Toni and Ryan - At the beach and in the bedroom

Episode Date: July 11, 2022

Things you can say at the beach and in the bedroom, me crying on my first day of work, and Ryan crying on his first day of uni. Fucking love ya! Toni x oh, PS, we talk about The Candy Cow a lot in this pod haha (WA REPRESENT!) so you can look at the website here if you'd like to hehehe xxx Check out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toni.lodge and @ryanjondunn Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

As women, our life stages come with unique risk factors, like when our estrogen levels drop during menopause, causing the risk of heart disease to go up. Know your risks. Visit heartandstroke.ca. Hello? Dave, is it true that you're a paramedic? Yes. Do paramedics need to be very careful when it comes to important details, yes or no?

Yeah. Did you send us the wrong number? I did. Dave! Holy shit. How can we trust you with lives? That's a good question. I ask myself that all the time.

You're not even going to defend yourself? You're just going to accept me dragging you like that? Yeah, yeah. It's acceptable. It's acceptable. I'll take it. All right, well, Dave the paramedic, do you approve this podcast? I sure as hell do.

Yeah. We'd like to assume that right now you aren't, you know, carrying a stretcher or, you know, opening up the jaws of life or something, like you're free, you're on a coffee break or something. No. Hey, it's Dave from Ontario and I approve this podcast. Yeah. Hey, it's Dave from Ontario and I approve this podcast. Welcome to the Tony and Ryan podcast.

My name is Ryan. This is Tony Lodge. Hi, I'm Tony. The captain of the ship. That's right. I'm just the butter to your bread. Don't you forget it. And coming up today, I want you to have a think about a time when you were going to a new school for the first day, going to your first day at a new job. I'm going back to university tomorrow

after a bit of a break. And most of the stuff I've done so far has been online. So I've actually been on campus in a while. Are you actually going there? Yeah. What are you going to wear? I hadn't thought about that because I've got something else to worry about because they've said, by the way, on the first day, this is something that you're going to have to do. And I think it was a throwaway flippant comment from the university,

but I'd be surprised if everyone else isn't freaking out about this because I'm freaking out about it. You don't freak. You'll probably freak out when you hear it. But you don't freak out about stuff. But I have now. Oh my God. Oh, well now I'm freaked out. It's not even happening to me. Right. Well, you'll, you'll, don't worry mate, you'll hear about it. Oh my God. Okay. That's coming up soon. First though, because it is in the Northern hemisphere, in the UK, Canada, US, where everyone listens to this. No, we're in Australia. We don't have any Australian listeners, yep.

It's the middle of summer, so this is things you can say at the beach and also in the bedroom. Oh, I'll never be able to wash all this off. Oh, it's slimy. Oh, should I get you a towel? Oh, that one's covered in shit. Shit towel. Remember when you shat on a towel?

Do you remember, though? Yeah, no, I do. You shat on someone's towel. I'm actually trying to not remember. Oh, okay. But thanks for... Do you remember, though, what I'm talking about, when you shat on that towel?

Yes. I didn't shit on the towel. Mate. I didn't shit on the towel. Mate, that does actually not make it any better. I know that you think that that makes it better. Does it not make it better? No.

Shit ended up on another person's towel in their home. For those of you just joining us. Ryan shat on a towel. Next. Is that crabs? It's not. Thank God for that. Why, do you like seafood?

Seafood need it. Sunblock? More like sun cock. It's great at the time, but the chafing afterwards is awful. And your muscles are so sore. So sore. God, there's just so much of it. It's hit me like a ton of bricks and it's so salty.

Sorry. Pineapple juice, mate. God's work. Would you like me to cover your back with cream? Have you ever had a mate do the... Oh, sorry. No, no, no. I'll finish my sentence.

Yeah, please. Like they do the sun cream on your back and then they draw like a dick or like I love RJ or something and then it's burnt into your body. I've seen it happen. Yeah. I was there for it and I was like nodding along. I'm not a prank guy. Not for you. Oh, make sure you're wearing protection.

Does anyone need a little hat? These ones are waterproof. Thank God. Imagine if they were. You'll lose that when you're swimming in the ocean. She's fucking wet today. I don't know why I pictured a little peen wearing a little cap. Yeah.

Yeah. It's quite cute, isn't it? Oh, Tony Lodge, if it's not my favourite starfish. Find me in the rock pools. Well, find me in the cock pools. Fuck, there are heaps of people down here today. Hi, I'm Ryan. Nice to meet you.

