Toni and Ryan - At a concert and in the bedroom

Episode Date: September 5, 2022

Sexy things you can say at a concert and also in the bedroom, plus Ryan's beef with Netflix. Love u! Toni xoxoxoxoxoxox Check out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toni.lodge and @ryanjondunn Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the Tony and Ryan podcast. I'm Ryan, this is Tony, and we are speaking to Mrs. Nay Nay Bee. Hello. Hello, Mrs. Nay Nay. Yes. Yes. Will you approve the podcast? Yes. We're lucky that she didn't say Mrs. Nay. I won't do it. Hi, this is Mrs. Nay Nay Bee from Queensland, and I approve this podcast. I got two separate five-pair underwear orders yesterday. I got five from Step One and five from Tradie. They both arrived yesterday. Bam, like bamboo.

I'm all about bamboo. Yeah, that is nice. So I got some stock blacks, but then I got a pair of fun ones. Some fun ones? Yeah. Nice. I'll show you. Yeah, please.

I showed Bridget and she pissed herself off. Really? Yeah. Oh, that's so good. It's not the response I was going for. Yeah. You don't really want someone to laugh at you while you're in your underwear, do you? Underwear chat.

Sorry. I bought new underwear and four of them were like just stock. And then I thought I'd get something a little bit different, a little bit fancy. Yeah. And Bridget laughed. In Bridget's defense, your wife, you did buy this jumper to be a bit fancy and it also didn't go great. I wouldn't say fancy.

There was definitely something. What would you say? Yeah, a lot of things. Lots to say. Fancy is not one of them. Okay. Okay. Coming up, I've got a theory and some advice for Netflix,

for Disney+, for the big streamers. They need to fucking lift their game. They're doing something and it's making me mad and I reckon it's making a lot of tarpers mad as well. You don't get mad very often. I know. Is it that you pay for all of them and then forget and then it all comes out on the same day and you go,

oh, fuck, got to cancel one of those and you forget again? Two pieces of advice for the streamers. Let that be a reminder if I've just done that for you. It's the start of September. You've missed September. It's the start of September, so cancel and you'll be good for October. But first, the things you can say at a music concert and also in the bedroom.

Oh, wow, this is pumping. Thanks for that. Yeah. Wish this bitch in front would move. Are we allowed to say that? I don't know. Do you think so? Yeah.

Sorry, everyone. I felt out of character. It did. Didn't feel right. Did you want me to cut that out? No. You're backing it in. It did. Didn't feel right. Do you want me to cut that out? No. You're backing it in. Whoa.

She won't be. Do you know what time it's going to start? Because I've got work early tomorrow. I actually, how shit is when a concert starts at 7 and then the main act comes out at 10.30. And you're like, bro, I just want to get a double quarter pounder and fucking crawl into bed. Yeah. If I'd have known you were starting at 10.30, I would have rolled in at 10.25.

Exactly. Don't fucking say you're going to be on at 7. Oh, hey, Lord. I thought I would come because Tony's at a wedding. Well, you can't just stand around and wait for me to come. No. You'll be waiting all day. I normally take loads of photos and videos of these things.

Really? Is that okay with you? Actually, no. I'd kindly ask everyone to stop filming during the performance. Well, if you're filming, just get ready because I'll be singing in the background. How funny is it when somebody goes to a concert and you check Instagram and they've posted 40 fucking stories and it's them at Lorde and instead of, you know,

actually hearing what is happening, you just hear your mate Stephanie. We're on each other's team. And Stephanie's had six fucking vodka cruises with her fucking girlfriends. Fucking Stephanie. Oh, my God. But it fucking sends me because you go, oh, I'm not even going to watch these and you're just like tapping through like this. Hey, Stephanie, if I wanted to go to the concert, I would have.

Yeah. But I didn't. Feel free to not. Nah, people sharing their life, all good. I feel like I actually am so critical of people and then I'm like, well, fucking. What about enjoying being there? Do I sound like an old man saying that? Yeah, you do.

And you film everything so you can not talk. You film everything. For content. It's for work, mate. It's for work. It's for work, mate, yeah. Once I enter the pit, I go hard and I give it everything I've got. Lucky me.

