Toni and Ryan - Birthdays & Bedroom Chat

Episode Date: October 18, 2021

Ryan and I have STRONG opinions on adult birthdays. Plus, things you can say in the BEDROOM and also to a tradie. Love ya Check out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toni.lodge and @ryanjondunn Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello? Hi, Smashley. Oh my gosh, hi. Hi, it's Tony and Ryan. How are you? I'm so good. How are you guys? Good.

I just told Tony when the phone was ringing, I was like, I think it's Ashley, but it's also Smashley on Instagram. I mean, either one. And I've said in the past that I am a bit anxious about nicknames, so I really didn't want to commit either way. You could hear the hesitancy. I was trying to commit, but I didn't want to go too far because we just met.

Oh, yeah, but you already used a nickname, so I feel like we're at a special level now. Yeah, we are. Well, me and my mate, Rye, we're recording the podcast. Don't push your luck. I've really set myself up for that, haven't I? Yeah, that's terrible. Ashley, where do we find you on this beautiful day in Melbourne? I am about an hour north of Atlanta, Georgia. Whoa. Actually, we were just talking about this off air. Someone messaged us during the week and said,

hey, wouldn't it be cool if you got someone to approve from the US? And I was like, everyone does. No one in Australia cares for us. Oh, well, yeah, we love you guys over here. Aw, thank you. Well, we're actually just about to start recording the podcast and we wanted to make sure it was okay and we could get your approval. Absolutely.

Amazing. I definitely approve. Aw, amazing. Thank you so much. We really appreciate it. Oh, my gosh. Thank you, guys. I love listening to you.

You really have, like, brightened up my life. You are awesome. Is it true that you wrote in a message that Tony makes you choke? Is that true? Well, from the laughing. A lot of times when I'm driving and listening to you guys, I'm laughing so hard. That's why I said choke from laughing.

Okay, great. We're not here to kink shame. All good. All good, man. All good. All right, Ashley, we're going to get started, but thank you so much. We really appreciate it, and we'll chat to you soon, okay? Thank you, guys.

Bye. Thanks. Bye. Hey, this is Ashley from Georgia, and I approve this podcast. Yeah. Does it feel good for you being the better looking of the two of us? Like, you know how in every duo, like one of them's... I don't see it that way. Oh, the internet does.

Well, the internet's fucking wrong. The internet's never been wrong. You know the difference between you and me? I wouldn't fuck the shit out of me. You fucking did last week. The plumber had to come round. Are we on? Oh, yeah.

Hello. Hello. Welcome. Sorry that you had to hear that. No, I'm not. Coming up today, things you can say to a tradesman. And also in the bedroom. Yeah, but that's coming up shortly after.

There's tradesmen all through my house this week. I've actually bought BJ a My Dog high-vis dog shirt for when he's on the work site. You called me yesterday with only that information. There was an entire phone call and you went, I've just bought the cutest thing. That was the whole, oh, my God, something just went in my eye. Did you see that happen?

It was me. I said something wet in my eye, something just went in my eye. Did you see that happen? It was me. I said something went in my eye, not something come in my eye. I'm sorry. What have you done, though? Something just went in my eye. Like maybe like a bug or like a tree or something. Thanks for joining the Tony and Ryan podcast. We know there's a lot of options out there.

Thank you to the Patreons for supporting us. And I hope that from the first two minutes of this, you haven't switched off already. Yeah. I mean, I feel like we're so far in now. What's this? Episode 20 something? Is it? Yeah. Wow. We've been going. We've been going.

So hard. What's happened to you? Something went in my eye. It's flipped me out. Do you need a breath, a breather? No. Are you good? I have some water out of my Frank Green water bottle. Not sponsored.

Well, you drink out of your Frank Green water bottle and I want to tell you something that's annoying me. If Frank Green were keen, actually, I would do it because this is actually not sponsored. This is the best water bottle I've ever used. If it wasn't COVID time, I would offer you a sip out of this because it is the best water bottle I've ever used. If it wasn't COVID time, I would offer you a sip out of this because it is the best water bottle I've ever used in my life. What's the difference between that and literally any other bottle?

