. What a great exhibition. There's other shit in there. I know what cold water feels like. But it's like crazy cold. Yeah, you go to the tap and turn on the cold.

No, it's like colder than that. Well, then get the icebox out of the freezer. But it's like colder than that. It's like freezing. It is pretty cool. Like cool as in like awesome. Anyway, thanks. One of the laziest things about Titanic is that, you know,

when you're like in a movie there might be like ten songs and a whole soundtrack. Yeah. I love that James Cameron just got wheeled out to lean down and go sing this one and then he just goes three hours. Fuck, should we just play that same song continuously for three hours? It's a motif.

What's a motif? Isn't that a hairstyle? No. No. What's a motif? Isn't that a hairstyle? No. No. What? But it's like that little car. Do I not have a motif? No, that's a quiff.

Oh. Or a quaff. Not a quiff. Quiff. No, no, no. That's a different thing. I've made that mistake before. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I just want a quiff. Okay. The fucking hairdresser got a bloody thrill and not just from the towel. You need to keep that cape on because who knows. The cape just goes. The lift. Anyway. So it's a nah from us, Emily?

Yeah, nah from us, Emily. But have you ever driven through a tunnel and tried to hold your breath the whole way through? Don't do it while you're the one driving, obviously. I don't know if this is like a primary school kid's dumb thing, but did you hold your breath driving past a cemetery? Cemetery. I've heard that, but never did it. it nah suck the demons right in sorry that's not the first time i've heard you say that uh monica hi monica monica says i dry my body with one side of the towel the tag side

and i use the not tag side for my face. I don't want the part of the towel that's touched my bits to also touch my face. Am I normal or nah? It's a nah from me because I don't do it, but I guess it's a good system. The system makes sense, but you've just showered. Your bits still not.

You're clean. You're clean. I also like. How dank are your bits still not you're clean you're clean i also like how danky your bits if i would put my face on other people's bits like surely my own are okay do you know what i mean like if i'm willing to like put my face near other people's not face then like surely a towel that's been on my not face is like all good yeah do you know what i mean yeah yeah like if that's how we're judging things. Yeah, and you're putting your face on their not face when it's not just after a shower.

I would too. Yeah. Coming home from a sweaty nightclub, you'd put your face in their not face because you love them, not because you like them. Back in the day. Back in the day. Maybe not now. I mean, who's gone to a nightclub in the last 10 years?

That is true. I don't think they exist anymore. I think they closed down in 2016. I don't think they have them any. Do they still have nightclubs? No, they're finished. They're old. Yeah, I thought so too.

The library's now. Yeah, kids just have their phones these days. And watching Titanic. Alfie has a normal one now. Hi, Alfie. Alfie says, after I pee, I don't pull up or button up my pants until I've washed my hands because I don't pull up or button up my pants until I've washed my hands because I don't want to get germs on my pants I've done this since I was a kid but just realize

it might not be universal so is your cock out is the willy hanging out while they're washing their hands uh well even if they had the underwear on but their pants are unzipped are they then kind of like troy dan walking trying to keep their pants up as they walk from the toilet over to the and i mean has this guy ever been to the a football game or a concert or anywhere in public where you can't we can you shouldn't um yeah i'm confused about where the penis is at the time okay is the penis in the, like, covered? So if you're peeing and then you're just like. Hands free.

But surely then don't you have to, like, shake it a little bit to get the extra little wheeze off? Yeah. And then maybe tucking it into the underwear and then walking to the thing? But your underwear's already got germs on it because your penis is in there where you've just weed from. This question brings more questions.

And also, are you not putting your phone near your face? Because this phone, aren't phones like the most disgusting thing in the world? Like they're so germy and dirty. I had to take the cover off my phone. Don't do that. Yeah. No, you can't be doing that. You can't be doing that. You can't be doing that.

That's worse than the ending of Titanic. No spoilers. Big spoiler. Yeah. I don't know if this exists, but I'm going to type it into Amazon on some stage today. Okay. I want to get like a vacuum cleaner that's like the size of a pencil.

Oh, my God. That is such a good idea. And, yes, I think it's a thing. Great. So then I can get like a little phone thing and then like with the coffee machine, you know, there's like little specks and things. Yeah. Yeah. Just a little Hoover. Do you reckon it's a thing great so then i can get like a little phone thing and then like with the coffee machine you know there's like little little specs and things yeah yeah just a little hoover do you reckon it's a brand well this is what bridget said and i said even if it's not i'll just get a dyson sticker because i'm sure it'll be a a cheap very cheap amazon

probably maybe even like what's that real scary one yeah yeah and then then we'll put the dyson sticker over the Timu sign. Yeah, nice. Yeah. And then people think you're fancy. Yeah. With a little desk vacuum. Lifehack.

