Toni and Ryan - Broken Promises

Episode Date: February 2, 2023

Ryan gets into a bit of argy-bargy at a local Kmart, and the SUPdate for ALLLLL Supdates. Love ya! Toni xo [USED TO BE VIDEO EPISODE BUT NOT ANYMORE LOL TECHNICAL CHAT]Check out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Plus you can find the links to pre-order Toni's book here! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toni.lodge and @ryanjondunn Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the podcast. My name is Ryan, Vice Captain of the ship, our captain, author, muscles, butter, bread to the butter, Tony Lodge. My God, what a mouthful. I'm used to a mouthful. You know what I'm saying? Working with you. Let's call Toronto. Okay, let's call Toronto. This is Cam. It's ringing. No, it's Cam. That's not that funny.

That's not funny at all. Sorry. Please stop laughing. Hello? Cam! Oh, my God. I fucked up. What happened?

Because I have blocked private numbers on my phone, and I didn't realize, and I had to turn it off after I missed your call. Well, for those playing along at home, this isn't the first time we've tried to call Cam. But Cam, now that you're here, will you finally approve this podcast? I will absolutely 100% approve the podcast. It's the least you can do. Hey, it's Cam from Toronto and I 100% approve this podcast. Welcome to the podcast.

Welcome. Today, every Friday, it's also a video show. You can watch it on the Spotify app or via the Spotify app, watch it on your smart TV. But you can still just listen. It's the exact same fun experience. Now, we're going to have a stand-up paddleboard update. Yep, sub-date.

A sub-date. I believe. Sub-date. A stand-up paddleboard update. But first. Oh, yeah. What's going on? I got into a physical altercation with a bunch of eight-year-olds

and came up. I think my response was actually the correct one. People can see when you roll your eye because it's a video show. Everybody always thinks that they're right. Personally, me as well. Yep. Everyone. Our new producer, Cam, he always thinks he's right.

Others have said maybe not oh so you think that you did the right thing but other people you've told this story to and it didn't look good didn't look good it wasn't a good look mate you're a walking billboard for this podcast you need to be fucking on fleek at all times on fleek yeah like you need to be fucking together and like we're expecting a child in a few months congratulations thank you and i feel like i want to be the dad who like gets involved and has fun and like you know is a part of children's life and like if someone's like like if our daughter's like oh come around to my place like

oh sweet like right uh the daughter mcdaughter faces dad will be there you know he's always of children's life. And, like, if someone's like, like if our daughter's like, oh, come around to my place, like, oh, sweet, like, the daughter of my daughter faces dad will be there, you know, he's always chilling, whatever, it's fine. So I want to get involved. And I actually love when our friends' kids come over and, like, when they play in the pool, I always, like, play with them in the pool. Yeah. And I love it.

It's the best. So you're saying you want to be the fun parent, not the one that, you know. Yeah. Yeah. Well, when I've been, like, Uncle Ryan, especially dad's place in the pool, like, with all the little kids, like, I'm always, like, wrestling them, you know. Yeah. Well, when I've been like Uncle Ryan, especially at Dad's place in the pool, like with all the little kids, I'm always like wrestling them in the pool and I love like getting involved. Yeah.

And so. All of the get involved examples you just gave were having fun in the pool. You know that having a kid is more than, I'm just actually making sure that you know. Rumours. Okay. It's pretty much having fun with babies in pools is what I've seen online. All right.

You know how there's that cliche of like when you buy fun toys that might be expensive and then the baby just like plays with the cardboard box? Oh, 100%. Yeah, yeah. So forget all the fancy pool toys. For $6 you can get a pool noodle and they're fucking awesome. Yeah.

And you can spend hundreds and all sorts of shit. Nah, the shittest pool noodle you can find, kids love it. And so Niamh, she's about two and a half years old. She was coming around for a swim last week and I was like, I'll go get some new pool noodles and Niamh will love them. When I was growing up, so I grew up with a pool. Yeah, I know, it must be nice. It fucking was.

And we had these purple pool noodles that had like that was um so it was like a long pool noodle and it had like a horse's head and they had like handles and the handles you squeeze them and water shoot it out of the horse's mouth it was awesome and we had like eight of them so everybody like could have one you have like little water farts that's really so you like straddle the pool noodle and like squeeze a little thing it It was awesome. Well, I don't have the squeezy ones, but I've actually, let me just go and grab.

Oh, my God. How did I not see those on the ground? Yeah, I know, right? So these aren't just regular pool noodles. And they're still $6 from Kmart, but as you can see on the top, what's that, like a little peacock? A flamingo. Flamingo. It's a flamingo.

And yeah, it's a flamingo. What's that, like a little peacock? A flamingo. Flamingo. It's a flamingo. And, yeah, it's a flamingo. What's a peacock? Oh, no, they're those things with the big thing. Yeah. So this is a purple flamingo. Yeah. And then this one, is it like a frog? That's a turtle.