Yeah, lucky you. I can't hear you. What? What do you want me to do? You want me to move? What? I can't hear you. Kisses playing.

Tony's lost her voice. She was screaming all night. That's... Obviously, that's just comedy. Tony's never lost her voice. You'd love it if I had. Yeah. Wow, he's just so good with his hands, isn't he?

The guitarist's fingering skills are incredible. On and off stone. Oh, does he play an instrument? How crazy is it that everyone here bought a ticket for like $100? They must be making a fortune. And it's packed as well. Doing it for everyone. Who cares about your new stuff?

Just do the classics. Oh, you're not a fan of new moves in the boudoir. Stick to the classics. Stick to the classics, mate. How many you got on rotation, do you reckon? Well, rotation implies more than one, doesn't it? How many you got on rotation, do you reckon? Well, rotation implies more than one, doesn't it?

What starts with M and rhymes with Rish and Rary? Is it 21 Jump Street when Jonah Hill finally hooks up with him? He was on a bit of a drought. Yeah. And he hooks up and he's like, yeah, we were fucking doing everything, like, me on top and, like, me on top and then missionary and then, like, me on top. We're fucking, it was just like a crazy night. I've thought about this at home, but there's just nothing,

like, when it's live and, like, happening right there, is it? Yeah. You can listen by yourself, but it's just not the same. I've actually seen them solo. But you're right, when they've got the full band. Everyone going for it. The acoustic's pretty good, but whoo. Yeah.

This is a great set. For those playing along at home, Tony just grabbed and shook her boobs at me. Yeah, you're welcome. I didn't hate it. Not for the first time today. Hey, is there a mailing list? I have to know when you're in town next.

Send the same DM to everyone on your list. Do you do merch? Jeez, last night was great. I might get a T-shirt so I can remember this occasion. I probably won't wear it out, but like just for pyjamas. Yeah, just wear it around and just remember the night. Yeah. I can't really see.

Do you mind if I climb up on your face? Then I won't be able to see. You don't need to be able to see, mate. Is there an intermission? Because I need a drink and a cigarette. God, this is so packed. You could not fit another person in here. Not with that attitude.

It's honestly a safety risk. It's a fire hazard. The warden's going to come around. Could you imagine the warden at a nausea? Oh, hang on a second. It's not regulation. It's not code nausea? Oh, excuse me. It's not regulation. It's not code. It's always compliant, but also.

Tony, if you give the performance I know you're capable of giving tonight, I'm going to give you a standing O. All right. Cheers. I'll do my best. I am sweaty. And I've got so many other people's sweat on me right now, which is kind of hot, but you just know it's going to stink like shit later on.

Sorry. Out of all the fake vom sounds you've made, that was the first time where I actually thought you might throw up on the desk. Oh, that has made me turn my tummy a little bit. Yeah, we've got VIP. Yeah, we've got VIP passes. Very important person. No.

Vagina and penis. That's VIP. Vagina in penis. My mistake. Doesn't even make sense. The vagina doesn't go in the penis. Oh, doesn't it? Oh, no wonder.

You're doing it wrong. Could have told me 15 years ago. 15, mate. 25. Excuse me. What are you now, 50? Oh, sorry. We don't do that.

We don't do that. Sorry, mate. That's actually uncalled for and I'm really sorry. Do you want a VIP? I'll take care of you. Vagina in penis. What are you doing? Let's not.

I'm going to come over and stick that vagina in. Do you want to be a VIP? Not now, I don't. Oh, I should have said very important penis. As soon as you said VIP, I was like, I know what the last one is. I should have said very important

penis. Oh, well. These things happen. Fuck, that was so good. So worth the money. My ears will be ringing for days. Tony, I can tell you used to be a singer because hearing you hit those high notes. A fucking pro. You will be.

Yeah. Fucking a pro. You need to go with me on this one Okay, always do Encore Encore Encore Oh he's coming again Yes

Hi this is Miss Nainab from Queensland And you're listening to Tony and Ryan Hi, this is Miss Nainab from Queensland, and you're listening to Tony and Ryan. A quick shout-out to a few of our champion-tapions from the Patreon. If you're listening to this... They're our VIPs. Yeah, our vagina and penises. If you're listening to this. They're our VIPs. Yeah, our vagina and penises. If you're listening to this. Very important Patreons.

