Toni and Ryan - Bleeding From The 🍑

Episode Date: February 15, 2024

We said what we said. My butt is bleeding. LOVE YOU! Toni xoxox [USED TO BE VIDEO EPISODE BUT NOT ANYMORE LOL TECHNICAL CHAT]Check out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toniandryanpodcast Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Don't be fooled by the rocks that I got, we are calling Jenny from... Wisconsin. Wisconsin. Hello, welcome to the podcast. Sorry, sorry, sorry. I'm Ryan, this is Tony. We were doing karaoke. No, I liked it.

Let's call Jenny from... Wisconsin. She used to have a little, now she got a lot. Yeah. And everywhere she goes, she knows where she came from. She's married to Ben Affleck. How's Ben? Pretty crook as always, yeah Yeah, yeah

He's outside having a cigarette looking sad right now Hello? Jenny! It's Tony and Ryan, how you doing? Oh my gosh Jenny, just before you answered I was singing Jenny from the block So we're basically picturing your life being like

Just like Jennifer Lopez So you're welcome Yeah We've painted a lovely picture for you. That's my dream life. Yeah. But I prefer that reference over the Forrest Gump one because they were basically calling me a druggie.

So yeah. It's not great. And does everyone, I don't want to say it because you've probably heard it 5,000 times, but everyone says it in that accent. Everyone does it. Yeah, I bet. Okay. No, we gave you J-Lo.

It's taking every ounce of my being to not do that. Don't do it. We gave you J-Lo, Jen, so you're welcome for that. We're not fooled by the rocks that she got. So, Jenny, will you approve today's podcast? Of course I will. I love you guys. She used to have a little and now she's got a lot.

Hey, this is Jenny from Wisconsin and I approve this podcast. All right, coming up today. Happy New Year. Thanks, mate. It is a good year. I'm excited for this one. Are you? Yeah. This year? Yeah. That's great news. It is a good year. I'm excited for this one. Are you? Yeah.

This year? Yeah. That's great news. Oh, a video show. Video show. Welcome. Welcome to the video show. You can watch this on the Spotify app or on your smart TV.

Yeah, cast it to your smart TV. Watch your names along the bottom if you're a tarpa. Yes. If you're a nine-year-old tarpa, exclusive or champion. Yep, in our Patreon. Yep. Everyone's a tarpa. Yep.

Nine-year-old tarpa exclusive or champion. Yep, in our Patreon. Yep, everyone's a tarpa. Yep, and coming up today, I've been encouraging Tony to do something and I'm scared that it's backfired. Let that sigh give you a clue. That's all we'll say. We'll get to it. We'll get to it.

What have you got first, dog? There are things that we do for our partners or friends or anyone in your life because you love them. Yeah. And then there are things that you'll do for those people in your life only because you love them. Yeah. So when you think about like things that you would happily do for Breach, right? Yeah. Like, I think you mentioned yesterday on the pod, like, oh, yeah, I'll bring her a little iced coffee on the way home or whatever.

Because you see it and you go, oh, I love her. I'll grab her something nice and sweet. I love her. I'll get her some flowers to put on the kitchen bench. She loves flowers. Yeah. Just like you. She's a flowers girl.

Yep. Yeah, because you love them. What do you do for Torbs as a little treat, a little I love you treat? An ice cream is a good one. Like he does like that if it's a nice little treat. Also, like if something, like he loves chatting about things that he loves. So if I see something pop up and like share an article with him or like that's real love language areas because he's like,

oh, you've seen that, thought about me and I've shared it and then we can like chat about it or, you know. And then even if you don't care that much, we'll go, okay. Yeah, and I'm happy to listen. Yep. As long as I don't have to know what it is. Yeah. If there's no exam at the end.

Right? Like I'm not being held at gunpoint to like have this conversation. No, that is an underrated love thing. Yeah. But then there are things that I'll only do like because I love Torbs and I'll go, oh, wow, this is really like the mundane parts of life. You're lucky I love you. And you kind of go, you know what?

Of course I'll do that for you. Whatever. And this might be, and this isn't gross. Yep. It is just maybe the most unsexy thing ever. It is so zero that you're like, oh, wow. So I have, I get really bad psoriasis. And so I get, it's actually looking not too bad at the moment on my arms. I've got some new creams.

