Toni and Ryan - Backhanded Compliments

Episode Date: November 12, 2023

Compliments and OUR OPINIONS THAT NOONE ASKED FOR. Love ya! Toni xoCheck out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toniandryanpodcast Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the Tony and Ryan podcast. My name is Ryan. This is Dr. Author Tony Lodge. We are calling May, who's in Skipper Bean. Skipperine. In West Cork, Ireland. Skipperine. I'll skip over your bean. Oh, I hope you don't skip over my bean. I hope you stay there for a while. Nothing worse than when they find the bean and then move on.

Hello, mate. Hi, mate. Hi. How do you pronounce your town name? Because we were just being idiots and calling it Skip Over Bean, but how do you say it? Skibberine. Skibberine.

Skibberine. Skibberine. Skibberine, yeah. And we live from Skibberine,ibberine Skibberine And we Live from Skibberine Approve today's podcast Absolutely Yes Yes

Thank you very much Hi It's May from West Cork, Ireland And I approve this podcast Yeah All right, coming up today, we've been on the road for a few weeks now. Things from America that we're loving that we should take back to Australia. It's a whole new world. A whole new world.

But actually a whole new world. And I new world. But actually a whole new world. And I think most people when they travel, they're like, oh, oh, oh. Not us. Not us. We're out. We've got the starry-eyed, like, big city vibes. Although having said that, tomorrow on the show, we are doing awesome Australian things that Americans might like to try out.

Yeah. So, tomorrow we're going to do the, ugh, ugh. No, it's just like we're going to take some cool things. You want some cool things from us? Just like a bit of a trade. It's not a- Like a working- But not a trade because I don't want to lose the great things that we have.

No, it's sharing. And international non-keeping of gates. I mean, I've always said that. Put that on a t-shirt. But you've just said that perfectly. Thank you. First, though, compliments. We have, in this world, genuine compliments.

We have the backhanded compliments, which is like a compliment, but it's actually kind of an insult. Sometimes insults are actually like, I think you're trying to be mean, but I'm actually taking that as a compliment. Yeah. And as we're about to hear from a gloating tony lodge um there's now i didn't realize this a compliment because of something someone did not say and i say a gloating tony like i'm being a dick but i'm actually jealous as fuck because i think this is one of the highest compliments a lady in new

york city can receive and i don't think I've ever felt this good about myself. Yeah, and you should. And I fucking hate that it happened to you. I'm like a new woman since this has happened. In general though, I probably can speak for like most of the population of the earth. I'm like not good at taking a compliment. Allow me to speak on behalf of humanity and then humble myself no no like because i think most people are the same like and especially in australia celia picola who is an australian comedian she does like a great bit on this and she's like so in australia

when someone compliments you they go wow you did a great job she goes now fuck off like and immediately you're like no i didn't don't say that to me and it's like really hard to accept i'm about to share some hectic tarpa compliment stories. But what I will add, though, on the when Australians tell you to fuck off, I think this is also like shows some people's inner workings because I don't think I've included any, but there are a lot of like, oh, this person said I looked great. So what they're really saying is I look shit every other day.

Yeah. And it's like, well, fucking I'm not going to give you a compliment then. And also, sometimes when people aren't heavy complimenters, it means more though when they do say something. Like I tell Bridget I love her three times a day and she doesn't give a fuck anymore. Yeah. If I eased it back a little, then maybe it would make her work for it.

Yeah. But the amount of people that I was like, no, I think they were just genuinely saying you look great. And they're all like, can you believe they said that? And I'm like, yeah, that would just be nice. I think that because I'm now like worldwide Tony and I'm feeling like amazing about myself. I'm just like wet for life.

I am wet for life right now. I think, though, I'm just going to start taking things at face value. Good. And not waste time like digging a mine into things that people say. Yeah. Like if someone's like, you look good, I'll be like, sick, cheers. Great. That is good to hear from your colleagues at Tony and Ryan. We're the only two people that work here. Yeah. I've always been built like a brick shithouse, Laura says.

Oh. Strong. When I was 17, an older woman told me, it's good that you have a bit of extra weight because you could be hospitalised for ages and survive. The lady thought she was giving me a compliment. When she was seven? 17. Oh!

