Toni and Ryan - Braless Toni

Episode Date: March 2, 2023

I had a wardrobe malfunction at Vic Gardens and Ryan hits a whole new level of low. Love ya!! [USED TO BE VIDEO EPISODE BUT NOT ANYMORE LOL TECHNICAL CHAT]Check out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Plus you can find the links to order Toni's book here! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toni.lodge and @ryanjondunn Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the podcast. My name is Ryan. This is Tony. Welcome. And we are calling Christy, who is in Sydney or Melbourne. Oh, Sydney or Melbourne. Maybe she's in both. She's in Ulmara. Where's that? I have no idea. It sounds like a Sydney place. My money's on Sydney. Hello. Christy. Hi. Hi, it's Tony and Ryan. Sorry, it's Christy. It's my buddy and Selma. Oh, my mistake. Are you having a, it's Christy. It's not Paddy and Selma. Oh. My mistake. Are you having a ciggy? Christy, is that why?

I'm sure I'm fucking high. I didn't even think of this when I booked it in the other day. I was like, fuck, I've lost my voice. It says you're from Umara, and we want to know where that is. It's Umara. You need to be a little bit more bogan when you say it. Umara. Umara. Umara. Do need to be a little bit more bogan when you say it. Omara? Omara?

Omara. Do you know where Yamba is? Yeah, like up near towards Byron Bay, like real north of New South Wales. Yeah, so it's like around there, but less coastal, more swampy. Less coastal, more swampy. My money was on New South Wales. I'm very proud of myself. Yeah. Very well done.

It's a cute little heritage town. It's really cool. Is it a surf South Wales. I'm very proud of myself. Very well done. It's a cute little white heritage town. It's really cool. Is it a surf town? Because I'm a surfer girl. No, it's on the river. Great. Cool. Supping instead.

I've got one of those too. We have a river and a pub, so you don't need anything else. I mean, what else do you need? Yeah, literally. Hopefully not at the same time, obviously. So, Christy, will you approve the podcast? Yeah, I will. Yes. See you at the pub approve the podcast yeah i will see you at the pub after the swimming hey it's christy from omar in your south isles and i pro podcast Welcome to the video show.

Tony is concerned that we're wearing the same thing. I have a quick... Mine's more of a blue. Yours is more of a green. Yours is not blue. Are you joking? Is it? It's definitely not green. Okay, I have a question.

Do you iron clothes? Yeah, but I didn't iron this because it's linen. Can you not? Oh, so because it's linen as well. Yeah, nah. Do you have to like steam it? No, no, it's just that the look of linen is not to be ironed. It's like.

I guess my question is do I look obnoxiously creased? Nah, I probably do also, but it's more like a, it's supposed to be like a lived in material. Like you're not supposed to iron linen. So, yeah, but I feel like it's, so my thing is if you hang it up straight away out of the washing machine. Give it a good shake. Shake, hang it up straight away. All good.

Skip the iron. Yeah. But then when you get a shirt like this, you go, oh no, it does need a, it needs a bit of more care than a flick and a hang. Yeah. But then, but the idea of linen is that it does have a bit of texture and whatever and I don't know. Welcome to the Texture Linen Podcast. Welcome to the Tony and Ryan Fashion Podcast.

If you want to see what the fuck we're talking about, this episode is also a video show. Video show. On the Spotify app or your smart TV. I think I might take it off. It is quite warm in here. Okay. Take it off, take it off.

Lucky ass. Ooh. You are lucky. I can't take it off because I've just got in here. Okay. Lucky ass. Ooh. You are lucky. I can't take it off because I've just got a bra on underneath. Do it. Oh, it's a see-through. It is. It's a skims bra.

Why even bother? Jesus Christ. Sorry, can you see my nipple? Yeah, I thought that that would be like a bit hot because it's like, oh, if you see a little bit, it's kind of like part of the outfit. It's just this new thing I'm trying. How's it going? What do you reckon? I'm fucking all about it. Yeah, you're like, oh, I love it. Yeah, get it. It's a new thing part of the outfit. It's just this new thing I'm trying. How's it going? What do you reckon?

I'm fucking all about it. Yeah, you're like, I love it. Yeah, get it. It's a new thing. Keep it going. Turn the aircon off. Has anyone else done something so gross and so lazy where you've kind of ended up looking yourself in the mirror or just looking down at yourself and going, oh, I actually am a real piece of shit.