Hopefully. Nice. Thank you. You will have received the champion tapas or anybody that is due for a water bottle. And it's an honesty system. You know, we can check whether you were supposed to get it or not. Don't be a fuckhead. But if you didn't get the email and you genuinely, we can check and we can figure it out.

Yeah. So if you go, oh, I'm pretty sure that I should be getting one and you weren't, we'll be upset. We won't be angry, but we'll be disappointed. Which is, oh. It's worse. I hate that one. Beth Epley, thank you so much for being part of our Patreon.

Jack Davies, Matt Weeks. Oh, he'll be waiting. Wait, wait. Fuck. Jordan Zerbst, Nicole Eva. Just fucking move on, mate. Lauren Jansen, he'll be waiting. Wait, wait. Fuck. Jordan Zerbst. Nicole Eva. Just fucking move on, mate. Lauren Jansen.

Thank you so much. Amanda Ord. Austin Wingate. Maggie. Cody Seamans. Cody Seamans, yeah. Maddie Bass. And a shout out to Courtney Brown, whose BFF is also a champion tapper.

Leah, who got engaged in Margaret River last weekend. Yeah, congratulations, Leah. Hopefully you went to the fucking Candy Cow on your way down there because why wouldn't you? I mean, we are both, I would say, unofficial ambassadors and spokespeople for the Southwest WA. And Margaret River, what a great place. And they got engaged.

How exciting is that? So thank you so much for being part of the Patreon. Hopefully people have gotten through and done their water bottle shit. Tomorrow on the show, the Audio Queen returns. And can I just say. I'm coming again. People very impressed with the suburban dad. People liked the suburban dad.

Yeah. So we'll see tomorrow. And by we'll see, I mean because I haven't thought about it yet. Okay, great. We'll see if he makes a return. Okay. All right. Awesome.

But. What's wrong with streamers? Streamers, sorry. I thought of party streamers straight away like a birthday. Oh, no. Is that what we're doing? Sorry. Every TV show.

Yep. That is a mystery or it's about a crime or it's a thriller, they must release all episodes at once because I'm hanging by a fucking thread right now at the end of the resort. Fuck off. You recommended this show to me. This is my recommendation. Your recommendation.

And I said, what is it? Is it a comedy or a thriller? And it's like, you were like, oh, it's. It's kind of like a comedy whodunit vibe. Yeah, you said it. And I love a whodunit. Yeah. And it's got like some dark comedy-esque thing and it's beautifully shot.

Yeah. Yeah. It's like a. You did have a go about how shit the actors were, though. You'd said, oh, so what? They couldn't get anyone good. Have you changed your tune now that you've watched the show and it's really good?

I did say that, didn't I? Yeah, you were like, because I said, oh, it's got like Christine Melotti who's the mother from How I Met Your Mother and Chidi from The Good Place. You went, oh, so no one good. I didn't know any of the people except. Well, that doesn't matter. That doesn't mean they're not good.

Who's the guy, the dad? Oh, like Ron from Parks and Rec. Yeah. What I was saying, title this under backtrack, is that I didn't know any of them. I'm getting fucking whiplash from this. I didn't know any of them. And I'm also not a person that knows a lot of actors.

No, mate, and that's why I called you out on it. And I said, you can't say that. You've never watched anything. Yeah, me not knowing them doesn't mean anything. Oh, mate, you don't have to tell us. We already know that. Yeah, well, I'm just letting you know. I just want you to know.

No, well, I'm letting you know. Well, I want to know that you know that I know. Well, I'm letting you know that I now know that. Oh, great. Yeah. Okay. And I think we're all on board with that. I mean, it couldn't be clearer.

I wouldn't have thought so. But you're liking the show? It's great, hey? Yeah, and I think, I just think it's how shows are consumed now. There's like a little hook at the end of each episode and you're like, fuck, I've got to watch the next one. Yeah. So Bridget and I watched seven episodes in a weekend.