Is that better? No, I don't know. But imagine going up to a seven-year-old and being like, what's your favourite colour? Well, the great thing about that is that if you went to hospital, you'd be able to live for ages. But the lady thought she was giving me a compliment. I was like, thank you.

Was the lady born in a barn? That sounds awful. That sounds like it. That's like not a nice thing. Hey, lady, how many people in your life are being hospitalised, you know, on a drip for weeks at a time? I remember this like guy, this is just reminding me of this guy that used to like work for my dad and one day he's just like,

oh, Tony, you look like you lost a lot of weight. I was probably like 14. Yeah. And he's like, you look like you lost a lot of weight. And I was like, oh, okay. And he's just like, yeah, last time I saw your life, I'm pushy, you probably rolled to Adelaide. And I was like, again, backhanded compliment. Um, alright.

Cool. Cool. Alright. As someone who's driven from Perth to Adelaide, that's just ridiculous. You get to Melbourne. Al says, in college, a male friend gave me the weirdest compliment ever. I never understood from looking at you why all these guys were so into you, but after hanging out with you for a bit, I know that it's because you're actually pretty cool. Oh, fuck.

That's tough to stomach, eh? But he thinks he's being nice. Yeah. He's like, oh, fucking I'm a scientist over here. I've cracked the code. Is that just like no filter? Like don't take that personally because that person just like doesn't have a filter. Like, oh, you're not that good looking, but fuck, you're so cool.

Like that's not really a nice thing to say, but it ends up being nice. No, I still don't think it does. But like saying, oh, yeah, nah, I wouldn't take it well. But are you also implying that if a hot girl's a dumb bitch, then that's, like, cool? Like, if you're not a good person, you're not a good, like. Yeah, but if you, like, but one or the other is fine. Yeah, I'll take one.

Hot or cool. I have very clearly accepted cool. Oh, that was a big laugh. That was a backhanded compliment, see? You're like, yeah, you have accepted cool. Oh, that was a big laugh. That was a backhanded compliment. See, you're like, yeah, you have picked cool. Would you like me to just not laugh at your jokes and then you'll go home and cry? Oh. I just get to sit in a room with the funniest woman in the world and I laugh sometimes.

No, no, that was a great big laugh. I'm saying like, oh, yeah, you've obviously picked the one that you've picked. And yes, I have. I signed a deal with the devil. Jordan. Hi, Jordan. Got complimented after giving birth. Oh, no.

Jordan didn't have any stretch marks. And some lady says, oh, you're lucky you've already got a lot of skin around your stomach because you're a heavier girl. So naturally, you know, no stretch marks. So lucky. Old people suck. Yeah. That was an old person. Yeah.

A hundred percent. Like, because no other person would have as little tact to say something like that. Also. This is just awful. I'm, like, bummed hearing all these. Oh, okay. Or, like. But the baby's fine and she's doing well.

No, but, like, what a shitty fucking thing to say. Oh, luckily you're already huge. You didn't need to stretch. What the fuck? Yeah, you can fit a baby in there naturally. Yeah. Oh, twins, was it? Yeah. God, they just came out like nothing. Although having said that, when we stumbled out of Balthazar the other night, we could have been accused of both carrying twins because we'd eaten for fucking Australia. We did and we would have gotten the gold medal as well. So do you want more of a positive one then? Okay. Let's go with Tapa Katie. Hi Tapa Katie. I

think this is like a sick compliment and I don't think it was meant as a compliment. Katie thinks it's a compliment. I think it's a compliment. Let me know where you stand. Okay. I have a friend who would repeatedly say, I can't believe you don't drink beer. You've got such a beer personality. Oh, I think beer personality is a compliment. She means laid back, good sense of humour. Love being in the sun. Someone you just love to have a beer with. Yeah. No, that's a great compliment. Yeah, and she's like, I just can't believe you drink beer. And she's like, I know you're actually not giving me a compliment, but I fucking feel fantastic about that.

I mean, how could you mean that badly? Like, how would you take that in a bad way? I think that's a, like, okay, what personality, like if you had to think of like a drink or a food, what would I be? Cam, Google the most high-maintenance cocktail. No, I'm joking. Fuck, why are you trying to wind me up? No, I think, what drink would you be? The irony is that I feel like we've got beer personalities, but we're both not beer

people. Do you drink a beer? No, never. I don't like it. Yeah, okay. And it also just makes me feel like sore in my tummy. That's why I don't like all the wheat, but now it's like gluten-free beers and maybe I'm back. And like the aftertaste of beer, like you know how it's like after you drink it, it's like not, yeah, I just don't like it. I want to like it. I feel like a really cold beer right now. It's very rare for me to say that, especially as we're recording in the morning.