Yeah. It's a turtle. Just because it was green, it made me think frog, but it's a turtle. All right, so I get these two. No. What? Your child is going to be dumb as fuck if you're teaching it stuff.

A peacock and a frog? Take that back. Take that back. My child will be dumb if I'm teaching him stuff. Is that what you just said? Yeah. You have to admit that what you just said? Yeah. You have to admit that what you just said was pretty specialist. All I will say is that now that you've told me what they are,

it is quite obvious. Yeah. Until then, it could have gone either way. Hey, we're all learning and you know what? This is a safe environment. It's a learning environment. So Niamh's coming around. She's two and a half years old.

I'm like, I'll go get some fun things because the kids love the pool noodles. These are six bucks from Kmart. It was a really hot day, hence someone's coming around. She's two and a half years old. I'm like, I'll go get some fun things because the kids love the pool noodles. These are six bucks from Kmart. It was a really hot day, hence someone's coming around for a swim. Nice. And I reckon where I went, there must have been a big family with heaps of siblings and cousins and friends and friends during the school holiday, and the parents have gone, these kids are driving me fucking mad.

It's fucking hot. What are we going to do? Yeah. Let's just take them to Kmart because they can roam around for a bit. It's air conditioned. They can get the fuck out of the house. I mean, it's not my first choice, but I reckon that's what's happened. Yeah, especially if there were that many kids there.

And they've just gone, hey, kids, why don't you go down to the shops? Yeah. And they go, yeah, we'll go down to the shops. And the mum goes, fucking thank Christ, they're out of the house. And because at Kmart, you could say to every kid, you've got $2 to spend and they could find something sick in there. You know what's also good? They would compare and have to choose what to pick.

So the choice of the $2 could last. There's an hour of stuff you don't need. Exactly. That's a great idea. Parenting hack. We're back on board. Good for kids. So I get to the pool noodle section where I find these.

I don't have to hold them. Well, maybe I'll keep them. Parenting hack. We're back on board. Good for kids. So I get to the pool noodle section where I find these little, I don't have to hold them. Well, maybe I'll keep, I'll keep them. Oh, the peacock's on the floor. Peacock down. Peacock down. Flamingo down. So I get to the pool noodle section and these bunch of kids, these youth, and by youth I mean like eight-year-olds, seven, six,

probably 10 max. So like older, not like kid kids, not like toddlers or something. No, but because there was like siblings, like they weren't all tenured. There was a range. I would say five to ten. Okay. And there was probably six of them. Right.

And they have got a pool noodle each and it's a fucking all-in brawl. Oh, they're like whacking each other with the pool noodles. They're fighting. It's like a scene from like Gladiator or 300 or one of those where it's like, you know, sword fighting and who's on whose team. You whack Tim, don't whack my brother, I'll whack you. And like it looked like a bit of fun. And of course.

Cool Uncle Ryan. Fun Dad steps up to the plate. And I'm trying to get into the pool noodles. And I was like, if I don't participate in this fight, it's going to be real. Oh, excuse me. Sorry. Just get them through.

And I was like, wow. Oh. If you want respect to the kids, what do you do? You get involved. Okay. I would drive to another Kmart. I'd go, I need the pool noodles. There's an obstacle.

I'll drive to another one. So I get the pool noodle and one of the kids kind of gives me a little like little little whack on the head uh sort of like the shoulder yeah yeah one of these ones okay so i was like so i whacked him back on the shoulder and then some other guy again he's like i hit my I'll get you back. And it's all sort of fun and games. In the middle of the Kmart. Yep. A hot day.

During the day. Yep. Were there other people walking around? Yeah. Okay. But when you're in a fight, and as someone who has never really been in a fight in his life, when you're in a fight, it's hard to imagine the outside world. Your whole, your mind is just so involved in the fight.

Fucking okay, Cinderella man. You're just so focused on the fight. Okay, Cinderella man. You're just so focused on the fight. It's hard to imagine. Okay. When Mike Tyson is fighting Evander Holyfield, do you think he's worried about if the milk's expired in the fridge? No. He's worried about knocking this bloke's head off and possibly biting his ear.

So I'm mid-brawl and I can't think about anything else. And it's a bit of fun, a bit of a tap here, a bit of a nudge there. I'm still sort of, yeah, like, do I want the flamingo to be my weapon of choice? You know, I'm going through all these. So how many pool noodles were you holding enough to, like, pick them up and leave? Or you picked up a weapon and that was it? Correct. So I am imagining you, like, picking up three to buy and then you go, oh, don't be silly, mate.

Well, I reckon I picked up three for half a second and then when I got a jab to the back, I put the other two down. I was like, it's fucking on. Okay. I'm involved. Well, yep. And so it's all like fun and whatever until I've sort of got my arms up in the air, thus leaving the dad bod gut exposed.

Yep. And this one kid comes in and fully baseball bat style club slaps me in the gut. With the pool noodle. Yeah. Almost. And I would. That sounds like Paul Blart Mall Cop 3.