Oh, it's the best. Because we were like hanging out, chilling. We're like, oh, this is great. It's fun. And I thought there was seven episodes. Yeah. So I get left on this like knife edge. And I challenge anyone who's watching a thriller to stop watching

with one episode left. It's like getting a handjob and you're about to go and you're like, oh, and then they stop. I mean, you're not wrong. It's like that. Just a very interesting analogy to, yeah. I mean, I wouldn't give someone a handjob because I'm 28 years old, but like. Because you're a fucking adult.

Yeah. Tony and I once had a very long conversation about. We have had a long conversation. Handjobs and if they're appropriate for adults. Age appropriate. Yeah. And it's no. The answer is no.

That's a whole other thing. So when you get like anxious or impatient, what's your, like what do you do? Because I'm a pacer. Oh. If I'm thinking of an idea and I'm like on a roll or something, I'll like walk around the house and I'll be up, I'm impatient. I'll be thinking and whatever.

What's your go to, what do you do when you're like sort of thinking, like you're really on a, you can't get something out of your mind? Probably go into it like a deep pit of despair. Yeah. Yep. I'm not good at distracting myself when I get into that place. So I've been pacing for days because I was so ready to watch the finale. I need to know if Paisa is real.

Is that what it's called? Passage? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I need to know if Passage. Don't fucking roll your eyes at me. I'm so embarrassed. Is it too late to cancel the podcast?

But that, for some reason, is the last straw. If only someone could have warned me that this comes out weekly but okay i wouldn't have i wouldn't have started watching i wouldn't have wasted my time i'm really i'm natalie imbruglia i'm torn because i agree with you that it is like really frustrating when you like get to the end and you're like, fuck, there's still an episode or you can only watch, you know, how it's kind of common now for them to drop like three episodes and then go weekly.

So it's enough to really hook you in but then you have to wait week to week. But do you think you move on? But like this is how we used to watch TV. Like you would get one episode of Prison Break and you'd have to wait till next Monday at 9 o'clock when the next episode came out. That's why I never watch Prison Break. Well, me either.

See? So I kind of like forcing myself into that delayed gratification thing because now as a society we watch TikToks that go for fucking six seconds and then we scroll to the next one. Like there is no, like you don't need to be patient. I want to scroll to the next show. I want to move the resort out of my life and move into something new. But believe me, I'm the most, like you heard me yesterday,

I'm fucking impatient. Like I want things now. But there's also something really special about watching one episode and then going, oh, can't wait to see what happens next week. There's something nice about it, I think. I'm scared that by the time the finale comes out, I won't care about Parisian anymore. The missing people can stay missing forever as far as I'm concerned.

But, like, that doesn't stop the show from being, like, you losing interest doesn't matter, like, as far as the I'm concerned. But, like, that doesn't stop the show from being, like, you losing interest doesn't matter. Like, as far as the show's concerned. Well, what if, like me, a lot of people lose interest and then there's no hype for a season two and they don't get renewed and they're all unemployed? Then it matters. But do you think most people are doing what you're,

but, like, you're so hyped up about it, there's no way you're not going to watch it. Yeah, but I'm trying to make a point here. No, and I actually, I do get it. I will say, I will be, like, I will watch it. There's no way you're not going to watch it. Yeah, but I'm trying to make a point here. No, and actually I do get it. I will say I will be, like I will watch it. Yeah. But it's like I was so, yeah, I was so barred up then and now I watch it.

Yeah. It's more like, oh, just tell me what happens. You lose a bit of the excitement of being. I'm not watching for excitement. I'm just watching for closure. So I can go, oh, okay, cool, it was real or it wasn't real or they found him or they didn't or he died or he didn't or whodunit. And I'm just like, great, now I can tick that off. I'm going to closure so I can go, oh, okay, cool, it was real or it wasn't real or they found him or they didn't or he died or he didn't or whodunit.

And I'm just like, great, now I can tick that off and go and watch Prison Break. Catch up. Yeah. You know what would be really good and I think would solve this problem that I've never thought of till now? Wouldn't it be great if next to the title it said, like, seven of eight released?

