Toni and Ryan - Christmas in September

Episode Date: September 13, 2023

Christmas HACKS and um... I'm passive aggressive again. Sorry / not sorry! Love u xoCheck out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toni.lodge and @ryanjondunn Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the Tony and Ryan podcast. My name is Ryan, Vice Captain of the ship. This is Dr. Author Tony Lodge. The muscles carrying this show. Mate, someone's got to get up and do some work around here. Is your name still Muscles on LinkedIn? I think so. Okay. Yeah.

Good to know for you, I guess. Yeah. We are calling Olivia, who is in Wellington. Oh. It also says Olivia works in science So she's obviously smart Hello, Olivia speaking Olivia, it's Tony and Ryan How are you doing?

Hi, good, thanks How are you? We're good How is science going today? Good, but I'm actually home I'm a bit sick As you can probably tell I've just got a bit of a cold

Kind of science related, I guess Doctors and stuff I was just saying you're in science And you're obviously smarter than us So we just need to Kind of science related, I guess. Doctors and stuff. I was just saying you're in science and you're obviously smarter than us. So we just need to be careful around you, I guess. Yeah. Olivia, will you approve today's podcast? Yes.

Yes, of course I will. I'd love to. Legend. Hi, this is Olivia from Wellington and I approve this podcast. All right, coming up today, passive aggressive Tony. There's a story about passive aggressive Tony, even though we've all met her in the office this morning. She's been revved up about Riverdale. She's been revved up about Riverdale. She's been revved up about the post office again,

and she's been revved up about people commenting on our tour. But we'll get to that soon, I'm sure. Am I allowed to say anything? Yeah. Do you want to, though? No, probably not. It's like Pringles. Once you pop, you can't stop.

That's very funny. Thank you. I'm hilarious. If Pringles are interested, we're very available. Yeah. I think I need to really rein it in. Like, you know how sometimes you, like, look at yourself in the mirror and you go, oh, like, maybe I need to.

But not before the end of this episode. Coming up today, passive-aggressive lodge in the house. But first, normal or nah, people submit these into the Tony and Ryan Facebook group. And a bit of an influx of people into the Facebook group, I'm hearing. Is that right? Yeah. Absolutely.

500 overnight. Woo! Oh, my God. Come and join us and share your stories. This is what feeling popular feels like. It's quite fun, isn't it? The least cool thing you can, like, you know how cool people cool people don't like sit around talking about how cool they are? Don't acknowledge it.

Yeah. And if someone sat around acknowledging how cool they were, that would be like the least cool thing to do. Yeah. Oh, hang on. I've just checked 700 people have left the Facebook group since you said that. Great. Okay.

Live updates. Because this is live. Yeah, live updates. Cool are coming through. Normal or Nas. It's mid-September. Has anyone finished their Christmas shopping already? Courtney asks, I'm so terrified of doing things last minute and not being able to get good presents that I start Christmas shopping

as soon as last Christmas ends. Am I the only one doing this? Nah, for me. But it is incredibly organised and I think it's probably a way better way of budgeting. Like if you spend a few dollars each month rather than like a million dollars right at the end of the year when you go, fuck, now we can't afford the turkey, you know.

Sorry, Cam, can you just check the maths? Did Tony just equate a couple of dollars a month to a million dollars a year? Yes, the tape does not lie. She's lost touch with the common man. Okay. Well, what I – so I'm going to talk you through my reasoning here. I actually was about to say, you know, a few thousand dollars at Christmas. Then I was like, oh, that's actually probably, like,

really not right for how much people would spend. It's either way more than some people would spend and way less than some people would spend. Way less? Well, if you had, like, a really big family or lots of kids or whatever, like it would fucking add up. That food, Christmas tree, all that shit. You know, I looked at a Christmas tree last night online, Balsam Hill. Balsam Hill, actually, if you do want to get in touch, because I found a Christmas tree on there that was $1,000.

What the fuck? Not alive. What? Dead. Oh, artificial. What the fuck? What? Not alive. What? Dead. Oh, artificial. What? Artificial. That's worse.

And that was on special. It's supposed to be $1,800 and it was $1,200 on special. I'm not even joking. It was beautiful. It would have been. I showed it to Torbz. I was like, oh, I'm thinking about getting this tree. No.

