Toni and Ryan - Are we keeping you up?

Episode Date: February 8, 2023

IS YAWNING RUDE????? And an update for the story of the century* (*not really tho) Love you!!! Toni xoxox Check out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toni.lodge and @ryanjondunn Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Let's call Thomas who is in Florida. Hello? Hi, is that Thomas? Is that Tony? It is. Hi, it's Tony and Ryan. Oh, my God. How are you guys?

Well, will you approve the podcast? I absolutely approve this podcast. Yeah. Hi, it's Thomas from Florida and I approve this podcast. All right. So last week we heard that Tony Lodge was going to break up with the hairdresser, but we don't know how.

Was it going to be a ghosting? Was it going to be an honest chat? Were you going to be an arsehole to get yourself banned from the hairdresser? So they theoretically dumped you. There were a few options, and not only do I have an update, but I would like to take this opportunity to stick up for myself a little bit because I think that maybe I wasn't clear about what maybe I could do.

Yeah. I can already do my U-turn sound effect because I feel like you're backtracking. No, no, no. I'm not. No. Let's just, we'll get there. We'll get there. Your hair looks great, by the way.

Thank you. It is a brown. It is a brown. It is a brown. Neither of you like it and I can tell. What the fuck? How dare you say that to us? Put those fingers down.

Stop pointing at me and Cam. Sorry, I was pointing at both of you. Cam, it's great that you're joining us. I'm glad that you're on the team. That seemed. No, I'm just saying because it appears not everyone is as welcoming as they should be. Pointing fingers, accusing people of not liking hair. Yeah.

Well, I really appreciate that. Do you like Cam's hair? Yeah, I love Cam's hair. Do you tell him? Yeah, I talk actually quite often. Oh, okay. Well, you should calm down a bit. Yeah, you've got a boyfriend.

Okay, righto. All right, let's do normal or nah. Oh, yay. Danielle Jade, normal or nah, having a chapstick or lip balm in every room of the house, every compartment of the car and every single bag I own. Normal. It's normal for me too.

The most normal thing I've ever heard in my life. And, oh, do you know what I hate? When you go, oh, I've lost my car lip balm, so I'll take my handbag lip balm out of my handbag and put it in the car, but then you've got to replace the handbag lip balm so your bathroom lip balm ends up going in your handbag, then you don't have a lip balm in your bathroom, so then you've got chapped lips for the rest of your life.

Ruined. Like for some reason losing one lip balm fucks the whole ecosystem of the lip balm hierarchy. Yeah. Because I put my best lip balms. I've got two really good ones. Yeah, where do they live? One's on my desk at home.

Good. They spend a lot of time there ready to go. Because then when I'm just sitting there, I can kind of apply it. And the other really good one I have is in my handbag. Okay. But like everybody, I dig through my handbag, can't find it, buy another one. And then three seconds later, I go, oh, there it is. It was in the little zip.

If there's one way to find something, it's to buy a new one. It's to buy a new one, literally. Every fucking time. Tony, are you sure you want to buy this new chapstick? You're holding another one in your other hand. Yeah, it's behind my ear or something. Yeah, but there has to be a hierarchy of lip balms in different places.

Yeah, I won't give you Danielle's full life story, but I feel like she was getting judged a bit for having so many lip balms and I'm like, fuck no. No, Danielle, fucking live your best life. I'm the same. I got pawpaw in every crevice. As in the crevice of the car seat? My mum used to use pawpaw as my nappy cream.

Really? Yeah, so until very recently I always called pawpaw bum cream because that's what she would call it. But the one in the tub, not the one in the tube. So the thing I put on my mouth is the thing that was put in your ass. No wonder I'm always trying to fucking. I know. And we only thought that would ever come in common once.

Turns out it's been more than once. Poor Torbs. Anyway. Let's move on. Emily Cheeseman. Oh, I just had a little ham and cheese croissant, which was lovely. A little Emily ham and cheeseman? A little ham and cheeseman.

What just happened? What? Did you just put your hand in your mouth? No, I was yawning. Oh, sorry. We're fucking keeping you just put your hand in your mouth? No, I was yawning. Oh, sorry. We're fucking keeping you up, mate. Normal or nah? Emily says, people being insulted when you yawn.

