Toni and Ryan - Chaos At The Costco Food Court

Episode Date: February 18, 2025

Troubles with the 'ASH's of the world! Love ya xoxCheck out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toniandryanpodcast Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the Tony and Ryan podcast. My name is Ryan. This is Dr. Arthur Tony Lodge and we are calling the homeland. Perth, WA. Perth, Western Australia. Get ready for a dry heat. If you want. Also, I want to come in Tony's box. Yeah. Hi, Morgan.

Hi, Morgan. Hi. How are you? We're good. How's the dry heat over in Perth today? It is a dry heat. It's actually really cool this morning, but it is a dry heat. It's a dry cool as well, I feel. Yes, definitely. Now Morgan, I believe you work for the federal government.

Are you allowed to say things like you just said before in the public domain? I'm actually not sure. I've been working here for two weeks. Still on probation. I don't think it will be much longer. Okay. Thanks, Morgan. Let us know if you need a job we're hiring. Will you approve today's episode? Absolutely. I'll approve. Fuck yeah.

Hi, it's Morgan from Perth and I approve this podcast. Tony Lodge would never deliberately do anything to let my daughter down. Oh my God, never. Last night, where did you have dinner? At your house. And then when you left, where were me and May well standing? In the door, in the front door. Yeah, so we could wave to you. Yeah, and I did a big wave from the driveway.

Yep, and then you got in your car and then what normally happens is cause you were facing the other way. Yeah. People will like go on like do a U-turn and like go out. And so we'll wait for them to drive past and do the wave. Oh, so I just drove the other direction. Yeah.

Cause that's how I always leave your house. Which way do you go? So I go down and you know where you turn that, do that right. And then a really quick left. I do that. You go out that way. Yeah. Yeah.

And then get back down, turn left to the big road. Gotcha. Yeah. Doc's where you live. So we- There's a left and then a quick right. And then, so we're standing at the door. I'm holding her and she's like waving to no one. Oh, baby girl.

Because usually they get in the car and then they come back. No, I go that way. Yeah. And so after a few minutes, she was like- And she says my name's so cute as well. Yeah. Um, but yes, we stood at the door for a while. And then I was like, Oh, I think she's gone the other way. Let's go. And she's like, no window.

I'm so sorry. Yeah, that's okay. You didn't know. And neither did we, because I wouldn't have stood there waiting. Oh no, no, she'll be here in a sec. Well, surely you saw me drive off and. Yeah, but that's what everyone does. And then they come back around.

I'm actually really sorry. You know what? I actually thought about it. I was like, I was like, should I turn around? Then I was like, nah, I'm, you know, that I go this way. Well, yeah. Well, I think Mabel's still at the window. She slept there last night.

Oh bless her. She was very, very excited to show me her strawberries growing in the garden. She was. Then I ate it. She didn't let me have it. Well, she didn't really get, give you a bunch of a look at it. No. Cause once it's red, it's gone. Yeah.

It's gone. Now we love Tony Lodge. So I'm sorry to start on a negative note, but we also love people named Ash. Oh, hot Ash from Perth. Yeah. However, today's segment is called, this is why you should never hire any tarpers with the named Ash. Oh, hi Ash from Perth. Yeah, however, today's segment is called, this is why you should never hire any tarpers with the name Ash. Oh. Again, sorry that it feels a bit negative.

Let's start with Ash Hawthorne, who's a regular commenter in the group, by the way. Oh, Ash Hawthorne, sorry Ash. I work at the food court at Costco here in Australia. Oh, beauty. And one day the Costco CEO globally from the US was coming to visit our store. Did you ever work anywhere where like the, when the head office comes down and like the big guy from Coles was coming to the Dail and you're like,

fucking everyone, tighten up. Yeah, it was a big thing. And this is not like when they audit you, this is like just the boss doing the walk around. They go, yep, they're doing all the shit. Hi, nice to meet you. How long you work? See how good on your sweetheart. Yeah.

And you, and it's so annoying that it's such a big deal. And it is actually thrilling to be there when they're there. Like you'd always be gutted if you're working in the Arvo and they'd been there in the morning because you'd be like, I wanted to show off our fucking fish. Yeah. Yeah. Now what was, and for them, they're just like doing around, they like in a nice way, don't really care.

