Toni and Ryan - Best way to fight with your partner

Episode Date: April 24, 2022

We're back! Ryan has a HARROWING travel story, and I have found the best way to fight with your partner or housemate. Love ya! T xx Check out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toni.lodge and @ryanjondunn Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, Ashley speaking. Ashley, it's Tony and Ryan. Hi. Oh, my gosh, hi. Now I'm just like, hello, Ashley speaking. Yeah, it's my, like, customer service voice. Yeah, I could tell. Very professional.

Yeah, because you've turned into a devil since the second that you said, oh, hi, it's you guys. So we're wondering, would you like to approve our podcast? Oh, 100%, I'll approve the podcast. I also wanted to know how you're wondering, would you like to approve our podcast? Oh, 100%. I'll approve the podcast. I also wanted to know how you're feeling, Ryan. Are you feeling better after you COVID? I am feeling better.

I might sound a little... You're a bit raspy. A bit raspy, but I'm surviving and I'm back in the studio and I'm coughing all over Tony and life couldn't be better. Oh, I'm sure she'll love it. I do love it. You're right. Hi, this is Ashley from Warrnambool, Australia, and I approve this podcast.

Welcome to the Tony and Ryan podcast. Welcome. Do I sound sick? You sound okay. It's good to know that you're back from the dead, though. Yep, we've had a week off. I had COVID. Yep.

Isolated in New Zealand. Yep. What a pleasant time had by all. Yeah, it's good to know that when we book organised time off, that instead of enjoying a nice relaxing holiday, you almost died. I spent it on my deathbed. Yeah. I had a great time though. Thanks for asking. Yeah. How'd you go? Good time.

Yeah. It was good. It was nice to sleep in, which is probably all you did anyway. I slept in, I slept out, I slept every way you can. That's all I did. That's beautiful. For probably 18 hours a day, I reckon. It's nice and creative of you. Thank you. It's nice to try new things on holidays. Actually, the first day I got sick was like, great, I'm going to do this online course.

I'm going to do this other thing and I'm going to watch all these movies. You always think that and it never happens. There were some weights in the room. I was like, oh, I could do a little, some weights. Mate, you don't even do that when you're well. Didn't touch them. Why would you think that you would do that when you were sick? The first day I was sick sick I was like, oh, if this is as bad as it gets.

And that was my mistake because three days later. Yeah. See you later. See you. I was in New Zealand with COVID. Now, which one are you? You listening to this podcast. Which one of these sounds more like you?

Are you like me, Ryan? Pretty calm. We'll figure it out when we get there. It'll all be fine. Or are you like Tony Felicia Lodge, captain of the Tony and Ryan ship? A little more organised, needs everything to be in order, nothing left to chance. Does that feel about right? Yes, it does. I just like to know that when I get on a plane, it's just going to be fine. I get to the airport with plenty of time to spare. I'd rather sit at the airport and wait for hours and hours and know that I'm there, like,

and just know that I don't have to stress. Okay. So in 2022, you, Tony, claimed you were unflappable. You're a new person. But I think some of these travel stories from the tapas are going to flap you up. You're going to be so flapped you're going to be a dim sim. What?

You're going to be a dim sim because they're just all flaps. What? I don't get it. Cut that out. No, I don't get it. Tell me. Dim sims, they just all look like flap. That's all they are.

Oh, like because they're folded. Okay. Oh, all right. Just dusting off the cobwebs, mate. I've had COVID. Please laugh at my jokes. Oh, Dim Sims. Amy Jane asked, Tony, if you had a 6am flight, when would you pack?

When would I pack? Yeah. International or domestic? She went overseas for a month. A month. Okay. I probably would have started packing a week beforehand and then through the week I would have added things to my suitcase

and then like the night before I would have had my final shower and then I would have put all my toiletries in and then I would leave my house for the airport at, what, like 1.30? For a 6am flight. To get to the airport for like 2.30 in case there was traffic or something happened. Traffic at 1.30. And then I'd be at the airport for 2.30 to know that I could like check in

and organise all myself for three. Yep. And then I'd go through and just sit in the chair and wait. Amy came home late the night before and because she'd been drinking and was like, oh, I've had too many beers, I couldn't possibly pack. I'll do it in the morning. The morning's when the flight is. Yeah.