Yeah. Yeah. So I've hit a new low. Oh. And I said, I'll only share it if TARP is in the Tony and Ryan Facebook group. Share their, like, new low. Just, you know, so we're all in this together. Mm-hmm.

And they've come through. I bet they have. Kayla, sometimes I sneeze on my steering wheel whilst driving and I just leave it there because I don't really have anything to clean it up with and I'm driving and I can't move and it just sits on the wheel. That is a new low, Kayla. That's not great, Kayla, because if you...

Oh, maybe this is as disgusting but just in a different way. If it was like on your steering wheel, surely you'd like wipe it off with your hand and then like, I don't know, either wipe it on your pants or like. Tony, do you have something to add to the group? No, but like just because then it's not like out in the open. Right.

If it's on your pants or your, you know. Is it fair to say that you don't. It feels like more private. Is it fair to say that you don't mind being a gross bitch? You just don't want other people to know you're a gross bitch? Yeah, 100%. Oh, I've never said I'm not gross. I know that I'm gross.

Mate, don't have to tell us twice. Ebony, when my dog wheeze inside the house, both my partner and I pretend we haven't seen it for as long as possible, hoping the other one will notice first. Sometimes one of us might have to end up cleaning two or three weas at once because it's been so long. Oh, nah, that's a no from me, and I'm disgusting. Katie says, I once threw up in the corner of a dance floor at a nightclub

and turned around and just kept dancing. I mean, we've all been there. We've all been there. Bit of a tack yak? Yeah. Can you explain tack yak? Oh, sorry. Oh, yeah, because that's probably really Australian.

So yak is like throw up in Australian in our language and tactical. So you do a takyak because you go, if I throw up now, I'll be able to keep drinking, keep dancing, but if I hold on any longer. It could get real bad. Yeah, because there's, you know, there's like the end of the night vom where you go, I'm down down now like that's it but a takyaki you kind of do like halfway or like a quarter through the night and then know that like you just gotta make a bit more room and it's not

like you don't force yourself to throw up but you go i'm gonna throw up and i'm gonna just do it quickly so at the court in perth which is like the gay club it's like it's a hotel like pub vibe and then at night time obviously it's like there's a dance floor so there's like all this inside part then there's an outdoor dance floor like there's two separate ones and then down the very back of the pub there's like these like concrete planter boxes where um you can smoke and there's like a bar there and stuff and i was there with a bunch of friends and one of them obviously smoked and we were down the back and I was sitting on this planter box and I was like, fuck, I feel a bit crock.

And I thought. And did you have two? Yeah, probably one and a half. And I was anyone's, I was cabri, glass and a half and I'm done. And I went, we're in these plants. Yeah, probably need to throw up. And then I did a little vom in the planter box that I was sitting on so casually that no one even said anything. That's impressive.

So I just went. And just kept talking. And then what happened? Yeah. And they used to do pizza outside at the court as well until like 10pm. So you could go and get a pizza and like, yeah, it's actually the best. Have you ever felt more healthy and energetic than seven seconds after a vom? Yeah, and you go, fuck, I'm back on.

I'm back, baby. I'm back on. I'm feeling good. Yeah, because you just go, I just needed to get that evil out. And now I'm back on. Did you ever, speaking of you being a young party girl, ever spew and then like hook up with someone the same night? Yes, yes.

No, not to my regular. There's a story about this in my book. Have you? Oh, yeah. That's actually fucking disgusting. That deserves to be in this segment, There's a story about this in my book. Have you? Oh, yeah. Well, that technically. That's actually fucking disgusting. That deserves to be in this segment, but I'll make you buy the book instead. We'll talk about it when the book comes out next week.

Fuck. Yeah. I don't know why I'm asking this. Yeah. Yeah. There's a lot of gross shit in that book, actually. And it's out now. Hopefully people have read it and gotten to it and gone,

oh, you know what? Might pass this book on. I don't think I need to keep it. At least you didn't have to wait long in your career of macking people to experience what it's like to, you know, have a bit of spew-manty flowing around there. Spew-manty. Have you thrown up and then hooked up with someone later?

Absolutely. Of course you have. In fact, I'd say it's... You're a fuckboy. Two girls in one night most of the time, wasn't it? What? Not at once. Just like one girl and then the tackyack and then a different girl.