Yeah, you've been fucking stitched up. I've been had. I feel like I can't yawn around others without someone asking me, am I boring you or am I keeping you up? Okay, the thing is, okay, normal. It was a terrible fake yawn I did. Since when does my brain needing a little bit more oxygen suddenly become a personal critique and review? Stop making other people's involuntary yawns about yourself.

Am I normal for feeling this way or nah? I think it is. I think it's normal to feel offended. I know that's not what she's asking. No, kind I think it is. I think it's normal to feel offended. I know that's not what she's asking. No, I kind of know what it is, yep. But you do that too. Like if ever I yawn, you go, oh, we're keeping you up, mate, and you put your hands on your hips.

You do every single time. Fake news. Sorry, producer Cam, can you back me up there? He does do that, doesn't he? I don't like having Cam here. But I get the like it's involuntary. Like, you just need oxygen. Obviously, you kind of like.

I always feel rude when I yawn. I'm like, oh, it's not you. Like, I'm just getting to the end of my tether a little bit. How good was it last week when we had that big planning meeting and, like, I said, I'm actually running out of puff. Like, could we put a pin in this? I was really proud of myself for saying that. Great job.

Thanks. Praise me, guys. Yeah. That was excellent. Normal or nah? I don't know if being fucked off. Oh, you look so fucked up. I just don't know what to do.

There's an involuntary reaction. Because normally you'd put your hands on your head. So yawning is an involuntary reaction, but it turns out for me, putting my hands on my hips and being like, are we keeping you up, mate? Turns out that's an involuntary reaction. I don't know if it's normal or not, Emily, but thank you for bringing this very important issue to our –

like, I mean, I feel like she's right. Yeah. You can yawn. It's okay. It's not about me. It's about the yawner. You just take care of yourself. I think you can judge it on a case-by-case basis.

Like if you're hanging out with someone who is genuinely a bit of a Carla Conti and they start yawning, you can probably assume that like, yeah, they're probably doing it to be rude or they're just like being careless about their environment. Has anyone deliberately yawned to be rude? Yeah, surely. Surely.

I think Pippa does it sometimes when I'm talking. Yeah. She does a big yawn. I'm like, oh, sorry, I'm your mother and I love you. You know that? Mum, what else is boring? Yeah, oh, God. Yeah, tell us another one.

You know that thing of like how the way that you feel about somebody at a certain time like mars your memories? Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, that if like say like you're in an argument with your sibling and you think back to when you were 10 and they did something for you, like that will really fuck you off. But then if you think back to it when you're friends, you go, oh, that was actually like such a good learning experience or whatever.

Yeah, yeah. So I feel like if you're fucked off with someone and they yawn, you're just looking for something to like give you ammunition. Is it fair to say, and I'm not on any kind of high ground here. Oh, fucking, that's what you say before you say something shit. No, but, like, when you're fucked off with someone, anything they do, you're like, oh, fucking, of course, you'd put your pocket, your wallet in your pocket first.

Like, anything, they wear a jacket and you're like, of course you're wearing a jacket. Yeah, or they sip their coffee and you're like, yeah, of course. Yeah. And Jorn would be in that category. As you said, if you liked him, you wouldn't give him a vote. You'd go, oh, mate, are you all right? So again, when she says stop making it about yourself,

maybe we are making it about ourselves. Yeah, maybe we're really self-centred. Let's start a show called Our Names. Tony and Ryan. Jessica Clarkson, normal or nah? Hi, Jessica Clarkson. Your partner taking a shit on the toilet and then getting off the toilet and hopping straight into the shower and not wiping their ass before showering.

Like, do you wash your butt with my loofer? Do I get a new loofer every day? Is this normal behaviour or nah? I'm going to say nah to the question, is this normal behaviour? Is it normal behaviour for you? No, not normal behaviour. I have done this once. Torbs and I were living together in like a rental, um, in Bunbury and our hot

water ran out. Like it was gas bottles, not like mains gas, our hot water ran out. And, um, we, I had to go and have a shower at my best friend's house. Oh, Tim, a hundred percent that Tim from TikTok. Um, one of my best friends is a photo of us in our wall. That's my little, my little name drop. And he was like, babe, of course you can come over and use my shop. Like me, Casa.

I sue Casa. The only thing is I am moving house. So, like, there's not really anything there, but I'll leave the key out the back for you. And I was like, great. He was like, yeah, so I would like bring your own towel and stuff because, like, we've moved everything. I was like, perfect, all good. So yes, so I would like bring your own towel and stuff because like we've moved everything. I was like, perfect, all good.