Yeah. Doesn't it? Yeah. And if I were to recreate the sound that I made, it was sort of a. Winded you. Maybe not a full wind, but when you're not expecting it and they just really get you in the gut.

And pool noodles slap. They slap. Because they're bendy and because of the material, they fucking make a fucking. Yeah. And I think it's because of the slap and the is that suddenly a lot of people close by, that was the thing that kind of went, oh, hang on, what's going on over there?

Yeah. Because it went from kids having fun and being silly to now an adult is involved. Just a loud sound. Yeah. And so I reckon two staff members sort of did the kind of peering, like what's going on over there. Maybe the parent or the auntie or whoever it was,

sort of went, oh, hang on, what are those kids doing over there? So in the few seconds after I've been slapped in the gut, suddenly there's a few more adult eyes. Right. But I don't notice them because, you know, the only thing that I see is? The kid. Red.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. I saw red. Yeah. And I was like, oh, we're doing this, are we? You're not thinking about the expired milk in the fridge? Yep. We're doing this. Okay we? You're not thinking about the expired milk in the fridge? Yep. We're doing this.

Okay. It's on. And so instead of fully like baseball slap style hitting him, I went more of the like specific pool cue, maybe even a javelin style of like using the end of the thing to be like a really specific hit. Instead of just like slapping him, I was like. Wear on the body.

Nail this kid between the eyes. And I was like, if I can come and slap over that dad bod, taste these apples, son. Yeah. And so. You jabbed a kid in the face with a pool noodle. I was like the face. It was like more of the forehead.

You just said between the eyes. That's the face. Well, there's the face end and the forehead begin. Well, that's the face. Oh. Yeah, okay. I did hit him in the face. It just sounds a lot worse when you say that.

You jabbed a kid in the face. With a pool noodle. With a pool. But. Hang on. You're 35 years old. This kid is what? Maybe the mean average age of 7're 35 years old. This kid is what? Maybe the mean average age of 7.5 years old.

You can actually save it because I've heard this speech from the chick that works at Kmart. She goes, come on, mate, you don't need to muck around. She goes like, oh, are you and your kids going to buy that? And I went, oh, these aren't my kids. And she goes, oh, so how do you know them? And I was like, we're just having a fight. Like we're just mucking around.

I just met these guys. Did the kids start crying? No, no, no. He was fine. But he very quickly went, yeah, I don't know him. Yeah. I was like, fucking back me up. Sell you out.

Yeah. You know how there's that like, what were you saying before, that criminal's code? Oh, honour among thieves. I felt like there would be an honour amongst Kmart brawlers. Yeah. So he would just be like, oh, yeah, just mucking around, mate. Yeah, but he's seven.

And so suddenly he turns into a seven-year-old, and even though some would argue he was seven the whole time, then suddenly he goes, yeah, I don't know him. So the person that works at Kmart has come over and gone like, grow up, mate. And you've gone, no, no, no, it's all good. Then what happened? Did the kids all split?

No, I think it was like, I don't think it was the mum, but I felt like it was an auntie or someone. Their adult. Their adult has wandered over and gone like, you know when you're like not talking to someone but just very much wanting them to hear what you say? Yeah. So she kind of says to the kids, hey, is everything all right here? And they went, yeah, we're just playing.

And she's like, well, you shouldn't play in the store until you bought, you know, does a sensible adult speech. Which he wasn't wrong about. To be fair, I still hadn't paid for the noodle. I just jabbed this guy in the face. And then I grabbed two more. So we ended up with, oh, shit. The guy's lost his head.

Oh, my God. This is what the kid could have looked like. This one, the flamingo, and I think there was a dinosaur. Right. And carried on with my day. I can't believe they let you – I can't believe you didn't get, like, Kmart arrested. They put you in, like, the centre jail, you know, on, like, TV.

You're right. This is very more cop. But I still reckon that when kids like invite you to play, that the cool dad has to play with them. Did they invite you to play though? I reckon when you whack someone with a pool noodle, you're dragging them in. And they were covering the pool noodles.

I couldn't get to the pool noodles without going through the fight. I just keep coming back in my mind to the fact that they were eight-ish as an average. See, I have had play fights with eight-year-olds before, but at the time I was eight. Yeah, and that's the thing that you're like, oh, you know, I had to go through the battlefield to get to the pool noodles. You literally just could have gone, oh, sorry, guys,

do you mind if I grab some pool noodles and then fucked off and been an adult? Oh, this old guy doesn't want to play. No, that's not what would have happened at all. Who's the overthinker now? That's just not what would have happened. They would have gone like, okay, like, I just can't believe you cocked that little kid in the face.

I think you're also missing an important part. Do you know how good a shot it is to actually, like, hit the target? Everyone's like, you hit a kid, but no one's like, hey, mate, great accuracy. Because they were eight. Yeah, that's a smaller target. And that's just the video. Listen, Paul Newton hurt him.