I don't know. You put water in it, you drink it out? Yeah, I reckon we'll figure it out. Drink it out? I drink it out. Sorry, I don't know what's happening. What is happening? Do you want to tell your story?

Better be good. Yeah, I know. It's not even that good. It's more of a statement. Adults who take a day off work for their birthdays need to grow up, which is ironic because that's literally the only thing you do. We have the same stance on birthdays, you and I. Should we not in depth, but do you want to just say why?

We hate them. We hate birthdays. Why do you hate your birthday? Well, I guess because, you know, I'm a grown-up now. But the biggest reason that I don't like my birthday is because I think I mentioned it last week, my mum passed away when I was 19 and my mum loved birthdays. So I always loved my birthday but it was like you wake up early,

you do your presents, you get to pick what we're having for dinner that night. So she would always like make a cracking dinner for whoever's birthday it was or we'd have party dinner like party pies and sausage rolls and those little doggy things and stuff, you know, fairy bread and stuff. So it was such a big deal. And I guess now that I can't celebrate with her Doggy things and stuff, you know, fairy bread and stuff. So it was such a big deal.

And I guess now that I can't celebrate with her, and this sounds like maybe really dire or really depressing or something, but now that I can't celebrate with her, the shine of it is really gone. And just the memories and reminding. Yeah. But then also something traumatic happened to me on my 21st birthday. I threw a 21st birthday party and no one came. What do you mean?

Yeah. I didn't know that. Yeah. Oh, now I feel even worse for bringing this up. Oh, yeah. My wife, mate. How many did you invite? Oh, probably like 40 people, 30 or 40 people. No one.

Like not a single person? So it was at like a bar in Perth, Frisk actually. It's a small gin bar in Northbridge. And I like had organised like a spot and like put money on the bar and shit like that. And I sat there for two hours and no one came. Oh, my God. My 21st birthday, I bought a mink pink dress,

which if anybody knows what mink pink is, it was like a really big deal. The dress was probably like $95. Yeah. It was very sad. Yeah, so it was Torbs and I were sitting there waiting for people to walk up. So Torbs was there. Torbs was there.

We had not long been going out and his friends didn't like me yet. So it was just like their group of boys, they were upset like, oh, like, and Torbs is not lads-y at all, but they were kind of like, oh, the boy's being taken away from us, you know, like that old thing. Yeah, so lame, yeah. And so we weren't really friends yet. Like I get along with all of them great now. Like we're all really close.

Like his friends are my friends. If you're listening, I really hope that that's where we're at because I've just announced it. Well, if you're listening, where were you on your 21st? Exactly. Where you went to count it? Well, so Torbs' mates kind of were like, oh yeah, we'll come down for a drink or whatever. And two or three of them kind of came and were sitting with Torbs

and I was just sitting there like by myself. Not by myself. In your mink pink dress. The dress is stunning. I've still got it, but it doesn't fit me. But it's a stunning dress. Would it fit me? No. still got it but it doesn't fit me but it's a stunning dress would it fit me no we've both had a pretty good run since tony's 21st um anyway and i sat there for two hours and then one of torbs's friends drove us home got us maccas and i cried in the shower got maccas though wasn't all maccas though, which now is obviously why the dress doesn't fit.

But so aside from my mum being dead and then that happened and that was only like that was the second birthday I had without my mum as well. So it was just like so traumatic. And so now I fucking hate my birthday. And when people say, when's your birthday? I don't normally tell them because I actually don't like it. Do you hate me for asking now? I feel terrible.

Oh, no, no, no, because, like, we're best mates. So obviously, like, that's fine. Yeah, we're mates, yeah. Yeah, we're friends. Yep. So but when people are like, oh, when's your birthday? I actually don't like telling them because people think that when you say, I don't really like my birthday,

that you'll just say, oh, I don't really like my birthday, but you secretly do like it. I hate those people. I actually don't fucking like it. Yeah, I'm the same. I'm the same. And when you said, don't make a big deal of my birthday, we literally exchanged birthdays and made a note to not make a big deal of it. Yeah.

