Toni and Ryan - Business Class Is a Scam (Here’s Why)

Episode Date: January 14, 2026

NORMAL or NAH - Toni's upsetting habit - Business Class experience - love ya!!!!!Sign up to Patreon Here - www.patreon.com/ToniandRyanFAQ and T&C's PODCASTAWAY - www.toniandryan.com.au/podcastawayVideo for this EP is available on YOUTUBECheck out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toniandryanpodcast Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I don't think that business class is worth it. Wow. I have something to say that will make you never, ever waste your points on an upgrade again. I turn to move the pillow and the woman behind me has... That is... That is... Hi, I'm Randall from Adelaide, Australia. I'm Safshy from Ohio.

Hi, I'm Sophie from Port Macquarie Australia. and I approve this podcast. Welcome back to the Tony and Ryan podcast. Let's be friends. My name is Ryan. This is Dr. Arthur Tony Lodge. If you're new here,

welcome on in. Maybe you've had a busy day at work. Maybe you had a busy day of parenting. Well, this is your 30 minute brain break. Maybe I've had a shit fucking week. Yeah. You got 30 minutes right now. Just hang out with us.

We can facilitate that. Yeah. Sorry saying facilitate. That sounds like a. corporate word. It does, yeah. How would, um, how would you like to say that instead? Well, cop that. Hang out here, bitch. Yeah, okay. Okay. It's more casual then. Thanks to everyone to sending in their normal or nars, tony and Ryan.com.com.com. My favorite day is the Thursday when we do normal or nars.

I wish we did it every day. I keep floating at the meeting. No one's interested. So no one is willing to facilitate that. This is from Tarpa Cole. Hi, Cole. watching the replay straight after going to the game if I go to a live netball match I cheer my lungs out then I go home and watch the replay it's like instant nostalgia normal or nah I mean

not normal for me because I haven't done it before but I get it or maybe you want to see if you're on the screen like do you wonder if they panned to you at some point or something and you want to see yourself on the telly. It's not all about you. No, but that's maybe the way that I would think about. But I'd be like, well, I know, like, what happened. I just saw it.

I will really watch a sports game if it's not live. Like, so, for instance, if I miss the Hawks game, Bridges, like, I just watch it later. And I'm like, no. It's not the, yeah. Because I know the game's over. And even though the umpire can't hear me yelling anyway, because I'm in my fucking lounge room.

And they can't hear you going, ball! Yeah. Yeah. It sort of feels. because it's happening right now. Yeah, you feel part of it. If I'm yelling ball three hours like- Just a fucking idiot yelling.

Yeah, but you're not at the time though. No, because you're in it. Yeah, and that's community. But even the replay, I'm like, it's happened. I just don't think I've ever watched a sports game more than once. Yeah. Like, oh, actually, if this counts, I've certainly watched highlights of the Olympic.

picks before. Like if I watch the game, if I watch say a race, like a swimming race and Australia fucking dominates. And then they play that over and over. I will watch it every time. Yeah. Because I'm like, fuck, I can't believe that they did that. If they're sitting down to watch a two hour game.

No, like if I've just been to the footy, I wouldn't then watch it again. Yeah, neither. But sometimes if I've watched a movie at the cinema, sometimes I'm like, I'd like to watch that again. Like I get home And I'm like the feeling the movie gave me I'd like to watch it again I've had the buzz of the theatre

I've had my popcorn Yeah But I'm actually just intrigued about a few things I'd like to just comfy it up at my house And just watch that again I've never had a more dirty look From Charles in my life You disagree

Well yeah Like I don't know You've just watched it I like I Have you seen the prestige No Have you? I challenge anyone

To watch that And at the end of the first viewing not immediately go. Let's hit it again. Yeah. Is that the one with... Hang on. No, no, no, no.

Is that the one with Robert Pattinson in it? No. That's tenet. Yeah. Yeah. You don't need to see that again. Probably not. Well, like, you think,

oh, maybe if I'll watch it a second time, I'll understand it. Is prestige, is the prestige the one with Isla Fisher in it? No. You're thinking of confessions of a shopaholic. You're thinking of wedding crashes. The prestige is Hugh Jackson.

And Christian Bale. But he's, she's in a tank. Yeah, that's Scarlett Johansson. Oh. Okay. So it's from 2006. Are we in? It's 20 years old.

Can we do a spoiler? So. So Christian Bale and Hugh Jackman are competing magicians. Yeah. So you know the bit where they're not doing spoilers. No, it's not a spoiler. But you know the bit where Hugh Jackman's in the bar. and his twin walks in.

Oh, yeah. Have I told you this before? No, no. So his twin walks in and I said, and two of us and I'm watching it at home. And I went, fuck me. And he was like, oh, what? And I go, can you believe they found a guy that looked that much like you, Jackman? And he looked to me like this.