It shocked him. It woke him up a little bit. Yeah. I don't think that the problem isn't the instrument or the force or anything. I think it's just the fact that instead of just going about your day, but then you got worded up by the person who works at Game Up.

By the way, the person who works at Game Up was about 21. This is just the most tragic story. Okay. Can I be honest with you? We're good friends, right? Yeah. We trust tragic story. Okay. Can I be honest with you? We're good friends, right? Yeah. We trust each other.

Yeah. I expected you to support me in this story. No, you did not. If you know me at all, you would never expect me to. Just a bit of fun. All good. You're going to be a fun dad. Do you want me to say that?

Is that what you need? You'll be a fun dad. Do you want me to say that? Is that what you need? You'll be a fun dad. Thank you. Yeah. I agree. It won't know anything about animals. Or how many brain cells left by the time it's 10. Yeah, we could hit it in the face that many times with a pool noodle.

No, we were just playing. You swing at the king, you best not miss. Would it have been wrong if I said let's finish this in the car park? Obviously, I'm joking. Let's take this outside. You shouldn't fight in the Kmart. You're right. I can see in the car park in 38 seconds, sweetheart.

Yeah. Bring your pool noodle. Weapon of choice. Well, anyway, as we're gearing up for the big housewarming that everyone's invited to. Dips and dips. Dips and dips. There is now multiple pool noodles. Oh, thank God.

We can have a little argument in the jousting session. Yeah, come for a joust. Someone asked about the housewarming at the Hot Fun Garbage. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I mean, you told everybody that everyone was invited to your house. Yeah, we'll get around to that. We'll get around to that.

But just to confirm, you're not on my side. You win some, you lose some. You won the fight, though. That's all that matters. Do you reckon you won, actually? I won the fight, but it sounds like I have not won the war. Hey, it's Cam from Toronto, and you're listening to Tony and Ryan. A massive shout-out to a few of our champion tapas over at our Patreon.

If you're part of the Patreon at all, you should be able to see your name scrolling across the bottom. Yes. Though it does take about six weeks to get through everybody, so if be able to see your name scrolling across the bottom. Yes. Though it does take about six weeks to get through everybody. So if you haven't seen yours yet, it's coming. It's coming back. But a few of the champion tapas over there at the moment, Lisa Kovaka, Catherine June, Taylor Beattie and Sarah Kirk. Thank you so much for being part of the Patreon.

You fucking love to say it. Now, it was a few weeks ago now where Miss Tony Felicia Lodge announced that she had bought a stand-up paddleboard despite never having been stand-up paddleboarding before, not really knowing how to do it, not having anywhere within a 30, 40-minute drive to do it. Is that fair? Maybe 20 minutes. 20 minutes to get to St Kilda, yep. And you said, if I haven't used it six times in two months, it's gone. That was like your little challenge to yourself.

Yes. So that means six times by March the 13th. Yes. Put the date in your cows. Now, I think I might have jumped in and said, well, I'll be taking it off your hands personally on March 13 if you haven't done it six times by then. Well, actually, the thing is, is that I would love to sell it

on Facebook Marketplace and maybe recoup my loss because I didn't pay for it. I didn't get it for free. Like I paid for it from Amazon. And it's actually a really good board. So I think I'd be able to get a little bit of return. We'll get to that soon because something may have happened. But a quick sub date.

The first time you went, the weather was off, you were heartbroken because you were so revved up. I was so ready to go and I was in my group text with my girlfriends. In the saddle club. The paddle club. Sorry, sorry. Yeah, you've said the pun that it's based on. Yeah.

The paddle club. I won't be a fun dad. Can't even keep up with a group chat. That's okay. No, you'll be a fun dad. So the paddle club. The paddle club. And then how many other times do you reckon since then that there was

like a false start or some bad weather or traffic? Three times. Yeah, three times. So I burned three opportunities through like no fault of my own to go with the girls because I was like for the very first time I'm obviously going to have to go with friends because I didn't even know how to pump the thing up, you know? So three opportunities burned straight away because in two months, there's what, eight weekends. And I have to use, yeah. So I've burned quite a few opportunities. I've definitely

already lost my like two weekends worth of times to not go. Yep. So I'm going to have to start doing weekdays. But anyway. So where are we at? Have you touched the water? Yes. So thank you very much. Thank you, everyone. Very proud of myself. So I went for my first sup, my first paddle on Friday last week.

Yep. In St Kilda. It was actually, I don't want to say this because you said, maybe do you want to hire, before I told you that I'd bought it, you said, do you maybe want to hire a board before you do it just to make sure that you like it? And I was like, well, I've already bought it, so it's too late. The paddle boarding is really fun.

Great. Like actually being out on the water. I did it on my knees this time. It was the first time. And there was recently like a little oil spill in St Kilda, so I didn't want to stand up and fall in. It's planet safe. But on your knees, you're still moving.

You're still on the water. And it was still like my fucking ass and my legs. On your knees, it's arguably harder than your feet. It was right. And because you've only got like the top half of your body to like use to actually do it, my core, my ass and my thighs were so fucking sore from like keeping myself up. Whereas like when you're standing, obviously you're like.

