Toni and Ryan - Cheesey Stringer on the Toilet

Episode Date: June 7, 2022

Your best normal or nahs - and my FUCKED FACT is back!!!!! If you have an amazing fucked fact, please post it on today's thread in our facebook group. Love ya! Toni x Check out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toni.lodge and @ryanjondunn Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, Jay speaking. Hello, Jay. This is Tony Louise Lodge speaking. How are you? I'm going good. How are you? Oh, wow. You're the perk in the voice there.

Ryan's here as well. Sorry. Oh, shit. Sorry. Sorry, Jay. Sorry to ruin the day for everyone. No, no. Good to speak to you both.

I thought he may have been in the background. Yeah. I mean, that's just lurking. He's just lurking. Sometimes he does work. Sometimes he doesn't. Yeah. I'm no Tony Lodge though. But would you approve this podcast episode? I would love to approve this podcast episode. Yay! Or should I say, Jay! Hey, it's Jay from Melbourne and I approve this podcast.

Welcome to the Tony and Ryan podcast. And can I just say, hold on to your hats. Because about seven months ago, Tony came in hot. I always do. And said, Ryan, have I got a fact for you. Yep. You'll blow your fucking ass out because when you hear this, it'll just combust because you'll be so shocked.

And you said, we should do this every episode. And you might remember it was called Fucked Fact. Fucked Fact. Yep. And the segment was done one time only because it happened and we were like, ah. I liked it but you went never again, Tony. Well, Tony has come in hot this morning and said, do we need a drumroll or a drone or something?

No. No, because you always do this to me and you fuck it because you set the expectations too high and a fact that is perfectly reasonable then looks shit. Tony came in hot this morning and said today. You're fucking it up. I will blow your mind with one of the great facts you'll ever hear. Yeah, well, I like it.

And people that have been asking for the fucked fact to come back are going to be happy. Name one person. I don't know their name, but someone messaged me and said, this would be good for fucked fact. And I said, Ryan's not going to let me do it again. Lies. So I'm backing it in with this.

Lies. Anyway, that's coming up later today. Settle in. You've set the bar so high that people now are going to hate it. No, people will like it, you're just going to hate it. But you do this to yourself. Wednesday,

normal or nah? Yeah, I love normal or nah. Do you want to explain how the game works? Normal or Nah. This is why you can't have buttons in front of you. Yeah, there was discussions about this. Normal or Nah. So basically we take two. The fact that I get to spend so much time with one of the world's

greatest comedians firsthand in person. You're welcome. I don't know how I keep my fucking pants on. Me either. It's a shocker. Normal or nah? Wearing one pair of underwear over multiple days. I saw.

This post? This post in our Facebook group. Lucy was the one who put it in. Because her partner, is that correct? this post in our Facebook group. Lucy was the one who put it in. Because her partner, is that correct? I just found out my husband and partner of nearly 12 years, by the way. 12 years. How are you not noticing before that, Luce, honestly? He'll wear his underwear over multiple days if he deems them not sweaty enough

to be replaced yet in winter, apparently, which we're also coming into here in Melbourne. It means less heat, less sweat, less changing of underwear. He seems to think it's normal and he thinks I'm the freak for wearing underwear during the day and separate underwear at night. At night? Like she'll sleep in. I don't normally sleep in knickers.

Really? No. I normally, I wear, oh well everyone would have seen it in the video of me having just woken up. I sleep in like a big oversized t-shirt nightie and that's it. And you're all good. Yeah.

I think because, you know when you're a kid and someone tells you something and you just like live by that forever. Someone's grandma once told me that you have to let your bum breathe overnight when I was in like year four. Maybe that wasn't like for everyone. She just got a whiff of Tony's butt and was like,

that needs some air. You need to fucking air that thing out nightly for the next rest of your life. The next rest of your life. Lucy goes on and says, please help and tell us which one of us is the fucked one. I'm going to say nah. Nah, it's not normal.

Yeah. Doubling up. I don't, no, like it's not, I'm going to say nah to wearing the same underwear more than once. Yeah. But as a vagina haver, I think you are more prone to infections or like yeast infections and things like that if you wear the same underwear lots of times. But I would also say that as a ball-haver, your balls probably fucking stink. Oh, really?

Well, I mean, like you wash yourself every day, right? Yeah. So the thing that are like right up in there, probably wash those as well. Probably, yeah. I got no qualms about wearing jeans many times because there's the underwear in between your person and the thing. Yeah.