And he scrolled down. He went, Tony, did you look at how much that is? I was like, oh, no. I just looked. And he was like scrolled down and he went, Tony, did you look at how much that is? I was like, oh, no, I just looked. And he was like, oh, and he handed it back to me and I fucking shut the tab. I was like, oh, my God. It's probably costing you money to have the tab open. Yeah, I paid rent. Courtney said, I have permanent stockings for my brother and my nieces and nephews.

And any time they mention something throughout the year, I make a little mental note. And the next time it's on sale, bang, done. Or lay-by. Yeah. And then you don't have to even keep it in your house. You go in there and you pop your few dollars on every two months or whatever it is. And because in July in Australia, there's always those massive toy sales.

Yeah. And that's when you load up for Christmas. So my sisters will go out and buy, like, heaps of Lego for their kids because Lego is so fucking expensive. Go out and buy heaps of it and then, like, either stash it somewhere or put it on lay-by or whatever. Well, that's a hard – yeah, that's hard to hide for six months. Yeah, finding a spot for it.

I would always – did you guys do this? I would always, like, search the house for presents. Really? Yeah. Really? Yeah, and hope that I'd find them. We're ruining the surprise. I know, but I'd always be like, oh, mum, like I'm going

into the linen cupboard. Is that okay? And she'd be like, oh, you won't find it. Oh, so she knew? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was like a joke. Like I wasn't really like scouring her. But where was the, did you learn the spot?

Don't know. Now she's dead. Can't even ask her. I would actually love to know where they were. Maybe they're still there. I've actually, I don't know. Now she's dead. Can't even ask her. I would actually love to know where they were. Maybe they're still there. I've actually, I don't know where she'd get them. They could have been anywhere. How big was your house?

Because in my house where I grew up, there's only like two spots they could be. So it's like, oh, where could they be? Well, they're obviously in there. Well, so I grew up in a family of six. So we had like a pretty big house. And like my dad had like a big shed, like a big work shed. They were probably fucking out there.

I never even looked out there. Amateur. Dumb. Amateur. Dumb. Tony, considering it is mid-September, have you used the Christmas presents? I actually, once again, just like the Balsam Hill Christmas tree, I have the tab open.

Has it expired? No, it hasn't. I have the tab open. Has it expired? No, it hasn't. I just checked it yesterday. So my dog BJ got Tony's dog Pippa a pet and owner photography session. Lovely. It expires on the 8th of December. So we've got heaps of time. Well, considering we're in the U.S. in six weeks and then we don't get,

like you need to get onto this ASAP. They might be booked out. I'm guessing the pet photography biz is hard to get an appointment. Pet and owner. My mistake. My mistake. I would love to just acknowledge, though, that this is valid from issued on the 8th of December

and valid through till the 8th of December. Do you mind, Cam, having a look maybe through our whiteboard? Like we've got off-air chat. We have like a whiteboard where we put all our ideas and find out what date the episode came out or that we recorded that episode. Are you implying I bought it online the night before we recorded it? I would just love to know.

Are you implying? Are you implying? No. Because I would just love to know. Are you implying? Are you implying? I would love to know when that was. It's like, oh, it's valid till 11.57 on Christmas Eve. Normal or not from Gillian, and I do this. I thought I was the only one, and I'm embarrassed to talk about this. Oh, are you okay? Do you want to be anonymous?

No, I'm actually not okay. Do you want to be anonymous? No, I'm actually not okay. Do you want to be anonymous? Yes. Yeah, okay. So Jillian and anonymous both agreed that. Normal or nah, waking up panicking, thinking that you've missed an assignment that will stop you from finishing a class or graduating even though you graduated 10 years ago.

Yeah. Jillian said, I still wake up in a panic. Oh, I haven't handed in that thing whatever and then i look at my wall and go oh i graduated in 2014 well she's sleeping in her office things aren't going too well jillian's house maybe she's so anxious in the night she's like i just need to be able to see it oh yeah if i can see my diploma on the wall then i know yeah okay yeah and then she and then she goes and it's a genuine like, oh, thank God, what a relief, and then just goes back to sleep again.