Knees, ankles, hips. Yeah. You've got heaps more power. Yeah. But like I was anyway, so I was still sore. I still worked hard. And we were – I set my Apple Watch and we were out there for about 50 minutes. That's awesome.

So, you know, we went out under the – like, went under the pier. That's sick. Like, amongst all the boats and around and then back to the shore. See a dolphin? No dolphins. Stingray? No. Okay.

The water was pretty murky. Yeah, okay. So, like, whatever was underneath us I couldn't see. You might have seen. But is ignorance bliss in that situation? You know? Yeah, yeah. Anyway, so we paddled.

It was great. But the admin is a fucking pain in the ass. Whoa. So I got a few comments. When I first bought the paddleboard, lots of people said, Tony, if I know one thing about you, it's that you hate admin. Supping is a pretty admin-heavy sport. And I was like, how fucking hard can it be?

As in like the weather apps and the tide out. The weather, the tide, the time, because like the most dangerous, dangerous, but like the most shark-heavy time is like dusk and dawn. So it's like you can't go too late when it starts to get dark and all of that stuff. You've got to be fucking aware of this shit. Anyway, it's just like a fucking bit of a rigmarole. How long does it take to pump up the board?

So when the girls went without me, it took them about 30 minutes to pump them up. Jesus Christ. That's a workout in itself. Well, so they were like, by the time you've pumped it up on the beach, you can't fucking paddle because you're fucked. And I've got like zero upper body strength. So I was like, that's not going to work for me.

When you said you have zero upper body strength, I did think, have you picked the right sport? Yeah, but I'm trying, you know, to strengthen my – The only way to get stronger is to start, yep. Thank you very much. But I was like, all right, let's not – my whole thing is that if things are easy i'll do them yes so if i drive to work i have to go to the gym after okay if i buy things to make my life

easier i will do the things that i need to do i meal prep on a sunday so that i eat the same lunch all week because it's easier it's in the fridge i know that it's there and then i'm not going to order uber eats or get a fucking Kransky wrapped in pastry or something. Yeah. Even no matter how much I would like to. Yeah. So when they said that, I was like, you know what? I'll get an electric pump for the group.

They're about $160. The other girls were kind of like, oh, it's a bit expensive. And I was like, you know what? I'll buy one. I'm happy to like be the holder of the pump. This is my contribution to the paddle club. Right. Everyone can use it. I'm happy for everyone to use it. Just bring all your stuff over to my car and we'll pump them all up and then we'll get going.

Great. The pump was a fucking absolute pain in the ass. It was good, but because all four of us needed to use it, it ended up taking 45 minutes for one pump to pump all of them up instead of all of us pumping for 30 minutes separately. So you're packing the car, you're checking the app, you're finally driving down there, then you're spending 45 minutes to set up and... Yeah.

So we got there. Who's got the time? I got there at 7.30. Yeah. We weren't on the water until 8.45 because of putting your fucking boards together, getting all your shit together, putting my keys in my fucking waterproof bag, all that shit. You know what I mean?

Anyway, so drama, drama, drama. And then you go out and you paddle and you go, I'm so relaxed. I'm ready to start my day. Well, it's already fucking started because it's 10 o'clock. Yeah, you've been out three hours. Then you get back. You've got to deflate the fucking thing. You've got to wash all the sand off it so it doesn't get muddy.

You've got to make sure that there's nothing in the inflation fucking valve because otherwise it fucks it and you can't use it the next time. You've got to take the fin back off. You've got to disassemble your fucking paddle. You've got to fold it up and put it back in the fucking bag. And everybody knows that nothing ever goes in the box, the bag, or the satchel that it comes in, ever. You know when you're trying to repack a bag or put it like a sleeping bag

back in the sleeping bag holder? It like never goes in the same way. You know how most people will do something and there's like a honeymoon period? Yeah. This is the first time you went? Yeah. Well, it's annoying and I wasn't expecting it to be as annoying as it was. I thought it would have started getting annoying at the fourth or fifth time.

See, I think that maybe at the fourth or fifth time I'll be used to the pack up and I'll get a bit quicker. And also if I go by myself or if everybody else has a pump or whatever, I can just do it. It'll take 10 minutes and then we'll be ready to go. Whereas because everyone was using my pump, which was totally fine, it did end up like taking a lot of time. I think everyone listening and I can all agree, not even your words,

the tone and the mood that we're feeling right now maybe suggests that you didn't love it. And as anyone in the world will say, like it's harder to do things you don't like. If you fucking came back and were like, it's the greatest thing ever. Totally. You would have done six by now. March 13th.