Do the opposite of talking about birthdays on that day. Talk about when you're going to die. I've changed my birthday on Facebook. Yeah. Mine's just on private. Mine's private, but I just changed it to a random day. And then I forgot, and then I get these messages like months after my birthday going,

hey, man, happy birthday. I'm like, what's going on? So mine, like you can't even see it. But people in the past have been like, oh, you must actually love the attention, but you pretend you don't. I actually find people wishing me a happy birthday super traumatic. that sounds really crazy but i actually don't i really don't fucking like it i get it yeah now because i've never been a big birthday person my date of my birth was like

an extreme day for some people and like still like haunts me a little bit yeah and because that's like a big part of your story is like obviously being adopted. You've shared your story but with billions of people have seen it. So I am not against maybe celebrating my birthday but I'm just on my birthday just very aware that that day would be a reminder for my birth mum who, you know, put me into adoption. That would have been a really hard day for them and I feel like celebrating on a day like that, it's not a day of celebration. It's a day of, you know, not mourning, but just a really hard day.

Sorry, mate. It just makes me cringe that day. So when I worked in an accounting firm and this person was like, well, I'm not going to be at the meeting next Tuesday because it's my birthday. I was just like, as you know, don't care for birthdays. I was like, it's not a big deal. And they're like, what? I was like, what do you mean? Like we have this meeting every Tuesday and they're like, but it's my birthday. And I'm like, what's your, and it appears that some people still feel like it's an appropriate as an adult to take the day off on their birthday. Now, here's what I do understand.

Yeah. If your birthday falls on a Friday. And you want a long weekend. Yeah. Or you're like, hey, we're going away for the weekend. We might actually take the Friday off and we'll drive down there Thursday night. Yeah. Hey, have your long weekend.

Yeah. Don't get me wrong. This was a Tuesday. Yeah. This person was at work on a Monday. I'm pretty sure they're not having a big party on a Monday night during a regular week and then they're back on the Wednesday. And I was like, what do you do?

And they're like, well, it's my birthday so I won't be at work. I'm like, yeah, but what did you actually do? Because everyone else you know. Was at work. They're at their job. What if their birthday is quite traumatic for them and they needed the day to themselves? She said, I just like to sleep in and I have a red wine

and I just watch like, you know, Mel Roy's Place. Is that what you're about to say? Yep. I was like, what's a generic daytime TV show? Mel Roy's Place. She's like, I don't do anything. And I'm like, you're just wasting an annual leave day.

Yeah, I agree. So I obviously have very strong opinions about birthdays. My boyfriend, Torbs, his opinion, and so he's not a big birthday person either, but I love celebrating his birthday because it's a great excuse for me to buy him a gift and we go out for dinner or whatever. His thing is that some people, and he has said this to me, and it does make me feel pretty bad. Tony, you feel special every day. You've got this podcast, you've got people that message you every day

and say that they love you, which I appreciate so much and is something that I do not take for granted. I tell you I love you every day. Exactly. You feel special every day. Some people don't feel special every day and they need that thing. Once a year they know that their birthday is going to come around, everything's going to be about them.

And you know what? I can appreciate that. Does Torbs not know he's special every day? Oh, he definitely does. I think he's saying. Do I need to text him now? You can if you want. Will he be weird?

I actually messaged him before and he hasn't replied or even seen it. So. Well, if you're here, that means he's at Nando's. Oh, my God. Definitely. Yeah, he's definitely getting Nando's. Oh, my God. I love that.

You know that. Yeah, I'm going to text him now. You are special. Your wife, Bridget, she will be at the market probably buying delicious food. Yeah, or knitting. Yeah. Listening to music. Oh, she really likes watching things like Pride and Prejudice and things like that.

Yeah, she watches boring shows. Yeah. I've just texted Torb saying you are special. That's really nice. And we'll see how long he takes to reply. He knows we're doing this so he'll be like. Yeah, and also because I've messaged him today and he hasn't responded.