And he was like, you're doing a bit right now? And I was like, no, he looks just like him. And then I was like, it's him doing both. I get it. I get it. I get it. I get it. I think when you said that.

I was just like, fuck, they look a lot, gay. I'm going to tell you something about acting. What about it? So there's a scene where Hugh Jackman's character, there's someone that looks really like him.

Yeah. Not identical though. No, like one of them has a fake mustache. How'd that get there? And he's like talking about his mother and stuff. It's like they grew up poor. Was there a fire?

Is that that film? No. It's really not. No. But so I reckon... Should have watched it twice. It was Hugh Jackman. Yeah.

And his twin. Pretending to be someone. Who? Who? Who was looked like Hugh Jackman? No. It wasn't. It was a guy that looked at.

It's like the two little girls that played in Parent Trap. Like the daughter in... family feud no what's the family the Olson twins full house family family feud I knew it had an F in it and it's family and wholesome yeah turned out that character two different actresses um that actually is Mary Kate and Ashley and they're both in it aren't they they don't play the same girl both girls are in it they are both in it Like it's two characters though It's not the it's not two girls playing one chick

Yeah No there's just one little girl and they shared it That's Mary Kate and Ashley in action So we need Mary Kate and Ashley Just type in full house Just type in full house They both play Michelle Yes they do

Oh I thought they were both in it like separately Like I thought they played a set of twins You know what's in for me I've got to cop that sorry everyone Thank you Nah, you were right. Nice one. What did you say?

Fucking get a new hobby. So in conclusion, no watching the replay. Yeah, yeah. Can I tell you something about the cricket that finished last week? Yes. So there's like 57 different commentary teams because there's like this cricket, sorry, this radio station. Totally. There's the, the one for the telly, the one for the radio, the one for a podcast.

the one for a podcast. Other than there's the other tally. Like there's the Foxxel one. There's the channel seven. And then there's the like international feed that gets sent back to the UK. And there's all this like. So one of them, they're actually based because Australia has played England. All the commentators are in England just like watching it on the screen commentating that they're not actually at the ground.

Oh, sure. And so this crazy run out happened that's like a bit of a disaster for the English team. And then the guys who aren't at the ground, they're watching it at the feed like, the feeds play to replay but they're not at the ground they don't realize it's a replay and have a listen to this it's happened again

can you believe it they've stuffed up and been run out two balls in a row it's happened again it's happened again and then you can like you hear this like it goes quiet for a bit and then the producer's gone

it's a replay it's a replay it's a replay it's a replay it's a replay And then did they have to go, oh, sorry, but um... Yeah, literally, it was so awkward. Should they be here? Absolutely. Why are they not?

Cash money? Easier. Yeah. Their family wasn't allowed to come with them, so they went, why I won't go? But normally in that, they normally have, like, the, like a live camera, like next to them, which is, like a wide and then, like, the, like, fee. Yeah, it's not a, like, edited fee. Yeah.

You're not getting what's going to air. You're getting... Yeah. You only get both. Yeah. Like, in that. instance. That's, how embarrassing. And you're like, fuck. It's happened again. Because everyone's listening to that being like, holy shit. Another runout. The same guy out twice,

but on cricket fans, that can't happen because you can only go out once. Thank you. I go out all the time. Because you're a party girl, because you're a hot slut this year. Hot slap. Normal or nah. Room temperature coffee is the enemy, says Tarpers Chey. Yeah. Okay. Hot coffee. Yes. Yum. Ice coffee. Yum. Yes.

But she says it's like the opposite of a bell curve in the middle. No. No. And isn't it? Throw it off a bridge, says Joanne. And we've talked about this before, I think, like an iced coffee that gets warm, disgusting. A hot coffee that gets cold. You would think that it then would, like, she's so right.

You think that they would cost over, but they don't. That's a sharp dig from yesterday's episode and I felt it. Deserving, but felt. Are you costs about it? Cost my heart and hope to die. It's just a crazy situation that it doesn't get the other direction. Yeah. If it doesn't nearly burn my mouth or give me brain freeze, no.

I completely agree. I'm the same with water. You do love cold water. I'm actually pretty, I'm getting similar with ice. coffees. Like, I just don't want it like cool. Like, I want it fucking cold. It needs to be freezing.

Yeah. But the thing is that you do that and then you leave them in the freezer for ages and then you can't drink them. I did. You remember I mentioned the espresso martini batch? Yeah. So I made myself one like, I'll give that 15 minutes just to really take the edge off. Yeah.