It almost becomes... Oh, no, that's a fucking bad thing to say. Like hilarious that you're like, I'm so obviously not on my game and fucked right now. It's like almost... Oh, yeah. Yeah. Like what like, why not?

What else can go wrong tonight? I've already spewed. Yeah, I've already thrown up. Yeah. Not relatable for me. It was really hard for me to find people to hook up with me. Would you have been the person? Would you have been the person?

I was supposed to spew. I was never pre-spewed. I was at the last train's about to go. Fuck you. I was never first choice. Let me tell you that. I think we hooked up when we were teenagers. Let me recreate this scene.

I said to this girl, no, you don't want to kiss me. I've actually just spewed up. And they go, it doesn't matter. And I would have gone, gone no i'll take that yeah it's fine beggars can't be tuesdays i'm fucking right in can i stay at your house that's me that's me 100 has anyone ever said to you you don't want to i've just spewed and you went mate i'm not here for excuses. I'm not here to make friends.

I need a lover. I'm not gonna say no. Desperado. Alright. Now we've established that other people have some new lows. I'm willing to. I feel like I just got thrown completely under the bus. Well now this is the confidence I need because I'm like, it doesn't matter what I say now.

I'm not going to be as gross as this bitch. See how supportive I am. You are. You are so supportive. Yes. Lay it on me. I was driving Bridget home the other day. Yep.

And we're rarely in the car together. Like someone's using the car the other day. So the passenger seat very rarely gets sat in because it's usually just one of us taking the car. Yeah. We get home. She's in the passenger seat and she can't get the seat buckle out of the clip. Like it's stuck in the thing. Like the seat belt was clicked in and she couldn't get it unclicked.

Couldn't get it out. Yeah. And then she sort of, then she ended up getting it out. But instead of it being like popping out, it's of like like slid out slowly like it was like a there's something going on did you come in it yeah i fucked the seat belt holder that's my new low it's not yeah could you imagine how much i would hurt trying to fuck yeah okay that's not um and she goes what's this and i went oh that not. And she goes, what's this? And I went, oh, that's right. And she goes, what have you done?

What have you done? And I went, yeah. So the other night I was driving home from uni and I got some nugs on the way home. And I dropped the sweet and sour sauce and the sauce went into the seatbelt thing and I just forgot about it and just left it in there. So it had become like toffee on the inside of the thing.

But I dropped the little, you know, the little container and it must have dropped like that way and just, and I remember driving and I was like, oh, oh, and I saw it and I went, oh. I have to clean that up later and then just kept driving home. I may have even had a dry unsauced nugget and tried to fucking jam it in the seatbelt thing because I was out of sauce. You know what I mean?

That's the new line. I think of all the things you try to like get some nuggets juice out of the thing, I think that's probably the worst part of the story. Nuggets are actually overrated. When you have a dry one, then like without the sauce, they're basically just a vessel to the sauce. You know what I'll say? Big Mac sauce would never do that to you.

It's thicker. It's more viscous. You'd never drop Big Mac sauce and it would that to you. It's thicker. It's more viscous. You'd never drop Big Mac sauce and it would fall into your thing and fuck up your seatbelt holder. It tastes better and it's easier to clean. It's a lower-maintenance sauce. How many times have you dropped Big Mac sauce on yourself? Because from that it sounds like a few times and you've nailed

the process of getting it out. It's just a bit thicker because it's more of a mayonnaise, whereas a sweet and sour, that's like. It's goo. It's like honey. Yeah. Yeah. Oh.

And hair. Nah. Yeah, so she got in the car four days after I'd been to uni. It's been hot recently. Yeah, so it would have thinned down and then got cold, would have thickened up a little bit. Oh. So do I just like boil boiling water into the seatbelt holder?

Oh, don't worry. I mean, it's extra safe. You were keeping your wife extra safe. Family man. Father of the year. There was no way that that seatbelt was going to pop out. No. It's safer this way.

That's not official advice. What about when, you know, I get that call and it's like it's on. Yeah. So I put Bridget in the front seat of the car, drive to the hospital, we pull up at emergency and it's like... And she can't go. And she's fucking yanking at the thing and the nurses rush out with the wheelchair and they go, why can't you open the seatbelt?