Anyway, so he said some people don't feel special every day and you know what? I rate that. Like I get that. Don't have a problem with other people special specializing it's normally the wednesday episode where i'm off the rails but apparently today it's tuesday look out tomorrow folks it's been downhill oh my god i don't even know if there will be an episode tomorrow might not even get there we get there now tony the two of us last night uh-huh both watched The Devil Wears Prada.

Why do I keep putting an S on Devils? The Devil Wears Prada. The Devil Wears Prada. After last week you said you'd never watched it. There was outrage in the Tony and Ryan Facebook group. You've watched it now. Yep. You're looking pretty almighty on your high horse over there

and looking very as disappointed as Miranda Priestly. Well, I mean, after the feedback we had yesterday of people that were really upset that I said that I didn't like the Guardians of the Galaxy, this is not going to go well. I watched The Devil Wears Prada last night. It was only available on like Apple to buy for $5 or whatever. Yeah, I had to pay $4.99. Or Disney Plus, which is like $12 a month or something.

I signed up to Disney Plus just for the month and then I cancelled the thing. What a waste of $12 and two hours of my life. I'll never get back. You know last week that I said that I'd never seen it? I have seen it and I forgot that's how shit that movie is. At what stage during the movie did you go, oh, I have seen this? Probably about halfway through.

I was like, Torbs, have we watched this before? I'm like sitting there eating a HSP. I'm like, we have watched this movie before. He was like, Torbs, have we watched this before? I'm like sitting there eating a HSP. I'm like, we have watched this movie before. He was like, yeah, I think we have. I reckon it's a movie and I don't know if this is the same for other people. I don't think I've watched the entire thing in one sitting, but I think over the journey.

You're in a share house. Oh, they're watching it. Someone's watching it. I caught 20 Minutes there. Bridge watched it another time. I reckon it was one of the first times in a while I'd sat down from start to finish and watched the whole thing. And I couldn't help but spend the whole movie deciding who I hated more. Because there's a lot of characters in that movie that are all terrible human beings.

Yeah. First of all, Miranda, Anna Wintour, whoever that's supposed to be. Yep. Everyone's bowing down to her. She's mean. She is mean. Why are we celebrating mean people who are unnecessarily mean? And also with outrageous expectations of her people that work for her.

Yeah. Imagine walking into a room and telling someone 50,000 things and then being pissed off when they forget something. That's your fault. That is forget something. That's your fault. That is so unreasonable. It's your fault. Send an email with all the stuff in there. I didn't like her.

No. Emily Blunt's character, what a bitch. What a bitch. And get a life. Imagine if you started working somewhere and the person you were working with closest was that mean, I'd quit. Yeah, no.

I would not work with someone like that. She's awful. What I didn't like is, and I think he comes around towards the end and you kind of like him, I love Stanley Tucci. Stanley Tucci. Tucci? What did I say? Did you say Stanley Tucky?

I think I did. Yeah, it's Tucci. Okay, good for me. Cute though. Yeah, very cultured. Double C, Italian. Tucci. Yep.

I love that guy. He's great. Easy A is probably one of my favourite movies. Yep. I love that guy. He's great. Easy A is probably one of my favourite movies. Is he in that? Yeah. He's Emma Stone's dad in that movie. Yeah, cool. Have you seen Easy A?

I don't think so. Oh, fuck off. You hadn't seen Devil Wears Prada until 14 hours ago. You haven't seen Easy A? That is like the best movie. No, but I love Stanley Tucky, Tucci. And even his character, who is like the redeeming nice one, he's still not that nice.

He's not that nice. He's kind of a bit of a dick the whole time. Yeah. And so this is all set up that everyone's really mean and poor Anne Hathaway has to do, you know, fight. She's an idiot. Why doesn't she just leave? Also, who rocks up to a job interview to be a personal assistant

and hasn't researched who they're personally assisting? That isn't cute and naive. No. That is dumb. That's rude. No wonder you haven't. It's rude. Yeah.