What about a T-shirt? How do you go with a T-shirt? It depends what I've done in it. If I've worn it for a full day, then no. But if I've only worn it for 10 minutes to like quickly go to the shop or go down and grab a parcel or something, then it goes on the dining table and that's my midway place. Things on the dining table can be worn again.

Would you say that if you, on this same line of thinking, that if you wore it for a little bit and you go, oh, I probably don't need to wash that yet, but you'll like put it back a few in the rotation, like so you don't wear it like the next day. Yeah. But you still won't clean it but you'll just put a few days between wears.

It's just available. Yeah. Oh, but just I don't want people to like, is he wearing that same shirt again? No, no. He rested it and put a different shirt on in between. Because have I washed it? Have I not?

Ooh. Ooh, who's to say? Yeah. Do you ever have like a T-shirt or a jumper or something that's like the one you've got on the go at the moment? So it's like if you're going down to grab a parcel, say you do that every day for a week, but it's that T-shirt that you use because that's like your house T-shirt.

I've got, which you would have noticed, that kind of flannelette, the lighter coloured one. Yeah. That's my, this last month, my go-to chuck over the top every time I leave the house. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, going outside? Oh, I'll just chuck that over.

Just pop that on. In fact, I almost put it on today and I was like, I'm going to wear something different. So in the videos for the podcast, it looks like I've got more than one shirt. Yeah. That's what I do with this denim jacket. Lucy, uh, where with you, your husband's fucked. Yeah. Socks, I reckon as well, you can probably get away with one or two days if you haven't worn it for a full day. I reckon. It's clean feet over here. I wouldn't, I wouldn't dare do that. Actually, I probably would. You wouldn't do socks more than once. I was gonna say if you have exercise, but that ain't happening that much anymore. It's winter in over here. I wouldn't dare do that. Actually, I probably would. You wouldn't do socks more than once?

I was going to say if you have exercise, but that ain't happening that much anymore. It's winter in Australia. Not relatable. Really settling in. Normal or nah? Taking your water bottle to the bathroom. Nah.

Nah. John. What do you need it for? John says, I work in an office, and of course, I'm awkwardly placed, so whenever folks need to use the restroom, they walk past him and stuff, which that would be the worst, I feel for you. Yeah.

I see a lot of people taking their water bottles with them to the bathroom. This is a massive nah for me. Not only is there germs and poo particles flying around, but also why? Are you scared someone's going to steal your drink bottle while you're in the bathroom? Are you filling it in the toilet?

I just don't understand why you actually need to take your drink bottle while you're in the bathroom? Are you filling it in the toilet? I just don't understand why you actually need to take your drink bottle to the bathroom. But I literally see tens of people do this every single day. All right, I've got a theory which I reckon is straight on the money. People are getting up from their desk and they're going, well, I'm not going to go to the bathroom and then go fill up my water bottle as well. So they're taking it to the bathroom, then filling up their water bottle,

then walking back to their desk. What I do in any office, I've always done this, I used to do it here at Kiss in the radio station. I would get my water bottle and plonk it like on a desk or on the floor somewhere on my way to the toilet, then grab it on my way back out, then go to the kitchen. Nailed it. Yeah.

Easy solution. Easy. I'm the same. You've got to put it down in like a. Just leave it on the kitchen bench for five minutes. A neutral area. Yeah. I wouldn't be taking it into the toilet.

Into the stall? Like right in there? But, I mean, even if you were leaving it like on the sink. Nah. I just find that really weird. Yeah. That's a big nah. Do you reckon people are doing that with, like,

their lunch before they go and heat it up? I hope not. And I'm not, like, a germy, weird, clean freak. It's more just odd. But still, yeah, nah. Yeah. I remember as a kid once eating, like, a cheesy stringer and, like. Sorry, man.

The Bogan test was last week. And saying to mum, like. What? A cheesy stringer. Like, the cheese and youogan test was last week. And saying to mum like. What's a, what? A cheesy stringer. Like the cheese and you like, it's like mozzarella stick and then you like peel the bits of cheese off. To have it with like biscuits and olives and stuff? No, no, no, no.

Like literally it's just like a stick of cheese and you string the bits off. Have you never seen a bigger stringer or a cheesy stringer? So hang on, just as a meal you would just eat cheese? It's not a meal. It's like a snack. But it's like one, like it looks a bit like a pen. Of cheese.