They're not there to pick holes in you know, they're just like doing, saying, right. They're doing the presidential kiss baby thing and you know, that's fine. So what was the name of this segment again? Who not to hire? Never hire someone called Ash. Ash worked at Costco and the global CEO was coming to the store. Did you say at the food court in Costco?

Yep. So the hot dogs, should we go and get a fucking Costco hot dog after this? Only if you start putting the H back on the front of that word. I like saying hot dog. Nah, it's done me in. Would you like an hot dog? No, I'd love a hot dog. I'd love a hot dog and hot dog sounds.

No, it sounds like the vegan version. You know how there's like, like a fake in, um, or it's like spelled like D O J or something hot dog, but it's not really a dog. Yeah. Everything cleaned everyone on their best behavior for weeks. I got nervous that the pizza dough wouldn't proof enough overnight. So here they do the pizza dough, Ash. And he's like, Oh, but sometimes it just, you know, you got to leave it overnight for it to think.

And sometimes, and he, so for weeks, he's like, Oh, fuck as a dose, like myself, I get it. Low and behold, the morning of the CEO visit, I get in and the pizza dough hasn't proofed and you're thinking like. Costco is going to close down, you know, like it's the biggest thing. Yeah. It's the biggest thing. Yeah. And you're proud of what you do.

Yeah. We opened in an hour and then it's all fucked. So what does Tapa Ash decide to do? Go to the grocery part of Costco and get some just naan breads or something and make the pizzas on that. The oven next to where the dough is. Yeah. Ash says, Ash is like running us through the play by play. I love it. I love stream of consciousness texting.

Maybe I'll open the door, let a bit of a heat out of that oven. So it'll give the, give the proofing a bit of a crank up, you know? I accidentally opened three whole ovens at once instead of just that one open door, just a crack. The sheer heat broke the glass of where the stuff was and it set off the fire sprinklers, set them off the entire food court gets flooded and sets off an evacuation process and the fire brigade is called.

And the CEO will be here in 15 minutes. Do you just take your hair net off and go home? Just call it in. Just go, all right, I'll take my five now. If you guys had your tea break yet, I'm going to have my tea break now. I get 15 and an hour. Okay. And I'm taking both today.

I go Ash, you started at eight and it's eight oh seven. One final sentence here from Ash. Oh, Ash. Turns out we can't turn off the sprinklers. Only the fire brigade can. And that's why you never hire a tarpa called Ash. Oh, what? Another story from hot Ash from Perth. Hot Ash from Perth. So they just got Costco in Perth.

Yeah. Did you know? And now this totally makes sense. Actually, guess where Ash worked when she was young because she's hot. I actually know the answer and it is not surprising. Boost Juice. Correct. Yeah. And obviously I'm from Perth, but I've just had it confirmed that that's a hot girl job. Yeah. All of the people I went to school with, like, that was like the hot job. Yep.

That, and there was also a surf shop at Carousel called Waves. That was the other place. Huge. I worked at Waves. Did you? Yeah. Really? Yeah, I did.

How long for? Only like four months. Like a summer job? Yeah, I wasn't very good at it because I'm not good at selling stuff because I'm like- Sell me this coffee. Oh, this is such a beautiful coffee. We actually just got it in. Do you like coffee though?

I don't- Actually ask me what my name is. What's your name? Hi. Oh, no, let me give you the cool girl treatment. Hey bro, how are you? Good, thanks. Oh, I, let me give you the cool girl treatment. Hi, bro. How are you? Good, thanks.

Oh, I'm Tony. Can I help you with anything? What's your name? Ryan. Oh, hi, Ryan. I'll just get an almond cappuccino, please. Oh, well, this one is good. We do have the almond milk that we've got, though. It is extra. So I don't want to.

I don't want you to feel bad about it's extra. Do you mind? Is that OK? See want to, I don't want you to feel bad about it's extra. Do you mind? Is that okay? Say no, I give too many options. Well, you've talked me out of it. Yeah. Also kept happening. When I got a coffee.

Ben goes, you got to stop saying stuff to people. Stop talking. Shut up. That's not your strength. No. Um, look how they've spelt Ryan on that coffee this morning. Oh, Jared. That looks an awful lot like the name Jared.