My first ever job that I had in radio, so it was my first ever full-time job, and I used to wake up thinking that I'd rolled onto paperwork that I'd taken home and forgotten to make that ad. So I used to make all the ads and I would get like the orders for the commercials would come like paper. Yeah. And they'd be stapled together and that would be like one order

and it would be like either one or 20 ads for the same thing. Yep. And they were like, are there any ads to make? No, there's no paper in the tray. Check the file out, yeah. In tray, out tray. Yeah, like it was like very physical representation. And I would dream that I'd rolled over and woken up to the crinkling

of the paper because I thought I'd taken ads home and then I'd be like, oh, they're supposed to be on the air. And like, yeah, I would do that all the time. So, I mean, I guess it's kind of the same thing. But, yeah, I was so stressed that I was going to fuck something because I really liked the job and wanted to make a good impression. But, yeah, I would dream that I'd, like, taken them home and then the actual jobs would be gone.

Have I told you that I am susceptible to being a bit of a sleepwalker and a sleeptalker? No. I'm a talker, as you can imagine, but I'm not really a walker. I didn't know that. When I was little, like, not recently, but mum has found me out the front, like wandering around out the front of the house and stuff. That's so scary.

And when I – actually, wasn't that – so when I was 18, 19 working at the dodgy hotel in the city, I used to work the 11 p.m. to 7 a.m. shift. Rough. Yeah, real rough. Was it good practice though for now being a dad? Kind of. You go, yeah, I'm good at the overnight shift i've seen yeah that's true i don't think breakfast radio i'm like i've done crazy hours so whatever um and so i think being it's like you're overtired and then you kind of get up but you can't you're still asleep yep and so i rushed into mom's room

because one of my jobs doing the overnight is like the wake-up calls. You know, remember wake-up calls? That feels really old school now because people have a lot. But so there would be like a little clipboard and because obviously from 7 a.m. you'd hand it over, but if anyone needed a wake-up call at 5.30. To get to the airport or whatever. Yeah. And they're like, hello.

And you're like, good morning, sir. Here's your wake-up call. And they're like, thanks, mate. And you go, and like that's it. Did you ever get sworn at when you did bad luck? People were like, fuck you. Well, there wasn't that. I think it was starting like phones, like, thanks, mate. And you go, and like, that's it. Did you ever get sworn at when you did bad? Like people were like, fuck you. Well, there wasn't that. I think it was starting like phones, like people had their own.

So it wasn't that many. Yeah. But usually, like I said, it was very underwhelming. I'm just like, well, okay. Yeah. And then you go, they've definitely gone straight back to sleep. Yeah. So I've walked into mum's room.

Like I've got home from work, gone to bed, and obviously like woken up a few hours later and just wandered into the kitchen, into mum's room. And I've gone from work gone to bed and obviously like woken up a few hours later and just wandered into the kitchen into mum's room and i've gone i i forgot to make the call so i gotta call the i gotta call him i forgot to call the person so can you can you should i quick could i call him now wake up call yeah and mum goes oh sweetie i think you're having a dream and i went and i kind of in that moment kind of like woke up and went, I'm at home. There's no wake-up calls. There's my diploma on the wall.

My degree's on the wall. Okay. And I just went, oh. And just went back to bed and then got up a few hours later and mum's like, do you remember what happened? I was like, sort of. Shut the fuck up. She's like, you little dork. Yeah, you nerd.

Bring your work home. Yeah, leave work at work, mate. Normal or nah? Ask producer Cam. Almost shitting yourself in your own home because you refuse to poop when there's a tradesperson in the house. Normal or nah? It's dicey areas.

I think that's normal. Yeah. Yeah. How close did you get, Cam? Oh, it was turtling. Hang on. Before you talk about your turtling, what kind of tradesperson were they? I think that's very important.

Okay, yeah. Like what were they in the house to fix? Electrician fixing a sconce right outside the bathroom door. Okay, yeah. See, you can't be doing, if it's anything near the bathroom, you can't just, oh, just popping in. Yeah. Yeah, I was prairie dogging it.