But I've got to do creams like morning and night. So in the morning I'll have a shower before work and then I've got to like pop all my creams on. And then at night time I have a shower, pop all my creams on. And then you've kind of just got to like stand next to the bed for a bit and like wait for them to soak in because they're really fatty. Like they're really oily cream some of them. So if you get into bed, you'll wake, like there'll be like a body out. You'll slip right out.

It's like a snail's been in there. Like it's disgusting. Anyway, and so there's a couple like I've got one like right in the middle of my back and I've got one like right in the middle of my bum, some on the backs of my legs that I can reach, but you can't put the cream. This is just a bloody. Just put it out there, dog.

You can't touch the rest of your skin with the creams because they're so potent. Right. So there's one of them that's in a can and you have to spray it, but you can only spray it onto the spot. Oh, so it's not just like you're lathering yourself up? No, no, no. You can only hit the, and if you kind of get it around,

it like damages the rest of your skin. Yeah, right. Because there's steroids. So this is like science chat. Please, Dr. Hoobman, please remind me. So because the thing with psoriasis, right, is that there's like too much skin there. Okay.

So you have to like thin the skin out. Right. And so it thins your skin. Oh, so it thins regular skin. You're like, well, no, don't thin that bit. Yeah, don't thin that bit. Okay. And so there's a part.

That's a good sign. You've just explained something very complicated in very simple terms. Thank you so much. You are Dr. Hoobman. I am Hoobman Lab. You've clicked on the wrong podcast today. And like those bits like really like, get sun damaged. Yeah.

And stuff like that. Anyway, so it makes your skin really, really sensitive. And I've got to do it, like, morning and night. But for those ones that I can't reach, I need torps to help me, like, spray the thing on or whatever. And that is, like. Where's the hardest one to? So there's one right in the middle of my butt cheek. So I'm talking like if this was the butt cheek,

for anyone that can see me, if this is the butt cheek, it's like the centre. So not the middle of the cheeks. Not in the middle of my butt, but the middle of one cheek. Okay, great. And so because I'm like not supposed to just spray willy-nilly, he gives me a hand with the creams and it's like, oh, this is kind of, it is a little bit humbling because I'm like not supposed to just spray willy-nilly, he gives me a hand with the creams and it's like, oh, this is kind of, it is a little bit humbling because I'm just,

I'm standing there naked in my bathroom and my handsome boyfriend who is only like, you know, who just loves me so much. I'm like, this is so unsexy that you like have to help me with this. But he loves you. But of course he would do it. Because if you asked a stranger on the street, can you just come in and spray something on my ass? Yeah, they'd go, well, no.

Probably not. Probably head back inside and maybe pop some clothes on before you come out next time. Or if they did say yes, that would probably be more concerning. And you'd go, well, no. I don't want you to come in. Feel free to stay out of here. Anyway, so it makes your skin, like, really thin and sensitive

and, like, you know when something's healing, it gets really itchy? So I've got this, like, bit of psoriasis, like, right in the middle of my butt cheek. I'm doing my creams the other night right before bed and I'm standing there, like, waiting for them to air out and without even thinking, because it's, like, cold and whatever, I just, like, scratched my butt.

Tony. And I just, I, scratched my butt. Tony. And I just, I didn't even freaking think about it. I scratched my butt and it started bleeding. Like, oh, no, it's fine. It's really fine. Bleeding from the arsehole. But, like, and it's. It's going to take something pretty extravagant to happen in this episode

for it not to be titled Bleeding from the Arsehole. Sorry to write that down. Yeah. And, like, so it's right in the middle of my butt and I'm, like, about to hop into my bed and it starts to bleed. And I went, oh, no, and I got a tissue and I'm holding it and it wasn't bleeding much but it just wouldn't stop. Yeah.

And I was like, Torbs? And he goes, yeah, sweetie, what's wrong? And I go, I'm going to need you to put a Band-Aid on my body. And he goes, oh, of course, let me go grab one. He goes into the other bathroom and the only Band-Aids we had were some really big ones that I'd bought for blisters on the back of my heels from like breaking in new shoes. So they're the size of half a cheek.

They're about this big. Yeah. For those playing along at home, it is. It's like the big blister band-aid you get. Yeah, it's big. It's not like a cute little Simpsons band-aid. No. It's a huge freaking fabric band-aid.

And that's all we had. Sure. And I went, okay. Better than nothing. And so he, you know when you're putting on on a bandaid and you like have to peel the thing open and then you've got to peel the other thing off. It's quite fiddly. And I'm standing there like this.

