Toni and Ryan - Breaking Italy's Most Ridiculous Laws

Episode Date: June 7, 2026

Italian laws and lores - Cheesy nuts - Italian bar of soap opera: Tonella and Ryano Episode 1- love ya!!!!!Sign up to Patreon Here - www.patreon.com/ToniandRyanFAQ and T&C's PODCASTAWAY - www.toniandryan.com.au/podcastawayVideo for this EP is available on YOUTUBECheck out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toniandryanpodcast Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It is illegal to walk in noisy thongs on the island of Capri. Oh, I did that. The squeaky burks of success, I call it. I'm Erin from Grateful Australia. Hi, I'm Erica MacMollan from Alta Lama, California. Hey, this is Jay from Jersey in the Channel Islands. And I agree with this podcast. Welcome to the Tony and Ryan podcast, and welcome to Sicily.

Bonjourno, tutti. Now where are we? We are in Cicist. Which is not? Italy. According to people from Sicily. Do not call it Italy in front of a Sicilian. No.

We never say we are Italian. We are Sicilian. Chechelian. We'd been in the country legally for 14 seconds before Tony was corrected. And I was like, I'm so sorry. And he goes, oh, he's okay. I don't really know where I stand yet. We are here to film the Italian bar of soap opera called Tonala and Riano.

Hey, you've got to give it a bit more than that. Tonela andriano. And coming up later in this episode, episode one, there's an episode in the episode. Episode one. So true. I have been told by a few Italians that my accent is quite good, but the words are wrong. What would you rather? I accept.

Well, I think that the accent being close to good is. a real compliment because I think it shows I'm putting in effort. Yeah. Not enough effort to learn the words, I guess. No, but you can't be perfect everywhere. Yeah, I'm really good at scozy. And, um,

Grazie and, and por favor. Tony's been nailing it. She's been accused of being a local. Yeah. Well, I got in the car today in the Uber and, um, the guy started to speak. I said,

and he went chau besend him the sorda and i went oh no all i know yeah he was sorry cobb sorry cobb sorry sorry bro yeah um on the plane on the way in yesterday because we flew from um gatwick in london in london is a stretch we flew from gatwick in the united kingdom yeah um to catania catania and i don't know if you know this but the person sitting across from me was a professional famous footballer. Look across the aisle. Yep. That's what Charles found out because someone came up to him and said,

did you know that so-and-so? The guy with the baby? Yep. Oh, well, I think he'd contributed to that baby. He wasn't with the baby. If you know what I'm saying? No, he did contribute to putting his bare feet on the wall. Fuck off.

Right up there. Oh, so we're on quite a stinky couch in our Airbnb. Did he really? Yeah. And I videoed it. I just, oh, there was a bit of a kerfuffle as we got on the plane. He was in the correct seat. Somebody else was not, but they were in my seat.

And I was like, oh, I'm so sorry. And they had a kid. I was like, don't move. I'll just sit wherever the other person is supposed to be. We ended up figuring it out. It's fine. And then they ended up getting moved to have more room. For the kid, or for his bare feet on the wall.

In an exit row, like across from you. Bare feet. Now, here's the thing that was. really strange. Yeah. I fell asleep because it was like a 7 a.m. flight. So we were all like, well... We'd gotten up at three to get to Gatwick.

The Witches of Gatwick. So I'd fallen asleep. Yeah. And it turns out she must have had something of the kids like in the overhead compartment. A lot of assumptions made here. She must have dropped his toy or something or whatever on my lap while I was asleep. Oh. Because it's like she's in the bag up top and it's falling down and just landed on my lap.

Yeah. Sitting in the aisle. What would you do if something of yours landed on someone's penis? Keeping in mind, Minna speaking an Italian. Yeah. What would I do? I'd probably gently touch you on the upper shoulder. Same.

And go, I'm... Ascuzi. Hello, miscusi. me scozy, I drope on your penis. Yeah. And then you would go, oh, sorry. And then I would go, oh, chow. Yeah, or I would go.

Gratsy me, yeah. I don't know if it's because she was so polite. She didn't want to wake me up. But she decided to peel the thing off my penis. Just over, and I woke up. Sorry, the only thing I've ever peeled off a penis is, you know, and that's horrible. A. Well, like a condom is what I.

pictured when you said peeled off. And by you say horrible, do you mean because who would wear a condom or? No, I mean like a random person. Anyway. Yeah. So I reckon I woke up with her hand here and I'm just sort of like open my eyes and she's just gone, because she's got like, oh, like to grab that. And I'm just like.