And I go, oh. Oh, three months ago. So you know how nuggets aren't great on their own. LAUGHTER great on their own. Hey, it's Christy from Omaha, New South Wales, and you're listening to Tony and Rock. A massive shout out to a few of our champion tapas. You might have seen all levels of tapas, actually,

scrolling along the bottom at the moment. But it does take a couple of weeks to get through them on a Friday. So if you haven't seen your name come up, it's coming. Today's episode, we could do four hours and just get through everyone. What have you got on today? I've got nothing on, actually. Okay, let's get on with it. Yeah, great.

And I'm wearing this great outfit. You do look great. Paloma Alisaf, thank you so much. Paul Henry Basilio, Matthew Duck, Maximilian Linker, Megan Redkey and Chris Tapuola. Thank you very much for being part of the pack. John, fucking love to see it. Megan Radkey, one of the OGs.

She is. I'll never forget her, Radkey. Redkey, actually. Maybe I will. It's her name. Maybe I will. It's a name. So I have a tale of when like self-care has gone a bit wrong.

To the point where it's no longer self-care? Yeah, kind of. Why are you doing this? For me. Yeah, for me. And it's actually ended up not being as relaxing as I'd hoped. Without knowing what this story is, my favourite thing on TikTok is in Family Guy when they're playing golf and Peter's like,

oh, so you're supposed to hit it in the lake? Yeah. And he's like, no. And she's like, so why did you hit it in the lake? And it ends up he's like, she's like, well, why are we even doing it? Because we're having fun. We're here because we want to be and we're all having a good time and we're taking care of ourselves and it's good for our mental health.

I love having fun. How fun have you been having? Well, so I actually, I really struggle with self-care because I find I feel really selfish when I spend money or time on myself. So like recently we had like a friend visiting and I found it really hard to, even though I said to you guys, oh, I kind of want to just like have a couple of days where I don't have much stuff on you, like okay.

And I was like, oh, I better just keep working. And like I worked from home both days instead of not doing anything because I just felt really guilty about it. And over the last. Didn't stop them though, did it? Didn't stop them, no. Yarny and Torbs is really turning it on on a Tuesday. Mate, it's 10.36 on a Tuesday.

Should we have a few beers? They had a loose time. Literally, we're still trying to take the recycling down. Like, and it was last week. Yeah. Like, we're full up. How many shipments have you done? Yeah, fuck, quite a few trips downstairs.

We need a freight container. Yeah, we need one of those, like, skip bins put in our courtyard so we can just, like, lob some stuff in there. But I really struggle with it. And over the last couple of weeks I've kind of been doing a few random like book publicity things. And I thought, you know what will make me feel really nice? I'll go and get my nails done.

And I went and I thought I'll go and get a pedicure, like go and get the little hooves done. Yep. And I'll sit there and enjoy my afternoon and whatever. And I actually like wrote it into my to-do list because I was like, no, I really want to go and do it. Put it in. And is that for you very relaxing, feels nice, you can sit back

and someone takes care of you and they bring a little tea or something? They don't do a tea at the one that I, they do have ones like that, but I don't go to those. Maybe that's what I should do next time. But in general, it is a relaxing experience. Yeah. Because when I went to the wax place the other day and you went, oh, that's nice.

I'm like, no, it's not. That's fucking terrifying. It's painful as fuck. So it's not like that. No, but you know how it's still kind of not, even though it's painful, it's still kind of nice because, like, you're not on your phone or you can't, like, read an email. You're not talking to anybody. You're just kind of sitting there and, like, zoning out a bit.

I was reading our last story, so it wasn't that relaxing. But anyway. I'm smooth, though. No, he's flipped off the chair again. That's great. Want to feel my back? That's very good. No, I'm okay.

I felt it last time you did it. Cam, do you want to feel my back? Sure. By all means. I felt it last time you did it. Cam, do you want to feel my back? Sure. By all means. I'll just fucking wait here. Oh, it's wet. I'm sorry I made you do that. Okay.

All right. A couple of sweaty boys touching each other. I forgot about that. There's big lights in the studio. It's just hot in here now. It is hot in here. Not that hot. That was disgusting.

But smooth. New low, you could say. Yeah, I've got one for next week. So I'm denied over going and it was in my to-do list and I was saying to Torb, I was like, oh, I think I might go get my nails done this afternoon. He was like, cool, go and do it. And I was just like, oh.

And then I was like, oh, actually I might do this thing. And he was like, do you need to do that today? I was like, oh, no, not really. But like I'll just was like, do you need to do that? So I was like, oh, no, not really. But like, I'll just do it. So then it's done. And I was just coming up with every excuse that I could fucking come up with. And I finally had like a split second of being like, you know what? No, I am going to go because it'll make me feel better.