What's your stance on motorboating? Not too close. A bit further out. Okay, sure. Pass the boys. Pass the boys. Oh, I've caught a live one. Ooh. Yeah. Oh, frisky.

Oh, my little fishy. Whoa. Oh, yeah, back at her. Oh, my God. Well, oil me up because I'm going in hard and I'm coming out wet. Can I have a big one? Just a dip. Time for a quick dip before we go home.

Oh, it is so fucking hot. Yeah, it is. Hey, you know when the people who were like scuba divers, you know when scuba divers, they sit on the side of the boat and then they like do that weird like flop backwards into the water thing? Yeah. Do you know why they do it backwards instead of forwards? Why?

Because if they went forwards, they would just fall back into the boat. For a split second, I was like... Well, strap my wrist because I'm going in for a big spike. I love it when you in for a big spike. I love it when you talk about your big spike on this podcast. You're welcome. Yeah, you're a professional spiker, aren't you? All around the world you went.

Retired. Yeah, oh, sorry. Former gunslinger. Young man's game. If we don't use protection, we could both end up red and itchy. Slap it on me then. I love coming down here and showing off that I'm a hot beach. You're quite proud of that one, aren't you? Yeah, I am.

What are you doing down here today? Yeah, just picking up beaches. What are you doing the weekend? Oh, just chasing beaches up and down the coast. Just going and checking out the beaches. Okay, this is for when you're putting up an umbrella. Oh, could you help me get this up? Some of them are harder than others.

I don't want to go all the way in. Maybe just up to my waist. I prefer fist deep. I prefer fist deep. Doing this makes me so hungry. Doesn't it? You know afterwards, you've been in the sun, you've been out there getting some action,

and you go, fuck, I'm going to go with some fudge and chops. It's great when you're in, but as soon as you get out, I'm straight to the kebab store. I've always said that. I've heard you say in, but as soon as you get out, I'm straight to the kebab store. I've always said that. I've heard you say that, yeah. It's been a while since I just laid face down and absolutely copped it, and I'm going to be red and sore tomorrow. Oh. That sounds personal.

It was. Oh, this is all wet. Oh, is it? Yeah. Must be a day ending in white. That's a boomer joke to say. Yeah, that is. I like it still.

Yeah. Oh, look at all these swimmers. I don't want to hit to the back yet. Hey, it's Dave from Ontario and I approve this podcast. A massive thank you to a few of our champion tapas over at our Patreon. You can check it out if you wish at the link in our show notes. Krista Stranskov, thank you so much. Gracie Liu, Megan Rathmaner, Oliver Pote, Katie Wrigley, Kevin Wilson, Kevin bloody Wilson, Bernadine Giddings, Eli, Sarah Dunford

and Luke Francis. Thank you so much for being part of our Patreon. Now we're teaming up with the legends at Spotify. So from August 8th, we'll be exclusive on the Spotify app, which means most people, no changes, still free. Follow us there. Great. And if you want to come and join us, we'd absolutely love it.

But from August 8th, you'll be able to listen for free and find us exclusively on Spotify. All right. Because we've both finished up our day jobs, I've been able to go back to university. This is very exciting. I had a few months off. Yes.

That's why we're getting a bit busy. And off is, you know, an understatement. You were busy doing other things. You didn't have a holiday. You were busy, so you were like, okay, I can't do this at the moment. And also to keep in mind, in Australia it's very normal to study. I'm literally doing one subject at a time. Oh, is that not a thing other places?

In the US you kind of like go to business school for two years and you quit your job and you're all in for two years and you just knock it out. Whereas in other countries it's more common to, yeah, I'll do a subject here next year and I'll just chip away at it in the background. Do night school or something? Exactly, exactly.

So can we all agree the first day of school, first day at a new job when you don't know anyone is a little bit nerve-wracking already. So scary. Now, I've been doing this for a while, but this is one of the first ones back in the classroom on campus. I've been online most of the time through the pandemic. So is that like on Zoom or watching videos?

Like are your classmates also online and you're talking to each other? Right. It's not like a. No, then you have breakout rooms to discuss the case and whatever. So I was like, so have you not met anybody yet? Well, I have, but I mean, as you know, when you make the real bond is when you like grab a beer after or have a coffee between in the break.

But when you're on Zoom, you kind of just like put on pause, go get a cup of tea. It's not the same. And talk to your wife about doing the washing and then, yeah, yeah, yeah. Have you ever had an awkward or uncomfortable first day experience? When I first started my job in radio in Sydney, when I started working at Kiss, my very first day I was like, oh, so where's this and this and this?

