Toni and Ryan - Atentiun to detale

Episode Date: August 29, 2023

Yuo hav 2 pay attenshun two deetal! Loev you xxxCheck out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toni.lodge and @ryanjondunn Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the Tony and Ryan podcast. My name is Ryan. This is Dr. Author Tony Lodge. We are calling Brisbane. Actually, are we calling Brisbane? It's called Tannin Sands. Does that sound like a resort? You know how only recently we watched Don't Worry Darling?

Yeah. That kind of sounds like the suburb name would be called that. You know what I mean? Who are we calling? Mackenzie. Mackenzie. Oh my God, Tannin Sands is beautiful. Yeah.

Did you watch Don't Worry Darling? It's lovely. Hello, this is Mackenzie. Mackenzie, it's Tony and Ryan. How are you doing? Oh, my God. Hey. Not that we're stalkers, Mackenzie, but we were just looking up Tannin Sands.

Is it, like, incredible and beautiful on the beach? Have I looked at the right place? You have. It is very, very nice up here. It's a small little town, but it's fucking lovely. Yeah, it's small, but it's fucking lovely. Like Ryan's cock. Well, put that on the poster.

Yeah, we will actually put that on our next T-shirt. Mackenzie, will you approve today's podcast? Of course I will. How could you not? How could you not? How could you not? Hi, it's Mackenzie. I'm from Tatham Sands and I approve this podcast. All right, coming up today, are Tony and Ryan really fucking lame?

I'm so offended by the question. I think when I reveal what we were really excited about, remind you that we got excited about it. Tony at this stage. Yeah, I can't remember. You'll go, yeah, nah, we probably overreacted there. It's maybe not as cool as we thought it was and we might need some people listening to peg us back.

Peg us back. Bring us back a peg or two. Bring us down a peg. I would like – Take us to Winnipeg. We need to go to Winnipeg. Winnipeg to get pegged. You know when they say like people are most upset by criticism

that they know is true? So when you've just said, hey, were you lame? I'm like, nah. Yeah. Was that about feedback? Like the feedback that hurts the most is the feedback that's true. Yeah, I was getting there. Yeah, no, no, no, no.

First though, have you lied on your resume and what were the consequences? Coming up, someone that listens to this podcast has anonymously told us that they lied to the McDonald's Corporation and it had significant consequences for a young family. Oh. Oh, my God. Pretty tapped, so, like, just, yeah.

Oh. Yeah. Oh. But first, we asked a few other tapas if they'd lied on their resume as well. Have you ever lied on your resume? I don't think I've straight up lied, but I've, like, you know, you just embellish or, like, put your best foot forward. Well, yeah.

Like, a bit of experience in this. Like, yes, I am good at that. Yeah. And I think, like, you know when you add, like, really early in your, like, yes, I am good at that. Yeah. And I think, like, you know when you add, like, really early in your, like, work journey or whatever and you go, oh, very good at Microsoft Word and things like that, like that aren't really important but you need to, like, beef it up a bit.

Yeah. Yeah, wonderful at using email. Yeah. Someone once wrote, like, internet researching something, something, and it was like i have used google oh yeah but like that's the kind of things that you put on there when you don't have anything else to say when you've like just left high school and you go yep like i'm a kid who can use a fucking computer is that impressive yeah is that what you need because i can do it is that

what you're after tarpa blake lied on his resume when he said, works well with everyone. What I really do, says Blake, is bite my tongue and smile around people, then bitch about them behind their backs. Yeah. Our people, really. Our people. Blake, we're hiring. Yeah, if you're interested. Isn't it funny, though, that you do, like, write the classic shit

on a resume, like, write the classic shit on a resume, like, fantastic attention to detail, passionate about customer service, like all that kind of shit, and you write all that down, and someone goes, oh, is that true? And you go, oh, that's just the stuff you say. Yeah, you just say that. Like, because I, the job that I left at the app that I was working on before we went full-time here. I actually hired for that position.

Like I hired my replacement along with my manager and I'd never hired anyone before. But I read a million resumes and I could not believe like the stuff that people write down. Like what? Well, like that classic, like every single resume has like wonderful attention to detail but then there's like a spelling error in their name or like their fucking phone number isn't written down correctly.

Just like so funny though that everybody says that. Can we do some off-air chat? Oh, yeah. We got pitched like our business, you don't know about this, Tony, by this like creative agency. Oh, yeah. And they said we want to like do a rebranding of Tony and Ryan and we can do the website and the this and the that.