But I just feel like a cold beer. Am I dehydrated? Maybe I'm just thirsty. Have some water. Yeah, thank you. Yeah. Thank you. I think you've got-

Yeah, I've had two sips of coffee and I'm dry. Oh, I think that you have like a nice cocktail, like a nice warm cocktail personality. Like you're a nice person to like sit down and have like an old fashioned with. And I think that you've got like a really- Well, we're old fashioned people though. We like drinking them. Is that steering the juryfashioned with. And I think that you've got like a really- Well, we're old-fashioned people, though. We like drinking them. Is that steering the jury because you know what I would actually drink, though? No, but I like sitting-

You're like a warm person. It's like a warm cocktail. I think you're like a sparkling. I really appreciate that. Yeah. And maybe not just a sparkling, but you know how you can get- It's like not- You wouldn't call it a cocktail, but it's like sparkling with a twist and a bit strawberry and a little like.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, like a spritz. Is that a spritz, would you say? Well, I guess so. A bit of spritz. But also like I had this drink the other day and I can't remember what it was called, like a piscine. Piscine. And it was like champagne and lemon and citrus and like a, and that was very good.

Are we going to do the piss in my mouth joke or is that just for the restaurant and not for the pod? It was a really nice place. And I made a piss in my mouth joke. Yeah. It's not where I got the compliment, obviously. Wow. You've got it from us because we were like, that's fucking good.

But now, Tony, Felicia, Louise, Logistics. In Times Square, or do you want me to set the scene or would you like to gloat in your glory and tell your story? No, I'm happy for you to tell the story. Well, let me just set the scene. Right in Times Square of New York, understandably, and the same as in most, like, big cities where, like, all the tourists are.

Yeah. You then get a bunch of most, like, big cities, where, like, all the tourists are, you then get a bunch of people, like, selling you tickets to the bus tour and, oh, do you want to see a comedy show? 20% off or here's a flyer for this thing that's going on around the corner or a restaurant. Have you seen the Statue of Liberty and shit like that? Yeah.

And these people must really have an eye for going, he's a local, he's not interested in a fucking celebrity bus tour, and they can just, they can smell a tourist. They know a tourist from a local. And I actually find in Bali, I reckon they know when you're fresh off the plane. Because I reckon when you've been there for a week, you've seen all the tricks and whatever and you kind of get over it. But they go, isn't sunburnt yet, still has a bit of self-respect, is wearing shoes, he's fresh off the plane, I'll fucking hit this bloke up.

That's interesting. So I reckon they get a real eye for like who's a sucker, who's a local, who's a tourist. So Times Square, fucking people everywhere. In fact, all of New York, people fucking everywhere. Yeah. And the person's like, flyer, flyer, flyer, sees this bunch of tourists, flyer, bus, bus,

you want to come on the bus? Sees Tony Lodge. And what's he say to you? Nothing. Not a word. Won't bother with this. Local? Yep.

So, he's giving everyone a flyer, every single person a flyer. He looks at me and then there was, so I was by myself. Would you say there was a nod? It was just kind of like, oh, no. And then like handed to the next person. She's just so New York, ladies and gentlemen. Apparently. She just fits in on Broadway.

And it wasn't only one flight. Like it happened a few times. What were you wearing? Sorry to ask that in a creepy voice. Hey, Elsa, tell me what you were wearing. I had a dress and tights and, like, Converse on. I had, like, and I was just walking. Was the New York cap?

No, I was just wearing my Nike hat at the time. I hadn't bought the New York hat yet. But I still feel like it's New York energy, like, black cap, understated, kind of pulled down a bit. Yeah. Just doing my thing, bro, whatever. Yeah. But I was in Times Square.

Like, I don't think any new york local would be caught dead in time unless they really had to be yeah yeah um but the gloat of tony lodge and to be honest i went back to my room and i was like the amount of flyers i was offered yeah you walked back down there you're like i i obviously don't need a flyer. Yeah, that's what I'm getting at. I'm all good, thanks. I live here. I don't know. Hey, it's me from West Cork, Ireland, and you're listening to Tony and Ryan. A massive shout-out to a few of our champion tarpers over at our Patreon.