About four days later. But would it freeze though? Because it's alcohol, isn't it? It depends on the ratio. If it's straight alcohol, no. But because I had like espresso and this other bits and pieces and stuff. Oh. And even if you have a bit of water in it to get the, yeah, the ratio right.

Like in a ngroni, you would put water in it. Oh, sure. Yeah, and then that freezes up. Because an espresso martini, it's normally just like equal coffee. But the coffee might freeze. And the collo. Yeah. I thought that the vodka would take the edge off.

Yeah, but again, it's like if it was all vodka, that would stay. Yeah. Yeah. Does it go like slushy? But sometimes the vodka will stay, thing. Oh, and it separates. Yeah. Oh, yuck.

Yeah. Yeah. It's been a big summer at home. Okay. Yeah. Been a big summer. Love it. Final normal owner.

Aw. Pressing your entire phone flat against your face while making calls. Oh. Tapa Emily Oaks asks, is this normal or no? My colleague gets annoyed after pushing phone calls. Hang on. My colleague gets annoyed after phone calls because he's pushing buttons on his screen. He holds his phone so closely that he's like opened apps and stuff.

This way. What am I doing? Ryan's got his hand on his face and nose. It's like if you are on the phone and you've done this, but you're touching like your phone with your cheek is what she means, I think. So then why am I pushing my face like this? Well, I don't really know. But have you ever taken a phone call like that?

No, but that's when I see people face-timing in public, they're trying to be discreet and I'm like, who you fucking fool? So whilst I would never, ever do that in public, I probably wouldn't take a phone call in public, really at all. Like, really? I would maybe call Torbs and be like, oh, yo, I'm at the shops. Do you want me to grab anything else? Like, just because it's faster than sending a text,

like he's more likely to answer and like we can quickly yarn it about it, whatever. But if you rang me in the shop, I probably just wouldn't answer and I would call you when I got in the car. Because I'd be like, oh, well, you're probably going to. I wouldn't just like be blah-rah-k-b-b-b-b-b-but. But what I do do, which I think that is going to upset a lot of people, I always take a phone call on speaker, and I just, like, put my phone here. Oh.

And I don't hold it. And it's just on speaker, and I can hear it. So when we have our little afternoon chats. My phone's like this. And it's on speaker. Look at how many things I can do with my hands. What do you need to do? Hand dance.

No, I feel like a little bottle. I am. Yeah. Like, I don't want to say it's upsetting because I came to work with my lunch in a bag. Yeah. And who am I to tell anyone else what to do with their life? No, but it's so fair. Like, we're having a conversation about it.

But that's what I live. I always do it. We'll just leave it there. Yeah, and it just like sits on my shoulder or like, Oh, I'll tell you. what's out for 2025. Okay. Headphones need to learn their fucking place.

I leave the gym and I've got my headphones on Bluetooth or fucking whatever. Well, because you'd listen to things on your phone, through your headphones in the gym, right? Yeah. So I get in the car. Gym? I turn the headphones off. Year of Smok.

Put them in the passenger seat. My mate Tony rings. Gidey, how the fuck I are you? Good, thanks, Ryan. And then it goes, And then it goes quiet. Because I don't like things thinking on their own. No.

You don't like the sentient sense. The what? Are you trying to say sentences? That's got a double meaning. Sentience. Because then my headphone goes, oh, I assume you want me to play it. The headphones go, oh, babe, I got it. I got it.

And I go, I actually don't want you to got it. Please sit down. I am listening through the car's Bluetooth. The car's got it. And then so I go, sorry, Tony. I was just at the gym of the fucking headphones. Anyway, what were you saying? She goes, yes, sorry.

And the headphones goes, nah, I think I dropped you on back. Oh, you wanted me to get it. Oh, sorry. No, I've got it. And Ryan, I know, all I can hear is Ryan going, hang on, hang on, hang on, hang on, hang on. As it's changing between devices. Okay. And he's like trying to find where I am.

This is a moment of self-awareness. And tell me if I'm wrong, I'm giving you permission. Okay. I would anyway. I like get quiet, I get frustrated, I get grumpy. Hmm. But I wouldn't say like I'm a yeller. No.

Like I don't get like overtly angry. Never. I reckon that's probably the worst. Like I was yelling at those headphones. Oh, I didn't really get that. But I got like comedy of you being like, you fucking little bitch. Yeah. Oh, but I was just like, because after the first seven times, it's less funny.

Yeah, because you're just like, what is going on? calling. I've got to figure something now. What's going on. And then it, and it almost like gave us just enough to think, oh, we've got it now. All good. And we've both done the, are you there? Have you got me? Yeah. Okay, cool. Start talking and then it would change again. So it's like you get so close every time. I know I've talked about this before. And I don't think it's illegal, but probably just like not recommended. Yeah. But headphones in the car while driving. No, you, it's not sad. Because if her ambulance came, you wouldn't be able to hear them. Yeah, or just, I think it just takes you out of the presence.