And they said we really put in the attention to detail to get to know you and your brand. Oh, and that's what you want, isn't it? So then when they make stuff for us, it feels like a Tony and Ryan thing. Yeah. And so when they described how much effort they've gone into like really getting to know us, they spelt Tony with a Y. Well, we are obviously not going to hire them.

No. And that was on the front page. And I was like, wow, that's a shame, isn't it? And the reason you haven't seen it yet is because I was like, I'm not even going to forward that on. Don't send that to Tony. She'd just get upset. Are you fucking serious?

I actually am dead serious. Is that the one from the bowling alley? Probably wouldn't have said that. That's really pissed me off. Great. Hope they're listening. Well, they're obviously not because they're in-depth research. Otherwise they wouldn't have known how to fucking spell my name.

Hayley wrote, has a lot of patience on her resume. Yeah, only if you're a nurse. Patience like literally, no fucking patience for other people. She said, I should have put an asterisk that says, unless I'm working with fucking morons. She genuinely believed she was patient and she's like, but it turns out I just truly hadn't been tested. Yeah, but that's the thing.

When you are tested, you go, oh, you know what? Not that patient, actually. Yeah. Can you just put the attachment in the fucking ear? But I actually think it's a different test. Sorry, that's really done me. No, it's so fucking good because when you think about, like, you know, people that you've worked with in the past that have, like, common sense

and you go, oh, I have patience with these people. Yeah. But then that is really tested and stretched when you work with someone who you go, well, that's obviously not it. Like, and not even that they're wrong, but just that it's different to how you think about something and you go, well, that's fucking not how it goes. So you hired to replace yourself.

If someone wrote on their resume, has patience, dot, dot, dot, with people with common sense, would you have gone, I respect that? I actually probably would have. Or I've got patience, dot, dot, dot, to a degree. To a degree. No, see, that sounds a bit murdery, doesn't it? To a degree, To a degree. No, see, that sounds a bit murdery, doesn't it? To a degree and then I snap. And then I can't be fucking held accountable for my actions.

Remember that guy who did not have common sense? Yeah. What happened to him? Don't know. Don't know. Just didn't come in one day. He catches the train home from work, though. Yeah, the 404.

Yeah, 404. I, yeah, I think that the way that people hire now is really different to back in the day. It was like everything had to be like perfect and crisp and like good on paper. Whereas now I think that you appreciate like a bit of jazz and a bit of honesty. Like my resume has a photo of me on it, which is fun.

Who's the photo of? It's of me. Oh. That's what I just said. It has a photo of me on it, which is fun. Who's the photo of? It's of me. Oh. That's what I just said. It has a photo of me on it. Of you? Yeah. That face.

It's a pretty old photo. Which angle? Like one of these ones? They would expect quite a thin girl to walk into the job interview, I think. Is your sister on her way? Yeah. Yeah, and just like uh pre-covid like tony.lodge.pre-covid.jpg sarah gilbert has shared a meme oh thanks sarah sarah i was at this job interview and they asked can you perform under pressure she replies can i perform under pressure? She replies, can I perform under pressure?

Well, I don't know all the lyrics, but... Under pressure. That is my area. You're hired. Hi, Malcolm, CEO. If I said that to somebody that I was interviewing and hired. Hi, welcome. CEO. If I said that to somebody that I was interviewing and they did that, I would shit. That is hilarious.

That's really good areas. But that's the thing. If you said that to somebody who actually would appreciate that, great. Don't then spell that same person's name wrong, though. That's what I would suggest. name wrong though. That's what I would suggest. Anonymous Tarpa has sent through a confession

based on a little fib they told on a resume to the McDonald's Corporation. I had a job interview with McCafe. Yep. And they said, do you know how to make coffee?

I, knowing I'd made my mum a few instant Maconas over the years. Oh, yeah. Yes, I can make coffee. No problems. Yeah, they didn't say, can you use a coffee machine? Can you make a latte? Or are you a barista?

Can you foam the milk? They said, can you make coffees? They didn't say that. You know what? They haven't lied on their resume. No, they have not. Cancel the segment. Yeah, ask the right questions.

That's on you, McDonald's. Yeah, that's actually McCafe's fault, and I've always said that. I was kind of getting away with it until this woman came in and ordered a latte for herself and a baby Chino for her three-year-old daughter. I had no clue what a baby Chino was. What is a baby Chino? It's just the milk.