And I took advantage of it and like sprinted out the door. It was your moment. Your one opportunity. Were you going to seize it? Yes. Or just let it slip. And I seized it. And it's kind of like right by my house so i like walked around the corner and like over the street whatever and it wasn't until like i kind of walked into the

shopping center that i was like oh my god i look terrible you know when you like just bumming around the house all day like working from home or, and you just kind of throw on whatever you've got in the house because no one's going to see you. But because I'd kind of go, oh, my God, you know what? I'll go right now. I'd grab my handbag and I just left. So what were you wearing? So I was wearing.

And how were you wearing it? I was wearing like just slides. Yeah. The slides I bought you? I think they probably were actually. Good friend. Thank you. Those and just like shitty like house shorts.

Yeah. And I was wearing like a big boxy T-shirt. Would you describe it as a moo-moo? Oh, yeah, kind of that vibe. Just like a massive T-shirt like tucked into my shorts and like no bra or anything. I don't even think I was wearing knickers. Okay, so.

Like I was just, I'd been like just bumming around the house all day. Like I'm literally wearing like zero under my clothes. What I'm imagining is if someone said, Tony, can you get dressed? You need to vacuum the house. Yes. Or like you literally just need to put shorts on to go down to the bin. Yeah. Like, you know, no bra, no knickers.

Like I looked like I didn't belong to anyone. Like I looked like a tramp. So when you walked out the door, you hadn't thought about it. No. You left the front door of the apartment and hadn't thought about it. Then you suddenly hit the fucking public surrounded by people. The bright lights of the shopping centre. And went, oh.

There's other people here. I'm not actually vacuuming. I'm not taking something to the bin. I'm in a shopping centre. Yeah, and there's other people that can see me and know. Did you say not wearing underwear? Yeah, like I'm just. But when you.

No, no, ask, please. So when you're sitting getting your like toenails done, you kind of like sit up on the higher chair, right? You do. And they're like down low. yeah yeah and to do your toes and then they're like looking back up towards you yeah yep that's not even part of the story but yes that is a concern in retrospect now that i'm here wow so i just hadn't even thought about it into your soul yeah lucky them uh so anyway there's no hope in there that's for sure um anyway so like the Yeah, lucky them. So anyway. What a dark, evil place. There's no hope in there, that's for sure.

Anyway, so like the nail salon I think is like a weird vibe anyway because there's always like two or three people working there and like you walk in there because you can't make a booking or anything. You just kind of like walk in there. Do you like that or is that freaky? I don't really like it. You need to know a time. I'm booked in. That's my time.

And because so you go in there and you go, oh, do you have time to do pedicure right now? And they go, oh, what do you want? And you go, oh, just like shellac or whatever. And they go, oh, yep, we can fit you in now. And they say that, but there's always like multiple people waiting. And then so you have to kind of do the arsehole like how long will it be? And it's not because you're being pushy but it's kind of like,

oh, if you're going to be half an hour, I've got something else I can go and do or I'll come back in half an hour. And they go, yeah, take a seat and you go, well, fucking hell, I'm not here for it. And you kind of just get backed into being like, all right, well, I guess I'm sitting down. Yeah. So there's like there's two people working there and there's five people in the salon already getting their nails done.

Yeah, right. And they're sitting like at the bench and all of them are facing one direction, the back wall. On the back wall is where there's like seven of those big chairs with the foot basins in them. And they're raised a little bit. They're raised up. So they're on like a little platform.

And they look like a little lazy boy, big fat armrest. Yeah, yeah. Lean right back, sweetheart. And some of the fancy ones now have got like massage, like they're a massage chair. How good are they? So good. Are you going to get one of them?

So she goes, you're going to get a, like you want a pedicure? And I was like, yeah, thank you. And she goes, oh, I'll fill up the water, like the basin. Like you sit in here and we'll get you when we get to you. And I go, oh, okay. And so I'm just like, cool. I'll just like go on my phone or just like I think I have my Kindle with me. I was like I can read while I'm doing it.

She's a Kindle person now. I am a Kindle person now. Anyway, so like I'm sitting there and then um she goes oh my gosh we'll pop on the massage chair for you as well like while you're waiting i was like fuck this is a bit of all right like i'm not mad about this don't even worry about the pedicure i'll just sit in your massage chair for 20 minutes with my hot in the my feet in the hot water i'm fucking good to go my feet are in the hot water i've got my kindle i'm like they're about to start up this massage thing. So I'm facing everyone.

