Toni and Ryan - Charlotte's Website

Episode Date: June 2, 2025

LOVE YOU!!!!! Check out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toniandryanpodcast Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hi, it's Morgan from Off the Shelf, and I'm here to tell you how my Google Pixel 9 has become my virtual librarian. Google sent me the phone to try out, and naturally the first thing I did was ask Gemini for some book recs. What book should I read if I want an enemies to lovers workplace romance? For an enemies to lovers workplace romance, here are some popular and well regarded books. The Hating Game by Sally Thorne. This is a classic example of the trope. As a mood reader, I just tell Gemini the tropes and genre I'm feeling and it gives me a full list. You can learn more about the Google Pixel 9 at store.google.com.

This episode is sponsored by Audible and if you're into psychological thrillers, then listen up, this is for you. Oh, it is. Sacrilege Curse of the Mbewi is the new Audible original and it's bone chilling. Bone chilling. It stars Caleb McLaughlin, you know Lucas from Strange Things, and it follows the story of the Wallace family whose trip to a luxury game reserve in Zimbabwe quickly unravels. He unintentionally desecrates sacred ground and unleashes a supernatural force called the Mbewi, a vengeful spirit born

from centuries of colonial oppression. We're talking possessed animals, shape-shifting horrors, a vengeful spirit rooted in generations of colonial trauma. Now Daschen, that's Caleb's character, he has to face this curse and his own past to save what remains of his family. It's written and directed by visionary creator Nyasha Hatendi and presented in spectacular Dolby Atmos. Think pulse pounding suspense with powerful explorations of identity and privilege. Listen to Sacrilege, Curse of the Mbuie. Now go to audible.ca. That's S-A-C-R-I-L-E-G-E.

Hello and welcome to the Tony and Ryan podcast. My name is Tony. This is Ryan and we start every episode with the approver of a tarpa. The approver, the approval. Today's approver is Sophia, who lives in a small town in Sweden. But Sophia, can you tell Tony, cause she's going to love this, about the copper town harmony that you're in? Yes. It's a choir. We sing barbershop at the women's choir.

That's awesome. Oh, can I join Sophia? Yeah, absolutely. Come over. My favourite thought about like, barbers kind of quartet is on the Simpsons when they do the B sharp. So baby, oh, that's right. Yeah. You would be great at that. Thank you so much. Would you be like the, maybe not the word quirky, but you know how there's always the one that gets like the

little random bits. Oh yeah, that'd be me. The solos. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Cool. Cool. Cool. Sophia, that sounds incredibly fun. Would you also, because we are incredibly fun. Yeah. It's a little bit less fun than that actually. Yeah. Will you settle to approve today's podcast? Yes. Absolutely. Legend. Hey, this is Sophia from Sweden and I approved this podcast. Tony's pumped because she's got audio. I've got audio. I'm an audio queen. Audio queen. She's got audio ready.

That's coming up soon. I felt like it was my old days in radio. Cutting a grab. Cutting a grab for someone. Cutting a grab. Cutting a grab. Cutting a grab. No, stay tuned.

Yeah. That's coming after the news and traffic. But it's Tuesday, so let's leave that top confessions. Can't really grab. Can't really grab. Stay tuned. Yeah. Ah! That's coming after the news and traffic. But it's Tuesday, so let's, these are top confessions. Tonyandryan.com.au is where you can submit your anonymous confession. Annoyingly anonymous. We can't get back to you.

Thank you. We don't know any information. Yep. If you had to kind of give us a point in a direction, what are we like, we're dealing with poops today? Okay. The second one one I think is actually very wholesome and something we can all get around and feel proud of. Yep.

The second one, I'll just read you the first seven lines. The most embarrassing walk of shame ever. Oh okay. I can confirm there is no poo or, well I can't confirm there's no asshole bits because we don't know where we put it, but I can confirm that there is no poopy chat. Okay, cool. No bathroom gear today. Yeah, okay.

Oh, this other one's a bit bathroom. Cause yesterday I drank that off milk and- How are you feeling? I could do without poop chat. Great. If that gives you any indication of how I'm Yeah, thanks for asking. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Okay. Yeah. The most embarrassing walk of shame ever. When I was young, dumb and hoping to be full of cum, a friend and I- Oh, that's me still now. A friend and I went on a cruise. It was a smaller ship. It was

small enough where you kept bumping into the same people. You know, it's like you're the same people doing the rounds. And we met this. That just sounds like all cruises. I feel like you, like even- The way you haven't been on cruises. The new ones have like 10 million people on them and they're fucking 15 stories and have eight golf courses and they're fucked.