Doing it in the morning has already happened. It's already too late. You might as well stay home. So her alarm went off. She woke up in the morning, stuffed some stuff into the backpack and went off to the airport. You might as well stay home. So her alarm went off. She woke up in the morning, stuffed some stuff into the backpack and went off to the airport. For a fucking month? Yeah.

You're just setting yourself up. You're going to get. This is not going to go well for you. You're going to get there and realise there's heaps of shit you forgot and then have to buy heaps of stuff. What a waste of money. Like what? Like other clothes or any toiletries you forgot.

Just stuff clothes and toiletries into a backpack. Just make do with what you've got. A whole month's worth of stuff. You cannot tell me you could pack a month's worth of stuff in a five-minute stuff into your backpack. You're overestimating the amount of underwear I would wear on a given month. Ugh.

Wow. All right, so I got to the airport two hours before my 6.15 flight, so 4.15 in the morning. Okay. For a domestic. Is that feeling about right to you? Oh, domestic, yeah, that's okay. So I had to go to Sydney before I went to New Zealand.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We get there two hours before. Yeah, that's good from you, actually. I'm very impressed by that. Thank you. And security said, well, we went early because it was in the news. The lines were fucked. And I was like, oh, surely if we get there at 4.15.

So we get there and the guy says, currently the wait for security, or sorry, the wait for check-in is two hours and 15 minutes. Get absolutely fucked. I would have thrown up and gone home. I actually, if someone told, I think I would just pass out. I think I would have to buy a Torbs would have to like fucking buy a smart cart and fucking roll me through the airport. Put your insert coin into the trolley and push you back to the cab.

Smarty carty, they're called. So two hour 15, wait to check in. Flight leaves in two hours. Could you check in online and just do a bag drop? Well, because we were doing a transfer to international, we had to do it properly because we had to show like proof of vaccination, all these forms. I would just like doing a transfer to international, we had to do it properly because we had to show, like, proof of vaccination, all these forms. I would just like to say transfer to international also freaks me out.

Fly direct. I don't care. Fucking I'll take money out of my fucking superannuation and pay for that flight if I have to. I am not doing international transfer at a different fucking airport. Fuck that right off. You've got no fucking control. What if your first plane is late and then you just actually don't have the,

I just spat everywhere, you literally don't have the time to then go, fuck off. Well, I love it. I wasn't going to London, but if you're going from Melbourne to London, there are no planes that go that far. Well, then I would go to Sydney, spend a night, and then reset the day. Fly to Singapore, spend a week.

Reset again. All right, so the flight is at 6.15. Fuck me dead. It gets to 6.08. No, it did not. And we still haven't checked in. You're fucking joking. The flight leaves in seven minutes and we still haven't checked in.

So there's no fucking way. That's what I said. So I said. Can I ask a question? How are you feeling at this point? Because obviously I'd be melting down, but how are you feeling? Like were you like, okay, we're going to miss this flight. What's our backup plan?

I was sort of like, yep, this is clearly not going to happen. Yep. So, I mean, you know. It is what it is. It is what it is. Yep. So I said to the lady. I would have been in pieces.

I said to the lady, because this is when we finally got to the front. Yeah. And I said, I guess we'll just have to get the next one, right? And she goes, we're fully booked all day. There's not a spare seat. There is no next one. As she says that. That is like a thriller movie, isn't it?

My God. As she said that, this girl rolls in up to where we're standing, cuts in the line. She's wearing only a bikini top and like some tight active wear pants and bare feet and a face full of makeup at six in the morning like she's about to do the runway at Coachella and goes. I don't think there's a runway at Coachella.

As in like strut. Yeah. And goes, excuse me, I'm on the 645. Do you mind if I just push in? Absolutely not, bitch. Our flight leaves in 45 seconds. You will not be doing that. And, well, I don't

want to imply that I got aggressive or use the B word, but my reaction was like, well, we're on the 615, so no. You will not be cutting in. Then the same lady who works at the checkout counter goes, excuse me, can you go to the back of the line? Shame, bitch. Yeah, shame, bitch.

And she goes, but we're running late. And then this lady who works at Qantas goes, Everyone's fucking running late, sir. We're all running late, ma'am. Back of the line. Because they would have been copying it. Sweet. Fuck.