Standing or like, in my mind, you're like on the bed bent over. No. I was like, all right, sweetheart, poke it up. No, it wasn't even funny like that. It was the most vulnerable thing. Like, you know, when you look over at a dog and it's pooing and it goes, I was standing in the bathroom like, and it wasn't gross, but it was just the least sexy thing maybe ever.

And then I'm like standing there and I was like, thank you. He goes, mate, of course, like of course I would do this. And then I like have to shake my little booty back into the bedroom. Yeah. I've got this huge band-aid on my bum. And it's just so zero sexy, you know? There's just nothing hot or cute about it. It's just like, oh, there's a band-aid on your bum.

Was there a moment, like? I was just humbled in that time. Because you know how it's sort of funny to just do like a little butt tap when you're walking past in the kitchen or something. Yeah. Was there a moment, you know, in the next 24 hours where Torbs was like, oh, and like felt the band-aid. Feel the band-aid like under my nightie because it's like so huge.

It's like this big padded band-aid. You know how it's the thing of like, heaven forbid, a female, you can see the underwear protrude the pants. Yeah, yeah. I've got the band-aid. You know how it's the thing of like, heaven forbid, a female, you can see the underwear protrude the pants. Yeah, I've got the band-aid. You guys can probably see it now. But so I just have this big freaking band-aid. Like it's just so, it's bigger than my bum. And the bit of psoriasis is like a five-cent coin.

Like it's so small, but it was just the only, and I'm just having to stand there like my handsome boyfriend is bloody attaching this to my body. So before we started the show, you go, oh, Torb's had to do something a bit embarrassing for me. I'll just talk about it on the show. And I'm like, okay. And you go, narrow it down.

I think I've got, I've got something embarrassing as well and I can share it. And we go, great. Yeah. A little off air chat. Yeah. That's it. And we go, great. Yeah. A little off-air chat. Yeah. That's about the extent of what happens before. What we know. Yeah.

So when I used to run heaps, my, like, the inner thigh would rub together. Oh, yeah. The chafe. And it actually ends up being quite a similar story because sometimes with the chafe, sometimes they, like, will rub and it's like a little like, it's almost like a pimple. Yeah. And you can almost like the relief from popping it.

And so one time it was like right at the back of the thighs. Yeah, so the crest of the butt cheek. Yeah. And obviously. The border of the arsehole. Yeah. The whisper of the colon. Well, you'd hear whispers down there.

If you're running like me, you definitely are. And I couldn't get to it with both hands to like. Give it a go. Yeah. And there's only one other person that lives in my house. Yeah. Like, do you love me? Yeah.

Could you give me. See, my thing is that can you just. Can you give me a hand with something? And they go, yeah. And you go, too late to back out now. You've committed. You don't know what it was, but you've already said yes.

Yeah. This is what we do for the people that we love and it is unsexy, but it's just, you know, like just life, isn't it? Let's put in the episode thread. There'd have to be some good ones. Is it something like, this is the least sexiest thing ever? Dot, dot, dot.

But because I love you. Yeah, because it doesn't have to be gross. It just needs to be that this is just vital, normal, everyday stuff. Because obviously we all do gross stuff for our partners when they need it.

Yeah. But, like, I'm talking mundane shit that you go, fuck, that is vulnerable times. Yeah. Vulnerable times. Right, right. Hey, this is Jenny from Wisconsin, and you're listening to Tony and Ryan. A massive shout-out to a few of our champion tapas over at our Patreon.

That's tapas, Tony and Ryan Podcast. Jennifer Cummings. She will be. Tara Simpson. Good on you, Tara. Thank you. Brendan Reberger. Thanks, Brendan.

LJ and Sean Wanacott wants me to tell Chris that he loves him. How many? It sounds like you mentioned five people in that one thing. Five. Chris and Samara Wanacott wants to mention some other bloke. Sean Wanacott. Right. Tells Chris he loves him.

Okay. Love you, Chris. Love you, Chris. Or is it like the other guy loves him? Yeah. Tell Chris I love. Love you, Chris. Or is it like the other guy loves him? Yeah. Tell Chris I love him is what Sean said. Oh, but like from him? Yeah, but we love him too.

Yeah, okay. Oh, sorry. Do you hate Chris? No, that's why I just wanted to know. Would you be nasty? Chris, I would band-aid your arsehole. That's really, that's lovely actually. Would you do that for me?

Yeah. Like if we were at work. I've done some curse shit for you before, haven't I? Yeah, you have. If we were at work and like what happened happened to me, would you be like, of course I would. Actually, I don't even have to ask. You would absolutely do that.