Tarpers, Tony and Brian podcast. Jessa Smith, good on you, Jessa. We met Jessa over here since we've been travelling around. Thank you, Jessa. Corinne Hunter, good on you, Corinne. Hunter, I hardly know her. Laura Silvey, good on you, Laura. Brandon Hyde, Robert Brinley.

And Priscilla De Leon. Thank you, Priscilla. Speaking of our champion tarpers, actually, everyone in Patreon, we've been posting some extra little random bits and pieces from the trip. And one thing that freaked people out is us getting freaked out by squirrels. And what was the thing in the bin? The raccoon. So, someone said, because we filmed ourselves and people like the fact that you're excited and filming a squirrel. But someone said in Australia you have

what's the, a bin chicken? Oh yeah, like an ibis. Yeah, and we call it a bin chicken. And they go, oh, I see you've met the trash raccoon. The American, like, they're like cousins. Or like the opposite of. That raccoon was huge. Yeah. It's bigger than Mabel. Yeah.

Bigger than Pippa as well. That was friendly looking though. Yeah, no, Mabel's definitely got a better smile. Yeah. I will also add there's a video from an airport in which Tony's at the baggage carousel pretending like she's picking me up and I've arrived and come down the escalator and Tony causes a kerfuffle and a scene. Oh my god, I've missed you so much.

I love you. So I just went to the bathroom between the plane and the baggage carousel and I hadn't seen Tony for three minutes. Yeah, it's just comedy though. Yeah. Just to give some context to everyone watching this. I'm just letting you know that it's comedy. Oh, thanks for letting me know because I don't have, because I was good looking, I obviously can't have a good personality and be cool at the same time. Because it's one or the other. Yeah, according to the complimenter earlier. But yeah, go and check those out if you're on Patreon and you haven't already. Yeah. Now, four things that we're loving in America

that we should take back to Australia. We need them at home. Yeah. And I can't believe I've lived my life this long without it. Yeah. What do you got? So, everybody knows. Do we need a drum roll?

Is this big? Like, is this a big, like, a steak and a fork in them? This one's probably not as surprising to anybody. Okay. But in Australia, we are phasing out Diet Coke. Yeah. And Diet Coke is my, like, drink of choice. I love it.

I love Diet Coke in a can. It is my absolute favourite thing. And in Australia, like, McDonald's don't serve it anymore. You can only get Coke Zero or, like, real Coke. What I'm witnessing in real time as someone who previously didn't give a fuck about this is waiters and waitresses assuming that Coke Zero is better than Diet Coke. So when you order Diet Coke, I'm like, oh, no, it's all good. We've got Coke Zero. Yeah, like they're doing me a favor. Yeah, well, if

that's what Tony wanted, I reckon she would have fucking ordered it. Yeah, like imagine if I was like, yeah, can I get a burger? And they're like, great, a lasagna's on the way. I'm like, hmm, okay, don't remember saying lasagna. Yeah. But in America, there is Diet Coke fucking everywhere. There's also Diet Pepsi, which I'd never had before, but that was elite, which we don't have in Australia. We haven't had that for decades.

No. Back in my day. You can get, like, Pepsi, you can get Pepsi Max, but you can't get Diet Pepsi, and it's so fucking good. So what is it about the Diet Coke? Because it slightly doesn't, not as sweet in taste. Not as sweet. Yeah.

But it's also like, I mean, it's a different like fake sugar, isn't it? I think. Yeah. And so, I don't know what it is, but I just love it so much. And I don't drink a lot of soft drink. Like, I'm a cold water girl. Yep. I don't drink a lot of alcohol either. Like, I'm a cold water girl. I don't drink a lot of alcohol either. Like, I love cold water.