So the house was basically empty. He wasn't there and we were there to have a shower. So he'd move the toilet paper? Well, yeah. And like because we were kind of there and there was no one there, it felt a bit exciting. We had sex on the floor. People are about to move into this house. kind of there and there was no one there. It felt a bit exciting. We had sex on the floor. And then.

People are about to move into this house. Yeah, that's actually not really relevant to the story, but I just remembered that that happened. Yeah. But then. On the carpet or like a wooden floor? I can't even remember. Oh, you'd know if you'd been banged on the carpet.

Yeah, that's true because there'd still be a scar there. Missy Higgins. Anyway, so. Sorry, the shops. After. Did you actually see on Warrantype? I did some research. So after that, like, you know, when you're kind of shaking around,

I'd obviously had a coffee. Then I needed to poo. Yeah. I went to the toilet to take care of everything. Did a poo. There wasn't any toilet paper. So I had to walk from the toilet into the shower.

So the toilet wasn't in the same room? No. It was, like, one of those old houses where the toilet was, like, out the back, like, in a sunroom. Oh, not, yeah, no. You know, when it's, like, past the kitchen. I feel this question where the toilet is located, where the shower is. Is very important.

Because if it's right next to it or, like, in the same room, maybe it's more tolerable. The thing is, though, that as soon as you stand up, and this is another thing that I don't understand about people that stand and wipe, as soon as you stand up, it's like one of those butterfly paintings you do at school. You know what I mean? Like you paint on one side and you turn it over

and it's like symmetrical and squelches through. That's what it's like. My bum is like a butterfly. I think Aston and Kusha made a movie about this. Oh, yeah, the butterfly aspect. Yeah, that's what it was about, yeah. This actually seems like the first scene where he's like, so when you're sitting right.

Yeah, when you stand up. Yeah, so then I had to waddle from the toilet into the shower. And what my method was, was brush the poo away with the hand. Okay. Like kind of splash it up and away to get anything out and off. And then you shower and soap as usual. You're not putting a loofah into fresh poops. Right.

No way. I'm guessing you didn't take a loofah. And from what we've learned previously, you're not going to throw a bar of soap in there. Well, no, because I would never. I use a loofah and body wash from Lush. For those playing along at home, Tony's just winked at the camera. Not sponsored.

Not sponsored. Yeah, because if there's a sponsor that wants to sponsor that story. Yeah, you're welcome. Yeah. Use my code. Use my code, ButterflyPainting. It's a normal from Tony. No, I said it's not. It's a nah.

It's not normal. I've just done it one time. Okay. This seems important. Hey, it's Thomas from Florida, and you're listening to Tony and Ryan. A massive shout-out to a few of our champion tapions from our Patreon. Kiana, thank you so much.

Kira Noble, Eileen Baker, Mike Cruikshank and Danielle Flannery. Thank you very much. Fucking love to see it. The big flan dog. Yes. Big flanner... Flannelette. Flannelette.

Thank you to everyone who has been pressing follow on Spotify. Yes. It means we pop up right on the front. And I think you shared in the group someone took a photo of their car dash and it's like, here are your shows and we're right at the front. So it makes it really easy for you to find us. And it helps us in the back end.

Yeah, it does. Yeah, we love a back end. I actually went out for dinner with friends on the weekend, last weekend. Josh and Bree. Josh and Bree, yeah. They were great. And Josh drove us home because we'd got an Uber to dinner.

Yeah. And he drove us home. And when his Apple CarPlay turned on, he came up like Tony and Ryan trending. Really? Because people are pressing, so we were like on the homepage of Apple CarPlay. Fuck yeah. Which was awesome. Yeah.

Because we got in the car and I was like, oh, were you listening to Tony and Ryan? And he goes, no, I fucking wasn't. You were just chatting. You were just chatting. I was like, I don't know which is where. I was going to say, I didn't picture Josh as a Tony and Ryan listener. Definitely not, no. Not enough tech chat.

No, not enough tech chat. Probably actually embarrassing lack of tech chat. And also whatever we do, chat tech, it's not good. It's not good. Yeah. It's definitely not like fucking, who's that guy that does the tech chat and also whatever we do, chat tech, it's not good. It's not good. Yeah. Yeah. It's definitely not like fucking. Yeah.