The fact that you think. Nah, shut up because literally I know. I would do that. I would pop the pimple on the crest of your asshole. Thank you. And that is, I've always said that. I know you've always said that. And just for the record, can you say again,

I wouldn't even ask, I'd just turn around and wait for you to do it. I wouldn't even ask. I'd just turn around and wait for you to do it. Yeah, something popping in your jeans, that's for sure. Yeah. It's like something just popped in my pants and it wasn't a pimple. I've sat on my sack. Sorry.

I don't know. There's so many things that that's not how that works. What would happen? No, no. Oh, okay. Too much. Yeah. No, no, no, no.

I've had some cold water. Yeah. If you've been listening for a while, you'll probably know this about Toni that she doesn't like to bother people. You don't like to put people out. Even when it's someone else's job to help, you'd be like, oh, I don't want to bother them. I don't want to bother them, which is like it's quite nice and endearing,

but we've often had the conversation of like. That's someone's job. But if everyone didn't bother them, they wouldn't have a job. You're keeping this economy going by, oh, room service. I'll just come down and get it. It's all good. I think. Oh, there's a guy at the hotel that his job to like take the bag out.

Oh no, it's fine. I'm like, yeah, but that's like, let him be employed. What do you remember what I called you the other day? An asshole? Because I forget people's names. No, no, no, no. I called you the king of calm An arsehole? Because I forget people's names? No, no, no, no. I called you the king of calm. The king?

I like that. Yeah, because you are. You're, like, very calm all the time. And when you ask people for help or when you're honest with someone, it, like, actually never comes across badly. Whereas I think because I very clearly feel bad, I think that sometimes it comes worse because I've tried to be so nice about it that it is different. Yeah.

But you're really. Just be cool. It's the same. I think I'm learning a lot from you about like just being honest and being like I don't really want to do that or like giving people the amount of energy that I have instead of like going overboard because I feel like that's what a nice person would do. I'm trying to not be like a nice person anymore.

That sounds weird, but I get it. You know what I mean? Like I'm just always like, oh, no, no, no, no, don't bother. Anyway, I'm really trying to turn a new leaf. And the other day, oh, it was a week ago or so, we were looking for something very particular for Torb. So he's actually just started a new job this week. Congratulations, Torb.

Congratulations, Torb. And we were looking just for like a bunch of kind of plain T-shirts. But you know when like T-shirt chat. Don't fucking get me fucking started. Right? Like I actually don't need to say anymore. But like, you know with the, you need like a. One size fits who?

Who is the one size that you're talking about, sweetheart? Who is the oddly shaped person that you modelled your cuts on? And be careful with the cuts. That was close there. We were almost on DCI. Oh, mate. Dumb Cut Island. Some cuts that work in fashion.

Oh, yeah, those cuts Dumb cut island. Some cuts that work in fashion. Those cuts. Those dumb cuts. Anyway, so you know when you need like a T-shirt to look like a little bit fancier? You need like a heavier cotton. The GCM. Yes. A thread count. Yes.

I need a heavy thread count because of my protruding nips. Your boobs. Yeah. But if it's a thinner one, it looks too casual. Yeah. And it kind of needs to really fit you right for a T-shirt to be, like, workable. And I've found if it's got a loose neck, you can go, oh, what? You're phoning it in today, bro.

Oh, literally might as well have come in naked. Yeah. Might as well have not come at all. Might as well have surfed in at midday. Yeah, like cowabunga, dude. Look at this T-shirt. Sorry. Surfed in at midday.

Yeah, like cowabunga, dude. Look at this T-shirt. Sorry. Have you ever heard someone sound less like they should be saying cowabunga? No, but I pictured someone, yeah, if you have a loose neck, you might as well come in with a surfboard and have a GSM under 180 because don't even bother. I saw a shirt the other day. You don't have a phone.

With a thread count of 120. And I was like, just fucking turn up naked, you emperor stupid cat. Whoa, we're getting close. You've hit a nerve. I really have. You have hit a nerve. I ordered the other day, there was this T-shirt that I was like, this actually, actually fits okay. Was this the Citizen Wolf one that you really liked?

No, that's okay. Because that is a good one. That is a good one. Now this other one that I put on, I was like, this is all right. This works. So I ordered four more of this same. I was like, I'll get two white, two black, all good. Were you about to say two yellow?