It's just that, like, it's warm milk with the froth. So it's got like no coffee or sugar or anything in it. So apparently some places will now like they'll do like little sprinkles. So yeah, foam and milk and like a little sprinkle just so it looks a bit cute. Well, it's like got normally because it's a baby Chino. It's like a cappuccino. So it's normally got the chocolate on the top. Yeah.

But it's just the milk. It's not. Yeah. Well, not everyone knows that apparently. Yeah. The team are under the pump and I didn't want to bother them. And I also didn't want to out myself by asking. Because obviously if you've worked at a cafe before, you'd know.

Except a baby Chino is so fucking stupid that surely, like, if you ask that, people would be like, I respect that you don't know that. Yeah, I respect you don't know that because you're obviously not a fuckhead. Yeah. I just assumed it was a coffee but smaller. fuckhead yeah um i just assumed it was a coffee but smaller so i made a little piccolo and just popped the extras on the top so it looked cute so it was two shots of coffee a little bit of foam a little bit of sprinkles in a little cup two shots well you know like the little piccolo thing and like and and the sprinkle and so it's like mom's got

her big latte you've got oh no i get it yes i get it the mom leaves with the child and then the team kind of slowed down a bit i'm guessing in the morning there's like that busy period of the day everyone's in there getting their fucking coffees and their croissants so it slowed down a little bit and i walked over to the boss and kind of did a like hypothetically like i'll be like how do you make your baby chinos you know one of those sort of ones. Yeah. And the boss goes, well, usually I make mine with sprinkles. That's why I had sprinkles in my mind. But, you know, just sprinkles, bit of foam and milk. And then obviously it started to click for the person that sent this message in.

Yeah. But I respect the way he said this. He goes, yeah, so obviously you wouldn't put coffee in it, would you? Oh, my God. And the boss goes, fuck no. the way he said this he goes yeah so like obviously you wouldn't put coffee in it would you oh my god and the boss goes fuck no could you imagine a three-year-old with coffee it would become a psychopath possibly have a heart attack and then have the worst come down ever which would probably cause a heart attack for the parents because you know what goes up must come down totally and the confessor goes yeah right you know what you would do in that situation then

you go because i think i saw melissa making a baby chino with coffee in it yeah like you dob someone else in so then when the parents come back and go what the fuck did you do then melissa they already the the boss will go oh oh, someone said that Melissa had done that before. You know? I also, I've actually. Get her on the hook already. I've actually heard about Melissa. Oh. And apparently she doesn't take well to being accused of things. Like when she gets caught, she'll just deny it.

You wouldn't want to work with someone like that. No, I'd fuck her off right now. Yeah, fuck. You wouldn't have her in. She doesn't play under pressure. No, she doesn't. Common sense zero. Hi, it's Mackenzie from Talam Sands

and you're listening to Tony and Ryan. A massive shout out to a few of our champions from the Patreon. Antonio McHugh. Fucking love to see it, Antonio. Love to see that. Thank you. Evan Maidman. Thank you.

Sarah Tebos. Christy Sutton and Drew Joyner. Absolutely love you. Thank you so much. Thanks for being a part of it, Drew. Thanks for joining. Nice. That's funny.

You're welcome. You're welcome. Tony and I got really, really excited about something, and I need you to decide if it's legit awesome or if us liking this makes us really lame. So is the problem that we got excited about it or that we like it at all? Because I actually don't remember.

The card's on the table. I don't remember what we're talking about. I reckon if I said to someone this thing, they would go, okay. Oh. You were at my house yesterday. We were joyous, elated, jubilant. It caused pandemonium. Did you Google all those words?

I did. I wrote them down too. Yeah, nice. And I also had to ask him before. I'm like, what does pandemonium mean? And he goes, no, I think it means what you think it means. And I go, okay. That's funny.

Did you ask, did I have to Google jubilant? Yeah. Because it's got more than five letters. It's not in my regular lexicon. It's not in my regular vernacular. That's why I asked you. Are you ready? Are you intrigued? I am. I's not in my regular vernacular. That's why I asked, yeah. Are you ready? Are you intrigued?

I am. I really don't know what it was. And I can't believe it fucking happened yesterday. There was genuine like clapping in my kitchen. I revealed to Tony that my toaster has crumpet mode. How good is it? I only toast one side. Yeah is it? Only toast one side. So you only toast one side.