And they're all facing you. And they're all facing me. And I don't want to re-ask the question from earlier. Yep. So they put on the massage thing. Oh, my God. And you're not wearing a bra? And it's not really like a soft, low massage.

Like a... Yeah. And you know when you go in and it's maybe not a, like, high-quality one and it's just, like, kind of punches you in the back. So I'm sitting there, my feet are in the water, my whole body is jiggling around. You're not wearing a bra. I'm not wearing a bra.

I'm just wearing little house shorts and I'm sitting there and everybody in the thing is like looking at me, just trying not to make eye contact with anybody, but kind of like looking at me. And I'm sitting there like this for about 30 minutes. And my boobs are about to fucking get me in the eye. It smashed nail polishes off the wall. Were the ladies getting their nails done?

Were they wearing glasses? Because they're a chance of losing a fucking eye here. Yeah, safety goggles they put on them. And so I'm sitting there. And because I'm so awkward and the salon's so quiet. So everyone can hear the... Are you too embarrassed to be like... My skin slapping against itself like this,

like a fucking cheap porno. And I was too embarrassed to be like, could you turn this off? Because I didn't want to attract attention to the fact that I was being fucking shaken around like a bloody McFlurry. I hate to break it to you, sweetheart, but I reckon when you say I don't want to bring attention to me, it sounds like you already had. And so I'm just sitting there and I'm like, this is obviously terrible. Oh, my God, your screen's turned off.

What's that dance called? What dance? It's like a mariachi, the way you're dancing. Oh, I don't know. It's like you're in a mariachi band. Oh, shaking it around. But, but yeah so i'm like sitting there and because i actually started to hurt i bet it did like and so but it was just so fucking embarrassing so i'm sitting there like trying to be relaxed i'm like trying to enjoy my time and then all of it like and then she goes oh the massage finally fucking

stopped and i'm like thank fucking god and she comes over and she goes oh oh, the massage. It finally fucking stopped. And I'm like, thank fucking God. And she comes over and she goes, oh, what colour do you want? Have you picked a colour? And I'm like giving her. Let me leave. And I was just like, oh, my God, I need a fucking back brace for me choosies that have been popping all over town. Hang on. You can't just introduce new words to the book.

Choosies? Me choosies. Yeah. That's not a thing people say. I say that. Choosies. You don't think so Cam? Have you heard chuzzies before?

I haven't had much experience with chuzzies But anyway So I was like And then she goes She goes to sit down I like give her the colour that I want She goes and gets the thing And then she sits down I'm like fuck thank god

That thing's fucking finished And she goes Oh my god The massage is finished I'm so sorry And she turns God that thing's fucking finished. And she goes, oh, my God, the massage is finished. I'm so sorry. And she turns it on again. Look back. And now you are punching her in the face with your boobs.

And then my feet are like dancing around like a fucking Geppetto puppet. I mean, fucking boobs are flying everywhere. And I was just like fucking mortified. And I'm like, I'm going to be sitting here for another fucking 30 minutes at least. It was like I was in a show because everybody I was on display looking at you and were they looking at you being like bitch this is supposed to be my self-care time and I feel like I'm being attacked yeah probably and they're dodging like and one of the girls like kind of like kept catching my eye and and smiling, trying not to laugh because she was like,

I know you obviously feel too awkward to ask them to turn the thing. She was like, I've been there. It was that kind of eye contact. I was like, please understand. Should she ask for you? If she's going to go, excuse me, I think she'd like it lower. Can you imagine, though, if that happened and she went, could you please turn that off because that is just unsightly.

I don't know what the fuck is going on over there, but that's not what I signed up for. I reckon everybody that was looking at me thought they were being punked. They were like, should we say something? Where's Ashton Kutcher? This is clearly, like, not a real situation that we're in. But literally, and I'm just like, now I've got to wear a sports bra next time I go to the fucking

a sports bra a couple some fucking shock absorbing bras remember car bras no like it was literally for a car because like sick ricks had them to like protect the front of their bumper anyway wrap yourself up in one of those what's a car I've never heard of that but it does sound like a bro-y thing. But, yeah, I'll get one of those. I'll get you to wrap it right around. Have I just made that up? Car bra. It sounds like something that someone would create. Are you Googling it?