I reckon you would still see the same people. Like how could you, like my mind cannot comprehend it not being fucked in so many ways. It sounds like, because we're not like cruise aficionados. No. It sounds like- Should we go on a cruise? I really want to.

Because, and this is one of- Should we go on a cruise? This is one of my rules of life, right? Never eat the food at an orgy. That's rule number three. Never ask a woman if she's pregnant. Unless? You can physically see the baby coming out.

That's rule number one. In which case, rule 1.5 is don't ask and help instead. If there's a baby physically coming out of someone, don't go, go where where's the baby due? Yeah, it feels like it's due right now. Yeah, so don't ask anything and just help instead. Yeah. Rule one, don't ask a woman if she's pregnant.

I'm gonna say rule two, if they are giving birth help, don't ask. So fair. Rule three, if you borrow a friend's car, fill it up. By the way, Bridget called back. You can watch that on Patreon. Tony is squirming. If you're a champion type, you'll be able to see that.

Only champions. It's pretty bad. Yeah. So Tony's trying to lock it off because she gets angry. No, I don't get angry, but I mean, I need to make my money back somehow. Don't I? I'm down all that fuel. My third rule of life. You just already did three. So this is four. My fourth rule of life is don't already did three, so this is four. My fourth rule of life.

Nice. Is don't bag it until you've tried it. That is not a rule you live by. I actually cannot take that sitting down. No, but. No. I am happy. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. And I've always lived by that. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Not true. I have never complained about anything.

I'm gonna be seasick, cause I'm on a cruise. I feel like if we want to continue bagging out cruises, We have to try it. The least we can do is go on one, with an open mind, and then decide if it is in fact terrible, or maybe, maybe we discover that we love it. I think I'll love it because my dream is to see water

at all times. Okay. I've got an open drink bottle and I nearly just threw it all over Tony. I didn't, but I thought about what went through your mind just then. How fucking fast I would leave. Really? Absolutely.

I would, that would make me so mad. You wouldn't even see the comedy in it? No. Maybe we can do a slow-mo of me, we both looked at my drink. We looked eyes. And then we both looked at the drink bottle and you're like, he's not, he's in.

I'm like, I almost triple-barreled. That would have been messy. Right, shut it then down. I think though, that is like, cause seeing the water the whole time, but I just, I can't help but think about how you're not attached to the land. I really don't like that.

Okay. Well that's probably the main part of being on the cruise. No, but that's what I'm saying. Why don't we go on a cruise ship that's docked at the Sydney Harbor? That sounds nice. That's what Charles did for his birthday, boat party. That was on a cruise ship.

Didn't get a call. Yeah, not. Last year. Oh, sorry, I'm the historian. He actually hasn't turned 21 yet. No. Sorry, 12th birthday, he did that. So should we cruise?

Should we go on a cruise? How many- Oh, can we sing- How many days is good for a bit of a taste tester, but if we hate it, it's not too long. Let's count down. Three, two, one, five. Yes! We are best friends going on a cruise! I love it when we're cruising together.

I hope that we'll make you love That when you come on my boobies Would you like to know the earliest cruise you can get on yep, is it five days it's four no Five days five days for that. Okay, um, and it goes to be five. Five days, four nights. Five days, four nights. Oh, okay. And it goes to Hobart, Melbourne to Hobart. It doesn't take that long to get there. And then back. Is it in summer? Because fuck, that'd be a fresh-

It's 20th of October. A fresh windy trip in winter. October? Hang on, hang on. Is there one like in July? There's not. The earliest is 14th of October and that's 14 nights. I don't think you'd want to do that trip in winter.

Because it's a windy- Yeah, you've got to cross the Bass St winter because it's a it's a windy cold fucking because do we associate cruises with Hawaiian shirts and drinking cocktails and it being warm? Absolutely. Because I don't think in winter that's gonna be the Hobart trip. No that's so true. Five nights the 20th of November Melbourne to Auckland ending in Auckland so you have to get your own way back. What day is it? The 20th. The 20th of November.

Oh damn, I'll miss my university graduation for the every time in a row. You'll also miss your family trip because that's on the 20th. October. You said November, didn't you? I said November. Yeah, sorry, I love to listen.

Does it cruise to Cabo where I'm going for Thanksgiving? Not leaving Melbourne. Why not? Where could we fly first and then do the cruise? Fiji to Cabo would be a fucking trip wouldn't it? Oh I don't mean you'd make it. I'm not driving the fucking boat. There's no direct. What? Noiji. Yeah, I don't want to stop over. Yeah, no layovers in Hawaii. I would love to find out from people that are cruises if they if they think five days is too long or not enough, like for a bit of a vibe. But you know, the ones that say something, the ones that just like go like a cruise to nowhere and it's like four or five days, whatever.