Hey, it's Gail from Minnesota and you're listening to Tony and Ryan. A massive shout-out to a few of our champion tapas over at our Patreon. Tara, thank you so much, Tara. Rhinoceros. Thanks, Rhinoceros. Yeah, love ya. Emily Buckley, Rachel Evans, and I'm not even joking, Jack. He's back.

He survived. From the dead. Imagine when they grabbed him they go are you glad you survived like yeah because in the future i can join the tony and ryan patreon and they go it's patreon i go you won't you won't fucking believe it yeah they go what's a podcast and they go well there's gonna be one about the titanic don't you worry yeah it's gonna be called going to be called Unsinkable, so, you know. Just seems like such a stab in the back, doesn't it, calling it unsinkable. Did we mention that on the podcast or in the four-hour conversation we just had in the break about Titanic?

Actually, yeah, you know what? I can't remember. Skate right past it. Yeah, because we've looked up. A lot of Titanic chat. Tony, we can't go back. There's going to be a video in Patreon if you'd like to see that. Of four hours of us talking about Patreon

and Tony making some pretty wild claims. Yeah, it's actually now Friday. We talked about that for so long. Oh, fuck. It's not going to get better for you, Tony. It never does. Can you tell if a colleague got lucky before work? Do they come into the office whistling, glowing, all easygoing?

Yesterday, Tony Lodge rocks up to work. I said morning. And the response, oh, what a morning. Great morning, isn't it? What? And it was. And it was and it was tony and i make a few jokes about the fact that tony had had a pretty good morning that morning before coming into the office it was a fine morning and i was maybe two

minutes late as well i think don't take too long talk we made a few jokes such as that and then we got on with our day setting. We're still kind of putting this studio together in bits and pieces. And speaking of the new studio, there's this bloke from Ikea who was delivering stuff and like setting up a few flat packs. Okay, well, Ryan actually pressed the wrong button on the website and so we'd ordered a lamp and it rocked up and then this guy comes in and he goes, hey, guys, yes, I'm here to put together

all your Ikea furniture. And we were like, what, I'm here to put together all your IKEA furniture. And we were like, what? You mean that one lamp? What IKEA furniture? And he goes, yeah, yeah, the delivery from today. And we were like, there's one lamp you can put together. He goes, great. There's a stick and a bulb.

And he put the bulb and the stick. And he screwed it in and that was really basically it. There wasn't a whole lot of stuff. You seem to have a lot of information about this guy because it appeared Tony had forgotten there was someone else in the room besides the two of us. Because normally it is just the two of us. Yeah, so I go to pick up one of these soundproof things to move it

and Tony goes, oh, do you need a hand with that? And I kind of said in a fun, tough guy voice, oh, no, babe, I'm pretty strong. I'll take care of this. Yeah, it was hot and sexy as you can imagine. Tony goes. Please. Oh.

And the office is not that big. Tony forgetting the IKEA guy is here. The guy is two metres behind Tony and Tony says, you keep that up, you could be the owner of the second dick I sucked this morning. And then. Because I thought it was just something that we would say. We would get like. Now, I'm not that tan, but I could not have gone whiter in that moment.

I was as white as a ghost and just went, ah, ah, and kind of stared at the, and then Tony goes, fuck, there's someone else here, isn't there? And I like did a slow turn because I'm like maybe he didn't hear me. Oh, nah, from about a metre away. And we all know Tony, very quiet and subtle. Quiet, tiny woman. Yeah. And anyway, and I kind of do a slow turn and And we all know Tony, very quiet and subtle. Quiet, tiny woman. Yeah.

And anyway, and I kind of do a slow turn and the guy honestly was like. He looked fucking horrified. And then, you know, when like something happens and you think. Horrified or was he like, can I be the third? You know, when something happens though and you kind of just like, like fight or flight, like kicks in, I just froze. Both of us did, yeah. And I just sat still until then like a couple of minutes.

And like I said, it was just one lamp. We were staring at each other. If we're looking at each other, it means we're not looking at making eye contact with anyone else. And if we're as still as possible, maybe this guy like won't know that we're looking at each other, it means we're not looking at making eye contact with anyone else. And if we're as still as possible, maybe this guy, like, won't know that we're here. It was like Jurassic Park. He's like right there.