As a Ryan, you copper Brian from time to time. When I lived in Asia, Rian was my name. Jared is new territory for me. I'll be honest. I think you've just stolen Jared's coffee. Did you punch a guy in the car park and take his coffee off him? You got, oh, thank God it's almond milk. The last guy I stole coffee off was full cream.

I was shitting all day. OK, so this big group came in and ordered and then. Before you, before me, they'd all got their stuff and left. And I was the only literally the only person left. And the girl goes, Jared. And I'm like, there's no one else here. Just Jared, Arm and Cap. And I was like, and she's kind of doing the thing like, you're the only one here

and it's yours. And I'm like, oh, Arm and Cap. She goes, yeah. And I went, she goes, you're Ryan, eh? And I'm like, yeah. And then, cause there's a few of them working there. And cause you go there all the time. Yeah.

And she goes, oh, it's probably yours then Ryan. And I was like, thank you. So you know how you just said Ryan, my name's not Jared. Yeah. But I get the person that took the order. Yeah. Must've, you know, that don't sound the same. They don't.

The other day I went and got coffee from somewhere and they were just like, I was the only person waiting and they yelled out the order and it wasn't what I, like they didn't do names, they yelled out the order and I'd ordered a flat white and they go like, Oh, cappuccino with soy milk or whatever. And I was just, and they're like, look at me like cappuccino with soy. And I was just like, no. And they at me like cappuccino with soy. And I was just like, no. And they're like cappuccino with soy. Yeah.

Well, that's what maybe they were telling me my name was Jared. They were telling me that I'd ordered a cappuccino with soy. And I was like, no, that's, and they were like, like, are you fucking stupid? And I was just like, no, that's not mine. Was the person's name Ash? And they were like, what did you order? And I was like like, no, that's not mine. Was the person's name Ash? And they were like, what did you order? And I was like, a flat white. And they were like, well, this is the only coffee we have left.

Do you want it? And I was like, okay. What the fuck? So I just took it. This is not a video show. Mouth, the place that was. Was that Preston Market? Oh, I'll say it out loud.

Yeah, it was at Preston Market. There's heaps of coffee places there. But yeah, and I was just like, well, that's not mine. I paid for what I... And like... Do I need to head down there and fucking tighten someone up? Oh my God. That's hot from you.

Yeah. I'm into fighting now. Love it. Yeah. Well, you just stole that coffee from that guy, Jarrod. Yeah. Fuck Jarrod. I fought him in the car park. What happened to hot ash at the booze juice?

One day I rocked up for my shift and everyone was staring at me. Cause she's so beautiful. Well, cause she's so gorgeous. Well, you know how there's like a look that someone's gorgeous. Yeah. But then they've never seen that. No, but you've given it. You've given it.

Yeah. But everyone had that like, she's here. As it like, when you walk into a room and you know that everyone's been talking about you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So everyone had the, she's here. Look at like, oh, here I come. You know, like, and she's just like, oh my God, have I pissed my own pants? Yeah. Like what the fuck has happened? Turns out the night before I was cleaning up doing clothes

and I left the freezer and fridge doors not quite closed properly. The ice cream and frozen yogurt had melted and the fruit went mushy. $7,000 worth of losses and waste because they had to throw out everything they had and like start again. And then so the booze juice opens at whatever time and people come in and go, hi, can I get the this? And they're like, no, because we don't have fruit or ice cream or yogurt. What are they like,

they gotta go to Kohl's and buy as much stuff as they could or something. I guess so. Or they're just like, no, you can't have that, but do you want a fucking water? Fuck you. A bliss ball? Yeah.

Have a keep cup. There's nothing in it. The whole, and I don't know if we've said this on the pod before, but we've definitely in our personal lives. Like when you stuff up, no one knows more than the person that stuffed up. You don't need to like fucking- No one knows more than you.