You have no awareness. Yeah, and so I'm, the headphones is so. It's like tempting at that point because you're like, should I just put them off? I took the fucking headphones and drive it in the car. Fuck, that was so many. I hired a car once or borrowed someone's car in Perth or something. And the like Bluetooth thing didn't connect to my phone. You know how to sometimes they just don't talk to each other.

Well, you know, but, um, and I'm, and I'm, I just like, I have the like old, so not the noise cancelling AirPods, like the first gen AirPods. And like I used that to like, I think chapter 12 because he was in Melbourne. And I was like, oh, it's annoying because in that situation it was like the most practical thing. But yeah, I don't think you should supposed to do it all the time. So. Yeah. So normal or nah.

So I'm going through all of that and you're just sitting there with your phone laying on your neck. Yeah. Yeah, I was. Do you reckon other people are doing that? I've never seen it. No, I don't think they are. It actually makes sense. But seeing you just put it there, it's just like...

Yeah, it's kind of upsetting. And do you know what's worse about it? And I shouldn't admit to about safe space is that it's better when it's hot and you're a bit sweaty because your phone like sucks on. Like clings to your person. Because you're just like a little bit sticky. I thought you're going to say it's great when it's hot because you don't have a hot phone by your head. Oh, that is good too. But see how like, like I'm not sweaty right now.

So that's just sliding around. around. But if I had a little bit of sweat on me, that would just suck on. It's good. I want to say to you. Yeah. On behalf of the comment section, thanks for this gift of atrocity of life. I think it's that bad, I'll say. Oh, we don't know. You think is that bad? I think it's so weird. Oh. Oh. Can you try it? Now, you got to go under the sheriff. it won't that looks good but if I was just here like chatting to you yeah hey Tony how you doing man yeah I don't think like we chat on the phone in the afternoon's fair failure that's I did it yesterday and we're on the phone for like an hour yesterday and I was

doing that because then I'm like and you're like oh have you seen that thing I'm like typing on my computer blah blah blah I don't think it's that bad but I knew it was a little bit weird but I didn't think it was that bad I think everyone else think that's a yeah No, anyone else on board? See, I'll do speaker on my desk, like phone on speaker and it's just sitting on my desk. That's too far away. You can't bloody hear the thing, isn't it? How far away?

Where is it? Your phone on speaker. That's not going to pick me up from there. It does. Do you know how loud you are? I want to call you back. Hi, I'm Randall from Adelaide, Australia. I'm Sasha from Ohio.

Hi, I'm Sophie from Port Macquarie. Australia and you're listening to Tony and Ryan. Miao, me, ma'am, meow, meow, me, meow, me, meow. Miam, me, me, m miam. In for 2026, raising the roof. Oh, couldn't agree more. Couldn't not agree more. It's back.

We should all be raising the roof more. Charles, can you raise the roof please? Woo-boo. Nice. That's good. When he does it, he makes it look like he's making fun of us. I think he is. I was raising the roof, not ironically.

Yeah, no, I found. and I felt that. Thank you. A huge shout out. A big thank you to a few of our tarppers that are over in Patreon. These are just a couple of our champion tarppers. Elizabeth P. I bet you do.

Elena, good on you, Elena. Ali Dee. Ali D. Not Ali Drucker. Different Ali D. Oh, okay. Daniel Hutzel. Brad Van.

What about Brad Carr? Lily Claire. Good on you, Lily. Danielle Sobey. Horse Warrior. Not a fan of the Horse Warrior. Yutes fan for life. Caitlin Conklin.

Okay, if you had to choose between Yutz van for life. Yeah. Horse warrior. Yeah. Yutes. Really? Yeah, you would. Horse warrior.

No. I know that we're all linked by the horse photo, but I don't think that. Horse. Sorry, your Bogan roots run deep. That's a compliment. It's not. Hey, you don't forget where you're from, mate. Them Perth Hills.

Caitlin Conkling. What did you used to do every Friday night? What? Went to the Speedway. And we couldn't afford to buy the food from the, the Humpy selling the food there. So my mum used to make us burgers and wrap them in foil. Yeah.

Sometimes we got an ice cream, but not always. How many fridges or freezers? you have. Linked by the horse photo. Fringes and freezers, yep. Few. Cupler. Yep.

How are your cars out the front? Cupler. Oh, not a boagin. Cupler. Yeah. And the boat. Deep freezer in the laundry. Oh, oh yeah.

Oh, yeah. Do you know what? I think I'm getting old because the other day I was like, God, a second freezer would really help us out. We just cleared out. Our freezer was that capacity before we went shopping. Yeah. I was just like, what the fuck's been going on here?