Who's that guy that does the tech chat? I was going to say Nelson Aspen. Marquez Browns. Sure. Anyway, it doesn't matter. So I don't know the guy's name. Trevor. Long.

Yes. Is that his name? Yeah. Yeah. Thank you. Fuck. Is that his name? Yeah. Yeah. Thank you. Fuck. Off to a great start. Trevor Long's great.

Is that Trevor Long? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. So actually, Josh, who I went to dinner with, he used to have a podcast, and Trevor Long used to go on their podcast quite a lot. Yeah. Oh, my God. I just laughed so hard that a little fart almost came out.

Anyway, okay. Last week. Oh, yes. So many people have been hanging out to hear this. I know. Sorry, please. Last week. Okay, so last week I mentioned that I had a hair appointment the next day. Yep.

And I said that I have a great hairdresser who I really like. We get along really well. She does a great job. Really like the salon. Thank you so much. I really like the salon, like not a problem at all. But the girl who used to do my hair moved away to South America with her boyfriend. It was very exciting. And they went and did like a gap year kind of like live in La Vida local vibes. They went and did that but they've recently moved back. And you're going to rejoin the old faithful.

And so I would like to go back to my old, just because she's my girlfriend and we have a great time. I've been going to her for years. And you guys, as I questioned last week, have had coffee and been out. It's not purely a hairdresser-customer relationship. It's past that. And also she, like, rents a chair and runs her own, like, business. So it's also like a support in the crew.

You know, like support your girlfriend. Fuck, I hope she rents a chair at the hairdresser you've been going to. That would be the greatest. Oh, my God. Because you can't. What's the alternative? Yeah. It's awkward either way.

Do you want to do it? You can do my hair for me. Yeah. I was going to say you'll have to move to antarctica so you haven't had an issue with the lady you've got but like you gotta dump her either way well so dump her dump her so i came to you with two options which maybe i didn't explain very well because people were like oh my, how could you do that? Let me explain. Backtrack lodges in the house. No, no, no, no, no. So the two options that I gave were do I ghost her or do I break up with her?

And what I meant by that is that do I ghost her as in like do I just not rebook or do I rebook and then like save the appointments for in eight weeks in two weeks call up and go oh I actually have double booked myself can I call you back and rebook and then just not do it not ghost as in like oh I've got an appointment at nine o'clock and I haven't rocked up okay I would never ever do that and people should know me well enough that I know that you would never do that and by breakup I meant like do I say to her like hey my girlfriend's just moved back. She always used to do my hair.

And she's way better than you, you bitch. No, no, no, no, no. We get it. We get it. No. And then I say like, look, she's my girlfriend. You know, I've been going to her for ages. Yeah, she never dyed my hair brown like you did.

Yeah, we get it, mate. So they were like the options that I came up with. So this is all we've been waiting for. I don't like confrontation, but you also don't like ghosting. No, I don't. So both of these options, it's not like the better of two great things. No, they both suck. Yeah.

They both suck. And they're both not natural for you. No, and because, like, I just really don't want to upset anybody. But lots of people write in our episode thread in our Facebook group, well, like, I'm a hairstylist and, honestly, people come and go all the time. Like, I'd never take that personally. Other people said, oh, I would be upset by that.

Like, because I'd be like. I think the fact that you're not just like, I found another person. You're like, my old hairdresser who I've had for 10 years is moving back to town. Yeah. I think that's like, like, even if it wasn't true, that's the easiest, softest, lightest way to break up with a hairdresser. And surely then it's on them.

Anyone who's nice would go, oh, babe, I get it. And if they're offended, then fucking that's on them. Yeah. But so knowing that. You dump your ass. No. So is that the route you would take? Like, and I know that you're not in this situation.

It's hard for me to get my head around because, like I said, barbers guys just walk in, barely chat. Like it's such a weird non-relationship. Like I've got five barbers on the go. I don't even know their names. I don't know my name. Because even Torbs, right? You know, Chamshore, Back and Sides?

Yeah, Swape. Yep, that'll do. Long on the top. How about you? You're pretty good. Yeah. Even Torbs, right, who has like followed his barber to like many different suburbs, many different shops,

they don't re-book on the day. Nah. So Torb's like he goes in there, he pays, he loves it, it's great, and then he leaves. But then he just like books again online. So he goes and sees the same guy every time. Does Torb's barber like Torb's? I think they get along really well.