They were like, look, we're really busy. We actually don't have time to like talk you through other things that we just can talk you through the job you're doing. And I cried. That's kind of, it's a bit shit though, isn't it? But they were like, we're busy, mate. Like, but here's, you know, here's all your stuff. But I was just like trying to make small talk.

I didn't know, you know, who was working. It was a new business, everything. And would you be more comfortable if they literally went around and went, Tony, this is Nicole, she does this. And then you go, oh, Tony, this is Steve, he's in charge of IT and blah, blah, blah. Yeah. And also sometimes you need to be told what the dress code is

because you don't want to rock up like in full like business wear when everyone's wearing jeans and a T-shirt or rock up in jeans and a T-shirt and everybody else is wearing like a pencil skirt and a button-up. So what did you wear your first day? I kind of went half-half. A pencil skirt with a T-shirt. I wore a denim skirt.

Okay. With like Doc Martens. So I was like that's kind of dressy and then just like, yeah, a T-shirt and like my denim jacket on the top. So I kind of went half, half. It was summer as well so you can get away with a bit more in summer. Yeah, that is true. But sometimes you just want someone to be like bring this,

don't bring a laptop, bring a laptop, whatever. You just need lots of details. When I was at Picture Partners, the accounting firm. So like fancy, in the city, business office. In the city, Flinders Lane for those playing along in Melbourne, nice little cool area. There's probably 500 staff, six big departments. 500.

Yeah, and it was. That's a lot of dark blue suits. Yeah, and it was actually big enough that it was totally fine that you didn't know everyone, of course. Oh. But that was actually good because if you're in a team of 40, like you can't forget someone's name. Yes.

But as I look, because I was a bit nervous, when I don't know anyone by myself, I'm new, I'm just like anyone, a bit shy. Yeah, and you don't want to like. Annoy anyone. Yeah, you don't want to latch on. You know if someone's new and they latch on to you and you're like, I kind of feel responsible for you now.

Yeah, well, I think there was a good vibe because a lot of us started at once. It was actually very normal to go, oh, hey, I'm Ryan. I'm in private clients. And they go, g, hey, I'm Ryan. I'm in private clients. And they go, g'day, I'm Dom. I'm in audit. And it was because everyone knew that, hey, we all work here as well. There's so many people.

And it just became very easy to go, hey, I'm Ryan, blah, blah, blah. Yeah, right. And I was in the lift one day and this old bloke comes through and I was like, g'day, mate. How you doing? Yeah, good. Yeah, I'm Ryan. I've just started.

I'm in private clients. Which department are you in? And he goes, mate, how you doing? Yeah, good. Yeah, I'm Ryan. I've just started. I'm in private clients. Which department are you in? And he goes, oh, not really any like specific department. Yeah. And which is always a bit like that's a bit weird. And you're like, do you actually work here? Well, I was like, yeah, well, that's what I thought. But I went, oh, no specific department.

What are you, run the whole place? And he goes, yeah. It was the managing partner of Asia Pacific Australia, Don Rankin, I think he's named. But he was like the big boss of everyone. So when he was like, I'm not in a specific department, he was right because he ran the whole place. And I was like, oh, hi, nice to meet you.

Imagine a graduate being at Apple and then you just walk past Steve Jobs. G'day, champion. Which department are you in? I ran this place. That is actually a really nice way of him to answer that question. Because he could have fully pulled rank on you and been like, oh, don't you know

who I am? No, everyone there was chill though. And he was real cool. And I just went, oh, sorry. I probably should have known that. And he's like, oh, g'day. And he actually went, it's fine, mate. Hey, I'm on level 19. If you have any questions, just come and ask me. Obviously, I never would because it's terrifying. And he didn't mean it. No, but I'm glad that he said it.

But he could have been like, oh, don't you fucking know who I am, blacklisted you. You know, like he was like, oh, bro, yeah, I don't really have a specific. That's a really nice way of answering that question. And it's a great way of summing up that place. And like I've always said, not that anyone gives a shit, as much as accounting isn't like the most exciting,

the loveliest of people. That's nice. I always had a great time there. So back to uni tomorrow. There's in my class, there's about 50 or 60 people. Oh, that's a lot. Yeah. And are these all people you've been in the class with before

or is it like a mix every time? I don't really know anyone. Okay. Because it's an elective, you start branching off into random subjects. So the lady, the lecturer, sends a group email and says, hey, everyone, looking forward to meeting you all. Most of this is going to be in group assignments. Yep.