Yeah. The whole shift, everyone made really sure that I knew of my mistake and never lived it down. Can I say about both ashes actually, I can't believe they stayed. You would have- I would have started crying and can't believe they stayed. You would have just... I would have started crying and been like inconsolable and I would have been like just like... Just fucking go. Like I would have been more of a burden. Yeah. But could you imagine you like going to get something from the freezer and go,

just make sure that's closed though? I would punch someone out. Yeah, I was going to say... I'm into fighting now too. I'm fighting everyone. I'm into fighting now too. I'm fighting everyone. Hi, it's Morgan from Perth, Western Australia, and you're listening to Tony and Ryan. A massive shout out to a few of our champion

tapas over at our Patreon. Thank you so much for being part of it. Megan Marie, good on you Megan. Might be Megan. Sorry. Sorry Megan. Emily McGuire. Love you Emily. And Mark.

Michaela Bortheek, good on you Mickey B. Mick Boo. Darcy Nickel. Darcy. Oh, but I gave you a pause. Sorry. Elle Davies, good on you Elle. And Sharnie, thanks for being part of the Patreon. Absolutely loved to see it.

Thanks Sharnie. Massive day. Luckily we didn't have any ashes there. That would have been unfortunate. They're too busy trying to get a new job. Yeah. Well, maybe. Maybe not. Guys, Scoop John's got a fucking scoop.

Oh, scoop? I'm a celebrity. Get me out of here. Well, maybe. Maybe not. Guys, Scoop John's got a fucking scoop. Oh, scoop? I'm a celebrity, Get Me Out of Here, the Australian reality TV show. It's filmed in South Africa. You know, the celebrities in the jungle, they have to do like crazy challenges and dodge spiders and fucking snakes and shit. Would you ever? No.

Me either. God, no. There's something about not only being in the South African jungle that I just couldn't, like, I would not drive. I'm not good on no sleep and they're like, not really sleeping and not really eating. Like I wouldn't be good. I also just don't think I could go on a TV show that is called I'm a celebrity. I know how embarrassing.

Like I actually just don't think I could. Tony and I have been offered to go on. What was the other one? Celebrity amazing race. As we learned, we were offered to go on a show called, I'm how embarrassing. Like I actually just don't think I could. Tony and I have been offered to go on, what was the other one? Celebrity. Celebrity amazing. Race. That as we learned.

Yeah. That was fun. And then you thought about for three seconds, went, Oh, I would fucking hate that. I would hate that so much. It wasn't even three seconds. It was less. You and me trying to get to the airport on time as a TV show.

That makes me feel physically. We could just film us doing that and post it and not have to go anywhere. Can I say something kind of Carla Conti-ish? Yeah. So Amazing Race was like six weeks. Yes. Yep. Who's got six weeks?

I don't really know that either. If you're such a big dealer, why have you got six weeks? You know what I mean? Aren't you busy doing whatever it is that you do If it's such a big deal, why have you got six weeks? But I guess- You know what I mean? Aren't you busy doing whatever it is that you do? I was like, I've got a daily podcast. Am I like, what do you mean six weeks? I know what you mean, but also some people do like-

Project based. Contract, yeah, project based, which is a bit different. Actually, no, that is fair. We're always on- Like ours is just different. I just take six weeks off. I'm like, fuck you. I've got tarpas here to take care of my friend.

We've got brain brains to deliver. We've got children at home. Yeah. But also sometimes when they say that and then you go, oh, we do a daily podcast. They go, oh, that's okay. And I go, no, I don't think you get it. I don't think you get that. There's a misunderstanding here.

Is there a podcast studio in the South African jungle that I can use for an hour a day? Anyway, so Sunday night was the finale, big live finale. Yeah. Right. Who was it? Uh, fucking don't test me. Sorry. No, you know what reducted?

Nah, it was, um, Maddie J and two other people. Sam Thide, the rugby player, rugby league player, uh, and Reggie. From big brother. From big brother. Yes, yes, yes. Um, so right throughout the finale, vote now for your fave to win. Text this number. Last chance to vote now.

Don't miss out voting closing soon. They're really like ramping up. Got to get your votes in, got to get your votes in, got to get your votes in. Question. Yep. Logistics chart. That might not be interesting that we can cut out. Oh, that probably is the scoop, but continue.