And then he got on a call to his boss and stopped working and had a chat for 10 minutes. No. Meanwhile, my face is going purple. You know what you should have done? Been like, the reception's actually not great in here. Do you want to go out to the balcony or something like that? Do you want to leave my house?

Yeah. The reception's actually not great in the bathroom. Yeah, the reception's actually not great in Collingwood, in the suburb where I live. So we've recently got solar panels installed at our house. We're going solar. It's actually not great in Collingwood, in the suburb where I live. So, maybe. So, we've recently got solar panels installed at our house. We're going solar. There has been people on your roof.

They're coming and going like they own the joint. Every time I'm on the phone to you, you're like, could you hear that? And I'm like, yeah. Is there like a massive possum on your roof at the moment? Yeah, there's people on the roof installing these because we're trying to do the right thing. Yeah. It's pretty exciting. Yeah, it's great. Yeah.

You're fun. Except that the power box is next to the right thing. Yeah. It's pretty exciting. Yeah, it's great. Yeah. You're fine. Except that the power box is next to the window of the ensuite. And so they're out there like doing work, you know, screwing shit in, electronics. I don't know. Doing their thing. Doing their thing. They know.

But they're like 10 centimetres away from the toilet and there's a huge window right there because the window faces like into a bit that's like private. So it's fine to have a window. And there's like trees there and stuff. Yeah, it's very private. So the only way that someone could see you in the toilet is if they were standing right there at the window,

which happens to be where the power box is. And because the other toilet in your house has a window to the same part. It's the same side, yeah. It's like the same side of your house, yeah. So they're all doing work out. There's a whole heap of them and i'm like how embarrassing you know yeah and smell can wander outside as well so you can't be taking risks like that i don't know how graphic you're going to get on this podcast i feel like he says now 400 episodes in yeah how many episodes have we done? I have no idea. Too many. I feel like the longer you hold it,

the more chance there is for sound to accompany it. Because it builds force. Yeah. It's actually physics. It's quite scientific. But then you get to the point you go, I've held it so long, I can't go now because it's. Yeah.

It's risky. And the next time you see them, they're like, oh, we're finished for the day mate Oh I thought that was the poo Hello! Anyone there? Let me out of here She's knocking on heaven's door Hi this is Olivia from Wellington, New Zealand

And you're listening to Tony and Ryan. A massive shout out to a few of our champion tapions from the Patreon. That's tapas in our Patreon and tapa, Tony and Ryan podcast. Oh, thanks for translating the French. Tyler Middlebrook, thank you so much. Erin Bray. Bray, just say it. I don't know.

Samantha Richardson. Praise the Lord. Thank you. Georgia Taylor and C. Tiz. Thank you very much. Thanks, C. Tiz. C. Tiz. C. Tiz Morrow.

You see T it's his coffee. Oh, I've got a... Boner. Champion Tapa shout-out related. You love to see it. Oh, hang on. A champion Tapa shout-out. You love to see it. Related, you love to see it.

Okay. Is it that pun I just made? Yeah, so stories, yeah, I guess. Okay.. You love to see it. Related, you love to see it. Okay. Is it that pun I just made? Yeah, so stories, yeah, I guess. Okay. Do you want to do it now? No, because then I won't have a, you love to see it. Oh, yeah. And I want to hear about passive aggressive Tony first.

Oh, well, so just the other day, maybe last week, or was it earlier this week, but we were talking about the Cinema X. Monday. Yeah, on Monday we talked about the cinema icks and I said about how the guy coughed that was sitting next to me through the whole movie and I was like, I need a vibe check on something.

Like is it passive-aggressive to offer someone water while they're coughing? Because, you know, it's mutually beneficial. This person gets water, I get silence. You know what i mean there's no loser here i agree yeah and we actually i think we went through the range we acted out some scenarios where like you could go oh did you want some water and like take the water was you know the last stage something has happened to me that um could potentially be a passag tony story

but also something that i need a vibe check on. I've got a couple of these. So, like, there's a never-ending supply of me having things that I would love a vibe check on. Before you give the examples, is it one of, like, those, if you have to ask, it's probably a yes? Because I think it's- In a moment of self-reflection.