That's dumb. Why was she hired? And then at the end of her two weeks that she worked there, she's the greatest ever. She didn't do anything the whole time she was there. And also they just fat shame her all the time. It's so fucked. It's so triggering.

I'm sitting there eating 15 slices of pizza in my face and she's being fat shamed? I know. What does that say about my fat guts watching The Thing? I was eating a jumbo HSP and that's a big container of HSP. So you're eating a box of carbs covered in sauce. Literally. Live your best life.

Oh, fuck, how good's a fucking HSP though? And you're watching a skinny, beautiful woman get told she's fat and how do we feel about that? And I'm just like, oh, my God. Luckily, I don't work in fashion. Also, everybody just makes her feel so bad about, like, not being super into fashion. Granted, that is a job lots of people would want.

Is it, though? That's what – so in the movie, that's what they keep saying. Why doesn't somebody else have the job? Like, why do they give her? Yeah, it's so fucking weird. Well, where are they then? Why aren't they applying? Why am I the one getting this job if so many people supposedly want it?

And I know that Miranda says, I've hired many women that are into fashion and I thought I'd hire a different woman. Like, fuck off. All right. Adrian Grenier, the boyfriend. Is he a piece of shit or is he actually within his rights to be a bit pissed because she's changed who she is?

He's not very supportive. But, I mean, if you, let's assume that she's working a shit job because she has to, because she needs the money. Yep. She's not though, because she's got this amazing job that maybe not right up her alley, but it's still an amazing job. It's an amazing job nonetheless.

We've all worked shit jobs. Like when I was at uni, I worked at Coles, like, and it wasn't a shit job, but it was just like not my career. She did say though, if I do it for a year, then I can work anywhere. I can work anywhere. That's a bit of a story set up, yeah. So she's not choosing to work there. She's like slogging, doing her time.

We all work in industries where you've got to do your time a little bit. Yep. He's not being very supportive. No. But also when she goes to throw out that grilled cheese sandwich, fuck off. I've never thrown out a grilled cheese sandwich in my life. So he cooks her with all these fancy cheese. Yeah, the Jarlsberg, yeah.

And then she just goes, oh, no. Eat the sandwich, mate. Live your best life. Eat the sandwich. He is a chef and he's put Jarlsberg in a sandwich and cooked it up for you. Yeah. You put that in your mouth and you enjoy it.

But then, right, at the very end of the movie, she's like, oh, can we work this out? And he's like, yeah, I think we can. But he's moving to Boston and then she gets a job in New York. Yeah, so I don't know how that ends. So what happens there? And then she sees Miranda. Miranda just, like, blanks her but then smiles in the taxi.

The movie doesn't go anywhere. Nothing happens. I'm really sorry. I know that everybody's going to be listening to this like, Tony, you're a fuckwit. But I just, do you know what I think it is? People have been telling me for 10 years that this movie's amazing. It's been so built up.

So my expectations were here. I've got two more people who can go and get fucked. Oh, who? Simon Baker. He doesn't need to be in anything, that Australian actor. Is he the guy? The blonde, fancy guy. Oh, my God.

She tells him to stop kissing her five times and he keeps doing it and then she goes, oh, I've run out of excuses, and he's like, oh, good. What the fuck? Sorry? I said to her, I was watching this with Mum and Bridget. Cute. And the dog, and I actually looked at all of them and I'm like,

she's clearly saying no and he's clearly still doing it. That shit's illegal. He should be in jail. That's not okay. But you know who can get especially fucked? The most fucked out of all of them? Who? The worst character in the entire movie.

And there's a lot to choose from because they're all pretty awful. None of them are great. Actually, there is one great guy. You know, there's like the friend couple? Oh, yeah. The guy, he's fabulous. He's great. He is great.

His partner, the girl? Yep. Worst person in the world. And here's why. When she's putting all the stuff in the bag, I'm just like, shut the fuck up. You can't be all, you've changed, I hate you, who are you, you're in fashion now, fuck you, and take the free shit.