So then you get home and you go, Or you got half a life of bread left and you go chuck it in the freezer. No, you won't. Yeah, so we've just done a big clean out. And before you go and buy another freezer, see what shit's in your current one. Because you'd be surprised how big your freezer is. But I just thought, wouldn't that be good? In your shed.

Big freezer. Fucking hell. Caitlin Conkling, good on you. Cindy, M.H. Kelsey interdonato. Okay. And Tamson. Thank you very much for being part of our Patreon. I hope you loving it over there.

I love to say it. When I considered buying a deep freezer, remember me and Redder's won that raffle? The meat raffle. We won a whole lamb. Yes. Huff and all. When two boys live together,

it's just two lads, it takes you a while to get through a lamb. And we were using our freezer, our neighbor's freezer. You don't have room for some lamb to. Tim and Tess, I called them up and I was like, how much freezer space?

You got to go a little bit. You could a couple legs are you? And I had lamb running all. over Bunbury and then someone was like... Did you let them eat it? Like did you say oh do you all, were you then calling them back up and going, all right, we're ready for the leg? I think a part of the deal was, was like, I'll come

and get it and cook it up, but like you can come around. Because if you especially if you do a leg, me and reders aren't just going to, like, we need more than two people. Yeah, well, you eat that for fucking five days. Yeah, so we, yeah, it was pretty, but I was, I had lamb all over that town. And it was someone that worked was like, I, I was like, almost like an intervention.

That it was like, we get it. I think you want to lay. a deep freezer. Yeah. Oh. Instead of running this lamb racket around town. Lamb racket? Yeah.

That's funny. Did you have it in the freezer at the office? Like at the hit building? They would have been a bit. Maybe you're Sammy Foto that's like, can you just get this fucking meat out of his There's a whole head? Like a sheep's head in there? And you're like, oh.

Nah, all good. All good. So I know it's on a Monday. It's a Thursday. So at the end of the week. Woo! TGIF. But a Thursday.

But I do have something that is hot take adjacent. And it deserves its own spot, though, because this is absolutely truly foul. It might be worse than a sheep's head and you work, Fraser. I don't think that business class is worth it. Wow. Have you met Tony Lodge? I have something to say that will make you never, ever waste your points on an upgrade again. Okay.

Because I did a little Charles Patterson, and for Torbs and I's, holiday to Bali. I was like, you know what? I got points through the year because we'd been traveling heaps. And I was like, you know what? I'll do us a little upgrade to get over there. How nice. It's Christmas.

Did you buy it with the points or did you have to like do the beard and hope? So I bought the tickets and then I was like, oh. Yeah, okay. Yeah. So you're hoping. But did my bid and we won it. And we went, oh, how not. It's a pretty long flight.

What is it, Charles, six hours. Like, it's pretty long. It's not like. And it was a late. down bed or just like the bigger seats? It's like, so it's like the bigger seats. Yeah.

And like, you know when you're walking down, how it's like instead of three seats across. So it's like three seats, aisle, three seats. It's like two seats, aisle, two seats.

Yeah, so those two seats are a bit fatter and you got a bit of an armrest. They're a bit wider. And it's got like a big armrest in the middle. And there's like a gap between the seats. So you've got like, if you're sitting next to someone, you really like not touching you.

You're not up in there. Which is the ideal. ideal situation that on a plan, I'm also on a plane, sorry, I'm also like a bigger girl. So like having a bit more room for my thick, juicy butt is very lovely and you're far from other people. Can I put a request in? Please. Can you please use the term thick juicy butt more this year?

Yeah. Hot slot. Yeah. Because Jesus, here. And I'm happy with it. And this is fine. Hearing those words going out, I was just like, fuck, that's got me going. Well, so if I get my thick juicy butt on a plane, I'm like, you.

you know what? I'm like, chatting to the neighbor more than I want. I'm like, oh, sorry, you know, like they do not make seats for real humans.

They actually fucking don't. Like, anyway, that's a fucking different thing. But I go, okay, I'll be a bit comfy. I was going to say,

you're very pro business seats at this stage. Yeah. So I was like, I'll be a bit comfyer. And like, you know, I've spent my points on this and I've done it for Torbs.

And that's really nice. That's nice. A tarpett's stener photo. Did you see that? Yeah. They were in the business lounge. and they had a diet Coke in or something. In a can.

In a can and they were like, I'm fucking living and tagged us on Instagram. That's good. They're doing all right. We, um, you remember when we went to New York for the Webbies? And we paid for lounge access so we could have a shower because our layover was like fucking seven hours or something. And they remember they had the post-mixed diet Coke machine. And you could just keep fucking pumping that sucker up.