We're like standing still. Like maybe he won't know that we're here. Maybe his vision's based on movement like a T-Rex. And then anyway, he just like looks up, looks so fucking horrified. Like this, he was like an older guy. So I think he was just repulsed. I'd say he's a gentleman. gentleman yeah he was an old gentleman he was an old time yeah anyway he might have been on the titanic and anyway so like he's just kind of like finishes up what he's doing he's like yeah cool so

like i'm all i'm all done and i was just like like still shaking I'm laughing so hard my nose is running and just it was on it like and I obviously meant it as a joke and like he doesn't know that and it wasn't it was actually not

my finest moment of all the things that I've said I disagree I think that was your finest moment I think you've never been finer. The look on that guy's face was that of trauma. Like it was not. And we were just. He probably got home to the retirement village. He wasn't that old.

His dear old wife would have been like, oh, how was your day today? And he would have gone, you won't believe what the kids are doing these days. You won't believe it. In the workplace. Maybe he got home and went, met this lovely married couple. They must be married. To multiple people because she's sucking multiple dicks a day. That's the thing.

It wasn't even that I was just like, oh, I'm going to suck your dick. It was like so explicitly like the second dick of the day. No, it was the second, which I think this makes it worse. It was the second dick of the day. No, it was the second, which I think this makes it worse. It was the second dick of the morning. Like it was 10 a.m. He's probably like, fuck, by five o'clock, Wonderwatching. Fuck, KPIs these days, they're tough. You've got to get going in the morning.

Monthly target. Fuck. Haven't sucked five dicks by midday. You're not going to hit that daily quota of eight. Fuck. And like he just sweet old guy maybe he had a heart attack and died that night he actually like and then as he's walking out so ryan like unfreezes and you're like oh my god this guy's done like i've got to walk him down like you gotta get him out of here and you could tell that and then he got the guy do you remember what the guy said to you?

He goes, so what are you guys? Okay, so this is what the guy sees. He sees big lights, some big cameras, and we're in this big warehouse. It's kind of a bit hidden. Don't forget there's a bed here too. There is a bed. Yeah, no. And we've had, so I had a spare bed at home and there's a spare room here.

I was like, oh, if you ever have a nap or do a live stream, maybe it's handy to have a bed. I love that the first thing was have a nap. Hey, some of us have kids, mate. Yeah, true. Sorry. I'm busy. However.

I'm not sleeping in my bed, mate, as you can tell. We have since discussed that it's maybe not the most professional look to have like a meeting room with a bed in it. With a bed in it. So that's going to be moved. So this guy comes in and he just sees a bed, big cameras and big lights. And then Ryan unfreezes and he goes to walk this guy out and go, oh, thanks so much, mate.

Like really appreciate you putting that thing together, like damage control a little bit. And the guy goes, so what are you guys doing here? Like what is your business? We make videos for the internet. My kids like it? No. Maybe.

How old are they? 50. Yeah, his kids were 50. He was that fucking old. Oh, my God. And he definitely thought we were making porn. Oh, really? That didn't click to me until now.

Oh, it did. And just the way that he went, so what are you guys up to here? Like what do you do? Fucking hell. I'm always real vague when people ask, not like to be dismissive, but it's just like we're older people. When you try to explain podcasts, it's not worth the hassle. So I always go, oh, just a little production company.

I normally say that too. Which sounds like porn. Yeah, it does. Now that you mention it, it does. Especially in a warehouse, like out the back of fucking, do you know what I mean? There's a bed out the back of a warehouse. Industrial area.

This bitch rolls in in an Audi. What's going on there? Yeah. Have you collaborated with a famous porn star recently? We have. We have, yeah. So. Not the collaboration we would have wanted,

but it was the collaboration that we got. Yeah. And this guy's like googled us later and he's like oh that checks yeah that checks out tony ryan angela white feels right i just he so explicitly said what i said like i can't believe that you keep that up you could be the owner of the second dick i suck this morning this morning as well. Not today. Yeah, no. This morning. This hour. Fuck. Yeah. Oh.

Shall I give you love to see to get us out of here? Yeah, okay. Fuck you. It was just fuck. I just went home that day and I was like, how good is working with Tony? Yeah, because you were the second dick I sucked that day. I would have thought it was good too. Thanks, Sophie.

Appreciate that. We forgot to finish the story and then the guy left and tony sucked my dick yeah and then we went can you get the fuck out we're gonna get into this spare bed uh danielle donnelly danny danny dons double d's says thanks tony and ryan for the time you guys said if you need two friends to tag in a contest. Oh, my God. And it feels cringe to tag us. We're cool with it. All good. Well, I tagged you guys and I just want a gift from a local store.