Yeah, and then I. Did you buy two yellow T-shirts? Because fucking where is Curious George? Yeah, no. Yeah, I haven't seen him around. So then I ordered them and they're like 90s. Sorry, I can't get past the yellow. No, I actually have joined the Australian cricket team.

I love Vegemite. I thought I'd wear a red hat with it. So I feel like I could have used each sleeve as a sleeping bag and the middle bit as a circus tent. I was like, this is the exact same size from the exact same brand as the one that fits. Mate, like you are preaching to the choir. So what I'm saying to Torbs is good fucking luck.

Get a new job again. Get a new job because if this one requires you to wear a T-shirt, you might as well quit. Find a place with a uniform. Yes. A uniform would solve a lot of my problems actually. And that's why I've joined the Australian cricket team. Yeah, because the yellow, it's just the same thing every time.

Anyway, and so he found this T-shirt. Where? Yeah, next to the car park at Doncaster. Invisible next to the unicorn. Exactly. They hide it at the same place they hide all the bloody parking spots. I'm not going to say what it is because then it's going to be really freaking hard to find. So I'm not going to say.

But this T-shirt is from a chain. There are multiple stores in Melbourne. AS Color? And like in the world. No. Wrong areas. But we go into this shop knowing like the T-shirt that we wanted. Yep.

And I'd looked online. You know how websites always have that thing like, oh, do you have stock in this store or whatever? Yeah. Like you find it online and then you go, oh, is it available for delivery, click and collect, or like shop in store? Yeah. And you put in your store and it says like, yep,

there's some in stock, all good. We had done that. You'd prepared. I had gone because I was like, we know. Do you have bright yellow? Yes. Come on down. Come on down. Surprisingly, they were sold out of bright

yellow, so that might have been where you bought your t-shirts from. I cleaned them out earlier that day. And you bought all the t-shirts. So we go into this store. I know what we're it says online that they've got it. We're looking for something in particular. We walk straight over in the shop

to where it would be and we find the other colours that they have. So we know that we're in the, they've got the yellow, we know we're in the right spot. And I'm kind of, I'm rifling through the clothes and Torbs is like, oh, I don't think they've got that, the colour that I want. And I was like, oh, it's so, like they, I Googled it and it said on their website that they had it. Done the research. And this girl comes over and she's like, can I help you?

Immediately in my mind I'm doing the math and I'm like, well. What's a normal Tony reaction to that? Okay, normally she'd go, hi, can I help you? And I'd go, oh, just having a look. Thank you so much. I do the math in my head though and I go, hang, can I help you? And I'd go, oh, just having a look. Thank you so much. I do the math in my head, though, and I go, hang on. I've already had the look. I can't see it.

I'm going to ask. And I'm turning a new leaf. I'm a new girl, right? And I go. Wet for life. Asking questions. I was so wet in this shop. Yeah.

And I saw all these yellow T-shirts. And I go, oh, hi. Thank you. Don't overdo that bit. Yeah, see, and I go, oh, hi, thank you. Don't overdo that bit. Yeah, see, this is the hard part, isn't it? Already it's too much. Love your shirt, by the way. Nice shoes.

Nice shoes. I like that voice you did. Is that me? Yeah, it's like the AI version of me. Nice shoes. I go, oh, I had a look for this on the website, this shirt, but you had this other colour. It said you have it in this size.

Where is it? Do you? Yeah. Kind of thing. And she goes, oh, let me check. And she flicks through the same rack of clothes that I've just looked through. Did you feel like you wanted to say, oh, I've already had a look through there?

And, well, I was kind of, I did feel a bit defensive because I was like, well, obviously I did that. Well. Do you not like. Yeah, but let me just, let me tell you about the difference between boys and girls. Mm-hmm. When a boy says I couldn't find it, every girl goes. Let me have a look.

And then they find it. Yeah. Yeah. So because I'm guessing it was a men's clothing store, it's in the men's section. It was in the men's section. Yeah, yep. She, many times a day, probably has a boy go, it's not there.

And she goes, fucking step aside, sweetheart. Literally. And then goes, you mean this one? And they go, yeah. Oh, yeah, that yellow shirt. So in her defense. Yeah. But.

And two eyes better than one. Exactly right. And I put four of them. But. And two eyes better than one. Exactly right. And I put four of them. Yeah. So six is better than four. Yeah, exactly. Is the old saying. But so she like rifles through the same rack of clothes.

Yeah. And not only was it like the color was there, but it was the wrong size. They didn't. It was like a new color maybe or something. And they didn't have this color there. She rifles through the exact same rack of clothes. And I'm like, in my mind, like, oh, I did.