Google it and look at Google images of car bra and you'll be like, you're right, it is a bit sick, Rick. Oh. So what does it do? I mean, that's a great question. Oh, okay. Oh, that is fucking, anyway. Yeah, it's like a mesh covering the front of the car.

Anyway, wrap yourself up in one of those. Anyway, yeah, I'll get one of those. Wear some underwear next time, I reckon. Fuck. I just. Okay, hang on. Let's go right back to the start. Okay.

You've been busy with some book publicity stuff. You know, life, people coming over and staying. So you're like, I need to relax and just not worry about anything. I thought, make myself feel nice, you know. Did this trip achieve the desired result? No, absolutely not because I sat there stressed out. I was like, great story for the pod though, you know. Five episodes a week, that'll take care of one.

I'll do this on Friday. But no, absolutely not. I was not relaxed. But I got home and I was like, I shouldn't have gone. And then I was like, I should have just stayed home. These things don't happen at home, you know. But fuck, I could not believe that it just, it was so bad.

It was not good. I'm not saying I don't believe you. Yep. But I reckon we should do a reenactment for video. Because what I've seen. I don't think you could post that on Instagram. Well, I know a few other websites that will take you on. All right, I've got all you love to say.

Amazing. And I think I've told both you and my wife, Bridget, about my high school, Altham High. And because often we would talk about, like, oh, back in high school, I'm like, oh, we didn't really have, like, cool kids and groups. Everyone was just kind of doing their thing. Yeah. And Bridget's like, that's not real. Yeah.

Because high school is, like, a tricky time for a lot of people. And so I'd like you to read this email. I'll send it to you now. Greeting from Eltham High School. Oh, cute. Hey, Tony and Ryan. Hello from the car park of Eltham High School. I bet you've been there a few times.

Well, yeah, because I went there. In the car park? Yeah, that's where you go. Behind the bins. You often joke about not having any Melbourne listeners. Matty, we don't do that anymore. We don't do that anymore, Matty. Well, I'm here to tell you that you not only have a Melbourne listener,

but an Eltham High School teacher who listens to your podcast on the drive to the school. Cute. You give me many laughs on my drive from Mount Evelyn. Is that close? Fair height. Oh, not close. Making sure I start my day of dealing with hormonal teenagers in a positive vibe.

Love that. I promise I'm not a stalker weirdo. Just joyful happenstance. Oh, let's not fucking correct the teacher's grammar. No, what is a happenstance? It's like happy circumstance. Something happens. Oh, okay.

Oh, so I didn't know that word. You knew that. Just joyful happenstance and a glorious, hey, I worked there moment when I heard Ryan went to the school. Also, I can confirm that the high school tropes are still accurate here, Ryan. There is still no cool group. Kids are just themselves. You love to see it.

Maddie. Oh, I love that. Don't you love to see that? It's been confirmed that people are just so happy to be there. That's lovely. No cool kids. No jocks. No this.

I mean, there are, but it's not like that group hangs out over there and blah, blah. Everyone just does their thing. I love that. Yep. How lovely. Now, I thought I might have imagined it. I probably didn't need to read that whole email.

I probably just couldn't read that. And that's okay. Next time maybe you could edit it down. That's okay. Okay. It's weird that my memories of teachers from Eltham High are telling me that I'm just doing things wrong. And so for you to say that now in an Eltham High story is just...

Sorry. Sorry. But at least you were right about all the cool kids. Yep. Yeah. Well, I thought I might have imagined it. It sounds like a thing that that might have been my interpretation but maybe not reality.

Because it definitely sounds like something like that a cool kid from high school would go, nah, they weren't groups, man. Everyone was chill. But it was, like, great for you but, like, not for everybody else. It's nice to hear that, like, people. I didn't like going there, don't get me wrong, but that was just, like, the vibe of the people. No, no, no.

I mean, like, you know when people go, oh, high school was great and, like, for you. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, so imagine if you were like, nah, my school was so chill. No one ever argued. There was no cool groups. And everyone were like, no, my school was so chill. No one ever argued. There was no cool groups. And everyone's like, no, there definitely was.

You were just part of it and you didn't see it. There weren't any bullies in my school. Yeah, that's because you were busy bashing everyone. Exactly, right? When you think about your high school, I mean, there's a whole book you can go buy now from all the bookstores. But if you were to like, did you enjoy high school? Was it not your time?