Oh, do they make money from the texts? Back in the day with big brother and shit. That's like how these shows made money. Well, that's what I'm asking. And otherwise text feels so like old school. Charles, do you reckon they're scratching the text? I don't think so, especially like a lot of the American shows these days, it's all apps and stuff. So I don't, I don't think that. And to be fair back in the day, cause you're right,

back in the day, it was like, it was like 80 cents instead of 25 cents to vote and they got some money. But now I don't think we're paying per text. Well, you're not on iMessage, but you are if it's green, isn't it? Surely you're not. No, we've got, everyone's got unlimited texts. Yeah. I don't know what I've got. You've definitely got be amazing. Did you ever do that? The Turbo Charge? Free calls after eight o'clock? Text it out after eight o'clock? Fuck, go for it.

No, no, no. The Turbo Charge was that you would buy $30 worth of credit, but get $80 worth of credit for the service. And then you would get a free call after eight o'clock. And then you would get a free call after eight o'clock. And then you would get a free call after eight o'clock. And then you would get a free call after eight o'clock. And then you would get a free call after eight o'clock. And then you would get? Free calls after eight o'clock? Text it out after eight o'clock? Fuck, go for it. No, no, no, no.

The turbo charge was that you would buy $30 worth of credit, but get $80 worth of value. We've said who's the sucker for marketing. No, and it's me. I was never with Optus, because I was on my mom and dad's plan. So I was like, I want to be with Optus. You get way more stuff.

They're like, no. Are you still in their plan? My mom's plan. Oh, wow. Yeah. No, that's good gear from you. Was a little bit too long. But do they get money from the text? I, now that I've thought about it, I don't think so, because we're not paying for the text, so they can't.

No, but it being unlimited doesn't mean we're not paying for it. Yeah, I think it does. No, someone's paying for it. No, because it's not like, you know how there's that meme that it's like, there's two kinds of people and one of them is a text of a story and the other one's just like one word at a time. Yeah. That person isn't getting stung $8.50 for texting like that.

It's just the Internet. But you're not with iMessage, but if you SMS someone that is. Do you think there's like a little man who like has to plug the text into the machine and he charges an hourly rate and then get. Well, no. Like the guy in the fridge. How much does it cost over the fridge? But like, otherwise how were they discerning how many texts you'd sent back in the day? It would be the same, wouldn't it?

Well, now there's like the Internet and the speeds and the fast things. OK, you're trying to make me seem stupid, but you don't know either. I don't know the answer. You're like fully serving me with information you also don't understand. I don't know how the answer exists. I just know the answer. Can I just because like international calling we pay for international tax we pay for. but Australia wise, if we're all with like

Telstra or Optus or Vodafone, it's all the same, like it's all the same people. It's all the same network. Yeah. Then why did we ever have to pay? I can't answer that. So, but that's kind of where I'm at. I think somewhere between us voting for Big Brother in 2002 and now the innovation and technology has made some gains.

I do not believe so. I would like to see evidence of this. Then again, maybe so because they're really pumping up the, or maybe it's just like a metric of their engagement. Anyway. Do you remember when it was like 25 cents for a text, but like 55 cents for an MMS? Yeah.

Like if you sent someone a photo at like cost of fortune, that is crazy. All right. Love you. Bye. Sorry. But what you bring up is a very valid point and it'll all come around. It's all coming around. Okay.

Love it. So they're really driving home. It's the last chance to vote. Every ad break. Oh, before the app, just don't forget. Cause is it live? Sorry. On Sunday break. Oh, before the app, just don't forget. Because is it live? Sorry. On Sunday morning. Yeah.

The big finale was on Sunday night. Live. Yeah. But on Sunday morning. Host Julia Morris seen arriving back at the Sydney airport. Maddie J, finalist, seen arriving back at the Sydney Airport the morning of the finale that night. Now, I don't want to get deep into. I'm sorry. I've got to have some bloody water and calm down.

You just let me know. I'm ready. So here's the thing. Scoop John can confirm that the live finale was filmed a few days in advance. How do you know that? Because Scoop's on the ground. I've got people in the biz, baby. Who did you ask?

You know how we know someone at Channel 10? Yeah. Oh, oh. So anyway, I've got the scoop that it was filmed in advance, which is actually fine. Logistics chat, you're trying to film live in South Africa, match the time up with Australia. Like, it's actually totally fine.

But here's my, here was my thing that I wanted to start investigating. Why are we still texting? Why the fuck am I still texting? Why are we paying 25 cents? And that may, yeah, if that cost per text, actually someone Google that. So if I don't know if you're here for the episode, but we're Googling things again now. Yeah, we're live again. Can someone Google, did it cost money to text for I'm a Celebrity to get me out of here?