Because I'm thinking maybe she thinks I'm so silly that I haven't even seen it. So I wanted to be like, oh, I already did that, but I didn't. I held back and I went. Good, good. Let her do her job. Exactly right. Like I've asked you for help.

You're providing a service. That's fine. And you're probably better at looking than I am. You do this every day. Or might know the spot. Totally. Anyway, she raffles through the same rack of clothes that I've just raffled through.

Then she goes, looks at me and goes, we don't have it. And I went, oh, any chance it's out the back? Like, have you just gotten a shipment of that new bloody shirt or something? Is it out the back? Can you check your computer? Can you give a bit more effort than the effort I've actually already done? That I already did. Yeah.

That I'm not getting paid to do. And I go, oh, no chance you'd have it out the back. And she goes, no. Can you pretend? Can you just walk out the back for 30 seconds? Can you just walk out there and text someone and then come back and it would make me feel better? I need the placebo of you having gone outside.

I need you going through the motions of trying. Go onto the computer and go on fucking MySpace for all I care. Literally. And just look at the screen. Go and add someone on Bebo and then come back out. Look at the screen, lower your brow to give that kind of like thinking look and then come back and go, I've checked the system and sorry, we actually don't. So I go, okay, obviously I'm like you are ridiculous right now,

but okay, if there's no way you've got it. And I was like, oh, yeah, because I checked on the website and it said that you had it. And she goes, we don't. And I went, oh, okay. And she goes, we don't. And I went, oh, okay. And she goes, did you want me to check if they have it at another store? Which is like so common. Like they always do this.

But I checked if it was at this store. And I was like, oh, don't go to any trouble. And she goes, no, no, no. I don't want you to get there and it's not there. Like I don't want you to go to another store. And I was like, heaven forbid that happens to us. Heaven forbid you turned up to a store where you'd already checked online if they had it and they don't.

And I was like, oh, again, mental maths. I'm like, oh, I don't really need her to check because I can just check online. And then I go, obviously the website doesn't work because I checked if they had it at this one and it said that it did. Did you question the website? Well, I said to her, I was like, oh, I looked on the website. It said that you had it. She's like, we don't.

Because sometimes they'll give you like a, oh, like the website updates every four days and blah, blah, blah. And then you go, oh, that makes sense. But she just gives you a nah. But it wasn't a nah. It was we don't. And I was like, okay. Was she hot?

She was, yeah. Never had to do anything. Beautiful girl. Anyway, and I'm doing this mental maths ride of like. Beautiful idiot. I'm like, okay, the website obviously doesn't work because it said that you had one here. And I was like, if you could look in your system, which updates what I imagine every three to six seconds.

In real time. You know, I'm like, yeah, that would be awesome. So she walks over to the computer in like the middle of the store, like where the register is. And I'm like, oh, great. You're like looking in your system. She's on MySpace. Then she opens the drawer, gets her phone out and Googles on the website.

And she. Do you have a phone? And I can see her, right? She's holding her phone and she Googles the store name. So it's not a shop phone. It's her phone. She hasn't logged to the back end app that the staff have. No. She Googles, like, shop name, shopname.com.au,

and she goes, oh, what was the name of the T-shirt again? And I went. It was called Black T-shirt. Yeah, and I went, oh, that's okay. Don't worry about it. Yeah, he'll go shitless. He's naked. But I'm standing here.

At his new job. And I'm like, well, I could have done that. Yeah. Because I did, and it led me here, and it wasn't accurate. But she didn't want you to go to a store because it said online and then get there and then not be there. That's what she was trying to protect you from. And I understand that.

Do you? I understand that. Yeah, you understand that. But it just, I, she did the three things that I literally could have, like I looked through the thing. Yep. I could have just said, no, there's nothing out the back. And I could have just Googled it, which is exactly what I did.

Do you work at the store? Like I should apply for a job. Then I can check out the staff parking at bloody Doncaster probably. Well, it turns out you don't want either of, well, many things and that's, yeah. But I was just like, hang on. Yeah, that's fucked. I've challenged myself here to be like, you know what? I will like ask for help and I'll let you help me.

And I was like, well, why could I have just done that? Well, what's the store name? I'm not going to say. What's her name? I'll call them right now. Let's go through the motions. Imagine that. I don't know the store name.