So it gets to 6.13. Oh, you're joking. Two minutes to go. Two minutes to go. And we finally got checked in so now we have to go through the standards and stuff. Security. Oh, fuck me. So the Qantas lady goes,

I'll take you to the front of the queue and I'll personally escort you through. Oh my god. And at the same time this happens, something that you would never have heard before. Boop, boop, boop. Mr Ryan John and Lady Bridget Dunn Can you please make yourselves known to airport personnel

Your plane is waiting for you Fuck off No one got to see the convulsions that just happened through your body. A plane was waiting for you. The whole airport got buzzed with my name. I want to throw up when you're waiting for me. There were 400 people. Yeah.

I almost swore then. Yep. There were 400 people on a plane waiting for you. And don't you feel like a fucking cock walking onto that plane? We didn't walk. We had to sprint through the terminal, like fully run. Bridget's sweating. And then you go like, oh, you've got to take your laptop out of the bag

and do all that stuff. So we're sprinting through the thing. We get there. Bridget like had a bit of a moment and had to be like consoled by the stuff because by the time we were puffed and sweaty and we get to the top of the plane and we're sitting in, like, the second back row. And had to walk past every single person.

Don't give me stories about walk of shames when you've had a one-night stand and had to leave the boys' dorm in the morning. The walk of shame is rocking up to a 6.15 flight at 6.21 and having to walk down the middle aisle of the plane and everyone just stares at you. At least you had a mask on. That is true. That is true.

Like at least you could kind of hide. Imagine if someone recognised you. They're like, oh, that's that guy from TikTok. What an arsehole. Imagine that. So then we literally, as soon as we sit down, the door slams shut behind us. And they fucking take off before you've even buckled up.

Yeah, and the pilot goes, ladies and gentlemen. Also, that's not how they sounded. The mic technique of pilots is still awful. Oh, I just put my mouth right on that. Same, I regret that. I don't know how they sounded. The mic technique of pilots is still awful. I just put my mouth right on that. Same, I regret that. Ladies and gentlemen, the two people we were waiting for. Ryan Jonathan Dunham.

Have now arrived and now, finally, we'll be able to get to Sydney as soon as you can. Did anybody say anything to you? One lady did and she was actually like, oh, we know you've got a connecting flight, they told us, and so we know you've got to, like, get off quick. So they actually let us off because we were late at the other end and then we were, like, in Sydney and we had to do the whole thing again. My God.

So they let you disembark first. Yeah. Just to make us feel even worse. That is real celeb treatment if I've ever fucking heard it. But in your defence, like, yes, that absolutely flaps me. I know that we're doing Unflappable Tony, the travel version, which is the worst situation for me to be in. I'm not a good traveller.

I don't like being stressed. I don't like being rushed. I'm not a good traveller. I don't like being stressed. I don't like being rushed. I'm not a good runner. I don't like it. In your defence, you got there two hours beforehand for a domestic flight thinking that would be plenty of time. Is it smug that we, like I sort of knew in the back of my head that I've actually done nothing wrong.

I've done everything I can. And sort of refused to feel too bad about it. That is something you do that I really respect. You're like, I'm actually not going to be made to feel bad. Like if you guys slept in and then you were fucking, you know. If I was that bitch who walked up to the side and was like, I'm late. Yeah.

We stood in that line for two hours. I'm surprised there weren't more people they were waiting for, to be honest. Oh my God, it was a nightmare. That would have been fucked. Anyway, so kudos to you for getting there with a bit of spare time. But fuck, that is my worst nightmare. That is like.

I'll stop you right there. Oh, no. It's not your worst nightmare. Oh, fuck. Because Julie, not Julia Morris. Julia Morris. Not Julia Morris. Oh, sorry.

Yep. And Ian Farr, I'm going to send you a couple of quick ones from the tarpers. When you're on a cruise ship, says not Julia Morris. Oh, sorry. Yep. And Ian Farr. I'm going to send you a couple of quick ones from the tarpers. When you're on a cruise ship, says not Julia Morris, they stop at the port and you've got a few hours. Stop right there. Cruise ship. You're already flat. Already done.

Fuck that ride off. I don't want to get diarrhea on the same 10 people for 12 days. Thank you. I agree. Get absolutely fucked. No cruises. In fact, every week we'll dedicate. I agree. Get absolutely fucked. No cruises. In fact, every week we will dedicate a moment to saying how much we despise cruises. Yeah, no way.

Anyway, sorry. Yeah, Lady Julia Morris. So apparently when you stop at a port, there's a few hours and they're like, oh, if you want to like get off the boat and have a walk around. What? What? What if it leaves without you? Oh, fuck off.