Because I see what you're saying, right? But then I wonder if it is a little bit like the movie Water, where you go, if you're asked the right way, is it actually passive-aggressive or is it friendly? Sorry, sorry. When you said the movie Water, now I know what you meant. When you said that, I was like, I assumed the movie was called you're like it's like remember that scene in water the movie movie water yeah you're like fuck was i supposed to watch that movie is that the one with robert pattinson

that's water for elephants okay yeah close though i'll accept that for the fake movie quiz that we're doing. But is it always passive aggressive or can it be taken as friendly depending on how it's delivered? No, but don't you agree that it could be friendly? Am I the vibe police? At the moment, yes, you are the vibe police. Is it? I want to know. Passive aggressive.

Oh, sorry, I went. Is it passive aggressive to offer someone a tissue who is sniffing a lot? You're going to have to. I'm going to give you the situation. So I was in an Uber the other day for like 25 minutes, and it was just the driver and I. It wasn't like an Uber pool or Torbs wasn't with me or anything. It was literally just the two of us. It wasn't like an Uber pool or Torbz wasn't with me or anything. It was literally just the two of us.

There was no radio or music on or anything. It was like dead silent. That makes it harder. The air con wasn't on. Like there was literally no noise. I think it was also a Prius. So it was like very quiet. Jesus Christ.

I know. Was it too quiet? Yes. Except for the Uber driver, every three to six seconds, the whole way, like was counting. So? 25 minutes, every three to six seconds. How many sniffs is that?

I don't know. I was counting like the time. Okay. But literally the whole time. And so what did you say? Well, I just sat there and got like angrier and angrier because I was like, this is so annoying. I didn't have any headphones on me. And as soon as I got in the car, I was like, hi, how are you?

And he was just like, good. Like he wasn't interested in chatting, which is fine. That's great. And yeah, he just sniffed the whole way. No radio, no music, just sniffs. So I, as a hay fever sufferer, will often need an antihistamine. Yep, same. And sometimes people around me will realise that I need an antihistamine

before I do. And so why don't I give you the Bridget and you tell me if she's being passive aggressive. Oh, okay. Do you need to blow your nose? I think in the privacy of your own home. I don't think there's any passiveness to that aggression. No, that's just aggressive.

But like in our house, like if Torbs was sitting there sniffing, I would be like, do you need a tissue? And I wouldn't even think about it because he'd go, oh, sorry. And I'd go, sorry, you were just sniffing a lot. And he's like, oh, yeah, sorry. Well, any time that happens, I go, oh, yeah. Yeah, like but you kind of – you can have fun. But in a public situation where this person is like working

and I'm a customer, is it rude for me to go, look, I've always got one of those like Kleenex travel packs of tissues because I'm over the age of 25. I've always got one of those in my handbag. And so it would be a clean tissue. Like it's not as if I'm offering like a manky tissue from the bottom of my bag or an old one with lint all over it from my pocket. If I said like, oh, did you need a tissue i would appreciate that would you because i'd be a little bit embarrassed but i think the embarrassment is not as bad as the annoyance of continually sniffing

see that's the thing i'd be like oh my god i'm so sorry yeah that actually great because if i was sitting there sniffing i would love nothing more than for someone to go, do you need a tissue? Would you though? Well, I'd be really embarrassed, but I'd be like, yep, at least then we can just get this all out, as in in the open, not like all out. But I can do a quick blow. Are you sure you wouldn't come into the office and be like,

oh, the guy yelled at me. He threw a tissue at me and he forced me to do it. I think in the long run I would appreciate the tissue being offered. But in the moment though? I think if I noticed that I was sniffing. But the thing is, is that I would just never be in that situation because I always, like, this is the thing. I would never be caught without a tissue.

And if I thought I was annoying someone, I would blow my nose into my shirt. You would get out of the car and run across the freeway before you. Yeah. Like, I would get out. I'd be like, yep, just here's fine. He's like, we're in the ocean. I'd be like, yep, that's Yeah. Like, I would get out. I'd be like, yep, just here's fine. He's like, we're in the ocean. I'd be like, yep, that's okay. Like, it's applying now.

It's one of those really fancy Ubers. One of those Uber boats. It's an Uber cop day. Remember when they did that for a while? Yeah, that week. Yeah. And then no one used it. Melbourne cop or something, was it?