I've never seen this chick piss more. Honestly, and then we got on the plane And it's like, I'm on the window And then two strangers Yeah And I'm like, I've drunk a lot of time I've drank so much dikeoke Over the last seven hours

It's like a kid the first time You go to smorgies Yeah And you just like, well we've got to sell in You just keep going more You just keep going That's a free wrinkles Can you mix them up?

You know? Oh no, but this was like Diet Coke cherry, Diet Coke vanilla It was Diet Coke mango So you, it's like you, it had like a touch screen. Yeah. And you touch Diet Coke thinking that's what's going to come out.

And then the Diet Coke umbrella opens up of cherry, no caffeine, lime. I was in Christmas heaven. Anyway. For someone who apparently doesn't think business classes work. Apparently. We're hearing a lot of pros. Okay. So I was pro until now.

So I've spent my hard-earned points on upgrading us. Yep. taken my fiance and I on this beautiful holiday. We're sitting down and like they give you like a little pillow and a little blanket because it's a longer flight. And we kind of, we sit down and you know how you kind of like shuffling around? You're trying to get all your shit situated. We take off all's fine.

And I'd like put the little pillow. I was on the window side. I put my little pillow like on the armrest against like the wall of the plane. And I kind of like put my arm on it. Yeah. We get into the air. Yep. they turn the seatbelt sign off.

Yeah. I go, all right, let me reshuffle now. Reshuffle, recline, settle in. And I kind of go, all right, you know, a bit of this. And all that's like really, there's not like, it's not like a different section. There's like, it's just that like our two seats, we're in the last row. Yeah. Our two seats, then there's just three seats behind us.

Yeah. As I like kind of move the pillow, I like, it's like kind of. kind of like, it's like stuck. Yeah. And I was like, oh my God, I've gotten it stuck through the thing. I turn like this. Yeah. To move the pillow.

And the fucking woman behind me has got her raw hoof up like this on my fucking armrest. And her dirty, skanky feet. Sorry, her dirty, skanky economy feet. her unmoorized me are on my pillow like pinning my pillow down and the toes like I could have licked them

like they were so fucking close this bitch has put her feet in my mouth pretty much is what I'm feeling anyway that is fucked up and I was just like and I was like so I'm trying to like pull the thing

and trying to do like that subtle like subtle because I'm like but I'm also like please take your foot down, like grow up. Yeah, I think you, I think you're within your rights to go, oh, sorry. Like, could you, would you mind just taking your foot off my area? What a sentence to have to fucking say to someone. Right. And so I'm doing that.

I'm sorry, can I ask you a favor? Can you take your dirty economy class foot out of my fucking face? Could you take your raw hoof and put it in your mates, Fraser? Yeah. Like, I'm actually not interested in that. And you know, I'm doing the subtle like blank, like pillow pool. Yeah, trying to accidentally bump her. It's, it's, it's pink. Like, it's dumb. And then I, I finally get the pillow out of the way. Yeah. She doesn't skip a beat. The pillow moves.

Her hoof back down on the thing. Doesn't move. What the fuck? I kind of go to talk. I'm like, can you see the person behind me? Like, do they look nice? Like, do you know what I mean?

No, they look like the kind of bitch who's got their fucking foot in someone else's fucking space. Right. And I'm like, oh, can you see? And I go to look around. And so there's three seats behind us. and we're in the two.

And so where they're kind of like, they're in the gaps kind of thing, the person sitting in the middle has their raw hoof on the centre armrest between our two seats as well. I'm surrounded. I've got two hoofs gaining on me,

side by side. So they're obviously fucking related and neither of them is going to call the other one out because they're both fucking disgusting as H-R. Well, maybe one of them started it and started a trend. And the other one went, that looks all right. That looks all right. That's fucking disgusting.

I've got four raw heaf surrounding me. Raw what? Two heaps. I was hard. One hoof, two heaps. Four heaps. I've spent my hard-earned points on upgrading myself and all I could smell was the athlete's foot rising from the fucking great unwashed behind me. Can you believe that?

This wouldn't happen if you weren't in the economy section of business. You're at the back of the business. Yes. Yes. This is why you shouldn't let poor people near you. No. I just could not. First of all, putting your feet up in the plane, I'm just like, shit, bitch.

Okay. But to put them onto, like, into my area. So did you say anything? No. Tony. I didn't. I didn't. For seven fucking hours.

Six hours. I sat there with the heaths. The heaps. I know. A part of you being a hot slut in 2026. And I know this happened in, 2020, yeah.

Is advocating and standing up for yourself. It was just, but even saying to the flight or you go, hey, flight of tent, like random one. I don't normally sit up here. Is this normal?