I've attached a list with everyone's name and email address. On the first day, can you just all pick a group for yourself? No. No, absolutely not. Fuck off. I won't be doing that. Are you serious? Yeah.

So I have to rock up into a room of 80 and go. And pick and choose the coolest people. And pick a group for a group assignment that I'm going to be with for a whole. So I love it when they go, welcome to first class. I've put a list of, see, we get A. Your group A, your group B. Ryan, Tony, Caitlin, whatever, your group A, group B. Thanks.

And then they go, group A, you guys set up over there and you go, great, I know where I am. I don't have to make any decisions. Yeah. So. And even if they're a shit group, you're like, well, it just was the lack of the draw. Well, it's not even, we're the group.

We've got to figure this out. No, but like even if they're not, you know, you get with people that, you know, the classic group assignment thing, oh, I've done the whole thing. No one's responded to my emails or whatever. I did a group assignment last time with a guy who was an asshole. Yeah. But, you know, at least.

Don't tell you about that. We'll be hanging out then. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What was the nickname we gave him? He might listen. I hope he does. Yeah, thanks, John Smith. No, it was, it's that psychological thing where they're, like,

not smart enough to realise how dumb they are. Oh. Anyway, but you know when you. That's going to annoy me. Oh, okay. But you're stuck with him. It is what it is. But you're like, oh, it just, yeah, lack of the draw.

Or it's alphabetical so you couldn't have controlled that. But when you pick it, you're like, God, if only I'd turned left, not right that day. Well, for me it's not even the consequences of the choice. It's the fact that I'm going to walk into a room with 60 to 80 people, not know a single one of them. Yep. And just like would you, Tony, would you walk up to someone

you don't know and go, hi, I'm Tony? Like that induction day. They didn't have time to show you around. So did you show yourself around? No, I didn't. But on my first day at uni, I actually did do that. What? Yeah.

The same Tony I see performing right now? So they handed out like a unit outline book, which I think is pretty common, and at WAPA because there's only 10 people in every, so there's 10 sound people, 10 lighting people, 10 performers. Oh, you know them all. No, you don't. At first you don't know, but every single person,

every group of 10 gets put into one theatre. Right. So I opened my course outline and flicked to the sound page and this handsome guy sitting next to me, he opens up his thing and he flicks to the sound page. And I went, fuck, it's now or never. And so I went, hey, bro, like are you studying sound? He was like, yeah.

And I was like, oh, I'm Tony. And he goes, I'm Ben. And we became friends. And where's Ben at now? Ben is working at the Crown Theatre in Perth. What a load. We're still friends. Yep, he's a great guy, Benry.

So am I about to meet a good friend tomorrow? So like maybe, you know, but don't you think it's better because you're all walking in with the same worry? Can you, on your first day at a new workplace, you're probably the only new person that day, so you don't want to bother anyone. I don't know that they all don't know each other already because this is my first, like, marketing elective, but if they're all

in the marketing cohort, they might have just finished an assignment last week. Now, I reckon you're fine. Yeah, I reckon you're talking like Tony. You're talking like 2021 Tony. You've got to think like 2022 Tony, reckon you're fine. Yeah, I reckon you're talking like Tony. You're talking like 2021 Tony. You've got to think like 2022 Tony. And you're going to walk in there. Going strong?

Yep, going strong. Fake it till you make it. And I reckon if you walk in there and you see one person that's like looking a bit, you go, hey, man, fuck, how awkward is this? I'm Ryan. Great line. Yeah, like break the ice. And maybe someone will recognise you

Maybe they'll be a fan Oh, are you the guy that went on LinkedIn and complained that you didn't get a Melbourne Business School hoodie And then they gave you one? Yeah, that's me There's a lot of chat in the forums Oh I added them on LinkedIn, I said, hey, for 80 grand I should get that hoodie for free Did they give you one? Yeah

And they were like, bro, they are free Come and get it, they're in the cupboard, and I was like, bro, they are free. Come and get it. They're in the cupboard. And I was like, oh, thank you. Oh, my God. Well, don't bring that up. And when I wore it to the only other time I've been there, and they go, well, this other guy's like, oh,

I saw the story about that. You can't wear a hoodie of what it is to the place that it's from. Where else would I wear it? Oh, my God, Ryan. What a faux pas. Well, who's flapped now? Are you saying I can't wear my Melbourne University hoodie to Melbourne University?