Something like that. Some marketing gimmick. Yeah. Bloody gimmick. You know, I reckon if you say that the right way, that's fine. Do you reckon? Yep. Because I was like, oh, and I didn't say anything.

And then do you think it also has a bit of impact like when you offer? Like if you offer at the 25-minute mark, that guy goes, fuck, I've been sniffing this whole time. Yeah, no, you've got to get in early. Yeah, so it's like the same as as soon as you see someone with something in their teeth, you've got to say it straight away. What about when you... You can't wait because then they go,

have you been looking at me the last 10 minutes with something in my fucking teeth? What about when you get out of the Uber? See, there's a lot of tissue. Like you got out and there's a lot of tissue back in the window. Go, hey, mate, take a tissue. Not as you needed this, bro. Cheers.

One star. Severe. The other thing that I need to vibe check, which I don't think is passive aggressive, but I saw someone doing this online the other day and it made me really as an anxious person and I think that Ryan as like quite a straightforward person, I think you'll have a good read on this.

Okay. I saw somebody eat something in the supermarket before they'd paid yeah what if you're hungry eat before you leave the house that's what if you had food in the house why would you be at the supermarket that's ridiculous that is a good point but like oh i've got a house full of food you know what i'll do i've'll go to the shops. But, like, I mean, I can't shop hungry, otherwise I buy literally everything. I went to Cole's once and went, what? No, this is Tony's house. So easy to get mixed up.

There's all those people out the front. I don't think I could do that. I think that maybe it must have been ingrained into me as a kid that my mum was like, no, we don't do, or whatever. What about, so you would never, like, snuck a slice of bread? No. I mean, of all the things, no. What do you mean of all the things? That's the easiest one to go for.

It's even better when you just put the bread back. Yeah. No. Well, that's just straight up stealing. Nah. Well, yeah. Well, it's only stealing if you take it out of the store, but you're consuming it in the store.

It's not a restaurant. Well, it's not stealing a T-shirt if you leave the shirt in the store. So you've put your disgusting hands into a bag of bread and then left it on the shelf. No, I've put my beautifully moisturised hands in. Thank you. And then left the bread on the shelf. Yeah, that's when I was little.

Like, you know, you need to feed or whatever. But I think it's fine. If you're going to pay for it, obviously, it's your food. And you, like, keep the wrapper or whatever. But there's something to me about, like. About drinking out of the water bottle. No, I would never do that. I would probably go as far as, like, if I got thirsty.

Say I had, like, a coughing attack or something. I would grab the water, go through the checkout, and, like, get the receipt or whatever and then go back into the shop. But if you go back to the shop, then they'll make you pay twice. No, because if you keep the receipt. I know you just said keep receipt twice, but who keeps a receipt? This story is so unrelatable. No, no, no. I would specifically keep it if I was going back into the shop

to be like, oh. How embarrassing. And they go, oh, you haven't paid for that. And you go, yeah, I bought it and then came back in. They'll be like, why? Because I didn't want to steal like a dirty bitch. I don't know. I just, I could.

You and I are going to go have a picnic in the supermarket. Absolutely not. I will get a nice little like, what do you like, a picnic blanket and we'll put it down in the fruit and veg area. Absolutely not. In the fresh fruit section. Well, you definitely can't do it for fruit because that's weight-based. You know how people are like, oh, you're sneaky.

Yeah, the more you eat, the cheaper it is. What? You've never stolen a grape from a bag of grapes? I can 100% say never. Really? Never in my life. Have you had a grape in the supermarket? No.

My dad had a whole big mouthful of sun-dried tomato because he goes, I don't know if I like it yet. And so he eats it and goes, hmm. Nah. And then he goes, no, it's quite good. You know, and I will get that. Well, I mean, trying something from the deli, they do say, like, ask us if you want a taste.

Yeah, but you didn't, like, open the plastic container of, like, you know, sun-dried and then put it back and go, you know, that's pretty good. But if they've already weighed it and it has a sticker on it, then you've already like paid. Well, that was dad's theory because he was like, with the container, it's got a price on it. Yeah. And he goes, yeah, all good.