And it leaves Melbourne, looks back around. Yeah. We bought that for Torbz's mom for her 50th. Cause you hate her. A few years ago. Go on a cruise you stupid old mom. It was actually like her dream to go on a cruise.

And it was a cruise to nowhere from Perth. And it was her and like Torbz's stepdad. And they went on like a- And did a lap of the MH370. No. Isn't that out there somewhere? I don't know where that is. They reckon it is. Is it? like towards the stepdad and they went on like a... And did a lap of the MH370. No. Isn't that out there somewhere? I don't know where that is.

They reckon it is. Is it? Oh well they didn't find it. Yeah. But and they did a loop and it was like three or four nights or whatever. That's nice. It goes to nowhere right? You need your passport.

What? Because you're in the international waters. Because you're like leaving the country. Country, yeah. You go out there and you gamble and then you come back. Yeah. I've seen the episode of Simpsons as fighting monkeys and shit. Yeah. You go out there and you gamble and then you come back. I've seen the episode of Simpsons as fighting monkeys and shit. Yeah. Wank, wank, wank. It's my first day. Now, what were you going to say?

How many people are on a cruise ship? No, no, no. How many, Charles? There is around, on a typical cruise ship, around 3000, but can hold up to 6000. You're about to say 3000 tarpas, obviously, on a cruise ship. Anyone who is a champion tarpa. How much is it per month to be a champion tarpon? How much are cruises? $35 a month.

And a cruise is a few thousand dollars. Total for everyone? No. No, per person. The four night ones were about 1,500 for the five nights. All right, times up by 3,000. Does that include all your food, Charles? No, I think that's an add on.

You gotta get your drinks packaged. 4.5 million. 4.5 million, wow. I can see how they're making their money. Yeah. How much does ship cost? We're in the wrong biz. We're buying a cruise ship. It would actually cost us money not to buy a cruise ship at this stage. I've had my skippers ticket in the past so I could easily captain it. So at least this time last year there was a cruise ship for sale on the port in Fiji and it was only going only going for 15 million But if you then do the math, if you're getting 4 million of cruise you're paying that off in four cruises. I think that was USD You're paying it off in four cruises, then it's just all profit

And it doesn't cost much to pen a ship either What to draw it? No, like to dock it. So you gotta pay for your pen. Like it's like, boat chart, sorry. Sorry, no. Grew up in a boat family. I assume the costs of running a ship, not much. No, I can't imagine.

I mean, we did talk about the cost of fuel yesterday. That is expensive. Oh no, it's coal. Do boats need fuel? Coal, isn't it? Like on Titanic. Is that what you're trying? I hope our boat's not like Titanic.

You know what I mean? RMS Titanic. I don't want to spoil the end of the movie for anyone, but it doesn't go well. Wouldn't boats... Now let's all fucking... Lock in. Hang on for a second. This might be dumb.

Might it be? I don't expect it to be. But wouldn't boats run now fully on solar power? No. They should. Get a battery. You're out in the sun. Imagine if it got cloudy and you're in the middle of the Pacific.

That's a chugging down. The sun goes on and goes... Oh, some new and experimental ships were exploring solar and other renewable energy options. Because the wind, you could have a turbine. Yep. Like in Toronto, they've got that one single one. That one single one. That rotates.

Swivels. Swivels. Swivels, I said. That threw Tony off for a while. No, no. I said it swivels and you guys went, well obviously anything makes power. I said no, like it follows the wind. At first she goes, oh, that goes around.

And I'm like, yeah. No, no, I said swivels. That's how they work. No, I'll fucking die on this hill. 1 million percent, I said it's swivels. And then eventually- No, no. Eventually you said swivels.

She did say swivels. Eventually. Thank you, John. No, no, I said swivels. She didn't say swivels. Eventually, eventually. No, I said swivels and you guys went obviously. How do you think they work? I will quit this job. I said swivels from the fucking jump straight. I said swivels.

So we've got a confession. What are we doing? Oh my, I actually, Sribbles. So we've got a confession. Oh my, I actually can't deal with that. How long have we been going, Charles? Like 12 minutes. OK. Why do we get about the cruise? Because the confession is from a cruise. Oh.

Do we need to take a moment and come back and confess? How did that... Good, all that audio I cut up. Oh, of course. Yeah. Start again. I was young, dumb and hoping to be full of cum. Wait.

Okay. I think, is there not a cruise sooner? So there is, just not leaving Melbourne. We could fly to the cruise. Is that to meet the purpose? No, a lot of people would do that, I think. It would have to be internationally because our first one leaving Australia Do we get Qantas points for cruises?