And put it back on the like situation. The novelty. I didn't know. I'm just asking if it's normal. It's like I'm not fine with it. No, sorry. I'm not upset.

I'm like, I'm just asking. Just like, oh, do people do that? And then she'll go, no, let me go. And then it's like she's the bad person. I just, yeah, I was just really felt really awkward. But literally, I'm not even joking. The whole flight.

The hoof was heathen. The whole flight. Okay. And I'm sorry to besmirch the good name of business class. But if that's going to happen when I spend all my spare pennies or I don't know about that. Is it business class's fault? Are we blaming business? class and besmirching their name when it was really just those specific

f***ts. That's funny. You know, though? Yeah, mate. And yeah, like maybe I'm just a bit hot under the collar from it. Rightfully so, because that is, folks. Four heafs. I mean.

What did Torbs say? Well, I was just like, oh, they've got their hoofs next to me. Didn't you send in the heavy artillery, Torbs? It was sort of out. Torbs. He's more scared than me. You know how they say about a snake? Like, no, they're more scared of you than you are a beer.

That's Torbs. He looks scary, but oh, he'll run off. He's fine. He just turned around and he goes, excuse me, and they go what? And he goes, don't he goes, he goes, would you like our seats? When you reclined, could you jam their feet up? You didn't recline. I didn't recline.

It's rude. There should be enough gaps between business and them to not do that. The person in front of me didn't. They recline. They're used to flying business. they've all the way back I had my dinner up near me choosies oh I just had the bread row

you know it's like right up here I'm like a mouse it sounds like the people behind you got a better experience than you did they did and the guy in front of me as well because I didn't fucking swill him with my drink like I wanted to all the way back you should put your hooves up on him

it was like I could almost kiss his head he was that far back yeah like he was almost upside down he went all the way back I don't know why I just imagine you too like in a bobsled That's what it was like Or like when you have to ride a ride at the Royal Show And it's like two people and you're like

Locked in together That's what it was like Sorry for doing that, that's a lot Especially with you weren't underwear today? Yeah Good call Great call actually Yeah

I know I don't know I don't know That week was huge It's supposed to be provocative But I don't really want to Remember earlier this morning When you jokingly grabbed my penis

And they just did it I went to kind of pretend I was holding on now I cupped the whole thing. Yeah. Should have used both hands. A lot of cock in those pants. Nah, all right. So yeah, I don't know. I just think that.

Hey, can I just... And maybe that's why the holiday was a bit cursed from the beginning. Maybe that's where he got sick from. You know what it probably was. I had tinia. I got the fucking fungus. Tidia.

No, Tony. And can I just say on behalf of everyone listening and watching when we're all friends here? Yeah, I suppose. You're going to a tropical island in business class. We all feel really sorry for you. It must be so hard being you. You know what I will cop that. I will cop that.

But what I would just like to counter it by saying. But fair. I was surrounded by Roeaf. Of people, strangers. and then I got so sick I couldn't enjoy it and we had to come home. So, I mean, take it. You can have it. Did you have to use your points to come home early?

I had to pay. And you know what? We flew Virgin home because I couldn't get, couldn't wait. Couldn't wait for a Qantas flight. How was it with the people? It was good. There was only 19 people on our flight. It was like flying private.

Really? 19 people. Sometimes you have the luck of the draw when it's just like, oh, they just need the plane back. and... Well, I think it's a regular scheduled flight, but it was just empty because it was Christmas Day and...

Oh, of course. Yeah. There was no luck of the drawer. Was that why the fuck would you leave on Christmas? Yeah, it's Christmas. Yeah. Shouldn't you be there enjoying it? We'd love to.

Why am I here in a plane? Why are you leaving? Oh my God. Why are you heading home? Eh! Do they offer you ham on Christmas Day on the flight? Like a Christmas ham? Ah, no, they didn't.

They had... Virginia ham? No. That's good. that's very good. They had food, but we didn't eat anything because we were pretty violently ill. Well, gosh, had masks on. I think they gave champagne to everybody, though, because it was only 19 people. Like, I think that they were like, let's load everyone up, which was nice.

Imagine if that was the one time you went business and they're like, oh, in business, you get champagne before taking off and I've paid all this extra. And they go, oh, let's just do it for everyone. Does everybody want around? And you're like, no, only I get it. No, I just grabbed the bottle out of it. The rest of the flight, I'm handcuffed to the fucking toilet door. I got it you love to see it here. It is from Maggie.

Hi, Maggie. Maggie Hoffman, who's a tapir. Hi, Maggie Hoffman, Wild Life. I'm studying chimpanzee behaviour and getting a PhD. Oh, how's it going? The studying's pretty well, but it's none of your business with the rest of it. What? I meant that you were in the study.