Yeah, and then you string the bits off. No, I know. And when do you have this with? It's just like a snack. But I was eating a cheesy stringer and I like got up from the table or the couch or wherever and had my cheesy stringer in my hand and mum was like, where are you going? And I was like, to the toilet.

And she was like, Tony Louise, what are you doing? Leave your cheesy stringer behind. And I was like, I don't want the dogs to get it. She was like, okay, well then put it on the table. Don't take the cheese to the toilet. If there's one thing I've learned in this world, do not let a dog near a cheesy stringer. And don't take your cheesy stringer to the toilet.

Yeah. Yeah. But now, I was really little, and now. You know. I know. Don't take your cheesy stringer to the toilet. Don't let the dogs at it. Don't let the dogs take your cheesy stringer to the toilet.

Put it on the table. Normal or nah? Oh, I love this question. Normal or nah? Listening to music full blast in your car. Yep. Fucking normal. Normal.

Oh, I love it. Tiffany James says, I feel like no one else does it Yep. Fucking normal. I love it. Tiffany James says, I feel like no one else does it anymore, but I'm really into it. I'm worried that when I pull up at the traffic lights, people are going to look at me as if I'm the obnoxious wanker. But really, says Tiffany James, I'm just trying to live my best life. Yeah. Do you know what?

I reckon there is a difference between listening to loud music with your windows down and being like a bit of a flog about it. But if I'm just cruising and fucking jamming in my own world, I think that's fine. I love driving. I fucking love being in the car. Don't love parking though. I don't like parking.

No. Driving, yes. Do you know I drove to that meeting the other day and I parked on the street, remember? That was pretty good. I can't believe you did that. Yep. But then the meeting took a lot longer than I was expecting

so I was a bit stressed. No, I didn't actually. But I love driving for this reason because you can have a boogie in the car. It's like the only time when I can't fucking check my emails. No one can text me but I don't have to read it yet. I love it and I love having a boogie in the car. Same.

I fucking froth it. When we used to live out in the country just last year, it was like an hour and a half, two hours from town. It's the best. So I went back home two or three times a week. And as soon as I got in, I'm like, oh, get a coffee or something. Pump it up. Same.

Yep. Open road. In your own world. Pump up the tunes. Yep. I do agree, though, the type of music will say a lot. Yeah, okay. If it's, for instance, if you're in a fully sick car

and you're pumping like Tekkers, like techno. Oh, yep. Like you're doing like. Yeah, that's not for me. Yeah, but if it's just like a banger. Yep. 90s sing-along. Yep.

Give it everything. So I'm. I'll even hit a high note if I have to. Oh, you've got to. Yeah. But no one's judging you because you're in your own car. Yeah. And if they say anything, you go, you can walk, babe.

See you. See you later, mate. See you at home. Catch the bus. You can get a lift in the back of that Ford Explorer where someone's jerking off in the back seat. Yeah, on your bike, Dom. Hey, it's Jay from Melbourne and you're listening to Tony and Ryan.

A massive thank you to a few of our champion tapas that have got some Frank Green water bottles on their way in a month or so. Catherine Saul, Matt Hudson, Logan Humphries, Diva Daniel. Love that Diva Daniel. Diva Daniel, you. Cameron Quinn, Heaven. Yes, that's my real name only. Thanks for clarifying Heaven.

Really appreciate that. Olivia Archie, Sinead Hancock, Erin Mueller and Shakira Shakira. Do you think that the fact that she needs to clarify it means that she knows she's got a bit of a stripper name? I think that people just say, oh, heaven, that can't be. Is that right? Are we sure? Yeah.

Do you feel like when you say, oh, I'm heaven, like, hey, I'm heaven. Who are you? I'm heaven. Yeah, you are. Yeah. Like does it just sound like a pick-up line waiting to happen? Speaking of pick-up lines, actually, tomorrow we're going to do some ye olde pick-up lines

after we watched A Knight's Tale, so stick around for that for tomorrow. Actually, you know how I said I was confident about mine? No. I'm getting nervous now. Good. Good. Good. I want you to work for my affection.

I do, mate. I work so hard. So I was saying before. Don't. No, pump it up while you pumped it up to me earlier. No, because then you played the. Tony Lodge has one of the great mind-blowing facts that I reckon, just like last week, Spotify will stop working globally just because.

I'm like Kim Kardashian. I'm going to break the internet. As soon as you hear this fact, smoke will start coming out of your phone and you're like, oh, I cannot listen no more. Okay, so we've talked about the fact, the fun fact, the fucked fact. See, it's so exciting I can't even say it. You are fucking gone, mate.