There's been rumours that he's moved from suburb to suburb to get away from you. No, that is not what happened. Fuck, this bloke again? Yeah, fuck, he just keeps finding me out. Yeah, I can't go anywhere. Oh, don't. Oh, I hope Torbs isn't listening.

Who am I kidding? I know he's not. But. If Torbs is listening to this episode, Torbs, send me a text message. I'll come around with a six-pack and drink it with you right now. Hang on to that six-pack, mate. Yeah. Or maybe I'll tell him to listen.

Don't you fucking snitch on me. Don't snitch that you want to hang out with my awesome boyfriend. No, don't snitch. He could cost me a six-pack at Nando's, mate. Mate, you're good for it. Cost of living. Have you seen how much a beer costs these days? Because he lives.

Anyway, have you seen that thing online? So it's this internet meme that, like, went viral. It's like, you know those pages called Depop Drama? I can imagine. Depop is, like, that clothes selling, like, marketplace. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And there's this thing and this chick, like, has messaged and said, oh, it's listed for 15 pounds.

Would you do it for 10? And the chick replies and she goes, nah, babe, Cosi lives. And she went, Cosi lives? And the other chick goes, yeah, Costa living XX. Like it's just so funny. Inflation's going up, mate. I ain't shaving five pounds off this thing. Yes, exactly. It's Cosi lives.

I get it. I get it. Anyway, so I had my appointment at the hairdresser. Great job. Hair looks good. Was so, so nervous. Of course at the hairdresser. Great job. Hair looks good. Was so, so nervous. Of course, yeah. I was so nervous.

Can I just fucking side note? Hairdressers speak their own language and I do not get it, but I absolutely love it. Like what? You know when they're dyeing your hair, right, and they go, yeah, I'll get an 807 with a blob of two and a 651 Elementor P Olaplex fucking ding dong. It is just the most incredible thing ever.

So Bridget's sister has been a hairdresser for ages. Yeah. She's got a master's degree in chemistry. And you go, of course you do. It's actual science. Because of what you just spoke about. Yeah. And then they go, oh, yeah, oh, actually, maybe add two grams of ding dong.

And you go, what's the ding dong going to do? But they know what they're doing. So when I'm at the hairdresser, sometimes I test them. I go, oh, okay, so if I put a 453 with a ding dong 185. Are you sure about that 804? Yeah, I go, oh, what would that be? And they go, oh, that would be red. Or if I go, all right, well, what would a 1085 singling a ding dong

with a 205 ming mong, what would that be? I think we need to get new words for your like insert words here because I think I'm done. Ding-dong is throwing me. It's distracting. Ding-dong is not distracting. Isn't it? No.

Anyway. So last week we spoke about that thought of like when you're going to sleep with your boyfriend or girlfriend knowing you're going to dump them. So you said you were nervous but explain those nerves to me because is it nerves because you still don't quite know what you're gonna do or is it because you do know what you're gonna do and you don't know how they're gonna react it was nervous because i was like i'm gonna just say to

her like hey girlfriend like an old girlfriend i didn't really know but i was gonna like plant the seed early in the appointment so then afterwards afterwards when she went, oh, well, did you want to kind of, what did you want to do? So I went in. Because you don't want to fuck them off while they've got the hair dye. I know. Because you go, oh, I'm going to leave. And they go, oh, actually, get the Z44.

Yeah. And you go, what's that? And they go, don't you fucking worry about it. Don't worry about it, sweetheart. But we're putting it on. And then I'm bald. And then your hair's brown. Yeah.

Oh, that's what you do. They put the Z44 in. Not the Z44. So you're nervous. I can imagine. And when you get nervous, you get chatty. But I also get, like, sometimes a little bit, like, snippy. So I was really, I was being very aware that I wasn't being, like,

overcompensating, but I also wasn't being like too cool. Yeah. Anyway, so I'm like sitting there and she's kind of like, so what are we doing today? Like so good to see you. Oh, my God, congratulations on the book. I'm leaving you. She's like, congratulations on the book.

That's so exciting. Are you doing a book tour? All this stuff. She's being so lovely. And I was like, fucking hell, she's following me on Instagram pretty closely. Yeah, she knows. She knows. And anyway. She already she knows. She knows. And anyway.