Do you have to pay for text? It doesn't. I know another show on a different network. It doesn't. And I know that because I'm not a fucking idiot. Okay. Because I know that because I was texting and my bill is the same. All right.

So do you feel like this is a crazy phenomenon? I just don't. Yeah. So what's the point in? So here. So I dug deeper. I made don't. Yeah. So what's the point in? So here's, so I dug deeper. I made some calls. Scoop John was on the case. Do they film all of the? They film three alternative endings where all three of the finalists win. But here's the thing.

Here's the thing. Tony, say you spent six months, six weeks in the jungle or however fucking long it is, you've punched on with tarantulas. I've punched on with tarantulas. I've punched on with tarantulas. I've punched on with tarantulas. I've punched on with tarantulas. I've punched on with tarantulas.

I've punched on with tarantulas. I've punched on with tarantulas. I've punched on with tarantulas. I've punched on with tarantulas. I've punched on with tarantulas. I've punched on with tarantulas. I've punched on with tarantulas. I've punched on with tarantulas. I've punched on with tarantulas. I've punched on with tarantulas. I've punched on with tarantulas. I've punched on with tarantulas. Here's the thing. Here's the thing. Tony, say you spent six months, six weeks in the jungle

or however fucking long it is, you've punched on with tarantulas. Oh, this. You've punched on with probably some guy called Jared in the car park. Jared in the car park, he's stopped my cappuccino. Your fort snakes have slept outside in the jungle. Yeah.

And they jump off that cliff as well. Winning a huge amount of money for not only yourself, but like your charity of choice. Yeah. And then after all of that, you find out you're the winner. That would be an amazing moment. Like the achievement that you'd be so proud. However, think of your reaction to that, right?

Oh my God. Yeah. It's emotional. Very emotional. And you're running on fumes because you haven't been eating, you've been sleeping like shit. However, how do you think your reaction would be if they came in and said, you have to pretend you won and then we're going to start again and we're going to pretend you won and then we're going to pretend you won and we'll just film them all and on the night,

maybe that's why the votes are still happening and we'll just play the winner out. But if you're pretending to be, it's not you're not going to have that same emotion. Also, I've been there for six weeks. What's one more day to get the actual live reaction? Great point. Does someone have somewhere to fucking be on Monday? You've got a bus to catch, connecting flight. Yeah, book the flights for an extra three days and go on Safari before you head home.

So the winner. And so this is where. Oh, this is just, I feel really fucking taken advantage of as a consumer by this information, that's actually really pissed me off as someone that gets sucked into voting for shit. It doesn't even like. So here's the, here's the thing though. And here was, here was where there was a few like, a rat was first smelt. Now Sam Thide was the winner.

Oh, well they all were the winner in their own world. Now I don't know Sam, but I've heard from people that have worked with him. He's like a Queensland guy. Sophie's not it. He's a fucking, he's a legend. He's a genuine legend. So I got nothing nothing bad to say about him except this one part. Oh, and it's fine because it's not his job. He's like not the best actor. Oh, yeah. And so when they go, hey, mate, can you just pretend that you won? Oh, my God, I have won.

I am king of the jungle. So I'm pretty sure how the show finished because the people in the editing booth have gone. Fuck. We're light on. Yeah. So the big six weeks all building up to this moment and they go, and the winner is Sam, thanks for watching everyone. Bye.

And credits roll. And that was it. Cause they don't even interview them after. I don't because I don't think they do at all. Yeah. But apparently, and everyone was watching and just went, oh, what a fucking waste of time. If you're going to phone it in at the last minute, don't bother. Film the whole thing down the road. Film it at our studio on the weekend. Yeah. Tony's lawn. Yeah, it's huge. But like, what do you imagine you spend six weeks there and then they go, Oh, and someone's

really going to get home because they actually left their asthma puffer in Sydney. So we've actually got to get them back home. So we're just going to wrap this up. I've got tickets to Laneway. I would love it. I would love it if we just like wrap this up early. You know what I mean? Yep.

You would be so gutted. Don't you think? Yeah. But yeah, like just, just do it or don't do it. But anyway, I've made calls, I've sent emails, I've sent LinkedIn messages, I've sent question mark emojis. And that's the scoop, ladies and gentlemen. Have we blown something wide open that...