Yep. I saw. Amazing. Well done. So good. It's like supplements as well. That shit's expensive. That shit is expensive.

Yeah. Ryan's just become an electrolytes guy and he knows how expensive it is. Have you seen the electrolytes? And that's like a low sugar. Yeah, I saw. It's like a pink one. It looks like sugar water. But because of the Electra? I like to hit it. And that's like a low sugar. Yeah, I saw. It's like a pink one. It looks like sugar water. But because of the pink, it looks like sugar.

It does. But apparently it's not sugar. Yeah, right. And just a reminder, if there's an Instagram, and I'm just going to look down the barrel of the camera to make it clear. If there's an Instagram competition where you have to tag two friends, but it's too awkward and cringe to tag two friends.

We are your two friends. Tag at Tony Lodge at Ryan.John. You keep the prize. All good. We're happy to help. Yeah at Tony Lodge at Ryan.John. You keep the prize. All good. We're happy to help. Yeah, we don't scrape anything off the top. We're just happy to be the warm body that you need. Now tag two friends in this video who might find this useful.

I like that. But for fuck's sake, don't tag us in this one. Oh, yeah, don't tag us in because we already like it. We're already here. Yeah, and this is just to let you know about the other stuff. Yeah, but then you could tag us because we already like it we're already here yeah and this is just to let you know about the other stuff yeah but then you could tag us in the competition yeah but not this but not this one definitely not this one um if any of you motherfuckers tag us oh i'll go through the roof i'll list them next week oh yeah we'll name and shame um my love to

see it is from melody pond who posted this in our Facebook group. We're not using real names anymore, obviously. Yeah, for fuck's sake, no. Melody said, hi, guys. This tarpa, Tony and Ryan podcaster, has had a really bad day and could use some cheering up. Any good jokes come to mind? Does anybody have a meme they could share or whatever? I have a great story about an IKEA delivery driver I could share with you.

Well, I'm sure Melody will enjoy that when she gets up to this episode. Give me music to her ears. And then later on, Melody edited it. So there's like 300 comments. Oh, shit. And she says, you guys have honestly made me tear up with how many responses you gave, jokes and pictures and just like well wishes of like, hey, Mel,

sorry that you had a shitty day, but like fucking chin up, babe. Hope tomorrow's better. Check out this photo of a dog. Yeah, yes. You've made this tarp feel so much better. I can't thank you enough. All these jokes are stellar. So I just wanted to say thank you to all the tarpas that are in our Facebook group.

So supportive. It's honestly the kindest community I've ever been a part of. Yeah. And I'm a proud tarpa myself. I think people exactly. What am I wearing right now? Ryan's wearing Tony and Ryan merch right now. Yep.

I think people think that we're the Tony and Ryan and we're not tarpers. I'm a tarper. I'm a fucking proud tarper. If you're the CEO and muscles of this company, I'm going to self-appoint. I'm chief tarp officer. Chief tarper.

Love it. Love it. Number one tarper. Should we do membership numbers and you can be like 0000001? The number one ticket holder. Yeah. Yes. Thank you.

But I just love to see that. Thank you for sharing so much kindness in our group. That's so cool. Very nice. Very heartwarming. Tomorrow I'm going to do something to Tony. Oh. Going to do something to Tony.

Now, the thing is, is that the headline is like, if I just told you in one sentence what I'm going to do, it would sound. Okay. But if I explain it, you'll, it would sound c***y. Okay. But if I explain it, you'll go, that's actually really nice. Okay. But the thing is that like it seemed. Okay.

So I'm a bit Natalie Imbruglia myself because I'm like, it's a good thing. Okay. But it seems bad. Logistics chat. Yeah. Are we leaning into saying the word or are we maybe gonna mix up with a carla conti or are we just you know i do regret dropping that so easily because a couple of times you just said that which we can beep and you would have heard i think i think we're gonna beep should we

but should we we could say carla conti that's just a bit easier on the ear than a beep yeah i'll give you one beep tomorrow yeah Yeah. So to put that in a sentence, Carla Conti, bit of a mad c**t. Yeah, you can have one c**t tomorrow, but then after that, all the c**ts, you have to say Carla Conti, which is our, you know, private word for c**t. And if you keep doing your hair like that, you could be the second Carla Conti I get into this morning. Oh.

I know I'll be the first, but that's okay. See you tomorrow, James. Good luck beeping all that. Yeah, sorry about all the c***s. Love you. Bye.