It's now February. Yep. March 13th. But I'm still committed. I am still committed. But do you want to do it? Yeah, I do because I actually like doing it. Like it was the actual paddling part was really fun,

but the rest of it is a part i'm not gonna i'm not gonna lie and say that it was a perfect experience because it wasn't because it was annoying you know like it's when people like oh my god having kids is the greatest i'm like i bet it is i bet it's incredibly fulfilling but like there's a lot of admin yep there's a lot of shit you have to do that as well, you know? Yep. So I feel as though I can be real about the experience but still say it was fun and I'm going to persevere and I think that I'll still hit my six in two months. I'm like, nothing else to fucking prove you wrong.

If that's the only reason I'm doing it. And that's a good reason for you, isn't it? Yes, it is. Well, here's the thing. Yeah? Last week, and you may have been there maybe in Earshot, I don't know if you heard this, but at Hot Fun Garbage I'm doing it. And that's a good reason for you, isn't it? Yes, it is. Well, here's the thing. Yeah? Last week, and you may have been there maybe in Earshot. I don't know if you heard this, but at Hot Fun Garbage in St Kilda,

this lady comes up and says, Tony, oh, yeah, you must have been there, loving that you've got a stand-up paddleboard. I'm thinking of buying one too. I think I'm going to buy it in the next few weeks. Yeah? But do you know what I said to her? No, I don't think I do. I said, babe.

Did you? I did. It was a choice. Don't waste your money. Tony's going to give me hers on March 13th. Oh, no. So you can just have this one. You can have it for free.

Now, here's the thing. I don't remember her name. So if that was you, send me a DM on Instagram and say, hey, it was me. Tell me which suburb you're from because I remember which suburb you're from. So I don't want no freeloaders just to look. Oh, so you've got like a shoe to check if it fits kind of thing. So if you tell me what suburb you're from and I'll be like, yep, you're the one. So don't think here's your chint. Yeah.

It's an honesty system. It's an honesty system. I reckon most tarpers are on your side. Oh, 100%. But I just want you to know there's one who's not because there's one counting on you to not do it so she gets a free stand-up paddleboard. You know what's going to really suck?

When you let her down and have to buy her. How's this? No. If I do this, which I fucking will, you have to buy that tarpa a stand-up paddleboard so that the two of us can go together with this paddleboard that I get to keep. Deal.

We're on, mate. We're shaking hands. And it's like shaking hands with thin air because, like, whatever. It's not going to matter either way for me, obviously. I hope you got $300, girlfriend. Is that how much you spent without having never got it? I got a good deal. I got a good deal. I got a good deal.

Can I quickly tell you a story about promises I couldn't keep? Is it about in two months when you have to buy something on a paddleboard? Yeah, March 13 when I'm buying a – where did you buy it? Amazon. Amazon, yeah. And it came in like two days, so it was really good. That's great. You're an Amazon Prime member.

I am, yeah. Yeah, must be now. So are you. Am I? Aren't you? Nah. Isn't everyone? Yeah.

I don't know. No, you do it once and it fucking signs you up. Oh, it's a bloody. So are you. Am I? Aren't you? Nah. Isn't everyone? Yeah. I don't know. No, you do it once and it fucking signs you up. Oh, it's a bloody scam, isn't it? I don't know how to do that. I actually use Torbz's Amazon and every time I use it- He gets notified? He gets a notification and it comes off his card. And so every time I do it, I go, oh, my God, sorry, I forgot to change the card.

He goes, yeah, for the 80th time. The confession a few weeks ago. Was that from you? I wasn't fucking paying rent without it going. Torbs, I'll get this one. Yeah. I'll get the next one. Anyway, yeah, promises you can't keep.

Bit of a theme with you, isn't it? Well, actually, I was the recipient. So my friend Taylor. Do you know Taylor who's in Perth? No. No, he's a radio guy. I don't think so. They've welcomed their second child.

Oh, congratulations. We worked together in Canberra. Then we both moved to Perth at the same time randomly. How funny. Very lovely guy, very lovely family. He promised or offered that I would be the godfather. lovely guy, very lovely family. He offered that I would be the godfather. Oh, you can't

be fucking with stuff like that. Yeah. We were recording in the morning a year and a bit ago. And then I ducked off to go watch the footy with him in a pub because he was in town. And we were having beers, we were watching the Hawks,

watching his Dockers, and he's like, man, the second baby's coming. You're thinking you're getting the call-up. No, he's like, would you like to be the godfather? Because we were pretty tight and we both went through a bit of a rough patch at the same time, so we're kind of there for each other and stuff. That's lovely, yeah. And super stoked that him and the fam are doing really well now.

Bridge knows his wife really well. Yep. And I was like, mate, whatever you need from me, whether it's this or, you know, you know you can call me any time. And he's like, great, great, great. So a few months pass and the baby arrives. And I was like, how beautiful is this? How good?

So I'm speaking to him. And you've got like this vested interest in it. Yeah, I was like, how's it going? Oh, it's going good. Now, I don't know. Is it Godfather and Godmother? It's like a religious, it's got the word God in it, but is it actually like a religious thing?