You either support her and take the free shit or you bag her out and turn the free shit down because, no, I don't stand for you in your new life. You keep your shit bagged. But the fact that you took the free shit, you got all giddy and whatever about all the free stuff and then still had the gall to abuse her for working in the industry that supplied the free shit that you were frothing over.

Go get absolutely fucked. Yeah. She was the worst. Especially for a Marc Jacobs bag. I don't know what that means, but fuck right off. Is that a good bag? It's expensive. I don't get fashion.

But not the most expensive. I get fashion less than Anne Hathaway did at the start of the movie. Mate, have you ever seen my clothes? I don't get fashion either. Excuse me, you wear Anika Bing. You know what real fashion is, all right? I've seen you wear those expensive jumpers. I've got one and I've never worn it since.

Why not? Because you made fun of me. Is that the one that in this studio makes you look naked? No, no, no, no. That is like a shit really cheap knitted jumper. There's this knitted jumper that Tony has and it's, well, on the day. We didn't notice. It was the same colour on the cameras as Tony's skin.

And it looked like I was sitting here with my boobies out. So it just looked like Tony's sitting here naked and we're talking about things you can say about sexy times and you're just sitting here nude in the studio. All right, so out of, not that we ever do this, out of five jars of popcorn, how many for The Devil Wears Prada? Half. Half of one.

I just didn't like it and I just thought all the characters were shit and I just, nothing happened in the movie. I didn't learn anything about fashion. I didn't make any money. Like, I just hated it. I didn't make any money. Are you expecting every time you watch a movie, well, I didn't really get the character arc, but I've made $40. I've made some money. Well, that didn't happen. Hey, this is Ashley from Georgia and you're listening to Tony and Ryan. All right, tomorrow on the show, a life-changing phone call

for not me but for you, Tony. Oh, my God, you're getting a donor heart. No. That would be life-changing. It would. My life will be the same. No. That would be life-changing. It would. My life will be this. Oh, lives will be changed. Whose?

Mine? I reckon you might cry. In a good way. Oh, okay. That is tomorrow. Oh, my God. Okay. Well, I don't think I can read out the champion tarpa names now.

That's hooking me through. People are going to listen to this tomorrow now. Yeah, they better. We'll have to do the episode, even though we're basically falling apart at the seams today. I know. A big thank you to our champion tarpas on Patreon. Ika, thank you so much.

Evan Borski, Hayden Gleister, Gleister Legal. Gleister Legal for all your legal needs. Thank you, Hayden. All legal needs. Thank you so much. Heather Shelley, Isaac Tim. All legal needs. Thank you so much. Heather Shelley, Isaac Timon and Hoang. Thank you so much. Jack Burrows, Jackie Ha, Jay Dillingham, the Big D.

Oh, the Big Dill. Big D, I said. The Big Dill. Jamie Corden, James Corden, low-key username. I got a message from Jamie Corden. I saw. And she said it was the first time she'd ever had that. I said, I'm so sorry.

I'm sure you get this all the time. I felt really bad. And she's like, no, never. She's like, no, no one's as stupid as you guys. Oh, that's right. I knew there was a dirty insult in there somewhere. Thanks. Jason Castle, thank you so much.

John Dutris, thank you. Kevin Williams, thank you. And Kimberley Majors and Kimberley Miners, thank you very much. We did promise that for every one person who signs up to the Tony and Ryan Patreon in the month of October, we would eat one nugget. We no longer endorse that. Please do not join our Patreon.

We cannot eat more nuggets. We're up to about 400 and there's still two weeks to go. Do not join patreon.com slash Tony and Ryan. On the episode yesterday, talked about how there's a bunch of tradesmen in my house. They've had to dig up the backyard, lay new pipes. Lots going on. The dog's wearing high vis.

It's all happening. Because you did such a big poo that it burst your house, I know. No, it's because of the Melbourne earthquake. It ruptured a pipe. Don't say ruptured. You said that yesterday. And I'll continue to say it. I just, the sound of the word ruptured is just so much, isn't it?