Because she just didn't want to wake up. Yeah. No, I think you've got to preempt it with a purposeful wake up. Yeah. So that they don't accidentally. wake up. I'm so sorry. I've dropped something on your cock. I'm going to need to pick that up. It's like when, because then you, because I don't know that she's not just like grabbing at me. Well, because you wake up and you're a bit like, well, you wake up and you're like protective of it because you're like someone's in my space.

It's like, I think we went attention this last week, but Atapa had these like big googly eyes on the front of her top. And she also had massive boobs. And she's like, check this out. And I'm looking at the eyes. Yeah. So I didn't see the googly boobs on the night. night but um the tarpa tagged us in a video the other day and i saw and oh my god it's so funny yeah like it is so the gougly eyes are like massive as well but you have to make it really obvious like i love what you've done with the craft there yes i'm not grabbing your dick yeah yeah yeah i think so i think you got to do a preemptive wake up yeah yeah and so that's how i started my trip to sicily yeah and then tony stood up got yelled at for calling it italy and

And here we are, feeling very welcome, very welcome. Yeah. I do love it here, though. Yeah. Well, I know that you are a law-abiding citizen. Yeah. You don't like to break the rules. Rules are for a reason.

They guide us. They keep us safe. L-O-R-A-W. L-A-W. Yep. Two things. I'm about to read you some Italian laws, L-A-W-S. Yeah.

I want to get your thoughts, but I also want to get your thoughts of like, should we go and actually do these all because heaven forbid there's not enough content on the internet do break the law like break all of these laws oh no absolutely not law one one it is illegal to walk in noisy thongs on the island of capri you know when you're walking especially from the hotel yeah the squeaky burks of success i call it i call them the squeaky burks of success because it means that i've been for a stream Right. And don't you hate the sound of, forgive us Americans, thongs mean flip-flops. Yep.

Of a wet thong slap in the back of your heel after a swim. Did you write that down? No. That's funny. The squeaky sounds of success, though. Yeah, the squeaky burks of success. Illegal on the island of Capri. Because there's too many tourists now.

Well, if everyone's just slapping thongs everywhere, like, how are we going to get on with our day? So petty. Yeah. Where's Capri? That's not where we are, I. It's just, sorry, I just keep thinking of Capri pants. Yeah, same. Where's my little Capri?

It's about halfway between the calf and the knee and the knee. The canee. Do we know where that is, Charles? Yeah, it's like up a bit. It's just off like Naples. Oh, okay. Just up the road. Where's Naples?

Yeah. It's like just up a bit. When you're in the most south part, most places will be north. So we can film that. We could thong that, is what I almost said. Walking back from the pool to our Airbnb in London, I did that. And it was Charles and I were walking across the park. And then our thongs as well.

It's illegal to die in Falciano del Muscoe because the cemetery ran out of space. Their cemetery's full. They ran out of space. So they're just like, no more dying. Illegal to die. Hang on. You said that you wanted to do things on this. list.

I feel like a video of us saying that rule and then it just cuts to you. Is everything okay, huh? Is everything okay with us? I feel like the video would be us saying that law and then it just cuts to you laying face down on the concrete in the street. Now, we had an interesting day the other day for many reasons, but let me paint the picture of the worst day possible. Yeah.

Imagine in the morning you die. And then later in the, and then later in the day, you get handcuffed for dying. Like just to rub it in, like kick a slut while she's down. Or like, all your loved one passes away. Say like, I'm like, oh my God, my mom's just passed away. And they go, we are so sorry, but there are no room for her here.

Like, I'm like, what do you want me to do with it? Stick it on the next plane. Where's illegal to die? Yeah. Where do you want me to take it? What would be the pun? If you got arrested for dying, what would be the punishment? The death sentence.

Ah, beat you there by five hours. Yeah, like I'm already here. Yeah. Um, or like in the, have you ever seen Beetlejuice? Yes. You know the like, pergatory place. Yeah. That, yeah, I'm like, is that the worst thing?

Probably. Oh, don't die in. Like that you're halfway? Falsiano, Damascoe. Okay. I'm like how I said that town twice and both of them sounded real different. Different. And both of them sounded really offensive.

Like, I think that saying, I'll kick you in the falconia. Saying the beautiful at times. town name. Fasiano diMascio. Like that is less offensive, I think, than being like Falsiani di Cassion. Like, I don't think that's right. Falconio de Masco.