I think that the official role of a godparent is that you lead that child's spiritual journey. So, but obviously now it's a bit more of like an aunt or uncle. I thought it was like if something happened to the parents, you'd like step in. Well, like you can but not necessarily. I guess what I'm getting at is I said it would be an honour and I didn't really know what it meant.

I don't think anyone does. Okay, great. So then I call him and we're chatting and he's, you know, new baby, stoked and he's in the love bubble. Yeah, you called him on the phone. Yeah. That's a big thing he's in the love bubble. Yeah, you called him on the phone. Yeah. That's a big thing. Not like the day of. No, but like you don't call, like you're not a call and chatter.

So this is like a big deal that you called him. Well, I kind of was like, so with the godfather thing, do I like, is there a for my sign? Did you say something? What do you mean do I say like I'm the godfather of this child? I've got a responsibility. No, don't you just wait for them to politely bring it up at a later date? You're not going to go, so, you know,

you promised me over a fucking dish of chicken wings that I could do this. Well, I just sort of had some like, well, because I didn't know that he might have gone, well, that's godfather, haven't you done this? Because I was like, oh. Organise a hen's party kind of thing. If there's something I need to have done, let me know because I'll get onto it. Yeah.

And he goes. He was hoping you weren't going to bring it up because he didn't want to. He wasn't hoping I didn't want to bring it up because he had completely forgotten that he'd promised that in the first place. He was so blind that he didn't even remember offering. And what's worse, because he was excited about the second child but also a bit nervous about the reality of having two young children in the house and blah, blah, blah. He was, I wouldn't say having a moment,

but he was definitely getting on the cans a fair bit because fear, excitement, all of the emotions. And catching up with an old friend. Yeah, but that wasn't just this night. He promised five separate blokes over the course of three weeks that they and only they would be the godfather of the second child. And when I said, oh, so about the godfather thing, he said, oh, not you too. He goes, oh, don't tell my wife.

She's sick of hearing this story. She's heard it four times before. Are they religious? No. Not at all. Nah. Sorry, mate. Would you like to be Pippa's godfather?

You could lead her spiritual journey. Where's that journey headed for her? She's got great spirit. I don't know. I actually don't know who got the call-up in the end. But, again, they might just not have godparents. Well, yeah, it's not that. I think it's more of a token.

You know what would be great for you? I reckon you should be the godfather. You'd be great. I trust you with this baby. Did it make you feel a bit better that he asked you while he was drunk because it's not as if he asked you when he was sober and then went, fuck, that was the wrong choice? Does it at least make you feel a little bit better that it was like,

oh, he was drunk, people just say shit, whatever? Like at least you're like, oh, it wasn't like a personal thing. It was like, oh, he just was wasted and, you know, people say shit. I didn't even think about it from that angle. I just pissed myself laughing at the concept that he'd been like drunk and offered it. I didn't even think about that. Should I be offended?

No, but I'm just like if that makes you feel any better. So this is not the same thing, but i once got to save the date for a wedding oh i remember this but then no invite and here's the date and you're not open you're not drunk when you're sending the save the day no and you're definitely not drunk when you're sending the invites so they had cho i was on the first round of invites for a wedding. They made the call up. But then didn't get the cut for the second round. Specific question. Was it, if not, like, did you save the day and say no to other stuff?

Well, it was like a wedding, you know, when they say save the day. It's a year in advance or whatever. But could you imagine if like, actually Elton John? Yeah. I'll pass. Yeah, sorry, Meghan Markle can't do dinner on that night. Who wasn't? No, no, no, no.

It was a girl I used to work with like years ago. But I got to save the date like to my address. Like they sent the actual physical card and stuff. Did you ask them about it? No, and since then. Have you spoken to them? Yeah, like a lot. And what happened when you spoke to them?

Oh, well, so I've spoken to them since then and it's like, oh, yeah, we're friends. I miss you. Like, oh, blah, blah, blah. But like never. Well, not fucking enough to invite me to the wedding. Well, yeah. So it's like a little bit orco.

Yeah. Would you invite them to your wedding? Your hypothetical. I don't want to fucking invite anyone to my wedding. Yeah. But probably not because we kind of have like drifted, but to send someone a save the date and then not an invite, I think is like a choice.

Like you're saying something with that, I think. You used to be a good friend. Well, you were a good friend two months ago when I sent that piece of paper, but this piece of paper, no. Devil's advocate. Yep. Do you reckon there'd be instances where you'd save the date for 120

and then the venue comes back and goes, oh, there's only 80 seats, or you change venue and it's smaller. I mean, maybe. Or the mother of the bride looks at the tab and goes, oh, I went off on that. Yeah, a bit much or whatever. Maybe. Or were you just a bit of an arsehole to her?

No. Is she off you now? No, I'm not. We talked yesterday, so. On the phone? No, not on the phone. Did she promise you to be the grand? Yeah.