I reckon that show's not coming back next year because of the scoop. I think that you might be right. Yep. Yep, yep, yep, yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Um, fuck. Okay. Does everyone need a moment? I really- Sophie looks shocked. I actually can't believe it.

We've been lied to. Should I just pull up some best of Sam Thide, NRL clips for us to watch? Oh, Sophie- So after the episode, we're gonna just sit down and take five minutes before we go and get an Otdog. Otdoge.

Otdoge. I've got to say, that might bring us back around. I'm just texting it to you guys. So I can't find our entire group chat, so I've just sent it to Ryan, I think. Sorry, everyone. It was just the one at the top. If you've got to go all the way to South Africa, at least put some effort in. So I've been sent this meme about nine million

and a half times on Instagram and it makes me piss every single time. So the part of the, you love to see it, that is not funny. Okay, I'll live in big boy. The part of the, you love to see it, that's not funny. Is that- Wow, it's really not funny. Sasha Baron Cohen, they're like,

obviously him and Isla Fisher have like broken up and it's- Yeah. Anyway, they broke up, they did this thing on Instagram a while ago and it was like, it's so amicable and it's all good. But now the headline is, Sacha Baron Cohen feels utterly betrayed

by Isla Fisher's new remarks as their $75 million divorce gets nasty. $75 million fucking dollars. Like what the fuck? Fucking split in half. Aren't you both the happiest people ever? Fucking hell. Like surely. Anyway, and there's a couple of pictures of them when they were happy.

Someone has retweeted. Fuck me writer. Someone has retweeted that headline and said, like in brackets, sorrowfully, and then it says, my wife. So it's no longer my wife. It is my wife. And it is just so fucking funny to read. Like visually, it's so hilarious.

And it just made me piss. And I had to share that. We're really hitting the news today. We've both done headlines. So when you start working at Tony and Ryan, you have to do a Mr Bean impression. Yeah. Last week, we all did a David Attenborough impression. Today, we will all do a sorrowfully my wife. Yeah.

Starting with Charles. I would like to hear I just one caveat is that I would like to hear the original and then the sorrowful. So we like two flavors of fear. Well, you got to know your two flavors of fear is the title of Tony's second book. Yeah. Because you need a reference point.

Yes. One thousand percent. So you get it. So Charles. Because you need a reference point. Yes. 1,000%. So you get it. So Charles. Start at the top. I would like a reference point from Tony. So Tony, would you like to go first? That is fair.

I'll go first. I'm happy to put my body on the line. I've always said that. Why are you calling my dick a line? The line? Oh, fuck. Damn it. Do it again.

I'm happy to put my body on the line. Why are you calling my dick the line? Ew! Fuck you. All right, ready? Everyone shut up. Okay, sorry, I'm in a really good frame. Wow.

Ready? My wife! Yep. My wife. Charles. My wife. My wife. My wife. Pretty good.

Pretty good. My wife. My wife. I love this game. Can I just say as well, and this is going to really break people's hearts, especially the older members of the team. Hang on, hang on. Can you un-finger gun shoot me?

Don't all the member fucking shoot me with a little finger gun, mate. Put those puppies back in the holster. Hey, I've got right to bare arms. You're in the wrong country, mate. Bare arms? Oh, she's rolling off her sleeves. That is actually quite funny. Thank you. I don't think that Charles was born when Borat

came out. When did Borat come out? Charles, what, you were born? Are you legally allowed to ask you that? I'm going to tell you that Borat came out on the 23rd of November 2006. I was alive. Oh, great. Great.

How old were you, Charles? Three? That is fucking disgusting behavior. That is rank. 82 and a half. Yeah, because Charles' birthday is in April, so. He let me know yesterday. Oh, did he?

Cause we were doing, looking at the calanose, oh, this is, goes, well, that's my birthday. Oh, okay. Let us know. Yep. Sophie, would you like to do your borough? I would. I've had many years to practice. Decades.

Sophie's like, well, when I saw it at the cinema. When I graduated school, I'm in so bored. Um, my wife, that's okay. That's okay. Yeah. Um, I was a wife. I haven't said it very often. You see what I mean?