That's fucking genius. Like wouldn't that be because then you could scroll through and go, oh, I'll watch that when the last ep comes out. Or like a season now complete. Yeah. Because some people may want to go week for week because they were so waiting for it to come, but I'll be like, oh, if the final doesn't come out until mid-September.

Oh, we'll watch it then. I'll start watching then. Or if like there was eight episodes and it said four are out right now, you'd go, oh, I'll watch the first half now and then I'll wait and watch the second half later. Yep. So that you still have watched a bit. I think that would solve the problem because then you could decide

because if there was only one episode left to come, you'd probably go, yeah, let's wait. When you recommended the resort, did you know they weren't all out yet? We'd watched the first three episodes and then, like, gone to bed. So I didn't know the whole thing wasn't out. Like, I didn't know it was week to week because three episodes is like a long, a lot of TV. Are you up to date now?

Yes. So we haven't watched the final yet. Well, I mean, who has? Yeah. Want to come over to my place to watch it? No. No. No, there's something about watching TV with other people that just like stresses me right out.

It's because. What do you mean, Tony? I actually don't even think I could explain it. Okay, for those playing at home, Tony has taken her glasses off. She's rubbing her eyes. You look distressed. This is what you do! This is the thing that I do! I'm in a deep pit of despair. You know, when you

watch the TV show Gogglebox, and... Well, you know on Gogglebox how it's like them watching the show and making like quippy comments and you're like, oh, they're obviously just doing that for the show. That's what it's like watching TV with me all the time. So you're doing quippy comments? The whole time.

Are they good? Comedy, fucking horror, doesn't matter. Like I'm fucking like doing my tight five through the whole film. I'm just going to, sorry to interrupt, I'm just going to write down for normal on R on Thursday. Yeah. Talking during movies and TV shows. And so I get very self-conscious watching TV with other people

Because I think of all these funny comments Because you know how fucking annoying it would be Yeah Well, first of all Yep And if I'm not doing that, I'm on my phone You know, like, know your strengths Yeah, either fully engaged and giving a performance

Or I'm fucking out Yeah, or I'm on Instagram and looking at Pinterest But maybe I want to be entertained by this. People still use Pinterest, by the way. Wow, that's, yeah. Might just be me. Maybe. You're that one.

No wonder I'm seeing the same stuff all the time. It's just stuff I've pinned. Yeah, no one's doing any new pins. Don't you think it's unfair to hide your comedy from the world? Am I not worthy of hearing your comments? Do you want to sit through a TV show where I go, where I'm doing my type 5 through the show? No.

No one does. Wow. There's some self-awareness. Yeah. What's he think of this? Does he chime in? He kind of chimes in, yeah. Okay, that's nice.

Yeah. It's weird that you've been, what would I say, rehearsing for Gogglebox for what seems like a lifetime. My whole life, yeah. And the fact that we rehearsing for Gogglebox for what seems like a lifetime. My whole life, yeah. And the fact that we were pitched for Gogglebox and not even declined, just never replied to. They just didn't call us back, yeah. I didn't know when we were being ghosted by Gogglebox that you were,

in fact, 28 years into training. I was missing the opportunity of a lifetime. Lifetime, yeah. Anyway. I mean, I moved on pretty quick because, you know, I just sit there and watch the fucking show. I think about it every night. Take my glasses off, rub my eyes and get stretched around it.

All right. So we've got some, in conclusion, we'll be sending your idea to Netflix, Disney, whatever. Don't you think that's a good idea? I'll be re-emailing Gogglebox for the 2023 season of auditions. And we will not, I believe, as this podcast goes to air, the resort finale now exists in the world. We'll be out, yeah.

So no spoilers. Actually, I'll watch it straight away because if someone fucking spoils it for me. Yeah, you'll be really upset. Yeah. Yeah, he dies. That's coming from you who a minute ago went, well, I probably won't even care about it when it comes out.

So I think you're interested. I am Natalie Imbruglia. All right, things you love to see. What do you love to see? I got a cheap and cheerful one today. A message from Samantha White. I had sex on the weekend. For the first time in 18 months after getting dumped last year.

Samantha, fucking love that for you. Love that. First time in 18 months. Fuck, that'd feel good. Love that for you, Samantha. Well, I hope it did. Yeah, I hope so. I hope whatever you did, I hope it was awesome. Can you reply?