So if you're having a crumpet, and obviously you want the bits with the holes to get things, but you don't want it to get burnt on the butt. Yeah. So you put it on crumpet mode and only toast one side of the thing. See, I'm on the record, and I said this to you yesterday, I'm not a big crumpet guy. Do you like a bagel? Well, yeah, I do do would you like to just toast one side of that bagel no no let me fucking finish mate what i was gonna say is that i'm actually not

really a crumpet guy because i don't like that one side gets all like because when you put it in the toaster it ends up just being like a hot sponge yeah it's not really the right texture anywhere but sounds like you need crumpet mode. Well, I actually think our toaster might have it, but I go, well, I hate crumpets, so it doesn't matter. Why would I have crumpet mode? I hate crumpets because they always toast weird. Because they're always toasted weird. Yeah.

But then, like, so I started thinking, what did I think that crumpet mode meant? Did I think that it was timed right for crumpet mode meant? This is the... What did I... Did I think that it was timed right for crumpets? To be fair, I would have assumed that because it took me a while to figure it out as well because I complained about doing a burger bun and it was too burnt on one side. Yeah. And Bridget goes, just put it on crumpet mode. And I went, why?

And she goes, because it only toasts one side. And I went, are you fucking kidding me? That's genius. That's amazing. We've had this toaster for six months. I had no idea. What did you think crumpet mode was? I'm really confused.

What did I think that was? Did I think it was the time? Or did I think it was like the perfect heat? What is the perfect heat for a crumpet? 78 degrees. Because surely everyone's would be different. Yeah. Like everybody, you like it more or less toasted.

What do you, how do you go on toast? Like what do you, what's your ultimate toastiness for like bread? I don't want it to be overdone. But I want it like piping hot, not necessarily like crunchy because then the peanut butter can like melt into it. Melt in. Yeah, I agree. Yeah, that's where I'm at.

I like a well-done piece of toast for peanut butter. Yeah. Because I love the like real crunch that you get and it's like real smooth and so you're on top. But I've been eating heaps of butter and Vegemite on toast recently and that's good when it's really hot and then you get like a nice, yeah, fuck, that's good. Not to like, I know we're very positive about this segment. Yeah.

But I'm eating a lot of peanut butter and bread, everything all right at home. Yeah. Yeah, it's the 80 cent bread from Coles. It's like the real cheap one. Yeah. You know when you just go through like a toast phase? Yeah.

I think I'm just in a toast phase. What did you have for dinner last night? Toast? Toast. Is everything all right? Everything okay. No, well, Torbs does all the cooking at our house and he's been busy. So I'm just eating heaps of toast.

Toast again, mate? Yeah, I think I might. I might do an egg, but mainly toast, yeah. The benefits of crumpet mode besides crumpets. Yep. How do you – or can I ask a question? Please. How do you know which side?

The inside. And on the top of the toaster, it says put this side of the crumpet here. You're joking. And it tells you which side of the bagel to put in technology isn't it so bagels you obviously want the outside to kind of be soft but the bit the side that you've cut to like toast up a bit yeah because that's where you put like the cream cheese on or whatever so you put those in the middle bang um burger buns where do i'm so my go-to at the moment is burgers so when i cook because i don't didn't usually cook but obviouslyabel's like a spanner in the works.

So I'm like, oh, Bridget's got her hands full all day. Well, I'm just at home being sad. The least I can do. Well, right. The least I can do is cook. But so to get like a really nice meat though. What? No, you're all good.

So like a good quality meat for making a nice burger. Yeah. And like homemade burgers and like lots of lettuce, tomato, a bit of goch. But then toasting the buns really elevates. Well, we normally do it just in the oven. It would be like a griller because that's like one side, right? Yeah, so it's kind of the same effect, isn't it?

Hot cross buns. Oh, yeah, you would do that with a hotty truss bun. That would be good. Oh, yeah, you would do that with a hotty-choss bun. That would be good. The only – the plague of problems of a hotty-choss bun in a toaster is that often they're a bit too – Yeah. Say the line.

Say the word. Well, they just get stuck in there, don't they? Because they're thick. Thick. They're too thick. Yeah. But like so then when you try – and then it gets stuck and the toaster starts smoking and you're trying to pop it up

and it's a whole thing. One of my favourite pastimes in Easter is getting the hot cross buns stuck in the toaster. Yeah. Then you try to, like, whack it up. Yeah. But then you, like, connect and then the fucking thing flies out of the room. Yeah, yeah.

Or you've got to, like, turn the power off, unplug it, and then try and, like, ply it out with some tongs or something. Nah. Because it's fucking roasting hot and the tips of your fingers get all burned. I recommend doing that but keeping it plugged in. Oh, that is not good advice. You do not say that.