Did you like it, not like it? I didn't love it. But I think just because I was really anxious that people weren't going to like me. And I moved to a new school in year 10, which is like a really shit time to move to a new school. And I wasn't super popular. I was never super popular or anything. Really? Oh.

What was my response supposed to be? I don't know. Yeah, I'm shocked. No, but I was never that popular or anything. And they were probably meaner people at my school than it sounds like they were at your school. Yeah. What were the mean people saying or doing?

There was a rumor once that I did anal with my boyfriend when I was in year 10, so I was, what, like 14? Yeah, and obviously you've got to talk to your boyfriend for being a snitch. Yeah, please don't tell people. So that was like everyone was talking about it and that was real nasty. That is fucking nasty and random as fuck.

And like slut shamey because even if I had done it or I hadn't, like, doesn't matter. Anyway. Yeah, imagine if you're like, yeah, and it was fucking awesome. And everyone's like, oh, well, yeah. Yeah. But you don't, like, in high school, like, not only was it not true.

You didn't have enough risk. But you wouldn't own it because you're fucking 15. And you're like, why are people fucking saying that about me? Also, I started the new school in year 10, like, in the beginning of Feb or whatever. And on Valentine's Day, one of the nasty boys like sent me this Valentine and like flowers and stuff. And it was like, oh, like I've seen you around the school and stuff.

I didn't know it was fake. I was like, oh, that's like nice. But it was like a, it was a prank. What was the prank though? That he like wanted me to think that he liked me. And then it was like, nah, you're a fat bitch. Yeah. Thanks for the flowers, you asshole.

Yeah. But like, you know, so like it was kind of nasty. you're a fat bitch. Yeah. Thanks for the flowers, you asshole. Yeah. But, like, you know, so, like, it was kind of nasty. And then I pranked her and for 10 years I just told her how much I loved her and we had kids in the family. Like, got her. Yeah, it was Torbs. Ah! But you know what?

They all still live where they were born. Not my fault. Anyway, might you love to see it? Actually. I actually still love her. I used to live where I was born, so. No, but you've gone between then. Oh, so actually still love her. I asked her to leave when I was born. No, but you've gone between then. So I've got to come back.

You've got to come back. So that's okay. Okay. I don't know the rules of this sort of stuff. My you love to see it is actually fucking awesome. Now that we're talking about getting bullied to high school. Louise in our Facebook group said, I've ordered Tony's book on Audible. Great. Fucking thanks.

Yeah, I wrote a fucking book. I'm 99% sure that there's an error on the Audible site because it says it's 546 hours long, which is six times longer than the Bible's audiobook. I love to see it. Is she asking if that's a mistake? Well. Because I can tell you as someone who's read it, it's not. Try and shut this bitch up.

You're like, that's how long it took me to read it. So that sounds about right. Well, no, I think I just like it. There's another. So we talked last, earlier this week, I think about the spelling mistake. I mean, a speckle day for everyone.

A speckle day for everyone. A speckle day for everybody. How long is the audiobook? I have no idea, but I don't think it's 546 hours. Is it? And just because maybe it's a decimal error, is there a chance it's maybe five hours and 46 minutes?

That probably sounds about right. I don't know. How long is an audio book? I've never... You read it. You recorded it. Yeah, but it took like days. Well, maybe she's right.

Oh, yeah. Good point. That adds up, actually. But yeah, I love to see that. I'm just... Do you start recording the audio book when you started driving to the recording? Yeah, it's actually like voice memo on my iPhone.

I'm like, hello. I'm on my way to the beach. Also, chapter one. Yeah, it's great, eh? Yeah, on my way to the beach. All right. Thank you so much for listening. Thanks to everyone who's been buying Tony's book.

Make sure that you take a photo of where you're reading it and tag us in it. Yeah, we'll share on Instagram. I mean, actually, don't tag me. Just tag Tony. No, you can tag Ryan. No, it's fine. You've got more followers than me, so I'll tag it. Oh, okay. Well, I reading it and tag us in it. Yeah, we'll share on Instagram. I mean, actually, don't tag me. Just tag Tony. No, you can tag Ryan. No, it's fine. You've got my policy. I'll tag it.

Oh, okay. Well, I won't re-share it. It's good to see everyone's reading it and loving it. Yeah, so exciting. And we'll chat to you on Monday. Love you. Bye.