Yeah, but if it's got a price, like same with like, I guess, a bag of chips or whatever, if you had some, it's the same price. Loaf of bread got a price on it. But like you have to then buy it. You can't just leave it on the shelf. If you want it, yeah. I don't think you know how supermarkets work. I don't think that you know how the world works.

We're going to go have a picnic in a supermarket. Absolutely not. And you definitely can't do it in the fresh food section because if you grabbed a bag of grapes and then you ate a heap of them and then you went to check out. It was a heap, like three or four. But, like, you know what I mean. And then if you went to weigh it, it's based on the weight.

So you can't then go, oh, add a few hundred grams because I had some on the ground in the fucking thing. Absolutely not. No fucking way. That'd be great. I'm busy that day. A little picnic and a be great. I'm busy that day. I'm busy that day paying for things that I buy. I will get a little, what are those breadstick things called?

A baguette. We'll get some dips. And just have a bit of it, then pop it back on the shelf. Plenty for everyone. No. I will just buy the stuff, and then we can have a picnic wherever you want. I think you'll find in the episode thread today that many people, most people have eaten stuff from the supermarket.

I just, I don't know whether my mum said it to me once and I've just like, but yeah, I just couldn't. You ever given Pippa a little treat on the way out? Of the supermarket? Like when you're in the dog food aisle and you get a bunch of stuff and you go, let's have one before we go. No. Why not?

Well, I don't take Pippa to Coles because you're not allowed to take dogs to Coles. Not with that attitude. Well, you're not allowed to take dogs to Coles. Well, you're not allowed to do lots of things, but then, like, you know, why would you leave the house? The thing is that I don't do things I'm not allowed to do. Like, I think that, like, by definition, it's just, like, not what I do. I just am not a rule breaker.

And, like, I think that that's okay. I don't like to bother people. I like to do the right thing and stay in my lane. I think that's just my thing. Okay. Like, and the same, yeah, with Pip, like, if we're at the pet shop, like, because our vet is, like, in a pet shop. Oh, they see you coming.

Yeah. That's good business. That is good business. It is a really good idea. And, like, the vet is right in the corner. So you've got to, like, walk through. Oh, so it's like going duty free in you coming. Yeah. That's good business. That is good business. It is a really good idea. And, like, the vet is right in the corner. So you've got to, like, walk through. Oh, so it's like going duty free in the airport. It actually is exactly like that.

Oh, your plane takes off through there. Oh, where's my flight leave from? Just walk through the champagne, pass the scotch, and then through the Toblerone thing. Pass the champagne. And because you go, well, I can actually afford to buy it here. I can't normally afford to buy it at home. Duty free is real good.

And because, like, holiday money doesn't count. You know that girl math thing? Yeah, but holiday money doesn't count. You know that girl math thing? Yeah, but holiday money doesn't count. Oh, when I went to New Zealand last week. Yeah. Oh, yeah. We made up all the money I spent going there. I made it back in Judy Fraser.

Yeah. That's the thing then you're making money. Yeah. Yeah, I'm just like I go through the pet food thing with Pippa and if she sees something I go, oh, not today. Or, yeah, let's get that. But like I would never just give her something. Has the vet ever said, like, oh, she's, like, stressed or something?

And she goes, what she needs is, like, this green toy over here. This very specific toy. No, they don't upsell you. Well, that's a mistake. Yeah. I mean, they really could make some money. But a great vet, by the way. Great vet.

Love it. Shout out. All right. watch this space for the tony and ryan supermarket picnic never happening literally never happening i will buy the stuff after or maybe i'll just go up to the front desk and go here's collateral here's my credit card you know what i mean leave a card down yeah i'll leave a card down and say we're obviously going to pay for all this stuff we're going to do it at a time that I won't tell you until we're doing it. I'm literally not going to do it.

I will. Like, I just don't know how I can say it differently that I will not be participating in this. I'm going to love to see it here and require some work from Tony, perhaps. Oh. Tapa Taylor. Hi, Tapa Taylor. Oh, is this the champion Tapa shout-out related?