You can't contain your excitement. We've talked about the fucked fact once before and I wasn't allowed to do it again. But to give you some context, everybody I feel has like a go-to fact. Like if somebody tells them a fact and they go, oh, well, did you know this? And mine is that every pomegranate has the same amount of seeds. That is mind-blowing. But it's not actually true.

I was debunked the other week. So I was at. But you've been saying this for years. Yeah. So I was at my job at Mindset Health, like my day job. And I said that, and one of the guys who works there, who's very smart, very switched on, quite high up in the company. And he goes, Tony, I don't think that's true. But like that quietly sat down and heard it. So he wasn't being a dick about it? No, no, no. He absolutely, and he's a very sweet guy. He's like, Tony, I don't think that's true.

And I was like, I need you to go along with that because it sounds very impressive. He was like, yeah, I've heard that before about the pomegranates. I'm going to need you to go along with that because not only is it true, it's actually my personality. Yep. I've based my personality on this for about ten years. I've been dropping this at dinner parties and outings for fucking years.

Every time we go to Coles and we see a pomegranate, I go to Torb's. Did you know that every pomegranate has the same amount of seeds? Every time. 47 in there. Every single time. But it's not true. I Googled it. It's not true.

Did that hurt your soul? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it should. Everything you thought you stood for. Yeah, was a fucking lie. Anyway, but I've got this other one. So I was thinking about this, maybe thinking a bit too hard.

It sounds a bit like maybe I smoked hella weed before I came up with this, but I promise I didn't. So is this to replace your pomegranate fact? Like is this going to be in your rotation now? Oh, maybe. Well, we'll see what the reception's like. There's a lot bearing on this all of a sudden. Yep.

Tony's whole personality. You'll forget you've been to Japan after this fact has been dropped. I reckon. Okay. So you know what I realised the other day? What? The word midnight. Oh, my, don't.

Mid. Night. Are you? Middle of the night. And it's the same, right, as afternoon because it's after noon. When someone mentions midday in the episode thread, you are going to lose it. Middle of the day.

Is this. Isn't that amazing? Nah. Oh, no. I was so. And not because it's not true. Did you know that, though? Did you not?

You can't tell me you knew that. How would you? I didn't know that and I'm 28. There's no way you knew that. What have you been doing for 28 years besides string and cheese? In the toilet. No, I'm not questioning the legitimacy of the fact. But you can't tell me that you've realised that the word midnight

meant like middle of the night. Okay, let me put it this way. Did you know that? I can't believe that you didn't. Let me pose it to you this way. What did you think midnight meant? I just accepted it. Same with afternoon. I was just like, that I just accepted it. Same with afternoon.

I was just like, that's just what it's called. The same way I don't question that the word road is a road or that strawberries are strawberries. It's a berry made of straw. What do you mean? The middle of the straw. Are you ready to have your mind blown? Guess what?

Don't do that. What? Have you got a fact? Don't because. No, no, it's on your topic. It's on your area. This is included in your fact. I had a good fact and you fucked it up.

I'm contributing to it. Oh, what is it? Why is the word breakfast called breakfast? It just is. It's actually like break fast because you're breaking the fast from overnight because you haven't eaten. So that people used to get up and go, oh, should we break the fast? Like should we break fast?

And that's where breakfast comes from. Like our Aussie slang has butchered it, like our twang, but breakfast is breaking the fast. Not that good. For those playing along at home that couldn't see Tony's face, she was mesmerised, then realised my fact was better and then got completely stubborn. Already knew that.

And is pretending it's not impressive. Already knew it. That's good. Is that really what you came in hot with this morning? Yeah, I was really happy with myself. What should we chat about on this Wednesday afternoon? Hey, Ryan, mate, just write down Tony fact. I fucking got this.

I'll nail it. Back to dinner. I was really proud of that. Oh. Do you know what? I am now accepting mind-blowing fucked facts. My inbox is open. No.

Yep, yep. Next week I'll read out some fucked facts and what we're going to do is we're going to try and get Ryan. We're going to try and get you. As in to impress me? Yep, yep. I'll read out like the three best ones and try and get you and try and get you with something that like impresses you.

Put it in the episode thread of today. If you're not in the Facebook group. No, because you'll read them. Oh, don't send them to me via DM. I won't be able to keep track. Yeah, put them in the episode thread. I'll steer clear of it. Okay.