So you get off and walk around, like go to the market, try their local donut and then you get back on? Yeah. Yeah. So apparently, now I think I've named this. It's called Doc Cock and apparently Christian Hull introduced it to the world. Doc Cock.

And Julian, not Julian Morris, took this from Christian Hull who was on our show a few weeks ago. You jump on Tinder and you straight up go, hey. I've got three hours. Is it on or is it not? Let's get this done. No how's your father. Straight into business.

See you later. Got to get back to the boat. So not Julia Morris. Find someone on Tinder, find a willing participant and heads over to their place. Oh, my God. After she gets it done, she goes back to the train station because it's like two stops away and the trains close

for maintenance, things off the rails, it's broken down, whatever's happened's happened. You know, public transport sometimes doesn't always work out that way. She's in some foreign country sometimes it doesn't always work out that way. She's in some foreign country where she doesn't have the currency because, you know. So she can't just jump in a taxi or something. Whatever. She doesn't really know where she is and doesn't know how long the trains

or trains are going to be. And she probably didn't have internet. You know when you're travelling and you don't have like 3G or whatever? Oh, my God. When I was in New Zealand because of COVID, they're like, oh, just call this person. I'm like, I actually don't have a SIM card. I would challenge that.

When you go to New Zealand, it's literally like $5 a day. Must be nice for some. But it's not like you're paying for roaming. Anyway, yeah, yeah, yeah. So here's the two options she has. Fuck this. Fuck this right off. Do you?

Because you're only supposed to walk around the dock and close by. They're not like, oh, go take a day trip to the fuck in the middle of town. Yeah, go and fuck some dude and come back. Get some cock dock. Cock dock. Dock cock. Which way are you around? Dock cock.

Wow. Okay, so I've got two options. Yeah. Do you just start running? Or do you contact the ship and tell them, I've been dock cocking and I'm out of town. I'm going to be a while coming back. Ring the ship and tell them I've been dock cocking and I'm out of town, I'm going to be a while coming back? Ring the ship, then start running.

Okay. I take both. Because, oh. This is what Not Julia Morris said, I sprinted on the million degree hot concrete, got third degree burns on my feet. But she was wearing shoes. Well, I think she might have had a heel and she's like,

well, if I'm going to be running. I can't. Oh, fuck me dead. Yeah. I mean, she wasn't mucking around when she rolled into Old Mate's place. I hope it was worth it. Same. Imagine doing all that and, like, how Aussie, like, rubbish.

Yeah. Oh. It turns out they had to delay departing the ship because security noticed she was missing, searched her room, police were called because they thought she might have been a missing person and something like, what's that movie, Death on the Nile? Taken.

Oh. Taken. Maybe she was taken. Hashtag dot cock from Not Julia Morris. Oh, fucking hell. Maybe she was taken. Hashtag dot cock from NotJuliaMorris. Oh, fucking hell. All right, lay Ian on me because I don't know if I can take this. So now I've renamed Ian Farr as Ian, are you fucking kidding me?

He was flying from the UK to the US and you need a visa. Oh, of course. Yeah, to get in. So he gets to the airport and goes, I totally haven't got a visa. What do you mean? What the fuck do you mean? It's the one thing you need to get before you travel. Well, he hadn't done it.

He hadn't got around to it. So here are his options. Yep. He's in the airport in the UK. Yep. He jumps online on his phone and fills out the form and submits it on his mobile. Yep. He's in the airport in the UK. Yep. He jumps online on his phone and fills out the form and submits it on his mobile. It normally takes weeks. So apparently it's like can take 24 hours.

Like it's usually pretty quick. But not like instant, but like someone still needs to sign off. So here's his two options. Okay. One, it doesn't come back when he gets to the front of the plane. Like he's about to board, it hasn't come back and been approved. So option one, don't get on the plane. Go back home and think what an idiot I am for not getting a visa.

Yeah. Or two, get on the plane and hope. In the 10 hours. That in the time he gets there, it's been approved when he's in the air, knowing that when he gets to the other end. At security. He'll either be let through because it's been approved or he'll be, and let me just get this right because Ian Far King was quite specific,

if I don't arrive visa-less, I'll be detained, fined, have a red flag on my name and sent home at my expense. If it doesn't arrive mid-flight. I don't get on the plane. Tony Lloyd's Lodge does not get on the plane. Ian, are you fucking kidding me? Gets on the plane. And guess what happens?