So, a DC really gets it done. So, a DC for me is like a real like, oh treat myself going to have a DC and they don't have a lot in Australia anymore and seeing that everywhere here and like in Canada as well has been such a treat and the fucking, the Australians could learn a thing or two about stock in DC. And your thoughts on a can in a restaurant? Can in a restaurant, do it. Okay. I don't need a glass with ice. Yeah, actually ice is... Just give me the can and a straw. Oh, plastic straws. I know the turtles

like fuck me, but you know, oh my God, I've really enjoyed a plastic straw. I got some iced coffees earlier, which we are now all sipping. And I couldn't find, I forgot to get a straw. Yeah. And because it's like downstairs and I had to swipe in, I was like, it's going to be a pain in the ass. The whole thing. And the fact that here in the great United States of America.

Yeah. I go, oh, we're in a Spotify office. I reckon if I just go cruising, I'll find straws someplace. Absolutely. And I did. Yep. You wouldn't be caught dead just rolling in an Australian kitchen and looking for straws.

No way. You wouldn't cop that. It wouldn't happen. They wouldn't cop that. So, thanks for having us, Spotify. We've stolen all your straws. Yeah, appreciate it. Have you got something?

Oh, man, I'm ready to go. I think you'll appreciate this. It really is the small things. Yep, lay it on me. Condiments already on the table as a default. I just want a squirt of tomato sauce. Yeah. But how bogan and fucking redneck and a piece of, like,

unsophisticated piece of shit do you feel like when you have to go at a restaurant like, oh, excuse me, can you, like, bring some tomato sauce? Do you have some tomato sauce? And they go, you've ordered the lasagna. You don't need the tomato sauce. I already gave you your Diet Coke and a fucking can, you little bitch. I'm not giving you any tomato sauce. You just feel a bit silly. But when they go, hey, hey, you didn't need to ask. On the table, there's a little basket and we got some tomato sauce. We got some barbecue sauce.

We got a little hot sauce in there. Some mustard. A little mustard in there. And it's just sort of, we went to a steak place and it came out with mayo, tomato sauce, and then a tomato sauce mixed with mayo just to like get the ratios right. And a seeded mustard. And I was sort of like, hey, hey, I'm not implying that you're the kind of person that wants it.

I'm just leaving it there on the table. It's available. And you do what you need to do, whatever you need to do with that. America is a real condiment-heavy place. Yeah. And I like it. I'm a condiment-heavy guy. Yeah.

No, I rate that. Or mustard. I've got a great mustard. What can I get to, you know? I've thought about mustard. You know what's so good? Like, you know, Christmas when you get a ham, when you do Christmas ham and you get like a really hot like English mustard or Australian mustard and they're just like fiery

and they like fucking clean your nose out. And the best thing about a Christmas ham you can enjoy that December, January, February, right the way through. Yeah. Because it lives forever as long as you wet the bag before you put it in the fridge. Wet the bag, that's great advice. And a little vinegar on the bag too. Yeah. So you're supposed to do. Yeah. So you know how you buy like a handbag?

Yeah. I always find that pun hilarious. Very, very funny. It makes me laugh every time. My mum never bought a handbag. She used to put it in a pillowcase. I mean, that is what a handbag is. Yeah, I know.

And then you go, oh, that's not the ham one. Like she'd do the washing or whatever. You go, oh, I didn't end up with a ham pillowcase, did I? Because Mabel is so young and just learning things on the fly, she said to me the other day, why are you sleeping with the handbag? And I said, they're also used to cover pillows. It's actually a two in one. I've got something else that Australians need to adopt for America. Motherfucking half and half.

I never. Tonya is going to get back on the plane as half and half. Literally. I didn't know what half and half was. Yeah. I thought when people had said half and half like on TV or movies or whatever, I thought that it was half milk, half water, like a watered down milk. I thought it was like half no fat, half full fat, like it's like a half healthy. So, it's a quarter.

Yeah, it's a half diet Coke. It's a 25% milk. It's a thinking about dieting Coke. Yes. Yeah. It's a gateway diet drink. But what have we learned? But it's half cream, half milk. And what have we learned? But it's half cream, half milk, which is very naughty,

but fuck, it's good. And, like, you order an Americano and then you go and the condiments, the coffee condiments, they're ready to go. There's a half and half, a 2%. There's, like, sugar syrup. There's, like, creamer. Like, everything you could ever possibly need and that you didn't even know existed, but half and half can fuck me right up, and Australia, like,

really needs to fucking get its shit together because it's so good. It is really great. How could it be so good? Let's take a moment to- I'm sorry. Yeah, this is the half and half in it, obviously. It's just- It's God's milk. It comes from the tit of Jesus.