Do you get Qantas points, Charles, for cruises? We could use our Qantas points. No, but you would need to fly to there so you could use your Qantas points to fly to wherever you want. No, no, no. I want to make Qantas points. Not lose them. For the cruise. Yes, because if you put it on a credit card that links to Qantas points, then want to make Qantas points. Not lose them. For... Yes, because if you put it on a credit card that links to Qantas points, then you will make Qantas points.

But you don't get stars credits. That's where the real money is. I wish you could buy points. I was young, dumb and hoping to be full of cum. Same. So my friend and I went on a cruise. It was a smaller ship where you keep bumping into the same people.

I imagine that would be quite common. I'd love to find out. No, no, no. We met this guy who was cruising solo. Oh, he was tall. That is so creepy. Tall, smart, handsome and recently divorced. Oh, now it makes sense. AKA prime hookup target. Yeah. According to our title. Well, I believe that that's probably why he went. Sense of adventure. Yeah, or he had a couple's ticket and they broke up and he's like, well, I can't get

a refund. Oh, that's so sad. So I'm just going to go and slay bitches on a boat. Do you know what? I actually take that back about it being sad to cruise alone. It's probably the perfect safe holiday. Absolutely. Because if you're not very confident

or not a very seasoned traveler, going on a cruise is probably perfect because it's like, there's a sense of safety. Yeah, a sense of community. Yeah. Drinks flowing and you've got a tarpa who's young, dumb and hoping to be full of karma. It sounds like the perfect trip.

I'm jizzing it. Sorry. One night myizzing it. Sorry. One night, my friend- That was Charles. It wasn't. One night, my friend and I ran into him at a bar and my friend strategically left. I thought we were going for a three person thing.

Okay. The guy and myself kept the tequila flowing and before I knew it, we were back in his cabin. Is drinks free on the cruise? A lot of them are. You get, well, you can buy like a bundle. Buy the drinks. Package.

A package, yeah. You would have to, wouldn't you? Yeah. Like that's the whole thing. It's normally cheaper, apparently. But what currency are you using in international waters? Are you taking coins into the fucking sea? Bitcoin.

No, you're doing it all beforehand. Like when you like buy the package, you then get the options. No, no, no, but if you're buying on the Bitcoin. No, you're doing it all beforehand. Like when you like buy the package, you then get the options. No, no, no, but if you're buying on the go, Yeah, you know how annoying. Maybe they add you a tab and then when you try and get off the boat, then they fucking get you.

Does it have internet on the ship? It does, most ships have internet. How? I did look this up. There's this thing called Wireless. Sol, like satellite. Oh, you fucked that up, Charles.

Oh fuck you. Starlink. There's this thing called Solr. Fuck you. Yeah, cause that's how hard that's gonna sound. Hey, hey, hey, you fucked that up, Charles. So fuck you. Starling. There's this thing called solar. Fuck you. No, that's fake. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. Shut up. I thought he was going to say there's this thing called wireless

and I was going to fucking hate him. Ryan, you keep going, mate. Charles is off. Call me the captain because I handled his semen like a pro. Hot, hot. That's a cool thing to say. We finished up, I passed out in his bed and we fell asleep in each other's arms.

Oh. Until, alarms going and bangs at the door. The what? He's not really divorced. I texted my friend to say I'm going back to this guy's room, but the text didn't send. So- Cause there's no internet at sea.

Cause it doesn't send alerts. Nah cuz it's said a lot not actually the soul of so the friend gets back to the room and she goes fuck my friends missing she goes back to the bar she can't find her she's like this guy's fucking off to a lot what's going on there she doesn't know what's going on so she the friend totally freaks out and tells security that I'm missing. And says like, describes the guy and they go, well, I know where he's saying, there's only six people on this fucking boat. Security told the ship's management, the ship management alerted the coast guard to stand by because missing person normally

results in a man overboard search. Think of, and this is what our Tapa says, she says, think of the most embarrassing walk of shame you've ever done. Now think of me, heels in hand, explaining to the captain, explaining to the head of security, and explaining to the coast guard that I was actually just getting railed by the newly divorced bloke down the hallway and not

Tufts over the side I'm still Facebook friends with the guy we say happy birthday each year And I had a newborn daughter the other day and he liked the photo 10 out of 10 would smash again. Oh That's a beautiful story outcome would smash again. Oh, that's a beautiful story. Outcome. Wouldn't have said, yeah. I like literally any other words.

Yeah. So we should go on the cruise or yeah. Yeah. I mean, and if there's any divorcees. Or divorce base, we're not picky. Sorry. Hey, this is Sophia from Sweden and you're listening to Tony and Lime.