Of course it fucking comes off. It's all fine. Piece of piss, mate. Who cares? There's no fucking problem. No one's stressed ever. No. Fuck.

The thing is that that would never happen to me. They would think I was a fucking drug-muling terrorist because I'd applied for it at the last minute and they're like, ma'am, do you have any plans while you're staying here to make money illegally or something? I've seen Borna Security. I know what they say. Hi, this is Ashley from Warrnambool, Australia,

and you're listening to Tony and Ryan. Tomorrow on the Tony and Ryan podcast. Tomorrow. Things you can say to a hairdresser. And also in the bedroom. Did you know when we decided we were going to do this, what I was setting myself up for? Yeah, but I've actually

done you a solid. Don't say solid. Even though you didn't do a solid. No, not even close to one. And I didn't do it. Great. Great. Because I'm a good friend and because when we were planning it you had COVID. And I thought that's a real dog move of me to do that to you. Well, dog moves ahoy in the fucking tapas because I said,

hey, this week we're doing hairdresser in the bedroom and, oh, didn't everyone have a fucking field day with that? Yeah. Not a towel is safe in the city of Melbourne. It's true. It is true. I'm not saying I don't deserve it. You do deserve it, but I haven't done it because I feel like you got

enough from everybody else. You don't need that from me as well. Thank you. That's tomorrow on the show. Okay. Thank you to a few of our new champion tapas over at our Patreon, patreon.com slash Tony and Ryan, if you want to check it out. Thank you, Hannah Cook, Krista Meek, Alex Gould, Rue Forbes,

Stephen Roberts, and Ada Koroshevskaya. Can I just comment on Alex Gould, Rue Forbes, Stephen Roberts and Ada Koroshevskia. Can I just comment on Alex Gould becoming a champion? Please. I believe within Patreon he's changed. He was originally Big Gay Al. Oh, yes, I did see that actually. And then so I'm chatting with Big Gay Al in the DMs and then I'm chatting with Alex Gould and I'm like,

this sounds like Big Gay Al. Is this a different person? It's the same guy. Same guy. He obviously knew that this sounds like Big Gay Al. Is this a different person? It's the same guy. Same guy. He obviously knew that we would say Big Gay Al, that's not his real name, and try and move on. Oh, well, that's fucking backfired because here we are anyway. Yeah, no one's safer, not a towel or a person or a name in the Patreon.

Sorry? You said you wouldn't go there. Sorry? You said you. I don't recall that. I can literally play play the audio back. Character assassination. Okay.

So I want to know if you or your partner, if you and your partner or you and a housemate or something, if there's something that you do every time you get into an argument. So there's something that Torbs and I, so we actually don't argue a lot, really ever, but we do get into little like snippy. Would you say like little passive-aggressive disagreements? Yeah, like I'll say something or Torbs will say something and I'll go, no, I don't think that's right, and he'll go, okay,

and I'll go, oh, okay. Oh, so you guys are a bit like, oh. Oh, and then we kind And he'll go, okay. And I'll go, oh, okay. Oh, so you guys are a bit like, oh. Oh. And then we kind of are just like, oh. And then there's something that we do every time. Do you think it's a man thing? I reckon I shut down and just go. That's it?

I would just like shut down. Oh, and like the silent treatment kind of thing? No, not even silent. It's just like I don't silent. I can't even be bothered to have this conversation with you that I'm just going to be like, fine. Swallow my pride kind of thing. Whatever.

Yeah, and then that turns out doesn't go well because Bridget wants to talk about it or and I'm just being a bit of a dismissive duck and you're just like okay, sure. Oh, and that's the – because when you're angry about something, you want the other person to bite because you want to fucking –

you want to talk about it or you want to argue. No bites here, dog. And so there's something very frustrating about when you're hopped up and the other person's like, fine. Fine. And you're just like – I wouldn't have it. And the other person's like, fine. Fine. And you're just like. I wouldn't have it. And the other person's just like, cool, whatever.

I'm not talking about it. Like that's so passive aggressive. Are you and your partner Torbs, are you biters? No. So we kind of both go silent and we clean the house. Every time. Every time. I bet that Bridget, see, most of our disagreements are about cleaning the house.