Yeah. Um, my wife, it's good. Yeah. David Attenborough was your strong suit. Yeah. I think that the expectations on Sophie just too high for that. Yeah, that's the thing is that I just,

yeah, I've come to really love Sophie's accent work. Ryan. My wife! That's a, that's good. That's good. That's on par with Charles' I reckon. My wife. That was excellent. Did you fuck him with me?

That was excellent. I really felt the sorrow. That was amazing. Thank you. I think that I would like to say the word excellent more. I don't say it very much. I say amazing a lot. Are you trying to phase amazing out or just give it a friend? Do you want to hear the most fucking embarrassing thing that I have ever maybe done?

The other day towards my wedding. Hang on. That's a... I've heard. I've heard. to phase amazing out or just give it a friend? Oh, do you want to hear the most fucking embarrassing thing that I have ever maybe done the other day? Talks about that's a I've heard and seen some fucked up shit. No, this is maybe not that bad. OK, OK. I we were talking about doing the food shopping and talks I'm like, oh, maybe one night this week we can have green curry chicken for dinner.

So good. Stunning. We're talking about we had some like kind of random vegetables in the fridge and we were like we'll just throw all those in and I was like do you want me to get anything extra for it and Torbs was like oh we could get some beans. I was like beans are so mid. Who the fuck is she? And Torbz was in the kitchen and he walked over to where I was and he said, is that your first time saying that? And I was like, yeah, it was. And he's like, are you embarrassed that I've called you out for saying that? And I was like, yeah.

So, yeah, I haven't said it since. Pretty embarrassed. And that was on Sunday during the day. So, you know. First of all. He's still living with me in case you're wondering. You should be embarrassed by that. Cause that is fucking harrowing.

However, beans are pretty mid eh? Yes. Thank you. Beans are mid. Like you hadn't forced, I mean, you did force that word. But if you're going to force on anything, force it on beans. Because they suck. So you reckon that me saying it...

Still embarrassing. Do you think it's harrowing though? It's embarrassing but accurate. And if you're accurate then it's still something. I mean I guess it could be considered harrowing. Beans are pretty shit. But me saying mid is that worse? Yeah.

What's worse than beans? You saying mid is that worse? Yeah. What's worse than beans? You saying mid is worse than beans. That's mean. Copping that is harrowing to me. Yeah, okay. Guy Carter. Hi Guy.

Here in the UK, I think it's everywhere in the world to be honest, Guy, but he said here in the UK, it's really hard to buy property at the moment. Oh, absolutely. It's hard to save because rent's cooked and it costs the living and house fries are fucked. I'm a little bit older in life. 40 years old, my wife is 38. We have a 10 year old and a 14 year old. Wow. We have bought our first house. Oh, that's excellent. Oh, that's excellent. No.

I was about to say that's mid. Years of rentals, blood, sweat and tears. And as a first family home, like that's insane. Love to see that guy. Congratulations, guy. Love to see that. Will there be beans in the new house? Beans.

It all comes back around. It really does. What's your favourite thing about a man? What's your favourite thing about a man? What's your favourite thing about a man? What's your favourite thing about a man? What's your favourite thing about a man? What's your favourite thing about a man? What's your favourite thing about a man? What's your favourite thing about a man? What's your favourite thing about a man? What's your favourite thing about a man? What's your favourite thing about a man?

What's your favourite thing about a man? What's your favourite thing about a man? What's consequences. Sorry about that yawn. Yeah, you're at work. Yeah, sorry. I just, the beans. 36 minutes a day you work so if I can just, with a microphone on, at least for those 36 minutes, yawn off mic. No, so true. Actually, so true.

That was really mid-affirm. I don't even think I'm using it correctly. Sorry. I know. You don't know. You don't know. I don't know either. Yeah. That was really mid of me. I don't think I'm using it correctly. So I know you don't know. I don't know either. Yeah. Let's get real. Um, what are we doing tomorrow? Sorry.

You talked to I was yawning. We play the tape back. Yeah. You can listen to it later. I'll just listen to this tomorrow. We'll chat to you then. I guess. Love you.

Maybe fuck who knows. Who cares? Love you. Maybe, fuck who knows, who cares. Love you, bye. So meat of me. Sorry, formidable.