Is that a DM or a comment? It was a comment on our You Love To See It thread in the Facebook group, which you can comment on at any time. I want to know if it's like a new person in our life. Has she gone back to the boyfriend like I did after he vomited on me? Yeah. Or a bit like as in, is this a, so there's that. Okay.

Is it B, a potential new love interest? Or is it C, which I respect, by the way, is sometimes you go, it's been 18 months. Hit a practice one out the park. Nah. Yeah. I feel like it's, yeah. Hit a few practice balls before you fucking get in the big leagues.

Yeah. You're not going to your fucking audition on the first time, are you? Yeah, nah. Blow the cobwebs out. Yep. Blow them out the back door. Yeah. I'll check in with Samantha.

Samantha. Yeah. Or Samantha, actually, could you comment on the thread for today? Yeah. If you feel comfortable. If you feel comfortable. And let us know whether it was A, B, or C. B.

I'll put the, yeah. Hooking up with an ex to, you know, rekindle maybe something. New interest or bowling cobwebs. Or, yeah, practice balls. Yeah. Yeah. We'd love to know. I love that for Samantha.

And I love that everyone else is going to love it. Go check out, if you want to know the answer. Yeah. Go and check out the episode thread now. You'll love what you see. Shout out to Tarpa Brendan. Tarpa Brendan. Yeah.

Hi, Tarpa Brendan. My best friend and I, says Brendan, have finally began the process of opening our own company. We've begun the progress of talking. Couple of best friends with the company. Yeah, pretty similar story. Okay. Yep. First Gogglebox, now this.

We're talking with Banks and Acquiring Land. We're opening a pup and pub where people can bring their dogs for a little friend time. And there's a dog park but with, like, cocktails and coffee and snacks and stuff. What's it called? Pup pub. Pup and pub.

I love that. I fucking love that. And as a daily dog park frequenter, there's often a time where I'm like, are you? No, I just, I love dogs so much. I often think, oh, like BJ's running around with the other dogs. He's having a great time. I'm watching, chatting.

Like, wouldn't it be great if there was like a little coffee cart? Oh, yeah. Or on a summer afternoon, you go walking around the park. God, I could go to Sangria. Yeah. Yeah. Or just a cold Oh, yeah. Or on a summer afternoon, you go walking around the park. God, I could go to Sangria. Yeah. Yeah. Or just a cold beer walking around the park on a summer afternoon. You're like, well, I'm out here walking anyway.

I may as well have a, you know. Yeah. And so, pup and pub. I love that idea. And nothing. Is that in Melbourne? Please tell me that's in Melbourne. I don't think so.

Oh. Brendan, when you expand. Oh, yeah. When you fucking go worldwide. Go global. When you go viral. Oh, yeah. When you fucking go worldwide. Go global. When you go viral. Get into Melbourne. And I'll tell you, there's been some chats of like, it's hard to make friends as adults.

Dog parks. A hundred percent. Dog parks. Really? Because everyone's lovely and it's an icebreaker. Because you go, oh, he's a nice, what sort of breed is he? Oh, yeah, he's real cute and the dogs are playing together. Don't people think you're trying to fuck them?

Right. Because if I was single, that's where I'd be picking up, at the dog park. A hot boy with a dog fucking do me into stuff. So, you know, I think you've got to be careful with what you say. Well, but I think it's for the same reason because everyone is so friendly and chatty. It's a great way to meet someone.

Obviously, you're not trying to, like... Fuck them. Straight away. Yeah. You've got to do your groundwork. Yeah. someone. Obviously, you're not trying to like... Fuck them. Straight away. Yeah. You've got to do your groundwork. Yeah. No pun intended. Don't look at me like that.

Stop. Anyway. Are you going to get a dog? Top of Brent. I really want to. Okay. We're in the process. We're talking to the real estate agent at the moment.

Very exciting stuff. I cannot wait for you to pick up Blokes in a Park. I'm going to get so much tail. See what I did there? I'll see ya. I'll see ya. See you tomorrow. I fucking love to see that.

Love you, bye.