Like, oh, yeah, how is it? are going. Oh. Yeah. What did you burn me back with? What did you say? I was like, I'm studying chimpanzee, babe, yeah?

And getting a PhD. Oh, I know, but that's what he all missed. Yeah, what's I got to do with the study. Nice. I started working with chimpanzees seven years ago. Oh, shit. And I also decided to start taking photos of all the cool animals I got to see while I was doing the research.

And how could you not? Since then, I've really gotten into wildlife photography, but I've never really shared the photo. photos with anyone. Earlier in 2025, after lots of encouragement for my friends and family, I'd have started to make an Instagram account to start the fucking blog and share my photos. Stop the fucking blog, quite literally. So now we can search at Maggie Hoffman Wildlife and see the amazing photos of the chimpanzees.

Be good if the thing you just sent me was actually a link. Maggie Hoffman Wildlife. I've just sent Tony the letters and not to the link, which is... Oh my God. Oh my God, how'd she get this picture of me? There's me in Bali for the one day I was there. And here is the chimpanzee bathing. Here is the hippopotamus bathing.

They are a mac. They're so clear. Well, I guess she's got great access and she can take a great photo and like, isn't that amazing? Wow. Good for you, Max. Yeah. So Maggie, that's my. I'm safe for today.

They could be in a Magiazine. Okay. Oh, I'm getting a lot of to see. Sorry, that's, um... Is our Italian talks about a news agent? I must get the magazine. He did the magazine. Oh, we're done today, guys.

I've got one. It's a real quickie and it's fun. Please. Camille Annette sent this through. Whose in her? Oh, I said her. Who's... Oh, here we go.

There's this girl up the road that's going to be taken care of BJ. And she's... Yeah, I've got these kill on the road. Take care of me, BJ. And she's, um, she does like dog walking there. And she's a uni student. It's a bit of cash for me. And she's like, I'm really into animals.

I'm studying to be a vet. I said to her, who's a vet? And she went, what? And I went, oh, it's just a joke of my podcast. And she goes, okay. You said my podcast? Well, I just, it was like, oh, I just the thing I'd do it. Why didn't you just say it's something we say at work?

Oh, it's just something I said in my podcast. Yeah, and she was like, because she's 22 studying to be a veterinary. And I was like, she's like, yeah. And then like some old guy just go, who's got a podcast. She goes, you know what? I don't think I can walk your dog anymore. Yeah, sorry. Or take BJ for a lateral.

around the block. Camille said... Who's Camille? Camille said, I was telling a story about something to her... Is it a muffin a snack or is it more of just a Camille? Camuff and brag. Camille's on Coel's. Nah, I was telling her story about something she'd heard on the pod to someone she knows

and said, oh, my friends were telling me about us. Yep. Isn't that fun? Because we're all friends. I love to see that. Love to see it. Oh, yeah, my friends were... I'm making fun of my name the other day.

Camille was saying that, was she? Camille Uncle Wheels. And if my grandmother had the wheels, she would have been in the bag. You know the video? With the Carbonara. Where's that guy now? Probably just, I don't know.

I don't know. TV chefs. Oh, aren't I? So true. Yeah. We'll be back on Monday. Fuck, I need a break. The same.

My. Fly business to Bali. Next week. We've been best friends for us, probably 20 months? Do you say 20 years? And I was like, I can go with this improv, but that's not true. Because April 23, April 24 is like our Ben, forrestra vers to rest of the rest of the three?

20 months. That is such a random way to describe that. Our friendship is going to the next level next week. What is it? Next weekend. Yes, it is. And tensions are high and it's like, oh, like, we're best friends. Yeah, but like, are we real?

Is this all good? Yeah. Plans have been made. Yeah. Tarpers are going to need to give some advice on how to us to navigate through this. Maybe a safe word as well. Maybe like a bit of like a red light, you know. What would be your safe?

word. See, the thing about a safe word is that it needs to be something that you don't like, are not likely to say. As a yapper, I just say so much stuff. Burns for a lot of topics at all time. So it's hard for me to find something that I wouldn't ever bring up. Because if someone was like,

oh, well, you're never going to say vinegar in a conversation. I'd be like, so many chips, vinegar, I'm a fishing chip. Like, there's so many things I'm into pickling at the moment.

I'd bring vinegar into a conversation. You know So vinegar's out Well yeah But like people are Oh random word Vitiaga or pineapple I've said pineapple

20 times this week That's because we're going to Fiji Yes And we're talking about Seam and taste Yeah Yeah So for me

I don't think I can have one Maybe mine would have to be a full sentence Or just silence for five seconds Something's wrong She hasn't spoken for five seconds Is she still breathing She hasn't made any noise for a bit Love you so much

See you Monday Bye love you Love you Love you