She already knew she'd been dumped. So I said to her, like last week, remember, I said, I think I'm going to go brown. Yeah. So I said to her, so this is what I'm thinking. I'm thinking like a really fun, like textured brown because I've got, obviously my hair was quite blonde before. So it's still blonde in the ends but it's like deeper in the top kind of thing.

before. So it's still blonde in the ends, but it's like deeper in the top kind of thing. And, and she goes, okay. Like she wasn't sold. And I was just like, was she honest hairdresser in you? And so immediately I'm like, well, I shouldn't have even fucking come here. This is what I was like in my head, not in real life in my head. And I was just like, oh, okay. She's like, okay, you know what we can do? Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Ding dong, 48. Zed, 44. Fucking whatever. And I was like, look, I totally trust you. Whatever you think will look good, I'm happy with. However. No.

I'm going brown. But she goes, but if you want to get to that stage, this time we'll do this. And next time. It's a seven-part Netflix series. Yep. And then next time we'll do the Z44A, which obviously is the direct next step for the Z44 that we're doing today.

And the time after that. And the time after that we'll do the Z44B. She snookered you. You're fucked, mate. Tell your friends to go back to South America. And I immediately, I'm like, well, I fucking can't say anything now because exactly what you said last time, you can't do a change and then leave because she's going to think that you hated what she did. Oh, but also you're mid-process. Right. It's like building a house and you rock up and there's just a bunch of wood,

some frames and you're like, well, are we finishing the job or not? Yeah. And they go, oh no, my friend moved back from South America, so I thought we wouldn't worry about this anymore. Yeah, don't worry about it. I'll just leave it like this. So we're like chatting through the appointment. We honestly get along really, really well. So we're chatting and doing whatever, and then like she fucking washes all my hair and she's drying it.

She's like, fuck, this looks perfect. And then she just kept saying, oh, and next time when we do this, it's just going to look perfect. And I'm like talking to myself, I'm like, I have to do it. Are you sweating by this stage? Yes. My fucking legs are peeling off the pleather chair that I'm sitting in. It's awful.

Just come over here, Tony. Literally. Literally. And then so we get to the counter and I get my money ready and she goes, that'll be $7,000. And I go, okay, thought it'd be a bit cheaper because I didn't go blonde. That's okay. And she goes, great.

And then she didn't ask me about rebooking another appointment. Right? And I paid. After mentioning it 57 times. Yeah. And I paid and she went, babe times. Yeah. And I paid. And she went, babe, love you, thank you so much. Does the, like, goodbye.

And I'm like, she hasn't asked me a miracle. I fucking got out of this. I've done this. It's a modern day miracle. I don't have to say anything. And I push the door open and she goes, oh, also, I automatically rebooked you for in eight weeks, babe. We'll do the Z44A. It'll be perfect.

See you then. I did a Saturday for you as well because you were saying last time you were here that you don't want to do midweek anymore. So I've done the Saturday at 10am for you, blah, blah, blah, and see you then, babe. Thank you so much. And so I went, actually, see you then. Can't wait, babe. See you then. Can't wait, babe.

See you then. Right. Fuck. She knew what she was doing because, okay, she didn't ask to book. Nope, she just did it. She just did it. And not only that, she waited until you were already out the door before mentioning it.

What am I going to do? Walk back in? Oh, sorry. You've already had your haircut. Why are you coming back in the store? Yeah. Oh, do you have another appointment? What am I going to do? Walk back in? Oh, sorry. You've already had your haircut. Why are you coming back in the store? Yeah. Oh, do you have another appointment? What are you, early for eight weeks?

Nah. Yeah. So. What was the other girl's name? Brakel. Yeah. My OG girl. And so Brakel messaged me and was like, oh my God,

thank you so much for the love on the pod. I like, don't take it personally. Like, if you want to stay where you are, don't take it personally, but I'll always make to stay where you are, don't take it personally, but I'll always make time for you kind of thing. So she's not offended. It sounds like she's trying to get rid of you. No.

Raquel just keeps saying, it's fine. It's actually fine. She moved to South America to stop having me as a fucking. God, what are Torbs and I doing wrong? What the heck is up? All right. Well, I'm proud. So watch your space.

I'll update you in eight weeks. Fucking hell. I'm one step into a 65 appointment process, so let you guys know. Well, maybe do her trick back on her because she's doing the, oh, when you come in next time, and then it sounds like you need like a four-step plan to get out. Yeah. Because you go, oh, cool, so if we do this next time

and then the next one it'll be done because that'll be my final appointment, you know, in three times. And she'll go, oh, okay. And then we'll be finished. Then I'll be fully brown. Then I won't need to come back again, right? What's your natural hair colour? Kind of your hair colour.