You'll love to see it. Yeah. Great. Tapa Taylor says, this is the last few weeks before I get married. I've recently upgraded my Patreon level to Champion Tapa level in the hope that Tony can make fun of my last name before I get a new name. Oh, how exciting. Yours sincerely, Taylor Cockcroft. I hope Taylor Cockcroft isn't marrying Trevor Cocksoft.

I hope that Taylor Cockcroft gets her rocks off when she gets married. I've had the benefit of being able to think about this in advance, obviously. Mine wasn't too bad for on the spot. No, it was pretty good. This is my favourite joke that I've actually already told 500 times before. Love it. And you'll know it as soon as you hear it. But Taylor Cockcroft is actually looking forward to getting married

because she's sick of being teased about her last name. She's very much looking forward to in the future being known as Taylor Sticker Dick in my arse. So goodbye with that. It's not even funny. Every time I've told it, never lands. It's never good. Taylor Cockroft, more like Taylor Cockraft down the aisle.

Do we know what Taylor's new last name is going to be? Or is she staying anonymous? Future anonymity. Hang on, I think I can find out. Oh, it's not real. I just thought maybe there's more pun gear in there. But Taylor, when did you say she's getting married? In a couple of weeks.

In a couple of weeks. Oh, that is so exciting. When deciding whether to change her name or not, Taylor said it was like being stuck between a Cockroft and a hard place. That is amazing. Thank you. Thank you. I'll clap for you on the podcast for that.

That's very, very funny. That's amazing. What do you love to see, mate? My love to see is also from someone in Patreon. And it's a two-banger you love to see it. And it's something that I hadn't even considered. But it's life two-banger. You love to see it. Ooh. And it's something that I hadn't even considered. Ooh. But it's life-changing for me.

Rebecca says, congratulations, Tony, on your new house. Congratulations. So my boyfriend, Torbs, and I, we just bought a house. We haven't moved in yet, but we're moving at the end of the year. So who's moving in? We. Sorry. We.

You, the devil. Yeah, we. Torbs will be moving house for us while I'm in the US, which is very, very sweet. Rebecca says, congratulations on your new house. I'm so beyond happy for you because you'll be able to get junk mail and catalogues again. She's back, baby.

I didn't even think about that. So we talked about this like what a year ago about how I was gutted that how in an apartment you don't get catalogues, you don't get junk mail, and that if I ever bought a house, I would put a sticker on my letterbox that said, yes, please, junk mail. Give it to me. And Rebecca has brought the fucking gift of this information

to our fucking attention. See, I'm so excited I can't even fucking talk. You just hit your head so hard. I heard that through the microphone. Yeah, it's because there's nothing in there. There's no insulation on the inside. Can I tell you about a few other things you can look forward to? What?

When you get Uber Eats. You don't have to go downstairs. Don't have to go downstairs. They come to the front door. In fact, you can leave in the notes. Door's open. Can you bring it in? I mean, I would never leave my door unlocked, but that's hot.

But to get... Am I right in saying that getting stuff delivered to the apartment's a bit of a fucking nightmare? And also, the Australia Post, the Courier's Place, the fucking everything else, they never, ever ring the doorbell. Because you're in an apartment, and I get it. There's not a lot of places to park and whatever. It's a pain in the ass. But there will now be no excuse for a parcel to not be fucking delivered.

Well, there will be excuses. Yeah, they'll come up with something. They'll come up with something. Second of all, you're not allowed to have a housewarming until I've had mine. I think that's fair. That is fair. But also because I've spent all the money on the house and, you know,

my deposit got declined. Yeah. Dishonour if I got charged a dishonour fee because of my deposit. We can't afford any furniture. So we're going to be, like, living on the floor for quite some time. Yeah, housewarming BYO chair. Yeah, so we won't be having a housewarming until we can afford some furniture for people to sit on. For those playing along at home, Taylor's new last name, according to her, it is some boring generic wog name, Amalfi.

Amalfi? Yeah. Well, we're going to be Amalfi girls next year. Oh, we are too. Tripending. Oh, if she got the hyphenated, she could have had a mouth full of cock. I was about to say. She went from the cock to an apple of cock. That's a real shame. That's really funny.

Anyway. So here's to junk mail and cocks. Raise a glass. Cock mail. Pour one out. All right. I'll chat to you tomorrow. Love you. Bye.