She was drunk, though. All right. Well, I guess the moral of this story is that lady from whatever suburb she's from is getting a stand-up paddleboard on March 13th. Yeah. And that's a promise. Yeah, she's getting. You can set your watch to's from is getting a stand-up paddleboard on March 13th. Yeah. And that's a promise. Yeah. You can set your watch to.

She's getting a paddleboard. It's either going to be mine or you're buying her a new one. God, great day for her, whoever she is. Wish I knew her name. Wish we knew her name. Yeah, please reach out to Ryan if that was you. And we do have a way of knowing, so don't bullshit us. What's that movie from?

What's your love to see it? I have a love to see it here from Nicola Pierce, who shared this in our Facebook group, Tony and Ryan Podcast on Facebook. She said, I had a really horrible customer come in today and was just being an asshole because their order was late, wasn't ready, fucking whatever. And after going off at her, this customer decided to storm out of the shop and was kind of like, and you fucking get that organised

and went to push the door. And as they went to push the door, it didn't open. And I had a sign on that said, please use other door or push not pull or whatever. And the guy walked smack bang into the door after being a fucking arsehole to it. Wow, and karma, son of a bitch.

And Nicola said, I know I'm going to hell for thinking that's hilarious, and I tried so hard to hide my laugh until he was out of the store, but Karma works hard. Hashtag you love to say it. Karma does work hard. Don't even feel bad for laughing. I would have just laughed louder than I needed to. Sorry. Just practicing. That was good. Thank you. But than I needed to. Sorry.

Just practicing. No, that was good. Thank you. But I fucking love to see it. There is nothing worse than when someone's acted like an absolute fuckhead. It's like when someone speeds off, like cuts you off in traffic or whatever, then they get pulled over. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. When you're highway driving and then five minutes later you see them pulled over and you're like. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, lucky you cut me off back there, fuckhead. Yeah. Sucked in.

Yeah. Anyway, I fucking love to see that. I could do a whole episode just called Calm as a Bitch. Oh, yeah. Actually, can we do that? Yeah. We'll put it in the episode thread. We'll pop it in the Facebook.

Tell us when you saw Karma just dominate someone. Humble someone. I actually think that's a great idea for us. I reckon people would have some great fucking stories. Okay. Put it in the episode thread. Put reckon people would have some great fucking stories. Okay. Put it in the episode thread. Put it in the episode thread. Send us your shit.

What do you love to say, Ryan? Alicia Moline. Hi, Alicia. Who's a tarpa. Yep. I started reading spicy books over the holidays. Ooh. So it must be a gateway.

You read your first spicy book and you go, ooh. And then you look up the author and you go, fuck, she's written 47 of these. Well, yeah, because they always have a million. Yeah. It's crazy. They're just churning them out. I've read 11 since Christmas. Since Christmas?

That's like a month ago. Is that a book every three days? Fucking. They take a long time to write. So that's like you're fucking churning through someone's year of their life. Yeah. I think those people that get into the groove, though, they can... The clit-lit, you reckon they're churning out a few?

I reckon they can write a book in six weeks, I reckon. If I had a hazard, I guess. That's good. So the other day, I pulled one of the books out at work. So I don't know if it was like a lunch break or she was getting ready to catch the bus home or whatever, but she just got it out of her bag. Yeah. And a co-worker, there was an audible gasp.

Because, you know, like if you know. Oh, you know what they look like, yeah. Yeah, but if you know the title, like, ooh. Turns out she loves the spicy books as well. Oh. So we've got our own little spicy book club at work now, which has been so amazing because I didn't know anyone else that was into this. So now we're, like, chatting about the So now we're like chatting about the stories.

I'm sorry. Chatting about the stories. Yeah. And I just love seeing people bonding over some real kinky shit in what's ordinarily a pretty plain workplace. I fucking love to see it. You do love to see that and something that's pretty taboo. Like owning your own sexuality, especially as a woman

and like reading those saucy books. Yeah. I feel like most people would go like, ew. Yeah. But I fucking love that you do it. Totally. I know. I think that's hot and fun.

Do you reckon they're going to hook up? The two girls? Sure, I would. If that was me and we were talking about sexy books and like one thing would lead to another, surely. Cam, bring some books in next week, please. Right here on the table between us all. And we'll talk about the first thing that pops up.

You can be my godfather. Sorry. I don't think that's what godfathers do. No. Nothing. Okay. Well. Hang on.

We can't end on that note. If you poke me in the face with your noodle, that's also not what I want to do. Oh, that was a fun laugh. Thank you so much for listening or watching whatever you're doing. Ryan's holding a pool noodle. It's very intimidating. It's actually a lizard or a frog.

Lizard. It's a turtle. Fuck. Thank you so much for listening or watching. It's a turtle. Fuck. Thank you so much for listening or watching on Monday. We are back. We're back. Every day we do a podcast. Every weekday.

You wouldn't believe it. If you want to call me on the weekend, I'll be beating up kids. No, that's what I normally say. We'll see you next week. I'll be in the pool. Want to come over for a swim? No. Bye.

Love you. Stop. Stop it. hmm