This episode is brought to you by Fizz. And at Fizz, they do things differently. Well, Fizz is 100% online and here to offer their community personalized mobile plans with complete transparency because their members are at the center of their decisions. Yep, no hidden fees, no false promises. And you know what? You don't like them?

Leave whenever you want, no grudge. But you like them a lot, that's amazing. That's perfect because the more you stay, the less you pay. Who wrote that? That rhymes, I love it. Plus, this is actually like, should be common sense, but it only is at Fizz. If you have leftover data at the end of the month, it rolls over so you can use it next month.

Because you've paid for it. It's yours. You keep it. I'm moving to Canada. On their loyalty program, you are rewarded just for being there. The more you say, the more you're awarded. Literally get me off the plane. Subscribe using the promo code Fizzr, that's F-I-Z-Z-A, and get 10 gigabytes plus 25 bucks. Learn more and switch to Fizz at Fizz.ca. When does fast grocery delivery through Instacart matter most? When your famous grainy mustard potato salad isn't so famous without the grainy mustard.

When the barbecue's lit, but there's nothing to grill. When the in-laws decide that actually they will stay for dinner. Instacart has all your groceries covered this summer, so download the app and get delivery in as fast as 60 minutes. Plus, enjoy $0 delivery fees on your first three orders. Service fees, exclusions, and terms apply. Instacart. Groceries that over-deliver. I'm asking you shout out to a few of our favorite champion tapas, some of our favorite cruisers, Kenesha Winch, get on your Kenesha. If we had a new podcast, it wouldn't be called Tarpas. Everyone would be a cruiser. Yeah.

G'day cruisers. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Lindsay, good on you Lindsay. Cruiser Lindsay. Jackie. Good on you Jackie, your fucking cruiser. Caitlin, Josh Byer and Elizabeth Taylor.

It might be the original Elizabeth Taylor. The original cruiser. Yeah. Original cruiser. G'day cruiser. So I mentioned I've got a little bit of audio. I saw this video online and it has absolutely blown me away. Is it about cruising?

Because if it's not, I actually don't give a fuck. It's not because that's my new favorite thing, but I didn't know that we'd be on that kind of vibe at this point. Yeah, you didn't know we'd be cruising by now. No, I didn't. And so this is land chat. I don't know if you've got time for land chat You know how when you talk about like times is like before Christ and after yeah, like I think this is

Yeah, after Chris after Chris. Yeah BC though still before Chris Chris after cruise Realization. Yeah after cruise LC, learning about cruises. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Sorry, I just put my feet and legs back on. Yeah. Your feet legs. What's the opposite of feet legs? Your sea legs.

Yeah. Feet legs, land legs, fuck. Yeah. Yeah. I get it. Your sea legs. Yeah. Yeah. I get it.

I meant land legs. I meant sea legs. Yeah. Yeah. So you can have feet in both. In fact, anywhere I go, my feet are usually there with Yeah. So you can have feet in both. In fact, anywhere I go, my feet are usually there with me. So you stick with your feet?

And when I fly, I've got my air feet. Yeah. Okay. I've got my land feet on and we're going to hear some audio from Tony. Your feet legs? My feet legs. Oh, that's not that funny. Come on, mate. I feet legs. My feet legs.

I'm so happy. Come on, mate. I've said eight times worse today. No, I know, but that's just really back in Tickled Week. Anyways, so I saw this video. Use your mouth talker. My land mouth. Your land mouth. Your down south mouth.

Yeah. Okay, I saw this video. It really blew me away. And I like don't really have a story, but I think that it's just insane. I just want to talk to you about it. Please. I'm about to play it in full. Please save all questions till the end. The Subway restaurant chain has reacted with shock this week after executives discovered that many customers are apparently purchasing footlong sandwiches and eating the entire 12 inches by themselves.

A spokesperson for the company addressed reporters this morning. But they've been doing it somehow and it needs to stop." To encourage healthier eating habits, Subway is clarifying its marketing, adjusting language on menus and in television commercials like this one. $5 footlongs? Wow, that's $2.50 per person. Subway's corporate leadership says they were horrified to learn of the misunderstanding. It's honestly frightening. I mean, you don't see people eating entire pizzas by themselves. We even cut the footlongs in half into two regular sized sandwiches before handing them to you. But I guess that wasn't clear enough. Now...

This is the end of the show. This is... I'm going on an indefinite cruise where that video doesn't exist. Get your land feet back off. I've actually decided to not take that on because I didn't know I could be offended so many times in one short passage. And then they throw in the pizza example. Yeah.

Oh, you think that makes it better? No, no. It really doesn't. It's way worse. Should we get Domino's for lunch? Oh, yum. And Subway? Oh, I love Subway.