Yeah, I don't think that you can do that. Daniel is very upset by that. How would I say that, Danielle? I can't read it. Where is it? It's Felsanio de Mascu. Yeah, I just, I can't know because I can't see it. Yeah, okay.

Don't trust what you're saying. Also fair. Fair. Smiling is a legal requirement in Milan unless you're at a funeral or in a hospital. I'm moving to Milan. Doesn't that just feel like an episode? Sorry, but you're fired. Doesn't that just feel like a black mirror episode or something?

Yeah, it feels like, what's that? We're all really happy to be here. Yeah, toxic positivity or whatever. Yeah. Oh. But so what happens is, so if you're walking around and you're like not given it a smile, dead. And they take you to Falcone, Mr. Racco.

Well, no, because there's no cemetery space. It's like the last place that would take. It is, yeah. Sorry. Making out in cars is illegal in a boli. Oh. Frisky young couples kept parking at sexy lookouts and blocked all the car parks for sightseers.

So now if you're sitting in your car at the sexy lookout and you give them a little smooch, they didn't like that scene in Titanic. What was the scene in Titanic? Were they fuck in the car? Oh. You know that scene in Titanic? It's pretty famous. Yeah.

Very familiar. Sorry, I was like the one up on the cliff. I was like, I don't recall that. Many scenes on land, to be honest. Yeah. Yeah, no, so true. Yeah. It is not acceptable to order a milky coffee after 11 a.m.

Oh, no, lock me out. Yeah. I had a, what's the one, a coffee, cafe granita. Oh, yeah. At about three o'clock yesterday. Did you have it at that same place? Was that, you like, you already? the same thing I'd ordered.

The place where we tried to get cousin Bonnie to hook up with the waiter. And he was interested. Did we, did she go back? What happened? She said she was going to, but I think, and then she was tired. So I think she was like, no. But he was, he was, he was gorgeous. I'm a bit tired.

Yeah. Yeah. That coffee was so yum. Yeah, I went back to that place. Yeah. Fuck yeah. But I went to another, I went to the place on the stairwell. And I was like, can I have an ice coffee?

And they were like, no. Oh. Well, that other place is good though. Like, we can just do espresso and I was like, oh, can I just like put it on some ice? No. Oh, so you couldn't even get ice. It wasn't, they wouldn't give you milk. They wouldn't give you ice either.

And they, but I, and this isn't a complaint. I actually respect it because they, oh, we could, and they just went, no, we don't do that. Yeah. Yeah. No, I respect that. We were talking about, um, places that have like, because our, uh, the driver that we had taking us from the airport into. Tamina where we are here. Drive it to the stars. He will tell you all about it.

Friends with Seth Rogen. According to him. Jessica Albaugh and we'll pick Goldberg. So a huge roster of stars, stable of stars. But he was telling us that like, oh, places with too many things on the menu, like the food won't be good. And we were talking about how good it would be if you went somewhere and they go, we do this and this, pick one.

I think the restaurant I pitched last night was called One Thing. Yeah. And on the day you rock up and you just go, what's the one thing today? And they said, well, the one thing we're doing today is. Like, it's always a different thing. Yeah. But on this day, they do one thing.

They do just the one thing. Yeah, I like that. But is that too small a choice for you? No, I like it. Because then it's just, it's my. And I also, I appreciate that that wouldn't work for everybody, but I don't have any allergies. I'm not a fussy eater.

Like, so going to a place like that for me feels like a bit of an adventure because I'm going to eat just whatever they've got. But if you, you know, like Charles, if it was like a cheesy thing or a nutty thing, you can't have that. Well, today is the cheesy nuts. These nuts. How do you say that in Italian? There's a nutta.

I'm Erin from Grandfield, Australia. Hi, my name is Erica McMullen from Alta Lama, California. This is Jay from Jersey and the Channel Island. And you're listening to Toronto. A massive shout out to a few of our champion Tappas over at our Thank you very much for hanging out with us, chatting with us. Everybody exclusive in Champion Tavis would have been seeing our vlogs from the trip so far. There's a lot of BTS.

People are still really enjoying the BTS of the Deal or No Deal episode that we did before we left. People are loving it. And if you couldn't access it by VPN, we pretty much put the whole episode up there. So if you want to. You can see a lot of deal on no deal. And you can see all the stuff that hit the cutting room floor, which has been confirmed, way funny than the episode they aired. So all the tarppers in the DMs,

the committee of comedy. Committee of Comedy. The Comedy Committee. Steph McKenzie, thank you very much for being a champion Tapa. Carla Ortega, Briar, Steefe, thanks Briar. Rachel, good on your Rachel, Anna Gill, Noney Fisher. Perth gal. Showed out.