Sorry, why am I doing this sexy voice? Well, I'll tell you why. I'm in the mood. No, I meant like I'm getting into character. I said getting in the mood, but that's not what I meant. Well, the firmness of my pants would suggest otherwise. Now it's time for things you can say to a tradesman and also in the bedroom.

Are you going to go first? I'm very nervous now. How did you go this week? Oh, I'm fine. You're the one that's getting the group to write your jokes for you. Oh, speaking of the group, Julian is a plasterer who's in the group. His slogan of his business, which is literally in the logo, is JHP Plastering, I'll fill your holes. Oh, well, the first one that I had was,

I think we're going to have to spackle this hole. What's spackle mean? Spackle, like plaster. Oh, I didn't know that's what that meant. Okay, I'm very embarrassed. He's a plasterer, and that's the same word, which is my goal for hooking up with Tony.

I plan to plaster. Okay, just you tell me when we're ready to start the podcast today. If you could go out and come back in. Back in again, thank you. Maybe it'll work a bit like turning off a router. Things you can say to a tradesman and also in the bedroom. Do you charge by the hour? Don't worry, Tony.

If I can't get the job done myself, I've got four mates I can call. They'll come right over. My God. She's a two-man job. What kind of PPE is required for this one? Gonna need a hard hat. Why is it that every time we do this, one bloke's doing all the work

and there's four other guys just sitting on a shovel doing nothing? Sitting on a shovel? Or, like, leaning on a shovel, watching. Oh, no, no. Could do, mate. You know what I'm trying to say. Sitting on a shovel. What end do you put in first? Oh, that is going to be soaking wet. Burst pipe.

Oh, it's really backed up. I might have to bore a hole. Exhibit A. Yeah, you can drill right into that. Yeah, you can. Yeah, you can. Yeah. If I drill down any further, I could do some serious permanent damage. Rupture.

Rupture me pies. So we're going to lay this down and it's going to harden right up. Someone's been to my masseuse. No! Has that ever happened to you? What? That you've gone for a massage and you've... And you've... Gotten... Has that ever happened to you? What? That you've gone for a massage and you've... And you've...

Gotten... Gotten... Your concrete has hardened up? Uh, no. Because I actually have a story about massages tomorrow that's kind of along the lines of that. Really? Yeah.

Stay tuned. I'm hooked. I did one time go to a place that you could claim a massage on health insurance. Yeah, which is quite common. Yeah, like it's literally the point of health insurance, yeah. And at the end, because there's usually two types of massages. There's the like spices.

Happy ending. Yeah, and then there's like the proper remedial one. And at the end, the lady was like, did some hand gestures to imply that it was the happy ending one. And I was like, oh, no, no, no. And then I left and I'm like, that was a health insurance one. Are people claiming hand shandies on insurance? Because that would be an excellent use of funds.

Shout out to anyone with health insurance in Australia. How's the Australian health system? They'll take Medicare of you. The courtyard at my house needs to be dug up. So is there anyone who could head to my back door and start jackhammering? I'd really appreciate that. Mate, you're inviting people over to jackhammer your back door?

Start ploughing, fellas. That's definitely a two-man job. I won't destroy it. Break up the concrete. Let's go. Oh, well, you've got wood in your backyard. You will do. And power. Do we need protection or should I just go for it?

Do you need a special licence for that? I do. I got turned on by my own one. Imagine if someone, like, actually said that and you, like, pulled out a card and you're like, oh, I've got to, I'm certified to use this big instrument. It would make you feel special and safe, wouldn't it? Yeah.

Yeah. Hey, Tony, do you need a stud finder? Or if you look right ahead, you might find one on your own. Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. Oh, gosh. No? Too much? Oh, I've just realised where I know you from.

You did my mum's back room. When I was out the back, I was like, this job looks familiar. I might have to leave the windows open to air this thing out a little bit. You know when a room does get sexy smell? Yeah. You want to leave a window open, that's for sure. Well, you've now got doors opening to the courtyard from your bedroom. Have you had to open the double doors and just?