You want an Easter surprise? You got one. No, that is not good advice. But, yeah. Comfort mode. That is good. Jubilation in the house. I was really excited about that.

I'm just confused. What did I think of him? Like, if not for that, what was it? Yeah, I went through when Bridget revealed it to me. Yeah. It's like paying it forward. She revealed it to me and I was ecstatic. And then I got to pay it on to you.

I get to make someone else feel this good. Yeah, and then tonight you're going to go home and you're probably going to find your toaster has crumpet mode. I definitely am. And you're going to go, hey, Torbs, guess what? Guess what we're having dinner tonight? Actually, first of all, go piss. Yeah.

Then come back because if you've got a full bladder when I tell you this. Oh, you're just going to be a mess. There'll be a calamity. Yeah. You Google that one as well. I Googled it last week. Yeah, right. Now it's stuck.

It's stuck in. You're keeping it on. Yeah. I think that this is great news for everybody because you want to know that- I'm doing this for everyone now. You're welcome. I was about to say, you think about all the people listening to this podcast. You've just made them all feel as good as we did yesterday.

Crumpet mode, bitches. Yep. In today's episode thread, I would like to see a picture of everybody's toaster and their crumpet button because I just would just love to really share in the joy that people are finding that on their toasters. I just don't know what I thought it meant. Can we be crump fluences? Have you heard the thing about how it's like the number on the toaster is like the minutes that it's being?

I don't believe that. Well, so when I worked at Jason PJ, we actually tested it, toasted it, and it was bang on a minute for the one, but I don't think all toasters are the same. Was that good radio for a minute? Nah. Yeah. Quiet.

Dead quiet. But then when it popped up in the minute, it was fucking jubilation. Pandemonium. Pandemonium. What was the other one? Joyous elation. Joyous elation, yeah. Have you got a lot you'd love to see it?

I do. I saw this online and it fucking really sent me and I just like really wanted to share this. Please. There is a Facebook group called Catholics Against Seedless Watermelons. That'll do me. I don't even care what it says.

Which is just hilarious. There's 15,000 people in it. That'll do me. I don't even care what it says. Which is just hilarious. There's 15,000 people in it. What? I know. But somebody has taken a screenshot of that and the screenshot that they've like pasted it with is a group called Seedless Watermelons Against Caffeine. And there's 25,000 people in that car.

Oh, come on. So it's literally like the two pasted together. Wait till you see the religious agnostic that loves seeds. I thought you were going to say there's a pro-seed group. Pro-seed. Anti-seed and pro-seed. That just really sent me in Have you joined one?

No I didn't join it This was like a Can you join both? Imagine if I tried to join both And then the second one goes Well I see you're in the other one I see you're in the other group So it's not going to fly

We're going to fucking tap no traders I just love that the Catholics Against Seedless Watermelons Has 15,000 people But the other one has 25,000 people Like the meme of the first one Is doing better than the original yeah love that so that is so good um you do love to say that fuck that's so funny um

jenna posted a picture in the tony and ryan facebook group hi jenna um it's someone in the shower oh shitting in their own hands and then kind of like throwing the poop into the toilet it's an illustration. Yeah, yeah. Like a drawing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And the caption says, we've all done this. Have we done this? I don't think we have done that.

I've never done that. I don't think we've all done this. And my shower and my toilet are connected, so I have the opportunity to, but I still wouldn't. Yeah. Do you love to see? Is that allowed to be you love to see it? Well, I've done some crook things. Oh.

I've done some tap things. Uh-huh. And my love to see it is someone has done worse than me. Oh, you do love to see that. Yeah, thank you. Yeah, I'll give you that actually. That's fair. And it's clear that some people haven't been educated on the waffle stomp.

Ugh. Because, okay, what's worse? The waffle stomp is not great. But like if you had to choose. I don't know why you'd have to choose. Surely the waffle stomp is worse. No. Because, yeah, because the poo is going down the drain.

Yeah, and it's gone. No, no, no, but it's like it gets stuck like under the grate of the, like you'd have to clean it. It would stink. At least if it's going right in the toilet, that's where it's supposed to go, and then you just wash your hands and, like, you fucking forget about it. I think the waffle stomp is definitely worse, like, long term. You know what I mean? Yeah.

Because you have to clean it. I can't. I actually can't. Today is not my day for gross shit. Yeah, okay. Let's get the fuck out of here. Have a great day, everyone. We'll chat to you tomorrow.

Love you. Bye.