You're like, what's her name? I'm like, Courtney. No, I don't know. Let's pretend you're Courtney at what we will call Clothing Store. Clothing Store. Are your phones ringing? Oh, sorry. Hello, Clothing Store. Clothing Store. Your phone's ringing. Oh, sorry. Hello, Clothing Store.

Courtney speaking. Yeah, hi, Courtney. I believe you tried to help one of my friends, Tony, find a specific T-shirt the other day. Um, no. Yeah, so look, I don't expect you to remember you dumb, hot, beautiful idiot. Now, here's the thing.

Yeah. I'm trying to. Sorry, can I just put you on hold? No, no. I'm on my space. Courtney, no. I'm on my. Sorry, can I just put you on hold? No. I'm on my space. Courtney, no. I'm on my space. Courtney, I know you're not doing anything, Courtney.

Hello. Courtney. Am I on a contest? Courtney. No, Courtney, it's me. Am I on the radio? Oh, my God, I wake up with today. It's Brian from before. Hello.

Mum? No, I'm not going to be home for dinner. Mum, no. So here's the thing, Courtney. I'm trying to encourage. How do you know my name? See, this is what I'm feeling. Put Courtney back on.

I need to speak to her. Hello. Courtney. I wake up with today. Yeah, cool, cool. I wake up. Angry. Angry.

I'm trying to teach my friend, Tony, that asking for help is beneficial no no i don't want to go out on saturday night i can't go out on saturday night i'm fucking that guy it's not your third boyfriend it is the guy on the phone this is ryan i wake up with today i'm i'm trying to teach my friend tony that it's beneficial to ask for help and i feel like is she on the radio she was very briefly until she was fired by Nova. She got fired from Nova. Yeah. I'm trying to teach her...

Did you wear a yellow T-shirt? Do you have yellow T-shirts, Courtney? Are they popular? No. Can you check out the back? No. Bye, Courtney. What I wanted to have said to Courtney is I'm trying to teach Tony

the benefits of asking for help and you're not helping. No, there was no benefit because it was exactly what I could have done. And, like, I appreciate that she was trying to be helpful, but I was like, you've done the odd. You couldn't have been more annoying. For my sake and for the sake of people listening today, did Torbs find a T-shirt as a substitute? Just guarantee me that he's not at work shirtless.

Yeah, no, he's worn a shirt every day. Great. Has he said cowabunga? He has not said cowabunga. Tight neck. Great, thank you. Not tight, but appropriate neck. And thread count?

Thread count, not as high as we would have liked. What number? Do you know the number? I don't know the number. If it's below 180. Do shirts have a thread count? Yeah. Isn't that just sheets?

Nah. I've only got into it. Mate, I think that must be where you're shopping at the valet because I've never seen a shirt with a thread count on it. That's why I've only got into the thread count recently. Because then you're like, I know how heavy it is. Well, some rock up and I go, oh, this is way too thin and you can see my nipples.

And then I go, I need a hat. And I like it. Yeah, and then some of them will have a, like, it's a style, like, oh, the heavy, whatever. But I went into the detail and I'm like, oh, I keep seeing this GSA. And then I was like, that's the thread count. Oh, nice. It's a new thing I've found.

With a shop like AS Colour, like you mentioned before. Yeah, they'll show you a thread count. They tell you because often people print, like our merch is printed on AS Color. They're good. And so because people print and embroider them, you actually need to know. So maybe that's the ticket. AS Color clothes do not fit me. Like they fit me all wrong. Yeah.

But if you go into even ASOS or Iconic and you click on like detail specs, blah, blah, blah, they'll always be somewhere at GSM. That's a hack. Yeah. So 200 plus is what you want, folks. Oh, nice. Yeah. Dave Parsons could get away with it.

Well, he could get away with three. He could get away with just going to work shirtless and saying cowabunga. But a 120 is pretty loose. Like it's pretty thin. Yeah, that is thin. 180 is probably the midpoint. Sometimes something really thin is nice if it hangs right, but it has to fit perfectly to do that.

That's what I mean. And it never does. Yeah. Anyway, so I'm never going to ask for help again. That's my love to see. My love to see is Courtney. What a lovely lady. I wake up with today.

That was a good character I'm working on. Okay. Yeah. Jessica Brown. How do you love to see it? Hi, Jessica Brown. The other day I was asked for the first time in my life, what do you do for a crust?

And I was stoked that I actually knew what that was. Oh, I love that question. So she goes, I never knew what that meant until I heard the podcast. So my love to see it is knowing what that meant so then I could actually answer the question. And for those playing along at home, it's essentially saying what do you do for work? For work, yeah.