Six Triple One, bitch. Charlie Andrews, Noah Bamford, Jojo O'Brien, Ladd Keith and Nadine Price. Thank you very much for being part of our Patreon. We fucking love to see it. Yep. now now it's time for episode one

of Tonella and Rihanna In the town of Porto Tapo we meet Tonella Lavella she loves drinking diet Coke sangria she loves watching

real housewives of Sicily and she loves a man she's tried so hard to forget her fringe blows in the wind as she looks over the water That's Charles with the ocean noises by the way I remember the night everything changed I had just finished a long episode of the Ophesena

and then he was gone so should I be more Italian yeah a little bit more I'd say 12% more Italian I remember the night everything changed I had just finished a long episode of the Ophescent and he was gone. Everyone told me to move on. My friends, my family,

the champion Tarper group chat. They said, Tonella, forget him. But I could never forget that smile, those eyes and a big Italian sausage. It's a great chance to tell you, I haven't read this. Or as they call it here. That the bigger sausage. It wouldn't be Italian sausage.

You don't need to say that here. Meanwhile, Riano has returned to Porto Tapo. They see each other and both freeze. You could cut the tension with an Italian knife. Say the next line. Or as they call them here, a knife. Riano calls her name softly. Tonella.

More like a sexy whisper in an accent. Tonella. Riano, you look. Do not say it. I was going to say, well. I know what you were going to say. I did not plan on coming back.

I told myself never again, not after what happened, not after the night of... Donned. But that night was... I said the don't. But Tonella... You betrayed me, Rihano. You left!

You disappeared like a granita in wind. But not after 3 p.m. That is a very specific wound. Don't talk about my wound. They lean in close to one another. Riano instinctively goes to tuck a loose strand of Tonella's hair behind her ear. Just be careful of my scarf. Just be careful of my scarf.

She turns away. I never stopped thinking about you. That is not fair. Why am I waving? Wavering. Wavering. It's like on Angerman. He will read.

Whatever he's, wavering. That's not fair. See ya. I never stopped thinking about you. That is not fair. I know. You just, you cannot just arrive.

Looking like that. Like a what? Like that. They lean in even closer until their nose's touch. It looks like they might kiss until Riano's phone rings. Rihano's mood changes.

He looks sheepish. What is it, Rihano? You look like you seen a ghost or a barber's bathroom with no toilet paper. I should have told you this before. Rihano looks down at his phone. It's my fiancee. Tonella was so shocked. She screamed out the name of the largest podcast network in Australia for women over 50.

Mama Wrote that joke like five months ago I was so excited Mama Mia Tonella then goes speechless Which never fucking happened She wrote that bit Daniela

In the next edition of Tonella And Rihano The truth about that night The truth about why Riano left town And the truth about a long lost family member Who planned this all along Like, follow and subscribe for the next episode of Tonella and Riano. Wow.

God, things are really heating up for Tonella and Rihanna. Hooking you through. The Italian bar of soap opera. So I hadn't read, I haven't read any of it. That was my first. It's so funny. Thank you very much. That is amazing.

Are we allowed to talk about the bed we have going? I said to Tony this morning at breakfast. I would buy her a house if she could guess the last five words of the last episode. And do you want to say what you said? I can. I wrote it down so that we'd know that verbatim what I put. And it's not that far off, Daniel. Because I was like, you'll never guess the last five words.

The first one that I said was, eat my... Pussy. Eat my fucking pussy bitch. Yeah. And Ryan was like, is that what you're locking in? I was like, no, no. note so I've locked in put your rod in here yeah so well will she get a house find out on Thursday it's very exciting stuff I love the soap opera I love that people are into that yep if you're

not watching on YouTube we might be some dramatic turns and twists yep which we quite literally yeah yeah um I've got a you love to see it here uh from Dawn who's a Tupper Hi, Dawn. Delta Don. I'm a slightly overweight 40-year-old lady. Tell me about it, Dawn. And tonight I'm playing in my first soccer team since I was a child. Whoa, fuck yeah.

I'm really excited to meet you, people, make some friends and get the heart rate up. That's awesome. So yeah, fuck it. I haven't played soccer. And Timsbrook is so fun. Yeah, it's real fun. And she's like, yeah, fuck it. I'm going to go play soccer.

Dawn? Fuck yeah. Fuck yeah. That is so. Awesome. Good on you. Love that for you, Dawn. That's so sick. What are you love to see?