So like a surfy blonde? It's just like, yeah, light brown. Okay. Yeah. It's nothing exciting. Like it's just like. What are you trying to say about my hair? A flat shit brown.

No. It's not a Z44, mate, I mean. The Diet Coke of flat shit water brown. Flat shit water. My love to see it is a single tortoise, both single relationship wise and also just one of them. Yeah. Who is sex mad. And I've talked about the root rat fuckboy tortoise.

Yeah. He saved an entire species from extinction because this root rat has fathered 800 baby tortoises. How many? 800. How many do they have in a litter? You can Google that, Kat. Or a roost. I don't know.

In a roost? I don't know. And also Google what do you call a gaggle of small tortoise. A birthing of tortoise. 48 eggs. So he's root-ratted a couple of hundred. And, you know, you don't always get pregnant every time, so probably more than that.

Yeah, I wonder if they did IVF. For safety. Yeah, they might have done tortoise IVF. TVF? Well, it's not human VF. Yeah. Oh, IVT. Oh, lady VF.

In vitro fertile... Tortoise. Turtleization. Tortoise! Are you a fertile turtle? Are you a fertile turtle? Oh, he smoked a lot of weed when he was younger. Now he's an infertile turtle.

It's a bit of bad news. 800 children. That is insane. So his species was about to go extinct. And then he's like, not on my watch. Come here, sweetheart, and bring your 58 friends. Have you ever? Yeah, I do have 800 children.

Have you ever seen that video of the turtles having sex? No. He did the rounds a few years ago. And the turtle sounds that they make is like... Is that a dying goat? Yes. Not that I would ever question the audio queen. Yeah.

But that sounds... Yeah, it's quite interesting, like, the actual noise. Oh, dear. Oh, dear. Get it, son. Yep. Oh, dear. Oh, dear. Get it, son. Yep. That's him.

The 800 times he did that. IVT. In vitro tortoising. Well, I love that. Good on him. That's beautiful. Saving a species. How many people can say that? Oh, I've kind of...

My love to see it is a bit the opposite of... Oh, a tortoise killer. ...of repopulating an entire population. Does that be the right word? Pause, Brad. Mine's the opposite of that. My Love to See it is a recommendation for the TV show The Last of Us. Oh, yeah.

I have been fucking banging on about this. Ryan, you will not watch it, but producer Cam and I are both watching it at the moment. It is such a fucking good show. Bridget watched it, my wife. Oh, did she like it? Yeah, she loved it. Such a good show. Like, honestly, the best.

So it's like a separate-ish sort of story? No. No. It's just coming out week to week. Right. Yeah. So it's like weekly there's one episode, but it's one series. No. It's just coming out week to week. Right. Yeah. So it's like weekly there's one episode, but it's one series. Right.

But the episode's like continuing? Yeah. Okay. What the fuck am I talking about then? I don't know. What the fuck's Bridget talking about? I don't know. She's like every episode's like a different story within the whole thing.

No, it's not. Okay. Well, Bridget's on drugs. Yeah. I would be worried about that. Yeah. Yep. Okay. Well, I mean, on drugs. Yeah. I wouldn't be worried about that. Yep. Okay.

Well, I mean, lots of things have come to light today. But it's a really, really good show. It's an HBO show. So it's on... It's on Binge in Australia. Yes, it'll be on HBO Plus or whatever elsewhere. It is such a fucking good show. It is honestly phenomenal.

And how's our boy Murray Bartlett, the Australian actor? You have to watch it. Is he a good performance though? He's good in it, yeah. And that's the end of our show. Thank you so much for listening. We're back tomorrow with a video show.

Tomorrow I want everyone to do some homework. I want you to think about the most pain, physically painful moment of your life. Broken bone as a kid, fell off the skateboard, maybe, you know, randomly you fell out of a taxi in Jakarta onto your face in front of a bunch of locals.

That would hurt. It sounds like you would still have a scar on your knees from that. Yep. So have a think about it, because I've got a question about pain and pain thresholds. Ooh. And a fucked story about a fuckhead.

Ooh, okay. Yep. I love fuckheads. All right, that's tomorrow. Love you, bye.