Like, it's just beautiful. Australia needs to fucking live. When you pulled that face and said, it comes, I thought that was the end of the sentence. Oh, it makes me comes. All right, my last one. I could talk about this for days. Well, I think we'll do this again at the end of the trip.

This is like a halfway checkpoint. Oh, sounds like that. Because I've got plenty more because I'm loving a stick over here. Yeah. Now, this seems real simple and obvious when you see it, but when it's not there, you don't notice it's gone. The tiny little convenience store in the hotel lobby. Great for the customer. I'm assuming fucking excellent for the hotel.

Oh, because they're fucking bumping those prices up. Oh, but just because they're making so much cash. They don't even need someone to work there because you just pay at reception. But that's what I, like, that's exactly what I'm saying. Like, they bump the prices up and they're making a bloody. So, I don't know, we stayed in a bunch of, like, Marriott courtyards, which is like the price-friendlier end of the Marriott chain. Yes, we have not been five star in it, let me tell you. And so, there's a little, like, like the size of a closet. It's called, like, The Mart or something. It's very cool.

And it's like bottled water, ice cream, M&Ms, a toothbrush. Yeah. Like single-use Advil and stuff like that. Yeah. Just all the things that you go, oh, fuck, I need to go to a convenience store and it's literally right downstairs. Yeah. But, I mean, every time you get home and you go, oh, I've had a drink with dinner,

I've had a heavy meal, and you walk through the reception and there's like a thing going ice cream and peanut M&Ms and you're like, I fucking think I will actually. Yeah, don't mind if I do. Don't mind if I do. Yeah, mine was the bottled water. Yeah. Because I, again, am such a water girl and I was like,

oh, I just need some like really cold water. Yeah. Now, I don't know if we just got lucky with the Marriott Courtyards or maybe it's an American. I've just never seen it, but it just seems so obvious. But, again, maybe it was just a – I hate to do coincidence chat. Maybe we just got lucky a few times in a row. But it's been in every hotel.

Yeah. Like, every single one has had it. And when you're away from home, like, I left my toothbrush in Dallas. Which was our first stop, by the way. And I was like, oh, well, I'll just get one from the little shop in reception the next day in Atlanta. Who gives a fuck? Easy as.

You sort it. Take that shit home. And you don't have to walk around at night time. Like, because I'm, like, a bit of a scaredy cat. No, I don't really do that. But so it was nice being like, oh, there's something right downstairs. So you would you have ventured to a 7-Eleven to get a little treat? Not at night time. No. Nah. But like I would if I'd thought about it during the day and then I brought something back. But nah, like having that there was so

good. If there's people that have travelled the US, because in here, this is just normal fare. Yeah. So, in the episodes read today, if you've travelled to America, what was like a little thing that you were like, oh, we should get that back home? Yeah, that wouldn't be too bad. Yeah. And like I said earlier, tomorrow on the show,

some great Australian inventions that I reckon the US might enjoy. Do the other way. Yeah. Do the other side. Pay it forward. What was it? The not keeping of foreign gates. Beautiful.

Even better the second time. No, I feel like it was a not keeping of foreign gates. Beautiful. Even better the second time, is it? No, I feel like it was a bit worse the second time. What do you love to see, Tony Lodge? I saw this meme, this internet meme, and it's like two guys sitting on the subway. Yeah. And it's like someone else has taken a photo of them from like across the way. And the caption is, a full bottle has taken a photo of them from, like, across the way.

And the caption is, a full bottle of wine just rolled out from under a subway seat. And these two strangers popped it open and are drinking it. Fuck yeah. This is peak NYC. And you can see these two guys. Like, one of them's in a suit. The other one is obviously, like, just, like, hanging out. Maybe off to the gym or something. And they're cheersing this, like, bottle of champagne that's in a suit. The other one is obviously, like, just, like, hanging out, maybe off to the gym or something.

And they're cheersing this, like, bottle of champagne that's apparently, like... Well, I'm glad that with the champagne, it's like a pop the cork so you know it's fresh. Yeah. Because as someone who's pissed in a wine bottle on public transport before... What?

Well, when you need to go, like, you've been drinking and you're on the way to a part, like a music... Where are we going? We're going to a festival. And I was like, I need to piss because I've been drinking goon. So I peed in a bottle. On a train? Where else are you going to go?