I've got you love to see here from Eva. And this is a tale I feel like we've been waiting for for a while. Eva says, I have a little story time for you guys. My husband and I met because of you. Husband. Husband. My mom used to work at a place where you would come and donate blood and plasma. And my husband was like a donor there, like went in there to donate blood.

and the mum was working there. After a while of chit-chatting, he asked if it would be okay to put his AirPods in because he's like, I'm like obsessed with this podcast. And Eva's mom goes like, oh, well, you know, like continues to chat with him. He's like, oh, I'm listening to this phone call. I've literally just put headphones in. Kept talking to him and he's like, oh, well, my daughter, she loves podcasts as well. She listens to these two crazy Australians.

And he turns his phone and he goes, is it Tony and Ryan? That's who I'm listening to right now. Now, fast forward, two and a half years later, they're now married. They got married eight months after meeting for the first time. They got engaged after three weeks. They were like, we just fucking, we know. Three weeks. We're completely in love.

This is the right thing for us. They've now been together two and a half years. And they have two daughters. Don't waste any fucking time. They've got two kids. Isn't that fucking unreal? The whiplash and the speed of which this is all happened is amazing. I know.

And so they're married. They're very happy. They love each other like crazy. I'm so shocked. I could call out the name of the largest Australian podcast of women over 50. Oh my God. Who is it? Mayor Friedman.

Mama Mia. Friedman. Isn't that so amazing? You love to see it. And so Eva sent me this on Patreon, right? And the Patreon DMs, because I reply to every DM that people send on Patreon and I said to Eva, holy fuck, can I please share this on the pod? This is the most incredible story. And she goes, oh, I've wanted to tell you for ages, but I just didn't

think you'd find it that interesting. Eva, I, I love you, but fuck no. But fuck you also. And I said like, no, this is amazing. Because we didn't, shits and gigs have had a marriage, I believe. Yeah. And they asked us if we had, and we had. And we were like, Like, oh, I don't know if we've, I think people are met and become, like, really good friends, but I don't know if we've had a marriage. I think this might be one of our first ones. If there is any other tarpa marriages. Please tell us. Not just two people who were married, who discovered the pod together, but like met in the wild.

Because of Tony and Ryan. You love to fucking see that. Isn't that amazing? Can we send some flowers or something? Oh, yeah, we should send something. Although the wedding was three years ago because they got engaged after three weeks. Is there a faster engagement in the tarp community? Then three weeks.

Three weeks is crazy It's quick I do get that when you know you know But isn't that also the definition Of the honeymoon period Like every new person you meet I was like oh my God I haven't learnt all your bad habits yet

I don't know all the things That annoy me yet And I think you're the one And you're still in the like dick haze Or whatever they call it The dick haze Is it dick haze Like you're still dignitised or whatever

Yeah Yeah Because they just stick in that in Sex haze Maybe not dick haze But you just like have just started Fucking Yeah

you're like very in love with each other. And you know how in normally in our relate, well, like both of us are in long-term relationships. You kind of go through ebbs and flows of those times as well where you're like super into each other. And then you kind of just like doing your own thing. You into talk as the moment? Yeah.

Only we're about to get married. Yeah. So I think that like. That's Dick Hay's energy. Like I feel like because we'd been together for so long before we got engaged, getting engaged was another. Like a little refresh, a little sizzle. Yeah.

Because it was just like, oh my God. feels like a cool new chapter and Mama fucking Mia I hardly know her That is good It's sex haze not dick haze Something else pops up I think I'm going with dick haze

Dick haze Yeah Yeah Let me spray my haze on you That's Getting the hose with this haze It's also the face you make When you're grabbing your fake cot

Yeah like you You're a 13 year old boy Who discovered masturbating About four minutes ago Yeah my God When you're you discovered masturbating. Yep.

Fuck. You just did not leave the house for a day. Well, I had to because we were recording today. I discovered it in a Sicilian Airbnb this morning. Nice. And unfortunately, I've had to walk down the hallway to the lounge room. Stop jerking it and do a podcast for you fine people. You know what they call all Cecilian Airbnb here?

You just call it up here. If you don't find those jokes funny, you may... Oh, cut off for the week. You may struggle with the next three episodes of Tanella and Riano. Because you think there's... We've used that joke already. Nah, she keeps coming, just like me. See you tomorrow.

All right. Love you. Just like me when I discovered masturbation. She just keeps on coming. Love you. Bye.