So we can get a... This is really upsetting to me because I do love Subway. And obviously, like every other human I assumed, get it foot long. Like, what do they mean? It's not supposed to be the whole thing. Is that from the onion or is that bullshit? I actually don't know, but I saw it and it blew me away so much. And I've actually cut up the little bits because I was like we need to there's so much to unpack. Please play by play.

Okay so here we go. Customers are apparently purchasing footlong sandwiches and eating the entire 12 inches by themselves. What do you mean apparently? What do you mean apparently people are doing that? That's what everybody's doing. Who is this new news to? This is not how our products are intended to be consumed. Uh, wrong. Half of our subs have always been meant to be shared among two or more friends. That is not true. Then why do you have a party sub?

What the fuck's that for? That's for more than two friends. At least three. Who's an adult that's got more than two friends? So true. And if you're going out with friends, you're not going out to Subway. I just could not believe how offended they could make me feel all at one time. Have the people at Subway ever been

into their own fucking store before and just had a look around? All those people coming in one at a time, getting footlongs, oh, would you like a couple of cookies? You can share that between your 15 fucking cousins. I don't fucking think so. It's all a one man job. I want a footlong from Subway,

three cookies and a Diet Coke. Is that too much? And? Remember when they did fit chips? Throw some of those in there. Some chips? Yes. Sources?

Yes. Judgment? No. No, thank you so much. Listen to this. Eating an entire foot of food shouldn't be possible for most people. Sorry for pushing my body to the limit like an athlete. I'm sorry for being such a fucking high achiever

that I can actually do what people don't think should be possible. Sorry for being a fucking legend. Sorry. Sorry for being a fucking legend. Sorry. Sorry for breaking the cycle and achieving the unbelievable. You know how I think next year they've got the extreme games? Yeah, that's me.

I'm doping up to eat as much Subway as possible. Everyone, dope up as much as you want. We fucking got you beat already. We're already fine. And for my next, you know Penn and Teller? Yeah. They'll be talking about Tony and Ryan for years, because watch two sub long foot long disappear.

Disappear. And don't you worry about our feet, sea legs. We're all ready to go. Wow. Isn't that just sickening? And just to fucking really punch us in the huge, apparently huge gut that we all have, it's unbelievable that we can eat a fucking foot long sandwich.

It's honestly frightening. I mean, you don't see people eating entire pizzas by themselves. Hey, come around to my house on a Friday night. I'll show you something you've never fucking seen in your life. I've actually- I might do it twice.

I've seen it regularly. I do it in the mirror. I've seen it regularly. I do it in the mirror I say it every Sunday when I look down Add some little chickeny bits. Don't you fucking bother? Well, here's the thing about that is, is that Bridge and I will get two pizzas. Yeah. And don't tell the subway guys, they're both gone. And then we both go, it's not quite at the sides there. Should we get the chickeny bits?

We'll get the chickeny bits. Should I have some garlic bread? Yeah. Should I have a fucking- Lava cake. Why is pizza places the only place delivering vanilla malt thick shakes. Because you know what I do when I'm still hungry?

Pound one of those after a pizza and the chickeny bits. Those chickeny at Domino's, something illegal is in that ranch that they give you on the side of those chickeny bits. Stop it. It is. It's the perfect consistency, the perfect garliciness. It's just so good. If you, after a pizza night,

took some of my blood. Yeah. I'd say six percent. Which I often do. Well, as we saw, a tarpa makes those jumpers where you can easily give blood. So you can easily give blood. I reckon six percent of my blood

would be Frank's hot sauce from the wings. You love a wing. Give me a hot wing with the pizza. Fuckin' dang it. Yeah, but I just love the little buttermilk chicken bits. You know, the little, like the little. Yeah, like little popcorn chicken almost. Yeah, yeah, but it's actually breast meat.

Like it's not just, you know, minced up chicken. Say breast meat again. Breast meat. Oh. I, when so you're right. I mean in breast me. Oh, I When I thought about this tell me what yeah when you first saw this video I started to cry and I thought there are people out there That have never sat down and eaten a full pizza

What a fucking shame. What a waste of life. My mum died and there are people out there not living to the full. What a fucking crying shame. There are people out there that are only eating six inches of food. Then what do you do? That's like a snack.

I have lunch, then I'll drop six inches in the afternoon and then go home and have dinner. To defy the odds, the only reason I would ever only eat a six inch sub is because I've eaten a whole pizza. Yeah. Six inches is a snack. A foot long is a meal. Yeah.

And even then sometimes, no. Like not a big meal. You know, you still need a bit of help on the other end or you go, well, you know what? I will have a full pizza for dinner because I only had a footlong for lunch. There was a time in this episode where I thought committing to a cruise was the worst thing I'd heard. I'm so sorry for bringing this to your attention. It could have gone right under the... Under the... I just hoped that you wouldn't come out here as a...