Yeah, what do you do for a crust? Yeah. How do you earn your bread? Yeah. Dough, I guess, is the, like, because dough is like money, like got a lot of dough, crust. I didn't even think of that. Yeah, I would say that that's where it comes from.

Really? That's interesting. Surely. Oh, that's what I always, like, the maths in my head that I had done. Maybe not. I don't know. Yeah. But that's what the saying was, the maths in my head that I had done. Maybe not. I don't know. Yeah. But that's what the saying was.

Let us know in the episode thread. I've lived in Australia my whole life and only heard this expression on this podcast, and I felt so stoked and proud that I could answer this. Oh, she said it was from an old man. It's like an old man saying. Oh, but I mean like. It's an old tradie energy. Yeah, it is.

It's an Aussie battler chat. Yeah. It's like if you were working in a pub or something, they went, oh, what do you do for a crust? You'd be like, I serve you, baby. And obviously that's what I'm doing. Yeah. Why would you ask me what I do for work when I'm at work?

Exactly. Courtney, you've got a bar job now. Yeah. Sorry, it's my character. Yeah, my mistake. What do you love to see, Tonya? My love to see it is that, again, with the honesty in this podcast, no empty offers.

Oh, God. Yeah. No, no, no. This in this podcast, no empty offers. Oh, God, yeah. No, no, no. This isn't at the mercy of us. Fine, move in. You have offered that to me many times. Do you know our friend Jared Tapper Robertson? Yeah. Yeah. He's a big fan of the pod. He goes by TheGlitchyDad on TikTok. You would have seen him.

He makes Tony and Ryan-based TikToks a lot. He went to my old workplace and made a TikTok based on Coles in Maddington. Oh, my God, excuse me. Are you getting emotional about Coles in Maddington? I'm getting choked up. Jared actually messaged us the other day with the best offer ever, and we do no empty offers here. Don't fucking throw something out there unless you're prepared to do it.

Because we'll do it. Jared Tapper Robertson said, if you guys follow me on TikTok, I'll get a Tony and Ryan tattoo. Done. Open your phone. We'll do it in real time. We'll do it right now. I can't believe we don't already. It's a bit rude from us.

Oh, we're big stars. Glitchy. The glitchy Dad. And I'm really hoping that we can find it quickly and the internet doesn't shit out because, you know. How do you spell glitchy? G-L-I-T-C-H-Y. There it is. Yep.

Fuck, the internet is shit. Yeah, sorry. The internet's letting us down right now. Followed back. Bang. Followed. Done. Show us that tattoo, Jarrod.

He now has 788 followers. Ooh. That's a lot. Jarrod Tapper Robinson. Wyatt started with Matt. Wyatt, the son. Are we at the meet and greet? Yeah, yeah.

I've held Wyatt. I might have given Wyatt COVID because remember how we got COVID at that meet and greet? Wyatt might have given us COVID. Wyatt might have given it to us. Exactly right. But we met Jarrod's wife. I believe their name's Alex. Ali.

Ali. That's pretty good, though. That was close. That was pretty good. Yeah, I'm not that good with names. Joking. Obviously joking. But Jared, show us that tattoo, babes.

Can't wait to see it. And we'll see it pop up straight away because we follow you. Yeah. Exactly. Love to see that. So, Jared, no empty office. And if people do empty offices to us, we will take you up on it. Here is your warning.

Now, on behalf of... Don't. Don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't. On behalf of myself, Ryan, and the rest of the people in the TARP community, I would like to wish Tony all the best. Seeing Taylor Swift tomorrow night. Tomorrow night. I'm so excited.

Are we going to see like a pre-game outfit? If we follow you on Insta, are we going to see some? I don't know. So because I'm going with my girlfriend, Rachel, there might be a bit of like. There'll be some. There'll be some. Yeah, a bit of that.

Will Courtney be there? I bet she will. She'll come out. You know what I mean? Yeah, there'll be some Courtney energy in there. Yeah, I think there might be some Courtney. The Melbourne Cricket Ground, 100,000 people expected. My first time at the MCG.

Which is what a first time. Three nights in Melbourne all sold out for T-Swift. Yeah. Fresh off the plane. Huge. So I'm really, really excited. I've got such a great little outfit as well I'm really excited about. I'm very excited to see it.

So I wish you well and I can't wait to hear about it on Monday. Love you, bye!