No. Then when would I wear it? At home. I wouldn't have kicked up a stink on LinkedIn if I wasn't going to wear it to the place. No, but it's like a nice souvenir. But you can't then wear it to the place that it's from. Would you wear a Blink-182 T-shirt to a Blink-182 concert?

No. Would you wear a Hawthorne scarf to the football? That's a good one because a scarf at the footy is actually very practical because it's fucking freezing. Well, I'll report back. But thank you for the pump-up. I feel so much better now. Nah, I reckon you're going to be fine.

You walk in there. Hey, fuck, how awkward's this? I'm Ryan. You're a good friend to me, Tony Lodge, and I appreciate this pump-up. Yeah, I was good, wasn't I? Normally I'm not good in a crisis. Well, hey, we finished every episode with things you love to see,

and you know what I love to see? Well, two things today. One, Tony Lodge. Good pump up. Now I feel good about my first day back. And number two, a recommendation, things you love to see, KFC Twisters. Fucking get around it. Very nice. How good.

I like that. Everyone, go and get yourself a KFC Twister. Do you know what I like? What? The Stacker Burger. So it's got like the two chicken fillets in it. That is very good. That is very good.

Do you get a dessert? I know you're very fond of the Red Roost chocolate mousse. Yeah. Is there a K-Fur dessert? I don't know if there's a... Did the KFC... Actually, I've got to be honest. When it comes to drive-through dessert,

I'm a McFlurry man through and through from McDonald's. I used to really like McFlurries when they were good, when they used to flurry them. Now they just throw it in. Now it's just fucking shit on top of a bit of shit. When they had the Honeycomb Crunchy McFlurry. Oh, I like... Have you had a crunchy ice cream?

Yeah. Like the bars? Incredible. It's fucked. And the chocolate on the outside is like really smooth and yum. I think I just like all... Honeycomb does me. Honeycomb is really good. Thing, third yum. I think I just like all honeycomb, does me. Honeycomb is really good.

Third thing you'll have to see for me today, honeycomb. Honeycomb. Yeah. Well, I'm from pretty much the honeycomb capital, like the south of Perth. Really? Like the southwest. Yeah.

The honeycomb capital. I'm taking that. I've lived there for a while and I've never heard that. Have you ever been to the candy cow? You mean candy Cane? No, the Candy Cow. A cow made of candy? No, so it's a shop.

It's a shop in the south-west of Perth. It's called the Candy Cow and it's, like, famous. Apparently. And they make, like, all the honeycomb there and it's, like, fudge and honeycomb and chocolate. It's in the south-west. So it's further south than Bunbury, closer than Margaret River. A bus to turn Dunsbury or something?

Like Dunsbury-ish, but yeah. The honeycomb cow. No, the candy cow. The candy cow. You know what I don't love to see? Me not understanding anything? Yes. Why can't you just take things that I say just at face value

instead of questioning the things that I say? I'm questioning the directions because I want to be in a candy cow right now. Okay, let me Google it. Candy cow. Everyone stand by. Stand by. There's an airport in Barcelona.

We can get it shipped over. Kwaramup is where it is. Kwaramup. Have you ever been to Kwaramup? Yeah, countdown. Yeah. So candy cow,. Kwaramup is where it is. Kwaramup. Have you ever been to Kwaramup? Yeah, countdown. Yeah. So Candy Cow, Candy Kwaramup. But it's like got this big plastic cow out the front

and they make like fudge and heaps of honeycomb and you can like watch in the window and they're like bagging it up and cutting it up. It's fucking awesome. Oh, that's my love to see it, the fucking Candy Cow. Shout out to anybody in fucking Kwaramup that's listening. Fucking down the bustle highway. You know it when you see it. You love to see it. The fucking candy cow. Shout out to anybody in fucking Cooramup that's listening. Fucking down the bustle highway. You know it when you see it.

You love to see it. Thanks so much for being here, candy cow. Let's send this to the candy cow. That whole town has cows in it. It has big statues. I know. How good is it? Yeah, so it's called the candy cow.

Get it, get it. I'm supporting you. Thank you. I'm pro cow. I'm pro cow as well. I'm pro-cow as well. You know what we should do? We should go to Coirum up and get some fucking Candy Cow honeycomb. Honey cow.

All right, we'll chat to you tomorrow. We should go to the Candy C-meow. Love you, bye. Love you, bye. As women, our life stages come with unique risk factors. Like when our estrogen levels drop during menopause, causing the risk of heart disease to go up. Know your risks.