So if my, you know, if I ended up cleaning every time we had a disagreement, she'd be like, oh, perfect. Yeah. She'd just pick a fight so that you'd clean the house. Oh, who the fuck hasn't vacuumed? Oh, fuck off. Give me the vacuum. Yeah.

Yeah. So it'll be like. So how clean is your house right now? Well, so we. Sparkling. We've had a couple of long weekends together stuck in the house. The house has never looked better. Well, so it just, I don't know why, but it's like both of us kind of go, I don't want to fight with you,

but I'm not really ready to not be fighting with you. And we'll both, like, pick things up, put it back. I don't need to make myself busy. Yeah, we just want to keep our hands busy but not talk to each other. Yeah. And so if ever we have, like, a little disagreement, like, fold the washing, put it away kind of thing. Like, that's every single time.

But do you do it with a bit of? Oh, yeah. A bit of chew? There's a bit of venom in there. Yeah. And like when you pat the towels down, you're not just like patting it down. It's like. Yeah.

And like putting the couch cushions back on or something like throwing them back on and just like pushing them down. And we don't look at each other. We don't yell. We don't scream. We don't do anything. And you both do it. We both do it.

It's just because we don't want to fight. And it's like just a really it's I actually fucking recommend it because it's just because we don't want to fight and it's like just a really, it's, I actually fucking recommend it because you kind of, you get something done and then like by the time the fight is, well by the time the house is clean actually. You've moved on. We're both just like oh well that was good actually. Now the house

is clean. We can be friends again. Let's watch TV. We've achieved something so it's fine. This is not intended to be a pun. Yeah. But are you not just sweeping the problem under the rug? Well, because it's never, it's not like, oh, you cheated on me, I'm going to unstack the dishwasher. You know what I mean?

If you're not addressing the problem, maybe it's still simmering for next time or something. But it's literally normally something like. I cooked last night, it's still simmering for next time. But it's literally normally something like. I cooked last night. It's your turn to cook. Just mundane. Less. It's like, oh, that actor was in that movie.

And I'll be like, I don't think they were. And then we'll look it up and I'll go, you just always got to prove me wrong. And then Jules will be like, what? And I'll be like, oh, just whatever. And I'll just get up and then I'll like clean something. Like it's so small. It's not like, oh, just whatever. And I'll just get up and then I'll, like, clean something. Like, it's so small. It's not like, oh, wow, do you want kids? No.

Fine, I'll fucking scrub the bath then. Yeah, it's not like a big... It probably wouldn't work in, like, you know, divorce mediation, but it works in our house. And then your honour, I fluff the pillows and he's still mad that I banged those five strippers. I don't understand what the problem is. She needs to calm down.

Movies cause way more fights than people think. I think it's because we don't fight, so little things like that set us off. I'll tell you the one thing that sets me and Bridge off every time we watch a movie. Yeah. During the movie, I'll look up the movie on Wikipedia. Why? For similar reasons.

When the guy, oh, hey, so the actress in that, it was actually supposed to be Emma Stone but she was busy filming EZA so they had to get this other girl. Yeah. And Bridget's like, can you just fucking watch the movie? Yeah. See, I'm an IMDB-er. Same.

Yeah. Do you know they filmed this in Prague because it was too expensive to film in California? Yeah. I don't fucking care. I'm in the movie. I'm watching it now. Research it later.

Yeah. Or we'll be watching it and I'll go, oh, she was in one episode of New Girl. And Torbz is like, really? And I'll be like, yep. And then I open IMDB and I'm like, yep, see, one episode of New Girl. Anyway, so we were. Very exciting lives, Tony, and I live with our partner.

It's a big one. So last week we actually had a rent inspection. Oh. Yeah. So like, and fucking water painting the ass is a rent inspection. Oh. Yeah. So, like, and fucking water painting the arse is a rent inspection. Because they're so, no one keeps their house to the standard that they expect. Like, if you own a house, when is the last time you cleaned

your fucking exhaust fan? When was the last time you cleaned your oven out fucking top to bottom? Never. I can tell you right now, as a homeowner, flex, I've never cleaned an oven. Exactly. Once you own the house, you stop cleaning it. No one's checking it, so you go, fucking who cares?

Yeah, who cares? Who's going to check it? The owner? That's me. Leave the grease on the pan. And this 20-year-old girl, you know, is going to come through the house and look at your oven and go, oh, I'd give that a clean.