Things you can say in the bedroom and also do a training. Oh, you don't want to get that in your eye. Pop on some safety glasses. Is that why you wear glasses all the time in here? They're not prescription. Are they prescription? No, they're for safety. Safety first, then teamwork.

Who's ready for me to lay some pipe? You? Got my glasses on. The block? More like the cock. That's easily the shittest thing. And also, you would never say that to anyone. Things that don't make sense to a tradesman or in the bedroom.

Are you watching The Block? More like my dick. Oh, well, yours didn't even rhyme. Tony, you might need to put a... Tony, you might need to put a time. There's a lot going on here. Yeah, there is. There's a lot of that. Oh, jeez.

I've heard that before. Things you can say to a train. There's a lot about to go down. We're going to need to really bunker down. I think I've fucking lost it. I can't look at you. Tony, you might need to put a tarp down because once I put my tool in that, there's going to be shit everywhere.

Shit's going to fly. I know that you mean tarp like plastic sheet, but all I can think of is Tony and Ryan podcast. My front is all clean and secure, so if you could come in the back door instead, that would be really great. Don't come in the front. I don't want my mum to see.

What's she doing there? That's actually... I've just laughed so hard it's given me a headache. Lots of people try and get this done by themselves, but I think you'll find you'll get a better finish if you let the professionals in. They're the ones you're claiming on insurance. I've, like you said, had a headache.

I've laughed and cried that my brain is like not alive anymore. Has stopped working. It really hasn't. I mean, it wasn't going well beforehand. You're right, mate. No. You've done some damage. Because that's what I smell.

You know something I love to see? Tell me. The 87 different ways that your boyfriend's name has been spelled in the Tony and Ryan podcast group on Facebook. Oh, my God. I can't believe that I've gotten T-O-B-B-S, T-O-R-B-S. So his name's Torbs? Torbs. How would you spell Torbs? T-A-U-B-S. T-O-R-B-S. So his name's Torbs? Torbs.

How would you spell Torbs? T-A-U-B-S. Yep. But I am appreciating hearing the and seeing the different variations of spelling. It's always interesting. Oh, that's a new one. Yeah. And somebody said the other day, oh, I thought his name must be short for Torben.

And I didn't know that that was a name, but apparently it's quite a common name. Really? Torben, yeah. Oh, actually, I know what Torben went to my school. Oh, another thing I love to see is people getting feisty about Diamond Creek in the comments. What's Diamond Creek? It's a suburb near Altham where I'm originally from. Oh, we were talking about, yes.

Yeah, and a lot of people fired up. And someone said, I've had a successful life and I was from Diamond Creek. And then someone else replied to them saying, oh, you must be that one. Oh, they're in the local newspaper all the time. Sorry, I fucked that right up. Where I grew up in Rollystone, which is like a small suburb in Perth, there's a local newspaper and it's called the Rollystone Courier and I've been that a few times. They missed a real opportunity to call themselves the Roly Stone.

Anyone? Oh, yeah. I'll talk to them. Give them a bell. Yeah. Oh, can we do like a letters to the editor? Dear the Roly Stone. Change your name to previously mentioned name.

Thank you. Tony and Ryan, a podcast on the other side of the country. Yep. They might like it. Tomorrow on the show. of the country. Yep. They might like it. Tomorrow on the show. Massages. Massages. Tony's going to have a life-changing phone call.

Yeah. And I have a question about shaving and waxing your bits that I'm going to need some help with. Should I prepare myself? There's not enough preparation you could do in this world to prepare yourself for what's coming. Pun intended. Wow.

Whoa. We're going to go and get some fresh air before we record the next one. Good call. Yeah. Good call, bro. Bro? Okay, mate. This is why we need to go and walk.

Thanks, champ. Thanks, bud. Cheers, sport. Broh why we need to go and walk. Thanks, champ. Thanks, bud. Cheers, sport. Bro-heme. See you later. Scarlett Brohansen. Bro-pra. Baracko Broma.

No? Bro-bama. You would say bro-bama. that's what I was trying to say that's what I was trying to say Bro-Bama