In the episode thread today, it's in the Facebook group. Just search for Tony and Ryan podcast on Facebook. There's a group. It's also a link in the show notes because I put it in every week. Thank you. Yeah, that's okay. And in the link in bio. Will this be? hang on a second.

Will this be the last time facts are discussed on the Tony and Ryan podcast? Okay. I'm just going to make a public plea. We have one chance to make this a real regular thing. And if you play Eminem right now... Yeah, I know. What's that song called? It's not important.

This is my public play. This is my turn. I have the podium. I have the stand. We have one shot, one opportunity. Alright. Yo. If you had one shot, one opportunity to read out facts on your podcast,

would you capture it or just let it slip? Yo. We've got one chance. Ryan hates little facts. We don't know what we're going to do. We've got to impress him bad. We don't know how we're going to get him to agree to drop bombs and facts one, two, three next week.

That was so good. That was good. That was good. Should we do that instead of the facts? I think I prefer a rap. Okay. What? This is a different lose yourself in the computer system. L? This is a different Lose Yourself in the Computer System.

Lose yourself to facts. Lose yourself to facts. Quick, because we have to pay for it. Okay, don't use that one. Lose yourself to facts. Nice. Okay. Thank you for hearing that.

Okay, so if the facts don't work out, at least you know we've got a backup segment idea. Lose yourself to facts. And it's me doing raps on the spot. I don't hate that. Win-win. As we said yesterday. It's not a win-win, it's a win-lose.

What happens in Vegas, Jason? Oh, my God. Great fact, though. Thank you. I know you're just being facetious, but I do really appreciate it. Not only am I not being facetious, I don't even know what that word means. Great. Good.

Okay. Am I not being facetious? I don't even know what that word means. Great. Good. Okay. My love to see it is something I saw online, which fucking I just absolutely died when I saw it.

It's someone holding Apple AirPods. Yep. And they've got a little, like, you know how you can get them engraved? Yeah. Yeah. And somebody has posted, I thought the personalized message was for the delivery driver and not the AirPods. And they're holding AirPods and engraved on them it says,

leave in the back garden if I am not home. Well, I got that leave message here. Yeah. And so she thought that it was like, you know, dog in backyard, you know. Leave by the door. Yeah. And so she thought that it was like, you know, dog in backyard. You know? Leave by the door. So the AirPods now are permanently engraved saying leave in the back

garden if I'm not home. And it's weird because the delivery driver got a message saying, love you sweetie, happy anniversary. That's very funny. I'm just dropping off the AirPods. Yeah, okay. You're welcome. I get paid. It's very funny. I'm just dropping off the Airpods. Yeah, okay. You're welcome. I get paid.

It's my job. Whatever. It's like the same Amazon driver they get all the time. So they're like, fuck, we're on here. Yeah. I'm dropping off their packages and they want mine. Yeah. I'm dropping off the package.

This one. Yeah. Fuck, I thought that was so funny. That is so good. Yeah. This video doing the round, I'll put a link in the episode thread as well. Amazing, yep. This old man in the USA walks out of the restaurant with his family

and he sees, because he's there with his daughters and their children, so his grandkids have had a big family lunch at the restaurant. Oh, I love that. He walks out of the restaurant and he sees this old, like, American muscle car. You know, that kind of really old school, like, big engine. Yeah. And he looks at it and goes, oh, girls, to his daughters,

I don't know if you know this, but when I was 19, 20, I used to have like pretty much this exact model. Yeah. Looked just like this. And it was like his pride and joy. I think that that's a thing, isn't it? If you're a car person, you've got that dream car that you. Well, he had it when he was young.

Fuck. And then he said, oh, but, you know, when you girls came along... We needed a bigger car. We needed the Ford Explorer. It was more the money he was putting into the car. It was like we had to prioritise and we invested in your education and we got a bigger house and we had to feed you guys and just having a two-seat sports car just wasn't realistic

for a dad of three. Fair enough. Fair enough. But he was telling these old stories and he walked around the car and just had a look at it and it's great and whatever. And then one of the grandkids walks over to him and says, here's the keys. Thank you for being the best father and grandfather in the world.

It's all yours, Grandpa. And he shed a tear and he jumped into the driver's seat and he revved it up and he took his daughter and grandkids for a little spin. One at a time. One at a time. Only one seat in the back. That's so fucking lovely.

How good is that though? Oh, wouldn't that just be the best feeling getting to do that for someone that you love? Like, oh, you love to see that. You do love to see that for someone that you love. Oh, you love to see that. You do love to see that. Mousel car. Love you, bye.