I'm like, sweetheart, your mum cleans your fucking oven. Let's see your oven, mate. Let's all calm down. Anyway, so we're fucking, we're cleaning the house. We're fucking, it's the night before the rent inspection. The house is like fucking legit spotless. Like there is. There's nothing left to clean.

There's not a, there's nothing anywhere. And then the next day, like, the rent inspection got cancelled and moved to the following day. They can't do that. They did. I fucking cleaned this thing mercilessly and you're not even going to turn up. And so we were like, cool, we won't cook anything. Like, so we ordered pizza so that we didn't fucking, you know,

mess up the oven again or whatever. Anyway, so we're like, cool, the house is fucking spotless, there's nothing to do. Anyway, I was like, cool, I'm just going to cook this little thing for lunch. And I was, I looked at a recipe. What were you cooking, a sandwich? For example.

For example, tell me what it was. So it was actually, we were going to make French toast. In a clean kitchen. Because it's just. It's so messy. No, it's not Because it's just. No, because it's just. It's so messy. It's just. No, it's not.

It's just whipped egg. Whipping. Whipping shit ends up everywhere. Whisking. Whisking. Yeah, you'll send shit everywhere. No. What the fuck are you doing?

So it's just whisking egg, putting bread in it, and then putting it on the stove. So it's like, it's pretty easy. On the stove. But it's not going to spit. Like, I'm not going to make a fucking spaghetti bowl on that. It's because that's going to spit everywhere. Now I'm flapped.

You're living on the edge now. Anyway, no. So I was like, cool, we'll do this thing. And then Torbs goes, cool, we'll make this, like, thing to go on top. We didn't have any, like, mascarpone or something. And he's just like, oh, we can do this whipped butter. The fucking whole thing. Anyway, he said that and I looked up a recipe and I was like, oh, cool,

room temperature butter, something else, something else. He gets up to make it. He gets butter out of the fridge. Well, it said. And I was just like, oh, I'm pretty sure that the recipe, which is if anything, asking for a fucking, oh. I'm pretty sure it said fucking room temperature. And I was like, oh, bro, the recipe that I looked at said

room temperature butter. He's like, it'll be, the recipe that I looked at said room temperature butter. He's like, it'll be fine. So instantly, there's me, fucked off. Does he not listen to this podcast? Has he ever met me? Has he met Tony Lodge? The words, oh, just do it, it'll work out sweet. That is a red flag to a raging bull.

Yep, and I'm the bull. And I'm guessing you didn't like that. Anyway, so I was like, oh, okay, I'm pretty sure. Like, so fucking passive aggressive. I am the bull. And I'm guessing you didn't like that. Anyway, so I was like, oh, okay, I'm pretty sure, like so fucking passive aggressive. I am pretty sure. I was like, oh, I'm pretty sure it's over a temperature butter. And he was just like, it'll be fine. He starts whipping it.

Fucking surprise, surprise, mate. It doesn't work. He goes, oh, it's half whipped, right? This butter is half whipped. He puts it in the microwave. The cleaned microwave? Oh, yes, everything's fucking clean. He puts it in the microwave. It's not? Oh, yes, everything's fucking clean. He puts it in the microwave.

It's not going to be room temperature. It's going to be hot. Yeah, so then it goes hot. So then he's trying to whip it and it's hot as fuck. He's trying to whip water. It's ridiculous. What an idiot. And it's hot as fuck.

It's not working. And he ends up anyway, like, and butter costs, you know, 50 cents. Like, it's fine. But he wastes all this butter. There's a mess everywhere. Yeah. And he was just like, oh, it's fine but he wastes all this butter it's a there's a mess everywhere and he was just like and he was like oh it's just not working i was like yeah because the recipe said room temperature butter and he was like it's fine and i was like well it's not it hasn't worked and then he and i was like did the recipe say room temperature and he goes, yeah, it did. Oh.

Anyway, so he's getting a bit clinky. I'm getting fucking clinky. So he walks out of the kitchen. I keep on cooking the French toast and I clean up, like, the blender and stuff that he's used to try and whip this thing that didn't fucking work. Yep. I hear him kind of, like, walking up, like, pacing up and down the hallway.

Looking for something to clean. Yeah. And anyway, 15 minutes later, the lunch is ready. We're sitting down to eat and we're over it. Like it's fine. And I was like, cool. So it turns out it did say room temperature butter, like just so we all know.