Yeah. I think it was a bus. A V-line bus. So I just peed in the bottle and put the lid on. All good. That's the most disgusting thing I've ever heard in my life. The most disgusting? That's fucked. Think about all the cook shit that's happened on this show. heard in my life. The most disgusting? That's fucked.

Think about all the cook shit that's happened on this show. That's pretty fucked. What's worse, pissing into that or just like pissing in the bus on the floor? At least you can put the lid back on. Why don't you just get off the bus? Because it's like we're in the middle of nowhere. It's like I was going out to Phillip Island or somewhere. We're off to a party and we're all having a few beers in the back of the bus.

I was like, fuck, I've got to piss. And I went and said, excuse me, can you pull over? And he's like, no. And I was like, fuck, I've got to piss. And I went and said, excuse me, mate, can you pull over? And he's like, no. And I was like, okay, I'm just going to pee in a bottle. So then we get to the next stop. Oh, this is still going. Yeah. And the bus driver goes, oh, if you want to jump out here,

we've got a few minutes because, you know, the V-Line bus has stopped. And I'm like, oh, I'm all good. And he just goes, okay. Like that guy really needed to piss 15 minutes ago and now he's fine. And, yeah, he smelt a rat. He probably smelt something else. What do you love to see? I love to see it.

This time last week we announced that Paige, who was due to get married around this time in the U.S, was the reason we're over here was to attend her wedding, that she is not getting married because that fuckhead left her. Asshole. What an asshole. His loss. Absolutely. My love to see it is both the compassion,

but also the venom in the Tony and Ryan podcast community. Compassion for a lady they don't really know in Paige and venom for this fuckhead of a guy who, to be fair, they also don't really know. Yeah. But I love just going, something went down and everyone's like, nah, we fucking got your sister. And just that blindly people would be like, he's the worst.

We don't know this guy. We don't really know Paige. Hayley, sending Paige so much love. Glad to hear she's doing so well. Also glad she didn't marry that fuckhead. Hannah Sterling. I gasped when you dropped the news about Paige. What a bombshell.

So pleased she isn't marrying someone who's clearly a fuckhead. You got this, girl. Oh, nice. Thanks, Hannah. Wally. Wally Choplick. Wally Choplick. Yeah.

How did you know Wally Choplick? We met him the other day. We met him the other day, but I talk to him all the time on Patreon. Paige, I'm so sorry, but also I'm not sorry because you're better off. Fuck that guy. Oh, nice, Wally. Katie Richens, on behalf of thousands of tarpers. Fuck that guy, Paige.

Fuck him right off. Be a single Pringle. We love to see a new life happening. You dodged a bullet, girlfriend. Oh, yeah, that is good. Katie Richens, she's good value. She lives in Melbourne. Yeah, she's good value.

Kate says, Paige, just remember that you've got thousands of friends in the TARP community on your side wishing you better things than that Carla Conti could have brought to your life. Glad to hear she's doing well and glad she helped bring Tony and Ryan to our side of the world for a little bit. We've all got Paige to thank for this tour. Aww. Don't you fucking love her?

Doesn't that just melt your little heart? That's really nice. Aww, I'm so glad that everyone's gotten around Paige. Not that there was any reason not to because she's great. Yep, absolutely. So thank you for the kind. And I just love, again, without any, like, without a heap of background info that it's like, well,

I know which side I'm on. Oh, I can't wait till someone wrongs me and the whole podcast community's like who's that asshole you're talking about could you imagine though i actually probably couldn't share it because i'd be worried about like what the outcome would be who do you want to cancel i'll come up with an idea i'm just I'm just going to come up with something. Okay. Tomorrow on the show. Yeah.

Things in Australia we'd like to bring to the US. And we've also got confessions. These are top confessions. Tomorrow we're going to hear from a hardworking slut. Nice. A hot slut. A hot slut. It's me.

And it's, yeah, I mean, it was innocent enough, but it just, what's that saying that none of us understood that I said one time? No good deed goes unpunished. Yeah, I still don't understand it. I've said it a lot of times, but I don't understand it. Well, good luck figuring out tomorrow's show then, Toni. Oh, great.

But we'll go play by play and we'll figure it out together. But that's on the show tomorrow. Love you. Bye.