Raider. Yep. Yep. Under the I just hoped that you wouldn't go Yep, yeah God need a footlong Where a cruise ships out with subways is there a subway cruise? Like a subway store on the cruise ship They actually probably would really I'm gonna need you to email Subway and I'm gonna need you to pitch them an idea where there is a Subway Sponsored cruise and for every meal us and the toppers eat Subway footloose. So we're gonna have 36 inches a day and Then we're gonna eat

Yeah, easy done can we make the cruise like the shape of a bread? Well, it's a sub. Submarine. What do you think the term sub comes from, Lil? That's the whole... Thanks for coming in. I might get someone else to send an email. I don't think you're really getting the vision. Yeah, I don't think she gets it. Yeah, I don't think she gets it. That's okay.

Yeah, so I mean, swings and rounds about, sounds about. That's just really fucking upsetting. Yeah. Um, I've got to love to see it though. I know, I know. I mean, do you? We need to bring this back around and it is food based because I just can't get away from it.

I'm obviously hungry, didn't eat breakfast. Last night. Should we, what, after this conversation, what do we have? Cause it's today's day, we fucking really push the boat out. I did bring lunch. Yeah, you bring lunch every day. It doesn't mean you're going to eat it.

No, no, no, but I've been eating it recently. I didn't bring lunch. Oh, Charles. Charles not bringing lunch is the decider. Like, I feel like if you bring lunch, we all go, OK, we'll eat what we brought. So there's a thing in sport, like football at the moment, where one specific player would be described as the barometer of the team.

Like if that guy's up and about, the whole team's up and about. If that guy's a bit quiet, it's probably not our night. It's not because they're the most important, they're just the barometer. Charles bringing his lunch in is the barometer of how well we all eat for the day. And if Charles hasn't brought lunch in, it means Charles is ordering.

If Charles is ordering, we're all ordering. Because he's going to pick something awesome. Yeah, he's just too... And he's going to tell us about it. Oh, you guys don't have to get anything, but I'm getting 12 inches of... What's that Italian one that has the three different meats? Like the salami, pastrami and... Oh, I haven't had that.

Do you know what I go? I go the chicken filler, like the, yeah, it's fucking filler. Chicken back and ranch. What is the Italian one I'm thinking of? Do you think about the Italian... BMT. Yes. Yes. What's the BMT?

Beef, meat and tits. It probably is. That's all I want. I want 12 inches of beef, meat and tits. I think it's salami, ham and... Pfft. Ha! Well, B would be bacon, A.

Oh, I thought beef. Beef would be B. B would be beef. Well, is it bacon or is it beef? It's the B being B. No, it's not. Is it beef, as in like, yeah, pastrami? Do you want the- I've got the open here on Uber. Hang on, no, no, no. I really want to get-

Please, what are you just telling us in the BMT? I don't know. I can't find it. Or is it the- is the M mozzarella? No. Oh. Mortadella! Oh, it's salami, pepperoni, and leg ham. Where the fuck's the BMT come from then?

That's just what it's called. Also includes much more. Oh, the BMT is an acronym for biggest meatiest tastiest. Oh, I like that. That's how I described Tony. Oh. The meatiest and the tastiest. That's really nice.

Well, I've got, I've got a love to say it. Same, let's do those those and wrap it up. That last night, Charles texts me, um, quite late at night and it was a welcome text because he said, guess what? You love to see this. And I was like, what's happened? We were both at the office quite late, um, not a flex, but we were here quite late. And, um, and I pulled out of the thing and Charles was just like in his car.

And I like kind of was like, oh, is every, are you okay? Like is your car not starting or whatever? He said, nah, I'm gonna like order Uber Eats now. So that like, by the time I get home, I won't have to wait as long, whatever. He pulls in, then he texts me later. He pulls into his driveway at the exact same time that Uber Eats delivery driver pulls into his driveway at the exact same time that Uber Eats delivery driver

pulled into his driveway. Perfect handoff. See you later. You're inside. You're done. You're Chargeroo Charlie's on your tummy before you can even think about it. Chargeroo Charlie's as well. Yeah. The whole thing for me was just a winner from Go To Woe. So I love to see that. Have you already committed to Subway? Because now that you've said Chargeroo Charlie's, I'm thinking about- We can't get it from here. I'm thinking Eljanna you are both very good different but

both amazing yeah I don't know why my brain just went Chargill-Charlie's let's get Eljanna for lunch well it's like chicken chop yeah Chargill-Charlie's is fucking unreal yeah same Chargill-Charlie's is unreal Me too, I'm unreal too. Same thoughts from me had by. Yeah, okay. Maya loves to say it's from Charlotte Walsh. Charlotte. Oh fuck, it's better be good Charlotte.