And he goes, yeah, okay, it's fine. Like it's over. We're done. And I was like, I heard you. I heard you fucking knocking around. The house is pretty clean. Like, what did you do? Why are you stirring him up?

He goes. There was a bobby pin on the floor in the bathroom. I picked that up. That's just 15 minutes? That was the only thing out of place in the house. I was like, oh, and I'm still being a bitch. I'm like, oh, I heard you cleaning before. Like, what were you going to clean?

The whole fucking house was cleaned, dickhead. And he goes, yeah, there was a bobby pin on the floor next to the table. Picked that up, put that in the bathroom, then just walked around for the rest of the time. And whose bobby pin was that? I'm guessing it wasn't his. Yeah, oh, and it was your bobby pin, so I'm cleaning up after you now. It's never happened in a clean house before.

What happened? Because I know you went and had a little staycation at Crown. Yeah. There's cleaners there. That wasn't at Crown. No, I know, but what happens if you had a disagreement in a hotel? Well, we didn't because we were both relaxed. I'll call room service.

I'll call them. I'll go and look at the car in the car park. We end every episode with things you love to see. When I was isolating in New Zealand last week, I didn't realise two things. One, how many New Zealand tapas we have. And two, how nice they all are. Because when I said I'm isolating in New Zealand,

my DM's like, hey, bro, what town in New Zealand? I'm happy to bring some stuff around. Do you and Bridge need some food? I can bring some juice over. Just tell me where you were. I was in a little town in Cambridge. Someone's like, oh, we're in Hamilton. It's like 20 minutes away.

We'll come down and bring some stuff over. And did they or did you say, oh, no, you don't have to do that? I can't let you do that. That's very sweet. But don't get me wrong. Just you offering is, you know. You love to say that. That is fucking lovely.

And just quietly. So KO, which is like a sports streaming service in Australia, you can't watch it anywhere except Australia. So someone who lives in Christchurch says, if you're in New Zealand, here's my username and password. If you want to watch the Hawthorne Hawks, just log in with my thing. That is a good bitch thing to do. That is fucking awesome.

So I watch my – so when there's nothing else to do because you're sick, when your team's playing, I'm like, oh, well, I can watch the footy. And they fucking won as well. And it was one of the great games ever. And I won't name them because they've obviously done me a favour. Yeah, you're not supposed to do that. Yep. But I loved to see that.

Thank you, New Zealand, for your hospitality. That is fucking lovely. You do love to see that. Yeah, I do love to see that. Well, I've loved to see you coming back in one piece because obviously it was a bit touch and go for a minute. And we did have a very nice cuddle when we saw each other this morning. It was very nice.

I rested my head on your boob. Yeah, and it was really morning. It was very nice. I rested my head on your boob. Yeah, and it was really lovely. It was. Yeah. I have a big thank you to the people that hosted our throwback episodes while we were away. So, Jared McQuaid, The Big Woot, Ali Duckett, and Monique DeRocha on the treadmill.

They all did a fucking awesome job of hosting our throwback episodes. Yeah, they were great. And you love to see that. They said some lovely things to us. They fucking really helped us out of a jam. It was fucking great. And everyone loved the episodes as well. So you fucking loved to see that.

Well, I actually didn't love to see that. Oh, why? Because people were so nice about them hosting. They were a little bit too nice. And I was a bit like, hey, what about us? Oh, were you feeling a bit, like, territorial? Very. Oh, okay. Because Jared McQuaig is a bit, like, territorial? Very. Oh, okay.

Because Jared McQuaig is a little bit too funny for my liking. Oh, Tony and Jared. Oh, I like that. Yeah. We'll get him back on. That's what he said. He was ready to rock. He was ready to rock.

But no, thank you. That was a... Yeah. Lots of support from around the world, literally. And the fact that we can turn to the Tafas in our time of need. It was, yeah. It was lovely. So I can't wait until I need another favour.

Maybe I could have an argument with a tapa and they'll come and clear my house. All right, we'll see you tomorrow for things you can say to a hairdresser and in the bedroom. Thanks so much for listening to Tony and Ryan. It's been an absolute pleasure and we'll see you tomorrow. I said pressure. It's been an absolute pleasure is what I meant, tomorrow. I said pressure. It's been an absolute pleasure is what I meant, obviously.

I was going to let it slide. Yeah. But we don't let anything slide in this house. Thank you. Go and shit on another towel.