We've had a big day. Okay. Doesn't the word Charlotte, like she's obviously hot as fire. The name. I love the name Charlotte. The word Charlotte. The city of Charlotte. You're gonna jerk off over that spider,

Charlotte's web. No, but what I'm saying is... Oh, Charlotte the pig. Charlotte's web, but she, Charlotte is the, is the spider. Charlotte's not the person. Charlotte's the spider. The spider. I've never seen it. Is that Dakota Fanning? No, it's um, Shannon Strzelecki. Who am I thinking of? Sharon Strzelecki. Mazgul Subanski. You're actually thinking of babe. She's in babe. I am thinking of babe.

I know. So what's the other one? Charlotte's Web. Is that on the same film? I can't. I think I'm dumb. I can't. I think I'm dumb. I can't, I think I might be dumb.

It's filmed at the same place. It's set. Yeah. It's set at the, like, are they like a prequel and a sequel? Like at the end of babe, she looks up and sees the web and goes, and then the credits roll and it's like coming soon.

The rest of that story. No, no, no. So the, the sequel to babe is babe to pig in the city. There's also a second Charlotte's Web. That's what people call me babe to. Is the sequel called Charlotte's Web 2.0? It's called Charlotte's Web to Wilbur's Great Adventure. The second one's called Charlotte's Web site.

She starts a blog. The sequel of Charlotte's Web is Spider-Man 1. She starts blogging. This, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, Like people need to figure that out. Charlotte's website. That's unreal. Google that. Someone surely does know that. Charlotte's website.

Charlotte'sweb.com.au. They sell drugs. Oh, yeah. Charlotte's web CBD and botanicals. THC infused delicious. Live on the bright side, I guess, is what they're saying. That's great. Muscle restoration.

Charlotte's web. Endurance Gumming. Oh, for coincidence chat, off air chat, guess who is in Charlotte's Web? Julia Roberts. Oh, the house we're about to buy. The house we're about to buy. Yeah. But that would have paid for it. Oh my God.

Oh, he bought Dakota Fanning. I was right. He's Dakota Fanning. I was right. It is Dakota Fanning. Mazda Ksiebanski. It's Dakota Fanning. My love to say, so Charlotte, we already imagined that Charlotte's hot. And then she says-

Oh, hang on. So is Charlotte the pig or the spider? She's the top of messaging through. Is Charlotte a pig or a spider? I hardly know. Charlotte, a hot name has just made it through her first semester. The spider. Thanks. Spider? Tony's done. Tony's done. Next. Order the food now, Charles. I want to eat it soon.

As well- Charles the BMT. Charlotte, hot name, has just got through her first semester- At Subway University. Of architecture school. Oh. See what I was getting at there? Okay.

Is there a better combination of human than the name Charlotte and becoming an architect? That's amazing. architecture school. Oh, oh. See what I was getting at there? Okay. Is there a better combination of human than the name Charlotte and becoming an architect? That's amazing. Congratulations by the way. That's huge. I've done a bunch of stuff at TAFE before so I had a bit of experience but it was so full on. I'm so sleep deprived but I've done it.

You love to see it. I'm so proud of you Charlotte. Well done Charlotte. And all that and a movie franchise. What can't she do? And a CBD website. She sells drugs? That's drugs. She's in Bay Pig in the city. She's Magda Zabanski. And she does billboards with webs. Huge day. Charlotte's website. That's awesome. What a great day for Charlotte. And a great day for Charles and his Uber Eats last night. Great day for cruising. Great. Fuck

was that today? Yeah, that was this episode. How long we been going Charles? Like 40 minutes. Oh that's all right. That's not too bad. All right see you tomorrow. All right we're gonna book a cruise. Stay tuned. I'm gonna book Subway. Love you. Bye. Calgary, also known as the blue sky city. We get more sunny days than anywhere in the country, but more importantly, we're the Canadian capital of blue sky thinking. This is where bold ideas meet big opportunity, where dreams become reality. Whether you're building your career or scaling your business, Calgary is where what-if turns

into what's next. It's possible here in Calgary, the blue sky city. Learn more at calgaryeconomicdevelopment.com. What is happy travels? It's exploring the world your way and creating cherished memories with a sun vacation, cruise, flight, or hotel deal. That's by experts who have been where you are now and have gone where you want to go.

Booking is easy with vacations for every traveler. Organized by destination, travel provider and more. Find your getaway. Contact a travel expert or visit www.stellavacations.com